Original subtitles

[Suzie] Any home should feel safe...

and warm...

and supportive.

EBG. Everything is home.

[Rebecca] OK, can you try the top and bottom again, but even warmer?

Uh, yeah, sure. It's just... Yeah.

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

Here, at EBG...

we don't just take care of your phone.

Now we provide your electricity, heating, and gas.

EBG. Everything is home.

Yeah. Have you got any more warm?

Like, uh, like super warm?

Yeah. I mean, I could try.

This is a bit like Toast of London this, isn't it?

It's like what?

Toast.

What?

-Toast. -Toast?

Toast. You-- Don't worry about it.

[Rebecca] It's, it's like toast?

[Dave] It's a television program.

I don't have time to watch television anymore.

Oh. shit, I forgot to call the school.

Can you just do one while I'm--

Yeah.

OK, so...

I mean, am I really not warm enough?

I feel like I'm, like, porn panting.

Is-Is...

I mean, is she for real?

Like, I am widely recognized for my warmth.

I mean, I have, I've won National Television Awards

for my warmth.

-[Dave] You're sad. -You know that. I'm sad?

There's a sadness in your voice.

Oh. Sorry.

Imagine you're a god.

It's always the same. The text is 'Buy this',

the subtext, 'And you're never going to die'.

-OK? -OK.

[Dave] Do one like that and we can go home.

-OK. -Go.

OK.

Ready?

Any home should feel safe...

and warm...

and supportive.

EBG. Everything's home.

[Dave] There you go. Good.

EBG.

Everything is home...

safe, warm, supportive.

-Good? -Good.

[♪♪♪]

[Suzie] When I was young,

I would run a voiceover in my own head.

I dunno, maybe I'd watched too many Wonder Years.

But it's comforting, a voiceover.

Who's fucking touched it then?

-Well, it wasn't me! -So I've moved it, have I?

Telling a story about yourself...

Being the main character.

The only way to stay sane

is to string all the shit that happens in your life

together into a story you can live with.

[woman, screaming] Fucking hell!

[parents indistinctly arguing]

If you can talk about yourself from the future,

you must've processed it, survived.

Nothing can hurt you with a voiceover.

And by imagining I was the main character,

I became one.

Things did start happening.

♪ I miss you more every day

I was special.

♪ Daylight

♪ It leads me-- [director] OK, let's go again.

56, take 3.

♪ Falling...

[Suzie] Everyone was looking at me.

[teenage Suzie singing] ♪ ...into my arms again

♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more

♪ My friend

[♪♪♪]

[Suzie] The photos are in the papers.

Now I've finally lost my mind.

They can legally print me sucking a dick.

Maybe they're right. Maybe I am insane.

Maybe I'm a monster.

[Cob] Everything just comes to you, doesn't it?

You want what you want when you want it,

and if you don't get exactly that thing,

that's it!

You lose your shit.

Oh, you're going to--are you gonna film me, are you?

Open the door, mate! Open the door!

Open the door! Ow!

Open the door!

[winces]

Oh, God...

Here's Naomi.

She's going to talk,

and totally ignore all the shit

that happened between us.

Hello.

Can you believe they blurred the cock?

They pixellated his dick.

Dixellated.

That's so, it's like,

you think that's offensive?

[Suzie] Here she goes.

[Naomi] Fucking scandalous. They love it!

They're saying legally they can print it now

because you dragged it into the public arena

with that video of you shouting at that car.

I guess you want me to cancel the hospital visit later?

With the kid?

What? No, no, no, no, we-we can't do that.

-What if he dies? -Well, he definitely is gonna die, Suze.

That's the point.

Yeah, well, join the club.

Sorry, I didn't, I didn't I didn't mean that.

I'll cancel.

No, no, no, don't cancel it

because I'll just, I'll feel like a right cunt.

[Naomi] I'll come with you.

Nay, do you-- Do you think we should have a proper chat?

Yeah. I'm just doing work stuff now.

Don't forget to pick up painkillers, you're due on.

I know it sounds mental,

but last month we were in sync,

so we're finally fully merged.

Ah, OK.

[Naomi] See you there, then.

OK.

Come in!

[Suzie] My mom used to clean for Naomi's dad.

Naomi's mom was dead.

Go on. Play!

And the house was like a grave.

It was very white and marble or fake marble.

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

She lived in a cul-de-sac in Caversham,

but I was from Northcote.

And Caversham was where people with two cars lived.

Anyway...

One time, my mom found all these knickers in the bin

with blood on them.

And immediately she was asking questions.

I can't say what it's like to have your wife die,

but I don't think it'd make you like that.

[Suzie] Always thinking the worst.

Such a cold man.

Particularly about men.

What did you find then?

Private things. This is a job for you.

[Suzie] So I had a mission.

Do you ever get blood in your knickers?

Why? Do you?

Yeah. That's what a period is.

Naomi had been taking her dead mom's tampons

from the cupboard in the toilet.

But she didn't know how to use them.

So was just putting them in her knickers

like you would a sanitary towel.

So there's blood on her pants,

but she doesn't want her dad to see,

so she throws them away in the bin which is fine...

until, a few months in, when she runs out of knickers.

[crowd cheering on TV]

She started coming round all the time.

My mom preferred it

when there were lots of people around.

I just want to ask you a little question about--

OK, ask away!

Ask who I'm with and where I'm going, what I'm doing--

Oh, for crying out loud.

And when everything happened to me...

No, when I did everything I did.

[teenage Suzie singing] ♪ ...say this

♪ I miss you more Every day ♪

♪ Daylight...

[Suzie's father]That's my girl! That's my girl!

♪ It leads me back your way

[Suzie] Nay was there.

♪ Falling into my arms

[Suzie] Part of it.

That's the one we changed?

That's the one we changed.

-Yeah. -Are you happy?

-Uh, yeah, think so. -It's all as discussed.

Yeah, happy, happy, happy.

Right. Just, just sign.

Let's make you a star.

Here we go.

That's that one.

-Can I see? -Hang on.

Fantastic.

[Suzie] We were in sync.

♪ Did you get What you wanted? ♪

♪ I hope you're Happy now ♪

Naomi has a lot of theories...

[Naomi] They're short, and it is,

honestly, and I'm not just saying this 'cause

I'm Middle Eastern.

It's extraordinary.

[Suzie] She consumes theories

like I did food in my twenties.

Binging on them all and then me vomming them

back up to feel in control.

And it works. For a while.

♪ Did I disappoint you?

-[Naomi] Oh, Jesus! -What?

You know you actually look too thin. You do.

Is there such a, such a thing?

But it's-it's like, you're not going to be pretty

-if you keep getting thin. -OK.

I'm just saying, I'm just saying.

Anyway, anyway, um...

I wanted to tell you about, um, that guy,

'cause I wanted to see him again.

-Tonight. -Where are you in your cycle right now?

Oh, my God. Fucking hell.No, seriously, where are you?

You don't actually know where you are in your menstrual cycle?

Naomi has this theory that the best time

to make a decision is when you've got PMT,

and she calls it the Permanent Mega-Truth.

She says that PMT is the only time

you see everything clearly.

Once a month, the world is in focus,

and the shit you put up with the rest of the time

reveals itself.

If you have to have a difficult conversation,

have it just before your period arrives,

before you lose your bottle.

Before you're leaking blood and apologies.

[Suzie and Naomi] Say the Permanent Mega-Truth.

Don't miss your chance.

Not much time left.

I'm intensely PMT, and considering that,

the last 24 hours could've been worse...

Open the door! Open the door!

Yeah, we don't need to, um...

But the fella wants charges of disorderly conduct vandalism.

But minor!

[officer] So...

We'll clear it up with a simple caution.

[female officer]Yeah, a caution is just an official warning,

everyone goes on with their lives.

But you do have to admit guilt of the offense.

And then it's just a quick swab. And prints.

Like they do at the airport. Some airports.

Just get your left index finger and press.

And your thumb.

[Suzie] I can't believe I'm getting fucking prints taken,

and he got his dick pixellated.

Great, just get a swab.

If you can just scrape the left side of your cheek

and then the right side of your cheek.

[Suzie] I mean, I would murder them all,

but now they have my fingerprints.

Hi.

OK, don't worry, it's gonna be fine.

He doesn't look...

Well, I mean, he looks like you'd expect.

I can't believe the police cautioned you.

But I'm furious about that.

[Suzie] I hate people who say they hate hospitals.

When something happens to your kid,

you don't hate hospitals.

You beg them, you worship them.

When Frank was born,

I thought something had happened to him.

And everyone said, no, it's fine, it's fine.

It's fine, you're paranoid.

And then they said he wasn't reacting normally.

And I said, I know, and then they told me.

It's nothing you did.

It didn't happen during the birth.

It's a chromosomal abnormality that no one,

no one could do anything about.

It would have happened at conception.

OK, um, right, OK.

We'll have an appointmentwith the audiologist? Mm-hmm.

[Suzie] And in the following months,

they talked about how high risk

the implant procedure was for him,

and that he wasn't a good candidate.

And Cob kept saying it's not that he's ill.

We should be the ones to learn.

He was a happy little boy.

We should wait and see.

And so I listened.

...those have to be tested.

Nay, don't you think we should talk about

what happened?

Uh, yeah, I do. Let's brunch tomorrow.

It isn't the time for our drama right now.

[Heather] So have a nice time.

OK, look who's here!

-Good to see you. -You, too.

[Suzie] How are you doing?

Good to see you, really good.

Nice to see you. Hi!

Come on in!

Alex has been so excited. He's been waiting for you.

Oh, look! Did you draw that?

-[Alex] Yeah. -Are you serious?

-Yeah. -No way!

-It's for you. -You're an amazing artist.

Thank you. Yeah, I've been drawing pictures.

I have a lot about you.

[Suzie] Oh, my goodness me.

-You're an artist, a proper artist! -Thank you.

In fact, I've got, um...

I don't know if you're into it.

Well, I know you're into, but I don't know if you want

-one of these. -Oh, I love it!

-Really? -Yes, I really love it.

-Oh, look, you've got one right there! The Mantis. -Yeah.

Let's have a look.

Like, in a sort of collector's item.

[Suzie] Cob says I do this kinda stuff to feel better about myself.

That it's ego masquerading as care.

Maybe. Maybe I am like that.

Maybe I do just want to seem like a good person.

I'll have my coffee in there.

But how is that really different

from being a good person?

I mean, ultimately?

He says I'm a bad mother to my own kid

and an angel to other people's.

Perfect. Thank you so much.

-Wow. -I love that.

No, Mom, of course you're in it. Come on!

[Suzie] Have you got any brothers or sisters?

Yeah, I have an older brother.

-Have you? -Yeah.

-What's his name? -Jay.

Three, two, one.

[all] Quo Vadis!

Amazing! Silly faces.

[nurse] There we go.

OK, just hold still and I'll just...

There you go.

Roger?

We buried him in the ground.

Do you remember?

[Suzie] Yeah.

Well, he's dead, so he can't be angry now.

Yeah, probably. You killed him.

Yeah, you did.

[whispers]Can you tell me the best, the worst times were?

The best and worst times? What? Of life?

The show?

Well, this is a personal highlight.

Sweet.

Yeah, that's all right.

It says he's one minute away.

[Naomi] We're still on for tomorrow, right?

I think I'm gonna walk.

Really? Yeah, yeah.

I've got this app thing.

I'm alive. I'm alive. This is my life.

I can do things. I'm OK.

My child is healthy. Or at least not dying.

The boy I just left is dying.

I've wasted my life.

This boy has no life, and I'm wasting mine.

I'm going to die without a single idea

of who I actually am.

Oh, God, I'm going to die. I'm gonna die. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Now, now, the boy would want me to have a life,

and he's not called the boy, he's called Alex,

actually, Suzie.

Jesus Christ. I think.

Maybe it's just a hormone imbalance

hitting a chord change.

But suddenly I know exactly what to do.

♪ Yes it was childish And you got aggressive ♪

♪ And I must admit that I was a bit scared ♪

♪ But it gives me thrills To wind you up ♪

♪ My fingertips are holding

♪ Onto the cracks In our foundation ♪

I have to use this window while I feel like this.

Before my period to address this.

♪ And every time we fight...

[car horn blares]

Valerie is nice.

Valerie is the student I suspect my husband

is having an affair with

after I started flirting with her from his phone

a couple of weeks ago.

There's joy in her.

If he's going to have an affair,

as he's bound to now, I'd rather be part of it.

[toilet flushes]

[phone clatters on night table]

[clears throat]

So, what did you wanna talk about?

What?

You texted me earlier.

Oh, um...

Listen, um...

-Weirdest thing happened today. -Did it?

This student comes into my office.

Um, she's this young, bubbly, sort of,

normally quite friendly, like I know her quite well.

She came to France on this study trip.

And she starts like...

You're going to think I'm making this up.

She sort of sits on the edge of the desk,

and, and, and starts touching her own leg

like in a bad movie.

And she takes off her jacket, and, uh,

heh, she drops it on the floor, like...

And so, obviously, I'm thinking this is

some sort of dare, so I'm aware, like, shit,

I was probably being recorded.

So, I just sort of say,

"Oh, OK, I'm going to open the door now.

I hope you're feeling OK."

And then she gets really upset and runs out.

He isn't having an affair.

I mean, hashtag MeToo, right?

What the fuck is that about?

I'm just going to get a drink. I need--

-What? -I need a drink.

I need to have a drink, I feel stressed.

Did you just listen to any of what I just said?

I wonder if this is what it feels like to be going crazy.

Remember this afternoon. It was clear.

Everyone does things like this, this is normal,

this is OK. Just say it.

[Cob clears throat]

Oh, I just broke this bloody--

This floor is stupidly hard.

You know, I was serious about you talking to someone.

Maybe even asking about medication.

I mean, I, I almost feel like everything I've been taking

for the last year should just be transferred over to you.

Yeah, I'm sorry you're taking anti-depressants.

I just think-- I just think I'm...

I'm stressed about all the school stuff.

You'll see tomorrow.

He should be with kids like him, Suzie.

He's always sure he's right.

Yeah, I know. You're right.

I just think that, you know,

when he leaves this special school,

the world's not gonna be like that, you know.

The world's gonna be all hearing people

and lip-reading and I just, I don't know,

I just don't want that to be abnormal for him.

You don't want him to be abnormal.

He's not abnormal, Suzie, he's deaf.

No. I don't want that to be abnormal for him.

I hate the way he talks to me.

OK.

Are you having an affair with that Valerie girl?

What?

-No, what the fu--? -Because you just,

you just went away together,

and now you're saying all this stuff about her

trying it on with you and--

When did I even call her Valerie?

-You said. -No, I didn't.

Well, then, I think it's quite weird that you didn't.

[scoffs]

You're crazy.

I must seem crazy.

I feel crazy. Am I crazy?

Don't fucking call me crazy.

You attacked a car. You are objectively crazy.

No, you know what, let me put it this way,

you need to talk to someone. OK?

You have no idea who you are.

You have no idea who I am.

Yeah, I know.

Because I have to live being whatever you need me to be

so you can feel big and strong and OK.

You're right.

You need to face up to what you've done, OK?

Not just to me, but to Frank.

Yeah.

'Cause those photos will never go away, OK?

His memory of his birthday will never go away.

Mm-hmm.

You do--You know that, don't you?

Yeah. I hate that I've caused so much pain.

Of course you hate it, of course you fucking hate it.

It makes you feel bad about yourself.

And that's all you care about, isn't it?

Maybe that is all I care about.

Isn't it? You feel guilty, OK?

We had this amazing thing, and you pissed all over it

in front of the whole fucking world.

It wasn't this amazing thing. It wasn't.

No. No.[laughs incredulously]

You know, I think, what if I'd just carried on?

You know, what if those hadn't come out?

I just--I, I think I-I probably wasn't happy.

Suzie, that is just a story you are telling yourself

to excuse all your shittiness.

You can see that, can't you?

You can, you can hear yourself?

I don't think that's true.

Yeah, I can see that.

That is not true.

Maybe, yeah.

No, it isn't.

Because the thing is, you have to see yourself

as this good person, but you're not.

Mmm, yeah.

You're fucking not. I love you, but...

I don't know what that means.

I love you.

I love you like a member of my family that I hate.

I just think that maybe I've been hiding, you know?

I just...

I think that maybe I've spent so much time

living from other people's perspectives

and I think that has to stop.

You know, I think, I think,

I don't wanna be in a relationship with you.

But I worry that will ruin your life,

and I worry that will ruin Frank's life, too.

Mm-hmm.

Well, how kind of you.

How incredibly thoughtful of you, Suzie.

[Cob] So it's my fault, is it?

-Yes. -No.

Hmm.

[Suzie] Yeah.

No. No, no, no. No, actually.

The truth is, I don't love you, Cob.

But I think that's fair enough considering what you're like.

So after...

Let me just get this straight,

after cheating on me

in front of the entire world,

and then losing your shit publicly,

and then assaulting our child,

you're leaving me!

You're fucking-- You're leaving me?!

Is that what you're saying?

You're fucking leaving me?

[Cob]Is that what you're fucking saying?

No! No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

Oh, well done.

It's women who are there for other women.

It's women who are the great loves.

That's what love is.

-Hey! -Hey.

Hey...

My God, such news!

Um, look, I'm-I'm sorry, it goes without saying.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Yeah, but--Suze, it's good.

Listen, I'm pre-menstrual so I have to talk to you now,

'cause, you know, my whole theory.

Yes, I know your whole theory.

[Naomi] Um, yesterday with the kid...

-What kid? -In the hospital?

Oh, fuck, that kid! Sorry.

Sorry I thought you meant your kid. Your unborn kid.

No. No, that's, that's it. I, I don't actually want a kid.

I've realized I, I just don't want any options

taken away from me, that's different,

but I don't want a child.

I just don't want to not have one. You know?

Really? OK. Well, no.

I mean, that's... That's valid.

No, but... I don't wanna end up trapped.

[waitress] Hiya. Can Iget you anything at all?No offense.

Uh, yeah, can I have a sparkling water, please?

I'm fine, thanks.

Um, I just...[clears throat]

I feel like my whole life, I've just, I've seen everything

from other people's points of view,

and I've never asked myself, like, what do I want?

I've asked myself what you wanted,

and I've responded to it.

But...

But that's, that's not giving,

that's hiding. You know?

Yeah.

I really, really don't want to be an agent anymore.

I hate it. I'm fucking terrible at it!

Oh, you're, you're not terrible at it, but...

No, no. Look, I get it.

I appreciate that must've taken some balls to say.

It's a nightmare for you, I do get that.

No, it's-- Hang on a minute, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm just saying, I'm, I'm happy that you've,

you know, come to this conclusion,

[Naomi] It's the Permanent Mega-Truth.

Oh, right. Yeah.

I, I want to go to Iran for a bit. Just 'cause I can.

Iran?!

-Yeah, Suze, Iran. -Really?

Yeah, I wanna see where my grandmother's buried.

OK, but no. You were like me, from Reading.

But I'm not, am I?

[Suzie] OK, great.

OK, well, you don't have to say that.

Clearly, you don't mean it.

No, it's--I'm happy for you.

-Suzie. -No, no, no!

OK, I'll be sup-- I'll be supportive.

I get it's not ideal, but it's gonna be OK.

I know you better than you know yourself.

OK, fuck off, Naomi.

I know you better than I know myself.

And that's not right, is it?

So, um, I left Cob.

There's this smell in Iran

when water hits the hot pavements.

I remember it when we used to go before mom died.

Are you-- You know, what are you other--

What do your other clients have to say about this?

I mean, you're going to move to fucking Iran?

What will you even wear?

They're fine with it. They're really happy for me.

You're the only person I didn't know how to tell.

I love you, Suze.

[Suzie] The truth is, adults are assholes.

[car horn blares][groans]

[car horn honks]

Yes, you!

All out for themselves.

You can love a man, you can love a friend.

I'm off to Iran.

But I would push every single one of them

under a bus for my kid.

That's what love is.

Hi. I'm Suzie, Frank's mom.

You know, my, um, Cob.

Oh, right, yes! Sorry, I knew.

Uh, thanks!

[Suzie] Hi.

No, thank you.

Well, Mommy can't. But it's OK.

Yeah, just text me if you feel sad or anything happens?

Yes?

Yes.

[sighs][alert sensor dings]

[groans]

[man talking indistinctly over radio]

[Suzie over radio] Any home should feel safe and warm and supportive.

Here at EBG, we don't just take care of your phone,

now we provide your electricity, heating, and gas.

EBG. Everything's home.

Oh, my God.

Fuck.

[urinating into cup]

[Suzie] Fuck! Fuck!

Hey, I'm just calling to say I'm not collecting Frank,

he's staying over,

so can we just get into it later? Just us?

[Cob] Uh, no, we, we, we don't need to get into it at all, Suze.

Just, while I've got you...

Um, I just want you to know that

I will never fucking forgive you

and I will make your life

a living hell from now on.

Forever. OK?

OK.

No one is coming to rescue you.

♪ If I told a lie

♪ Or if I made you cry

♪ When I said good night

♪ I'm sorry

[man] Excuse me? Excuse me!

Uh, sorry, uh, can I get a photo?

Uh, no.

-Oh! -No, you can't.

It's all right.

We, we can do it ourselves.

Don't worry about it, it's fine.

-OK, so. -Hurry up.

It's fine.

Oh, sorry! No, no, no, I'll do it.

Come here, of course I'll do it, sorry.

OK, thank you!

Sorry, I just, I'm an idiot.

Well, I'm not an idiot. I just misunderstood.

I dunno. Sorry. Just...

Uh, I'm, that's-that's lovely.

I'm just gonna take a f--[phone shutter clicking]

I'm just gonna take a few so you get a good one.

There you go, there's a few good,

good ones there, mate.

-Thanks very much. -Thanks very much.

-What's your name? -Janet.

-Thank you, Janet. -Yeah.

-Good night. -It was nice to meet you.

-Thanks. -Have a good one. Bye.

Nice to meet you. Oh, where are you off to?

Uh, we're, we're just off home.

Yeah.

Hey, aren't you the, um...

Aren't, aren't you the, the girl that sang that,

that song?

Yes! Yes, I am!

God, how did it go? I had it! Um...

I'll, I'll...I'll?

♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more every day

♪ Daylight

♪ It leads me back your way

♪ Falling into my arms

♪ Again

♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more, my friend

[both chuckling]

-Amazing. -Thank you.

-OK. -See you, lady. Bye! Goodnight.

-Uh, night. -Night.

-Bye! -Bye.

Can I come home with you?

Not for... Not for long.

I just, I just haven't got anywhere to go,

and I'm, I just need somewhere to be.

-Of course. -Is that all right?

Yeah, yeah. Come on,

we can get you something to eat.

-Thank you. -Or Wi-Fi, if that's useful?

I'd love some Wi-Fi. Thank you.

Every home should feel safe and warm and supportive.

Everywhere is home.

-[Suzie] Have you got a charger? -Not on us.

[Suzie] No, but you do...

[♪♪♪]