Original subtitles

[light piano plays]

[young Suzie] ♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more Every day ♪

♪ Daylight

♪ It leads me Back your way ♪

♪ Fallin'

♪ Into my arms

[crowd applauds]

♪ Again

♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more

♪ My friend

[crowd cheers loudly]

[male] Okay! How old are you?

Fifteen.

[male]And what did you say your name was, sweetheart?

Suzie Pickles.

[male] Okay. Well, that's the last time

anyone's gonna ask you that, Suzie.

'Cause you are gonna be a star.

[crowd cheers]

Fuck off!

Fucking-- You're fucking joking!

[Naomi on phone] No, no, no, no, no!

-They offered it! -Yes! [laughs]

Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a Disney Princess!

Send me a confirmation email.

-Send it to me!- Yeah, I'm gonna call you back in a sec.

- I'm gonna call you back in a sec, okay? -[screams]

Oh, sorry, Lorraine.

Sorry, Kate. Hi, Lorraine.

Hi Lorraine's dog! It's a beautiful morning.

Hello, little man!

Mummy is gonna be a princess!

A princess!

Do you want some breakfast?

Yes, good morning, Pete!

Breakfast! Breakfast! Breakfast!

Come on. Come on.

Good morning, girls!

Good morning! Hey!

Hey.

[Naomi on phone] Suze, it's come through officially.

[Suzie on phone] No way! You are joking!

Yeah, I just got an email.

Can you forward it to me just so I can see?

Okay, doing it now...

[Suzie screams]

[Naomi on phone] I love you, babe!

Ah, I love you, too.

Never had any doubt.

Oh, don't be weird.

You're not going to believe this!

They offered me the Disney gig.

-[Suzie chuckles] -Are you kidding?

[Cob] What?

I thought there was no way this could happen.

I know!

Are you sure? I mean, is there paperwork?

I thought--I thought that you were too old.

I know! Well, apparently that's the joke.

Oh, my God, I can't believe it.

Like, I thought it was all villains from now on, you know?

Hello, Superstar! Superstar!

Wait, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, let's not...

Suze, let's not tell Frank just yet.

Isn't it filming really far away and, like,

incredibly soon.

Oh, wow! Okay.

Jolly good.

Right. Well, uh, when does it start shooting then?

Uh, in about a month.

Oh, come on, let's celebrate, let's celebrate!

Where's that, um, bottle of champagne

I got from that TV show,

uh, Bye Bye TV.

Does champagne go off? Doesn't it?

[Suzie] Oh, well, we shall find out!

[Cob] Yeah. I dunno, maybe, maybe not right now...

-No, no, no, it's--come on. -[Cob] at nine in the--No?

What, so I'm just gonna drink champagne drink on my own?

Genuinely I'm fine at nine in the morning.

-[champagne pops] -Oh, my gosh!

Okay, sorry... oh...

Okay...

Mummy made a mess!

What do we think, huh...?

[Suzie] I made a mess!

When we make a mess, we clean up.

Do it later... We'll just do it later. Silly me.

Silly mummy!

It's great though. Hey, no, it's great.

Well done! Great job.

Oh, my God, that's the cleaner, that's...

the cleaner!

Well, hang on, we've got those people coming,

why didn't you cancel?

Hi, Claudia. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, shoes.

Cob, can we just generally get things

off surfaces so she can...

Isn't everything on a surface?

Thought that was Newton's law of things and other things.

Thank you.

[phone vibrates]

[hums]

[unsettling tone]

[sighs]

[vacuuming]

[man on radio] ...abuse but that's how Boris Johnson summed up last...

[chuckles]

[people on TV chatter indistinctly]

[woman on radio] ...Johnson sums up last night's--

[Latin music plays]

[man sings in Spanish]

[doorbell chimes]

-Hey! -Hi.

Hi, I'm Dory.

Assistant Editor at Esquire.

-Now you won't remember but I, uh... -Hey!

I asked you a question

from the audience on that show How Come?

That kids' show in the noughties.

Oh, yeah. I--I remember.

The show, not you.

Maybe you.

-What--what's your name again? -Yeah, Dory.

It was weird to call a kids' show How Come? You wouldn't now.

Yeah, I love your house!

Thank you. I mean,

it's a nightmare but it's great.

Yeah, I haven't been out this far

since I visited my parents.

Oh, this is Clive, the photographer.

-[Suzie] Hey. -This is very, very cool.

-Oh. -Thank you for this, Suzie.

Belinda's on costume.

-Uh-huh. Hi. -Harry on sound.

Um, oh, I, I thought it was just stills?

Oh, yeah, but, um,

yeah, we'll be doing this vlog thing online,

-I can tell you what to say. -Yeah.

And we've got Brian and Em moving things about

if we need things moved about.

-Watch yourself! -Ah!

And, uh, this is...

-Morning. -[Em] Barry.

-Barry! -[Suzie] Hello!

Uh, dunno what the fuck Barry does.

Oh, wow!

[Dory] Amazing, aren't they?

Yeah, we, uh, we emailed about the dogs.

Well, I don't remember that email.

Ah, yeah, I wanna say Natalie...?

-Naomi. -Naomi said that, that was definitely an option.

-But, yeah, we'll play with it. -All right, um...

[Dory] Yeah, okay!

Ooh, okay, um...

Does anyone want a cup of tea?

[crew] Yeah, tea! We want some tea!

Uh, okay, raise your hands if you want a tea?

Have you got any Espresso?

Where are the other mugs?

[phone rings]

Ooh, is glasses a good idea?

Yeah, well, they can't share, can they?

Oh, fuck.

Fuck! Uh...

Yeah, that's basically what I thought, babe.

Where's the-- where's... Shit!

Oh, my God. Out the way.

out the way. Ah!

It's okay.

-Okay, here we go. -I just wondered...

-Oh, my God! -Jesus Christ, are you dyspraxic?

Do you want me to take those for you?

No, no, no! They're really hot.

-But you're holding them. -Yes.

-[phone rings] -[man] You got any Wi-Fi?

They just need another plug.

Why--why is Naomi keep calling you on my phone?

Um, I don't know. I thinkthere's probably something wrong with my phone.

-It's been a bit--a bit weird. -Right.

[Naomi on phone] Suze...

-Listen, something's happened. -[Suzie] Mm-hmm.

You know?

Mm-hmm.

-Okay. Can you not talk? -Mm-mmm.

There's a lot of stuff online saying

you're one of a bunch of hacked photos going up.

[Naomi] I think they're circulating on smaller, Nazi sites.

Sounds good.

Are you aware of any images

of you and Cob, basically being...

having... like, of you sucking him off?

[Naomi] Laugh if you are.

[laughs]

-Sort of. - Okay and are they photos that belong to you?

-Laugh if yes. -Can I just say yes?

-Yeah. -Yes.

And what were they on, say when I say it.

Laptop, iPad...

[Naomi] Phone -external...

When?

Sorry, sorry, which one?

Phone. Oh, my God. Should I smash it?

Should I smash it?

What? Why? I don't know.

Shit. Maybe. No.

[Naomi] No.

I--I sort of need you to take control right now.

Yeah, okay, I'm on my way to the train.

I'm gonna come round and get everyone out.

Um, no, don't do that, because by the time you get here

they'll all be finished and I really have to speak to Cob.

[Naomi] They've announced who it is in advance

like it's Strictly or something.

Maybe it's bollocks but...

I think it's a "brace yourself" thing

Okay.

Good. Gotta go. Okay.

What's wrong?

I don't know. I just...

I'm just feeling a bit... uh, not great.

No, what's wrong with your phone?

You know, it's doing something weird.

It was making this really weird sound.

Like I think there was something wrong it,

some upgrade I did. Or didn't do.

I dunno but you, you might wanna, um...

look out for using yours at the moment.

[Cob]What--what do you want Frank to do if he doesn't have his iPad?

I don't know, Cob.

Pretend it's like the forties or something.

Oh, oh right. Okay, yeah, cool.

Well, I'll just, beat him with a switch then

-and get him evacuated, obviously. -No, no. Look, look!

He's playing with the dogs over there, that's really...

are they safe?

Does anyone know if those dogs are safe?

[Dory] Suzie? Suzie?

Okay, we've got lots of things to wear,

we've got a couple of coats, this is the coat.

We have another coat

but this is the one for dog-matching reasons.

[Belinda] Where do you want to change?

Oh, it's so nice out here, isn't it?

-Is this where you live all the time? -Yeah.

Pay for it with the low ceilings though, don't you?

Still that's the dream, place in the country,

-a place in town. -We don't have a place in town.

I was so pleased to see you're still doing stuff.

Yeah, I mean...

it's--it's a really good show, it's just, you know...

it's so many shows.

Exactly. That's what I say.

TV's not really my thing.

Hi, Chloe.

Just wondering what we're doing make-up wise?

Yeah, hair first, and then we were thinking like

a Cruella De Villy look?

'Cause it's quite horror-y, isn't it?

Sorry, I haven't seen the show.

That's--Don't worry.

-I mean, how can there be so much TV? -There can't.

You'll have to tell me

it's the best, best, best thing you'd ever seen

and even then I probably won't watch it.

-[Dory chuckles] -Right,

so you did this look back in 2000 and I loved it.

Have you got the Wi-Fi password, darling?

Oh, hang on,

I've got 3G so all good.

Let's have a look...

What?

-What? -Excuse me.

[Dory] What, what, what, what?

[low voices]

[Dory] What. Oh, my God.

[indistinct chatter]

Somebody's made a friend.

[laughs]

I'm allergic to dogs. Otherwise we'd...

-No! -Yeah.

Are you all right?

Yeah!

Listen...

[whispering] Do you know?

You've got great skin.

Thanks.

[Cob] Suzie!

Excuse me.

What is going on?

-[Chloe] That's you done, darlin'. -What? Sorry?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Um...

Yeah. No. Um, what are you talking about?

There's been some sort of hack thing online.

I've got like twenty texts from people. Even my fucking brother's texted me.

I-is that what it is?

That's what Naomi--that's what I meant about my phone.

Have you been hacked?

Oh, my God.

Well fuck, what did they get?

-You don't even have to think about it, okay? -What?

Don't think about it, that's what they want.

[Cob] I am somewhat thinking about it.

Okay, it's probably just a hoax.

Okay, we're just thinking about the shot at the moment.

We love the fur coat, we wanna use the coat but...

it is real fur. And your agent said that...

It's fine.

-Exactly, 'cause it's vintage. -Yeah.

-[Clive] We've gotta be prepared... -Just...

Okay, over we come!

Right, dogs are the last thing we do.

No pre-emptive dogs.

Okay Belinda, that's it, thank you,

right, out the way. Thanks.

Hello, Suzie.

Right, we don't know what we're looking for right now.

We're just gonna cyclethrough some feelings and see where we are.

-Okay. -Yeah?

♪ Don't look into the light

We're here, yeah.

You're here with me right now.

[Dory] Oh, this is going to be so good.

[Clive] You've done this before. It's powerful stuff, yeah.

Ah, lovely, Suzi. Sorry, remarkable Suzie!

Defiant, Suzie. Yeah, impressive, Suzie.

Yes, yes, yes, yes...

[Dory] Such a great face.

So whatever's going on right now...

Yeah, no, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't shy away from me,

go with it! It's really powerful stuff.

Thank you.

[Clive continues indistinctly]

Maybe raise an eyebrow or something,

just to sort of mix it up a bit, yeah, yeah,

[Clive] Gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous.

Yeah, straight down the barrel if you can.

-I'm-- -[Clive] Oh, okay--

[Suzie]Uh, thank you. Can you--can you just give us a minute? Yeah.

Thanks.

This is literally on the internet now.

Oh, my God.

You haven't seen this?

Well, I have now.

Where's it from? Wh-when is it from?

I don't know, I don't...

Sorry, I'm just a bit... I'm just a bit freaked out!

-What the fuck is going on? What is this? -I don't know!

Are you sure it's on the-- and not just on your phone?

Wh--? Can you get them to go, please?

Yes, I--I please. I don't know, I don't know what this is.

I don't know, this-- they're only gonna be

another half an hour at the most--

All their stuff's here now.

Who gives a shit if their stuff's here--?

-[Dory] Suzie? -Yeah?

-[Dory] Can we chat? -Yeah, just--just...

-Now! Please now! -I don't know! I...

I really have to go to the-- Cob, Cob, I need the loo,

I have to go like that!

I need it like that!

Please!

-[Dory] Oh! -[Cob] Jesus Christ.

Just the, uh, just the coat,

it's looking quite glamorous.

Yeah, which we don't think that we wanna do.

Yeah, we wanna use it, but we want to undermine it.

So, uh, yeah, Rob's gonna go and get some red paint,

like fake blood to put on it. And the dogs.

Can we put paint on the dogs?

-I don't know, probably. -Yeah.

-[Dory] You can paint sheep. -Yeah.

-[Clive] Are you good with that? -Yeah.

[Clive] 'Cause it's important to me

that anyone that sits for me in whatever capacity...

Yeah, okay, I'm just-- I'm so sorry,

I'll be with-- I'll be out in a minute.

Sorry, can I just, uh--

Yeah.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

[plopping]

[gasps]

[whimpering] Don't get shit on the coat!

[knocking on door]

Oh, no, no. Claudia, please don't come in here.

Um, actually you can go!

-You don't want me to finish? -No, no, no.

It's fine, um, we'll pay you. But you can go.

I rather finish the job.

Okay, yeah, brilliant, but just not in here.

[whispering] Everyone's seeing it now.

I'm being made a fucking prick of, aren't I?

Yeah, okay.

Okay, everybody out, we're done here.

I'm sorry but it is time for you to leave, okay?

You, budget Hemsworth,

I need you to get everyone the fuck out of my house.

Right, where is she? Momma's here.

Amazing. Christ!

-No, no just me. -I'm leaving.

I've got this. Hey.

Oh, good, you've touched my arm,

everything's all right now.

Right, I need you guys

to get these people out my house or I swear to God

I'm gonna go and get my air rifle and pick them off one by one.

It's gonna be a fucking hipster blood bath in here!

Yeah, that feels very aggressive.

Hiya, uh,

I just want to say, they're a bit worried

they might have made a mess in your kitchen.

-Um, I... -Oh, my God.

No! Oh, my God! No! I'll do that!

Let me do that! You go! Come on, you go! You go!

[Naomi] Okay, I need everyone to give Suzie some space,

and stop her doing whatever the fuck she's--

God, is that blood?

Babe, babe, get up.

I'm Naomi Jones, Suzie's manager.

-I spoke to someone on the phone? -Oh, yeah, me.

Um, I did say dogs, didn't I?

Okay, can you actually give us a sec?

Oh, yeah, of course. I just wanna say, one sec--

um, I do this thing about women online,

I have a site Feminazi, obviously ironic.

-But I actually run it... -Right.

-I'm doing this thing about consent.

And I would never forgive myself if I didn't ask you,

-with everything that's going on, to contribute. -Okay, what do you want?

-Do you want them out? -I don't know.

[Naomi] It's gonna be okay. It doesn't matter. It's totally your call.

They're here now. I just don't wanna cause any trouble.

[scoffs]

Please don't do that thing where you act all professional, okay?

I genuinely do not have the energy to pretend to respect you.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

It's bad enough without you.

I'm sorry the world's seen your dick

but also fuck off slightly.

You haven't seen the pictures, have you?

-What, have they just gone up? -Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

[music swells]

-[dogs bark] -[Dory] Let's get the dogs in.

Great. Okay, ladies, you go in for your checks. Amazing.

[Chloe] All right, Clive's gonna do the blood in post

-'cause they just keep licking it off so-- -Yeah, all right.

[Dory] Okay, everyone happy with final checks?

-[Chloe] She's ready, Dory. -[Dory] Happy?

-[Clive] All right, let's get the big one. -[Cob] Fuck!

[Clive] Wow! This is superstar stuff.

[doorbell chimes]

[Clive] Suzie, this way.

-Yeah, yeah, thank you. -Sorry.

-[Clive] Wonderful. -[dog whimpers]

-Look up! -[camera clicks]

[doorbell chimes]

[Chloe] Is someone at the door?

Cob?!

-[doorbell chimes] -Right. Sorry, I've gotta--

[Clive] No, please--

[Chloe] I've got a dog, I've got a dog!

Yeah, I'll grab this.Thank you, thank you. Here you are, my dear.

Hello. Oh, my God, what have I interrupted?

Hello, what's this?

Oh, God, am I in a movie?

Hello?

[Colin] He said it was an emergency.

-Uh, is the big man around? -[Cob] Hi, Colin.

How are you doing? We'll start with this door please.

Uh, hang on, sorry, what's going on?

We're getting the locks changed. Right now.

Uh, no, I don't-- I don't think we are...

Oh, no, we are.

Uh, no, it's fine, Colin. Thank you,

-you can go. -No,

we really are getting the locks changed, Suzie.

Do you want to explain to our good friend Colin why? Or shall I?

Um, yeah, we, we were burgled.

Yeah, we, that's, we were just...

-Yeah. -So what's this then?

Yeah, those guys are just dusting for prints, Colin.

[Colin] Right. None of my business.

What was stolen?

Uh, nothing. Nothing really.

Yeah, we thought we'd been burgled but we hadn't

actually, um, but we do think they got a copy of the key,

that's what we think they got, so obviously we need to...

-change the locks. -Okay.

Wow.

That is amazing. That was-- that was genuinely beautiful.

Really is a sight to behold.

[Clive] We need to do something

'cause the dogs are getting a little bit feral.

Hmm, excuse me.

[Dory] Right, wonderful, she's back.

Right, do we need more blood do you think? No?

-[Chloe] Yeah, no, she's great.I'm happy with that. -[Dory] Let's go.

[Clive] Straight down, yeah.

Chin down a little bit please, yeah.

Fantastic that, light's good.

-Okay. Oh, no, no, no. Seriously... -[drilling sound]

Can we, um, we need to shoot some video, please,

so we need to cut the sound.

No, can we just do the fucking photo?

All right, just get it done. Just do the fucking photo. Do it.

[drilling starts again]

[crew chatters indistinctly]

Okay, can someone help her with that so she doesn't--

Thank you, thank you. Very good.

Please be just--it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Thank you, nice to meet you.

Ooh, just watch my walls.

Is that it? But...

Okay, great. Fantastic.

Bye. Oh, bye, Colin!

-Oh, uh, Cob's got the new keys. -Yeah, yeah. Great.

[Dory] Don't you want the guys to hoof this lot back in?

Oh, no, no. It's fine, it's fine. Honestly, we're big and strong.

-[Dory] Really? Okay. -Yeah, yeah.

-Bye, then. -All right, bye.

Are you keeping the coat?

Um, I mean, can I?

-It's fur though. -Oh, no, then.

That'll wash out.

-Well, then... Yeah, bye. -[Chloe] Come on, Dory.

-Bye. -Bye!

[car engine starts]

Bye! Fucking go.

[car beeps]

Bye!

-Cob! -[Naomi] Let her in.

[Cob] Double locked!

Cob!

[Naomi] Cob, let her in.

Cob!

What?

-What are you doing? -When?

-When?! -I don't know!

What are you talking about, I don't even know what

you're talking about. Just stop!

All right, I want Frank then!

[Naomi] Suze, he's crazy!

He's insane.

Let--let's just talk about it! Whatever it is that I...

-I don't even know-- I don't-- -Go to the back door.

-Oh, my God. Oh! -[Suzie] No!

-[Suzie] Cob! -Give me the key! Give me the key!

Cob! Give me the fucking key!

Right, I want my fucking phone then!

-[Naomi] I swear to God. -[Suzie] He has my phone!

-You're like a fucking child! -[Suzie] Give me my son!

And my fucking phone!

[Naomi] He's 3 years old.

Go and look for Mum's phone.

Upstairs. Upstairs. Good boy.

[Naomi] So clever. Fucking hell.

Fuck's sake.

-There's no key. Where's the key? -There?

-There? -Are they painted shut?

-There? -No, there's no key!

[Naomi] Ugh, for fuck's sake, Cob, open the door!

Yes! Yes, give it to Mummy!

Give it to Mummy! Good boy! Good--Oh, good!

[Naomi and Cob argue]

Charger!

[gasping] Oh, my God.

Well done!

Thanks.

I just need a charge.

I just need a charger!

Have you got a charger, mate?

You!

You got a charge, mate?

[sighs]

I hate this. I hate this. I hate you. I hate you.

I hate this fucking place.

[Suzie] I hate the dark. I hate the stars.

You shouldn't be able to see so many stars. I hate the church.

All right?

I hate that stranger for being so rare.

I hate the pub.

[Suzie] It's cheap, it's too cheap.

You know that's suspiciously cheap for a wine.

I hate the way people always leave their doors unlocked,

it's not normal, lock your houses, lock your houses.

These people aren't nice, they're just already rich.

I hate their distress at losing Pizza Express.

I mean, I fucking hate this place.

[laughs]

♪ I hate seein' The stars at night ♪

♪ I miss the smog And the rising crime ♪

♪ Oh, my

♪ Fuck this life

Where am I even going?

He's watching Pointless aggressively loud.

[sighs]

Sorry.

So obviously, it's not your husband's penis

-in the photos? -[groans]

Your highlights in the shot

are gold not blonde so that's from only about

three months ago?

It's not your bedroom, I know that.

And you just look really happy.

Mm.

♪ Just across the way

♪ I saw you yesterday

♪ Tuggin' holes in the day

♪ As the sunshine ran away

♪ Take a walk with me

♪ Tell me your dreams

♪ The things that you believe ♪

♪ That no one else sees

♪ I'll lose myself To you... ♪