Original subtitles

Once upon a time,

a boat in a field,

a married couple gone missing,

a gun that shoots air...

And then there's a hidden house,

a prophecy from another world...

surely these pieces don't fit.

Left unwatered, a plant will die.

Left unloved, a good child could go bad.

Left untended,

a dream...

could become a nightmare.

[♪♪♪]

Gripps?

Cross?

You boys still exist?

No.

[coughs]

I stopped existing

a long time ago.

It made my legs sore.

[laughs]

How long we been in here, man?

7,776,000 seconds.

How many days is that?

How many seconds in a day?

Not gonna lie to you, boys.

This sucks.

[laughs]

Martin?

Yeah?

How long can we go without energy, man?

[sighs]

Keep your eyes open.

Suzie Boreton hasn't been this hard to get ahold of by accident.

Yeah, okay.

You know, Suzie Boreton's always been a little bit of an odd duck.

Do you really think she's part of this?

I mean, do you think she's, like, um, dangerous?

I just don't know that she's not dangerous.

Her old boss is still missing,

plus the four women from the book club.

We don't have enough to arrest her, but--

What are you doing?

I almost, uh...

forgot the dang thing.

There...

There it is.

I can't let this go on any longer,

not...not if we're questioning a suspect.

What are you doing?

Farah Adrienne Black,

in accordance with Montana state law

via posse comitatus code OCGA 17-4-24,

I hereby deputize you into the service

of the Bergsberg County Sheriff's Department.

Is this for real?

Yeah.

Any able-bodied person is subject to deputization by the--

by the local...

Are you... are you okay?

Yeah, I just...

I've wanted to work in law enforcement

my entire life, and...

[choking back tears]

there it is.

Yeah, well.

You know, I feel like you're more of a cop

than I've ever been, and...

you know, you deserve it--

Thanks, Sherlock.

My pleasure, Deputy Black.

Okay.

Well, then yesterday, I spent the majority of the day out,

so I wasn't here when you came by.

I didn't say we came by, Suzie.

What's your name again?

Farah Black.

How did you know we were here?

Well, Sarah, I'm clearly confused.

- "Farah." - Hmm?

So, where's Bob?

Poor goof has been sick for a week,

dosed up to his eyebrows on flu medication.

Plus he bumped his dang head somehow.

Don't know how it happened.

You know, there was some damage

to the outside of the house, too.

I was actually thinking of calling you, Sheriff.

Oh yeah?

So you didn't make it to this week's book club?

Book club? Nope.

I haven't been for ages.

They actually stopped inviting me

after the accident.

Just the way people are these days, I suppose.

Yeah. Yeah, I suppose they are.

Where's the dog?

What?

The dog.

Bob's dog, Agrajag. Where is it?

Oh, gosh, you found me out!

I knew you were gonna ask!

Jeez, is everything, uh...

Yeah, I just...

Scott killed him.

Ran him over with his dang car.

[whispering] I don't think it was an accident,

and I don't know what to do.

You know, Bob's out of commission,

so I've just been dealing with this all by myself,

and Scott has been acting so strange

the past couple days,

talking about all this weird stuff,

people from another world,

some sort of fairy tale.

I don't know what to do.

I think he's having some kind of psychiatric breakdown.

We need to talk to Scott.

You do.

Because somebody has to,

because I don't want to be one of those parents

who's left wishing they spoke up

when their child goes and does something terrible.

Where can we find him?

He's not answering his phone,

but, um...

I know where he'll be tonight.

Him and his little friends are going to some music thing,

they wanted to see someone,

Applesauce? Billy Applesauce?

We could go there,

try to have a word,

but, man, it is big. It's crowded.

Well, if Scott's there,

and he's connected,

Dirk will find him.

Why are we getting breakfast?

Shouldn't we be investigating something?

I mean, I love breakfast, big fan, but...

This is how it works.

We go where Dirk takes us.

Okay, back to business.

Did you just change?

No, Todd, it's still me.

Though my clothes are different.

I traded these for the ones I got in evidence lock-up.

You traded police property?

Check out my jacket!

They were vintage. Smart, right?

Genius! Why didn't I think of that?

Because it's literally a crime.

Listen, from here on in,

I want to do things by the book.

What book?

The boring book of mundane deduction

you and I are coauthoring about being normal detectives, Todd.

Panto Trost said he recognized the mural,

but couldn't tell us anything about it or how he got here.

Wendimoor, if it exists,

is still, for the most part,

out of our reach,

and so we start with the facts,

and the facts are the Cardenas family.

Tina, take out the file.

I want to look at evidence and draw conclusions,

not rely on insane coincidences

to shuffle me from catastrophe to catastrophe.

I'm doing something different.

I'm breaking the mold.

At this point in most of my cases,

there's this tremendous amount of weird things

all swirling around,

and then, well...

people start dying.

Lots of lovely people, very dead,

as I continue to blunder aimlessly about saying,

as Todd would have it, "stupid flighty bullshit."

I would say that.

I do say things like that.

Yes, but not this time.

Okay, I'm liking this attitude.

You inspired it.

We've got to get ahead of the game.

We can't just keep expecting somebody

to just walk up and say--

Excuse me.

Yes?

I'm sorry.

Where did you get those pictures?

Um, this is police business--

[Tina]: We were there.

We went in this house. we found those bodies.

I knew this day would come.

These are my parents.

This house is where I was born.

You're telling me you went in there?

The fences came down?

Yes, but--

I've been avoiding this moment for 50 years.

It's destiny you came here today.

Shit.

Where are you from, Bart?

What was life like for you before?

I, uh...

I used to be a lot shorter.

When you were a child?

Oh...

[laughs]

Hey, why are you in such a good mood now?

Before, you were all doomy-gloomy "gimme a sandwich."

What changed?

I'm trying to keep perspective

on my circumstances.

It's a matter of time, you see.

The Forest Witch said I'd find Dirk Gently, and I've found him.

He's discovered an image of my world,

so perhaps the rest will fall into place soon,

perhaps not.

You're not scared?

Scared?

Of course not.

I'm fearless.

My sister always says it's my worst quality.

You're... not even scared of me?

Where I'm from,

I've seen monsters from the forest,

evil knights, a deranged wizard...

why would I be scared of a beautiful woman?

[barks with laughter]

[Amanda]: Farson, how far are we?

We're close.

Soon now we'll be safe.

Soon better be real soon, dude.

My friend is hurt, and those guys are still after us.

Do not worry, Amanda.

Once we reach the village of the Bofuki Nepoo,

Wakti Wapnasi will explain everything.

She can protect us.

Where are we, boss?

I don't know, Vogel.

Who were those guys in the koo-koo costumes?

I told you, I don't know.

Hey, boss, who's Wakti Wapnasi?

I don't know.

Okay?

I don't know anything that's going on, all right?

I don't know where we are,

I don't know why this is happening,

I don't know how I did the thing with the lightning.

You know, my life was really weird before,

but this is just next level,

so please do not ask me any more questions,

because I don't have any answers!

[whimpering]

Vogel, I'm sorry.

I just...

[twigs snap]

Farson?

Hello?

[voices twittering]

[blowing]

Dirk, do you think there's a chance

that he could be The Boy you're looking for?

Farah said some of the height notches in the house were marked A.C.,

and that's him, Arnold Cardenas.

Look! I ran his plates like a real cop.

He's been Arnold Freedman since '75.

No wonder we couldn't find him.

- I totally thought you were playing a game. - What?

[Dirk]: Look at him.

He looks miserable.

We shouldn't have brought him here.

We should've waited, we should've just...

If we didn't come with, he would've come without us.

He wouldn't have come at all

if I hadn't been there stupidly waving those photos around.

You insisted we go out for breakfast.

I didn't know it was going to be a clue!

I can't control this at all!

It's just like everything I do is just--

Dirk, slow down, man. Be cool.

I don't want this situation to get abruptly monstery, or scissory,

or any of the other things situations have been getting lately.

I want this to be a relaxing stroll down memory lane

that conveniently tells us everything we need to know,

resolves all loose threads,

and makes us all feel great about our choices

in the most boring, uneventful way possible.

And he's going into the house.

Look, wait, Todd!

[groans in frustration]

How did this happen?

Who tore down the wallpaper?

We did.

It was an accident.

My father put the wallpaper up to cover this...as punishment.

Do you know what this is?

Of course.

Wendimoor.

This is the Valley of the Inglenook.

and there,

there's the pink-haired ones,

the Trosts.

They were the farmers.

And the Dengdamors, they were, ooh...

the rich folk.

And then in the woods, all kinds of monsters.

the rainbow monsters, the furry monsters,

and then the old snail witch.

And look, there's The Mage.

He was the villain.

You see how he always loses?

The hero defeats him,

and he locks him in a train in the sky

that goes 'round and 'round forever and ever.

This was the plan for how it was going to be.

Until it all fell apart.

Where is my mother?

And papi?

It's like water, you know?

You let yourself sink in,

you kind of float along,

and it shows you what to do.

The universe shows you what to do?

Where were you born?

Who are your parents?

Oh, I don't know, I don't remember.

They... they died.

My childhood was kinder than yours.

I studied the sword,

but between that there was singing...

dancing.

Yeah, no dancing for me.

I was alone for a long time,

and then these guys, they put me in this place,

and they tried to get me to do stuff.

They don't get how I work.

You know, and those jerks,

those are the same stupids that took my friend Ken.

So I figure, I am just gonna sit here,

and I ain't killing anybody.

I'm sorry your life has been hard, Bartine.

If this world has treated you badly,

perhaps it's time to leave it.

You mean like, you'd...

let me come to Wendimoor?

Not my choice to make.

But if the time comes,

perhaps it can be yours.

We need to question Scott Boreton.

It's-it's a lot of moving pieces, and I-I'm getting overwhelmed.

I mean, we can agree

that the Cardenas house is at the center of this, right?

It's the key.

So why-why can't we just focus on one weird thing at a time?

Because everything--

Because everything is connected, right, right.

Let's focus on Suzie Boreton.

Okay, Suzie said

Scott was talking about people from a fairytale.

That's Wendimoor.

That connects the Boretons to the Cardenas house.

So, what do we say?

We say, "Sorry, Scott, your mom is suspected of..."

What?

"Attacking a psycho with shapes?

Turning people into dust?"

If we can bring in Scott on suspicion of animal cruelty,

Scott's a minor.

Legally, she'd have to come in.

"Sound of Nothing"

is Southern Montana's third-largest music festival.

You know, finding Scott there will be like finding a needle in a haystack.

Oh, we just have to get Dirk there.

He collects needles in haystacks.

He does, doesn't he? [cell phone vibrating]

Ms. Black, I think you're... [cell phone vibrating]

You're ringing there.

I thought I was the one who was supposed to call you.

You have to come in. Now.

Eddie, I told you, this is not up for discussion--

You were right, Farah.

Blackwing is active.

I've got sources telling me

they've activated assets in Montana.

Eddie...

Okay, I need details--

You've been playing cops and robbers

with freaks and crazy people too long.

This isn't what Dad would've wanted.

Farah? Farah!

[flips phone shut]

[sound of kazoo playing]

[sound of harmonica playing]

[sound of xylophone playing]

[sound of kazoo playing]

[beeping]

[stirring]

Hello?

Are you a... thing?

"Are you... a... thing?"

What a wonderful question.

Oh, I wonder what the answer is.

Are you a person in there?

[chuckles]

First perhaps a thing, now possibly a person.

[hooting and squeaking]

Aw...

[sound of xylophone playing]

Where's my friend? His name is Vogel.

Don't worry, he's fine.

Okay.

Oh, how quickly things have been changing for you,

Amanda Brotzman.

Is this like...

Is it gonna keep going like this?

Tell me more about how it's going.

You know, I tried to roll with the punches,

I did,

but now...

this!

[sound of xylophone playing]

...is ridiculous.

[hooting and tooting]

I brought you here for a reason, Amanda.

You're the voice.

You're the voice that I hear in my visions.

Surprise! [chuckles]

Am I dreaming?

Perhaps I could say something to comfort you.

There's nothing you could possibly say

that would do that.

Not even...

"Everything is connected"?

You people have no idea what you're dealing with!

I should never have gone back!

The '67 was my fault!

It was an electromagnetic pulse. How could that be your fault?

Also, you would have been, like, 12.

I wish that boat had never fallen from the sky!

Boat?

Like the Infant Male Pollock Francis?

Wait, how have I not heard about this until now?

A boat fell from the sky, and with a name like that?

We're trying to help.

Strange things have been happening in this town,

and we think they might be related to your parents' deaths.

It's impossible.

Now, why do you say that?

Because everything strange stopped.

All the strange stuff is over!

I saw to that!

I ended it!

Ended it? How?

I'm sorry, Mr. Cardenas,

but whatever happened in that house isn't over.

Breathe.

Start simple.

How did the government get involved?

There were sightings.

Things from the dreams.

At first, the things from the dreams were nice,

they were gifts for our family,

but then they got dangerous.

The air gun,

and people saw the monster from the song flying around.

They thought it was an alien.

The monster from the song,

The Flying Purple People Eater

from the House Within A House.

That was another of the gifts, wasn't it?

But-but something ruined it.

Something with-with overturned flowers,

something with scissors, perhaps?

You lie!

You know what I did! You know what I did!

I didn't have a choice!

I didn't have a choice!

I got it. Okay.

I'll put him in the storage locker to cool off. I got it. I got it.

Into the storage locker to cool off.

You okay?

No! Is everyone I attempt to help going to try to kill me, Todd?

He clearly went through a traumatic experience.

[sighs]

I know.

He wants to talk,

otherwise he wouldn't have come in.

We'll let him sober up, and then--

[wall blasting]

Stay away from me.

[air gun fires]

Hobbs? Hobbs?

[Cardenas]: This was supposed to be a toy.

[Tina]: Hobbs, what the hell--

It's not yours.

That thing they brought home from the boat wasn't human!

It wasn't human!

I did what I had to!

Uh...

Whoa!

You...

No, you're...

you're one of them.

That's not possible.

You... you can't...

you can't exist!

That's not possible!

[gasping]

Mr. Cardenas!

Arnold? Oh, my god!

What's wrong?

What's happening to him?

He's having a heart attack.

[Tina]: I got the gun!

I did nothing.

So you know how my visions work?

Mm-hmm.

Are you the one that causes them?

No, no, no.

You see through your inner eye.

My inner eye?

Seriously?

Come on...

Answer a question--

who are you?

Amanda Brotzman?

That is just a noise people can make to refer to you.

You're not your name.

Who are you?

I'm... from Oregon?

I, uh...

When I was 20, I had--

These are just things that happened to your body.

Who are you?

[chuckles]

Um, when I think,

I hear a voice in my head?

I am the brain having those thoughts?

If you're the one hearing the voice in your head,

then who are you?

I... am the consciousness

that controls the body of,

sees through the eyes of,

and hears the thoughts of Amanda Brotzman.

[Wakti buzzing in delight]

[hoots and trills of approval]

[laughing] That thing,

your consciousness,

is very special.

The visions that I see,

they aren't me.

They're just something the Rowdy 3 do to me.

They give you access to something deeper.

Underneath your pain, your fear, even your thoughts,

there is a power.

In a place like this,

a person like you is very special.

With training,

you could learn to see everything, go anywhere.

That is the gift hidden within you.

I'm just a person.

I'm just a sick person.

Mm...

You recognize this, don't you?

[Amanda]: It looks like my visions.

And perhaps, as a simple, sick person,

you would like to know a little bit more?

Hmm?

[gasping]

Nice looking boy.

Leave Scott out of this.

If you wanted to protect him,

perhaps you shouldn't have used him as bait.

You want me to get Dirk Gently,

and I'm going to do that, okay?

But there are going to be a lot of people at that concert.

What if somebody gets hurt?

There must be a spell or something,

some sort of peaceful way to deal with--

[yelps in fright]

This is your test, Suzanne.

Dirk Gently is the only thing

that stands between me

and finally understanding the truth of the world

that I--

We--

will soon control.

Abandon the rules of this world, Suzanne.

They've never helped you be happy.

It's time you showed the world your real power.

I better follow them,

make sure he gets checked into the hospital in Somerset.

[siren wails]

Plus, someone's going to need to swing by with the tow truck

to pick up Arnold's car from the Cardenas place, so...

Oh, Hobbs, I didn't--

what about finding Scott at Sound of Nothing?

You know, then it would just be me and everyone,

and I don't think that--

Hey, Tina, you're gonna be fine, all right?

I'll be back in a jiff.

Farah...

I am so sorry I messed this up.

I cannot believe I took him to evidence.

I just put the dang pop gun in there this morning.

You do know you're apologizing to someone

wanted by the FBI,

right?

Just...

Just keep everyone safe tonight?

Come here.

Yup, you're gonna be fine.

Okay.

You want us to go to a music festival?

Shouldn't we just go to the hospital,

or go back to the Cardenas house?

There must have been something we missed there.

Or the boat,

the boat in the field.

Scott Boreton.

Arrows point to him

as potentially having concrete information.

Plus, less serious,

less, like, stress,

and we just, like, hang out.

I agree.

I like this. Yes. Very Farah.

Logic.

Deduction.

Tracking down a suspect,

not just, "Duh! Pip cheerio,

fabric of the universe, everything connect-o, duh!"

Are you doing a sarcastic impression of yourself?

What I am saying is,

we followed the holistic road today already, Todd,

and it ended up with a man dead.

He's not dead. They said he had a minor heart attack.

He's very muchly more dead than he was when he woke up this morning.

He's, like, five-out-of-eight dead-ish.

Are you giving up on him?

I thought you thought he was The Boy?

I thought I thought he could have been "a" The Boy,

but certainly not "the" The Boy,

considering he was an old man,

did you not notice?

Maybe Scott Boreton's The Boy.

Maybe Scott Boreton is The Boy.

We need to find where Wendimoor is.

Don't you think that...

Farah, are you seriously going along

with this whole Scott thing?

It's our only real lead.

[sighing]

Fine.

But I'm not going to a concert dressed like a cop.

Yeah!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[gasps]

[gasping in pain]

Oh, that was weird, that hurt.

What did you see?

I thought I saw one of my friends.

Why can't you just bring them through,

like you did with me?

My reach is very limited.

Your talent is greater.

You have an important role to play

in things to come...

if you survive.

"If" I survive?

I thought you could see the future.

Fate and chance are not mutually exclusive,

and alongside them exists free will.

This is only your first step

to something much greater,

in this world

and beyond.

[voices trilling]

[yelps in shock]

[screaming] Whoa!

Get your mitts off me, ya doofy-faced creepazoids!

Relax...

You're among friends, Sir Vogel.

These are the Bofuki Nepoo.

Where is Amanda?

She's in with the Wood Witch,

trying to find your friends.

[clank of armor and thud of heavy boots]

Somethin' bad's coming.

Hey.

You know, that wasn't your fault.

What if he was The Boy?

What if he was the only person who could save my world?

Can you speak to the universe? Ask it why it's doing this?

It don't work like that.

Hey...

[turns music player on]

What are you doing?

You said when you was little you did the dancing, right?

Was it like, uh...

Like this?

Whoo! Woop!

[laughing gleefully]

No, not like that.

[laughing]

[♪♪♪]

What's up?

Are you nervous?

I mean, more nervous than usual?

I've just got a lot on my mind.

I talked to my brother.

What, seriously?

He thinks Blackwing might be onto us.

They might be in Montana.

Okay, don't tell Dirk.

He's already on edge.

It'll just freak him out even more.

You're not worried?

It feels like we're close to Wendimoor.

That's what we have to focus on, right?

Hey, at least we look cool.

Yeah.

What? For 1986, we look very cool.

Can I tell you a secret?

I have never been to a concert before.

Is that a secret?

Shut up.

There are a lot of people in there.

They just put this right on my head without even asking.

Nice hat.

Guys...

Come on, come on, come on.

I have an idea.

We split up, I use my thing--

- Your badge? - Right.

Todd and I go on stage,

and check out the crowd from the front.

You and Dirk use his thing--

His innate connection to the fabric of reality.

Right,

and you take it from the back.

Are you sure it's necessary to go on stage?

Yes, very necessary,

definitely necessary,

and probably vital to the investigation.

[snorts in disbelief]

[♪♪♪]

Dirk, are... are you feeling anything yet?

Not how it works.

Come on, Farah, you should know that by now.

Dirk, we're just...

We need to find Scott Boreton.

So... focus!

Focus? There are teens sweating on me,

real teens!

This music sounds like robots being tortured by monkeys!

I am never going to find Scott Boreton in this mayhem!

My name is Scott Boreton--

Hey, watch it, man, I'm trying to take a video!

Oh, this is just stupid now.

Nice work, Dirk.

I'll take that. Scott Boreton.

What?

Bergsberg County Police Department.

We'd like to have a word with you.

Okay, I-I don't know anything about that weird guy

who got hit by the car.

- Let's just have a word outside. - Don't touch me!

Okay! Hey! Get back here!

Farah?

[♪♪♪]

[Vogel]: Grab your weapons!

Grab your weapons!

[screams of panic outside] What is that?

The Kellum Knights.

Men of The Mage.

You could defeat them, Amanda.

I don't know how to have

one of those magical seizure things again.

I can't fight them.

Then reach across reality, find someone who can.

[gasping with effort]

[♪♪♪]

Have you seen Scott yet?

Uh, no, not yet.

Turn around.

Look! They found him.

Get out of the way!

Scott! Stop!

Wait! That's Suzie Boreton.

She looks different.

[♪♪♪]

Farah?

[Todd]: Shit, looks like she's headed for Dirk.

Is that the wand thing?

She's magic!

She's the dangerous one, not Scott!

Dirk! Dirk!

Dirk!

Dirk!

Farah!

Idiot! Back off!

[emcee]: Here is the man you've been waiting for,

DJ Applesauce!

[crowd roaring and screaming]

[cheering]

I need a calm spell! I need to place a peace spell!

Wenefria! Oh!

[blissful silence falls]

My hands feel amazing.

[Suzie yelps]

No!

No! No!

Isn't it crazy?

It's totally perfect.

No! No! No...

The lights look like heaven!

Dirk!

[gushing] Todd!

Dirk!

You need to know, you changed my life.

You showed me everything I'd been doing wrong!

I didn't believe in anything,

and my life felt so small,

and I treated other people like they were small too.

That's bad! That's... lame!

That's over!

We went back in time, man!

Remember?

[giggling]

I believe Wendimoor is real!

We're gonna find The Boy, and find Amanda,

and we're gonna be best friends forever!

Todd, you saying this to me

is the single most important thing

that has ever happened in my entire life.

You are the first person I've ever met

who actually wanted me around!

I didn't at first--

Not at first--

- But I caught on, I evolved! - Yes! Yes!

But, listen, Todd, I think something's been done to us,

possibly supernatural,

and it is...

[screaming] great!

[laughing]

[Farah]: Todd! Hi! Hey, Dirk!

- Farah! - Hey!

[gushing adoringly] Aw...

My dad died!

What? Are-are you--

I-I-I'm okay!

I mean, he... he was sick for years,

and he hated me!

[laughing]

I don't know, he just...

he always made me feel

like I was such a disappointment, you know?

Like I was never good enough,

but I know that that's bullshit now, you know?

That's not real!

And-- Oh, Todd, remember that time

we were making out behind that restaurant

in Nevada, like, three weeks ago, and--

You guys made out?

It's been two months, Dirk, we're adults--

Dirk, we're adults!

I... I just wanted you to know that

that was the moment that I knew,

I knew I didn't need Eddie or anyone,

because...

I'm not like them.

This is where I'm supposed to be!

I mean, I'm... I'm one of the freaks!

[cheering in agreement] Yes! Yes!

I love yelling "Yes!"

I want to [bleep] everybody here!

[crowd screaming and cheering]

[♪♪♪]

[laughing]

[♪♪♪]

[laughing]

[♪♪♪]

Don't give up.

[♪♪♪]

I found them.

[groaning with effort]

I can't!

Help me!

[♪♪♪]

[shattering]

[snarling]

Yo.

Aw, yeah!

[howling]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Alive ♪

[silence falls]

[♪♪♪]

I don't understand.

Who made this?

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

This is all a mistake.

Tina... [ratchet clicking]

I been trying to reach you all night,

and I know you charged your phone this time.

I saw you plug it in.

So, listen, I'd like to set up some sort of meet-up,

because, um--

[truck approaching]

Wait...

Wait, wait, wait.

What in the heck?

I'll call you back.

[exhales bravely]

...the hell?

Bob?

[growling]

Where's the truck, Bob?

What's happening here?

[growling]

Poor Sheriff Hobbs,

I'm afraid you've caught me

at a very bad time.

[crying out]

[♪♪♪]