Original subtitles

Man: Will members of the press please get on the bus.

How do you do?

Hi.

Man: Will members of the press please get off the bus.

Come on, fellas. Close it up. Close it up.

Today, you're going to see history made.

Cyclops is the biggest project of its kind

ever undertaken by man, ladies and gentlemen.

It represents $12 million of capital

and years of research.

To fill you in on some of the details,

I'd like to now turn you over

to our project designer miss kitty Baxter.

[ Applause ]

Thank you, Mr. ames.

This is indeed a proud day for all of us.

At this very moment, my father irwin Baxter

is arming the nuclear engine

that will propel the mighty cyclops.

Man: Hey!

Here they are.

[ Geiger counter clicking ]

All right. This is it.

Radiation shield?

Holding, professor.

Man: Radiation level?

Normal.

All right, gentlemen. Let's begin.

[ Beeping ]

[ Alarm beeping ] Halt entry.

I was afraid this might happen.

Scotty, would you mind?

[ Alarm beeping ]

[ Alarm beeping ]

[ Knock knock ] Thanks, Scotty.

[ Alarm beeping ]

Scotty, good work.

Ah, ah, ah.

Kitty: And thus was born the nuclear-powered bus.

My father and I are indeed prod to award cyclops to coyote.

It is indeed fitting that coyote bus lines --

- pop! - Cyclops!

[ Sirens wailing ]

Reporter: Fire trucks are coming in and slowing down.

The fire trucks have stopped. The firemen are getting off the trucks.

They're taking down the hoses and dragging them towards the lab.

It looks as if they may put water on the lab.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they are definitely shooting water all over the lab!

Watch it, you guys!

[ Coughing ]

Hey! Let's get those rigs out of here!

Crank 'em up! Come on! Move 'em out!

Reporter: This is awful, ladies and gentlemen.

A tremendous explosion has ripped through the lab.

The emergency crews are doing a remarkable job

in putting out the flames,

but there's no telling how this will affect history's

first nonstop bus trip from New York to Denver.

Ladies and gentlemen, this mishap is just the latest

in a series of unfortunate events at project cyclops.

Still unexplained is the mysterious flood

which inundated the giant bus hangar three months ago.

Some suspect sabotage, others say foul play.

Are there really dark forces at work

who want to slam the brakes on this project?

It is this reporter's judgment

that we must leave those answers to you.

We should only ask the questions.

Good bomb, huh?

Another explosion. They're trying to keep

the people away from the nuclear power plant.

Scotty, where's dad?

They took him over there.

Reporter: Have you got a statement, miss Baxter?

Pop! Pop! Are you --

he can't hear you.

Oh, my god.

I can, too! I can hear her!

Pop.

I'm sorry. I thought he was resting.

We better get this man to a hospital.

He can't be moved. What do you mean?

The slightest movement can endanger his life.

Give it to me straight, doc.

Very well. Take a look at this.

The explosion blew it right across the room.

It's probably a St. Christopher's medal.

It's lodged dangerously close to the left ventricle.

We've got to get him to a hospital.

He can't be moved. What are we going to do?

Sign this. What is it?

It relieves me of all responsibility for any

medical judgments, observations, tests, or procedures.

But you're a doctor. Yes, and I intend to remain one.

Sign right here, please, and also right here.

Professor! Professor! Wait a minute!

It's all right, doctor.

This is our project director shorty Scotty

and his top assistant Jack.

Scotty, what did we do wrong? Where did we fail?

No, no, no, professor! It was no accident!

Somebody planted a bomb in there.

A bomb? A bomb?

Kitty: What are you talking about?

I don't know who, but I know who left the bathroom window open last night.

Why do you always blame me for everything?

Is the bus okay? Yes, the bus is okay,

but we have got a bigger problem.

We've got no driver, and we've got no co-driver.

Briggs' clutch foot is busted, and ed -- his shifting arm --

shot for good.

We'll just have to get ourselves new drivers.

Sure, but who's going to learn a rig like cyclops in two weeks?

It would take a genius.

I know one man who can handle it.

No, pop, not him. Not Dan torrance.

He's trouble, but he knows his way around a lug wrench.

What happened between the two of you, kitty,

is ancient history.

We're talking buses now, girl!

I'm sorry, pop. I can't do it.

Then I'm pulling the chain on myself.

- Hey! - No, no.

All right. All right, pop.

If you want Dan, I'll get you Dan.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, kitty.

Pop?

It's all right. He's just faking. Oh, thank god.

[ Talking stops ]

Well, I'll be dipped. That's torrance.

[ Hole punchers clicking ]

Man: Hey, move back. Give him room.

- Bartender: What'll you have? - Dan: Whiskey.

Man: Drink up and get out, torrance.

We don't want your kind around here.

Who's "we," Goldie?

Is that how you feel, whitey?

What about you, blackie?

Come on! Speak up!

I see you hiding back there, red.

What about you guys? Pinkie, greenie, brownie?

We were all rookies together.

Goldie: It's guys like you who give busing a bad name.

We all remember mount diablo. Man: Who could forget mount diablo?

Now, you know goddamned well there were never any charges brought against me.

When that bus crashed, and you were lost in the mountains,

we all know what really happened.

There's only one way that you could have stayed alive.

Yeah, well, I don't care what anybody says!

I did not eat 110 passengers.

Before the crash, you weighed 180!

When they found you picking your teeth,

you weighed 237! Explain that.

I ate the seats! I ate the luggage!

I boiled the floor mats just like they taught us.

How come there was no trace of passengers?

My co-driver ate them!

Bendix was eating people left and right!

I swear to god, there was no way I could stop him! I was delirious with fever.

You didn't want to stop him!

You yourself said you ate a foot!

Man: He ate it. He did eat a foot.

Look, bendix made a stew.

I had no idea there was a foot in it.

You eat one lousy foot, they call you a cannibal.

What a world.

I'll call you more than a cannibal.

I'll call you a double-clutching, Lane-changing road hog!

Give me a shot at him, baby.

Hey, let's even the odds a little, huh?

Dan: Wait a minute.

This bum is mine.

[ Shouting in Chinese ]

Hey! Hey!

What's your name, kid? "Shoulders" o'brien.

I hate to see a guy down when he's kicked.

Watch it! He's got a broken milk carton!

All right!

Which one of you wants to be first? Come on!

Get going, Dan!

Come on, you heard me! Get going!

Thanks, kid. I won't forget this.

Watch it! He's got a broken candle!

I don't like the looks of this.

You're still running a slight temperature.

You better keep your socks on.

[ Telephone rings ]

I'll get it.

Get the phone, Jack.

I said I'll get it.

Parking lot.

Yes, kitty. Go ahead.

What do you mean, you can't find Dan?

Well, check his hangouts. Check everything --

all those cheap hotels around the bus terminal he used to take you to.

Right. And kitty,

get a move on. We've only got five days.

We would have had the nuclear reactor in by now

if Jack hadn't lost the keys to the toolbox.

Maybe I better take a look at that reactor myself.

I told you, you can't be moved. I've got to run some more tests on you.

Now fill this up, or you get no dinner tonight.

Ironman. Ironman.

I've been with the representatives of the oil companies.

Again? Tell them they'll sell more oil than ever.

I'll destroy that nuclear bus the way I took care

of the electric car and the solar engine.

That's what they're worried about.

They don't want the public to become suspicious.

The public didn't get suspicious

when grandfather sank the Titanic.

I told them not to worry, ironman.

I said, after each disaster,

there are the usual investigations, but no proof as usual.

Pop, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.

They're trying to run me out of the business.

I can't get a job anywhere.

Ever since mount diablo, they all go around saying

I ate 110 people. Could you imagine that?

Did you ever see me eat anybody?

That's ridiculous. I didn't eat anybody.

One foot. One lousy foot. I swear to god. That's it.

Man: Morty's robbing me blind. I look at the books

for the first time since January, what do I find? Thousands of dollars

that I'm supposed to be responsible for.

I didn't know anything about it...

So, pop, I know I can get another job,

but I'm a bus driver, and a bus driver has to drive.

Hi, ed. Bet you thought I'd forgotten, but I didn't.

Happy birthday! You don't think I'd forget your birthday, do you?

[ People talking to headstones]

Weirdos.

Look, pop, don't worry about me. I'm going to take care of myself.

I'm not going to let them get to me.

I'll be back on top like I always was.

You'll be proud of me. You just wait and see. There's nobody--

- Dan. - Kitty.

- Dan. - Kitty.

I kind of thought I'd find you here.

You're looking great, kid.

So am I.

Me, too.

That goes for both of us.

I guess the rumors are true. You're really on the skids.

Are you kidding?

You see this? The deluxe arrangement.

What the hell are you talking about?

Always the big show, the big lies --

the only thing that's big about you.

Your heart sure isn't.

What happened in akron wasn't my fault.

Lefty got sick. I had to take that express run.

You mean you wanted to run.

You wanted to do anything but walk down that aisle with me.

You just couldn't give up your little carhop, could you?

Kitty, there was never anybody but you.

Look! I didn't come here to argue

or talk about the good old days.

I came here on business. You want to drive?

As long as I get my price.

I'm just in it for the bucks now, baby.

We pay top dollar -- 20 and 10.

I want 20 and 20.

Nobody gets 20 and --

Dan torrance does!

20 bucks a day, 20 cents a mile.

Okay, you got it. When do we get started?

Yesterday.

Good. That means I already made myself 20.

Doctor, I hate to be a bother,

but do you have a bigger umbrella? I could catch cold.

I don't care if you get pneumonia. I told you, you can't be moved.

Ahh!

Kitty: Nuclear reactor indicator.

Upper right-hand console, Amber light.

Right.

Nuclear reactor shut-off.

Overhead control box, red toggle switch. Right.

Nuclear... Cigarette lighter.

Above the nuclear windshield wipers.

No! There is no nuclear cigarette lighter.

Either you know this, or you don't.

What do you want from me? I've been up for four nights with this stuff.

You wanted 20 and 20. Start earning it. I'm taking a break.

[ Thunder rumbles ]

Dan. Shoulders!

Hey!

Oh!

Look up there. Look up there. Whoo! Got you.

Come here. Come here.

I want you to meet a swell dame.

This is the guy I've been telling you about.

Shoulders o'brien, kitty Baxter.

How do you do? Nice to meet you, miss Baxter.

So this is coyote, huh?

I can't thank you enough, Dan.

Kitty, I want this big lug to be my co-driver.

Not so fast, Dan.

We can't just take anybody on cyclops.

No offense, shoulders,

but ed Collins was our co-driver,

and he's a tough guy to replace.

don't you worry. Shoulders can fill his shoes.

I know, but can he fit into his uniform?

Can you wear a 42 long?

Well, I usua--

can you? Yes or no.

Answer the woman.

I usually take a 44.

I'm sorry, shoulders. Thanks for dropping by.

Dan, I tried.

All right, kitty. Either he gets into Collins' pants,

or I'm walking out of Briggs' shoes.

Take it or leave it.

All right. I'll risk it.

Welcome aboard, shoulders.

Look over there. Ooh.

Oh.

Doctor: Give me.

don't -- you -- please. It's my blanket.

Give it back.

We'll blame it all on mother nature!

We'll hit them with an electronic earthquake.

I'm sick of earthquakes. That's the wrong move.

But it'll stop 'em. We'll destroy the bus.

Anybody can destroy the bus.

Our job is to discredi it forever.

But --

no wonder father never had any faith in you.

He never gave me a chance, did he?

He gave you everything, didn't he?

You got the skates, you got that sled.

He even gave you the iron lung.

You got the iron lung, not me!

That's because I was the one who was sick.

Now go plant a bomb on cyclops.

[ Cheering and applause ]

Now, every one of you should be proud

because you're all part of a great team

that has helped to bring buses out of the dark ages of mass transportation.

Tonight, cyclops opens its mighty eye

to mark the dawn of a new day in bus travel.

Ladies and gentlemen... Cyclops!

All: Cyclops!

Scotty: Okay, let's kill the light lock it up for the night.

Hey, boys and girls, there's more champagne back there

for anybody who wants it, and nothing for those who don't.

You're still the same. Your dough's always rising, isn't it, Dan?

That's right.

So why don't you heat up the oven?

It's over for us, Dan.

The pilot light's out and the kitchen's closed.

Sure, it is.

Professor Baxter: Dan...Dan!

Dan!

Daddy.

Gosh, sir, I'm sorry. I didn't know --

oh, it's all right. Listen, you two.

It's been a lovely party, but I am kind of worried.

If some --

if someone could get in there once to plant a bomb, he could do it again.

Yeah, well, we'll be ready for him this time, professor.

When we finished up tonight, I didn't just lock up the lab.

I left the lights on.

You mean, they'll think someone's still working.

Right. Yes! It just might work.

Anybody working in here?

[ Theme from "2001: A space odyssey" plays ]

[ Marching band plays ]

Woman: The commuter run to Trenton

will be leaving in five minutes.

[ Marching band plays ]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Man: Can you at least give us --

oh, durnings, get the trunks.

No questions. Absolute secrecy.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Man: Can you hold it right there?

No questions. No. Just pictures. One picture.

Man: Wait. One over here, please.

That's nice.

Thank you. That's it. I can't do any more.

Uh.

Woman: Continental trailways departs for Tucson

in boarding area three.

This is the last call for...

But Joseph, dating isn't the answer, either.

I don't know what I want to do anymore,

but I know I want to do it.

We all want to do it,

but we must think of god.

Hmph!

Ah, here we are.

The commuter run to Trenton

will be leaving in five minutes.

[ Humming ]

Move.

Camille Levy, nonstop to Denver.

[ Dogs growling and barking ]

Oh! What on earth are those dogs doing?

That's my new fall line.

It's a new procedure, miss Levy.

Those dogs are trained to sniff out explosives,

marijuana, contraband, and contraceptives.

I like you.

Where can we go to be alone, young man?

What? Oh, you heard me.

Alone -- you and me. Together. La duet.

Oh. Uh --

comprendre? No?

Well, I-I'm on duty, and, uh...

Well, there's a janitor's closet

over by the men's room.

That's good enough. If it's not you, it'll be some other tacky twerp.

Would you believe I'm running away from home?

Lloyd thinks I'm still on the roof

fixing the TV antenna.

Ohh. Work, work, work.

50 years of cookin', cleanin', washin'.

You know what I say?

I say upchuck on all that!

[ Marching band plays ]

[ Coyote howls ]

Let me tell you something about passengers, kid.

You got to treat 'em like people.

They're like a bunch of kids, and they look to the driver as their father.

You do good by them, they'll do good by you.

Sybil here wants a seat in the rear,

and I want a window seat up front.

But, sir, you didn't make that reservation.

This is highly irregular.

So is he. Prunes, bran flakes -- nothing works.

Oh, we've tried everything.

Sybil. Sybil, stop it.

You want to talk about it, Claude?

Sure, if you want to talk about your father...

And his money -- and his dirty money.

No, Claude, no.

Do you know who her father is?

Edward collard...

Please, Claude.

The father of poisoned gas.

[ Crowd murmurs ] Sybil: All right. All right. All right!

So I'm the daughter of poisoned gas! Happy?

- Ha! Euphoric. - I hate you, Claude!

I hate you, Sybil.

Claude!

Oh, god! Sybil: Oh, god!

Come here.

Stewardess: Right this way, please. It's about time.

Right here in the corner.

Sybil: Oh, Claude! Oh, take me!

Stewardess: You're back on the right-hand side,

next to her.

Well, it's getting about that time, kid.

Yeah. Let's get ready.

Before we get started, Dan,

there's something I got to tell you.

Do you know why

they call me shoulders?

Sure. You got those big shoulders.

Ha ha.

No.

- I keep driving on the shoulders all the time. - What?

I got something wacky in my middle ear. I can't keep off the shoulders.

don't turn me in, Dan.

I got to get my confidence back.

If I can just drive down --

y-you're kidding, right, shoulders?

It's a joke, right?

Hey.

Hey!

What the hell's going on here?

Oh, it's okay.

Every once in a while I get these little blackout spells.

What?

Oh, don't worry. I hardly ever black out unless we're moving.

Kitty: Okay, Dan, let's get moving.

Son of a bitch.

[ Marching band plays "America the beautiful" ]

[ Bus engine fires up ]

[ Crowd cheers ]

[ Ticking ]

Excuse me, father, but are you a priest?

Who wants to know?

Well, I just wanted to tell you

the last time I was on a bus, I freaked out.

You being here makes me feel better.

Must have been god give me the seat next to you.

Think so?

If it was god, why didn't he give you

a fancy window seat like mine, huh?

I mean, it's strange that I, kudos -- a doubter --

luxuriate in a window seat while you, aging with age,

get older yet in that disgrace of an aisle seat.

[ Snorting ] Ha ha ha.

Where is your god now, old woman? [ Chuckling ]

Jeez, I'm sorry I asked.

[ Groaning ] Huh?

Have a nice nap?

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

My name is kitty Baxter, and I'm the designer of the bus.

Thank you. Thank you.

As you know, cyclops is a nuclear-powered bus.

Although there is practically no chance of a radiation leak,

we have taken every precaution for your safety.

Mary Jane Beth sue will demonstrate.

If there should be a radiation leak -- god forbid --

a protective device will automatically drop

from the compartment immediately above your head.

[ Passengers gasp ]

The procedure is really quite simple.

First you will put on the radiation underwear,

which you will find rolled up in the right leg of the suit.

Then you will unzip the suit, unsnap the rear quarter panels,

hook up the radiation boots,

and attach the life-support system,

which you will find in the left leg of the suit.

Once inside, you will snap up the mask,

buckle up the gloves, zip up the suit, snap up the rear quarter panels --

presto change-o!

[ Uneasy murmuring ]

Are there any questions?

Is somebody going to help us?

How are we going to know if we got the suit on right?

Kitty: Ah.

If you have not secured yourself properly,

simply look for these telltale signs --

profuse bleeding of the gums, clumps of hair falling out,

and intermittent blindness.

Wouldn't have stopped my father's gas.

Nothing can stop your father's gas.

Very cute, Claude.

Hi, folks. I'm Tommy Joyce, and I'll play your choice --

a slow tune, a show tune, a love song, a sad song --

but never a wrong song because I'm Tommy Joyce!

Hey! Welcome to the oriental lounge.

What'll it be, sir?

What difference does it make?

I've only got six months to live.

Hey! * six months to live

* that's all they'll give him six months to live *

* not much time to live

* and he may see summer, but he won't see fall *

* so forget about Christmas *

thank you!

I'll be dead in six months,

but before I die, I'm going to see

the seven wonders of the world.

I'm starting with the rockies.

The rockies aren't one of the seven wonders.

They're not? No, sir.

There are no winners in a game of losers.

Yes, sir?

Do it again. Yes, sir.

Why did they throw me out?

Why did those veterinarians disbar me?

Why did they take away my dog and cat hospital?

Why? Because...

Because I was ahead of my time, that's why.

I was the only one who had the courage

to put an I.U.D. In a rabbit.

Hey! * doggie doctor, that's his beat, yeah *

* four-legged friends he likes to treat *

* and the finches and squirrels think he's all reet *

* doggie doctor, yeah *

it wasn't my fault.

I'm sure it wasn't, sir. Bowwow!

* 52 bottles of beer one the wall 52 bottles of beer *

* if one of those bottles should happen to fall *

* 51 bottles of beer on the wall *

hold it. We better check in.

Cyclops control, this is cyclops one.

Come in.

Scotty: Hear you loud and clear, Dan.

Give us a reading.

Dan: We're traveling at a speed of 52 miles per hour.

Our elevation is... Ground level.

Did you get that down?

I couldn't. You told me to --

I can't tell you everything, Jack.

You're supposed to be a top assistant. Take it easy, will ya?

You're right on schedule, cyclops.

Commence your test of the automatic tire-changer.

Dan: Roger.

Jettison number four.

Number four jettisoned.

Replace number four.

Replacing number four.

[ Piano plays ]

Tommy Joyce: Welcome to the oriental lounge.

Hey!

I know what bitterness is.

I shake hands with bitterness every morning. Oh, yeah?

I haven't even lived yet. Now I'm going to die. Ha ha ha ha.

You call that bitterness?

You don't know what bitterness is.

They disbarred me for life.

But they didn't disbar you from life. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Go ahead, talk bitterness with me now.

I'm through talking bitterness!

I want to talk hate.

Who do you hate?

I hate this piano player.

Thank you!

Test automatic washing mechanism. Oh, yeah.

Test automatic washing mechanism.

Dan: Roger.

Activate awm.

Roger -- activate awm.

Kitty: We believe that the cyclops

has truly broken the recreational barrier.

Watch your feet.

Right this way, folks.

Man: Okay now, everybody. Having fun, but -- watch it. Easy does it. Safety first.

Remember the recreational rules now -- rules of the pool. Hey, watch it, bub.

Hey, you over there, watch your hands!

Get your hands off that girl. Come on, everybody. [ Whistle blows ]

Better test the aerodynamics.

Cyclops, control to cyclops.

Can you test the aerodynamics?

Dan: Roger.

I'm going to take this baby up to 90.

55...

65...

[ Beeping ]

Back to 55. Scotty: What's wrong, Dan?

- Cop behind us. - No tickets! No tickets! Abort!

Dan torrance aborts for no man!

70...

75...

Dan: 75 and accelerating.

Topping off at 80! Heavy wind resistance!

Take her down, Dan! Take her down.

Negative! There's only one way to find out what this baby can do!

don't be a fool! This is an order! Take her down!

Negative! Here we go!

88...

89...

90! [ Loud boom, silence ]

No wind resistance! We did it! We're breaking wind at 90!

The aerodynamics work! He's breaking wind at 90!

[ Cheering ]

We're going to make it, boys and girls!

We're ahead of schedule!

Alex, at what time is the bomb set to go off?

At precisely the time you'll be having your supper.

I've already had my supper.

Did I miss supper again? Damn it.

So I hear you two are on your honeymoon.

A honeymoon? With her a honeymoon?

Oh, I am sorry. I've said the wrong thing.

I thought you both were married.

We are... Until midnight tonight,

when our divorce becomes final.

Dan: On behalf of coyote bus lines,

I'd like to welcome you all

to our beautiful bicentennial dining room.

I'd like to make a toast to our handsome captain

to thank him for inviting us to his table.

To our captain...

May he get what he deserves.

To our captain.

Thank you.

Sybil: Same to you, darling.

Man: Cheers. Thank you.

[ Clink ]

Mrs. Levy.

Cheers.

[ Clink ]

[ Clink ]

[ Clink ]

[ Clink ]

[ Clink ] [ Clink ]

Kitty: Father kudos, would you say a benediction?

Uh...

Well, I suppose you want something about god.

Hold it, padre. Hold it.

I have a little toast I'd like to make

to my ex-husband-to-be.

Little Claude rides a bus.

How he loves to make a fuss.

What secrets does he keep from us?

I'm warning you, Sybil.

Little Claude wears a truss.

I love you, Claude.

I love you, Sybil.

Kitty: Oh! Um, uh... Come on! Come on!

A bucket of cold water works every time.

Come on. Knock it off, you two, huh?

Come on. Get back to your seats. This is a formal dinner.

All right. You settled down?

You got that out of your system?

Okay, what do you say we eat now, huh?

Vito! Bring in the bicentennial pig.

Ooh.

I put braces on a pig once. He had a terrible overbite.

You should see his teeth now. What a handsome pig.

I'll bet you didn't order a pig at mount diablo. Oh, dear.

Here we go again. You were a pig at mount diablo.

Here we go again.

He ate my father!

He ate your what?

You ate her father? Did you eat her father?

I did not eat her father.

Your great captain here has gorged himself on 110 people.

That's a lie! He only ate a foot. Aha!

One foot. I swear to god!

And here's the shoe that fits that foot!

Gee, I haven't seen a wingtip in years.

You call this evidence?

This could be anybody's shoe.

Wait a minute! I remember mount diablo.

Yeah, Dan torrance.

I was cleared of that charge.

I ate the seats, I ate the luggage,

I ate one foot, and I ate the floor mats.

You're not going to smack your lips on us!

A gun!

No, miss Levy, please. Dan's a good man.

He's never eaten a whole person in his life.

If you pull that trigger, you're going to have to shoot me first.

If you're going to shoot him and you're going to shoot her,

you'll have to shoot me. I've only got six months to live.

If that's the way you want it, I got plenty of bullets.

Of course, if they find a cure for me...

Father, do you mind getting it first?

Actually, I had thought my services might be required...

Look, excuse me, huh? Excuse me a second.

All right, now I'm the captain of this bus,

and I'm the guy you got the quarrel with,

so if you shoot anybody, shoot me.

Let me tell you something, sister.

You don't have the guts to do it

'cause I can look in your eyes

and tell you, you just can't kill another human being.

Sybil: Yes, she can. She doesn't want to.

Ahh! Ahh!

[ Brakes screech ]

[ Gunshot ]

Man: What was that?

Man: What happened?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Aah! Claude!

What'd you shoot him for? He wasn't even in line!

Claude! My Claude!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Captain torrance to the cockpit.

Father kudos: What's the matter?

Man: Captain, is there anything wrong? Captain?

[ Tires screech ]

Whoa!

You're on the shoulder, shoulders.

It's not my fault, Dan. We cracked a rim on rear tire six.

Then blow it. Put an alternate on six.

I can't. The automatic tire-changer's jammed.

Kitty: He's right. It is jammed.

Six is going down fast. I better go check it out.

You don't know your way around back there. I'd better do it.

It's too dangerous. That's no place for a woman.

I'm the designer, and I'm going to do it.

You are not! You are not! I am, too! I am too!

I'm going to have to do this for your own good.

And I'm going to have to do this for yours.

Ow! Oh, god, I'm dying!

Dan, what's the matter?

Looks like he got kicked in the nuts.

Shoulders? Shoulders, can you hear me?

Dan, it's me -- kitty. You get back here --

listen to me, kitty.

We got trouble.

- There's a bomb down here. - What?

Get the crew to their quarters. I want to talk to them alone.

What are you going to do? Get moving, kitty!

Right.

Should I stop the bus, Dan?

Negative! I don't want to alarm the passengers.

They paid for nonstop, and they're going to get it.

I'm sorry, Dan. I never thought of it that way.

Just patch me into the crew, huh?

Can you hear me, crew? I don't want to alarm the passengers,

but there's a bomb on this bus.

[ Screaming ]

[ Passengers screaming ]

My goof.

Man: This is just a silly prank.

A bomb, frank! A bomb!

Stop the bus.

Will you tell them to stop the bus?

That's the sensible thing to do.

It's not sensible just to go on down the highway.

Scotty, wake up. We got a bomb on cyclops.

What? There's a bomb on the bus.

Are you sure? That's what they said.

Who said? How do I know? I'm not there.

Jack, verify your information

before you go and wake me up!

Why do you pick on everything I say, everything I do?

I tell you something, I hate that stupid bus.

I hate you! I quit!

What? I quit.

I quit!

Scotty -- Jack quit.

There's a bomb on cyclops. That can wait.

Jack's the first top assistant I ever had. I'm not going to lose him.

Jack, can't you take a joke?

Okay now. Easy does it.

Kitty, listen up. I've opened the bomb.

I've got to figure some way to get it out of here.

Kitty: Wait, wait. don't touch it.

I think I've found what kind of bomb it is.

Has it got a dial at the bottom with a red number on it?

That's right.

Yeah, according to Jane's book of bombs,

it's probably a petard diabolique 342.

It shouldn't be too much trouble.

Right.

Here's how it works.

It's got a single-hand timing mechanism.

Four wires at the top. Right.

One of these wires leads to the trigger,

one leads to the triggering mechanism,

one leads to the trigger guard,

and one leads to all three.

There are also three fake triggers

and four fake trigger guards.

One trigger looks like a detonator,

one looks like a trigger guard,

and one trigger looks like a trigger.

Right.

Now about the detonators.

You've got eight detonators, but don't let them fool you.

They're all fake.

This bomb is no fake. I've got to do something fast.

I'm going to cut the yellow wire.

No, Dan, don't.

It could be the blue one. You cut the wrong one, and you blow it.

I'm cutting yellow.

[ Cuts wire ]

[ Ticking stops ]

Kitty, kitty, I did it.

I disarmed the bomb.

Everything's okay.

I'm coming back up.

Everything's going to be just fine.

You have something to calm us down?

Maybe some cake. Would you like some cake?

Cake? Cake gives you pimples.

Everything's going to be fine.

Dr. kurtz.

[ Hiccup ] So if I pray for you,

I've got to pray for everybody. I don't want to get into that stuff. [ Hiccup ]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I spoke to Scotty, and you were right about cutting the yellow wire.

What is it? Are you all right?

Ohh. What is it?

Oh, what is it?

I cut the blue one. Oh, well, that's --

aah! Aah! Ohh!

Oh!

Get the wheel, Dan!

Oh.

I've worked some tough rooms in my day, folks,

but this is ridiculous.

Dr. kurtz, Dr. kurtz.

I'm Dr. kurtz. Yes?

My husband -- my ex -- Claude's been hurt.

But I'm a veterinarian. I only work on animals.

Perfect. Perfect. Come this way.

A bird maybe, a reptile --

but I don't know if I could do...

I have faith in you, doctor. A human being.

Hold my bag. Is this --

easy, boy. Hold still now, boy. Take it easy. Easy.

Easy. Boy, oh -- I think his paw's broken.

Easy, boy. Easy.

Here, I need my bag. Just hold onto this.

Everything will be all right. Woof, woof, woof. Woof.

Cyclops control, this is cyclops one!

Emergency! Mother's day! Mother's day!

Hello, handsome. Oh, excuse me!

Oh, don't leave, bush. Join the party.

What are you doing? How can you take a bath at a time like this?

Why not? I've seen it all, I've done it all.

What difference does it make?

And I thought I didn't care.

But I do care. I live for the here, the now,

not the then, the was, the should, the would.

- If only I could. - You can.

No, but you don't understand. I never --

I've only got six months to live.

Well, stop wasting time. Hop in, bush.

Oh. Ha ha ha. Thank you, but I-I --

I could.

Yeah. Yeah, why not?

I can.

I want to live! I want to love!

I want to sing! I want to dance!

No more worries! No more responsibilities!

Oh, I don't care anymore!

Look! Look at me! I'm free!

I'm free!

How do you feel? You feeling all right?

Thanks, doctor. I feel a lot better.

Oh, that's good.

Your nose is cold.

That's a good sign when the no--

when --

I-I did it. I fixed --

what do those mds know?

I mean, take away the fur, the tail, the funny ears --

people -- they're just like cats and dogs.

I can do that kind of --

I -- I'm Dr. kurtz.

Scotty: That's an order. You will pull in at Springfield for repairs.

Negative! We can make repairs en route.

You will stop at Springfield for repairs. That's an order.

Scotty. Scotty, I talked to Baxter.

He agrees about Springfield.

What about Jack's raise? Jack's raise can wait.

That's it.

All right, now. Oh, oh, come on, Jack.

Now -- oh, hey. Hey, Jack.

Now hold it. Now, Jack -- now listen.

Now, Jack. Now, y-you got to wait a minute.

Jack --

oh. Oh, Jack, come back.

She's not slowing down.

I can't slow her down.

The brakes are shot.

Kill the ignition, shoulders.

Roger.

Come on, kill it.

Nothing's happening. I'll have to move it --

ugh...

Oh, god!

Kitty, you'd better take the wheel.

I've got to slow her down.

But I haven't got my license on me. Take the wheel!

Man: Cyclops one, do you read me?

Do you read me? This is Springfield.

We are foaming up. Repeat. We are foaming up.

Emergency vehicles are now in position. Over and over.

I can hardly hold it. I didn't know it would be like this.

Everybody thinks it's a snap driving a bus. It's no snap.

The emergency isn't working. You'd better talk to the passengers.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is kitty Baxter.

Please take your seats and extinguish all cigarettes.

We are in a normal driving pattern

and are about to park in Springfield.

Yay! Yeah! Yes!

On behalf of your captain and crew,

coyote hopes you enjoy your first stop

in our nonstop trip between New York and Denver.

Man: Cyclops one, do you read me?

This is Springfield.

We are all foamed up.

We are all foamed up. Reduce your speed.

Repeat. Reduce your speed.

We're going through a light. We got to stop.

Man: Cyclops one, maintain your attitude and approach.

Stay on runway.

Cyclops one, do you read me?

Reduce your speed. Reduce your speed.

Man: Cyclops one, why did you do that?

Repeat. Why did you do that?

Scotty, I can't stop her! She won't go below 40.

I'd better go check out the fulcrums.

Wake him up, kitty. Right.

[ Passengers arguing ]

Come on! Come on, everybody.

You're going to kill us. We're taking over the bus.

So you want to take it over, huh? That's right.

We want to have control!

Who's going to drive this thing?

Uh... Huh? Come on, speak up.

Who thinks they can handle this?

Be a man. Raise your hand, you little lizard.

He can do it. The lizard will drive.

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, he can, huh? Well, let's just see if he can.

You want to turn left. When do you signal --

50 feet, 100 feet, 600 feet?

You come to an intersection.

There's an ambulance, a police car, a fire engine.

Who has the right of way?

[ Stuttering ]

Hospital zone, school zone -- what's your speed limit?

All right, here's an easy one.

You come to railroad tracks.

What do you do?

Open your doors. Open your doors!

When? Before, during, or after?

[ Stuttering ]

You don't know, do you?

Well, that's sad, pal,

'cause you just killed everybody.

[ Passengers groan ]

You're so weak. You make me want to puke.

Get back to your seats. You got nothing to worry about.

Shoulders: Captain torrance to the cockpit. Emergency! Red alert! Double red alert!

Those are just code words, only code words. We use them all the time.

There's nothing to worry about.

All right, now what?

Huh? What do you mean?

You called me. "Red alert."

Oh, yeah. Hey, Dan, we're picking up speed.

Listen to me, Scotty. We're picking up speed.

You'd better figure a way to slow us down.

Lay off, Dan.

I'm kind of down in the dumps as it is.

Wait a minute. Is there something you're not telling us?

Yeah, Jack quit for good this time.

He just walked out, didn't leave a note, nothing.

But who cares about Jack?

Jack again?

Yeah, walked out. No note, nothing.

Oh, my god.

Come on, get it moving, Scotty. We need help!

[ Watch chimes midnight ]

Well... [ Zipper zips ]

I'm all packed.

You're a free woman, Sybil.

Funny, you seem different to me now.

That is funny.

You know what's funnier?

Now that we're single,

I could kind of go for a guy like you.

I'll tell you something even funnier.

I could go for someone like you.

You're right. That is funnier than mine.

Well, maybe we can have a drink sometime.

I think I'll be free.

Where will you be staying?

Around.

I'll be in touch.

Claude.

Sybil.

Take care of yourself.

You, too.

We've had a request, folks.

* tangerine

* hey

* she is all they claim

* yeah

* with her eyes of night

* and her lips as bright as flames *

* and lovesick he's

* that's my tangerine

Scotty: Okay, Dan, here's the data.

The professor says you will hook up your fulcrum to your emulator button.

Bypass the inundator, and that should slow you down.

Do you copy?

Dan: Roger.

Keep your fingers crossed, Scotty.

Okay, shoulders, bypass the inundator.

Roger. Bypassing. [ Clicks buttons ]

[ Beep beep beep ]

Kitty: Everybody, be calm. Calm yourself.

Doctor, please. Please, that's her life-support system.

Please, please.

Quickly now. Quickly, everyone.

Seconds count.

* tangerine hey *

* when she dances by

nice going, Turkey. You shorted out the whole alarm system --

heating system, air conditioning, everything.

You said it would work, professor.

You promised it would work.

You can't blame me. I'm a sick man, a very sick man.

Doctor, take me back to the parking lot.

Ironman, ironman. Ironman.

Shh! She's sleeping.

Cyclops is proceeding on schedule.

I told you the bomb wouldn't work.

Now our only alternative is to use the electronic earthquake.

No. Let me prepare an earthquake.

You're not ready for an earthquake.

I'm not leaving here until you let me do an earthquake, and I mean it.

Do your lousy earthquake. Now get out of here and leave us.

Thank you, ironman. Thank you.

Ohh... Hello, my sweet.

Well, so far, so good, Scotty.

We've been holding her steady at 45 since dawn.

Over and out.

I don't know if we're going to make it, Dan.

We're coming up awful fast on harbinger curve.

Harbinger curve? Are you sure?

It's right there in green and light green.

At last, Dan torrance meets harbinger curve.

That's where my old man bought it.

Okay, kid,

get ready for the ride of your life.

Grab the brake.

Roger! Grabbing brake.

Okay, harbinger curve, here I come.

All right, slow her down. Slow her down, kid.

[ Mixed conversation ]

Man: I think something's wrong with the brakes.

Brake's not holding, Dan.

If only we had more drag.

We've got to try something fast.

Raise the flags of all nations.

Roger. Raising flags of all nations.

It's helping a little. We're going to make it. We're going to make it.

Dan, we'll never make harbinger curve!

You'd better tell the passengers to get into crash position.

Negative! They'll only panic again.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

I've never seen such a bunch of crybabies.

Papa, why are you taking this road today?

I just felt like it. Who knows where fate will take us.

Harbinger curve isn't going to buy me. No, sir.

What the hell are you wearing white socks with your uniform ? It's all I got.

I got an extra pair in my footlocker. I'll let you have 'em later.

My, my. What's say?

My, my.

[ Tires screech ]

Woman: Slow down! Ah!

Aah! Ah! Ah!

Something hit us! What was it?

Looks to me like a '53 Chevy pickup.

Hi. Welcome aboard to the big bus.

On behalf of our captain and our co-captain

Dan torrance and shoulders o'brien, welcome to the oriental lounge.

[ Tires screech ]

I'm going to have to throw it into reverse. Hang on!

You all right, kid? Yeah, yeah.

That was some ride, huh? Hey, hey.

Whoo-hoo-hoo. Whoa!

[ Passengers screaming and shouting ]

What the hell -- back it up!

Bless me, father, for I have sinned.

It's been 26 years since my last confession.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep.

God bless mommy, god bless daddy --

cool it. Cool it. Knock if off!

Take a little break, ladies and gentlemen.

Take a little break, a little cause for the pause,

and I think we've got cause to pause here on the big bus.

Here's what we have to do. We've got to shift some of the weight

from the front of the bus into the back of the bus. Okay, I'll go.

Not you! Not you.

There's 1,500 gallons of soft drinks behind us.

We can pump it back into the kitchen.

But, Dan, that will rupture the dispensers back there. No problem. We'll air-lock.

This is your captain speaking.

Is there anyone in the kitchen?

I repeat, is there anyone in the kitchen?

That's it. Air-lock.

Roger. Air-locking.

Get up there now.

- Air-locked. - All right. Commence pumping.

Nesbitt's orange. Nesbitt's orange.

Root beer.

Fresca? Fresca.

Coca-Cola. Roger. Coca-Cola.

Mmm.

Oh.

don't worry. It's working. It's working.

Mary Jane Beth sue. Yes?

We're going to freeze to death if you don't turn off the air conditioning.

I'm awfully sorry, but the whole electrical system's gone haywire.

I'd better talk to the passengers.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

This is your captain speaking.

[ Yelling and booing ]

There will be a slight delay on our trip to Denver.

And we're now stopped at an altitude of 6,200 feet in the front,

and 6,208 feet in the rear. Thank you for riding coyote.

It's mount diablo again. He's going to eat us.

Dan! Dan!

Help! Kitty! Where are you?

I'm in the kitchen. Hurry up, or I'll drown!

- Hang on, kitty! - To what?

You'd better do something fast.

If I open the air-lock, I flood the bus. If I don't, kitty drowns.

You've got to make a decision. All these decisions.

How many decisions have I made today?

Twelve. So this is number 13, huh?

All right, I'm making a decision. I'm getting kitty.

"Getting kitty." But Dan, the bus -- there are 180 people.

Kitty's my girl!

What about Mary Jane Beth sue? She's a nice girl.

You said yourself that she -- knock if off!

I'm a one-girl guy.

All right, shoulders. Take my seat.

But, Dan, I ain't a captain.

I'm giving you a roadside commission, kid.

Hey, thanks.

I'm coming, kitty. I'm coming. What the --

howdy, captain. I'd like to have you meet my son Dennis

and my wife Emma may.

Hey, what do you say. Captain.

Get out of my way. Captain, you've got to marry us.

What? I've got no time for that. Marry us.

Please, please, please! We decided we can't live without each other.

We never should have gotten that divorce!

How long are you divorced? Give it a chance. Six hours.

If we're going to die, we're going to die married.

Please. Captain, please. Oh, captain, my captain, please.

Look, you two want to get married? Yes.

Do you take this woman to be your lawful-wedded wife?

Do you take this man to be your lawful-wedded husband?

You're married. Tommy, hit it. Bartender, one round of drinks. That's it.

[ Wedding music plays ] Kitty, I'm coming!

I'm coming, kitty. Hang on.

Shoulders! Shoulders!

Shoulders!

Blah. Blah. Yuck.

Oh, my goof.

Oh! Dan!

Dan, my foot's caught!

Dan!

I'm coming, kitty.

Forgive me, kitty.

Forgive me for leaving you at the church.

Forgive me for cheating on you with that carhop,

with that switchboard operator,

with that drum majorette.

I lied about them all, kitty --

your best friend Toby, your cousin Brenda,

your cousin Charlotte,

your good-looking aunt -- what's her name?

Kitty: Dan, turn off your intercom. You're killing me.

Oh, aunt Florence -- I'll kill her.

Ah, if it's not one thing, it's another.

Hang on, kitty. I'm coming.

I'm coming, kitty. Hang in there.

My foot's caught.

don't worry, kitty. I'll get your foot loose.

That shouldn't be a problem for you. Why don't you just eat it?

Oh, thank you, miss Levy. If it weren't for you, we'd all freeze.

That's right, darling -- oh, no! No, no, no!

No, no! No photographs!

Absolute secrecy. I'm not about to have anyone steal my fall collection.

Let's see. Oh, that's sweet on you. That's lovely.

Yes, I like the yellow. Yes, that's nice.

Um, lose the apples, please. Oh, that hat.

Here you are, sailor. Red on red.

I'm dressing a bunch of cattle. How's this, Camille?

Oh, no, darling, that's not you at all. Let's try this plum coat.

You're really going to wear her clothes?

Why not? Last night she wore mine.

Try it sometime. Open your mind, father.

You just got to learn how to live.

You did the right thing. Never liked the idea of single people balling.

It's nice. Ha ha ha.

Satin. Sat-- bishop sheen. Uh, red, but, uh...

I can't see a thing down there.

It's no use. I can't get my foot loose.

Go on. Save the bus. Forget about me.

Nothing doing!

Kitty, I want you to know something.

I want you to know that every woman I kissed,

every woman I held, every woman I caressed... Oh, Dan.

Every time I went to the ajax motel,

I was always thinking of you.

don't say it if it isn't true. That's why I chased them all, kitty,

why I bedded them all -- it was to think of you.

But why didn't you bed me to think of me?

I don't know,

but the important thing is, for the rest of my life,

I only want to bed you and think of them.

You're a strange one, Dan torrance.

You're a strong woman, kitty Baxter.

I'm not leaving you this time, baby. I couldn't live without you.

You're not lying again, are you? Of course not.

Good. I just wanted to be sure. What do you mean?

I'm lying. My foot's been free for 10 minutes. Let's go.

- Jack? - Got a cup of coffee for your old top assistant?

don't panic. don't panic!

No, no, no, no. don't be a chicken now. don't panic.

No, no, no! You'll tear your gown!

Back, back! No, woman, back! Back in your seat!

This is no time for panic, for madness. We must have faith!

You're a fine one to talk about faith!

Uh...Did I say something about faith?

You said we must have faith.

I said that?

All: Yeah! You said that!

I can't believe it. I've regained my faith.

It's a goddamn miracle.

What difference does it make? We're still going to die!

No! No!

No!

Come...Let us sing.

"Onward, Christian soldiers"?

I'll pick the songs here.

Let us raise our voices in these dark hours.

* I hear singing, and there's no one there *

* I smell blossoms and no trees are there *

* all day long I...

[ Bus creaking ]

[ Shouting ]

Okay! All right! Now listen up and knock it off!

If we're going to pull out of this thing, we're all going to have to work together.

Do you understand? Now I want to save your lives, but I need help here.

All right, is there an automotive mechanic in here?

I used to repair clocks. Good! Go up to the pickup truck, get the motor started.

I love you, Claude. Okay, now listen up!

Is there somebody in here who can tie strong knots?

I used to work for the post office. That'll do!

I can sing and dance. Terrific. Dance into the chapel and get the candelabra.

And uh-1, and uh-2...

What are we going to do, captain?

Now I want all the women to take off their underwear.

[ Outraged shouts ]

It's not what you think. I want the men to take off their belts.

Hot damn! It I what I think.

Come on, good-lookin', get your belt off!

Father, I got a job for you. I want you to make sure

that all the women take off their pantyhose, too.

It's in your hands.

Oh, daddy, I just love show business!

Dan: Okay, come on. Give me your hand.

Kitty: Give me your left. No, your right.

Dan: Come on. You got it. You got it.

I got it.

Wait till you see this idea. Hey, get off the rope.

I'm off the rope!

Okay, now you hold the end.

Okay. I'll hold the end.

Thatagirl. The rope's tight?

The rope's tight.

The underwear's tight. The underwear is tight.

Okay, now here we go. Watch this move.

Oh, my god!

I love this idea.

Here we go!

Yo!

Dan, I think you missed.

What's he doing? I don't know, but he missed.

- Hey, Dan, you missed. - He missed.

I know I missed! Does somebody else want to try?

You think this is easy?

I'm hanging out over a cliff! Do you understand?

Give me that! Oh!

- People panic so easily. - Maybe he'll try it again.

He'll try it again!

You got the end? I got the end.

Here we go. Nice and easy.

Okay, if there's a god in heaven, please...

Help me!

I did it! What an idea!

I still don't know what the hell he's doing.

Listen up, everybody!

I'm going over the side.

Dan...

One kiss before you go.

You got it.

Look where he's touching her!

Whoa!

Dan, are you all right?

Come back!

That was on purpose! That wasn't an accident!

Now, I know it looked like I fell,

but it was all part of my plan.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Good, good.

Now there is one spot left here on the window.

Alex: Ironman, I'm at earthquake central!

I know, I know.

Turn down your volume!

Oh. Sorry.

Let me have the rope, kid!

Have you got it?

Now tell the farmer!

Right.

Farmer!

Hey!

Put her in gear and let the clutch out slowly.

Okay.

Okay, that's it. That's it.

It's working!

Let go of the rope!

Nice and easy.

That's it. That's it.

I'm going to hit them with a 6.3 on the Richter scale.

Ironman: Make it an 8.3.

As you wish. 8.3.

[ Choking sounds ]

We're too heavy! We're going to snap the rope!

Shoulders, release forward baggage!

Quick, shoulders, gun it! Gun it!

Roger! Gunnin' it!

Kitty: Oh!

The grids and the coordinates are locked.

Cyclops is half a mile from the epicenter.

Fine, fine. Destroy it.

Come on, shoulders! You can do it! Give it all you got!

[ Chandelier jingling ]

[ Rumbling ]

Alex, Alex! The coordinates!

Change the coordinates! Huh?

Oh, no!

Ironman --

the coordinates! Change them, Alex! Change them!

I knew he wasn't ready to do an earthquake.

Come on, baby, shoulders! You're doing it!

He's doing it, kitty!

We did it! We did it!

We did it! Kitty, we did it!