Original subtitles

But why do they still call Batman using the Bat-Signal?

Wouldn't it just be, like, easier to text him?

The Bat-Signal isn't just to alert Batman,

it's also to strike fear in the hearts of his enemies

and let them know he's coming.

Sort of like Sheldon's knock. (CHUCKLES)

Comparing me to Batman? I'll take it.

If we don't do anything how long do you think they'll talk about Batman?

Well, I've known them for 11 years, so 11 years.

I believe they do text him.

The Bat-Signal is linked to his phone via Bluetooth.

Has that been in the comics?

No, it's just what I believe.

All right, I'm putting a stop to this.

If you knew how, why'd you wait eleven years?

Hey, guys, guess what?

Today at work I found out I'm going to meet Bill Gates.

(ALL GASPING)

Sorry, Leonard, you and Penny had a good run.

I'm not leaving him for Bill Gates.

Are you sure? I bet his internet's really fast

How did this happen?

Well, his foundation is looking to partner with a pharmaceutical company

to help develop affordable vaccines, so they asked me to show him around.

That's great, when's he coming?

He gets in on Sunday, and Monday morning

I'm gonna give him a tour of the labs and offices.

Oh.

He gets in on Sunday, April 1st.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Nice try, Penny.

What are you talking about?

April Fools' Day.

This is another one of your classic pranks you try to pull on me every year.

Literally never pulled a prank on you.

Oh, really? What about last year, when you sent me that email

with the photo attached but you didn't attach a photo?

That was a mistake.

Messing with me, yes, it was.

And this year, I'm not falling for it.

- Sheldon, I swear-- -(EXCLAIMS) What are you doing?

Oh, you're right. He's not coming. April Fools.

You know what they say, fool me N times,

where N equals the amount of times you've already fooled me, shame on you.

Fool me N plus one times, shame on me.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

So you're gonna spend a day with Bill Gates, I'm a little jealous.

I'm a little nervous.

You know if I do a good job,

I'm hoping they'll consider me for a PR position that's opening up.

Well, if you're nervous... (STUTTERS) I know a lot about him,

I can fill you in or maybe come along, whatever.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I think I'll be okay.

Well, I'm just saying, what are you gonna do when he wants to talk about

high-level language interpreters for microcomputers?

What are high-level language interpreters for micro-computers?

A way of programming computers

using words and commands instead of binary code.

Oh, that's actually kind of interesting, tell me more.

- Oh, well-- - That, I'll do that.

I didn't even see it coming.

Yeah, well, you never do.

(STUTTERS) Look, it's just, he's an idol of mine

and I would love the chance to hang out with him.

Look, I know you want to meet him but I can't turn this into a social thing,

okay, this is my job, I really need it to go well.

I get it, I get it, you're right.

Actually, I've already met him once before.

He gave a talk at Princeton and my mom took me.

Oh, really? Was he nice?

He was super nice.

I got pretty emotional and started crying

and he didn't make fun of me or anything.

Well, you were a kid.

Uh-huh.

Bye, my babies, I love you.

(MIMICKING CHILDREN) We love you too, Mommy.

Yeah, don't do that.

AMY: Bernadette?

Hi. Where are you off to?

El parque.

"El Parque?"

Learning Spanish so I can talk to the other nannies.

(CHUCKLES)

How's that going?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(IN ENGLISH) Good?

Oh.

(STUTTERS)

No bueno.

- Thanks for coming over. - No problem.

Can I get you anything? Juice box? 'Naners?

'Naners?

(GRUNTS) Sorry. Mom brain.

I think I forgot how to talk to grown-ups.

I meant ba-naners.

- You know what, I'm good. - Okay.

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV) - So what are we watching?

Bob the Builder. I'll catch you up.

That one's Bob.

He's a builder.

Isn't this a kid's show?

It's what we watch in this house.

Bob the Builder, Dinosaur Train and Peppa Pig,

which is both funny and meaningful.

You wanna take a break and maybe get something to eat?

Sure.

Why does it not feel like we're going?

Hang on, ljust want to see if Bob can fix it.

(CHUCKLES) Yes, he can.

Oh, hey.

I folded your laundry for you. You're welcome.

Uh, that's not mine.

You're saying that these aren't yours?

No.

So you're saying that I'm touching a stranger's underpants?

Yes.

And just like that it's the worst day of my life.

- Hey, why are you being so weird? -(SIGHS)

It occurred to me that perhaps you were telling the truth about Bill Gates

and it wasn't just part of an elaborate prank.

What would the prank part even be?

I show up to meet Bill Gates over your "objections"

but it's not Bill Gates at all,

no, it's one of those look-a-likes that you hire for a party

and then when I go around showing everybody the balloon animal

that Bill Gates made for me, I look like an idiot.

Have you been eating laundry detergent?

I just need you to tell me the truth. This is driving me crazy.

Sheldon, he is really coming.

- Is he? - He is.

- Really? - Yeah.

(SIGHS)

Well, now I don't know what to believe.

Thanks for getting me out of the house, I feel like my brain is turning to mush.

Happy to help.

Did I show you the video of the kids sitting?

Yes, you texted it to me at 3:00 a.m. (CHUCKLES)

Thought someone was either in jail or dead. (CHUCKLES)

I'm sorry.

No, no, it gave me something to watch while I tried to go back to sleep.

You know what, I don't wanna be one of those moms

who can only talk about her kids.

Okay, well, I'm reading a pretty good book.

It's the untold story of female artists during the Renaissance.

Oh, I'm in the middle of a book too,

it's three pages long and it floats in the bath.

All right. We can talk about something else.

It also quacks when you squeeze it, you should've seen Michael laugh.

I think I have a video.

Or maybe we can't.

(VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS)

Why is your screen name "John Williams?"

Uh, because I always score.

Hey. I think I'm gonna head to the office for a little bit.

On a Sunday?

Yeah, just wanna make sure I'm prepared for tomorrow.

Do you think you could get Bill Gates to sign something for me?

Yeah, maybe, like what?

My arm, my chest, his call.

His call will be to the police.

Penny, remember when I introduced you to hundred calorie Dove Bars

and you said you owed me, like, big time?

Guys, even if I wanted to introduce you,

there is no room in his schedule.

I mean, look at this itinerary.

I meet him at his hotel first thing tomorrow morning,

and then we're on the go all day long.

You're right. Guys, this is her job, we need to respect that.

Thank you, honey.

Proud of you.

Love you.

I totally just saw what hotel he's staying at.

What are we waiting here for?

For Penny to walk down the stairs, get in her car and drive away.

Right, smart. (CLEARS THROAT)

That long enough?

She's pretty quick, let's go.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What would you do if you had a billion dollars?

Same as Bill Gates, try to make the world a better place,

but I'd do it in a working Iron Man suit.

I didn't know that came in a boys medium.

(STUTTERS) This is a bad idea, maybe we should go.

What are you talking about?

(STUTTERS) I don't know, I'm just feeling guilty

like I'm kinda sneaking around behind Penny's back.

We're not doing anything wrong.

We're just hanging out in a hotel lobby, plenty of people do that.

The businessmen, the high-end prostitutes.

That's a fun new game, CEO or ho.

No, this is wrong, let's go.

Guys, guys, that's him. Be cool.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Cooler.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

(STUTTERS) Mr. Gates, I'm Doctor Leonard Hofstadter,

we've actually met before.

Sorry, I don't remember.

You were so nice... (STUTTERS) And it was really special to me

because you've been such a big influence on my life.

I mean, ever since I was a little kid, I've looked up to you like a hero.

Oh, now I remember.

Would you like a tissue?

How about a hug?

How about a tissue?

Sorry I talked about my kids the whole time.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I mean, besides you cutting up my meat for me, it was a lovely lunch.

God, what's happening?

I'm a smart, educated, successful... (STAMMERS)

Woman?

I was gonna get it.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Pregnancy and childbirth actually cause physical changes

to the structure of your brain.

I liked the old structure of my brain.

But then I liked a lot of my old structures.

Well, these are positive changes.

Studies with rats show that new mothers are more sensitive to danger,

better at multitasking and bolder in the pursuit of food.

I did stick a couple of lamb chops in my purse.

So that's what I was smelling.

Look, even though your brain is different, in many ways it's better.

But were you bored?

Of course not.

You're lying.

Which you can tell because your maternal brain

is better at sensing non-verbal cues.

Now you're just being condescending.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Look at you, two-for-two.

LEONARD: Hold the door, hold the door.

Oh, hi, Leonard.

Didn't you hear me yell "hold the door"?

I did. But you know what they say, "hold the door, get robbed some more."

No one says that.

Oh. Well, they should because it's true and it rhymes.

So, where have you been?

Actually, I met Bill Gates.

(SIGHS)

I see, you're all in on it, ah, nice try.

It's not an April Fools' joke, Sheldon. I actually went to a hotel and met him.

Right, right. Okay, so, "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you "went to."

Why is "went to" in quotes?

Fine. So "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you went to.

That's you and Bill Gates.

It is.

- Were you crying? - No.

So it wasn't a joke and I actually could have met him?

He's probably still there.

(GASPS) What hotel?

The La Quinta Inn in Thousand Oaks under the name Hernandez.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

April Fools.

(KEYS CLATTER)

- Hey. - Hey. Where have you been?

Ah, just hanging out with the guys.

They still mad at me?

Uh, they were, but then I was like, "Hey."

And they were like, "What?" and I was like, "You know,"

and they were like, "Okay. "

You're a good husband.

Well, it's not for me to say but you just said it so you're probably right.

Well, as it turns out, there is a little reception

for Mr. Gates tomorrow night, I asked if I could bring you and they said yes.

What?

Yeah, you get to meet Bill Gates again.

Wait, what do you mean again?

'Cause you met him that one time with your mom.

Yes.

And then again tomorrow for a total of two and only two times.

Yeah, I wonder if he'll remember you.

Yeah, I wonder that too.

BERNADETTE: (THROUGH SPEAKERS} The sun is losing about six times ten

to the twelfth grams per second

so the fraction of the mass it loses every year

is about ten to the negative thirteenth.

But don't worry, it'll be millions of years

before we all freeze to death.

Sweet dreams.

Wow. Hop on Pop took a dark turn there at the end.

Amy made me realize that new mothers are cognitively primed

to take in new information,

and I've been wasting it making up songs about our babies' toes.

To be fair I co-wrote Pinky Toe Pinky Toe.

Evolution gave me this mom brain to focus on the baby,

but I figure I can hack it to learn all kinds of new things.

That's great.

Yeah, there was a problem and I fixed it.

Like, Bob the Builder in that giraffe cage.

Spoiler alert, I didn't see that one yet.

So that's fun, you get to meet Bill Gates again.

It's not fun, I'm screwed.

It's fun for us. (CHUCKLES)

Maybe he won't remember you.

I snotted on his tie.

Yeah, you did, like a lot.

Hello, Leonard. I thought I'd find you here.

You snake.

What's going on?

He sent me all the way to Thousand Oaks to meet Bill Gates

when he knew full well he wasn't staying there.

Leonard, that's terrible.

Yeah, why would you do that?

You know he's staying at the Double Tree in Long Beach.

Ah-ha.

Wait, how do I know you're not tricking me?

We probably are.

(SIGHS)

But what if we're not?

You think you're so smart.

You think I'm going to fall for it again, don't you?

Well, I won't.

- Where you going? - Shut up.

Aw, you sure you can't come?

I want to but I'm just too sick.

(PENNY SIGHS)

You really wanted to meet him.

I know. I've been trying to hide it, so I could go

but I don't wanna make him sick.

You know, you do look pretty pale and clammy.

Yeah.

Have fun.

Well, feel better, okay.

No, that's just my regular pale and clammy.

I mean, really the bigger danger isn't the loss of mass

instead it will run out of hydrogen to use for nuclear fuel,

swell up into a red giant and fry the Earth.

So you don't want to split a salad?

No, thank you. But speaking of splitting things,

did you hear about the light-splitting greenhouse film

that could improve photosynthetic efficiency?

No. (SIGHS)

Just a little something I read while nursing a human being that I made.

- L'm just gonna get the chicken. - Ah.

N-E-K-C-I-H-C. Chicken backwards boom, mom brain.

And a whole bottle of wine.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, in your face. (LAUGHS)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Oh, hey sweetie, how ya feeling?

Oh, okay, I'm just resting.

Well, I have a surprise that might make you feel better.

Oh, really?

Yeah, look who's here.

Wait, I know you.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do. You were waiting for me at my hotel.

You ruined my tie.

Wait, what? What's he talking about?

Uh...

He obviously, he's kidding. (CHUCKLES)

(STUTTERS) That's a good one Bill, I gotta go.

SHELDON: Stupid Leonard

meeting stupid Bill Gates

without stupid me.

Aw.

I'm so sorry... Sheldon?

Leonard, I can't stay mad at you.

Apology accepted.

What's for dinner? I'm starving.

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

(NANNIES CONVERSING IN SPANISH)

(IN ENGLISH) How are you ladies doing?

Raise your hands, if you're bueno.

(CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

Mi Ilamo Stuart Bloom.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

English - SDH