All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S11E17.The.Athenaeum.Allocation.720p.Bluray.x264.pahe

Oh, my God, I can't believe
how big Halley's getting.

Yeah. Where's Howard?

He's changing Michael.

All done. You know, fun fact,

did you know baby boys
can pee straight up?

Grown-up boys, too.

Why would we high-five that?

So how are you guys?

BERNADETTE: Really good.

Except for when we went
grocery shopping,

and the checkout lady asked
when I was due.

But you handled it well.

Well, if you guys need help,
I'd be happy to come over.

Oh, thanks, but we're really
trying to enjoy this family time

before we both go back to work.

Okay, well, we all miss you.

- You guys, too.
- Bye.

(SIGHS) Boy, seeing them
all together like that

has got my biological clock
ticking like crazy.

- Yeah, I don't think men have...
-l do.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Hey, guys.
- Good news.

We have save the date cards.

£53:

Didn't go with my calligrapher.
Interesting.

What is this picture?

Oh, It's an MRI of our brains
photoshopped

to look like they're kissing.

Is it too sexy?

It's too something.

Guys, May 12, that's exciting.

- I know.
- Do you guys have a location yet?

'Cause you don't have a lot of time.

Hey, it took us nine
months to pick a date,

and a week to decide if
brains can have lips on them,

so get in the boat and row.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

- Michael's out.
- So is Halley.

Oh, my God, he's so cute.

So is she.

- Switch?
- Yeah.

- Oh, my God, he's so cute.
- So is she.

I just love them so much.

Me, too.

My heart feels like it's gonna explode.

Of course, it's full of brisket,
so it probably will.

I didn't even know I was capable
of loving someone so much.

More than me?

- Oh, what...
-l'm just messing with you.

I totally love them more than you.

I get that.

I would take a bullet for them.

But I would get seriously
mutilated for you.

That's sweet.

But you should know,
if you got seriously mutilated,

I might dump you.

You'd be crazy not to.
Even unmutilated, I'm no prize.

You know, I'm really happy
with our wedding date.

The month squared equals the
square of the sum of the members

of the set of prime factors of the day.

Isn't that romantic?

Yes, it's like that Shakespeare sonnet,

"Shall I compare thee to a day

"that's also a really weird
math problem."

It's a shame you're joking. That'd be
a lovely reading at our ceremony.

Well, we only have
two months to find a venue,

and I had a thought.

What about the Athenaeum club
at Caltech?

(EXHALES) Albert Einstein
was a member there.

- It's beautiful.
- Yeah.

And Albert Einstein was a member there.

- It's close.
- And Albert Einstein was a member there.

And Albert Einstein was a member there.

There!

Now you sound like a woman
who wants to get married.

- So you're interested?
- Oh, of course.

Yeah, but that club
is extremely exclusive.

You know, Leonard's been trying
to get us in there for years,

but no luck.

Well, that's odd.

When I called, they said they'd
be excited to give us a tour.

Well, I suppose we can give it a look,

and if it doesn't work out,
I hear that there is

a nearby Chinese restaurant
that Einstein used to frequent.

Or, we pick a place we like,
and don't worry about Einstein.

(SCOFFS)

Boy, reality TV is right,
brides are crazy.

So, how has it been,
being home with two kids?

(SIGHS) Tiring, but super rewarding.

Like Pilates, yeah, got it.

Honestly, it's gonna be hard
when we both go back to work.

I've been thinking maybe
it would be better if

one of us decided to stay home.

I don't know, I was raised
by servants, and look at me.

I literally can't tell
if you think that's good or bad.

Well, on one hand, they filled
my tub with scented oils

and brought me honeyed sweets,
on the other hand,

I spent my twenties incapable
of talking to women.

So you know, pros and cons.

Here's my dilemma.
I kind of want to stay home.

But Bernadette is a way better
parent than I am.

Wait, does Bernadette want to stay home?

I don't know. She's really
invested in her career,

and she's doing great.

I think it should be me.

Wow, I admire you, Howard.

It would be hard for me to buck
traditional gender roles like that.

Didn't you see Taylor Swift
twice this month?

Yeah, because she's hot,
not because she sings my truth.

Did Albert Einstein ever sit
in any of these chairs?

I think these are fairly new.

But Stephen Hawking's eaten here a lot.

Yeah, but he brings
his own chair, you know?

Well, it seems kind of perfect,

and it's close enough to your office,

so you can use the bathroom you like.

I put a sticker over the auto-flush,
so it doesn't startle me.

Here's my card.
Why don't you two talk it over,

and I will check to see
if our soup spoons

are "deeper than they are wide."

What? Too deep is a ladle, not a spoon.

(SCOFFS)

I really like it.

Oh, I must admit, I do, as well.

Look at how somber all
the men in these portraits are.

I feel like that sets
a good tone for our wedding.

Is that Leonard?

Uh, no, no. These are all dead,
accomplished scientists.

Leonard will only ever be
one of those things.

I mean, Leonard and Penny
are right there.

But he told me he checked on
our membership just last week,

and we were still 400th in line.

I'm sure there's an innocent explanation
that won't ruin my day at all.

Leonard.

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

How did you get in here?

What do you mean? Leonard's a member.

You told me it was incredibly exclusive.

Yeah, look, about that, I lied.

Hey, wait, you told me
it was exclusive, too.

Mm-hmm. I avoided him and impressed you,
all with the same lie.

Damn, Hofstadter, didn't
think you had it in you.

Well, I'm not sure I know
how I feel about this place now.

Then don't turn around.

Cooper!

Oh. Good, you're here.

There's (CLEARS THROAT) something
I want to talk to you about.

We're not putting a TV in the bathroom.
That's how you get hemorrhoids.

No, this is important.

Uh...

I was thinking maybe one of us should
stay home full-time, with the kids.

Oh, great, so I have to give up my job
and everything I've worked for?

Actually, I was thinking
I should stay home.

Oh, so I have to abandon
my children and go back to work,

while you get to stay home
and bond with them?

You just said you didn't want to.

No, I don't want to have to,
but if I want to, I should get to.

Do you want to?

Maybe I do.

What if I also want to?

Well, I don't know,
we can't both stay home.

Don't you think
you should go back to work,

because you make more money?

Don't you think
you should make more money?

I think it's pretty sexist of you to say

a dad can't stay home with his children.

You know what else is sexist,
the phrase "suck it,"

yet, here we are.

I can't believe Leonard lied to me.

What are we gonna find out next,

that he's not really lactose intolerant?

He's just friends with
an invisible trumpet player?

I know you're upset, but if
we want to book the Athenaeum,

we really should do it
now, and then, I promise,

we'll have our whole lives
to complain about Leonard.

Oh, somebody got a head start
on her vows.

So do we agree?
Do we want to get married there?

I don't know.

I mean, Einstein was a member.
I like that.

You know? But Leonard's a member,
and that really steams my clams.

Oh, I love it when you're folksy.
I'm just gonna call.

On the other hand, shaming
Leonard during our wedding

at the very place he betrayed me

does have a beautiful symmetry to it.

That's nice, it'll be your first
petty act as a married man.

Oh, hi, Kathleen?

Yeah, this is Amy from earlier.

I'd like to go ahead and reserve May 12.

Although, it is our wedding.

Well, maybe it shouldn't be
all about revenge.

Oh, I see.

Okay, thanks.

- Someone booked our date.
- Uh... What?

Who?

Well, well, well.

This is a pickle.

Yes, so, if you will just move
your birthday party

to a different location,
everything will be fine.

Oh, it's tricky.

I don't want to move my party,
but I also don't want to help you...

Oh, wait, I don't have a problem.

No. I do.

Yeah, you do.

- Morning.
- Hey, where you been?

Oh, nowhere special.
Just the park, the farmer's market,

then we hopped on the Gold Line
to Chinatown

because it's important for the kids
to experience other cultures.

What have you been doing?

It's 8:00 a.m. Sleeping.

Oh, so are the kids.
I guess they take after you.

You're just trying to prove that
you'd do a betterjob than me.

(CHUCKLES) You're pretty sharp
having just woken up.

Howard, we both know
you can't keep up this pace.

By this afternoon you're gonna
be passed out on the couch

and I'm gonna have three
exhausted babies to deal with.

Not true. I got this.

You know, in fact,
why don't you take the day off?

Fine. Maybe I'll have lunch with Penny.

Take your time. Get a massage.

You deserve it after all
the sleep you've been getting.

Maybe Barry will change his mind.

Oh, I doubt it.

I said some pretty unprofessional things
about his work.

I may have even used the "S" word.

Subpar?

I'm not proud of it, Amy,
but I have a temper.

Well, I suppose we could pick
a different date.

Well, it took you nine months
to choose that one.

I'll pick a different husband first.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Hey, ljust, I wanted to
apologize about the Athenaeum.

- Why did you lie to me?
-l don't know.

It just seemed funny at first

and then the longer it went on,
funnier it got.

So, yeah, I guess that's why.

That's not much of an apology.

Yeah, because he's not really sorry.

Obviously, he wanted a place
to go where I wouldn't be

and apparently all of outside
wasn't enough for him.

Come on. I do feel bad.

Uh, why? Did your best friend
hurt your feelings?

- Come on, Sheldon.
- Look,

I only have time to deal
with one jerk right now

-and that's Barry Kripke.
- What?

He has the Athenaeum booked
for our wedding date

-and he won't give it up.
- Yeah, so if you could just

please leave before I get angry

and say something I will regret
about your face, your height,

your personal hygiene or
the fact that your science,

while serviceable, lacks panache.

That's actually one of the nicest things
you've ever said about my work.

And now I regret it. Goodbye.

Hey. There you are.

Yeah, ljust wanted to stop in
and see my office

before we went to lunch.

Just a few more weeks,
you'll be back full-time, huh?

Yeah.

Oh-oh. That wasn't a happy "yeah."

That was a "Hey, Leonard,
do you want to go to the gym?" yeah.

I've just been thinking
that maybe I'd rather

stay home with the kids and be a mom.

Wow. That's big.

I know.

Dr. Rostenkowski.
I'm sorry, I didn't know you were back.

I'm not
ljust came to meet Penny for lunch.

Is there anything I can get you?
Coffee? Water?

- No, I think we're just gonna...
- Coffee sounds good.

- Cold brew, almond milk?
- Perfect.

Nothing, nothing for me.

(CLEARS THROAT)

It's weird. I've been away so long
I don't miss any of this.

(PHONE BEEPS)

MAN 1: Sorry to bother you.

Dr. Lee heard you were here
and had a quick question.

Yeah, fine. Put him on.

Jerold, what's going on?
Hope you're not screwing up my research.

You calling from a bike ride?
'Cause you're backpedaling hard.

All right, fine. Email it over.
I'll take a look.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, sorry. Where were we?

Love your kids. Don't miss your job.

Right, right.

There's nothing in the world
like holding your sleeping baby,

knowing you make him
feel safe and then...

Oh, good, you got the little cookies
I like.

I wouldn't mind a cookie.
And he's gone. Okay.

(KNOCKS)

- Hey, Kripke.
- Hello, Hofstadter.

Why are you cleaning that out
yourself? Don't you have grad students?

Come on, I can't make my grad
students do every dirty job

or so I've been told in writing
by the head of Human Resources.

Fair enough. Uh, so, look,

I'm here to ask you
to give Sheldon and Amy

the Athenaeum for their wedding.

(LAUGHS)

Why would I do that?

Because deep down, Barry,
you're a really good guy.

But am I?

Fine. What's it gonna take?

Barry, I've come to ask one more...

Leonard? Why are you doing that?

Because deep down
Barry is not a good guy.

Uh, he's making you clean out
barrels of irradiated grease?

Yeah. Uh...

I made a deal with him

to get you the Athenaeum
for your wedding.

Why would you do that?

Because I was a jerk
for lying to you before

and besides, you're my best friend.

I want you to have
the wedding of your dreams.

On Mars?

Okay, I want Amy to have
the wedding of her dreams.

Well, thank you.

But I don't want you to do this.

- No, it's okay.
- No, it's not.

We're not going to let Barry win.

Well, what are we going to do?

We have a combined IQ of 360.

Perhaps more if that radiation
gave you a super brain.

You know what? You're right.

If we work together we could
totally outsmart Barry Kripke.

Leonard, my nose itches. What do I do?

(EXHALES) Boy. I really passed out hard.

Yeah, tell me about it.

The kids could've screamed bloody murder
and you wouldn't have woken up.

Which I know because they did.

I'm sorry.

Why did I think I could
do this on my own?

Hey, don't beat yourself up.
Parenting is hard.

Like, I've seen and smelled things today
that I cannot unsee or unsmell.

- Thanks for covering for me.
- No, I mean he only drinks milk.

Like, where are the colors coming from?

- What time is it?
- Uh, it's almost 6:00.

Okay. Bernadette's gonna be home soon.
We gotta divide and conquer.

I'll make dinner. You watch the kids.

- Kids are asleep.
- Great, then you make dinner.

Hey, good news, Amy.

We got the Athenaeum.

Oh, my gosh. That's amazing.

How'd you get Barry to change his mind?

Well, I couldn't have clone it
without Leonard.

Boy, you should've seen us in there.

We were like Batman and Robin.

Why do I have to be Robin?

If you have to ask, you're Robin.

What happened?

Well, we scrubbed out some
barrels of irradiated grease,

rinsed off in a safety shower
and then told Barry Kripke what is what.

And he just gave in?

Well, we agreed to invite him
to the wedding.

Okay. No problem.

And he gets to bring a date.

- Well, that's reasonable.
- Yeah.

And if she charges by the hour,
we have to cover it.

What else did you agree to?

Well, uh, you know
how Barry has the voice of an angel?

He is not singing at our wedding.

He only wants to sing Volare.

Oh, Volare.

That's what he was saying.

Boy, I didn't, I did not get that.

Guys, I appreciate everything you did,

but we can find another location
that's just as good.

Maybe the Japanese garden
or the planetarium.

(GASPS) The planetarium.
I hadn't thought about that.

That's even better.

Wait, what?

I scrubbed sludge for you.

Uh, I may be slightly radioactive.

Oh, you're exaggerating.

Don't let him touch the silverware.

Why is Raj asleep on our couch?

I needed some help so he came by,

played with the kids,
read them some stories,

put them down for their nap
and made dinner.

What'd you do?

Ate dinner.

Okay, look, I don't think I'm cut out
to be a stay-at-home dad.

And since you want to,
you should stay home.

I do definitely want to,

but I know how much this means
to you and it was just one day.

So, don't give up.

You don't want to stay home, either.
Do you?

When I went by the office they gave me

coffee and cookies
and no one peed on me.

I miss that so much.

Well, I love the kids,
but I also love my job.

And sleep.

I know. I took a two-hour nap
on the couch in my office.

I took a three-hour nap on
the floor in the living room.

- How do you feel now?
- Honestly? Still tired.

Me, too.

-L love you.
-l love you, too.

And we'll figure this all out.

Yeah.

Everyone's asleep.

You want to head upstairs and,

(CHUCKLES) you know.

Let's just do it right here.

Oh-oh, I like the way you think.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

English - SDH