All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S10E04.The.Cohabitation.Experimentation.720p.BluRay.x264.Pahe

There was water everywhere,
it was such a mess.

That stinks.
How long are you out of the apartment?

About five weeks.

PENNY: Ugh!
Did you lose anything valuable?

Well, the pipe was over my closet,
so all my clothes are gone.

Oh, so, nothing. Great.

- Do they know why the pipe burst?
- They didn't say.

Buildings that have a combination
of copper and galvanized steel

are susceptible to pinholes and corrosion

caused by the mobility of ions
in the water.

Can't have your head shoved
in a toilet as much as I did

and not pick up a few things
about plumbing.

Well, if you need a place to crash,
you can stay with us.

Really?

Of course, you can stay in Leonard's room
and we'll stay at my place.

- You sure that's not an inconvenience?
- No, not at all.

LEONARD: And We live with Sheldon,

so the word inconvenience
has really lost all meaning.

So, technically I'd be moving in
with my boyfriend?

I guess so. And I finally get to
live alone with my husband.

Oh, my, this is a big step.

Mmm-hmm. For two of us,
it's in the right direction.

Why are you all smiling like crazy people?

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Cohabitation with my girlfriend?
That's a great deal to process.

- Mmm. It's only for five weeks.
- Yeah, and we'll be right across the hall.

What do you think?

I don't know, what if living together
kills the romance?

Okay, you guys had sex one whole time.
Nothing can put out a fire like that.

Yeah, but what happens when we
each get a peek behind the curtain?

I mean, she...
She's never even seen me unshaven!

You just shaved yesterday,
you're good for three months.

Sheldon, I understand your apprehension,
but let me appeal to the scientist in you.

Given the five-week end date,

isn't it the perfect opportunity
to consider this an experiment

and collect data on our compatibility?

Don't try luring me in with sexy talk.

Okay, Star Trek, the original series.

The Enterprise was on a five-year mission
to explore new worlds.

Think of this as your personal
five-week mission to do the same.

Well, if you want to lure me in
with sexy talk, that's how you do it.

Don't be proud of that.

So, is that a yes?

Not yet. I...

How will I learn
if I'm comfortable living with Amy,

or just comfortable
because I'm in my own apartment?

You know, if this experiment is going to
be valid, I suggest a neutral environment.

Well, where would you go?

Well, ideally, an enclosed,
self-sustaining biodome in New Mexico,

where we would eat crops
fertilized with our own waste.

And you were worried about the romance.

Okay, why don't you guys stay
across the hall and we will live here?

Interesting. If my official residence
were across the hall,

I wonder if I'd need to knock
every time I came over here.

That's a good question.
Maybe just don't come over.

You know, historically,
I don't do well with change.

Okay, it won't be that bad. We wouldn't
even sit in your spot while you're gone.

You're darn right, you wouldn't.

No matter where I am,
this will always be my spot.

Like an embassy in a foreign country,

this seat is the sovereign soil
of my bottom.

Just nod and smile, he's almost gone.

Sheldon, what do you think?

(EXHALES)

- Very well, I'm on board.
- Seriously?

Yes. I accept this five-week mission to
share a living space with my girlfriend.

(SIGHS) Oh, this is so exciting.

Well, now don't be surprised if
like Star Trek, it's canceled in three.

I have to say,
I am happy with your OB-GYN.

(CHUCKLES) Cool. 'Cause she says
you're doing a great job as

"Weird friend who doesn't have to be
at every appointment."

I'm the son of a gynecologist.
I could be helpful.

It would help if you stopped telling me
I have a textbook cervix.

The polite response is,
"Thank you for noticing."

- Let me see the sonogram again.
-(CHUCKLES)

Oh, yeah! That's a good-looking baby
for a little gray blob.

Yeah, we could name him Blobert.

What if it's a girl?

Bloberta. Or Blobbi with an

Are we being silly
not finding out the sex?

Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.

If you want, you can find out right now.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Mmm-mmm.

The doctor's gone for the day,
so it doesn't matter.

Or somebody else knows
because they saw it in the folder.

- You looked in our folder?
- It was an accident!

The doctor left the folder on her desk.
It's not my fault I opened it and looked.

So, you know the sex of our baby
and we don't?

Flip a coin, you got a fifty-fifty shot.

-(SCOFFS) God, Raj!
- That's unbelievable!

But this is not a problem, okay?

If you don't wanna know,
I don't have to tell you.

We don't want you to know!

Yeah, okay, well, that's a problem.

You know, I'm very proud of you
for trying to live with Amy.

- Oh, thank you.
- Mmm.

Of course, the ideal way
to conduct this experiment would be

with four pairs of identical
Sheldons and Amys.

You know, one pair that was
neither dating nor living together,

one pair that was dating
but not living together,

one pair that was living together
but not dating,

and then, of course one pair
that was living together and dating.

Although, with that many Sheldons it'd be
such a party we'd never get anything done.

That was a cute story. So, um...

What did you wanna ask me?

Well, you've lived with
your significant other for some time.

I would like this experiment to go well.
Are there any insights you can share?

Mmm. Well, the biggie is,
if she has an insane roommate,

kick him out as soon as possible.

You know, Leonard and I were very happy
before you came along.

You've been roommates with Sheldon
forever. Do you have any advice?

I'm trying to think of an answer
that won't stop you from doing this.

I know it sounds like a cliché,
but compromise is key.

Never leave a belt on the floor.
At night, they look like snakes.

Do little things,
like bring her a cup of coffee in bed.

Keep M&Ms in your pocket in case
you have to wait in a long line.

You're gonna be seeing each other a lot,
so respect each other's personal space.

He startles easily.
So please, no flash photography.

How many pairs of underwear
did you pack for the move?

I don't know, I didn't count.

(SCOFFS) You truly are
the Goofus to my Gallant.

That's me. Listen...

You and I are going to be sharing a bed.

You know, this is uncharted territory
for both of us.

How are you feeling about that?

(SIGHS) Excited, concerned,
a little scared,

all the same emotions
I feel in line at Space Mountain.

Well, if you're nervous
about the sleeping arrangements,

maybe we should talk about it.

Okay...

Talk.

Well, I imagine one of your concerns
might be coital expectations.

Wow, no foreplay or anything,
just right to it.

Look, I know this experiment is
a big step outside of your comfort zone.

So, why don't we take being physical
off the table, and maybe later on,

once we're more settled in,
we can revisit it.

You're really okay with that?

I've never lived with someone, either.
This is a lot for me, too.

(SIGHS) This is such a relief.

I mean, honestly, if it didn't get you
all worked up I'd kiss you right now.

Good call, seeing your Teen Titans
underwear really got my motor running.

I know, they probably shouldn't
sell those to children.

- Well, here's your key.
- Thank you.

Enjoy having the place to yourselves.

You enjoy your mission to boldly go
where no man has gone before.

It's Penny's bedroom,
plenty of men have gone before.

Now, now, there's no need
to make this emotional.

Shall we?

I guess this is it.

You guys have fun.

You, too.

Oh, don't forget! Tuesday, the air filters
need to be changed.

Yeah, you wrote it on my hand.

Oh, and every other day,
check the water level on the avocado pit.

I'm on it. 15 years from now,
we'll make guacamole together.

Leonard, please, let me go.

Come on, Sheldon.

Bye.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

That's it. For the next five weeks
we are officially living together.

I guess the experiment begins.

PENNY: Whoo-hoo! We did it!
LEONARD: Yeah!

Which side of the bed would you prefer?

Doesn't matter to me, your choice.

No, no, we're living together now,
everything is equal.

I know that I have a tendency
to be controlling,

so, I would rather you choose.

Well, Sheldon, I really appreciate that,

but these things mean more to you
than they do to me, so, whatever you want.

Well, clearly it's not whatever I want
because what I want

is for you to make this decision
and you refuse to do that.

I'm not refusing,
I'm just trying to be considerate.

Like when you let me get those shoes
with the wheels on the bottom

and then watched me
roll right into traffic?

Sheldon, will you please just pick a side?

Fine.

(GROANS)

All right. Now, on this side I am
closer to the exit in case of emergency.

Great, that's your side.

No, but I'm also closer to the entrance
in case of attack.

Okay, I'll take that side.

Then again, what are the odds
of someone attacking me?

Rising rapidly!

Now, this side offers me
proximity to the bathroom,

but I am closer to the window
where perverts can watch me sleep.

Okay, what if we do this?

I suppose that works.

Great.

Although, now I'm kind of worried
someone's hiding behind those drapes.

This is ridiculous.

The doctor knows what the baby is,
the ultrasound tech knows, Raj knows,

his Grey's Anatomy online fan group
probably knows.

Is it weird we don't?

I dunno, maybe the surprise
will make it more fun.

You know, like magic tricks.

Remember how disappointed you were
when I explained the never-ending hanky?

I was disappointed to see
the man I was engaged to

pulling rainbow scarves out of his fly.

But, how delightful was it when I pulled
out a bouquet at the end of those scarves?

It'll be the same thing when the doctor
pulls a beautiful surprise out of you.

Everyone said I could do better.

Yeah, but you didn't listen,

and presto-change
my baby's inside you. Ta-da.

(AMY BRUSHING)

(AMY CLEARS THROAT AND SPITS)

AMY: Ugh! What is that?

Why did you switch sides?

Be grateful I'm still in the room.

Comfy?

Oh, I'm just happy I don't know
what this memory foam remembers.

Sheldon, I know we took coitus
off the table, but I was wondering

how you feel about other forms
of intimacy, such as snuggling?

Well, it's funny you should ask,
because I was wondering how you'd feel

about separating the two of us
with a pillow wall.

Sheldon, I've made more than enough
accommodations for you.

And we're both grown adults,
we've been far more intimate than this.

If you don't wanna snuggle, fine,
but we're not building a pillow wall.

(STAMMERS) I am sorry.

I'm just worried that my sensitivity to
temperature could make this a rough night.

And, no offense,
but your bottom radiates enough heat,

I'm surprised
there aren't iguanas lying on it.

That's it, it's Sheldon's bedtime.
He is in for the night.

Wow. I cannot believe we are alone
in our own apartment.

It's weird.

This must be how parents feel
when their kid goes off to college.

Unless they feel sad, then it's different.

So, what do you wanna do?

I know exactly what we are gonna do.

Really? You're a genius and
that's the first thing you come up with?

(SCOFFS)

Hey, Sheldon's not here,

so we are going to put on music
and dance in our underwear.

Ugh! Can we just have sex?

Oh, don't worry, once you see
my sweet moves, sex is inevitable.

(CHUCK BERRY some
"YOU NEVER CAN TELL" PLAYING)

Inevitable, you say?

I'll just let my hips do the talking.

- Screw it, I'm calling and finding out.
- Good, call him.

(CHUCKLES)

Wait, I'm not sure I wanna know.

- But, you just said you wanted to know.
- Well, now I don't know if I wanna know!

- Hello?
- Call you back.

No, Dr. Feynman, if I solve it for you,
you'll never learn.

(69 BOYZ SONG "TOOTSEE ROLL" PLAYING)

Wow, where did you learn these moves?

Well, the world may have forgotten
about Dance Dance Revolution,

but not this Smooth Criminal.

- Okay, you're positive you wanna know?
- Yes.

Here we go. It's ringing.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

- Hello?
- Wait.

Wrong number!

Hart...

Hart...

Hart...

Hart...

Hart...

Hart...

(INHALES)

I told you not to do the worm.

(WHEEZING) You were right.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

BERNADETTE: I changed my mind,
hang up, hang up!

(GRUNTS)

Oh.

(GROANS)

- What are you doing down there?
- Hang on.

Who are you calling?

(SCREAMS)

I'm so sore, I don't think
I slept two minutes last night.

Yeah, get it, girl.

It's not what you think.

I feel like I pulled something,
why didn't you tell me to stop?

Even more not what you think.

I don't know if I can make it through
five weeks living with him.

If you ever need a break,

the owner of the train store will let you
leave him there while you get a coffee.

Yeah.

Good morning.

Yeah, I didn't knock, but it's fine.

I didn't knock, but it's fine.
I didn't knock, but it's fine.

- So, how is everyone?
- Miserable and exhausted.

Really? I slept great.

Well, I didn't and it's your fault.

How? You had the whole floor to yourself.

Sheldon, maybe living together
is a bad idea.

Yeah, but what kind of
scientists would we be,

drawing a conclusion
after only 12 hours of data?

The kind who almost put a
pillow over your face last night.

Wow, I anticipated we'd have problems,

but I never thought your scientific rigor
would be one of them.

I'm sorry, are you questioning
my integrity as a scientist?

If the lab room
disposable shoe cover fits.

- Was that a science diss?
- Yeah.

- Was it a good one?
- Eh.

Mmm.

What would a theoretical physicist
understand about an experiment anyway?

I mean, you wouldn't know
a confounding variable

if two of them hit you in the face
at the same time.

And you don't even get that joke

'cause you don't even work
with confounding variables!

How dare you.

Oh, you heard me.
Your experimental bonafides are laughable.

Whoa, whoa, now you're making fun
of my bonafides?

Can't make fun of something
that's a null set.

- I feel like I should say "damn."
- Do it.

Damn!

Well, if you are so protective
of the scientific method,

perhaps we should use the next five weeks
to finish what we started.

Well, for science, maybe I will!

Yeah, for science, maybe you should!

- Fine! Good!
- Fine! Great!

You wanna go to our place and make out?

Does Stephen Hawking
roll through the quad?

The new neighbors are weird.

English - SDH