Original subtitles

Man: GET THIS ON THE TWIX, WILL YOU, NELL?

I'VE SAID IT ONCE, I'VE SAID IT A HUNDRED TIMES!

I KNOW, D.J. NOW, ABOUT SEATTLE --

DON'T MISS THE MEETING ON THE 23rd.

Woman: MR. MULROONEY, THE BOSTON PLANE IS ON TIME.

THEN I'D BETTER BE GOING. CAN'T KEEP THESE PEOPLE WAITING.

HOW ABOUT THE HENDERSON DEAL?

I WANTED YOU TO OKAY THIS, D.J.

OH, NOT ANOTHER ELECTRONICS COMPANY, PAUL.

WELL, WE CAN PICK IT UP FOR A SONG,

AND SINCE WE'VE GONE INTO PLASTICS SO HEAVILY --

PLASTICS, TOYS, ELECTRONICS -- WHAT NEXT?

THERE'S ONE THING YOU YOUNG FELLOWS

SEEM TO FORGET -- WE ARE IN THE LUMBER BUSINESS.

WE STARTED OUT IN LUMBER, AND LUMBER IS STILL NUMBER ONE.

OF COURSE, D.J.

BUT IF IT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY, GO AHEAD AND BUY IT.

WELL, THANK YOU, SIR!

OH, NOT THAT ONE, GREGG -- THE ROLLS.

THE ROLLS -- RIGHT, SIR.

MAY I HAVE YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION FOR 30 SECONDS?

YES, RALPH.

I CAN'T EMPHASIZE ENOUGH THE SUCCESS

OF THE SEATTLE DEAL DEPENDS ON YOUR BEING THERE.

WELL, I'LL DO MY BEST TO MAKE IT,

BUT IN CASE I MISS, YOU'VE GOT ALL THE FACTS.

THEY DON'T WANT ME OR LOGAN OR WINKLER!

THEY'VE BEEN PROMISED D.J. MULROONEY.

THEY WANT THAT 50,000 ACRES OF TIMBER! THAT'S OUR BAIT!

BUT IF YOU'RE NOT IN SEATTLE,

THE WHOLE DEAL GOES DOWN THE DRAIN.

I'LL BE THERE, RALPH.

NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP WORRYING?

AH, THERE SHE IS --

AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE DAY I FIRST BROUGHT HER HOME.

WE HAD JUST PUT TOGETHER THAT SAGATUCK LUMBER DEAL.

AND ALL THE PROFITS WENT RIGHT INTO THIS CAR.

I REMEMBER PERFECTLY.

THAT WAS IN THE DAYS WHEN I ONLY HAD $1 MILLION.

YOU STILL HAVE TO IMPRESS PEOPLE.

I'LL BE DOING MY OWN DRIVING.

YES, SIR.

SPECIAL OCCASION.

I'M MEETING SOME VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE.

YOU'VE ONLY GOT A HALF AN HOUR TO GET TO THE AIRPORT.

DON'T WORRY, I'LL MAKE IT. I ALWAYS DO, DON'T I?

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

FIVE MINUTES EARLY!

WHY DON'T YOU RUN YOUR PLANES ON TIME?!

IT WAS THE TAIL WIND, MR. MULROONEY!

WELL, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT

THAT I SHOULD BE HERE TO MEET THEM.

WHERE ARE THEY?! WHERE --

GRANDFATHER!

HI, GRANDFATHER.

HI, RODNEY.

MY GOODNESS, BUT YOU'VE GROWN!

AND ELIZABETH...

YOU LOOK MORE LIKE YOUR MOTHER EVERY TIME I SEE YOU.

HOW IS SHE?

FINE. SHE TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU HER LOVE.

AND DAD SAID HE'LL BRING YOU CHAMPAGNE FROM PARIS.

THAT'S THE SORT OF SON-IN-LAW I LIKE.

HOW WERE THESE PASSENGERS? WELL BEHAVED, I HOPE?

THE PERFECT TRAVELERS. IT WAS A PLEASURE TO HAVE THEM.

GOODBYE, ELIZABETH. GOODBYE.

GOODBYE, RODNEY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHERE ARE WE GOING, GRANDFATHER?

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE'D HEAD UP THE REDWOOD HIGHWAY.

I USED TO TAKE YOUR MOTHER THERE WHEN SHE WAS YOUR AGE.

THEN WE'LL FOLLOW OUR NOSES ON UP TO SEATTLE.

SEATTLE! CAN WE GO ON THE YACHT?!

I'VE GOT A NEW ONE NOW -- 4,000 HORSEPOWER DIESEL.

DOES 25 KNOTS IF SHE'S PUSHED.

OH, BOY!

COST NEARLY $1 MILLION DOLLARS.

WELL, HOW COME IF YOU'RE SO RICH

YOU DRIVE A FUNNY OLD CAR LIKE THIS?

FUNNY OLD CAR?!

I TELL YOU, YOUNG MAN, THIS IS A FINE CAR!

YOU WON'T FIND ITS LIKE ANYMORE.

WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY A PRETTY CAR.

YES, BUT HOW FAST DOES IT GO?

OH, FAST ENOUGH TO GET US THERE.

WHEN I GET A CAR, IT'S GONNA BE A MASERATI.

RODNEY, YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING SO BIG!

THERE'S NO HARM IN THAT, SON.

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG LAD IN IRELAND,

I ALWAYS DREAMT OF OWNING MYSELF A JAUNTING CAR.

A JAUNTING CAR? NEVER HEARD OF THAT MAKE.

WELL, RODNEY, MY BOY,

IT WAS THE MASERATI OF ITS TIME -- REAL COOL.

HOT STUFF -- ONE HORSEPOWER.

ONE HORSEPOWER?!

YES, SIR!

* IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR, ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* I'M THE HANDSOMEST SIGHT BY FAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

[ WHISTLES TUNE ]

* OH, THE SEATS ARE LEATHER AND FACE TO FACE *

* THE WHEELS GO 'ROUND AT A MERRY PACE *

* AND GIVEN A HORSE THAT LOVES TO RACE *

* I'LL BET I COULD WIN THE STEEPLECHASE *

* IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR, ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* I'M THE HANDSOMEST SIGHT BY FAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

[ WHISTLES TUNE ]

* I CALLED ON JENNIFER JANE MAGEE *

* TO COME ALONG ON A JAUNT WITH ME *

* TRAVELING MERRILY NEAR AND FAR *

* SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR, ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* I'M THE HANDSOMEST SIGHT BY FAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR, ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

* I'M THE HANDSOMEST SIGHT BY FAR *

* JOGGIN' ALONG IN ME JAUNTIN' CAR *

[ LAUGHING ]

LUNCHTIME.

GREAT!

WHERE'S THE RESTAURANT?

RIGHT HERE -- I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN

TO HAVE OUR FIRST MEAL TOGETHER IN THE OPEN AIR!

LOOK, RODNEY! "MULROONEY GROVE."

GRANDFATHER, ARE THESE WONDERFUL TREES ALL YOURS?

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM --

MINE, YOURS, EVERYBODY'S.

WHAT DID YOU DO, BUY 'EM?

ALL THAT SIGN MEANS IS THAT I HAD THE PRIVILEGE

OF SEEIN' THAT THEY'LL ALWAYS BE HERE.

JUST FOR PEOPLE TO LOOK AT? EXACTLY.

MY, THEY'RE BIG!

MUST HAVE TAKEN A LONG TIME TO GROW.

4,000 YEARS FOR SOME OF THEM.

TUNA...

HAM...

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL...

LIKE BEING IN FAIRYLAND.

NOW, DON'T GO TOO FAR AWAY NOW.

RODNEY'S HUNGRY, AND THERE MIGHT NOT BE

ANYTHING LEFT WHEN YOU GET BACK.

THERE'S NO PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.

OH, DIG DOWN.

THEY'RE PROBABLY DOWN THERE IN THE BOTTOM.

YOU KNOW, SHE -- SHE COULD BE THE ONE.

I WOULDN'T IF I WERE YOU. DON'T DO IT.

WELL, BUT OF ALL OF 'EM I'VE SEEN,

SHE'S THE ONE I THINK I COULD TRUST.

YOU CAN'T TRUST ANY OF 'EM.

THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT!

BUT I HAVE TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

TALK TO ME...

ANY TIME.

AND US --

JUST AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE.

I HAVE TALKED TO YA -- ALL OF YA --

AND THERE'S NOT ONE OF YOU THAT CAN HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEM!

DON'T DO IT, JASPER.

ONLY MEAN TROUBLE. WHAT TROUBLE?!

GNOME HUNTERS, THAT'S WHAT!

GNOME HUNTERS ALL OVER THE PLACE!

OUR WOODS WILL BE FULL OF 'EM!

AND NONE OF 'EM CAN KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT!

BLAB, BLAB, BLAB!

NO PEACE FOR ANY OF US ANYMORE.

NO PEACE AT ALL. NO PEACE AT ALL.

MY MIND'S MADE UP.

AAH!

I, UH, DIDN'T MEAN TO FRIGHTEN YA.

OH, YOU DIDN'T.

BUT I'LL BET YOU'RE SURPRISED TO SEE A GNOME.

OH, NOT REALLY. I WAS JUST THINKING

WHAT A LOVELY PLACE THIS IS FOR GNOMES.

ARE THERE MANY OF YOU LIVING HERE?

WELL, THAT'S MY PROBLEM.

IF IT WEREN'T FOR THAT,

I WOULDN'T BE SHOWIN' MYSELF TO A DOO-DEEN.

A DOO-DEEN?

THAT'S WHAT WE CALL YOU BIG PEOPLE.

AM I THE FIRST DOO-DEEN YOU'VE EVER SPOKEN TO?

YEAH, YEAH.

ALL MY FRIENDS ADVISED AGAINST IT,

BUT I HAD TO TALK TO SOMEONE!

IF I'M THE FIRST DOO-DEEN YOU'VE EVER SPOKEN TO,

HOW SHOULD YOU SPEAK SUCH GOOD ENGLISH?

UH, ENGLISH?

THE LANGUAGE WE'VE BEEN TALKING!

WELL, DON'T THAT BEAT ALL?!

AND HERE I'VE BEEN WONDERIN'

HOW YOU SPOKE SUCH GOOD GNOMISH!

AND ME FATHER NO MORE THAN TOOK HIS EYES OFF THE LEPRECHAUN

FOR LESS TIME THAN IT TAKES TO SAY,

"SEANNY O'SHANNON'S SHILLELAGH," WHEN WOOSH!

THE LITTLE CREATURE UP AND DISAPPEARED ON 'EM.

YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE IN THAT SILLY STUFF,

DO YOU, GRANDFATHER?

THERE'S STILL NO PEANUT BUTTER.

OH, THEY PROBABLY GOT THE LABELS MIXED.

GRANDFATHER, COME QUICKLY! I PROMISED HIM WE'D BE BACK!

PROMISED WHO?

THE GNOME! THE WHAT?!

THE GNOME, AND HE'S GOT A SIMPLY AWFUL PROBLEM!

OH, NOT JUST A GNOME, BUT A GNOME WITH A PROBLEM!

NOW, THAT IS SOMETHING!

HEY, I FOUND ONE!

GRANDFATHER, HE'S WAITING TO TALK TO YOU!

BUT WHY ME? BECAUSE I TOLD HIM

IF ANYONE COULD HELP HIM WITH HIS PROBLEM, IT WAS YOU!

HE'S WAITING!

WELL, COME ON, RODNEY.

WE GOT TO GO TALK TO A GNOME.

NOW, ELIZABETH...

ON THE POSSIBILITY THIS FELLOW ISN'T THERE --

ABOUT 6 INCHES HIGH?

TALLER THAN THAT.

LITTLE YELLOW CAP AND BUCKLES ON HIS SHOES?

HIS HAT WAS GREEN.

IN ALL THE STORIES ABOUT LEPRECHAUNS --

I DIDN'T SAY HE WAS A LEPRECHAUN!

HE SAID HE WAS A GNOME!

OH, A GNOME! WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT!

THAT'S THE PLACE! I'M HERE -- I'VE BROUGHT HIM!

YOO-HOO!

JASPER!

HIS NAME'S JASPER.

OH?

JASPER!

JASPER!

JASPER!

JASPER!

JASPER!

JASPER!

THE GIRL -- ALL RIGHT. I MAYBE COULD GO ALONG.

BUT HOW ABOUT HIM?

YOU EVER SEEN A FIERCER-LOOKIN' CRITTER?

HE, UH --

HE DOES LOOK AWFUL SHIFTY ABOUT THE EYES.

JASPER! JASPER!

MAYBE THIS IS THE WRONG PLACE.

FORESTS CAN FOOL YOU.

BUT, GRANDFATHER, THIS WAS THE PLACE!

IT COULD BE THE LITTLE LEP-- GNOME

HAD SECOND THOUGHTS -- ON SEEING ME, I MEAN.

NOW, A LITTLE GIRL -- THAT'S ONE THING,

BUT AN OLD CURMUDGEON LIKE MYSELF...

[ CRYING ]

AND IT COULD BE IN HER IMAGINATION, TOO.

I DIDN'T IMAGINE HIM! I DID SEE HIM!

OF COURSE YOU SAW A GNOME, DARLING,

BUT NOT WITH THESE EYES -- THESE UP HERE.

THAT'S WHERE ALL THE LITTLE FOLKS LIVE,

LIKE GNOMES, ELVES, LEPRECHAUNS.

BUT, GRANDFATHER, HONEST, I TALKED TO HIM!

JASPER, JASPER!

They're makin' her into a fool, and all on account of me!

COME ON, DARLING, WE BEST BE GETTING BACK.

NOW, YOU MUST BE REALLY HUNGRY --

BUT HE WAS RIGHT THERE! HE WAS RIGHT THERE!

I can't let it end like this.

HEY, YOU! SHE DID, TOO, SEE A GNOME!

WHO SAID THAT?!

I THINK IT'S HIM!

Uh-oh. Now you done it!

COME ON OUT AND SHOW YOURSELF!

DON'T DO IT, JASPER, DON'T DO IT!

WHAT KIND OF A TRICK IS THAT TO PLAY ON A LITTLE GIRL?!

COME ON, DARLING.

OH, GRANDFATHER.

HOLD ON, YOU!

JASPER!

SEANNY O'SHANNON'S SHILLELAGH!

THERE, GRANDFATHER, YOU SEE?

WHY, UH...

YES...

A GNOME.

YOU SEE HIM, RODNEY?

I STILL THINK IT'S ELIZABETH'S IMAGINATION.

JASPER, THIS IS MY BROTHER RODNEY

AND MY GRANDFATHER.

GLAD TO SEE YOU, JASPER.

SAY HELLO TO HIM, RODNEY.

HI.

IS THIS THE WIZARD -- THE ONE WITH ALL THE SOLUTIONS?

SO, YOU'RE THE GNOME WITH THE PROBLEM.

TELL HIM WHAT YOU TOLD ME!

WELL, INSTEAD OF THAT,

SINCE SEEIN' IS BELIEVIN' WITH YOU DOO-DEENS,

FOLLOW ME!

COME ON!

WELL, THERE'S MY PROBLEM.

MY OLD GRANDPA JUST LIES THERE GROWIN' MORE SEE-THROUGHISH

WITH EVERY PASSIN' HOUR.

WHAT'S MAKING HIM SO SEE-THROUGHISH?

WELL, I'M NOT AN AUTHORITY ON GNOMES,

BUT IF THEY'RE ANYTHING LIKE LEPRECHAUNS,

THEY LIVE ON AND ON...

BUT ONLY IF THEY WANT TO.

YOU MEAN THEY JUST FADE AWAY?

JASPER, HAVE YOU ANY IDEA

WHAT MADE HIM LOSE HIS WILL TO LIVE?

[ SIGHS ]

GRANDPA'S GIVEN UP ALL HOPE OF EVER SEEIN' ME MARRIED

AND HAVIN' YOUNGUNS OF MY OWN.

WHY IS THAT?

WELL...

GRANDPA AND ME, WE'RE, UH...

WE'RE THE LAST OF THE GNOMES.

THERE'S NO GNOME MAIDENS FOR ME TO MARRY UP WITH.

WELL, NOW, THAT IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM.

JASPER...

JASPER, BOY...

IS THAT YOU I HEAR?

I-IT IS, GRANDPA.

I'M, UH -- I'M TALKIN' WITH SOME FRIENDS.

OH...THAT'S NICE.

THAT'S NICE.

I'M HAPPY FOR YA.

T-THEY'RE, UH...

DOO-DEEN FRIENDS.

MMM, GOOD, GOOD. NOW, GO A-- DOO-DEENS!

NOW, GRANDPA, THEY MEAN TO HELP US!

YOU GONE PLUMB OUT OF YOUR SENSES?!

IT'S DOO-DEENS THAT'S BEEN THE CAUSE OF ALL OUR TROUBLE!

THESE BIG ONES ARE DIFFERENT!

THERE AIN'T NO SUCH A THING AS A DIFFERENT DOO-DEEN!

THAT'S WHY IN ALL MY 900 YEARS,

I NEVER LET ONE OF 'EM SO MUCH AS LAY AN EYE ON MY BOOT!

NOW, GRANDPA, IF I MAY --

NOT ONE STEP FURTHER!

AILIN' I MAY BE, BUT NOT ENOUGH

TO LET YOU GET AHOLD OF ME WITHOUT PUTTIN' UP A FIGHT!

BUT MY GRANDFATHER JUST WANTED TO HELP.

HELP?! SAYIN' YOU COULD HELP, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?!

BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM,

AND MY GRANDFATHER IS GOOD AT SOLVING PROBLEMS.

WELL, YOU DON'T SAY.

JASPER TOLD ME THAT THERE ARE RUMORS ABOUT GNOMES

LIVING IN OTHER FORESTS.

AH, IDLE CLUCKIN' OF GOSSIPY ANIMALS!

AND GRANDFATHER'S GOT A WONDERFUL CAR,

AND HE'LL DRIVE YOU ANYWHERE, WON'T YOU, GRANDFATHER?

NOW, JUST A MINUTE, DARLIN'.

AND WHAT ABOUT THE YACHT?!

OH, PLEASE, GRANDFATHER!

WELL, DEAR, I DO HAVE TO BE IN SEATTLE.

SUPPOSIN' I WAS TO GO WITH YOU --

I HEAR TELL HOW YOU BIG ONES

TREAT FREE THINGS IN THE FOREST --

HOW YOU PUT 'EM IN CAGES AND SELL 'EM AS CURIOSITIES --

EXHIBIT 'EM TO OTHER DOO-DEENS!

OH, WE'D NEVER DO THAT, WOULD WE, GRANDFATHER?!

WE'LL GIVE YOU OUR WORD WE WON'T MENTION

YOUR EXISTENCE TO ANOTHER SOUL!

NOBODY'D BELIEVE US, ANYWAY.

IT'S OUR ONLY CHANCE, GRANDPA.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

NOT THAT I GOT ANY HOPES OF FINDIN' GNOMES, MIND YOU,

BUT YOU DO GOT SOMEWHAT OF AN HONORABLE LOOK ABOUT YOUR EYES.

YAHOO, WE'RE GOING!

YAHOO!

OH, GRANDFATHER, YOU'RE WONDERFUL!

YIPPEE!

WE'RE GOING!

WELL, IF I MAY COIN A PHRASE,

HE'S JUMPIN' OUT OF THE FRYIN' PAN INTO THE FIRE --

YES, SIR, SMACK INTO THE FIRE.

[ WHISTLING TUNE ]

* THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* HUNTING FOR GNOMES IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* SOONER OR LATER, WE FEEL THAT WE'LL *

* FIND WHERE THEY ARE WITH THE GNOME MOBILE *

* IN THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* HUNTING FOR GNOMES IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* SOONER OR LATER, WE FEEL THAT WE'LL *

* FIND WHERE THEY ARE IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

[ WHISTLES TUNE ]

* AS WE RIDE ALONG THROUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE *

* WE'RE KEEPING OUR PEEPERS OPEN WIDE *

* LOOKING TO FIND WHERE SHE MAY HIDE *

* THE BEAUTIFUL GNOME FOR JASPER'S BRIDE *

* IN THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* WE'RE HUNTING FOR GNOMES IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* SOONER OR LATER, WE FEEL THAT WE'LL *

* FIND WHERE SHE IS IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* THE GNOME MOBILE IS A GRAND MACHINE *

* THE LIKE OF WHICH I HAVE NEVER SEEN *

* BUT YOU'RE GOIN' TOO FAST, YOU BIG DOO-DEEN *

* WHEN I LOOK WHERE I'M GOIN', THAT'S WHERE I'VE BEEN *

* IN THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* WE'RE HUNTING FOR GNOMES IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* SOONER OR LATER, WE FEEL THAT WE'LL *

* FIND WHERE THEY ROAM IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* IN THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* WE'RE HUNTING FOR GNOMES IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* SOONER OR LATER, WE FEEL THAT WE'LL *

* FIND WHERE THEY ROAM IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

[ WHISTLES TUNE ]

WELL, I MUST SAY, JASPER WAS RIGHT FOR ONCE.

YOU DOO-DEENS ARE DIFFERENT.

THANKS, GRANDPA.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP CALLIN' ME GRANDPA.

THE NAME'S KNOBBY.

KNOBBY, JUST CALL ME D.J. EVERYONE DOES.

D.J. -- DON'T COME MUCH SHORTER THAN THAT.

GRANDFATHER, WHERE DO WE START THIS GNOME HUNTING?

I FIGURE THE MOST LIKELY PLACE WOULD BE A VIRGIN FOREST.

NOW, I HAPPEN TO KNOW OF A 50,000-ACRE PATCH OF TIMBER

THAT'S NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BY -- BY DOO-DEENS.

IS IT VERY FAR?

WE CAN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT.

WE'LL HAVE TO STOP OVER SOMEWHERE.

BUT WE'LL MAKE IT EASY IN THE MORNING.

JASPER, WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE OTHER GNOMES?

WELL, I WAS TOO LITTLE TO REMEMBER MUCH ABOUT IT,

BUT I'VE HEARD IT SAID THAT THEY MIGRATED.

WEREN'T THAT AT ALL!

WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD GETTIN' SCARCE?

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HEARD! I WAS THERE!

IT WAS THE CHOPPIN' DOWN OF THE TREES

THAT MADE THE GNOMES DISAPPEAR!

I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY!

EVERYTHING WAS SO PLEASANT AND PEACEFUL --

EVERYBODY MINDIN' THEIR OWN BUSINESS.

THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN,

"TIMBER!"

TREES STARTED A-COMIN' DOWN, A-FALLIN'.

AND A-CRASHIN' LIKE GIANTS, THEY COME DOWN!

IT WAS "TIMBER!" ON THE RIGHT AND "TIMBER!" ON THE LEFT,

AND THE GNOMES A-PANICKIN' AND A-RUNNIN'

AND A-FALLIN' DOWN AND A-BUMPIN' INTO EACH OTHER,

AND COMIN' RIGHT BEHIND 'EM ALL THE TIME

WAS THE BIG AXES A-SLASHIN' AND A-CUTTIN' AND "TIMBER!"

GRANDPA, I REMEMBER --

YOU DON'T REMEMBER NOTHIN'! YOU WEREN'T NO BIGGER THAN THAT!

I GRABBED YOU AND STARTED TO RUN!

AND RIGHT BEHIND ME I HEAR, "TIMBER!"

AND I LOOKED BACK OVER MY SHOULDER,

AND HERE COME ONE OF THEM GIANTS FALLIN' RIGHT AT ME!

HOW DID YOU ESCAPE?

I DIDN'T! IT LANDED RIGHT ON ME!

DID IT KILL YOU?!

NOPE. I DUCKED DOWN A RABBIT HOLE.

BUT I WAS UNDER THAT TREE FOR 40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS!

AND WHEN I FINALLY DUG MYSELF OUT,

THERE WERE DEAD TREES EVERYWHERE

AND NARY A GNOME IN SIGHT!

HOW AWFUL!

OH, THE CARNAGE!

AND THEM INFERNAL AXE-SWINGERS --

THEY WOULDN'T GIVE UP! THEY KEPT A-COMIN' AND A-COMIN'!

AND THE WORST OF 'EM ALL WAS THAT MULROONEY OUTFIT!

MULROONEY! BUT, GRANDFATHER!

SHH! DON'T INTERRUPT WHILE HE'S TALKING!

I NEVER SEEN THE BLACKGUARD HIMSELF,

BUT I SEEN THEM HENCHMEN OF HIS OFTEN ENOUGH --

A-SLASHIN' AND A-CUTTIN' AND A-DESTROYIN'!

"MULROONEY'S MARAUDERS" WE CALLED 'EM!

NOW, JUST A MINUTE!

IT SO HAPPENS THAT MY GRANDFATHER IS --

IN COMPLETE ACCORD WITH YOU, KNOBBY!

ANY VANDAL WHO CUTS DOWN TREES INDISCRIMINATELY OUGHT TO BE --

WELL, HE OUGHT TO BE TAKEN OUT AND HORSEWHIPPED!

YES, SIR, THOROUGHLY HORSEWHIPPED!

WELL, HERE WE ARE.

EVERYTHING SECURE IN THE GNOME DEPARTMENT?

OH, PLEASE KEEP DOWN, KNOBBY!

YOU DON'T WANT THE OTHER DOO-DEENS TO SEE YOU!

PACKED US IN HERE LIKE WE WAS A COUPLE OF SANDWICHES,

AND ME AT MY AGE!

I'LL TAKE THIS. THANKS.

HEY, YOU! YOU CAN'T PARK THAT THING THERE!

I WON'T BE STAYING LONG! THE NAME IS QUAXTON

OF "QUAXTON'S ACADEMY OF FANTASTIC FREAKS."

BRILLIANT SHOW -- DON'T MISS IT!

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

[ ROCK-'N'-ROLL MUSIC PLAYING ]

HELLO, SPORT.

YOU LOOK LIKE AN INTELLIGENT PATRON OF THE ARTS.

HERE...

ACCEPT THESE FREE TICKETS WITH MY COMPLIMENTS --

THE RARE OPPORTUNITY TO ENLARGE THE EXPERIENCE

AND BROADEN THE MIND.

TWO BEDROOMS AND A SITTING ROOM IN ONE OF THE COTTAGES.

YOU ARE THE LUCKY ONE. THERE'S ONE LEFT.

Knobby: OH!

AAH!

I'M VERY SORRY, SIR,

BUT DOGS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE HOTEL.

BUT THEY'RE NOT --

THEY'RE GEESE! GEESE!

GRANDPA, SHH!

AAH!

AND VERY WELL TRAINED, TOO.

I'M VERY SORRY, SIR, BUT THE RULE IS UNBREAKABLE --

NO PETS OF ANY KIND.

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT PETS?!

THESE HAPPEN TO BE BUSINESS INVESTMENTS!

ROYAL ABYSSINIAN GEESE --

AND VERY RARE!

YOU DO NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND, SIR,

THIS HOTEL DOES NOT PERMIT ANY ANIMALS

OF ANY KIND WHATSOEV--

OH! MR. MULROONEY!

OH, I AM SO --

Knobby: MULROONEY!

THE MARAUDER HIMSELF! WE'VE BEEN TRAPPED!

LET ME OUT OF HERE!

[ SCREAMING ]

LET ME OUT! GRANDPA, BE QUIET!

[ SCREAMING CONTINUES ]

[ PATRIOTIC MARCH PLAYING ]

HERE -- SHOW MR. MULROONEY...

LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

A LITTLE ACTION, PLEASE! QUICK, QUICK, QUICK!

HEY!

MULROONEY! LET ME OUT OF HERE!

PARDON ME, SIR. ARE THOSE VOICES --

CORRECT -- THE PECULIAR TRAIT OF ABYSSINIAN GEESE.

THEY MAKE SOUNDS JUST LIKE PEOPLE.

Knobby: YOU HEAR ME?! ANSWER ME!

OPEN THIS INFERNAL CONTRAPTION AND LET ME GO!

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

Knobby: WHY DID I EVER LEAVE THE REDWOODS?!

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!

CALLIN' US ABYSSINIAN GEESE!

ABYSSINIAN GEESE, MY FOOT!

THAT'S FINE, THAT'S FINE. THANK YOU -- SET IT DOWN.

THANK YOU, SIR.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WHEW!

ALL RIGHT, RODNEY, YOU CAN TURN OFF THE MUSIC NOW.

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!

MULROONEY, YOU CONNIVIN', DOUBLE-DEALIN' --

SETTLE YOURSELF DOWN!

HOW CAN I SETTLE MYSELF DOWN WHEN I FIND MYSELF TRAVELIN'

IN THE VERY COMPANY OF ME OWN WORST ENEMY?!

KNOBBY, THAT IS NOT SO!

UNSCRUPULOUS, LYIN' PREVARICATOR --

GETTIN' US TO LEAVE OUR REDWOOD SANCTUARY

UNDER FALSE PRETENSES!

OOH, BUT HE'S A SCHEMIN' ONE!

HE DID IT FOR YOU!

WE'D RATHER BE IN SEATTLE!

OH, DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF YOUR 'DRUTHERS,

YOU MULROONEY-IN-THE-MAKIN'!

D.J.: ENOUGH OF THIS YELLING, NOW!

YOU WANT TO AROUSE THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD?

Jasper: GRANDPA, EVEN SAYIN' WHAT YOU'RE SAYING'S TRUE --

Knobby: OF COURSE, IT'S TRUE!

ARE YOU INSINUATIN' YOUR GRANDFATHER'S A LIAR?!

I'M ONLY ASKIN' YOU TO GIVE MR. MULROONEY A CHANCE!

I AIN'T LISTENIN' TO NOTHIN' THAT ONE'S GOT TO SAY!

MULROONEY'S LYIN', CHEATIN', SCHEMIN'!

KNOBBY, CALM DOWN NOW AND LISTEN A MINUTE!

I'M ONLY TRYIN' TO HELP!

OH, NO, YOU DON'T! I FELL FOR THAT LINE BEFORE!

I'M A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM A LOT OF OTHER LUMBERMEN!

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN! YOU'RE THE WORST!

YOU WANT TO FIND GNOMES, DON'T YOU?

NOT WITH YOU, I DON'T!

SUPPOSING THAT EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS TRUE --

THEN YOU ADMIT IT!

I DO NOT ADMIT ANYTHING!

I'M ONLY SAYIN' THAT EVEN IF IT WERE TRUE,

THAT'S ALL IN THE PAST!

YESTERDAY! LET'S TALK ABOUT TOMORROW.

WHOSE TOMORROW, YOURS?!

NO, YOURS, YOU ROCK-HEADED LITTLE MULE, AND JASPER'S!

WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN TO HELP YOU!

AND I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT NOTHIN' TO DO

WITH NO HELP FROM YOU!

JUST HEAR MR. MULROONEY OUT! TRY TO TRUST HIM!

I'D RATHER TRUST A PREDATORY VULTURE

WITH A HUNGRY EYE AND AN EMPTY BELLY!

ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD IT! I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING

IN THE HOPE THAT YOU'D SEE THE LIGHT!

HOPE IS ALL YOU'VE GOT LEFT, YOU STUBBORN, OLD DONKEY!

TOMORROW MORNING, WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE REDWOODS!

AND WE'RE GONNA DROP YOU OFF AND BE FREE OF YA!

AND FROM THAT MOMENT ON, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

YOU NEVER EVEN EXISTED!

AND THAT GOES FOR ME, TOO!

Elizabeth: BUT GRANDFATHER!

NOW I'M GONNA GET THE CAR SERVICED,

AND I DON'T WANT TO WASTE A MINUTE TOMORROW!

CAN I COME WITH YOU? YES, COME ON.

WITHOUT A DOUBT,

THE MOST EXASPERATING, ORNERY GNOME I EVER MET!

THEN DO WE GO RIGHT ON TO SEATTLE?

AND THE YACHT, AND THE SOONER THE BETTER, SON!

WHERE'S THE NEAREST SERVICE STATION?

AT THE CORNER OF ELM AND GRANGE.

Man on television: HERE IN NATURE'S KINGDOM

DWELL THE REGAL GIANTS OF THE FOREST --

THE GREAT SEQUOIAS, MONARCHS OF ALL THEY SURVEY...

PICTURES, GRANDPA, FROM RIGHT OUT IN THE AIR!

TAKE A LOOK -- IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!

I AIN'T GONNA FEEL BETTER TILL I GET OUT OF HERE!

...OLDER THAN WRITTEN HISTORY ITSELF,

THEY TOWER ABOVE THEIR SURROUNDINGS...

LOOK, IT'S THE REDWOODS!

...YET, IN MAN'S SCHEME OF THINGS,

THESE GREAT TREES HAVE PRACTICAL USE

AS WELL AS AESTHETIC VALUE...

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? MY REDWOODS!

...FROM THESE FORESTS, SELECTED TREES ARE TAKEN.

AND WHEN THE LUMBERJACK'S CRY OF "TIMBER!"

ECHOES THROUGH THE WOODS...

AAAHHHH! OOH! OOH!

THEM BLOODY, BLACKHEARTED BLACKGUARD DOO-DEENS!

OHHH! OHH! OHH!

...TIMBER! ANOTHER GIANT COMES DOWN...

AAH! AAH!

OHH! OHH! AAH! AAH!

NOW, SETTLE DOWN, GRANDPA!

[ CLICK ]

SHH! NOW, CALM YOURSELF!

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

YES?

I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU, BUT THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT --

A bad accident.

OH, NO -- NOT GRANDFATHER?!

I'M AFRAID SO. IT'S YOUR GRANDFATHER'S ROLLS-ROYCE.

IS HE HURT?!

Well, he can't talk to you right now.

BUT WHERE IS HE?!

Where did it happen?!

AT THE CORNER OF ELM AND GRANGE,

and he wants you to come right away.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

THESE NEW JOBS ARE ALL RIGHT ON THE HIGHWAY,

BUT A CAR LIKE THIS -- IT'S BUILT TO GO PLACES.

THAT'LL BE $6.20, SIR -- OUT OF $10.

KEEP THE CHANGE.

IT'S NICE TO TALK TO A MAN WHO APPRECIATES CARS.

YES, SIR! THANK YOU, SIR!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

GRANDFATHER, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!

OF COURSE WE'RE ALL RIGHT, DARLING!

THEY SAID THERE'D BEEN AN ACCIDENT!

WHO TOLD YOU?!

SOMEONE ON THE TELEPHONE!

IN THE CAR QUICKLY!

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

WATCH OUT, SIR!

[ VEHICLE APPROACHES ]

YEAH...

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

ONLY WHAT I EXPECTED.

NOBODY SAW ANYTHING.

WHY DON'T YOU CALL THE POLICE?

NO, NOT THE POLICE -- TELL THE POLICE,

AND THE NEXT THING, THE PAPERS WILL BE FULL OF IT.

THAT'S JUST WHAT WE PROMISED KNOBBY WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

THIS IS A JOB FOR MY OWN SECURITY STAFF.

I CAN TRUST MY OWN TEAM, AND THAT'S JUST WHAT WE NEED NOW.

[ DIALING ]

OPERATOR...

PERSON-TO-PERSON SAN FRANCISCO --

MR. RALPH YARBY.

HOW AM I DOIN', DOC?

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

I ONLY HOPE D.J. CHECKS OUT AS WELL --

IF I CAN EVER GET HIM UP HERE.

OH, YES, HE'S HERE.

MR. YARBY...

IT'S FOR YOU. D.J.'s ON THE LINE.

D.J.?

D.J., WHERE ARE YOU?!

We've been trying to reach you for --

RALPH, THEY'RE GONE -- MISSING.

GONE! NOT --

THAT'S RIGHT -- KIDNAPPED.

WELL, HAVE YOU NOTIFIED THE POLICE YET?!

THEY'RE THE LAST ONES I WANT TO CALL NOW!

GOOD THINKING, D.J. -- THE PRESS GET AHOLD OF THIS,

THE KIDNAPPERS GET SCARED, AND THE CHILDREN HAVE HAD IT.

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CHILDREN?!

Now listen, Ralph...

THIS IS GONNA BE HARD FOR YOU TO ACCEPT,

do you understand?

WELL, I ALWAYS UNDERSTAND, D.J.

WELL, IT'S THE GNOMES WHO'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED!

The gnomes!

UH, D.J., SOMETHING SEEMS TO HAVE GONE WRONG

WITH THE PHONE.

WOULD YOU MIND REPEATING THAT LAST?

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!

YOU'RE COMING THROUGH CLEAR NOW.

I said a pair of gnomes!

Little people! There's not a minute to lose!

I want you to put out

SECURITY PEOPLE ON THIS RIGHT AWAY,

AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW!

SECURITY -- RIGHT NOW -- RIGHT AWAY.

AND REMEMBER, NOBODY'S TO KNOW ABOUT THIS

BESIDES OUR OWN PEOPLE,

OR THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN!

YOU COULDN'T BE MORE RIGHT, D.J.

LOOK, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?

"CEDAR CREEK LODGE."

I'LL FLY UP THERE AND MEET YOU THERE TONIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, GOODBYE.

GET ME SECURITY.

THIS ISN'T A CASE FOR SECURITY.

WHAT D.J. NEEDS NOW IS A PSYCHIATRIST.

YOU MEAN YOU THINK HE'S LOST HIS MARBLES?

I'LL GET IN TOUCH WITH CONRAD RAMSEY.

HE'S GOT A PLACE NOT FAR FROM THERE.

D.J. WILL NEVER SIT STILL FOR A PSYCHIATRIST.

SUPPOSE HE THINKS HE'S MEETING A PRIVATE DETECTIVE --

AN EXPERT WITH A GREAT ORGANIZATION

FOR HANDLING CASES SUCH AS THIS.

WELL, YES. YES, I THINK THAT MIGHT WORK!

[ BARKS ]

I STILL WISH YOU'D BROUGHT

A COUPLE OF OUR OWN SECURITY MEN ALONG.

OUR MEN ARE GOOD, D.J., BUT AS YOU JUST SAID,

THIS IS A SPECIAL CASE, AND IT NEEDS A SPECIAL MAN.

BUT THIS RAMSEY -- HAS HE HANDLED CASES LIKE THIS BEFORE?

ONE AFTER ANOTHER.

FUNNY -- I NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN. WELCOME TO FIVE OAKS.

THANKS. THIS RAMSEY MUST DO ALL RIGHT.

THIS LAYOUT MAKES BRINK'S AND PINKERTON

LOOK LIKE A COUPLE OF PIKERS.

IN ALL HONESTY, D.J.,

YOU CAN'T EVEN PUT THEM IN THE SAME CATEGORY.

NOW, DON'T SAY IT CAN'T BE DONE!

YARBY TELLS ME THAT YOU OFTEN WORK ON CASES LIKE MINE!

YES, ALL THE TIME!

LOCATING LOST GNOMES?

WELL, GNOMES, NO,

BUT WE HAVE UNCOVERED SOME STRANGE THINGS IN OUR TIME.

VERY WELL, THEN.

BACK TO THE LITTLE MEN --

YOU SAY YOU FIRST SAW THEM IN THE REDWOODS.

WE TOOK THEM AS FAR AS CEDAR CREEK.

THAT'S WHERE THEY WERE KIDNAPPED.

WHERE THEY DISAPPEARED --

I SAID KIDNAPPED, AND I MEAN KIDNAPPED!

YES, YES, YES...

DURING THE TRIP, DID ANYBODY SEE THEM

BESIDES YOU AND YOUR GRANDCHILDREN?

SOMEONE ELSE HAD TO SEE THEM, OF COURSE,

OR HOW WOULD THEY HAVE GOTTEN KIDNAPPED?!

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

AND THAT'S ONE THAT YOU HAVE TO FIND THE ANSWER TO!

EVERYTHING YOU SAID THUS FAR LEADS ME TO BELIEVE

THAT YOU DID SEE GNOMES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING HERE?!

BUT NOT WITH THESE EYES -- WITH THOSE UP HERE.

THAT IS WHERE ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE --

THE GNOMES, THE GREMLINS,

OR WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO CALL THEM -- LIVE.

[ BUZZING ]

RALPH, THIS GUY THINKS I'M NUTS!

I SAY HE THINKS I'M NUTS!

HE THINKS I'M NUTS!!

NOT NUTS, MR. MULROONEY --

JUST, SHALL WE SAY, OVERFATIGUED?

WHAT IS THIS, RAMSEY? WHO ARE THESE FELLOWS?!

UH, MY ASSISTANTS.

WOULD YOU COME WITH ME, PLEASE?

YARBY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! YARBY, YOU DOUBLE-CROSSER!

I OUGHT TO BREAK YOU IN A DOZEN PIECES!

LET GO OF ME!

YARBY, YOU'RE FIRED! YOU'RE FIRED!

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ GUNSHOTS ]

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR BED, CHILDREN?

WE'LL WAIT UP FOR GRANDFATHER.

HE'S LIABLE TO BE TIED UP FOR A LONG TIME.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO, GRANDFATHER?

OH...

IT'S FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, RODNEY. I'LL TAKE IT IN THE BEDROOM.

WAIT JUST A MINUTE.

YOU CAN HANG UP NOW, RODNEY.

THANK YOU.

Rodney, that is not nice!

MR. YARBY, AM I GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Yarby: How are the children?

FINE, ONLY...

Well, I'm sure they suspect something.

I was afraid they might.

ARE YOU FREE TO TALK?

YES.

HERE'S THE WAY THINGS SHAPE UP FROM HERE.

IT'S MUCH WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT.

D.J. got violent.

OH, HOW AWFUL!

I'm afraid he's gonna be here for quite some time.

NOW, DR. RAMSEY'S FIXED UP A ROOM FOR ME

NEXT TO D.J.'s, SO IF YOU WANT ME FOR ANYTHING,

AT LEAST FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS,

you can call me at this number --

Ramsey's Five Oaks...

Klondike-53111,

ROOM 302.

GOT IT?

Got it.

FINE.

THANK YOU, MR. YARBY. GOODBYE.

[ RECEIVER CLICKS ]

[ GUNSHOTS CONTINUE ]

GEE, IT MUST BE GETTING LATE.

I'M BUSHED.

ME TOO.

GUESS WE MIGHT JUST AS WELL GET TO BED.

THAT DOES SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA, DOESN'T IT?

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, RODNEY.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, ELIZABETH.

[ ROCK-'N'-ROLL MUSIC PLAYING ]

THEY'VE GOT GRANDFATHER LOCKED UP!

THEY THINK HE'S NUTS!

BUT THEY CAN'T! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

WE'RE GOING TO RESCUE HIM!

BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS FIVE OAKS IS!

IT'S DOWN THE ROAD. I SAW IT AS WE CAME IN.

COME ON!

DO YOU REALLY THINK WE SHOULD?

SURE -- WHY NOT?

BUT YOU HAVEN'T GOT A LICENSE.

OF COURSE NOT! I'M TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A LICENSE!

AND WHAT IF YOU GET CAUGHT?

LOOK, IT'S GRANDFATHER'S CAR, ISN'T IT?

AND WE'RE TAKING IT TO HIM, AREN'T WE?

AND IT IS AN EMERGENCY, ISN'T IT?

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

Now then...

[ GROANING ]

YOU'LL HAVE TO HELP. GET DOWN BY THE PEDALS.

PUSH THAT ONE DOWN.

NOW...LET IT UP!

WELL, LET'S TRY ANOTHER GEAR.

GET READY TO STOP...

NOW!

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING THOSE FOR?

TO MAKE SURE THAT I'M READY FOR ANYTHING.

YOU STAY HERE.

GRANDFATHER AND I WILL BE BACK SOON.

HOW WILL YOU BE ABLE TO FIND GRANDFATHER'S ROOM?

YOU JUST CAN'T ASK.

I WON'T HAVE TO. I KNOW IT'S ON THE THIRD FLOOR.

I'LL JUST LISTEN.

NO ONE'S GOT A SNORE LIKE GRANDFATHER.

[ SNORING ]

[ MUTTERING ]

HOW IS HE? IS HE ALL RIGHT?

RELAX, MR. YARBY. HE'S SLEEPING LIKE A BABY.

LISTEN.

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

[ DOG BARKING ]

[ BARKING CONTINUES ]

QUIET, BOY. IT'S NOTHING.

[ BARKING STOPS ]

[ SNORING ]

Grandfather...

Psst!

Grandfather...

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

Grandfather!

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

Rodney!

Why, you little rascal!

[ SILENCE ]

[ SNORING ]

[ SNORING ]

I DON'T SOUND THAT BAD, DO I?

WELL, LET'S START SNORING OFF THIS BAR.

[ SNORING AND SAWING ]

[ SNORING AND SAWING CONTINUE ]

THERE.

NOW THEN, IN THE OLD DAYS,

I USED TO BEND A BAR TWICE THIS SIZE.

[ GROANING ]

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

I'LL GET IT ON THE NEXT EXHALE.

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

IT'S NOT SCARY AS LONG AS YOU DON'T LOOK DOWN.

YOUNG MAN, I WAS CLIMBING TREES

AND TOPPING THEM OUT BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

THIS IS THE DIFFICULT PART.

DON'T WORRY AN OLD HIGH-CLIMBER LIKE ME.

YOU JUST BE VERY CAREFUL.

OH, SURE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

TIMBER!!

[ CRASHING ]

GRANDFATHER, YOU HURT?!

NOPE, SON...

IT'S THE OLD MULROONEY LUCK.

FALL IN A GLASSHOUSE AND COME UP SMELLIN' LIKE A...

PETUNIA.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

[ ALARM BLARING ] WHAT'S WRONG?!

HE'S GONE!

D.J. -- OH, NO!

FASTER, GRANDFATHER!

I'M GOIN' AS FAST AS I CAN!

THERE HE IS!

COME ON!

AFTER HIM, DUKE!

[ DOG BARKS ]

UP OVER THE TREE!

WATCH OUT, GRANDFATHER!

[ BARKING ]

COME ON, GRANDFATHER!

GRANDFATHER!

[ BLARING CONTINUES ]

[ GROWLING ]

COME ON, GRANDFATHER!

D.J., COME BACK! COME BACK!

HELP ME!

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT, D.J.

ANYBODY ON OUR TAIL?

NOBODY IN SIGHT.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

CAN'T SAY, DARLIN', BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE.

WHATEVER IT IS, WE DO IT ALONE.

SURE CAN'T COUNT ON THAT MULROONEY TEAM.

THE FIRST QUESTION IS,

WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THE GNOMES?

THE DESK CLERK?

I DOUBT IT.

MAYBE THE BELLBOY!

I KNOW! THE FELLOW WITH THE FANTASTIC FREAKS!

FANTASTIC FREAKS?

HE WAS IN THE LOBBY PUTTING UP POSTERS,

AND HE GAVE ME THESE.

UH-HUH -- "QUAXTON'S FANTASTIC FREAKS.

"HIGHWAY 175,

SOUTH OF HOMERVILLE," HUH?

RODNEY, MY BOY, YOU'VE JUST HIT

ON A VERY POSSIBLE POSSIBILITY.

D.J.: HERE IT IS.

Rodney: SURE IS A CRUMMY-LOOKING PLACE.

Elizabeth: OH, I DO HOPE THEY'RE ALL RIGHT.

YOU TWO WAIT HERE. THIS SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG.

QUAXTON!

HOLD IT, YOU!

WHAT'S HAPPENIN', CHA--

BREAKIN' AND ENTERIN', LOOKS LIKE TO ME!

BREAKING AND ENTERING?!

LOOK -- "FIVE OAKS"!

AIN'T THAT SOME KIND OF A NUTHOUSE OR SOMETHIN'?!

I'M PERFECTLY SANE, AND I CAN EXPLAIN ALL THIS!

GET ON THE PHONE, ETTA. CALL THE COPS.

I'LL KEEP THE LOONY COVERED.

IF YOU TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND QUAXTON, I'LL BE ON MY WAY!

ETTA, CALL THE COPS! GRAB 'EM, MEN!

FREEZE, MISTER!

I DON'T CARE WHETHER YOU BELIEVE ME OR NOT.

I WANNA KNOW WHERE THIS QUAXTON FELLER IS!

THERE'S NO TIME TO ARGUE! TWO LIVES ARE AT STAKE!

AND I'M WARNING YOU,

I YOU HOLD ANYTHING BACK AND ANYTHING HAPPENS

TO THOSE TWO -- TO THOSE TWO LIVES,

I'LL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT THAT BOTH OF YOU

ARE ARRESTED AS ACCOMPLICES!

LOOK, MISTER, WE ONLY WORK FOR QUAXTON!

YOU DON'T BELIEVE THIS LOONY?!

I BELIEVE ALMOST ANYTHING ABOUT HORATIO QUAXTON!

AND THAT PHONE CALL --

QUIET!

QUAXTON'S UP TO SOMETHIN', AND YOU KNOW IT!

WHAT PHONE CALL?!

FIVE OR SIX HOURS AGO,

HE SAID WE WAS TO RUN THINGS TILL HE GOT BACK.

GOT BACK FROM WHERE?!

HIS MOUNTAIN CABIN, PROBABLY.

I TOLD YOU TO KEEP QUIET!

WHERE IS IT?!

SOMEWHERE AROUND HOMERVILLE --

A ROAD CALLED "OLD WILLOW."

BUT WE AIN'T SURE HE'S THERE, MIND YOU,

BUT HE COULD BE.

WELL, IN CASE WE DON'T FIND HIM THERE,

AND YOU HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN,

THERE'S DOUBLE THAT IN IT FOR YA.

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES, ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

OH, CHARLIE, LOOK!

"I OWE YOU $5,000 -- D.J. MULROONEY."

HUH! TOLD YOU HE WAS TETCHED.

FILL 'ER UP.

HOLD IT A MINUTE.

HOW MUCH MONEY YOU KIDS GOT?

35...36...37... 39 CENTS.

HOW ABOUT YOU, ELIZABETH?

UM, A QUARTER AND TWO NICKELS.

BETTER MAKE IT 2 GALLONS.

A MAN NAMED QUAXTON HAS A CABIN AROUND HERE.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?

NOPE.

DO YOU KNOW HIM?

NOPE.

WELL, I KNOW HE HAS A PLACE HERE.

WELL, THAT PUTS YOU ONE UP ON ME, DON'T IT?

HOW ABOUT THE OLD WILLOW ROAD? DO YOU KNOW WHERE THAT IS?

YEP.

WELL, WHERE?!

ABOUT TWO DIRT ROADS BACK.

THANKS.

THAT'S 72 CENTS.

HERE'S 74 -- KEEP THE CHANGE.

LAST OF THE BIG SPENDERS.

[ RATTLING ]

Knobby: OH, WHY DID I EVER LEAVE MY REDWOODS?

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, JASPER.

Jasper: I'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

IF I HAD SENSE ENOUGH TO STAY WHERE I BELONG,

WE'D NEVER BE IN THIS MESS.

IT'S NO USE, JASPER.

NOW, GRANDPA, WE'LL GET OUT OF HERE,

BUT WE GOT TO DO IT BEFORE HE GETS BACK.

DON'T BOTHER ABOUT ME.

I'M ONLY A BURDEN TO YA. I'M TOO OLD.

NOW, GRANDPA...

ENDIN' UP COOPED UP LIKE THIS!

OH!

COME ON, GRANDPA.

[ GROANS ]

OH, ME POOR LEGS!

I CAN'T EVEN CLIMB OUT OF HERE, LET ALONE ESCAPE.

YOU LEAVE THAT TO ME.

MAYBE IF YOU GO WITH THAT QUAXTON FELLA

AND BE IN HIS SHOW, YOU'D MAKE OUT.

NEVER.

I WOULDN'T SPIT ON A DOO-DEEN LIKE THAT QUAXTON.

WELL, MAYBE SO.

DO AS YOU LIKE.

I'M WANTIN' TO FADE AWAY AND CALL IT QUITS.

THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT KIND OF TALK.

WE'RE GETTIN' OUT OF HERE.

SUPPOSIN' WE DO ESCAPE. WHAT GOOD'S IT GONNA DO US?

WE'RE THE LAST OF THE GNOMES, YOU AND ME.

THIS IS THE --

IT'S THE END OF THE LINE.

GRANDPA, THERE'S A BEAUTIFUL FOREST DOWN THE ROAD.

YOU'LL FEEL MORE YOURSELF

WHEN WE GET YOU BACK WHERE YOU BELONG.

[ VEHICLE APPROACHES ]

QUICK -- THAT'S HIM!

I KEEP TELLIN' YA, BOY, I'M TOO OLD!

[ KEY RATTLES IN LOCK ]

THERE -- THERE WE ARE, GENTS. GNOME BURGERS --

HEY, YOU SNEAKY, LITTLE WEASEL! COME BACK HERE!

KEEP GOIN', GRANDPA!

I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER!

OH, NO, YOU WON'T!

ON, NO, YOU DON'T!

AW, NOW LOOK, LITTLE FELLA,

YOU AND ME HAVE GREAT THINGS AHEAD OF US --

GREAT THINGS!

OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

OH, I GOT IDEA ENOUGH.

OH, NOW, DON'T BE LIKE THAT!

HA, HA, WELL, WELL, WELL,

AREN'T YOU THE LIVELY, LITTLE FELLOW, THOUGH, HUH?

WHICH IS MORE THAN CAN BE SAID FOR YOUR OLD GRANDPA.

OH, BUT NEVER MIND HIM.

DON'T YOU SEE? WE DON'T HAVE TO CUT HIM IN ON THIS.

IT'S JUST YOU AND ME AND $1 MILLION --

ONE WHOLE COOL MILLION DOLLARS

WAITING FOR US TO COME AND PICK IT UP.

UNH-UNH.

STAND BACK, QUAXTON.

I'M -- I'M WARNIN' YOU.

COME ONE STEP CLOSER, AND I'LL SHOOT!

OH, COME ON, NOW, LITTLE FELLOW.

I'M NOT TRYING TO HURT YOU.

BESIDES, THE GUN ISN'T EVEN LOADED.

[ GUN HAMMER CLICKS ]

SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU, HUH?

NO, YOU SHOULD, UH -- SHOULD LEARN TO LISTEN TO ME

ONCE IN A WHILE.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT, LITTLE FRIEND.

YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE HURT ME.

FACT IS, YOU MIGHT HAVE KILLED ME!

ALL RIGHT, QUAXTON. CARE TO TRY AGAIN?

OW!

UH...GOTCHA!

DON'T FIGHT IT!

AH!

[ LAUGHING ]

OH, BACK YOU COME!

OOH!

[ LAUGHING CONTINUES ]

Quaxton: I'M WARNING YOU, NOW, DON'T MAKE ME MAD!

WHEN I GET MAD,

I GET DANGEROUS, AND I'LL WRING YOUR NECK IF I HAVE TO!

NOW, REMEMBER, YOUNG FELLA,

I CAN MAKE AS MUCH MONEY WITH A STUFFED GNOME,

SO FROM NOW ON,

I THINK YOU BETTER PLAY IT MY WAY, HUH?

I MEAN IT! THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!

I'M THROUGH BEING NICE!

NOW, YOU HOLD STILL,

OR I'LL BREAK YOU IN PIECES!

JASPER, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!

YEAH, BUT GRANDPA'S GONE, AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT HIM!

HE'S WANTIN' TO FADE AWAY!

YOU SKUNK! NO, NO, NO --

YOU LOW-DOWN, UNMITIGATED SCOUNDREL!

JUST WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! YOU UNSCRUPULOUS DOO-DEEN!

I WASN'T TRYIN' TO HURT THEM.

I WAS ONLY TRYIN' TO MAKE A LITTLE DEAL!

WAIT JUST A MINUTE! HE'S MY GNOME!

YOU SAID YOU WANTED NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH THEM!

WHERE'S KNOBBY?

THERE'S A FOREST DOWN THE ROAD. I SAID I'D MEET HIM THERE.

MR. MULROONEY, YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN.

I HAVE A PROPOSITION TO MAKE YOU ON A GOOD THING!

LISTEN, YOU'RE MISSING A BET!

NOW, THERE'S A FORTUNE IN IT FOR ALL OF US!

MULROONEY!

[ CRYING ]

HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING OF AN OLD GAFFER

AND A COUPLE OF KIDS IN A ROLLS-ROYCE?

ROLLS-ROYCE... LIKE THAT ONE?

YES, LIKE THAT ONE.

HEY, THAT'S IT! WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? AFTER HIM!

HEY!

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

[ BELL DINGING ]

OH, NO!

OH! OH!

[ WHIMPERING ]

OHHHHH!

GRANDFATHER, THERE'S SOMEBODY TAILING US.

ANYBODY WE KNOW?

IT'S MR. YARBY.

MR. YARBY?! WELL, WELL, WELL.

KEEP OUT OF SIGHT, JASPER.

ALL RIGHT, MR. MULROONEY.

BUT WHY, GRANDFATHER?

WHY NOT STOP AND LET THEM SEE HIM?

THAT WOULD PROVE YOU WEREN'T CRAZY.

NOT ON YOUR LIFE, HONEY.

IT'LL BE A COLD DAY IN THE TROPICS

WHEN D.J. MULROONEY DOES ANYTHING

JUST TO PROVE TO RALPH YARBY THAT HE'S GOT ALL HIS MARBLES.

FASTER, MAN, FASTER!

YES, MR. YARBY.

THEY'RE GAINING ON US!

THEY WON'T FOR LONG.

LET'S SEE HOW WELL THEY KEEP UP

WHEN THE GOING GETS ROUGH.

JASPER, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP OUT OF SIGHT.

I'M TRYIN' TO, MR. MULROONEY!

OH!

LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING!

I CAN'T SEE THE ROAD FOR THE TREES!

DON'T STOP, STUPID! GET GOING, GET GOING!

GET THAT HOOD CLOSED! WE CAN'T SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING!

I KNOW, MR. YARBY, BUT HOW?!

GIVE 'ER THE GAS! FULL SPEED AHEAD!

I SAID AHEAD! PUT ON THE BRAKES!

MAYBE YOU'D CARE TO TRY.

THEY'RE WITH US AGAIN!

WELL, LET'S SEE HOW THEY ARE ON CORNERING.

HOLD TIGHT, EVERYBODY!

WHEE! I TAKE IT ALL BACK, GRANDFATHER!

THIS IS SOME CAR!

OH!

JUST SOME FENDERS -- NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

TURN, TURN, TURN!

MR. YARBY, WOULD YOU CARE TO DRIVE?!

I --

AAH!

WHAT DID WE LOSE NOW?!

ONLY THE REAR WHEELS!

LOOK OUT, RALPH!

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THEY USED TO, HUH, RALPH?

GRANDPA!

GRANDPA!

D.J.: KNOBBY!

Children: KNOBBY!

YOO-HOO, KNOBBY!

KNOBBY! WHERE ARE YOU?!

GRANDPA!

GRANDPA, SHOW YOURSELF!

KNOBBY!

GRANDPA!!

YOU DON'T THINK HE'S FADED AWAY?

OH, NO -- KNOBBY!

KNOBBY! WHERE ARE YOU?!

SHH! I THINK I HEAR SOMETHING.

YAHOO!

YIPPEE!

YAHOO!

YAHOO! YIPPEE!

GRANDPA, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?!

MULROONEY, YOU WERE RIGHT!

WE AIN'T THE ONLY GNOMES IN THE WORLD!

YEE-HAY!

RUFUS? YES?

COME ON OUT AND MEET MY DOO-DEEN FRIENDS!

ANY FRIEND OF KNOBBY'S IS A FRIEND OF OURS!

HELLO, DOO-DEEN. WELCOME.

WELL, THANK YOU. IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.

HI.

AND IS THIS THE YOUNG ONE

WHO WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOME OTHER GNOMES?

YES, SIR, I SURE WOULD.

GOOD. WELL, ALL RIGHT.

MY BOY...

IF YOU WERE AFRAID YOU WERE THE LAST OF THE GNOMES,

TAKE HEART.

THERE'S LOTS OF US, AND HERE'S THE PROOF.

YOU NEEDN'T EVER BE LONESOME AGAIN.

SOMETHIN' THE MATTER WITH YOU, BOY?

AIN'T YOU GLAD TO FIND MORE GNOMES?

WELL, YEAH, GRANDPA, ONLY, UH, UH...

WELL, W-WHAT ABOUT THE, UH, UH...

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

ALL RIGHT, OUT WITH IT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!

KNOBBY...

I THINK THE BOY'S TRYIN' TO SAY, "ARE THERE ANY GIRL GNOMES?"

WELL, OF COURSE! HOW STUPID OF ME!

RUFUS HERE HAS MORE GIRL GNOMES THAN HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH!

RIGHT, RUFUS?

OH, AND YOU KNOW I HAVE!

MY GOODNESS, HAVE I GOT GIRLS?!

I GOT BIG GIRLS, AND I REALLY MEAN BIG ONES,

AND LITTLE GIRLS IF YOU WANT A LITTLE ONE.

I GOT MEDIUM-SIZE ONES.

HAVE I GOT GIRLS?! WHY, I'VE GOT SOME --

I'LL SHOW YOU. GIRLS?!

GIRLS?!

COME ON OUT, GIRLS!

THE ELIGIBLE GNOME IS HERE!

[ SCREAMING AND GIGGLING ]

HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

NOW, DON'T LOSE YOUR HEADS, GIRLS!

BACK THERE, BACK THERE! GO LINE UP. LINE UP, NOW.

GIRLS ARE SO SILLY!

DON'T YOU THINK SO?

NO.

WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE, GRANDFATHER?

WELL, NOW, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO SAY.

I LIKE 'EM ALL.

WELL, DON'T STAND THERE LIKE A STUMP, BOY!

YOU COME LOOKIN' FOR A BRIDE!

GET GOIN'! GO ON, GO ON!

THIS IS NO TIME TO BE BASHFUL!

Knobby: GO AHEAD, BOY! GO AHEAD!

THAT ONE'S POPPY.

AND THE NEXT -- THAT'S PETUNIA --

NAMED AFTER A FLOWER, YOU KNOW.

THAT'S HEATHER... AND THAT ONE IS MORNING GLORY.

THAT'S A LOVELY NAME.

OH, JASPER, THAT'S SNAPDRAGON.

BY THE WAY, SHE'S MY NIECE, JASPER.

SHE'S THE ONE I THINK HE'LL LIKE.

[ GIGGLES ]

SHE'S THE ONE I THINK YOU'LL LIKE.

OH, THAT NEXT ONE -- THAT'S BUTTERCUP.

THAT'S DAISY -- DAISY --

THAT'S A PRETTY NAME.

YEAH.

HE MUST BE GETTING OLD --

AND THISTLE DOWN...

AND THAT'S PRIMROSE.

AND THERE'S DEWDROP -- DEWDROP --

SO PRETTY, THAT -- AZALEA...

AND THAT'S PEARBLOSSOM.

PEARBLOSSOM -- THAT'S TWO WORDS

MADE INTO ONE, YOU KNOW.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

POOR VIOLET, THERE.

A BIT BASHFUL, I'M AFRAID.

UH...

H-HI.

WELL, COME ON, BOY!

IF THAT'S THE ONE, GO AHEAD AND TAKE HER!

Rufus: OH, NO, YOU DON'T!

AND WHY NOT? HE PICKED THE ONE HE WANTS!

"THE ONE HE WANTS!"

OH, MY GOODNESS! IT'S NOT THE MALE THAT PICKS HIS MATE.

IT'S THE SHE-MALE THAT PICKS THE DATE.

IT'LL ALL END OUT ALL RIGHT. IT'S THE OLDEST LAW IN NATURE.

I NEVER HEARED SUCH NONSENSE!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? YOU KNOW THAT WHENEVER

WE HAVE A BUMPER CROP OF FEMALES,

WE LIKE TO GIVE EVERY MAIDEN A CHANCE.

WELL, YOU MEAN HE'S STUCK WITH WHOEVER PICKS HIM?

NOW YOU'RE GETTING IT.

PREPARE THE ELIGIBLE GNOME!

[ FEMALE GNOMES GIGGLING ]

WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO JASPER?

IT'S JUST A LITTLE COMPLICATION.

I THOUGHT OF IT MYSELF. IT MAKES IT A LITTLE MORE FUN.

FUN?!

[ LAUGHING ]

[ SPLASHING ]

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

A GREASED GNOME. A WHAT?

IT'S LIKE A GREASED-PIG CHASE.

THE ONE WHO CATCHES HIM GETS TO KEEP HIM.

IT'S NOT VERY ROMANTIC.

FORM YOUR CIRCLE!

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS!

YOU ALL KNOW THE RULES!

YOU'VE GOT TO HANG ON TO YOUR GNOME

FOR A COUNT OF 7!

IS THAT CLEAR?!

ON YOUR MARK...

...GET SET...

GO!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ RUMBLING ]

OOH! HA HA! OOH! HA HA!

AH, KEEP QUIET!

RUN FOR IT, JASPER!

HEAD FOR THE TALL TIMBER!

WATCH IT, BOY! THEY'RE TRICKY!

FOR A MAN TO WIN THIS GAME,

HE'S GOT TO HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!

[ SHOUTING ]

WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHERE'S JASPER?

HE'S ESCAPED. HEY, LOOK!

[ RUSTLING ] OVER THERE!

[ SHOUTING CONTINUES ]

Psst!

Violet!

Catch me!

GOOD GIRL, SNAPDRAGON!

HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT SNAPPY CATCH, KNOBBY?

OOP!

GET IN THERE, VIOLET! IT'S ANYBODY'S GNOME!

CATCH ME! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!

WELL, HURRY UP! GRAB ME BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

NOW, GIRL, NOW! GO ON -- GO AHEAD!

[ SHOUTING RESUMES ]

GRAB HIM!

OH, NO! DID YOU EVER SEE SUCH A BACKWARD FEMALE?!

ATTAGIRL!

REMINDS ME OF THE TIME

I WAS CHASIN' THIS GREASED PIG --

THERE AIN'T GONNA BE MUCH LEFT OF THE BOY

WHEN WHOEVER GETS HIM GETS HIM!

[ WHISTLES ]

DODGE 'EM, SON! DODGE 'EM!

LOOK BELOW YOU, BOY!

BELOW YOU!

COME ON, VIOLET, GET IN THERE!

GET IN THERE!

JASPER!

SHE'S GOT HIM!

HOLD ON! OOH, HOLD ON!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, YOU OLD COOT?

HANG ON, VIOLET! YOU'VE GOT YOUR GNOME!

START COUNTIN'.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE...

FASTER!

STOP INTERRUPTING ME!

YOU KNOW I ALWAYS GET FLUSTERED WHEN I GET STUTTERS!

WHEN I GET STUTTERS, I MEAN -- LOOK WHAT YOU -- F-FOUR...

F-FIVE...

WHAT COMES AFTER FIVE?

SIX! OH.

S-SIX...

SEVEN!

OH!

OH, NO!

THERE HE IS!

VIOLET!

Knobby: SHE GOT HIM!

WHO'S GOT HIM?!

WELL, START COUNTIN'!

ONE...

TWO...

THREE...

FOUR...

FIVE...

SIX...

SEVEN!

IT'S VIOLET! IT'S VIOLET! IT'S VIOLET!

IT'S VIOLET!

VIOLET IS THE OFFICIAL WINNER!

BY THE POWER AND AUTHORITY VESTED IN ME

BY THE GNOMISH COUNCIL OF ELDERS,

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU GNOME AND WIFE.

WELL, GO AHEAD, BOY, KISS HER!

DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU?

FOLKS, FOLKS,

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

TO HONOR THIS MEMORABLE OCCASION,

SORT OF AS A WEDDING PRESENT,

I AM DEEDING TO THE GNOMES

50,000 ACRES OF VIRGIN REDWOODS...

[ MURMURING ]

...TO BE YOURS FOR ETERNITY...

AND EVEN LONGER.

ANY AND ALL YOUNG MARRIED COUPLES

WHO WANT TO COME ALONG AND START A NEW COLONY --

THERE'S A GNOME MOBILE LEAVING IMMEDIATELY.

THREE CHEERS FOR D.J. MULROONEY!

HIP, HIP!

HOORAY!

HIP, HIP!

HOORAY!

HIP, HIP! HOORAY!

* IN THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* WE'RE ROLLING ALONG IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* OH, WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO FEEL *

* ROLLING ALONG IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* IN YEARS TO COME, I CAN GUARANTEE *

* A DOZEN GRANDCHILDREN AT YOUR KNEE *

* AND EVERY ONE OF 'EM PROUD TO CLAIM *

* "MULROONEY IS ME MIDDLE NAME" *

* IN THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* WE'RE ROLLING ALONG IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* OH, WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO FEEL *

* ROLLING ALONG IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* IN THE GNOME MOBILE, THE GNOME MOBILE *

* WE'RE ROLLING ALONG IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

* OH, WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO FEEL *

* ROLLING ALONG IN THE GNOME MOBILE *

[ WHISTLING TUNE ]

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND BUENA VISTA TELEVISION