Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,087
The math is all there.
2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,131
- It's not real.
- Yes, it is.
3
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:10,384
Look.
It is scientifically impossible
4
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,428
for a person to tip a cow.
5
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,180
Even you, with your stocky build
6
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,108
and lumberjack shoulders,
you couldn't do it.
7
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,127
It's horrible. Why would you push
a cow over? They're sacred.
8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,271
Oh, stop it.
9
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,273
I've seen you eat,
like, a million hamburgers.
10
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:27,109
Hey, an animal can be both
sacred and delicious.
11
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,029
Look, I'm telling you
I've done it, okay?
12
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,780
I clearly remember
the cow standing up
13
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:33,282
and then the cow on its side.
14
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,242
Were you drunk?
15
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:38,787
I was 16 in Nebraska.
What do you think?
16
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:41,707
I think you're the one who fell over.
17
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,794
That would explain why the sky
was also on its side.
18
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,422
- Hey.
- Howard.
19
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,965
Cow tipping: real or not?
20
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,342
I'm going to say... not.
21
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,428
That's just based on me
trying to roll
22
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,722
my mom over when she's snoring.
23
00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,809
Speaking of that big side of beef,
24
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:04,271
she's invited all of you
to Thanksgiving at her house.
25
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,939
Mmm.
26
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:08,995
You know, I've been told
that a bald refusal
27
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,320
of an invitation is rude
and one must instead
28
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,155
offer up a polite excuse, so...
29
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,616
I'd love to go, but, unfortunately,
30
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,659
that sounds awful.
31
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,956
Come on, it'll be fun.
32
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,291
We were actually
going to do it here.
33
00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,043
Please?
Bernadette's bringing her dad,
34
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:27,169
because her mom's out of town,
35
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,296
and I never have anything
to say to that guy.
36
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,673
Since you put it that way,
I'd love to go,
37
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,550
but that sounds even more awful.
38
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,886
It'd actually be nice to not hear
39
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,694
Sheldon complain
about my cooking all day.
40
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,056
SHELDON: Excuse me,
41
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,934
but every year
you prepare a terrible meal
42
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,061
and every year I criticize it.
43
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,563
Do our traditions
mean nothing to you?
44
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,150
- I want to go.
- Yeah, me, too.
45
00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:51,527
- I'm in.
- Sheldon.
46
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,987
(GROANS) Fine, I'll go.
47
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:56,406
But if her food is delicious,
Thanksgiving is ruined,
48
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:57,741
and it's on you.
49
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,829
♪ (THEME SONG PLAYS) ♪
50
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,729
Do we really have to go
to Mrs. Wolowitz's house?
51
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,439
We do.
52
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,276
And I expect you
to be on your best behavior.
53
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:35,696
Now I know how the
African slaves felt.
54
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,699
Being dragged from their homes
55
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:42,077
to labor under the
yoke of the white man.
56
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,247
Are you honestly comparing
Thanksgiving dinner
57
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,041
at Wolowitz's mom's with
one of the greatest tragedies
58
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,918
in the history of mankind?
59
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,837
Yes.
60
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,006
Sheldon, you can have
a nice Thanksgiving anywhere.
61
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:56,341
I spent one in Vegas.
62
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:57,509
You did?
63
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,344
Yeah, back when I was dating Zack.
64
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,073
It was actually more fun
than I thought.
65
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,515
We gambled, we went to one
of those cheesy wedding chapels,
66
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,142
we had a really good
turkey dinner.
67
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,811
Which was surprising,
since we were at a strip club.
68
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,231
Wait, you went to a chapel?
69
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,608
- Yeah.
- Why?
70
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,694
We had one of those
silly fake weddings.
71
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,532
Penny...
72
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,743
you know those are real, right?
73
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,328
No, they're not.
74
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,581
Yeah, they are.
75
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:29,666
No, they're not.
76
00:03:30,979 --> 00:03:31,979
Yeah, they are.
77
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,420
- He's right.
- They're real.
78
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:38,008
But it... didn't seem real.
79
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,177
Let me ask you a question.
80
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:45,098
At any point,
was Las Vegas on its side?
81
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,980
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, honey. Mm.
82
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,901
Oh, you brought beer
for everybody.
83
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,571
Okay.
Yeah, it's for everybody.
84
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,159
I really just wanted to have
a nice, quiet day at home
85
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,494
and watch the game.
86
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,955
You can have a quiet day
and watch the game here.
87
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:11,625
MOTHER: Howard,
the medicine's not working!
88
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,544
HOWARD: You just took it.
89
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,214
At least let it
reach your first stomach!
90
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:22,844
Hey, Mike.
91
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,093
Let me help you out, there.
92
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,181
Thanks.
What's wrong with your mom?
93
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,557
Oh, her gout's flaring up.
94
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:30,894
Turns out an apple pie a day
does not keep the doctor away.
95
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:35,148
MOTHER: How can
one little toe hurt so bad?
96
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:40,195
Maybe because that little piggy
is being crushed by the barn!
97
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,907
She should quiet down soon.
98
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:47,077
I gave her enough pain meds
to choke a... well, her.
99
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,540
I guess we're going to
have to do all the cooking.
100
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:52,582
I have a better idea.
101
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:53,917
If you think you're
going to make me
102
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,485
do all this by myself,
you're crazy.
103
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,305
I was going to make Raj
do it all by himself.
104
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,839
Oh, well, that's a great idea.
105
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,719
No traffic, we're sailing.
106
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,847
Yes. Like we're on a ship.
107
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,559
Coming from Africa to America.
108
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,355
Sheldon, that's
completely inappropriate.
109
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:18,400
You can't keep comparing
yourself to a slave.
110
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,069
Yes, Miss Amy.
111
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:25,958
I can't believe you're
married to that idiot.
112
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:28,410
Would you stop?
We just did it as a goof.
113
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:29,953
Well, a goof or not,
you're actually married.
114
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,747
You need to get
this taken care of.
115
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,207
I will. Why are you
making this such a big deal?
116
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,376
Oh! I have a reason.
117
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:39,254
It could be because
you said yes to marrying Zack,
118
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,922
but every time
Leonard's proposed,
119
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,591
he's gotten a resounding no.
120
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,596
That's just off the top of my head.
121
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,431
So how do I undo this?
122
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:50,999
I'm hoping you can
get an annulment,
123
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,500
so it's just like
it never happened.
124
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,186
Great, well, what do I have to do?
125
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,854
It says here
you can get an annulment
126
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,702
if any of the following
conditions are met.
127
00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,649
"Were you unable
to consummate the marriage?"
128
00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,485
(LAUGHS)
Penny? Next.
129
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,114
"Is there any evidence
of fraud, bigamy,
130
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,699
want of understanding?"
131
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:08,867
'Want of understanding?'
132
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:09,910
What does that even mean?
133
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:11,661
Ding, ding, ding.
We have a winner.
134
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,540
Thanks for saving the day.
135
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:16,708
No problem.
136
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:17,915
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving
137
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:21,171
without an Indian
providing the food.
138
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,008
Now, where does your mom
keep the Crisco?
139
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,176
I don't know.
140
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,136
Probably in a wad in her cheek.
141
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,432
I'll help Raj in here.
Why don't you go keep my dad company?
142
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,893
Oh, he doesn't want me in there.
I'm the creepy little guy
143
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,354
who has sex with his daughter.
144
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,817
- Don't be silly, he loves you.
- Does he?
145
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,361
- Okay, he cares about you a lot.
- Really?
146
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,614
I do crap for you all the time.
Get out there.
147
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,456
So your wife's in Arizona
with the grandkids?
148
00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:57,874
Uh-huh.
149
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,088
You know, my mom's been to Arizona.
150
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,799
She rode one of those mules
down in the Grand Canyon.
151
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,635
Long story short,
they had to shoot it.
152
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,100
Because she's so fat.
153
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,438
(DOORBELL RINGS)
154
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,065
I'll get the door
while you finish laughing.
155
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,696
- Hey, guys.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
156
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,281
It smells wonderful.
157
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,533
Is anyone slaving away
in the kitchen?
158
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,160
- Because I, too, know...
- Sheldon.
159
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,122
Here. Thank you for having us.
160
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,290
What's with you?
161
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,374
She's mad at me
162
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,710
because she just found out
she's married to Zack.
163
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:42,878
Really?
164
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,713
That dumb-ass you used to date?
165
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,299
That's hysterical.
166
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,969
I can't believe I felt bad
for opening this in the car.
167
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:57,934
You need any help?
168
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:00,395
Yeah, can you reach
that gravy boat up there?
169
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:01,897
- Uh, sure.
- Great.
170
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,315
That makes one of you.
171
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,904
Okay we have a lot to do
and not much time to do it.
172
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:11,490
Bernadette, you're on corn,
gravy and yam detail.
173
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,978
Amy, you're on rolls, cranberries
174
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:15,435
and making sure Bernadette stays
away from the marshmallows.
175
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,455
That's right, I see you.
176
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,489
Okay if you have any questions,
177
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,418
I'll be over here
basting my ass off.
178
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,003
Focus is key.
179
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:28,131
Did you guys know Penny
married Zack three years ago?
180
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,091
- What?
- Wha...?
181
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:36,932
You ever play football?
182
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,558
A little in college.
183
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:40,727
- You?
- No.
184
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,563
But I did get tackled
in the hallway once.
185
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:48,276
The whole school cheered.
186
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,155
I found the, court papers
187
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,684
that you and Zack
need to fill out.
188
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,463
- I'll print them when we get home.
- Fine.
189
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,661
And we can just put this
whole thing behind us.
190
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:58,620
Are you done?
191
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,455
- What?
- Look, I get it, I screwed up.
192
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,249
Is this all we're going to talk
about the rest of the day?
193
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,375
Why are you mad at me?
194
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,834
You're the one that
did the stupid thing.
195
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,754
- I'm just trying to fix it.
- (GROANS) I need some air.
196
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,631
Well... Penny.
197
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,600
Now, I don't know the
first thing about women,
198
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,510
but I would not follow her.
199
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,723
Listen to Stretch.
200
00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:25,939
How am I the bad guy?
201
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,692
She's the one who married
someone else. I'm the victim.
202
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:31,903
Sounds like Zack's the victim.
You're sleeping with his wife.
203
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,534
I've kept my marriage
together for 35 years.
204
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,035
Can I weigh in here?
205
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:40,203
Sure.
206
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,372
I'm trying to watch the game.
Shut up.
207
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,709
(GROANS)
208
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,253
How do you not make
a first down there?
209
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,005
They passed against
a nickel defense.
210
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,965
They should have run it off-tackle.
211
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,428
How the hell do you know that?
212
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,054
My father loved football.
213
00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,806
He always made me watch it
214
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,558
before I was allowed
to do my homework.
215
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,393
(DOOR OPENS)
PENNY: Well...
216
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,103
You'll be happy to know
I just spoke to Zack
217
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,911
and he's willing to
sign the court papers.
218
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,106
He's on his way here now.
219
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,942
- Wait, you invited him here?
- Yeah.
220
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,777
I'm getting ready
to weigh in again.
221
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,070
Come on.
222
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:18,158
What do you think
they ought to do now?
223
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,452
I would throw a quick slant
to a wide-out,
224
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,912
given that the defense
is showing blitz.
225
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,207
Oh, I love a good blitz,
especially with sour cream.
226
00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:30,378
Get it?
227
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,922
Because it sounds like "blintz."
228
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,217
MOTHER: Did someone say blintz?
229
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,386
I just don't understand
230
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:39,846
why you invited him here today.
231
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,264
Because you wouldn't
shut up about it.
232
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,599
When I called him,
he had nothing to do,
233
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,558
so I just thought it would...
234
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,268
Hey, guys, I'm trying
to cook in here.
235
00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,603
Oh, sorry.
We'll keep it down.
236
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,647
No, no, speak up.
237
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,815
I'm about to use the blender,
238
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,776
and I don't want to miss anything.
239
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,528
Well, you might have
to cook for one more
240
00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:56,738
because she invited Zack.
241
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,740
- AMY: What?
- BERNADETTE: What?
242
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,534
My, my.
243
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:05,288
The plot, like my gravy, thickens.
244
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,753
I don't care for your
mother's bathroom.
245
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,922
There's not an angle
to do one's business
246
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,758
without a clown figurine
staring at you.
247
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:22,514
- That's why I sit.
- Yeah, that's why.
248
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,102
You remember
the Thanksgiving game
249
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:29,104
when it snowed in Dallas?
250
00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:32,732
Nineteen-ninety three. Leon Lett blew
the game in the final seconds
251
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,693
and the Dolphins
emerged victorious.
252
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,696
Then I finally got to do
my calculus.
253
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:41,157
I was so pissed,
I wanted to shoot my TV.
254
00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:43,118
So was my dad.
255
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,369
And then he did.
256
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,248
- Anyone need a beer?
- Yeah.
257
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:49,833
Thank God.
258
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,586
So, does your dad
still live in Texas?
259
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,339
No.
He died when I was 14.
260
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,384
I'm sorry to hear that.
261
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,803
So was the man who owned
the local liquor store.
262
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,473
He cried and cried.
263
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,561
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
264
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:13,148
So, if your dad died
when you were 14,
265
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:16,067
you were never old enough
to have a beer with the man.
266
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:17,485
No, sir.
267
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,530
He did try to give me one
for my high school graduation,
268
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,907
but I was 11 and my mom said, no.
269
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,039
Well, you're having one with me.
270
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:36,337
All right.
271
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,258
To your dad.
272
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:47,474
I never had a beer
with my dad, either.
273
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,188
Do you mind?
We're having a moment here.
274
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,698
I can't believe Penny's
married to Zack.
275
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,366
I wonder what she saw in that guy.
276
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,868
I don't know.
277
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,870
He's sweet, he's tall, handsome.
278
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,580
Broad shoulders, good hair.
279
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,624
Hmm, wonder what she
sees in Leonard.
280
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,921
How's it going out there?
281
00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:21,466
Sheldon and your dad are bonding
and completely ignoring me.
282
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,760
I know how you feel.
283
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:27,222
Sheldon ignored me for a week
when he got that Roomba vacuum.
284
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,309
I kick it when he's not looking.
285
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,562
What are they doing?
286
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:37,315
They're drinking beer
and watching football.
287
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,108
So why don't you do that
with them?
288
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,611
- They don't want me.
- What do you mean?
289
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,406
Well, Sheldon started talking
about how his dad isn't alive anymore,
290
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:46,908
and they were toasting,
and I tried to tell them
291
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,754
about how sad I was
when my dad abandoned...
292
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,078
(DOORBELL RINGS) Zack's here!
293
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,872
Stir the gravy.
294
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,460
Sorry. I really want
to hear how sad you are.
295
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,629
I'll be back in, like, five, ten minutes.
296
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,469
Sorry she made you come
over here on a holiday.
297
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,555
It's all right.
I didn't have anything going on.
298
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,139
Plus, Penny told me we're married,
299
00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:12,851
and Thanksgiving's a time
to be with family.
300
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,853
Yeah, okay great.
301
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:15,812
Can we just get this over with?
302
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,190
Yeah, you guys
have to sign here and here.
303
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,025
On Monday,
we'll file for the annulment,
304
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,694
and this "marriage" will be over.
305
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,903
Okay.
306
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,698
I don't know if I want to sign it.
307
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,575
ALL: Ooh!
308
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,120
Why won't you sign it?
309
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,540
I just think splitting up
can be rough on kids.
310
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,001
We don't have any kids.
311
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,627
Are you sure?
Because you didn't know
312
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,546
we were married
until this morning.
313
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:45,133
Okay, look, Zack, come on.
314
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,302
You know neither of us
thought this was real.
315
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,554
I mean, we were married
by an Elvis impersonator.
316
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,084
Of course it was an impersonator.
317
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,892
We could never afford
a real Elvis.
318
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,272
You married him instead of me?
319
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,065
Good call.
320
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,650
Sign the papers.
321
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:03,943
Hang on.
You know what?
322
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,820
You have been a jerk
about this all day.
323
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,322
You always do this!
Whenever I mess up,
324
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,324
you're right there to make me
feel even worse about it.
325
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:10,491
That is not true.
326
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,576
We could've waited till Monday,
327
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,119
signed the papers,
this all would have been over.
328
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,704
You're the one who
invited him here.
329
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:15,997
There you go again.
Just another mistake
330
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,332
you're throwing in my face.
331
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,250
Not cool, bro.
332
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,337
I'm starting to think
333
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:25,006
you're not the kind of guy
I want dating my wife.
334
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,345
Yeah, well, she's not going to
be your wife for long.
335
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,138
Oh, no.
Are you dying?
336
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,850
I'm about to.
Sign the paper.
337
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:42,148
Know what they say:
"Happy wife, happy life."
338
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,484
Let's eat.
339
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:53,284
(BELCHING) Two, three,
eight, four, six.
340
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,122
That's all I can do
without throwing up.
341
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,875
That is not what I expected
342
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:04,003
when you said you
were going to burp "pi."
343
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,924
MOTHER: Did somebody say pie?
344
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,385
I don't know what's scarier:
345
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,886
the bathroom clowns,
346
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,847
or the woman
that put them there.
347
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:19,560
All I know is you can
only fit one of her in a car.
348
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,440
And there's the clown
that came out of her.
349
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,739
I really didn't want
to come here,
350
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,658
but this is shaping up to be
351
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,202
one of the best Thanksgivings
I've had in a long time.
352
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,870
Me, too.
353
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,457
Hey. Howard says you've
been making fun of him all day!
354
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:44,460
Now, both of you apologize right now!
355
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,963
She's so tiny.
356
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,261
It's funny when she's mad.
357
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,224
All right, mister, I think you owe
358
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:01,227
Howard and Bernadette an apology.
359
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:03,855
Perhaps you're right.
360
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,650
I'm sorry for my behavior.
361
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,861
I've had alcohol,
and it's caused me
362
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,070
to be inappropriate.
363
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,072
- It's okay.
- Don't worry about it.
364
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,615
Thank you.
365
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,659
Ain't she great?
366
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:18,786
Sheldon.
367
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,247
Now, how's about you get
us a couple of beers?
368
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,054
Thanks again for cooking.
369
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,555
Yeah, everything was delicious.
370
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:41,642
Well, I couldn't have done it
without my two favorite girls.
371
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,479
Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray.
372
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,777
Hey, Sheldon,
what do you say we go outside
373
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,987
and throw around the old pigskin?
374
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,239
This is a Jewish house.
375
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,617
I don't think they have pigskin.
376
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,205
MOTHER: Did someone say pigskin?
377
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,334
Hey, I'm sorry about today.
378
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,461
And I promise,
next time I get married,
379
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:09,754
it won't be a joke.
380
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,631
It'll be for love.
381
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,424
Or money.
382
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,054
I'm sorry, too.
383
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,014
Don't be.
It's my fault.
384
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:21,641
I was a terrible husband.
385
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,478
I was never around.
386
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:29,607
I know I'm hard on you,
387
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,401
but you're not the worst
son-in-law in the world.
388
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:35,321
Mike, that's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
389
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:38,032
Well, I'm drunk.
390
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,788
I just vomited on a lot of clowns.
391
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,652
(English US - SDH)
28484
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.