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1
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,879
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,924
Honey, I got us that room
at the Woodford Inn this weekend.
3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,928
That place in Vermont?
You can take a hint.
4
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,597
You can't go away this weekend.
It's Emma's birthday.
5
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,182
- Yeah.
- We're having a party.
6
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,351
Can't you have the party
when we get back?
7
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:22,563
- No.
- No. It won't be her real birthday.
8
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:27,985
Gee, if only she were 1 and had
no idea what the hell a birthday was.
9
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,821
Come on, you guys,
this is really important to us.
10
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,991
Sorry, but Chandler and I
could really use a weekend away...
11
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:38,245
...you know, to reconnect, emotionally.
- There's this thing I really want us to do.
12
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,289
I read about it in Maxim.
13
00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:44,460
Well, can't you just go
to Vermont the next day?
14
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,420
Yeah, we want everyone to be there.
15
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:51,800
As much as I hate to delay your doing
weird sex stuff to my little sister.
16
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,595
And, I mean, you know, you guys,
this is a big deal.
17
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,889
I mean, how can we have
her first birthday party...
18
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,891
...without her aunt and her uncle?
19
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,186
All right, we'll stay.
We can just drive up after the party.
20
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:05,856
Fine. But if we end up not doing
this Maxim thing because of this party...
21
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,567
Believe me, that is not why
we won't be doing that.
22
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,777
You know, Pheebs, when I was little,
on my birthday...
23
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,114
...my daddy would hide a present
in every room of the house.
24
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,283
And then he would draw a treasure map
to help me find them all.
25
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:01,578
Aw, I love family traditions like that.
26
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,957
When Ursula and I were kids,
on our birthday...
27
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:09,253
...our stepdad would sell his blood
to buy us food.
28
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,423
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
29
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,635
- I brought the camera for Emma's video.
- Oh, good!
30
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,304
We had this idea to make
a birthday video for Emma...
31
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,224
...and we'll give it to her when she's 18.
- Oh, cool.
32
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,726
- Wow, it's like a time capsule.
- Yeah.
33
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:28,397
Oh, just think, she's gonna be
watching that video on a TV...
34
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,233
...that hasn't even been invented yet...
35
00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:35,654
...with friends who, right now,
are just, like, babies.
36
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,700
And they'll be living in a floating city
that the humans built...
37
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,451
...to escape the ant people.
38
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,914
That's the hope.
39
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,335
- So is Emma awake yet?
- No, it's still naptime.
40
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,212
- But she'll be up soon.
- Where's Joey?
41
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,631
I said, it's still naptime.
42
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:59,052
- Hey, there's Uncle Joey.
- Hey.
43
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,139
Hey, say something to Emma
on her 18th birthday.
44
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,060
- Eighteen, huh?
- Joey, no!
45
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:10,731
What? What? It's for her hot friends.
46
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,025
When they see this, you'll be 52.
47
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,486
And starting to think about
settling down.
48
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,990
Hey, Joey, will you please set this up
for people to put Emma's presents on?
49
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,117
Love to. Yeah.
50
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,206
- We were supposed to bring presents?
- Yeah. I wrote Emma a song.
51
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,666
Oh, yeah. How was I supposed to know?
52
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:33,212
- Joey, it's a birthday party.
- Yeah, but for a 1 -year-old.
53
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:37,925
What's the point? The other day
she laughed for, like, an hour at a cup.
54
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,929
Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it,
dressed as a farmer.
55
00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:47,809
And he's standing next to this cow,
and the cow says, "El-moo."
56
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:55,108
Man, that's a funny cup.
57
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,112
Hey.
58
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,074
- Where's the birthday girl?
- Oh, she's still napping.
59
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:06,787
She was probably up all night excited
about the party she knows is happening.
60
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:11,250
I know you guys really want to get to
Vermont, and this isn't a big deal to you.
61
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:15,379
But it really is to us, okay?
Emma will never have a first birthday again.
62
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,756
You're right. We're sorry.
63
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,217
Let's wake up Emma
and get the fun time started!
64
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,011
No, she didn't sleep well last night,
so we can't wake her.
65
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,514
Are you frigging kidding me, Green?
66
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,062
- Hi!
- Hey!
67
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:35,482
- I'm so glad you came.
- I can't believe Emma's already 1.
68
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,901
I remember your first birthday.
69
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,029
Ross was jealous of all the attention
we were giving you.
70
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:44,283
He pulled on his testicles so hard...
71
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,369
...we had to take him
to the emergency room.
72
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,458
There's something you didn't know
about your dad.
73
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,546
Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Geller.
Let me help you with that.
74
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,924
- Thank you.
- Oh, man, this is great, huh?
75
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:04,636
The three of us together again.
You know what would be fun?
76
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:09,182
If we gave this present to Emma
from all of us.
77
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,644
Which one are you?
78
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:22,112
- I can't believe Emma's still asleep.
- I know. What are we gonna do?
79
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,282
I've got a plan. I've got a plan.
80
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:29,870
I'm going to ram this platter
really hard into your ribs.
81
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,374
You're gonna scream out,
and that'll wake her up.
82
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,669
I'm not going to Vermont
with this Monica.
83
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,756
Hey, Pheebs? You know what?
84
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,799
I was thinking since you wrote a song...
85
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,886
...maybe I could do something
for Emma using my talents.
86
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,680
So you're gonna hit on her?
87
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,393
- No, no, no. My talents as an actor.
- Oh.
88
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,687
You know, I could, like, maybe...
89
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,107
I could do a dramatic reading
of one of her books.
90
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:02,611
Or you could stick a fork in an apple.
91
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:06,365
- Hey, I think Emma might like it.
- Oh, Emma might like what?
92
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,034
- Uh, my present.
- What did you get her?
93
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,037
- Actually, we prepared performances.
- Separate performances.
94
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,373
But equally real.
95
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,541
That sounds like fun.
96
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,251
You know what, actually?
97
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:21,463
People are getting a little antsy waiting
for Emma to wake up from her nap.
98
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,924
So would you mind
performing them once now?
99
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,759
- Sure, yeah!
- Okay.
100
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,513
Okay. All right. Everybody,
let's get this party started, huh?
101
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,599
Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform
a little something for us.
102
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,434
Oh, great.
103
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,354
Aren't you gonna be embarrassed
having nothing prepared?
104
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,982
I do it every week with three cameras
pointed at me and a whole crew waiting.
105
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,946
So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?
106
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:50,367
I will be doing a dramatic reading
of one of Emma's books.
107
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,829
Oh, okay. Which one?
108
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,706
Uh, well, it's one of her favorites.
109
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:02,546
"Riding the Storm Out:
Coping With Postpartum Depression."
110
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,176
Love You Forever.
111
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:16,643
"Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch.
Published by Firefly Books. Printed...
112
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,228
...in Mexico.
113
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:27,696
Ahem. A mother held her new baby
and very slowly rocked him...
114
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:32,909
...back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
115
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:38,498
And while she held him, she sang,
'I'll love you forever.
116
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,752
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living...
117
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,881
...my baby you'll be."'
118
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,300
"And while he rocked her, he sang:
119
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:53,555
'I'll love you forever.
I'll like you for always.
120
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,807
As long as I'm living...
121
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:59,352
...my baby you'll be."'
122
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:02,981
Oh, wow!
123
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,066
That was amazing.
124
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:08,195
Thank you so much for that gift.
125
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:12,240
I was not ready for this today.
126
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,453
- Amazing. Amazing.
- Phoebe, I'm sorry.
127
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,289
- Phoebe has prepared something.
- That's right.
128
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:23,376
I prepared a song for Emma,
from my heart to hers.
129
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:28,215
For there's no greater gift
than the gift of music.
130
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,512
Emma
131
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,515
Your name poses a dilemma
132
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,683
'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma
133
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,727
Maybe the actor, Richard Crenna
134
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,021
He played the commanding officer
in Rambo.
135
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,982
Happy birthday, Emma
136
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,074
Is that it?
137
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,409
No, of course not.
138
00:08:56,577 --> 00:09:00,747
No, I've also, you know,
prepared a reading.
139
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,918
Um, "Sex and the Single Mother."
140
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,090
- "Finding your G-spot."
- Oh, no, no, no!
141
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,427
Hello, Emma. Happy 18th birthday.
142
00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:17,764
Right now, that seems so far away,
17 years.
143
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:22,060
Yes. You'll be all grown up
by then, and we'll be...
144
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,522
Well, your grandfather and I
might not be here.
145
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,108
That's true. This message
could be coming to you...
146
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,026
...from beyond the grave, Emma.
147
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:36,825
- After all, my parents died very young.
- And my cholesterol's off the charts.
148
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,871
Remember, Emma,
heart disease kills women too.
149
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:46,042
Okay, cut! Great. Great. That was just...
150
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,420
- Yeah.
- Oh, good.
151
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,089
Ross, uh, don't forget to get a shot
of Emma's cake.
152
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,258
- It's in a box in the fridge.
- Okay, sure.
153
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,554
You're gonna love this cake. I got it
from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's.
154
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:01,016
Oh, my God, that place has
the creamiest frosting.
155
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,476
I used to hitchhike there
when I was a kid.
156
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:09,065
Well, anyway, they make
these great novelty cakes...
157
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:13,695
...in all different shapes. And if you give
them a photo, they'll copy it in icing.
158
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:18,158
- Did you do a picture of Emma?
- Yes. On a cake shaped like a bunny.
159
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:22,162
Uh, Rach? Does this bakery
by any chance also bake...
160
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,913
...erotic cakes?
161
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,709
Say, for bachelorette parties?
162
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:31,087
Ross, what are you talking...?
Oh, my God!
163
00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:33,632
They put my baby's face on a penis!
164
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,596
Now it's a party!
165
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,390
Wait, you guys, this isn't funny,
all right?
166
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,894
If I wanted this cake to be a disaster,
I would have baked it myself!
167
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:50,273
Uh... Is it okay that I still think
it looks delicious?
168
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,738
- Jack, look at this.
- I know what you're thinking, Judy.
169
00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,158
The resemblance is uncanny.
170
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,331
I am this close to tugging
on my testicles again.
171
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:11,419
No, no, this is not what I ordered,
okay?
172
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:15,548
I went all the way to New Jersey
so that I could have the perfect cake...
173
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:19,678
...for my daughter's birthday.
And I need a bunny cake right now!
174
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,723
Ask them if it would be faster
if we cut the baby's face off the penis...
175
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:26,559
...so we could put it on the bunny.
176
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,312
That is a weird sentence.
177
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,817
Oh, believe you me,
I am going to bring this cake back.
178
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,277
I don't even want it in my home.
Don't touch it!
179
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,488
I'm so confused!
180
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:43,118
Yes, I still want my daughter's picture,
but on a bunny cake!
181
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,829
Yellow cake, chocolate frosting
with nuts!
182
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,831
To be fair, this one does have nuts.
183
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,339
Hey, Mon, it was nice of you
to loan Rachel your car...
184
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,843
...so she could get the cake.
- It was nice of her to pull my hair...
185
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,636
...till I dropped the key.
186
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,765
Well, while we're waiting,
you could tape your message to Emma...
187
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:09,477
...for her 18th birthday, huh? Okay?
188
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,313
Hi, Emma. It's the year 2020.
189
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,357
Are you still enjoying your nap?
190
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,196
We're Aunt Monica
and Uncle Chandler, by the way.
191
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,698
You may not recognize us...
192
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:25,368
...because we haven't spoken
to your parents in 17 years.
193
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,870
We used to be married.
194
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:30,874
But then we missed a weekend away
together, and things kind of unraveled...
195
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,543
...because of you.
196
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,920
Happy birthday.
197
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,882
Ross, Rachel promised
it would be over by now.
198
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,551
We seriously have to go
if we want to get to Vermont.
199
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:45,889
- The last train leaves in a half-hour.
- And I have a massage client soon.
200
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:48,641
You guys, just, please, a little bit longer.
201
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,478
I promise, Rachel will be back
with the cake any minute.
202
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:55,231
Monica, remember the frosting, huh?
203
00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:57,734
All right, five more minutes.
204
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,780
Hello?
205
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,948
Oh, no, what happened?
206
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,910
Okay, okay, where are you?
207
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,204
Okay, I'll be right there.
208
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:10,955
Was that Emma? Is she up?
209
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,167
Rachel got pulled over for speeding.
210
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,795
She forgot her license.
So I have to bring it to her.
211
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:22,008
- If you're leaving, I'm definitely going.
- Wait, if anybody gets to go, it's us!
212
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,344
We've been complaining the longest!
213
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,931
No, wait, you guys. No, you can't leave.
214
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:30,517
Rachel already feels bad
that the cake's messed up.
215
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,812
How do you think she'll feel
when she comes back and you're gone?
216
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,564
I don't know. You'll tell us on Monday.
217
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,694
Joey, you're in charge, okay?
You make sure nobody leaves.
218
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,446
Got it!
219
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,991
Hey! Where do you think you're going?
220
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,535
To the bathroom.
221
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,745
Well, the rest of you
get comfortable, okay...
222
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,164
...because we are gonna be here for a...
223
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:58,503
- Wait, there's a window in there.
- Oh, no! He's not getting away that easy!
224
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,924
What are you doing?
Get the hell out of here!
225
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:12,308
Well, that one did not have
Emma's face on it.
226
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,185
- No, it did not.
- No.
227
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,397
Well, we'd better get going. It's late.
228
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,399
Jack's not allowed
to drive at night anymore.
229
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,109
He has trouble staying in his lane.
230
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:25,238
Last winter I went up on a church lawn
and drove right through a manger scene.
231
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,782
The papers thought it was a hate crime.
232
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,289
- Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.
- Okay.
233
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,624
- Bye. Bye, dear.
- Nighty-night.
234
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,002
- Nighty-night.
- Bye.
235
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,796
- How could you just let them leave?
- Hey, hey.
236
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,800
I'm not gonna mess with Jack. He's
a great man. He fought for our country.
237
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:49,345
No, he didn't. He pretended to be
a Quaker to get out of Korea.
238
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:55,977
Well, that's it. He's the last one to go.
I'm locking you guys in. Ha.
239
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:59,731
You do know I can just turn them
the other way around, right?
240
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,358
Oh, I forgot you used to live here.
241
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,199
- Hello?
- Joey, it's Estelle.
242
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,620
- Hey.
- So how'd your audition go today?
243
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:17,123
- What audition?
- The one I told you about last week.
244
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,375
What? You never said anything
about an audition.
245
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:27,634
Let me start over.
I just got a call about an audition.
246
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,470
I think you can still make it.
247
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,599
It's down at the Astor Theater, and you
need to have a monologue prepared.
248
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,560
A monologue? I don't have a...
249
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,816
I got it. Uh...
250
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:46,069
So I'm gonna take off.
251
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,905
- What?
- What? Wait! You don't get to leave.
252
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:52,200
I've got a massage client waiting
outside my door any minute.
253
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,328
And we paid for a room
that we're supposed to be in right now!
254
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,038
Well, okay, now...
255
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,624
...only one of us has to stay with Emma.
256
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,127
Okay, and as the person
who realized that, I get to go.
257
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,296
No, no, no. No. No.
258
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,299
Let's figure out a fair way
to decide who's staying.
259
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,551
Oh, I got it.
260
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:13,805
Okay, everyone pick a number from
one to 10, all right?
261
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,474
Whoever gets the highest number
gets to go first.
262
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,104
- Okay, 10.
- Okay, Monica picks 10. I call nine.
263
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,605
Anyone else?
264
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,484
- No, let's just draw straws.
- Okay.
265
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,945
Or we could flip a coin
and multiply the answer...
266
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,698
- I'm begging you to stop.
- Right.
267
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:35,368
Okay, how about this? We got
wind-up toys for Emma for her birthday.
268
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,913
We can make them race,
and whoever comes in last stays.
269
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,332
Yeah, let's do that!
270
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,419
That sounds more fun than the thing
we were gonna do in Vermont!
271
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,464
- Okay, everybody, pick your toys!
- Okay. I want the dolphin!
272
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:51,759
- That's a bear.
- I'm too excited!
273
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,304
Phoebe, you get the bear.
Joey, you get the robot.
274
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,515
- Oh, yeah.
- And Chandler and I get the dog.
275
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:02,103
And the race is going to go
from here to here.
276
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:05,481
Now, the one who comes in last stays!
277
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,817
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
wind your toys.
278
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:12,238
- Okay. On your mark, get set, go!
- Go! Go!
279
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,865
Come on, robot!
280
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:19,328
What are you barking at?
281
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,586
Well, how is that gonna help?
282
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:30,798
I bought you! How did I forget
that that's all you do?
283
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,301
Way to go, robot!
284
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:36,137
Good job, Alan.
285
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,890
- Hey, good race, you guys.
- Yeah, see you later.
286
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,100
No. No, no. Wait.
287
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,685
We didn't lose.
288
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:47,440
The rules clearly stated that the last one
to cross the finish line was the loser.
289
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:50,735
Well, our dog never crossed
the finish line. So technically...
290
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:51,944
They left.
291
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,412
There isn't time to go to the bakery.
We're just gonna come home.
292
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,040
Everybody left?
293
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:09,712
All right. Well, just tell Emma that
we'll be there as soon as we can. Bye.
294
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,091
- Rachel!
- Oh, God, sorry!
295
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,719
I can't believe they gave you a ticket.
You're such a good driver.
296
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,891
- Emma's awake.
- Yeah?
297
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,643
I can't believe this.
298
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:27,355
This is her first birthday, she's awake,
we're not even there.
299
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,775
Everybody left. We still have
this stupid obscene cake.
300
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,487
Hey, maybe I can fix that. You know,
try to turn it into something else.
301
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,323
Oh, don't even bother.
302
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,951
We've already ruined
her first birthday.
303
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:44,330
And do you know how important these
early experiences are, Ross? Very!
304
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,500
According to the back cover
of that book that you gave me.
305
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,087
Rach, she's not gonna remember this.
306
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,340
I guess.
307
00:18:55,217 --> 00:19:00,847
Oh, I just had such an idea of what
this day would be like, you know?
308
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,182
Emma laughing...
309
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:07,436
...and everybody gathered around
her cake, singing "Happy Birthday."
310
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:11,357
And then we would all... Hey, get out
of the road, you stupid student driver!
311
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,153
They have to learn.
312
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,532
- Hey.
- What?
313
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,826
This is not bad.
314
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:26,789
Oh, my God. Look, you made it
into a bunny. How did you do that?
315
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,917
Well, I just made these
two things cheeks.
316
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,464
And then I split this to make ears.
317
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,301
Well, I am very impressed.
318
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,386
Some can sing, some can dance.
319
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:44,015
I, apparently, can turn phallic cakes
into woodland creatures.
320
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:50,813
Now, another way to organize
your stuffed animals is by size.
321
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:54,066
I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma
or for Monica?
322
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,986
Game?
323
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:01,532
Emma, do you even know it's
your birthday today? You're 1.
324
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,410
One year old. That's little.
325
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,498
That's my girl.
326
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,668
That's how old you are.
327
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:16,297
Did I teach her that?
Did I just impart wisdom?
328
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,760
Aw, I want one.
329
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,721
Me too.
330
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,063
There's no one around.
Why don't we just take this one?
331
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,607
- And head to Canada.
- I was kidding.
332
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,275
I wasn't. Let's get going.
333
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:41,030
- Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?
- No, not yet.
334
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:44,909
- Good, I didn't miss the party.
- What about your massage client?
335
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:50,039
I just felt so bad missing this. So I just
slipped him a little something, you know.
336
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:53,376
As long as I'm back in five
or six hours, it'll be all right.
337
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:56,921
Okay.
338
00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:01,342
If Ross and Rachel ask, I've been
here the whole time. The whole time.
339
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,887
I've been here the whole time.
340
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:09,475
Joey, we just saw you come in.
You ran past us on the stairs.
341
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,522
I don't care that you left. I'm just glad
that you're here. Thanks, you guys.
342
00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:17,400
Hey, guys, come on. You gotta see
what Emma just did.
343
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,902
- What?
- Emma, how old are you?
344
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,862
How old are you today?
345
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,953
Oh, Emma, that's right. You're that many.
346
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,789
Oh, my God, our daughter's a genius.
347
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,959
- This means...
- No! No science camp!
348
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:39,630
- Damn it! I'll put a candle on the cake.
- Oh...
349
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:45,594
Oh, and, Emma, look at your
stuffed animals lined up so neatly.
350
00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:47,680
Thanks.
351
00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:51,183
Okay, here we go.
352
00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:55,521
Emma's first birthday cake.
353
00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:58,607
Go ahead, Emma, blow out the candle.
354
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:01,319
Come on, Emma. You can do it.
355
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:04,655
- What's wrong? Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah, nothing.
356
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:07,366
These are happy tears. Ha, ha.
357
00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:09,785
This is just what I wanted.
358
00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:13,164
Hey, you made it into a bunny.
359
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,836
What is wrong with me? It looked
more delicious when it was a penis.
360
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,511
- Okay. Yeah.
- Okay, you ready?
361
00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:31,265
- And record.
- Okay.
362
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:35,144
Hi, Emma.
Well, your first birthday is over, and...
363
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,066
Go! Go! Come on!
364
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:44,487
Go! Go, Alan! Run, you hairy bastard!
30249
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