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1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,585
- Okay, Chandler.
- Okay.
2
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:05,671
And your horoscope says:
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,258
"On the 5th, a special someone
is going to give you a gift."
4
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:12,052
- Oh, well, thank you in advance. Mm.
- Ha, ha.
5
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,763
"But the 12th brings a lover's spat."
6
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,558
You're going to make a joke
about my special present.
7
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,853
Why would you do that?
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:25,733
Oh, wait. "On the 19th,
a secret crush announces itself."
9
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:32,656
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
10
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,200
Oh, my God! It's Joey Tribbiani
of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
11
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,122
That's right. It's your first day.
12
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,584
Are you psyched to fight fake crime
with your robot sidekick?
13
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,253
Am I psyched?
The lead in my own TV series?
14
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,839
I've dreamed about this for years.
15
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,425
Why have I not been preparing?
16
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,762
No, Joey, you're gonna be great.
17
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,599
But I gotta act with a robot.
I don't know anything about technology.
18
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,727
I can't even use Chandler's computer,
except to find porn.
19
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:06,231
And that's only because
it's there when you turn it on.
20
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,986
Our lover's spat will start
a little early this month.
21
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,446
I'll be waiting.
22
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:58,075
Are you judging them by their covers?
Because you're really not supposed to.
23
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,954
I'm deciding which one to use.
I'm going to start writing another book.
24
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,874
Because the last one
was such a big seller?
25
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:10,003
Well, if you must know,
I have written 14 books.
26
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,548
And as I'm the only one
who has read them...
27
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:16,260
...I can tell you that
they have all been very well received.
28
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,054
- Hey.
- Hey.
29
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,973
- Hi.
- What are you doing later?
30
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,475
Oh, Rachel and I have to get our hair cut.
31
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,645
- We do?
- I want to see what he wants first.
32
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,774
I just found out Elizabeth's dad
wants to meet me.
33
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,568
Wait a minute. Hold the phone.
34
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:35,070
You're not Elizabeth's dad?
35
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,742
Come on, guys.
I really want this guy to like me.
36
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,495
It would really help me out
if you guys could be here...
37
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,831
...to make me look good.
- Of course we'll help.
38
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,541
- We'll be here.
- Thanks.
39
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,544
We know how tough
those parent-teacher conferences can be.
40
00:02:55,884 --> 00:03:00,512
- So here's your office set.
- Wow, huh?
41
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,975
Mac Machiavelli, Private Investigator.
Eh?
42
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,686
- Let's get you to wardrobe for a fitting.
- Okay.
43
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,646
Hey, uh, when do I meet the robot?
44
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:12,107
Why don't we do that right now?
He's right here.
45
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,776
- Okay.
- Joey Tribbiani, this is...
46
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:18,197
Wow! He's so lifelike.
47
00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:20,574
Unbelievable.
48
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,660
This is Wayne, the man who created
and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.
49
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,038
How do you do there, buddy?
50
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,291
- I'll let you two guys get acquainted, huh?
- Okay.
51
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,792
Sorry about that.
52
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:35,881
- Uh, so where's C.H.E.E.S. E?
- C.H.E.E.S.E. Is right here.
53
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,347
Nice to meet you, Mac.
54
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:50,354
- This is the temporary robot, right?
- No. Why?
55
00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:53,815
Well, I just thought it was gonna be
a really cool robot.
56
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:57,152
Like the Terminator,
or, uh, when I first saw you.
57
00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:01,949
I spent two years developing this
machine. It's absolutely state of the art.
58
00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:05,452
I'm sorry. It doesn't look like
it can do anything.
59
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,662
It can do this.
60
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,839
Hey... Oh, ha, ha.
61
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:23,262
This is my father, Paul Stevens.
Dad, this is Ross Geller.
62
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,847
It's great to meet you, Paul.
63
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,476
I prefer that Liz's boyfriends
to address me as Mr. Stevens.
64
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,021
Uh, of course. Mr. Stevens.
65
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,482
Good. So, Ross...
66
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,901
...what's your problem?
67
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,113
Excuse me?
68
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,282
Why can't you get a girlfriend
your own age?
69
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,201
Heh. It's funny...
70
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,538
Um, it's not funny.
71
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,374
I don't like you going out
with my daughter, Ross.
72
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,294
Okay, um, I can see that.
73
00:04:55,461 --> 00:05:00,799
But I think if you give me, um, one chance,
I can change your mind.
74
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,427
- Okay.
- What?
75
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,763
Okay. I'll give you one chance
to change my mind.
76
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:09,057
You've got one minute.
77
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,977
- Daddy.
- Fine.
78
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,479
Two minutes. Go.
79
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,694
A minute and 50 seconds.
80
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,071
Okay, um...
81
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,408
I want you to know, I have never
done anything like this before.
82
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,703
I mean, I've been in, um,
relationships in general.
83
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:33,040
But I've never done it with a student.
I mean, not...
84
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,627
Not "it." We haven't done "it."
85
00:05:37,795 --> 00:05:41,798
Uh... We, I mean...
I mean, we've done stuff...
86
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:47,637
Okay. Okay. A joke.
A joke. Lighten the mood.
87
00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:50,682
Um, two guys go into a bar.
One of them is Irish.
88
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:54,644
- I'm Irish.
- And the Irish guy wins the joke.
89
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,647
- Ross?
- Ross!
90
00:05:57,815 --> 00:06:01,985
- How crazy that we would run into you.
- Oh, my God! Thank you.
91
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:03,904
Um, uh...
92
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,198
Mr. Stevens,
I'd like you to meet my friends.
93
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,283
This is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
94
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:12,746
So you're Elizabeth's father, huh?
I can see now where she gets her...
95
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,082
...rugged handsomeness.
96
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,711
Is there a Mrs. Stevens?
97
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,881
There's a Mr. Bing!
98
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:28,720
No, unfortunately, Lizzie's mom
passed away shortly after she was born.
99
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,848
- I raised her by myself.
- Oh...
100
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,142
I get that a lot.
101
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:38,021
Okay, um, why don't we all
take a seat, you know? Heh.
102
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,733
And, uh, I'll get us all
some, uh, coffees.
103
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,569
Yeah, why don't you... Ahem. Uh...
104
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:47,239
And you guys can talk about
whatever you want.
105
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,409
Whatever pops into your head.
106
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,830
It is so strange seeing Ross here,
this time of day...
107
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:57,457
...because usually
he's at the children's hospital.
108
00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,086
Yeah. But not looking for dates.
109
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:07,676
So, um, Monica is Ross' sister.
110
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,469
He's a great brother!
111
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,513
- I had a sister.
- Oh.
112
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,390
- She passed away.
- Oh...
113
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,642
You don't have to do that every time.
114
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:20,522
But, uh, Ross is a great guy.
I was roommates with him in college.
115
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,108
Funny story, heh, ha, ha...
116
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,319
Your roommate in college died,
didn't he?
117
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,656
A part of him did, yes.
118
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,285
Okay! Here we are, Paul, Elizabeth.
119
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,079
I hope you guys were finding
something to talk about.
120
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,123
- Yes. We were just...
- Sorry I'm late.
121
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:42,169
But I am ready, ready to talk you up. Heh.
122
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:44,921
- When does Liz's father get here?
- I'm already here.
123
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:48,675
Oh, Ross is so great.
124
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:57,142
Honey, you got the kind with the little girl.
You said we'd get the kind with the baby.
125
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,645
- You said the baby creeps you out.
- The little girl creeps me out.
126
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,231
- You said the baby.
- Why would the baby creep me out?
127
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,151
Why would the little girl
creep you out?
128
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,695
I'm sorry.
Can you please talk a little slower.
129
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,198
- This is for your book?
- It's about relationships.
130
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,992
You know, the traps, the pitfalls,
what not to do.
131
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,995
- Keep going. This stuff's great.
- What?
132
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,705
Excuse me.
133
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:22,667
And how none of it matters
when the people really love each other.
134
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:28,965
And how people will believe anything you
tell them as long as it's a compliment.
135
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,891
- Oh, hi! Hi.
- Hi. Hi.
136
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:41,436
- I left my keys here somewhere.
- Oh, well, let's look for them.
137
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,897
Under here... Oh, hey!
138
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,066
Hey! Are these them?
139
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,527
No.
140
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,322
- All right.
- Oh.
141
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,033
- Here they are.
- Good.
142
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,868
- Thanks for your help.
- Wait! Sorry!
143
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,870
- Mr. Paul?
- Just call me Paul.
144
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:02,082
Paul. Um,
I just wanted you to know that...
145
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,668
...you know, Ross really is a great guy.
146
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:08,421
Maybe you could date him then. It
would save me the trouble of killing him.
147
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,636
Are you okay?
148
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,639
You just don't look old enough
to have a 20-year-old daughter.
149
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,599
Well, we were very young
when we had her.
150
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:24,396
- Ah. We?
- Yeah, it usually takes two people to...
151
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,940
Oh, no! Yes! Of course. I know that.
152
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:31,695
What I meant was are you still "we"
or are you just you?
153
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,989
I'm just me. Yeah.
154
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,825
My wife died shortly
after Lizzie was born.
155
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,159
Oh.
156
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:42,122
- So you raised her all on your own?
- Yes, I did.
157
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,583
Oh...
158
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,087
- Hey.
- Hey.
159
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,006
- How was your first day?
- Great.
160
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,633
Except I got a little attitude
from the robot.
161
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:57,137
Damn those robots. They're supposed
to be our faithful servants!
162
00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,724
It wasn't the robot,
it was the guy who controls him.
163
00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:04,227
He doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E.
Knock over the sandwich table...
164
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,771
...right when I was reaching for one. Ugh.
165
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,607
Why don't you get him fired?
166
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:12,444
I may have to. I hate to do it.
But I'm the star, you know?
167
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,905
There's a limit to how many sandwiches
I can eat off the floor.
168
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,118
Excuse me.
169
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,579
Joey Tribbiani.
170
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:26,458
Joe! I'm glad I found you!
I got an audition for you.
171
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,628
- Wow.
- The thing is, it's kind of on the q.t.
172
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:33,715
The actor who has the part
doesn't know he might be fired.
173
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,842
It's the lead in a series.
174
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,761
Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
175
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,348
I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
176
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:43,767
Uh-oh.
177
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,229
Joey?
178
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,274
Hi, Ross.
179
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,781
I was just getting him to like you.
180
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,247
Joey?
181
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,626
- Joey!
- Hey, Ross.
182
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,628
Ross, Joey is not here.
183
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,047
Okay, I'll just wait for him in here!
184
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,800
Ross, it's okay. You can come out.
185
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,427
Yeah, Ross. It's okay. It's me...
186
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,429
...Mr. Stevens.
187
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,726
Oh, I didn't... Oh, my gosh.
I didn't even see you.
188
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,938
Sure you did. You came in,
got all awkward and ran to the bedroom.
189
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,065
You were shouting, "Joey, Joey!"
190
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,111
- Bye, Rachel.
- Bye.
191
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,946
- I'll call you later.
- Okay. See you!
192
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,740
- Bye, Ross.
- Ah, hoo. Ha, ha.
193
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,787
What? What the...? How did...? What?
194
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:51,126
You know, he lost his keys.
So he was looking for them.
195
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:52,711
In your mouth?
196
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,506
No.
197
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,758
Downstairs. And we got to talking...
198
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:03,221
...for two hours. I really liked him.
I invited him for a cup of coffee.
199
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,307
You were at the coffee house!
200
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,395
Ross, what's the big deal?
So I kissed the guy.
201
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,816
He's my girlfriend's father. Okay?
It's weird!
202
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:18,111
- You dated my sister.
- That was different!
203
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:22,407
- What? Why?
- This is weird for me!
204
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:26,286
Ross, look. This is good for you, okay?
205
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,539
Let's face it.
So far the guy's not loving you.
206
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,959
But I can turn that around.
I've got the inside track.
207
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:37,005
We could all go out to dinner.
And I could talk you up.
208
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:41,509
Plus the guy is a very,
very successful lawyer.
209
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,888
- How is that important?
- Oh, it's important.
210
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,643
There's a million guys
out there who can play Mac...
211
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,187
...and there's only one robot.
212
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:55,857
And this one guy who controls it.
I didn't know he could get me fired.
213
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,026
- What am I gonna do?
- Well, Joey.
214
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,487
You're a pretty charming guy.
215
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,864
Thanks. But I have a
problem to deal with.
216
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:06,284
No, sweetie. You've got to win over
the guy who controls C.H.E.E.S.E.
217
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:10,371
Go back there
and kiss some serious robot ass!
218
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,374
That's not a bad idea!
219
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:18,087
If I have to turn on the charm tomorrow,
I'm not wasting any of it on you guys.
220
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,591
Oh, actually I got a little bit
saved for you, Pheebs.
221
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,639
So do you think, uh,
Joey is more charming than me?
222
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,391
Yeah. That's why I'm sleeping
with him on the side.
223
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,685
Yeah, you wish.
224
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,359
- "You wish."
- Phoebe, stop writing about us.
225
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,987
I'm not writing about you.
I'm writing about other people.
226
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,908
- Who?
- Marsha and Chester.
227
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:52,121
Okay, fine. Fine. Then you know what?
I will just write about Phyllis.
228
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,331
- Hmm.
- Huh.
229
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:57,001
- "Phyllis is sitting in the chair."
- I see what you're doing.
230
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,963
- "Phyllis sees what I'm doing."
- Oh, ho.
231
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:05,426
Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine
and it is bitter.
232
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,934
Morning! Hey!
233
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,436
How's my favorite genius
and his robot buddy?
234
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:19,315
- Don't touch him!
- Okay. All right. Um...
235
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:24,279
Wayne, level with me. I keep hearing
all these rumors that I might get fired.
236
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:27,657
They even have actors coming in
to read for my part.
237
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,326
Come on, man.
You gotta give me a second chance.
238
00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:33,079
I love this little guy... Aah.
239
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:37,792
Okay. That's why you didn't want me
to touch him, right? There you go.
240
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,839
Stupid! I can't believe this! God.
241
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,010
Hey, how are you doing?
242
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,393
So it seemed that my prom date
had stood me up.
243
00:14:55,561 --> 00:15:00,148
So Ross selflessly offered to take me.
244
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,525
- What a nice story.
- Heh.
245
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,235
So Ross was in college...
246
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,864
...and decided to jump at the chance
to take a young girl to her prom.
247
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:14,787
Wow. I definitely did
not see that one backfiring.
248
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:18,458
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
- Yeah. Take your time.
249
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:25,006
Just so you know, I was a freshman and
she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as...
250
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:29,260
Ross, look. I know I've been giving you
a lot of jabs.
251
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:33,056
It's partly because
I'm very protective of Lizzie...
252
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,976
...and partly because
they just keep coming to me.
253
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,107
I have to admit that after all
the wonderful things Lizzie has told me...
254
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:48,988
...and the many, many, many
stories that Rachel has told me...
255
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,282
...that, well...
256
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,118
...you're not...
257
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,704
...all bad.
258
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,458
"Not all bad."
259
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,504
I'm sorry I was so harsh.
But you have to understand.
260
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:08,216
I still look at Lizzie
like she's a 12-year-old girl.
261
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:12,345
You know, I know what you mean.
I do that, too.
262
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:18,893
- I beg your pardon?
- No! I don't see her as a 12-year-old girl.
263
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:23,147
I mean, I have a son who's, um, 6,
and I still think of him as a baby.
264
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,817
- You have a son?
- Yeah. My ex-wife and I...
265
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,778
...uh, share custody of Ben. And, uh...
266
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,614
Just so you know,
Carol and I are on excellent terms...
267
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,574
...as I'm sure you are with your wife.
268
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,702
Oh! I'm sorry.
269
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,913
It's unbelievable!
270
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:42,000
Don't worry.
I just didn't realize you were married.
271
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,794
Oh, we were. But that was just a...
272
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:51,759
I mean, that was just
a big drunken mistake.
273
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,055
You're back.
274
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,351
You two were married?
275
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,479
Oh, whoops. I'm sorry.
You were talking about Emily.
276
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,444
We said we would meet
at the coffee house at 6:00.
277
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:12,530
- We said 7:00.
- We said 6:00!
278
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,699
The only way that I said 6:00...
279
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:19,954
...would be if I said the sentence,
"Let's meet at 7:00, not at 6:00."
280
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,166
If I had said 7:00, I would have
said something like:
281
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:27,420
- "Wow, my boyfriend
is such a wiseass. -00!"
282
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,715
- Hi!
- Oh, my good God!
283
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,176
- I know what time you said.
- What?
284
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,721
Well, actually I know what time
Chester and Marsha said.
285
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,767
- What time?
- Quite an interesting turn of events.
286
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:44,771
Suddenly it's my book
to the rescue, huh? Let's see.
287
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:47,648
Ooh. Very interesting.
288
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,443
Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.
289
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,112
- What does it say?
- I will tell you...
290
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,448
...as soon as you thank me
for writing my book.
291
00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:00,620
Thank you for writing your book.
It's a great book...
292
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:04,749
...and you are the queen of everything.
293
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,877
Thanks. So are you.
294
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,135
I told you I should not wear this color.
295
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:25,019
"Monica... Marsha and Chester are
planning on seeing a movie Sunday night.
296
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,355
"Marsha thinks they're supposed to
meet at 6:00.
297
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,440
Chester thinks it's at 7:00."
298
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,611
- You knew we would miss the movie?
- That's right.
299
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:37,448
Instead of telling us, you decided
to write it in your stupid book?
300
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,868
"Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis."
301
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,001
I can't believe I'm gonna lose this job.
302
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,796
I'm so sorry, man.
Is there anything I can do?
303
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,383
Yeah. Help me get this mini-fridge
past the security guard.
304
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,724
Hey, Joey, I want to talk to you.
305
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:08,312
Yeah? I don't want to talk to you, Wayne.
I hate you. You ruined my life.
306
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,107
- Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler.
- Hi. How are you?
307
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:15,403
Joey, I'll get you your job back
if you help me out.
308
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,613
Why should I help you out?
309
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:21,701
- The reason he just said.
- What do you need?
310
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,330
I saw you on stage talking
to that beautiful woman.
311
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:30,126
You know, Sarah.
I wish I could talk to her.
312
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,670
- Are you in love with her?
- Yeah.
313
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,590
Her. All of them. Anyone.
314
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:38,050
Yeah. I've been there, my friend.
315
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,262
Listen, I guarantee you keep your job...
316
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:44,265
...if you can teach me how to talk
to women like you do.
317
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:49,687
Oh, Wayne, it's not something you can
teach. It's something you're born with...
318
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,607
You can teach it.
I can show you right now.
319
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,735
I mean, if you think about it...
320
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:59,113
...Ross did learn something
from each marriage.
321
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:02,200
- How to make the next one even shorter?
- Oh.
322
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,993
Wait a minute. That's not fair.
323
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:07,330
He was married to me a hell of a lot
longer than he was to Emily.
324
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,665
He just didn't tell me.
325
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,254
Maybe I have to pee again.
326
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,261
Well, this is fun.
327
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,764
So Ross...
328
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,807
...did you kill any of these wives?
329
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,392
You know what? I...
330
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:33,105
I have had enough of this.
I care a great deal about your daughter.
331
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:35,733
And I have treated her
with nothing but respect.
332
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:39,403
- So if you've got a problem with me...
- Are you yelling at me?
333
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,530
God, no.
334
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:46,494
You know what, Daddy?
If you don't like Ross, that's fine.
335
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,956
It doesn't matter to me.
I'm gonna go out with him anyway.
336
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:52,041
Really?
337
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,418
Well, if it doesn't matter to her...
338
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,630
...it doesn't matter to me.
Still not yelling.
339
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:03,302
Well, what can I say?
340
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,266
This doesn't make me like you better.
341
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,769
That's okay. I'm not so crazy
about myself right now either.
342
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,522
- Then we agree?
- Yeah, I guess so.
343
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,482
- Neither of us like Ross.
- I like Ross.
344
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:19,360
Oh, heh, kids!
345
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,949
Wait. I just thought of another story
about how nice Ross is.
346
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,743
That's okay, Rach.
We're not liking Ross right now.
347
00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:30,538
- Oh! Well, I got a lot of those, too.
- Uh...
348
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,336
Well, it turns out you were right,
C.H.E.E.S.E.
349
00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:40,923
- That shipment never made it to Omaha?
- You got it.
350
00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:44,885
And the rabbi's beard?
100 percent horse hair.
351
00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:46,679
Nice catch, C.H.E.E.S.E.
352
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,978
It's your line, C.H.E.E.S.E.
353
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,733
Wayne! Wayne!
28534
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