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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:04,796 Oh, my God! You fancy him, don't you? 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:06,638 - KELLY: Who was she? - SETH: She was... 3 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:08,079 my girlfriend. 4 00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,190 She died. 5 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,039 So did you wanna go for that drink, like a date? 6 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,229 Yeah. 7 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,999 - What about Shannon? - She's not coming back. 8 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,953 DARK RUDY: You just had unprotected anal sex with that girl. 9 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,513 I most certainly did. 10 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,949 - And she loved it! - What if she's got HIV? 11 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,514 Cute girls don't get HIV! 12 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,393 Thanks for the hand job, but you're quite old 13 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,716 and you cry a lot. 14 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,876 She was me first, Clare. 15 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:33,910 He just sleeps with people, 16 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,634 he's out of there before he's had time to take his condom off. 17 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,830 This turning into a girl thing, is that born out of some sort of sexual confusion? 18 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,349 You ain't lived until you've had a multiple orgasm. 19 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,995 AH over your body, like waves of measure. 20 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,951 Were you... wanking? 21 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,399 So what if I was? 22 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,876 - I think you've got your period. - No-one needs to see that. 23 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,240 (HE GROANS) 24 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,511 Why did she stab me? What did I ever do to her? 25 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,834 That wasn't Kelly. 26 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,791 She's swapped bodies. 27 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,160 You'll be fine. 28 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,472 (DANCE MUSIC) 29 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:11,555 (CAMERA CLICKS) 30 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,230 All right? 31 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,315 Top party! You are pretty. You've got nice... 32 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:25,953 What are them? These here. 33 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,070 They're c-collarbones! 34 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:33,315 Do you mind if I smell your hair? Or is that a bit creepy? 35 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,430 Bit creepy. Mm! 36 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:42,077 All right? You know, you have really slim ankles! 37 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,680 Yeah, that smells like, er... 38 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,917 smells like Ready Brek. 39 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:51,510 Sexy bone, that. Very... very underrated bone, innit? 40 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,073 Mm. 41 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,039 I'll tell you who's got the best ankles - the Chinese. 42 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,515 Because you never see a Chinese woman with fat ankles, do you? 43 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,073 - (CHUCKLES) - I love Ready Brek, me. 44 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,519 It's the, er... 45 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,029 it's the breakfast of champions. 46 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,234 Whoo! 47 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,191 (THEY LAUGH) 48 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,074 (SHE SQUEALS) 49 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:23,916 RUDY : Mmm... 50 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,316 Whoa, whoa! What is that?! What is that? 51 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,591 - Oh! - Have we got any use for that? No? 52 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,596 - Wait. - What? 53 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:34,960 I don't wanna do this if it's just gonna be a one-night thing. 54 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,594 - No, no, no, no. Course not. - I'm sick of guys treating me like shit. 55 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,916 - Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. - You promise you'll call me tomorrow? 56 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,749 Love, I promise. I promise you I am not one of them guys. 57 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,633 That's it now. Oh, it's on! 58 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,593 - It is on! Sweet child 0' mine! - Oh! 59 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:50,710 Are you ready? 60 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,639 - (EXHALES DEEPLY) Yeah? - (SQUEALS) 61 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,240 (HE LAUGHS) 62 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,473 (SHE MOANS) 63 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,833 (HE MOANS) 64 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:11,032 (LAUGHS) 65 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,310 Ooh! Hoo-ooh! Oooh! 66 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,910 (THEY PANT) 67 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,791 Nice one for that! I needed it. 68 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,514 Oh! Listen, I, er... 69 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,439 I think you're wonderful and everything, but, er... 70 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,630 I think it's only fair to say I won't be calling you. 71 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,355 What?! So you just fuck me and leave? You said you weren't one of those guys? 72 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,198 Yeah, I lied. Have... 73 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,992 Whoa, whoa! 74 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,439 Ohh! Easy, tiger! 75 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,790 Ahhh! Oh! 76 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,993 It was nice knowing you and everything. 77 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,675 Wanker. 78 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,551 (# THE RAPTURE.' Echoes) 79 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,830 ti The city breathing, the people churning 80 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,951 it The conversating 81 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,832 # The price is what? 82 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,719 It The conversating 83 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,671 # This place is heaven 84 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,233 # And if you see them... # 85 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,114 She was nice. She was a... nice... nice girl. 86 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,480 Nice and pretty. 87 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,919 I've gotta be honest- I don't really remember. 88 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,635 You can't remember someone you had sex with? Classy(!) 89 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,034 Well, she was certainly happy with the service. 90 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,550 Look what old Rudy found in his jeans this morning. 91 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,194 The digits! 92 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,833 So are you going to call her? 93 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,236 No! No, I'm not. And I'll tell you why. 94 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,352 When you buy a dog, right, 95 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,392 you know that one day, the dog, it'll grow old 96 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,192 and it'll die. Oh! 97 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,151 And you're gonna be... you're just gonna be heartbroken. 98 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,918 Cos you loved that dog, he was just a cheeky little scamp. 99 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:22,158 Here's an idea. Don't buy the fucking dog in the first place. 100 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,111 Save everyone the bastard hassle. 101 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,515 - Right. - All I'm saying is, 102 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,631 it's better that I make her cry a little bit now 103 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,672 than break her heart in three years' time when she's totally in love with me 104 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,711 and we've bought a load of shitty furniture together. 105 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:38,470 It's... it's just the humane thing to do, isn't it? 106 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,158 - You prick. - I know. 107 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,237 - What are we doing today? - We're doing nothing. 108 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,999 - The probation worker's dead. - Oh, yeah. 109 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,998 - Do we even need to be here? - If the probation worker goes missing 110 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,838 and we don't turn up to community service, it looks suspicious. 111 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,553 Whoa, whoa. 112 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,637 Shh-shh-shh-shh! 113 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,034 What was that? 114 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,034 I can't hear anything. 115 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,554 There! You must... you must've heard that? 116 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,271 - Bingo! - (ICE-CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS) 117 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,914 It's the fucking ice-cream van! Right, who wants what? 118 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,793 Who wants what? Come on! You... c-c-come with me! 119 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:17,751 I need an extra pair of hands. Curtis! 120 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:21,514 Come! Curtis! 121 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,159 Come on. 122 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,476 (# IPC SUB EDITORS: Dictate Our Youth) 123 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,154 (HORN HONKS) 124 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,679 RUDY: Oi! 125 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,358 I said... 126 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,118 ice cream! Ice-cream van's here! 127 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,629 What you having? Look, don't worry about money. 128 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,398 - We'll sort all that out later. - Fuck off! 129 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,080 Well, you'll be sorry, won't you, when you've not got an ice cream 130 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,918 and I'll, mm, and I'll be licking an ice cream? 131 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,758 You won't have anything. You won't have anything! 132 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,677 (RUDY SHOUTS) 133 00:06:58,720 --> 00:06:59,790 (KELLY SIGHS) 134 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:02,914 I'm gonna have to go inside. 135 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,758 - D'you have to? - Well, they always send 136 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,757 a new probation worker after we've killed one. 137 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:08,915 (SIGHS) 138 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,836 Do you wanna come in? 139 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,555 Yeah, all right. 140 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,239 (JINGLE PLAYS) 141 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,038 - Hi. - Hi. 142 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,070 I might... 143 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,309 I, um... 144 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,829 I... I'd like some ice cream. 145 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,234 Good, cos I sell those. 146 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,600 (CHUCKLES) 147 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,074 - Right. - (CHANGE JANGLES) 148 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,599 Um... 149 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,039 Three cones. 150 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,559 And, um... 151 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,989 and a rainbow lolly thing. 152 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,031 D'you want some nuts and sauce? 153 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,479 RUDY: Nuts! 154 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:50,840 Give me some nu... 155 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,518 Whoa! Give me some nuts, 156 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,710 extra sauce and a Flake, please. 157 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,832 It's a buzzin' day, innit, man? 158 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,075 No work, eh, 159 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,714 nuts, extra sauce and a Flake. 160 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:02,989 Could this day get any better? 161 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,439 What?! 162 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:06,829 What? 163 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,109 Oh, hello. 164 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,355 Hi. 165 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,154 Where's your mate? 166 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:15,996 He... 167 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,951 had to make a call. 168 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,035 Oh. 169 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,152 There's your first two. 170 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,235 Give. Give 'em. 171 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,160 So... what was that all about, 172 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,113 the whole... sex-change-switch thing? 173 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,470 Dunno. Just happened. 174 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,512 Well, may I just say, you're looking particularly fine today. 175 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,471 Me, personally, 176 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,273 I could never get tired of looking at that arse... 177 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,355 CURTIS: Is that right? 178 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,356 Right, now, you're gonna have to tell me 179 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,516 when you're gonna change like that, mate, eh? 180 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:54,914 It's horrible. 181 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,031 Here. 182 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,150 Hmmmm 183 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,634 (HUMS) 184 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,189 What the fuck is that? 185 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,276 It fucking came off! Me fucking dick's come off, man! 186 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,199 That's what happens when you fuck me and then just walk away. 187 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,833 Have you done this to me? 188 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,679 I'm not gonna let guys like you do shit like this to me any more. 189 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,836 Well, fuckin' pack it in ice, man! 190 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,393 Oh, you dick! Look what you've done! 191 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,511 D-D-D-Don't step on it! 192 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,439 Take this. 193 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,870 Is there... is there something wrong with your penis? 194 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,639 - Jesus! - I know! 195 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,796 - Christ! - Dude, that is like 196 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,956 no STD I have ever seen. 197 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,071 And trust me, mate, I've seen 'em, I've seen 'em all. 198 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,317 It's a power thing. That... girl you slept with, she gave it to you. 199 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,158 How do you know? 200 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,679 I saw the future. Put... 201 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,234 Oh, sorry. Yeah. Well, what happened? 202 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,916 It... it came off. 203 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,439 - What came off? - Your cock. 204 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,757 - My cock came off? - Yes. Then someone stood on it. 205 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:21,192 My cock came! Well... (RAMBLES) I do not wanna live without my cock. 206 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,629 That's just one version of the future. We can change it. 207 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:24,875 How? 208 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,877 She said it was a punishment for sleeping with her and walking away. 209 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,115 Right! 210 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:32,916 So I just need to fuck her again, and my cock'll go back to normal, won't it? 211 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,714 - I think so. I'm not sure. - I need to find her 212 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:37,955 and shag her right now. 213 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,520 You have her number. 214 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,551 Ooh, f... 215 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,796 Shit! Fuck! 216 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,392 - Really? - What did you expect? 217 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,317 It's not a five-star hotel. 218 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,956 Well, I mean, we can always leave it, if you want. 219 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,229 No! 220 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:10,998 Come here. 221 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,352 Right, so... 222 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,993 read out the numbers - I'm gonna dial it. 223 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,236 - Zero... - Good start. 224 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,634 Come on. 225 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,190 ...double seven, double zero, nine, double zero. 226 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,639 That's all we've got. 227 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,159 - W... - We're missing the last two. 228 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,669 Right, well, I'm gonna have to try every combination till I get the right one, 229 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,119 aren't I? 230 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,392 Hello! My name's Rudy. I was just wondering if you can help me. 231 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,637 Did I have sex with you last night? Because l... 232 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:51,875 Hello? 233 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,752 Hell? Hello? 234 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,711 Well, I'm sorry, but how rude's that? 235 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,114 Eh? 236 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,992 Unbelievable. 237 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,509 Hello! It's Rudy. 238 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,392 Um, basically... No... 239 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,999 No, no, no, no, no. Not right now. 240 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,634 I'm on the phone. Urn, yeah, just a quick question. 241 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,672 Did I have sex with you last night? 242 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,719 Hell? Fuck! 243 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,114 (CHUCKLES) I'm not even gonna ask. 244 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,555 This isn't going to work. 245 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,830 You need to try and remember what happened last night. 246 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,232 There was one gi... two gi... there was... There was three girls. 247 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,237 There was definitely three. 248 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,398 So it's one in three. What were their names? 249 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,319 - I've no idea. - What did they look like? 250 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:39,954 Ankles. 251 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,874 Collarbones. 252 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,313 Ready Brek. 253 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,555 Ready Brek? 254 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,194 - (SIGHS) - If you've nothing constructive to say, 255 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,833 then please, man, shut the fuck up. 256 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,712 We should retrace your steps, 257 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,831 go back to the house, see if she's still there. 258 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:01,836 Yes! See this guy? 259 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,200 He's good! 260 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,514 (WHEEZY LAUGH) 261 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,836 You're a logic guy, and I can... I really can respect that. 262 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,474 I bet you're really good at Battleships, aren't you? 263 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,160 Anyway, stop chatting. We've gotta save me cock. 264 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,154 This is it. 265 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,349 Definitely. 266 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,314 (DOOR CREAKS) 267 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,079 (SIGHS) 268 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,351 Where did you see her last? 269 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,799 Bedroom. 270 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,959 (WHISPERS) Here, man, it's her. 271 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,277 Are you certain you have the right room? 272 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,719 Have we got any use for that? 273 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,149 Yeah, man, I'm telling you, that is her. That's definitely her. 274 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,237 OK. 275 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,669 So you just need to wake her up, 276 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,358 talk to her 277 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,596 and try to have sex with her. 278 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,039 Or... 279 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,639 Or what? 280 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,591 Well, I mean, do I need... 281 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,154 to wake her up? Is that bit important? 282 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,191 - What d'you mean? - Well... 283 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,517 I dunno. Can't I just slip it in there and give her a little sleepy-fuck? 284 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:36,914 That's rape. 285 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,519 (TUTS) 286 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,278 Is it? 287 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,277 Yes! 288 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,038 I'm not sure - that's a grey area, dude. 289 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,957 No, it isn't. 290 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,911 Oh! What a dick! 291 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,598 You've woke her up, man! 292 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,711 Just wait here, and just... 293 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,274 (WHISPERS) ...make sure no-one comes in, yeah? 294 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,958 Hello! 295 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,911 Why are you still here? 296 00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,234 I get it. 297 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,430 You're angry at me for walking out on you. 298 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,040 It was a joke! (LAUGHS) It was a practical joke. 299 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,913 And now here I am, with these lovely flowers, look! 300 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,078 I don't need flowers. I need fucking painkillers! 301 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,157 - My head's killing me. - Look, listen, right. 302 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,554 I think... I think I'm fall... 303 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,432 Stop it. 304 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,278 I think I'm falling for you. 305 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,594 Do you understand? 306 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,950 Yeah? I think you might be the one. 307 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,718 Can I have my tablets back? 308 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,070 Last night, when we fucked - 309 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,875 made love, whatever- our souls joined together. 310 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,355 Yeah? And here's the big news... 311 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,272 I want to be your boyfriend. 312 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,954 We'll settle down, we'll get an 'ouse. In the weekends, 313 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,756 we'll go to Homebase, and in the evenings, we'll cuddle up and watch DVDs... 314 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,633 All that can be yours. 315 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,470 Shall we seal the deal with a bit of sex? 316 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,439 Why would I want to be your girlfriend? 317 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,434 Because you're a girl. 318 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:17,314 - It's what you lot want, isn't it? - No. 319 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,318 - Anyway. I never slept with you. - You did... 320 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,395 I think I know who I had sex with. 321 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,559 Well, how come I rock up here at the scene of the crime 322 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,876 and you're still in bed? 323 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,319 Because I live here. 324 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,919 Because this is my bed. 325 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,439 Right... 326 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,596 So you fucked someone in my bed? 327 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,836 I need to leave. 328 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,998 Are you... are you a doctor or summat? 329 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,030 I'm a trainee. 330 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,115 That'll do. 331 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,356 I need an expert medical opinion on something... 332 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,153 - Out you come. - (SCREAMS) 333 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,033 Simon! Simon, dude, it's not her. 334 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,310 - We need to get a move on, mate. - What happened? 335 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,794 I've just shown it to her. It's gone black. 336 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,717 It is not pretty down there, my friend. 337 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,512 All right, love, I'm Rudy. 338 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,554 I think I know who it might be. 339 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,079 Ooh, have I had sex with her? 340 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,519 Wow. 341 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,836 Do you know this girl? 342 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:11,111 - That's Amy Goodwin. - Do you know where she lives? 343 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,436 #All I really want is girls 344 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,831 it And in the morning, it's girls 345 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,839 # Cos in the evening, it's girls... # 346 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,837 Never thought I'd say this - I'm actually kind of bored. 347 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,791 Ring the Council if you want, 348 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,558 get them to hurry up with the new probation worker. 349 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:28,874 You're all right. 350 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,560 #... And I can always make them smile 351 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,160 # From White Castle to the Nile. # 352 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,517 Oh, hi. 353 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,790 Not again. 354 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,150 I keep randomly changing. 355 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,918 Something's going on with my power. 356 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:54,318 - And my tits, they're really sore. - Be honest... 357 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:57,113 is this just an excuse for being shit at table football? 358 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,629 They're fucking killing me. Is that normal? 359 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,997 So... 360 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,839 This is community service, is it? 361 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,110 Yeah. It's usually much more shit than this. 362 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,312 Have you got a passport? 363 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:23,839 What? 364 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,757 Why do you want my passport? 365 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,438 I thought we could go away together. 366 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,438 What, like on holiday? 367 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,632 Yeah. I was going to go on my own, but... 368 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,149 I was thinking Morocco, somewhere like that. 369 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,679 What's in Morocco? 370 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,270 It's just somewhere to go. Somewhere different. 371 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,516 I've got my community service. 372 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,398 It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it if you're not interested. 373 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,554 I'll think about it. 374 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,713 Hang on a minute. 375 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,751 Let me have a wee before we start. 376 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,473 Who says romance is dead? 377 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,876 - Fuck off. - Go on then, go for your wee. 378 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:42,669 What's it doing? 379 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,797 It's not doing anything... 380 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,514 I'm pregnant. 381 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,872 # Ticking away The moments that make up a dull day 382 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:18,356 # Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way 383 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,910 # Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town 384 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,837 # Waiting for someone or something to show you the way 385 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,349 # Tired of lying in the sunshine... 386 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,870 It's really starting to hurt, this is, mate. 387 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:44,830 This is her flat. 388 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,393 OK. 389 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,351 OK, match. 390 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,437 It is frigging payback time. 391 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,551 I'm going to fuck her so hard, man, 392 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,752 I am going to fuck her into the middle of next week. 393 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,314 I'm going to fuck her so hard she's going to be like a... 394 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,879 That wasn't her. 395 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,709 At least, I don't think it was. 396 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,751 Can't have been that drunk... 397 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,360 - I think we need to leave. - No! Whoa! No! 398 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,357 We are going nowhere, pal. 399 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,640 Hello... 400 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,353 Amy Goodwin. 401 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,357 How are... how are things? 402 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,676 Did you just flash your cock at my sister? 403 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,518 No. 404 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,709 Yeah, I did, yeah. 405 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,832 What the fuck do you think you're doing? She's in there now, crying her eyes out! 406 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:43,158 It was a simple misunderstanding. I thought she was you. 407 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,555 What are even you doing here? 408 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,193 Flowers. 409 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,358 Because you're... my flower. 410 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,960 Right. 411 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,469 - Look, if this is about last night... - Yeah, 412 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,033 look, I apologise for that. 413 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,390 I were bang out of order. 414 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,669 It shouldn't have happened. 415 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,917 You're right. I hold my hands up. I'm sorry. 416 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,359 OK. 417 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,789 Look, it was lovely meeting you and everything, but you really should leave. 418 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:15,558 Look, whoa, whoa! 419 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,673 420 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,600 - Right? I was a prick. - Can we just forget about it? 421 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,314 I can't forget about it! I can't forget about you. 422 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,676 I want you to be my girlfriend, Amy Goodwin. 423 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,873 Can you please just fuck off or I'm gonna have to call the police, all right? 424 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,149 But, Amy... 425 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,191 Amy Goodwin... 426 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,072 I should do another one. 427 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,472 Don't waste your money. They'll all come out the same. 428 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,033 It can't be right. 429 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,832 Curtis, you're pregnant. 430 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,035 You can't tell anyone, yeah? 431 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,310 Don't worry, I won't. 432 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,797 Who's the father? 433 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,558 I don't know. 434 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,433 Well, who did you have sex with when you were a girl? 435 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,517 - No-one! - It can't be no-one's. 436 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,790 What about that stuff with the creepy coach guy? 437 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,276 Not him. He didn't do anything. 438 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,549 Well, who then? 439 00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:26,272 Didn't... Rudy try it on with you? 440 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,713 Motherfucker! 441 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,795 You should've seen her face. She knows, she knows what she did to me. 442 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,160 We need to think of something. 443 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,795 Mate, you need to think of something, cos you're the ideas man. 444 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,480 I'm wasting away down here. 445 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,236 How much money have you got? 446 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,110 You're going to pay her to have sex with you?! 447 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,629 Well, let's have a better idea. Eh? 448 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,591 - (MOBILE RINGS) - Hang on. 449 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,951 - Yeah? - Did you have sex with me? 450 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,877 - What?! - Did you have sex with the girl me 451 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:06,955 that time in the locker room? 452 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,389 - No, no, dude, I only went down on you. - We“, then, how come I'm pregnant?! 453 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,159 Seriously? Mate, congratulations! 454 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,520 Simon, our Curtis is pregnant. 455 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,111 Yeah, mate, he's speechless. Listen, we're both really happy for you. 456 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,639 You're saying that nothing happened? 457 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,159 Dude, nowt happened. 458 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,431 Mate, I've got to go, I've got more important things to deal with right now, 459 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,232 like me cock, which is falling off! 460 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,271 Do one. 461 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:29,515 What did he say? 462 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,915 He's saying his cock's falling off. 463 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,439 What about the baby? 464 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:37,469 Said it wasn't him. 465 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,750 Well, it must be someone. These things don't just happen on their own! 466 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,154 Yeah, I do know that! 467 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,680 Oh, shit! 468 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,712 - Me again. - (COIN DROPS) 469 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,230 - What are you doing? - I've got... 470 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,396 £16.76. 471 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,397 - What for? - Just forget everything, 472 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,954 take the money, have sex with me. 473 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,037 You think I'm a prostitute?! 474 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:27,278 Or that you could be. If you wanted. 475 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,357 Because you're so beautiful. 476 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,518 - Oh, my God. - In the name of the Father, 477 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,120 please, take the money and shag me! 478 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,231 - Look, I'll be really quick... - Just get out. 479 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,796 ...and I'll clean up after myself. - Amy, are you all right? 480 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,673 Will you go away? We're just in the middle of something, sorry. 481 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,439 It's nothing, it's... just some guy. 482 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,519 Some... guy that you had sex with last night. 483 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,392 - What?! - What is he on about? 484 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,431 I'm not ashamed of it, neither, 485 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:56,879 and I'm gonna scream it from the frigging rooftops. 486 00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,754 I had sex with Amy Goodwin last night, and she was amazing. 487 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:01,835 You were amazing. 488 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,394 We did not have sex. 489 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,351 We just kissed, you twat! 490 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,198 You kissed him?! 491 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,560 OK, that does sound worse than it is. 492 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,274 Whoa, sorry, we didn't have sex? 493 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,470 - So, what, you're back into guys now? - I was drunk. 494 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,955 Weird. I seem to remember that being the excuse last time. 495 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,832 Can we talk about this later? 496 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,635 Whoa, I'm sorry to interrupt this little... thing you've got going on here, 497 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,479 but are you absolutely sure we didn't have sex? 498 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,716 Yes. So, can you fuck off? 499 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,513 Oh, ohhh, God! 500 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:31,709 Ohh. 501 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:37,517 Oh, er... Do apologise to your sister for me, won't you? You know. 502 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,871 Maybe come back and show her again when it's better or summat. 503 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,957 Nice one. 504 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,079 It's not her, mate. 505 00:26:54,120 --> 00:26:56,191 It's gotta be Collarbones - she's the one. 506 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,550 We should go back to the house where the party was. 507 00:26:58,600 --> 00:26:59,874 Someone's got to know who she is. 508 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,115 Come on, let's go. 509 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,436 Oh, fuck. 510 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,679 So... you're wanking off as a guy... 511 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:39,558 ...and then swapping and doing it again... as a girl? 512 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,399 Uh-huh. 513 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,317 Why? 514 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,160 It passed the time. 515 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,271 Ugh. 516 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,120 I think I used the same... the same tissue to... 517 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,791 ...to wipe up. 518 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,630 Both times. 519 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,034 That is so fucking rank. 520 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,798 Thanks for the sympathy, yeah? 521 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,320 You got a sec? 522 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,559 Are you pregnant? 523 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:21,954 No. 524 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,391 Well, there's this thing in the toilet, a pee stick thing. 525 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,238 I don't know what you're talking about. 526 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,394 Right. OK. 527 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,669 It doesn't matter. 528 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,436 This is really starting to piss me off. 529 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,120 Then just swap back, just stop moaning about it. 530 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,191 I can't switch back! 531 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,356 You're kidding me. 532 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:11,589 I'm stuck! 533 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:23,709 Argh! 534 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:40,951 Exposing yourself... 535 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,913 to a 12-year-old girl. 536 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,713 It were a simple misunderstanding. Anyone could've done that. 537 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,319 Now your penis is going to fall off. 538 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,240 What did I say to you? I said, didn't I, if you go around, acting like an idiot, 539 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,874 sexing up all these girls, you are gonna catch something. 540 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,595 I thought I might get the clap or one or two crabs here and there. 541 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,836 I weren't expecting this. It's rotting away! 542 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:05,351 Well, maybe if you treat her right instead of all the macho bollocks all the time... 543 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,152 - Here we go. - Just face it, 544 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:11,034 the only reason, mate, you treat girls like crap 545 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,832 is because you're scared. 546 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,919 You're scared that if you let 'em in, and they get to know the real you, 547 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,758 you know, then they might reject you. 548 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,952 So you reject them, before they get a chance. 549 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,310 You never let your guard down. 550 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,590 You are... 551 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,756 pathetic. 552 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,996 But now your todge is gonna fall off, so... 553 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:35,079 Just shut the fuck up, man! 554 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,430 Are you happy now? 555 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,836 Yeah, I'm scared. 556 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:47,473 I'm never gonna have sex again and I'm gonna look like a freak. 557 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,958 Yeah, well, I can't live with you like this - you're gonna do my head in. 558 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:57,639 I might have an idea. 559 00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,229 I thought I'd cook you some dinner tonight. 560 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,559 Fishfingers, nothing special. 561 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,637 Are you pregnant? 562 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:08,715 What? 563 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,114 It's OK. 564 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,551 I know it's not what either of us planned. I just want to say that... 565 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,160 I'm there for you, if you, you know... 566 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,235 I'm not pregnant. 567 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,478 - I saw the pregnancy test in the toilet. - It's not mine. 568 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,033 Well, Alisha says it's not hers, so whose is it? 569 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,559 I don't know! 570 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,479 You can tell me. Just... tell me the truth. 571 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:28,715 lam! 572 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,195 It's not mine. I'm not pregnant, you dick. 573 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,277 Right. 574 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,231 So you can stop shitting yourself. 575 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,430 What? It's fine, I wasn't worried. 576 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,232 Nah, course you weren't. 577 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,556 All right, maybe I was shitting myself a little bit. 578 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,796 - (MOBILE RINGS) - Oh, it's work. I'd better get this. 579 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:46,674 Yeah? 580 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:47,835 Right. 581 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,117 What, you found it? 582 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,194 And where is it now? 583 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,075 Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. 584 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,999 Urn... yeah, I want it. 585 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:05,394 I'll be right there. 586 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:12,914 Something's come up. 587 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:14,314 I need to get going. 588 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,636 It's fine, don't worry about it. 589 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:18,875 I'm really sorry. 590 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:38,629 Make it quick. 591 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:42,230 Oh, I see - you're a watcher. Well, unlucky, cos I need a shit. 592 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,312 (CRASHING) 593 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,869 - Oh! - Are you all right? 594 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:01,879 Just a bit of a messy one, mate. You're better off out there. 595 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,231 - (FLUSHES) - Swear you'll come back for me. 596 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,999 Yep. Look, I promise. 597 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,350 Thanks for doing this, man. 598 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:12,674 Good luck, yeah? 599 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,679 Hiya. 600 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:29,520 I'm gonna at least need some antibacterial hand scrub or a hand towel. It's disgus... 601 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,516 Just call me fucking Harry Houdini. 602 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,312 I think I know where she might be. 603 00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,034 What? 604 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,515 What's that? Is that the best you've got? 605 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,190 The future of my cock depends on the slim chance 606 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,358 that she might be at some random nightclub? Is that what you're saying? 607 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:09,629 Yes. 608 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,637 Well, let's get going, then! 609 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,199 Shit. 610 00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:22,719 Yeah. 611 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,512 I know. 612 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:25,994 What are you gonna do? 613 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:27,314 I've tried everything. 614 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:28,589 I'm stuck. 615 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,392 So, what happens to Curtis? 616 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:33,760 I'm still here! 617 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,519 So... what shall we call you? 618 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:40,949 Like... Melissa or? 619 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,037 I don't give a shit! 620 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,514 I'm gonna have a baby. 621 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,995 - That isn't right. - (WHISPERS) Kelly... 622 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,110 I'm sorry. 623 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,436 You can't have a baby where the mum's a man who turns into a woman. 624 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,679 There are options, you know. 625 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,673 I'll see you tomorrow. 626 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,713 It's in the boot. 627 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,918 Are you gonna ask me where I found it? 628 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,519 What? 629 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:45,475 You know something, after all this hassle, I thought you'd be a little more excited. 630 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,670 It's complicated. 631 00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:49,279 You do still want it, don't you? 632 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,914 I mean, cos if you don't, I can always find another buyer. 633 00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:56,069 Yeah. 634 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:57,918 Yeah, I do want it. 635 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,112 (ENGINE STARTS) 636 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,079 (MUFFLED PROTESTS) 637 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,593 Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you. 638 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,950 I've just come to take your power. 639 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,795 (DANCE MUSIC POUNDS) 640 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:01,870 Where is she, man? 641 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:03,069 We should split up. 642 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:09,071 Oh, that is a good idea. Listen, look for a girl with beautiful collarbones, mate. 643 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,999 All right? Good lad. 644 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,313 Jesus. 645 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,351 Argh! Argh! 646 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,677 - Whoa. Oh, it's great to see you(!) - You wanker! 647 00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:50,679 Listen, please, help me out. Just shag me and make me better. 648 00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:52,677 So, what, you think this is what this is all about? 649 00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:54,040 I just want another fuck, and everything will go back to normal? 650 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,390 I don't know! I don't know what you want. 651 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,158 I just didn't want to be treated like shit. 652 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,512 Guys like you, you shit on girls and you just walk away, no harm done. 653 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,312 You make me sick. 654 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:08,319 Well, guess what? Now your dick's gonna fall off. 655 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:09,839 And I'm glad. 656 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:14,078 I'm hanging by a thread. I am hanging by a thread! Help me out! 657 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,440 Please help me. 658 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,598 Fuck! Fuck's sake! My penis! 659 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,396 Jesus Christ! Get out the way, move. 660 00:38:29,720 --> 00:38:31,996 (RECORD SCRATCHES TO A STOP) 661 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:33,553 GIRL: Get off the stage, you wanker. 662 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,513 Sorry to interrupt your party. Urn... 663 00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:38,870 There's just something I need to say. 664 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,355 - MAN: Fuck off! - Hmm. I just want to say, 665 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,789 to all the girls I might have had sex with... 666 00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,354 and treated like shit, 667 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,311 I am sorry. 668 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,397 I'm sorry. 669 00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:52,033 I don't know why I do it. 670 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,720 Maybe I am... scared. 671 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:59,674 I just... I'm scared that if you get to know me, 672 00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:04,669 when I'm not pissed and fucking showing off, being a dick, 673 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:07,473 you'll think I'm nothing... 674 00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:08,954 special. 675 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,190 I'm just a twat with a big mouth. 676 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:15,230 Um... 677 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,398 I never meant to hurt anyone. 678 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,511 I'm sorry. 679 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,477 Thanks, that's all I have to say. 680 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:28,195 - GIRL: Fuck off, then! - MAN: Shut up, you northern monkey! 681 00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:29,674 (CROWD JEERS) 682 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,598 (DANCE MUSIC RESTARTS) 683 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,316 - You look like you meant that. - I did. I did. 684 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,078 You ever do this to anyone else... 685 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:04,069 I swear! I swear to God, I'll never do it again. Just make me better, please. 686 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,476 Is that? It's going back to normal? It's going back to normal! 687 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,751 - Thank you so much! - Anyway, nice knowing you. 688 00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,839 No, wait... I'm sorry, I didn't... 689 00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:19,871 I never got your name. 690 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,274 I'm Rudy. 691 00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,231 Leah. 692 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,510 You seem like a really nice girl. 693 00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,790 Do you want to... 694 00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,639 Do you want to go for a drink? 695 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,079 (LAUGHS) Oooh 696 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,239 So you want to get me drunk and fuck me again, is that it? 697 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,669 That's not what it is. 698 00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,233 It's not. 699 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,638 See you later. 700 00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,796 (MOBILE RINGS) 701 00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,399 This is Seth, leave a message. 702 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,478 It's me. I just wanted to say about Morocco. 703 00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:26,070 I don't know why I didn't say yeah straight away. I'm a dick. 704 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,636 It's just that no-one's ever asked me to go on holiday with them before. 705 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,435 Anyway, yeah, so just give me a call later. 706 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:36,833 I miss ya. 707 00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,279 - Where's Curtis? - I don't know. 708 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,675 I think he's got morning sickness. 709 00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:11,075 He should eat ginger biscuits. 710 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:15,193 Apparently it helps alleviate the nausea. 711 00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:20,155 Take this down. Here you are, check it out. 712 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,316 Check that bastard out, it's immaculate! 713 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,795 - I'm very happy for you. - Thank you. 714 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,877 And, you know, thank you. 715 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,231 Your boyfriend helped save my cock, did you know that? 716 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,509 I'm so proud(!) 717 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,834 Yeah, and so you bloody should be. 718 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,030 Do you know what, man? It actually made me wonder. 719 00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:39,074 Cos you can't live life for yourself. You've got to think about other people. 720 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,872 Like that song, you know... 721 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,230 High School Musical, 722 00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:44,554 We're AH In This Together? 723 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,480 I never understood that song, until now, mate. And... 724 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,039 Oh, mate! 725 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:52,150 I'm sorry. 726 00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,555 I completely forgot, mate. 727 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,114 I'm“ rm “W! 728 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:01,631 Don't be like that. Don't, mate. I would've remembered you eventually. 729 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:02,829 Don't... Fuck! 730 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,598 Dude! Come here, mate. 731 00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:06,233 Sorry. I'm sorry! 732 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:15,912 And how can I help you today? 733 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,998 It's me, Curtis. 734 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:21,914 Right. 735 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:23,758 Suits you. 736 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,830 I'm stuck. 737 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,791 I can't switch back. 738 00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,831 I need you to take my power. 739 00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:34,674 I can help you. 740 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,829 - But I need you to do something for me. - Whatever. 741 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,713 - I'll do it. - I've got another power. 742 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,798 I need to put it in you and you'll have to use it for me. 743 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:46,592 What power? 744 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,469 The power to bring people back from the dead. 745 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,716 Like who? 746 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:53,750 A girl. 747 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,916 I'm gonna need more than that. 748 00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:02,438 My dead girlfriend. 749 00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,200 Ah, nah. Kelly's a mate. I can't do that to her. 750 00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:08,072 It isn't like that. 751 00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,191 I need to do this. 752 00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:15,119 We can help each other out. 753 00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,240 OK. 754 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,192 Let's go resurrect my dead girlfriend. 755 00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:08,072 What the fuck is going on? 756 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:09,315 Why are you dumping me? 757 00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:10,350 Shannon's alive. 758 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,756 Cheerleaders! Sweet! 759 00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,359 He's dead. 760 00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:16,754 CURTIS: Mr Miggles got hit by a car, 761 00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,155 - but I brought him back to life. - Miggles! 762 00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:20,315 He attacked me. 763 00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,273 They think you're a zombie. They're coming to kill you. 764 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:28,235 We smash their skulls to destroy their brains. We kill them all. 765 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,920 We're really not bad kids. 766 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,270 Yeah. 51445

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