1
00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:04,796
Oh, my God! You fancy him, don't you?
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:06,638
- KELLY: Who was she?
- SETH: She was...
3
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:08,079
my girlfriend.
4
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,190
She died.
5
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,039
So did you wanna go for that drink,
like a date?
6
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,229
Yeah.
7
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,999
- What about Shannon?
- She's not coming back.
8
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,953
DARK RUDY: You just had unprotected
anal sex with that girl.
9
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,513
I most certainly did.
10
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,949
- And she loved it!
- What if she's got HIV?
11
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,514
Cute girls don't get HIV!
12
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,393
Thanks for the hand job,
but you're quite old
13
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,716
and you cry a lot.
14
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,876
She was me first, Clare.
15
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:33,910
He just sleeps with people,
16
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,634
he's out of there before he's had time
to take his condom off.
17
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,830
This turning into a girl thing, is that
born out of some sort of sexual confusion?
18
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,349
You ain't lived
until you've had a multiple orgasm.
19
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,995
AH over your body,
like waves of measure.
20
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,951
Were you... wanking?
21
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,399
So what if I was?
22
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,876
- I think you've got your period.
- No-one needs to see that.
23
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,240
(HE GROANS)
24
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,511
Why did she stab me?
What did I ever do to her?
25
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,834
That wasn't Kelly.
26
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,791
She's swapped bodies.
27
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,160
You'll be fine.
28
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,472
(DANCE MUSIC)
29
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:11,555
(CAMERA CLICKS)
30
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,230
All right?
31
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,315
Top party! You are pretty.
You've got nice...
32
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:25,953
What are them? These here.
33
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,070
They're c-collarbones!
34
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:33,315
Do you mind if I smell your hair?
Or is that a bit creepy?
35
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,430
Bit creepy. Mm!
36
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:42,077
All right? You know,
you have really slim ankles!
37
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,680
Yeah, that smells like, er...
38
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,917
smells like Ready Brek.
39
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:51,510
Sexy bone, that.
Very... very underrated bone, innit?
40
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,073
Mm.
41
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,039
I'll tell you who's got
the best ankles - the Chinese.
42
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,515
Because you never see a Chinese woman
with fat ankles, do you?
43
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,073
- (CHUCKLES)
- I love Ready Brek, me.
44
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,519
It's the, er...
45
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,029
it's the breakfast of champions.
46
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,234
Whoo!
47
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,191
(THEY LAUGH)
48
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,074
(SHE SQUEALS)
49
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:23,916
RUDY : Mmm...
50
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,316
Whoa, whoa! What is that?!
What is that?
51
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,591
- Oh!
- Have we got any use for that? No?
52
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,596
- Wait.
- What?
53
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:34,960
I don't wanna do this if it's just
gonna be a one-night thing.
54
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,594
- No, no, no, no. Course not.
- I'm sick of guys treating me like shit.
55
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,916
- Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah.
- You promise you'll call me tomorrow?
56
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,749
Love, I promise. I promise you
I am not one of them guys.
57
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,633
That's it now. Oh, it's on!
58
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,593
- It is on! Sweet child 0' mine!
- Oh!
59
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:50,710
Are you ready?
60
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,639
- (EXHALES DEEPLY) Yeah?
- (SQUEALS)
61
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,240
(HE LAUGHS)
62
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,473
(SHE MOANS)
63
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,833
(HE MOANS)
64
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:11,032
(LAUGHS)
65
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,310
Ooh! Hoo-ooh! Oooh!
66
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,910
(THEY PANT)
67
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,791
Nice one for that! I needed it.
68
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,514
Oh! Listen, I, er...
69
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,439
I think you're wonderful
and everything, but, er...
70
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,630
I think it's only fair to say
I won't be calling you.
71
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,355
What?! So you just fuck me and leave?
You said you weren't one of those guys?
72
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,198
Yeah, I lied. Have...
73
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,992
Whoa, whoa!
74
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,439
Ohh! Easy, tiger!
75
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,790
Ahhh! Oh!
76
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,993
It was nice knowing you and everything.
77
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,675
Wanker.
78
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,551
(
79
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,830
ti The city breathing, the people churning
80
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,951
it The conversating
81
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,832
82
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,719
It The conversating
83
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,671
84
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,233
85
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,114
She was nice.
She was a... nice... nice girl.
86
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,480
Nice and pretty.
87
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,919
I've gotta be honest-
I don't really remember.
88
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,635
You can't remember someone
you had sex with? Classy(!)
89
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,034
Well, she was certainly happy
with the service.
90
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,550
Look what old Rudy found
in his jeans this morning.
91
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,194
The digits!
92
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,833
So are you going to call her?
93
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,236
No! No, I'm not.
And I'll tell you why.
94
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,352
When you buy a dog, right,
95
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,392
you know that one day,
the dog, it'll grow old
96
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,192
and it'll die. Oh!
97
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,151
And you're gonna be...
you're just gonna be heartbroken.
98
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,918
Cos you loved that dog,
he was just a cheeky little scamp.
99
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:22,158
Here's an idea. Don't buy
the fucking dog in the first place.
100
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,111
Save everyone the bastard hassle.
101
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,515
- Right.
- All I'm saying is,
102
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,631
it's better that I make her cry
a little bit now
103
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,672
than break her heart in three years' time
when she's totally in love with me
104
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,711
and we've bought
a load of shitty furniture together.
105
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:38,470
It's... it's just the humane thing to do,
isn't it?
106
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,158
- You prick.
- I know.
107
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,237
- What are we doing today?
- We're doing nothing.
108
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,999
- The probation worker's dead.
- Oh, yeah.
109
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,998
- Do we even need to be here?
- If the probation worker goes missing
110
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,838
and we don't turn up to community service,
it looks suspicious.
111
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,553
Whoa, whoa.
112
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,637
Shh-shh-shh-shh!
113
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,034
What was that?
114
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,034
I can't hear anything.
115
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,554
There!
You must... you must've heard that?
116
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,271
- Bingo!
- (ICE-CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS)
117
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,914
It's the fucking ice-cream van!
Right, who wants what?
118
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,793
Who wants what? Come on!
You... c-c-come with me!
119
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:17,751
I need an extra pair of hands. Curtis!
120
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:21,514
Come! Curtis!
121
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,159
Come on.
122
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,476
(
123
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,154
(HORN HONKS)
124
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,679
RUDY: Hi!
125
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,358
I said...
126
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,118
ice cream!
Ice-cream van's here!
127
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,629
What you having?
Look, don't worry about money.
128
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,398
- We'll sort all that out later.
- Fuck off!
129
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,080
Well, you'll be sorry, won't you,
when you've not got an ice cream
130
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,918
and I'll, mm,
and I'll be licking an ice cream?
131
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,758
You won't have anything.
You won't have anything!
132
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,677
(RUDY SHOUTS)
133
00:06:58,720 --> 00:06:59,790
(KELLY SIGHS)
134
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:02,914
I'm gonna have to go inside.
135
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,758
- D'you have to?
- Well, they always send
136
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,757
a new probation worker
after we've killed one.
137
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:08,915
(SIGHS)
138
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,836
Do you wanna come in?
139
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,555
Yeah, all right.
140
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,239
(JINGLE PLAYS)
141
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,038
- Hi.
- Hi.
142
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,070
I might...
143
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,309
I, um...
144
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,829
I... I'd like some ice cream.
145
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,234
Good, cos I sell those.
146
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,600
(CHUCKLES)
147
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,074
- Right.
- (CHANGE JANGLES)
148
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,599
Um...
149
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,039
Three cones.
150
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,559
And, um...
151
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,989
and a rainbow lolly thing.
152
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,031
D'you want some nuts and sauce?
153
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,479
RUDY: Nuts!
154
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:50,840
Give me some nu...
155
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,518
Whoa! Give me some nuts,
156
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,710
extra sauce and a Flake, please.
157
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,832
It's a buzzin' day, innit, man?
158
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,075
No work, eh,
159
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,714
nuts, extra sauce and a Flake.
160
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:02,989
Could this day get any better?
161
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,439
What?!
162
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:06,829
What?
163
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,109
Oh, hello.
164
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,355
Hi.
165
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,154
Where's your mate?
166
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:15,996
He...
167
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,951
had to make a call.
168
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,035
Oh.
169
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,152
There's your first two.
170
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,235
Give. Give 'em.
171
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,160
So... what was that all about,
172
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,113
the whole... sex-change-switch thing?
173
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,470
Dunno. Just happened.
174
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,512
Well, may I just say,
you're looking particularly fine today.
175
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,471
Me, personally,
176
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,273
I could never get tired
of looking at that arse...
177
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,355
CURTIS: Is that right?
178
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,356
Right, now, you're gonna have to tell me
179
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,516
when you're gonna change like that,
mate, eh?
180
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:54,914
It's horrible.
181
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,031
Here.
182
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,150
Hmmmm
183
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,634
(HUMS)
184
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,189
What the fuck is that?
185
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,276
It fucking came off!
Me fucking dick's come off, man!
186
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,199
That's what happens when you fuck me
and then just walk away.
187
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,833
Have you done this to me?
188
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,679
I'm not gonna let guys like you
do shit like this to me any more.
189
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,836
Well, fuckin' pack it in ice, man!
190
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,393
Oh, you dick! Look what you've done!
191
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,511
D-D-D-Don't step on it!
192
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,439
Take this.
193
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,870
Is there... is there something wrong
with your penis?
194
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,639
- Jesus!
- I know!
195
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,796
- Christ!
- Dude, that is like
196
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,956
no STD I have ever seen.
197
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,071
And trust me, mate, I've seen 'em,
I've seen 'em all.
198
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,317
It's a power thing. That... girl
you slept with, she gave it to you.
199
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,158
How do you know?
200
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,679
I saw the future. Put...
201
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,234
Oh, sorry. Yeah. Well, what happened?
202
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,916
It... it came off.
203
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,439
- What came off?
- Your cock.
204
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,757
- My cock came off?
- Yes. Then someone stood on it.
205
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:21,192
My cock came! Well... (RAMBLES)
I do not wanna live without my cock.
206
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,629
That's just one version of the future.
We can change it.
207
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:24,875
How?
208
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,877
She said it was a punishment
for sleeping with her and walking away.
209
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,115
Right!
210
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:32,916
So I just need to fuck her again, and
my cock'll go back to normal, won't it?
211
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,714
- I think so. I'm not sure.
- I need to find her
212
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:37,955
and shag her right now.
213
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,520
You have her number.
214
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,551
Ooh, f...
215
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,796
Shit! Fuck!
216
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,392
- Really?
- What did you expect?
217
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,317
It's not a five-star hotel.
218
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,956
Well, I mean, we can always leave it,
if you want.
219
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,229
No!
220
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:10,998
Come here.
221
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,352
Right, so...
222
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,993
read out the numbers -
I'm gonna dial it.
223
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,236
- Zero...
- Good start.
224
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,634
Come on.
225
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,190
...double seven, double zero,
nine, double zero.
226
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,639
That's all we've got.
227
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,159
- W...
- We're missing the last two.
228
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,669
Right, well, I'm gonna have to try every
combination till I get the right one,
229
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,119
aren't I?
230
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,392
Hello! My name's Rudy.
I was just wondering if you can help me.
231
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,637
Did I have sex with you last night?
Because l...
232
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:51,875
Hello?
233
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,752
Hell? Hello?
234
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,711
Well, I'm sorry, but how rude's that?
235
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,114
Eh?
236
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,992
Unbelievable.
237
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,509
Hello! It's Rudy.
238
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,392
Um, basically... No...
239
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,999
No, no, no, no, no. Not right now.
240
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,634
I'm on the phone.
Urn, yeah, just a quick question.
241
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,672
Did I have sex with you last night?
242
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,719
Hell? Fuck!
243
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,114
(CHUCKLES) I'm not even gonna ask.
244
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,555
This isn't going to work.
245
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,830
You need to try and remember
what happened last night.
246
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,232
There was one gi... two gi...
there was... There was three girls.
247
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,237
There was definitely three.
248
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,398
So it's one in three.
What were their names?
249
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,319
- I've no idea.
- What did they look like?
250
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:39,954
Ankles.
251
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,874
Collarbones.
252
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,313
Ready Brek.
253
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,555
Ready Brek?
254
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,194
- (SIGHS)
- If you've nothing constructive to say,
255
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,833
then please, man, shut the fuck up.
256
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,712
We should retrace your steps,
257
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,831
go back to the house,
see if she's still there.
258
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:01,836
Yes! See this guy?
259
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,200
He's good!
260
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,514
(WHEEZY LAUGH)
261
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,836
You're a logic guy, and I can...
I really can respect that.
262
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,474
I bet you're really good at Battleships,
aren't you?
263
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,160
Anyway, stop chatting.
We've gotta save me cock.
264
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,154
This is it.
265
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,349
Definitely.
266
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,314
(DOOR CREAKS)
267
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,079
(SIGHS)
268
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,351
Where did you see her last?
269
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,799
Bedroom.
270
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,959
(WHISPERS) Here, man, it's her.
271
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,277
Are you certain
you have the right room?
272
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,719
Have we got any use for that?
273
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,149
Yeah, man, I'm telling you, that is her.
That's definitely her.
274
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,237
OK.
275
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,669
So you just need to wake her up,
276
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,358
talk to her
277
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,596
and try to have sex with her.
278
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,039
Or...
279
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,639
Or what?
280
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,591
Well, I mean, do I need...
281
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,154
to wake her up?
Is that bit important?
282
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,191
- What d'you mean?
- Well...
283
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,517
I dunno. Can't I just slip it in there
and give her a little sleepy-fuck?
284
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:36,914
That's rape.
285
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,519
(TUTS)
286
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,278
Is it?
287
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,277
Yes!
288
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,038
I'm not sure - that's a grey area, dude.
289
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,957
No, it isn't.
290
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,911
Oh! What a dick!
291
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,598
You've woke her up, man!
292
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,711
Just wait here, and just...
293
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,274
(WHISPERS)
...make sure no-one comes in, yeah?
294
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,958
Hello!
295
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,911
Why are you still here?
296
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,234
I get it.
297
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,430
You're angry at me for walking out on you.
298
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,040
It was a joke! (LAUGHS)
It was a practical joke.
299
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,913
And now here I am,
with these lovely flowers, look!
300
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,078
I don't need flowers.
I need fucking painkillers!
301
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,157
- My head's killing me.
- Look, listen, right.
302
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,554
I think... I think I'm fall...
303
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,432
Stop it.
304
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,278
I think I'm falling for you.
305
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,594
Do you understand?
306
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,950
Yeah? I think you might be the one.
307
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,718
Can I have my tablets back?
308
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,070
Last night, when we fucked -
309
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,875
made love, whatever-
our souls joined together.
310
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,355
Yeah? And here's the big news...
311
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,272
I want to be your boyfriend.
312
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,954
We'll settle down, we'll get an 'ouse.
In the weekends,
313
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,756
we'll go to Homebase, and in the evenings,
we'll cuddle up and watch DVDs...
314
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,633
All that can be yours.
315
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,470
Shall we seal the deal with a bit of sex?
316
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,439
Why would I want to be your girlfriend?
317
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,434
Because you're a girl.
318
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:17,314
- It's what you lot want, isn't it?
- No.
319
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,318
- Anyway. I never slept with you.
- You did...
320
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,395
I think I know who I had sex with.
321
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,559
Well, how come I rock up here
at the scene of the crime
322
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,876
and you're still in bed?
323
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,319
Because I live here.
324
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,919
Because this is my bed.
325
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,439
Right...
326
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,596
So you fucked someone in my bed?
327
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,836
I need to leave.
328
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,998
Are you... are you a doctor or summat?
329
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,030
I'm a trainee.
330
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,115
That'll do.
331
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,356
I need an expert medical opinion
on something...
332
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,153
- Out you come.
- (SCREAMS)
333
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,033
Simon! Simon, dude, it's not her.
334
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,310
- We need to get a move on, mate.
- What happened?
335
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,794
I've just shown it to her.
It's gone black.
336
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,717
It is not pretty down there, my friend.
337
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,512
All right, love, I'm Rudy.
338
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,554
I think I know who it might be.
339
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,079
Ooh, have I had sex with her?
340
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,519
Wow.
341
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,836
Do you know this girl?
342
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:11,111
- That's Amy Goodwin.
- Do you know where she lives?
343
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,436
344
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,831
it And in the morning, it's girls
345
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,839
346
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,837
Never thought I'd say this -
I'm actually kind of bored.
347
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,791
Ring the Council if you want,
348
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,558
get them to hurry up
with the new probation worker.
349
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:28,874
You're all right.
350
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,560
351
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,160
352
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,517
Oh, hi.
353
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,790
Not again.
354
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,150
I keep randomly changing.
355
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,918
Something's going on with my power.
356
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:54,318
- And my tits, they're really sore.
- Be honest...
357
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:57,113
is this just an excuse
for being shit at table football?
358
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,629
They're fucking killing me.
Is that normal?
359
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,997
So...
360
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,839
This is community service, is it?
361
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,110
Yeah. It's usually much more shit
than this.
362
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,312
Have you got a passport?
363
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:23,839
What?
364
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,757
Why do you want my passport?
365
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,438
I thought we could go away together.
366
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,438
What, like on holiday?
367
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,632
Yeah. I was going to go on my own, but...
368
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,149
I was thinking Morocco,
somewhere like that.
369
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,679
What's in Morocco?
370
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,270
It's just somewhere to go.
Somewhere different.
371
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,516
I've got my community service.
372
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,398
It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it
if you're not interested.
373
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,554
I'll think about it.
374
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,713
Hang on a minute.
375
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,751
Let me have a wee before we start.
376
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,473
Who says romance is dead?
377
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,876
- Fuck off.
- Go on then, go for your wee.
378
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:42,669
What's it doing?
379
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,797
It's not doing anything...
380
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,514
I'm pregnant.
381
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,872
The moments that make up a dull day
382
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:18,356
in an offhand way
383
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,910
in your home town
384
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,837
to show you the way
385
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,349
386
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,870
It's really starting to hurt,
this is, mate.
387
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:44,830
This is her flat.
388
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,393
OK.
389
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,351
OK, match.
390
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,437
It is frigging payback time.
391
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,551
I'm going to fuck her so hard, man,
392
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,752
I am going to fuck her
into the middle of next week.
393
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,314
I'm going to fuck her so hard
she's going to be like a...
394
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,879
That wasn't her.
395
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,709
At least, I don't think it was.
396
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,751
Can't have been that drunk...
397
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,360
- I think we need to leave.
- No! Whoa! No!
398
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,357
We are going nowhere, pal.
399
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,640
Hello...
400
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,353
Amy Goodwin.
401
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,357
How are... how are things?
402
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,676
Did you just flash your cock at my sister?
403
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,518
No.
404
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,709
Yeah, I did, yeah.
405
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,832
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
She's in there now, crying her eyes out!
406
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:43,158
It was a simple misunderstanding.
I thought she was you.
407
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,555
What are even you doing here?
408
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,193
Flowers.
409
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,358
Because you're... my flower.
410
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,960
Right.
411
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,469
- Look, if this is about last night...
- Yeah,
412
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,033
look, I apologise for that.
413
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,390
I were bang out of order.
414
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,669
It shouldn't have happened.
415
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,917
You're right. I hold my hands up.
I'm sorry.
416
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,359
OK.
417
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,789
Look, it was lovely meeting you and
everything, but you really should leave.
418
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:15,558
Look, whoa, whoa!
419
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,673
420
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,600
- Right? I was a prick.
- Can we just forget about it?
421
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,314
I can't forget about it!
I can't forget about you.
422
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,676
I want you to be my girlfriend,
Amy Goodwin.
423
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,873
Can you please just fuck off or I'm gonna
have to call the police, all right?
424
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,149
But, Amy...
425
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,191
Amy Goodwin...
426
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,072
I should do another one.
427
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,472
Don't waste your money.
They'll all come out the same.
428
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,033
It can't be right.
429
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,832
Curtis, you're pregnant.
430
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,035
You can't tell anyone, yeah?
431
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,310
Don't worry, I won't.
432
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,797
Who's the father?
433
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,558
I don't know.
434
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,433
Well, who did you have sex with
when you were a girl?
435
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,517
- No-one!
- It can't be no-one's.
436
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,790
What about that stuff
with the creepy coach guy?
437
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,276
Not him. He didn't do anything.
438
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,549
Well, who then?
439
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:26,272
Didn't... Rudy try it on with you?
440
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,713
Motherfucker!
441
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,795
You should've seen her face. She knows,
she knows what she did to me.
442
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,160
We need to think of something.
443
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,795
Mate, you need to think of something,
cos you're the ideas man.
444
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,480
I'm wasting away down here.
445
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,236
How much money have you got?
446
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,110
You're going to pay her
to have sex with you?!
447
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,629
Well, let's have a better idea. Eh?
448
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,591
- (MOBILE RINGS)
- Hang on.
449
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,951
- Yeah?
- Did you have sex with me?
450
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,877
- What?!
- Did you have sex with the girl me
451
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:06,955
that time in the locker room?
452
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,389
- No, no, dude, I only went down on you.
- We“, then, how come I'm pregnant?!
453
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,159
Seriously? Mate, congratulations!
454
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,520
Simon, our Curtis is pregnant.
455
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,111
Yeah, mate, he's speechless.
Listen, we're both really happy for you.
456
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,639
You're saying that nothing happened?
457
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,159
Dude, nowt happened.
458
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,431
Mate, I've got to go, I've got more
important things to deal with right now,
459
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,232
like me cock, which is falling off!
460
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,271
Do one.
461
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:29,515
What did he say?
462
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,915
He's saying his cock's falling off.
463
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,439
What about the baby?
464
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:37,469
Said it wasn't him.
465
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,750
Well, it must be someone. These things
don't just happen on their own!
466
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,154
Yeah, I do know that!
467
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,680
Oh, shit!
468
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,712
- Me again.
- (COIN DROPS)
469
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,230
- What are you doing?
- I've got...
470
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,396
£16.76.
471
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,397
- What for?
- Just forget everything,
472
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,954
take the money, have sex with me.
473
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,037
You think I'm a prostitute?!
474
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:27,278
Or that you could be. If you wanted.
475
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,357
Because you're so beautiful.
476
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,518
- Oh, my God.
- In the name of the Father,
477
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,120
please, take the money and shag me!
478
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,231
- Look, I'll be really quick...
- Just get out.
479
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,796
...and I'll clean up after myself.
- Amy, are you all right?
480
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,673
Will you go away? We're just in the middle
of something, sorry.
481
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,439
It's nothing, it's... just some guy.
482
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,519
Some... guy that you had sex with
last night.
483
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,392
- What?!
- What is he on about?
484
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,431
I'm not ashamed of it, neither,
485
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:56,879
and I'm gonna scream it
from the frigging rooftops.
486
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,754
I had sex with Amy Goodwin last night,
and she was amazing.
487
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:01,835
You were amazing.
488
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,394
We did not have sex.
489
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,351
We just kissed, you twat!
490
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,198
You kissed him?!
491
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,560
OK, that does sound worse than it is.
492
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,274
Whoa, sorry, we didn't have sex?
493
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,470
- So, what, you're back into guys now?
- I was drunk.
494
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,955
Weird. I seem to remember that
being the excuse last time.
495
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,832
Can we talk about this later?
496
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,635
Whoa, I'm sorry to interrupt this
little... thing you've got going on here,
497
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,479
but are you absolutely sure
we didn't have sex?
498
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,716
Yes. So, can you fuck off?
499
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,513
Oh, ohhh, God!
500
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:31,709
Ohh.
501
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:37,517
Oh, er... Do apologise to your sister
for me, won't you? You know.
502
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,871
Maybe come back and show her again
when it's better or summat.
503
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,957
Nice one.
504
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,079
It's not her, mate.
505
00:26:54,120 --> 00:26:56,191
It's gotta be Collarbones - she's the one.
506
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,550
We should go back to the house
where the party was.
507
00:26:58,600 --> 00:26:59,874
Someone's got to know who she is.
508
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,115
Come on, let's go.
509
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,436
Oh, fuck.
510
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,679
So... you're wanking off as a guy...
511
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:39,558
...and then swapping and doing it again...
as a girl?
512
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,399
Uh-huh.
513
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,317
Why?
514
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,160
It passed the time.
515
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,271
Ugh.
516
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,120
I think I used the same...
the same tissue to...
517
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,791
...to wipe up.
518
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,630
Both times.
519
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,034
That is so fucking rank.
520
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,798
Thanks for the sympathy, yeah?
521
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,320
You got a sec?
522
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,559
Are you pregnant?
523
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:21,954
No.
524
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,391
Well, there's this thing in the toilet,
a pee stick thing.
525
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,238
I don't know what you're talking about.
526
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,394
Right. OK.
527
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,669
It doesn't matter.
528
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,436
This is really starting to piss me off.
529
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,120
Then just swap back,
just stop moaning about it.
530
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,191
I can't switch back!
531
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,356
You're kidding me.
532
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:11,589
I'm stuck!
533
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:23,709
Argh!
534
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:40,951
Exposing yourself...
535
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,913
to a 12-year-old girl.
536
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,713
It were a simple misunderstanding.
Anyone could've done that.
537
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,319
Now your penis is going to fall off.
538
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,240
What did I say to you? I said, didn't I,
if you go around, acting like an idiot,
539
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,874
sexing up all these girls,
you are gonna catch something.
540
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,595
I thought I might get the clap
or one or two crabs here and there.
541
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,836
I weren't expecting this.
It's rotting away!
542
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:05,351
Well, maybe if you treat her right instead
of all the macho bollocks all the time...
543
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,152
- Here we go.
- Just face it,
544
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:11,034
the only reason, mate,
you treat girls like crap
545
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,832
is because you're scared.
546
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,919
You're scared that if you let 'em in,
and they get to know the real you,
547
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,758
you know, then they might reject you.
548
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,952
So you reject them,
before they get a chance.
549
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,310
You never let your guard down.
550
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,590
You are...
551
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,756
pathetic.
552
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,996
But now your todge is gonna fall off,
so...
553
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:35,079
Just shut the fuck up, man!
554
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,430
Are you happy now?
555
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,836
Yeah, I'm scared.
556
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:47,473
I'm never gonna have sex again
and I'm gonna look like a freak.
557
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,958
Yeah, well, I can't live with you
like this - you're gonna do my head in.
558
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:57,639
I might have an idea.
559
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,229
I thought I'd cook you some dinner
tonight.
560
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,559
Fishfingers, nothing special.
561
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,637
Are you pregnant?
562
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:08,715
What?
563
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,114
It's OK.
564
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,551
I know it's not what either of us
planned. I just want to say that...
565
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,160
I'm there for you, if you, you know...
566
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,235
I'm not pregnant.
567
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,478
- I saw the pregnancy test in the toilet.
- It's not mine.
568
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,033
Well, Alisha says it's not hers,
so whose is it?
569
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,559
I don't know!
570
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,479
You can tell me. Just... tell me the truth.
571
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:28,715
lam!
572
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,195
It's not mine. I'm not pregnant, you dick.
573
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,277
Right.
574
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,231
So you can stop shitting yourself.
575
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,430
What? It's fine, I wasn't worried.
576
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,232
Nah, course you weren't.
577
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,556
All right, maybe I was shitting myself
a little bit.
578
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,796
- (MOBILE RINGS)
- Oh, it's work. I'd better get this.
579
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:46,674
Yeah?
580
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:47,835
Right.
581
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,117
What, you found it?
582
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,194
And where is it now?
583
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,075
Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
584
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,999
Urn... yeah, I want it.
585
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:05,394
I'll be right there.
586
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:12,914
Something's come up.
587
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:14,314
I need to get going.
588
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,636
It's fine, don't worry about it.
589
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:18,875
I'm really sorry.
590
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:38,629
Make it quick.
591
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:42,230
Oh, I see - you're a watcher.
Well, unlucky, cos I need a shit.
592
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,312
(CRASHING)
593
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,869
- Oh!
- Are you all right?
594
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:01,879
Just a bit of a messy one, mate.
You're better off out there.
595
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,231
- (FLUSHES)
- Swear you'll come back for me.
596
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,999
Yep. Look, I promise.
597
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,350
Thanks for doing this, man.
598
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:12,674
Good luck, yeah?
599
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,679
Hiya.
600
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:29,520
I'm gonna at least need some antibacterial
hand scrub or a hand towel. It's disgus...
601
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,516
Just call me fucking Harry Houdini.
602
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,312
I think I know where she might be.
603
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,034
What?
604
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,515
What's that? Is that the best you've got?
605
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,190
The future of my cock depends
on the slim chance
606
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,358
that she might be at some random
nightclub? Is that what you're saying?
607
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:09,629
Yes.
608
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,637
Well, let's get going, then!
609
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,199
Shit.
610
00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:22,719
Yeah.
611
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,512
I know.
612
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:25,994
What are you gonna do?
613
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:27,314
I've tried everything.
614
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:28,589
I'm stuck.
615
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,392
So, what happens to Curtis?
616
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:33,760
I'm still here!
617
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,519
So... what shall we call you?
618
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:40,949
Like... Melissa or?
619
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,037
I don't give a shit!
620
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,514
I'm gonna have a baby.
621
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,995
- That isn't right.
- (WHISPERS) Kelly...
622
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,110
I'm sorry.
623
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,436
You can't have a baby where the mum's
a man who turns into a woman.
624
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,679
There are options, you know.
625
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,673
I'll see you tomorrow.
626
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,713
It's in the boot.
627
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,918
Are you gonna ask me where I found it?
628
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,519
What?
629
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:45,475
You know something, after all this hassle,
I thought you'd be a little more excited.
630
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,670
It's complicated.
631
00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:49,279
You do still want it, don't you?
632
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,914
I mean, cos if you don't,
I can always find another buyer.
633
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:56,069
Yeah.
634
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:57,918
Yeah, I do want it.
635
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,112
(ENGINE STARTS)
636
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,079
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
637
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,593
Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you.
638
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,950
I've just come to take your power.
639
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,795
(DANCE MUSIC POUNDS)
640
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:01,870
Where is she, man?
641
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:03,069
We should split up.
642
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:09,071
Oh, that is a good idea. Listen, look for
a girl with beautiful collarbones, mate.
643
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,999
All right? Good lad.
644
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,313
Jesus.
645
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,351
Argh! Argh!
646
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,677
- Whoa. Oh, it's great to see you(!)
- You wanker!
647
00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:50,679
Listen, please, help me out.
Just shag me and make me better.
648
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:52,677
So, what, you think this is
what this is all about?
649
00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:54,040
I just want another fuck,
and everything will go back to normal?
650
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,390
I don't know! I don't know what you want.
651
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,158
I just didn't want to be treated
like shit.
652
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,512
Guys like you, you shit on girls
and you just walk away, no harm done.
653
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,312
You make me sick.
654
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:08,319
Well, guess what?
Now your dick's gonna fall off.
655
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:09,839
And I'm glad.
656
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:14,078
I'm hanging by a thread.
I am hanging by a thread! Help me out!
657
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,440
Please help me.
658
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,598
Fuck! Fuck's sake! My penis!
659
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,396
Jesus Christ! Get out the way, move.
660
00:38:29,720 --> 00:38:31,996
(RECORD SCRATCHES TO A STOP)
661
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:33,553
GIRL: Get off the stage, you wanker.
662
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,513
Sorry to interrupt your party. Urn...
663
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:38,870
There's just something I need to say.
664
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,355
- MAN: Fuck off!
- Hmm. I just want to say,
665
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,789
to all the girls
I might have had sex with...
666
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,354
and treated like shit,
667
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,311
I am sorry.
668
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,397
I'm sorry.
669
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:52,033
I don't know why I do it.
670
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,720
Maybe I am... scared.
671
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:59,674
I just... I'm scared
that if you get to know me,
672
00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:04,669
when I'm not pissed
and fucking showing off, being a dick,
673
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:07,473
you'll think I'm nothing...
674
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:08,954
special.
675
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,190
I'm just a twat with a big mouth.
676
00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:15,230
Um...
677
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,398
I never meant to hurt anyone.
678
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,511
I'm sorry.
679
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,477
Thanks, that's all I have to say.
680
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:28,195
- GIRL: Fuck off, then!
- MAN: Shut up, you northern monkey!
681
00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:29,674
(CROWD JEERS)
682
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,598
(DANCE MUSIC RESTARTS)
683
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,316
- You look like you meant that.
- I did. I did.
684
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,078
You ever do this to anyone else...
685
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:04,069
I swear! I swear to God, I'll never do it
again. Just make me better, please.
686
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,476
Is that? It's going back to normal?
It's going back to normal!
687
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,751
- Thank you so much!
- Anyway, nice knowing you.
688
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,839
No, wait... I'm sorry, I didn't...
689
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:19,871
I never got your name.
690
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,274
I'm Rudy.
691
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,231
Leah.
692
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,510
You seem like a really nice girl.
693
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,790
Do you want to...
694
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,639
Do you want to go for a drink?
695
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,079
(LAUGHS) Oooh
696
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,239
So you want to get me drunk
and fuck me again, is that it?
697
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,669
That's not what it is.
698
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,233
It's not.
699
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,638
See you later.
700
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,796
(MOBILE RINGS)
701
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,399
This is Seth, leave a message.
702
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,478
It's me.
I just wanted to say about Morocco.
703
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:26,070
I don't know why I didn't say yeah
straight away. I'm a dick.
704
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,636
It's just that no-one's ever asked me
to go on holiday with them before.
705
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,435
Anyway, yeah,
so just give me a call later.
706
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:36,833
I miss ya.
707
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,279
- Where's Curtis?
- I don't know.
708
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,675
I think he's got morning sickness.
709
00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:11,075
He should eat ginger biscuits.
710
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:15,193
Apparently it helps alleviate the nausea.
711
00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:20,155
Take this down.
Here you are, check it out.
712
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,316
Check that bastard out, it's immaculate!
713
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,795
- I'm very happy for you.
- Thank you.
714
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,877
And, you know, thank you.
715
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,231
Your boyfriend helped save my cock,
did you know that?
716
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,509
I'm so proud(!)
717
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,834
Yeah, and so you bloody should be.
718
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,030
Do you know what, man?
It actually made me wonder.
719
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:39,074
Cos you can't live life for yourself.
You've got to think about other people.
720
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,872
Like that song, you know...
721
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,230
High School Musical,
722
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:44,554
We're AH In This Together?
723
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,480
I never understood that song,
until now, mate. And...
724
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,039
Oh, mate!
725
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:52,150
I'm sorry.
726
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,555
I completely forgot, mate.
727
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,114
I'm“ rm
“W!
728
00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:01,631
Don't be like that. Don't, mate.
I would've remembered you eventually.
729
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:02,829
Don't... Fuck!
730
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,598
Dude! Come here, mate.
731
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:06,233
Sorry. I'm sorry!
732
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:15,912
And how can I help you today?
733
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,998
It's me, Curtis.
734
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:21,914
Right.
735
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:23,758
Suits you.
736
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,830
I'm stuck.
737
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,791
I can't switch back.
738
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,831
I need you to take my power.
739
00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:34,674
I can help you.
740
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,829
- But I need you to do something for me.
- Whatever.
741
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,713
- I'll do it.
- I've got another power.
742
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,798
I need to put it in you
and you'll have to use it for me.
743
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:46,592
What power?
744
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,469
The power to bring people back
from the dead.
745
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,716
Like who?
746
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:53,750
A girl.
747
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,916
I'm gonna need more than that.
748
00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:02,438
My dead girlfriend.
749
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,200
Ah, nah. Kelly's a mate.
I can't do that to her.
750
00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:08,072
It isn't like that.
751
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,191
I need to do this.
752
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:15,119
We can help each other out.
753
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,240
OK.
754
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,192
Let's go resurrect my dead girlfriend.
755
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:08,072
What the fuck is going on?
756
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:09,315
Why are you dumping me?
757
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:10,350
Shannon's alive.
758
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,756
Cheerleaders! Sweet!
759
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,359
He's dead.
760
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:16,754
CURTIS: Mr Miggles got hit by a car,
761
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,155
- but I brought him back to life.
- Miggles!
762
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:20,315
He attacked me.
763
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,273
They think you're a zombie.
They're coming to kill you.
764
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:28,235
We smash their skulls to destroy
their brains. We kill them all.
765
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,920
We're really not bad kids.
766
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,270
Yeah.