All language subtitles for Hustle.S05E06.The.Road.Less.Travelled.DVDRip.x264

Thank you all for coming.
We're all here because
we all have something in common.

We've all been conned
by these people.

But now it's time for them to have
a taste of their own medicine.

Michael Stone, AKA Mickey Bricks.

He's the ringleader.

Ash Morgan, known to his
cohorts as Three Socks.

He's the fixer, deals with the nuts
and bolts of creating a world
that mugs like us buy into.

Albert Stroller, recently out
of prison, known as "the roper".

He finds the marks - again, people
like us - for the gang to cheat.

Emma Kennedy, femme fatale, works
with Stone, can be his assistant,
girlfriend

or business partner.

And finally, Sean Kennedy,
glorified gofer.

Stone's taken him under his
wing and is training him up.

These arses took me
for half a million quid.

Now, where is my bloody painting?!

Half a million quid.
Mmm. It's easy to see why you'd be
pissed off. Yeah. What was yours?

Ninety K.

A racehorse.

That one was an Arab sheikh.

You think you guys have got
problems? Stone sold me the
Sydney Opera House.

He supposedly represented the
Olympic Committee, sold me four
acres of swampland in Kent.

Well, starting tomorrow, let's see
if they can take it
as well as dish it out.

I don't know about the rest of you,

but no-one, and I mean no-one, steals
money from me and gets away with it.

No-one.

It's taken us months to track them
down and research how they operate,

but now...

..now it's time to turn the tables.

You know, I've been thinking.

We should go on holiday. Yeah!

Mexico. Nah, too hot.

What about Margate?

A couple of trips to Las Vegas.

No, Albert. Can I say something?

Yeah. Only every time you lot go on
holiday, you never take me with you.

True. You use me when it suits you,
but you never pay me,

then you all go off on holiday,
and I'm lucky if I get a postcard.

I think he's got a point.
Yeah.

Yeah, it's only right, I suppose.

Eddie, you shall go to the ball.

All right, Mick?

Er...yes, OK.
Well, funny you should say that, cos
I've been thinking about going away,

and I've picked up a few brochures.

Ha-ha! Er... Eh?

Right. Let's get started, shall we?
Harry?

The convincer is a method they use
to remove any last vestige of doubt.

So for example,
if the con or "score"

is about asking you to invest
£100,000 in worthless shares,

they would invite you to take
part in a much smaller deal first.

You would make a profit on
that deal. Like a loss leader.

Precisely. This convincer
convinces you that a larger
investment would work equally well.

Crafty bastards.

So how do we take them?

You know, I really feel like
I'm starting to get this, Mick.

Good. I mean, it's complicated,
but everything's kind of fallen into
place. Your roper finds the mark.

How does he know where to look?

Well, because Albert is a member of
every gentleman's club in London -
under different names.

And? He's in touch
with the concierges of hotels

and they let him know
when the high rollers are in town.

And occasionally some
just fall into my lap.

Credit crunch!

My rear end.

I mean, if the great unwashed are
stupid enough to lose their houses,

fault of the state, yah?

It's simply survival of the fittest,
sorting the wheat from the chaff.

Because they never get off their fat
arses to earn the money
to pay for it!

It's with you, Alfie. Hmm? Your bet.
Oh, right, yeah.

Erm...all right.

Raise. Let's make it...two thou.

I honestly believe we should have
some sort of compulsory
euthanasia programme!

Start with the unemployed, those on
benefits and the like, and then
move on to the over-65s.

Who is it? I believe it's me.

Oh, sorry! Foot in mouth.
No offence intended.

None taken. Re-raise.

All...in.

Steady on with the old pension,
Pops! You don't have heating
bills or something to consider?

All right, Pops.

I call.

A couple of fillies.

Beats me.
Now, that is what I'm talking about.

Survival of the fittest.
Never mind, eh, Pops?

Maybe next time.

You can count on it.

OK, so you've identified your mark.

Then the roper leads
him to the inside man.

Thank you, and the inside man
tells him the tale, sets up the con.

The first step is to create
the world, lay the bait
and draw them in. Breakfast up.

What do you think?
He's coming along nicely, yeah.

So...you've laid the bait,
and that's where the fixer comes in.

He makes sure our story holds up.

I'm a genius whose job it is to make
you Flash Harrys look good.

Ash is prone to exaggeration.
Hark who's talking. So everything's
gone to plan,

and that is when you hit him
with the convincer.

Roper gets the mark,
inside man tells the tale,

fixer confirms the tale.

The convincer is given,

then the sting itself.

The convincer is the weakest point.

This is the only point
THEY are in a negative position.

So that's what we do,
We take them just far enough

into the con to get the convincer,
then we just walk away.

As you seem to have everything
worked out, what do you need us for?
Good question.

Because...I need bait,

and these bastards
tried to put me out of business.

And as I want to take them for
a million quid, double what
they took from me,

we need to make them believe
there's a greater stake to be had.

A prize of four million
should have the desired effect.

Now I've raised a million, so for
this to work I need the same again
from each of you.

A million quid? Jesus.

Wait. How do we know that
this isn't some elaborate plan
to con us all again?

That's a fair point.

Harry?

Quite simply, because we're
not actually going to use it. What?

All we need is bait, for them
to believe we have the four million.

So the plan is to put everyone's
money into a single account,

an account that needs
four signatures to access.

All we have to do
is to let them see that account,
and that's what draws them in.

Your money will never leave the bank.

We'll use the million I've raised,
they'll double it, hoping to
get their hands on the rest,

but then we just walk away.

Simple but genius.

Genius.

Our money won't leave the bank?

100% guaranteed.

Once I've recouped my million, plus
the half mill they stole, then you
divide the rest between yourselves.

Sounds good to me. I'm in.

Me too.

Hell, why not?

But I do have one condition. Yeah?

I brought a couple of guys over
with me to find these arseholes.

Any objection to beating the crap
out of them once we have our money?

No, I don't see there being
a problem with that at all.

Nice one.

Aren't we missing something?
They clearly know every one of us,

so how on earth are we going to
get close enough to set this up?

"We" can't.

But, fortunately, we don't have to.

This is Alfie.
Alfie's an old school friend of mine.

We've put him into one of Albert
Stroller's regular card games.

He's dropped into the conversation
that he's just had
a massive windfall,

so I will stake my life that Stone
and his crew are now trying to
work out how to take it from him.

OK, Albert, what's the story?

Alfred Thomas Baron.

Alfie to his friends.

He's the eldest son of the Duke
and Duchess of Derbyshire.

he can trace his ancestry back to
Henry VIII.

Where's he been all my life?

Gambling mostly, sleeping with
models and dodgy business ventures.
Fancies himself a player in the City.

I spent an evening with him
and he's not the sharpest
knife in the drawer.

He's an upper-class twit.

And he's loaded. Yes, he came into
a chunk of his inheritance on his
recent 30th birthday,

and he's looking
for someplace to invest.

- In what?
- He's not sure.

So he's rich AND stupid.
Which makes him...

The perfect mark.

OK, let's reel him in.

Albert, where do we find
him? He recommended his favourite
watering hole.

Alfred?

James Thornton, we met the other
evening at the poker game. So we did.

You hit me with two queens on the
last hand. Ah, well, one man's loss
is another man's lunch.

Perhaps we could do it again.

Always up for a game of cards, old
chap, just tell me when and where.
Well, what about tonight at 9pm?

Are you free? Stakes?

5,000 to sit down.
How much if I stand?

I'm just joshing, count me in.
Same venue as last time,
ask for me at the desk.

I'll be there. I look forward to it.

Hey, how about Brazil? You've got
football, you've got beaches.

OK, Albert, thanks. That's great.

That was Albert.
The card game is on for tonight.

All right, I'll set it up.

Oh, and I'll need you to play the
inside with me, the City banker.

Yeah, can I make a suggestion? Yeah,
of course. Well, I've been thinking.

The kid's coming on
leaps and bounds, right? Yes, he is.

Maybe it's time you gave him his
shot, let him play the inside.

I'd feel safer having you next to
me. Come on, Mick, since when
have you ever played safe?

He's ready, I'd stake my life on it.

Is it that important to you?

He's a good kid, you know.
If you ask me, he's earned it.

Abso-bloody-amazing, it happened
just like you said it would.

He just bowled up and
invited me to the game.

Of course he bloody did.

Thanks. I have to say, though,
not entirely sure what's going on.

You don't need to - you just
do what I say when I say,
just like at school.

Received and understood.

I could do with a bit of a sub,
though, CW.

A sub? Yeah, things are a bit tight.

I have asked Ma and Pa, but
they're preoccupied with the house.

Falling down around their ears.
They're thinking of buying lions,
you know, the old safari jobbie?

Game in the grounds,
watch the plebs drive round
with their little brats.

Trouble is...Mummy's allergic
to them.

Your mother's allergic to lions?
No, plebs. Ah.

Anyhow, I've got a new filly in tow,
absolute corker.

Promised her a slap-up meal, only...

You're unbelievable.

Here's 500 on account. Marvellous.
I'll take her out to dinner,
bound to loosen the old panties.

You need to be at the card
game by nine. Absolutely. It's an
after-theatre jobbie, table's at 11.

Forget your sex life, do you
know what to do at the card game?
Let the dog see the rabbit.

Good, just make sure they see
that bank statement. Gotcha.

This is your stake money.

They'll let you win, so I want
it back. Understood.

Toodle-pip.

So how are we playing this?

Mickey wants you to work the inside,

play the City trader. You're kidding
me! I thought you were doing that.

No, Mickey thinks you're ready
to step up, so we swap roles.

I'll be the associate
strapped for cash.

Feel up to it? Well, I've never
taken the money off a mark before.

Well, we wouldn't ask you if
we didn't think you could do it.

Mickey thinks I'm, er...I'm ready,
yeah? Yeah.

So that's settled.
Just like we went through, you're
Justin Tyler, investment and finance.

You deal with another trader who buys
dirty money from overseas,

then you use your investment company
to put it into the system
and launder it. Got it.

And the game?

We'll take Alfie round the houses,
let him lose a bit, then let him
win and leave him in front.

Then tell him the tale, set
up a meeting for tomorrow.

Where?
I'll find somewhere in the morning.

Oh, head's up.

OK.

Well, welcome, you made it!
Wouldn't have missed it for the
world. This is Garry Penning.

- Pleased to meet you.
- Justin Tyler.

Justin, hello. Listen chaps,
I only have a couple of hours,
got a filly in the starting blocks.

Redhead, I've heard they're very
hot-blooded. Yes, I'm sure they are.

Since we don't have much time,
let's play some cards, all right?
Jolly good.

Do you think they've started yet?

Don't worry, Sean will be fine.

I hope so.

Oh, come on.
What's the worst that can happen?

It's all right for you, you've
done it thousands of times before.

Not everybody finds it so effortless.

Looks like it's going to be
my night...again.

Yes, Alfie.

'It seems that way.'

Must be my lucky pants.

This is going to be
easier than I thought.

'So...how did the deal go, Justin?

'Good.' Here we go! 'Better than
I expected.'

I wish I was in there.

Trouble is all my bloody
cash is tied up. Maybe next time.

I've got a little nest egg
stashed away, but I have
to give 30 days' notice.

I could go next month. Pity.
Joe called last night, he's got
a fresh batch arriving this week.

Bugger. Raise 350.

Call. Call.
I'll fold.

Let me know when you're ready.
Minimum 100K, yeah?

'What's the max? That's
the thing, there isn't one. I put in
half a mill this time,'

almost doubled up. I'll probably
plough it all back in. Bloody hell.
Er...check.

Check.

All right. Raise, thou.

'No, too strong for me. Me too.'

Come on, Alfie,
ask them about the deal.

So this deal? What is it exactly?

Good boy! 'Cash.'

Oh, yeah? Tell me more.

One of the things that
happens in a recession

is certain people start bringing out
money that's been hidden away.

That money needs to
be...legitimised. Money laundering.

You said that, not me.

Ah. I've got a contact,
he sources the cash, and I use
my investment portfolio

to filter it back into the system
without attracting attention.
Gotcha.

Actually, I'm not 100%,
could you run that by me again?

'I buy dirty money 50p in the pound.

It's then cleaned through
the accounts, and I basically
get back double. Is that legal?

Is he winding me up?

'It's not strictly legal, but there
are no victims. The only person to
lose out is the taxman.'

And who cares about him, eh?

Sounds like a bloody good scam.
It is! It is a bloody good scam.

'Your deal.'

Yes, once.

And?

And...now I'm not.

Touchy subject. No, no.

No, erm...she cheated on me.

Sorry. ..So you split up?
Yeah, had to, really.

I beat the guy half to death
with a baseball bat and got
sent to prison for three years.

You beat someone with a baseball bat?

Why so surprised? Erm, because it's
quite out of character.

What, you'd expect me
to con him to death? No.

No, it's just there's clearly a whole
new side to you that I didn't know.

The Neanderthal side.

Yeah, yeah, I keep it well hidden.

Maybe you shouldn't. Some women like
that kind of thing. Is that so?

Apparently. What about you?

No serious relationships?

I had three dates
with the same guy once.

Three! He was quite sweet, actually.

So why no fourth date? He told me he
loved me. And that's a bad thing?

Well, he took me for dinner
twice, and then he took me to the
movies to see Spiderman 3,

so I think the whole "I love you"
thing was a little premature,
don't you think?

You don't believe in love at first
sight? Absolutely not. Oh, my lady,
you have no romance in your soul.

No, but I haven't felt the need to
hit someone with a baseball bat
either. Hmm.

Tell the truth, I'm starting
to think I may not be cut out
for the whole business thing.

Horses for courses and all that.

Well, with this,
you don't need to be.

Hmm. Even so.

No, you're right. You should never
invest in a business deal

unless you're sure it's the right
deal for you.

Couldn't have put it better myself.
Besides, it's probably
a bit rich for you, anyway.

Oh, no, no, no, it's not the money,
I've got shed loads of that. The old
inheritance just kicked in.

'Alfie's the son of a duke.'

Yes, he is!

'Must be a few grand, then. Hardly!

'I wasn't sure of the full amount,
you know, clauses and all that,
but then I got a statement'

this morning. I'm not one to boast,
but...slightly more than a few thou.

Bloody hell.

Four mill.

Good, good.

'Very nice. Add to that
my winnings from tonight,'

of course. Yes, well, we haven't
finished yet, have we?

That sounds like fighting talk.
It is.

Raise three grand.

'Erm...I'd spend half of it on women,
booze and casinos'

and...I'd waste the rest. A man
after my own heart.

And Justin?

I'd buy four million pounds worth
of dirty cash from my guy,
turn it into eight.

'That way I'd have twice as many
women and booze as Garry over there.

'Excellent. What about you, James?'

'Well, I guess I'd be tempted to go
along with Justin's plan,
but one of the advantages'

of age is it teaches you caution.

So I'd invest some of your
inheritance in your cash scam
and see what happened.

And if it worked,
I'd invest the rest.

Sounds like a bloody good idea.

Dip the old toe in the water jobbie.

Indeed.

Eight mill does have a slightly
better ring to it than four.

'Yes, that's very true, it does.'

Ain't that the truth?! 'Justin,
this deal sounds interesting.
I think I might'

come and meet this chap of yours.

I'm sure I can sort something out.

Cheers.

They've gone for it.
They've bloody gone for it!

Yes! Oh, we've got them,
we have so got them!

Hook, line and bloody sinker!

They are finished!

So...would you ever
get married again?

No. Why not?

Because I think that
women choose their men
a little like their clothes.

They'll buy a dress even though
it's isn't exactly what they want
or doesn't quite fit,

thinking they'll fix it
when they get it home.

I think that's why a lot
of women like bad boys.

They see them as
exciting raw material.

So from that, I take it your wife
didn't like who you were.

No, she didn't like what I did.

She wasn't a grifter? No.

Well, maybe next time you
should marry someone in
the same line of business.

Is that a proposal?

You wish.

I think I'd have far more trouble
with you than I ever did my ex-wife.
Almost certainly.

Joining this crew is the best thing
to have happened to me and Sean.

I don't think I've ever
thanked you properly.

Actually, I think
I should thank you too. Why?

For knocking me back.

What?

On our first score together,
when I asked you out to dinner. Oh!

I think you were right, it would
have made things...complicated.

It wasn't you personally.

It's just men in general.

But me in particular.

No.

It was just a bit quick,
we'd only just met.

So it was just timing?

I don't know! Maybe.

How does a man, with my...limited
knowledge of the female psyche,

know when the timing is right?

He doesn't.

He just has to roll the dice
and see what happens.

DOOR OPENS SUDDENLY
Sean played a blinder!

His Lordship went for it.

Great, that's great.

Yeah!

I thought we'd be
waiting for you all night.

Yeah, me too.

Mmm.

So...phase one complete.

Their arses are mine.

Their arses are ours.

Yes, of course, sorry, ours.

This is going to work, isn't it?
Absolutely. It can't fail.

Especially now they've
seen that account, they
won't be able to resist.

But if their formula has
a weakness, then so must ours.

Well, it hasn't.

These people humiliated me once.

Do you really think
I would leave anything to chance?

Sean, Ash was just
saying you did really well.

He's taught me a lot. So it seems.

I told him I'd set
the meeting up for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, yeah. Perfect.

Tell you the truth, it was a little
bit easier than I thought.

Maybe I'm a natural.
Maybe we should see how
tomorrow goes first, shall we?

Ah, Alfie! Well done!

Yeah, thought I played
it rather well myself -
and I'm three grand up.

So much for "to the victor
the spoils".

Seriously, though, CW,
it's actually a rather good deal,
it might be worth a punt.

What? No, you arse, it's...

No, never mind.

What time are you meeting him?
Er...Justin said he'd set it
up and tell me first thing.

And this first deal is for
a million? Just like CW said.

- What did I tell you?
- So we're on.

Yes, we are. OK, Alfie, let's run
through tomorrow. Sit down.

Forget about your bit
of fluff, sit down!

Right, tomorrow, step by step.

Marvellous.
OK, they're going to offer you a
deal for a million pounds. Gotcha.

You tell them that if it
goes well, but ONLY if it goes well,
we'll invest the whole four mill.

Wouldn't it be easier to invest
the whole four mill straightaway?

No. Why not?

Two reasons for that, Alfie.

Firstly, we'd never see them again.

Secondly, it's NOT YOUR BLOODY MONEY!

Gotcha.

Where's Kuala Lumpur? Malaysia.
So... Is it hot?

Not as hot as it is over here,
we've been waiting for our
drinks for half an hour.

Blimey.

So we're good to go. I think so. You
do realise that if we double
this guy up,

a million will clean us out
completely, it's every penny
we've got. If anything goes wrong...

Yeah, I know, I know. Well, just so
long as we're sure. I am. So we go.

We go.

Morning. We need to see
someone from accounts, please.

Can I help? And you are?

I'm the head of accounting. Good.

Joe Winter, Customs and Excise.

This is Justin Tyler.

Your name, please?
Stephen...Glencross.

Stephen Glencross.

And you were the signatory
on the last VAT return to be
submitted from this address?

Yes. Is there a problem? You might
have submitted an incorrect return,

which might mean
an additional amount to pay.

We'll need an office
and access to your purchase
invoices for the last three months.

It's not a very good time.
Do you understand the nature of
a spot-check, Mr Glencross?

The clue's in the title.

The issues we have can be
cleared up in an hour or so.

But if I have to come back,
it will be for a full investigation.

Mmm.

Follow me.

It's all a bit frantic here at
the moment. Busy time of the year.

I'll squeeze you into MY office
if that's all right. Here we are.

I'll have that paperwork brought in.

I'm expecting two colleagues. Have
them shown through when they arrive.

Does it really take four of you?
I have 12 officers at my disposal.

If I choose to, I will invite all
of them. Sorry, I didn't mean...

I'm aware of what you meant,
that as bureaucrats we are
wasteful with resources.

But if we were to find
you'd underpaid your taxes,
I think reclaiming that money

and the resulting fines would be
an excellent use of resources,
don't you?

Yes, sorry.
I'll bring the paperwork in.

Thank you.

OK, Mickey and Sean are in.

That's great, Justin, we're on our
way now, should be about two minutes.
Yeah, bye.

Awfully good of you to come
with me, Garry, old chap.

Not a problem. I'm getting some
cash together for next month.
Justin said I should meet this guy.

This contact of his will
definitely be there? Yes, he will.

Excellent. Excellent.

So, how was your date last night?

Date? The redhead.

Oh, yeah. Ate like a horse,
drank a bottle of Pinot Grigio,
not so much as a fumble.

So much for hot blood.
I haven't given up yet.

Thought I'd take her home,
meet Ma and Pa at the weekend.

Stately homes
are renowned for turning the most
frigid thing into a raving nympho.

Mr Glencross? You've got visitors.

- Morning. We're here to see Justin
Tyler, I think he's expecting us.
- Yes, of course.

I'm sure you'll find everything is
in order. Yeah? Bloody good show.

Alfie, good to see you again.

Thank you. ..Of course.

Joe, this is Alfie,
the guy I was telling you about.

Very pleased to meet you. You too.
This is Garry Penning. He'll be
coming in next month. No problem.

Gentlemen, please, take a seat.

Now, I'm sure Justin has
explained to you how we do this.
Sounds marvellous.

And also impressed on you the
need for absolute discretion.
Mum's the word. Good.

So, when do we do this?
I have a new batch of dirty cash
arriving this afternoon.

Two million.

I can probably take half.
Half, good.

And the rest?

Well, like I said, I'll have
to wait till next time round.

Alfie?

I've got four mill to invest,
but thought I'd start with

a toe in the water jobbie.

How much?

So, a mill to start with?

OK, well a million will get
you two million back in return.

Seeing as it's your first time,
I won't charge you for cleaning
the cash through my accounts.

That's fair, I suppose.

Looks like we take half each then.
Mmm, good.

If all goes according to plan,

I would like to invest the
full four mill next time, yeah?

Agreed.

OK, gentlemen, if you will meet me
at the Alderville at five o'clock,

bring the cash, and I'll make sure
I have everything in place. Perfect.

So when do we go again after this?
Just say the word. Look forward
to doing business with you.

Looking forward to spending my
profits. I'm sure you are!

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

How's it looking?

Pretty good so far.

Well, I say that, some might
think a million a bit over the top.

Everything seems to be in order.
But...

Problem? No. No.

Thanks for your help.

So in about an hour,

we're going to be a
million up, right? Uh huh.

So isn't that a good time
to cut and run?

Come on, where's the fun in that?!

You know, I don't think I'll ever
understand the way your mind works.

It's not about the money,
it's about the game.

So you do like playing games then?

OK.
I think I know where this is going.

Where is this going?

Because yesterday you
were going to kiss me. Yes, I was.

And then I realised it
would be a dumb thing to do.

Cos I was such a bad kisser
last time?

No, far from it!
No, but...

I...

That was work. Uh huh?

Well, I don't think I have different
kisses for work and pleasure.

Emma...

We would never work
as a team if you and I were...

Kissing for pleasure. Exactly.

Can't argue with that.

I mean, if Ash and Albert don't
find the need, why should we?

That's a very good point.

I have lots of them.

Yes, you do.

Oh, no.

What? You've got that look again.
What look?

That I'm about to kiss you look.

Sorry, I was... Don't be!

I probably had it as well. Ah.

Shall I just go back inside?
That could work. I think... Yeah.

Thanks.

Five minutes, Mick.

They've taken the bait,
so now we do the deal.

I'm really going to enjoy this.

And the money we
paid into the account?

Untouched, as promised.

So, as soon as they hand
over the £2million that's it?

Well, not quite. I thought it might
be quite good fun for us

to watch them squirm
for a little bit.

Too right. Then I'll send my boys
in to beat the crap out of them.

Excellent.

God, this feels so good.

Right, Alfie, time to go.

Remember what I told you to do?
Absolutely.

Everything? Give them the case,

tell them I can't wait to see how
it goes so I can invest the rest.

And then arrange when to
pick up my profit. And?

That since I'm investing in cash I
want my profit in cash. Very good.

Well done. Off you go then.

And remember, straight
back here after. Gotcha.

Alfie? Case.

Yeah.

You set?

Yeah.

Thanks for this, Mickey.

For what?

You know,
working the inside like this.

You've done a fantastic job,
but I can't take all the credit.

You working the inside

was Ash's idea.

Ash? Head's up.

Bang on time.
Didn't want to miss this.

Good to see you. And you.

So, Justin has his investment.
Do you have yours?

All present and correct.

Lovely. I hope this works.

Can't wait to double up
the whole four mill.

Believe me, it works.

I've made the necessary purchase,
the rest is up to Justin.

It'll be processed and ready
to collect...tomorrow afternoon?

OK, but listen,
I want my profit in cash, yeah?

That is, after all, how I invested.

Of course. Alfie, always a pleasure.

Likewise.

Gentlemen, shall we say
tomorrow, 12 noon?

Fine by me. Perfect.

Do the business, then off
with the red for the weekend.

Are we really gonna
double this guy up?

It's just like any other convincer.
Yeah, but the stakes are higher.

It's just a question
of holding your nerve.

It's a big call, Mick. But
whatever you say we'll go with.

Oh, come on, Stone!

You talk the talk, now walk
the bloody walk.

Do it, you spineless bastard!

Where's your bollocks?!
I've made the bet, now call me.

Just do it!

Do it!

Yeah, we do it.

Do we even know
where all our money is?

Well, it's sort of all over the
place, we'll have to split up.

Then let's get started.

Ash, you got a minute? Yeah.

Mickey told me it was your idea
for me to take the step up.
Oh. I never had him down for a grass.

You know, I just wanted
to say thanks.

People haven't exactly queued up
to believe in me in the past.

It's normally just Emma.

I suppose...

I suppose I just wanted to let
you know that I appreciate it.

Oh, stop, I'm getting misty.
Seriously.

Thank you.

It's a pleasure.

Come on, let's go and get some money.
Yeah.

Thanks, Harry. That's great.
Just make your way back here.

Yeah, OK.

Right. So they've all met up
again at their bar, which means
they've raised the money.

We've got them.
We have bloody well got them!

Not till we've got their money,
we haven't.

Trust me. I know how these
people work, we have studied them.

There is absolutely no way they're
gonna pass up the chance
of taking the four million.

They'll pay out the million-pound
convincer tomorrow, I guarantee it.

Oh, I am loving this! Right! A toast!

To me, for being smarter
than Michael Stone.

And to us
for taking them on at their own game.

Cheers. Cheers.

Never seen two million quid before.

Not all in one place.

It's a thing of beauty.

EMMA: It's a lot of shoes.

ASH: It's a lot of everything.
Can I ask something?

ASH: No, you can't take it
home for the weekend.

It's just we're a million quid up -
how come we're not legging it?

What we do is an art form.

Grifting is the
aristocracy of crime.

Legging it is not an option.
EDDIE: Borneo!

ASH: Not now, Eddie. Right.

So we're going ahead with it then?

Not only giving this moron his
million back but giving him
another one to go on top of it.

That's exactly what
we're going to do.

EDDIE: Phuket.
My thoughts exactly, Ed.

ASH: I think you'll find it's
pronounced Phoo-ket, actually.

All right, tomorrow, noon.

Let's see where the dice fall.

You've got some balls, Mickey.

HE CHUCKLES
Thank you.

Still not sure I understand
this whole game thing.

Is your heart beating fast?

Yeah. Like a train.

Then you understand
better than you think.

OK, you take the case
and you open it, OK?

Right. Check the bundles,
make sure they're all real. Real?

Yes. They're all real notes, no cut
out paper underneath or anything.
Gotcha.

If it's all there, take it out to
your car and you deliver it back
to the office, like I told you.

Money to office. Understood.

Good. They'll want to talk to you
about investing the rest of
the money, just stall them,

say you've got a car on the meter.

Take the money out to the car.

Everything's OK, give us a sign.

What kind of sign?

A sign that everything's OK,

that the money's kosher
and it's all in the case.

Like a thumbs up jobbie? Excellent.

A thumbs up jobbie would be splendid.

Now, you got all that? Absolutely.

Off you go then.

Alfie, over here.

Hello, chaps.

All right? How are you?

Well, went like a dream.

We doubled up. Bloody hell.

The good news is, Joe's got another
deal lined up. This one's a biggy.

Yeah? If you come in for
the whole four million,

I can turn it into eight,
maybe even ten. Outstanding.

It might take a couple of days, but
everything's lined up, ready to go.

Can I take a look?

Of course.

It's all yours. £2 million.

Bloody marvellous.

Hmm.

What are you doing?

Just...feeling it! It's all there.

Don't doubt it for
a second, old boy.

So shall we arrange another deal?

Well, I'd be mad not to.
Yes, you would.

Damn it. What?

I left the car on a meter,
I need to top it up.

Leave it! I mean, it's not as though
you can't afford the fine! Eh?!

It's not the fine!

They clamp the bloody thing,
takes all day to get it back,

and I'm off for the weekend.
I'll be back in a jiff. Yeah, but...

You do realise he just walked out
the door with £2 million, yeah?

Stay calm, stay calm.

The game has a way to go yet.

Let's get a drink.

Oh, dear God.

OK, let's go.

About time.

Ah!

Mickey Bricks.

As I live and breathe.

Remember me? Should I?

Yeah. Spider's web?

Half a million quid, my painting.

Carlton. That's right.

Carlton and...Harry, if I'm not
mistaken. How are you, Harry?

Very well, thank you. How are you?

Are you kidding me?

Not interrupting anything, am I?
No, not really.

No? Not in the middle of a
business deal or anything?

You know money laundering,
that sort of thing? Good one.

Thanks.

Oh, look, there it is.

He's working it out, bless him.

Let me try and make
it simple for you.

Explain things, step by step.

Firstly, I've just stuffed you.

Stuffed you. Seriously, Harry...

But you know what
makes it even better?

I've done it for twice
what you took me for.

Which makes me smarter than you.

Twice as smart in fact.

Oh! Oh, this is good!

This is so good!

Oh, yes!

You see, Stone, this is my city.

Hell, it was
built for people like me.

Big, to match my ambition.
High, so I can look down
at all the little people.

So for you to think that you,
a petty little crook,

could come into my city and con me
out of my money and get away with it?

No.

Well...

let's say it'll
take a better man than you.

So I think you'll find that

and match.

Finished? What?

I was just asking
if you had finished.

No, not really.

I thought I'd stay and gloat
for most of the afternoon.

About what exactly?

About what...

You're funny.

About the fact that I've won.

I've beaten you.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Are you sure?

What?

Why are you grinning?

I've got your money!

Why are you bloody grinning?

Why are they grinning?

Hey, I have got
your money, you moron.

Alfie?
What the hell are you doing here?

Bit of a prob, old son.

What do you mean bit of a prob?
What the...

What's going on?
Let me make it simple for you,

explain things, step by step.

Firstly, when you came up
with your...plan,

you had to find like-minded people.
Am I right?

Who else to deliver the bait
than former marks?

But tell me,

where did you find them...exactly?

Well, I'll be damned.
What is it? Look.

You told me you found them through
extensive bloody research! I did.

And an ad in the Telegraph. What?!

So we thought we would
join the party.

Evening, all. Thanks for coming.

I've got a little job for you. Hello?

Is that Harry Fielding?

Speaking.

Harry Fielding. Hi,
I'm calling about the ad you placed.

Yes, Olympic committee...
Swampland.

Sounds like our man.

Have you been conned? Mate, he sold
me the Sydney bloody Opera House!

HE LAUGHS

You were kind enough to
tell 'em what you were planning.

They've recruited an old school
friend of Wood's to play the mark.

Alfred Baron.

Baron is a penniless aristocrat.

But the story they'll tell
is that he's just come into a huge
inheritance of £4 million.

No. No, wait, wait!

You all gave me £1 million!

Actually, we all wrote you a cheque.

Which shows up on
your bank statement.

Until they bounce.

No...

You had the bloody money!

Ah.

All done. Just have to drop
this off, we can be on our way.

Why don't you pop it in the boot?

Justin, hello.

Listen, chaps, I only have
a couple of hours. I have a
filly in the starting blocks.

Oh, yeah?

Red head. Never had a ginger before,
and I hear they're very hot blooded.

I say!

You look good enough to eat.

Well, maybe we should stick
to the menu, avoid upsetting
the other diners. Top drawer!

Nice baps and a sense of humour.

Outstanding! Shampoo? Mmm.

"Ah" what?

No, no, no, no! You bloody idiot!

And you...

You are such an arse!

Why am I surrounded by such

bloody idiots?!

Fortunately, I don't
have that problem.

"Fortunately I don't have that..."

Bully for you!

Arse!

Carlton, Carlton, Carlton...
What can I say?

Nice try. But like the man said...

No cigar.

Oh. Oh-oh!

No. No!

Not again!

Arse.

Oh, one question. Be my guest.

You had my million yesterday.

Why keep up the pretence?

Why not cut and run when you had it?

And miss this?

Still not 100% with what's going on.

Do you have a sister?

Red hair and drives a sports car?
That's the jobbie.

I'll give you her love.

Outstanding.

THEY LAUGH

ARSE!

To us.

Bournemouth? EMMA: There's
nothing wrong with Bournemouth.

ASH: Seven miles of golden beach.
Mini golf. Ice cream and hot dogs.

The English Riviera.
I don't want to go to Bournemouth.

That's where we're going.
Eddie, are you sure?

But what about Kuala Lumpur?
What about Thailand?

ASH: It's too hot. Are you sure
you' won't come with us?

No, I'm not. I'm going to
get a flight to Spain.
You're welcome to come.

No, I want to get a tan. Can't go
on holiday without getting a tan.

Suit yourself.

Bring us back a donkey.

EMMA: Don't you think that
was a bit too mean?

Why? You could have told him

we were going to Bournemouth
to pick up the motor yacht.

True. ASH: But then we'd have had
to tell him about sailing to France.

Before the two weeks in Monaco.
Flying to Barbados.
His little face though!

ASH: He had his chance, we told him
he could come with us. He could have.

EMMA: No, you should have
told him the truth.

ASH: We're grifters,
he should know better.

If Eddie wanted to spend time
with us he could have
done it in Bournemouth.

He really wanted
was a free holiday.

ASH: As con-men and women of
good standing it is our duty

to take someone who wants
something for nothing.

And give them nothing for something.
So what was the something?

ASH: I booked this on his
credit card. I love this job!

Oi, driver! Let's turn the music up!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk

He is the most exciting thing
that's ever happened to me.

I love you so much.

I want us all to be together
properly.

I'm new here. I just don't want
people talking about me.

I don't know their names
and they don't know mine.

It's just something I need.

Aagh! How did you get those? Are
you going to tell me who she was?

Please do not lie to me any more.

Stop this now. You just can't mess
with people's lives like that!

This is bad for you and
he's dangerous. You have to stop.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave,

when first we practise to deceive.

Tonight

Tonight at

Tonight at 10.00.

Tonight at 10.00.
Banned

Banned from

Banned from Britain,

Banned from Britain, the

Banned from Britain, the Dutch

Banned from Britain, the Dutch MP

Banned from Britain, the Dutch MP
who

who campaigns

who campaigns against

who campaigns against Islam.

who campaigns against Islam.
Turned

Turned away

Turned away at

Turned away at Heathrow,

Turned away at Heathrow, Geert

Turned away at Heathrow, Geert
Wilders

Wilders is

Wilders is judged

Wilders is judged a

Wilders is judged a threat

Wilders is judged a threat to

Wilders is judged a threat to
public

public safety

public safety as

public safety as he

public safety as he taunts

public safety as he taunts the

public safety as he taunts the
Government.

Government. Your

Government. Your Prime

Government. Your Prime Minister

Government. Your Prime Minister
Brown

Brown is

Brown is really

Brown is really the

Brown is really the biggest

Brown is really the biggest coward

Brown is really the biggest coward
in

in Europe

in Europe and

in Europe and not

in Europe and not allowing

in Europe and not allowing free

in Europe and not allowing free
speech

speech from

speech from a

speech from a parliamentarian

speech from a parliamentarian from

speech from a parliamentarian from
another

another country.

another country. Designed

another country. Designed to

another country. Designed to stir

another country. Designed to stir
up

up religious

up religious and

up religious and racial

up religious and racial hatred

up religious and racial hatred in

up religious and racial hatred in
this

this country

this country is against

this country is against our

this country is against our laws.

this country is against our laws.
But

But the

But the decision

But the decision is

But the decision is attacked

But the decision is attacked by

But the decision is attacked by
some

some as

some as an

some as an assault

some as an assault on

some as an assault on freedom

some as an assault on freedom of

some as an assault on freedom of
speech.

speech.
Also

Also tonight.

Also tonight. On

Also tonight. On order,

Also tonight. On order, a

Also tonight. On order, a new

Also tonight. On order, a new Super

Also tonight. On order, a new Super
Express

Express train,

Express train, but unions

Express train, but unions say

Express train, but unions say the

Express train, but unions say the
contract

contract should

contract should have

contract should have gone

contract should have gone to

contract should have gone to a

contract should have gone to a
British

British firm.

British firm. Still

British firm. Still held

British firm. Still held in

British firm. Still held in jail,

British firm. Still held in jail,
the

the allies

the allies of

the allies of Zimbabwe's

the allies of Zimbabwe's new

the allies of Zimbabwe's new Prime

the allies of Zimbabwe's new Prime
Minister

Minister and

Minister and victims

Minister and victims of

Minister and victims of the

Minister and victims of the Mugabe

disruption in the

disruption in the

disruption in the north of

disruption in the north of England

disruption in the north of England
and

and Scotland.

and Scotland.