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I read this thing.
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It said that back in the 1800s,
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women had so little standing in society
4
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:06,819
that if a woman murdered someone,
5
00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:09,539
they could arrest her husband,
like it was his fault,
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00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,059
'cause they considered that in law
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she was literally incapable.
8
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They thought women had
no capacity for morals
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or common sense or anything.
10
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Which meant the husband was responsible
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for everything she did.
12
00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:21,859
So, if the wife murdered someone,
13
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:23,619
her husband could be hanged.
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00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:24,579
[Clive] Oh, don't give her ideas.
15
00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,059
- I wish.
- Lucy, tell your mum,
16
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,419
don't get ideas now, I'm not safe.
17
00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:28,299
As soon as you get there,
18
00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,059
you bring that law back fast as you can.
19
00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:31,579
- I'll have a word.
- Good boy.
20
00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:32,979
Well, he's not the
Lord bloody Chancellor.
21
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:34,339
He's gonna study the law, not make it.
22
00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:35,699
Well, give him time.
23
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:39,059
No! Definition of a barrister
is a servant of the law!
24
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He's leaving home to
buckle down and work hard,
25
00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:41,859
that's the point.
26
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:43,099
Oh, I meant to say,
27
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,939
I'll go through your wardrobe next week.
28
00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:46,539
There's stuff in there
from when you were 12.
29
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,859
(wardrobe clunking) (clothes rustling)
30
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It can all go.
31
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:52,499
But just leave it, I'll
sort it out when I come back.
32
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,539
(magazines rustling) (upbeat pop music)
33
00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:56,099
Oh, that's not till Christmas.
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00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,300
Yeah, but I know where everything is.
35
00:00:59,620 --> 00:01:00,859
Well, I won't go mad.
36
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,659
Anything nice I'll put to one side.
37
00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:05,580
But I can move everything
out and give it a good scrub.
38
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,219
All the corners.
39
00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,299
Maybe even paint it.
40
00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:13,540
By the time you come back,
it'll be like new. Hm.
41
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:25,260
I'll give you a call and
let you know the number.
42
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:29,219
(car trunk slams)
43
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I mean it. It's
different on the mainland.
44
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,539
If you see something left
on the bus or a tube,
45
00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:37,860
anything left on its own,
don't touch it, all right?
46
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,619
(car engine revving)
47
00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:44,619
(boat horn blaring)
48
00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:49,219
(birds cawing) (wind whistling)
49
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There's some things
your mother didn't pack.
50
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:53,339
I don't want you getting
some girl in trouble.
51
00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:55,139
But make sure they all get used.
52
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:57,780
Your mother's right, it is
different on the mainland.
53
00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,659
It's a lot more fun.
54
00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:04,260
(upbeat music)
55
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,899
(birds cawing)
56
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,660
(Ritchie laughs)
57
00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:18,820
(upbeat disco music)
58
00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:28,460
♪ It feels like, it feels I'm in love ♪
59
00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,619
♪ My knees shake ♪
60
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,340
♪ My heart beats like a drum ♪
61
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:42,379
(car horn blaring)
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00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,299
So what's all that about then?
63
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:45,019
- How'd you mean?
- Your dad.
64
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:46,899
Past week he's been
picking you up every night.
65
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,299
Oh, he's working round the corner,
66
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,459
he likes going for a pint, that's all.
67
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:50,779
All right then. Well,
have one for me, yeah?
68
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:51,659
Right, I'll see you tomorrow.
69
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:53,660
See ya.
70
00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:05,219
(car door clunking)
71
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:06,699
(car door slamming)
72
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:07,539
[Oscar] Who's he?
73
00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:10,419
That's not fair. I can't
help working with men, can I?
74
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:13,500
(car engine revving)
75
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:20,820
(Rosa speaks in foreign language)
76
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:48,419
[Rosa] Father, forgive my son, Roscoe.
77
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:52,539
He has fallen into the pit of
sodomy. Save him, oh, Lord.
78
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:55,780
(gentle pensive music)
79
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,779
(car doors clunking)
80
00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,899
Uncle Basil's here. I warned you.
81
00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:05,419
He's gonna take you home.
82
00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:09,219
Look, there's 120 quid, it's all I've got.
83
00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:10,579
Just take it and go.
84
00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:11,739
But, go where?
85
00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:12,579
I don't know.
86
00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:13,979
You're the one with the secret
little friends, aren't you?
87
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:14,979
Go to them, I don't care.
88
00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:16,179
Uncle Basil can't
take me out the country,
89
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:17,379
not if I say no.
90
00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:18,299
If you cause trouble,
91
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,819
he says the whole family can
go back to Nigeria and I'm not!
92
00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:23,739
I won't!
93
00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:25,740
You're not gonna ruin my life too.
94
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:32,300
Roscoe, if they send you back home,
95
00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:36,820
they will beat you and bleed you.
96
00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,740
In the name of God, they will kill you.
97
00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:43,899
And then they'll throw
your body into the forest
98
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,900
and leave you for the animals.
99
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:48,339
(Roscoe sighs)
100
00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:50,340
You stupid little kid.
101
00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:53,820
Uncle Basil's downstairs.
102
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,580
Just run.
103
00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:59,779
Run.
104
00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:01,659
It goes without saying,
105
00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:05,259
but if you need me to make
the journey alongside you,
106
00:05:05,260 --> 00:05:07,659
I would be more than happy.
107
00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:09,660
It would be an honor.
108
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:13,579
That would help. Thank you.
109
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,539
Given the time of arrival,
110
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,979
some people choose to stay
in Lagos for the first night,
111
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,659
but if you take my advice,
112
00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:23,579
get him out of the city
as fast as you can.
113
00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:25,859
I can get you a car and a
driver, it's easily done.
114
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:29,539
[Oscar] But that's an additional
cost, on top of the rest.
115
00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:32,579
The society would help,
that's why they exist.
116
00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:35,459
You fall, they catch you with open arms.
117
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,939
(ceiling thudding)
118
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,379
But it could take
months to heal the boy.
119
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,259
How do I cope with Oscar
away and no money coming in?
120
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:45,260
Again, the society's there.
121
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:47,939
We have anticipated everything.
122
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:50,219
(ceiling thudding)
123
00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:51,339
What is he doing?
124
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:54,259
Your son has the devil
in him tonight, Rosa.
125
00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:55,819
[Basil] That's exactly the problem.
126
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:57,459
(footsteps thudding)
127
00:05:57,460 --> 00:05:59,419
What in the name of the Lord?
128
00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:02,219
(door thudding)
129
00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:03,459
I'm going now.
130
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:06,339
So thank you very much and if
you need to forward any mail,
131
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:10,339
I'll be staying at 23 Piss
Off Avenue, London W Fuck.
132
00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:11,899
Thank you and goodbye.
133
00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:13,379
(woman laughing)
134
00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:16,139
No! No, no! (table slamming)
135
00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:20,699
Don't go! No, no! (table thudding)
136
00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:22,259
Roscoe! Come back here!
137
00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:24,139
(hand slapping)
138
00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:27,459
(upbeat disco music)
139
00:06:27,460 --> 00:06:29,099
♪ My head is in a spin ♪
140
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,019
♪ My feet don't touch the ground ♪
141
00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:34,059
Roscoe! Roscoe, come back here!
142
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,739
Roscoe! Come back here!
143
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:40,019
If you leave now, you don't come back.
144
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:42,020
Roscoe!
145
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:45,139
♪ It feels like ♪
(doorbell ringing)
146
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:46,459
(door clunking)
147
00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:47,779
[Colin] Hello.
148
00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:48,859
Well, don't just stand there,
149
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,060
in you come, that's a good lad.
150
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,739
(door clunking)
151
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,539
Now then, I went through
everything with your mother,
152
00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:58,979
but first things first.
153
00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:01,219
There's the telephone and
there's a jotter on the side
154
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,979
so you can make a list of any calls.
155
00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:04,019
Just write the duration
156
00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:06,859
and whether it was
before or after 6:00 p.m.
157
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,459
Oh, that's the family,
that's Mike and my lad, Ross.
158
00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:11,299
Colin's arrived, boys.
159
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,979
We can all have a cup of
tea once you've settled in.
160
00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:16,139
And breakfast is included.
161
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:18,019
If you've got a radio or a tape deck,
162
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,899
then not past 10:00 p.m.
163
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:22,100
And it's a cheque every Friday morning.
164
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:25,019
That's the inventory.
165
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:27,819
And, obviously, no girls in the room.
166
00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:29,579
Goes without saying.
167
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,019
It's nice though, isn't it?
168
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:32,259
Lovely. Thank you very much.
169
00:07:32,260 --> 00:07:34,260
Oh, and there's, "Lovely." How funny.
170
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,700
(bells ringing)
171
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:47,260
(clock ticking)
172
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,429
I learn something new every day.
173
00:08:12,430 --> 00:08:14,589
I have to memorize all the
Oxford and Cambridge ties,
174
00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:17,149
'cause all the different colleges
have got a different tie.
175
00:08:17,150 --> 00:08:18,029
But I did it.
176
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,309
Well, you've always had a good memory,
177
00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:20,909
I could have told them that.
178
00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:22,029
I remember you revising.
179
00:08:22,030 --> 00:08:24,629
You'd learn whole chapters off by heart.
180
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,270
What's it like outside
of work? Is it nice?
181
00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:30,069
- Yeah.
- You making friends?
182
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:31,109
[Colin] Yeah.
183
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,429
[Eileen] There now, lucky them, I say.
184
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,349
What do you do, go for drinks?
185
00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:36,629
Yeah, sometimes.
186
00:08:36,630 --> 00:08:38,269
You going out tonight?
187
00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:39,349
[Colin] Yeah.
188
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,350
Oh, nice, where you off?
189
00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:44,429
I don't know, anywhere.
190
00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:47,109
There's a million pubs and
things, we go all over,
191
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,189
it's brilliant.
192
00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:50,349
(food crunching)
(majestic TV theme music)
193
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:54,349
(footsteps thudding) (dog barks)
194
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:57,109
Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye.
195
00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:58,669
And well done for today.
196
00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,829
Oh, it was all Mr. Coltrane's doing.
197
00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:02,909
I don't think they stood a chance.
198
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,269
Just doing my job, sir.
199
00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:07,029
Well, congratulations.
200
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:11,109
Colin, (clicking fingers) if
you could just stay behind.
201
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,589
(gentle music)
202
00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:15,549
(clicking fingers) Take your jacket off.
203
00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:19,629
It's all about tiny little
particles of cotton.
204
00:09:19,630 --> 00:09:21,869
They get under the fingernails,
205
00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:23,509
they can get into the bloodstream.
206
00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:26,029
Tiny little fibers, burrowing in.
207
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:28,269
So, you've got to wash.
208
00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:32,469
At the end of every day,
give yourself a good scrub.
209
00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:34,109
Fingernails, between the fingers.
210
00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:36,509
Don't forget the thumbs.
211
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:39,789
Otherwise, all those
fibers can get inside.
212
00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,790
Come on.
213
00:09:42,390 --> 00:09:43,709
Well, start washing.
214
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:46,350
I want to see your technique.
215
00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:50,430
(water splashing)
Fingernails and thumbs.
216
00:09:52,430 --> 00:09:54,269
Come here.
217
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:57,070
All those tiny fibers, eliminate them.
218
00:09:57,950 --> 00:10:00,470
Every single dirty little bugger.
219
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,749
Come on, take your shirt off.
220
00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,669
Come on, shirt off.
221
00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:07,670
Huh?
222
00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:10,949
(water splashing)
223
00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:14,149
You gotta take the arm and
you've got to clean it.
224
00:10:14,150 --> 00:10:15,789
And clean it again.
225
00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:19,389
Got that, Colin? Clean
it and clean it again.
226
00:10:19,390 --> 00:10:21,749
Clean it and clean it again.
227
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:24,029
And clean it, and clean it again.
228
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:26,229
Clean it, and clean it again!
229
00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:27,869
And then under the arm.
230
00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:29,709
(door clunking) (door creaking)
231
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:30,949
Sorry,
232
00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:32,749
I had that Penhaligon account
going through my head,
233
00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:34,069
so I thought I'd do a
little bit of homework
234
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:35,309
if that's all right?
235
00:10:35,310 --> 00:10:38,829
(pants) I was teaching
Colin cleanliness.
236
00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:40,309
[Henry] Absolutely.
237
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,149
[Mr. Hart] Got that?
238
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:43,989
Yes, sir.
239
00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:46,949
[Mr. Hart] I'll see
you two bright and early.
240
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:51,269
(door clunking) (door creaking)
241
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:54,110
(water splashing)
242
00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:59,189
If he says anything,
243
00:10:59,190 --> 00:11:02,349
if he even suggests little
extramural activity,
244
00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:03,549
just give me the nod.
245
00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:05,709
I can always find ways
to introduce his wife
246
00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:07,989
into the conversation.
247
00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:11,509
I've got to say, he does
pick them very well.
248
00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:15,469
Mr. Hart does tend to know,
if you see what I mean?
249
00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:17,069
Where are you from?
250
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:19,629
Llangorse, it's in South Wales.
251
00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:21,789
I guessed it would be,
you give that away slightly.
252
00:11:21,790 --> 00:11:23,589
But I don't suppose there's a girlfriend
253
00:11:23,590 --> 00:11:25,590
waiting back home in Wales, is there?
254
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:28,509
Perhaps a boyfriend?
255
00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:30,189
No.
256
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,830
But would there be? If you could?
257
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:36,549
You don't have to worry about me.
258
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:38,629
I'm not remotely interested.
259
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:39,989
If you insist on asking,
260
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,749
and really I can't get a
word in edgeways with you,
261
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:42,629
dear God.
262
00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:43,669
But I live in Hackney
263
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,229
with a very nice man from the Algarve
264
00:11:45,230 --> 00:11:46,469
and we've been together for decades,
265
00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:49,430
so you're perfectly safe
with me, Colin Morris Jones.
266
00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:55,029
Really though. Perfectly safe.
267
00:11:55,030 --> 00:11:58,429
(gentle upbeat music)
268
00:11:58,430 --> 00:12:00,309
So there isn't?
269
00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:02,309
A boyfriend?
270
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:03,149
No.
271
00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:05,150
But you'd like there to be?
272
00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:08,670
Yes.
273
00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:12,630
Oh my, God. (laughing)
274
00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:15,550
Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.
275
00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,750
Another pint for the bender, please!
276
00:12:24,950 --> 00:12:28,109
(upbeat electro-pop music)
277
00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:31,110
(people chattering)
278
00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:37,189
♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to ♪
279
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:40,549
♪ Run away, I've got to ♪
280
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:45,550
♪ Get away from the pain you
drive into the heart of me ♪
281
00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:50,910
♪ The love we share seems to go nowhere ♪
282
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:56,149
♪ And I've lost my light ♪
283
00:12:56,150 --> 00:13:00,270
(upbeat electronic synth music)
284
00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,229
So, the other day I
was talking to my friend,
285
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:22,269
and he said they found 41
men with this cancer thing
286
00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:24,909
and they all died at the
same time in New York
287
00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:25,709
and they were all gay.
288
00:13:25,710 --> 00:13:27,309
[Student] What, they
all died on the same day?
289
00:13:27,310 --> 00:13:28,349
Yeah, that's what it said,
290
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,229
'cause my uncle lives in Brooklyn.
291
00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:35,230
He said all 41 had
exactly the same cancer.
292
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:40,430
What?
293
00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:50,229
His name's Ash.
294
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,029
He's from Welwyn Garden
City and he's a bender,
295
00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:52,949
so you're in with a chance.
296
00:13:52,950 --> 00:13:56,469
No, I was just looking at your class.
297
00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,109
It looked like fun.
298
00:13:58,110 --> 00:13:59,669
What are you, English and drama?
299
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:00,749
Yeah, first year.
300
00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,750
'Cause I did plays at school.
301
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,469
I loved it, I was quite good.
302
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,470
I thought about doing drama for a while.
303
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:11,189
I'm Ritchie, by the way.
304
00:14:11,190 --> 00:14:13,269
And I'm Jill.
305
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,549
Do you wanna meet him then? Ash?
306
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:18,549
I'm not, I wasn't, I was
just literally looking.
307
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:19,669
So, you're not gay then?
308
00:14:19,670 --> 00:14:21,069
No!
309
00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:22,549
Oh, my God, no!
310
00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:24,269
I'm more like bisexual really,
311
00:14:24,270 --> 00:14:26,669
'cause, you know, then you
can fancy anyone in the room.
312
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:29,829
Walk into a party,
there's double the choice.
313
00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:32,109
Well, it's no good telling me, tell him.
314
00:14:32,110 --> 00:14:34,349
Ash! Over here.
315
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,189
Say hello, don't be stupid,
316
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:36,829
he's nice, he's sweet, he's funny.
317
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,749
This is Ritchie, he says he's bisexual
318
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:41,709
so he can have sex with you or
me, so what do you wanna do?
319
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,710
Wrestle for him?
320
00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:48,109
♪ Until I learn to accept my ♪
321
00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:50,949
♪ I learn to accept my ♪
322
00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:54,750
♪ I learn to accept my reward ♪
323
00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:58,070
You need a bit of a wash.
324
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,189
I had a shower this morning.
325
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:03,830
No, down there, your ass,
you need a good wash, okay?
326
00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:10,510
(shower water pattering)
327
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:17,670
(people chattering)
328
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,350
(door knocking)
329
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:34,349
[Ritchie] Thanks for that.
330
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,149
Sure.
331
00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:37,309
So, do you still want-
332
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:39,389
- It's kind of gone now.
333
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:42,830
- Yeah, that's all right.
I have to get back anyway.
334
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,349
Was that your first time?
335
00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:50,350
No.
336
00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:52,829
Did you think I was exotic?
337
00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,469
No. What does that mean?
338
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:55,949
You're born and bred
on the Isle of Wight.
339
00:15:55,950 --> 00:15:57,989
Do they have any Indians?
340
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,149
There's like one family.
341
00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:01,189
Oh, my God.
342
00:16:01,190 --> 00:16:03,029
They live in Wootton Bridge.
343
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:05,469
Every time we drive
past them, my dad says,
344
00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:07,109
"There they are."
345
00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:09,830
Not being offensive,
just, "There they are."
346
00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,269
So what's he say about you?
347
00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:15,270
Oh, my God, he doesn't know.
348
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:17,589
They'd kill me.
349
00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:18,909
Both of them, they'd chuck me out.
350
00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:20,469
I'm not kidding.
351
00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:22,870
I have to sit there, not saying a word.
352
00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:25,229
Dreaming of Steve Austin. (laughs)
353
00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:28,869
Oh, God, yeah. (laughs)
354
00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:30,870
Honestly, I'm so frustrated.
355
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,909
I used to fancy Stretch Armstrong.
356
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,229
(laughing) I did. It's
those little trunks.
357
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:38,629
Did you see, they gave
Stretch Armstrong a dog,
358
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:39,789
he's called Fetch Armstrong.
359
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,709
I saw that.
360
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,069
I always thought Stretch Armstrong
361
00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:44,669
should have a dirty old
uncle, Lech Armstrong.
362
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,469
Lech, that's brilliant. (laughs)
363
00:16:46,470 --> 00:16:47,989
(laughing) It's good, isn't it?
364
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:51,669
I did it with this guy, he
was like a real Lech Armstrong.
365
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:53,189
He was 37 years old.
366
00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:56,269
Oh, my God. Imagine telling
your parents that? (laughs)
367
00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:57,309
And it's even worse for you,
368
00:16:57,310 --> 00:16:59,109
coming from your background, you know?
369
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:02,789
Like, with your parents. I
mean, what are you, Hindus?
370
00:17:02,790 --> 00:17:04,789
You must be Hindus I
suppose, is that right?
371
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,629
Or Muslims? No, Hindus, you'll be Hindus.
372
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,029
Are you? Or Muslims, no Buddhists.
373
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,229
Are you Buddhists?
374
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,469
No, it's Hindus, isn't it?
375
00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,189
Hindi, Hindu. Hindis?
376
00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:15,190
I'll see you around.
377
00:17:23,550 --> 00:17:26,109
(door knocking)
378
00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:28,109
(door clunking)
379
00:17:28,110 --> 00:17:30,389
Oh, my God, how did it go?
380
00:17:30,390 --> 00:17:31,749
(sobbing) I'm sorry.
381
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,709
Daft sod.
382
00:17:33,710 --> 00:17:36,430
(Ritchie crying)
383
00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:47,909
I was 18 years old and
I got a job at Gatwick.
384
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:52,469
I was a ramp agent and he
was cabin crew with Iberia.
385
00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:53,869
He loved my job title.
386
00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:55,469
He used to say, "Are you rampagent?"
387
00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:57,069
and I would say, "Yes, I'm very rampagent",
388
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,069
"thank you very much."
389
00:17:58,070 --> 00:17:59,549
Then that went on for a bit.
390
00:17:59,550 --> 00:18:02,269
And then one day, we got the train back
391
00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:05,669
to a little bedsit I had then
and he walked me to the door
392
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:09,070
and he stepped inside
and then he never left.
393
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,349
30 years ago.
394
00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:13,749
(bus bell dings)
395
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:15,709
He'll undoubtedly try to be funny
396
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:18,749
and he will say something
blue, this is inevitable.
397
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,109
(gate clunking) (gate creaking)
398
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,870
Hello. Oh, this must be Colin.
399
00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:26,549
Excellent.
400
00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:29,709
You strip him naked and
I'll shave his little bum
401
00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:32,549
and then I'm gonna use the
clothes pegs. (clicking tongue)
402
00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:34,149
What did I say?
403
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:35,789
First prize for predictability.
404
00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:37,149
Good evening, sexy legs.
405
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:37,989
Hello.
406
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:39,589
(both moaning)
407
00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:41,069
Come on in. Come on.
408
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,149
(all laughing)
409
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,669
If you think that's
funny, wait, wait, wait,
410
00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:46,069
there's more, there's more.
411
00:18:46,070 --> 00:18:49,189
And I said, "Where do you think
you're going, mister, huh?"
412
00:18:49,190 --> 00:18:52,109
And he turned round and
you're never gonna guess what.
413
00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:54,749
- What?
- It was the same man!
414
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:57,029
(both laughing) Again!
415
00:18:57,030 --> 00:18:59,349
Mm! (lighter clicking)
416
00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:03,110
I liked it though. It was
more fun when it was illegal.
417
00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:05,989
But, what about your neighbors?
418
00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,269
Do they know, about you?
419
00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:11,509
No. (tutting) We are secret.
420
00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:14,989
When I leave the house,
I dress like a lady.
421
00:19:14,990 --> 00:19:16,989
- (Colin laughing)
- Stop it.
422
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,189
They know. They've always known.
423
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,029
[Juan Pablo] Yeah.
424
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:22,149
It's like the official
history of the world
425
00:19:22,150 --> 00:19:23,389
says that men like us have always been
426
00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:24,669
hidden away in secret,
427
00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:27,669
but then there's the real
world where we've been living,
428
00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:30,629
together, for all this time.
429
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:32,630
What about your families? Do...
430
00:19:34,470 --> 00:19:36,470
Well, I've moved on from them.
431
00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:39,470
How do you mean?
432
00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:42,870
I've moved on.
433
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,470
But my mother, she comes over.
434
00:19:46,670 --> 00:19:47,869
She doesn't ask.
435
00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:50,349
All these years, not a single question.
436
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:53,029
There's only two bedrooms,
she stays in the spare room,
437
00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:54,389
Henry's in with me.
438
00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,869
So what does she think?
439
00:19:55,870 --> 00:19:58,749
But, she says nothing.
440
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:02,070
She loves him like I
do, no problem at all.
441
00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:05,229
Right?
442
00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:09,909
(gentle synth music) (wind whistling)
443
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:11,509
Will you be in the
room when I tell them?
444
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:13,869
No, you've gotta do this on your own.
445
00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:17,030
Take a deep breath and tell 'em the truth.
446
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:23,229
(car doors clunking) (birds cawing)
447
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:26,229
Here we are. It's not much.
448
00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:27,389
It's a bit rubbish round here.
449
00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:29,429
Shut up. It's nice.
450
00:20:29,430 --> 00:20:31,109
Thanks, Lucy.
451
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,110
Have you locked it?
452
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,629
(door lock clunking)
453
00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:39,589
(car door slamming)
454
00:20:39,590 --> 00:20:42,029
[Jill] Is she all right?
455
00:20:42,030 --> 00:20:44,389
Oh, she's always in a mood.
456
00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:45,829
(door rattling)
457
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:49,669
Oh, who's that strange man in my house?
458
00:20:49,670 --> 00:20:50,509
I don't know you.
459
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:51,909
Clive! Call the police!
460
00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:54,029
I made it. Merry Christmas.
461
00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:55,349
[Anne] Oh, thanks.
462
00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:58,910
Right. Oh, you must be Jill.
463
00:21:00,070 --> 00:21:02,789
He never said. Where are you from?
464
00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:04,469
Just outside Woking.
465
00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:08,829
But, originally, what's
your, what's your, what's your
466
00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:09,909
heritage?
467
00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:12,270
My dad's from Dominica in the Caribbean.
468
00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:15,990
Well, it doesn't bother us.
469
00:21:16,870 --> 00:21:18,709
Flag of all nations in this house.
470
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:20,109
Is there anything you don't eat?
471
00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:22,189
No, I'll be fine, thank you.
472
00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:24,429
- But, we do have rules.
Separate bedrooms.
473
00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:26,269
Sorry, sunshine, but not under my roof.
474
00:21:26,270 --> 00:21:29,149
And I don't wanna hear any
creaking floorboards at midnight,
475
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:30,469
do you understand?
476
00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:32,359
I know all the tricks.
477
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,799
(festive choral music)
478
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:39,359
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy new year ♪
479
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,159
Right, no, you stay there.
480
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,839
I'll clear up, I'll give these a rinse.
481
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,399
Oh no, you sit down, you're a guest.
482
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,239
I don't mind, honestly,
Anne. Ritchie needs a word.
483
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,240
Over to you.
484
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,799
Well, what does that
mean? Word about what?
485
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,519
Oh, you're kidding me?
486
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,519
Is this what I think it is?
487
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,159
Like, she's not pregnant?
488
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,079
(laughs) No!
489
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,199
[Clive] Oh, thank God for
that. Well, what is it then?
490
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,599
Okay.
491
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,520
So, thing is, I've been thinking,
492
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:11,079
past few months, about my
life and all sorts of things,
493
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,440
so I've made a decision and I
just wanna explain it to you.
494
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,120
I'm not doing law.
495
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,640
I'm changing to drama.
496
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:25,879
It's drama with English
497
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,519
so, you know, there's
proper academic work,
498
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,359
but it's a drama course, really,
and I think it's more me.
499
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:32,839
Oh, you little idiot.
500
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,439
No, but it's my choice
501
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,399
and I'm sorry but that's what I'm doing.
502
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,599
[Clive] Well, I think
you'll find you're not.
503
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:38,679
It's already done.
504
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,439
It's only been a term so
they said I could swap.
505
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,799
- What about your grant, eh?
Did you think about that?
506
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,599
You don't get a grant for bloody drama.
507
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,199
Drama with a view to what?
508
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,719
What are you gonna do with it?
509
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:51,999
I'm gonna be an actor.
510
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,599
(Clive laughing)
511
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,839
You are so pathetic.
512
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,239
Oh, that's it, that's royal, that is.
513
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,439
That is bloody excellent.
514
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,440
Stupid little dreamer!
515
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,839
(cupboards clattering)
516
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,759
(drawers clattering)
517
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,839
Suppose this was your idea.
518
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:12,759
No.
519
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,440
Yeah, I mean, you just opened
it up for him, didn't you?
520
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,280
Your sweetness.
521
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,079
(door slamming)
522
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,320
(upbeat festive music)
523
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,559
(buttons clicking)
524
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,039
- (door clunking)
- Happy New Year!
525
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,919
(Jill laughing)
526
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:46,920
(upbeat classical-pop music)
(people chattering)
527
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,680
(Ritchie panting)
528
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,840
(both moaning)
529
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,360
(Ritchie groaning)
530
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,040
(Ash laughing)
531
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,159
(upbeat classical-pop music continues)
532
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,639
Woo! (laughs)
533
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,640
Woo!
534
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,600
(Ritchie moaning)
535
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,759
Woo! Woo! (both laughing)
536
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,679
And this is my best friend, Jill.
537
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,039
No, I'm sorry, no.
538
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,399
As drag goes, that is
completely unconvincing.
539
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,559
He needs a good shave!
540
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,959
Look at the five o'clock
shadow, he's so manly.
541
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,159
- (Ritchie laughs)
- I'm the only one who is.
542
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,399
(all laughing)
543
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,279
[Ash] She's camper than me.
544
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,399
(Jill laughs)
545
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,240
That cold came back, Juan Pablo.
546
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,999
Do you remember, he had
that silly little cough
547
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,119
when the airline went
bust, then again in April,
548
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,120
now it's back.
549
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:10,359
It's hard to tell though,
550
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:12,360
he does make a three-act play of it.
551
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,439
They've taken him into hospital.
552
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,560
Oh, sorry.
553
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,560
Is he all right?
554
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,920
Yeah, fuss over nothing.
555
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:28,199
They said it was pneumonia,
556
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,439
then they said it was like something
557
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,719
you get from birds in his lungs.
558
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:33,519
They said it was strange,
559
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,240
they said it was some kind of psittacosis.
560
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:37,999
What, like you get in parrots?
561
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,000
That's what they said.
562
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,119
You haven't got a parrot, have you?
563
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,360
Of course, we haven't
got a fucking parrot!
564
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,959
She sat me down and she said,
565
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,039
"Has he been in contact with any birds?"
566
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,079
I said, "No." I mean, what
sort of question is that?
567
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,999
Birds.
568
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,240
But, people don't get
psittacosis, do they?
569
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,240
I don't know.
570
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,000
Except there he is.
571
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,960
It's ridiculous.
572
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,719
(door clunking) (door creaking)
573
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:14,519
Hello, good morning.
574
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,799
Oh, Colin, you'll have to work
575
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,919
through your lunch I'm afraid.
576
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,039
Mr. Coltrane's off sick,
so you'll have to cover.
577
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,559
Is that all right?
578
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,560
Yeah, that's fine. Thank you.
579
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,119
(footsteps tapping)
580
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,319
(phone ringing) (bottles clinking)
581
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:31,999
(Colin sighs)
582
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,039
- [TV Sports Commentator]
I think the referee,
583
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,440
Mr. Sims, is telling him, one more chance.
584
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:37,799
[TV Sports Commentator] So, a free-kick
585
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,200
just outside the Rovers' box.
586
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,599
Big guys are coming up from the back.
587
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,079
(door clunking) (door creaking)
588
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,119
Colin, this is Mr. Brewster.
589
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,519
He'll be standing in for Mr. Coltrane,
590
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,199
just till he gets better.
591
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,200
Right. Hello.
592
00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,840
(door knocking) (gentle pensive music)
593
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,440
(traffic rumbling)
594
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,480
Henry? It's me, Colin!
595
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,400
(gate creaking)
596
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,839
Mr. Brewster will be joining
us on a permanent basis
597
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,079
to replace Mr. Coltrane.
598
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,919
Welcome on board, you'll
make a very good team.
599
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,760
(all applauding)
600
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,399
(door knocking)
601
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,359
You're wasting your time, love.
602
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,599
He went into hospital last week. Henry.
603
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,719
Ambulance. Four in the morning.
604
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,479
Bad chest or something.
605
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,359
Right, thanks.
606
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,479
What about Juan Pablo?
607
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,159
The other one, his friend.
608
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,160
Bloody Argie. He can go home.
609
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,960
(suspenseful music)
610
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,399
Excuse me. I'm looking
for Henry Coltrane?
611
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:46,839
They told me he was here.
612
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,319
It's family only.
613
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,079
I know, they said. I'm his nephew.
614
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,720
(keys jangling)
615
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,799
(door lock clunking)
616
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:05,800
Here we are. (keys jangling)
617
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,920
(gloves whipping)
618
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,959
(door lock clunking)
619
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,719
(door creaking)
620
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,880
Henry? You have a visitor.
621
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,840
(tense music)
622
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,559
They said it could have
been there for years,
623
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,759
sitting on my chest.
624
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,760
This bit popped up to have a look.
625
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,960
[Colin] And it's cancer?
626
00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,999
But why do I need all these?
627
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,919
I mean, cancer's not infectious.
628
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,759
It's to protect me, not you.
629
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,760
- Oh.
- Idiot.
630
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:15,519
Except, they said, it's odd, they said,
631
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:20,200
"You'd expect this if you
were 90 or Jewish or Turkish."
632
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,239
[Colin] But it's not the
same thing as Juan Pablo?
633
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,360
No. It's bad luck.
634
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,440
Two of us getting sick at the same time.
635
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,560
[Colin] Where is he?
636
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,480
He's gone
637
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,960
to Portugal.
638
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,720
(Henry snorting)
639
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,960
His mother descended.
640
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,960
"I'm taking him home." Hm.
641
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:58,360
I've tried writing, but I
can't phone Portugal from here.
642
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,360
I keep thinking,
643
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:12,159
we had mold in the kitchen,
a little strip of mold.
644
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,079
(gentle emotive music)
645
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,359
We had the damp course done,
646
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:16,879
we had it replastered and painted it.
647
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,880
I painted it with zinc.
648
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,120
But it kept coming back.
649
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:27,240
I was at war with this little strip.
650
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,360
I just keep thinking,
651
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,840
was it the mold?
652
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,839
On the chest.
653
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,360
Two of us just breathing it in.
654
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,479
(cups clinking) (door knocking)
655
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,480
Lunch.
656
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,240
Could you?
657
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,160
[Colin] Don't they bring it in?
658
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:05,120
No. They do not.
659
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,960
(footsteps tapping)
660
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,080
(door creaking)
661
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,359
What time do you think you'll be back?
662
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:27,999
I lock the front door at 10.
663
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,400
I might not. I might stay out all night.
664
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,880
Thank you.
665
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,679
(people laughing) (upbeat pop music)
666
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,680
(people chattering)
667
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,799
Now cheer the fuck up.
668
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,800
You're dragging the whole place down.
669
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,040
(people laughing)
670
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,599
♪ I took you by the hand and I said ♪
671
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,879
(all laughing) And did you see it?
672
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,119
Did you see his shoe?
673
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,479
[Ritchie] Nevermind that
though, did you see his arse?
674
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,999
[Gregory] I'm gonna let go! (laughs)
675
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,799
Stop it! Stop it, don't,
Gregory, don't talk to me!
676
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,239
Gloria, don't be so fuckin' nuts.
677
00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:22,719
Get out the car then. (laughs)
678
00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:25,519
(Gregory screams) (all laughing)
679
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:26,319
[Ritchie] Party rules.
680
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,319
First choice on every boy is mine!
681
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,879
Here we are, the Pink Palace.
682
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,799
Just so you know, this
is not a house warming,
683
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,199
we're gonna have a party every night.
684
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,759
Here she is, she smelt the booze.
685
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,759
(Solly laughing)
686
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,359
Welcome to our new home.
687
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,239
I love le Pally d'Pink.
688
00:34:44,240 --> 00:34:45,359
(all laughing)
689
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,599
No, don't laugh, okay? I'm not kidding.
690
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,079
Dad thinks I'm at choir.
691
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,919
He'd kill me with his bare hands.
692
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:55,039
But you, you must be crazy
sharing a flat with him.
693
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,199
I know. But I had to move out of halls,
694
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,199
I was getting complaints
with the banging headboard.
695
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,649
And it's dirt cheap, this place,
696
00:35:00,650 --> 00:35:02,609
'cause I was working
on the house next door
697
00:35:02,610 --> 00:35:04,409
and Mr. Friedrichs said, "Oh,
we're looking for tenants."
698
00:35:04,410 --> 00:35:05,249
He screwed the landlord.
699
00:35:05,250 --> 00:35:06,089
- Oh!
- Mr. Freedicks.
700
00:35:06,090 --> 00:35:07,889
Your brother had the
landlord spinning on his nob
701
00:35:07,890 --> 00:35:09,489
like a battling top.
702
00:35:09,490 --> 00:35:10,369
Proud of you, boy.
703
00:35:10,370 --> 00:35:13,369
Okay, I confess, I did, I had him.
704
00:35:13,370 --> 00:35:14,369
- Oh, my God.
- In here.
705
00:35:14,370 --> 00:35:15,729
- Oh, my God.
- Bum in the air, right there.
706
00:35:15,730 --> 00:35:16,769
Oh, stop it!
707
00:35:16,770 --> 00:35:18,489
But it's brilliant
because Jill and I said,
708
00:35:18,490 --> 00:35:19,729
"Let's find somewhere together."
709
00:35:19,730 --> 00:35:20,809
Oh, "Jill and I."
710
00:35:20,810 --> 00:35:21,769
[Roscoe] Jill and I, your lordship.
711
00:35:21,770 --> 00:35:23,889
But we did, we were
looking and then Ash said,
712
00:35:23,890 --> 00:35:24,969
"Well, I'll move in with you."
713
00:35:24,970 --> 00:35:27,689
And Ritchie said, "You can
share my bed, Ashy, please."
714
00:35:27,690 --> 00:35:29,049
No way, never again.
715
00:35:29,050 --> 00:35:31,529
Been there, done it, spat it out.
716
00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:34,209
Pass me another boy, this one's split.
717
00:35:34,210 --> 00:35:36,049
- (all groaning)
- Oh, Baxter, you're filthy.
718
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:37,849
So, thank you, Mr. Freedicks.
719
00:35:37,850 --> 00:35:38,969
This place is only 20 quid a week,
720
00:35:38,970 --> 00:35:40,289
all thanks to your brother's penis.
721
00:35:40,290 --> 00:35:42,209
25 until we fill that spare bed.
722
00:35:42,210 --> 00:35:43,609
Oh, just move in with us, Gloria.
723
00:35:43,610 --> 00:35:44,969
In this tip? Are you kidding?
724
00:35:44,970 --> 00:35:46,209
I've got a council flat.
725
00:35:46,210 --> 00:35:49,289
The people pissing in my lift
do so with love and care.
726
00:35:49,290 --> 00:35:50,489
It's practically intimate.
727
00:35:50,490 --> 00:35:52,089
[Solly] Why do you
call it the Pink Palace?
728
00:35:52,090 --> 00:35:53,249
Is that the name of a club or something?
729
00:35:53,250 --> 00:35:54,649
No.
730
00:35:54,650 --> 00:35:56,129
Mummy dearest brought little Ritchie
731
00:35:56,130 --> 00:35:58,130
lots of things from home and look,
732
00:35:59,610 --> 00:36:01,049
she brought him this.
733
00:36:01,050 --> 00:36:01,969
Camp or what?
734
00:36:01,970 --> 00:36:04,329
[Gregory] It's pinker
than my dick. (laughs)
735
00:36:04,330 --> 00:36:05,169
Oh!
736
00:36:05,170 --> 00:36:06,449
(all laughing) (all applauding)
737
00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:08,049
Darling.
738
00:36:08,050 --> 00:36:11,169
♪ Color me your color, darling ♪
739
00:36:11,170 --> 00:36:14,449
♪ I know who you are ♪
740
00:36:14,450 --> 00:36:17,889
♪ Come up off your color chart ♪
741
00:36:17,890 --> 00:36:20,889
♪ I know where you're coming from ♪
742
00:36:20,890 --> 00:36:23,769
♪ Call me, call me, on the line ♪
743
00:36:23,770 --> 00:36:27,529
♪ Call me, call me any, anytime ♪
744
00:36:27,530 --> 00:36:30,449
♪ Call me, call me, I'll arrive ♪
745
00:36:30,450 --> 00:36:34,249
♪ You can call me any day or night ♪
746
00:36:34,250 --> 00:36:35,449
♪ Call me ♪
747
00:36:35,450 --> 00:36:37,289
(people laughing) (people yelling)
748
00:36:37,290 --> 00:36:38,089
(door clunking)
749
00:36:38,090 --> 00:36:40,289
[Jill] (gasps) Oh, for
God's sake! Can you two...
750
00:36:40,290 --> 00:36:41,369
I thought it was over!
751
00:36:41,370 --> 00:36:43,370
Old times' sake.
752
00:36:44,050 --> 00:36:44,889
(door clunking)
753
00:36:44,890 --> 00:36:47,849
[Jill] (gasps) Oh, dirty!
754
00:36:47,850 --> 00:36:50,249
The government knows
all about it, right,
755
00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:51,729
and they're keeping it quiet,
756
00:36:51,730 --> 00:36:55,329
'cause there's a strain of flu
and it affects only gay men
757
00:36:55,330 --> 00:36:56,449
and it kills them.
758
00:36:56,450 --> 00:36:59,049
It's called GRID, it started in America
759
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:00,089
and it's coming over here.
760
00:37:00,090 --> 00:37:03,729
You can't have a gay flu and
no one dies of flu anymore.
761
00:37:03,730 --> 00:37:05,249
They're dying in San Francisco.
762
00:37:05,250 --> 00:37:06,929
My friend said it's a plague.
763
00:37:06,930 --> 00:37:09,849
Don't be ridiculous. That
would be all over the news.
764
00:37:09,850 --> 00:37:10,689
I've gotta be honest,
765
00:37:10,690 --> 00:37:12,369
I think you're being a little bit rude.
766
00:37:12,370 --> 00:37:13,889
Dracula!
767
00:37:13,890 --> 00:37:16,449
Take me to your castle,
hot stuff. Come on!
768
00:37:16,450 --> 00:37:19,130
Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Gregory,
769
00:37:20,370 --> 00:37:24,289
pray gather hereupon for
the star turn of the night,
770
00:37:24,290 --> 00:37:26,810
I give you Miss Rachel Tozer!
771
00:37:30,570 --> 00:37:32,889
(guests cheering)
772
00:37:32,890 --> 00:37:36,049
(guests applauding) (guest whistles)
773
00:37:36,050 --> 00:37:37,969
(gasps) Oh, my God!
774
00:37:37,970 --> 00:37:39,970
Rachel. He's Rachel.
775
00:37:41,130 --> 00:37:42,929
He looks like Nana Mouskouri.
776
00:37:42,930 --> 00:37:45,410
(Ash laughs)
777
00:37:46,930 --> 00:37:49,489
Please, my people. Silencio!
778
00:37:49,490 --> 00:37:51,329
I would like to give you a song.
779
00:37:51,330 --> 00:37:56,330
(guests gasping) (guests laughing)
780
00:37:59,050 --> 00:38:00,089
♪ La ♪
781
00:38:00,090 --> 00:38:01,049
- Right!
- Okay!
782
00:38:01,050 --> 00:38:03,569
- (guests applauding)
- Is that it? (laughs)
783
00:38:03,570 --> 00:38:06,409
(guests cheering)
784
00:38:06,410 --> 00:38:08,689
(Ash whistling)
785
00:38:08,690 --> 00:38:10,809
Bravo!
786
00:38:10,810 --> 00:38:13,889
(Ash whistling)
787
00:38:13,890 --> 00:38:18,890
(upbeat pop music) (people chattering)
788
00:38:19,330 --> 00:38:22,609
Sorry, but that girl, like, Jill,
789
00:38:22,610 --> 00:38:24,610
did she say this place had a spare room?
790
00:38:25,570 --> 00:38:27,609
It's a spare bed, not a spare room.
791
00:38:27,610 --> 00:38:28,649
It means sharing with me,
792
00:38:28,650 --> 00:38:30,289
but I don't mind 'cause
I'm out most nights.
793
00:38:30,290 --> 00:38:32,409
And if it lowers the rent, I'd
share with Mary Whitehouse.
794
00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:33,249
What do you think?
795
00:38:33,250 --> 00:38:34,849
Well, I'd like it very much.
796
00:38:34,850 --> 00:38:35,689
I can give you a reference.
797
00:38:35,690 --> 00:38:38,209
Sod that. It's an 80 quid deposit, cash.
798
00:38:38,210 --> 00:38:39,769
- Have you got it?
- Yeah.
799
00:38:39,770 --> 00:38:42,569
Girls, the rent's back down to 20 quid!
800
00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:44,169
Gladys Pugh's moving in.
801
00:38:44,170 --> 00:38:49,209
[Jill] Woo-hoo! Nice one, Roscoe.
802
00:38:49,210 --> 00:38:54,210
(upbeat pop music) (people chattering)
803
00:39:06,810 --> 00:39:08,810
[Roscoe] Did you see?
804
00:39:10,330 --> 00:39:13,250
(upbeat ska music)
805
00:39:34,410 --> 00:39:37,889
(singer vocalizing)
806
00:39:37,890 --> 00:39:41,209
(singer vocalizing)
807
00:39:41,210 --> 00:39:44,489
(singer vocalizing)
808
00:39:44,490 --> 00:39:47,889
(singer vocalizing)
809
00:39:47,890 --> 00:39:51,329
(singer vocalizing)
810
00:39:51,330 --> 00:39:54,929
♪ Ne-ne-na-na (vocalizing) ♪
811
00:39:54,930 --> 00:39:58,209
(alarm clock blaring)
812
00:39:58,210 --> 00:40:01,370
(gentle upbeat music)
813
00:40:06,010 --> 00:40:07,329
(alarm clock thuds)
814
00:40:07,330 --> 00:40:08,929
(Colin sighs)
815
00:40:08,930 --> 00:40:11,770
(traffic rumbles)
816
00:40:14,290 --> 00:40:19,290
(Roscoe groans) (door clunking)
817
00:40:20,890 --> 00:40:22,209
(door clunking)
818
00:40:22,210 --> 00:40:24,129
(letterbox clattering)
819
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:27,249
[Radio DJ] It's a highly
complicated, giant molecule.
820
00:40:27,250 --> 00:40:29,650
Hey, man, that's well wicked.
821
00:40:36,250 --> 00:40:38,329
(hand slaps)
822
00:40:38,330 --> 00:40:41,050
(door clunking)
823
00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:50,770
(toothbrush scraping)
824
00:40:52,570 --> 00:40:55,330
(door clunking)
825
00:41:15,130 --> 00:41:16,329
La!
826
00:41:16,330 --> 00:41:18,330
La!
827
00:41:18,650 --> 00:41:20,769
Break a leg, Rachel.
828
00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:22,770
Thanks, Bill.
829
00:41:23,610 --> 00:41:24,409
See you.
830
00:41:24,410 --> 00:41:26,410
- Yeah, good luck.
- And you.
831
00:41:28,290 --> 00:41:29,689
See you later.
832
00:41:29,690 --> 00:41:30,689
La!
833
00:41:30,690 --> 00:41:31,689
Oh.
834
00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:33,169
La!
835
00:41:33,170 --> 00:41:35,170
- Good luck, Gladys.
- Thanks.
836
00:41:42,610 --> 00:41:44,209
- La!
- La.
837
00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:45,169
Wish me luck.
838
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:50,170
[Jill] Good luck.
839
00:41:52,050 --> 00:41:54,489
(door slamming)
840
00:41:54,490 --> 00:41:57,170
(gentle music)
841
00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:11,610
Have you seen this?
842
00:42:13,970 --> 00:42:15,970
Ritchie.
843
00:42:16,490 --> 00:42:17,329
Thanks for coming.
844
00:42:17,330 --> 00:42:19,330
Oh, my God, no, thank you.
845
00:42:20,490 --> 00:42:21,329
Morning.
846
00:42:21,330 --> 00:42:23,330
Oh, good morning, Colin.
847
00:42:27,410 --> 00:42:28,849
Ta-da!
848
00:42:28,850 --> 00:42:29,969
- Hi.
- You're late.
849
00:42:29,970 --> 00:42:31,809
- Give us a minute.
- Sure.
850
00:42:31,810 --> 00:42:34,289
To be honest, it might be a little soon
851
00:42:34,290 --> 00:42:37,289
to be looking for an agent,
but still, I have to ask.
852
00:42:37,290 --> 00:42:40,689
If I were to represent you
and the right job came along,
853
00:42:40,690 --> 00:42:42,009
would you consider leaving college?
854
00:42:42,010 --> 00:42:43,569
Oh, yes.
855
00:42:43,570 --> 00:42:45,089
Bang, done.
856
00:42:45,090 --> 00:42:46,689
- Yes.
- It's been a year.
857
00:42:46,690 --> 00:42:49,409
Now, just thought we'd
assess where we are.
858
00:42:49,410 --> 00:42:51,209
Happy, on the whole.
859
00:42:51,210 --> 00:42:53,129
You've got that tendency to drift off,
860
00:42:53,130 --> 00:42:54,609
I've warned you about that.
861
00:42:54,610 --> 00:42:57,250
And you could be more
assertive. What do you think?
862
00:42:58,610 --> 00:42:59,449
Yes, sir.
863
00:42:59,450 --> 00:43:02,009
I said, "You could be more-"
864
00:43:02,010 --> 00:43:03,289
Yes, sir!
865
00:43:03,290 --> 00:43:04,489
It's a proper job.
866
00:43:04,490 --> 00:43:06,169
I need someone to run the whole thing.
867
00:43:06,170 --> 00:43:08,009
Bookings, strippers, drag nights,
868
00:43:08,010 --> 00:43:09,649
and my worry is, are you a stupid tit
869
00:43:09,650 --> 00:43:11,449
who's gonna run off with my money?
870
00:43:11,450 --> 00:43:12,449
Damn, got me.
871
00:43:12,450 --> 00:43:16,329
So, where do you see
yourself in five years' time?
872
00:43:16,330 --> 00:43:18,849
10 years' time, what
do you want to be doing?
873
00:43:18,850 --> 00:43:21,090
What you gonna do when you're older?
874
00:43:21,970 --> 00:43:23,169
What's the plan?
875
00:43:23,170 --> 00:43:26,289
Oh, my God, I want everything.
876
00:43:26,290 --> 00:43:28,769
West End, I want my name in lights,
877
00:43:28,770 --> 00:43:31,089
big movie posters with me on them.
878
00:43:31,090 --> 00:43:32,289
I don't know.
879
00:43:32,290 --> 00:43:34,409
10 years' time,
880
00:43:34,410 --> 00:43:36,289
I'd be happy still working here.
881
00:43:36,290 --> 00:43:41,369
You wait. Give me five, six
years, I'll be stinking rich.
882
00:43:41,370 --> 00:43:44,569
No, as long as I can
find work, I don't care.
883
00:43:44,570 --> 00:43:47,169
Theater, little bit of TV.
884
00:43:47,170 --> 00:43:49,129
I could be that man in
the background shouting,
885
00:43:49,130 --> 00:43:50,329
"Let him go!"
886
00:43:50,330 --> 00:43:51,929
Every single teacher I ever had,
887
00:43:51,930 --> 00:43:54,569
I wanna drive past them
in my big, shiny car,
888
00:43:54,570 --> 00:43:56,049
like, "Fuck you."
889
00:43:56,050 --> 00:43:57,849
I wanna do good work.
890
00:43:57,850 --> 00:44:01,530
I wanna learn everything,
like Mr. Coltrane taught me.
891
00:44:02,570 --> 00:44:06,649
Donegal Tweed, they make
the dye out of blackberries.
892
00:44:06,650 --> 00:44:08,449
It's so beautiful.
893
00:44:08,450 --> 00:44:11,370
(trolley rattling)
894
00:44:15,810 --> 00:44:18,890
(footsteps thudding)
895
00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:27,930
(lid creaking)
896
00:44:35,810 --> 00:44:38,370
(lid creaking)
897
00:44:39,450 --> 00:44:40,289
(lid clunking)
898
00:44:40,290 --> 00:44:43,089
(trolley rattling)
899
00:44:43,090 --> 00:44:45,970
(brushes scraping)
900
00:44:46,970 --> 00:44:49,329
(mattress thuds)
901
00:44:49,330 --> 00:44:51,049
(trolley rattling)
902
00:44:51,050 --> 00:44:52,849
(door creaking)
903
00:44:52,850 --> 00:44:55,610
(door slamming)
904
00:44:57,250 --> 00:44:59,250
I just wanna be happy.
905
00:45:01,450 --> 00:45:06,450
♪ Ah ♪
906
00:45:08,690 --> 00:45:13,690
♪ Ah ♪
907
00:45:15,850 --> 00:45:17,850
♪ Ah ♪
908
00:45:23,130 --> 00:45:26,690
(upbeat electro-pop music)
909
00:45:37,330 --> 00:45:42,330
♪ Leave in the morning with
everything you own in a little ♪
63037
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