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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:00,779 I read this thing. 2 00:00:00,780 --> 00:00:02,979 It said that back in the 1800s, 3 00:00:02,980 --> 00:00:05,299 women had so little standing in society 4 00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:06,819 that if a woman murdered someone, 5 00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:09,539 they could arrest her husband, like it was his fault, 6 00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,059 'cause they considered that in law 7 00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:13,059 she was literally incapable. 8 00:00:13,060 --> 00:00:14,979 They thought women had no capacity for morals 9 00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:17,619 or common sense or anything. 10 00:00:17,620 --> 00:00:19,099 Which meant the husband was responsible 11 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,739 for everything she did. 12 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:21,859 So, if the wife murdered someone, 13 00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:23,619 her husband could be hanged. 14 00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:24,579 [Clive] Oh, don't give her ideas. 15 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,059 - I wish. - Lucy, tell your mum, 16 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,419 don't get ideas now, I'm not safe. 17 00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:28,299 As soon as you get there, 18 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,059 you bring that law back fast as you can. 19 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:31,579 - I'll have a word. - Good boy. 20 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:32,979 Well, he's not the Lord bloody Chancellor. 21 00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:34,339 He's gonna study the law, not make it. 22 00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:35,699 Well, give him time. 23 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:39,059 No! Definition of a barrister is a servant of the law! 24 00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:40,859 He's leaving home to buckle down and work hard, 25 00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:41,859 that's the point. 26 00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:43,099 Oh, I meant to say, 27 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,939 I'll go through your wardrobe next week. 28 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:46,539 There's stuff in there from when you were 12. 29 00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,859 (wardrobe clunking) (clothes rustling) 30 00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:49,699 It can all go. 31 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:52,499 But just leave it, I'll sort it out when I come back. 32 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,539 (magazines rustling) (upbeat pop music) 33 00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:56,099 Oh, that's not till Christmas. 34 00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,300 Yeah, but I know where everything is. 35 00:00:59,620 --> 00:01:00,859 Well, I won't go mad. 36 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,659 Anything nice I'll put to one side. 37 00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:05,580 But I can move everything out and give it a good scrub. 38 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,219 All the corners. 39 00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,299 Maybe even paint it. 40 00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:13,540 By the time you come back, it'll be like new. Hm. 41 00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:25,260 I'll give you a call and let you know the number. 42 00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:29,219 (car trunk slams) 43 00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:32,099 I mean it. It's different on the mainland. 44 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,539 If you see something left on the bus or a tube, 45 00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:37,860 anything left on its own, don't touch it, all right? 46 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,619 (car engine revving) 47 00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:44,619 (boat horn blaring) 48 00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:49,219 (birds cawing) (wind whistling) 49 00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:51,099 There's some things your mother didn't pack. 50 00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:53,339 I don't want you getting some girl in trouble. 51 00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:55,139 But make sure they all get used. 52 00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:57,780 Your mother's right, it is different on the mainland. 53 00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,659 It's a lot more fun. 54 00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:04,260 (upbeat music) 55 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,899 (birds cawing) 56 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,660 (Ritchie laughs) 57 00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:18,820 (upbeat disco music) 58 00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:28,460 ♪ It feels like, it feels I'm in love ♪ 59 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,619 ♪ My knees shake ♪ 60 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,340 ♪ My heart beats like a drum ♪ 61 00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:42,379 (car horn blaring) 62 00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,299 So what's all that about then? 63 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:45,019 - How'd you mean? - Your dad. 64 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:46,899 Past week he's been picking you up every night. 65 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,299 Oh, he's working round the corner, 66 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,459 he likes going for a pint, that's all. 67 00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:50,779 All right then. Well, have one for me, yeah? 68 00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:51,659 Right, I'll see you tomorrow. 69 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:53,660 See ya. 70 00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:05,219 (car door clunking) 71 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:06,699 (car door slamming) 72 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:07,539 [Oscar] Who's he? 73 00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:10,419 That's not fair. I can't help working with men, can I? 74 00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:13,500 (car engine revving) 75 00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:20,820 (Rosa speaks in foreign language) 76 00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:48,419 [Rosa] Father, forgive my son, Roscoe. 77 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:52,539 He has fallen into the pit of sodomy. Save him, oh, Lord. 78 00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:55,780 (gentle pensive music) 79 00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,779 (car doors clunking) 80 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,899 Uncle Basil's here. I warned you. 81 00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:05,419 He's gonna take you home. 82 00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:09,219 Look, there's 120 quid, it's all I've got. 83 00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:10,579 Just take it and go. 84 00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:11,739 But, go where? 85 00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:12,579 I don't know. 86 00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:13,979 You're the one with the secret little friends, aren't you? 87 00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:14,979 Go to them, I don't care. 88 00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:16,179 Uncle Basil can't take me out the country, 89 00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:17,379 not if I say no. 90 00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:18,299 If you cause trouble, 91 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,819 he says the whole family can go back to Nigeria and I'm not! 92 00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:23,739 I won't! 93 00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:25,740 You're not gonna ruin my life too. 94 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:32,300 Roscoe, if they send you back home, 95 00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:36,820 they will beat you and bleed you. 96 00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,740 In the name of God, they will kill you. 97 00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:43,899 And then they'll throw your body into the forest 98 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,900 and leave you for the animals. 99 00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:48,339 (Roscoe sighs) 100 00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:50,340 You stupid little kid. 101 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:53,820 Uncle Basil's downstairs. 102 00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,580 Just run. 103 00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:59,779 Run. 104 00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:01,659 It goes without saying, 105 00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:05,259 but if you need me to make the journey alongside you, 106 00:05:05,260 --> 00:05:07,659 I would be more than happy. 107 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:09,660 It would be an honor. 108 00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:13,579 That would help. Thank you. 109 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,539 Given the time of arrival, 110 00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,979 some people choose to stay in Lagos for the first night, 111 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,659 but if you take my advice, 112 00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:23,579 get him out of the city as fast as you can. 113 00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:25,859 I can get you a car and a driver, it's easily done. 114 00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:29,539 [Oscar] But that's an additional cost, on top of the rest. 115 00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:32,579 The society would help, that's why they exist. 116 00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:35,459 You fall, they catch you with open arms. 117 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,939 (ceiling thudding) 118 00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,379 But it could take months to heal the boy. 119 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,259 How do I cope with Oscar away and no money coming in? 120 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:45,260 Again, the society's there. 121 00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:47,939 We have anticipated everything. 122 00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:50,219 (ceiling thudding) 123 00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:51,339 What is he doing? 124 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:54,259 Your son has the devil in him tonight, Rosa. 125 00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:55,819 [Basil] That's exactly the problem. 126 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:57,459 (footsteps thudding) 127 00:05:57,460 --> 00:05:59,419 What in the name of the Lord? 128 00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:02,219 (door thudding) 129 00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:03,459 I'm going now. 130 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:06,339 So thank you very much and if you need to forward any mail, 131 00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:10,339 I'll be staying at 23 Piss Off Avenue, London W Fuck. 132 00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:11,899 Thank you and goodbye. 133 00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:13,379 (woman laughing) 134 00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:16,139 No! No, no! (table slamming) 135 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:20,699 Don't go! No, no! (table thudding) 136 00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:22,259 Roscoe! Come back here! 137 00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:24,139 (hand slapping) 138 00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:27,459 (upbeat disco music) 139 00:06:27,460 --> 00:06:29,099 ♪ My head is in a spin ♪ 140 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,019 ♪ My feet don't touch the ground ♪ 141 00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:34,059 Roscoe! Roscoe, come back here! 142 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,739 Roscoe! Come back here! 143 00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:40,019 If you leave now, you don't come back. 144 00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:42,020 Roscoe! 145 00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:45,139 ♪ It feels like ♪ (doorbell ringing) 146 00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:46,459 (door clunking) 147 00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:47,779 [Colin] Hello. 148 00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:48,859 Well, don't just stand there, 149 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,060 in you come, that's a good lad. 150 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,739 (door clunking) 151 00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,539 Now then, I went through everything with your mother, 152 00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:58,979 but first things first. 153 00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:01,219 There's the telephone and there's a jotter on the side 154 00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,979 so you can make a list of any calls. 155 00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:04,019 Just write the duration 156 00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:06,859 and whether it was before or after 6:00 p.m. 157 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,459 Oh, that's the family, that's Mike and my lad, Ross. 158 00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:11,299 Colin's arrived, boys. 159 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,979 We can all have a cup of tea once you've settled in. 160 00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:16,139 And breakfast is included. 161 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:18,019 If you've got a radio or a tape deck, 162 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,899 then not past 10:00 p.m. 163 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:22,100 And it's a cheque every Friday morning. 164 00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:25,019 That's the inventory. 165 00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:27,819 And, obviously, no girls in the room. 166 00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:29,579 Goes without saying. 167 00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,019 It's nice though, isn't it? 168 00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:32,259 Lovely. Thank you very much. 169 00:07:32,260 --> 00:07:34,260 Oh, and there's, "Lovely." How funny. 170 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,700 (bells ringing) 171 00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:47,260 (clock ticking) 172 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,429 I learn something new every day. 173 00:08:12,430 --> 00:08:14,589 I have to memorize all the Oxford and Cambridge ties, 174 00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:17,149 'cause all the different colleges have got a different tie. 175 00:08:17,150 --> 00:08:18,029 But I did it. 176 00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,309 Well, you've always had a good memory, 177 00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:20,909 I could have told them that. 178 00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:22,029 I remember you revising. 179 00:08:22,030 --> 00:08:24,629 You'd learn whole chapters off by heart. 180 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,270 What's it like outside of work? Is it nice? 181 00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:30,069 - Yeah. - You making friends? 182 00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:31,109 [Colin] Yeah. 183 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,429 [Eileen] There now, lucky them, I say. 184 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,349 What do you do, go for drinks? 185 00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:36,629 Yeah, sometimes. 186 00:08:36,630 --> 00:08:38,269 You going out tonight? 187 00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:39,349 [Colin] Yeah. 188 00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,350 Oh, nice, where you off? 189 00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:44,429 I don't know, anywhere. 190 00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:47,109 There's a million pubs and things, we go all over, 191 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,189 it's brilliant. 192 00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:50,349 (food crunching) (majestic TV theme music) 193 00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:54,349 (footsteps thudding) (dog barks) 194 00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:57,109 Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye. 195 00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:58,669 And well done for today. 196 00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,829 Oh, it was all Mr. Coltrane's doing. 197 00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:02,909 I don't think they stood a chance. 198 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,269 Just doing my job, sir. 199 00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:07,029 Well, congratulations. 200 00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:11,109 Colin, (clicking fingers) if you could just stay behind. 201 00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,589 (gentle music) 202 00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:15,549 (clicking fingers) Take your jacket off. 203 00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:19,629 It's all about tiny little particles of cotton. 204 00:09:19,630 --> 00:09:21,869 They get under the fingernails, 205 00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:23,509 they can get into the bloodstream. 206 00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:26,029 Tiny little fibers, burrowing in. 207 00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:28,269 So, you've got to wash. 208 00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:32,469 At the end of every day, give yourself a good scrub. 209 00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:34,109 Fingernails, between the fingers. 210 00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:36,509 Don't forget the thumbs. 211 00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:39,789 Otherwise, all those fibers can get inside. 212 00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,790 Come on. 213 00:09:42,390 --> 00:09:43,709 Well, start washing. 214 00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:46,350 I want to see your technique. 215 00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:50,430 (water splashing) Fingernails and thumbs. 216 00:09:52,430 --> 00:09:54,269 Come here. 217 00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:57,070 All those tiny fibers, eliminate them. 218 00:09:57,950 --> 00:10:00,470 Every single dirty little bugger. 219 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,749 Come on, take your shirt off. 220 00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,669 Come on, shirt off. 221 00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:07,670 Huh? 222 00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:10,949 (water splashing) 223 00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:14,149 You gotta take the arm and you've got to clean it. 224 00:10:14,150 --> 00:10:15,789 And clean it again. 225 00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:19,389 Got that, Colin? Clean it and clean it again. 226 00:10:19,390 --> 00:10:21,749 Clean it and clean it again. 227 00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:24,029 And clean it, and clean it again. 228 00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:26,229 Clean it, and clean it again! 229 00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:27,869 And then under the arm. 230 00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:29,709 (door clunking) (door creaking) 231 00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:30,949 Sorry, 232 00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:32,749 I had that Penhaligon account going through my head, 233 00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:34,069 so I thought I'd do a little bit of homework 234 00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:35,309 if that's all right? 235 00:10:35,310 --> 00:10:38,829 (pants) I was teaching Colin cleanliness. 236 00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:40,309 [Henry] Absolutely. 237 00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,149 [Mr. Hart] Got that? 238 00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:43,989 Yes, sir. 239 00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:46,949 [Mr. Hart] I'll see you two bright and early. 240 00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:51,269 (door clunking) (door creaking) 241 00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:54,110 (water splashing) 242 00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:59,189 If he says anything, 243 00:10:59,190 --> 00:11:02,349 if he even suggests little extramural activity, 244 00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:03,549 just give me the nod. 245 00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:05,709 I can always find ways to introduce his wife 246 00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:07,989 into the conversation. 247 00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:11,509 I've got to say, he does pick them very well. 248 00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:15,469 Mr. Hart does tend to know, if you see what I mean? 249 00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:17,069 Where are you from? 250 00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:19,629 Llangorse, it's in South Wales. 251 00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:21,789 I guessed it would be, you give that away slightly. 252 00:11:21,790 --> 00:11:23,589 But I don't suppose there's a girlfriend 253 00:11:23,590 --> 00:11:25,590 waiting back home in Wales, is there? 254 00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:28,509 Perhaps a boyfriend? 255 00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:30,189 No. 256 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,830 But would there be? If you could? 257 00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:36,549 You don't have to worry about me. 258 00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:38,629 I'm not remotely interested. 259 00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:39,989 If you insist on asking, 260 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,749 and really I can't get a word in edgeways with you, 261 00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:42,629 dear God. 262 00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:43,669 But I live in Hackney 263 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,229 with a very nice man from the Algarve 264 00:11:45,230 --> 00:11:46,469 and we've been together for decades, 265 00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:49,430 so you're perfectly safe with me, Colin Morris Jones. 266 00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:55,029 Really though. Perfectly safe. 267 00:11:55,030 --> 00:11:58,429 (gentle upbeat music) 268 00:11:58,430 --> 00:12:00,309 So there isn't? 269 00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:02,309 A boyfriend? 270 00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:03,149 No. 271 00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:05,150 But you'd like there to be? 272 00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:08,670 Yes. 273 00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:12,630 Oh my, God. (laughing) 274 00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:15,550 Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. 275 00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,750 Another pint for the bender, please! 276 00:12:24,950 --> 00:12:28,109 (upbeat electro-pop music) 277 00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:31,110 (people chattering) 278 00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:37,189 ♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to ♪ 279 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:40,549 ♪ Run away, I've got to ♪ 280 00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:45,550 ♪ Get away from the pain you drive into the heart of me ♪ 281 00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:50,910 ♪ The love we share seems to go nowhere ♪ 282 00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:56,149 ♪ And I've lost my light ♪ 283 00:12:56,150 --> 00:13:00,270 (upbeat electronic synth music) 284 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,229 So, the other day I was talking to my friend, 285 00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:22,269 and he said they found 41 men with this cancer thing 286 00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:24,909 and they all died at the same time in New York 287 00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:25,709 and they were all gay. 288 00:13:25,710 --> 00:13:27,309 [Student] What, they all died on the same day? 289 00:13:27,310 --> 00:13:28,349 Yeah, that's what it said, 290 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,229 'cause my uncle lives in Brooklyn. 291 00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:35,230 He said all 41 had exactly the same cancer. 292 00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:40,430 What? 293 00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:50,229 His name's Ash. 294 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,029 He's from Welwyn Garden City and he's a bender, 295 00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:52,949 so you're in with a chance. 296 00:13:52,950 --> 00:13:56,469 No, I was just looking at your class. 297 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,109 It looked like fun. 298 00:13:58,110 --> 00:13:59,669 What are you, English and drama? 299 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:00,749 Yeah, first year. 300 00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,750 'Cause I did plays at school. 301 00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,469 I loved it, I was quite good. 302 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,470 I thought about doing drama for a while. 303 00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:11,189 I'm Ritchie, by the way. 304 00:14:11,190 --> 00:14:13,269 And I'm Jill. 305 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,549 Do you wanna meet him then? Ash? 306 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:18,549 I'm not, I wasn't, I was just literally looking. 307 00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:19,669 So, you're not gay then? 308 00:14:19,670 --> 00:14:21,069 No! 309 00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:22,549 Oh, my God, no! 310 00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:24,269 I'm more like bisexual really, 311 00:14:24,270 --> 00:14:26,669 'cause, you know, then you can fancy anyone in the room. 312 00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:29,829 Walk into a party, there's double the choice. 313 00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:32,109 Well, it's no good telling me, tell him. 314 00:14:32,110 --> 00:14:34,349 Ash! Over here. 315 00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,189 Say hello, don't be stupid, 316 00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:36,829 he's nice, he's sweet, he's funny. 317 00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,749 This is Ritchie, he says he's bisexual 318 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:41,709 so he can have sex with you or me, so what do you wanna do? 319 00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,710 Wrestle for him? 320 00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:48,109 ♪ Until I learn to accept my ♪ 321 00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:50,949 ♪ I learn to accept my ♪ 322 00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:54,750 ♪ I learn to accept my reward ♪ 323 00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:58,070 You need a bit of a wash. 324 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,189 I had a shower this morning. 325 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:03,830 No, down there, your ass, you need a good wash, okay? 326 00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:10,510 (shower water pattering) 327 00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:17,670 (people chattering) 328 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,350 (door knocking) 329 00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:34,349 [Ritchie] Thanks for that. 330 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,149 Sure. 331 00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:37,309 So, do you still want- 332 00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:39,389 - It's kind of gone now. 333 00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:42,830 - Yeah, that's all right. I have to get back anyway. 334 00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,349 Was that your first time? 335 00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:50,350 No. 336 00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:52,829 Did you think I was exotic? 337 00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,469 No. What does that mean? 338 00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:55,949 You're born and bred on the Isle of Wight. 339 00:15:55,950 --> 00:15:57,989 Do they have any Indians? 340 00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,149 There's like one family. 341 00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:01,189 Oh, my God. 342 00:16:01,190 --> 00:16:03,029 They live in Wootton Bridge. 343 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:05,469 Every time we drive past them, my dad says, 344 00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:07,109 "There they are." 345 00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:09,830 Not being offensive, just, "There they are." 346 00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,269 So what's he say about you? 347 00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:15,270 Oh, my God, he doesn't know. 348 00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:17,589 They'd kill me. 349 00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:18,909 Both of them, they'd chuck me out. 350 00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:20,469 I'm not kidding. 351 00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:22,870 I have to sit there, not saying a word. 352 00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:25,229 Dreaming of Steve Austin. (laughs) 353 00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:28,869 Oh, God, yeah. (laughs) 354 00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:30,870 Honestly, I'm so frustrated. 355 00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,909 I used to fancy Stretch Armstrong. 356 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,229 (laughing) I did. It's those little trunks. 357 00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:38,629 Did you see, they gave Stretch Armstrong a dog, 358 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:39,789 he's called Fetch Armstrong. 359 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,709 I saw that. 360 00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,069 I always thought Stretch Armstrong 361 00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:44,669 should have a dirty old uncle, Lech Armstrong. 362 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,469 Lech, that's brilliant. (laughs) 363 00:16:46,470 --> 00:16:47,989 (laughing) It's good, isn't it? 364 00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:51,669 I did it with this guy, he was like a real Lech Armstrong. 365 00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:53,189 He was 37 years old. 366 00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:56,269 Oh, my God. Imagine telling your parents that? (laughs) 367 00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:57,309 And it's even worse for you, 368 00:16:57,310 --> 00:16:59,109 coming from your background, you know? 369 00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:02,789 Like, with your parents. I mean, what are you, Hindus? 370 00:17:02,790 --> 00:17:04,789 You must be Hindus I suppose, is that right? 371 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,629 Or Muslims? No, Hindus, you'll be Hindus. 372 00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,029 Are you? Or Muslims, no Buddhists. 373 00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,229 Are you Buddhists? 374 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,469 No, it's Hindus, isn't it? 375 00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,189 Hindi, Hindu. Hindis? 376 00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:15,190 I'll see you around. 377 00:17:23,550 --> 00:17:26,109 (door knocking) 378 00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:28,109 (door clunking) 379 00:17:28,110 --> 00:17:30,389 Oh, my God, how did it go? 380 00:17:30,390 --> 00:17:31,749 (sobbing) I'm sorry. 381 00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,709 Daft sod. 382 00:17:33,710 --> 00:17:36,430 (Ritchie crying) 383 00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:47,909 I was 18 years old and I got a job at Gatwick. 384 00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:52,469 I was a ramp agent and he was cabin crew with Iberia. 385 00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:53,869 He loved my job title. 386 00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:55,469 He used to say, "Are you rampagent?" 387 00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:57,069 and I would say, "Yes, I'm very rampagent", 388 00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,069 "thank you very much." 389 00:17:58,070 --> 00:17:59,549 Then that went on for a bit. 390 00:17:59,550 --> 00:18:02,269 And then one day, we got the train back 391 00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:05,669 to a little bedsit I had then and he walked me to the door 392 00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:09,070 and he stepped inside and then he never left. 393 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,349 30 years ago. 394 00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:13,749 (bus bell dings) 395 00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:15,709 He'll undoubtedly try to be funny 396 00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:18,749 and he will say something blue, this is inevitable. 397 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,109 (gate clunking) (gate creaking) 398 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,870 Hello. Oh, this must be Colin. 399 00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:26,549 Excellent. 400 00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:29,709 You strip him naked and I'll shave his little bum 401 00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:32,549 and then I'm gonna use the clothes pegs. (clicking tongue) 402 00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:34,149 What did I say? 403 00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:35,789 First prize for predictability. 404 00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:37,149 Good evening, sexy legs. 405 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:37,989 Hello. 406 00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:39,589 (both moaning) 407 00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:41,069 Come on in. Come on. 408 00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,149 (all laughing) 409 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,669 If you think that's funny, wait, wait, wait, 410 00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:46,069 there's more, there's more. 411 00:18:46,070 --> 00:18:49,189 And I said, "Where do you think you're going, mister, huh?" 412 00:18:49,190 --> 00:18:52,109 And he turned round and you're never gonna guess what. 413 00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:54,749 - What? - It was the same man! 414 00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:57,029 (both laughing) Again! 415 00:18:57,030 --> 00:18:59,349 Mm! (lighter clicking) 416 00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:03,110 I liked it though. It was more fun when it was illegal. 417 00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:05,989 But, what about your neighbors? 418 00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,269 Do they know, about you? 419 00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:11,509 No. (tutting) We are secret. 420 00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:14,989 When I leave the house, I dress like a lady. 421 00:19:14,990 --> 00:19:16,989 - (Colin laughing) - Stop it. 422 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,189 They know. They've always known. 423 00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,029 [Juan Pablo] Yeah. 424 00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:22,149 It's like the official history of the world 425 00:19:22,150 --> 00:19:23,389 says that men like us have always been 426 00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:24,669 hidden away in secret, 427 00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:27,669 but then there's the real world where we've been living, 428 00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:30,629 together, for all this time. 429 00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:32,630 What about your families? Do... 430 00:19:34,470 --> 00:19:36,470 Well, I've moved on from them. 431 00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:39,470 How do you mean? 432 00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:42,870 I've moved on. 433 00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,470 But my mother, she comes over. 434 00:19:46,670 --> 00:19:47,869 She doesn't ask. 435 00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:50,349 All these years, not a single question. 436 00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:53,029 There's only two bedrooms, she stays in the spare room, 437 00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:54,389 Henry's in with me. 438 00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,869 So what does she think? 439 00:19:55,870 --> 00:19:58,749 But, she says nothing. 440 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:02,070 She loves him like I do, no problem at all. 441 00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:05,229 Right? 442 00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:09,909 (gentle synth music) (wind whistling) 443 00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:11,509 Will you be in the room when I tell them? 444 00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:13,869 No, you've gotta do this on your own. 445 00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:17,030 Take a deep breath and tell 'em the truth. 446 00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:23,229 (car doors clunking) (birds cawing) 447 00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:26,229 Here we are. It's not much. 448 00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:27,389 It's a bit rubbish round here. 449 00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:29,429 Shut up. It's nice. 450 00:20:29,430 --> 00:20:31,109 Thanks, Lucy. 451 00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,110 Have you locked it? 452 00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,629 (door lock clunking) 453 00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:39,589 (car door slamming) 454 00:20:39,590 --> 00:20:42,029 [Jill] Is she all right? 455 00:20:42,030 --> 00:20:44,389 Oh, she's always in a mood. 456 00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:45,829 (door rattling) 457 00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:49,669 Oh, who's that strange man in my house? 458 00:20:49,670 --> 00:20:50,509 I don't know you. 459 00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:51,909 Clive! Call the police! 460 00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:54,029 I made it. Merry Christmas. 461 00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:55,349 [Anne] Oh, thanks. 462 00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:58,910 Right. Oh, you must be Jill. 463 00:21:00,070 --> 00:21:02,789 He never said. Where are you from? 464 00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:04,469 Just outside Woking. 465 00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:08,829 But, originally, what's your, what's your, what's your 466 00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:09,909 heritage? 467 00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:12,270 My dad's from Dominica in the Caribbean. 468 00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:15,990 Well, it doesn't bother us. 469 00:21:16,870 --> 00:21:18,709 Flag of all nations in this house. 470 00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:20,109 Is there anything you don't eat? 471 00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:22,189 No, I'll be fine, thank you. 472 00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:24,429 - But, we do have rules. Separate bedrooms. 473 00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:26,269 Sorry, sunshine, but not under my roof. 474 00:21:26,270 --> 00:21:29,149 And I don't wanna hear any creaking floorboards at midnight, 475 00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:30,469 do you understand? 476 00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:32,359 I know all the tricks. 477 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,799 (festive choral music) 478 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:39,359 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year ♪ 479 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,159 Right, no, you stay there. 480 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,839 I'll clear up, I'll give these a rinse. 481 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,399 Oh no, you sit down, you're a guest. 482 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,239 I don't mind, honestly, Anne. Ritchie needs a word. 483 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,240 Over to you. 484 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,799 Well, what does that mean? Word about what? 485 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,519 Oh, you're kidding me? 486 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,519 Is this what I think it is? 487 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,159 Like, she's not pregnant? 488 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,079 (laughs) No! 489 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,199 [Clive] Oh, thank God for that. Well, what is it then? 490 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,599 Okay. 491 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,520 So, thing is, I've been thinking, 492 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:11,079 past few months, about my life and all sorts of things, 493 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,440 so I've made a decision and I just wanna explain it to you. 494 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,120 I'm not doing law. 495 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,640 I'm changing to drama. 496 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:25,879 It's drama with English 497 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,519 so, you know, there's proper academic work, 498 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,359 but it's a drama course, really, and I think it's more me. 499 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:32,839 Oh, you little idiot. 500 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,439 No, but it's my choice 501 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,399 and I'm sorry but that's what I'm doing. 502 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,599 [Clive] Well, I think you'll find you're not. 503 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:38,679 It's already done. 504 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,439 It's only been a term so they said I could swap. 505 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,799 - What about your grant, eh? Did you think about that? 506 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,599 You don't get a grant for bloody drama. 507 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,199 Drama with a view to what? 508 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,719 What are you gonna do with it? 509 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:51,999 I'm gonna be an actor. 510 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,599 (Clive laughing) 511 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,839 You are so pathetic. 512 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,239 Oh, that's it, that's royal, that is. 513 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,439 That is bloody excellent. 514 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,440 Stupid little dreamer! 515 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,839 (cupboards clattering) 516 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,759 (drawers clattering) 517 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,839 Suppose this was your idea. 518 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:12,759 No. 519 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,440 Yeah, I mean, you just opened it up for him, didn't you? 520 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,280 Your sweetness. 521 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,079 (door slamming) 522 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,320 (upbeat festive music) 523 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,559 (buttons clicking) 524 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,039 - (door clunking) - Happy New Year! 525 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,919 (Jill laughing) 526 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:46,920 (upbeat classical-pop music) (people chattering) 527 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,680 (Ritchie panting) 528 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,840 (both moaning) 529 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,360 (Ritchie groaning) 530 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,040 (Ash laughing) 531 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,159 (upbeat classical-pop music continues) 532 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,639 Woo! (laughs) 533 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,640 Woo! 534 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,600 (Ritchie moaning) 535 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,759 Woo! Woo! (both laughing) 536 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,679 And this is my best friend, Jill. 537 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,039 No, I'm sorry, no. 538 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,399 As drag goes, that is completely unconvincing. 539 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,559 He needs a good shave! 540 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,959 Look at the five o'clock shadow, he's so manly. 541 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,159 - (Ritchie laughs) - I'm the only one who is. 542 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,399 (all laughing) 543 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,279 [Ash] She's camper than me. 544 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,399 (Jill laughs) 545 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,240 That cold came back, Juan Pablo. 546 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,999 Do you remember, he had that silly little cough 547 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,119 when the airline went bust, then again in April, 548 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,120 now it's back. 549 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:10,359 It's hard to tell though, 550 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:12,360 he does make a three-act play of it. 551 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,439 They've taken him into hospital. 552 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,560 Oh, sorry. 553 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,560 Is he all right? 554 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,920 Yeah, fuss over nothing. 555 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:28,199 They said it was pneumonia, 556 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,439 then they said it was like something 557 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,719 you get from birds in his lungs. 558 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:33,519 They said it was strange, 559 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,240 they said it was some kind of psittacosis. 560 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:37,999 What, like you get in parrots? 561 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,000 That's what they said. 562 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,119 You haven't got a parrot, have you? 563 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,360 Of course, we haven't got a fucking parrot! 564 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,959 She sat me down and she said, 565 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,039 "Has he been in contact with any birds?" 566 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,079 I said, "No." I mean, what sort of question is that? 567 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,999 Birds. 568 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,240 But, people don't get psittacosis, do they? 569 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,240 I don't know. 570 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,000 Except there he is. 571 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,960 It's ridiculous. 572 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,719 (door clunking) (door creaking) 573 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:14,519 Hello, good morning. 574 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,799 Oh, Colin, you'll have to work 575 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,919 through your lunch I'm afraid. 576 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,039 Mr. Coltrane's off sick, so you'll have to cover. 577 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,559 Is that all right? 578 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,560 Yeah, that's fine. Thank you. 579 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,119 (footsteps tapping) 580 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,319 (phone ringing) (bottles clinking) 581 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:31,999 (Colin sighs) 582 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,039 - [TV Sports Commentator] I think the referee, 583 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,440 Mr. Sims, is telling him, one more chance. 584 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:37,799 [TV Sports Commentator] So, a free-kick 585 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,200 just outside the Rovers' box. 586 00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,599 Big guys are coming up from the back. 587 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,079 (door clunking) (door creaking) 588 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,119 Colin, this is Mr. Brewster. 589 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,519 He'll be standing in for Mr. Coltrane, 590 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,199 just till he gets better. 591 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,200 Right. Hello. 592 00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,840 (door knocking) (gentle pensive music) 593 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,440 (traffic rumbling) 594 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,480 Henry? It's me, Colin! 595 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,400 (gate creaking) 596 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,839 Mr. Brewster will be joining us on a permanent basis 597 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,079 to replace Mr. Coltrane. 598 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,919 Welcome on board, you'll make a very good team. 599 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,760 (all applauding) 600 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,399 (door knocking) 601 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,359 You're wasting your time, love. 602 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,599 He went into hospital last week. Henry. 603 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,719 Ambulance. Four in the morning. 604 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,479 Bad chest or something. 605 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,359 Right, thanks. 606 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,479 What about Juan Pablo? 607 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,159 The other one, his friend. 608 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,160 Bloody Argie. He can go home. 609 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,960 (suspenseful music) 610 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,399 Excuse me. I'm looking for Henry Coltrane? 611 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:46,839 They told me he was here. 612 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,319 It's family only. 613 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,079 I know, they said. I'm his nephew. 614 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,720 (keys jangling) 615 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,799 (door lock clunking) 616 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:05,800 Here we are. (keys jangling) 617 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,920 (gloves whipping) 618 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,959 (door lock clunking) 619 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,719 (door creaking) 620 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,880 Henry? You have a visitor. 621 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,840 (tense music) 622 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,559 They said it could have been there for years, 623 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,759 sitting on my chest. 624 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,760 This bit popped up to have a look. 625 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,960 [Colin] And it's cancer? 626 00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,999 But why do I need all these? 627 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,919 I mean, cancer's not infectious. 628 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,759 It's to protect me, not you. 629 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,760 - Oh. - Idiot. 630 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:15,519 Except, they said, it's odd, they said, 631 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:20,200 "You'd expect this if you were 90 or Jewish or Turkish." 632 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,239 [Colin] But it's not the same thing as Juan Pablo? 633 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,360 No. It's bad luck. 634 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,440 Two of us getting sick at the same time. 635 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,560 [Colin] Where is he? 636 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,480 He's gone 637 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,960 to Portugal. 638 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,720 (Henry snorting) 639 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,960 His mother descended. 640 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,960 "I'm taking him home." Hm. 641 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:58,360 I've tried writing, but I can't phone Portugal from here. 642 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,360 I keep thinking, 643 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:12,159 we had mold in the kitchen, a little strip of mold. 644 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,079 (gentle emotive music) 645 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,359 We had the damp course done, 646 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:16,879 we had it replastered and painted it. 647 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,880 I painted it with zinc. 648 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,120 But it kept coming back. 649 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:27,240 I was at war with this little strip. 650 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,360 I just keep thinking, 651 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,840 was it the mold? 652 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,839 On the chest. 653 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,360 Two of us just breathing it in. 654 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,479 (cups clinking) (door knocking) 655 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,480 Lunch. 656 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,240 Could you? 657 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,160 [Colin] Don't they bring it in? 658 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:05,120 No. They do not. 659 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,960 (footsteps tapping) 660 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,080 (door creaking) 661 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,359 What time do you think you'll be back? 662 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:27,999 I lock the front door at 10. 663 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,400 I might not. I might stay out all night. 664 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,880 Thank you. 665 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,679 (people laughing) (upbeat pop music) 666 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,680 (people chattering) 667 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,799 Now cheer the fuck up. 668 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,800 You're dragging the whole place down. 669 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,040 (people laughing) 670 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,599 ♪ I took you by the hand and I said ♪ 671 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,879 (all laughing) And did you see it? 672 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,119 Did you see his shoe? 673 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,479 [Ritchie] Nevermind that though, did you see his arse? 674 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,999 [Gregory] I'm gonna let go! (laughs) 675 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,799 Stop it! Stop it, don't, Gregory, don't talk to me! 676 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,239 Gloria, don't be so fuckin' nuts. 677 00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:22,719 Get out the car then. (laughs) 678 00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:25,519 (Gregory screams) (all laughing) 679 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:26,319 [Ritchie] Party rules. 680 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,319 First choice on every boy is mine! 681 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,879 Here we are, the Pink Palace. 682 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,799 Just so you know, this is not a house warming, 683 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,199 we're gonna have a party every night. 684 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,759 Here she is, she smelt the booze. 685 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,759 (Solly laughing) 686 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,359 Welcome to our new home. 687 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,239 I love le Pally d'Pink. 688 00:34:44,240 --> 00:34:45,359 (all laughing) 689 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,599 No, don't laugh, okay? I'm not kidding. 690 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,079 Dad thinks I'm at choir. 691 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,919 He'd kill me with his bare hands. 692 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:55,039 But you, you must be crazy sharing a flat with him. 693 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,199 I know. But I had to move out of halls, 694 00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,199 I was getting complaints with the banging headboard. 695 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,649 And it's dirt cheap, this place, 696 00:35:00,650 --> 00:35:02,609 'cause I was working on the house next door 697 00:35:02,610 --> 00:35:04,409 and Mr. Friedrichs said, "Oh, we're looking for tenants." 698 00:35:04,410 --> 00:35:05,249 He screwed the landlord. 699 00:35:05,250 --> 00:35:06,089 - Oh! - Mr. Freedicks. 700 00:35:06,090 --> 00:35:07,889 Your brother had the landlord spinning on his nob 701 00:35:07,890 --> 00:35:09,489 like a battling top. 702 00:35:09,490 --> 00:35:10,369 Proud of you, boy. 703 00:35:10,370 --> 00:35:13,369 Okay, I confess, I did, I had him. 704 00:35:13,370 --> 00:35:14,369 - Oh, my God. - In here. 705 00:35:14,370 --> 00:35:15,729 - Oh, my God. - Bum in the air, right there. 706 00:35:15,730 --> 00:35:16,769 Oh, stop it! 707 00:35:16,770 --> 00:35:18,489 But it's brilliant because Jill and I said, 708 00:35:18,490 --> 00:35:19,729 "Let's find somewhere together." 709 00:35:19,730 --> 00:35:20,809 Oh, "Jill and I." 710 00:35:20,810 --> 00:35:21,769 [Roscoe] Jill and I, your lordship. 711 00:35:21,770 --> 00:35:23,889 But we did, we were looking and then Ash said, 712 00:35:23,890 --> 00:35:24,969 "Well, I'll move in with you." 713 00:35:24,970 --> 00:35:27,689 And Ritchie said, "You can share my bed, Ashy, please." 714 00:35:27,690 --> 00:35:29,049 No way, never again. 715 00:35:29,050 --> 00:35:31,529 Been there, done it, spat it out. 716 00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:34,209 Pass me another boy, this one's split. 717 00:35:34,210 --> 00:35:36,049 - (all groaning) - Oh, Baxter, you're filthy. 718 00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:37,849 So, thank you, Mr. Freedicks. 719 00:35:37,850 --> 00:35:38,969 This place is only 20 quid a week, 720 00:35:38,970 --> 00:35:40,289 all thanks to your brother's penis. 721 00:35:40,290 --> 00:35:42,209 25 until we fill that spare bed. 722 00:35:42,210 --> 00:35:43,609 Oh, just move in with us, Gloria. 723 00:35:43,610 --> 00:35:44,969 In this tip? Are you kidding? 724 00:35:44,970 --> 00:35:46,209 I've got a council flat. 725 00:35:46,210 --> 00:35:49,289 The people pissing in my lift do so with love and care. 726 00:35:49,290 --> 00:35:50,489 It's practically intimate. 727 00:35:50,490 --> 00:35:52,089 [Solly] Why do you call it the Pink Palace? 728 00:35:52,090 --> 00:35:53,249 Is that the name of a club or something? 729 00:35:53,250 --> 00:35:54,649 No. 730 00:35:54,650 --> 00:35:56,129 Mummy dearest brought little Ritchie 731 00:35:56,130 --> 00:35:58,130 lots of things from home and look, 732 00:35:59,610 --> 00:36:01,049 she brought him this. 733 00:36:01,050 --> 00:36:01,969 Camp or what? 734 00:36:01,970 --> 00:36:04,329 [Gregory] It's pinker than my dick. (laughs) 735 00:36:04,330 --> 00:36:05,169 Oh! 736 00:36:05,170 --> 00:36:06,449 (all laughing) (all applauding) 737 00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:08,049 Darling. 738 00:36:08,050 --> 00:36:11,169 ♪ Color me your color, darling ♪ 739 00:36:11,170 --> 00:36:14,449 ♪ I know who you are ♪ 740 00:36:14,450 --> 00:36:17,889 ♪ Come up off your color chart ♪ 741 00:36:17,890 --> 00:36:20,889 ♪ I know where you're coming from ♪ 742 00:36:20,890 --> 00:36:23,769 ♪ Call me, call me, on the line ♪ 743 00:36:23,770 --> 00:36:27,529 ♪ Call me, call me any, anytime ♪ 744 00:36:27,530 --> 00:36:30,449 ♪ Call me, call me, I'll arrive ♪ 745 00:36:30,450 --> 00:36:34,249 ♪ You can call me any day or night ♪ 746 00:36:34,250 --> 00:36:35,449 ♪ Call me ♪ 747 00:36:35,450 --> 00:36:37,289 (people laughing) (people yelling) 748 00:36:37,290 --> 00:36:38,089 (door clunking) 749 00:36:38,090 --> 00:36:40,289 [Jill] (gasps) Oh, for God's sake! Can you two... 750 00:36:40,290 --> 00:36:41,369 I thought it was over! 751 00:36:41,370 --> 00:36:43,370 Old times' sake. 752 00:36:44,050 --> 00:36:44,889 (door clunking) 753 00:36:44,890 --> 00:36:47,849 [Jill] (gasps) Oh, dirty! 754 00:36:47,850 --> 00:36:50,249 The government knows all about it, right, 755 00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:51,729 and they're keeping it quiet, 756 00:36:51,730 --> 00:36:55,329 'cause there's a strain of flu and it affects only gay men 757 00:36:55,330 --> 00:36:56,449 and it kills them. 758 00:36:56,450 --> 00:36:59,049 It's called GRID, it started in America 759 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:00,089 and it's coming over here. 760 00:37:00,090 --> 00:37:03,729 You can't have a gay flu and no one dies of flu anymore. 761 00:37:03,730 --> 00:37:05,249 They're dying in San Francisco. 762 00:37:05,250 --> 00:37:06,929 My friend said it's a plague. 763 00:37:06,930 --> 00:37:09,849 Don't be ridiculous. That would be all over the news. 764 00:37:09,850 --> 00:37:10,689 I've gotta be honest, 765 00:37:10,690 --> 00:37:12,369 I think you're being a little bit rude. 766 00:37:12,370 --> 00:37:13,889 Dracula! 767 00:37:13,890 --> 00:37:16,449 Take me to your castle, hot stuff. Come on! 768 00:37:16,450 --> 00:37:19,130 Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Gregory, 769 00:37:20,370 --> 00:37:24,289 pray gather hereupon for the star turn of the night, 770 00:37:24,290 --> 00:37:26,810 I give you Miss Rachel Tozer! 771 00:37:30,570 --> 00:37:32,889 (guests cheering) 772 00:37:32,890 --> 00:37:36,049 (guests applauding) (guest whistles) 773 00:37:36,050 --> 00:37:37,969 (gasps) Oh, my God! 774 00:37:37,970 --> 00:37:39,970 Rachel. He's Rachel. 775 00:37:41,130 --> 00:37:42,929 He looks like Nana Mouskouri. 776 00:37:42,930 --> 00:37:45,410 (Ash laughs) 777 00:37:46,930 --> 00:37:49,489 Please, my people. Silencio! 778 00:37:49,490 --> 00:37:51,329 I would like to give you a song. 779 00:37:51,330 --> 00:37:56,330 (guests gasping) (guests laughing) 780 00:37:59,050 --> 00:38:00,089 ♪ La ♪ 781 00:38:00,090 --> 00:38:01,049 - Right! - Okay! 782 00:38:01,050 --> 00:38:03,569 - (guests applauding) - Is that it? (laughs) 783 00:38:03,570 --> 00:38:06,409 (guests cheering) 784 00:38:06,410 --> 00:38:08,689 (Ash whistling) 785 00:38:08,690 --> 00:38:10,809 Bravo! 786 00:38:10,810 --> 00:38:13,889 (Ash whistling) 787 00:38:13,890 --> 00:38:18,890 (upbeat pop music) (people chattering) 788 00:38:19,330 --> 00:38:22,609 Sorry, but that girl, like, Jill, 789 00:38:22,610 --> 00:38:24,610 did she say this place had a spare room? 790 00:38:25,570 --> 00:38:27,609 It's a spare bed, not a spare room. 791 00:38:27,610 --> 00:38:28,649 It means sharing with me, 792 00:38:28,650 --> 00:38:30,289 but I don't mind 'cause I'm out most nights. 793 00:38:30,290 --> 00:38:32,409 And if it lowers the rent, I'd share with Mary Whitehouse. 794 00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:33,249 What do you think? 795 00:38:33,250 --> 00:38:34,849 Well, I'd like it very much. 796 00:38:34,850 --> 00:38:35,689 I can give you a reference. 797 00:38:35,690 --> 00:38:38,209 Sod that. It's an 80 quid deposit, cash. 798 00:38:38,210 --> 00:38:39,769 - Have you got it? - Yeah. 799 00:38:39,770 --> 00:38:42,569 Girls, the rent's back down to 20 quid! 800 00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:44,169 Gladys Pugh's moving in. 801 00:38:44,170 --> 00:38:49,209 [Jill] Woo-hoo! Nice one, Roscoe. 802 00:38:49,210 --> 00:38:54,210 (upbeat pop music) (people chattering) 803 00:39:06,810 --> 00:39:08,810 [Roscoe] Did you see? 804 00:39:10,330 --> 00:39:13,250 (upbeat ska music) 805 00:39:34,410 --> 00:39:37,889 (singer vocalizing) 806 00:39:37,890 --> 00:39:41,209 (singer vocalizing) 807 00:39:41,210 --> 00:39:44,489 (singer vocalizing) 808 00:39:44,490 --> 00:39:47,889 (singer vocalizing) 809 00:39:47,890 --> 00:39:51,329 (singer vocalizing) 810 00:39:51,330 --> 00:39:54,929 ♪ Ne-ne-na-na (vocalizing) ♪ 811 00:39:54,930 --> 00:39:58,209 (alarm clock blaring) 812 00:39:58,210 --> 00:40:01,370 (gentle upbeat music) 813 00:40:06,010 --> 00:40:07,329 (alarm clock thuds) 814 00:40:07,330 --> 00:40:08,929 (Colin sighs) 815 00:40:08,930 --> 00:40:11,770 (traffic rumbles) 816 00:40:14,290 --> 00:40:19,290 (Roscoe groans) (door clunking) 817 00:40:20,890 --> 00:40:22,209 (door clunking) 818 00:40:22,210 --> 00:40:24,129 (letterbox clattering) 819 00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:27,249 [Radio DJ] It's a highly complicated, giant molecule. 820 00:40:27,250 --> 00:40:29,650 Hey, man, that's well wicked. 821 00:40:36,250 --> 00:40:38,329 (hand slaps) 822 00:40:38,330 --> 00:40:41,050 (door clunking) 823 00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:50,770 (toothbrush scraping) 824 00:40:52,570 --> 00:40:55,330 (door clunking) 825 00:41:15,130 --> 00:41:16,329 La! 826 00:41:16,330 --> 00:41:18,330 La! 827 00:41:18,650 --> 00:41:20,769 Break a leg, Rachel. 828 00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:22,770 Thanks, Bill. 829 00:41:23,610 --> 00:41:24,409 See you. 830 00:41:24,410 --> 00:41:26,410 - Yeah, good luck. - And you. 831 00:41:28,290 --> 00:41:29,689 See you later. 832 00:41:29,690 --> 00:41:30,689 La! 833 00:41:30,690 --> 00:41:31,689 Oh. 834 00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:33,169 La! 835 00:41:33,170 --> 00:41:35,170 - Good luck, Gladys. - Thanks. 836 00:41:42,610 --> 00:41:44,209 - La! - La. 837 00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:45,169 Wish me luck. 838 00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:50,170 [Jill] Good luck. 839 00:41:52,050 --> 00:41:54,489 (door slamming) 840 00:41:54,490 --> 00:41:57,170 (gentle music) 841 00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:11,610 Have you seen this? 842 00:42:13,970 --> 00:42:15,970 Ritchie. 843 00:42:16,490 --> 00:42:17,329 Thanks for coming. 844 00:42:17,330 --> 00:42:19,330 Oh, my God, no, thank you. 845 00:42:20,490 --> 00:42:21,329 Morning. 846 00:42:21,330 --> 00:42:23,330 Oh, good morning, Colin. 847 00:42:27,410 --> 00:42:28,849 Ta-da! 848 00:42:28,850 --> 00:42:29,969 - Hi. - You're late. 849 00:42:29,970 --> 00:42:31,809 - Give us a minute. - Sure. 850 00:42:31,810 --> 00:42:34,289 To be honest, it might be a little soon 851 00:42:34,290 --> 00:42:37,289 to be looking for an agent, but still, I have to ask. 852 00:42:37,290 --> 00:42:40,689 If I were to represent you and the right job came along, 853 00:42:40,690 --> 00:42:42,009 would you consider leaving college? 854 00:42:42,010 --> 00:42:43,569 Oh, yes. 855 00:42:43,570 --> 00:42:45,089 Bang, done. 856 00:42:45,090 --> 00:42:46,689 - Yes. - It's been a year. 857 00:42:46,690 --> 00:42:49,409 Now, just thought we'd assess where we are. 858 00:42:49,410 --> 00:42:51,209 Happy, on the whole. 859 00:42:51,210 --> 00:42:53,129 You've got that tendency to drift off, 860 00:42:53,130 --> 00:42:54,609 I've warned you about that. 861 00:42:54,610 --> 00:42:57,250 And you could be more assertive. What do you think? 862 00:42:58,610 --> 00:42:59,449 Yes, sir. 863 00:42:59,450 --> 00:43:02,009 I said, "You could be more-" 864 00:43:02,010 --> 00:43:03,289 Yes, sir! 865 00:43:03,290 --> 00:43:04,489 It's a proper job. 866 00:43:04,490 --> 00:43:06,169 I need someone to run the whole thing. 867 00:43:06,170 --> 00:43:08,009 Bookings, strippers, drag nights, 868 00:43:08,010 --> 00:43:09,649 and my worry is, are you a stupid tit 869 00:43:09,650 --> 00:43:11,449 who's gonna run off with my money? 870 00:43:11,450 --> 00:43:12,449 Damn, got me. 871 00:43:12,450 --> 00:43:16,329 So, where do you see yourself in five years' time? 872 00:43:16,330 --> 00:43:18,849 10 years' time, what do you want to be doing? 873 00:43:18,850 --> 00:43:21,090 What you gonna do when you're older? 874 00:43:21,970 --> 00:43:23,169 What's the plan? 875 00:43:23,170 --> 00:43:26,289 Oh, my God, I want everything. 876 00:43:26,290 --> 00:43:28,769 West End, I want my name in lights, 877 00:43:28,770 --> 00:43:31,089 big movie posters with me on them. 878 00:43:31,090 --> 00:43:32,289 I don't know. 879 00:43:32,290 --> 00:43:34,409 10 years' time, 880 00:43:34,410 --> 00:43:36,289 I'd be happy still working here. 881 00:43:36,290 --> 00:43:41,369 You wait. Give me five, six years, I'll be stinking rich. 882 00:43:41,370 --> 00:43:44,569 No, as long as I can find work, I don't care. 883 00:43:44,570 --> 00:43:47,169 Theater, little bit of TV. 884 00:43:47,170 --> 00:43:49,129 I could be that man in the background shouting, 885 00:43:49,130 --> 00:43:50,329 "Let him go!" 886 00:43:50,330 --> 00:43:51,929 Every single teacher I ever had, 887 00:43:51,930 --> 00:43:54,569 I wanna drive past them in my big, shiny car, 888 00:43:54,570 --> 00:43:56,049 like, "Fuck you." 889 00:43:56,050 --> 00:43:57,849 I wanna do good work. 890 00:43:57,850 --> 00:44:01,530 I wanna learn everything, like Mr. Coltrane taught me. 891 00:44:02,570 --> 00:44:06,649 Donegal Tweed, they make the dye out of blackberries. 892 00:44:06,650 --> 00:44:08,449 It's so beautiful. 893 00:44:08,450 --> 00:44:11,370 (trolley rattling) 894 00:44:15,810 --> 00:44:18,890 (footsteps thudding) 895 00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:27,930 (lid creaking) 896 00:44:35,810 --> 00:44:38,370 (lid creaking) 897 00:44:39,450 --> 00:44:40,289 (lid clunking) 898 00:44:40,290 --> 00:44:43,089 (trolley rattling) 899 00:44:43,090 --> 00:44:45,970 (brushes scraping) 900 00:44:46,970 --> 00:44:49,329 (mattress thuds) 901 00:44:49,330 --> 00:44:51,049 (trolley rattling) 902 00:44:51,050 --> 00:44:52,849 (door creaking) 903 00:44:52,850 --> 00:44:55,610 (door slamming) 904 00:44:57,250 --> 00:44:59,250 I just wanna be happy. 905 00:45:01,450 --> 00:45:06,450 ♪ Ah ♪ 906 00:45:08,690 --> 00:45:13,690 ♪ Ah ♪ 907 00:45:15,850 --> 00:45:17,850 ♪ Ah ♪ 908 00:45:23,130 --> 00:45:26,690 (upbeat electro-pop music) 909 00:45:37,330 --> 00:45:42,330 ♪ Leave in the morning with everything you own in a little ♪ 63037

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