Original subtitles

FINN: Get it, get it! [INSECT HISSES]

Yah! JAKE: Oooooooh!

FINN: [SHOUTING] [SHING!]

[FEELERS PATTER] JAKE: Get him out!

FINN: Don't you ever let me catch you here again.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! [LAUGHS] Agh! Ow!

Ooooooow! Agh! Agh!

[GRUNTING] JAKE: Dget you with his

poison stingers? FINN: No!

I got a splinter from the door. JAKE: Let me see.

Wow, that's a tiny splinter. FINN: But it hurts!

I'm gonna need some... Finger protection!

Thanks, choose goose. I am choose goose.

Come back for some juice! , I am so protected

right now. That is mighty thick.

Go on -- hit me! Oh, wow.

Very nice. Very impressive.

FINN: Hey, guys! Check this out!

Dude, hit me. Ow! On my armor!

JAKE: Oh. [TINK!]

FINN: [CLICKS] [LAUGHTER]

That is but a thimble! This [CLANGS] Is real armor.

[LAUGHTER] [BIRDS CALLING]

JAKE: Wha? ALL: Sir slicer!

Who is the one that bears the thimble?

JAKE: This dude. [LAUGHS]

Oh, you foolish boy. Without full body armor, you're

weak! You do not look [CLICKS]

[LAUGHS] Yah! [HORSE WHINNIES]

FINN: Choose goose, I need more armor.

I've got something for you -- a metal shoe!

Don't you know you might stub your toe?

[LAUGHTER] FINN: Uh, no, choose goose.

I need... Look here, hun.

Choose this one to protect your buns!

Protect his butt! Protect his butt!

FINN: No, choose goose. I want --

don't be meek. What if you fall down and scrape

your cheek? Look at his butt!

Look at his butt! [CACKLES]

FINN: Choose goose, I want the most [CLICKS] armor you

have! Ooh, have a look!

FINN: I'll take that one. Wonderful.

I'll need a trade of equal value.

I'll take the head of your dog friend.

JAKE: Say what?! FINN: No way.

Choose goose, this stuff is overpriced.

No money for me? How about a poem for free?

[LAUGHTER] A poem!

FINN: A poem? If you can decipher the poem

and complete the trials, you will receive the magical armor

of zeldron. It is foretold to be totally

[CLICKS] BOTH: Skadow!

Your quest begins in the marsh over the hill.

FINN: Ah, yes! I'm gonna get that armor!

JAKE: Yeah, man, you're gonna do it.

[BIRDS CALLING] Good luck exposing your soft,

vanilla-strawberry skin to the elements, dork!

[LAUGHS] Later, losers! [LAUGHS]

FINN: [SHOUTS] He's just jealous that I'm gonna

have cooler armor than him. JAKE: Yeah, what a

bumbleberry. BOTH: Whoa!

JAKE: What's the poem say? FINN: "The sun nibbles on the

clouds, and gum drop tears rain down."

I don't get it. JAKE: Hmm.

It means that we have to cross that swamp.

FINN: How'd you understand that?

JAKE: You don't just read the poetry to understand it.

You got to feel it. Trust me, dude -- I'm smarter

than everyone. Now get in there!

FINN: You're not coming? JAKE: No way, man.

This armor thing is your deal. I'll wait for you on the other

side. [WATER SLOSHING]

FINN: This place will be a piece of...

Aah! FINN: Aaaaah!

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry! Aaaaaaaaah!

Oh, no! My most private parts peeped

by a boy! FINN: [GASPS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY] Aah! Pervert!

FINN: I'm not a pervert! You should be ashamed of

yourself! FINN: I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Aah! My privates!

FINN: I'm sorry! My privates!

FINN: I'm sorry! [BREATHING HEAVILY]

JAKE: You okay, man? FINN: No!

[BIRDS CALLING] [LAUGHS]

BOTH: Wha?! What's the matter, crimson

cheeks? Feeling a little embarrassed in

the swamp of embarrassment? You're so red, you look like a

tomato. [LAUGHS]

FINN: Aahhhh! We'll see who's embarrassed when

I get that armor! What does the poem say?

JAKE: Mm. Ooh!

"The meadow weeps as morning sings of milk and honey and

things to come." FINN: What does that even

mean?! JAKE: It means we have to

silence the echoing in the woods.

[CRYING] [BOTH GASP]

[CRYING CONTINUES] FINN: Aw, man!

I don't know how to silence that!

JAKE: All right, I'll handle this one, dude.

FINN: No. This is my burden. JAKE: Then just make her

think it's her idea. That's how you make the ladies

do what you want. FINN: Hey, monster lady!

Hey! Stop crying! Huh?

FINN: Stop crying because that's what you want to do!

[MUMBLES] FINN: Huh?!

[SCREAMING] [GASPS]

[COOS] JAKE: [LAUGHS]

She thinks you're her red-faced baby or something.

I think she wants you to nurse, dude.

FINN: No! [CONTINUES COOING]

[BIRDS CALLING] >>Instrel.

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ he's Finn the blushing

baby ♪ ♪ his cheeks are bright and

red ♪ ♪ be sure to make fun of him

before you go to bed ♪ grandfathers will sing that

to their grandchildren for generations to come.

FINN: Grandfathers will not sing that to their children!

[SHRIEKS] [CLANG!]

[WHIMPERS] Armor. [CLICKS]

[HORSE WHINNIES] FINN: Just wait till I have

the armor of zeldron! JAKE: Yeah, just you wait,

weirdo. Uh, Finn? Uh-oh.

[SNORING] FINN: Jake, you okay? Huh?

[GRUNTS] BOTH: Yeah!

FINN: Awesome! Bhoa!

FINN: Finally. Yah!

Hello. FINN: Begone, ghost!

I'm here for the armor! First, you have to beat my

high score in a game of drop ball.

BOTH: Drop ball? Drop ball is an extremely

addictive, high-intensity game designed for people everywhere.

Here, let me show you. [BUTT CHEEKS SQUEAK]

One point. [BUTT CHEEKS SQUEAK]

Two points. [BUTT CHEEKS SQUEAK]

Three points. FINN: This game looks awful.

Oh, no. I absolutely disagree.

FINN: Dude, let's just kill him and get the armor.

JAKE: How? He's already dead. Here. It's your turn.

Now, I don't want you to be intimidated, but my high score

is six. FINN: Guh!

Just -- just toss it on the ground.

No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong!

Let me show you how the pros do it.

[GRUNTS] See? It's all in the technique.

Now, I'm gonna put a little finesse into it, just to shake

things up. BOTH: Whoa!

JAKE: Finn, it's so beautiful!

FINN: Yeah -- guess all the embarrassment was worth it.

Greetings, young traveler. We know what you seek, and you

shall receive it. Behold -- the armor of zeldron.

It will protect you from evil, even ghosts.

FINN: Huh?! Aah! No! Dude, this is lady armor!

JAKE: [CLICKS] [CLICKS]

FINN: No, not [CLICKS] no more embarrassment!

I don't need armor! You did not watch my

drop-ball technique! BOTH: Huh?

I give you firsthand tips that no one else knows, and this

is how you thank me?! I absolutely disagree with that!

[ROARS] FINN: Now what?

JAKE: Put on the armor. It'll protect you from evil,

even ghosts! FINN: Never!

Yaaaaaaah! [SHOUTS]

Unh! Wah!

[ROARS] FINN: [CHOKING]

JAKE: Hey! [HISSES]

Huh? Mama?

JAKE: Uh... Yeah!

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Listen when your mother is speaking to

you. Yes, mama.

JAKE: You should be ashamed of yourself -- a boy your age

sitting in this cave alone for thousands of years.

You need to go outside and get some sunlight.

But I... JAKE: No back talk!

Outside now! [WHIMPERS]

Aaaaaaah! FINN: Whoa.

Oh, thank you, Finn and Jake! You've freed me from the

addiction of drop ball. JAKE: [NORMAL VOICE] No

problem, dude. I couldn't have done it without

the power of embarrassment! FINN: And I learned I don't

need armor to be -- [BIRDS CALLING]

[LAUGHS] Look at you losers.

Finn, you don't have any armor, and your friend is dressed like

a lady. [LAUGHS] So not [CLICKS]

FINN: Well, at least I don't spend my day following a kid

around! Get a life, dude!

[LAUGHTER] JAKE: Good one, Finn.

[LAUGHS] Well, I've...

Just been in the same areas today.

[LAUGHTER] Yeah, right.

JAKE: Whatever. Be quiet!

I -- I am more [CLICKS] than all of you.

FINN: Come over here and say that to my fist!

Okay, I will. Whoa!

[MOANS] This armor's too heavy!

No problem. I'll just prop myself up on this

stick. Agh!

Splinter! FINN: Hey, sir slicer, maybe

you can use this! Here you go!

Oh! FINN: Free of charge.

Oh! JAKE: Come on, dude, let's

get out of here. FINN: [LAUGHS] Okay, buddy.

JAKE: Wa-hoo! Dude, this armor is totally

[CLICKS]