All language subtitles for Its.a.Sin.S01E05.eng

November 1988

We love you!

Got it!

November 1991

Hello, Pink Palace and Chinese Laundry,
how may I help you?

Thank you, I'm sure that's very funny,
but I could be someone important.

I could be calling about work.
Is he there?

Yes, hello Mrs. T. I'll just get
him now. Richie, it's your mum.

And how are you?
How's the show?

It's nice, yeah. I've got a job
for life there. I'm very lucky.

- Richie, where are you?
- Coming.

Here he comes. Here he is,
taking is time as always.

Hi there, sorry I was outside.

It's just quick call, but I was
just wondering about Christmas.

- Oh god, it's November.
- That's close enough.

Didn't you see you last year, I thought
we could all have a nice time.

I just don't know.

I've got an audition for this thing on
Scottish TV, police thing.

- That's nice. Do we get that?
- No, it's only in Scotland.

I've not got it yet, but I need
to sort of be on standby.

- But it's been ages since we saw you.
- I know. That's the job, sorry.

Just think about it though.
Please come home.

It's been such a long time.
I'd love to see you.

IT'S A SIN

I heard Birmingham Rep, they're doing
a production of Hay Fever next summer.

I could audition.

Birmingham?
How are you gonna get up there?

I can. There are trains, with toilets.
I can manage.

Seriously though,
what if you need a piss on stage?

I'm not that bad, do you mind?

No, but the thing is,
you've done Hay Fever.

They're not going to cast
the same boy in Birmingham.

- They don't do that, do they?
- Not as a rule, but they might want me.

When has that ever happened?

There's gotta be a first time.
You don't need to make faces.

I'm not. I just think
let's get over this bit,

'cause your tum's not very well,

but you were like this in July
and you got much better,

so let's wait for that to happen.

Then we can think about Birmingham.

- You were brilliant in that show.
- You were amazing.

- God, you were funny.
- I was good wasn't I?

Absolutely, brilliant.
You were, I'm not even kidding.

You were best thing I've ever seen.

Come on you. Bedtime.
It's late, nearly half past seven.

There now.
Give you a good shake.

Rattle, rattle, rattle.

Goodnight then, darling.

And we need a word in the morning,
about your mum and dad.

- Up your bum.
- Up yours too. Night night.

Look at you. No, no.

I'm okay, I just fell. It's alright, I
fell, that's all. I just feel a bit hot.

He was on AZT but he's been
on DDI since August.

Honestly, I'm going into hospital
on Wednesday for the Pentamidine,

they can take a look at me then.

Everything okay?

Yeah, Richie fell out of bed
and he's got a bit of a temperature.

Tell him God blesses his soul.

Charity from downstairs says,
God blesses your soul!

I feel better already!

He's such a beautiful boy,
but you know what they say don't you.

- You know what the AIDS stands for?
- What?

It stands for Angels In Disguise.

They are preparing the way
for his eternal life. He's very lucky.

Yeah.

Dr. Sullivan can take
a look at you first thing.

Till then no more scares,
thank you very much.

Now get some sleep.
And you two.

That's telling you. Now do what
she says, I'll come back first thing.

And you, lover boy.
Night then.

I'll be home tomorrow, so don't sell
my bed, okay? I know you.

Too late.

- How you getting home?
- I'll get a taxi, don't worry.

- I think Paul's awake.
- No, I won't bother them now.

Could be your last chance.

We've got another lonely Joe.
No visitors.

- No parents or sisters or anything.
- He's got to have friends.

We keep saying,
"Can we phone anyone?",

he says, "No," and he lies there
all day dying of shame.

Hey. I heard you were in.

Come and say hello.
He'd like that.

Here, have a seat.

Jill wants to say hello.

Jill Baxter. She's here.

Hello Paul.
Hello sweetheart.

- Which one are you?
- Jill, friends with Richie.

- Can't remember.
- It's okay. Never mind.

- I can go if you want.
- No.

I love you.

It's about time.

I left it a bit late.

I was busy.

I love you too.

He's got all sorts of complications,

but my main concern
is the lymphoma in his chest.

We caught it early,

but the next thing we do
is to offer chemotherapy,

but that's gonna make him
even weaker.

So you'd say not?

It's his decision, but really
let's be sensible, let's say no.

I'm saying yes!

I know, but Richie you've got to look
at the overall picture.

- Could the chemo help?
- Yes, yes it could.

Well, there we are.

But we're saying the chemo
could make you feel even worse.

Then let's find out. I'm not gonna
not have treatment, am I?

- Now shut up and wheel it in.
- Oh my god you're impossible.

You two are murderers
and I'm going to call the police.

Did I tell you he's an actor.

He knows that. He's got my episode
of Tom's Midnight Garden on VHS

and he pauses it on that bit
where I bend over the barrel

and he has a little fiddle.

Frankly, I look so good in that shot,
I'd have a wank myself.

In fact, I have.
So go and get my chemo.

Here comes trouble.

C'est moi. Merci, madame.
How did it go with the chemo?

He's like Asterix the Gaul that boy,
indomitable.

He's sitting up,
he's had some food.

Actually I thought I'd pop in
and see Paul, is that okay?

Yeah, he's okay. He's rallying.
We're havin' a good day. Room 703.

- Yep, I know, thanks.
- See ya.

If you've come here
to convert these people

I will have you thrown out
onto the street.

I swear, that man, Reggie Lessips,
he's from the church,

he asked for me and I came.

- You know he's queer.
- I have blessed him.

I thought you'd gone.
They said you'd gone back to Nigeria.

I was, in the west,
and I saw terrible things.

My heart bleeds.

I went into hospitals and I saw people
locked away with no medicines.

These doors were locked and the people
behind them were like animals.

I said, "Who are they?"

And they said, "They are the devils.
We let them die."

People with that disease.

But men and women,
so many women, and children too.

Have you got it?

- What if I did.
- Have you got it Rosco?

- No.
- Oh God.

- I haven't got it, no.
- Thank you.

Don't thank God,
I just got lucky with who I fucked.

You know, it is so difficult Rosco.

It is the hardest challenge
the Lord gives us, to forgive.

- I don't want your forgiveness.
- No.

I mean can you forgive me?

Do you know who I keep thinking about?
Donald Basset.

Would we know if he was dead?

He'd have an obituary
in The Stage wouldn't he?

Might do.
You don't know that it was him.

- Yes, it was.
- No, but it's kind of a good story.

He was ill and he infected you,
but that version's a bit easy.

It cuts out the hundreds
and hundreds of boys

you were having sex
with at the same time.

- It wasn't just me.
- No, we all did.

But that's what I mean,
it's not really fair to blame Donald.

Just because he's the only boy
whose name you can remember.

- You cheeky bastard.
- Say what you see.

Do you think I infected him?

I wasn't saying that.

Because I did, with others,

'cause I knew and I kept having sex.

I thought I'd stop, and I did a lot
of times, I stopped a million times.

I stopped with you. But there were
nights with too much booze,

actually, nights when I was
stone cold sober,

and if a boy just looked at me
in the right way,

a boy with that look in his eye,
I'd fuck him.

I would fuck him hard and he could
fuck me all night, any way he likes.

- I wonder how many I killed?
- Don't say that.

I knew it was wrong
and I kept on doing it.

Do you hate me now?

Here you are, at last.
Oh my god, what's wrong with you?

It says infectious diseases.
What the hell's that supposed to mean?

For god's sake, Richie, what is it?
What's happened, what's wrong?

What are you doing here?

We thought, surprise,
we turned up

and then your neighbour,
that woman downstairs,

she said you were here.

- She would.
- What's wrong, what is it?

It's really nice to see you

but I think we should all sit down
and have a little chat.

It's a bit complicated to explain.

Evidently it's so complicated
you chose not to tell us anything.

We said to them, we said,
"What, what was it?"

hey said, "Infectious diseases,"
so you tell us, Richie,

you tell me
what's that mean?

Richard,
what's wrong with you?

I've just got--

He's got some infections
and problems with his gut and his lungs

and right now
there's a lymphoma in his chest.

- A lymphoma?
- In his chest.

But that's cancer.
Don't be ridiculous.

That's what lymphoma means,
it means cancer.

Sort of, yeah.

Do you mean... you've got cancer
and you didn't tell me?

Yes, a sort of cancer.
I only got it 'cause I'm not well.

I've got AIDS.

I'm gay. I'm homosexual.

I contracted HIV and I'm sorry,
but now it's AIDS.

Where's your doctor?

It's a Saturday,
I don't think he's in.

I wanna speak to the doctor.

I'm quite sure you believe all this

and this whole thing
has got completely out of control.

We'll get you better.
Alright. Yeah.

We'll get all the shit,
we'll clean it up.

I will scour it out of you. Okay?

You really are very young all of you.

You should see your faces.

We thought Christmas,
that's what we thought.

He won't come home for Christmas
so we'll surprise him in November.

I've brought presents, that's from Lucy.
That is from auntie Elaine.

- What on Earth's been going on?
- I'm sorry.

Have you got cancer
or have you got AIDS?

- It's both.
- One causes the other.

Now I don't need you--

AIDS is like an immunity thing,

so you get weak
and that causes the lymphoma.

My friend, Sarah, you remember Sarah,
how much did I like her Richie,

I thought she was so wonderful,
and she had breast cancer and she died.

Are you telling me that she was weak
that you get cancer because you're weak,

that you catch cancer
like catching a cold?

Because let me tell you
that is not how it works.

Okay, I know this is terrible,
but this place is looking after Richie

and they're doing
the most brilliant job.

Jill's here every day and I know
we've only met a couple of times,

but you might as well know
I'm Richie's boyfriend.

- No, not really.
- I'm not not.

- I know, but not now.
- No, but that's who I am.

- Ash, just shut up, yeah.
- It's not the right time.

If you could hear yourselves,
you sound absurd.

But it's infectious isn't it, AIDS?
It's completely infectious.

It's like smallpox, it's like leprosy
and it kills you, that's what it does.

So this isn't AIDS, is it?

They let us walk right in,
so it can't be, can it?

I can't give you his number,
we just don't do that.

If you could wait five or ten minutes
you can have a word with the registrar.

I want to speak to someone who
knows my son, who has seen him.

Yes, if you can wait 5 or 10 minutes.
Dr Lucas knows Richie very well.

We were told Dr Sullivan.

He's not on today but Richie's
got quite a number of doctors.

- I don't know how much he's told you...
- And you never phone the parents?

My son is on this ward
and you don't phone me.

That's not our decision.

My son is in that room with,
with cancer and AIDS

and has got... what did she say,

did she say he's got something
wrong with his gut?

And you didn't think to phone.
We are not here...

His parents are clearly not here
and you think that's wise, do you?

Like we aren't good for his health
at all. Is that right?

I'm afraid that's up to Richie.

His doctor is Dr Sullivan.
Now you get him!

Hi, is that Suzie? It's Lorraine.
We've got a bit of a situation.

- I want a word with you.
- Yes, I think we should.

There's a little sort
of kitchen down here,

they've got a room for families,
but there's someone in there.

Right.

How's Lucy?

I'm really very sorry.

- Do you want a tea or a coffee?
- No, I don't want anything.

- I can put the kettle on.
- I said, "No."

I wanna say,
and I'm not criticising Richie,

just think you should know,
I told him to tell you 100 times.

See, what you don't understand is this.
Boys are terrible, Jill.

They will do anything,
they are randy, they just are.

So when something like gay comes along
it's just another chance to unload.

And someone like Richie,
he's young and he's pretty

and there'll be lots of those men
paying him attention

and so he goes
rutting once in a while.

But that doesn't make him
homosexual.

It's a little bit of fun.
But then you grow up.

I suppose. I don't know,
maybe some boys are like that.

But then there's Richie, who's gay.
Absolutely definitely gay.

He's beautifully gay.
I'm sorry, but look at him.

He's an actor, he sings songs
from the musicals,

he's never had a girlfriend.

And now he's got a gay disease.

Yes. Yes, he has.

Oh gosh.

I'm sorry.

- Don't mind me.
- We're just having a chat.

- I'm getting some squash, two ticks.
- This is a private conversation.

That's alright.

- How is he?
- Sleeping.

Sandra's got a son, Derek,
down the corridor. This is Valerie.

I'll be gone in a minute.

Do you think
I should have known?

Maybe.

It's like there's this world
of secret little codes.

And they like that, boys,
they like secrets.

Who's this?

It's my son, Richie.

You didn't know Richie was gay?
Jill, did you see that charity thing?

Cancelled, little bloody idiots.

They couldn't get the hours
extended she said.

Are you implying that's a problem?

I think they're just gonna move it
to the pub next door.

- Shall we go back to Richie?
- No. Excuse me, what do you mean?

What about?

You seemed to be surprised
that I didn't know about my son,

like that makes me one of your idiots.

- Okay, we should leave this.
- That's not what I said.

You implied it.

I didn't mean to imply anything,
darling. Pardon me for implying.

Let me make it clear,
what the hell were you lookin' at?

I beg your pardon?

If you didn't know
he was gay all those years,

what did you see
when he was 11?

When he was 15, 16?
How old is he? 30?

All 30 years and every little speck
of him's bent as a nine bob note

since the day he was born.

I'll ask you again, love,
what were you lookin' at?

You're his mother, you're supposed
to think about him day and night.

So what the fuck were you doin'?

- How dare you!
- Get the door.

I don't know, maybe it was
because I was being lied to.

Alright sweetheart, I'm done.

I wasn't...
I didn't...

Have I got this right?

I'm being blamed for not knowing
my son when,

when you conspired and moved
heaven and Earth to lie to me.

I wasn't lying.

You sat there next to him,
in my house,

time after time after time with
this great big elaborate lie.

I told you, I said every time,
I told you I wasn't his girlfriend.

And then you sat there simpering,
laughing at every word he said,

and you think I'm the one
who's deceived.

Never mind
about him having a boyfriend,

where the bloody hell is yours?

I was doing what Richie wanted.

Is this what you are,
a chorus girl,

running round after these boys
with no life of your own?

Okay, but I don't really
think this is about me.

But I think
this is absolutely about you.

Because you stood in the way,
you stood in the way.

If I couldn't see it,
it's because you stood in the way.

You monstrous big bitch!

- Have you found him yet?
- No. But I'm phoning round.

- What's your name?
- Lorraine Fletcher.

Noted.
Where's my husband?

That's what I wanted to say.
He's in the TV lounge down there.

- Down where?
- Down there.

What's the point of this?

He's dying.

For God's sake
is that supposed to help?

- There's no cure, Val.
- That's what they say.

That's what those queers and those
women and their doctors all say,

because they all do and they say
and they think the same things.

They all worship the same rubbish.

Now you stop it, stop it!

You...

I don't want you coming in here.
This is private.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I want to know,
are you infectious?

I could be, yes.

- I know it's caught from sex.
- Don't, mum.

But how? How do you catch it?

It's fluids, like blood and you know...
Don't do this to me.

And spit? Is it in your spit?

No-one really knows.

You are not infectious.
Not to me.

My boy.

I'm sorry mum.

- You silly thing.
- I wanted to tell you.

I know sweetheart.
You are going to be fine.

I'm gonna take you home
and I can make you better.

Your grandmother
bought me a copy of this.

Do you remember?
She had that great big bookcase.

No, no.

Sorry, it's only me.
How is he?

Not bad, thank you.
He's okay.

- Can I talk to him?
- He's fast asleep.

What did the consultant say?

I'm afraid he was shocked

that a boy in Richie's condition
could be given chemotherapy.

That was his choice.

So now it's his fault.

Okay, we thought we could get the ferry.
We'd love to see him.

I think it's best to wait.

We could just pop in
for ten minutes, that's all.

I would remind you that you had an awful
lot of time with him when I didn't.

I'll tell him you called.
Thank you, bye bye.

Jesus Christ!

I'm reading him Watership Down, but
I'm rubbish. Can't do all the voices.

I said to him there's only one actor
in this family.

Do you remember that Hay Fever?

It was brilliant.
You were so good in that.

I bought you some Garibaldi,

'cause I thought if you get hungry
there's fruit in them.

Bit dry. I've still got that thrush.
Who was that on the phone?

- Jill, she sends her love.
- Is she gonna come visit?

She says she's very busy with work.

You can have a bit of TV.

- I'll nip down the pub.
- Yes, I thought you would.

- I'm allowed a drink.
- Did I say you couldn't?

Thank you for the permission.

Now, I was thinking
how much you used to love this.

- Do you remember?
- It's okay, just sit down.

You were 5-years-old
and you'd dance around

because it was so funny
and you'd be a little mouse.

Do you not remember?

And you loved the bit
where it says how lucky we am.

Do you remember because it changes
the rhyme, to rhyme with Amsterdam.

Yeah.

How lucky we am.

Don't you think?
How lucky we am.

I'm a little late, sorry.

Stopped off for supplies, although
this is far too good for you lot.

- Hello darling.
- Nice to see you.

- You alright?
- Yeah.

No, I'm not stopping if you don't mind.
What news from the Rialto?

We spoke to that solicitor,

he said technically Richie's mum and dad
could be breaking the law.

He said that here's evidence
that Richie could be unsafe.

He said that medical care is definitely
going to be worse on the Isle of Wight.

But so what? What are we gonna do?
Take them to court?

I would. Fuck them, do it.

But the solicitor said that Richie
said yes, that's the problem.

Right, so I've done my sums
and I've worked out

that Richie did that voiceover
for that Japanese cartoon.

I guess that sort of thing is repeated
for at least 5 or 6 years,

which amounts to £700, minus my 10%.
You should have this as an advance.

- What for?
- To go there, to the Isle of Wight.

Just move there properly
for as long as it takes.

That should get you a couple of rooms
in a nice little B&B

or whatever they have
on the Isle of Wight.

Just go. Lay siege on
the doorstep till they give in.

- I can't go, I've got to work.
- I'm alright.

If we take the car we could get Richie
out the house and drive him back.

- No, I wasn't thinking of a rescue.
- But we could.

You're goin' there for one reason
and that's to say goodbye,

because this only ends one way.

No, but he was ill last July
and then he got better.

And one day he won't.

I'm sorry darling,
but that is an absolute fact.

So take the money and fly.
Listen, I've gotta go.

If there's any money left I'll have it.
Good luck.

Give him my love.

That's five nights upfront, but we
might be longer is that a problem?

That's fine for the next three weeks,

but soon as we hit Christmas,
we've got bookings.

I'll let you know as soon as we can.
Have you got a telephone?

It's called the Bay Tree House
on the seafront.

It's just a 20 minute drive
from your house.

What on Earth
have you done that for?

I told you, I said clearly
he's not well enough.

That's okay, we can wait.
We're here for as long as it takes.

You know what I don't understand,
am I supposed to find this intimidating?

Valerie, we're not causing trouble,
we're just here and we love him,

it's as simple as that.

If you ever want the afternoon off or
just an hour to yourself, we can come.

Are you saying I can't cope?

I'm saying here we are and I will phone
every day until he's ready, okay?

Lots of love.

Okay, well I'll try you again tomorrow.
Give him my love. Bye.

Okay, well give him my love,
tell him I said, "Hello."

Thanks Valerie, bye.

Just tell him we'd really love
to see him and we're waiting, okay.

Let's say another five nights.

I really wanna see him and I think
if you ask him I bet he'll say the same.

Will you try?

So Dr. Clare said
if we can reduce the Phenytonin

then well that's one less pill.
That's got to be good.

Now I remember when your granddad
was in hospital, he said,

"If only they'd stop
giving me medicine I'd be fine."

- Do you remember him?
- Yeah.

He was a terrible man.

What do people know?

In what way?

The neighbours, aunty Kath?
Do they know what's wrong with me?

- It's none of their business.
- I don't wanna be a secret.

Now you just think
about getting better.

Boys die in London and they say
it's cancer or pneumonia.

- And they don't say what it really is.
- Maybe we should think about tea.

They just lie and I don't want that.
Do you know why?

I had so much fun.

I had all those boys.
I had hundreds of them.

Richie, don't talk like that.

And do you know what? I can
remember every single one of them.

Some boy's hair or his lips,
the way he laughed at a joke.

His bedroom, the stairs,

his photographs,
his face as he cums.

Seeing him across the club
six years later and thinking,

that's him and he's with someone
and he looks happy.

And I think that's nice,
because they were great.

Some of them are bastards,
but they were all great.

That's what people will forget,
that it was so much fun.

Do you understand what I mean?

No.

That's why I need to see Jill.

Will you get her for me... please?

Hi, got your message.

It wasn't so cold at the time. I should
have said let's meet in that café.

We can go there.

He said he wanted to see you,
so here I am.

I should apologise really.

I haven't handled this very well,
I realise that now and I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry too.
It was a bit mad turning up like that.

- I just didn't know what else to do.
- You made things very difficult.

Okay. And I'm sorry,

but all we wanna do is see him
and say hello and give him our love.

He died yesterday.

Yesterday afternoon.

Yesterday?

They said it was his heart.

Pressure from the lymphoma,
no pain they said, before you start,

so it wasn't my fault.

Would have happened
wherever he was.

Did he say anything?

- Not really.
- But what was the last thing he said?

He asked for some water.

Yesterday. You didn't think...

We were sitting in the B&B
you couldn't tell us last night?

My son had died,
you weren't top of my list.

But...

I really did get this wrong
and I'm sorry about that.

No, it might be nice
if we found that café.

There's so much I want to ask.

All those years in, in London,
there must be a thousand stories.

Were you with him, yesterday?
Were you there at the end?

- I'd gone downstairs.
- He was on his own.

- Yes.
- There was no-one with him.

That's not my fault.

Actually it is your fault,
Mrs. Tozer.

All of this is your fault.

Thank you very much.
That's ridiculous.

But it is.
Right from the start,

'cause I don't know
what happened to you

to make that house so loveless.

But that's why Richie grew up
so ashamed of himself.

I think we're finished.

And then he killed people.

And what is that supposed to mean?

He was ashamed,
and he kept on being ashamed.

He kept the shame going
by having sex with men,

infecting them
and then running away.

'Cause that's what shame does, Valerie.
It makes him think he deserves it.

The wards are full of men
who think they deserve it.

They are dying, and a little bit
of them thinks, yes, this is right.

I brought this on myself, it's my fault

because the sex
that I love is killing me.

I mean it's astonishing,

the perfect virus came along
to prove you right.

So that's what happened in your house.
He died because of you.

They all die because of you.

I didn't know.

Merry Christmas.

Jill.

I'm sorry.

There we go.

Do you remember
when he thought he'd lost it?

- I might have.
- No, he wouldn't.

Cheers.

I'm sorry.

- Hi, are you okay?
- Hi. Not bad.

- Hi.
- Hi, Jill.

Hello there. Hi.

Do you mind?

I'm Jill, what's your name?

Marcus.

You okay, Marcus?
Anything I can get for you?

No.

I might just sit here for a bit
if you don't mind.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

Good.

"She made good view of me indeed

so much that sure me thought
her eyes had lost her tongue."

But this is a woman's speech.

So what? I'm being radical.
Now shut up, heathens! Where was I?

- "I left no ring with her."
- No, I've done that, hold on.

- Richie, can I say you're terrible?
- No, you can't. Fuck off!

"For she did speak
in starts distractedly.

"She loves me, sure,

"the cunning of her passion invites me
in this churlish messenger."

"None of my lord's ring?
Why, he sent her none. I am the man.

"If it be so, as it is, poor lady,
she were better love dream."

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