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[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ]
MICHAEL.
2
00:00:16,008 --> 00:00:18,008
MICHAEL, WE NEED TO TALK.
3
00:00:18,008 --> 00:00:18,998
WHAT?
4
00:00:19,006 --> 00:00:21,006
I'M PREGNANT.
5
00:00:21,011 --> 00:00:23,021
WHAT'S TO DO WITH ME?
6
00:00:23,018 --> 00:00:24,998
YOU'RE THE FATHER, MICHAEL.
7
00:00:25,006 --> 00:00:26,006
BITCH, THAT'S NOT MY BABY.
8
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ALL YOU DO IS SIT AND SMOKE
SEAWEED.
9
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YOU DON'T DO NOTHING ELSE.
10
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NIGGA
OH, YEAH? FUCK YOU
11
00:00:31,015 --> 00:00:32,005
YOU KNOW WHAT?
12
00:00:32,011 --> 00:00:34,011
WHAT? NIGGA WHAT'S THAT?
13
00:00:34,016 --> 00:00:36,006
YOUR PUSSY SMELLS LIKE FISH.
14
00:00:36,007 --> 00:00:36,997
HIT ME, MICHAEL. HIT ME.
15
00:00:37,002 --> 00:00:39,022
[ GRUNTS ]
[ GRUNTS ]
16
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[ BOTH GROANING ]
SUCK MY DICK BITCH.
17
00:00:43,012 --> 00:00:47,002
[ GRUNTING ]
[ LAUGHS ]
18
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[ ROARS ]
19
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,010
♪ I LIKE CHEESE
♪ I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
20
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:58,003
♪ LI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-KE
21
00:00:58,004 --> 00:01:01,014
♪ CHEESE
CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE!
22
00:01:01,011 --> 00:01:02,021
AGHHHHHHHHH! AGHHHHHHHHH!
23
00:01:02,023 --> 00:01:03,013
LOITER SQUAD.
24
00:01:03,016 --> 00:01:05,016
AGHHHHHHHHH!
25
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,021
I'M CAPTAIN STANGLE.
26
00:01:07,019 --> 00:01:09,009
WE'RE AT A FISH MARKET.
27
00:01:09,016 --> 00:01:10,016
COME HERE, CAPTAIN.
28
00:01:10,020 --> 00:01:12,000
STAND OVER HERE, CAPTAIN.
29
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ALL RIGHT.
30
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HOLD ON.
31
00:01:13,023 --> 00:01:15,013
DON'T MOVE TOO MUCH.
32
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READY?
33
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:20,020
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
AHHH!
34
00:01:20,023 --> 00:01:22,013
WHY DID YOU MOVE?
35
00:01:22,012 --> 00:01:26,012
I MOVED. NIGGA THERE'S A BIG
FISH COMING AT MY FACE.
36
00:01:26,008 --> 00:01:27,018
CAPTAIN, COME ON!
37
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COME ON, CAPTAIN.
38
00:01:29,008 --> 00:01:30,018
STAND UP STRAIGHT.
39
00:01:30,022 --> 00:01:32,012
WATCH THIS, GUYS.
40
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,019
THIS IS AMAZING.
41
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[ Chanting ] CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN,
CAPTAIN.
42
00:01:40,001 --> 00:01:48,001
[ CHEERING ]
YOU SHOULD THROW ONE, LIONEL.
43
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[ LAUGHTER ]
AW.
44
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ALL RIGHT. SHIT HURT.
45
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[ CRUNCHING ]
46
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LOOK, I NEED YOU TO FIGURE
OUT WHICH ONE OF THESE
47
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MOTHERFUCKERS IS GOING TO GIVE
ME SOME MONEY FOR THESE BABIES.
48
00:02:12,014 --> 00:02:15,004
ON TODAY'S EPISODE, WE HAVE
OUR SPECIAL GUEST, JANEL...
49
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[ CRYING ] NO!
50
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MAURICE!
51
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HERE.
52
00:02:19,023 --> 00:02:22,023
...WHO'S HERE TO FIND OUT WHO'S
THE FATHER OF HER 3-YEAR-OLD
53
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DAUGHTER, BECHESKA.
54
00:02:24,006 --> 00:02:26,006
I KNOW THESE MOTHERFUCKERS
ARE GONNA TRY TO ACT LIKE THEY
55
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NOT THE FATHERS, BUT I'M GONNA
TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, THEY THE
56
00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:30,011
FATHERS.
57
00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:31,000
NO, NO, NO.
58
00:02:31,002 --> 00:02:32,002
MAURICE, HE'S LYING.
59
00:02:32,005 --> 00:02:32,995
I KNOW IT'S NOT MINE.
60
00:02:33,006 --> 00:02:35,006
SHE KEEPS CALLING MY PHONE DAY
IN AND DAY OUT.
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I DON'T EVEN THINK THERE REALLY
IS A BABY.
62
00:02:38,005 --> 00:02:39,015
BUT THAT'S NOT IT, GUYS.
63
00:02:39,022 --> 00:02:43,022
JANEL IS NOT ONLY HERE FOR ONE
BABY, BUT TWO.
64
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WHAT THE FUCK
GOT TO BE FUCKED UP NIGGA
65
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OH, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE THAT
FUCKING BABY.
66
00:02:47,023 --> 00:02:49,023
SAME THING THEY SAID TO ME,
BABY.
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00:02:49,018 --> 00:02:49,998
SHUT YOUR OLD ASS UP.
68
00:02:50,006 --> 00:02:52,006
YOU KNOW WHAT?
69
00:02:52,007 --> 00:02:53,017
I'LL WHOOP YOUR YOUNG ASS.
70
00:02:53,019 --> 00:02:57,999
BOTH OF YOU, I GOT ENOUGH
KIDS FOR BOTH OF Y'ALL.
71
00:02:58,003 --> 00:03:03,023
MAURICE, I NEED A MAN
HE HAD TO BE THE FATHER!
72
00:03:03,019 --> 00:03:05,999
I NEVER HAD SEX WITH THIS
WO-- LOOK AT HER.
73
00:03:06,003 --> 00:03:06,023
WHO'D FUCK THAT?
74
00:03:07,001 --> 00:03:11,021
UGH, YOU SMELL LIKE OLD CORN
NUTS AND SHIT.
75
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:14,023
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ HORN HONKING ]
76
00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:37,020
YOU'RE LOST?
77
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WE'RE GONNA FIND YOU A HOME,
STEVEN.
78
00:03:40,004 --> 00:03:41,024
I'M GONNA TRY REALLY HARD.
79
00:03:41,019 --> 00:03:43,019
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
80
00:03:43,017 --> 00:03:45,017
SIR, IS THIS YOURS?
81
00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,010
THAT'S YOUR FISH?
82
00:03:47,016 --> 00:03:48,016
[ BUZZER ]
OH, MAN.
83
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:50,011
IS THIS YOUR FISH?
84
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,022
HE NEEDS A HOME.
85
00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:53,010
[ BUZZER ]
86
00:03:53,007 --> 00:03:55,007
DO YOU KNOW HIM?
87
00:03:55,012 --> 00:03:55,022
OH!
88
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,010
STEVEN GOT A HOME!
89
00:03:57,012 --> 00:03:59,022
[ DING! DING! DING! DING! ]
STEVEN GOT A HOME!
90
00:04:00,001 --> 00:04:02,021
STEVEN, STEVEN! YEAH!
91
00:04:02,017 --> 00:04:03,017
WE'RE OUT OF HERE.
92
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:05,020
STEVEN.
93
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:09,001
[ LAUGHS ]
WE LEFT HIM WITH THAT [BLEEP]
94
00:04:09,002 --> 00:04:12,002
I'M GLAD I'M DONE WITH THIS
NIGGA SKIT.
95
00:04:12,005 --> 00:04:15,015
DOES HE STILL HAVE IT IN HIS
HAND?
96
00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:18,001
[ MEOWS ]
HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
97
00:04:30,002 --> 00:04:31,012
WHAT IS IT GONNA BE?
98
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:35,999
[ GRUNTS ]
SMUGGLING MY GRAPES.
99
00:04:36,005 --> 00:04:37,005
[ GROANING ]
HEY, I'M FERNANDO, AND I'M
100
00:04:43,009 --> 00:04:45,019
GOING TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DANCE.
101
00:04:45,017 --> 00:04:51,997
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
IF YOU CAN DANCE, YOU CAN LOVE,
102
00:04:52,006 --> 00:04:58,006
AND IF YOU CAN LOVE, YOU CAN DO
OTHER SHIT.
103
00:04:58,009 --> 00:05:02,019
I HAVE SOME NIGGER IN ME, SO MY
FATHER, HE'S A BLACK.
104
00:05:02,022 --> 00:05:07,002
YEAH.
105
00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:08,016
I DON'T LOOK WHEN I DANCE.
106
00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:14,001
I COULD DANCE IN THE DARK,
MOONLIGHT SHINING ON MY DICK.
107
00:05:14,005 --> 00:05:26,015
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]
[ LAUGHS ]
108
00:05:26,018 --> 00:05:29,008
OH
FERNANDO IS VERY SORRY.
109
00:05:29,014 --> 00:05:32,004
ARE YOU OKAY?
110
00:05:32,006 --> 00:05:34,006
ON TODAY'S EPISODE, WE HAVE
OUR SPECIAL GUEST, D'ANTHONY,
111
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:38,010
WHO JUST FOUND OUT HIS WIFE,
CHEEKA, CHEATED ON HIM WITH HIS
112
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STEPDADDY.
113
00:05:39,022 --> 00:05:43,012
SO SHE HAS TO FIND OUT WHO'S
THE FATHER OF THEIR BABY BOY,
114
00:05:43,015 --> 00:05:44,015
DEEJA.
115
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:48,010
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
WHEN MAURICE SAY YOU ARE NOT THE
116
00:05:48,007 --> 00:05:48,997
FATHER?
117
00:05:49,004 --> 00:05:51,014
YEAH!
118
00:05:51,011 --> 00:05:53,021
WHAT THE DO YOU MEAN
"YEAH?"
119
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,019
THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO DO?
120
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,020
YOU NEED TO SHOW HER THAT YOU
DON'T CARE THAT YOU ARE NOT THE
121
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FATHER.
122
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YOU PUT IT IN THE HEAT.
123
00:06:01,007 --> 00:06:02,007
YOU DO ALL OF THIS.
124
00:06:02,015 --> 00:06:05,995
YOU GET UP AND YOU SHOW THEM,
OKAY?
125
00:06:06,004 --> 00:06:08,014
LET'S GET SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
126
00:06:12,010 --> 00:06:15,010
♪ BITCH, I TOLD YOU, POW
THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.
127
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KEEP GOING.
128
00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:18,008
♪ BITCH, I TOLD YOU, POW
129
00:06:18,008 --> 00:06:19,998
♪ BITCH, I POW
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
130
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:20,014
ABOUT.
131
00:06:20,015 --> 00:06:21,005
IT'S IN THE HEAT.
132
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DON'T TOUCH ME.
133
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:25,008
NOW, REGARDING BABY DEEJA.
134
00:06:25,011 --> 00:06:30,001
D'ANTHONY, YOU...ARE...
135
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NOT THE FATHER.
136
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:33,020
[ AUDIENCE GASPS ]
[ CRYING ]
137
00:06:33,021 --> 00:06:37,021
♪ BITCH, I TOLD YOU, POW
♪ POW, POW
138
00:06:37,017 --> 00:06:41,017
[ CRYING ]
MAURICE! MAURICE!
139
00:06:41,023 --> 00:06:44,013
YES. YES.
140
00:06:44,016 --> 00:06:46,006
OH, THAT'S MY MOVE RIGHT THERE.
141
00:06:46,015 --> 00:06:48,015
THAT'S CALLED "I AM NOT THE
DADDY."
142
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OH, HE DOES IT SO WELL.
143
00:06:52,015 --> 00:06:54,015
OH!
144
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:55,021
YOU READY?
145
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:57,000
I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE.
146
00:06:57,006 --> 00:06:58,996
DO YOU WANT ME TO COUNT TO
THREE?
147
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:00,004
DO YOU WANT -- OKAY.
148
00:07:00,006 --> 00:07:01,006
WAIT. THREE OR FIVE?
149
00:07:01,012 --> 00:07:03,012
FOUR?
150
00:07:03,008 --> 00:07:04,008
ALL RIGHT.
151
00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:07,016
AAH!
152
00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:12,006
YOU DIDN'T EVEN COUNT.
153
00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:15,019
♪ PO-PO
"PO-PO" IS FILMED ON LOCATION
154
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,001
IN THE HOOD.
155
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:19,024
WE GOT A CALL ABOUT A WEIRDO
HANGING OUT AT THE PARK.
156
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,010
I THINK WE KNOW WHO IT IS.
157
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:24,008
WE'VE DEALT WITH THIS GUY
BEFORE, THIRD TIME THIS WEEK.
158
00:07:24,016 --> 00:07:26,006
THERE HE GOES. LET'S GO.
159
00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:28,019
LET'S GO.
160
00:07:28,017 --> 00:07:29,997
HEY, BUDDY. HEY.
161
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:31,012
HEY, WHAT DID WE TELL YOU ABOUT
COMING AROUND HERE, HUH?
162
00:07:31,012 --> 00:07:34,002
HEY, COULD YOU GET THE
FUCK UP?
163
00:07:34,002 --> 00:07:34,022
ANSWER ME!
164
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,018
TALKING TO A SUSPECT.
165
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:38,011
WHAT DID WE TELL YOU ABOUT
COMING AROUND HERE?
166
00:07:38,009 --> 00:07:40,019
IT'S CHILDREN AROUND HERE,
HMM?
167
00:07:40,022 --> 00:07:41,022
CUFF HIM.
168
00:07:41,018 --> 00:07:43,998
WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR HIS
SHENANIGANS.
169
00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:45,013
AAH! HE'S GOT ME!
170
00:07:45,010 --> 00:07:50,010
GET THE
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
171
00:07:50,013 --> 00:07:52,023
YOU SEE WHY WE SHOT HIM, RIGHT?
172
00:07:52,019 --> 00:07:54,009
COME ON, PART.
173
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,017
LET'S GO WATCH PORN.
174
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,997
HA, WE SHOWED THAT GUY.
175
00:07:57,006 --> 00:07:59,006
LET'S KEEP WALKING INTO THE
WOODS.
176
00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:03,024
[ LAUGHS ]
MALCOLM FITZPATRICK.
177
00:08:03,018 --> 00:08:05,998
HEY, I'M SEAN MICHAELS.
178
00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:08,006
CORNEL HAILEY.
179
00:08:08,010 --> 00:08:11,010
AND TODAY, WE WILL BEGIN A
JOB.
180
00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:13,007
YOU WORRIED ABOUT MESSING
WITH THESE DUDES?
181
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:15,014
I'M SCARE I'M GONNA GET
STABBED.
182
00:08:15,010 --> 00:08:17,020
THERE'S A POSSIBILITY THAT WE
COULD GET FUCKED UP.
183
00:08:18,001 --> 00:08:20,021
"ABRACADABRA" IS THE SAFETY
WORD, SO IF YOU'RE GETTING
184
00:08:20,022 --> 00:08:23,022
STABBED OR BEAT UP BY SOME
RANDOM PEOPLE IN THE STREETS,
185
00:08:23,018 --> 00:08:26,018
YOU GET SAVED.
186
00:08:26,019 --> 00:08:28,009
THIS LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
187
00:08:28,011 --> 00:08:34,011
PRETTY GOOD RIGHT HERE.
188
00:08:34,015 --> 00:08:35,005
EXCUSE ME.
189
00:08:35,011 --> 00:08:37,011
HOW LONG DO WE USUALLY WAIT OUT
HERE?
190
00:08:37,008 --> 00:08:39,018
I'M TRYING TO GET PICKED UP.
191
00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:42,020
RéSUMé.
192
00:08:44,011 --> 00:08:45,011
NEED HELP?
193
00:08:45,007 --> 00:08:46,017
HEY, DO YOU NEED HELP WITH
ANYTHING?
194
00:08:46,018 --> 00:08:47,018
RéSUMé.
195
00:08:47,018 --> 00:08:49,008
HEY, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
YOU GIVE US A CALL.
196
00:08:49,009 --> 00:08:49,019
YEAH.
197
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,020
HEY. HEY. HEY. US FOUR.
198
00:08:51,019 --> 00:08:53,009
THERE'S FOUR PEOPLE.
199
00:08:53,008 --> 00:08:54,018
US FOUR. US FOUR.
200
00:08:54,018 --> 00:08:56,008
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
201
00:08:56,015 --> 00:08:57,015
RéSUMéS.
202
00:08:57,023 --> 00:08:58,023
AH!
203
00:08:58,023 --> 00:08:59,023
HE'S AN ASSHOLE.
204
00:08:59,019 --> 00:09:01,009
HEY. HEY, THAT GUY'S -- HE'S AN
ASSHOLE.
205
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,007
HEY. CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
206
00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:13,020
WHAT'S UP?
207
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,000
ABRACADABRA! ABRACADABRA!
208
00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:31,013
[ LAUGHTER ]
FUCKING ABRACA-FUCKING-DABRA!
209
00:09:31,011 --> 00:09:34,011
ABRACA-FUCKING-DABRA!
210
00:09:34,012 --> 00:09:39,012
ABRA! ABRA!
211
00:09:39,016 --> 00:09:40,996
ABRACADABRA!
212
00:09:41,004 --> 00:09:43,014
HELP ME! ABRACADABRA!
213
00:09:43,012 --> 00:09:46,022
HE'S STILL COMING!
214
00:09:46,017 --> 00:09:48,017
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
215
00:09:54,016 --> 00:09:56,006
WHAT THE FUCKS YOUR
PROBLEM, MAN?
216
00:09:56,008 --> 00:09:56,018
NOTHING.
217
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,010
WHAT YOU MEAN NOTHING, MAN?
218
00:09:58,008 --> 00:10:00,008
YOU MOTHERFUCKER MAKING FUN OF
MY PEOPLE, MAN?
219
00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:01,013
HEY.
220
00:10:01,013 --> 00:10:02,003
YO, WATCH OUT.
221
00:10:02,006 --> 00:10:02,996
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
222
00:10:03,004 --> 00:10:04,024
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA
DO?
223
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,010
WATCH OUT.
224
00:10:05,015 --> 00:10:07,005
NO, YOU DON'T COME ON LIKE
225
00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:08,010
THAT.
226
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:09,020
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK
WELL, YOU DON'T COME ON
227
00:10:09,022 --> 00:10:11,022
ALL RIGHT, I'M WALKING AWAY.
228
00:10:11,017 --> 00:10:11,997
WHAT?
229
00:10:12,005 --> 00:10:12,995
I'M WALKING AWAY.
230
00:10:13,002 --> 00:10:14,022
YEAH, WALK AWAY,
MOTHERFUCKER
231
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:17,001
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
232
00:10:17,005 --> 00:10:19,005
[ LAUGHS ]
BRING YOUR ASS OVER.
233
00:10:19,012 --> 00:10:21,002
IT'S OVER. IT'S OVER.
234
00:10:21,005 --> 00:10:22,005
IT'S OVER.
235
00:10:22,009 --> 00:10:25,019
[ LAUGHTER ]
CUT HIS TOES OFF.
236
00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:26,997
Y'ALL DID THAT?
237
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:27,022
YEAH.
238
00:10:27,018 --> 00:10:27,998
AWESOME.
239
00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:31,016
I FIGURED THAT SHIT
240
00:10:32,018 --> 00:10:35,008
WHY'D YOU RUN SAYING
ABRACADABRA FOR?
241
00:10:35,011 --> 00:10:36,021
THAT'S THE CODE!
242
00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:37,021
NO.
243
00:10:38,001 --> 00:10:41,001
HE'S LIKE "ABRACADABRA!"
FUCK Y'ALL, LIKE "I GOT A
244
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:42,016
JOB."
245
00:10:42,021 --> 00:10:45,011
[ IMITATES GUNSHOTS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
246
00:10:53,014 --> 00:10:58,014
I YELLED THAT SHIT
"ABRA, ABRA, ABRACADABRA."
247
00:10:58,009 --> 00:10:59,019
AND NOBODY CAME.
16172
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