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00:00:04,189 --> 00:00:05,371
Previously on Kidding...
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00:00:05,471 --> 00:00:06,852
Our next guest
is celebrating
3
00:00:06,952 --> 00:00:09,775
his 30th anniversary
in children's television.
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00:00:09,875 --> 00:00:12,058
I had a son named Phil.
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00:00:12,158 --> 00:00:13,459
He died.
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00:00:13,559 --> 00:00:15,782
Will, we're finally
getting new neighbors.
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00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:18,785
If Jill finds out you bought
the house next to her,
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00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:20,267
she'll take Will and leave.
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00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:21,668
I saw Jill
hugging another man.
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00:00:21,768 --> 00:00:23,070
You mean fucking.
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00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:25,353
Please don't use a bad word
when you can use a good word.
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00:00:25,453 --> 00:00:27,114
Are you and Dad
getting divorced?
13
00:00:27,214 --> 00:00:28,836
No.
Why would you ask me that?
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00:00:28,936 --> 00:00:31,359
I think Scott might be gay.
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00:00:31,459 --> 00:00:33,762
I need to know,
did you have sexual relations
16
00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:36,164
with the Japanese version
of your brother?
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00:00:36,264 --> 00:00:37,566
I want you to know
that you can
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00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:39,328
come by the house
whenever you like.
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00:00:39,428 --> 00:00:41,010
Tonight?
We could go for a walk.
20
00:00:41,110 --> 00:00:44,093
Will's smoking reefer
like a jazz musician.
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00:00:44,193 --> 00:00:46,736
You are breaking your father's
heart with this shit.
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00:00:46,836 --> 00:00:48,498
I have a tremendous
amount of pent-up anger.
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00:00:48,598 --> 00:00:49,860
And I know I dress
like a Mormon
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00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,581
and I talk like a monk,
25
00:00:51,681 --> 00:00:53,664
but inside,
I'm Mount St. Helens
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00:00:53,764 --> 00:00:57,668
and it's 1980 and I am magma
from the neck down.
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00:00:57,768 --> 00:00:59,110
Thanks
for trusting me with Will.
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00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:00,631
You wanna smoke a joint?
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00:01:00,731 --> 00:01:02,674
Do you think
your dad's gonna kill
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00:01:02,774 --> 00:01:04,356
- your mom's new boyfriend?
- No.
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00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:05,397
That wouldn't be nice.
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00:01:17,768 --> 00:01:22,768
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
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00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,019
As long as I've known
the both of you,
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00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,781
I have enjoyed watching
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00:01:27,881 --> 00:01:32,426
your shared and selfless
language of kindness.
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00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,589
Yours is a chemistry
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00:01:34,689 --> 00:01:39,194
built on the mutual love
of love itself
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00:01:39,294 --> 00:01:40,676
and the knowledge
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00:01:40,776 --> 00:01:44,360
that each of you contains
the inner strength
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00:01:44,460 --> 00:01:47,163
to tackle every challenge
together.
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00:01:47,263 --> 00:01:48,764
Aw.
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00:01:48,864 --> 00:01:53,189
To borrow a tradition
I admire from another faith...
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00:01:57,514 --> 00:02:01,418
May your love last
as long as it takes
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00:02:01,518 --> 00:02:04,582
to put this glass
back together.
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00:02:04,682 --> 00:02:06,584
This part always felt
a little violent
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00:02:06,684 --> 00:02:08,466
for holy matrimony.
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00:02:20,059 --> 00:02:21,761
You have it in you.
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00:02:21,861 --> 00:02:23,483
I know it.
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00:02:23,583 --> 00:02:26,326
Go on, Jeff, smash it.
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00:02:27,827 --> 00:02:29,810
I love you...
51
00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:31,371
Jill Piccirillo.
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00:02:31,471 --> 00:02:33,133
Gosh, I hope so,
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00:02:33,233 --> 00:02:34,815
after all that buildup.
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00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,561
Ooh!
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00:03:13,478 --> 00:03:15,460
Hello?
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00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:52,941
Mr. Pickles,
this is Bobby Belongo
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00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:55,664
with the South Bend chapter
of the Pickles Platoon.
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00:03:55,764 --> 00:03:58,147
I've got a bunch
of rowdy Pickle Pals here
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00:03:58,247 --> 00:04:01,351
who wanted to serenade you
on Christmas Eve.
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00:04:01,451 --> 00:04:03,393
My goodness...
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00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,915
what talent.
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00:04:06,656 --> 00:04:08,038
And this is Danny.
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00:04:08,138 --> 00:04:09,800
Danny earned the most
pickle points this year,
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00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:12,002
and as a reward, he gets
to wish you good yule tidings
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00:04:12,102 --> 00:04:14,105
all by himself.
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00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:17,729
Merry Christmas,
Mr. Pickles.
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00:04:17,829 --> 00:04:20,692
Merry Christmas, Danny.
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00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:22,414
Have you been
a good boy this year?
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00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:38,031
He was on drugs.
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00:04:38,131 --> 00:04:40,514
Peter?
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00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,415
- Peter.
- Peter.
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00:04:41,495 --> 00:04:42,876
I'll call 911.
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00:04:42,976 --> 00:04:44,358
He's unresponsive.
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00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:46,921
Cervical spine's intact.
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00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:50,204
Multiple traumas to the chest
and abdomen... tell them!
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00:04:50,304 --> 00:04:52,607
How many traumas
is multiple traumas?
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00:04:52,707 --> 00:04:54,409
- Are you okay?
- You talking to me?
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00:04:54,509 --> 00:04:55,530
Jeff, you were
in a car accident.
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00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:56,652
Are you hurt?
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00:04:56,752 --> 00:04:58,614
No.
Thank you for asking.
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00:04:58,714 --> 00:05:00,616
Please stay
on the line.
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00:05:00,716 --> 00:05:02,738
Calls are answered in
the order they are received.
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00:05:02,838 --> 00:05:03,839
It's Christmas Eve.
You'll never get through.
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00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:05,662
- Is he dead?
- We need to put him
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00:05:05,762 --> 00:05:07,904
- on some kind of stretcher.
- This my fault.
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00:05:08,004 --> 00:05:09,666
- I did this.
- He took an Ambien.
87
00:05:09,766 --> 00:05:11,027
Who knows what he was
thinking?
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00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:12,088
He probably walked
right in front of you
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00:05:12,169 --> 00:05:13,390
and didn't even
realize it.
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00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:16,233
Jeff, Jeff! Jeff!
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00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:17,635
If he's not
on an operating table
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00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,997
in 20 minutes,
he is going to bleed out.
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00:05:20,097 --> 00:05:22,080
I need you.
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00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:24,182
Help me.
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00:05:26,024 --> 00:05:28,567
Is my toboggan
still in the garage?
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00:05:45,165 --> 00:05:47,988
I think we should
see other people.
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00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:52,673
What else does he need?
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00:05:52,773 --> 00:05:54,876
He needs you to drive
as fast as humanly possible!
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00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,244
Don't do drugs!
100
00:06:07,389 --> 00:06:09,332
Hold on, Pete.
We're gonna get ya help!
101
00:06:09,432 --> 00:06:10,613
Yeah, yeah...
102
00:06:11,874 --> 00:06:13,877
No!
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00:06:15,598 --> 00:06:17,741
Oh, it's just Santa!
104
00:06:17,841 --> 00:06:19,843
- It's just Santa!
- Okay.
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00:06:20,644 --> 00:06:22,586
- Oh!
- Um, uh, hold on.
106
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:23,868
Just kick it!
107
00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,149
Kick it!
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00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:27,792
I'm gonna
call out the road,
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00:06:27,892 --> 00:06:29,073
and you're gonna repeat it
back, okay?
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00:06:29,173 --> 00:06:30,915
- Okay.
- Sharp left!
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00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,357
Sharp left. Ah!
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00:06:32,457 --> 00:06:33,719
- Gimme your hand!
- Huh?
113
00:06:33,819 --> 00:06:34,539
Gimme your hand.
Gimme your hand.
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00:06:34,619 --> 00:06:35,681
Huh? What?
115
00:06:35,781 --> 00:06:36,582
Keep your fingers
gently on his neck.
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00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:37,763
I need you to register
his pulse
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00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:38,744
so I can keep putting
pressure on the bleeding.
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00:06:38,824 --> 00:06:39,845
- Pothole!
- Pothole! Ow!
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00:06:39,945 --> 00:06:41,167
If you don't feel a pulse,
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00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,169
I need you to pull over
so I can perform CPR!
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00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,190
We're almost there.
Changing lanes!
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00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:50,137
- Changing back!
- Changing back!
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00:06:50,237 --> 00:06:52,339
Fuck this fucking light!
124
00:06:52,439 --> 00:06:54,021
What the fuck is up
with this fucking light?
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00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:55,903
Hold on!
126
00:06:59,207 --> 00:07:00,909
Get me to the hospital.
Get me to the hospital.
127
00:07:01,009 --> 00:07:01,990
Get me to the hospital!
128
00:07:02,090 --> 00:07:03,071
I'm gonna call out the road,
129
00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:04,312
and you're gonna
repeat it back to me.
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00:07:04,412 --> 00:07:05,594
- Mm.
- Right turn.
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00:07:05,694 --> 00:07:06,915
- Right turn.
- I can't hear you.
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00:07:07,015 --> 00:07:08,757
Right turn!
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00:07:08,857 --> 00:07:10,399
Oh!
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00:07:10,499 --> 00:07:13,322
The twins are giving
me the-the hiccups.
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00:07:13,422 --> 00:07:14,684
You're doin' great...
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00:07:14,784 --> 00:07:15,885
Mom.
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00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:17,046
Please drive faster!
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00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,049
Okay!
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00:07:20,951 --> 00:07:22,653
Oh... if Astronotter
were here,
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00:07:22,753 --> 00:07:24,815
he'd tell you
you need to take
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00:07:24,915 --> 00:07:26,096
a calming-down breath.
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00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,458
No, he'd say,
"Me-me-meep, me-me-meep."
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00:07:27,558 --> 00:07:29,460
Help us, please!
144
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,142
We need help!
145
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,344
Weak pulse, internal bleeding.
He was on Ambien and pot.
146
00:07:33,444 --> 00:07:35,226
- He walked into traffic.
- Copy. Trauma one.
147
00:07:35,326 --> 00:07:37,148
Code blue!
148
00:07:41,733 --> 00:07:44,797
So what your dad
is trying to say is...
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00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,879
When two heterosexual people
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00:07:46,979 --> 00:07:49,242
reach a point
in their relationship...
151
00:07:49,342 --> 00:07:51,244
Did you get me everything
on my Christmas list?
152
00:07:51,344 --> 00:07:52,966
- Pretty much.
- Almost, yeah.
153
00:07:53,066 --> 00:07:55,929
- Cool.
- A point in their relationship
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00:07:56,029 --> 00:07:58,492
when, uh, things
are no longer feasible...
155
00:07:58,592 --> 00:07:59,573
What's "feasible"?
156
00:07:59,673 --> 00:08:01,575
It's a Japanese word
for "exciting."
157
00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:04,258
Hey, whatever happened
to Mr. Pickles-san?
158
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:05,460
He went home.
159
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,441
He's probably
in Guantanamo Bay.
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00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:07,742
What's that?
161
00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:09,304
It's what your mom
calls our bedroom.
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00:08:09,404 --> 00:08:10,385
Nice.
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00:08:10,485 --> 00:08:12,828
When a marriage
is no longer feasible,
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00:08:12,928 --> 00:08:15,311
a mutual decision is made...
165
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,633
Well, 60-40,
if we're gonna be honest.
166
00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:20,156
Hi.
167
00:08:20,256 --> 00:08:22,038
I think I killed Peter.
168
00:08:22,138 --> 00:08:24,361
I gotta go.
169
00:08:24,461 --> 00:08:26,403
We're getting a divorce.
170
00:08:28,345 --> 00:08:29,726
Can I open
another present?
171
00:08:29,826 --> 00:08:32,289
Here, open this one.
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00:08:32,389 --> 00:08:34,852
Can I talk to you
in the kitchen, please?
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00:08:34,952 --> 00:08:36,294
Don't throw it in the house.
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00:08:41,239 --> 00:08:44,142
I love you, ax.
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00:08:44,242 --> 00:08:45,664
So then
you tried to kill him?
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00:08:45,764 --> 00:08:47,306
I didn't try to kill him.
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00:08:47,406 --> 00:08:48,828
I tried to hit him
with my car.
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00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,930
Did anybody see you?
179
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,672
What did I do?
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00:08:52,772 --> 00:08:56,116
You got between your kid
and drugs any way you could.
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00:08:56,216 --> 00:08:57,998
When Jill comes back,
I'm gonna tell her everything.
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00:08:58,098 --> 00:08:59,920
- Why would you do that?
- I think I'll feel better
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00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:02,202
- if she knew.
- No, no.
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00:09:02,302 --> 00:09:04,525
You need to lie right now.
185
00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:06,287
Under no circumstances
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00:09:06,387 --> 00:09:08,850
should you tell her
what you did.
187
00:09:08,950 --> 00:09:10,251
Or anyone.
188
00:09:10,351 --> 00:09:13,174
I'm sorry.
I don't know how to lie.
189
00:09:13,274 --> 00:09:15,897
Think of it as a secret.
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00:09:15,997 --> 00:09:17,579
You're good at keeping secrets.
191
00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,663
- Hmm.
- Besides, if Peter dies,
192
00:09:20,763 --> 00:09:22,745
there's no point
in confessing.
193
00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:25,868
Plus... she'll be single
again, so that's good.
194
00:09:25,968 --> 00:09:28,872
If I can't
be honest with her, who am I?
195
00:09:28,972 --> 00:09:31,034
I'm gonna tell her
about buying the house too.
196
00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:33,196
If you tell her what you did,
you will lose her.
197
00:09:33,296 --> 00:09:37,461
You'll lose Will.
You'll lose everything.
198
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,767
There is nothing
after that.
199
00:09:48,353 --> 00:09:50,355
Thank you
for listening to me.
200
00:09:51,396 --> 00:09:53,399
I'm gonna go find Jill.
201
00:09:58,044 --> 00:10:00,046
Fuuuuuuck.
202
00:10:01,608 --> 00:10:03,149
Did you see the way
203
00:10:03,249 --> 00:10:05,232
he lowered that body
into the trunk
204
00:10:05,332 --> 00:10:07,234
like he'd been doing it
his whole life?
205
00:10:07,334 --> 00:10:09,717
Like he was a sniper
during the Lesbianic Wars.
206
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,078
I hate him!
207
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,360
How long do you think
208
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:14,242
that he's been living
in that house,
209
00:10:14,342 --> 00:10:15,964
stalking his prey?
210
00:10:16,064 --> 00:10:17,886
How close were you?
211
00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:19,568
We were on the bed.
212
00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:21,249
- Was there tongue?
- I told her I loved her.
213
00:10:21,349 --> 00:10:22,531
I touched her boob.
214
00:10:22,631 --> 00:10:24,733
And then my dad killed a guy!
215
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,015
Cockblock.
216
00:10:26,115 --> 00:10:27,817
Wait, why'd you tell her
you loved her?
217
00:10:27,917 --> 00:10:29,819
Are you not supposed to?
218
00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:31,220
Seems extreme.
219
00:10:33,122 --> 00:10:35,545
Whatever. My mom is going
to punch him in the dick
220
00:10:35,645 --> 00:10:38,669
when I tell her that his shit
was in the closet next door!
221
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:39,830
He's a straight-up
killer.
222
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,632
I bet he pickles
their bodies,
223
00:10:41,732 --> 00:10:45,636
then serves them on a plate
next to giant sandwiches.
224
00:10:45,736 --> 00:10:47,999
Who would eat
a pickled person?
225
00:10:48,099 --> 00:10:50,161
Horses, man.
226
00:10:50,261 --> 00:10:51,483
Horses.
227
00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:53,525
Fuckin' sharks
of the prairie, yo.
228
00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,009
I don't understand.
229
00:10:57,109 --> 00:10:59,772
What is the fucking delay?
230
00:10:59,872 --> 00:11:01,374
I'm sorry, we can't
get him into surgery
231
00:11:01,474 --> 00:11:03,616
until the anesthesiologist
on call arrives.
232
00:11:03,716 --> 00:11:05,979
We paged him,
but he's not responding.
233
00:11:06,079 --> 00:11:08,662
Peter is the anesthesiologist
on call.
234
00:11:08,762 --> 00:11:10,764
I'll find the surgeon.
235
00:11:11,765 --> 00:11:13,767
Ohh!
236
00:11:15,529 --> 00:11:16,871
Ohh!
237
00:11:23,218 --> 00:11:25,801
I need to tell you
a few things.
238
00:11:27,142 --> 00:11:28,724
I have to call his family.
239
00:11:28,824 --> 00:11:31,487
I've never met his family!
240
00:11:31,587 --> 00:11:32,888
Do you know that Peter
is a lapsed Mormon?
241
00:11:32,988 --> 00:11:34,290
He has, like, a dozen siblings,
242
00:11:34,390 --> 00:11:35,491
and they're all
flight attendants
243
00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:37,133
who work
for the same airline.
244
00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:39,055
He doesn't speak
to his parents!
245
00:11:39,155 --> 00:11:42,219
Now I have to call his Mormon
mother on Jesus' birthday!
246
00:11:42,319 --> 00:11:44,461
In the same sentence,
I have to introduce myself
247
00:11:44,561 --> 00:11:46,583
and give her the worst
news of her life!
248
00:11:46,683 --> 00:11:48,265
I can call his parents.
249
00:11:48,365 --> 00:11:51,028
I'm sorry
this happened to you.
250
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,111
I'm sorry he wandered
into traffic
251
00:11:53,211 --> 00:11:55,513
and ruined your Christmas.
252
00:12:03,062 --> 00:12:05,064
Christmas isn't over yet.
253
00:12:06,746 --> 00:12:08,688
What did you wanna tell me?
254
00:12:12,672 --> 00:12:14,294
I'll tell you later.
255
00:12:30,251 --> 00:12:32,554
Sorry.
I'm drunk.
256
00:12:32,654 --> 00:12:34,877
Jeff, Jill.
257
00:12:34,977 --> 00:12:36,679
Hi, I'm Dr. Hernandez.
258
00:12:36,779 --> 00:12:37,960
Uh, sorry I'm not in uniform.
259
00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:40,042
I wasn't supposed
to be working tonight.
260
00:12:40,142 --> 00:12:41,644
Peter is in
critical condition
261
00:12:41,744 --> 00:12:43,887
but stable at this moment.
262
00:12:45,028 --> 00:12:46,209
He's breathing
on his own.
263
00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:48,091
He did lose
a lot of blood, though.
264
00:12:48,191 --> 00:12:50,334
I'm a universal donor.
Just say the word.
265
00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:51,935
Thank you,
but we're not there yet.
266
00:12:52,035 --> 00:12:53,177
We'll know more
in the morning.
267
00:12:53,277 --> 00:12:54,739
For now, I think
the best thing to do
268
00:12:54,839 --> 00:12:56,621
is to go home
and get some sleep.
269
00:12:56,721 --> 00:12:58,743
- I'll call you personally.
- Thank you, Doctor.
270
00:12:58,843 --> 00:13:00,064
Hopefully he'll be up
and talking by then.
271
00:13:00,164 --> 00:13:02,167
Mm.
272
00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:07,633
Let me take you home.
273
00:13:09,415 --> 00:13:10,756
Okay.
274
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,858
And you...
275
00:13:13,739 --> 00:13:15,842
Ah...
276
00:13:36,765 --> 00:13:38,307
Ooh.
277
00:13:40,169 --> 00:13:41,630
Ohh!
278
00:13:49,779 --> 00:13:51,781
I...
279
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,484
Um...
280
00:13:58,188 --> 00:14:00,251
Do you know
that house next door?
281
00:14:00,351 --> 00:14:04,856
It's, uh, same as ours,
only backwards and empty.
282
00:14:06,678 --> 00:14:08,460
When it was f-for sale...
283
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,383
Would you mind
staying here...
284
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,465
with us tonight?
285
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,527
Good night.
286
00:14:33,627 --> 00:14:34,889
Night.
287
00:15:33,453 --> 00:15:34,475
Hello.
288
00:15:34,575 --> 00:15:37,758
Mrs. Zeckhauser, uh...
289
00:15:37,858 --> 00:15:41,082
...um, you don't know me,
but...
290
00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:44,926
I'm your son Peter's, um...
291
00:15:45,026 --> 00:15:46,328
friend.
292
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,456
Ho, ho, ho.
293
00:15:53,556 --> 00:15:56,499
Here... comes...
294
00:15:56,599 --> 00:15:58,541
Santa Claus.
295
00:16:41,929 --> 00:16:43,791
Quick,
wake the other one up,
296
00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:45,873
and let's see
if they'll harmonize.
297
00:17:15,045 --> 00:17:16,747
I am listening.
298
00:17:16,847 --> 00:17:18,670
I am listening.
299
00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:21,493
Are you...
looking for me?
300
00:17:24,856 --> 00:17:27,079
No one left a plate
of cookies for Santa.
301
00:17:32,625 --> 00:17:34,627
Mmm.
302
00:17:37,831 --> 00:17:40,734
So...
303
00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:42,536
did you tell your mom
304
00:17:42,636 --> 00:17:44,778
about me buying
the house next door?
305
00:17:44,878 --> 00:17:46,880
Why did you buy it?
306
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:50,505
At the time,
it seemed like...
307
00:17:50,605 --> 00:17:52,347
a romantic gesture,
308
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,629
to be closer to you guys.
309
00:17:54,729 --> 00:17:56,992
Because I love you guys.
310
00:17:57,092 --> 00:17:59,154
That's why I've done...
311
00:17:59,254 --> 00:18:01,797
everything I've done.
312
00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:06,042
Were you ever a sniper
in Lebanon... under Reagan?
313
00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:08,124
I would have been 16.
314
00:18:08,224 --> 00:18:10,226
Didn't answer the question.
315
00:18:10,907 --> 00:18:12,569
Shit, that's molten lava.
316
00:18:12,669 --> 00:18:14,972
You okay?
Please don't use a bad word...
317
00:18:15,072 --> 00:18:16,934
Wait.
318
00:18:17,034 --> 00:18:21,118
Only use a bad word
when no good word will do.
319
00:18:24,362 --> 00:18:26,364
I'm not gonna tell Mom
what you did.
320
00:18:27,926 --> 00:18:29,928
I will.
321
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:33,372
It's important
to be honest.
322
00:18:34,052 --> 00:18:37,196
I like seeing you two together
323
00:18:37,296 --> 00:18:39,959
more than I like
seeing you apart.
324
00:19:03,805 --> 00:19:05,507
Fire in the hole!
325
00:19:05,607 --> 00:19:10,232
♪ At your homecomin'
and that merry...
326
00:19:10,332 --> 00:19:12,915
What do you think?
327
00:19:13,015 --> 00:19:15,198
Breakfast first...
or presents?
328
00:19:15,298 --> 00:19:16,840
I don't know.
329
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:19,563
I'm gonna call the hospital
and check in.
330
00:19:19,663 --> 00:19:21,325
But after that?
331
00:19:21,425 --> 00:19:23,247
I'm not sure we have time.
332
00:19:23,347 --> 00:19:25,049
There's always time
for Christmas.
333
00:19:28,352 --> 00:19:30,975
I didn't really have time
to go shopping last night,
334
00:19:31,075 --> 00:19:33,778
so you're mostly getting things
I found around the house.
335
00:19:33,878 --> 00:19:35,420
This is for you.
336
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:36,662
It's a lamp.
337
00:19:36,762 --> 00:19:38,744
Ah, yes, this must have
really set you back.
338
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,906
Bulbs too!
Big spender.
339
00:19:41,006 --> 00:19:43,389
Wait'll you see
what I got for you.
340
00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:51,718
Cool!
Is it a bicycle?
341
00:19:51,818 --> 00:19:53,440
Did you peek?
342
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:57,130
Hello?
343
00:21:02,416 --> 00:21:04,919
Was it the hospital?
344
00:21:05,019 --> 00:21:07,642
Ma'am, your son suffered
345
00:21:07,742 --> 00:21:09,924
blunt-force trauma
to the lower abdomen,
346
00:21:10,024 --> 00:21:12,207
resulting
in a hepatic hemorrhage.
347
00:21:12,307 --> 00:21:14,930
His liver's bleeding.
They can't stop it.
348
00:21:15,030 --> 00:21:17,373
Please let
the doctor talk.
349
00:21:17,473 --> 00:21:19,895
She's not family.
Continue.
350
00:21:19,995 --> 00:21:21,177
She's right.
351
00:21:21,277 --> 00:21:22,699
He needs a new liver
within two days,
352
00:21:22,799 --> 00:21:24,460
or it will fail,
353
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,022
and then there's nothing
we can do.
354
00:21:26,122 --> 00:21:28,265
- What about a donor?
- That's the next ask.
355
00:21:28,365 --> 00:21:30,067
We could try a donor list,
356
00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:31,789
but I'm afraid that won't work
with our time frame.
357
00:21:31,889 --> 00:21:34,031
Peter's best hope
is in this room.
358
00:21:34,131 --> 00:21:36,193
If you're a match
and wish to donate
359
00:21:36,293 --> 00:21:37,715
a healthy portion
of your liver,
360
00:21:37,815 --> 00:21:39,077
the risks are there,
but it's, uh...
361
00:21:39,177 --> 00:21:40,758
well, it's the only thing
to do.
362
00:21:40,858 --> 00:21:42,600
What constitutes a match?
363
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:44,883
We'll take you into a room,
ask you some questions.
364
00:21:44,983 --> 00:21:46,204
You'll need to have
the same blood type
365
00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:48,307
or be a universal donor.
366
00:21:50,389 --> 00:21:52,491
- I'll volunteer.
- Me too.
367
00:21:52,591 --> 00:21:54,614
You'll need relatively
the same body type and build.
368
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,716
Same gender is a big plus.
369
00:21:58,678 --> 00:21:59,699
Hmm.
370
00:21:59,799 --> 00:22:01,922
Looks like I fit the bill.
371
00:22:02,602 --> 00:22:05,105
- Oh, thank you, Bart.
- It's not an issue, Mom.
372
00:22:05,205 --> 00:22:08,549
Jesus said to His disciples,
"When you give," not if.
373
00:22:08,649 --> 00:22:10,391
That's a very noble thing
you're doing.
374
00:22:10,491 --> 00:22:12,674
To think his first words
to you after 15 years
375
00:22:12,774 --> 00:22:15,036
will be "thank you."
Mm.
376
00:22:15,136 --> 00:22:17,999
I don't give for man's praise.
I give for God's.
377
00:22:18,099 --> 00:22:20,042
Oh, and you cannot have had
378
00:22:20,142 --> 00:22:22,404
an alcoholic beverage
in the last 72 hours.
379
00:22:22,504 --> 00:22:24,166
So if you'll follow me,
we'll sign some papers
380
00:22:24,266 --> 00:22:26,268
and get started.
381
00:22:26,989 --> 00:22:28,991
Uh... I can't.
382
00:22:32,115 --> 00:22:33,577
Every year
after you go to bed,
383
00:22:33,677 --> 00:22:36,119
Father plies us with a bottle
of Hungarian pálinka.
384
00:22:37,561 --> 00:22:38,903
We drink every drop.
385
00:22:39,003 --> 00:22:41,205
We bury the empty bottles
in the pet cemetery.
386
00:22:42,406 --> 00:22:43,948
Well, now your brother's
gonna die.
387
00:22:44,048 --> 00:22:45,950
Lillian, I'm sure there's
another viable candidate.
388
00:22:46,050 --> 00:22:49,254
- Why are you still here?
- Dad, what's pálinka?
389
00:22:50,215 --> 00:22:51,637
Dad?
390
00:23:07,033 --> 00:23:08,455
Jeff.
391
00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:10,717
I think we dropped a hat.
392
00:23:12,479 --> 00:23:16,304
Do you see it,
a little blue and pink hat?
393
00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:23,071
Just leave the wheelchair
on the curb.
394
00:23:23,171 --> 00:23:25,113
Like a grocery cart.
395
00:23:25,213 --> 00:23:26,635
Someone will come get it.
396
00:23:28,817 --> 00:23:31,320
Let's go home... Dad
397
00:24:12,385 --> 00:24:13,727
If you move him
to another hospital,
398
00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:15,729
he's still going
to need a liver.
399
00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:17,211
Aren't you still married?
400
00:24:17,311 --> 00:24:19,413
My husband and I
are separated.
401
00:24:19,513 --> 00:24:20,855
And isn't he also Mormon?
402
00:24:20,955 --> 00:24:22,997
Common misconception.
403
00:24:27,282 --> 00:24:28,463
Mm...
404
00:24:28,563 --> 00:24:30,766
may I please speak
to the two of you?
405
00:24:33,329 --> 00:24:35,331
Is everything okay?
406
00:24:45,422 --> 00:24:48,605
Peter...
407
00:24:48,705 --> 00:24:50,708
...didn't walk into traffic.
408
00:24:54,832 --> 00:24:56,174
Uh...
409
00:24:56,274 --> 00:24:58,416
I...
410
00:25:07,486 --> 00:25:09,468
...fucked up.
411
00:25:42,885 --> 00:25:45,548
By the way,
412
00:25:45,648 --> 00:25:48,632
we are really huge fans
of your show.
413
00:25:48,732 --> 00:25:49,993
Before we can determine
414
00:25:50,093 --> 00:25:51,755
your viability as a donor,
415
00:25:51,855 --> 00:25:54,238
I need to ask you
a few questions.
416
00:25:54,338 --> 00:25:55,479
Why do you want
to do this?
417
00:25:55,579 --> 00:25:57,882
Because it's important
to do the right thing.
418
00:25:57,982 --> 00:25:59,283
- Are you a smoker?
- No.
419
00:25:59,383 --> 00:26:00,284
Do you take
recreational drugs?
420
00:26:00,384 --> 00:26:01,446
- No.
- Not even pot?
421
00:26:01,546 --> 00:26:02,567
No.
422
00:26:02,667 --> 00:26:04,289
Ah. Ha.
423
00:26:04,389 --> 00:26:07,292
And... when was the last time
you had a drink?
424
00:26:09,034 --> 00:26:11,276
June 21, 2003.
425
00:26:12,638 --> 00:26:14,300
That's amazing.
426
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,502
How do you know
the exact date?
427
00:26:18,324 --> 00:26:21,067
It was the day I was married.
428
00:26:21,167 --> 00:26:22,829
We're going to perform
some additional tests
429
00:26:22,929 --> 00:26:24,191
to confirm a match...
430
00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:25,092
...and get you into surgery
431
00:26:25,172 --> 00:26:25,913
as soon as possible.
432
00:26:39,387 --> 00:26:40,889
Hello?
433
00:26:48,277 --> 00:26:50,500
Mr. Pickles,
434
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,182
this is
Lovetenant Dale Nukem
435
00:26:52,282 --> 00:26:53,383
from the Austin, Texas,
chapter
436
00:26:53,483 --> 00:26:54,945
of the Pickles Platoon.
437
00:26:55,045 --> 00:26:56,827
We wanted to wish you
a happy holiday season
438
00:26:56,927 --> 00:26:58,669
and a festive New Year.
439
00:26:58,769 --> 00:27:00,911
Oh, my...
440
00:27:01,011 --> 00:27:03,314
what talent!
441
00:27:03,414 --> 00:27:04,675
And this is Noah.
442
00:27:04,775 --> 00:27:06,598
Noah earned the most
pickle points this year
443
00:27:06,698 --> 00:27:09,681
and gets to wish you a happy
holidays all by himself.
444
00:27:09,781 --> 00:27:12,364
Happy holidays,
Mr. Pickles.
445
00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:15,287
Happy holidays, Noah.
446
00:27:15,387 --> 00:27:18,611
Have you been a good boy
this year?
447
00:27:18,711 --> 00:27:21,214
Have you been
a good boy this year?
448
00:28:06,939 --> 00:28:11,939
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