Original subtitles

- Shoot.

Know what I just remembered?

- What?

- We're killin' it at Bayside!

- Hey! - Hey!

- I'm class president,

you crushed your football tryouts,

I got into Honors English. [squeals]

- Oh, where you at, Romeo?

- Hey! - Hey!

- And don't forget DeVante!

both: Doesn't care if we live or die.

- Okay. Here's the plan.

We get on track,

then I get this school on track.

I even made a slogan to promote integration.

"Two schools, one voice. Bayside.

"Bays side by side."

- Oh, I love that!

"Bayside. Side birch--"...

Wait, what was it--

both: Hey!

- Oh, hang on, hang on.

Are we getting presents?

- Yo, I've heard of this.

Like the richer you are, the more free stuff you get.

- Morning, ladies.

Some of the Bayside moms have put together these gifts

for the Douglas students.

The parents here love to get very involved

no matter how much you beg them to leave it alone.

Isn't that nice?!

- Good morning.

- Joyce...Whitelady?

- It's pronounced "whit-lity."

What's your name, girlfriend?

- Um, I'm Daisy Jimenez.

You might of heard of me, I'm class president.

- [gasps] You are?

Aww, good for you!

[record scratch] - Time out.

Now, I've met a lot of Joyce Whiteladys in my life.

She has good intentions,

but she's gonna make me feel like crap,

like by trying to bond with me

by saying something she heard a Black guy say

on "Project Runway."

- Okay, here's the tea, sis.

That little snafu with the school bus last week

was a real eye-opener for some of us Bayside moms.

So we formed a committee to better anticipate your needs.

It's called

"Parents Integrating Teachers and Youth."

Take a tote.

- Look at this. A toothbrush,

and a pregnancy test?

- "Ice-T's Guide to Making Algebra Your Bitch."

- Oh, also!

There is a permission slip in there.

But don't worry--if you don't have someone at home,

you can just get the signature of a cool uncle

or a neighbor smoking out her window.

[school bell rings]

- * When I wake up in the mornin' *

* Alarm gives out a warnin' *

* I don't think I'll ever make it on time *

[school bell ringing]

* By the time I grab my books *

* And I give myself a look *

* I'm at the corner just in time *

* It's all right, it's all right *

* Saved by the bell, it's all right *

* It's all right, saved by the bell *

* It's all right *

* 'Cause I'm saved by the bell *

[school bell ringing]

- Hey, Lexi!

Happy Roster Day.

- Well, of course you're in a good mood.

You know you're gonna be the quarterback

of the football team. - Yeah, but...

I'm worried I'm gonna get a number that's hard to remember.

Like, um...

Oh, man. What was it?

- I have a bad feeling about the musical, Jamie.

What if I don't get the lead?

Or worse... have to play the mom?

- Lexi, of course you're gonna get the lead, okay?

You're like the greatest actress in the world.

- Thank you.

[gasps] I got it.

- You got it?

- Hey, when you make the team, are you gonna play it cool?

Or are you gonna yell "suck it"

like you did after you murdered that door piñata

at Hector's birthday?

- I'ma keep it classy.

Yo, there's the list.

"List delayed due to tough decision"?

What the dick?!

[scoffs] You kidding me?

- [in background] I'm so, so happy for me.

- Oh, my God!

You got the lead, congratulations!

And congratulations to me, of course.

You got the lead, and so did I.

It's so not a competition.

I don't know why everyone keeps saying that, it's just not!

Now, I will be your guide to the world of Bayside theater.

Now, the hierarchy of drama club is intense.

3 rules. No, 12 rules.

Don't speak to people in the chorus,

never wear a stupid French hat,

and what happens in the group chat stays in the group chat.

Which is why I already added you,

so you don't need to worry about that.

I said you don't need to worry about--you're already--

- He is so mysterious!

I have to find out who his breathing instructor is.

- Don't breathe on me like that.

- Hi. Daisy.

They accidentally put me in regular English last week,

but now I'm where I belong

in a class of fellow high-achievers.

- Hey, buddy! - [gasps]

Wait, you're in Honors English?

- Duh, it's an honor to teach me.

- Before we start,

I'm gonna collect your summer reading assignments.

- Wait, summer reading?

No one told me about summer reading!

- Mr. Morris, your report on "Frankenstein"?

- Ms. Mandrake,

I wanted so bad to read the book,

but I have this condition.

- Right.

Yeah, I did get a message from a "Dr. Mario"?

Saying you have something called "seasonal dyslexia"?

- It only flares up during the summer.

I can't even read the lifeguard signs at the beach.

It's really dangerous, I keep drowning.

- Whatever, Mr. Morris.

I guess you're off the hook.

- Okay.

I didn't know we had an assignment.

But if you could give me a one-day extension,

I could read the whole book tonight

and hand in my report first thing tomorrow morning.

- What? Don't be silly.

No one expects you to do that.

- Uh, I'm not asking for special treatment.

I can do the work.

- Daisy, this is Honors English.

I think you'll find it plenty hard

without taking on extra assignments.

[record scratch] - Time out.

She obviously thinks I can't do it,

but no need to freak out. I'm cool!

- I just don't want you to struggle to catch up.

You couldn't possibly-- - Don't tell me

what I'm possible of!

[kids gasp, murmur]

- Sure, why don't you do the assignment?

Sounds great.

- [scoffs]

Dude, you are so dumb.

- Oh, and Mr. Morris?

If Daisy gets an extension,

that means you have time to read the book, too.

- Noooo!

Wait, are you partnering us up?

- No.

-...Oooooooo!

- Have you not posted the roster

because you have a problem with a girl

being on the football team?

- Were you hiding in here

waiting to like dramatically confront me?

'Cause it doesn't work with these chairs.

You need one of those tall chairs for that.

- Answer the question!

- [sighs] Yeah, I guess I...

kinda have a problem with it.

- How many times do I have to say this?

A woman can do everything a man can do,

except enjoy the films of Todd Phillips!

- It's not that I think Aisha sucks, I don't!

I thinks she's great!

I'm just...

genuinely worried she might get hurt.

Trying to protect her.

Come on, I'm being sexist in a good way!

- Slater, it's not your job to protect Aisha.

And if she's good enough to be on the team,

then she should be!

Let the stats decide.

- Yeah, you're right.

Ooh, and I love me some stats.

You know, my QB rating was 116 back in high school.

And I even kept stats

on all the girls I made out with back in the day.

You wanna see? - Ew.

- We've had... Jennifer, Ginger,

that chick whose ex was in the mob,

you remember her? - Bye, Slater.

- That pi--what you mean? It's getting good!

The princess from Liechtenstein.

You!

You know, hearing it out loud...

this might not be the best thing for me

to be carrying around.

[phone notification beeping]

* *

* *

- [scoffs]

I mean, I've done that accidentally

like a billion times.

Oh, shut up, Spencer.

- Oh, hey!

"Not buddy."

- [sighs] Hey, Mac.

Look, I'm sorry you have to do the assignment too.

It's just, I hate when people have low expectations for me.

When someone thinks I can't keep up,

it just makes me want to prove them wrong.

- I don't get it. You asked for homework.

- So you don't care that no one ever expects anything from you?

- People expect plenty from me.

Cool schemes, dope playlists...

this walk.

[snapping fingers]

- Sweet walk, Mac!

- Mac, that teacher didn't believe you were sick.

She just didn't expect you to do the work.

No one does.

I heard in middle school, instead of holding you back,

they made up a new grade just for you.

- What? [scoffs]

No, they didn't.

It was just the normal "aiventh" grade

and it rocked.

- You really can't see how much they lower the bar for you?

- Nobody is lowering the bar for me, dude.

In fact, my dad said I didn't even have to take it.

I can just be a lawyer whenever I want.

- But don't you ever want to accomplish anything?

I mean, you're smart enough to pull off all these scams.

Why not actually try?

You know what?

Even if you wanted to, I don't think you could.

- Don't tell me what I'm good at!

- See?

Don't you want to prove me wrong?

- I guess I got some things to think about.

[snapping fingers]

- Cool sad walk, Mac!

* *

- Oh, my God. I got quarterback!

Over Jamie?

Yes, I did it! Suck it, losers!

I mean... [chuckles]

thank you.

- You did the right thing. - [chuckles]

- I'm proud of you.

- Ah, yeah, thanks. Me too.

But of you? Ha ha, totally.

Hey! Is that...the gym...

that I need to teach? I gotta go.

- Oh, no. - I'm so sad.

- Honey? Come here.

- Oh, it's just not fair. - No.

- They discontinued Trix,

and the rabbit never got to have any.

And now he never will!

Whoo, okay. I'm good.

What's all this then?

Oh, my God.

I'm not quarterback?

On the same day as the Trix thing.

- Hey, you look rough.

- I stayed up all night working on my report,

but I'm almost done.

If I can convince my bio teacher that I have diarrhea,

I can hide in the bathroom all first period and finish.

- Did I hear "diarrhea"?

We can get you medicine if you don't have insurance.

- I'm fine. - Oh, please!

We really want to help!

We have typing classes, prom dresses,

cans of corn?

Please!

- Have you seen Jamie since the football roster

went up yesterday?

Are you nervous he'll be pissed?

- Nah, this happened back at Douglas.

They'll be annoyed at first,

then they'll shove a bunch of tampons in my locker,

and then they'll get over it.

We work it out on the field.

- Dude, it's messed up you're not starting quarterback.

- See?

- And I don't like that it has to come to this, but...

we know what has to happen next.

You need to let us in.

Take the feelings helmet.

- The feeling I'm doing... is sad.

And not a beautiful sad...

like the last day of summer.

[chuckles] It's an ugly sad.

Like when my mom told me I had to put down my dog.

Actually, no.

It's even worse than putting down my dog,

because I got to pick her back up again

after I finished my dinner.

[sobs] - Come on, boys, he needs us!

- Come on. We got you.

- You guys are really good huggers.

- Maybe we'll work it out on the field

after he stops crying.

- Very funny.

I give you a hard time about feminism,

and you demote my son to teach me a lesson?

Real mature.

- Man, I wish.

That would have been so cool.

Ha! But no.

I was just doing what you said.

Let the stats speak for themselves.

'Course, Jamie's stats don't really speak so much

as they drool and bang their spoon for more oatmeal.

- Are you saying that Jamie isn't good?

How could that possibly be true?

- Have you ever been to any of his games?

- Not exactly.

I'm afraid to see him get a concussion.

- Have a seat.

Check this out. - Now...set, hut!

- Did you fumble?

- No, I-- I don't know where I put it!

- Hike!

- Turn around!

- Hey, you suck!

- Any questions? - I have a question.

I ate a piece of chalk, and now I cannot see.

- Why did you even put him on the team at all?

- I didn't! Remember?

Jamie didn't make the team last year.

But then you marched in here

and guilted me into giving him a chance.

- Kind of like I'm doing right now?

Well, someone has to tell him he's not good.

- Yeah. Someone does.

- Do you think it should be like his pediatrician?

Or...my friend Cindy?

It's me. I know it's me.

Or you? - No, you!

- Hmm...Okay.

- Hey, buddy!

- Oh, my God.

Are you tired?

Did you stay up all night doing your project, too?

- Yes?

- Okay.

I know we're both exhausted,

but doesn't it feel amazing?

Someone didn't think we could do something,

but we did, Mac.

We did!

- So...yeah.

It's possible you and I stayed up all night

doing different kinds of projects.

- What does that mean?

- Stop everything!

Racial emergency.

- Excuse me?

- A very brave student, who shall remain anonymous,

has brought to our attention

that this book contains inappropriate themes

and must be banned.

"Frankenstein" is obviously racist.

- What?! How?

- A bunch of townspeople get together with torches

and threaten a person of color.

- But he's green.

- We don't care if he is white or Black

[whispers] or green.

We respect Frankenstein.

The real monster is prejudice.

- Okay, great.

Guess I won't be grading anyone's summer reading.

- I busted my ass all night on that report,

and you just threw it away!

- All night?

I'll have you know that I spent weeks

learning about dyslexia and how to pretend it.

And you threw that away!

I swear, if we weren't best friends,

I would be really mad at you right now.

Pfff. Huh.

- [sighs]

- Listen up, you overgrown Dulé Hill.

- Oh, good morning.

- Most people would kill to get this much attention from me.

I'm entertaining as hell.

Anne Hathaway once said, "I was a lot."

So I know you didn't leave the group chat 'cause of me.

I think it's because of you.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- I think you're a big-time tough guy

who's never been part of a group before.

But you're a theater kid now.

And the people in that group chat

are gonna stick by you through thick and thin.

And I mean that metaphorically, but also literally

when we gain or lose 20 pounds

for roles with awards potential.

Stop shutting us out.

Let us let you in.

- You're right.

Yeah, I didn't have a lot of friends at my old school.

- Yeah.

- I guess somewhere along the way,

I decided it was safer to put up walls instead.

But you... you found a door

that I didn't even know was there.

- I didn't find it.

I built it.

- Thank you, Lexi. - Yeah.

Guys, DeVante is in for the PJ party.

What the hell?! DeVante!

Stop negging me or I'm gonna fall in love with you.

- Hey, Mom.

You wanted to talk?

- Um...

Yes, about the football team.

- Mom, um...

I'm really bummed that they made me backup QB.

I mean, it would make sense if Aisha was better than me.

But she's not!

I'm great at football!

Right?

- Jamie, I have to be honest with you.

The truth is...

Well, the truth is...

the truth just...is.

And when you see it, you're like,

"Wow...that's the truth." You know?

- W--what are you trying to say, Mom?

- Jamie, you are...

Amazing at football.

- [laughs] Thank you, Mom!

I can't believe I spent all this time doubting myself.

You know what?

I'm gonna go get my spot back.

Because Jamie Eleanor Spano never gives up on his dreams.

both: [chuckling]

- Thanks, Mom. Love you.

- Love you.

- Aisha!

I challenge you to a football-off after school.

We'll prove who the better football player is

once and for all.

- Isn't that what the football tryout was for?

- [scoffs] You wish.

That was a "try out."

This is a "try off."

- [scoffs] Fine.

See you on the 50 yard line.

- No.

I have a better idea.

We'll do it on the football field.

* *

Have a good one!

- [grunts]

- Aisha.

- Ugh!

- Aisha!

- Eh? [mumbling]

- What? Jamie challenged you

to a football-off and now he's meeting you

on the field in 10 minutes?

Oof, that sucks.

- Uh, yeah. For him.

I'm gonna win! [scoffs]

You think I won't knock you on your ass

because you have a pretty mouth?

[punches] Ugh!

- Do you really think that's gonna change anything?

Or will he just make you do another football-off

and another, and another, until he gets what he wants?

They're never gonna let us kill it here, are they?

- You don't know.

Maybe things can change.

- I tried to get through to Mac,

and he didn't hear a word I said.

It's like we're speaking different languages.

- That's it! - Oww.

- Sorry!

But you're right!

It's like different languages.

[sighs]

And maybe the only way to get out of this

is trying to speak Jamie's.

- Well, I hope you have better luck than me.

- Dude. You're coming with me.

- Right, best friends. Sorry.

[knocking]

- So?

How'd it go with telling Jamie he's bad at football?

'Cause he's about to do a football-off

in front of the whole school, but...

I didn't know if that was unrelated.

- Ugh, I'm a terrible mom. Okay?

I protect Jamie from everything!

I fix his homework, I stand up to his bullies,

I tell him he's a great chef, and now, every night,

I have to eat his world-famous raw spaghetti with water sauce.

- Look, you love your son.

Can't beat yourself up over that.

- It's just that when you have a kid,

and you hold that gigantic baby in your arms,

you swear that you'll never let anything bad happen to them.

But now, am I protecting Jamie?

Or am I protecting myself from seeing him in pain?

- Well, if you want to let him experience pain,

he's about to be in a lot of it.

* *

- You got this, bro.

I believe in you.

* *

- You ready to do this?

- Yeah.

I'm also ready to do this!

[audience gasping]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You brought a feelings helmet to a football-off?

That's crazy.

- Look, I'm sharing my feelings right now

which is something I hate doing

because I have to put this in terms that you can understand.

Yesterday should have been the best day of my life.

I'm in a school where I don't know anyone,

and I was made quarterback of the football team.

And since then, all that you've said

is that I don't deserve it.

Do you know how small that makes me feel?

- Small as a... baby ladybug?

- I'm better at football than you.

Deep down, you have to know that.

And if you're as good at football as you say you are,

be good at this part.

Be my teammate, man.

- You're right.

You are better at football than me.

I'm really sorry.

- It's okay.

You're better than me at feelings.

- Hug?

[applause]

- Yes! All right!

Weird little team I got.

I love 'em though.

[students whooping]

* *

[phone notification beep] - Oh, no.

Randy just texted,

"Sorry, PJ party is cancelled.

"My step-dad just got indicted

"and he needs my bedroom to hide.

Please pray for our family during this difficult time."

Oh, great.

"So sorry, Randy.

"Prayer hands, prayer hands, prayer hands."

[phone notification beep] Ah!

Devante replied!

He's in the group chat! [door slams]

And he's out of the group chat.

At least he read it.

- Bye, guys. See you at practice.

- Not if I see you first!

Or eat more chalk.

- I'm glad you got through to Jamie.

- Thanks. Any luck with Mac?

- No, but if I really wanna kill it at Bayside,

I can't be wasting my time trying to fix a guy

who describes himself as "Dennis the Menace" but sexy.

- Mm.

Well, if you ever wanna talk about it,

I know a helmet.

This school is making me weird.

I'll see you later.

[record scratch] - Time out.

"Frankenstein: A Report by Mac Morris."

Whoa.

"Frankenstein is a story of a man

"who creates a creature in his own image.

My father and I--"

Oh, my God.

I mean, he bailed on it mid-sentence

and he clearly needs a billion dollars of therapy, but...

he actually listened to me.

If Mac Morris can change--

- What up, el stupido?

Not racist, I call my mom that.

- Hey, that thing I was saying the other day

about how nobody expects anything from you?

I hate that feeling,

and I shouldn't have tried to make you feel it too.

- Daisy, that means a lot to me.

You know, that you want a romantic relationship.

- Okay. Nope.

Goodbye.

- I just think we're better as friends!

I'm sorry you feel the opposite.

* *