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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,800 Christina Walters? 3 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:32,000 God, I haven't heard that name in ages. 4 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:36,900 The kind of woman who can get any guy she wants, That's Christina Walters. 5 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:41,600 We dated briefly, but she's not the commitment type. 6 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,300 She's a player. She just likes to have fun. 7 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,700 I met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass. 8 00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:52,800 Totally hit it off. All night long we dance. I buy her drinks. 9 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:56,100 At the end of the night, she just splits. 10 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:59,600 I lay down all that groundwork for nothing. 11 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,600 She gave me her number. It's been three days. 12 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:07,800 I saw Swingers. I know how these things work. Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone, 13 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:12,700 I stay up nights trying to figure out why she said she'd call and didn't. 14 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:17,400 Maybe she wanted to call and that's why she said she was going to call, but� 15 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,800 Prolonged impotence is very common after a breakup. 16 00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:27,900 Lots of men suffer from it. 17 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,500 They just don't talk about it. Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab. 18 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,400 But, even still, because she said she was going to call� 19 00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:39,500 she should've called to say she wasn't going to call� 20 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,600 and I would've thanked her for calling� All right. Okay . 21 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:49,400 At least I don't get that dizzy, head-spinning nausea as much as I used to. Hooray! 22 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,300 Like I said, I'm doing fine. 23 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,900 I am fan-fucking-tastic. 24 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:27,200 - Christina. - Valerie! 25 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,600 Shake it if you've got it. 26 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,100 Miss Courtney. 27 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,800 Hello, Miss Christina. How you doing? What you doing? 28 00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:41,600 Dancing too much. How you doing? Same thing. How was your day? 29 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,300 Pretty good. 30 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:47,000 I got a new account designing a campaign for a sports line. 31 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,800 They got the right girl, didn't they? 32 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,500 Thank you. 33 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:57,500 So, what's up? The usual. Defending the rights of my broken-hearted clients. 34 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,100 Trying to squeeze every penny out of their miserable, cheating spouses. 35 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,300 You go get them, woman, 36 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:07,200 I'll order a pizza and stay in tonight. 37 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:10,300 Okay, but if we do that, you know what will have to happen. 38 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:14,400 Girl, I've been shaking my ass all the way up this hill. 39 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:17,900 Which track? Track three. Oh, yeah! 40 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,800 Koochie! 41 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:38,100 Is your granny here? What's going on? 42 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,800 It's Jane. She loves this song. 43 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,300 - Hola, chica. - Como esta? 44 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,400 Jane, what's up? 45 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,400 He dumped me. 46 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,800 Kevin dumped me. 47 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:58,000 It was just three days before our one-year anniversary. 48 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,300 - Baby. - Maybe he just freaked out. 49 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:05,800 He will call up tomorrow when he realizes what a huge mistake he made. 50 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,300 - He's probably going through that whole� - No. 51 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:11,200 He says he's been wanting this for six months. 52 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,800 He says he's been dying inside ever since I brought over my garment bag. 53 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,700 - Honey. - What? 54 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,000 We're all guilty of it. You made yourself too available. 55 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:29,400 It's a classic mistake, sweetheart. - Yeah. - Not according to this. 56 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,800 "Commandment four." 57 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:35,000 "True Love: The Ten Commandments." 58 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,200 "Commandment number four: Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities. 59 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,900 "Boundaries are the enemies of love." 60 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:46,200 Sweetie, you know what? This book is relationship propaganda. 61 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,000 Listen to me. 62 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,000 Dating is all about boundaries. 63 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:57,500 Honey, you have to protect yourself. We've all had our heart stomped on one too many times� 64 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,100 because we served it to them on a big old platter. 65 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,200 A good defence is the best offence. 66 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,400 I am so tired of playing games. 67 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:10,000 This is not about playing games. This is about self-preservation. 68 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,100 You can't throw yourself out there all exposed and vulnerable every time. 69 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,800 That is how you get smacked down. Do you understand? 70 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:22,400 Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. 71 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:26,700 And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day� 72 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:31,500 that "now" part is just going to drop away. 73 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:36,400 Naturally, you know? Meanwhile, you're just going to have fun together. 74 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:40,100 Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit. 75 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out. 76 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:50,000 We are taking you out. You are going to have a good time. No. 77 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,900 Oswaldo! 78 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:57,100 Hey, Christina. Courtney. 79 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,600 - Jane. - Hello, Jane. 80 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,100 - Welcome. - Thank you. 81 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,300 Shut up! 82 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:41,700 - Right here, baby. - Oh, my God. 83 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,000 They can have her. 84 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:51,500 Look at the shoulder, baby. Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby. 85 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,800 What's your name, baby? 86 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,500 Here we go. Circle of love, circle of love! 87 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,900 We're going to go now. 88 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,300 Bye-bye. 89 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:27,400 My God. It's like Siegfried & Roy or something. 90 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,300 Martinis, ladies. 91 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,700 - Compliments of the gentleman at the bar. - Which one? 92 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,200 Thank you, Leather Coat Guy. 93 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,700 Cheers. 94 00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:46,300 Leather Coat Guy is looking good. 95 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,000 Shotgun! 96 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,200 Cheater. 97 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,500 What's up? 98 00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:59,700 Nothing. What's up with you? 99 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,800 Nothing. 100 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,900 What's up with you? 101 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,500 Nothing. What's up with you? 102 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,700 Nothing. 103 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:12,800 You know, I am having the best time. 104 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:13,300 Are you, sweetie? 105 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:17,900 My boyfriend dumped me. I'm at this club where no one wants to talk to me. 106 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,400 - I want to go home. - No. 107 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,400 No. Christina, I can't do this. 108 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,200 Yes, you can. It's really very easy. 109 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,000 Observe. 110 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,300 I just pinched his ass. I'm sorry. Hi. 111 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,000 - Hi. What's your name? - Peter. 112 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,800 Peter, this is my friend, Jane. Jane would love to dance. 113 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,000 I don't mean to be rude, but I have some friends waiting for me. 114 00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,300 Nice to meet you, though. 115 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,000 - He hated me. I suck. - You don't suck. That guy was a dick. 116 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,000 I'll make sure that you have fun tonight if it's the last thing� 117 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,100 What did you call me? 118 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,500 You just called me a dick. I heard you. Why am I a dick? 119 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:12,000 Because I didn't like the way you treated my friend. I didn't do anything to your friend. 120 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:15,100 You barely gave her the time of day. 121 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,800 You tried to pawn me off on her and I didn't go for it. 122 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:23,200 You should be so lucky to even talk to someone as hot and sweet as Jane. 123 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:28,500 Excuse me. I wasn't suggesting you get married. I just thought you could get it on. 124 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,800 What? Get it on? 125 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:34,000 You know nothing about me. What if I'm some psycho serial killer? 126 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,200 What if Jane was the girl of your dreams, but you'll never know? 127 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,200 That is the sweetest thing. 128 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,300 I never thought I'd meet her by having somebody grab me and say: 129 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,800 "Man, I have good woman for you. She is very hot and sweet. 130 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,400 "Jane! Dance for the man!" 131 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,700 - Maybe that's your problem. - What? 132 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,900 Maybe if you didn't play it so safe, Mr. Safety-Poo� 133 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,300 you might meet a girl you could have fun with. 134 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:02,200 This brilliant love advice comes from one who loves to play games with men. 135 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,200 Always in control. That way, she never has to get too close. 136 00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,500 Nice manners, by the way. 137 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,600 Where the hell did that guy� Jane? 138 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,300 What's up with you? 139 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,400 Nothing. What's up with you? 140 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,000 I can't believe you grabbed his ass. 141 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,700 He comes right into my face and starts telling me all this stupid stuff� 142 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:35,400 about how I like to play games and be in control so I never get too close. 143 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,500 Can you believe him? 144 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,700 - What? - Nothing. 145 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:44,900 - I've never seen you act like this before. - Act like what? They're fake. 146 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,400 All bah-jiggity about some guy. 147 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:51,300 - Bah-jiggity? - Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. 148 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,900 It's cool. It's why I got them. 149 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:58,100 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. They look real. 150 00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:01,500 Thank you. You can touch it if you want to. No. 151 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:05,300 - Touch it. She likes it. - Go ahead. It feels real, huh? 152 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:05,600 If I'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter, it's because you're telling me I am. 153 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:12,300 - Oh, my God. - What? 154 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:16,200 You've named the puppy. - I did not. - You just called him Peter. 155 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,300 - I did? - You've got to feel these things. 156 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,400 I'm psychic and I knew his name was Peter. 157 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,700 - Knock your socks off. - So soft. 158 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,900 Un-fucking-believable. 159 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:29,300 Fuck. 160 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,300 I am so getting a pair. 161 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,300 That's why chicks always go to the bathroom together. 162 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:39,400 It's so obvious that you like this guy. Why are you being such a pussy about it? 163 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,900 Why are you making such a big deal out of it? 164 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:45,700 If you haven't noticed, there's plenty of guys out there. 165 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,600 See you later. 166 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,000 - What's your problem? - What's your problem? 167 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,200 - Hi. - Hi. 168 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,500 Hey, Peter. 169 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,000 - Eric! - Be right there. 170 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,600 You don't have to do this. 171 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:19,200 I know, but I want to. I spilled your drink. Can I buy you another one? Okay. 172 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,800 I want to apologize. 173 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,700 I shouldn't have been impolite to your friend. If I was, I didn't mean to. 174 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,400 My brother is waiting for me and I got nervous, I guess. I don't know. 175 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,800 I mean, otherwise, I'd be all over your friend. 176 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,400 I'm the one who should apologize. I was rude. 177 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:42,700 No, I understand. You were protecting your friend. Anyone would've done that. 178 00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,900 I thought that was sweet. 179 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,700 Jesus. 180 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,900 - We good now? - Yeah. Good. 181 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,900 I should get back to my friends. 182 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,000 Okay. 183 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:03,200 Thanks for the drink. - Cheers. - Cheers. 184 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,400 - Have a good night. - You, too. 185 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:19,900 Can you take this? I'm a total loser. I just struck out with this guy. One more thing. 186 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,900 Should I be upset that my ex-girlfriend has her tongue down that guy's throat? 187 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:26,400 Oh, my God! 188 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:29,400 - Jane! - I guess I blew my chance. 189 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,100 - That could have been you. - If I wasn't such a dick. 190 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,700 - Was I really a dick? - Yeah. You were a dick. 191 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:42,300 We should start over. Why don't I walk by, and you grab me like before? 192 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,600 - I didn't grab you. - You grabbed me. You grabbed me right on the ass. 193 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,400 I don't grab, okay? 194 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,500 Pete! 195 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,500 Excuse me. 196 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,900 Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting. 197 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:01,200 After-hours party back at the hotel. These two pigs are good to go. 198 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,600 Did I mention that we have the Freddie Mercury Suite? 199 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,100 She puked on him! 200 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,200 Again? God, she's like a hose. Go help her, please. 201 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,700 Or not. 202 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:17,100 She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick? 203 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,800 - She is hot. Bring her. - What? 204 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,500 Fuck me. You have so much� 205 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,700 You've got to come. Let me tell you why. 206 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:30,400 You'll never find anyone better than my brother. He is the greatest� 207 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,600 That hurts me. Just look at him. 208 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,600 Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now. 209 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,900 He is the shit and that's why he's in my wedding on Saturday. 210 00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:41,500 - No. - Yes. 211 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,000 - No. - Just trying to help out. 212 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,300 'Bye!' 213 00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:53,400 Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402. You're invited, you're invited. 214 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,500 All right, I'm leaving. 215 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:58,300 - That's my brother. - He's special. 216 00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:01,200 Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me. 217 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,200 When is the wedding? 218 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:08,800 Saturday afternoon up in Somerset. That's where we live. That's nice. 219 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,600 Peter! It's looking like now. 220 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,000 You're pinching my arm skin. 221 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,800 I better go. But for real this time. 222 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:23,600 - It was nice to meet you. - Very nice to meet you. I had a great time. Me, too. 223 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:26,100 Come by the party if you want to. 224 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,400 - Really? - Definitely. If you want to. 225 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,000 I'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by. 226 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:35,500 I really hope I see you. But in case I don't see you, have a nice life. 227 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,800 You, too. 228 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:51,400 Chris, it's Court. I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy, 229 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,400 I was checking in to see if you were listening to your messages, 230 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:59,000 If you are, that means you were too chicken shit to hook up with Peter� 231 00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:03,900 which therefore means you are a loser. You are a loser. A l� 232 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,800 Thanks, Court. 233 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,900 "I'm a big loser." 234 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:12,600 What's up, you bitches and hos and losers? 235 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,200 Too late now. 236 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,200 He was kind of cute. 237 00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,600 Funny. 238 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,000 Really funny. 239 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,600 Cute boy. 240 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,800 My God, you're so good at that. 241 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:18,300 I'd like to do that every hour, on the hour, for the rest of our lives. 242 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,600 - Of course, go ahead. - Thank you. 243 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:25,600 Don't worry about returning the favor. Men don't really like oral sex. Right. 244 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,500 I'm serious. It's just a bad rumor that was started sometime in the '50s. 245 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,900 I had no idea. I need to tell all my friends. 246 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:37,100 Please, do. Someone needs to put an end to this madness. 247 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,100 God, I'm so glad I came back to the hotel room. 248 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,300 Me, too. 249 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,900 I never thought I'd see you again. 250 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,900 - Room service. - Right on time. 251 00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:01,000 - Ice cream? - Only the best for our VIPs. 252 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:05,200 I had them remove all the calories for you. 253 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,300 You are good. 254 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,100 All right! 255 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,000 I said I wanted to do it to you every hour, on the hour, but I can't wait. 256 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,200 Can I do it again now? 257 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:18,900 Okay. 258 00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:08,500 San Francisco, California, please, for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks. 259 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:14,500 Great dream. 260 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:20,900 Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite? 261 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,600 Good. Can I have it? Thanks. 262 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,100 Really? 263 00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:30,900 Already? 264 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,700 Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. 265 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,300 What am I even calling for? 266 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,400 Hello? Hey, Court. 267 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,200 Yeah. 268 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,700 - Stop talking shit about me. - Where you been? 269 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:16,200 Sorry I'm late. I don't want to talk about it. You ready? I'm starving. 270 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:21,200 I'll meet you there. I have to drop something off at the dry cleaners. 271 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:24,500 Can it wait, please? I'm so hungry right now. 272 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:28,900 Isn't that Courtney's dress that you borrowed last night? Yeah. 273 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,600 Why are you bringing it in? Did you get something on it? 274 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:36,600 I'm trying to be a good girlfriend. 275 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,200 - I'm really sorry. - You slut! 276 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,100 - Is that what I think it is? - Guilty! 277 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:46,100 I'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone. 278 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,000 - That's a lot! - He was holding a lot! 279 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,300 My God! What's this on your skirt? 280 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,100 I am scared enough as it is to go in there. What am I going to say? 281 00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:59,700 "Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?" 282 00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,700 You know what? 283 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,800 - You guys suck. - No, obviously you suck. 284 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,800 - You suck. - You suck well. I'm proud. 285 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,500 No spanky-wanky. 286 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,900 Hey, Jane. 287 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,500 - Hi, Mr. Martin. - How's your mother? 288 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:50,500 - Great. She's good. Everyone's good. - Your grandmother? 289 00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:54,400 - Everyone's great. - That's fine. That's fine. 290 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:55,800 What you got for me today? 291 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,500 Just a dress, but I'll be back for it in a few days, so no hurry. 292 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:02,100 - Any stains? - No. 293 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,100 - What's this? - What? 294 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,000 This. Come here. 295 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,500 Stain? 296 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,000 This is going to be a tough one. 297 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:19,100 I didn't even notice that. I must have spilled some soda on me last night. 298 00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:23,600 No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think. 299 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:27,900 If I know what it is, it's easier for me to remove. 300 00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:34,700 The field trip. Come in, children. Come in. 301 00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:40,600 - Fuck. - Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin. Hi, Mr. Martin. 302 00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:46,500 On today's field trip, we are going to learn about cleanliness. 303 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:50,900 Jane? 304 00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,100 Jane Burns! 305 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:58,100 Sweetheart, I haven't seen you since I taught you in third grade! 306 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:06,000 - Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin. - Hello, Father Flynn. 307 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,900 As I live and breathe, isn't it� It is little Mary Jane Burns! 308 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,300 What a coincidence! I'm having supper with your parents tonight. 309 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:20,500 What a stain you got there, little Janie! 310 00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:25,800 So how was it? Was it fun? Oh, my God, I can't believe I didn't tell you this. 311 00:23:26,700 --> 00:23:30,200 Apparently, one of the guys who was at the party flipped out� 312 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,100 was out on the balcony, screaming at the top of his lungs: 313 00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:39,500 "Christina! Has anyone seen my little Christina?" 314 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:44,900 Then he jumps off and dies because you're a pussy. Why didn't you go? 315 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:49,400 I don't know! I was going to. I was. I was going to, and then I wasn't. 316 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,800 And then I called him at the hotel� 317 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,100 Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second. You called him at the hotel? 318 00:23:57,700 --> 00:24:01,500 - What did he say? - Nothing. He said nothing. Okay? 319 00:24:01,900 --> 00:24:06,500 - Why? - He checked out already. Let's just sum this up real quickly. 320 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,700 In the bathroom, we hate him, yet we call him by name. 321 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,300 Then we throw beer on him. 322 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,600 Then we laugh and we flirt and we dance with him. 323 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:21,800 Then we casually call him at the hotel. Then we obsess about the casual call. 324 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,000 Obsess? I'm not obsessing, okay? 325 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,200 Could all this erratic behavior be because this guy got under your skin? 326 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,200 - No. - That you might really like him? 327 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,200 That you regret not going because you'll never know what might've happened? 328 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,200 No, I don't regret it, and if I had any regrets� 329 00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:42,700 it would be this conversation, right now, having it with you. 330 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:47,700 - Can we drop it? - Okay. Sorry I brought it up. I won't mention it again. 331 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,600 Even if I did regret not going to the party� 332 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,200 it's not like I can do anything about it now. 333 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,900 Sometimes you just have to let these things go, right? 334 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:04,000 - Exactly. - Although� 335 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,800 if there was regret� 336 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:11,000 I suppose there's always something you could do about it. 337 00:25:13,100 --> 00:25:16,400 You could show up at his brother's wedding, because it is his brother. 338 00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:19,500 But that's only if you regretted it, which I don't regret it. 339 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:23,500 I just don't regret it. Regret is such a waste of time. 340 00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:27,200 Honey will you just admit that you regret not going to this party. 341 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:30,600 - Okay, fine I regret not going to this party. - You need to let it go. 342 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,400 I'm letting it go. I'm over it. 343 00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:36,800 Hi, honey, how did it go? 344 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,300 - Fine. No problem. - Good. 345 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:43,000 Did we have fun last night? 346 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,600 Yes, I did. It was great. 347 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,800 You guys were right, a transition guy is what I needed. Good. 348 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:54,800 So how was he, was he good? He was very sweet and complimentary. 349 00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:59,800 And very into pleasing me first. So how was girth? 350 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,200 Averag-ish. 351 00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:05,800 "Averag-ish." That's good. So what did you tell him? 352 00:26:06,700 --> 00:26:08,300 What do you mean? 353 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,500 What do we always tell them, no matter what? 354 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:20,000 Oh, my God, your penis is so big. 355 00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:21,900 Good girl. 356 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,000 Your penis is so thick. 357 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,800 Your penis is just so pretty. 358 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:36,300 You got a handsome dick! 359 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:40,000 Your penis, it's so� 360 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:42,900 hard. 361 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,600 Your penis is just so large. 362 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:50,100 My body is a movie� 363 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:54,500 and your penis is the star! 364 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,900 You're too big to fit in here. 365 00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:04,100 Too big to fit in here. 366 00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:06,800 Too big to fit in here. 367 00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:18,500 "You're too big to fit in here" 368 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,300 Oh, my God. 369 00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:27,400 Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now. 370 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,700 "What a lovely ride 371 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,700 "Your penis is a thrill 372 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,800 "Your penis is a Cadillac 373 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,600 A giant Coup de Ville 374 00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:50,400 "Your penis packs a wallop Your penis brings a load 375 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:55,000 "And when it makes a delivery It needs its own zip code 376 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,400 - "Nine" - "Double zero" "Penis" 377 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,900 "You're too big to fit in here" 378 00:28:07,100 --> 00:28:11,500 "Your penis is so strong Your penis is so smooth" 379 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,100 - "Your penis has got a rhythm" - "Your penis makes me groove" 380 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,600 - "Your penis is a dream" - "The biggest one I've seen" 381 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,900 "It's oozy and it's green" 382 00:28:23,700 --> 00:28:24,800 Sorry. 383 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:29,400 "You're too big to fit in here" 384 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,600 "You're too big to fit in here" 385 00:28:42,100 --> 00:28:45,900 "Your penis is so big Your penis is so thick" 386 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,800 "Your penis is so pretty You got a handsome dick" 387 00:28:50,100 --> 00:28:53,900 "Your penis is so hard Your penis is so large" 388 00:28:54,300 --> 00:28:58,300 - "My body is a movie" - "And your penis is the star" 389 00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:00,900 "Starring your penis" 390 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:05,700 "You're too big to fit in here" 391 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,100 - Come on. - How much time we got? 392 00:29:49,300 --> 00:29:52,900 We've got three hours before the rehearsal. Hit the ball. 393 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,900 - Good shot. - Fore! 394 00:29:56,100 --> 00:29:59,400 I'll shove that club up your ass, you dick licker! 395 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,600 - What are you up by, two? - I guess. 396 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,300 It doesn't get any better than this. - To the marriage. - To the marriage. 397 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,200 - To the bride. - To the bride. 398 00:30:11,300 --> 00:30:13,700 To 50 years with the same woman. 399 00:30:15,500 --> 00:30:17,500 That's really depressing. 400 00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:19,200 Sorry. 401 00:30:20,100 --> 00:30:21,500 Saggy tits. 402 00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:25,000 Be able to use them as a belt by then. 403 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,400 - Or just tuck them in her socks. - Okay. 404 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:34,800 God, this marriage is such a big leap. It's really intense, Pete. 405 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,400 - But if it's the right woman� - I guess. 406 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:43,200 Get up a little. Yes. Fore! 407 00:30:43,700 --> 00:30:47,200 You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me! 408 00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:49,800 You're driving right into them. 409 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,700 I hear John is still AWOL from that bachelor party. 410 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:57,500 He showed up, missing an eyebrow, with a tattoo on his ass that says "Bitch." 411 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,600 - I am not an animal! - Very good. 412 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,600 Speaking of bitches� 413 00:31:04,900 --> 00:31:08,500 what was going on with you at the club with that hottie? 414 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:13,500 - Nothing. - I mean, Jesus! I don't know what you're talking about. 415 00:31:13,700 --> 00:31:18,400 - I think you liked her. - No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me. 416 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,100 Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke. 417 00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:30,400 I could see it in your eyes you liked her. 418 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,300 Nothing I can do about it now. 419 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,800 Should have poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance. What's that, Gramps? 420 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,900 I met this hot young dish� 421 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:47,700 at the World's Fair back in 1940. 422 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,300 Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven. 423 00:31:52,900 --> 00:31:55,200 I bet you really miss Grandma. 424 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:58,900 Fuck Grandma. 425 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,900 It's Pearl I'm talking about. 426 00:32:01,100 --> 00:32:06,500 She was the love of my life. Don't ever let these moments pass you by. 427 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,400 Fucking Grandma. 428 00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:15,500 Be nice. 429 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:19,800 Come on. 7-6. 430 00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:25,100 Fore! 431 00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:46,200 You suck! 432 00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:48,100 Damn it! 433 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:51,600 - But you smell so minty fresh now. - What do you want? 434 00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:54,600 I need to borrow your black Gucci bag. 435 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:57,300 It's in the living room. 436 00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:01,100 I don't know where in the living room, and I don't feel like looking for it. 437 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,700 Will you help me find it, please? Come on, please. 438 00:33:04,700 --> 00:33:07,900 Since I'm up now, and you decided to torture me� 439 00:33:07,900 --> 00:33:09,600 I'll go and get it. 440 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,000 I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me. 441 00:33:14,900 --> 00:33:17,600 Can you tell me where the bathroom is? 442 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,900 - Behind you. - Over here? 443 00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:26,700 Thanks. 444 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:28,300 Oh, my� 445 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:30,100 cock. 446 00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:31,900 Oh, my cock. 447 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,500 Do you have any Advil? 448 00:33:45,500 --> 00:33:48,600 He is so cute. So stupid. 449 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,800 Can I get that purse now, please? 450 00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:57,100 Yes, you can have the purse. 451 00:33:57,700 --> 00:33:59,300 Here's the purse. 452 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,300 Thank you very much. 453 00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:09,200 - Where are you going? - You and I are going to a wedding. 454 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:14,700 - What wedding? Who's getting married? - We're going to Peter's brother's wedding. Peter? 455 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,100 This Somerset place where they live is some small freak-ass town� 456 00:34:18,300 --> 00:34:22,700 three hours north, so we have to get on the road now to make it on time. 457 00:34:22,700 --> 00:34:24,400 - Peter. - What? 458 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,000 I'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding! 459 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:32,800 What are you talking about? Yesterday, you said you wanted to go, so I went� 460 00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:36,700 - I was joking. - No, you weren't. 461 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,300 Yes, I was. 462 00:34:40,100 --> 00:34:43,500 Fifty percent of what people say when they're joking is true. 463 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:47,800 Which means you do want to go, but you're too afraid to admit it. 464 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:51,600 So by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want� 465 00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:55,600 without being vulnerable. - Right? - Maybe. 466 00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:59,600 Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00. I refuse to be late. 467 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,600 Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you. 468 00:35:03,900 --> 00:35:06,300 - That was a nice one. - Thanks. 469 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,200 - Watch the road, sweetie! - I am watching the road. 470 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,700 Once we get off the 140� 471 00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:29,600 we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit. 472 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:34,500 We'll drive around and we should find the church, no problem. Ta-da! 473 00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:41,800 - What is that? - What is what? 474 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,500 - You don't smell that? - What? I don't smell anything. 475 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,900 - You're used to it. That's what's scary. - I don't smell anything. 476 00:35:49,100 --> 00:35:52,800 It smells like mouldy ass, is what it smells like in here. 477 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,000 Come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back. 478 00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:02,100 - You did? - About a week ago. It must be the ass. No, no. Sit down. 479 00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:13,600 - What are you doing? - Jesus, Courtney. What is all this crap? 480 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,800 Don't throw out anything I might need. 481 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:21,300 Where is it coming from? Where? I can still smell it. 482 00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:26,000 Maybe it's you. Did something crawl up your poon-nonny? 483 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,400 I have never, ever had any complaints in the poon-nonny odor department. 484 00:36:31,700 --> 00:36:35,900 - You know what? Neither have I. - High five on the clean poon-nonny. 485 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:37,300 Bitch. 486 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:40,400 What? 487 00:36:40,900 --> 00:36:44,000 - What is this? - What is what? What is this? 488 00:36:44,100 --> 00:36:48,800 Jesus, I don't know. I don't know how long it's been in here. What is in here? 489 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,100 No! That is not okay. 490 00:36:57,300 --> 00:37:00,900 It isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig. Do you understand? 491 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,600 There was maggots on that flesh. 492 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,300 I got maggot juice all over me. 493 00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:15,700 Ladies' room. 494 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,800 Ladies' room. 495 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,400 - Someone's in here. - Sorry. 496 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,900 - It might be a while. - How long? 497 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:30,200 Let me put it to you this way: I had lamb curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick. 498 00:37:32,700 --> 00:37:34,600 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 499 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,800 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 500 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,000 Hello? 501 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:43,600 Clear? 502 00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:50,400 I feel like I have maggots all over me. 503 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,400 Don't move. You have a maggot right here. 504 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,400 Stop it. 505 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,300 I'm going to pee my pants. 506 00:38:00,900 --> 00:38:02,900 I'll just use the urinal. 507 00:38:04,700 --> 00:38:10,000 You want to hear some poetry? "There once was a man from Bandoo Who fell asleep in a canoe" 508 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:15,700 "He dreamed of Venus And played with his penis" "And woke up with a handful of goo" 509 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:18,800 Don't make me laugh! 510 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,900 Darn it. I think I peed on myself. 511 00:38:23,100 --> 00:38:25,500 "Follow the yellow brick road"? 512 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,200 I'm following the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. 513 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:39,100 Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy. Hello, girl. 514 00:38:41,100 --> 00:38:45,200 - Oh, my God, it's on my hands! - Good girl. What you got in here? 515 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,300 What you got? What's in your mouth? 516 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,100 What you got in there? 517 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,000 What's in there? 518 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:57,700 Surprise! 519 00:39:09,300 --> 00:39:10,600 Goddamn it. 520 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:14,000 How could you not know what's a glory hole is? 521 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,400 Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe� 522 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:20,400 I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms. 523 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,100 Goddamn. That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. 524 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:30,600 I flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye. 525 00:39:30,900 --> 00:39:34,900 I'm glad you find it so fucking amusing. I really do. 526 00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:39,100 Could you please have some compassion? Because I could go blind. 527 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,400 You're not going to go blind. 528 00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,900 - Let me look at it. - I mean, I got a penis in my eye. 529 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,700 Let me see. Let me see. 530 00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:54,500 All right. - Is it okay? - Yeah, it's okay. 531 00:39:56,500 --> 00:40:01,200 But I think you're pregnant. Would you please stop it, already? 532 00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:07,100 Re-dress the mannequins and check the sock inventory. 533 00:40:07,300 --> 00:40:10,500 Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here, and Mr. Mooney� 534 00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:14,700 Mr. Mooney is off sailing with his boy toy, which leaves me in charge of the store. 535 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,100 Somebody needs to get some. 536 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:30,200 There's my dirty girl! 537 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,200 It's me, baby. It's me. 538 00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:41,900 - Why are you dressed like that? - It's my job. I work at a children's hospital. 539 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,000 You look so cute. 540 00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:52,000 - I'm horny. - Me too. 541 00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:01,100 - You'll laugh at this one. - What? 542 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,100 You know I said I had to do laundry today, because I ran out of clean underwear? 543 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:09,300 - I've only got the skanky ones left. - Tell me about it, dude. 544 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,800 You are so unbelievable. 545 00:41:16,900 --> 00:41:19,900 Is that what I think it is? 546 00:41:20,300 --> 00:41:24,500 - Spring break, 1994, baby. - Turn it up. 547 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,800 - Oh, my God! Brain. - Jane! 548 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,100 You and I are so awesome together. 549 00:42:04,300 --> 00:42:08,600 We're like two peas in a pod. - Like oil and vinegar� - Shut up. 550 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,400 I can't believe I'm fucking a purple elephant. 551 00:42:12,100 --> 00:42:15,800 What do you mean, she's not here? We have customers, missy. 552 00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:18,600 Sorry, Mr. Mooney. I'll check upstairs. 553 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,200 I'm gone for one day, the place turns into Indonesia. 554 00:42:25,300 --> 00:42:26,300 Jane? 555 00:42:30,900 --> 00:42:33,300 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 556 00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:35,800 - What is going on? - Nothing. 557 00:42:35,900 --> 00:42:40,200 I'm frantic. I've a million things to do. And I'm dizzy. I'm so dizzy. 558 00:42:40,300 --> 00:42:43,700 Mr. Mooney is downstairs, and he is P-I-S-E-D. 559 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,200 "Pised"? 560 00:42:56,500 --> 00:43:00,100 - Where have you been? - I was upstairs taking inventory. 561 00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:02,400 Yeah, my aunt Fanny. 562 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,500 - Gallini's. -Hello, is Jane there? 563 00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:09,600 - Yes, she is. -Have a lovely day, 564 00:43:12,100 --> 00:43:14,100 - Hello? -Janie! 565 00:43:16,500 --> 00:43:20,800 Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm really busy. We were wondering: 566 00:43:27,700 --> 00:43:28,700 Shit. 567 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,600 Oh, shit. 568 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:53,900 I dropped the thingy to my lip gloss. Could you get it for me? 569 00:43:54,100 --> 00:43:55,500 I'll get it. 570 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,300 It's too far over. I'll get it. 571 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,100 Hold on to it. Keep steering. 572 00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:05,200 I got it. Don't worry. 573 00:44:07,100 --> 00:44:08,500 Beneath the� 574 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:21,700 Yeah, baby! 575 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:31,000 - Oh, yeah, right there. - No, that's not it. 576 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,100 You like that? 577 00:44:36,100 --> 00:44:38,600 Yeah. Let me have some of that. 578 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:42,000 - Oh, yeah. Don't stop. - I'm not going to stop. 579 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,500 I found it. I almost got smothered down there. 580 00:45:12,900 --> 00:45:14,000 Shit. 581 00:45:14,100 --> 00:45:15,500 Are you okay? 582 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,800 - You good? - Yeah, I'm good. Never better. 583 00:45:21,100 --> 00:45:25,400 Let's get on the same page about what we'll say. Game plan. 584 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,800 Walk up to him and be like,"Peter, is that you?" 585 00:45:30,100 --> 00:45:34,700 "My friend Courtney, that hot babe?"She and I went to college with the bride. 586 00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:38,700 "That is unbelievable. I can't believe that. It's unbelievable. 587 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,200 "Freaky." 588 00:46:11,700 --> 00:46:13,500 Afternoon. 589 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:23,000 - Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us. - Plenty of crap. 590 00:46:23,300 --> 00:46:26,500 - We don't have time for this. - Okay, let's go. 591 00:46:26,900 --> 00:46:31,600 - Welcome to my store. Can I help you? - No, we were just browsing. Thank you. 592 00:46:34,300 --> 00:46:39,900 You don't like my store, do you? No, that's not it at all. It's really a lovely store. 593 00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,600 We were looking for something� 594 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,800 The next dress store is 20 miles from here. 595 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,500 20 miles away? 596 00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:53,300 - We'll miss the wedding. - Judy Webb's wedding? 597 00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:56,700 I know all about it. I dressed half the guests! 598 00:46:57,100 --> 00:46:59,200 When I was 22� 599 00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:03,100 my breast(ice)s were, like, right about there. 600 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,500 Nice and perky. 601 00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:08,500 Gravity has taken them to there. 602 00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,700 It's like, 22, 28. 603 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:14,900 22, 28. 604 00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:17,300 Buy some new ones. 605 00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:22,400 Okay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this? 606 00:47:24,700 --> 00:47:29,500 - What is that, though? - That, again, is gravity. 607 00:47:30,900 --> 00:47:34,200 - Knock, knock. Are you decent? - Yeah. 608 00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,700 You're going to love this stuff. It's our latest line. 609 00:47:38,900 --> 00:47:41,900 If you need other sizes, just holler. 610 00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:43,600 Thank you, Vera. 611 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,700 Excellent. 612 00:47:47,500 --> 00:47:48,900 Jesus. 613 00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,900 - Look. - That's nice. 614 00:47:52,100 --> 00:47:56,700 Wait a minute. Do we have time for a movie montage? 615 00:47:57,400 --> 00:47:59,000 Well, you know� 616 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,000 - Thank you so much. - You look sensational. 617 00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:08,200 Thanks to your styling, Vera. Thank you. 618 00:49:08,300 --> 00:49:13,300 Would you like to be on our mailing list? Sure. Right here? 619 00:49:18,700 --> 00:49:20,900 Just send it there. 620 00:49:21,300 --> 00:49:23,400 That's sweet. 621 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,600 It sure is. Thank you. Bye. 622 00:49:27,900 --> 00:49:31,700 - We've got to go. - Oh, my God. I can't walk in this thing. 623 00:49:31,900 --> 00:49:34,200 - Take little steps. - Bondage. 624 00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,700 We don't have time, sweetie. 625 00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:39,900 My God! 626 00:49:42,700 --> 00:49:44,000 Oh, my God. 627 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,200 These are the days of our lives. 628 00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:52,600 - This is not discreet. - No, it isn't. 629 00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:57,000 - We can't walk into a wedding� - Come on. It's very LaToya Jackson. 630 00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,600 I mean, really. Look at all this� 631 00:50:01,700 --> 00:50:05,300 I may as well strap a sign on my ass that says "stalker." 632 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:10,900 I'm not going there wearing this outfit. Can we please just go? 633 00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,500 - Yes. Let's go home. - Really? 634 00:50:15,300 --> 00:50:19,000 We've driven for three and a half hours and everything. 635 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,500 - But, no, let's go. - Please. 636 00:50:21,700 --> 00:50:25,500 - Really. Let's go. - Don't reverse-psychology me right now. 637 00:50:25,500 --> 00:50:27,300 I'm not reverse-psychologing you. 638 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:31,200 You're so good at it, you don't know you're doing it anymore. 639 00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,400 All right, maybe a little bit. 640 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,900 - Court, this is crazy. Really crazy. - What the hell were we thinking? 641 00:50:38,500 --> 00:50:43,700 I wish there were some sign from God� that you and Peter Donahue should be together. 642 00:50:43,900 --> 00:50:46,900 How do you know his last name is Donahue? 643 00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,700 Because you're sitting on his face. 644 00:50:52,700 --> 00:50:57,500 - My God, it's him! He's so cute! - Yeah, I know. Cute? He's adorable! 645 00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,700 And look at this."Everything he touches turns to sold." 646 00:51:00,900 --> 00:51:04,400 - He's funny! He's funny, too. See? - I know. 647 00:51:07,900 --> 00:51:09,300 Church bells. 648 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:38,700 What do you think? Bride or groom's side? I have to go to the bathroom, I think. 649 00:51:38,900 --> 00:51:43,500 - Did you misplace your bladder today? - I'm wearing the tightest skirt ever. 650 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,200 Go to the bathroom. I'll find seats. 651 00:51:46,700 --> 00:51:50,700 - Could you tell me where the restroom is? - It's right outside. 652 00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:01,800 Hello? 653 00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:03,800 Loo! 654 00:52:07,900 --> 00:52:09,900 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - I can't breathe. 655 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,800 Really? Okay. Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay. 656 00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:16,000 Are you okay? 657 00:52:16,900 --> 00:52:19,800 - You'll be fine. You'll be okay. - Water! 658 00:52:22,100 --> 00:52:23,100 Okay. 659 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:27,500 - Thank you. - I'll leave you alone for a second, okay? 660 00:52:29,100 --> 00:52:31,500 - Judy! - In a minute, Dad. 661 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:41,300 I don't want to go in the deep end! 662 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:45,200 Flowers! 663 00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,000 I look like a magazine bride! 664 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:54,000 No, you don't. You look really beautiful. Like the perfect bride. 665 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:56,200 Why don't I feel good? 666 00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,900 I'm sure that you're just really nervous. It's a big day, right? 667 00:53:01,300 --> 00:53:03,900 It's what every girl dreams of, but� 668 00:53:04,900 --> 00:53:07,000 how do you know it's real? 669 00:53:07,700 --> 00:53:11,200 I don't know. I can't answer that for you, really. 670 00:53:11,700 --> 00:53:15,400 But I'm sure the two of you will be really happy together. 671 00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:19,600 And if you're not, you can always just get divorced. 672 00:53:20,700 --> 00:53:23,300 - Yeah! - Yeah, see? It'll be okay. 673 00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,300 Right. You're so right. 674 00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:29,000 So just get yourself together. You look smashing. 675 00:53:29,300 --> 00:53:31,300 - I look beautiful! - You look amazing! 676 00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,400 - I look beautiful. - You do. Amazing. 677 00:53:35,300 --> 00:53:37,900 - Now, get off my dress. - I'm sorry. 678 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,800 I'm getting married! 679 00:53:47,100 --> 00:53:48,200 Hi. 680 00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:07,200 - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 681 00:54:10,300 --> 00:54:11,700 Where is she? 682 00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:28,900 Turn around. 683 00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,400 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 684 00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:47,600 Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. 685 00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:55,700 Okay, boys. We're on. 686 00:54:56,700 --> 00:54:59,600 - All right. Straight? - Big moment. 687 00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:04,100 - You look nice, too. - Don't stress. A little slap. Slap me. 688 00:55:05,500 --> 00:55:10,000 Don't be gay in God's house. Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it. 689 00:55:13,900 --> 00:55:15,200 Shit. 690 00:55:26,100 --> 00:55:27,200 Chris? 691 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,300 - I'm okay. - My God! Honey, are you okay? 692 00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:35,000 - What are you doing? - I got locked in. 693 00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,200 - You all right? - Yeah. 694 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:40,800 - You okay? - Yeah, I'm good. 695 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:45,100 We don't have to lie anymore because I made friends with the bride. 696 00:55:50,100 --> 00:55:53,100 No. You cannot lock the door. Goddamn it! 697 00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:55,100 Hello! 698 00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,000 Oh, please, God. 699 00:56:06,100 --> 00:56:07,700 Suki, suki! 700 00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,600 It's already started. 701 00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,500 I bet you miss Grandma. 702 00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:30,700 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today� 703 00:56:31,700 --> 00:56:34,300 to celebrate the holy matrimony� 704 00:56:35,100 --> 00:56:37,100 of Judith Katherine Webb� 705 00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,800 and Peter Donahue. 706 00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,300 Peter? 707 00:56:43,300 --> 00:56:45,300 Jesus Christ! 708 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:47,600 Peter? Shit! 709 00:56:49,900 --> 00:56:51,200 She did it. 710 00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:58,800 This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it? 711 00:57:00,300 --> 00:57:03,900 - Moishe, are you here? No? - Come on, Sharon, let's go. 712 00:57:03,900 --> 00:57:06,700 Mazel tov. - Christina? - The hottie. 713 00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:08,000 Shalom! 714 00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:18,200 That's the strangest thing I've ever seen. There are no Jews in Somerset. 715 00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,400 Shit. Shit. Shit. 716 00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:25,500 - Shall we proceed? - Sure. 717 00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,800 Dearly beloved� 718 00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:34,600 we are gathered here today� 719 00:57:35,300 --> 00:57:38,600 to celebrate the holy matrimony� 720 00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:43,900 of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue. 721 00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,600 Which is an honorable estate� 722 00:57:51,300 --> 00:57:54,400 instituted of God, signifying� 723 00:57:54,700 --> 00:57:56,800 unto us the mystical union� 724 00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,500 that is between Christ� 725 00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:02,000 and� - Peter. 726 00:58:02,300 --> 00:58:03,500 Saint� 727 00:58:08,700 --> 00:58:11,500 - I'm having reservations. - Where? 728 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:13,400 And is commanded� 729 00:58:13,500 --> 00:58:16,000 About this. - Really? - Yeah. 730 00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:22,800 of Saint Paul� - Me too. - Really? 731 00:58:23,300 --> 00:58:24,400 Yep. 732 00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:32,300 And therefore, is not by any to be entered� 733 00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:36,200 - I mean, I love you. - But I'm not in love with you. 734 00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:38,000 lightly. 735 00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:39,200 Anymore! 736 00:58:40,100 --> 00:58:43,500 - You're ruining it. - But� We're still friends. 737 00:58:46,100 --> 00:58:49,400 - I don't want to get married. 738 00:58:50,300 --> 00:58:53,900 No. No kiss. I haven't married you yet. 739 00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,300 We're not getting married! 740 00:58:59,900 --> 00:59:01,100 Miguel? 741 00:59:03,100 --> 00:59:04,100 Dad! 742 00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:08,900 But we are having the party. Exit in the back. It's to the left. 743 00:59:36,300 --> 00:59:40,200 - How you doing? - Okay. Are you okay? Yeah, no. I'm okay. 744 00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:43,900 - You owe me $30,000 for this wedding. - Daddy, please. 745 00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:46,800 - You know what I'm thinking of doing? - What's that? 746 00:59:46,900 --> 00:59:51,500 I'll cash in the honeymoon tickets, fly to Bali, and go scuba diving. 747 00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:55,200 - I'll rip your face off, peckerhead. - Daddy, stop. 748 00:59:56,100 --> 00:59:57,400 - Sweetie? - Yes? 749 00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:01,300 - I have a confession to make. - I have a confession to make. You're dead. 750 01:00:01,500 --> 01:00:04,700 Dad. I met someone. 751 01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:07,400 - You met someone. - Online. 752 01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:08,800 Online. 753 01:00:12,500 --> 01:00:18,700 His name is Ricky. I think he's really special. Fuck it! It's go time! Son of a bitch! 754 01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:21,100 Daddy, stop it! 755 01:00:35,900 --> 01:00:39,700 Refresh my memory. Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on? 756 01:00:42,300 --> 01:00:45,100 - Yeah. - That's what I thought. 757 01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,500 I'm such an idiot. 758 01:00:52,100 --> 01:00:53,600 No, you're not. 759 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,400 I meet a guy for two minutes� 760 01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:01,000 and I'm chasing after him like he's something special. 761 01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,400 Maybe you want someone special for once. 762 01:01:08,700 --> 01:01:12,300 Maybe you were thinking that you were tired of the game. 763 01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:19,500 Are you tired of the game? 764 01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:22,600 Yep. 765 01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:27,300 Let's go home. 766 01:01:28,100 --> 01:01:29,100 Okay. 767 01:01:46,700 --> 01:01:48,800 My God! What's going on? 768 01:01:49,300 --> 01:01:51,000 Excuse me, Officer? 769 01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,200 What's going on here? 770 01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:57,400 Twenty years on the force and I've never seen something so horrible. 771 01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:01,700 - What? Where? - Where's the emergency? Apartment three. 772 01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:04,800 - That's my apartment! - Jane. 773 01:02:07,100 --> 01:02:09,400 Poor girl. Never saw it coming. 774 01:02:10,100 --> 01:02:11,800 Excuse me. 775 01:02:13,100 --> 01:02:17,500 - Goddamn dress! - Don't go in. It's not a pretty sight. I live here! 776 01:02:26,900 --> 01:02:30,100 - Apparently, they're stuck. - What do you mean? 777 01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:32,800 Are you okay? 778 01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:36,600 How are you stuck? 779 01:02:36,900 --> 01:02:38,600 I have a piercing. 780 01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:43,200 - I don't get it. How is she stuck? - Behind her tonsils. 781 01:02:43,300 --> 01:02:49,000 How the hell do you know that? - Honey, I'm going to pull you gently. - No. 782 01:02:49,500 --> 01:02:52,100 I'm going to pull it. Gently. 783 01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:56,200 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 784 01:02:56,500 --> 01:03:00,600 We've got the ambulance waiting outside. We have to get going. 785 01:03:00,900 --> 01:03:02,400 No, wait! 786 01:03:02,500 --> 01:03:06,600 She could sing. You could sing, Jane. It relaxes the throat, honey. 787 01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:17,500 Stop it! You're getting me hard again! 788 01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,600 Wrong song. 789 01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:21,900 Armageddon. 790 01:03:39,700 --> 01:03:41,100 Come on, try. 791 01:04:45,500 --> 01:04:46,600 What? 792 01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:50,400 Three weeks later 793 01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:55,100 She says to him, "Girl You Know It's True changed my life." 794 01:04:55,300 --> 01:04:56,700 It did! 795 01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:59,200 And this sad little tear slowly� 796 01:04:59,300 --> 01:05:03,300 Come on. What do you want from me? I was 16 years old. 797 01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:07,500 I don't know why I started talking to her in the second grade. 798 01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:10,800 - You thought I was the shit. - You are the shit. 799 01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:12,400 Shithead. 800 01:05:12,500 --> 01:05:14,900 - My God. - What? 801 01:05:15,700 --> 01:05:19,300 They found a donor for my patient. I've got to go. I'm sorry, guys. 802 01:05:19,700 --> 01:05:22,700 - Christina, it was great meeting you. - Nice to meet you, Greg. 803 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:25,700 - Jane, it was great meeting you. - Great meeting you. 804 01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:29,800 So sorry to run off. I'll make you risotto tomorrow. It's fine. 805 01:05:34,100 --> 01:05:37,400 - Can I just say, that was so sweet? - He's great. 806 01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:39,900 - He's so sweet. - Shut up. 807 01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,700 He doesn't have any piercings, does he? 808 01:05:44,300 --> 01:05:50,700 I don't know, actually� because I haven't done that with him yet. 809 01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,900 - So, you know� - Honey, you really do like him. 810 01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:58,600 I don't want to talk about it, because I'll jinx it. 811 01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:02,400 - I closed on the Mahalock house today. - Great news for you. You don't need to do a thing. 812 01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,800 - What did they say about aluminum siding? - No. 813 01:07:07,700 --> 01:07:09,400 - Really? - Really. 814 01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:12,800 Be careful with those fat-free chips. They cause anal leakage. 815 01:07:13,100 --> 01:07:16,300 - You cause anal leakage. - Says so on the bag. 816 01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:31,000 What kind of marketing brainiac puts "anal leakage" on his product? 817 01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:37,300 How can they even sell that crap? - What time is your flight? - 9:30. 818 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:44,100 I can't believe you're going to Costa Rica. Your female problems are over with. 819 01:07:45,100 --> 01:07:46,700 - Hope so. - They are. 820 01:07:46,700 --> 01:07:49,700 You know what I hear about Costa Rican women? 821 01:07:49,700 --> 01:07:51,300 - For five pesos� - No, Rog. 822 01:07:51,300 --> 01:07:54,500 They take your chimichanga and your pequito� 823 01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:56,900 - No, senor. - Listen to me! 824 01:07:56,900 --> 01:07:58,100 Fuck you. 825 01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:02,200 All I'm saying is, make nice with the concierge, okay? 826 01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,600 - You all right, Vera? - Couldn't be better. 827 01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:16,200 - Thank you so much. - Where do you want it? Put her down right here. 828 01:08:16,500 --> 01:08:20,000 Since you're going away, do you want to be on our mailing list? 829 01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:22,800 Yes, ma'am. I'd love to. Thank you. 830 01:08:24,700 --> 01:08:29,500 I've been trying to get us off that mailing list since 1982. Relax. 831 01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:34,500 This is the hottest chick in this store and I caught her trying to escape. 832 01:08:56,700 --> 01:08:58,400 Very strange. 833 01:09:04,700 --> 01:09:08,000 Sweetie, Christina, what's going on? What happened? 834 01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:13,700 I came to just eat my cookie and make a phone call, but� 835 01:09:13,900 --> 01:09:17,000 You didn't want to eat the cookies? What? 836 01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:20,200 - Just read this. - All right. 837 01:09:21,500 --> 01:09:25,200 "Commandment number nine: Thou shalt love what's possible." 838 01:09:26,900 --> 01:09:29,200 Honey, we have gone over this. 839 01:09:29,500 --> 01:09:32,500 You did not know the guy was getting married. 840 01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:38,900 It's all right. He wasn't possible. Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten. 841 01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:43,300 - "Thou shalt not fear"? - Yes. "Thou shalt not fear." 842 01:09:43,500 --> 01:09:48,300 What are you talking about, fear? What you did was an incredibly brave thing. 843 01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:52,800 You dropped all of your boundaries and you met this guy halfway. 844 01:09:53,200 --> 01:09:56,000 More than halfway, you went to Somerset. 845 01:09:56,100 --> 01:09:59,300 Guys, it was just another game. Come on. 846 01:09:59,900 --> 01:10:04,400 If he hadn't been getting married, wasn't the groom, what would I've done? 847 01:10:05,900 --> 01:10:07,300 That's right. 848 01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:13,400 I would've done the same old thing. I would have hesitated. I would have� 849 01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:19,700 froze up. I would have kissed him and then ran off. 850 01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:23,800 Give him the wrong phone number. 851 01:10:24,800 --> 01:10:28,300 Hook that fish and just throw him right back. 852 01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:30,700 Jesus. 853 01:10:34,900 --> 01:10:36,600 I'm stuck in a rut. 854 01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:44,400 Big, fat rut. 855 01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:49,100 Guys, I don't want to be that girl anymore. 856 01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:52,600 - I know. - You know? 857 01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,700 I know. None of us do. 858 01:10:58,700 --> 01:11:00,400 Let's go dancing. 859 01:11:05,100 --> 01:11:06,600 So, any chance? 860 01:11:06,900 --> 01:11:10,300 Of what? No, don't even bother. She's on a mission. 861 01:11:22,300 --> 01:11:25,300 - How is it shaking, ladies? - No, thank you. 862 01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:28,000 Your body is banging. Your face is� 863 01:11:28,100 --> 01:11:30,000 Neat. Thanks. Neat. 864 01:11:36,100 --> 01:11:38,200 What's going on, hot mama? 865 01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:45,300 Bringing it down. Bringing it up now! 866 01:11:49,100 --> 01:11:55,200 Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey. Work the monkey. The monkey, the monkey, the monkey! 867 01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,800 - You're working that monkey. - You're a really good dancer. 868 01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:08,100 - You have some original moves. - Thanks, I've been working on it. 869 01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:11,700 - Have we met before? - A couple of times. 870 01:12:11,900 --> 01:12:13,200 I'm Donny. 871 01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:21,700 Christina. This is like Sixteen Candles. 872 01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:29,500 I'd love to take you out sometime. Really? Well, that's nice. I mean� 873 01:12:30,700 --> 01:12:33,600 Give me your card, I'll call you sometime. 874 01:12:34,300 --> 01:12:36,100 Thank you. 875 01:12:36,500 --> 01:12:39,000 You seem like a really nice person. 876 01:12:39,100 --> 01:12:42,400 - Work on the monkey. - I'll work on the monkey. 877 01:13:10,900 --> 01:13:12,300 Hey, Donny. 878 01:13:13,200 --> 01:13:15,500 - Do you have a pen? - You bet. 879 01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:24,700 I'm a jerk and I wanted to apologize, because I didn't plan on calling you. 880 01:13:24,700 --> 01:13:27,900 I'll give you my number so that you can call me� 881 01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:33,200 because I found out something that was completely life-changing: 882 01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:36,100 It's okay to take a chance. 883 01:13:36,300 --> 01:13:40,100 Love is crazy and that's what love is, it's taking a chance. 884 01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:45,600 My girlfriend Courtney and I went on this crazy ride for a guy. 885 01:13:45,900 --> 01:13:50,600 I went across the state, practically, to find this guy that I don't even know. 886 01:13:50,700 --> 01:13:54,600 I don't even know you, but here I am, having this conversation with you. 887 01:13:54,900 --> 01:13:59,200 And I know that if I just take a chance with you, maybe, I don't know� 888 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,200 Forget it. 889 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:04,600 What's a guy got to do to get laid? 890 01:14:43,900 --> 01:14:45,600 - Chris? - Yeah? 891 01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:46,900 Honey? 892 01:14:49,700 --> 01:14:50,700 What? 893 01:14:54,500 --> 01:14:55,800 My God. 894 01:14:59,100 --> 01:15:01,000 What am I going to do? 895 01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:04,400 I think you can handle this one on your own. 896 01:15:04,700 --> 01:15:06,500 It's all good, girl. 897 01:15:08,500 --> 01:15:11,500 Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay. 898 01:15:17,700 --> 01:15:19,000 Christina? 899 01:15:20,700 --> 01:15:22,700 What are you doing here? 900 01:15:22,700 --> 01:15:26,000 - I came here to apologize to you. - For what? 901 01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:29,200 For not telling you I was getting married. 902 01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:32,200 I should have told you that and I didn't. I'm sorry. 903 01:15:32,400 --> 01:15:37,700 You're the guy that needs the last fling before your wedding. No. I'm not that guy. 904 01:15:38,300 --> 01:15:43,100 You spilled my drink and I let you buy me a beer. That was all there was to it. 905 01:15:45,500 --> 01:15:48,200 We had fun, we talked and that was it. 906 01:15:49,200 --> 01:15:50,300 Right? 907 01:15:52,300 --> 01:15:54,400 Yeah, I guess you're right. 908 01:15:55,400 --> 01:15:57,200 I didn't get married. 909 01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:06,100 - What do you mean? - Judy and I, we called it off. 910 01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:14,000 I hope my� That thing that happened didn't have anything to do with it. 911 01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:16,700 No, it had nothing to do with that. 912 01:16:16,900 --> 01:16:21,600 We realized we were doing the wrong thing. Two people should be in love. 913 01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:26,100 But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali. 914 01:16:26,300 --> 01:16:30,000 She really liked you, too. Why were you at my wedding? 915 01:16:32,000 --> 01:16:37,000 It was just one of those spontaneous things my girlfriend and I do. 916 01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:39,700 It was just, really� 917 01:16:41,100 --> 01:16:43,000 It just got screwed up. 918 01:16:47,900 --> 01:16:51,100 I came here tonight because I wanted to see you. 919 01:16:51,300 --> 01:16:53,800 I thought that maybe� 920 01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:57,700 Well, that night that we met� 921 01:16:58,600 --> 01:17:02,800 I thought there was something, some feeling I had about us. 922 01:17:04,100 --> 01:17:08,600 I thought that maybe you might feel that way, too. 923 01:17:08,900 --> 01:17:12,100 Is this a mutual thing? This is not a mutual thing at all. 924 01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:14,700 This is a very stupid thing. I'm stupid. 925 01:17:14,900 --> 01:17:17,900 I should go. I really apologize for wasting your time. 926 01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:21,300 And I'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now. 927 01:17:21,400 --> 01:17:25,100 Thanks. See you. I'm stupid. That's right. 928 01:17:25,800 --> 01:17:29,200 That's exactly what I wanted to do. 929 01:17:31,900 --> 01:17:34,200 Yes. Gosh, it's going so well. 930 01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:58,500 I'm not going to be afraid. 931 01:18:04,900 --> 01:18:06,000 Peter? 932 01:18:09,500 --> 01:18:12,200 Shit. Peter, wait! 933 01:18:24,300 --> 01:18:25,600 Shit. 934 01:18:43,100 --> 01:18:44,300 Come on! 935 01:18:46,200 --> 01:18:47,800 Are you okay? 936 01:18:48,500 --> 01:18:49,500 Yes. 937 01:18:52,100 --> 01:18:57,600 I don't think I handled that too� I didn't handle it at all. I'm so sorry. 938 01:18:58,500 --> 01:19:01,600 I wanted to find you so that I could tell you� 939 01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:06,000 that I did come to your wedding because I wanted to see you again� 940 01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:10,100 because the feeling is mutual, and you better be a good kisser. 941 01:19:24,300 --> 01:19:25,800 That was weak. 942 01:19:26,700 --> 01:19:28,200 - Weak? - Yeah. 943 01:19:30,400 --> 01:19:32,600 It's okay. You can try again. 944 01:19:44,100 --> 01:19:46,700 You were so much better in my dream. 945 01:19:47,100 --> 01:19:48,400 Hold these. 946 01:19:52,700 --> 01:19:55,600 - I thought this was mutual. - Oh, my God. 947 01:19:55,900 --> 01:19:58,800 I'm serious. I'll call you, okay? 948 01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:01,800 What? Wait! 949 01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:04,500 Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch. 950 01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:07,100 I'm out of practice! I just woke up! 951 01:20:08,300 --> 01:20:09,700 Unbelievable! 952 01:20:16,900 --> 01:20:19,500 Christina Walters. Yep. I know her. 953 01:20:19,700 --> 01:20:22,500 Bitch. Made my life a living hell. 954 01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:27,300 She tries to pawn me off on her friend. She calls me a dick. 955 01:20:27,600 --> 01:20:30,000 She hunts me down like a dog at my own wedding. 956 01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:33,100 Then, when I try to apologize, she's like: 957 01:20:33,100 --> 01:20:37,400 "I don't know you. You're one of hundreds. I have no feelings for you�" 958 01:20:43,800 --> 01:20:45,600 Is that how I sound? 959 01:20:53,000 --> 01:20:55,400 The movie is starting. Let's go! 960 01:21:23,100 --> 01:21:24,500 Fuck Grandma. 961 01:21:35,300 --> 01:21:37,100 Save yourself a buck. 962 01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:43,700 - A girl that you lick. - Really? 963 01:21:43,900 --> 01:21:46,600 - That you lick. - A girl that I lick? 964 01:21:53,700 --> 01:21:55,500 Are you all right? 965 01:21:56,100 --> 01:21:58,300 You're watching the credits? 966 01:22:16,300 --> 01:22:19,500 - Chicks freak on this guy. - You owe me thirty� 967 01:22:29,000 --> 01:22:30,300 Copy that. 968 01:22:37,300 --> 01:22:39,200 Is that what you want? 969 01:22:44,100 --> 01:22:47,400 I think there's always time for a movie montage. 970 01:22:57,600 --> 01:23:00,300 I hope you like how sexy I am. 971 01:23:06,900 --> 01:23:11,500 Okay. I'm not going to be afraid. 972 01:23:14,900 --> 01:23:16,200 I'm not. 973 01:23:19,700 --> 01:23:23,000 It's a very bad rumor. It's a rumor. I'm serious. 974 01:23:23,300 --> 01:23:24,500 Crap. 975 01:23:31,900 --> 01:23:34,600 You really got my ass. It's good. 976 01:23:38,600 --> 01:23:39,600 Cut! 977 01:23:47,700 --> 01:23:49,900 - I look beautiful. - You look amazing. 978 01:23:50,000 --> 01:23:53,200 - I look beautiful. Thank you. - You do. Amazing. 979 01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:05,100 We can sit here like this all night. - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 980 01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:16,600 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. 981 01:24:29,700 --> 01:24:31,900 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 982 01:24:35,900 --> 01:24:38,700 I guess a blowjob is out of the question? 983 01:24:39,000 --> 01:24:42,000 That is the sweetest thing. Bye! 984 01:24:49,100 --> 01:24:50,800 Well, that was fun. 985 01:28:22,600 --> 01:28:25,700 - It's over. Bye-bye, go home. - You can leave. 986 01:28:26,305 --> 01:28:32,534 Please rate this subtitle at %url% Help other users to choose the best subtitles 78485

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