Original subtitles

♪

Look at you.

Oh, you poor thing, huh?

Yeah, do you needsome help?

Yeah.

You can help.

I'm lookingfor the barn.

Can you point the way, Miss Piggy?

What? You heard me, oinker.

Beat it.

But-- but my therapist says that my nose is...

exotic.Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo!

♪

Hey, Walter.

How's it going?

I'm dead inside.

That sucks.

The usual?

So this is it?

We have weeklyand monthly rates

depending on, you know,

how long you want to stayhere and everything.

Also have free cable.

Is something wrong?

Oh, no, no, it's great.

Yes-- I mean, cool.

What I'll do nowis I'll just take care

of the paperwork or whateverI have to do that...

What's...

What's wrong? There's just--

There's one little thing.

I saw that there was this room down the hallway

and it looks like it has terrific views.

Oh, yeah.

That room's totally dope.

You can seethe whole world from there,

but it's Mr. Beasley'sroom.

He's a long-term resident.

Oh, that's-- that's too bad.

But I like my room.

Don't you worry, Mr. Beasley.

I have a great room for you down here--

even better.

♪

Well, lookee here.

If it isn't Mr. Dishman.

Hey, Dishman, when are you gonna get a real job?

As soon as you get a real mustache there, Dave.

Hey, Dishman!

Oh, hey.

I got a couple of "abscondants"to track down later,

you wanna come with?

Uh...

Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

Look, what if theyresist?

We can Tase 'em.

Oh, I think I'm just gonna pass on this one.

All right, "Douchey Howser,"

what's got your pantiesin a bunch?

I have no idea.

Whatever.

♪

Okay, so, uh...

how you doing today, Artie?

How's your day going, Artie?

What?

Nothing, I was just asking how you were doing today.

Yeah, yeah, I heard you, numbnuts.

Okay, can we cutthe "chitty-chat"

and move italong already?

Okay.

Well, my name is Walter Dishman.

As you probably figured out, I'm your probation officer.

Here's a list of the rules of your probation.

I'm sure if you just follow them,

you'll find that I'm very reasonable...

...about most things.

Is that mine?

Yeah, it actually is.

As a matter of fact, it is, yeah.Yeah?

What's it say?

Well, let me see.

27.Sorry?

That's how manybanks I robbed, 27.

Over 30 jewelry stores,12 post offices,

nine saloons...

and one ice cream stand.

Ice cream standwasn't my idea, though.

That's...

impressive.

Okay, um...

Artie, as you know,

transitioning to life on the outside is not easy.

Do you have any-- any family or friends?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.If we can--

What's with allthe interrogation?

I did my time, didn't I? Yeah, but--

Fine, fine.

But can we ease upwith all the questions?

Can we, huh?

You know what, Artie?

I think we're gonna get along just fine.

Mmm.Mm-hmm.

What are you?

One of them fruit loopsor something?

Look, all I'm saying is that

adoption isn't something you rush into.

Dar-- Dar--

Yeah, Darla's here, I have to go.

Okay-- okay, hold on.

Bryce wants to know when you're gonna find a nice boy

and settle down?

Tell Bryce that when I finda man who's not completely

and utterly worthless, I will marry him.

Until then, I'm doingjust fine, thank you.

She says that you're an idiot.

I got-- I have-- I have to go.

We'll talk about-- we'll talk about it later.

I love you, too, bye.

My God, it's like his biological clock is ticking.

What? Do you talk to himabout my love life?

What love life?

No.

The only thing I have ever, ever told him

is that you are cold,

you're emotionally unavailable, manipulative

and completely amoral.

That's what I love about you.

Have you fixedmy problem yet?

Sorry, girlfriend.You better do somethingand fast.

I tried, but this soon into your parole,

the judge will not budge.

You are a terrible lawyer.

I'm not the one who decided to get engaged to a psycho

just so you can sell your engagement ring on eBay.

How was I supposed to knowthat the ring was stolen?

Hello?

He's a criminal.

That's what criminals do-- they steal.

Okay, Marc, this is serious.

If Frank finds me--

No, no.

Do you know whythey call him Digits?

'Cause he's good at math? No.

Because he cuts people'sfingers off, one by one.

Do you have any idea

what he's gonna do to meif he finds me?

Well, it's a long shot,

but the only way,

and I mean the only way you're ever gonna be able to

leave town is if you can get your parole officer

to recommend unsupervised parole to the judge.

But I don't know, it's not gonna be easy

because these parole officers are pretty tough cookies.

What can I say?

I love a challenge.

Oh...

Hey, Dishman, check this out.

Come on, you gotta see this.

Man, oh, man, would youlook at that?

If you touch me, I will kill you.

Ooh!

Well, Walter.

I guess this is yourlucky day.

Darla DeMint, um...

Hi.

My name is, um...

Walter?

Walter Dishman.

Unless you're an imposter.

No, no, I'm not a--

No, that is definitely me.

Hi, Walter.Hi.

How are you?

Okay.

Wow.

You're no stranger to the criminal justice system, I see.

Uh...

Selling stolen goods,

receiving stolen goods, possession of stolen goods,

intent to sell stolen goods, handling stolen goods,

transporting stolen goods.

I think I'm beginning to pick up on a theme here, huh?

One charge of writing a bad check

for $3,430 to Gucci at Beverly Hills for...

a handbag?

It was a reallynice bag.

I bet it was.

Ah, and one conviction for the latest charge here,

intent to sell stolen property.

Yeah, last time I tryand sell something on eBay.

Ha.Ha.

Okay... good.

All right, well, I think that does it for today.

Um, if you need to...

reach me for any reason, just contact me right there.

My number's on the bottom, just dial the old "celly."

Guess I'll beseeing you soon, Walter.

I will-- I will be--

Yes, I will be seeing you soon as well.

Really nice meeting you, Walter.

It was lovely meeting you.

Oh, God.

♪

♪

Welcome back, Mr. Satz.

Great day, isn't it?

Yeah.

What's so great about it?

Oh, a lady friendcalled for you.

Someone named Helen.

Mr. Satz.

You old dog, you.

Have you gota girlfriend?

Give me that.Whoa!

Easy there, Romeo.

Hmm...

Helen.

It's Artie.

What-- what's this all about?

Where?

Yeah, I-- I remember the place.

Hello?

Hello?

Is anybody in here?

Anybody here?

I guess this is how the other half lives, huh?

Hello?

Ow!

Hey, that hurt! Who the hell are you?

Oh, hey, hey, put the golf balls down

and we'll talk about it.

Just stop throwingthe golf balls.

Kris Styles? Yeah?

I'm Walter Dishman,I'm your probation officer.

Bullshit.

My probation officer's name is Abby or something other,

you liar! Hey!

Officer Abernathy,

he chose a career that'sa little less dangerous.

Would you just putthe Titleist down, please?

Put the golf ball down, Kris.

Okay, fine, you're my probation officer.

Now that we cleared that up, you can go.

This isn't a social call, Kris.

You violated the terms of your probation.

What?

What are you, high?

I hardly evenleft the house.

What could I possiblyhave done? Well, as you may recall,

one of the terms of your probation

was that you maintain a full-time job and...

as far as I can see,

it looks like you haven't even looked for a job

since you've been released.

Uh, hello?

You're my probation officer, right?

Which means you knowI'm a convicted felon.

What kind of job amI supposed to get?

I'm supposed to go workat McDonald's?

Well, yeah, actually if they-- they'll have you.

No.

Okay, I don't need a job, I have money.

I'm fine.

Well, it doesn't really work like that.

Do it any way you want, y'know?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just wait a second.

You're telling me thatI have to go get a job,

a job that I don't even need, just so I don't go to jail.

Yeah, that's about right.

No.

Screw that, no.

No? No!

Come on, man, "Gunsmoke" iscoming on in 15 minutes.

Sorry, Marshall.Dr. Styles?

Dr. Styles?

Hey, Mrs. Grossman.

Dr. Styles, I havea terrible pain in my neck.

Do you think you couldtake a look at it?

Um, I'm a little busy right now, Mrs. Grossman,

so just take a cold compress and maybe some Ibuprofen

and put it on it-- you should be fine, okay?

Oh, okay.

In front of Mrs. Grossman? Just get in the car.

You look great.Yeah.

You haven'tchanged a bit.

It's great to see you, Artie.

I brought you something.

You remember that day, don't you, Artie?

Yeah.

How's Phil?

Artie.

Phil passed awayalmost a year ago.

No one told you?

He was your brother, Artie.

Aren't you gonnasay anything?

What do you want me to say?

Well, I just thoughtmaybe...

Well... I should go.

Bye-bye, Artie.Wait, wait a minute.

Bye-bye, Artie.Where-- where you going? Helen!

Helen--

Come on.

Okay, look...

I get it, I messed up.

Just give me a second chance.

Uh, no.

Okay, look, I'll get a job, I promise.

Yeah, I don't know, it's gonnabe kind of tough, Kris.

You're an ex-con.No, I'll do anything-- anything.

Will you just wait?

Wait!

You're not even listening.

Things haven't been going so well for me lately.

I could really use a break.

Please.

Uh... crap.

♪

Thank you.

I won't let you regret this.

I know I won't.

I'm not quite sureyou won't.

I'll give you one shot.

Let's go.

Hey, Walter.

How's it going?

I'm an empty vessel.

Oh.

That's a drag.

The usual?

Yeah.

Hello, Kris.

I'm Kelly,

your career-integration specialist.

My--I help you find a job, hon.

So... how are you?

I'm good, I guess.

So moving on, I had a chance to look over your résumé

and, wow, a doctor.

I have to tell you, we don't get too many

of those around here.

Well, um...

actually, I lost my license,

so I'm no longer ableto practice medicine.

Right.

Right, that's right, after your...

"incarceration."

So what'd you do, anyway?

If you don't mind me asking?

Uh...

I cheated Blue Cross out ofa couple million dollars

on a false-insurance claim.

Oh.

Oh!

Okay.

Well, don't you worry,

because I happen to specialize in tough cases.

In fact, I just got a posting today

that I think would be perfect for you.

Really? Absolutely.

So it's, like, totally chill, dude, you know?

Cars drive by, just hold the sign.

Cool?

Uh, okay.Don't sweat it, bro.

It's likea piece of cake.

♪

Dude, what the hell are you doing?

Um, I'm holding the signlike you said.

No, no, no, no, watch, like this, all right?

It's like... put a little something on it, then--

Okay, cool?

Yeah, yeah.Yeah, cool.

Hey, Dishman.

Hey, Angela.

What's going on?

Someone's got a visitor.

So?

It's somebody special.

You want to show her yourone-eyed pirate, don't you?

There's seriously something wrong with you.

Pirates love booty, don't act like you don't.

What is this, a chai latte?

I hope this isn'ta bad time.

No, it's a--

No, anytime's good.

So what can I help you with?

Well...

Are you okay?

I-- I don't thinkI can do it, Walter.

Oh, God.

God, I'm...

I'm so embarrassed.

No, no, no, it's-- it's okay.

I mean, seriously, I'm--

You're talking to a guy who cried at the end of

"Legally Blonde 2."

Don't even get me started on "Officer and a Gentleman."

I mean, buckets.

You want to talk about it?

It's--

It's justso hard, you know?

I want to stay out of trouble, I really do.

It's just, everywhere I look,

there's so much temptation.

I don't thinkI can do it.

Yeah.

Um... is there anything I can do to help?

I know that you said thatI couldn't go anywhere,

but the more thatI think about it,

the more that I think thatwhat I really need

is a change ofscenery, you know?

Somewhere away from allthe old temptations.

You know, just a fresh start.

♪

Oh.

Um...

I'm gonna answer that, sorry.

Hello, hi.

This is Walter.

Who?

Oh, wait, I'm-- No, I'm sorry, yes.

No, I'm his parole officer.

What?

Okay.

Well, I will-- I will be right there.

Thank you for calling.

I'm gonna have to go now.

So why don't we say you just give a little time

and if that doesn't work out, then we'll talk.

Okay?

All right.

♪

What are you talking about, okay?

This is how it's done.

Watch, okay?

Some of this, back.

Up high, all right?

Got it? It doesn't make any sense.

Nobody can read the signif I'm doing this.

Nobody can see it.

Hey, Kris.

Hey.How's it going?

It's going good, everything's good.

Yeah? No, it's not.

This guy here can't listen at all.No, this guy can listen.

Okay, all right, hold-- hold on, time out.

What's the problem?

This job is totally chill.

But this guy can't do it.

I can do it, but what you're asking me to do

doesn't make sense.

Walter, can you read this, huh?

When I'm doing this...

can you see what I'm doing? See, he can't do it.

You can't read it.What's wrong with you?

Are you, like, retarded or something?

Sorry, what'd you just say? Are you retarded?

Is your brain stupid? Some--

You know what?

Screw this.

You little shit, I quit!

I quit!

Like I care, freak.

You know that guy?

Yeah.

♪

Oh, Mr. Satz, how are we feeling today?

"How are we feeling today?"

Like a goddamn louse!

That's how we're feeling today!

♪

♪

God, it's all so depressing, isn't it?

Makes you wonder how anyone gets out of bed in the morning.

Honey?

Honey?

Oh, um...

Huh?

Okey-dokey.

Let's see what we have here.

Hmm...

Yeah, oh...

Any experience working with honeybees?

Okay, okay.

Just asking.

Okay, now here's something.

Yeah?

Hey, Artie, it's Walter.

Can you open up?

You gonna let me in?

It's a decent place.

How you like it?

It's a dump.

Now make it quick, I got things to do.

Really?

Like what? None of your damn business.

Artie, it kind of is, you know,

technically still my business.

'Cause I'm a con, don't mean I ain't got rights.

This is harassment.

No, it's not harassment,I'm just--

I came by to seehow you're doing.

Oh, yeah, great.That's all.

Listen, jackass,

I been on my own since I was 16 years old,

made it through two world wars, the Depression

and even that New Coke crap

they tried to peddle in the '80s.

The last thing I need is help from some snot-nosed PO.

You got it?

Yeah.

All right, all right, Artie, look, just remember,

if you need anything, you wannatalk about anything, just--

You know what I need?

No, what?

Hello, may I help you?

Maybe.

I'm looking for a dress.

Well, what's the occasion, if you don't mind my asking?

I need to make someone my slave.

Right this way.

♪

And this is asgood a spot as any.

I mean, this is probably one ofthe best spots you can go to,

Venice Boardwalk.

You know, it's a great career.

Giant kangaroo rat,

think about how it makesyou feel in your heart

and just put itout there, okay?

Yup.Got it, bro?

Hello, friends.

Did you know that just by makinga small donation

you can help save one of my most overlooked species?

The giant kangaroo rat.

Won't you please take a moment to help?

Anybody?

Oh, God.

Hello, friends.

Well?

Do you take checks?

♪

Frosty.

It's Artie.

Artie Satz!

Dimples.

Yeah.

Doughnuts, guess who?

Yeah, I'm out.

What do you mean, "Of what?"

Yeah, it has been a long time, hasn't it?

Wow, that long?

I'm getting some of the guys together.

You know the place.

See you there.

Hello, sir?

You got a minute to hear how you can help save a--

Hello, ma'am.

You got a minute to hear how you can help save

this poor neglected little fella, just--

You want to hear how you can help try to--

It's just a-- it's a--

Hey, little girl.

How are you?

You like rats?

Probably not.

It's an endangered species, basically.

Sir, hello, sir, sir?

You, yes.

Okay, so that's pretty much it.

You have any questions?

I can't have a gun?

No.

You can't have a gun.

♪

Hello, this is Walter.

Hi, Walter.Oh.

Hey, Darla.

Hello?

Hello?

Are you there, you still there?

What about a knife?

I can have a knife, right?

How about you, sir, can you help?

Hey!

The hell is wrong with you people?

I mean, doesn't anybody care what happens to this rat?

Anybody? Excuse me.

Did you just say somethingabout a rat?

Yes.

Thank you, sir. Yes, I did.

Actually, it's not like an alley rat, though.

This-- this is a giant kangaroo rat, which is a--

It's a much better rat, it's like a--Uh-huh.

Well, you are aware that ratscarry disease, right?

Hey, this guy I know got bit by a rat.

Dude, he got this, like, totally gnarly rash.

They, like, almost had to amputate and everything.

Wait, just--Yeah, exactly.

The plague, cholera, typhoid.

Rats are disgustingcreatures.

Okay, sir, I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not

but you cannot catch typhoid from a rat.

Now, rat fleas can transmit typhus.

Who the helldo you think you are?

Mr. Smarty-pants?

What are you, some kind of doctor?

All right, you know what?

Look, I'm here to do a job.

That's the only reason why I'm out here.

To do a job.

This is my job.

A job?

I'm sorry, a job?

Okay, everyone, this guy righthere is putting our

children's healthat risk for a few dollars!

I would not do that, people.He's a mercenary!

People, that is not what I'm doing.

That's right, he's a death mercenary!

Okay, no.

How do you livewith yourself, seriously?

Uh...

Asshole!

What--

Ma'am, why would you--

Why would she say that?

So he turnsto him and he says,

"No, Officer, I don't recallanything unusual."

What about the timethat Artie robbed two banks

at the same time...

Yeah.He did!

...withoutmoving the car? Two banks?

He robbed oneand walked across the street,

robbed the other one, just like that!

Ain't that right, Artie?

Well, actually, it wasn't me.

That was Tucson Bob.

He pulled those jobs.

Oh.

Right.

Uh, is something wrong, Artie?

The hell is this?

What happened to the old place?

Oh, Artie.

Old place is long gone, you know,

and I kind of miss it myself, you know?

But, hey, Artie, this place isn't half bad.

The "Chinee"chicken salad is excellent.

And very reasonable, too.

Hmm.

You're a professional, you're a professional.

Oh.

Walter, hi.

This is a surprise.

Um...

Am I in trouble?

No.

No, you just-- you just sounded upset on the phone

and the line went dead, so...

You thought that I--

Oh, you thought--No!

Oh, no, no, no, it was nothing.

Oh, okay, so you're okay then?

Yes, I'm fine.

Oh.

I'm so sorry that I gave youthat impression.

No, it's no problem.

It's fine.

Okay, so I'm gonna go then,

since you're okay and I'll just--Okay.

Well, thank you so muchfor coming by.

I really appreciate it.

No problem.

Anytime, you know.

It's part of my job.

I'm sorry, do you smell something?

What? Yeah.

It smells like something's burning.

Oh, no, oh, no.

Is that-- is that you? Oh.

Darla?

Is everything okay?

My God, so embarrassing.

I-- I can't even cooka frozen dinner.

Would you look at this? Oh, man.

Ooh.This was gonna bemy dinner.

What am I gonna do?

Oh.

Well... we could go...

get something.

If you want.Really?

Yeah, sure.

Why not?

It's not like I can let you starve.

Okay.

Will you give mea second?

I need to change.

Yeah, sure.

And this is Sally.

Isn't she just about

the cutest little thing you ever saw?

Yeah.

And she's growing like a weed, too.

Yeah.

Hey, what about you, Artie?

Did you eversettle down?

Artie Satz, settle down, get married?

That'll be the day, right, Artie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So listen, fellas.

I've been thinking...

and, well...

I was thinking that it's time todust off the old cobwebs

and get back in the saddle.

What do you say?

Pull a job?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, well, look,

we're slower than we used to be, I know that.

But we still got a lot of thieving left in us, huh?

So come on, guys.

What do you say?

Huh?

Come on!

It's gonna be like old times.

Dimples, Dimples, come on.

What do you say, you in?

Gee, I don't know, Artie.

If Doris found out, she...

wouldn't behappy about it at all.

You?

Yeah, um, I don't know, Artie, man.

Lately, I've been real busy with the grandkids.

Little Spencer,

he just started his band camp and Sally is--

her ballet recitals

are just around the corner, man, you know.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I sure know.

Frosty? Yeah.

Frosty, I can still count on you, right?

Look, I'm really sorry, Artie,

but, y'know, Blanche and I,

we got a trip planned toLa Follette.

It's alllaid out and, well...

Sure is good to see you, though, Artie.

You see...

we all...

assumed that you wasalready dead.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow.

You really have a great...

♪

Oh.

Is there something wrong?

Should we go? Yeah.

Great choice.

It's okay?

You want to-- we can gosomewhere else if you'd like.

No, it's perfect.

♪

Good-- good, then.

♪

Hello, friends.

Did you know that just by making a small donation

that you can help save one of our most overlooked species?

Due to human threats,

the gentle kangaroo rat is on the verge of extinction.

So please, take a moment to help.

♪

And my favoriteis Glenn Farmer.

He has the distinction ofbeing the only criminal

ever caught robbingthe same convenience store

over a dozen times.

Yeah.

And the funny thing is, when I asked him,

"Why-- why did you do it?"

He just looked me in the eyeand he said,

"'Cause that'sall I know how to do."

Yeah.

Crazy, huh?

Let me ask you something.

Why does someone want to become a parole officer?

Well, I-- I don't--

I don't think anyone actuallywants to be a parole officer.

Then why do you do it?

I don't know.

I mean, it's a good job.

I guess I--

I guess a part of me likes tobelieve people can change.

You know?

I don't know.

♪

Well, I, uh...

I guess this is goodnight.

Walter.

Yeah?

I really hadfun tonight.

♪

♪

Aw, is somebody having a bad day?

Okay, okay.

Jeezy-weezy.

Such hostility.

Listen to me.What?

I want to be inside.

I don't want to weara costume

and I don'twant to sell anything.

In fact, the less peopleI talk to, the better.

Well, why didn't you just say so, silly?

Oh.

Hey, here is something.

Perfect.

Hey, pal, can I geta little help here?

Yeah, yeah.

So what can I do you for?

I'm looking topick up some heat.

Heat?

Yeah, heat.

I want some heat.Why would you want that?

It's been hot as hell outside.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

A gun.

I want to buy a gun.

Oh.

Why didn't you just say so?

Got a beaut' right here.

What the hell is that?

It's a gun.

You said you wanted a gun, there you go.

I said a gun, a gun, not some goddamn prop.

That's all we got.

You want the gun or not?

Fine, fine, I'll take it.

What's the problem now?

What do you want a gun for?

Aren't you a little old for that?

Don't you worry abouthow old I am.

Just give methe goddamn gun.

All right.

Easy.

Take a pill.

Are you down with it, my brother?

Yeah, I'm down.

Hey, how you doing today?

Great.

Thanks.

That'll be $1.

Thank you.

You have a good day.

♪

Well, hello there.

How can I provide you with

extremely satisfyingservice today?

What the hell is this?

Oh, I know, isn't it awful?

But it could stop a tank.

How can I provide youwith extremely

satisfyingservice today, sir?

Sir, can I help you?

Uh...

No.

Oh, it's all right, sweetie.

You takeall the time you need.

Okay then.

Sir?

Excuse me, sir?

Yeah?

Here.

You forgot your balloon.

Thanks.

Have a great day.

♪

Hello, sir.

Beautiful day today, isn't it?

Can I have your ticket please?

Hi, how you doing, ma'am?

Can I have your ticket, please?

Thank you.

Hey, how you doing?

Uh, got a ticket?

That'll be $1.

It's just a dollar.

That'll be $1.

You were here for a while.

It's $2.

Looks like you don't have to pay nothing.

Have a nice day.

Take it easy.

Take care of them babies.

You drive safely.

Ugh, romantic comedy?

I think the last peoplewant to see right now

is two peoplefalling in love.

No, it sounds ridiculous.

No, we need something withaction right now.

Like, um...

What about those blue monstersfrom "Avatar"?

No, I realize there'salready been a movie

about those creatures,

but what if we put them ina new environment?

Excuse me, ma'am? Like high school.

What if it was like

a "High School Musical"-meets-"Avatar" situation?

Excuse me.

Are they gonna get to prom, who's gonna take them to prom,

who's gonna win homecoming?

Imagine these creaturesplaying football.Excuse me.

It'd be phenomenal.Ma'am?

Okay, you know what, I'm gonnahave to call you back

because someoneis driving me crazy.

Hey, I'm sorry, I just need your ticket.

Ah.

Thank you.

That'll be $1, please.

Oh, oh, no, mm-mm.

I'm sorry?

To pay a dollar, I had to be here an hour.

I have not been here an hour, so open the gate.

No, I put your ticket in

and according to the machine,

it says that you were here longer than an hour.

Do you listen to everythingthe machine tells you?

Because I wouldn'tbecause it's a liar.

I, however, am not a liar.

No-- no.

I'm not saying that you're lying, I'm just--

Okay, then you betteropen the gate.

Okay.

I'm gonna slow this down realslow for you, all right?

I...

was...

not...

here...

for...

an...

hour.

Okay?

So open the gate.I don't--

I don't think there's a reason to be rude.

I'm just trying to do my job.

You thought that was rude?

Oh, no, no, no, my friend.

I can be very rude.

Nasty, even.

And unless you want meto go there, okay?

Call your little manager, have a little conversation.

Ma'am, what's the big deal?

It's just a dollar.

That's all it is, it's a dollar.So open the gate.

Open the gate.

Okay, I'll tell you what.Open the gate, open the gate, open the gate.

Open the gate, open the gate!

Open the gate, open the gate, open the gate.What I'll do...

I'll pay it for you, okay?

You happy? I am.

I'll be a lot happier whenthat gate does some opening.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Freak.

I'm sorry, what?

Did you-- do you want tohave a conversation?

Because I will, I will park.

Let's chat-- what's up?

You got something to say?

Dollar for your thoughts?

Come on, even you can see the humor in that.

Okay.

Nope.

So you were a doctor, huh?

So do you miss it?

No.

No, I like being humiliatedon a daily basis.

In fact, you know what, I rather enjoy it.

Okay, you know...

Sorry, I didn't go to medical school.

I'm just a guy who was dumb enough to show some interest.

Dr. X-Ray.

I'm sorry?

Dr. X-Ray.

That's what Vanessaused to call me.

Vanessa?

Vanessa.

My wife.

Well, my-- my ex-wife.

You know, little thingslike felony convictions

got a funny way ofbreaking up a marriage.

So much forbetter or worse, right?

♪

Yeah.

Hello, this is Walter.

Uh, no, no, you're not disturbing me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can be there.

Okay.

Who was that?

Oh, it's-- it's a client.

Is everything okay?

No, actually, it's kind of serious.

I can't really take care of it tomorrow,

so I'm gonna have to get over there.

Okay.

Just don't be too late, honey.Okay.

Okay, let's have it.

Hey, come on, the dough, let's have it.

Hey, do you mind?

Chop-chop.

I ain't got all damn night.

Hey, I ain't getting any younger here!

Okay!

One moment, please.

You! Whoa, whoa!

Outside!

♪

What's wrong with you?

Go home to your family!

They probably worried sick!

Hi, Walter.

Is everything okay?

To be honest, um...

everything's fine.

I...

I just wanted to see you.

Really?

Oh, God, you're--you're angry.

I'm such an idiot.No, I'm not.

It's-- it's fine.

It's okay.

Do you want togo do something?

Yeah, sure.

What'd you have in mind?

♪

Hope I didn't embarrass myself too much.No.

Okay, I should-- I should probably go.

Goodnight.

♪

Hey, Walter.

How's it going?

Walter? Oh, um...

Yeah, usual.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, slow down.

What did he say?

He saidhe wanted to "stay in."

So?

So, he never wantsto stay in, ever,

and on top of that, it was our movie night.

I don't know, maybe you're just being paranoid.

Oh, I gotta go.

Somebody's here. Him?

Poor schmuck.

I almost feel sorry for him.Okay, goodbye, Marc.

Goodbye.

Hiya, Darla.

Hi, Frank.

All right, Dishman, what thehell is going on with you?

What?

Dishman.

All right, look, it's probably...

better if you don't really know.Dishman!

All right, look...

the thing is--

No.

Her?

Come on.It's not like I'm sleeping with her or anything.

Ugh! What?

I'm not.Listen.

You pull your shit togetherright now

before youscrew everything up.

Don't be an idiot.

Angela...

Nice place.

You like it? Yeah.

Great view.

You know, Frank, I had beenmeaning to call you.

Is that right?

Absolutely.

You know, I've just beenwaiting for the right time.

When is the right time?

Darla, huh?

When is the right time?

Well--You broke my heart, Darla.

You really did.

And Sexy will tell you.

Didn't she, Big Sexy?

Big time.

I gave you all that I had.

I gave you all of me.

And what do you do?

You tear out my heart.

And rip it into...

itty-bitty little pieces.

You bitch.

It's okay, Frank.

It's okay.

Thanks, Sexy.

You're a real pal.

Not like this coldhearted jezebel, huh?

Frank, I'm so sorry.

I never meantto hurt you.

Never meant to hurt me?

You tried to sell my engagement ring on eBay.

Frank.

You gotta give meanother chance.

God, you're good.

Don't worry, Darla, I forgive you.

You do? I do.

My therapist says that forgiving you

is the key to...

Grief.... working through my grief.

So... then it's over.

Please, Darla, I might be willing to forgive,

but I'm not an idiot.

I want the ring back.

But, Frank, I don't have the ring

because the police took itfrom me

when they arrested me.

Well, then you have a week to compensate me for the loss.

50 large should cover it.

Frank, Frank, you know, I can't get that

kind of money ina week.A week!

And I'm only giving you that long 'cause, unlike you,

I have a heart.

Come on, Sexy, let's get something to eat.

To be honest, Darla...

I feel sorry for you.

I mean, sure, I have my flaws.

But at least I know what it feels like

to have love in my heart.

You...

you'll never know what that's like.

And for that...

I pity you.

I really do.

♪

Welcome to, uh...

Kris?

Vanessa.

What are you doing here?

I work here.

This is great.

Yeah, I just startednot too long ago.

They tell me I got a lotof potential, though, so...

Um... Friend of yours,"V"?

Uh, yeah, this is Kris.

Kris, this is Charles.

I'll wait for you inside, baby.

How are you?

You doing okay? Me?

Yeah, no, I'm great.

Things couldn'tbe better, yes.

Well, I should really...

It was good seeing you, Kris.

Good seeing you, too.

Keep it real.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it, Kris.

Shit!

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Vanessa.

Kris, what are you doing?

I need to talk to you.Now?

Yes, now.

Kris, this isn't the time.

Then when is the time, Vanessa?

When is the time? Look...

how about you call her later, bro?

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell is he?

And "V," what is that about?

Kris, please, you're making a scene.So?

Do you think I care what these people think of me?

Do you think I care what you think of me?!

Kris!

Kris, please.

Just talk to me.

Vanessa, please, okay?

I know we can work it out.

I know we can, Vanessa, just talk to me.

Vanessa.Sir.

Sir, you're going tohave to leave.

Vanessa, please.Sir.

Sir.Vanessa, we can start from scratch.

Sir--Vanessa, we can start over.

All right, all right, all right!

Vanessa, we can start over!

Consider yourselfunemployed, sir.

That's great.

Consider yourself an uptight prick.

♪

I never guessed you were the sentimental type.

Me neither.

That day at the beach

when you told me you loved me...

...and...

you were going to take me away with you...

...I waited.

And waited.

But you never did.

Why, Artie?

Why didn't you come for me?

'Cause...

you were Phil's girl.

♪

Hmm...

What about...

Playboy photographer?

Really?

No!

I'm just kidding.

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

Seriously now.

How about Porta-Potty cleaner?

No?

No, okay.

Crime-scene cleanup.

Parking enforcement.

Embalmer.

Celebrity assistant.

Day laborer.

Publicist.

Nanny, restroom specialist.

Oh, reality TV contestant.

Really?

Those are my choices?

Well, there are some good choices there.

Four years of undergrad, four years of medical school,

four more years ofinternship,

residency and fellowship, and those are my choices?

I don't know what to tell you, Kris.

There's just not a big demand for ex-doctors

with a felony-theft conviction.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, screw you.

How's everything going at work?

Anything new?

Oh, um...

No, you know, same old, same old.

Sorry.

This is Walter.

Uh...

Okay.

I'll be right there.

I'm sorry, I--I gotta take this.

Normally, I'm not one to pry into other people's business

but when he didn't show up all day,

then I started to worry.

Okay.

Artie?

You don't think he's dead, do you?

No, no.

He's not dead.

Artie?

Come on, Artie, open up.

All right, go ahead.

Artie, you okay?

Artie?

Artie.

Don't touch me! Oh, shit!

You scared the crap out of me.

What do you want?

Your landlady called.

She's worried about you.

So you're all right then?

I'm fine.

Now just leave me alone.

What are you, stupid or something?

Beat it.

All right, Artie.

You know you're not alone.

There are people out there who care about you.

Yeah, like who?

Like me, for one.

You know what I need?

No, what?

Nothing!

Now scram!

♪

Hey, Kris!

Word up, "G"?

Uh, Kelly, what are you--

what are you doing here?

You know, chillin'.

Hey.

Nice crib, yo.

Okay, clearly, you've had too much to drink.

I'll take you home--Whoa!

But I just got here, dog.

Kelly, Kelly, let's go.

Please.

Kelly...

Let's go.

Come on, Kelly.

I thought you'd behappy to see me.Watch your step.

Yeah, I'm watching it.

♪ Game ain't newno the game ain't changed ♪

♪ So step off bitch

♪ Or you and me are through'cause I'm freaky so freaky ♪

Kelly!♪ Freaky

Stop, stop!

You know what?

I think you'rebeautiful.

I think you'rethe most beautiful thing

I've ever seen.

Kiss me!

Kiss me, you beautiful black man.Kelly!

Kelly, will you stop it?

Kelly, sit down!

Stop, stop.

Thank you.

Where are we going?

Um... house party?

♪ Funky withthe house party ♪

♪ Uhh, uhh, uhh

♪ I say we funky withthe house party ♪

♪ Uhh

Honey, are you coming to bed soon?

Oh, um...

yeah, in a minute.

Kris.

What, Kelly?

Kris.

What?

Kris.

What?

I love you.

What?

I love you.

I love you.

Kelly-- Kelly, sit down.I love you, I love you.

I love you! Kelly, Kelly, will you stop?

I love you!I'm trying to drive, Kelly!

Sit down!

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh!

5-0.

Don't be mad, baby.

I'm not your baby.

Will you please just sit there and be quiet?

I'm still on probation, remember?

Don't you worry, cool breeze.

Ain't no bitch-asspo-po gonna take my man down.

Kelly, will you please shut up?

Hey, good evening, Officer.

License and registration, please.

Hey, what's yourproblem, yo?

Can't a black mandrive in this town

without getting harassed?

Kelly, Kelly.

I'm sorry, Officer, she just had a little bit too much--

Hey, Dave.

You better come take a look at this.

Hey!

Hey, this isdiscrimination, yo.

Hey, I'm gonna sue yourbitch ass!

Kelly, sit back.

What seems to be the problem here?

There's no problem.Hey, hey!

Watch it withthat light, pig!

Kelly?

Daddy?

Daddy, is that you?

♪

You okay?

Well, this is cool.

You know, just hang out, you know, not say anything.

Like a couple of guys.

I didn't doanything wrong.

I know.

She's never coming back, is she?

I'm sorry?

Vanessa.

She's never coming back.

I don't know, Kris.

I don't knowif I can live without her.

Hey.

Look, you don't--you don't have to do that.

I know.

♪

Hey.

Hey, Artie, "palzy."

Frosty.

What are you doing here?

Well, I got to thinking aboutwhat you said,

you know, aboutpulling a job... Yeah.

...and I think you'reabsolutely right.

We should definitely getright back in the saddle.

What about the--

La Follette, forget aboutthat two-bit town.

Actually, the truth is, Artie...

Blanche left me.

What?

She left you?

You've been married for over 50 years!

I know that, that's what I said.

And get this,

she tells me I don'tcommunicate.

Well, I'm--I'm like an open book.

Can you believe thatkind of hooey?

Anyway, Artie, I gotthe perfect job all lined up.

There's no security,

no protection and lots ofdough, lots of dough.

Hey, it'll belike a piece of cake.

What do you say, Artie, are you in?

Artie, are you in or what?

Uh...

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm in.

Aw, that's great.

♪

Can I tell you something?

Yeah, sure.

I'm scared.

Me too, Kris.

Me too.

♪

Walter.

Hey.

Um...

Is there something wrong?

No.

Actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.

Um...

You know how you mentioned that, you know,

you needed some change of scenery.

I thought that I could, you know, talk to the judge

about, you know, getting you some unsupervised probation.

If you still want me to, that is?

Did I do something wrong?

No.

No.

No.

I've just been thinking about it

and, you know, I think...

you know, what you said, you might be right.

I mean... it could be a good idea.

I mean, that way you can go wherever you want to go

and, you know, you just have to check in with

local law enforcement, you know, when you get there.

Okay.

But I thought that's what you wanted.

Yeah, it is what I wanted,

but it's justa little sudden.

All right, well, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna get going.

Bye, Walter.

Relax, dude.

It's not like it'sbrain surgery or anything.

Okay, my friend,

we go in and out, just like the old days.

Open that dash, go ahead.

Good God.

Frosty, where'd you getall the hardware?

I may not be back in the game,

but I still got plenty of connections.

Artie, you're not backing out, are you?

No, no.

I'm not backing out.

Okay.

Let's show 'em how some old pros

really operate, huh?

Yeah!

What are you doing?

I'm about to--I got it.

Are you sure?

'Cause, I'm just starting to get into the groove of things.

Don't worry about it.Okay, all right.

Hello, sir.

What can I get you?

Sir?

Can I get yousomething?

Sir?

Sir?

Is there anythingI can get you?

Forget it.

Thank you.

Vanessa.

Oh, God, not again.

Vanessa!

Vanessa, wait!

Vanessa.

Vanessa, will youwait a second?

Vanessa.

What, Kris?

I, um...

I...

I gotta go, Kris.

I'm trying.

♪

Where's the dough?

Artie, what the hell?

Artie.

I'm tired, Frosty.

Real tired.

Oh, boy.

Ehh.

Are you all right?

Honey, that's nothing, it's just a client.

You carry around all yourclients' pictures?

Honey--Do you love her?

No, what-- I don't love her.

What are you-- No.

Honey.

Please.

You really think I haven'tnoticed

how unhappyyou've been?

Do you?

You've beenso distant, it's--

It's like living witha stranger.

Talk to me.

Why won't youtalk to me?

I don't know.

I feel like I'm--

Like I'm drowning and...

I can't help youif you don't open up.

I don't know how.

♪

Mr. Satz, where are youoff to in such a rush?

Look, I know it looks bad,

but this time I reallywas set up.

Like, for "realsies."

Okay.

Oh.

Hey, this is Walter.

Yeah, I'm her parole officer.

I can't believe she didn't even say goodbye.

I really thought she liked me.

Hello?

Uh, hi?

Is Darla around?

No, no, she's not.

I see, well, do you knowwhen she'll be back?

I couldn't tell you.

Really.

Who are you?

A friend.

So if you wouldn't mind...

Okay, look, um...

I couldn't really tell you when she's coming back, guys.

That's unfortunate.

Ain't it, Sexy? Very unfortunate.

Artie.

Hiya, Helen.

Artie, what are youdoing here?

Yeah, honey, I know it's kind of sudden,

but I've been thinking a lot about this,

and, well, I...

I...

Yeah?

I, uh--

I think I--

What I-- what I want to...

Okay, look, uh...

I don't really get intimidated too easily, so--

Is that right?

Yeah, it is.

So I'm gonna go back to work now, okay?

You know, you havevery nice hands.

Hi, Frank.

Well, well.

If it isn't the ice queen herself.

Do you have my money?

My therapist isn't gonna be happy about this.

Frank, I--No, save it, Darla, I--

♪

I'm sorry thatI hurt you, Frank.

I really am.

Come on, Sexy, let's get out of here.

You hungry?

I could use something to eat.

So you needed a change of scenery, huh?

Is it okay with you if I hangout here for a little while?

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Walter.

Yeah?

She's a lucky girl.

I know--

I know...

I didn't speak earlier.

Maybe I've convinced myself that...

I'm the kind of guy that doesn't deserve to be happy.

The point is...

there's only ever been one girl for me.

It's always been you.

♪

Thanks, butthead.

Eat your sandwich, sweetheart.

I don't want you wasting away to nothing.

No, no.

We don't wantthat to happen.

No.

What are youthinking about?

I just want to be happy.

You can be.

If you let yourself.

♪