Original subtitles

Day-night. Light-shade.

Hookup-breakup.

It's a vicious cycle.

Till you put a full stop to it or... a ring on it.

Ellipses are the worst.

Yay!

Alright!

Alright, ladies. A toast to our wildfire Umang.

Keep shining. May you never be tamed.

-To Umang! -To Umang!

To me!

-Thank you. -Hashtag FitBrideHitBride!

This is going to be epic, Umang!

And I'm not going to be the bartender at your wedding.

Guys, do any of you feel like we're rushing into things?

Maybe we should've lived in first.

Both of you love each other, right?

Ya.

And you're sure that she's the one?

Mangs! She swept you off your feet!

You're blushing.

-It doesn't get better than this. -Ya!

Don't overthink it.

You guys...

Fuck!

I'm getting married!

-And to the right person! -Yes!

To the best person, bro. To the best person.

Dibs on maid of honor duties!

Okay.

-We're also there, right? -She will take away

She is gonna, yes she's gonna Mangs is gonna take the bride away!

She is gonna, yes she's gonna Mangs is gonna take the bride away!

Oh, my God!

Babe, look! I've found our wedding venue!

And, it's available on the dates that we want.

Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

Where is this?

It's in Udaipur.

We're getting married in Udaipur?

Yes.

Otherwise, the paps are going to bother us.

Honestly, I haven't even thought that far.

Why do we need to go all the way there?

We can do a palatial wedding even here.

We'll hang up huge chandeliers.

On our wedding day, we'll make a grand entry in a vintage car.

In style.

That's how we do it in Punjab.

Same sex marriages are not even legal here yet.

Section 377 has just been repealed.

We'd have to go to London to legalize it because…

I'm a British citizen.

Umang... trust me it'll be great.

What do you think? I love it!

I can't afford this.

I'm buying it, my love.

This wedding.

I'm paying for that, too.

And we won't discuss this again, please.

Please.

Listen, I can't stop myself.

Stop, Shashank. There's a camera.

Okay, fine. Let's go.

It's right here.

-What are you saying? -I'm saying that you've got to listen.

It says clearly that if either party walks out before the initial lock in...

of five years, then 10% of the exiting party's shares will be forfeited.

Look here.

Not if we prove a trust deficit.

Ya, but Basil Infra was unaware of the offshore accounts.

Their reputation was put in jeopardy.

Exactly. That's what I'm saying.

What about us?

We, as always, are going to make a huge fee out of this.

I meant, what about us?

What if one of us wants to exit from this arrangement?

We won't stop each other.

No questions asked.

So, what we have is in the now?

No future and... no expectations.

Glad to know we're on the same page.

Actually, you skipped a page.

We're on page 19 of the contract.

Yes?

Ya, just got late at work.

No, I've eaten.

Ya, I'll get that done. Sure.

Don't wait up.

Okay. Bye.

So, I'm dealing with a few changes in my life these days.

For one, I bathe everyday.

Bunch of hygienic people in the house.

And occasionally, I wash my hair, too.

With this this really nice mint green tea shampoo.

So good I feel like drinking it!

I want my hair to be like Shoaib Akhtar's.

You see...

Now,

I have a girlfriend.

Oh!

Not imaginary. A real one.

In fact, she's right here.

In flesh and blood.

Hey there, girlfriend.

He... he means a friend who happens to be a girl.

No. I mean a girlfriend.

I call my female friends, friends.

Why are you talking like my mother?

No, I... I just mean, is it necessary to tag every relationship?

Yes!

We're Indians.

We label our water bottles and lunch boxes.

Why leave relationships out?

So, I'm a water bottle?

Sure. You quench my thirst.

So my girlfriend, Siddhi and I, we--

My friend, Siddhi and I...

What kind of friend?

I think we should ask the audience now.

Audience?

Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend!

No! A friend!

I don't sleep with my friends.

Oh. So, everyone you sleep with is your girlfriend?

Leaving aside one night stands, yes.

Right. And how many one night stands have you had exactly?

A few!

None?

Girlfriends are always right.

In no time, she already knows me like no one else.

And that's why I love her, folks!

By the way, you've been a great audience. Have a wonderful night. Thank you.

Siddhi!

Siddhi!

Shit. Shit. Shit!

What do you think about this?

No, I like it. I just don't like the sleeves.

-We can cut it out. -We can cut it, right?

No problem.

-Hey, baby! -Hi.

-Hi, how are you? -I'm good.

What's all this?

Only Brides is making a...

behind-the-scenes feature.

A feature of?

Of our wedding.

Of course.

Of us designing our trousseau and planning our events.

It's all going to be released online.

Our wedding?

Guys, give me five minutes.

Come inside. We'll just have a drink.

-Have something. -Sure.

Look, baby. The magazine is paying a lot for our wedding.

Both, behind-the-scenes and the front cover.

The wedding issue front cover!

It's going to cover 50% of our wedding costs.

It's my wedding, too.

You haven't even asked me.

Because I knew you'd be uncomfortable.

Baby, listen. I have dreamt of a fairy-tale wedding my whole life.

Perfect partner. A beautiful gown.

Gorgeous backdrop. Surrounded by all the people who love me.

That dream's coming true. With you.

You're my soulmate. You're my everything.

But it's costing a bomb.

So, if I have to sell my soul just a little for a fairy tale wedding,

is that really such a bad thing?

No.

Of course it's not.

I mean...

If you really want this... this big fancy wedding,

of course you can have it.

Look at you. Of course, I'm in.

Damini?

Hi.

Aamir...

I'm pregnant.

And it's yours. As in, you're the father.

I'm not here to dump any of this onto you.

But I just thought I'll tell you that...

I've decided to have the baby.

I thought about it over and over.

Whether to keep the baby, or terminate the pregnancy.

And then, I thought perhaps life has its own plans for me.

I'm telling you because... it's your baby, too.

You have the right to know.

It would be nice if you...

if you could...

be a part of the baby's life.

But if you choose not to, I'll...

I'll respect that.

And if you don't want this baby to ever know of you,

I'll respect that, too. As I said, no expectations at all.

How many weeks is it? Seven?

Eight weeks.

You know Damini...

Almost my entire life I've spent delivering babies.

Everyday.

I just give them away. I never see them again.

I've never seen myself as a father.

Aamir, it's fine. As I said, it's totally fine.

I'm in.

Think about it.

Think about what?

It's our baby. I'm in.

And you know Damini, maybe you're right.

Maybe this was meant to be.

That we do this together. As partners.

Just to be clear, as partners you mean co-parents, right?

And nothing more?

Don't worry, Damini.

I know that special seat's taken.

To being co-parents.

Are you sure Warsi's okay being just a co-parent?

And nothing else?

To be doubly sure, I asked him again.

He said yes.

Confirm it on WhatsApp.

So you have a screenshot of it.

Who knows, he may ambush you with the girlfriend tag in public.

You have had the talk with Amit, right?

No.

I thought I'll go with the flow.

Like you and Warsi.

Warsi and I had had the talk right at the start.

We were clear right from the beginning...

that it's a casual thing. No strings attached.

Man!

I thought you have to have "the talk" when you want commitment.

We've only just hooked up.

I just assumed we weren't exclusive.

Not that I want to sleep with other people.

Managing one is a nightmare!

Look Sids, imagine the reverse.

If Amit told you that you both are not exclusive...

then how would you feel?

I'd still not care.

Besides the skanky STD part.

Guys!

I've only just become my own person.

How can I become someone's girlfriend so soon?

Now, go explain this to Amit with the same clarity.

Anj?

Anj.

You can go if you want.

No. Are you crazy?

Anj, Miss VeeVee is crying.

Please go!

-Take our blessings before you leave -Okay, bye.

Get out of here

Yeah, Mangs! Go for it!

I wonder if she's had "the talk" yet.

Probably.

I bet she even has a sex schedule 'cause she's so organized.

-Stop it, Mangs. -Dude, I love Anj...

but you know it's true! Just imagine the whole thing.

Okay, I'll see you guys.

Bye.

Sids, drop me home?

Are you serious?

Mangs...

How many times a day do you stalk Mihir's profile?

Be honest.

-Once or twice. -Be honest.

Once in a while. Give it back!

Come. You want me to drop you?

Oh! Such a good friend.

My friends were so fed up, they told me to get out!

-And... -Are you serious?

-Well, well, well! -Oh!

Hi, guys!

What a pleasant surprise!

Ya!

Hi. Shashank Bose. Anjana and I work together.

-Oh! -Yes.

The new boss at the new firm.

Hardly. Anjana is a senior partner. She's her own boss.

Don't I know that!

I'm Varun, by the way. Anjana's ex-husband.

Ya.

-And this is Kavya, my wife. -Hi.

-Hi. -Hi.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you, too.

And our little bun in the oven.

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

Are you here for work?

Ya, we had a client meeting.

A long boring one at that.

Such misers. They didn't even offer us a cup of coffee.

-I know. -We're starving and famished.

Thought we'd grab a bite at the Italian restaurant downstairs.

Really? That's where we're going.

Ya. Date night.

Wow.

Why don't you come with us?

No, no Kavya. We don't want to intrude on your date night.

Just come. It'll be fun. C'mon.

C'mon. Don't make a fuss. Let's go.

-Okay. -Let's do it.

Let's do it.

I really need to pee.

Is the ravioli nice?

In Anjana speak...

means the ravioli is a disaster.

The table napkin is way tastier.

Believe me, I've been working with this one for a while.

And I can tell you I'm well-versed with Anjana speak.

When she says "uh-huh", it means she completely disagrees with you.

But she will not waste her time and agree with you.

She'll say her nondescript "uh-huh", and forget about it.

She does this all the time.

Does she still do that passive aggressive stare at meetings?

When she wants to abuse someone but she can't.

So, she just bites her lower lip.

"Uh-huh."

Oh, my God. She's doing it right now!

She is!

Are you abusing me or Shashank?

Enough with the wise cracks. Ya?

-Another round? -Sure. Why not?

Can we get another round, please?

-No, no, no. -How's this?

Wasn't Shashank married to that West Comm CEO, Sushmita Sengupta?

I did some advertising work for them with Dad.

I didn't know that Shashank and Sushmita had separated.

They haven't.

Are they still together?

It's an open marriage.

Wow!

Kavya...

There's...

nothing between us. It's just...

sex.

Hey...

You don't need to explain yourself to me. Who am I to judge anyway?

It's just...

And don't worry.

I won't tell anyone. Not even Varun.

He'll never know.

You're hiding it pretty well.

Just...

be smart about it.

No man's worth the drama.

Umang...

You haven't given me your guest list yet.

I did.

But that just has your friends.

I need your family list also.

You haven't told them, have you?

-Umang? -Mummy?

Hi.

-How are you? -Did you want something?

No. I wanted to tell you something.

I'm getting married... to Samara.

I wanted to invite you, Papa, Pinky and Vikram.

We're getting married in Udaipur and...

don't worry. We'll take care of your travel and stay.

Mummy?

You're an aunt now.

Pinky delivered her baby last week.

No one told me.

We will not be coming.

We need to be here with the baby and Pinky.

How is she?

Beautiful.

Just like her mother.

I was talking about Pinky.

Pinky? I haven't seen her this happy.

Simrat is crying.

I have to go.

Bye.

Dinner's ready? What's on the menu?

I'll get that.

-Hi. -Hi.

No text? No calls?

You stopped liking my posts.

No, I was going... I...

Can we talk straight, please?

-Tell me. -Amit!

Hi, Uncle.

We were about to have dinner. Come.

No, no Papa. He was just leaving.

Sure, Uncle. I would love to.

Come, come. Join us.

What is purple and 5000 miles long?

Oh God!

I don't know.

The Grape Wall of China!

Uncle, that is genius. Honestly.

Papa, you've been telling us the same stupid internet joke since I was a kid.

It's not even funny.

Internet joke?

Amit, do you want to hear something really funny?

Yes.

When Siddhi was a kid, she used to constantly stare...

at the dish antenna on the terrace.

She wanted to see her favorite cartoon characters

walk into the television and onto screen!

Wait. You think that's funny?

Siddhi used to bury chocolates in all my house plants.

Why?

Because she wanted to grow chocolate trees!

She truly is one in a million!

This dinner is officially over.

Be a sport. C'mon!

-Excuse me. -It's okay.

I'll be right back.

What is going on, Hormonal? You've been upset since that day.

Yes, because in front of all those people, you suddenly...

Suddenly what? I called you my girlfriend.

-Is that a crime? -Yes, Amit!

I was actually under a spotlight!

So what?

What really is your problem?

-I don't like labels! -Yeah, clearly!

Amit, a girlfriend is a girl who's a friend.

Therefore, a girl who's a friend is also a girlfriend.

Siddhi, are we in school?

Next, we'll be celebrating rose day!

What I feel for you, I don't feel for anyone else!

You mean, you don't have feelings for your other female friends?

No! My heart doesn't explode for them!

Bad eating habits can cause that as well!

Maybe it's trapped gas or a blocked artery.

Siddhi, do you even want to be my girlfriend?

I really like hooking up with you.

You make me laugh but...

I don't want to be anybody's girlfriend right now.

-Fuck you. -What?

You're a user.

You're just being nasty right now.

We are over, Hormonal.

-Just like that? -Ya. Just like that.

Mangs, Amit broke up with me.

No, I'm not feeling anything.

No pain, no regret. No drama.

Sorry, shit. Why am I laughing?

Listen, I'm feeling very guilty. Why am I not feeling anything...

I'll call you back.

Amit, listen to this one.

What did the cockroach tell the caterpillar?

What happened?

He had to leave, Papa. Bad tummy.

Tell him to have carom seed water. He'll be fine.

I will. Next time.

Take these bags to the car.

Remember to pack your heels.

I don't want you to be wearing keds at our wedding.

Have a great time at the bachelorette.

Don't do anything that I wouldn't do.

-And I'm going to see you in three days. -Alright.

-I love you. -I love you so much.

Message me, okay?

I will. I will.

I've got to run now, okay?

Bye.

-You look so cute, Umang! -Best dressed!

I want you guys to know...

that I hate you.

I hate all of you.

Doesn't matter. We'll live with it.

This dress is attacking me!

Physically.

Emotionally.

Spiritually.

We found you the ugliest dress possible, Umang.

It's shit.

Mangs, this is the best you've ever looked.

Your bachelorette tasks tonight.

You have to do it all. Success gets you one shot.

And failure gets you two shots.

"Dance like Sridevi.

Fake an orgasm like Sally."

Who is Sally?

She met Harry?

I thought he met Sejal.

-Never mind. -I am so looking forward to this.

You're a traitor. I thought you were my bro.

Not tonight.

Not tonight!

Go, Mangs!

Some balloons?

-Thank you. -Thanks.

-Can I have a fry? -Sure.

-Do you know her? -I don't know her.

-Who's she? -Oh, my God.

How embarrassing is this. What's going on?

Oh, my God. It's hot!

-Dude! -What the hell!

What's wrong? Are you okay?

-Are you okay? -Ya!

What?

It's alright.

Jeh!

Shot!

Shot! Shot! Shot!

Go, Mangs!

Go, Mangs!

Mangs, Mangs, Mangs!

Go, baby!

-How are you? -What the fuck!

-Who is she? -If you sprinkle when you tinkle,

be a neaty and wipe the seaty. Okay?

Jeh?

C'mon, Mangs! C'mon!

Yes!

Go, Mangs!

Go, Mangs!

Yeah, baby!

My head is spinning.

No, but the last one is truth. No dare. C'mon, c'mon.

I am so drunk right now.

-Tell me your biggest fear. -I'm going to sweat tequila tomorrow.

That's perfect! Truth serum.

C'mon. Let's go!

No! It's so unfair.

You guys go first. Then, I'll go.

-Okay fine, I'll go first. -Okay.

So, my biggest fear is that one day Arya will hate me...

and start living with Varun because... he indulges her.

He's fun...

and I am a disciplinarian.

My biggest fear is that...

no matter what I accomplish,

I will only be judged by my body.

You are a Goddess, baby.

Great. Bring up Mihir, why don't you?

Mihir?

Only you remember that he used to call you a Goddess.

Because only you're stalking him!

What!

Shit, are you stalking him?

Not true. Stop talking rubbish!

Dee, your turn.

I fear that I may not know writing.

I'm a fraud who's meant to fail.

Umang, your turn now. Tell us.

No, listen!

Come.

I just...

I love Samara so much.

I feel I will lose myself.

You're Umang Singh.

You've fought hard for your identity.

Nobody can change Umang.

-Wow! -Not even Umang.

Wow! Well said.

No one can ever change you, Umang.

What happened?

Now, it's a party!

Umang.

-Wait, I am coming, Mangs. -Oh God.

Throw it all up.

Drink some water. You'll feel better.

-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. -No, you're not going to die.

-I'm going to die. You're getting married.

I just wish I could hide away in your arms.

As I used to when I was a child.

There are too many things I have no control over anymore, Mom.

I'm scared.

Damini, stop worrying. I will be there with you.

For as many months as you need me.

Three months, six months. I'm going to help you with the baby.

It's okay to be scared of the unknown.

You are not alone.

We are right here.

Thank you.

I'm going to call you every single day.

-Sleep well, okay? -We love you a lot.

-Eat properly. -Don't get into any trouble.

Take care.

You're pregnant?

That's why you've been avoiding alcohol and Chinese food.

Oh, my God! And I thought you were trying to break it off with me!

Oh man, I'm so relieved! I'm so slow.

You had an entire conversation on babies with me and I still didn't get it!

A baby.

I'm going to be a dad.

Oh, my God. You and me. We're going to be parents.

You and me are going to be a parents!

Wait a minute.

We will have to take classes before the baby arrives.

The crib. And the car seat.

Oh, my God. I have to buy a new car!

I'm delirious! We're going to have baby!

We're going to be parents!

We're going to be parents.

This is...this is the happiest day of my life!

It's... it's not yours.

What?

Of course. Right.

This is the happiest day of... our lives!

I'm sorry. That was self centered.

The baby...

is not yours.

What?

It's Aamir's.

I'm eight weeks pregnant.

You and I got together six weeks ago.

Aamir and I were together before that. It was just a casual thing.

We were casually hooking up.

But from the time we got back together, I haven't even seen him, Jeh.

I met him just once to tell him about the pregnancy.

Look, I know I should have told you about Warsi but...

But there was nothing there. It was just a casual thing that's why...

I know. I'm sorry. I should have thought this through.

I'm sorry, baby.

I'm not going back to Warsi if that's what you're thinking.

Damini.

Jeh, I want to be with you. I love you, baby.

Please.

-He's the father of the baby. -Damini. Damini.

He has the right to know.

Listen, I don't want anything from Warsi. I never wanted anything from him.

Jeh, we will just co-parent. That's all. It's clear over there.

Jeh, say something.

It's the same story, Damini.

Again and again.

Jeh, please. No.

Damini!

Is this a joke for you?

Breaking my trust every single time!

No, Jeh. Please.

No! No! Damini.

Not this time.

You fool me once.

Shame on you.

You fool me twice.

Shame on me.

Jeh, I didn't lie to you. Jeh, I didn't fool you!

Damini, you need to leave. You need to leave.

You need to leave. I need to open my bar.

-Jeh, please. Just sit down... -Damini.

-and have this conversation. Please. -Just go away.

-Please, Jeh. Please! -Damini. Leave.

Damini, get out!