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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:14,648 ♪♪ 2 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:20,621 ♪♪ 3 00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:25,553 ♪♪ 4 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:30,157 ♪♪ 5 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,327 Um, guys. 6 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,496 My map says that the camp site's to the right. 7 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,032 What, are you blind, Stacy? 8 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,834 That's where the insane asylum is. 9 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:41,468 Can't you read arrows? 10 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,137 I don't know, I just... 11 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,139 I really don't have a good feeling about this. 12 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,473 Let's go. 13 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,310 This weekend is all about no rules, no clothes, 14 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:50,978 and so cell service. 15 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,479 Drive, Zach. 16 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,721 And it's like that every time. 17 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,057 His instructions tell me to do bad things 18 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,792 and then get out of the movie. 19 00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,827 That's my job. 20 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,763 It's not that bad, Mike. 21 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:11,141 Could you put these up a little? 22 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,399 - Yeah. - In front of the face. 23 00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,101 - Okay. - If someone's coming at ya, 24 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:15,102 where you gonna put 'em? 25 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:16,270 Uh, here. 26 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,204 You gonna remember that? 27 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,304 Yes. 28 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:19,974 Up near the face. 29 00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:25,379 I mean, first, they had me 30 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,715 planting satanic relics in attics. 31 00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:37,157 ♪♪ 32 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,592 Oh! 33 00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,795 Then they made me do that movie 34 00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:44,698 where I was a shady real estate agent. 35 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,767 Hope you enjoyed the tour. 36 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:51,272 This, uh... This is the best house on the market. 37 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,173 Trust me. 38 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,675 It just seems too good to be true. 39 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:55,910 Uh, hm... 40 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,579 Uh, no, no. I don't think it is, actually. 41 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:02,516 It's got a really average good-to-be-true, uh, ratio. 42 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,018 So, if we went to the library 43 00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,552 and asked for newspaper clippings 44 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,697 regarding horrific events that occurred on the property, 45 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,123 they wouldn't have any? 46 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,391 Yeah. 47 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,593 Yeah, that's correct, my... my good friend. 48 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:16,096 Any newspaper after 1975 49 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,466 definitely wouldn't say... anything. 50 00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:20,944 I mean, is there gonna be enough room 51 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,536 in the backyard for your greenhouse? 52 00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:26,874 Mike... 53 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,643 There would be room in the basement for the train set. 54 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,545 Of course, the rooms upstairs... 55 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,247 Mike! 56 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,248 Hey! 57 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:35,348 - Whoo. - We'll take it. 58 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,817 Okay, I'll go get the contracts 59 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,862 so nobody can turn around... I mean, uh, back out. 60 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,055 So, let's just remain firm eye contact here 61 00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:42,790 as we seal the deal. 62 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,291 Mike... 63 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,795 Do you even know how hard it is to curse a doll? 64 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,196 No. 65 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,965 Lot of steps. 66 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:59,974 ♪♪ 67 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:06,013 ♪♪ 68 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:12,019 ♪♪ 69 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,821 I think I know what your problem is. 70 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:14,788 What? 71 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,190 You're looking for motivation. 72 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,025 Yeah. Yeah. Of course I am, Wendy. 73 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,927 You know, I'm a person. I need an arc. 74 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,463 You know, I want to do something more. 75 00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:23,797 I want to do something good. 76 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,233 Yeah, but it's not your job. 77 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:27,768 You know, you're a cold opener. 78 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,188 You only have a few minutes to put all the pieces in place. 79 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,572 What am I supposed to do then? 80 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,416 You know, it's not like I get to come in at the end 81 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,876 and rescue the good guys and arrest the bad guys 82 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:38,145 and have freaking finale, you know, like some people. 83 00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,681 You know, my job sucks sometimes, too. 84 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:44,418 I have never hit the heart or the brain. 85 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,353 Honestly, I've never hit a vital organ, 86 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,889 and I don't get it 'cause I'm always... 87 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,758 pointed right at the head, and then somehow, 88 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,159 it's always the left shoulder. 89 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,660 - I just... - Maybe, maybe 90 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,629 I could hit a vital organ? 91 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,649 You know, I just... I've never gotten the chance. 92 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,299 - Mike! - Sorry, sorry. 93 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,667 If you start fantasizing again, 94 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,803 I'm literally going to punch you in the face. 95 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,238 Oh. 96 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:10,110 Look, no offense, but you're not a character. 97 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,481 You're better off with what you have. 98 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,705 Mm... 99 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,902 ♪♪ 100 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,772 This blows! 101 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:12,973 As if it wasn't bad enough 102 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,275 that we're babysitting on Halloween. 103 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,711 We just need to find the breaker box. 104 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,351 What was that? 105 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,813 It's okay! It's okay! 106 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,714 What do you want?! 107 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,349 Hi, I'm Mike. 108 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:58,552 I'm a... neighbor. 109 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:03,323 I just wanted, uh, to see if your power went out, too. 110 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,459 It did. 111 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,894 Thank you. 112 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,395 Good night. 113 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,949 It's just... C-C-Can we talk? 114 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,185 Uh, for a second. 115 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,119 I'm sorry I scared you. 116 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,754 I promise, I'm... 117 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,222 You can trust me. 118 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:43,797 If you're a neighbor, why haven't I seen you before? 119 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,333 I've been babysitting for the Patterson's for years. 120 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,502 A babysitter... 121 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,602 Of course. That's classic. 122 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:50,737 Excuse me? 123 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:52,472 And what's with your eye? 124 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,876 Is that some sort of Halloween costume thing? 125 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,711 Yeah, oh... That's right. 126 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,414 Definitely, um, a costume. 127 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:04,151 Anyways, I just heard some tussling over here 128 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:07,721 before the power out and just wanted to check in. 129 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,189 Well, we're fine. 130 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,457 Thank you. 131 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,459 Are you sure you didn't want like, you know, 132 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:14,795 someone to hang out 133 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,863 and, like, be all, "What was that?" 134 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,398 If there's a noise or... 135 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,700 That's okay. 136 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,768 I've got my best friend, Tess, here. 137 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,070 Hey, Tess. 138 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,973 Um, what about, like, a tough dude, you know, 139 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,141 if some crazy guy shows up? 140 00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:30,153 I think you already have the crazy dude thing down. 141 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,279 Oh, no. No, no. I'm not... 142 00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,379 I'm not crazy. 143 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,682 I'm, uh, I'm Mike. 144 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,584 I-I just want to help. 145 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,453 Hannah. 146 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,857 Talk in a second. Okay. 147 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,726 He did it. He cut the power. 148 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,261 Are you sure? 149 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,129 Look in his pocket. 150 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,534 Okay. I've got a plan. 151 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:01,842 Trust me. 152 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,278 Hey, Mike. 153 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,846 Want to come in for a sec? 154 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,948 Seems like you really want to hang out. 155 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,118 Boy, do I, yeah. 156 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,225 I'll be right back. 157 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,896 Okay. See ya, Tess. 158 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,432 She seems cool. 159 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,600 I'm so excited. 160 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,169 I've never gotten to do this before. 161 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,170 Do what? 162 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,438 Stick around this long. 163 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,740 You know, introduce my name and everything. 164 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,809 I even have a back story. 165 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,745 Mike, concerned neighbor. 166 00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,181 That's great. 167 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,083 Yeah. 168 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,451 So, what do we do now? 169 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:45,619 Um... 170 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,488 Maybe help me find some candles? 171 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,489 They're in there. 172 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,591 Okay. Yep. 173 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,994 Oh, man, I'm gonna get fired for this. 174 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,262 Oh yeah? 175 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:58,799 Probably. Probably. But it's so worth it. 176 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,335 You know, Wendy was wrong. 177 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,270 You know, it's nice to have an arc 178 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,372 and feel like you're helping people 179 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,875 and doing some real good, yeah. 180 00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:09,776 What are you doing? 181 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:10,677 What are you doing? 182 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:11,812 Oh, I can explain. 183 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,080 You better. 184 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,457 So my friend, Wendy, and I were boxing. 185 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,183 Well, she was boxing, 186 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,652 I was holding these weird oven mitt things, 187 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,620 and then I started to think, you know, 188 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,889 what if I could be the one to change my story, 189 00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:23,890 and that's when... 190 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:24,990 And the sheers, yes. 191 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,159 I cut the power, 192 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,570 but, you know, what am I gonna do? 193 00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,596 - Murder you? - You were gonna murder us?! 194 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,665 No, no, no. 195 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,202 I said, I'm not going to murder you. 196 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,774 Okay. 197 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,087 Tess! 198 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,058 Call the police, now! 199 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,460 This is just a misunderstanding. 200 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,402 Oh. Oh, no. 201 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,270 Oh, no. 202 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,973 Um, you okay? 203 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,290 Uh, Tess? 204 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,693 I think Hannah might need some help. 205 00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:37,998 Do I take it out, or leave it in? 206 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,433 Uh... 207 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:44,971 Oh, no, no, no! 208 00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:48,809 Uh, Tess, hello? 209 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,181 Man, I really hope you can't feel this. 210 00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,394 Oh, my God. 211 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,995 You psycho. 212 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,764 - Hm? - You killed her. 213 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,365 Oh, nope. 214 00:12:12,466 --> 00:12:14,901 No, I didn't kill her. 215 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,971 Honestly, yes, you, I stabbed 216 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,239 by accident, of course. 217 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,008 I'm sorry, but no, I didn't stab her. 218 00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:23,710 I swear. 219 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,946 Oh, I wouldn't do that. 220 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,514 I-I wouldn't do that. 221 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,723 Oh, geez. 222 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,604 Oh, man. 223 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:53,540 Tess was gonna kill me? 224 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,875 I can't believe this. 225 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,442 Oh, no, it's not what it looks like. 226 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,714 Jesus Christ! 227 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,350 The shoulder? 228 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,586 Seriously? 229 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,922 You shot me. 230 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,191 Mike? 231 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,060 We got a call from some girl talking about a crazy guy 232 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,097 trying to kill her and her friend 233 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,166 and, um, the kid they're babysitting. 234 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,035 Oh, my God. I should check on the kid. 235 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,412 He's probably so freaked out right now. 236 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,472 No, no. 237 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,940 Don't. 238 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,443 I just mean... maybe I should do that. 239 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:41,187 I didn't... I didn't mean to kill everyone. 240 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,557 It just sort of... happened. 241 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,726 Well, it isn't good, pal. 242 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,229 Especially with the whole... 243 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,430 name thing. 244 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,399 Oh, it's just a coincidence. 245 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,302 Well, I'm sitting here with my, uh, friend, 246 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,971 Michael Myers, on Halloween night, 247 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:01,508 and yeah, there's a bunch of dead bodies around. 248 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,443 So you tell me. 249 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,946 I go by Mike. 250 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,448 I don't like horror movies. 251 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,783 They give me nightmares. 252 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:10,951 Yeah, I know. 253 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:14,187 Just a big softy. 254 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,689 It's just not fair, you know? 255 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:22,629 I just wanted to be something more so badly. 256 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:25,365 You know, I just wanted to do something good, 257 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,333 that's all. 258 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,401 You tried your best. 259 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:31,571 All we can do, right? 260 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:32,706 Yeah. 261 00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:34,541 Yeah, I guess, I just... 262 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,643 What am I gonna do now? 263 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,813 It's over. You know, I've got no job. 264 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,115 I'm definitely not getting another piece of paper 265 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,950 with instructions on it, that's for sure. 266 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,987 Come on. They always make sequels off this stuff. 267 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,955 - Really? - Sure. 268 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:52,025 I could be a... be a villain. 269 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,793 Sure. 270 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,967 Oh, I didn't realize the sun had come up. 271 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,302 Oh, yeah. 272 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,838 They always end horror movies in daylight. 273 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,674 It's a sign of hope. 274 00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,609 Oh. 275 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,217 So, what do you think? 276 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:20,220 Uh, I just don't know about all the meta stuff, you know? 277 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,723 I mean, a movie talking about a movie within a movie. 278 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,458 It's just confusing. 279 00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:28,628 You're just not ready for prime time, kid. 280 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:34,234 Well, you know, a phoenix has to burn 281 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,069 before it can rise from the ashes. 282 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,637 So... 283 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,139 I have no idea what that means. 284 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,708 Me neither. My dad would just always say it. 285 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,445 I never met my father. 286 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,380 Cool. 287 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,315 Uh, this is my stop. 288 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,355 Uh, well... 289 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,690 thanks for the ride. 290 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:57,891 Ah. 291 00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:11,271 Hey, remember kid. 292 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,573 Picking up hitchhikers is dangerous business. 293 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,375 That's how horror movies start. 294 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,043 You're scary, mister. 295 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,959 On time. 296 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,928 And for your consideration. 297 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,797 Damn it, Sam. 298 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,833 You know how I feel about this. 299 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,835 I'd be the model employee. 300 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,203 This is a damn shame. 301 00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,905 I just... I can't. 302 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,874 I have an encyclopedic knowledge of movies. 303 00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,442 Nobody knows movies like I do. 304 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,410 You're making a huge mistake. 305 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,979 People don't like you. 306 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,782 I mean, look at your face. 307 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:29,716 I just want to punch it. 308 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:30,917 Chad! 309 00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,394 How many times have you been punched 310 00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,753 in the face this week? 311 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,331 That's a trick question because you know my mom 312 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,757 hits me every morning to wake me up. 313 00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,759 Give me the job, man. 314 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,228 Someone will come apply. 315 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,264 Someday. 316 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,634 Keep those dreams alive, partner. 317 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:48,535 Yeah, you too. 318 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,003 I'll be here! 319 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,472 Until your mom picks you up. 320 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,063 Hello, I'm here for video store clerk position. 321 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,767 - Name. - Hawn Fan. 322 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:21,944 - Ever committed a felony? - No. 323 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,212 - Legal to work in the US? - Yes. 324 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,571 Reliable form of transportation? 325 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:25,805 - Yes. - High school, GED, 326 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:26,905 or equivalent? - Yes. 327 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,117 Have you ever suffered the untimely 328 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,418 and crushing loss of a loved one? 329 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,243 - No. - Nancy Thompson 330 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:31,578 - or Laurie Strode? - Laurie. 331 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,022 "Leprechaun in Space" or "Leprechaun in the Hood"? 332 00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:34,280 "Space", I guess. 333 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,025 Better sequel, "Troll 2" or "Halloween I I I"? 334 00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:37,383 Neither follow the official canon. 335 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,919 So neither are official sequels, sir. 336 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,554 Have you ever had a best friend? 337 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:42,654 No, sir. 338 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,692 When could you start? 339 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,026 Now? 340 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,571 "Season of the Witch" was pretty awesome, though, huh? 341 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,897 Right. 342 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,274 You got to come forward with it. 343 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,409 - Yeah, there you go. - Yes, sir. 344 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,935 We'll just stick with low fives for now. 345 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,303 Yeah. That's a handshake. 346 00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:58,538 - We'll work on that. - Sir. 347 00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,906 Come on around. 348 00:19:02,605 --> 00:19:03,983 I'm training somebody right now, Mom. 349 00:19:04,007 --> 00:19:05,808 I told you, I'll make it home for dinner. 350 00:19:05,909 --> 00:19:07,610 I might bring a friend. 351 00:19:08,912 --> 00:19:12,115 Anyway, you're gonna hit F4, F11, and F9 352 00:19:12,215 --> 00:19:14,450 with control-alt to get to the account. 353 00:19:16,786 --> 00:19:18,321 This one again? 354 00:19:18,421 --> 00:19:20,256 It's bloody fucking hilarious. 355 00:19:20,356 --> 00:19:23,092 Bloody and hilarious? Or are you just British? 356 00:19:23,193 --> 00:19:24,827 What? 357 00:19:24,928 --> 00:19:25,968 I'll have to check it out. 358 00:19:26,062 --> 00:19:28,198 You haven't seen it? 359 00:19:28,298 --> 00:19:29,966 Oh, Chad, 360 00:19:30,066 --> 00:19:32,468 you are gonna flip your shit. 361 00:19:32,569 --> 00:19:33,769 You better clear your schedule 362 00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:35,538 because this is required viewing. 363 00:19:35,638 --> 00:19:38,875 It all starts with a group of characters 364 00:19:38,975 --> 00:19:41,878 walking through the woods, 365 00:19:41,978 --> 00:19:43,689 and you don't know what's gonna happen next. 366 00:19:43,713 --> 00:19:45,582 When then, all of a sudden, 367 00:19:45,682 --> 00:19:49,419 one of the characters... 368 00:19:49,519 --> 00:19:51,721 steps in some nasty goo. 369 00:19:56,526 --> 00:19:59,028 There's bug guts on my shoe. 370 00:19:59,128 --> 00:20:02,999 You're a big boy, hon. You can clean it yourself. 371 00:20:03,099 --> 00:20:04,834 Fine. 372 00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:08,571 So, do you think tonight's gonna be the night with Trip? 373 00:20:11,241 --> 00:20:13,810 I don't know. I brought my own tent, so... 374 00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:15,878 Oh. Huh, weird. 375 00:20:15,979 --> 00:20:17,780 I don't see you setting it up? 376 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,883 Well, I think it would be a little bit strange 377 00:20:20,984 --> 00:20:22,652 with you guys right there. 378 00:20:22,752 --> 00:20:25,421 Oh, that's okay 'cause I like to watch, so it's good. 379 00:20:25,521 --> 00:20:29,225 Hey, uh, you guys talking about fucking, or...? 380 00:20:29,325 --> 00:20:32,795 Hey! Hey, you got to help me. 381 00:20:32,895 --> 00:20:34,607 I need your help, okay? You have to help me. 382 00:20:34,631 --> 00:20:35,531 What's up, man? 383 00:20:35,632 --> 00:20:36,833 Are you hurt? 384 00:20:36,933 --> 00:20:38,701 I'm dangerous. 385 00:20:38,801 --> 00:20:40,536 You got to lock me up or tie me up, 386 00:20:40,637 --> 00:20:41,871 'cause I'm gonna change. 387 00:20:41,971 --> 00:20:43,106 I'm gonna change. 388 00:20:44,374 --> 00:20:46,109 Oh, yeah, okay, hydrate. 389 00:20:47,677 --> 00:20:49,078 Wow. 390 00:20:49,178 --> 00:20:50,947 Oh, somebody get this girl a refill. 391 00:20:51,047 --> 00:20:52,448 Piss off, dude. 392 00:20:52,548 --> 00:20:53,850 Get out of here. 393 00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:55,852 You don't understand! 394 00:20:55,952 --> 00:20:57,253 I'm gonna kill you all! 395 00:20:57,353 --> 00:20:59,088 I'm sorry, but... 396 00:21:02,825 --> 00:21:04,060 You have to kill me! 397 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,461 Please! 398 00:21:08,598 --> 00:21:09,932 Let's help him. 399 00:21:16,306 --> 00:21:17,707 This won't work! 400 00:21:17,807 --> 00:21:19,709 Need silver! 401 00:21:19,809 --> 00:21:21,377 Sticks won't work, you fucks! 402 00:21:21,477 --> 00:21:23,246 You need sliver! 403 00:21:25,181 --> 00:21:26,916 Oh! 404 00:21:29,152 --> 00:21:30,053 Your earrings. 405 00:21:30,153 --> 00:21:31,854 Your earrings! 406 00:21:31,954 --> 00:21:33,523 Hurry! 407 00:21:33,623 --> 00:21:35,291 Those are gold, okay? 408 00:21:35,391 --> 00:21:36,559 Throw your watch. 409 00:21:36,659 --> 00:21:38,461 Try your watch! Try your watch! 410 00:21:38,561 --> 00:21:39,762 Aah! 411 00:21:39,862 --> 00:21:41,064 That's fake. That's fake. 412 00:21:42,765 --> 00:21:45,968 Oops. I... The guy said it was... 413 00:21:46,069 --> 00:21:47,937 He was real nice. Um... 414 00:21:48,037 --> 00:21:49,472 You cheapskate! 415 00:21:49,572 --> 00:21:52,075 Hurry! Hurry! 416 00:21:52,175 --> 00:21:53,509 What do I do? 417 00:21:53,609 --> 00:21:54,610 I don't know. 418 00:21:58,715 --> 00:22:00,283 Are those silver? 419 00:22:00,383 --> 00:22:02,952 I like fancy things. 420 00:22:03,052 --> 00:22:04,554 Nice, dude. 421 00:22:06,322 --> 00:22:08,057 Okay, great. You paused the transformation. 422 00:22:08,157 --> 00:22:09,192 That's good. 423 00:22:09,292 --> 00:22:10,836 Could have happened a little bit sooner, 424 00:22:10,860 --> 00:22:11,728 but, um... 425 00:22:11,828 --> 00:22:13,663 Look, next we... 426 00:22:13,763 --> 00:22:16,499 Hey, why does that guy have handcuffs? 427 00:22:16,599 --> 00:22:18,267 Hey, yeah. 428 00:22:18,368 --> 00:22:20,169 Oh, he's kinky. 429 00:22:20,269 --> 00:22:22,572 Were those meant for me? 430 00:22:22,672 --> 00:22:25,074 You? Yeah. 431 00:22:25,174 --> 00:22:27,276 Just not in the way you were thinking. 432 00:22:30,380 --> 00:22:31,647 Oh, he's super kinky. 433 00:22:31,748 --> 00:22:34,050 He's the backwoods slasher! 434 00:22:34,150 --> 00:22:35,351 Hey, stay back, Trip. 435 00:22:35,451 --> 00:22:36,451 You guys all right? 436 00:22:38,721 --> 00:22:41,023 Hey, that guy's blood is getting in my blood. 437 00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:43,826 Trip, bro, bro. 438 00:22:45,228 --> 00:22:46,496 Trip... 439 00:22:46,596 --> 00:22:49,866 You are deceptively strong, my dude. 440 00:22:52,635 --> 00:22:55,104 Oh, that's disgusting. 441 00:22:55,204 --> 00:22:58,775 ♪♪ 442 00:23:00,443 --> 00:23:04,147 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 443 00:23:06,749 --> 00:23:08,651 Did he follow us? 444 00:23:08,751 --> 00:23:10,653 Brenda. Brenda, look at me. 445 00:23:10,753 --> 00:23:12,822 I love you so much. You're my best friend. 446 00:23:12,922 --> 00:23:14,824 We're gonna be fine. Okay? 447 00:23:14,924 --> 00:23:16,001 I promise you. I promise you. 448 00:23:16,025 --> 00:23:17,393 I'm gonna get help. You wait here. 449 00:23:17,493 --> 00:23:19,071 No, no, no. I think we should stick together. 450 00:23:19,095 --> 00:23:20,263 Shh! 451 00:23:48,825 --> 00:23:51,127 Hello? 452 00:23:51,227 --> 00:23:53,396 I'm still here. 453 00:23:54,163 --> 00:23:55,565 Kill me? 454 00:23:55,665 --> 00:23:56,732 Goddamn it. 455 00:23:56,833 --> 00:23:59,435 I think my eyes are gonna fall out. 456 00:24:01,537 --> 00:24:06,275 ♪♪ 457 00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:11,113 ♪♪ 458 00:24:13,049 --> 00:24:17,253 ♪♪ 459 00:24:17,353 --> 00:24:18,688 Hey. 460 00:24:18,788 --> 00:24:19,948 Hi, I'm hunting a creature... 461 00:24:20,022 --> 00:24:21,090 Well, a man. 462 00:24:21,190 --> 00:24:22,558 Maybe you've seen him. 463 00:24:22,658 --> 00:24:24,193 - Shh. - He's about ye tall. 464 00:24:24,293 --> 00:24:26,362 He might be changing into something. 465 00:24:26,462 --> 00:24:27,663 Keep it down. 466 00:24:27,763 --> 00:24:29,232 Why are you down there? 467 00:24:29,332 --> 00:24:30,900 Oh, did you lose a contact? 468 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,034 Oh, that's not... Jesus! 469 00:24:38,074 --> 00:24:40,076 Beating me with my own leg. 470 00:24:41,878 --> 00:24:43,913 Oh! 471 00:24:44,013 --> 00:24:45,815 Now he's beating me with both my legs. 472 00:24:45,915 --> 00:24:47,917 I just signed up for a marathon. 473 00:24:51,988 --> 00:24:53,890 I got a butterfly ankle tattoo. 474 00:24:53,990 --> 00:24:55,691 I'll never enjoy it now. 475 00:24:58,361 --> 00:25:01,697 Hey, hey, hey. Lady, down here. 476 00:25:01,797 --> 00:25:02,832 Yeah, you. 477 00:25:02,932 --> 00:25:04,243 Hey, if you unchain me, I can help you. 478 00:25:04,267 --> 00:25:05,668 No, I'm sorry. 479 00:25:05,768 --> 00:25:07,236 You're too gross. I can't touch you. 480 00:25:07,336 --> 00:25:08,914 No, I'm fine. This is all hypoallergenic. 481 00:25:08,938 --> 00:25:10,082 You're not gonna get sick at all. 482 00:25:10,106 --> 00:25:11,140 Look at me, come on. 483 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,551 Do I look somebody that's gonna hurt you? 484 00:25:12,575 --> 00:25:14,610 People say I have kind eyes. 485 00:25:14,710 --> 00:25:17,547 Sorry, I just really don't want to get goo on my... 486 00:25:24,987 --> 00:25:27,023 Hey, hey. 487 00:25:28,457 --> 00:25:29,792 - Me? - Yeah. 488 00:25:29,892 --> 00:25:32,695 Y-You know when that guy, like, slipped in my goo? 489 00:25:32,795 --> 00:25:34,764 Some of it separated from the rest of my goo. 490 00:25:34,864 --> 00:25:36,375 Do you think you could just push it back together, 491 00:25:36,399 --> 00:25:38,701 kind of consolidate the goo for me? 492 00:25:38,801 --> 00:25:41,571 I... no. I just don't feel comfortable, 493 00:25:41,671 --> 00:25:44,240 with, you know, touching the goo. 494 00:25:45,808 --> 00:25:48,744 I'm just a little concerned that, like, when I change back, 495 00:25:48,844 --> 00:25:51,247 if I'm missing some of the goo, 496 00:25:51,347 --> 00:25:54,617 I don't know what's gonna happen, honestly. 497 00:25:54,717 --> 00:25:57,053 This isn't... You can't learn this stuff in a manual. 498 00:25:57,153 --> 00:26:00,056 So, for me, it's a little bit scary. 499 00:26:00,156 --> 00:26:01,557 - Yeah, okay, sure. - Yes, great. 500 00:26:01,657 --> 00:26:03,759 Yeah. 501 00:26:03,859 --> 00:26:06,862 Seriously, this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done... 502 00:26:06,963 --> 00:26:07,997 - Aah! - Ow! 503 00:26:08,097 --> 00:26:09,765 I thought I could control it. 504 00:26:09,865 --> 00:26:11,467 I can't control it. Now we know. 505 00:26:13,903 --> 00:26:15,304 Ow! 506 00:26:15,404 --> 00:26:17,540 My apologies in advance for what's gonna... 507 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,142 Yeah, it's happening now. You look disgusting. 508 00:26:28,551 --> 00:26:30,720 God damn it! 509 00:26:32,655 --> 00:26:36,058 - Okay, from this green goo on... - Uh-huh. 510 00:26:36,158 --> 00:26:37,660 That's my side. 511 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,631 Okay, you have your side. I have my side. 512 00:26:41,731 --> 00:26:43,766 Maybe let's just not talk for awhile. 513 00:26:43,866 --> 00:26:45,568 All right. Fine by me. 514 00:26:45,668 --> 00:26:48,237 I can not talk all day. 515 00:26:48,337 --> 00:26:50,272 All fucking day. 516 00:26:58,381 --> 00:26:59,749 What you thinking about? 517 00:26:59,849 --> 00:27:02,551 I'm melting! I'm melting! 518 00:27:04,053 --> 00:27:06,122 He was changing, not melting. 519 00:27:06,222 --> 00:27:08,190 Shut up! What do you know? 520 00:27:08,290 --> 00:27:11,661 I know you owe me $1 .49 for that soda. 521 00:27:11,761 --> 00:27:14,397 Why don't you go get cleaned up, man? 522 00:27:20,636 --> 00:27:22,304 Does that kind of thing happen a lot here? 523 00:27:22,405 --> 00:27:23,906 More than you would think. 524 00:27:24,006 --> 00:27:25,041 All right. Training time. 525 00:27:25,141 --> 00:27:26,485 If I don't teach you anything else today, 526 00:27:26,509 --> 00:27:29,445 you're gonna learn your ABCs. 527 00:27:29,545 --> 00:27:32,515 Always be... 528 00:27:32,615 --> 00:27:34,650 playing video cassettes. 529 00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:38,254 Okay? You got to keep the mood in here alive, all right? 530 00:27:38,354 --> 00:27:40,656 You're like a deejay, but you're playing videos. 531 00:27:40,756 --> 00:27:43,926 So like a video deejay. 532 00:27:44,026 --> 00:27:45,494 You see that door over there? 533 00:27:48,230 --> 00:27:50,700 Never go in that door. 534 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,802 Okay. 535 00:27:52,902 --> 00:27:55,705 Under any circumstances. 536 00:27:57,406 --> 00:27:59,742 I cannot stress this enough. 537 00:27:59,842 --> 00:28:01,510 Stay out. 538 00:28:02,411 --> 00:28:03,646 You're doing great. 539 00:28:03,746 --> 00:28:06,549 Go ahead and take a little break. 540 00:28:06,649 --> 00:28:08,284 My little Pikachu. 541 00:28:25,029 --> 00:28:26,163 Hello! 542 00:28:26,263 --> 00:28:27,465 Come on! 543 00:28:29,266 --> 00:28:31,268 Unbelievable. 544 00:28:31,369 --> 00:28:33,070 Hawn, come on, man. 545 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:34,205 Do you even want this? 546 00:28:34,305 --> 00:28:35,973 I just... 547 00:28:36,073 --> 00:28:38,109 Yes, sir. I'll work harder. 548 00:28:42,813 --> 00:28:46,283 This is what disappointment looks like. 549 00:28:46,384 --> 00:28:48,753 You don't want to feel what it feels like. 550 00:28:50,621 --> 00:28:52,323 Strike one. 551 00:29:01,265 --> 00:29:03,067 On the house. 552 00:29:04,568 --> 00:29:06,337 Looks like you're having a rough night. 553 00:29:06,437 --> 00:29:08,205 It's 11:00 a.m. 554 00:29:11,609 --> 00:29:13,544 Yeah. 555 00:29:13,644 --> 00:29:15,780 Having some trouble at home. 556 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:17,481 You know what they say. 557 00:29:17,581 --> 00:29:20,251 Home is where the heart is. 558 00:29:20,351 --> 00:29:24,522 You know, that is very true. 559 00:29:25,122 --> 00:29:27,324 And the heart... 560 00:29:27,425 --> 00:29:29,693 is where the blood is. 561 00:29:29,794 --> 00:29:31,429 Hm. 562 00:29:31,529 --> 00:29:33,664 And the blood... 563 00:29:33,764 --> 00:29:36,934 blood is thicker than water. 564 00:29:41,038 --> 00:29:42,673 I'm gonna go. 565 00:29:42,773 --> 00:29:44,642 Uh, you know, 566 00:29:44,742 --> 00:29:48,579 I got to... I got to go over there. 567 00:29:48,679 --> 00:29:50,181 Thank you. 568 00:29:56,220 --> 00:29:58,289 Okay. 569 00:30:34,892 --> 00:30:37,128 I'm doing the best that I can. 570 00:30:37,228 --> 00:30:39,108 You need to start making some real contributions 571 00:30:39,196 --> 00:30:41,098 to this family. 572 00:30:41,198 --> 00:30:42,342 You're not pulling your weight. 573 00:30:42,366 --> 00:30:45,069 You're not providing like you should. 574 00:30:45,169 --> 00:30:48,405 I'm doing all the sacrificing around here. 575 00:30:48,506 --> 00:30:50,174 What do you want from me? 576 00:30:50,274 --> 00:30:52,309 Be a man. 577 00:30:53,544 --> 00:31:01,544 ♪♪ 578 00:31:01,886 --> 00:31:03,730 Look, I'm just gonna take up most of the sidewalk. 579 00:31:03,754 --> 00:31:05,689 That's just how it goes. Okay? 580 00:31:05,789 --> 00:31:07,391 You fucking move. 581 00:31:07,491 --> 00:31:09,293 I don't give a shit. 582 00:31:09,393 --> 00:31:12,196 You know, who cares? Who gives a shit? 583 00:31:12,296 --> 00:31:14,965 That's exactly what I've been talking about all these weeks. 584 00:31:15,065 --> 00:31:16,634 Look around you. 585 00:31:16,734 --> 00:31:19,136 Men have lost their way from the pack. 586 00:31:19,236 --> 00:31:20,771 We are primal. 587 00:31:20,871 --> 00:31:24,441 We are pure, carnal instincts! 588 00:31:26,277 --> 00:31:28,245 Fantasy leagues, 589 00:31:28,345 --> 00:31:30,447 comic book movies, 590 00:31:30,548 --> 00:31:32,750 politics. 591 00:31:32,850 --> 00:31:34,652 Nerd shit. 592 00:31:36,654 --> 00:31:38,155 Exactly. What I was talking about. 593 00:31:38,255 --> 00:31:41,358 You see that? We should be reacting, not cowering. 594 00:31:41,458 --> 00:31:44,295 They are trying to domesticate us. 595 00:31:44,395 --> 00:31:46,864 We roll over, and we beg, 596 00:31:46,964 --> 00:31:51,702 because society says we should be softer, gentler. 597 00:31:51,802 --> 00:31:55,573 We heel to be good boys. 598 00:31:55,673 --> 00:31:57,575 We obey when we hear 599 00:31:57,675 --> 00:31:59,743 the silent whistle of emasculation. 600 00:31:59,843 --> 00:32:02,680 The muzzle of oppression is keeping us from being 601 00:32:02,780 --> 00:32:05,716 who we were meant to be. 602 00:32:05,816 --> 00:32:07,685 We're gonna take it back, 603 00:32:07,785 --> 00:32:09,353 and we're gonna attack. 604 00:32:09,453 --> 00:32:12,456 Right for the jugular. 605 00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:17,928 ♪♪ 606 00:32:18,028 --> 00:32:19,463 Okay. 607 00:32:19,563 --> 00:32:20,563 So let's, uh... 608 00:32:20,598 --> 00:32:22,566 Let's hear from each other, yeah? 609 00:32:22,666 --> 00:32:24,068 Shared plates? 610 00:32:24,168 --> 00:32:25,769 What if I just want my own meal? 611 00:32:25,869 --> 00:32:27,909 If I want to wear boat shoes to her uncle's funeral, 612 00:32:27,972 --> 00:32:29,206 what's wrong with that? 613 00:32:29,306 --> 00:32:31,306 If Billy Joel can write "Storm Front" while wasted, 614 00:32:31,342 --> 00:32:33,444 I can do my taxes while stoned. 615 00:32:33,544 --> 00:32:34,578 So now what? 616 00:32:34,678 --> 00:32:36,438 Now at work they want me to count the seconds 617 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:37,648 of the hugs that I give? 618 00:32:37,748 --> 00:32:39,250 What about woman-splaining? 619 00:32:39,350 --> 00:32:40,870 I downloaded that pic of the babysitter 620 00:32:40,918 --> 00:32:42,653 from Facebook for you. 621 00:32:42,753 --> 00:32:45,889 It actually takes less energy to put a seat down. 622 00:32:45,990 --> 00:32:47,634 Well, if you can't break the glass ceiling, 623 00:32:47,658 --> 00:32:48,892 you might as well clean it. 624 00:32:48,993 --> 00:32:52,796 I park like that on purpose. It's a power move. 625 00:32:52,896 --> 00:32:54,832 What do you mean what's happening in the movie? 626 00:32:54,932 --> 00:32:56,333 Just watch the movie. 627 00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:58,202 Just because I ask you to shave your pubes 628 00:32:58,302 --> 00:32:59,903 doesn't mean I have to, too. 629 00:33:00,004 --> 00:33:01,639 And I told her, you don't understand. 630 00:33:01,739 --> 00:33:04,141 I don't live with my mom, my mom lives with me. 631 00:33:04,241 --> 00:33:05,976 I have no idea where your keys are. 632 00:33:06,076 --> 00:33:09,079 You want to talk about pro choice? 633 00:33:09,179 --> 00:33:11,382 I don't even know what they did with my foreskin. 634 00:33:12,549 --> 00:33:13,560 Who brought these, by the way? 635 00:33:13,584 --> 00:33:14,952 Thanks for coming out. 636 00:33:15,052 --> 00:33:17,755 You know, you would have been more than welcome to join us. 637 00:33:17,855 --> 00:33:19,690 You look like you have a lot on your mind. 638 00:33:19,790 --> 00:33:21,859 A lot of things you said really struck a chord. 639 00:33:21,959 --> 00:33:23,427 Mm. Well, there's a lot more 640 00:33:23,527 --> 00:33:25,129 to us than what you saw here today. 641 00:33:25,229 --> 00:33:26,964 It goes a lot further. 642 00:33:27,064 --> 00:33:30,467 I'm interested. I could really use a change. 643 00:33:30,567 --> 00:33:32,236 I really like you said about the muzzle. 644 00:33:32,336 --> 00:33:33,570 Yeah. No, it makes sense. 645 00:33:33,671 --> 00:33:34,972 Okay, I tell you what. 646 00:33:35,072 --> 00:33:36,449 We're having a get-together tonight. 647 00:33:36,473 --> 00:33:38,409 Very special, very exclusive. 648 00:33:38,509 --> 00:33:42,413 It's just a little game we play every month. 649 00:33:42,513 --> 00:33:44,815 You interested? 650 00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:47,151 Yeah. 651 00:33:47,251 --> 00:33:49,253 Great. 652 00:33:49,353 --> 00:33:51,855 He's gonna join us. 653 00:33:51,955 --> 00:33:52,856 Hey, guys. 654 00:33:52,956 --> 00:33:54,458 - Hey. - Hey. 655 00:33:54,558 --> 00:33:56,460 Cookies. 656 00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:02,132 ♪♪ 657 00:34:02,232 --> 00:34:07,805 ♪♪ 658 00:34:07,905 --> 00:34:13,477 ♪♪ 659 00:34:16,180 --> 00:34:21,819 ♪♪ 660 00:34:21,919 --> 00:34:27,558 ♪♪ 661 00:34:33,630 --> 00:34:35,966 Just in time. 662 00:34:36,066 --> 00:34:38,469 Tonight... 663 00:34:38,569 --> 00:34:40,537 we return to our glory. 664 00:34:40,637 --> 00:34:43,574 Tonight, we reclaim our spot as the alpha 665 00:34:43,674 --> 00:34:45,442 by bringing about the omega. 666 00:34:46,944 --> 00:34:50,013 Tonight, we hunt. 667 00:35:01,892 --> 00:35:06,363 ♪♪ 668 00:35:06,463 --> 00:35:10,934 ♪♪ 669 00:35:14,037 --> 00:35:21,145 ♪♪ 670 00:35:21,245 --> 00:35:23,213 Are you ready to join the pack? 671 00:35:26,350 --> 00:35:27,785 I've already got one. 672 00:35:33,924 --> 00:35:35,559 ♪ Here in the witching hour ♪ 673 00:35:35,659 --> 00:35:36,994 ♪ I stand here bleeding out ♪ 674 00:35:38,228 --> 00:35:39,296 ♪ Thought I knew you ♪ 675 00:35:39,396 --> 00:35:41,565 ♪ There's something sinister ♪ 676 00:35:41,665 --> 00:35:43,434 ♪ I can't resist the urge ♪ 677 00:35:43,534 --> 00:35:46,103 ♪ To pull the covers off and look ♪ 678 00:35:46,203 --> 00:35:47,704 ♪ In the middle ♪ 679 00:35:47,805 --> 00:35:49,573 ♪ In the middle of the night ♪ 680 00:35:49,673 --> 00:35:51,208 ♪ In the middle ♪ 681 00:35:51,308 --> 00:35:53,744 ♪ In the middle of the night ♪ 682 00:36:39,022 --> 00:36:41,725 Honey, I'm home. 683 00:36:41,825 --> 00:36:43,994 Oh, if you'll excuse me. 684 00:36:46,196 --> 00:36:48,599 You almost didn't make it in time. 685 00:36:50,934 --> 00:36:52,369 You did it. 686 00:36:52,469 --> 00:36:54,304 I knew you'd come through. 687 00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,541 I had to improvise. 688 00:36:59,443 --> 00:37:01,044 Werewolves. 689 00:37:01,144 --> 00:37:04,715 What a surprise. 690 00:37:04,815 --> 00:37:08,218 Well, it's not like we have a monopoly on full moons. 691 00:37:08,318 --> 00:37:10,220 I hope it wasn't too difficult. 692 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,824 I just really wanted to show you how much I cared. 693 00:37:13,924 --> 00:37:16,026 Show everybody. 694 00:37:16,126 --> 00:37:19,429 Well, we didn't start without you. Come on. 695 00:37:19,530 --> 00:37:20,931 Oh, werewolf pelts. 696 00:37:21,031 --> 00:37:23,433 You know, these are a real delicacy. 697 00:37:23,534 --> 00:37:25,602 This is gonna be great for the whole family. 698 00:37:25,702 --> 00:37:29,006 Come on, guys. Uh, everybody let's get started. 699 00:38:06,476 --> 00:38:07,544 Is that a dead animal? 700 00:38:07,644 --> 00:38:08,712 Looks real, don't it? 701 00:38:08,812 --> 00:38:10,147 It even feels real. 702 00:38:12,549 --> 00:38:14,785 Feels dead. 703 00:38:14,885 --> 00:38:17,020 That is a screen-used prop, my friend... 704 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:18,789 From a werewolf movie. 705 00:38:18,889 --> 00:38:21,024 Anyhoo, I got to go get some work done. 706 00:38:42,339 --> 00:38:44,407 Do you know what they call a Goldie Hawn 707 00:38:44,508 --> 00:38:46,309 in the fetish community? 708 00:38:48,411 --> 00:38:50,547 It's when you find a gentleman by the name of Hawn 709 00:38:50,647 --> 00:38:53,583 and urinate on him. 710 00:38:53,683 --> 00:38:56,386 I'm not gonna do that to you, Hawn, 711 00:38:56,486 --> 00:38:59,222 'cause I don't have that fetish. 712 00:38:59,322 --> 00:39:01,391 Besides... 713 00:39:01,491 --> 00:39:04,494 I don't even know if you're real name is Hawn. 714 00:39:05,829 --> 00:39:07,163 I am using my real name. 715 00:39:07,264 --> 00:39:09,232 I-I mean... 716 00:39:09,332 --> 00:39:10,400 What? Nothing. 717 00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:12,168 Shut up. 718 00:39:24,481 --> 00:39:26,850 W-Why do you have a balloon? 719 00:39:26,950 --> 00:39:30,353 I can't... 720 00:39:30,453 --> 00:39:32,622 tell you that. 721 00:39:37,494 --> 00:39:39,896 There are balloon fetishists, as well, 722 00:39:39,996 --> 00:39:42,365 and I think Chad might be one of them. 723 00:39:42,465 --> 00:39:44,034 So if you want to keep working here 724 00:39:44,134 --> 00:39:46,336 with a pervert like that... 725 00:39:46,436 --> 00:39:48,138 you can. 726 00:40:36,653 --> 00:40:40,490 There's still a killer on the loose targeting girls. 727 00:41:13,890 --> 00:41:15,759 Thank you. 728 00:41:24,901 --> 00:41:27,070 We got wine! We got wine! 729 00:41:27,170 --> 00:41:29,105 Yes! 730 00:41:34,444 --> 00:41:35,644 You know what? You need to read 731 00:41:35,712 --> 00:41:37,447 "The Power of Now" so we can just be 732 00:41:37,547 --> 00:41:38,858 in the moment and not think about... 733 00:41:38,882 --> 00:41:40,383 I've been in the moment for 30 minutes 734 00:41:40,483 --> 00:41:41,584 waiting for you guys. 735 00:41:41,685 --> 00:41:43,787 Well, let's get in the moment and let's go. 736 00:42:18,021 --> 00:42:19,989 This is amazing! 737 00:42:20,090 --> 00:42:22,058 Oh, this looks like my grandma's house. 738 00:42:22,158 --> 00:42:23,326 I kind of love it. 739 00:42:23,426 --> 00:42:24,661 Let's get drunk! 740 00:42:24,761 --> 00:42:25,762 Yes. 741 00:42:25,862 --> 00:42:27,330 I haven't had sugar in 82 days. 742 00:42:27,430 --> 00:42:28,832 Calling it! 743 00:42:30,900 --> 00:42:32,736 Last time I had rosé with you girls, 744 00:42:32,836 --> 00:42:34,537 I knocked my front teeth out 745 00:42:34,637 --> 00:42:36,206 on a marble statue of the Madonna. 746 00:42:38,775 --> 00:42:40,643 - Did you use porcelain? - It's still plastic. 747 00:42:40,744 --> 00:42:42,054 - I never changed it. - You didn't? 748 00:42:42,078 --> 00:42:43,813 You cheap bitch. 749 00:42:43,913 --> 00:42:45,148 It was 75 bucks. 750 00:42:45,248 --> 00:42:46,883 - Oh, girl. - Look. 751 00:42:46,983 --> 00:42:48,284 Yeah. She still has a scar. 752 00:42:48,384 --> 00:42:50,220 No pain, no gain. 753 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,955 Yeah. You shouldn't be swimming... 754 00:43:08,538 --> 00:43:11,608 Go. Oh, that's the one! 755 00:43:11,708 --> 00:43:13,209 Isn't this nice, just getting away? 756 00:43:13,309 --> 00:43:15,211 I can't believe you almost didn't make it. 757 00:43:15,311 --> 00:43:16,646 - What? - Mm-hmm. 758 00:43:16,746 --> 00:43:18,626 Yeah, what, are you getting too cool for us now? 759 00:43:18,715 --> 00:43:20,517 Hey, I'm here, aren't I? 760 00:43:20,617 --> 00:43:22,218 - Come on. - Very true. 761 00:43:23,620 --> 00:43:24,797 What did you do to our friend? 762 00:43:24,821 --> 00:43:27,190 You're going to ruin the anti-aging process. 763 00:43:27,290 --> 00:43:28,290 Ooh. 764 00:43:31,294 --> 00:43:32,829 I look 22, right? 765 00:43:32,929 --> 00:43:35,064 Yeah, I mean... 766 00:43:36,599 --> 00:43:38,201 Um... 767 00:43:38,301 --> 00:43:39,836 what is that? 768 00:43:41,738 --> 00:43:42,738 You stole that. 769 00:43:42,772 --> 00:43:43,673 So what? 770 00:43:43,773 --> 00:43:45,375 You are such a klepto. 771 00:43:45,475 --> 00:43:46,643 - It's fine. - I admit it. 772 00:43:46,743 --> 00:43:48,678 We bought a bunch of stuff there, it's fine. 773 00:43:48,778 --> 00:43:50,547 - That's right. - You want to try it? 774 00:43:50,647 --> 00:43:52,682 Give me this thing. 775 00:43:52,782 --> 00:43:55,685 This is giant. 776 00:43:55,785 --> 00:43:57,954 You are cheap as shit. 777 00:43:59,355 --> 00:44:01,558 It was not easy to steal this. 778 00:44:04,294 --> 00:44:06,029 Pretty good find. 779 00:44:44,033 --> 00:44:46,169 I don't feel so good. 780 00:44:47,871 --> 00:44:51,107 My face is... real hot. 781 00:44:53,576 --> 00:44:54,744 Oh, thank you. 782 00:44:54,844 --> 00:44:56,055 I don't think I have any pain killers. 783 00:44:56,079 --> 00:44:58,715 I think I might have something. 784 00:45:03,953 --> 00:45:05,622 Oh, my God! 785 00:45:05,722 --> 00:45:07,090 - What? - You still have this? 786 00:45:07,190 --> 00:45:08,091 Yeah. 787 00:45:08,191 --> 00:45:10,093 Mine broke ages ago. 788 00:45:10,193 --> 00:45:11,193 - Aw. - Oh, my God. 789 00:45:11,227 --> 00:45:12,462 Allie, remember this night? 790 00:45:12,562 --> 00:45:13,706 You almost went home with that guy 791 00:45:13,730 --> 00:45:15,098 that looks like a turtle. 792 00:45:15,198 --> 00:45:18,101 Oh, my God! She did. 793 00:45:18,201 --> 00:45:19,435 He like literally had a shell. 794 00:45:19,535 --> 00:45:20,937 He was disgusting. 795 00:45:21,037 --> 00:45:22,105 He was super creepy. 796 00:45:22,205 --> 00:45:23,773 We were like, "No, but..." 797 00:45:23,873 --> 00:45:24,873 Allie? 798 00:45:33,316 --> 00:45:35,285 Allie? 799 00:45:37,921 --> 00:45:39,756 I take it back. 800 00:45:50,934 --> 00:45:53,202 I think I feel better now. 801 00:45:53,303 --> 00:45:55,204 What's wrong, you guys? 802 00:45:55,305 --> 00:45:56,339 Oh, my God. 803 00:45:56,439 --> 00:45:57,507 What? 804 00:45:57,607 --> 00:45:59,108 You guys. 805 00:46:02,045 --> 00:46:04,714 No! 806 00:46:04,814 --> 00:46:06,049 Jamie... 807 00:46:06,149 --> 00:46:08,451 Oh! 808 00:46:08,551 --> 00:46:10,954 What do you think of this color? 809 00:46:11,054 --> 00:46:13,756 This is all your fault! 810 00:46:13,856 --> 00:46:15,858 Don't worry. We can fix this. 811 00:46:15,959 --> 00:46:18,194 How are we gonna fix this?! 812 00:46:18,294 --> 00:46:20,463 I got it! I got it! I got it. 813 00:46:25,635 --> 00:46:27,136 Whoa. 814 00:46:38,748 --> 00:46:40,350 Hello? 815 00:46:40,450 --> 00:46:42,452 I'm wondering about a piece of candy 816 00:46:42,552 --> 00:46:44,554 that we got at your store. 817 00:46:44,654 --> 00:46:47,023 - Tell her I'm sorry. - Yeah. 818 00:46:54,897 --> 00:46:56,208 Why is she... Why are you laughing? 819 00:46:56,232 --> 00:46:57,467 What is so funny?! 820 00:48:42,839 --> 00:48:44,707 Keep your focus! 821 00:48:44,807 --> 00:48:46,442 Never break! 822 00:48:46,542 --> 00:48:48,311 Wow, you're good. 823 00:48:50,213 --> 00:48:51,581 Okay. 824 00:48:53,974 --> 00:48:55,475 Faster, faster! You got to move! 825 00:48:55,575 --> 00:48:56,643 Got to move. 826 00:48:56,743 --> 00:48:59,846 Efficiency, elegance, destruction of ego. 827 00:49:01,181 --> 00:49:02,449 I've got to say, 828 00:49:02,549 --> 00:49:04,284 I am really impressed. 829 00:49:04,384 --> 00:49:05,786 You clean a hell of a bathroom. 830 00:49:05,886 --> 00:49:06,987 Thank you, sir. 831 00:49:07,087 --> 00:49:08,431 Now, we just got to get that piranha tank clean. 832 00:49:08,455 --> 00:49:09,523 The what? 833 00:49:12,959 --> 00:49:14,027 Why do you even have that? 834 00:49:14,127 --> 00:49:16,530 It was a failed promotion I did back in 2010. 835 00:49:16,630 --> 00:49:17,731 No way. 836 00:49:17,831 --> 00:49:19,900 Did you just say no to me? 837 00:49:23,904 --> 00:49:24,905 I'll clean it. 838 00:49:25,005 --> 00:49:26,239 Where did you come from? 839 00:49:26,339 --> 00:49:28,008 I'm always here. 840 00:49:29,176 --> 00:49:31,845 And I will always be here 841 00:49:31,945 --> 00:49:35,382 until you give me the job that was rightfully mine. 842 00:49:35,482 --> 00:49:38,185 You guys continue having your little 843 00:49:38,285 --> 00:49:42,389 employee/employer meeting in the bathroom. 844 00:49:44,758 --> 00:49:46,793 That's my mom. 845 00:49:46,893 --> 00:49:50,097 She's out getting the shaggin' wagon detailed. 846 00:49:50,197 --> 00:49:51,631 Big plans this weekend. 847 00:49:52,899 --> 00:49:55,302 So, you're not off the hook. 848 00:49:55,402 --> 00:49:57,571 I'll be back. 849 00:49:57,671 --> 00:49:59,940 I'll be back real soon. 850 00:50:01,341 --> 00:50:04,077 He will. He just keeps coming back again and again. 851 00:50:04,177 --> 00:50:05,412 He's like that killer in 852 00:50:05,512 --> 00:50:07,914 "The Night He Came Back Again: Part IV, The Final Kill." 853 00:50:08,014 --> 00:50:10,917 You know that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me? 854 00:50:12,185 --> 00:50:15,589 God damn it, Mom! I'm coming. 855 00:50:17,624 --> 00:50:18,959 Who? 856 00:50:19,059 --> 00:50:20,460 Just this dude. 857 00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,196 He kills people, keeps coming back again. 858 00:50:39,012 --> 00:50:41,648 How much longer do we have to watch this? 859 00:50:43,416 --> 00:50:44,918 Now! 860 00:51:04,805 --> 00:51:06,673 Every Fourth of July, 861 00:51:06,773 --> 00:51:08,775 we have fireworks, 862 00:51:08,875 --> 00:51:12,746 hot dogs, and you. 863 00:51:12,846 --> 00:51:14,948 Whether at a cabin, the county fair, 864 00:51:15,048 --> 00:51:16,950 or summer camp, 865 00:51:17,050 --> 00:51:19,119 you show up and kill everyone, 866 00:51:19,219 --> 00:51:21,888 including my boyfriends! 867 00:51:23,990 --> 00:51:26,259 You'll be fine. 868 00:51:27,527 --> 00:51:30,363 Every year, I leave you for dead. 869 00:51:30,463 --> 00:51:33,266 And the next year... 870 00:51:33,366 --> 00:51:34,768 you come back. 871 00:51:35,735 --> 00:51:37,904 That ends tonight. 872 00:51:55,322 --> 00:51:56,790 That was easy. 873 00:52:23,216 --> 00:52:24,217 Thanks. 874 00:52:24,317 --> 00:52:25,986 Yeah, no problem. 875 00:52:26,086 --> 00:52:27,487 Aah! 876 00:52:27,587 --> 00:52:30,156 Babe, it's over now. He can't hurt you anymore. 877 00:52:30,257 --> 00:52:32,692 Now we can finally go all the way. 878 00:52:32,792 --> 00:52:34,461 No, it's not over. 879 00:52:34,561 --> 00:52:36,263 He could still come back. 880 00:52:36,363 --> 00:52:37,631 Babe, he's dead. 881 00:52:37,731 --> 00:52:38,632 Look. 882 00:52:38,732 --> 00:52:39,966 Greg, don't. 883 00:52:40,066 --> 00:52:42,068 Do you know how many girls I turned down this year 884 00:52:42,168 --> 00:52:44,204 because I was saving myself for you?! 885 00:52:45,805 --> 00:52:47,340 Stop messing around, Greg. 886 00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:49,276 Fuck off, Will. 887 00:52:51,244 --> 00:52:51,978 Greg. 888 00:52:52,078 --> 00:52:53,313 Daisy, he's dead. 889 00:52:53,413 --> 00:52:55,081 Now have sex with me! 890 00:53:03,189 --> 00:53:06,459 ♪♪ 891 00:53:08,662 --> 00:53:10,697 Will, get the jumper cables. 892 00:53:19,940 --> 00:53:21,508 Okay. He's ready. 893 00:53:23,043 --> 00:53:24,477 Why are they on his nipples? 894 00:53:24,577 --> 00:53:26,217 I mean, isn't... Isn't that where they go? 895 00:53:26,313 --> 00:53:29,282 No, this isn't some porno. Put it on his neck. 896 00:53:29,382 --> 00:53:30,517 Come on, man. 897 00:53:30,617 --> 00:53:32,485 I didn't... I... 898 00:53:34,754 --> 00:53:35,655 Okay. 899 00:53:35,755 --> 00:53:37,023 That's good. 900 00:53:37,123 --> 00:53:39,125 Just... die! 901 00:53:58,078 --> 00:53:59,245 Did it work? 902 00:54:03,616 --> 00:54:05,685 Seth, don't. It's too dangerous. 903 00:54:05,785 --> 00:54:07,587 It's okay. 904 00:54:07,687 --> 00:54:09,856 I'm pre-med. 905 00:54:27,173 --> 00:54:28,173 Oh. 906 00:54:34,881 --> 00:54:36,816 Damn it! 907 00:55:02,909 --> 00:55:07,080 Say hi to the Founding Fathers, asshole. 908 00:55:07,180 --> 00:55:08,481 Oh, sorry. Okay. 909 00:55:14,754 --> 00:55:16,656 Happy Fourth of July... 910 00:55:16,756 --> 00:55:17,756 fucker. 911 00:55:35,175 --> 00:55:36,409 Holy shit! 912 00:55:36,509 --> 00:55:38,411 We did it! 913 00:55:39,345 --> 00:55:42,749 Oh, my God! 914 00:55:42,849 --> 00:55:44,984 We did it. 915 00:55:45,085 --> 00:55:46,686 Hey, uh... 916 00:55:46,786 --> 00:55:48,888 I'm sorry about Seth. 917 00:55:48,988 --> 00:55:50,557 Oh, it's okay. 918 00:55:50,657 --> 00:55:54,627 We were only going out for a few weeks anyway. 919 00:55:57,697 --> 00:56:00,366 He was pre-med. 920 00:56:03,336 --> 00:56:04,537 Crazy night. 921 00:56:06,873 --> 00:56:08,708 Yeah. 922 00:56:08,808 --> 00:56:10,310 Thank you. 923 00:56:10,410 --> 00:56:11,678 Yeah. 924 00:56:11,778 --> 00:56:13,646 I couldn't have done it without you. 925 00:56:13,746 --> 00:56:16,716 I'm always here for you, Daisy. 926 00:56:16,816 --> 00:56:18,518 Always. 927 00:56:18,618 --> 00:56:20,353 Um, yeah, I'm... 928 00:56:20,453 --> 00:56:22,922 I'm sorry about Greg. 929 00:56:23,022 --> 00:56:24,757 Yeah. 930 00:56:24,858 --> 00:56:27,127 I really liked him. 931 00:56:27,227 --> 00:56:29,395 But maybe I should just stay single. 932 00:56:29,496 --> 00:56:31,598 It seems to be working out for you. 933 00:56:38,905 --> 00:56:40,840 What should we do with these? 934 00:56:42,842 --> 00:56:43,543 Chloe! 935 00:56:43,643 --> 00:56:44,644 Aaah! 936 00:57:10,236 --> 00:57:12,238 Fuck. 937 00:57:15,975 --> 00:57:18,044 Fuck! 938 00:57:19,479 --> 00:57:21,114 Oh. 939 00:57:26,386 --> 00:57:28,321 No, just stay away from, Will. 940 00:57:28,421 --> 00:57:31,658 Everyone I care about ends up dead. 941 00:57:31,758 --> 00:57:34,761 You care about me? 942 00:57:34,861 --> 00:57:36,062 Of course I do. 943 00:57:36,162 --> 00:57:39,933 I care about you, too. A lot. 944 00:57:40,033 --> 00:57:43,970 Every time I find a good guy, he ends up impaled, 945 00:57:44,070 --> 00:57:47,106 decapitated, or stabbed through the head. 946 00:57:47,207 --> 00:57:49,609 Well, maybe the good guy you've been searching for 947 00:57:49,709 --> 00:57:51,444 has been... 948 00:57:51,544 --> 00:57:54,013 right here in front of you. 949 00:57:54,113 --> 00:57:55,915 I... I love you, Daisy. 950 00:58:07,860 --> 00:58:09,095 Come on! 951 00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:14,667 Will. 952 00:58:14,767 --> 00:58:16,669 Take off his mask. 953 00:58:16,769 --> 00:58:18,047 I want to look this bastard in the eye 954 00:58:18,071 --> 00:58:19,172 when I finally kill him. 955 00:58:19,272 --> 00:58:20,516 Are you... Are you sure that's necessary... 956 00:58:20,540 --> 00:58:23,276 Just do it! 957 00:58:37,390 --> 00:58:39,225 What... What are you waiting for? 958 00:58:43,396 --> 00:58:44,731 Oh, no, no. 959 00:58:44,831 --> 00:58:46,132 Are you into him? 960 00:58:46,232 --> 00:58:48,735 No, you got to be fucking kidding me. 961 00:58:50,136 --> 00:58:51,170 Daisy. 962 00:58:51,271 --> 00:58:52,839 Uh... 963 00:58:52,939 --> 00:58:54,674 Shoot him. 964 00:58:59,412 --> 00:59:00,647 I can't. 965 00:59:03,349 --> 00:59:05,518 I... 966 00:59:05,618 --> 00:59:07,320 hate you. 967 00:59:28,708 --> 00:59:30,677 Hello? 968 00:59:30,777 --> 00:59:33,012 I'd like to rent a... 969 00:59:33,112 --> 00:59:34,112 wood chipper. 970 00:59:48,695 --> 00:59:51,431 Daisy. 971 00:59:51,531 --> 00:59:52,932 I'm your brother. 972 00:59:53,032 --> 00:59:54,600 W-What?! 973 01:00:04,210 --> 01:00:05,210 What? 974 01:00:42,915 --> 01:00:44,684 Are you still mad at me? 975 01:00:47,787 --> 01:00:51,457 Oh. But did you finish cleaning the piranha tank? 976 01:00:51,557 --> 01:00:53,459 Oh... Oh, got to poop. 977 01:01:02,869 --> 01:01:04,070 Oh, and don't forget, 978 01:01:04,170 --> 01:01:05,490 if you go anywhere near that door, 979 01:01:05,538 --> 01:01:06,538 I'll have to kill ya. 980 01:01:08,341 --> 01:01:09,375 Oh. 981 01:01:09,475 --> 01:01:12,107 Oh, and can you brew some fresh coffee? 982 01:01:33,228 --> 01:01:35,630 No Daddy? 983 01:01:35,730 --> 01:01:36,798 What? 984 01:03:11,025 --> 01:03:12,927 You don't have to do this. I have so much to do. 985 01:03:13,027 --> 01:03:15,730 I have so much to do. 986 01:03:15,830 --> 01:03:17,866 Please, please, please. You don't have to do this. 987 01:03:17,966 --> 01:03:19,100 Please, please, please. 988 01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:21,236 Please don't. Please don't. 989 01:03:37,285 --> 01:03:38,987 Please! 990 01:03:39,087 --> 01:03:41,689 I have so much to do. 991 01:04:22,630 --> 01:04:23,765 Ooh, and I can't wait 992 01:04:23,865 --> 01:04:25,009 to see what's gonna happen with that. 993 01:04:25,033 --> 01:04:26,073 Oh, no, no. La-la-la-la-la. 994 01:04:26,167 --> 01:04:27,702 Look, I do not want to hear that, okay? 995 01:04:27,802 --> 01:04:29,337 I'm only up to season 4, damn it. 996 01:04:29,437 --> 01:04:30,638 Girl, I'm am insulted. 997 01:04:30,738 --> 01:04:32,349 You think I'm over here trying to spill details, 998 01:04:32,373 --> 01:04:34,242 trying to spill the show details? 999 01:04:34,342 --> 01:04:35,643 All right. You're right. 1000 01:04:35,743 --> 01:04:37,187 Fran, you think I'm over here dropping spoilers? 1001 01:04:37,211 --> 01:04:39,180 Okay. Look, now you're just being silly. 1002 01:04:39,280 --> 01:04:40,280 You're being silly. 1003 01:04:40,315 --> 01:04:41,649 No, this is ridiculous. 1004 01:04:41,749 --> 01:04:43,318 You're ridiculous. 1005 01:04:54,796 --> 01:04:55,697 Stop it. 1006 01:04:55,797 --> 01:04:56,698 You stop it. 1007 01:04:56,798 --> 01:04:58,166 - Okay. - Okay. 1008 01:04:58,266 --> 01:05:00,068 - Okay. - Okay. 1009 01:05:05,940 --> 01:05:07,809 Seriously, though, I'm just gonna go home, 1010 01:05:07,909 --> 01:05:10,578 I'm gonna binge the whole thing. I'm gonna be so caught up. 1011 01:05:10,678 --> 01:05:12,347 Hashtag... a stay-cay. 1012 01:05:12,447 --> 01:05:13,982 Boo, how long is that gonna take? 1013 01:05:14,082 --> 01:05:16,384 'Cause the series finale drops tonight, 1014 01:05:16,484 --> 01:05:18,429 and I don't know how long I can keep everything to myself. 1015 01:05:18,453 --> 01:05:20,455 Okay, well you better, because I will murder you. 1016 01:05:20,555 --> 01:05:23,358 I hate, hate, hate spoilers. 1017 01:05:23,458 --> 01:05:24,926 You and me both. 1018 01:05:25,026 --> 01:05:26,794 Shit. Hey, hang on. 1019 01:05:27,829 --> 01:05:29,330 No, no, no, no. 1020 01:05:29,430 --> 01:05:30,865 Oh, God. 1021 01:05:48,983 --> 01:05:50,885 Maggie, is it like... 1022 01:05:50,985 --> 01:05:54,789 cloudy where you are, or foggy? 1023 01:05:56,224 --> 01:05:58,659 Maggie? 1024 01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:00,495 Maggie? 1025 01:06:00,595 --> 01:06:02,530 Shit. 1026 01:06:04,165 --> 01:06:05,433 What the...?! 1027 01:06:05,533 --> 01:06:07,835 Oh, my God! Holy shit! 1028 01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:36,564 Hello, Fran? 1029 01:06:36,664 --> 01:06:38,099 Girl, I can't hear you. 1030 01:06:38,199 --> 01:06:39,267 Are you still there? 1031 01:06:39,367 --> 01:06:42,770 Francesca, hello? 1032 01:06:42,870 --> 01:06:44,539 Fran. 1033 01:06:44,639 --> 01:06:46,541 Fran? 1034 01:06:46,641 --> 01:06:49,143 I have so much to do. 1035 01:06:49,243 --> 01:06:50,611 Oh. Oh, don't even trip. 1036 01:06:50,711 --> 01:06:52,880 I'll call you tomorrow, bitch. Peace. 1037 01:07:40,027 --> 01:07:42,763 Previously on "Battle of Mages." 1038 01:07:42,864 --> 01:07:44,499 Jay Battle, are you ready? 1039 01:07:44,599 --> 01:07:47,235 I was born ready, bro. 1040 01:07:55,276 --> 01:07:56,711 Hey. 1041 01:08:02,750 --> 01:08:04,585 I said hey! 1042 01:08:29,410 --> 01:08:32,680 That's my body. 1043 01:08:38,319 --> 01:08:39,954 I... 1044 01:08:40,054 --> 01:08:42,256 hate... 1045 01:08:42,356 --> 01:08:43,891 spoilers. 1046 01:08:43,991 --> 01:08:46,861 Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers... 1047 01:10:08,442 --> 01:10:09,543 Aaah! 1048 01:11:50,277 --> 01:11:53,013 Mother... 1049 01:12:49,637 --> 01:12:50,771 MacGuffin? 1050 01:12:50,871 --> 01:12:52,306 Oh, sorry. 1051 01:12:52,406 --> 01:12:54,608 I didn't see you. Wait. MacGuffin? 1052 01:12:54,708 --> 01:12:57,611 McMuffin. Do you want a McMuffin? 1053 01:12:57,711 --> 01:13:00,681 What are you doing with that tape? 1054 01:13:00,781 --> 01:13:02,917 What are you doing with it? 1055 01:13:03,017 --> 01:13:04,297 Uh, it's my friend Baron's film. 1056 01:13:04,351 --> 01:13:05,252 He told me to watch it. 1057 01:13:05,352 --> 01:13:06,921 So I wrote "watch me" on it 1058 01:13:07,021 --> 01:13:08,622 so I wouldn't forget. 1059 01:13:11,091 --> 01:13:13,461 Oh, no. 1060 01:13:13,561 --> 01:13:15,429 You saw inside, didn't you? 1061 01:13:15,529 --> 01:13:18,399 I-I-I mean, n-not much. 1062 01:13:18,499 --> 01:13:20,768 But you saw it. 1063 01:13:20,868 --> 01:13:23,037 So you know. 1064 01:13:23,137 --> 01:13:24,872 Oh, yeah, you know. 1065 01:13:24,972 --> 01:13:27,007 You know too much. 1066 01:13:28,242 --> 01:13:30,311 Cat's out of the bag. 1067 01:13:35,549 --> 01:13:38,018 Well... 1068 01:13:38,118 --> 01:13:40,287 it was supposed to be a surprise. 1069 01:13:40,387 --> 01:13:44,058 You know, best new employee. 1070 01:13:44,158 --> 01:13:46,894 Best new friend. 1071 01:13:46,994 --> 01:13:49,396 Now it's ruined. 1072 01:13:49,497 --> 01:13:51,565 Do you like cake? 1073 01:13:57,295 --> 01:13:59,297 You know what my least favorite horror trope is? 1074 01:13:59,397 --> 01:14:00,841 It's when there's some blathering idiot, 1075 01:14:00,865 --> 01:14:03,835 and he's not paying any attention to his surroundings 1076 01:14:03,935 --> 01:14:06,237 and somebody sneaks up and just... 1077 01:14:18,249 --> 01:14:19,417 Transfer complete. 1078 01:14:19,517 --> 01:14:21,419 All phases activated. 1079 01:14:25,690 --> 01:14:27,992 Welcome. 1080 01:14:38,870 --> 01:14:41,172 What in the hell is going on here? 1081 01:14:48,479 --> 01:14:51,916 You little fucker. You were behind this?! 1082 01:14:52,016 --> 01:14:54,219 This makes zero sense. 1083 01:14:54,319 --> 01:14:57,288 I put you through my entire orientation. 1084 01:14:57,388 --> 01:14:59,324 Who would do something like that? 1085 01:14:59,424 --> 01:15:00,625 Her. 1086 01:15:04,229 --> 01:15:06,164 Not me. No, no! 1087 01:15:06,264 --> 01:15:07,498 What about the blonde girl? 1088 01:15:07,599 --> 01:15:10,335 - It's horror logic. - What about the new guy? 1089 01:15:10,435 --> 01:15:12,704 I'm gonna need that key back. 1090 01:15:12,804 --> 01:15:13,872 And you're fired! 1091 01:15:16,174 --> 01:15:18,543 I love that little man. 1092 01:15:18,643 --> 01:15:20,345 There's nothing we could have done. 1093 01:15:20,445 --> 01:15:21,346 She's right. 1094 01:15:21,446 --> 01:15:23,348 Look, they got guns 1095 01:15:23,448 --> 01:15:26,684 and guards and God knows what else beyond those doors. 1096 01:15:26,784 --> 01:15:28,529 But I thought the dragon lady was his sister? 1097 01:15:28,553 --> 01:15:30,273 No, Jamie and Cersei are brother and sister. 1098 01:15:30,355 --> 01:15:31,556 Dany's his aunt. 1099 01:15:31,656 --> 01:15:34,092 Oh, okay. So it's like good incest? 1100 01:15:34,192 --> 01:15:35,960 There's no such... There's not a thing... 1101 01:15:36,060 --> 01:15:38,062 that's called good incest. 1102 01:15:38,162 --> 01:15:39,364 Never mind, look. 1103 01:15:39,464 --> 01:15:42,767 Jon's dad, Rhaegar, is Dany's older brother. 1104 01:15:42,867 --> 01:15:43,978 I thought Jon was Sean Be... 1105 01:15:44,002 --> 01:15:45,737 Is it Sean Bean, or was Liam Neeson kid? 1106 01:15:45,837 --> 01:15:46,881 - You mean Ned Stark? - Yeah. 1107 01:15:46,905 --> 01:15:49,607 No, Ned knew his true lineage, but... 1108 01:15:49,707 --> 01:15:51,276 It didn't matter. He kept it a secret. 1109 01:15:51,376 --> 01:15:54,178 He brought Jon home, pretended he was his bastard kid. 1110 01:15:54,279 --> 01:15:56,014 Cat didn't even know the truth. 1111 01:15:56,114 --> 01:15:57,515 There was a cat? I love cats. 1112 01:15:57,615 --> 01:16:00,485 Oh, fuck you, man. Catelyn, Ned's wife. 1113 01:16:00,585 --> 01:16:01,886 Hi, doll. Aren't you a cutie? 1114 01:16:01,986 --> 01:16:03,054 Come on in here. 1115 01:16:03,154 --> 01:16:04,555 My name's Dixie. 1116 01:16:04,656 --> 01:16:06,216 Can I get you a beverage of some kind... 1117 01:16:06,257 --> 01:16:08,026 Tonic water, seltzer water, 1118 01:16:08,126 --> 01:16:09,661 Topo Chico? 1119 01:16:11,596 --> 01:16:12,996 Well, just step on up here, darling. 1120 01:16:13,031 --> 01:16:15,166 Here you go. 1121 01:16:15,266 --> 01:16:17,035 There we are, up on the treadmill. 1122 01:16:17,135 --> 01:16:19,137 Okay. We ready? 1123 01:16:19,237 --> 01:16:20,872 Ready for what exactly? 1124 01:16:20,972 --> 01:16:23,174 Okay. We're limber, ready to run. 1125 01:16:23,274 --> 01:16:25,085 That's what I mean. You need a little stretching? 1126 01:16:25,109 --> 01:16:27,745 You ready to run? 1127 01:16:27,845 --> 01:16:28,913 Okay. 1128 01:16:29,013 --> 01:16:32,350 Bring in the Devil's Lake Impaler! 1129 01:16:32,450 --> 01:16:33,518 Devil's what? 1130 01:16:33,618 --> 01:16:35,219 You'll see. 1131 01:16:35,320 --> 01:16:36,530 Look, I don't know what to tell you, bro, 1132 01:16:36,554 --> 01:16:38,923 I just like woke up here. 1133 01:16:39,023 --> 01:16:41,292 I was first. That was like... 1134 01:16:41,392 --> 01:16:43,061 90 minutes ago? 1135 01:16:43,161 --> 01:16:45,763 90 minutes? 1136 01:16:45,863 --> 01:16:47,432 Horror logic. 1137 01:16:49,767 --> 01:16:51,202 Jock. 1138 01:16:53,738 --> 01:16:56,307 Stoner. 1139 01:16:56,407 --> 01:16:57,709 Right? 1140 01:16:57,809 --> 01:16:59,177 Oh, uh... 1141 01:16:59,277 --> 01:17:01,112 Yeah. 1142 01:17:02,547 --> 01:17:03,548 Slut. 1143 01:17:03,648 --> 01:17:04,382 Excuse me? 1144 01:17:04,482 --> 01:17:05,984 Whoa, man. That's not cool. 1145 01:17:06,084 --> 01:17:07,364 No, I don't need your protection, 1146 01:17:07,418 --> 01:17:08,996 but I don't need your ignorant bullshit either. 1147 01:17:09,020 --> 01:17:11,589 It was the '80s. It's not my fault. 1148 01:17:13,024 --> 01:17:14,325 And, uh... 1149 01:17:14,425 --> 01:17:16,194 You sure you want to do this? 1150 01:17:16,294 --> 01:17:17,962 I was gonna say British. 1151 01:17:18,062 --> 01:17:20,431 Did I hear a slight accent? 1152 01:17:20,531 --> 01:17:24,369 Which would you make you... Final Girl. 1153 01:17:24,469 --> 01:17:25,937 Well, then who the hell are you? 1154 01:17:26,037 --> 01:17:29,173 Well, I am obviously the know-it-all horror guy. 1155 01:17:30,608 --> 01:17:34,112 That's not really like a stock horror character, though. 1156 01:17:34,212 --> 01:17:36,080 Yeah, it is. Randy from "Scream." 1157 01:17:36,180 --> 01:17:39,150 Anyhoo, what is important here, people, 1158 01:17:39,250 --> 01:17:41,619 is that we... 1159 01:17:41,719 --> 01:17:43,888 are in a horror movie! 1160 01:17:46,057 --> 01:17:47,558 Nobody? 1161 01:17:47,658 --> 01:17:49,594 Horror. 1162 01:17:49,694 --> 01:17:51,095 Horror movie. 1163 01:17:58,736 --> 01:18:01,239 Pretty scary, huh? 1164 01:18:05,810 --> 01:18:07,145 Hi. 1165 01:18:07,245 --> 01:18:08,288 I don't know, man, I'm getting more 1166 01:18:08,312 --> 01:18:09,714 of like a "Breakfast Club" vibe. 1167 01:18:09,814 --> 01:18:11,934 We are literally locked in this room against our will. 1168 01:18:12,016 --> 01:18:13,751 Exactly. 1169 01:18:13,851 --> 01:18:15,086 Yeah. 1170 01:18:15,186 --> 01:18:16,721 What? 1171 01:18:23,227 --> 01:18:26,064 Start running. He's gonna chase ya. 1172 01:18:26,164 --> 01:18:27,532 Okay. 1173 01:18:27,632 --> 01:18:30,234 There you go, nice, nice. I like this. 1174 01:18:31,869 --> 01:18:33,805 You're doing a good job. There you go. 1175 01:18:33,905 --> 01:18:36,374 Yeah, just keep on going. Oh. 1176 01:18:37,875 --> 01:18:40,278 Asthma. I-I have asthma. So it's... 1177 01:18:40,378 --> 01:18:41,512 I'm sure it was the asthma. 1178 01:18:41,612 --> 01:18:42,932 It's fine. Air quality these days. 1179 01:18:42,980 --> 01:18:44,415 Yeah. 1180 01:18:44,515 --> 01:18:46,317 It's a shame. Okay. 1181 01:18:46,417 --> 01:18:48,619 Keep going 'cause he's gonna keep chasing you. 1182 01:18:48,719 --> 01:18:50,088 He's a murderer. 1183 01:18:50,188 --> 01:18:51,532 Just keep on running. There you go. 1184 01:18:51,556 --> 01:18:53,558 Oh, there's another one. 1185 01:18:53,658 --> 01:18:56,194 Look, the longer we all sit here doing nothing, 1186 01:18:56,294 --> 01:18:58,129 the more likely we all get slaughtered. 1187 01:18:58,229 --> 01:18:59,063 Slaughtered? 1188 01:18:59,163 --> 01:19:00,331 Slaughtered, body snatched, 1189 01:19:00,431 --> 01:19:01,942 I haven't figured out what kind of sub-genre 1190 01:19:01,966 --> 01:19:02,966 we're dealing with yet. 1191 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:04,669 Oh, hell, no. What the fuck, man? 1192 01:19:04,769 --> 01:19:06,204 Nobody's getting slaughtered. 1193 01:19:06,304 --> 01:19:07,705 And we're not in a horror film. 1194 01:19:07,805 --> 01:19:11,843 That's because we are in John Hughes' teen classic. 1195 01:19:11,943 --> 01:19:13,087 None of this is helping anybody. 1196 01:19:13,111 --> 01:19:15,580 Jock always takes the lead, total trope. 1197 01:19:15,680 --> 01:19:17,081 I'm getting a headache. 1198 01:19:27,091 --> 01:19:29,727 Christine... faster. 1199 01:19:29,827 --> 01:19:31,863 Listen to her, come on. 1200 01:19:31,963 --> 01:19:33,865 Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. 1201 01:19:33,965 --> 01:19:35,066 He's gonna get ya. 1202 01:19:40,071 --> 01:19:41,639 And another one. 1203 01:19:43,241 --> 01:19:44,509 Great job, honey. 1204 01:19:44,609 --> 01:19:45,877 Fascinating. 1205 01:19:45,977 --> 01:19:47,578 Aerys the second, Dany's dad, 1206 01:19:47,678 --> 01:19:49,180 Jon's grandad, was king. 1207 01:19:49,280 --> 01:19:51,024 He went a little nuts, started killing fools. 1208 01:19:51,048 --> 01:19:52,717 Including Ned's father and brother. 1209 01:19:52,817 --> 01:19:54,185 Now, some of the houses rebelled, 1210 01:19:54,285 --> 01:19:56,220 Starks, Tullys, Arryns, Baratheons. 1211 01:19:56,320 --> 01:19:57,722 Now, at the Battle of the Trident, 1212 01:19:57,822 --> 01:19:59,533 Robert Baratheon, who was betrothed to Lyanna Stark, 1213 01:19:59,557 --> 01:20:01,893 Jon's actual birth mother, ended up killing Rhaegar, 1214 01:20:01,993 --> 01:20:04,228 who everyone believed kidnapped Lyanna against her will. 1215 01:20:04,328 --> 01:20:06,831 And during the whole rebellion, Tywin Lannister, 1216 01:20:06,931 --> 01:20:09,433 the Hand of the King, also turned on Aerys. 1217 01:20:09,534 --> 01:20:11,736 Tywin is the father of Tyrion and the twins. 1218 01:20:11,836 --> 01:20:12,836 The twins? 1219 01:20:12,870 --> 01:20:14,005 The sibling fuckers. 1220 01:20:14,105 --> 01:20:15,773 Oh, yeah. The good incest. 1221 01:20:15,873 --> 01:20:17,317 There's not... There's no good incest. 1222 01:20:17,341 --> 01:20:18,976 No good incest. Moving on. 1223 01:20:19,076 --> 01:20:21,312 So Aerys ordered Jamie, a Kingsguard at the time, 1224 01:20:21,412 --> 01:20:22,880 to kill his own dad for the betrayal. 1225 01:20:22,980 --> 01:20:25,082 But Jamie was like, "I'll kill you instead, 1226 01:20:25,183 --> 01:20:26,417 you crazy bastard," 1227 01:20:26,517 --> 01:20:28,486 and he stabbed him in the back. 1228 01:20:28,586 --> 01:20:30,621 Whoa. That's fucked up. 1229 01:20:30,721 --> 01:20:32,790 Yeah, it's fucked up. You're watching HBO, bitch. 1230 01:20:32,890 --> 01:20:34,659 It's not TV. 1231 01:20:34,759 --> 01:20:37,128 Security breach. 1232 01:20:38,262 --> 01:20:40,831 Warning. 1233 01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:44,802 Security breach. 1234 01:20:44,902 --> 01:20:48,105 My little panda bear. What has happened to you? 1235 01:20:48,206 --> 01:20:50,708 Run. 1236 01:20:59,784 --> 01:21:00,851 Damn this. 1237 01:21:00,952 --> 01:21:02,553 I got to get out of here. 1238 01:21:03,454 --> 01:21:05,089 A Bunsen burner. 1239 01:21:05,189 --> 01:21:07,191 Hey, you're not gonna want to follow him. 1240 01:21:07,291 --> 01:21:08,192 Why? 1241 01:21:08,292 --> 01:21:10,828 Uh, mm... 1242 01:21:28,779 --> 01:21:30,915 Hey, follow Final Girl. 1243 01:21:32,049 --> 01:21:35,019 What the hell are you guys doing? 1244 01:21:35,119 --> 01:21:36,119 Jon Snow. 1245 01:21:39,023 --> 01:21:41,058 Was that a treadmill? 1246 01:21:41,158 --> 01:21:42,727 Oh, my God. 1247 01:21:42,827 --> 01:21:44,862 Evacuation sequence activated. 1248 01:21:44,962 --> 01:21:46,631 Oh, my God. 1249 01:21:55,873 --> 01:21:58,943 Aah! 1250 01:22:00,278 --> 01:22:01,812 Oh, God. 1251 01:22:01,912 --> 01:22:03,981 Ah. 1252 01:22:07,285 --> 01:22:09,687 This shit is fucked up. 1253 01:22:11,088 --> 01:22:12,168 Are we all now in agreement 1254 01:22:12,256 --> 01:22:14,158 about this whole horror movie thing? 1255 01:22:26,737 --> 01:22:30,074 "When placed within 14 meters of any American made car, 1256 01:22:30,174 --> 01:22:34,045 the engine will not start in 17 out of 18 cases." 1257 01:22:34,145 --> 01:22:35,555 Hey, where'd you guys get your flashlights? 1258 01:22:35,579 --> 01:22:36,580 I brought mine. 1259 01:22:36,681 --> 01:22:39,050 Whoa, you guys. 1260 01:22:39,150 --> 01:22:41,819 Check this out. 1261 01:22:41,919 --> 01:22:44,989 That killer dude who's, like, doing all that stuff, 1262 01:22:45,089 --> 01:22:48,225 it's the Devils Lake Impaler. 1263 01:22:48,326 --> 01:22:49,460 Who? 1264 01:22:49,560 --> 01:22:53,297 He's this psychopath who killed like 11 people. 1265 01:22:53,397 --> 01:22:56,167 Well, he's actually a really good dude. 1266 01:22:56,267 --> 01:22:58,135 Yeah, he's the best. 1267 01:22:58,235 --> 01:23:00,371 I mean, he, like, was a really good dude. 1268 01:23:00,471 --> 01:23:02,031 I saw it on a "Forensics Files" episode. 1269 01:23:02,073 --> 01:23:03,673 He was, like, in this Big Brother program 1270 01:23:03,708 --> 01:23:05,576 for this 8-year-old cancer kid. 1271 01:23:05,676 --> 01:23:08,779 He even donated his lungs to help save the kid's life. 1272 01:23:08,879 --> 01:23:10,114 Oh. 1273 01:23:10,214 --> 01:23:12,350 You can't donate both your lungs. 1274 01:23:12,450 --> 01:23:14,051 All right. Well, like, okay. 1275 01:23:14,151 --> 01:23:16,420 Well, he, like, saved him or whatever 1276 01:23:16,520 --> 01:23:18,589 but then in some, like, 1277 01:23:18,689 --> 01:23:21,592 fraternity hazing ritual gone awry, 1278 01:23:21,692 --> 01:23:23,928 the kid died. 1279 01:23:24,028 --> 01:23:25,996 Wait, the kid was in college, 1280 01:23:26,097 --> 01:23:28,032 like a Doogie Howser thing? 1281 01:23:28,132 --> 01:23:30,568 What? No, like, the fraternity did it. 1282 01:23:30,668 --> 01:23:31,802 What are you... No. 1283 01:23:31,902 --> 01:23:34,572 Anyway, the point is that the kid died, 1284 01:23:34,672 --> 01:23:37,541 and the Devils Lake Impaler, or, like, I guess at this point, 1285 01:23:37,641 --> 01:23:39,510 his name was just like Damon or something, 1286 01:23:39,610 --> 01:23:42,079 he just, like, totally snapped, 1287 01:23:42,179 --> 01:23:43,824 and he started killing all the frat brothers 1288 01:23:43,848 --> 01:23:46,917 one by one in the most horrific was imaginable. 1289 01:23:47,017 --> 01:23:48,152 Whoa. 1290 01:23:48,252 --> 01:23:50,221 And they say that he took off all the faces 1291 01:23:50,321 --> 01:23:53,190 of the frat bros, 1292 01:23:53,290 --> 01:23:56,260 and now he wears them as a mask. 1293 01:23:56,360 --> 01:23:59,096 Resourceful. 1294 01:23:59,196 --> 01:24:01,932 I bet they're banging it out right now. 1295 01:24:02,032 --> 01:24:03,167 Who? 1296 01:24:03,267 --> 01:24:05,970 The, uh, "promiscuous girl" and the jock. 1297 01:24:06,070 --> 01:24:08,205 I bet they're slapping skinnies. 1298 01:24:08,305 --> 01:24:10,307 You know, the skin and the squirrel, 1299 01:24:10,408 --> 01:24:12,209 smoking the Gouda. 1300 01:24:12,309 --> 01:24:13,544 It's a horror trope. 1301 01:24:16,547 --> 01:24:18,682 Do you hear that? 1302 01:24:28,759 --> 01:24:30,795 It's coming toward us. 1303 01:24:33,497 --> 01:24:34,765 20 meters. 1304 01:24:34,865 --> 01:24:36,867 Where the hell you get that gun? 1305 01:24:40,337 --> 01:24:42,206 15 meters. 1306 01:24:47,244 --> 01:24:48,746 10. 1307 01:24:54,552 --> 01:24:56,387 5 meters. 1308 01:25:25,516 --> 01:25:26,784 Dicks... 1309 01:25:29,186 --> 01:25:31,155 Nameless, faceless girl. 1310 01:25:31,255 --> 01:25:33,390 I'm really surprised she lasted this long. 1311 01:25:33,491 --> 01:25:35,693 Her name was Christine, you asshole. 1312 01:25:35,793 --> 01:25:37,328 She taught kindergarten. 1313 01:25:37,428 --> 01:25:39,096 She's kind of hot. 1314 01:25:39,196 --> 01:25:42,466 Take that tracker thing off that's on her arm. 1315 01:25:42,566 --> 01:25:44,068 It's off. 1316 01:25:48,672 --> 01:25:50,341 Oh, God. 1317 01:25:56,647 --> 01:25:58,048 Let's get out of here. 1318 01:25:58,148 --> 01:26:00,384 Go. 1319 01:26:00,484 --> 01:26:03,153 Excuse me. Oh. Get... Whoa. 1320 01:26:06,490 --> 01:26:08,893 Oh, my God. 1321 01:26:08,993 --> 01:26:10,628 Fuck! 1322 01:26:16,133 --> 01:26:17,535 Oh, my God! Fuck... 1323 01:26:17,635 --> 01:26:20,704 This is a lot deeper than I thought. 1324 01:26:27,845 --> 01:26:28,879 Let me help you up. 1325 01:26:28,979 --> 01:26:30,648 No, I got it, I got it, I got it. 1326 01:26:39,790 --> 01:26:40,691 Can you even walk? 1327 01:26:40,791 --> 01:26:42,793 Yeah, I'm fine. 1328 01:26:49,166 --> 01:26:52,236 Alrighty then. I'll follow you. 1329 01:26:54,171 --> 01:26:56,040 Jesus. 1330 01:26:56,140 --> 01:26:57,708 What the fuck? 1331 01:26:57,808 --> 01:27:00,377 Guys, I'm pretty sure something bad happened here. 1332 01:27:00,477 --> 01:27:02,212 Yeah, no shit. 1333 01:27:02,313 --> 01:27:04,148 Alarm. 1334 01:27:05,883 --> 01:27:08,218 Alarm. Alarm. 1335 01:27:10,754 --> 01:27:12,256 Ugh. 1336 01:27:15,059 --> 01:27:17,561 Alarm. Alarm. 1337 01:27:23,334 --> 01:27:25,235 If you people want to live, 1338 01:27:25,336 --> 01:27:26,704 come with me. 1339 01:27:28,739 --> 01:27:31,809 Joe... Bob... Briggs! 1340 01:27:33,811 --> 01:27:35,980 It's time to get the hell out of Dodge. 1341 01:27:36,080 --> 01:27:37,514 Come on! 1342 01:27:42,978 --> 01:27:44,546 Mr. Briggs, um, Joe Bob, 1343 01:27:44,646 --> 01:27:46,982 I just have to tell you, I am your biggest fan. 1344 01:27:47,082 --> 01:27:49,184 I actually saw my first set of boobs on your show. 1345 01:27:49,284 --> 01:27:50,185 Son, what is your name? 1346 01:27:50,285 --> 01:27:51,086 Chad Buckley. 1347 01:27:51,186 --> 01:27:52,887 Okay, listen, Brad. 1348 01:27:52,988 --> 01:27:55,190 You know it's a horror film. I know it's a horror film. 1349 01:27:55,290 --> 01:27:57,359 They know, but they don't know. 1350 01:27:57,459 --> 01:27:58,760 We have to get them out of here. 1351 01:27:58,860 --> 01:28:01,363 That is our only goal right now. Can you help me with that? 1352 01:28:01,463 --> 01:28:03,231 You called me son. 1353 01:28:03,331 --> 01:28:05,309 Do you think we'll be best friends or best best friends? 1354 01:28:05,333 --> 01:28:06,978 - Do you like slumber parties... - You know what you are, Brad? 1355 01:28:07,002 --> 01:28:08,570 You're the personification 1356 01:28:08,670 --> 01:28:11,072 of what the Internet did to film criticism. 1357 01:28:11,172 --> 01:28:13,308 Thank you. 1358 01:28:18,079 --> 01:28:19,614 What the hell? 1359 01:28:19,714 --> 01:28:20,949 You threw a cat? 1360 01:28:21,049 --> 01:28:22,350 It was walking around. I'm sorry. 1361 01:28:22,450 --> 01:28:24,452 I don't... I don't know. I thought I could help it. 1362 01:28:24,552 --> 01:28:25,787 I got afraid. 1363 01:28:25,887 --> 01:28:27,655 It doesn't work. I already tried. 1364 01:28:27,756 --> 01:28:30,592 Oh, it works. You just need a badge. 1365 01:28:31,493 --> 01:28:32,560 Access granted. 1366 01:28:32,660 --> 01:28:35,330 See? Isn't he the coolest? 1367 01:28:37,932 --> 01:28:39,167 I told you they had sex. 1368 01:28:39,267 --> 01:28:41,169 Dude, seriously. 1369 01:28:41,269 --> 01:28:45,206 I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm a virgin. 1370 01:28:45,306 --> 01:28:48,243 You can't be a virgin. She's the virgin. 1371 01:28:48,343 --> 01:28:50,845 Nope. Definitely not a virgin. 1372 01:28:50,945 --> 01:28:54,382 Are you sure? I mean, I don't know how it all works, but. .. 1373 01:28:55,483 --> 01:28:57,318 What the hell? 1374 01:28:57,419 --> 01:28:58,987 You have to a be virgin. 1375 01:28:59,087 --> 01:29:02,223 Final Girls are always a virgin, so you have to be a virgin. 1376 01:29:20,041 --> 01:29:21,976 Huh, impaler. 1377 01:29:22,077 --> 01:29:23,411 I get it. 1378 01:30:24,405 --> 01:30:26,217 Whatever you do don't touch the emergency security... 1379 01:30:26,241 --> 01:30:27,642 Self destruct sequence activated. 1380 01:30:27,742 --> 01:30:29,010 System. 1381 01:30:29,110 --> 01:30:30,879 Alarm. Alarm. 1382 01:30:30,979 --> 01:30:32,881 10 minutes till self destruction. 1383 01:30:32,981 --> 01:30:34,215 Yeah, this is bad. 1384 01:30:34,315 --> 01:30:36,584 Alarm. Alarm. 1385 01:30:38,686 --> 01:30:40,822 Alarm. Alarm. 1386 01:30:42,957 --> 01:30:45,226 Alarm. Alarm. 1387 01:30:48,029 --> 01:30:49,931 - So, what now? - It'll be okay. 1388 01:30:50,031 --> 01:30:52,267 Yes, Tweedledum here has locked down the building 1389 01:30:52,367 --> 01:30:53,768 and cut off our only way out, 1390 01:30:53,868 --> 01:30:55,303 but I can override it. 1391 01:30:55,403 --> 01:30:58,973 Do not let Brad touch anything else. 1392 01:30:59,073 --> 01:31:01,075 Love you, Dad. 1393 01:31:01,176 --> 01:31:03,511 Alarm. Alarm. 1394 01:31:03,611 --> 01:31:06,347 Guys, this is Joe Bob Briggs we're talking about. 1395 01:31:06,447 --> 01:31:08,016 He is an absolute legend. 1396 01:31:08,116 --> 01:31:09,617 He has forgotten more about horror 1397 01:31:09,717 --> 01:31:11,553 than I could ever even hope to know. 1398 01:31:11,653 --> 01:31:14,088 There is nothing to worry about. 1399 01:31:14,189 --> 01:31:16,157 How does any of that help us right now? 1400 01:31:17,759 --> 01:31:19,093 Stabilizing. 1401 01:31:19,194 --> 01:31:21,696 See? What did I tell ya? 1402 01:31:21,796 --> 01:31:23,698 Joe Bob is the man. 1403 01:31:26,701 --> 01:31:29,671 Noooooo! 1404 01:31:39,614 --> 01:31:41,449 Can you just leave? 1405 01:31:46,287 --> 01:31:48,656 Just rest now, my sweet prince, 1406 01:31:48,756 --> 01:31:51,326 and let your worries just float away. 1407 01:31:51,426 --> 01:31:54,262 Like the blood currently leaving your organs. 1408 01:31:57,265 --> 01:31:58,700 Brad... 1409 01:31:58,800 --> 01:32:00,735 Yes, Pa-pa? 1410 01:32:03,338 --> 01:32:05,340 Closer. 1411 01:32:05,440 --> 01:32:06,708 Closer. 1412 01:32:09,344 --> 01:32:11,279 You're a moron. 1413 01:32:11,379 --> 01:32:13,314 Uh, okay, yeah. 1414 01:32:13,414 --> 01:32:16,084 I thought you were gonna with something a little different. 1415 01:32:21,456 --> 01:32:24,492 I guess it's true what mama said. 1416 01:32:24,592 --> 01:32:27,228 Never met your heroes. 1417 01:32:27,328 --> 01:32:29,497 Or your father. 1418 01:32:38,773 --> 01:32:40,675 We have to go. 1419 01:32:40,775 --> 01:32:42,510 No. 1420 01:32:42,610 --> 01:32:44,178 You have to go. 1421 01:33:04,032 --> 01:33:07,035 This... is my destiny. 1422 01:33:11,506 --> 01:33:13,274 Don't mess with the bull, man! 1423 01:33:13,374 --> 01:33:15,777 Or you'll get the horns! 1424 01:33:15,877 --> 01:33:17,779 Fuck yeah, Chad! 1425 01:33:21,182 --> 01:33:22,517 Ow! 1426 01:33:22,617 --> 01:33:24,185 Aah! 1427 01:33:53,247 --> 01:33:55,583 That's probably how he wanted to go. 1428 01:34:04,926 --> 01:34:06,327 So you're the Final Girl, huh? 1429 01:34:06,427 --> 01:34:08,429 That's cool. 1430 01:34:13,301 --> 01:34:15,370 Please evacuate immediately. 1431 01:34:15,470 --> 01:34:16,804 Goodbye. 1432 01:34:36,090 --> 01:34:37,959 Come on. 1433 01:34:38,059 --> 01:34:41,095 We need to make a plan. 1434 01:34:41,195 --> 01:34:43,865 What would happen in a horror movie now? 1435 01:34:43,965 --> 01:34:45,676 I don't know. I mean, the only one I really remember 1436 01:34:45,700 --> 01:34:50,271 is that "Friday the 13th" one with Cory Feldman. 1437 01:34:50,371 --> 01:34:51,572 The "Lost Boys" dude? 1438 01:34:51,672 --> 01:34:53,975 No, that's Cory Haim. 1439 01:34:54,075 --> 01:34:56,010 Pretty sure that's "License to Drive." 1440 01:34:56,110 --> 01:34:58,346 No. 1441 01:34:58,446 --> 01:35:00,314 Oh. 1442 01:35:04,552 --> 01:35:05,887 Whoa. 1443 01:35:08,089 --> 01:35:10,858 Does this make me Final Boy? 1444 01:35:12,059 --> 01:35:13,661 Focus. He's gonna be here any minute. 1445 01:35:13,761 --> 01:35:15,329 We need a plan. 1446 01:35:22,003 --> 01:35:24,238 Cory Feldman. 1447 01:35:24,338 --> 01:35:26,507 What? 1448 01:35:26,607 --> 01:35:28,609 I think I have a plan. 1449 01:35:49,597 --> 01:35:51,265 What the fuck? 1450 01:35:57,104 --> 01:35:58,606 I rewound. 1451 01:36:06,314 --> 01:36:08,115 Owie! 1452 01:36:09,050 --> 01:36:10,485 Hey, Damon! 1453 01:36:10,585 --> 01:36:12,153 It's me! 1454 01:36:12,253 --> 01:36:14,388 Jimmy! 1455 01:36:14,489 --> 01:36:16,891 Don't you remember me? 1456 01:36:16,991 --> 01:36:18,726 I beat the cancer. 1457 01:36:18,826 --> 01:36:21,229 Can you believe it? 1458 01:36:21,329 --> 01:36:24,665 Those frat guys were so mean, but I made it. 1459 01:36:24,765 --> 01:36:28,236 I got away, and I beat the cancer. 1460 01:36:28,336 --> 01:36:31,739 ♪ This can't be real ♪ 1461 01:36:31,839 --> 01:36:35,209 ♪ This can't be happening ♪ 1462 01:36:35,309 --> 01:36:38,379 ♪ I did everything I could ♪ 1463 01:36:38,479 --> 01:36:42,116 ♪ To make you happy ♪ 1464 01:36:42,216 --> 01:36:45,319 ♪ Is this a dream ♪ 1465 01:36:45,419 --> 01:36:49,657 ♪ Is this a nightmare ♪ 1466 01:36:49,757 --> 01:36:52,693 ♪ I reckon I'm afraid ♪ 1467 01:36:52,793 --> 01:36:56,297 ♪ That you won't be there ♪ 1468 01:37:21,822 --> 01:37:24,058 Holy shit. It actually worked. 1469 01:37:24,158 --> 01:37:25,726 We did it! 1470 01:37:25,826 --> 01:37:28,229 Yes, we did it! 1471 01:37:28,329 --> 01:37:29,897 Oh, we're alive! 1472 01:37:29,997 --> 01:37:32,300 Oh, God, we're alive! 1473 01:37:34,335 --> 01:37:35,236 That was so crazy. 1474 01:37:35,336 --> 01:37:36,337 Did you see that? 1475 01:37:36,437 --> 01:37:38,406 Oh, my God. What if he hugged me? 1476 01:37:39,740 --> 01:37:41,351 Guess we could have taken this the whole time. 1477 01:37:41,375 --> 01:37:44,579 Oh. Well, I really wish you'd thought of that before. 1478 01:37:47,915 --> 01:37:48,816 Fuck. 1479 01:37:48,916 --> 01:37:50,217 What? 1480 01:37:50,318 --> 01:37:52,019 - It's not starting. - Oh. 1481 01:37:54,288 --> 01:37:55,923 When placed within 14 meters 1482 01:37:56,023 --> 01:37:59,293 of any American made car, the engine will not start... 1483 01:37:59,393 --> 01:38:01,963 - 14 meters. - What? 1484 01:38:02,063 --> 01:38:05,099 That's what they were doing back there, testing shit. 1485 01:38:05,199 --> 01:38:08,703 He's got to be 14 meters away, or it won't start. 1486 01:38:08,803 --> 01:38:10,871 Oh, fuck. I've got to move him. 1487 01:38:10,972 --> 01:38:13,541 Oh, fuck no! 1488 01:38:13,641 --> 01:38:15,943 Come on. Jesus Christ! 1489 01:38:16,043 --> 01:38:18,112 I don't want to touch that dude. 1490 01:38:18,212 --> 01:38:19,080 Fuck! 1491 01:38:19,180 --> 01:38:22,683 Hey, don't be the Final Boy. 1492 01:38:22,783 --> 01:38:25,319 Be the Final Man. 1493 01:38:28,889 --> 01:38:31,025 Alright. 1494 01:38:33,995 --> 01:38:36,998 How big is a meter? 1495 01:38:57,518 --> 01:38:58,419 Okay. 1496 01:38:58,519 --> 01:39:00,821 He's dead! 1497 01:39:00,921 --> 01:39:02,990 He's passed away. 1498 01:39:07,495 --> 01:39:09,630 Jesus! 1499 01:39:09,730 --> 01:39:10,631 Shit. 1500 01:39:10,731 --> 01:39:12,133 He's heavy. 1501 01:39:17,838 --> 01:39:19,840 Okay. All right. 1502 01:39:19,940 --> 01:39:22,176 Try again. 1503 01:39:31,852 --> 01:39:36,757 ♪♪ 1504 01:39:36,857 --> 01:39:39,026 Oh, God, I got to split. 1505 01:40:02,917 --> 01:40:05,219 ♪♪ 1506 01:40:17,798 --> 01:40:22,837 ♪ I'm trying hard to make it through the night ♪ 1507 01:40:52,700 --> 01:40:54,568 I made it! I made it till the end. 1508 01:40:54,668 --> 01:40:56,270 We have to go! No, we have to go. 1509 01:40:56,370 --> 01:40:57,414 - You're hurt. - What are you doing? 1510 01:40:57,438 --> 01:40:59,440 Let me help you. 1511 01:40:59,540 --> 01:41:01,051 - What are you doing? - Don't... Don't worry... 1512 01:41:01,075 --> 01:41:03,377 It's not... I don't actually smoke. 1513 01:41:03,477 --> 01:41:05,346 It's my job. 1514 01:41:11,185 --> 01:41:13,120 No. 1515 01:41:26,467 --> 01:41:31,205 ♪ Everybody dies in the end ♪ 1516 01:41:31,305 --> 01:41:34,542 ♪ Everybody dies in the end ♪ 1517 01:41:34,642 --> 01:41:37,611 ♪ In the end ♪ 1518 01:41:37,711 --> 01:41:40,948 ♪ Everybody dies in the end ♪ 1519 01:41:41,048 --> 01:41:44,151 ♪ Everybody dies in the end ♪ 1520 01:41:44,251 --> 01:41:47,121 ♪ Everybody dies, everybody dies ♪ 1521 01:41:47,221 --> 01:41:50,491 ♪ In the end ♪ 1522 01:41:50,591 --> 01:41:53,828 ♪ Everybody dies in the end ♪ 1523 01:41:53,928 --> 01:41:57,164 ♪ Everybody dies in the end ♪ 1524 01:41:57,264 --> 01:41:59,333 ♪ In the end ♪ 1525 01:43:47,308 --> 01:43:49,410 ♪ Here in the witching hour ♪ 1526 01:43:49,510 --> 01:43:51,111 ♪ Not dead and bleeding out ♪ 1527 01:43:51,211 --> 01:43:53,180 ♪ I don't know you ♪ 1528 01:43:53,280 --> 01:43:54,882 ♪ There's something sinister ♪ 1529 01:43:54,982 --> 01:43:56,951 ♪ I can't resist the urge ♪ 1530 01:43:57,051 --> 01:43:59,653 ♪ To pull the covers off and look ♪ 1531 01:43:59,753 --> 01:44:01,422 ♪ In the middle ♪ 1532 01:44:01,522 --> 01:44:03,157 ♪ In the middle of the night ♪ 1533 01:44:03,257 --> 01:44:05,025 ♪ In the middle ♪ 1534 01:44:05,125 --> 01:44:07,361 ♪ In the middle of the night ♪ 1535 01:44:07,461 --> 01:44:08,963 ♪ Red eyes ♪ 1536 01:44:09,063 --> 01:44:11,532 ♪ Blasting fire for fun ♪ 1537 01:44:11,632 --> 01:44:13,067 ♪ In the middle ♪ 1538 01:44:13,167 --> 01:44:17,571 ♪ In the middle of the night ♪ 1539 01:44:19,807 --> 01:44:21,141 ♪ The outcasts ♪ 1540 01:44:21,241 --> 01:44:22,876 ♪ Drop out of school ♪ 1541 01:44:22,977 --> 01:44:26,280 ♪ Riff raff, man, those kids are cool ♪ 1542 01:44:26,380 --> 01:44:29,350 ♪ Taught me the badder the better ♪ 1543 01:44:29,450 --> 01:44:31,785 ♪ Followed it right down to the letter ♪ 1544 01:44:31,885 --> 01:44:33,854 ♪ The youth group ♪ 1545 01:44:33,954 --> 01:44:35,656 ♪ Anxiety ♪ 1546 01:44:35,756 --> 01:44:36,657 ♪ Punk rock ♪ 1547 01:44:36,757 --> 01:44:38,792 ♪ Tooth and nail CDs ♪ 1548 01:44:38,892 --> 01:44:41,762 ♪ Backsliding on the double ♪ 1549 01:44:41,862 --> 01:44:44,698 ♪ I'm in so much trouble ♪ 1550 01:44:44,798 --> 01:44:48,002 ♪ I'm too young to die ♪ 1551 01:44:48,102 --> 01:44:50,337 ♪ I think I love you ♪ 1552 01:45:51,632 --> 01:45:55,035 ♪ This can't be real ♪ 1553 01:45:55,135 --> 01:45:58,505 ♪ This can't be happening ♪ 1554 01:45:58,605 --> 01:46:01,175 ♪ I did everything ♪ 102307