Original subtitles

I have relived this particular day many times.

The weather is always flawless, and so is Father's mood.

It is a golden memory, and I am suspicious of it.

I keep looking for one black cloud in the sky...

...for some premonition of what was to come...

...but I can't find anything, not a single clue.

Father had been let out, and Mother was laughing.

Perhaps it really was a happy day.

The vorpal blade did snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back.

Would you like to live there?

Can we?

Dear God.

Dear God.

Mother, Mother, look at us. Look at us.

Isn't it wonderful? I shall have this place if it costs me my last shilling.

I will write masterpieces here.

And we believed him.

I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.

I have a grandstand view of my relations...

...and it depresses me.

Ten years on, nothing Father said would happen has...

...and there have been other shocks.

My hands have gone green.

Don't you feel godlike turning things a different color?

We have acquired a stepmother for a start, brackets, not wicked.

Nothing will get it off, nothing.

Have you tried the perfumes of Arabia?

- We can't get any credit at the stores. - Is it any wonder?

I've been drawing up our accounts.

Income, nil.

- Outgoings. How much is the rent? - He hasn't paid it for two years.

We'll end up living in a ditch.

At least the landlord's shuffled off this mortal coil.

It's not unmitigated gloom.

I was looking for my cardigan.

My love, I've got this sudden mania for dyeing.

It is going to look rather wonderful, a cross between sun-fire and lichen.

Don't let me interrupt the game.

Game?

Game!

There are droppings in this cupboard!

I hate this place. I'd burn it down if we had any matches.

- Rose, where are you going? - On the streets.

You can't go on the streets in the depths of Suffolk.

- I could in London. - You haven't got the train fare.

I'm going to the vicarage to borrow from the poor box.

Prostitution is very hard work, Rose. It wouldn't suit you at all.

You should know. There's a picture of you in the Tate with nothing on.

It was an experiment in flesh tones.

If you want to make a fortune, choose a wealthy man and marry him.

Like you did with Father.

Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

- You don't mean it, Rose. - Get off, Topaz. You're not our mother.

- I do my best. - Well, it's not good enough.

I thought about going to comfort them...

...but it would only have inflamed the situation.

Someone has to keep a lid on things.

Mother always did when she was alive.

Rose...

...I don't think you should start threatening to go on the streets.

Never be able to marry anyone after that.

Least of all a wealthy man.

I'll never meet any men locked up here...

...beyond the reach of love, and it will kill me.

I would've thought that love was the murderous thing, not the lack of it.

I am never going to fall in love. Life is dangerous enough.

- Oh, thank God for that, at least. - What?

The postman's coming up the drive.

"As manager for the Scoatney Hall estate...

...this office begs to inform you," et cetera, et cetera.

"We respectfully request that the rent...

...outstanding for the period June 1934 - March 1936...

...be forwarded to this office without delay."

Wow.

Open the other one. It's from the publisher.

The royalty check always comes in the spring.

Nothing this year.

- Nothing? - Are there any biscuits left?

There's never been nothing before.

A first time for everything.

I brought a bucket...

...for the leak in the roof.

- Did I interrupt your work? - No.

I was reading Death on the Nile.

Can I do anything to help?

What makes you think I'm in need of assistance?

Father, Jacob Wrestling was a wonderful, groundbreaking book.

There was never going to be a sequel overnight.

Meaning?

Meaning it will come.

How old are you now?

Seventeen.

And you still believe in fairy tales.

I will not give in to panic.

I'd be as mad as the rest of them if it wasn't for this diary.

Stephen is like a rock. We haven't paid him for six months.

He could just pack his bags and go, but he says he'll never leave us.

Margarine.

Why must you be so monotonously grim, Rose?

I feel grim.

Right now I'd sell my soul to the devil...

...for a roast-beef dinner and a Tangee lipstick.

Why don't you wish on the gargoyle?

You could pretend that was the devil.

Stephen, fetch a ladder that will reach.

- We haven't got one, Miss Rose. - He's not a servant.

Blow the candles out, all except one.

Come on.

Higher.

Perhaps we could buy a pig on higher purchase.

We would have quite a lot of bacon eventually.

It's all right. Rose is dabbling in the occult.

Higher.

Full marks for enterprise.

Be careful, Rose.

Careful.

I can't go on living like this.

Please.

I'll do anything.

It's whole nut.

- Oh, Stephen, you shouldn't have. - Don't you like whole nut?

I mean, you shouldn't have spent your money on me.

There isn't any food in the house.

Now, have you got everything you need?

A roaring fire, concealing draperies.

What more could a lady want at bath time?

Wireless would be nice.

Chocolate is luxury enough.

I could get you some without nuts next time.

Stephen.

Topaz has said that, viewed from a certain angle...

...Stephen looks like all the Greek gods rolled into one.

I can't see it, and it's probably just as well.

I've known him since I was 7. He's like a brother to me.

Anything else would be much too confusing.

Come in.

- Hello? Hello, anybody home? - Somebody said, "Come in."

Can you believe this place?

- Looks like a storybook. - Yeah, The House of Usher.

- Hello? - We have a car stuck in the lane.

- Do you have a horse or something? - Actually, no.

Leave this to me. We need a motor tractor and some heavy-gauge chains.

Come on, I'll show you the problem.

You stay here, soak up the atmosphere.

I should warn you, I'm having a bath behind here.

I'm sorry.

- Is your mother at home? - No.

- Do you need this? - Oh, thank you.

- I'm Simon Cotton, by the way. - Cotton?

We were on our way to Scoatney Hall.

Are you related to Sir William? He lived there until he died.

The kid's gone to a farm to fetch help.

Hi, is there a madhouse around here?

We thought we saw an escapee up by the lane.

This is my brother, Neil. We did see a strange woman.

- She looked a bit disheveled. - She was stark-staring naked, Simon.

I can't imagine who that was.

- Oh, I thought you were a child. - No.

- Are you here on holiday? - I'm actually Sir William's grandson.

Our father died a little while ago in Montana...

...and I seem to be in charge of the estate now.

Rose?

Rose, dear?

Careful.

Cassandra, put the kettle on for cocoa.

I must change.

More gas, Simon, more gas!

Keep pushing at the back!

Is there anything up there? I saw lights from the gatehouse.

- Hey, guys, we got reinforcements! - It's our father.

- James Mortmain. - Yeah, Neil Cotton!

- Would you mind going to the back? - Of course.

James Mortmain?

Are you James Mortmain, the author of Jacob Wrestling?

Well, yes, I am.

I wrote a dissertation on that in college.

"Polyphony in the Fragmentary Consciousness."

I wondered what became of you.

Now you know.

Owning a place like the castle must be an amazing source of inspiration.

We don't own it, you do.

Do I?

Do I? Do you hear that, Neil? I own the castle.

That's wonderful, Simon.

Could you go to the back and help push, sir?

- Yes. - We must talk more about your work.

Well, it would be my pleasure.

For crying out loud, will these bloody cataracts and hurricanes never stop?

Are you ready, Neil?

They didn't say anything about the rent.

Those boys are very taken with you, Rose.

How can you tell?

I've always had antennae for the currents of attraction.

I shall have to clean the drawing room in case they call again.

Rose Cotton. Mrs. Rose Cotton.

Mrs. Cotton.

- Which one do you like? - Simon, he's the eldest.

It's his estate now and his fortune.

Was Sir William a knight or baronet?

If he was a baronet then Simon's "Sir Simon."

- I'd be Lady Cotton then. - Rose, you're making too much of it.

They might ask us to parties, and that would be wonderful...

...but you couldn't marry that man with the beard.

I'd marry a chimpanzee if he had money.

Simon, you cannot stay in this country.

You'll either get washed away by the rain...

...or sucked down into the mud and never seen again.

I don't want to buy a ranch in California.

Oranges are wonderful things.

I'm sure growing them is a very stimulating pursuit, but I'd go mad.

Oh, and you'll stay sane in that poky old mansion...

...getting it cleaned and building bathrooms for Mother?

How many mirrors does a dame with one face need?

She's never stayed anywhere in Europe that wasn't a hotel before.

If I don't get the plumbing fixed, she'll take one look at the place...

...head straight back to the Queen Mary.

I guess I don't know her quite as well as you do.

Rose? Rose?

Don't start washing your hair.

- Simon. - Thank you.

Neil.

Darling.

So who's the artist in the family?

Her.

It's called War and Peace.

Based on the novel.

I think it might work better on a circular canvas.

Why are you all dressed in green?

Simon, you may turn the pages for me.

- I'm afraid I don't read music. - I don't either.

That need not detain us. Come on.

Thank you.

I'll give you a nudge each time.

Christ. You were lucky to get out alive.

Did I do something to encourage her?

You own Scoatney Hall, 7000 acres and their house.

- And they don't have a cent. - She can't help that.

She can help being so darn obvious.

If you want a pack of insane broads chasing you in theatrical costumes...

...that's your choice. - One insane broad.

My God, I was embarrassed for that girl.

We're gonna have to drop them, Simon.

If we don't, you could end up in a very awkward situation.

He's dangerous.

- I guess so. - It's a pity we didn't see that kid again.

The one with glasses or the one in the bathtub?

The bathtub, quite funny.

A bit consciously naive, don't you think?

I feel worse about dropping the old man.

I wanted to help him, but I guess he probably is a drunk like people say.

If we could afford to send her to the cinema...

...she'd have a much better idea of how to behave.

It's too late. I've got this brick-wall sort of feeling.

They won't come back.

- Please don't, it's broad daylight. - It brings me release.

Do you want me to run mad?

What did you think of them?

The Americans?

I don't know.

They weren't like anyone I've ever met before.

- Did you think they were handsome? - No.

They were incredibly well turned out...

...but not naturally good-looking, like some people.

- Miss Cassandra? - Stop calling me "miss."

It's just not the way things are anymore.

The first day we came here, my mother said...

...you and Rose were ladies and I ought to address you respectfully.

You always did.

She said that I was never to presume.

Would I...?

Would I be presuming if I asked you to come for a walk with me?

When?

When the bluebells are out.

No...

...you wouldn't.

I'll practice this one for next time. It uses the keys that don't stick.

Rose thinks she gave an irresistible performance.

I ought to tell her the truth, but I can't bear to.

She's the only woman in the house with a smile on her face.

Pass the salt, Rose.

Pass the salt.

Pass the salt, pass the salt, pass the salt.

Rose! Damn you, Rose!

You know he's got a perforated eardrum!

I suppose he'll go deaf and I'll be held responsible!

Stop it! Stop it!

When will you learn to control yourselves?!

I haven't lost my temper for years!

Just as well with what happened last time.

That's enough, Rose.

You don't think they found out about Father, do you?

No, I'm sure they didn't.

- How could they? - So why didn't they come back?

I went out of my way to be flirtatious and provocative.

That's what men are meant to like.

There's no way out now, is there, Cassie?

- Bloody... - Calm down.

I'm quite calm. I'm quite calm, thank you.

Please shut up! Just shut up!

- Sit down and stop all this noise! - Stop it!

Stop it!

Stop it!

And I put it to you, my lord...

...that to kill one's wife with a cake knife...

...would be an extraordinary, tedious business...

...involving sawing her to death.

Take him down.

We've been living in a boarding house.

Only for four months.

It won't happen again.

Girls?

Girls?

Girls!

Aunt Millicent is dead and she has left you a portion of her wardrobe.

I hope it's the door.

But furs? She hated fur things. And what are they doing in a shop?

- They're not new. - The lawyers put them in cold storage.

I'd give up everything I have for a little black suit and suede accessories.

Come on.

I'd give up everything.

Oh, Rose, can you smell bluebells?

I can smell heaven.

I'll take a dozen pairs, please.

Rose.

Come on.

I look like a bear.

It is bear, madam. And young madam's is monkey.

How much do you think they're worth?

If I might point out, madam, this is a high-class department store.

We do not deal in secondhand goods.

We only refrigerate the furs of favored clients.

Aunt Millicent had a house full of beautiful things.

Why did she leave us these?

She was never the same after Father married Topaz.

When they were cutting the cake, she said to me:

"They have married for love, and one can only pray for them."

I'm not... No, I'm not coming back. No, Simon...

My God, Neil and Simon Cotton are standing on the platform.

I look a sight. You look a sight.

We've got two bags of leftovers from a line's corner house.

I'm going to die of shame.

- Help me, help me, help me. - Through the bushes.

- My darlings. - Mother.

How are you?

Simon, dear, was that supposed to be first class?

The seating was covered in the most...

Mind the milk churns.

Oh, my God.

What was that?

I've seen what it is.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...it's a bear, and it's been scavenging for food.

Neil, we are in Suffolk, England.

Ever go hunting in Yellowstone Park?

Ever see a grizzly hug a guy to death?

- No, dear. - Neil.

I'm telling you, I've seen a bear.

The circus has just arrived. It must have escaped.

It'll be heading towards the village. Come on, do something.

Listen, everybody, in the waiting room now.

Come along! Madam, into the waiting room.

- Quickly, come along. - Miss Cassandra. Miss Rose.

Bears are very cunning creatures. Don't let the dog go until I say.

Okay. He will try to head away from the railway line.

Simon, lead your party over to the right...

...and fan out in the direction of that church.

Come on. Get moving. Go.

I'll go this way.

Rose?

Run!

- Wait, my sister! - Go back to the station.

Go back to the station. Wait for me there.

- Rose. - Stand back, let her get some air.

- Is she all right? - In a state of shock.

- You must take her home in our car. - What happened to the bear?

Killed it.

It was thrashing and rolling in the river, trying to get out.

So I took the pitchfork and shoved it in its neck.

Right in the jugular, first time.

Then it twitched all over and foamed a little at the mouth.

Then it groaned...

...and it died.

She had a very lucky escape.

Neil, be careful with her.

Stephen, what happened to her?

My lantern went out.

I'm taking you home.

So he grabbed my arm and said, "Why are you running away?"

And I said, "Because I didn't want to see you...

...or your stupid bearded brother either.

In fact, you can both go to hell."

And I slapped his face.

- Oh, Rose, what have you done? - I'll tell you what I've done.

I've got us an invitation to dinner at Scoatney.

Mrs. Cotton invited us all.

One week today.

And so it was all hands to the pump.

Topaz, haunted by the thought of Rose's slaps and insults...

...has decreed she will dress like a doll and behave like a lady.

You'll need to learn a slow fox, a quickstep, a tango and how to smoke.

- Can't I just do something with a fan? - No.

I'm already regretting the crinoline.

One can't overdue Victorian charm.

I keep picturing us walking.

I put bluebells in to get myself in practice.

Then I add twilight and give us things to say.

It's getting dark.

I won't let the flame go out.

Can you smell bluebells?

I can smell heaven.

And there my imagination always fails completely.

I obviously don't want to kiss him at all.

- Or do I? - Your face has gone really, really red.

Come on then.

I'm sorry.

I've changed my mind.

Anyway, it's rubbish about him looking like a Greek god.

From now on, I'm going to concentrate on Rose's quest for love.

We have put the rumba into our repertoire, just to be on the safe side.

I was too forthcoming when they came to call.

I think the problem was mostly the tea gown.

What do you mean the problem's mostly the tea gown?

I heard Neil talking to Simon that day.

I was in the hayloft.

What did he say?

What did he say?

He called you an insane broad...

...in theatrical costume.

He wanted Simon to drop us.

He did, did he?

Well...

...I shan't forth come again.

- Hold still. - I'm holding still.

I thought we'd sold these.

They were only pawned. I got them back.

Are you wearing lipstick and powder and rouge?

- It makes you look ordinary. - I mean it to.

I want us to look like a viable family, Mortmain, for Rose's sake.

- I don't want to look exceptional. - Lf you do, I look like someone too.

You are someone.

Wash your face, please.

Unpin your hair.

Give me something to be proud of.

- May I take your coat, sir? - Thank you.

Welcome.

It was a highly intellectual gathering.

Aubrey Fox-Cotton is a cousin and an architect.

They recognized Topaz at once from a series of avant-garde etchings...

...she once modeled for. She was glad she had taken her disguise off.

I take it you've tasted your first champagne this evening.

One of life's nicer rites of passage. What do you think?

It reminds me of very good ginger beer...

...without the ginger.

- Sweet. - His wife is called Leda.

She wears too much lipstick.

Are you appalled by my table manners?

I couldn't get the hang of using this cutlery the English way.

Of course, Mother and Simon find the whole thing divinely elegant.

I tried it, but I thought I'd starve.

When this hall was first built, they ate with daggers in their fingers.

It'll probably last until the days when men dine on capsules.

Fancy asking friends over for capsules.

No, the capsules would be taken in private.

Well, by that time, eating will become unmentionable.

Pictures of food will be considered rare and curious...

...and only collected by rude old gentlemen.

When I was in the United States on my second lecture tour...

...they held a banquet for me in a place called Boulder.

Mr. Mortmain, how long is it since you actually published anything?

Twelve years.

Is it drink?

Or do you have psychological problems?

- Mother! - Well, he didn't run out of the room...

...or attack me with a knife.

Malicious wounding. Not quite a capital offense.

If your assault was more competent, I would've been obliged to bar my door.

Or send your youngest son after me with a pitchfork.

I always employ shock tactics with men of genius.

One has to employ them in public or the men of genius bolt.

Are you unique, or have all American women become more menacing?

You find me as menacing as I need to be, Mr. Mortmain.

Your voice has been silenced long enough.

Well, that's because there can be no creativity without stimulus.

I'm glad we're of the same opinion.

You're treading on my feet.

- So stop making up your own steps. - I didn't ask to dance with you.

Could've refused me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Would you like to come out to the terrace? Get some air.

I'm not hot. Besides, it's a slow dance next.

It is not. It's a rumba.

And I've promised it to Simon.

I have to ask you to rein me in on this.

I've been told I rumba like a rubber ball.

You're much better at leading than your brother.

Am I?

That's a really unusual dress you have on.

You mean, you think it's theatrical?

Oh, no, no, no.

Picturesque and original, certainly, but not theatrical at all.

Get down.

Go home.

Rose!

Rose!

Stephen?

Thomas!

- You all right? - Sure, I'll be fine.

- Come along with me. - She'll get you patched up.

Thank you.

Do they make you nervous?

- My ancestors? - My family.

I think they're a very charming...

...highly individual bunch of...

...individuals.

They make me nervous.

Would you like to try it?

Go right ahead.

I don't suppose I'd have much of an appetite if I was actually concussed.

Where have you been?

We were in the long gallery looking at pictures.

Never mind all that tedious ancestor worship.

I'm gonna photograph this.

Stephen, this is my card.

Five guineas a pop.

I'd like you to consider it.

Thank you.

I will.

You aren't going to go.

- Are you? - It's just, I mean...

Five guineas.

That will buy a fair few bars of whole nut.

Stephen, can I get you anything else?

Sir William always used to send us a ham at Christmas.

- It was great. You missed last year. - Thomas!

Here.

Rose hasn't said a word since we got in.

I'm going to pretend I don't care what she's thinking.

Can I tell you something?

When we got back to the dining room, I imagined being in bed with Simon.

You didn't!

You wouldn't understand.

No.

- What was it like? - It was peculiar, but bearable.

- Even with the beard? - I sort of skirted around it.

If only I could get him to shave.

Wouldn't you rather have Neil? He's got a nice, clean face.

No, I wouldn't rather have Neil. You can have Neil.

I'd marry Simon even if I hated him.

Oh, God.

I've never seen anything more beautiful than Mrs. Cotton's bathroom.

Peach-colored towels.

Rose, there isn't a towel on Earth that could make up...

...for marrying a bearded man that you hate.

- But I don't hate him. - You're not in love with him.

I want to be. You have no idea how much I want to be.

I don't know why I'm excited, what it is I really feel.

Perhaps if you kissed or something.

I'm not gonna let him until after he's proposed.

Otherwise, he might just kiss me and run and not propose at all.

Why would he do that?

I wish we knew more about men.

I keep trying to imagine what Mother would say.

There must be signs you can study, signals you can read.

I think I realized then how little we have to go on...

...how desperate we are.

And that the thing we know least about of all is being women.

Three teas...

...two luncheons and... It's only been five days since we went for dinner.

I wish you'd tell me what you and Mrs. Cotton talk about.

We do not talk about anything. We converse and that's different.

Elizabeth is an extremely stimulating woman.

Oh, that bloody hound!

Clothes brush is on the dresser.

Is there nowhere a man in dark trousers can sit in this house?

- Why wear your London suit? - Because I'm going London.

Do you want me to start writing again, or don't you?

I knew it.

She's inspiring him.

His temper has been getting worse.

God, I'd let him tear me limb from limb if I thought it would unleash him.

I hope I'm not tempting fate.

I keep imagining Rose's honeymoon...

...in Paris.

I put flowers by the bed and think about her waiting.

I can't decide between a pink negligee with swan's-down trim...

...or duchess satin in classic eau du Nil.

But she's always just a tiny bit afraid.

Is this your playhouse?

It's...

It's where I come to write.

Like father, like daughter.

Except I've written a 147 pages.

It can't help him that rain pours through his study roof.

I'm suspending the rent until I've had it repaired.

Is Rose at home today?

She's gone to the village...

...to buy soap.

Shall we walk over there?

He wasn't going to stab Mother, but it looked bad to the neighbor...

...because he jumped the fence and tried to grab the knife from Father.

The neighbor got punched in the stomach and Father got four months.

- And then he stopped writing. - And started reading detective novels.

Well, I can't work it out.

He's a complete mystery all on his own: The Case of the Buried Talent.

You know, he should really see an analyst.

- An analyst? - Yes.

The right person could take him back to his time in jail...

...and find out why there's still a part of him imprisoned, locked up.

He'd never agree to that.

Father says all psychiatrists are con men.

Besides, it would mean he'd actually have to talk to someone.

Well, doesn't this make the perfect picture.

Feel like I'm painted on the lid of a candy box.

- Did you get the soap? - They'd run out.

Neil was buying cigarettes.

Would you like a lemonade?

Can't I have the same as Rose?

Creme de menthe. Of course.

I think your sister chose it for the contrast with her hair.

No, no.

Just there, dear. The colors look so pretty.

Simon!

Don't get the beer with the hen on it. It's disgusting.

You pick it, I'll buy it.

Neil hates me.

He thinks I'm going to take Simon away from him.

Do you know their parents kept them apart for 14 years.

Did they?

I shan't let him interfere.

I don't care what he wants.

Remember that picnic with Mother and Pa when they forgot the food?

Yeah, and we had to buy it in a shop.

And Mother had to cut the bread with a nail file.

That was a funny day.

They took us out to tell us they were divorcing. They couldn't in the end...

...because everything hadn't been packed.

And they were at a loss as to how to be civilized.

We never found out how they decided which would take which one of us.

Who would you have picked, Rose?

I'd have put you both in a home or sold you to a chimney sweep.

I made a mistake with Rose.

I thought she was affected when I first met her.

Artificial and maybe mannered or something.

She's not.

She's natural and spontaneous...

...quite unlike anyone I've ever met before.

I suppose she is.

And so are you.

- No. - I'm really glad that we met you all.

I'm glad that we came.

Look out.

Have you seen Rose doing cartwheels?

Have you ever seen such a change in a girl?

This must be her fresh-air personality.

Yeah, the question is...

...how many Roses are there?

How could you?

It's a simple gesture of social intercourse.

- What are we going to feed them? - They gave us that ham.

We haven't got a decent table to eat it off.

There are doors, they can be taken off their hinges.

- What's the matter? - He's invited the Cottons to dinner.

- All of them? - And the Fox-Cottons and the vicar.

He's been in London with her, Elizabeth.

They've had an assignation at the British Museum.

Elizabeth is my patroness. We were doing some research.

People use that place for nothing but assignations.

I used to meet you there myself when I was married to Eduardo.

In the mummy room!

It can't be done, and we're so close to the only thing that's going to save us.

- Should we try to cancel dinner? - No.

Don't you see? Simon has to propose to me now...

...before he meets somebody else or gets to know me better.

If only I could get him on his own again.

You will.

I promise you, you will.

They didn't seem to notice it was their ham we were serving...

...or that they got the biggest portions.

James, did our visit to the mummy room provide much inspiration?

Would you believe it, Mrs. Mortmain, we came across two mummies...

...in separate cases, who were actually husband and wife.

Meticulous hieroglyphs told the whole story.

They were on opposite sides of the room, gazing mutely at each other...

...with their barriers of glass.

I've known marriages like that.

See, the pity of it is, Mrs. Mortmain, I haven't designed a building...

...that's satisfied me in 15 years.

I'm hoping to persuade Simon to let me remodel Scoatney...

...or this place.

You know, I've never even seen beyond the ground floor here.

- I've been waiting for a guided tour. - I'll show you around.

Let's go up in the battlements.

- That is a great idea. - Do let me join you.

It's a cloudless night, and I haven't seen the Pleiades in ages.

Oh, such a soft, little constellation.

I prefer something much more angular.

Something is dampening your fire, Mrs. Mortmain.

My fire dies when it is not required...

...Aubrey.

The besieging forts would have a great big sling...

...known as a trebuchet, and they used it to fire rocks over the ramparts.

This isn't what he meant when he wanted a tour.

Trip over your skirt. He'll grab your arm to steady you.

- It'll be a start. - You promised me we'd be alone.

- But it's out of my hands. - You promised!

- Gave the inhabitants of the castle the advantage...

Would anybody like to bathe?

- Bathe? - In the moat.

It'll be like being disemboweled with an ice ax.

Rubbish.

We keep them up here to stop the drafts.

There's only one pair unfortunately.

Why don't you wait here for your turn.

Come on.

- I don't know if these are gonna fit. - Oh, stop worrying, they'll be fine.

- Stand by for beautiful accompaniment. - Whoa! This is like Alaska.

Well, I wanna see you suffer too, or I'm going straight back inside.

Well done.

Now that really is romantic.

It's a shame we're not in love...

...and that it's so darn cold. - It's fine if you keep moving.

Are you okay?

It's a bit weedy just here, that's all.

Oh, for chrissake, Cassandra.

- Can we please go inside now? - No, I'm really enjoying it.

Look at the moon.

Come on...

...before we catch pneumonia.

The towels are upstairs.

Wait for me in the kitchen.