Original subtitles

So, Jessie,

what do you think?

I think this is amazing!

So, that's a yes?

It's also really sudden!

So, that's a no?

No! I mean, it's just amazingly sudden!

And suddenly amazing!

Am I babbling?

(CHUCKLES) A little, but you're really cute doing it.

(CHUCKLES)

Brooks, I'm flattered and thrilled,

but, we've only known each other a few months.

Hey, it's okay, I know it's a huge decision,

so if you need some time to think it over...

Yes, some time. Perfect. Thank you.

Great, I'll be back in five minutes.

What?

(CHUCKLES) I'm kidding.

(SIGHS) Oh...

I love you.

I love you, too.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Whoa!

A dimly lit room filled with flower petals.

This must be what the inside of Emma's brain looks like.

Plus, there'd be glitter and shoes. (CHUCKLES)

So, I assume that these scented candles

and roses are some lame romantic gesture by Brooks?

No. No, let's just say...

Bertram's bathroom is a little too close to the living room for my taste.

Oh, no, that was me.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party every day

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ My whole world is changing Turning around

♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground

♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town

♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party every day

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪

Aha!

Pay up! You were wrong! I did get proposed to before Zuri!

Now, we've been over this,

if it's yelled from a construction site, it doesn't count.

No!

I mean, Brooks proposed.

Oh, congratulations! Did you tell the kids yet?

I can't. I mean, they're so anti-Brooks.

Bertram,

I love him so much,

but I told him I needed more time to decide.

Well, it is a very important decision. (SIGHS)

You're sure he's the perfect guy?

Of course! Other than the kids not liking him,

and his mom hating me...

Don't forget, his jaw makes that clicking noise when he eats.

Good luck living with that for the rest of your life.

You hear it, too?

Everyone hears it.

I was so happy when I came out here.

Glad I could help!

Hey, Jessie.

I'm fine! (GASPING)

I've nothing going on in my life right now

besides carving this Halloween pumpkin.

We could have told you that.

Do you guys want to try carving a pumpkin?

It'll definitely be better than mine.

(GASPS) I think I made the mouth too big.

Sure. I'll give it a shot.

Hmm.

Why do you carry around gloves?

You never know when you're about to enter a nail danger zone.

Or if Luke touched a doorknob before you.

Jessie, this is Farfel.

I am babysitting him for Zoey,

a cute girl at school.

JESSIE: Oh!

Good call, every guy knows the way to a girl's heart is through her rodent.

(CHUCKLES)

Then, when Zoey is putty in my hands,

I will propose we go on a date. Whoa!

What is it with all the proposals lately?

Uh, Jessie, is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Why... Why do you ask?

Because your face looks like this.

Wow, you are good.

I should really get that mole checked out.

Wow, look what they're doing for the Halloween festival.

Hey, they're having a pumpkin carving contest!

And first prize is a tiara?

I should go over there now and give them my head measurements.

So, Luke, want to go to the Haunted House?

Or are you scared?

Me? Scared?

I don't even know the meaning of the word.

Considering your terrible vocab scores, that's a real possibility.

So...

Jessie,

have you made a decision yet?

I still don't know.

I mean, we're both so young. I'm 22, you're 25...

Yeah, but we're both animal lovers.

So, we're like 150 in dog years.

Look, I just... I wanna make sure that we consider everything.

You know like...

I kinda wish you and the kids got along a little better.

Oh, what do you mean? The kids love me!

Oh!

(LAUGHING)

Kids!

(ALL WHISTLING INNOCENTLY)

Do you have something to say to Brooks?

Heads up?

(LAUGHING)

Whoa!

That pumpkin is the spitting image of Andrew Garfield.

It's like his decapitated head is right here with us.

I wish!

It took me forever to...

(GASPING)

Oh, no! Emma,

I am so sorry.

You destroyed Pumpkin Andrew Garfield!

You better hope Pumpkin Emma Stone doesn't find you!

So, how's the cute little guy doing?

I am fine, thank you.

(STUTTERING) I meant the hamster.

Oh, so what am I, chopped liver?

Uh...

I need to get Farfel some food.

Will you watch him for a moment?

Sure. Thank you.

I hate your boyfriend! Look at what he did to me!

JESSIE: I'm sure it was an accident.

Besides, if you ask me,

you are making those pumpkin guts work. (SNAPS FINGER)

Brooks might be a little klutzy,

but I find him to be a nice enough fellow.

Ravi, either there is something is wrong with Farfel,

or he's really good at freeze tag!

(BOTH GASPING)

You monster! You have killed Farfel,

and my only shot at true love with Zoey!

See? This is what he does.

He ruins everything!

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

This is terrible!

I remember how I felt when my hamster died.

I left him with my mother, and...

Ah! Say no more. I would have jumped off my little wheel, too.

Emma, for the last time, there is no princess in "Frankenstein."

There is now.

You know, when you asked me to be the village Burgermeister,

I thought there would be actual burgers involved.

If it helps, they have corndogs.

It always helps if they have corndogs!

Uh, Ravi, just so you know,

this festival isn't really

a "bring your own dead hamster" kind of shindig.

No.

Like Dr. Frankenstein, I shall use electricity

to bring the dead back to life.

I shall harness lightning via a kite, and re-direct it to Farfel,

thus reanimating his little heart.

This is why you have to babysit hamsters to get girls.

Hey, Luke,

while Dr. Dorkenstein is flying his kite,

want to go into the Haunted House?

Those kids back there gave it two severed thumbs up.

No, thanks.

It looks lame.

(SCREAMING)

(WHINING) Super lame.

Every time you lie, your hump grows a little.

How can you date a guy who killed my pumpkin and Ravi's hamster?

You're blinded by his pretty face.

I'm not.

He's sweet and thoughtful

and always knows exactly what to say to make my heart melt.

Hmm. Corndog good.

Yep. He's a charmer.

Hey, Luke. I got us tickets or the Haunted House.

But... You can thank me later.

(STAMMERING)

Say hi to the ax- wielding maniac for me!

(LAUGHING)

That is your evil giggle.

What are you up to?

I told Brooks he can win Luke over

by taking him into the Haunted House. (CHUCKLES)

Two dorks, one stone.

Ah, I see. Kudos.

(SCREAMING)

Luke, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea you'd get so scared you'd puke.

When did you have corn?

(LAUGHING)

I feel horrible.

Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

Don't you think you've ruined Halloween enough for all of us?

Just go away!

Hey, where is Brooks going?

What did you guys do to him?

We didn't do anything!

He made me hurl on the undead!

He smashed Andrew Garfield!

He killed Farfel!

And you're supposed to wind up with Tony!

Well, Tony didn't propose, Brooks did!

(ALL GASPING)

He did?

Are you going to say yes?

Maybe! I don't know!

It's complicated.

I really want you guys to like him,

but meanwhile I'm trying to figure out if I should say yes!

Wow, that Haunted House is really horrifying!

They had the most realistic vomit I have ever seen.

Hey, Luke...

What?

You see those girls over there?

They want to go in the Haunted House, but they're scared, too.

So now you're calling me a girl?

Salt in the wound, bro.

No! What I'm saying is,

that since there are no scary surprises left for you in there,

you can be the brave shoulder that they lean on.

LUKE: Oh!

Nice!

Thanks, bro. ow's my hump look? Oh.

Very handsome.

Hi, Brooks. (GASPING)

Please don't pummel me with that pumpkin!

I'm not, silly.

You helped me win the tiara,

and be crowned Pumpkin Princess.

I did? How?

Well, I used your face for inspiration...

Sorry about the fangs.

I didn't like you very much until you won me jewelry.

Wow! This is really good.

Although, you got my haircut wrong.

No, you got your haircut wrong.

Show this to your barber.

So between Emma's smashed pumpkin,

Ravi's expired hamster, and Luke's projectile vomiting...

Are you even listening to me?

No. I stopped listening when you said,

"Hi, I'm Jessie, the new nanny."

Bertram, I'm trying to tell you,

I'm not sure if Brooks is the perfect guy!

Well, in his defense, there are very few of us perfect guys out there.

My perfect guy would not collect nesting dolls.

But he would get along with the kids better.

Plus, he'd have Tony's hair,

Channing Tatum's dance moves,

the soul of a poet...

Come, my pretty monster.

This is the perfect man you have requested!

(HISSING)

You have a wonderful economy with words.

By the way, payment is due upon reanimation.

Thank you, Dr. Frankenstein!

Did you give him Chris Hemsworth's height?

And Channing Tatum's dance moves?

Yes, yes, quit being such a Bride of Frankenzilla!

Now, when the storm reaches us,

my kite and I will bring your beloved creature

to life!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Pretty neat, huh?

It is almost time. Where is my assistant?

Igor!

Oh! Coming, Disaster.

Coming close.

It is "Master."

(SNORTS) We'll see.

Ooh!

Who gave you that perm? A live wire?

(LAUGHING)

Who gave you that wonky eye?

A marble salesman?

It's not cool.

Fly! Fly!

Igor, fire up the Franken-pacitor!

Always naming everything after himself.

What an ego!

(GASPING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(LAUGHING)

(GASPING)

(GIBBERING)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Oh... That's what that does.

(GRUNTING)

It is alive! It is alive!

(LAUGHING)

(GROWLING)

Ow! Come to Mama.

Oh! He has Tony's hair!

Come here! Let me run my hands through it!

(GRUNTING)

Aw!

He's so cute.

But I'm still not sure he's the perfect guy.

Roses red. Corpses blue.

I alive five seconds, but me love you.

Aw! (LAUGHING)

RAVI: Now dance. (UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)

Sold! Will you take a check?

(SNORTING) As part of your perfect boyfriend package,

may I present a romantic candlelit dinner?

Is that extra? Because I kind of spent a lot on my weave.

(SCREAMING)

Fire bad!

Wait, wait.

Why do my boyfriend's always run away from me?

How much time do you have? (LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

Excuse me, Weinermeister...

That's Burgermeister.

The Weinermeister called in sick.

Something about some plague, but I'm sure it's nothing.

(GRUNTING)

Well, pretty sure.

I did not know this village had a Pumpkin Princess.

Duh. Pumpkins can't just govern themselves.

I'm going to let you think about what you just said.

(CROWD SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

It's a monster!

And it's destroying my village!

See, this is why we can't have nice things!

Quick! Someone get the authorities!

You are the authorities!

Oh, um, well, I would stop him but

I feel like I have a touch of the plague coming on.

Auf Wiedersehen!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Your boyfriend had to have super-strength!

Hey, every girl wants her monster to look like he hits the gym,

am I right, ladies?

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

Uh, perhaps we could shelve the girl talk

for when we are not in mortal peril!

(GRUNTING)

Sweetie, no, no, these are my kids!

Kids good!

Kids good?

Yes! Kids like you.

(GROANS IN AGREEMENT)

Hi, Mr. Monster. Great hair.

Yeah, he's smokin' hot!

Smoke? Fire!

(GRUNTING) (PEOPLE CLAMORING)

I don't understand, he was supposed to be the perfect guy!

There is no such thing as the perfect guy!

Wake up and smell the strudel!

Strudel! Huh?

Strudel? Where? Where?

I have to go.

I just realized what my answer to Brooks is!

What? Jessie, wait. I need to know!

Bertram, it's so sweet that you care,

but I can't tell you until after I've told Brooks.

I don't care if you marry him.

Just tell me where the strudel is!

Hey, Ravi, guess what?

Why are your clothes smoking?

My attempts to re-animate Farfel did not go as planned.

However, I did discover lightning bolts

are a wonderful cure for constipation.

Okay. Can I see Farfel for a minute?

Very well. You may pay your respects,

but make it quick.

Thanks to you, he has a date with a shoebox

and a shallow hole.

Hey there, little buddy.

(GASPING) He is alive!

He is alive! How did you do it?

I called my top veterinarian at the animal sanctuary.

She told me when hamsters get too cold, they hibernate.

Oh, Farfel must have gotten too chilly

when I took him to the terrace!

Undone by my own ignorance!

Huh, this must be what it feels like to be Luke!

(SIGHS)

Kids, can you come here for a second?

Emma?

Your Highness?

Oh.

Proceed.

Thank you.

I have something to say to Brooks,

and I want you all to hear.

Wait...

Does this mean you have an answer for me?

Brooks...

All my life I've had this image

in my mind of the perfect guy,

and I've been looking for him in all the wrong places.

Chickaterias, Frankenstein's lab,

in one instance a really shady silver mine in western Nevada.

That's not important.

What's important is that I finally found you

and I've realized...

You're not the perfect guy.

I'm not?

No.

Because there is no such thing as the perfect guy.

What you are is the perfect guy for me.

I know, you may have made a mess of trying to win over the kids today,

but I love how hard you tried.

Actually,

Brooks didn't make a total mess of things.

Thanks to him, I've been grabbed by

so many girls in that Haunted House,

the only thing I'm scared of now is

if their boyfriends find out!

And how can I dislike the man

who was so gracious when I falsely accused him of hamster-cide?

And he does make a fine-looking pumpkin.

Plus, he loves you almost as much as we do.

Aw, thank you, guys.

Zuri?

Well, he seems to make you happy.

And he made Luke fear-vomit, so I guess I owe him.

(LAUGHING)

So...

Are you saying what I hope you're saying?

I'm saying...

Yes, I'd love to marry you!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(ALL CHEERING)

I gather you said yes?

Oh, I did. We're getting married!

Oh! I'm so happy for you!

Ooh! And I have the perfect wedding gift.

I'll get my old boy band together

and we'll sing at your reception!

Oh...

How do you feel about eloping?

Oh, look.

There's Zoey!

Go give her Farfel back and then ask her out.

I will do it! As they say,

there is nothing women like

more than a man with a freshly groomed hamster.

I don't think anyone says that.

Oh.

Sorry, dude.

Hey, we'll find some girls to take through the Haunted House.

Somewhere around the ax-wielding maniac,

they'll hold hands with anyone. (SCOFFS)

I am both offended and titillated!

So, girls, want to go play Whack-a-Skull?

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Uh-oh, it looks like there is another storm coming.

Someone should tell Bertram.

Whee!

Look at it go!

Bertram, don't! That's dangerous!

Ba... Burgers are ready.

(THUDDING)