All language subtitles for Good.Luck.Charlie.S01E15_English

HEY, YOU GUYS WANT
TO SEE SOMETHING FUNNY?

OH, IF THIS IS WHERE
YOU LIFT YOUR SHIRT UP

AND MAKE YOUR BELLY BUTTON
SING-- NO, THANK YOU.

EVEN BETTER.
CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO
I MADE OF CHARLIE.

( upbeat music playing )

P.J.:
Being a baby stinks.

Food's too mushy,
gross and too juicy,

and the TV shows
they make me watch
are insulting.

( farting )

Ahh, much better.

Life is good.

P.J., YOU ARE GONNA
HAVE TO PUT THAT ONLINE
SO GRANDMA CAN SEE IT.

GRANDMA KNOWS
HOW TO GO ONLINE?

P.J., YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO PUT THAT ON A D.V.D.
SO GRANDMA CAN WATCH IT.

GRANDMA GOT
A D.V.D. PLAYER?

OKAY, P.J., YOU'RE JUST
GONNA HAVE TO GO OVER
TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE

AND ACT IT OUT FOR HER.

( rock music playing )

* TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST

* RUNNING LATE,
AND DAD SAYS *

* HAS ANYBODY
SEEN MY LEFT SHOE? *

* I CLOSE MY EYES,
TAKE A BITE *

* GRAB A RIDE,
LAUGH OUT LOUD *

* THERE IT IS
UP ON THE ROOF *

* I'VE BEEN THERE,
I'VE SURVIVED *

* SO JUST TAKE
MY ADVICE *

* HANG IN THERE, BABY

* THINGS ARE CRAZY

* BUT I KNOW
YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT *

* HANG IN THERE, BABY

* THERE'S NO MAYBE

* EVERYTHING
TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT *

* YOUR LIFE
IS UP AND DOWN *

* BUT TRUST ME,
IT COMES BACK AROUND *

* YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE *

* HANG IN THERE, BABY.

OKAY, WHERE IS
THE LIBRARY?

DONDE ESTA LA LIBRARIA?

( laughs )

OKAY, YOU'RE REALLY CUTE
WHEN YOU ROLL YOUR Rs,

BUT IT'S "BIBLIOTECA."

- BIBLIOTECA.
- BUT SAY "LIBRARIA" AGAIN.

LIBRARIA.

YOUR RRRs
MAKE ME ALL MMM.

HEY, LISTEN, I WANT
TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

OOH, THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING.
WHAT IS IT?

WELL...

( game playing )

GABE, DO YOU MIND?

NO, YOU CAN STAY.

LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.

GOOD IDEA.
I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING,

BUT I DIDN'T WANT
TO BE RUDE.

OKAY, NOW WHAT DID YOU
WANT TO ASK ME?

I WAS WONDERING IF--

- IT WAS EMBARRASSING.
- IT WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION.

YOUR FATHER SHOUTS AT ME
FROM TWO AISLES AWAY,

"HEY, AMES, WHAT KIND
OF TOILET PAPER YOU LIKE--

QUILTED OR
SUPER-QUILTED?"

HEY, LOOK,
SPENCER'S HERE.

SO WHAT,
THE WORLD DOESN'T KNOW

THAT THE GREAT AMY DUNCAN
USES TOILET PAPER?

NICE TO SEE YOU,
MR. AND MRS. DUNCAN.

AFTER ALL THAT SHOUTING,
YOU GOT THE WRONG KIND.

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT
BOB THE TOILET PAPER PSYCHIC.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

WELL, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,

YOU GOT THE WRONG
TRASH BAGS TOO.

SORRY ABOUT MY PARENTS.

WOW, I SAY THAT A LOT.

SO WHAT I WANTED
TO ASK YOU WAS--

I'M GONNA GET YOU!
I'M GONNA GET YOU!

YES, I AM.
YES, I AM.

YES, I AM.

( giggling )

OKAY, LET'S GO OUTSIDE.

IT USUALLY TAKES HIM
A WHILE TO GET HER.

OKAY, I THINK I'M ALL OUT
OF FAMILY MEMBERS,

BUT YOU'D BETTER
TALK FAST.

OKAY, I WAS WONDERING

IF YOU WOULD WEAR MY
FOOTBALL JERSEY ON FRIDAY.

IT'S SORT OF A TRADITION
THAT THE PLAYERS' GIRLFRIENDS

WEAR THEIR JERSEYS
ON GAME DAY.

SO THAT WOULD MAKE ME

YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

- YEAH.
- COOL.

BECAUSE I WASN'T EXACTLY
SURE OF OUR STATUS

AND I WAS TOO NERVOUS TO ASK.
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
ONE OF THOSE GIRLS

THAT MADE YOU TALK ABOUT IT.
BUT THEN AGAIN--

SO THAT'S A YES
ON THE JERSEY?

OF COURSE IT'S A YES,
BOYFRIEND.

BACK TO THE STORE,

WHERE THE CORRECT ANSWER
WAS SUPER-QUILTED!

WHOA, THIS IS AMAZING.
THAT CHARLIE VIDEO
HAS GONE VIRAL.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

THAT IT'S GOTTEN A MILLION
HITS SINCE LAST TUESDAY.

AND NOW I'LL ANSWER
YOUR NEXT QUESTION.

THAT MEANS OVER A MILLION
PEOPLE HAVE SEEN IT.

SO WHAT, YOU PUT THAT
ON THE FACETUBE?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, DAD--
THE FACETUBE.

I'M GONNA BE ON TV.

- WHAT?
- THE CHANNEL 8 NEWS
JUST CALLED

AND NOW THAT THIS VIDEO
IS ALL OVER THE INTERNET,

THEY WANT TO DO AN EXCLUSIVE
ON THE "FARTY CHARLIE" FAMILY.

SO WE'RE ALL
GONNA BE ON TV.

THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.

AND THIS IS
OUR FAMILY ROOM.

YOUR FAMILY WHAT?

OUR FAMILY RRROOM.

OH, IT'S SO NICE
AND PEACEFUL HERE.

WELL, IT'S A BIG HOUSE
AND IT'S JUST ME, MOM AND DAD.

OH, HOW WONDERFUL.

MOM, DAD,
THIS IS TEDDY.

HI, NICE TO MEET YOU,
MR. AND MRS. WALSH.

OH, PLEASE, I'M LINDA.
THIS IS PAUL.

SPENCER HAS TOLD US
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE EVEN PRETTIER
THAN HE SAID.

DAD, STOP.

OH, NO, IT'S OKAY.
I DON'T MIND BEING PRETTY.

OH, SPENCE,
BEFORE I FORGET,

YOUR MOM DID THE CUTEST
THING IN THE STORE TODAY.

SHE POINTED OUT AN EGGPLANT
IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART

AND SAID
IT REMINDED HER OF ME.

WELL, IT DID.

THEY MUST SHOP
AT A DIFFERENT STORE
THAN MY PARENTS.

WELL, LET ME PUT THESE AWAY
AND I'LL FIX YOU KIDS
A QUICK SNACK.

OH, THAT'S
A BEAUTIFUL GUITAR.

OH, THANK YOU.
I PICKED THIS UP
ON OUR LAST TRIP TO SPAIN.

DO YOU MIND
IF I PLAY?

NO, GO AHEAD.

YEAH, MY BROTHER--
HE PLAYS GUITAR AND HE...

SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE THAT.
OH, THAT IS SO PRETTY.

THANK YOU.
TEDDY, HAVE A SEAT, RELAX.

OKAY.

OH, MASSAGE CHAIR.

NI-I-I-CE.

SMOKED SALMON AND DILL
ON TOAST POINTS.

THAT'S A SNACK?

I DABBLE
IN THE CULINARY ARTS.

MM, YOU MORE THAN
DABBLE IN THAT.

OH WAIT,
CAN I HAVE ONE MORE?

YOU WANT TO START
STUDYING?

IN A MI-I-INUTE.

WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED.
ONCE YOU'RE ON TOP,

THEY JUST WANT
TO KNOCK YOU DOWN.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

LISTEN TO SOME
OF THESE COMMENTS
ABOUT THE CHARLIE VIDEO.

FRED R5178 SAYS,

"CUTE, BUT YOU GOT LUCKY,
ONE-HIT WONDER."

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE--
"YOU'RE A PATHETIC,
NO-TALENT LOSER!"

WITH ABOUT 19
EXCLAMATION POINTS.

THAT ONE'S FROM GABE D.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW.

GABE HONEY, COME HERE.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING VERY EXCITING
FROM MOMMY'S PAST.

TEDDY TOLD ME
IF I EVER HEARD THOSE WORDS,

I SHOULD JUST
KEEP WALKING.

PARK IT.

NOW IN PREPARATION FOR
OUR TELEVISION APPEARANCE

I'M STUDYING SOME OF MY
PREVIOUS BROADCAST WORK.

I USED TO BE
A REPORTER

FOR THE SOUTHWEST DENVER
COMMUNITY COLLEGE

ACTION NEWS TEAM.

WE REACHED DOZENS OF VIEWERS
ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

THIS IS ONE OF MY
HARDEST-HITTING PIECES.

In my hand
I'm holding

something new
to our campus--

a cell phone.

"Cell" is short
for "cellular"

Believe it or not,

you can use this phone
wherever you go.

I know
it sounds crazy,

but as Paula Abdul
would say,

"I'm tellin' ya
straight up."

IT WAS GOOD.
IT WAS REALLY GOOD.

- OH, UNBELIEVABLE.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THAT'S THE WORST THROW!

HI.

HEY, TEDDY.
HEY, WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

LEFTOVERS FROM
SPENCER'S HOUSE.

- ( yelling )
- COME ON!

I CAN'T WATCH THIS.
I'M TURNING IT OFF.

NO NO, WAIT WAIT.
THE COMMERCIAL WITH
THE TALKING FOOT.

Amy:
DINNER!

GRAB YOUR BUNS.
IT'S SLOPPY JOE NIGHT.

MOM JUST SAID,
"GRAB YOUR BUNS."

- TEDDY.
- I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

- OOH, WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?
- TOAST POINTS WITH
SALMON AND DILL.

TOAST POINTS?
I SAY WHAT'S-THE-POINTS.

HEY, CHECK OUT CHARLIE.

SHE PUT SLOPPY JOE
ON HER FACE

BECAUSE SHE'S A BABY.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

IT'S NOT JUST FUNNY
'CAUSE SHE'S A BABY.

SEE, THIS WORKS
ON ALL AGES.

NOW GABE, YOU KNOW
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

YEAH, IT SHOULD BE
MORE LIKE THIS.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, CUT IT OUT.

NEXT PERSON WHO THROWS
SLOPPY JOE--

GUYS, YOU KNOW,
AT SPENCER'S HOUSE

THE FOOD GOES DIRECTLY
FROM THEIR PLATES
TO THEIR MOUTHS.

HOW IS THAT FUN?

I'LL LET YOU KNOW
TOMORROW NIGHT BECAUSE I'M
GOING OVER THERE FOR DINNER.

HIS MOM IS MAKING QUAIL.
NOT SLOPPY QUAIL-- QUAIL.

YOU CAN'T GO OVER THERE
TOMORROW NIGHT.

THE CHANNEL 8 NEWS CREW
IS COMING OVER. THEY'RE GONNA
INTERVIEW THE WHOLE FAMILY.

YEAH, I THINK I'LL PASS.

WHAT, YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE ON TV WITH ME?

- Men: US.
- US?

NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART
OF THE "FARTY CHARLIE" FAMILY.

IT'S EMBARRASSING.

IT'S EMBARRASSING

OR WE'RE EMBARRASSING?

YES.

- MORE FOR US.
- YEP.

NOBODY CALLS P.J. DUNCAN
A ONE-HIT WONDER.

BEHOLD "FARTY CHARLIE II."

( upbeat music playing )

Hey, I'm Charlie.
I'm feeling extra gassy today.

Uh-oh, here comes.

( farts )

( screaming )

Ahh, that's better.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHERE DO I BEGIN?

THAT WASN'T EVEN CHARLIE.
THAT WAS A DOLL.

BECAUSE CHARLIE
HAD TO TAKE A NAP.

PLUS, YOU CAN ONLY TELL
'CAUSE YOU'RE HER BROTHER.

NO, I COULD TELL BECAUSE
HER FOOT WAS FACING
THE WRONG DIRECTION.

WELL, DID YOU LIKE
ANYTHING ABOUT IT?

WELL, I LIKED--

NO.

MAN, THE PEOPLE ARE RIGHT.
I AM A ONE-HIT WONDER.

LOOK, YOU HAD
A GOOD RUN.

30 SECONDS?

LOOK, I'M TRYING TO PUT
LIPSTICK ON A PIG HERE.

YOU'RE A FAILURE.

( laughing )

LIPSTICK ON A PIG--
THAT'S HILARIOUS.

I JUST GOT AN IDEA
FOR MY NEXT FILM.

IF ANYONE NEEDS ME,

I'LL BE AT THE DRUGSTORE,
THEN THE ZOO.

( doorbell rings )

OH, HONEY, IT'S TEDDY.
WHERE'S SPENCE?

OH, HE WON'T BE BACK
FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.

OH, AM I EARLY?

DID I ACCIDENTALLY
COME HERE TOO EARLY

BY MISTAKE SOMEHOW?

- IT'S FINE.
- BECAUSE I COULD
WAIT OUTSIDE.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
GO ON, HAVE A SEAT.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

OH, DOES THAT ONE
VIBRATE TOO?

- NO, JUST THAT ONE.
- OH.

WOULD YOU PREFER
THAT ONE?

HEY, THERE'S AN IDEA.

( chair whirring )

SO HOW ARE YOU, DEAR?

WELL, NOW THAT YOU ASK,

I'M A LITTLE SNACKY.

AHH.

P.J. DUNCAN, DIRECTOR;
THIS IS GABE, ENTOURAGE.

HI, I'M RICK COLEMAN,
CHANNEL 8 NEWS.

LISTEN, I'VE GOT A LOT
OF EXCITING NEW PROJECTS
COMING UP,

SO IF YOU COULD
MENTION THE WORDS
"PIG" OR "LIPSTICK,"

YOU MIGHT GET YOURSELF
AN EXCLUSIVE.

HI, THIS IS CHARLIE.
I'M BOB.

OF "BOB'S BUGS BE GONE."

YEAH. YOU'VE SEEN
MY TRUCKS AROUND TOWN?

AND THE BIG BUG
ON YOUR SHIRT.

OH, DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE
I WAS WEARING THIS.

OR THAT SHE'S WEARING
THE EXACT SAME SHIRT.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

HI, EVERYBODY.

I'M AMY,
CHARLIE'S MOM

AND FORMER ANCHOR FOR
"GOOD MORNING CAMPUS TODAY."

LISTEN, IF YOU
RUN INTO ANY PROBLEMS

DURING YOUR SEGMENT,
JUST THROW IT TO ME.

I'LL BE YOUR
GO-TO GAL.

HONEY, HAVE YOU REHEARSED
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY
ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS?

REHEARSED?
I'M JUST GONNA WING IT.

NO NO, BOB, YOU'RE NOT
VERY GOOD AT WINGING IT.

REMEMBER YOUR WEDDING VOWS?

"I LIKE HER."

HONEY, I WAS
A LITTLE NERVOUS.

AND THAT WAS
A LONG TIME AGO.
I'M GONNA BE FINE.

HEY, MOM, YOU HAVE
SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE.

- OH, WHERE?
- EVERYWHERE.

( laughs )

HONEY, YOU NEED TO WEAR
A LOT OF MAKEUP ON TELEVISION

SO THAT YOU'RE NOT WASHED OUT
UNDER ALL THE LIGHTS.

THE KIDS DON'T KNOW THIS
BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT
IN THE MEDIA ARTS.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW LONG IT'S BEEN

SINCE YOU'VE BEEN
IN THE MEDIA ARTS,

BUT WITH HI-DEF
YOU DON'T NEED A LOT OF LIGHT.

OH, WELL, HOW WILL
MY MAKEUP LOOK IN HI-DEF?

SHOULD BE INTERESTING.

OKAY, LET'S DO THIS.

THIS IS RICK COLEMAN,

AND I'M HERE WITH DENVER'S
NEWEST CELEBRITY

WHO'S BEEN SEEN BY, WELL,
WITH A COMPUTER.YONE

SHE'S CUTE.
SHE'S FUNNY.

SHE'S FARTY CHARLIE!

BACK TO YOU, RICK.

AND HERE WE ARE
ON OUR FAMILY REUNION
LAST SUMMER IN ASPEN.

YOU WERE STAYING
IN A LODGE?

NO, THAT'S OUR CABIN.

OUR LODGE IS
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF OUR MOUNTAIN.

DAD, STOP.
YOU'RE MAKING US SOUND
LIKE WE'RE RICH.

WE DON'T HAVE
OUR OWN MOUNTAIN.

WE SHARE IT
WITH ANOTHER FAMILY.

SPEAKING OF FAMILIES,
TEDDY, WHEN ARE WE GONNA
GET TO MEET YOURS?

UH, THEY'RE KIND OF BUSY,

SO MAYBE NEXT SUMMER

OR THE ONE AFTER THAT.

OKAY, EVERYONE, I HAVE
THE NEWS ON IN THE KITCHEN.

YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE
THESE PEOPLE.

And when they saw
what great work I was doing

out in the field,
they said,

"Hey, we need her on
'Good Morning Campus Today.'"

Rick, you might say

it was an offer
I couldn't refuse.

If we could get back
to Charlie--

Why don't we talk
to the proud papa?

Whew.

Whoa, look, Dad,
through your shirt.ht

Uh...

You know, Rick,

something I find
very interesting

is that cell phones have
gotten so much smaller.

Back to you, Rick.

So, PJ, you're the director
of this little epic.

That's right, Rick--
editor and voice.

I don't know
what a producer does,

but I probably
did that too.

What are you doing?

Well, you just give it to me
and I'll throw it back to you.

No, let go.

At least let me throw it back
to Yolanda in the studio.

No, I do that.
Back to Yolanda in the studio.

What is wrong
with you people?

- ( laughing )
- I THOUGHT YOU'D ENJOY THAT.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

WHAT A FAMILY.
THE WOMAN--

SHE LOOKS LIKE
A CIRCUS CLOWN.

CLOWNS ARE FUN.

WHAT ABOUT THE BIG SWEATY OAF?
HE WAS A PIECE OF WORK.

OAFS ARE FUN.

WHERE DID THEY FIND
THESE PEOPLE?

MOM, DAD, STOP, OKAY?
THAT'S TEDDY'S FAMILY.

- ( laughing )
- THAT'S A GOOD ONE, SPENCE.

NO, HE'S NOT KIDDING.

OH, BUT TEDDY, YOU'RE
NOTHING LIKE THOSE PEOPLE.

YOU'RE SO POISED
AND SOPHISTICATED AND--

( belches )

EXCUSE ME?

I SAID...
( belches )

I CAN DO THAT
BECAUSE I'M A DUNCAN.

I'M THE PRODUCT

OF THE SWEATY OAF
AND THE CRAZY CLOWN.

OH TEDDY, I'M SORRY.
WE DIDN'T KNOW.

OH, NO NO, IT'S OKAY.
YESTERDAY I WAS EMBARRASSED
BY THEM TOO.

AND I EVEN TOLD THEM THAT.
AND THEN I CAME OVER HERE

SO I COULD PRETEND
THAT I WAS ONE OF YOU.

BUT I'M NOT.
I'M ONE OF THEM.

I SWEAT, I FART
AND I BURP.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
DO THAT AGAIN, ARE YOU?

NO.

IN FACT, I SHOULD PROBABLY
GET BACK TO MY FAMILY

IN THIS,
THEIR DARKEST HOUR.

( farts )

- PAUL!
- OH, I'M SORRY, DEAR.

I JUST WANTED TO SEE
HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES.

OH.

- ( all laughing )
- Oh, man.

Hey, Charlie,
was on the news tonight,e

and now they're
on the internet.

That's right--
the Duncans have gone viral.

Oh my gosh
I look like a clown.

Well, at least
you talked.

And talked
and talked...

Hey.

I look cool.

( laughing )

See, that's the great thing
about this family--

we can laugh
at ourselves.

And hopefully
you feel the same way

when you're older
and realize

"Everyone in the world
has seen me pass gas."

( doorbell rings )

I'LL GET IT.

- HI.
- HEY.

I JUST WANTED TO
MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY.

YEAH, I'M FINE.

I'M SO SORRY
ABOUT MY PARENTS.

WOW, IT IS REALLY NICE

TO HEAR THAT COMING OUT OF
SOMEBODY ELSE'S MOUTH.

I WAS THINKING
MAYBE TOMORROW
WE COULD STUDY HERE.

IT'S A LOT MORE FUN
THAN MY HOUSE.

REALLY? OR ARE YOU JUST
SAYING THAT TO BE NICE?

NO, I MEAN IT.
IT'S ALWAYS SO QUIET
AT MY HOUSE.

OVER HERE
IT'S LOUD AND FUN

AND FULL OF
DIFFERENT SMELLS.

OKAY, MY HOUSE IT IS.

ANY CHANCE OF
A SLOPPY JOE NIGHT?

OH, IT'LL BE
A SLOPPY SOMETHING NIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OH HEY, HOLD ON A SEC.

Hey, Charlie, this is
my boyfriend Spencer.

Hi, Charlie.

Isn't he cute?

I hope someday you find
somebody as great as him,

but it might be tough.
So good luck, Charlie.

Uh, nuh-uh.

( playing classical guitar )

OH, FATHER,
THAT WAS LOVELY.

YOUR FINGER-PICKING
IS SO DELICATE.

ALMOST AS DELICATE
AS THAT POMEGRANATE

THAT YOU'RE PAINTING, DEAR.

( bell ringing )

DINNER IN 15 MINUTES.

TONIGHT WE'RE HAVING
COQ AU VIN AND
WHITE ASPARAGUS.

OH MY, I STILL HAVE ON
MY AFTERNOON PEARLS.

MOTHER, THE TABLE
IS SET.

HOW ELSE
MAY I HELP YOU?

FATHER, THE HORSES
HAVE BEEN GROOMED AND FED.

( farts )

( all laughing )

IT WOULD SEEM OUR CHILD
IS FULL OF BEANS.

FATHER, HOW YOU
MAKE US TITTER.