All language subtitles for Glory.Daze.1996.WS.DVDRip.XviD-AXIAL

You ever wonder what happens
to all the overeducated...

pampered rich kids the art colleges
churn out year after year?

So did I. After all, in two days,
I was going to join them.

Being a well-adjusted,
model citizen, of course...

I was looking forward to it.

Graduation was just two days away,
and I couldn't wait to get started...

on that wife and kids
and pension-plan thing.

On Sunday, we'd all be going
our separate ways...

me and the scumbags I live with.

Mickey drew cartoons
for the local funny papers.

We started as freshmen together,
but he still had a year to go.

Why do I always gotta go last?

He was big, clumsy,
and he never combed his hair.

Chicks dug him.
Fuckin' mystery to me.

- Who's that? Jack?
- Fat fuck.

Yeah. Is that you, Rob?

Rob was moving to L.A.
with his woman.

We'd all been poisoning him
against her...

'cause, well, that's what guys do,
but so far it hadn't worked.

I can give you something right here.

Hey, man! Don't...

You scalded me!
You know what that does to my skin?

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hungover?

Slosh had morphed from computer geek
to raving drunk in under a year.

For months now he had been
mailing bad poetry to Charles Bukowski.

Who did that to you?

No one wanted to tell him
Buke was dead.

What are you, a madman?

No.

Just like to live dangerously.

The head rooster was Dennis.

He was a professional student
who'd been living up in the attic...

and lording over the place
for the past six years.

- Good morning, youngsters.
- Morning.

Did you notice Rob
skulk in last night?

Perhaps a little trouble
in doggy land?

We could only hope.

Slosh brewed you up
a fresh pot of coffee.

Dennis changed majors more often
than he changed his underwear.

First cup o'joe of the day.

As for me, my name's Jack.

Happy-go-fuckin'-lucky
as the day I was born.

Yeah, the salad days were winding down,
and I wasn't sure...

but I think I hated it.

There's something about seeing
your ex-girlfriend slobbin' on...

some other guy's knob that makes
you say, "Thanks, babe. I miss you too."

Next. Psychology major, right?

Hey, I love my mother,
but not as much as you guys say I do.

Check out my head size.
Think it needs to be shrunk?

Next!
Hey, break a leg.

No, break two. You're a history
of consciousness major, right?

Next!

You got me waiting in line ten minutes
while you're tellin' fuckin' jokes.

Well, let's move it
right along then, shall we?

- Name?
- Freeman, Jack.

Ooh. I'm sorry.
I'm afraid I can't let you graduate...

with the bad haircut, man.

Next.

I'm just kiddin'.
I already had you marked off.

Welcome to the real world.

And you know what?
I like that "Hate" T-shirt.

The whole angry, young man, black thing.
Generation... You know what I mean?

- It's cool.
- It's the name of a comic book.

- Could I borrow your pen for a second?
- Absolutely.

You happy now, cocksucker?

Next.

If she liked me she would have said...

"Why don't you have a bagel
and I'll join you?"

She didn't even ask me...

Mickey. When are
you gonna learn, man?

You gotta be more aggressive, man.
You just...

- Excuse me, sir.
- Yeah.

- Two minutes. Be right there.
- Meet you over there?

If you know so much, how come
you slept at El Rancho last night?

You know, it's really interesting
how you celibates...

all keep little tabs
on my whereabouts.

What's that about?
Think about the psychology there.

We had an argument
about her mother.

I never even met this woman, and she's
trying to exert her power over me.

You never met
Joanie's mom before?

I've been avoiding it
for 18 months.

- What's the big deal?
- It's not a big deal.

I just have a thing with moms.
I had a bad experience once.

Now, I'm about to move
to L.A. with Joanie...

and her mom...

is renting us an apartment
five minutes from her house.

My life is fast becoming...

It's a joke.
My life's a joke.

Like...

Yeah. She's a beaut, ain't she?

Yeah, it's nice.

You boys just graduatin', ain't ya?

Well, this is the machine for you.

I don't say that because I read it
in some goddamn manual.

I say that from grade-A,
numero uno, champion experience.

All right? Me and the missus,
couple weeks ago...

come out here
in this particular machine.

Her mother rode along with us.

We got here, ten minutes later,
they hit the road.

I ain't seen her since. I don't know,
goddamn it, what it's all about, but...

Back to the truck.

- Okay. We just wanna...
- This here's the one.

- I'm ready to hot-diggety deal.
- I believe you.

Brilliant.
Absolutely wonderful.

No. Really?

- You really think so?
- Oh, yes.

I particularly love those
intriguing references to the Hopi.

Hopi?

The Native American
Indian tribe. Yeah.

I've been there...
out on that third mesa.

There in the middle of the Arizona
desert is a simple, primitive people...

that has kept
its culture intact.

I got this belt buckle
for a song.

That's really something.
So, you're gonna accept my thesis?

Well, now...

Walk with me.

Dennis, I like you, and I am
positively wild about your work.

I know you're about to graduate,
but I'd like you to stay on...

and act as my assistant next year...
my understudy, if you will.

There'll be credit towards
your master's degree...

and, of course, a modest stipend.

Luther, I don't know
what to say, but...

I got accepted to Michigan.

I'm starting a master's
business program in the fall.

Dennis, a boy with your insight
should not...

stifle his creativity
in the pursuit of filthy lucre.

Remember, my boy, it is poetry
that will save the world...

not commerce.

Corpus Christi pole.

Won't find another one between here
and the Peruvian High Andes.

Please be careful!

Culmination of centuries
of the evolution of art.

Took my sculpture students
two semesters to complete.

Well, it's pretty awe-inspiring.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

You will think over my offer,
won't you?

- Yes. Yes, I definitely will.
- Thanks, Dennis.

This truck here's callin' your name!

- You see that guy?
- Zoinks!

That guy was heavy!
That's gonna be me, man.

No, man.

I move in with Joanie,
her mom creeps into my life.

- I turn into that guy.
- Joanie is not like that at all.

I wish I had your problem!

Joanie's an incredible woman.
You'll deal.

I don't want to just deal.
I'm supposed to be excited about this.

You know I love her to death.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.
I'm stressed out.

I'm sick. Look at my gums.

- Look at that.
- Oh, yuck!

See that? I gotta go
to the dentist now.

Excuse me.
You're Mickey, right?

- From "The Mickey Chronicles"?
- Yeah.

- I think you're terrific.
- Thanks.

Would you autograph this?

Yeah.

- There you go.
- Thanks.

- See you.
- I...

What's the matter with you?
What are you doing?

They're waiting for you
to go talk to 'em.

No, they just like the comic strip.

I don't stand a chance
with women like that.

Are you out of your mind?

There's a legion of these little
freshmen cho-cha who worship you.

- You're like the black Ziggy.
- Great.

I'm the little, lovable potato guy
with no neck.

Oh, man, you shouldn't be stealin' beers
from your gracious employer.

- How come?
- It's unethical.

You should let me steal 'em.

Shit. 'Sides, you think
there's a cornucopia...

of shitty, menial jobs in this town
for a college dropout like yourself?

Hey, they're already open.

Slosh is the man.

Slosh!

- Hey, Doc.
- What are you doin' back there, man?

I'm gettin' cheese, Doc.
You know, groovin' to the tunes.

Okay, that's gonna cost you
three bucks, same as a customer.

You know I don't like to get
all heavy and uncool...

but you think
I'm running a soup kitchen?

Hey, it's just a job, man.
I'll get another.

A couple years ago you were
Mr. Straight Apple...

Computer Science,
Goody Two-shoes Guy.

Now look at you.
You're an embarrassment.

You could've had one of these,
you know.

We got free pizza and beer.

Why don't you get off my nuts?

- They wavin' at you?
- Yeah.

Fucker! Get out!

Watch it, man!
Jesus Christ!

Fuck you!

Do you know those fags?

Yeah, a bunch of freshmen.
They just moved in.

Sorry about that.

It's an oldie but a goodie.

- The young Slosh.
- Our little boy. He's grown up.

Honey, I'm home.

Scumbags!
Where'd you get the pizza?

- From that place Slosh used to work at.
- What, again?

Howdy, sir.

Oh, man.
Slosh, you quit every two weeks.

Hey, this time
I'm getting fired.

But if you guys don't want
to share the windfall...

Slosh is the man!
Come on. Brew me.

- Here we go.
- All right.

- To Slosh.
- Hey, Rob, where you goin'?

I gotta pick up my paycheck.
I'll meet you at the boardwalk.

He's gotta check in
with the warden first.

That's what's happening here.

Don't run off with Joanie.
Ride down with us.

It's a boys' night.
Don't be a whipped dog.

Oh, Jack. Do we really want to talk
about being pussy-whipped?

Need I remind you
of a certain woman...

whose first name
starts with the letter Dina?

All right, fuck you.

I'm not going to bring her along,
if that's what you're worried about.

Anymore smart-ass comments
before I go?

Yeah, just one.

Who's been using
my coffee mug?

I don't know.
Does anybody give a rip?

I found it
out on the front stoop.

Now, I thought I made this
abundantly clear...

that there are two things
that nobody touches.

My Vespa and my mug.
That's right.

Now, come to find that one
of you syphilitic swine...

had his diseased lips
on the thing?

- All right. Have a stroke, Pappy.
- Ah! See? The guilty party.

It's outrageous!

You know, Chelsea said
she'd be there tonight.

You like Chelsea now?
Good for you. You should go for her.

I didn't know you were planning
another one of your Waterloos of love.

Me either. Let's get going.
I don't want to miss this.

Oh, Christ.
Here they come.

Sorry we're late.
Joanie wanted to come.

I hope you guys don't mind me
tagging along.

It's my last chance
to go on the log ride.

No, by all means.

This collar looks
a little tight.

Just brace yourself, Joanie.

The lads may get a tad immature
for your tastes.

Just pretend I'm not here.

No, it's going to be a lot of fun.

Getting geared up
for the move to L.A.?

Yes. I have so much to do.
I haven't even started packing...

Yeah, right. Let's get going
before the lines get too long.

Hustle along. Let's go.

Let's go.

- Nobody beats the big log!
- You should've paddled faster.

- Right!
- Sorry about that. They started it.

- She's all right. Right, baby?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Mickey! Guess who!
- What's up?

- Hey, Chelsea.
- Hi, guys.

- Ride the roller coaster with me.
- I'm actually kind of hungry.

- Ride the roller coaster.
- I was about to get a chimichanga!

You just had an ice-cream sandwich.

- I sat on that!
- Go!

Faster!

- What is wrong with him?
- You think she likes him?

So we're leaving
the chancellor's party.

We've got a case of wine
and several trays of sushi...

that we've purloined
from the catering truck...

and our good buddy Flailin' Ed
sneaks upstairs.

- That guy was a genius.
- Who's Flailin' Ed?

- You don't wanna know.
- Shut the fuck up.

Let him tell the story.

He was this
Hunter S. Thompson-style drunk that...

- He used to live at El Rancho.
- Right. So we're thinkin'...

what the hell
is this guy gonna do?

By now, he's out of his mind
on amyl nitrate.

He's drooling,
and he's got this...

So, anyway, Ed moseys on up
into the master bedroom...

and drops a Lincoln log
in the tub.

We had a great run, Slosh. If you
and Mickey get a nice apartment...

You ever stop and wonder...

what if what I got goin'
is the best I'm ever gonna get?

You'd be stupid
not to make it last.

I was beginning to think,
hey, fuck it.

One more spin
on the merry-go-round, slick.

I'll pay you Tuesday.

Gimme some lovin'!

What's the matter with you?

- Man, I'm starvin'.
- You just ate!

I didn't eat a damn thing all day.

Why do you give me shit every time
I put something in my mouth?

- Because you got a fat ass.
- You three can lick my crack.

- Okay?
- Jack. Phone.

Got it!

Slosh, hang up the phone!

Hello.

Oh, hey, Mom.

Do what?

Do I have another girlfriend yet?

That's funny, Mom.
No. Gimme a break.

No, Mom,
I haven't seen Dina in a while.

What?

Graduation?

It's... on Saturday.

No, I just figured
you guys didn't want to.

It's basically the same
as high school grad...

the robes
and the stupid square hats, so...

Right.

Is Dad comin' too?

Oh, great. That's great.
It'll be a lot of fun.

Right.

Mom, I gotta go, all right?

Yeah, okay. I'll talk to you soon.
Me too, Mom.

Yeah. See you Saturday. Bye.

You're not gonna show this
to anyone? You promise?

I promise.

Ah, yes.
Very beautiful.

- Okay, promise one more time.
- Yes, I promise. I promise.

Ooh, wow!
Oh, my God!

Okay. No, come on!

Okay, hold on.
Let me put this down. I'm coming.

Don't you worry. Just a second.
Just let me put this down.

Yes. Hello. Hi, Mom.

- Oh, God, don't say Mom.
- Wave.

You still have your shoes on.

It's still a little rough.

You try to get your guy
to kill all the evil bunnies.

You know, Slosh, I bet if you
change the bunny rabbits to...

oh, say, Nazis or something,
I bet you could sell that thing.

Nah, it's just for fun.

You know what?
Guys, I'm not moving out.

- What?
- You heard me. I'm not movin' out.

I'm stayin' here
for another year at El Rancho.

- Oh, bullshit!
- Yeah, think about it.

Landlord ain't rented the place yet.

He'd be tickled three shades of pink
to keep gettin' checks from us.

Right? Think about it.

You guys really wanna
give this place up?

What about the bar?
This is a fuckin' great bar.

We're just gonna leave it here
for the next asshole who moves in?

We couldn't do that to the bar.

Mickey and I were gonna
take it to the new apartment.

Had some good times
at this bar, man.

Rob. Remember when we got the glass
cut and beveled to fit the top...

what a pain in the ass that was?

Wasn't cheap, that's for sure.

I don't know. I just figured
now that school's over...

I think we owe it to ourselves.

Relax a little bit.
Take it easy.

A few grins.

If you guys stayed,
that'd be fuckin' awesome, man.

Fuck, yeah, man!
Yeah, it would!

We could put the band back together.
Be like it was in the old days.

We'd have a fuckin'
great time, man.

These punks are easy.
It's just you two guys.

Oh, no.
Don't start with me, man.

Rob. Come on.

Where's our band gonna be
without our suave, sexy, front man guy?

After you quit on us,
the band fell apart.

- We're nothing without you.
- Yeah!

It's not gonna work.

Dennis. Business school in Michigan?
Who are you kidding?

You got three degrees already.
The whole thing's a joke.

You gonna walk away
from your photography...

after you spent a year on it?

You're finally gettin' your eye.
It's startin' to look good.

Okay, okay.

Actually, it's sort of funny
that you bring this up...

because Luther sort of offered me
an apprenticeship.

- What?
- He asked me to stay on next year.

- Are you serious?
- Yes, I am.

He is offering me a salary
and credit towards my MFA.

Dennis, you've been dying to transfer
to Michigan since I met you.

Yes, I know.
So, I will defer my enrollment.

I mean, come on!
What's another year?

Right? I mean, we're young
and stupid and unattached.

- Yes!
- Yes.

I was going to live with my brother.
That can wait.

Joanie's not gonna wait.
She'll flip out.

You gotta be kiddin' me!

Rob, you can't fight this, man.

Come on! I need this.
We all need this.

Jesus Christ, let's rage against
the dying of the light a little bit.

Yeah! Come on!

You don't want to end up
like the rental truck guy.

Forget about the skirt.
There are more where she came from.

Throw off the shackles!

It'll be like the fuckin' old days.
Please, Rob! I'm begging you!

I'm on my hands and knees,
kissing your smelly ass!

All right! Let's do it!

Just stay away from my ass!

Hey, bring your friends
to El Rancho tomorrow night.

Free beer.

Oh, yeah!

You know how long it's been since I've
been with anybody besides Joanie?

- No, but I bet you do.
- Eighteen months.

Ouch! That's a long time
for the king of swing.

- I think she likes you.
- Yeah.

There you go.
That's a Mickey original.

Mick, you're a mindblower.

Hey, is that
that nut beer?

- Why don't you give me some?
- Get out of here, you cheap screw.

- Buy your own.
- Come on.

Why are you coming at me
with the "cheap screw" thing?

I just want a taste.

Every time we go out,
you buy that piss water...

and then you want my import.

- You think I'm not onto this routine?
- Thanks a lot!

Watch out for that stuff. There's stuff
in there that'll give you butt cancer.

What are you talkin' about?
This is good beer.

No, delicious, no doubt...

but the darker-yielding hops...

tend to get trapped
in your colon and fester...

until that magical moment...

when your prostate
drops out like a peach pit.

Wait! Oh, Edgar.

There's been
a terrible mistake here.

This party was last weekend, Edgar.

The party is over. They've already
cleaned up all the cups. Sorry.

- Who invited that dork?
- Treacherous little bastard.

Who's responsible? Slosh!

Come here, Slosh.

- Come here a second.
- Hey, what's up, bros?

- Did you invite the pud-whacker?
- Who?

The pud-whacker!
The fuckin' action man over there.

- Who told you to invite him?
- Come here.

You see, Edgar used to live
in your room, okay?

He's a compulsive
little jerk-off artist.

He's an idiot. He owes us
200 bucks for the phone bill.

- Always starin' at Joanie.
- I'm sorry. No more pud-whackers.

- We have a reputation to hold up here.
- That's right. Women.

- Mr. Mick.
- Mickey.

You wanna put some diapers
on that thing?

Jay, can we get a nipple
for Mickey's beer?

Just a minute.

My number one big spender
is buying shots for everybody.

- Welcome back!
- Yeah!

People say nothing is forever.

If that's true, how do you explain
herpes or the Grateful Dead?

I say forever's for people
who got the balls to make it last.

We were back, all right. I was gonna
prove all these pricks wrong.

Tomorrow, after the graduation ceremony,
the studio will be open.

Please feel free to bring along
your friends and relatives.

Show off your excellent work.

Once again, thank you.
See you tomorrow.

- Luther.
- Yes, Jack.

I just wanted to know
what you thought of my final piece.

You'll receive my written assessment
in the mail in a couple days.

I know. I just wanted
to hear it from you.

All right.

To be perfectly honest with you,
I find it muddled.

It seems to me you get lost
in abstractionism...

and you lose sight
of your real feelings.

My real feelings?

It's the old argument, Jack.

Art isn't just the vomiting up
of adolescent angst.

Real art is subject to
a complex filtration system...

allied to
tried and true structures.

I look at your stuff,
and what do I see?

I see 20th-century
American suburbia.

It doesn't resonate.

That was why I was so keen
to have you participate...

in the Corpus Christi totem.

Yeah, but, Luther,
I told you...

I've never even been to Tijuana,
much less 15th-century South America.

You know? What does
a Corpus Christi totem mean to me?

All the other students
were prepared to open themselves...

to a multicultural experience.

That is why they have gone
full circle and why they...

They are full of shit
and have no personality!

I mean, this multiculturalism thing
is completely bullshit!

I was raised in the suburbs.
That's what I'm trying to express.

That's what I know.

So you intend
to captivate people...

with the plight of the affluent,
white American male.

Well, I have some shocking news
for you. Nobody cares.

He's givin' me his song and dance
about the tried and true structures...

and all that bullshit.

Hold on. I'm sorry.

Oh, Mickey?
How much longer?

Five minutes.

So then he said my stuff
was muddled vomit.

- Ouch!
- Yeah. Can you believe that wanker?

- You're kidding me.
- No.

Oh. Well...

I hate to be the fart
in your soup bowl, but...

he loved mine.

- What?
- Yeah.

I threw in my "Working Boy"
photo essay.

Oh, my God!
You just finished that yesterday!

He loved it.

I'm telling you, man,
Luther went crazy for it.

What? Slosh doing vodka shots
in his johnson holders?

Yeah, Rancho.
Yeah, party here tonight.

What can I tell you? We're back.
All right, bring everybody.

Check it out, Jack.

Luther said that I brought a compelling,
socio-scatological edge to my work.

- You're pullin' my rip cord, right?
- No. Not even a little bit.

You know he wants
to shuck your corncob, don't you?

You know, when you get
like this, it's just sad.

You slap this shit together,
he loves it.

He gives me a speech
on the filtration process.

- What does that tell you?
- That you're a dolt and a homophobe.

What? It's just beyond the realm
of possibility that he likes my work?

I got it! Let's go!

You think I like having
incredible powers of perception?

- Slosh, we're gonna go get the kegs.
- Consider the ulterior motives.

Drop it, will ya.

I can do this, right?
I'm just nervous, you know?

Don't worry about it. We're back.
Dudes of steel, right?

Yeah!

There you go.
You look good.

Yeah? Oh, man.
You're not gonna wear that, are you?

That "Too Drunk To Fuck" button.
You're not gonna wear that.

Hey, this thing works
like fuckin' magic.

You put this fuckin' button on,
and immediately...

drunk chicks come up and say,
"Is that really true?"

Please, don't be offended
if I laugh in your face.

That is ridiculous.

Four simple words
pack a lot of punch.

For one thing, it shows good taste
in music, which you obviously lack.

Two, a self-deprecating
sense of humor...

which women fuckin' love.

Three, this sort
of angst-ridden...

sexual mysteriousness thing
that I got goin' on.

Oh, man!

Well, so much
for sexual mysteriousness.

I don't recall you gettin' anywhere
at the last party.

No, that's right,
but I could have.

Okay? Easily.

These are monastic times,
my friend.

All portent
and no payoff is a win.

And I won big!

So, I'm a photographer.

Actually, I teach university...

and I'm looking for somebody
to do some modeling for me.

There may be some nudity required.
I don't know.

Oh, hey, Mickey.
Where are you goin'?

- Piss.
- All right. Wait up.

- Hey!
- Hey, who's that?

You guys almost got me, man.

Oh. Hey, Crazy.

Didn't you see
the band of Orks go by?

- Orks?
- Well, we kind of live here.

Aren't we by the castle
in the woods?

- No.
- No.

Hey, why don't you go back
to Ye Olde Pub...

and have yourself a pint of ale?

I was just tyin' my shoes.

I know. It's cool.
You gonna be ready to play later?

- I wasn't in the bushes, man.
- Okay. That's fine.

Some guitar player
you got there.

Well, by now
you should be knee-deep...

in a certain
young lady's underpants, huh?

I see how well you're doin'.

Listen. Always do
as I say, not as I do.

If you get thirsty,
come on back over here.

Or if you wanna rap
or need another drink...

just come on back
and let me know, all right?

Ya hot-blooded little monkey.

- She's cute, Jack.
- So what?

One more line,
you would've bagged her.

You think so?

What's up with you and Mickey?

Nothing. No sir.

He treats me
like I'm his sister.

I'm condemned to wallflower status.
I'm gonna die a lonely old maid.

Are you fishing for a compliment?
You can forget about it.

Beat it, would ya? I'm tryin'
to get laid over here, all right?

Beer?

You're the rapscallions puttin' up
the basketball hoop, right?

That's us. We just moved
into the house down the block.

So you get to live with Slosh, huh?

Was he always this psycho?

- Was Slosh always psycho?
- Yeah.

Okay. I'm not going
to candy coat this for you.

He is a psychotic, maniac drunk.

Okay? Been that way
since I met him.

6:00 a. m?
Kid's shot out of a cannon.

All right? Doesn't stop...
until the beer is gone.

Is Slosh a psycho?

Yeah! He's a psycho!

All right, now beat it.
You guys bug me.

Get the hell out.
I'm finished. Go on!

Don't give me big,
Bambi-doe eyes. Beat it!

Are you gonna get that?

No. Fuck 'em.
They're just gonna complain.

All right. Op Ivy,
Screeching Weasel...

How come you have...

all those pictures of Jim Belushi
on your wall?

John Belushi.
He was a genius.

He had the class
to die in his prime.

Here we go, NOFX.

Can I tell you something?

Sure.

I always thought you were cute.

When we would play
spring softball together...

I'd always look
at your butt.

Chelsea. Did you really?

Yeah!

What... about Mickey?

I thought you guys...
I don't know.

Mickey doesn't like me,
and I like you.

Mickey! What's wrong, man?

Man, the same old story.

What happened?
You look like a dog's ass.

We got any vodka?

God, I hope that isn't true.

Wait a minute.

Chels, I'm...

- I'm not into this.
- Why? Is it about Mickey?

- Mickey doesn't like me.
- No, it's not about Mickey.

It's about you.
I'm not into it.

- Okay?
- What did I do?

Nothing.
You didn't do anything.

It's me.
You're not my type.

All right. Look, we're not gonna
talk about this, okay?

I'm really sorry.
God, I'm such an idiot!

Wait a second.
What I'm trying to say is... Chelsea!

- Hey! Psycho bro!
- Hey, dude!

You shredded our lawn!

- You got that beer bong back here?
- Yeah.

- Right here.
- There it is!

- Enjoy it!
- Oh, yeah!

Hello? Dina!

Hi, Dina.
Yeah, it's me, Jack.

Listen...

I just...

I'm sorry.
Did I wake you up?

I didn't mean to call so late.
I just called up because...

I have something I want to ask you,
if that's all right.

Listen, Dina.

I just wanna say...

I just wanna say...

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Thank you...

and welcome to Rancho,
where the stars shine bright...

and the moon goes down
so it won't be hit by the stars.

Hey!

If my singer and drummer
would get the hell down here!

We're supposed to be on stage!
What up?

Slosh puke again?
What's the problem?

What?

I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.

Will you look at me?
I look like Jam Master Shecky!

God! What are you,
fucking insane, man?

The pimp jacket is tits!
What's the stress factor?

What's the stress factor?
I look like an asshole.

I haven't sung in a year.
Let's have Mickey DJ the party.

I don't want to make
a fool out of myself.

Did you smell this thing?
Smell that.

Pardon me, Mr. Fuckin'
Highfalutin Econ Guy...

but this bitch-slappin',
pimp-ass fuckin' coat is your trademark.

- You wore it at every gig.
- We only had five gigs.

You gonna be a baby?
You gonna be a pussy about it?

Forget it. That's fine,
'cause Slosh was gonna do a song.

He'll wear the coat.

We could have him do your whole set.
You don't need to worry.

Whoa, wait!

Don't beg me.
I'll do it.

Is everybody happy?

Look at that girl
Juliet-cious

And me, I'm so cool
I'm Romeo Sid Vicious

Bring on the ball
and the cruisers

Santa Claus and Santa Cruz
is where the bruisers can be losers

Hey, lookit there
It's a dude

Well, the dude is crude
The dude is rude, the dude is lewd

The dude is crude
The dude is stewed, the dude is nude

Oh, can't you tell

That dude is steel

Hey! We have to wrap this up.

But before we do,
Slosh would like to do a song.

Slosh! Where are you, man?

No way, chief!
You're gonna sing one?

All right! I didn't know
this was your band!

It's my band.

Come on, baby!
Do it, man!

Do it! You're the man!
You're the man!

Oh, yes!
Very nice!

- Whee-ee-ee.
- Hey, baby. Hey, woman.

Neat threads.
Where are all your hos?

Yeah. I figured, why not?
It's all a part of the show.

You know what I mean?
Why don't you give me...

Rob! You're all sweaty
and gross! Don't!

I was thinking.

We should start our own little
Josie and the Pussycats band.

- What do you think?
- Yeah!

Get a song and sing it over and over
and scream it into the microphone.

It'll be great.
Oh, Rob.

You're not going to go get your
scrotum pierced or anything, are you?

Well. Whoa!

Joanie, come here.
Can I talk to you for a second?

Uh-oh! I think I'm going
to get a talking to.

- I'll be right over there, girls, okay?
- Stand strong.

- All right. Over here?
- Yeah. Over here.

One, two, three, four!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

You think I was trying
to be funny out there?

What?

You were kooky.
You know, wacky.

Hey, don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't you
come over here to my house...

and belittle me
and my housemates...

in front of these
little fuckin' teenyboppers.

This means something to me.

You know what?

When me and my friends get together
and we get all cuckoo-wacky...

that's the real me.

I'm a cuckoo-wacky bastard.

Oh! So... this is the real you.

Yeah, that's right.

And which one of you...

was the guy who told me
to shut up in front of his friends?

- Is that the real you?
- I guess that is the real me.

I'm an asshole.
You didn't know that?

No, I didn't know that.

But thanks. I'm glad we got
this straightened out.

Yeah. Me too.

- I think I should be going.
- Yeah, why don't you?

Have fun at breakfast
with Mommy.

Drive fucking careful!

Now we are 21
Now we have to get things done

We can't watch Brady Bunch
We can't eat Cap'n Crunch

No!

When I was 17
I used to watch TV

But now I'm 21
and I drink way too much

Twenty-one
Now we are 21

Now we are 21

Now we are 21

Hey! Who the fuck
let the bacon in here?

Freebird!

Free-fucking-bird!

Free-fucking-bird!

Up the academy.

Oh, God!

Hey, Mickey. What happened
with Chelsea? Did you make it happen?

- I don't want to talk about it.
- Oh, come on.

Spill yon beans, sonny boy.

You didn't say
anything stupid, did ya?

All I know is that she left early.

Stop breakin' his nads.

I saw that female freak-out
Joanie pulled on you.

Oh, yeah, man.
That was ugly.

Fuck! I'm supposed to be having
breakfast with her mother.

Oh, yikes!
Meetin' the mom.

Dennis, what happened to that chick
you were dancin' with?

Oh, her. Well...
I talked to her at some length...

and, quite frankly,
found her substandard.

- Oh, God! Fuck you!
- No, it's true.

We spoke in detail,
and I decided that...

there was something
genetically impolite about her.

Come on! Drink!

What's wrong with you people?

This sucks. I swear,
it's the same after every party.

Everybody goes home, and I end up
sittin' here with you dickheads.

Mick, you're better off this way,
believe me.

This is what freedom's all about.

With a girlfriend,
you get a constant supply.

It's the same meal every day,
but you never go hungry.

Now, single guys like us...

obviously, there are
no regular meals...

but when it's finally chow time...

it's a smorgasbord.

A little bit of this,
a little bit of that.

Some smorgasbord.
I'm stuffed.

Sometimes it rains,
sometimes it doesn't, but ask yourself:

Do you really want a girlfriend...

or just some comforting,
disease-free harbor...

where you can park your genitals?

I want to be in love.

He wants to be in love!
Sure, see how long that lasts.

I'll tell ya,
it's like Camus was right.

The greatest love affair
in the world...

is where you get a woman,
she fuckin' loves you, you know?

And right in the middle
of the salad days...

when you're still stupid
in love with each other, she dies.

She never gets
a chance to dump you.

She never gets
to drag her family into it.

That's right.

You never get sick of her.
Love never fades.

To Camus!

- Camus!
- Camus! To Al!

Me and Dina were supposed
to go to Bali after graduation.

That clown will probably
take her to Six Flags.

Hope he falls off
the loop-de-loop.

To make matters worse, I had
the parental units for the day.

Hey, Mom.

- Well, "con-graduations."
- In Catcher In the Rye...

Holden Caulfield said
something to the effect of...

whenever you get
someplace new and exciting...

somebody else has been there first
and scribbled "fuck you" on it.

For me, that person
was my father.

- Dad. Good to see you.
- Jack.

So... you find the hotel all right?

Oh, yes. Right next
to the methadone clinic.

By the way, what was all that
hooting and hollering...

during the commencement speech?

I remember my graduation
as being much more solemn.

It's just Santa Cruz.
We're a lot more casual up here.

What do you plan to do
now that you've graduated?

Well, I've only been
a college graduate for 17 minutes...

so I don't know yet.

Well, according
to my calculations...

that's 17 minutes behind
anyone who's planned ahead.

Hey, guys!
We finally made it!

Yeah, we did.

This whole thing's a travesty.

Are your folks not coming up
to celebrate?

Yeah, right!

This is my third degree.
They don't bother anymore.

Ooh! I'll tell you one thing.

That Felicia's got a neat
little turd cutter on her.

Jesus. You gotta
help me out here, Dennis.

Joanie and her mom
are lurking out there somewhere.

I don't want to get shackled down
like some mutt, right?

No, you don't.

You tell that hag and her
skunk of a mother to drop dead.

Yeah, I better find her, huh?

All my relatives were gonna come up
for my graduation next year.

And instead you slapped them
in the face, huh?

Pretty much.

My mom says my granddad cries
every time they mention my name.

He's from the old country.

What, is he Sicilian?

Come on! Don't give me
the family disgrace crap.

- You don't understand Asian culture.
- I know.

I'm just a big ol' white dummy.

Look, despite your obvious
racial handicap...

you are an American citizen now,
so act like one.

We shit all over our families,
and then we have kids...

who grow up to be as big
a fuck-ups as we are.

I guess I have that
to look forward to.

That's right.

Which one is it?

It's here.
It's this one.

It's so shiny!

This is wild.
Is this yours too?

No, Mom.

- Aha.
- Good. Okay.

I really like it, Jack.
It's really cute.

Dad?

Well, what are you
gonna do with it?

I'm not gonna do
anything with it.

I just... was wondering
what you thought.

Oh, look at...
the hand, and...

It's cast metal, isn't it?

How much would you say it weighs?

Hey. What's goin' on?

- Congratulations.
- Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Listen, Joanie...

I'm sorry about what
I said at the boardwalk.

- No, I'm sorry.
- I was really...

It'll never happen again.

I blew the prime directive
of girlfriending.

I got between a guy
and his friends.

So, Monday...
it's right around the corner.

Yeah, I been thinkin' about it.

- Maybe we could talk...
- Oh. Here she is.

- Oh... shit.
- This is no big deal, okay?

Okay. All right.

Hi, Mom.

Mom, this is Rob.
Rob, this is my mother.

Why, hi there.

You okay?

Here, babe.
Drink some.

Oh! He's choking!

I just need
to catch my breath.

Push!

It's okay, Mrs. Crump!
I'm okay. It's fine.

I'm fine.

You still have something
coming out of your nose.

Let's start all over.
I'm Joanie's mom.

- You can just call me Vicki.
- Hi.

It's a pleasure
to finally meet you.

I don't know, Mickey.

I'm beginning to think I need to
find myself a nice mute woman.

- Like the one in that movie.
- Like the one at the ticket office.

- No. Christ, not her.
- What's wrong with her?

Randy's having a beach bonfire
at Seabright. Are you gonna go?

- I don't know.
- Come on.

If the grunion run up on the beach,
we can hit 'em with sticks.

Dennis and I were gonna hang out...

and do some graduation
celebratin' and stuff.

- We might come after.
- Okay.

- Maybe I'll see you later.
- Yeah.

- Oh, fuck! I don't believe her, man.
- You're an idiot.

Oh, Dennis.
Excuse me, please.

Really, I think there's
something wrong with you.

Something very, very wrong.

I want you to stop by
the faculty luncheon this afternoon.

Meet some of the people
you'll be working with.

To tell you the truth,
I just made plans.

Well, piss on your plans.
Stop by for a few minutes.

Hobnob with the good
and the great, hmm?

There'll be free drink.

Perhaps that will provide you
with sufficient motivation.

Well...

okay, I'll see you there.

Impress everyone.
Make me look good.

I will.

Ahh. Excellent.

Now, Jack, tell me. That girl
you've been going around with.

What about her?

Dina? We don't
talk much anymore.

I never did get the story straight.
Who dumped who, dear?

Well, I guess
she dumped me, Mom.

You guess?
Why would she do that?

She just...
fell out of love with me.

People just don't
fall out of love, dear.

They need a little shove.

Was she sleeping
with both of you at once?

- Christ, Mom!
- Look, Jack.

You're a college graduate.
Don't be so milquetoast.

You loved her, didn't you?

Are we still on this?
Yeah, I did.

She was the best.

It's been a while though.

Don't you think
you should be over her by now?

I don't know, Mom.
Is there a time limit?

What do you guys want me to say?
I'm sorry. Yes, I still love her.

All right. If that's the case, fine.
Go get her.

Tell her you love her.
Sweep her off her feet.

You guys are missing something.
She dumped me.

Oh, Jack.
Don't be a horse's ass.

Either fish or cut the bait, hmm?

Don't be pining away
over a girl like some chump.

You know?
Go get her!

We still have
your bedroom at the house.

You two can live there!

That's it. I'll pull some strings
and get you into work.

We'll start you in shipping.

You're getting a late start,
but in a couple of years...

I'm sure you can make
something of yourself.

You guys are flippin' out, man.

Jesus, Mary and the Apostles, boy!
When are you going to get serious?

You think this is, a damn game?

I just made you
a goddamned sensible offer!

Darryl, please.
You're gonna make a scene.

Listen to me!

I don't care if the girl is in or out.
Make a goddamn decision!

What's with you guys?
What did I do?

What's with all the pressure?

We love you, Jack.
You know that.

We're proud
you went away to college.

We're not so happy
you got a degree in art.

Why not?

It's not worth anything.
It has no cash value.

It's time to give up.

You've had four years to be happy
and do what you want.

But...

I want to do what I want
my whole life.

- Oh, Jack!
- What?

Life is not a fairy tale.

But, Dad...

I don't want to be some zombie
climbing the corporate ladder.

You'll learn to like it!

It's the American way!

Don't even bother.
Stop trying to talk sense into him.

Go out there and see how many people
are going to pay you...

to arrange garbage
into neat little piles.

Oh, waiter? Check, please,
when you have a chance.

I need to go to the bathroom.
May I be excused?

Hey! Whoa!

Where you going
with that video game, young man?

What do you care?
You guys never play it.

I would've gotten around
to it eventually.

All right.

Mom, Dad...

No! Just shut up
and listen to me for a second!

I appreciate everything
you've done for me...

but I'm my own man now.

But I'm my own man now.

You both had a chance
to screw up your lives...

so just... back off.

Give me a chance
to screw up mine.

Mom.

All right. Don't cry.
It's okay. It's fine.

Dad.

Thank you.
I appreciate that.

It takes a big man to admit
when he's wrong like that.

I love you too.

What are you doing?

You're ditching me here?

He's a man of the world.
He'll find his way.

Send us a postcard
from Skid Row!

What? Wait!
I got something to say!

Thanks a lot.

Whoa! Man, this is phat!

- You made this?
- Yep.

Thanks for bringing this over.

- Somebody fuckin' brew me.
- Andy, beer! Come on! Brew!

Here you go, man.

All right. Stew's the man.

I felt like it didn't matter
if I was there or not.

You looked at me and you
were all, "Hi, Theresa."

Like you weren't
even glad to see me.

And Danielle's all,
"What's with you and Doug?"

I'm like, "Why?" She's all, "It doesn't
seem like you guys are talking."

This always happens
when we're at parties.

Does not. I don't do
the hugging, kissing...

public-display-of-affection
thing.

It's something that should be
better kept in private.

It makes me feel
like you don't even care.

What? Because I'm not actively
showing you my adoration?

Yeah!

- Excuse me.
- What?

Would you guys mind
just shutting up?

Keep your pathetic little
relationship to yourselves.

Hello.

Me? Why?

Good, because I'm not going
to forget about this, okay?

Hey! Why don't you mind
your own business?

Chick, you're making it
my business.

"Chick"?

So I'm a chick now.

Who do you think you are,
telling people what to do?

I don't want to hear
your dirty laundry.

I think I speak for everyone here.
Keep it to yourself.

You don't speak for me,
and you don't tell me what to do!

Just shut the fuck up! Okay?
Ride the fucking bus!

How hard is that?
Keep to yourself. Just shut up!

- What the hell is going on?
- You're lucky I don't know karate.

- So lucky.
- All right. Settle down, Doug.

This had better be good.
What seems to be the problem?

He called me "chick."

A "chick"?

Not on my bus.

You're out of here.

What?

You may get away with that language
on the 2 or the 7, but not on the 3!

- That kind of language doesn't...
- Fuck you, man!

Fuck me?
Fuck you, buddy!

Hey, buddy!

Let go!

Give me my fuckin' shirt back!

You want your shirt back? Learn
to treat a woman with some respect.

- Then you'll get your shirt back.
- Spaz-o.

- You're not so tough now, are you?
- Fuck you! Fuck off!

Don't hit my bus!

Jerk-off!

You jerk... off.

You wouldn't believe
my fuckin' day.

Keg tapped out?

You want to get
a twelver and shred?

You all right?

I tell you, man,
I don't get it.

You know who
she's going out with now?

Who who's going out with?

Dina. You know who's the new me?

What do you care?
I thought you were over her.

She's got some new
fucking boyfriend now.

You know him. That fuckin' guy with
the bug with Bob Marley on the door.

- That greasy guy?
- Yeah.

Dumped me for
some white trash Rastafarian.

Bullshit. I envy you.

You got the good life now
with Chelsea.

I got no kind of life with Chelsea.

You could have,
if you put in any effort.

- She likes you.
- What?

That's fine.

I want you two
to be happy together.

Are you talking about the party
when she came up to my room?

Has this been an issue for you?
You've been stewing on this.

She did that
to make you jealous.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll bet.

She only came up there
to provoke a response.

What does it take to light a fire
under your ass anyway?

You're unbelievable, man.
You know that?

You get off on being a poor little
guy who can't get a girlfriend?

I'll tell you what else she did.
She put my balls in her mouth.

She put my nuts in her mouth and
hummed "The Star-Spangled Banner."

All right. See?
There you go.

What the fuck's the matter...
All right. Take it easy!

Jesus Christ! All right!

I made all that shit up.
I was trying to piss you off.

She's a fine young lady...

fine, upstanding young citizen.

Nice little titties too.

I'm sorry, man.
I was just kidding.

I'm a bigger dumb shit
than you are.

I'm getting advice from you,
and you're carrying a torch for Dina.

That's right. See how great
having a girlfriend is?

Aren't you just dying
for a steady gal pal...

who'll love,
cherish and betray you?

You should try it.
It's a lot of fun.

All right, you guys.

Tremendous.

- Nice meeting you, Rob.
- Nice meeting you.

See you.
I'll see you later.

All right. I'll call you.

- Bye.
- We'll talk.

So, you met the mom, huh?

Yeah. We went for chowder
and went up to the Mystery Spot.

It was boring.

Looked like you were hitting it off.
What's up with that?

If you want to call it that.

- You got lipstick on you.
- What?

Stop playing house darts!
You're wrecking the furniture.

All right! House darts!

Forget it, Rob!

Stop with the darts!

You're so cool.

Guys, we've got some beers here.

The fine brew.
The elixir of the gods.

I realize now
that my only salvation...

lies at the bottom
of this bottle.

Uh, guys?
Are you guys really staying?

What does that mean?

It's just that Stew
and those guys down the street...

just asked me to move in.

Unless you guys are staying,
then I'll be moving there.

So you'd sell us out?

No. I just wanted to be sure
before I said no.

Is everyone for sure staying?

Yeah, we're
fuckin' staying, man!

I can't leave this place yet.

Slosh, what's the matter with you?
We got a beach party to go to.

Brew these fuckin' guys
before we all die of thirst here.

Fine. Forget it. Fuck you, then.
Mickey, come on.

Dennis, come on. Pound these down.
The fun's just beginning.

Up the academy, right?

This is the fun.

- Jack.
- What?

Would you mind
maybe staying outside?

What for?
They got free cocktails.

I know. But you're all amped up,
and you hate Luther anyway.

Just let me get in, get the job.
I'll be out in two seconds.

You better
fucking bring me something.

You want me to stay
out here with you?

This is spiffy.
This is where our tuition goes.

Little taco things!

There you are, Dennis. You brought
the entire motley crew with you.

Luther, good to see you.
I'll see you guys later.

I was going to introduce you
to the rest of the faculty...

but you know most of them,
and those you don't are so boring...

I think we'll skip that.

Really?

Dennis, I would
so much prefer...

to be naked and drunk
on a beach in Thailand...

than here wrestling for tenure.

I know what you mean.

Sometimes you get sick
of playing the game.

I am old and cynical.
I'm allowed to be bitter.

You're still young.
You should be filled with ideals.

If I was a Peruvian Indian,
the last place I'd want...

my harvest totem planted would be in
this pseudo-intellectual shit-house.

There goes Rossi...

the man who almost single-handedly
sunk the theater department.

Did you see their production
of The Crucible?

With the surfer guy
playing the lead pilgrim?

Oh, dear.
It's all going down so fast.

But, if we're smart,
we can winnow out a little place...

and sit and fiddle...

and watch the whole
damn civilization burn down.

It'd beat a jab in the eye
with a sharp stick any day.

We're going to have
a lot of laughs together.

You know...

my life really needs
a good kick in the backside.

I'm 48 years of age.
My friends are turning into fossils.

I so desperately need...

a young person to give my life
a little jump start.

Let's make sure that we're both
turned to the same page here.

I thought this was about my work...

not extracurricular
fun and games together.

It is about your work.

Don't forget,
art comes from the soul.

Love of one leads naturally
to an appreciation of the other.

Okay, I can see I've overstepped
the bounds of your interest.

Fine. Forget it.

After all, it really is
your painting I'm interested in.

You've got a pretty good scam
going on here, man.

I'll see you around.

I want you to know
that I am sincere.

Photography.

I am a photographer,
not a painter.

I can't believe I'm hanging out
with all these fucking art wankers.

Wait a minute.
What happened to your job interview?

Well...

I never thought
I would say this, but...

all I am is a pretty face.

Ouch.

I hate it when I'm right
all the time.

Luther's a bozo deluxe.

I mean, my degree,
it's just a fucking joke.

It's getting stale
real fast, man.

Dudes, I saw Dennis
out back with Jack.

Didn't seem like things
worked out with Luther.

- There they are.
- Where?

They just took off down the hill
with the chain saw.

Shall we?

Go!

- Dear bloody Jesus Christ.
- Call Security.

Let's get out of here!

- What's the time, man?
- It's time for love.

We're through with
the monkey business, kids.

Very nice.

Fuck me.

What's wrong?

Oh, Dina.

Can you believe that shit?

Fucking bitch.

She has to come here.

Fuck it.
I don't give a shit.

Fuck it. I'm just going to sit here
in the dunes and drink myself stupid.

So...

Josh...

what's it like
not being in school?

It's a lot less strife.

You get a job,
pay for the rent.

You get bored, you quit
and move on to the next one.

Yeah? You enjoy yourself at least?

Yeah, I am.
Mainly thanks to you, bro.

How's that?

I always admire the way
you always do what you want.

Some of it rubbed off on me.

Yeah, but you got
kicked out of school.

Yeah. That wasn't me then.

I was still that other guy.

Great. Give me credit
for ruining your life.

I showed you how to be
a fucking drunk slob.

Is that what you guys all think?

That I'm some fucking
out-of-control idiot?

I'm not, man.

I looked at all my options,
made a choice and went with it.

You went with what?
What do you got?

No more fear.

I never really wanted
to be in college...

so I started fucking around
and flunked out.

I thought the world would end.
It didn't.

That's when I realized...

you just got to throw caution
out the door...

and let life hit you
full in the face...

live life like a fucking dog
that rides in a car...

head out the window,
ears flapping in the breeze.

Of all people,
I thought you'd understand that.

Changed my life, man.

Shit, I don't know what the fuck's
going to happen next week...

but I'm not afraid.

No more fear, huh?

You figured that out by watching me
flail around like a dummy?

I guess so.

Goody for you.

Meanwhile, the answer
to my every hope and prayer...

is down there with her
new boyfriend's dick in her mouth.

Man, you got to figure this out
and move on.

Why don't you go talk to her?

Whatever goes down goes down,
and that's cool.

What the fuck do you know?

Dog's head flapping in the wind.

Fucking idiot.

- You have.
- Yeah.

Hey, Dina.
Can I talk to you for a second?

So what? Is that what you
needed your freedom for?

So what? Is that what you
needed your freedom for?

To go out with that guy?

He's a little defensive.

And how would you feel?

I've got some deranged ex-boyfriend
calling me at night, harassing me.

I wasn't harassing you.
I said "fuck you" once.

I was drunk.
Jesus Christ, give me a break.

Once is plenty.
Do you have to be such a dick?

You don't even know him.

All right.
Hold on one second.

This is not how I imagined
this conversation happening.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to yell at you.

Let's just start over, okay?

I'd like to try
the whole thing over again...

our relationship.

Wait a minute.

Listen to me.

Whatever's wrong with it,
I can fix it.

I'm more in love with you now
than I ever have been.

I realized it the other day
when I saw you...

kissing him while he was waiting
for the light to change.

You used to do that to me.

What is so special about me?
Why do you even care?

I don't know. I don't know
what's going on anymore.

When I was fucking 18, 19,
I was great.

I had a fucking blast.
I had a great time.

And now it's like nothing's funny
anymore, nothing makes me laugh.

I mean, not really.

I'm 22 years old.

Three lousy years went by.

Where's all the funny shit?

What the fuck happened?

'Cause I'm totally
fucking miserable now...

and it's like I'm asking myself...

"Is this all I got?"

I mean,
isn't there a third option...

between burning out
and then fading away?

Is that all I get?

You know, and I realized...

I figured it out.

It's you.

I mean...

you're what's going
to keep me sane.

You're not in love with me, Jack.

Okay? Listen to me.

I'll tell you what you're doing.

You're obsessing...

and you have to stop...

because you are starting
to scare me.

No. Dina, listen to me.

I'm telling you, this is love.
This is real love.

This is like fucking poet love.

I feel it in my marrow.
I love you.

I don't care.
I don't know how else to say it.

I'm not going to be
your security blanket.

Dina, wait a second.
Dina, please! Okay?

Don't do this to me.

Please, Dina.
I'm begging you.

"This is poet love"!

What a fucking loser!

So much for sweeping her
off her feet.

Thanks, Ma.

I had the boys strap my dignity
to the hood of the car...

and we headed home.

All right.

House darts, anyone?
Anyone?

Oh, yeah.
Hey, house darts!

I got to talk to you.

If you don't want to talk,
that's fine. I'll be upstairs.

Sideburn.

- Little Hawaiian thing.
- Pelvis.

What's the deal with this painting?
I've always hated this painting.

Who's is it?

It's, uh, what's his name.
Fishfucker.

- The guy who used to be in my room.
- Yeah. Cocksucker.

All right!

Elvis has left the building.

Can I come in?

So...

what are you so grumpy about?

I like you.

I like you too.

No. I'm not talking about that.

I like you, too, but I'm talking
about something totally different.

See...

I like you,
the kind of "like you"...

where I...

I get to see you naked.

Just hold on a minute.

See, I can't do this anymore.
I can't.

This palsy-walsy thing is...
You know...

Before you say anything, I just
want you to know what to expect.

People are going to know
that we're together.

- Is there anything else?
- Just this.

I'll... be right back.

Time for another one.

Ready?

What do you think you're doing?

Some drunk asshole
broke a lamp.

Now he's about to smash
this toaster.

- Put it back.
- Can't do it. Sorry.

No go.

Come on, dude!

Don't break that.

- Thank you.
- Why'd you do that?

'Cause it's mine,
I don't want it anymore...

and I'm not leaving it here
for the next clown who moves in.

- But we're staying.
- Right, sure we are, Mick.

Not happening. Gots to go.

When did you decide this?
I was only upstairs for five seconds.

It's time to move on.

Whatever goes down goes down,
and that's cool.

Am I right, Slosh?

- You got it, Grasshopper.
- There we go.

- Why all of a sudden is it time?
- It just is.

That's right.
And this is how we say good-bye.

You have to smash the toaster?
That makes no sense at all!

Sure, it does.

It's sort of like a Viking funeral.

Well, see, when a Viking chief
kicked off...

they buried the ship with him.

That way, it was always special.

No one could despoil the memory.

Take this mug, for example.

It belonged to my grandmother.

I loved my nonna.

I mean,
she practically raised me.

So, every time I see
one of you troglodytes...

put your lips on the thing,
it's just...

It's like you're kissing
my grandmother.

Now I never have to worry
about that again.

You love that mug.

Call it preservation
through destruction.

Hey, Mickey, don't be that way.
You have to be part of this too.

Let him go.

He'll be okay.

He's a madman!

He's berserk!

If the band's
breaking up anyway...

- Whoa!
- Shit!

Now you fucked up, Mickey.

Motherfucker!

It's got to go too, huh?

Got to destroy it to save it.

Man.

You know, Dennis...

I remember when I moved in here...

you hated my fucking guts.

Remember we shotgunned
all those beers...

and you came downstairs
and your slippers stuck to the floor?

You guys were such idiots.

I remember giving Slosh
a ride home on my scooter...

and he threw up
all over my back.

I'm never going to forget
this place.

All right.

Oh, well.

Can I have that?

Well.

Think they'll track us down
for the damages?

Not me.
I'll be in Michigan.

Listen, as you segue...

into legendary status
around here...

I just want you to know...

that the secret of your
humble beginnings dies with me.

Thank you, Dennis, you know...

for, uh, everything.

So.

You ready to go?

You're going to start
hassling me already, woman?

Maybe not just yet.

Come here.

Where are you headed?

I'll stay with my brother
for a little while, I guess.

Never going to be
the same without you.

Is that right?

- All right, brother.
- Yeah, man.

- Take care of yourself.
- Yeah.

I'll give you a call.

Bye.

I stay in touch
with the Rancho boys.

They're still the best friends
I ever had.

It's the bitch about getting older.
You don't fling yourself...

into love and friendships
the way you did before you got hurt.

That's a damn shame.