Original subtitles

JACK: Torchwood.

Outside the government, beyond the police.

Fighting for the future on behalf of the human race.

The 2 1 st century is when everything changes

and Torchwood is ready.

-What's this? -That's an engagement ring, that is.

-You're getting married? -Yes.

Rhys asked.

-And you said yes. -Well, no one else will have me.

I need stability, Jack, someone I can rely on.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, it's the service she's meant to be late for, not her hen do.

Where is she?

There she is!

(CH EERING)

BOTH: # Here comes the bride Looking for a ride

# Here comes the bride, lads She'll take it the aisle #

I thought you'd bottled it.

-No, I had a lot on at work. -Oh.

Be careful, Gwen, this thing eats people.

Oh, sorry, love, on your way.

Jack, it's a shape-shifter.

He could look like anyone now, but he's leaving a trail of black blood.

He's changed, but it's definitely him. He's heading towards Trinity Street.

So, is there anything to eat tonight, or is it just booze all the way?

Well, booze, blokes, bopping and booze.

-Gwen Cooper, you're nicked. -Oh, no.

(FRIEN DS LAUGHING)

(MAN CHATTERING)

Shit.

(ALL LAUGHING)

This is such a bad idea.

I'm getting married in, like, what, what...

13 hours.

(FRIEN DS SQUEALING)

-Oh, look at me. So hot. -Oh, you're gorgeous. Rhys is so lucky.

Oh, I know. Have you heard about his cock?

What have you done to your arm?

No!

(SCREAMING)

-You all right? -Yeah.

-Owen should take a look at that. -Okay.

Um, nothing. It's just a scratch.

(BEEPING)

Oh, Gwen.

Oh!

Gwen, you're pregnant, almost full term.

Pregnant? That's not possible.

-How are you doing, Gwen? -Jack, will you tell me what's going on?

-Owen says I'm pregnant. -What, you think?

-Jesus Christ. What with? -Exo-biological insemination.

That alien last night.

Oh, get off. It bit me, Jack. That's all.

(GWEN EXCLAIMING)

It passed the eggs on in the bite. Some species do that.

A kind of sneaky way of keeping the bloodline going.

Boy, would Darwin have a field day if he'd made it to space.

Mmm. Yeah, great.

Listen, Gwen, you are going to be fine. I promise, okay.

If there was any biological incompatibility, you would be dead.

Now, according to this scan,

you're carrying a non-sentient, blastopheric mass.

-A what? -It's a kind of alien egg.

But don't worry, I'm going to look after you, I promise.

We've got procedures in place for this situation.

You mean this has happened before?

You've heard of immaculate conception, haven't you?

-Well... -Right, we take you back to the Hub.

You lie back, I run you through a bio-xenic microtron,

a couple of days off your feet and you'll be right as rain.

Whoa, in a couple of days?

In five hours, I'm walking down the aisle, Owen.

-No, you're not. -Gwen, I hate to say this,

but you're going to have to postpone the wedding.

No! No way.

Have you any idea how much a wedding costs?

Listen, Gwen, you are not carrying the Baby Jesus in there.

I don't care, all right? I can't put Rhys through this.

He's had to put up with enough as it is, okay?

-I'm not postponing the wedding. -You are not thinking straight!

Do not bring my bloody hormones into this, Mr Jack Harkness!

Okay, calm down.

Owen has said if this wasn't safe, I would know about it by now.

-Right? -As far as I know, yeah.

Okay, so I am good until after the wedding.

Then I'll do whatever I have to do.

Once I'm Mrs Williams.

Not before.

(RINGING)

-Hello. -Rhys?

Gwen. Morning, lovely.

Don't worry, Banana Boat's on the phone to the florist right now,

checking the buttonholes.

-Oh, he showed up, then? -Uh, yeah, yeah.

Ah, Lanzarote cops let him go with a warning.

-Rhys, I need to see you. -It's bad luck before the wedding.

What's happened?

-How is she? -She's going ahead with the wedding.

Which is fine, as long as she doesn't go into labour at the altar.

Rhys might forgive her going down the aisle pregnant,

but not giving birth to a razor-toothed monster that eats half his family.

-Could that happen? -Well, the pregnancy's advanced

and we're not familiar with the species.

Which is why you, Owen, need to open up the guy with the teeth

and make sure there's no surprises.

I'm on it.

Tosh, you've got an early pass to the wedding.

Keep an eye on Gwen.

-Ianto. -Jack?

Gwen's going to need a new wedding dress. Bigger.

Gwen? What is it? You've got me going out of my head.

Don't tell me you're having second thoughts.

No, I'm not.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm looking for a wedding dress for a friend.

Of course you are, sir.

You'd be surprised. We're quite used to men buying for their...friends.

-Bastard Torchwood. -I know.

-Bastard Torchwood! -I know.

Pregnant. You're pregnant!

Sorry, out of everything that could have screwed things up...

I really don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything, all right!

Sorry. It's not your fault.

It's them, it's Jack.

It's not like he didn't know you were getting married today!

Why the hell did he have to send you out last night?

'Cause it's my job!

-Well, are you going to be all right? -I'll be fine.

They'll take me to the Hub.

-Owen's got this big machine thing. -Good.

Yes.

Right, um...

Look, I'll...

I'll get Banana to start ringing people.

We'll tell everybody you're ill. Appendicitis, or something...

We are not postponing the wedding. No way.

Forget the money.

I want you where they can look after you, right?

-Getting married today doesn't matter. -It matters to me!

It's not about the money, Rhys.

I want to marry you today.

Whatever happens.

If the skies suddenly fill full of spaceships,

or an army of Weevils climb out of the drains on St Mary's Street...

You fool!

Do you not understand what I'm saying, Rhys Williams?

All I want to do today is marry you.

That's all I want to do.

Please.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Um, Owen?

-Whoa, whoa, look at you. -Do you like it?

Drop dead gorgeous, Tosh, and I think I speak with some authority.

Don't really get a chance to dress up much.

What are you wearing?

The truth is, Tosh, weddings have never really been me, either.

-Love them and leave them. That was me. -Owen, you should come. It could be fun.

Have you ever seen a dead man dance?

I've seen Fred Astaire in Easter Parade,twice.

Late night TV.

God, you need a date, don't you? Which this isn't.

-Is it? -No, Owen, it isn't.

I just want you to come to the wedding.

Please.

Yeah, all right, I'll dig out my dancing shoes.

I know it's been a while, duckling, but...

We never dreamed this.

Well, Rhys and I wanted it to be a surprise for you.

You're always full of them, but... Well, this beats them all.

Is this why you haven't come to see us? All those cancelled visits.

No, no, Dad. Don't be silly, it's my job.

This mysterious job.

All the same, Swansea's not another planet.

-You could've phoned, duckling. -I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be sorry, Gwen.

I can't wait to see the look on Rhys' mum's face.

(LAUGHING)

It's wonderful news, Gwen.

Your dad's been going blue holding his breath,

waiting for a little grandchild.

I was with Rhys and his mates all night last night.

No one said anything about Gwen being pregnant.

Well, Rhys was probably under orders. Gwen knows how to control her man.

Studied under the mistress.

Oh, here's Rhys' mum and dad.

-Brenda. -Geraint.

-Barry. -Hello.

Lovely to see you, Brenda.

What a lovely outfit.

Such a brave choice for you.

And you were so made for green.

Big day at last.

How's the bride?

Erm, maybe there's something we should talk about.

Oh?

-Gwen. -This isn't going to work, Rhys.

We haven't thought this through properly.

-I mean, what about after the wedding? -I've been thinking the same.

My mum and dad think that they're getting a grandchild.

Your mum and dad are going to be thinking the same thing.

They're going to be excited, they're going to be planning things.

I can't tell them I've lost a baby. They'd be devastated.

-We could tell them the truth. -Whoa.

Talk sense now, Rhys.

Well, the lies don't work, Gwen. Remember? You tried it.

What do you think the truth will do to them?

We've seen what comes through the rift.

I don't want my mum and dad

living in fear of what's prowling around in the sewers.

(MOBILE RINGING)

I'm sorry.

-Hey, Jack. -Hey, how are you doing?

Oh, you know, so far so good.

Look, I just wanted to let you know Tosh'll be with you anytime,

call it moral support.

-I don't need a baby-sitter. -Give it here.

We don't need you at all, Jack.

You've already done plenty to mess up today.

Do us both a favour and keep well out of it, yeah?

Yeah, I hear you, Rhys. Look, still, congratulations...

(RINGS OFF)

It's not his fault.

Aw, this is nice, isn't it, Trina?

Class on toast. Hey, you should get a brochure, Mervyn.

If some poor girl ever gets drunk enough to marry you.

Oh, yeah. That's funny.

I tell you what, it's going to take more than a swanky hotel

to get a catch like me down the aisle.

And here's mad Mervyn, Minister of Sound.

Well, the Duke of Disco, the Regent of Rock and the Lord of Love.

Whatever you say, mate.

Do you want a hand with the decks and the lights?

Aye, but...

I tell you what, reckon I'm up for a bit of a Mervyn sandwich later, huh?

All right, love? You've got a big box. Do you want a hand with that?

No, thank you. I'm fine.

-Are you going to the wedding? -I'm a friend of Gwen's.

I'm Banana. I suppose you can tell why.

You come up in spots and go soft quickly?

-Actually, I'm the best man. -Evolution is full of surprises.

I get to check everything personally, right.

-The disco, cake, flowers, seating... -Bridal suite?

-First floor on the left. -So do you fancy a little drink later?

I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.

-Eh? -Bananas make me vomit.

Now, a looker like you must be on the bride's side.

I don't think they got your sort of style in Rhys' family.

I like to put on a show.

-Hi. -Hi.

Jack sent me over with this.

It's beautiful.

And I don't blame you for telling Jack and Owen to stick a postponement.

I think it's wonderful you're getting married whatever.

Tosh, thank you.

-Very lucky. -Yes.

You know, Tosh, it'll happen for you one day.

-There's always Owen. -Oh, I don't think so.

"In sickness and in health, till death do us part."

It's going to sound like a bad joke, isn't it?

I'll let you get on. If you need me, I'll be downstairs.

-Good luck. -Thank you.

No, I like that one. Good choice.

I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub's security laser scans.

As you know, my dad was a master tailor.

He could size a man's inside leg measurement

by his stride across the shop threshold.

Ah, the family eye.

Remind me to test it sometime.

-Well, if later on... -Jack.

-Yeah, brilliant, like that one. -We've got a problem.

Look what our friend was hiding.

-And that is? -A proteus gland.

The shape-shifting organ of a Nostrovite.

-And what is that exactly? -Trouble. Big trouble.

No good-looking woman

should be at a wedding without a flower.

-Ouch. -Oh, bugger. Sorry.

Can I get you another drink?

Actually... Do you feel like getting a bite?

Another spritzer, please.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, oh...

My God! It's true!

But how...

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Steady on, girl. I'm on stage later...

Oh!

Hey, baby, if you're looking for my room, you just passed it, mind.

I'm not, and don't call me baby.

So what shall I call you, then? Beautiful?

Don't call me anything. Don't say anything.

(SCREAMING)

(GUN COCKING)

Don't move.

What have you done with him?

What the hell is going on?

You're lucky, I'm watching my figure.

But maybe I'll keep you for tea.

A Nostrovite is a shape-shifting carnivore with a taste for human flesh.

It's intelligent and sneaky and, damn it, I should've seen this before.

That's the problem with shape-shifters, innit?

You never know what you're looking at.

-What's the big deal? It's dead. -Yeah, this one is.

-Does there have to be more? -A Nostrovite mates for life.

You know, like swans and penguins.

Yeah, except you don't find Nostrovites on greeting cards.

Right, and the male Nostrovite carries the fertilized eggs in a sac

in its mouth, and passes it on to a host with a bite.

-Gwen. -And where does the mother come in?

Well, when she tracks down the host and rips it open.

That's Nostrovite childbirth.

And mamma's out there right now looking for Gwen. Come on.

(GROANS)

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was just a twinge.

He'll be flexing his muscles. Not long to go now.

-Tosh isn't responding. -Then let's get going.

Sure you're ready for this, Owen? You know what a Nostrovite can do.

You think you've got it covered 100 feet away

and it's already chewing on your liver.

I don't need my liver. You need me, Jack.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. The Singularity Scalpel.

Where you going with that?

We need to get to Gwen before the Nostrovite does.

We might not have a chance to get back to the Hub

and the microtron weighs about two tons.

That thing kills people.

-I saved Martha with it. -Lucky shot.

Listen, you two, you'd better start trusting me, okay?

I've been working on it, and I reckon I've got it sussed.

Besides, with that Nostrovite around, we really don't have too many options.

-He's got a point. -What is it with you?

Ever since Owen died, all you ever do is agree with him.

I was brought up never to speak ill of the dead.

Even if they still do most of the talking for themselves.

Okay, Owen, but you better be sure you know what you're doing.

Camouflage dressing? I'm having her dressmaker's number.

No way did Gwen look pregnant last night.

Oh, we must have had way too much to drink.

She was late, wasn't she?

We must've been out of our heads by the time she showed up.

Oh, must've been not to notice she was pregnant.

Great night or what?

You look like an angel.

-Mum, I'm so sorry about this. -Gwen, it's a baby. It's God's blessing.

You will be a good wife and a wonderful mother.

And me and your dad, we'll always be there for you,

and for our grandchild.

I'll see you downstairs. I love you.

-Mum. -Hmm?

I love you, too.

Hurry up, Geraint. And make sure you don't leave a wet patch.

(DOOR OPENING)

Gwen?

What is it?

I can't do this.

I can't lie to you and Mum, Dad.

Dad, this baby isn't Rhys'.

-There's still no sign of Banana Boat. -He'll be fine, Dad.

Listen, Rhys, your mother says this wedding is becoming a nightmare.

As if Gwen showing up pregnant wasn't bad enough.

Now, you are sure it's yours, aren't you?

Dad, I'm marrying her. I love Gwen, every atom of me loves Gwen,

has done since the first time I laid eyes on her, okay?

-You loved Cerys Morgan once. -I was 12 years old!

Still no Banana Boat.

Oh, get away from me.

Well, I wish I could, love.

(GRUNTING)

Don't bother, I've tried. We're stuck fast.

I can't believe it.

Can you at least move your hand?

Away .

If there's another man,

if you don't want to go through with the wedding, it's all right.

-We'll sort things out. -There isn't another man.

-But you said... -Please listen.

Cardiff is in the middle of a space-time rift.

A what?

I work for an organisation that controls what comes through it.

-Comes from where? -Other planets.

Other dimensions. Aliens, Dad.

I'm talking about aliens.

That's what I do. Torchwood, we're called Torchwood.

We hunt down aliens that come through the rift.

-Oh, my God. -Look, one bit me last night.

Don't ask me to explain, I can't. I'm pregnant.

Rhys isn't the father. It's an alien.

It's an alien.

Poor girl, this wedding's got her stressed to pieces.

Thinks that baby of hers is an alien from outer space.

-What? -It'll be all right.

Once we get through the day.

Gwen seems to be taking her time.

You remember how it is, Brenda. The bride likes to make an entrance.

Maybe, but I wasn't late for my wedding.

No. Barry might have got away.

If it comes back, it's going to kill us, innit?

Calm down. I've got friends. They'll find us.

But what if they don't? What if it comes back?

I mean, we're its bloody pack lunch, ain't we?

-Help! Help! -Shut up!

Help! Someone help!

If it hears you screaming, it'll come and shut you up permanently!

Help! Someone! Help! Ow!

That's enough, unless you want to start singing in falsetto.

Ow! That really hurt.

(BRIDAL MARCH PLAYING)

(ALIEN BABY'S H EART BEATING)

(SIGHS)

Okay.

Friends and family of Rhys and Gwen,

we're here today to celebrate the marriage of two people,

a ceremony binding in law.

(ALIEN BABY'S H EART BEATING)

-How much further? -A few minutes.

What I don't understand is if people are going to make

such a big deal about getting married, why come all the way out

into the middle of nowhere where no one can find you to do it?

That, to me, suggests inner conflict.

It's because the happy couple want everything to be perfect.

An alien egg in your belly and its mother coming to rip you open.

Yeah, perfect.

Rhys and Gwen

have chosen to solemnise their commitment before you.

But first, the law requires me to ask of you all

if there's anyone here who knows of any reason

why these two may not marry.

JACK: Stop!

(GUESTS GASPING)

Stop it! Stop the wedding!

-Hold on! -Jack?

Gwen, believe me, I'm sorry.

-But this has to stop now. -I just knew that baby wasn't Rhys'.

-What the hell are you doing here? -Jack, I told you, I'm marrying Rhys.

Not now. You can't.

Butt out, Jack! You've screwed things up enough between me and Gwen.

You're not going to mess up our wedding.

Listen, I'm trying to save Gwen's life. Yours, too.

What's going on, Jack?

(MACHIN E BEEPING)

IANTO: Shh. I've got a fix on Tosh's comms.

-Tosh, are you okay? -Just get me out of here!

-All right, mate? I'm Banana. -More like a gooseberry.

IANTO: Owen.

Oh, Jesus. That's disgusting.

I'll get you out of here.

-There were two of them? -Ma and Pa Nostrovite.

They hunt in pairs, but childbirth is more of a three-way.

He finds and impregnates a host.

She then comes in like the midwife from hell,

hanging around, watching, waiting, until the time is right.

-Then it gets messy. -So you think it's near?

She's a shape-shifter, Rhys.

She could be out there making small talk with your mom and dad.

You reckon it's all over, then?

Some good-looking guy sweeps up the aisle

and tells you to hold off on the confetti?

-What are you going to do? Marry Rhys? -So the baby's his, is it?

Didn't you see the look on her face when he showed up?

Anyway, I'd better go and find Mervyn.

Tell him not to bother getting George Michael out the back of the van.

-We're not stopping the wedding. -Gwen, there isn't a choice here.

Ever since I've met you, Jack,

all Rhys has had to put up with with me is crap.

The lies, the danger, the complications. But he stood by me.

Who else would do that?

Who else would marry me

knowing that I'm carrying some kind of monster inside me?

I love him, and I'm going to marry him today.

Thanks, but it is my wedding, too.

Don't I get a say?

(MEGAN SCREAMING)

That is all we need.

Ianto, after the girl, I need this contained.

Jack!

Oh, God. I want Gwen out of here now, Jack.

Jack, I've seen the shape-shifter. It's a woman. She's in black.

-Do you know what's going on? -I'm in the dark, too, Brenda.

The problem seems to be an American with no sense of timing or fashion.

And your daughter.

(MEGAN SCREAMING)

Someone call the police! Mervyn's been murdered!

Jack, I'm afraid the situation is uncontained.

Okay, Ianto, get to the SUV, jam the phone lines.

The last thing we need is someone calling the police.

Tosh, you're with me, we'll find that woman in black.

Gwen, Owen needs to operate now.

-I want Gwen safe, Jack, now. -I want her safe, too, Rhys,

so we do what I say.

Rhys, Jack knows what he's doing, darling, okay?

Look, if we run, the Nostrovite will be waiting for us.

-And we're running out of time. -What's the plan, Jack?

I've got an idea.

-Then I'm staying here, okay? -Fine! Tosh, with me.

(BUSY SIGNAL)

-What the hell's going on here? -I had a signal before.

JACK: Move! I need everyone to stay calm and do exactly as I tell you.

-And who the hell are you? -Torchwood.

Gwen's Torchwood? You mean, you're real?

-Jack, there she is! -JACK: Everybody down!

Oh, my God.

-Damn, that thing's fast. -But it won't have gone far.

Not without what it came for.

Come on.

That, the Singularity Scalpel. That is your idea?

Gwen, it's cool. Believe me, okay?

I've done a lot of work on it since the whole Mayfly business.

-What is it? -Alien medical apparatus,

-so Owen thinks. -Thinks?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

-Rhys! Rhys, are you in there? Rhys! -That's his mother. That's Rhys' mother.

Okay.

-Hiya. -There's a monster, Rhys.

That American and the Japanese girl, they went after it.

Stay here.

-Jack, everything okay? -It got away, Owen.

-How's the patient? -Rhys and his mum are with her.

-Jack, that's Rhys' mum there! -Come on.

This isn't Rhys' baby, Brenda. It's an alien.

Get back, you ugly bitch!

What the hell do you think you're doing? That's my mother!

-No. It's the alien. -I'm not an alien!

-Oh, you're good. I'll give you that. -But I'm not!

Yeah, and the Lone Ranger didn't have a thing with Tonto.

Jack, does the shape-shifter copy smells, too?

No, just physical.

Well, I recognise that bloody awful perfume anywhere.

It's Brenda, Jack, it's Brenda.

That's for calling my mother an ugly bitch!

If that's Rhys' mum, then who's that outside?

JACK: Move!

-There she is! -Go, go, back, back, back. Move, move!

-Mum! -Don't move!

Mum.

The bond between mother and child is a wonderful thing.

-Let her go, okay? -Your mother for my child.

-No deal. -You don't have a say.

Don't listen to it, Gwen.

It's okay, Mum, I'll make sure you're safe.

It won't kill you, you'll be okay.

-Gwen, you can't do this. Gwen... -It's my mum, Rhys. Jack.

Rhys!

-Okay, Mum, you're going to be okay. -Gwen.

It's okay, Mum.

(ALIEN BABY'S H EART BEATING)

-Stay calm. Stay still. -Come to momma.

That's the kind of daughter every mother must dream of.

Cool as ice, packing an automatic.

Gwen told me about you, but I didn't believe her.

It'll be back. Owen, get Gwen ready. I want that thing dealt with now.

Listen, Gwen, I'll be with you in a minute, I need to talk to Rhys.

-What about? -Something and nothing. Trust me.

-What, what? -Listen, Rhys, the Singularity Scalpel.

Thing is, the last time I used it, I had two good mitts.

You're telling me you can't operate it?

What I'm saying is, I know you'd be more happy

that whoever had Gwen's life in their hands could, well,

rely on both of them.

-Now, I thought I could ask Jack... -No, no.

-Show me what to do. -Right, it kind of works itself.

Just try this...

Hello, Jack.

Not quite the blushing bride, am I?

But I'd given up on things going to plan a long time ago.

If life always turned out the way we expected,

what would be the point of living?

I didn't expect to meet someone like you.

If I hadn't, I'd be married by now.

You're not the only one who met somebody that knocked their world out of kilter.

Rhys has always been there for me.

Through all this madness, even when I haven't even deserved it.

He's not afraid to tell me he loves me.

Gwen!

Get the bag and get her out of here!

Come on, do me a favour.

(SNIFFING)

(WHIMPERS)

Hey, are you all right?

I'm running around in a wedding dress with what feels like a keg of lager

stuck up my skirt. What do you think, Rhys?

Come on.

Whoa!

What happened? Put it down, Owen.

It thought that I'd gone off.

-Where's Gwen and Rhys? -They've done a runner.

Listen, I emptied a clip into that thing, as did Gwen,

but some mother instinct or something is making that cow unstoppable.

Our guns don't work.

Then I guess we're gonna need a bigger gun.

(GROANING)

(SCREAMING IN PAIN)

Rhys, I can't go... I can't go any further!

(BANGING ON DOOR)

-It's here! It's here! -Shh! It's gonna hear us.

I don't think there's any point in keeping quiet, Gwen.

Lie down, lie down.

-What the hell are you doing with that? -Owen showed me how to use it.

(GWEN SCREAMING)

Just do it! Do it!

Do it!

Rhys!

-Rhys! -All right, all right. I've got it.

-I've got it now. -I love you. I really love you.

-I love you. You'll be okay. -Hurry.

I love you.

(FIRING)

Gwen! Gwen!

Gwen!

Get away from her, Rhys.

Let me have my young, and I won't hurt you.

You're too late! It's gone!

I've had a gutful of you!

You get my girlfriend pregnant, you impersonate my mum

and you ruin my wedding day!

(CHAINSAW CUTS OUT)

-Fuck! -Rhys, you're a bad boy.

And you know what bad boys get?

How's that for a shape-shift?

Jack!

Hey, that whole Evil Deadthing looks pretty good on you, Rhys.

-Okay? -Yeah.

And...

The hero always gets the girl.

I'm sorry.

I've spoilt everything, haven't I?

Do you still want to marry me?

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I...

(CLEARING TH ROAT)

Gwen Elizabeth Cooper...

Do take thee, Rhys Alun Williams, to be my lawful wedded husband.

Do take thee, Rhys Alun Williams,

to be my lawful wedded husband.

Come here.

(GUESTS APPLAUDING)

(CH EERING)

(YOU DO SOMETHING TO ME PLAYING)

You ready to see that dead ma n da nce, Tosh? Come on .

(INAU DIBLE)

-Mi nd if I cut i n? -Why not?

I' m da nced off my feet. I' m gon na fi nd a beer.

-Enjoy the honeymoon . -I wi ll.

-What wi ll you do wh i le I' m gone? -Oh, the usua l.

Pizza, Ia nto, save the world a cou ple of ti mes.

-Wi ll you m iss me? -Always.

Rhys is a lucky ma n, a perfect h usba nd .

He's loya l, brave.

He's got a hell of a swi ng on h i m !

And best of a ll, he rea lly loves you .

I know.

May I?

(CLEARING TH ROAT)

Yes.

(TAINTED LOVE PLAYING)

There you go.

Cheers, mate.

You'd never th i n k a cou ple of hou rs ago they a ll nea rly got torn a pa rt

by some a lien psycho-bitch .

It's a ll been a bit too m uch for my m u m a nd Brenda .

I never thoug ht I'd see that.

(MICROPHON E FEEDBACK)

Okay, Jack, what's goi ng on?

Stra nge th i ng when you m ix level six retcon with cha m pag ne.

Rea lly ma kes the pa rty go with a swi ng, then you fa ll asleep.

You retcon ned ou r fa m i lies?

It's proba bly for the best.

I don't wa nt my m u m remem beri ng what ha ppened to her today.

Maybe the ha ppy cou ple shou ld n't, either.

No, tha n k you .

There' ll be no secrets i n th is ma rriage.

Ti me for bed, I th i n k.

We' ll see you after the honeymoon . Stay out of trou ble.

Tha n k you for the d ress, it was bea utifu l.

You ta ke ca re.

Bye-bye.

Someth i ng tells me ou r bedti me is a long way off.

That's rig ht, g uys. It's been a busy day, but we a re not fi n ished yet.

We've got a lot to do. We've got a major mop-u p operation .

And I wa nt you r best work. Remem ber, it's Gwen's wedd i ng .

IANTO: That's what I love a bout Torchwood .

By day, you' re chasi ng the scu m of the u n iverse.

Come m id n ig ht, you' re the wedd i ng fa i ry.

IANTO: It's more than just a cinema. It's the Electro.

A once i n a lifeti me show!

Why not step i nside?

-I j ust saw Jack. -He's pa rt of th is frea k show.

The N ig ht Travellers. They d id exist.

They only performed in the dead of night.

So two people from a piece of fi lm have decided to go AWOL?

What's wrong?

OWEN : Her mouth's been d ra i ned of moistu re.

What the hell a re they u p to?

Ti me to bri ng the others.

This way, please.