Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:32,156
09.00.
2
00:02:34,579 --> 00:02:37,745
In a few short hours,
I was going into combat...
3
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:40,697
against my own children.
4
00:02:40,877 --> 00:02:43,747
Anyone who has a child
knows what I'm talking about.
5
00:02:43,921 --> 00:02:47,871
That's the real war:
Our generation against theirs.
6
00:02:49,385 --> 00:02:52,055
Standing on that deck,
surrounded by thousands of men...
7
00:02:52,221 --> 00:02:57,263
I suddenly felt smaller and lonelier
than I'd ever felt in my life.
8
00:02:57,435 --> 00:03:00,519
I'd been through this same Golden Gate
when Frances had died...
9
00:03:00,688 --> 00:03:03,096
and I'd come home on emergency leave.
10
00:03:03,274 --> 00:03:05,480
Now I was back for good.
11
00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:08,059
I'd left more than my heart
in San Francisco:
12
00:03:08,237 --> 00:03:10,230
Ten children, to be exact.
13
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:14,989
As we sailed under that bridge, I didn't
know I was passing under my future...
14
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:17,782
because while I was going home
to face my family...
15
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:20,998
Helen was bringing hers
to a new life in a new city.
16
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,041
And don't think I wasn't frightened.
17
00:03:23,211 --> 00:03:24,788
I had become a Navy widow.
18
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,839
I thought it was a good idea
to get a fresh start...
19
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:30,580
where the surroundings
wouldn't remind me of Dick.
20
00:03:30,802 --> 00:03:34,135
But four of my surroundings
looked exactly like him.
21
00:03:34,305 --> 00:03:36,096
What troubled me more than anything...
22
00:03:36,265 --> 00:03:39,883
was the kids seemed more upset
about leaving their friends in Seattle...
23
00:03:40,061 --> 00:03:41,852
than by the loss of their father.
24
00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:45,520
It took me a long time to learn
how little I knew about children...
25
00:03:45,691 --> 00:03:47,767
especially my own.
26
00:03:47,985 --> 00:03:50,903
As the ship sailed into the bay,
I took a good look around...
27
00:03:51,072 --> 00:03:53,859
because I knew I'd completed
my last tour aboard her.
28
00:03:54,075 --> 00:03:56,862
My brother and his wife
had been taking care of my kids...
29
00:03:57,078 --> 00:03:59,320
but now it was Daddy's turn.
30
00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:04,574
So I started down the gangplank...
31
00:04:04,794 --> 00:04:06,870
certain I was doing the right thing...
32
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:09,833
nobly sacrificing myself
for my children...
33
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:12,755
giving up my world for theirs.
34
00:04:12,927 --> 00:04:17,174
Pulling away forever from ships
and oceans and homecomings...
35
00:04:17,348 --> 00:04:19,091
to take up shore duty.
36
00:04:19,266 --> 00:04:21,093
Papa came marching home...
37
00:04:21,268 --> 00:04:23,594
secure in the knowledge
that they needed me...
38
00:04:23,771 --> 00:04:26,688
and would be overjoyed
I'd come back to take care of them.
39
00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:29,977
But they controlled
their feelings beautifully.
40
00:04:30,152 --> 00:04:32,939
It was the sort of welcome
that could make any father...
41
00:04:33,114 --> 00:04:36,981
review his position on
the entire question of birth control.
42
00:04:37,159 --> 00:04:39,485
Incredible as it may sound,
they blame me...
43
00:04:39,662 --> 00:04:42,069
for neglecting their mother
all those years.
44
00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:45,035
But it seemed to me
there was enough physical evidence...
45
00:04:45,209 --> 00:04:47,996
that I hadn't neglected her completely.
46
00:04:48,212 --> 00:04:51,747
What they really couldn't understand
was why I was allowing my brother...
47
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:55,542
and his wife to take Germaine
and Joan away from the family.
48
00:04:56,637 --> 00:05:00,717
Here you go, baby.
Come on, come with Uncle Howard.
49
00:05:01,892 --> 00:05:05,641
Oh, you couldn't take care of
two little babies, Frank. Not yet.
50
00:05:05,813 --> 00:05:07,889
They'll be happier with us for a while.
51
00:05:08,065 --> 00:05:10,639
I hope you can learn to manage the rest.
52
00:05:10,818 --> 00:05:13,570
You've hardly been home long enough
to learn their names.
53
00:05:13,737 --> 00:05:16,988
I'm home now. I'll manage.
Don't you worry.
54
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:22,324
Goodbye, pumpkin. Bye, baby.
Don't give them any trouble.
55
00:05:22,621 --> 00:05:24,329
If you live through this...
56
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:27,535
the Navy's going to have to get
a new kind of medal for you.
57
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:30,580
- Good luck, Frank.
- Good luck. You're gonna need it.
58
00:05:30,754 --> 00:05:34,170
- Goodbye, Joan. Goodbye, Germaine.
- Goodbye.
59
00:05:41,849 --> 00:05:45,016
Well, let's get something to eat.
60
00:05:49,064 --> 00:05:51,353
They're not going to an orphanage,
you know.
61
00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:54,146
They'll be half a mile away.
You can see them any time.
62
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,648
Susan, Louise, come on.
63
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,561
It's only until I get things
straightened out here.
64
00:05:58,741 --> 00:06:01,944
And then what? You planning on
auctioning off the rest of us?
65
00:06:02,119 --> 00:06:05,618
Where would I find a bidder? Come on,
in the kitchen. Let's get dinner.
66
00:06:05,789 --> 00:06:08,707
Which one of us do you wanna cook?
67
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,671
The war was on.
68
00:06:19,219 --> 00:06:22,386
I put an ad in the paper
for a housekeeper that brought results.
69
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:24,964
The first one lasted an entire day.
70
00:06:38,072 --> 00:06:40,111
The second one lasted seven days.
71
00:06:40,282 --> 00:06:42,773
We discovered she was hiding
from the police.
72
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,363
After a week with us,
she turned herself in.
73
00:06:54,671 --> 00:06:56,997
No wonder men go down to the sea in ships.
74
00:06:57,174 --> 00:07:00,258
I'd have gone back in a life raft.
75
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:04,596
I had rented an ideal house
close to the Navy base...
76
00:07:04,765 --> 00:07:08,098
so I could work part-time
in the dispensary, close to the school...
77
00:07:08,268 --> 00:07:12,764
close to the playground and a little
too close to the boy next door.
78
00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:19,019
I was broad-minded about it, though.
79
00:07:19,196 --> 00:07:21,319
I was gonna give that boy
two more seconds...
80
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:24,444
before I went out there and broke it up.
81
00:07:27,204 --> 00:07:30,655
I hate ants. I hate ants. I hate ants!
82
00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:34,287
Come on, this is really stupid.
83
00:07:34,461 --> 00:07:38,162
Listen, what are you doing? What
are you...? You hate ants. Never mind.
84
00:07:38,340 --> 00:07:39,751
Now, that belongs to her.
85
00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:43,294
What is the matter with you?
You've been acting like this all week.
86
00:07:43,512 --> 00:07:46,596
Mother, how's a person supposed to hear?
87
00:07:46,765 --> 00:07:50,597
Colleen, I'd like to know what's going
on between you and that boy.
88
00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:53,438
And I don't care if he does look like
Paul Newman.
89
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:56,185
- Is the spanking over?
- No, it is not over.
90
00:07:56,358 --> 00:07:58,185
Listen, what's gotten into you lately?
91
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,851
Where is that good little boy
that used to live here?
92
00:08:01,071 --> 00:08:04,025
I'll never be a good boy again.
I'm never gonna be good.
93
00:08:04,199 --> 00:08:06,275
I don't wanna die.
94
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,320
What are you talking about?
95
00:08:08,537 --> 00:08:12,665
Nicky told me that the good die young,
and that's why Daddy died.
96
00:08:12,958 --> 00:08:18,201
You can hit me and you can hit me,
but I'll never be a good boy again.
97
00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:23,882
Funny. Beginning of the school year...
98
00:08:24,052 --> 00:08:25,844
had never been a problem to Frances.
99
00:08:26,012 --> 00:08:28,764
The girls passed their dresses down
from one to another...
100
00:08:28,932 --> 00:08:31,257
and it all sort of came out even.
101
00:08:38,483 --> 00:08:41,686
Have you ever been 5 years old
and forced to appear in public...
102
00:08:41,862 --> 00:08:47,022
in a dress that had three former
owners, restyled by an old sail maker?
103
00:08:47,242 --> 00:08:50,907
Five years old and no future at all.
104
00:09:40,045 --> 00:09:45,122
And then one day, Frank and I just
happened to run into each other.
105
00:09:52,265 --> 00:09:56,512
I'd been wrapped up in my children
for so long that getting this close...
106
00:09:56,686 --> 00:10:02,392
to an attractive woman set my
early warning radar pulsing frantically.
107
00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:08,104
I was glad to have a reason
for a second look myself.
108
00:10:13,036 --> 00:10:14,863
You requisition those Fresnel lenses?
109
00:10:15,038 --> 00:10:18,241
I'll answer that tomorrow.
The working day has ceased.
110
00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:20,990
Just starting for me.
Drop me at the house.
111
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:23,541
Frank, do you realise
that at this very hour...
112
00:10:23,713 --> 00:10:26,833
the Officers' Club is jam-packed
with two-legged goodies.
113
00:10:27,008 --> 00:10:29,677
We owe it to our brethren at sea
to do unto others...
114
00:10:29,844 --> 00:10:32,929
as they would if they had our chance.
115
00:10:36,184 --> 00:10:38,093
Darrell, it may come as a shock...
116
00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:40,558
but there are other things besides girls.
117
00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:42,723
Yeah, women.
118
00:10:42,899 --> 00:10:44,892
Now, don't tell me it isn't on your mind.
119
00:10:45,068 --> 00:10:49,066
Any fella who has 10 children
just doesn't quit cold turkey.
120
00:10:49,239 --> 00:10:52,240
And if you'd only just...
121
00:10:52,408 --> 00:10:55,777
Why don't you watch where you're...
Oh, hello.
122
00:10:55,995 --> 00:10:57,454
Hi.
123
00:10:57,622 --> 00:11:01,833
Well, old Sam the hermit gets out
of the cave once in a while, huh?
124
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:05,205
She had my Cream of Wheat
and I had her Post Toasties.
125
00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:08,831
- What?
- Saw her at the commissary, that's all.
126
00:11:09,008 --> 00:11:10,384
Frank, what's wrong with you?
127
00:11:10,552 --> 00:11:12,758
You gonna be an old maid
the rest of your life?
128
00:11:12,929 --> 00:11:15,502
You really think that's what Frances
would've wanted?
129
00:11:15,682 --> 00:11:17,555
Probably not, but give me time.
130
00:11:17,725 --> 00:11:20,560
Time? You're a borderline case already.
131
00:11:20,728 --> 00:11:23,729
You may only have a few more
cruises left in you.
132
00:11:29,988 --> 00:11:34,116
- Come on in. I'll buy you a beer.
- I thought you'd never ask me.
133
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:38,567
You can stop worrying about me.
Things are looking up.
134
00:11:38,746 --> 00:11:42,447
I finally found a housekeeper
who seems to have staying power.
135
00:11:42,625 --> 00:11:46,705
Soon I'll ask you to loan me
your little black book, but right now...
136
00:11:46,963 --> 00:11:48,955
Where you going, Mrs. Anderson?
137
00:11:49,132 --> 00:11:51,041
Mrs. Anderson was last week.
138
00:11:51,217 --> 00:11:55,464
I'm Mrs. Ferguson,
and you can mail me my check.
139
00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:58,385
She left her broomstick.
140
00:12:01,686 --> 00:12:05,553
All right, what happened this time?
141
00:12:05,732 --> 00:12:08,436
Who did what to Mrs. Ferguson?
142
00:12:08,609 --> 00:12:10,851
All right, one at a time. One at a time.
143
00:12:11,070 --> 00:12:13,146
- She and Louise had a fight.
- A bad fight.
144
00:12:13,322 --> 00:12:16,158
Louise wouldn't come out
of the bathroom for an hour.
145
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:18,443
She went in, and they were yelling.
146
00:12:18,619 --> 00:12:21,241
- Is that strawberry jam on your hands?
- Raspberry.
147
00:12:21,456 --> 00:12:24,492
I guess she started shaking her...
Or she slipped on the soap.
148
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:27,870
- Anyway, she fell.
- She didn't fall, she fainted...
149
00:12:28,045 --> 00:12:29,670
right on the floor.
150
00:12:29,881 --> 00:12:33,665
When Mrs. Ferguson came out, I was
kind of mad, and I had to push her.
151
00:12:36,637 --> 00:12:39,591
Wait a minute. Hold it!
Louise fainted? Where is she?
152
00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:42,091
She's in her room crying,
and she won't come out.
153
00:12:42,268 --> 00:12:43,643
We tried.
154
00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:48,222
I think she's dying.
155
00:12:48,399 --> 00:12:51,435
- And what have you been playing with?
- Ink.
156
00:12:51,611 --> 00:12:53,484
Indelible.
157
00:12:55,364 --> 00:12:57,238
Louise.
158
00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,820
Louise, what in the world happened
between you and Mrs. Ferguson?
159
00:13:00,995 --> 00:13:03,201
I don't wanna talk about it.
Leave me alone.
160
00:13:03,372 --> 00:13:05,448
Mary said you fainted. Is something wrong?
161
00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:09,373
No. I just wish I could get out of this
house and drown myself, that's all.
162
00:13:09,545 --> 00:13:11,502
At least I'd be alone.
163
00:13:11,672 --> 00:13:14,507
Let me take you to the dispensary,
have them check you out.
164
00:13:14,675 --> 00:13:18,044
No. I don't wanna see any doctors,
and I don't want them to see me!
165
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:20,972
- But, Louise...
- No, please. I don't want to.
166
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:23,713
No, stop it! I don't want to.
167
00:13:23,893 --> 00:13:27,725
No, put me down! I don't wanna go, please.
168
00:13:27,897 --> 00:13:29,936
Stop it, I don't want to.
169
00:13:36,238 --> 00:13:38,397
Mr. Beardsley?
170
00:13:38,657 --> 00:13:40,152
- How is she?
- Oh, she's fine.
171
00:13:40,326 --> 00:13:42,318
Nothing to worry about. May I talk to you?
172
00:13:43,996 --> 00:13:45,490
Privately.
173
00:13:45,664 --> 00:13:48,286
I forgot my Post Toasties.
174
00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:55,080
We've scarcely met, but I feel
that I must talk to you about this.
175
00:13:55,257 --> 00:13:56,586
Of course.
176
00:13:56,759 --> 00:13:58,882
Your daughter tells me
that you're a widower?
177
00:13:59,428 --> 00:14:00,804
Yes, that's right.
178
00:14:01,597 --> 00:14:03,720
I'm awfully sorry.
179
00:14:03,891 --> 00:14:08,185
Louise seems to feel the loss
of her mother very deeply.
180
00:14:08,354 --> 00:14:13,431
On top of that, she's going through
a very trying time emotionally.
181
00:14:13,776 --> 00:14:16,349
I don't quite understand.
Am I being stupid?
182
00:14:17,905 --> 00:14:22,531
No, you're being a man,
which is sometimes the same thing.
183
00:14:23,369 --> 00:14:25,741
You can learn to do
the shopping for the family...
184
00:14:25,913 --> 00:14:28,748
and maybe even do the dishes...
185
00:14:30,793 --> 00:14:33,580
but that doesn't exactly
make you a mother.
186
00:14:33,754 --> 00:14:36,625
Well, I'm not really cut out for the job.
187
00:14:36,799 --> 00:14:41,710
Well, it seems that it's not been easy...
188
00:14:41,887 --> 00:14:44,425
for Louise to explain to you that...
189
00:14:49,019 --> 00:14:51,391
You know...
190
00:14:51,564 --> 00:14:55,347
a tree can blossom in the middle
of a busy city...
191
00:14:55,526 --> 00:14:57,518
but a young girl needs privacy...
192
00:14:57,861 --> 00:15:00,613
and she hasn't been able
to find it at home.
193
00:15:00,864 --> 00:15:04,945
So if she's been emotional or upset
or even a little bit hysterical...
194
00:15:05,119 --> 00:15:10,160
it's because she's growing up
and suddenly changing.
195
00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:13,658
Is that all? Why didn't she tell me?
196
00:15:13,919 --> 00:15:16,410
Because you would've said, "Is that all?"
197
00:15:17,631 --> 00:15:19,458
She said that she's been very upset...
198
00:15:19,633 --> 00:15:23,382
about having to share
her room at home, and...
199
00:15:23,554 --> 00:15:26,471
Today, when the maid walked in
while she was taking a bath...
200
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,760
- ...she was so embarrassed that she...
- Poor Louise.
201
00:15:29,935 --> 00:15:32,640
Stopped being a little girl,
and I never noticed.
202
00:15:32,813 --> 00:15:37,060
Well, if it's any help, I understand.
203
00:15:37,317 --> 00:15:40,769
I'm a widow, and I have
the same problem in reverse.
204
00:15:40,946 --> 00:15:44,397
Now I'm sorry.
Have you been alone very long?
205
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:47,823
Forever.
206
00:15:48,078 --> 00:15:49,407
Almost a year now.
207
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,409
I know what you mean.
208
00:15:52,791 --> 00:15:57,334
Dick was a navigator.
He crashed, routine training flight.
209
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,715
- Navy?
- What else is there?
210
00:16:00,883 --> 00:16:04,299
Children?
They say it's toughest on the kids...
211
00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:08,337
- ...but they haven't convinced me.
- I know.
212
00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:10,848
And right now I think you have...
213
00:16:11,018 --> 00:16:13,687
a rather difficult assignment
with your daughter.
214
00:16:13,854 --> 00:16:16,689
I think you should go in
and talk to her and take her home.
215
00:16:17,649 --> 00:16:19,274
Thank you, Mrs?
216
00:16:19,568 --> 00:16:21,228
North. Helen.
217
00:16:22,321 --> 00:16:23,815
Thank you, North Helen.
218
00:16:25,574 --> 00:16:29,025
- When are you on duty here?
- Afternoons. Five days a week.
219
00:16:29,203 --> 00:16:33,200
Any of my kids get sick on
the weekend, I'll hold them over.
220
00:16:41,715 --> 00:16:43,755
Hi.
221
00:16:44,384 --> 00:16:46,424
- How do you feel?
- I'm fine.
222
00:16:46,595 --> 00:16:49,596
- Can I go home now?
- Sure.
223
00:16:50,557 --> 00:16:52,716
Turn around.
224
00:18:28,530 --> 00:18:31,981
- Hello.
- Oh, is this North Helen?
225
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:37,454
- Yes. Who is this?
- This is Frank Beardsley.
226
00:18:37,622 --> 00:18:40,160
Oh, are you having more problems?
227
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:45,126
No, no. I just called to thank you for
helping me with my daughter today.
228
00:18:45,297 --> 00:18:48,831
Well, now, that's the worst reason
I ever heard...
229
00:18:49,009 --> 00:18:52,093
for calling a woman at 11:00 at night.
230
00:18:52,262 --> 00:18:55,014
Well, I'm a little out of practise.
231
00:18:55,223 --> 00:18:58,592
Well, as a matter of fact, so am I.
232
00:18:59,352 --> 00:19:02,022
Oh, for heaven's sake,
ask her out to dinner.
233
00:19:02,188 --> 00:19:03,517
Who's that?
234
00:19:03,690 --> 00:19:07,059
- What are you doing on this phone?
- I have to make an important call...
235
00:19:07,235 --> 00:19:10,189
and he gets off duty
at the taco stand at 11:15.
236
00:19:10,363 --> 00:19:13,033
Colleen, hang up.
237
00:19:13,783 --> 00:19:15,408
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
238
00:19:15,577 --> 00:19:17,865
I could never have done it without her.
239
00:19:18,038 --> 00:19:21,371
How about dinner? Tomorrow night.
240
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:23,829
Well...
241
00:19:24,002 --> 00:19:26,041
Mother, it's 11:14.
242
00:19:26,212 --> 00:19:28,039
What time would you like to pick me up?
243
00:19:28,214 --> 00:19:30,124
- About 1900?
- Aye, aye, sir.
244
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:32,423
- Good night, Helen.
- Good night, Frank.
245
00:19:32,594 --> 00:19:34,385
Good night, Colleen.
246
00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:43,471
Mother, don't blink.
You've got to let the glue dry.
247
00:19:43,645 --> 00:19:46,979
But I look ridiculous
with all this goop on my eyes.
248
00:19:47,149 --> 00:19:49,818
- Mommy, you're beautiful.
- You sure are.
249
00:19:49,985 --> 00:19:53,686
Thank you, but is it necessary
that I wear these eyelashes?
250
00:19:53,864 --> 00:19:55,655
I got your father without them.
251
00:19:55,824 --> 00:19:58,196
- But you were younger then.
- Yeah.
252
00:19:58,368 --> 00:20:01,737
- Here. Here goes the other side.
- Hold steady.
253
00:20:02,623 --> 00:20:05,458
Okay, let me take it now.
254
00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:07,413
- Mother.
- What?
255
00:20:07,586 --> 00:20:11,999
Is he handsome?
I mean, in an old sort of way.
256
00:20:12,174 --> 00:20:15,044
- Gee, I can hardly wait to meet him.
- Me too.
257
00:20:15,802 --> 00:20:19,634
Let's not overwhelm him with family.
Not the first date, huh?
258
00:20:19,806 --> 00:20:23,471
- You mean he doesn't know about us?
- Of course he does, darling.
259
00:20:23,644 --> 00:20:25,932
All of us?
260
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,762
Mother, that's so romantic.
261
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,858
- You lied to him.
- I did not lie to him.
262
00:20:32,027 --> 00:20:34,779
I just didn't have the nerve
to tell him the whole truth.
263
00:20:34,946 --> 00:20:40,189
I understand. No man wants a liaison
with a woman with eight children.
264
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,694
- What's a liaison?
- An affair.
265
00:20:42,871 --> 00:20:45,279
- That's what I thought.
- Me too.
266
00:20:45,457 --> 00:20:48,826
I am not having an affair,
and I'm not having a liaison.
267
00:20:49,002 --> 00:20:50,331
I'm merely going to dinner.
268
00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:52,164
As soon as I tell him about you...
269
00:20:52,339 --> 00:20:55,708
he'll bring me home
in plenty of time for dessert.
270
00:21:01,765 --> 00:21:03,923
Mike, see that it's lights out by 10:00.
271
00:21:04,101 --> 00:21:07,018
- Ten o'clock?
- We're back in kindergarten?
272
00:21:07,229 --> 00:21:10,847
- They stay up later in prison.
- Would you like to move?
273
00:21:11,024 --> 00:21:12,815
When you finish with the slot cars...
274
00:21:12,984 --> 00:21:15,024
spend 10 minutes with your geometry book.
275
00:21:15,195 --> 00:21:16,523
Flowers, Pop?
276
00:21:16,738 --> 00:21:20,439
Is that corny. How do you expect
to make any time with that approach?
277
00:21:20,659 --> 00:21:23,825
We are just going to dinner.
It isn't going to be a love-in.
278
00:21:24,037 --> 00:21:26,575
- You can say that again.
- No such luck.
279
00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:29,411
Did you tell the lady
you have 10 little children...
280
00:21:29,584 --> 00:21:33,084
- ...two of them given away?
- You bet he didn't.
281
00:21:33,255 --> 00:21:36,125
He'll hand her those flowers,
then give her a snow job...
282
00:21:36,299 --> 00:21:41,294
- ...on how lonely it is here at home.
- You listen to me.
283
00:21:41,471 --> 00:21:44,840
Every time in the last year that I've
dared take a woman to dinner...
284
00:21:45,016 --> 00:21:47,851
or been reckless enough
to bring her home to meet you...
285
00:21:48,019 --> 00:21:51,471
you've done all you could to make
her unwelcome. Well, I've had it.
286
00:21:51,731 --> 00:21:54,139
I'm doing all I can for you,
little as that is...
287
00:21:54,317 --> 00:21:56,559
I think I deserve some consideration.
288
00:21:56,736 --> 00:21:58,978
I suppose I'm being unfair. Who did this?
289
00:21:59,489 --> 00:22:02,407
My generation is the givers,
your generation, the takers.
290
00:22:02,576 --> 00:22:05,742
Well, it's time to strike a blow
for freedom.
291
00:22:05,912 --> 00:22:08,747
From now on,
I intend to think of myself first.
292
00:22:08,915 --> 00:22:11,620
If this be treason, make the most of it.
293
00:22:11,876 --> 00:22:15,826
- But are you gonna tell her?
- Yes, I'm going to tell her.
294
00:22:19,968 --> 00:22:22,091
You're gonna be a knockout tonight, Mom.
295
00:22:22,262 --> 00:22:26,094
- Yeah, Mom, you're beautiful.
- Thank you, darling.
296
00:22:26,683 --> 00:22:29,304
Good heavens,
what did you do to this dress?
297
00:22:29,477 --> 00:22:31,933
Mother, it was practically an antique.
298
00:22:32,105 --> 00:22:33,765
We just shortened it a little.
299
00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:38,649
- A little? I look like a teenybopper.
- Well, what's wrong with that?
300
00:22:38,820 --> 00:22:40,860
- I can't go out in this.
- Why not?
301
00:22:41,031 --> 00:22:42,774
Your legs are better than mine.
302
00:22:42,949 --> 00:22:46,199
It'll be okay as soon as we shorten
the slip. Give me those pins.
303
00:22:46,369 --> 00:22:48,409
Oh, heavens. Jean, run downstairs...
304
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:51,783
and tell Tommy to whistle
the minute he sees Mr. Beardsley.
305
00:22:51,958 --> 00:22:54,081
- But I wanna watch.
- Please, Jean.
306
00:22:54,252 --> 00:22:57,206
- The minute he sees Mr. Beardsley.
- Will you stand still?
307
00:22:57,380 --> 00:22:59,172
You'll get this pin stuck in you.
308
00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:01,214
I'm put together with pins and glue.
309
00:23:01,384 --> 00:23:04,338
If there's a strong wind, I'm in trouble.
310
00:23:04,512 --> 00:23:07,964
- There he is. Hurry up. Hurry up.
- He's coming!
311
00:23:08,266 --> 00:23:11,018
- Look at him.
- Wow, look at that car!
312
00:23:11,186 --> 00:23:13,262
- He's in the Navy.
- Look at that jacket.
313
00:23:13,438 --> 00:23:16,143
Look at those stripes.
He's got flowers for Mom.
314
00:23:16,316 --> 00:23:20,444
- Yeah, blue eyes.
- Boy, I bet you that guy's rich.
315
00:23:22,947 --> 00:23:25,189
- All right.
- No!
316
00:23:25,366 --> 00:23:26,909
- Pass it on.
- The door.
317
00:23:27,076 --> 00:23:28,405
Get away from the door.
318
00:23:28,578 --> 00:23:34,248
Get away from that door. Get away.
Get back. Get back.
319
00:23:37,837 --> 00:23:39,248
- Hello there.
- Hello.
320
00:23:39,422 --> 00:23:42,542
Well, we better hurry. I know
how you like to get places on time.
321
00:23:42,717 --> 00:23:44,591
- I do?
- Yeah. Where are we going?
322
00:23:44,761 --> 00:23:47,252
San Francisco. Little place...
I brought you flowers.
323
00:23:47,430 --> 00:23:49,636
Thank you. Why, they're beautiful.
324
00:23:49,807 --> 00:23:52,096
Shouldn't you put them in the house,
in water?
325
00:23:52,268 --> 00:23:55,471
Of course.
I don't know what I was thinking.
326
00:23:57,815 --> 00:23:59,773
They're my favourite.
327
00:23:59,943 --> 00:24:02,398
Beautiful night, isn't it?
328
00:24:03,404 --> 00:24:05,480
I had a wonderful time at dinner.
329
00:24:05,657 --> 00:24:07,982
I didn't know whether it was the food
or Frank...
330
00:24:08,159 --> 00:24:10,567
or the fact that I didn't have
to do the dishes.
331
00:24:10,745 --> 00:24:13,865
I couldn't stop talking. I told her
about Frances, the Navy...
332
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,124
about the new carrier
landing system I was working on.
333
00:24:17,293 --> 00:24:19,915
I told her about everything
but the children.
334
00:24:20,088 --> 00:24:22,792
Funny how that never came up.
335
00:24:22,965 --> 00:24:27,259
I guess I figured it would be easier
over an Irish coffee.
336
00:24:33,518 --> 00:24:35,510
While Frank was getting the drinks...
337
00:24:35,686 --> 00:24:40,598
I was trying to figure out the most
graceful way to break it to him.
338
00:24:48,741 --> 00:24:52,490
By the way, I have eight children.
339
00:24:57,250 --> 00:25:01,912
Speaking of eight children,
that's what I have.
340
00:25:04,423 --> 00:25:07,757
Have I mentioned
that I have eight children?
341
00:25:11,055 --> 00:25:14,009
I have eight children.
342
00:25:14,183 --> 00:25:18,133
Well, don't look at me. I just got here.
343
00:25:20,773 --> 00:25:22,896
Excuse me, please.
344
00:25:24,735 --> 00:25:26,313
Pardon me.
345
00:25:26,487 --> 00:25:27,946
That's all right.
346
00:25:28,114 --> 00:25:32,443
- That's why I come in this place.
- What's your excuse?
347
00:25:33,494 --> 00:25:35,700
Pardon me, sir.
348
00:25:44,422 --> 00:25:46,960
- I'm sorry, I...
- That's all right.
349
00:25:47,133 --> 00:25:49,671
- That's why I come to this place.
- What?
350
00:25:49,844 --> 00:25:53,295
That's a line I picked up
on my way back from the bar.
351
00:25:53,723 --> 00:25:56,677
I don't know, you may have
to drink this through your ear.
352
00:25:56,851 --> 00:26:01,311
Frank, there's something I wanna tell you.
353
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,354
What?
354
00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:08,518
That was a wonderful dinner
we had tonight.
355
00:26:08,696 --> 00:26:12,231
- I enjoyed all eight courses.
- So did I.
356
00:26:12,408 --> 00:26:15,113
- Speaking of children...
- We weren't speaking of children.
357
00:26:15,286 --> 00:26:17,693
- Thank goodness.
- Tonight, there are no children...
358
00:26:17,872 --> 00:26:21,371
in the world.
We're all alone on this desert island.
359
00:26:21,542 --> 00:26:25,492
Just you and me
and a native who makes Irish coffee.
360
00:26:25,921 --> 00:26:28,495
I'll drink to that.
361
00:26:33,929 --> 00:26:35,637
- Helen.
- Yes, Frank?
362
00:26:35,806 --> 00:26:38,214
There's something I've been meaning
to tell you.
363
00:26:38,392 --> 00:26:41,429
- What?
- No, I want you to look at me first.
364
00:26:42,938 --> 00:26:45,346
No, look at me.
365
00:26:46,901 --> 00:26:50,104
- Just a moment.
- May I have a light?
366
00:26:53,657 --> 00:26:56,327
Not on your life, sweetheart.
367
00:27:06,295 --> 00:27:08,169
Ridiculous.
368
00:27:13,761 --> 00:27:15,255
- Something wrong?
- No.
369
00:27:15,429 --> 00:27:17,671
No, no. What did you want to tell me?
370
00:27:17,848 --> 00:27:21,513
Well, this is the last time
I'm going to bring up the subject...
371
00:27:21,685 --> 00:27:23,892
but you do like children, don't you?
372
00:27:24,063 --> 00:27:27,099
- Yeah. Yeah, within reason.
- In that case, the hell with it.
373
00:27:27,274 --> 00:27:29,350
No. No, no,
as long as you brought it up...
374
00:27:29,526 --> 00:27:31,934
there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
375
00:27:32,112 --> 00:27:35,066
- What?
- Well...
376
00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:39,114
What?
377
00:27:39,328 --> 00:27:41,783
- What's the matter?
- I beg your pardon.
378
00:27:41,956 --> 00:27:45,241
- Something wrong?
- Yes. Yes, Frank...
379
00:27:45,417 --> 00:27:47,789
I have this terrible craving
for a cigarette.
380
00:27:47,962 --> 00:27:51,377
I don't know what I'll do if I don't get
a cigarette. I may have a fit.
381
00:27:51,548 --> 00:27:53,671
Could you get me a pack from the machine?
382
00:27:53,842 --> 00:27:56,512
What brand? King-size or regular?
Filter or non-filter?
383
00:27:56,679 --> 00:27:58,137
- Yeah, wonderful.
- What?
384
00:27:58,305 --> 00:28:00,974
- And hurry.
- Well, here, hold this.
385
00:28:09,024 --> 00:28:11,349
Hello, nurse.
386
00:28:12,319 --> 00:28:15,770
- Darrell.
- Well, Helen.
387
00:28:15,948 --> 00:28:18,273
Hello, Darrell.
388
00:28:18,492 --> 00:28:20,781
Your Irish coffee is winking at me.
389
00:28:20,953 --> 00:28:23,159
- Darrell, help me.
- Does this happen often...
390
00:28:23,330 --> 00:28:26,781
- ...or only during the moulting season?
- Hurry, please.
391
00:28:26,959 --> 00:28:30,078
Now, don't you worry, honey.
I'm very good at this.
392
00:28:30,254 --> 00:28:33,836
I've got an admiral with a loose toupee.
393
00:28:35,384 --> 00:28:37,423
Coming through.
394
00:28:40,722 --> 00:28:42,798
Pardon me.
395
00:28:42,975 --> 00:28:44,802
I'm sorry.
396
00:28:44,977 --> 00:28:47,978
Back for seconds?
397
00:28:53,694 --> 00:28:56,101
Darrell, what are you doing here?
Chaperoning?
398
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,696
Oh, no, I've been here since yesterday.
Haven't been able to get out.
399
00:28:59,867 --> 00:29:01,444
You mean you haven't been trying.
400
00:29:01,618 --> 00:29:05,118
- Cigarette?
- No, thanks. I don't smoke.
401
00:29:05,956 --> 00:29:08,826
- What did you do to your eye?
- What did you do to my eye?
402
00:29:09,001 --> 00:29:11,492
Don't listen to him. It's perfect.
403
00:29:11,670 --> 00:29:13,544
Let's drink to the perfect couple.
404
00:29:13,714 --> 00:29:16,465
Two people who have so much in common.
405
00:29:16,633 --> 00:29:19,041
It's positively nauseating.
406
00:29:19,219 --> 00:29:20,761
To our nurse.
407
00:29:20,971 --> 00:29:23,841
You know, I just found out
that she has a family of...
408
00:29:24,016 --> 00:29:28,345
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- That's all right. I'm used to it.
409
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:33,016
Over at Frank's, when they pass
the soup, it's like Niagara Falls.
410
00:29:33,191 --> 00:29:36,027
He probably hasn't mentioned it,
but he happens to have a...
411
00:29:36,194 --> 00:29:38,816
- Gosh, I'm sorry.
- Sure is a rough sea tonight.
412
00:29:38,989 --> 00:29:40,981
Yeah, it's very crowded in here.
413
00:29:41,158 --> 00:29:43,400
Yeah, speaking of crowds...
414
00:29:43,577 --> 00:29:46,993
you know, you two kids
really belong to each other.
415
00:29:47,164 --> 00:29:49,322
I just found out
that she's the mother of...
416
00:29:49,499 --> 00:29:52,666
Squeezing through... Who pushed me?
417
00:29:52,836 --> 00:29:56,039
- Here, let me help you.
- Hey, if you two wanna be alone...
418
00:29:56,214 --> 00:29:58,752
- ...give a guy a hint.
- Let's get out of here.
419
00:29:58,925 --> 00:30:00,254
Sorry.
420
00:30:14,941 --> 00:30:16,352
Frank.
421
00:30:18,028 --> 00:30:20,234
What? How could you lose your slip?
422
00:30:20,405 --> 00:30:23,904
Don't ask questions.
It's back there someplace.
423
00:30:24,075 --> 00:30:27,361
Do something about that floating eyelash.
424
00:30:47,098 --> 00:30:50,135
Oh, you are a tiger, aren't you?
425
00:31:05,075 --> 00:31:09,571
Frank, before we go any further,
there's something I have to tell you.
426
00:31:09,746 --> 00:31:12,118
- Now what fell off?
- No, no, nothing like that.
427
00:31:12,290 --> 00:31:14,781
I wish it were something that trivial.
428
00:31:16,086 --> 00:31:19,834
Frank, I have eight children.
429
00:31:20,173 --> 00:31:23,708
- Eight children!
- Four boys, four girls.
430
00:31:23,885 --> 00:31:26,091
Different ages.
431
00:31:26,805 --> 00:31:30,304
Frank. Frank, we're on a cable car.
432
00:31:30,517 --> 00:31:33,802
- Of course.
- I get sick on cable cars.
433
00:31:34,020 --> 00:31:36,392
- Wait till you hear what I tell you.
- What?
434
00:31:36,564 --> 00:31:40,609
- I have 10 children.
- Ten?
435
00:31:40,944 --> 00:31:44,277
Ten? Ten!
436
00:31:44,447 --> 00:31:47,448
Three boys, five girls.
437
00:31:48,284 --> 00:31:52,329
- That's only eight.
- And two on loan-out.
438
00:31:52,956 --> 00:31:55,577
Frank, eight and 10 is...
439
00:31:55,792 --> 00:31:58,034
Ridiculous.
440
00:31:58,211 --> 00:32:03,502
Helen, let's get off this damn thing.
Now I'm feeling sick.
441
00:32:16,271 --> 00:32:19,437
Frank, what do you mean,
"two on loan-out"?
442
00:32:19,607 --> 00:32:21,399
Well, a man alone...
443
00:32:21,568 --> 00:32:25,435
I just haven't been able to keep
a family that large together.
444
00:32:25,613 --> 00:32:28,567
My brother and sister-in-law
have the two youngest.
445
00:32:28,741 --> 00:32:32,193
- That's awful.
- That's what my kids keep telling me.
446
00:32:32,370 --> 00:32:36,664
They hate me for it,
and I'm on their side.
447
00:32:50,805 --> 00:32:53,094
I wish you had known Dick.
448
00:32:53,266 --> 00:32:56,386
- What was he like?
- Like you, in many ways.
449
00:32:56,561 --> 00:33:00,641
All wrapped up in the Navy
and his children.
450
00:33:01,733 --> 00:33:04,437
And in you?
451
00:33:17,332 --> 00:33:21,329
Frank, I wanna thank you
for a wonderful evening.
452
00:33:21,502 --> 00:33:23,875
It was nice knowing you.
453
00:33:24,213 --> 00:33:26,621
It was nice knowing you.
454
00:33:31,054 --> 00:33:32,761
- You know what?
- What?
455
00:33:32,930 --> 00:33:35,801
- I'd like to buy you something.
- Oh, that isn't necessary.
456
00:33:35,975 --> 00:33:39,558
Souvenir of our first and last date.
457
00:33:45,568 --> 00:33:48,522
- How about that Buddha?
- Oh, no.
458
00:33:48,696 --> 00:33:50,772
That looks like real jade.
459
00:33:50,948 --> 00:33:54,816
- How about that little fan?
- Fifty-five cents' worth of memories?
460
00:33:54,994 --> 00:33:57,865
That's a pretty little lady.
461
00:34:04,962 --> 00:34:06,836
- You have excellent taste.
- Thank you.
462
00:34:07,006 --> 00:34:09,129
This is a Chinese goddess...
463
00:34:09,300 --> 00:34:12,918
who confers her magical powers
on all who gaze upon her.
464
00:34:13,095 --> 00:34:15,171
- What is she called?
- Kuan Yin.
465
00:34:15,348 --> 00:34:18,930
- What does that mean?
- Joyous symbol of fertility.
466
00:34:34,700 --> 00:34:36,657
Wave him off. Bring him around again.
467
00:34:36,827 --> 00:34:39,994
3-4-Paddles. Wave it off
and bring it around again.
468
00:34:40,289 --> 00:34:42,329
Why didn't you tell me she had eight kids?
469
00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:43,828
Why didn't I tell you?
470
00:34:44,001 --> 00:34:46,919
I got third-degree Irish coffee burns
trying to tell you.
471
00:34:47,088 --> 00:34:49,246
But don't you worry about a thing.
472
00:34:49,423 --> 00:34:52,341
I've got a few less-crowded ladies
who'll knock your hat off.
473
00:34:52,510 --> 00:34:54,752
Let's drop the subject. I've had it.
474
00:34:54,929 --> 00:34:56,886
You haven't, and that's what worries me.
475
00:34:57,056 --> 00:35:00,306
- You've been in dry dock too long.
- Ask him to move the ball around.
476
00:35:00,476 --> 00:35:03,014
Come in low, check the red cell
and come on in.
477
00:35:03,187 --> 00:35:05,180
3-4-Paddles, move the ball around.
478
00:35:05,356 --> 00:35:07,183
Check the red cell and bring it on in.
479
00:35:07,566 --> 00:35:10,402
It's no use. What girl is gonna want
to spend an evening...
480
00:35:10,569 --> 00:35:13,606
- ...with a man who has 10 children?
- A girl who doesn't know it.
481
00:35:13,781 --> 00:35:15,489
- Want me to lie?
- Of course not.
482
00:35:15,658 --> 00:35:18,694
- Don't bring the subject up until after.
- Here he comes.
483
00:35:30,381 --> 00:35:32,539
3-4-Paddles. Nice pass.
484
00:35:32,717 --> 00:35:35,338
Now, I know a quiet little
Japanese restaurant.
485
00:35:35,511 --> 00:35:37,800
I'll make the reservations.
486
00:35:38,472 --> 00:35:39,848
Madeleine Love.
487
00:35:40,015 --> 00:35:43,384
Now, there is a girl
who is definitely not a talker.
488
00:35:45,604 --> 00:35:47,811
What sort of a girl is she?
489
00:35:56,657 --> 00:35:59,065
Does that answer your question?
490
00:36:01,954 --> 00:36:05,038
No, Darrell, and stop trying
to arrange my life.
491
00:36:05,207 --> 00:36:07,247
Helen, I'm surprised you haven't met him.
492
00:36:07,418 --> 00:36:08,746
Make a fist.
493
00:36:09,962 --> 00:36:11,919
I haven't done anything yet.
494
00:36:12,089 --> 00:36:14,876
I was practising.
He's a wonderful doctor...
495
00:36:15,050 --> 00:36:16,794
the kind who scrubs for a date.
496
00:36:16,969 --> 00:36:19,425
Tremendous reputation. Nine handicap.
497
00:36:19,597 --> 00:36:21,174
Now.
498
00:36:23,934 --> 00:36:25,263
No more dates.
499
00:36:25,436 --> 00:36:28,306
Don't think of him as a date,
think of him as a meal.
500
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,150
Now, I know a quiet little
Japanese restaurant.
501
00:36:31,317 --> 00:36:33,309
I'll make the reservations.
502
00:36:33,485 --> 00:36:35,110
Don't rush me.
503
00:36:38,157 --> 00:36:39,651
What does he look like?
504
00:36:39,825 --> 00:36:43,276
I hate to use the word "Adonis,"
but there's no other way to say it.
505
00:36:43,454 --> 00:36:46,704
A touch of grey at the temples,
very distinguished.
506
00:36:47,750 --> 00:36:50,038
Is he tall?
507
00:36:50,210 --> 00:36:53,745
He used to be a basketball player.
508
00:36:55,674 --> 00:36:57,881
I had to lie, of course.
509
00:36:58,052 --> 00:37:01,171
But anybody who knew Frank and
Helen knew they belonged together.
510
00:37:01,347 --> 00:37:05,131
All I had to do was let them stumble
over each other a few times.
511
00:37:05,309 --> 00:37:07,847
You have to do that
with the marrying kind of people.
512
00:37:08,020 --> 00:37:12,267
So I told her that Dr. Ashford
was about 6'2", 6'3".
513
00:37:13,650 --> 00:37:17,185
A harmless little white lie.
514
00:37:18,113 --> 00:37:21,316
I wondered if the doctor would
be so attentive if I told him...
515
00:37:21,492 --> 00:37:24,742
I had three children taller than he was.
516
00:37:30,542 --> 00:37:33,460
Darrell's arrangement for my
evening hadn't uttered a word...
517
00:37:33,629 --> 00:37:36,499
since I pick ed her up. I had
no idea what was on her mind...
518
00:37:36,673 --> 00:37:39,710
until we drew up in front
of the restaurant.
519
00:37:43,347 --> 00:37:46,098
There. I hate suspense, don't you?
520
00:37:46,266 --> 00:37:47,926
Now you know and I know.
521
00:37:48,101 --> 00:37:50,509
Let's have a quick dinner.
522
00:37:56,318 --> 00:37:58,275
Keep the motor running.
523
00:38:17,673 --> 00:38:19,914
Darrell said we had a lot in common.
524
00:38:21,969 --> 00:38:25,384
After all, you're a nurse, I'm a doctor.
525
00:38:26,098 --> 00:38:27,722
What's your specialty?
526
00:38:27,891 --> 00:38:30,050
Obstetrics.
527
00:38:30,227 --> 00:38:33,263
Darrell had a malicious sense of humour.
528
00:38:39,736 --> 00:38:43,105
I was upset that Frank
had seen me with Dr. Ashford.
529
00:38:43,281 --> 00:38:45,191
I don't know why.
530
00:38:51,331 --> 00:38:55,032
For some stupid reason,
I had the feeling I was being unfaithful.
531
00:38:55,210 --> 00:38:58,246
And Madeleine had only taken off my shoes.
532
00:38:58,547 --> 00:39:02,414
The doctor's bedside manner
was a little previous.
533
00:39:06,888 --> 00:39:09,723
I was embarrassed to think
that Frank might be watching.
534
00:39:09,891 --> 00:39:11,220
He was.
535
00:39:13,145 --> 00:39:15,433
You're not worshipping me.
536
00:39:22,195 --> 00:39:23,737
Thank you.
537
00:39:26,283 --> 00:39:29,284
Helen, I might as well be honest.
538
00:39:29,453 --> 00:39:35,242
I'm a very lonely man. There are times
that I feel I could kick over the traces.
539
00:39:35,417 --> 00:39:38,122
- I'm not lonely at all.
- Give up this race for money.
540
00:39:38,295 --> 00:39:41,664
- I'm the mother of eight children.
- Travel to all the romantic places.
541
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,757
- I have eight.
- If I could find someone to go with me.
542
00:39:44,926 --> 00:39:47,215
- Doctor. Doctor.
- I'd like to find places...
543
00:39:47,387 --> 00:39:49,676
I don't think you've
been paying attention.
544
00:39:49,848 --> 00:39:54,142
I said, I am the mother of eight children.
545
00:39:57,355 --> 00:40:01,400
I've always admired a woman
with a sense of humour.
546
00:40:07,324 --> 00:40:11,701
Meanwhile, back at the ranch,
it was round-up time.
547
00:40:13,413 --> 00:40:15,370
That's a very handsome family.
548
00:40:15,540 --> 00:40:18,114
- Very handsome.
- Thank you.
549
00:40:19,586 --> 00:40:20,914
Excuse me a moment, please?
550
00:40:21,087 --> 00:40:22,795
Oh, of course.
551
00:40:42,692 --> 00:40:44,519
Dr. Ashford?
552
00:40:59,417 --> 00:41:01,077
Wasn't that your date?
553
00:41:01,252 --> 00:41:02,747
Yes, it was.
554
00:41:03,338 --> 00:41:05,461
He had an emergency.
555
00:41:05,632 --> 00:41:08,882
- Come on, I'll take you home. Hop in.
- Oh, no, I wouldn't dream...
556
00:41:09,052 --> 00:41:11,887
- Madeleine doesn't mind, do you?
- Are you kidding?
557
00:41:12,055 --> 00:41:14,344
- You see?
- Well...
558
00:41:37,455 --> 00:41:40,824
She's my oldest girl. She's going
with this boy who rides a motorcycle.
559
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,289
Has hair practically
down to his shoulders...
560
00:41:43,461 --> 00:41:45,584
and I think it's bleached.
561
00:41:45,964 --> 00:41:49,415
She never talks to me about him,
never brings him in so I can meet him.
562
00:41:49,592 --> 00:41:52,546
- I hardly know what to do.
- You can't tell her not to see him.
563
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:55,390
- It's like shooting off the starting gun.
- I know.
564
00:41:55,557 --> 00:41:59,222
You know, she's barely 16, and when
he brings her home at night...
565
00:41:59,394 --> 00:42:02,015
they stay outside
for about half an hour, kissing.
566
00:42:02,188 --> 00:42:04,679
Heavens to Betsy!
What will they think of next?
567
00:42:04,857 --> 00:42:06,435
My Veronica, she's 7.
568
00:42:06,609 --> 00:42:10,773
She's so boy crazy, I'm afraid she's
gonna get married before she's 9.
569
00:42:14,117 --> 00:42:17,486
She doesn't care about school.
Only thing she can read are pictures.
570
00:42:17,662 --> 00:42:20,497
Yeah, yeah. Well, Tommy's
almost 9. He can hardly read.
571
00:42:20,665 --> 00:42:23,203
But Jean, who's only 7,
reads better than he does.
572
00:42:23,376 --> 00:42:24,656
I have that in spades.
573
00:42:24,836 --> 00:42:27,124
Louise is 12,
she corrects Rusty's spelling.
574
00:42:27,296 --> 00:42:30,132
Well, Tommy can help
Colleen and Janette with their math...
575
00:42:30,299 --> 00:42:33,550
- ...but he can't read.
- I don't believe this conversation.
576
00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:35,297
Did you put something in my sugar?
577
00:42:35,471 --> 00:42:38,009
I have a strange feeling
I'm taking a trip.
578
00:42:38,182 --> 00:42:40,009
- How many kids do you have?
- Ten.
579
00:42:40,810 --> 00:42:44,760
Helen, there's no reason for us
to avoid seeing each other.
580
00:42:45,356 --> 00:42:48,061
Well, I think we certainly
could be friends.
581
00:42:48,234 --> 00:42:51,899
The fact I'm a man and you're a woman
doesn't have anything to do with it.
582
00:42:52,071 --> 00:42:54,313
And then the papa bear
said to the mama bear:
583
00:42:54,490 --> 00:42:57,112
"Who's been sleeping in my bed?"
584
00:42:57,285 --> 00:42:59,408
Oh, come on, drop me off at the exit.
585
00:42:59,579 --> 00:43:02,995
Then you two can work yourselves
up to a wild game of post office.
586
00:43:03,166 --> 00:43:04,957
No, I couldn't do that to you.
587
00:43:05,126 --> 00:43:08,411
Oh, please, daddy, I'd prefer it.
Ten kids?
588
00:43:08,588 --> 00:43:10,829
I'm nervous just sitting next to you.
589
00:43:11,048 --> 00:43:12,875
- Helen.
- Yes?
590
00:43:13,050 --> 00:43:16,799
Why am I pretending? I want to see
you again, and not just to be friends...
591
00:43:16,971 --> 00:43:18,845
and not just to talk about children.
592
00:43:19,015 --> 00:43:21,470
- I want to see you again too.
- Know something else?
593
00:43:21,642 --> 00:43:24,762
In spite of all the aggravation
and the misery and the yelling...
594
00:43:24,937 --> 00:43:28,140
- ...I'm glad I have 10 children.
- And I'm glad I have my eight.
595
00:43:28,316 --> 00:43:31,233
And I'm glad I'm careful.
596
00:43:32,653 --> 00:43:34,563
Between our work and the children...
597
00:43:34,739 --> 00:43:38,487
we somehow were able
to steal a few hours alone.
598
00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:29,510
When every place we went was better
because we were together...
599
00:45:29,686 --> 00:45:32,473
and I suddenly realised
the emptiness was gone...
600
00:45:32,647 --> 00:45:36,098
and the world just might
be worth living in again...
601
00:45:36,276 --> 00:45:38,897
I knew it was time for the acid test.
602
00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:42,190
I invited Helen to my house
to meet my mafia.
603
00:45:44,784 --> 00:45:46,777
Here she comes! Here she comes!
604
00:45:46,953 --> 00:45:48,281
What does she look like?
605
00:45:48,454 --> 00:45:51,539
Mean. You can see it in her eyes.
606
00:45:56,879 --> 00:45:59,002
Frank, I'm frightened.
607
00:45:59,173 --> 00:46:01,083
Now, don't worry.
608
00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:04,544
I had a long talk with the children.
They're going to love you.
609
00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:08,172
Who locked the door?
610
00:46:13,062 --> 00:46:14,722
Sorry, Dad.
611
00:46:15,773 --> 00:46:17,932
I'll talk to you later.
612
00:46:18,109 --> 00:46:20,647
Well, group, this is Mrs. North.
613
00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:22,813
- Helen.
- You know Louise.
614
00:46:22,989 --> 00:46:24,483
- Oh, yes. Hello, Louise.
- Hi.
615
00:46:24,657 --> 00:46:25,985
- And Mike.
- Mike.
616
00:46:26,159 --> 00:46:27,950
- And Rusty and Rosemary.
- Hello.
617
00:46:28,119 --> 00:46:29,447
- Susan.
- Hello, Susan.
618
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:30,949
- Veronica.
- Hello, Veronica.
619
00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:32,320
- And Greg.
- Greg.
620
00:46:32,498 --> 00:46:33,827
You've met the family...
621
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:35,791
- ...why don't we have a drink.
- Frank.
622
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,831
- Yeah?
- This is only seven.
623
00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:41,960
Mary. Where's Mary?
624
00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:43,675
She's hiding.
625
00:46:45,928 --> 00:46:48,300
Mary, come on, let's not play games.
626
00:46:50,308 --> 00:46:52,680
Hello, Mary. I'm Aunt Helen.
627
00:46:52,852 --> 00:46:55,639
You are not! I don't want another mother!
628
00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:58,565
I don't want another mother!
629
00:47:01,652 --> 00:47:04,523
Frank, I think I'm ready
for that drink now.
630
00:47:04,697 --> 00:47:07,105
Mike, you think you can handle the bar?
631
00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:09,157
What would you like, Aunt Helen?
632
00:47:09,327 --> 00:47:12,363
I'd like a light screwdriver, please.
Very light.
633
00:47:12,538 --> 00:47:14,447
That's orange juice with a shot of vodka.
634
00:47:14,624 --> 00:47:17,375
- I know, Dad.
- I'm sorry. I'll have Scotch and water.
635
00:47:17,543 --> 00:47:19,002
I know, Dad.
636
00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:21,875
I keep forgetting Mike is 18.
637
00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:25,502
Frank, do you really think it was
a good idea, my coming here?
638
00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:29,840
Of course. If you hadn't,
you might have been hit by a truck.
639
00:47:30,014 --> 00:47:32,007
Everything's gonna be all right.
640
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,474
You're sitting on my painting!
641
00:47:34,644 --> 00:47:36,435
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
642
00:47:36,604 --> 00:47:38,643
It's all right.
643
00:48:02,088 --> 00:48:04,757
- You wanna fill that with orange juice?
- Who's it for?
644
00:48:04,924 --> 00:48:07,047
- Aunt Helen.
- Mike, these are finished.
645
00:48:07,218 --> 00:48:08,842
Susan's gonna help you.
646
00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:11,632
Susie, take these in there, will you?
Thank you.
647
00:48:12,264 --> 00:48:14,969
Okay, I'm gonna put these on the table.
648
00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:31,859
Hey, Rusty.
649
00:48:32,618 --> 00:48:37,114
- You wanna be a cocktail waitress?
- All right. Which is which?
650
00:48:37,331 --> 00:48:39,703
Aunt Helen, Uncle Daddy.
651
00:49:02,106 --> 00:49:04,063
- What's this?
- An alligator.
652
00:49:04,233 --> 00:49:07,150
- A flying alligator?
- See the two little babies?
653
00:49:07,319 --> 00:49:10,854
Two little babies.
And these are from Mars, I suppose.
654
00:49:11,031 --> 00:49:14,566
They're very good. Oh, thank you. Rusty?
655
00:49:14,743 --> 00:49:16,570
Hold it, Susan.
656
00:49:16,745 --> 00:49:19,201
How about a toast to our guest, everybody.
657
00:49:19,832 --> 00:49:23,746
Through the teeth and over the gums.
Look out, stomach, here it comes.
658
00:49:23,919 --> 00:49:26,457
Hold the Dylan Thomas till later, Greg.
659
00:49:26,630 --> 00:49:28,955
To our charming dinner guest...
660
00:49:29,133 --> 00:49:32,299
- ...welcome aboard.
- Thank you. Thank you.
661
00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:59,785
It's delicious.
662
00:50:06,462 --> 00:50:10,590
That's just wonderful.
And where was Veronica born?
663
00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:12,417
- In Japan.
- In Japan.
664
00:50:12,593 --> 00:50:17,005
I call her my little fortune cookie
because she came right after dinner.
665
00:50:24,438 --> 00:50:25,766
That's funny.
666
00:50:27,691 --> 00:50:29,565
Where's the fire?
667
00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:31,063
Dinner is served.
668
00:50:31,236 --> 00:50:32,565
Oh, dinner is served.
669
00:50:32,738 --> 00:50:35,655
I want you to know Rosemary
and Louise cooked this dinner.
670
00:50:35,824 --> 00:50:40,153
Oh, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
That's absolutely wonderful, Rosemary.
671
00:50:40,329 --> 00:50:43,033
- I'm Susan.
- Oh, of course you are.
672
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:46,872
- And don't you ever change, honey.
- Let's go, Susan.
673
00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:50,374
You have a wonderful family.
674
00:50:50,547 --> 00:50:54,046
They're all just wonderful.
Absolutely wonderful.
675
00:50:54,217 --> 00:50:56,543
Wonderful, wonderful, beautiful children.
676
00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:58,048
Just so wonderful.
677
00:50:58,722 --> 00:51:00,845
Watch that first step. That's a dilly.
678
00:51:01,016 --> 00:51:03,092
Greg, will you hold
the chair for our guest?
679
00:51:03,268 --> 00:51:04,597
Sure.
680
00:51:04,770 --> 00:51:06,264
Thank you, Greg.
681
00:51:08,231 --> 00:51:09,560
Thank you, Greg.
682
00:51:12,402 --> 00:51:14,940
- I'm hungry!
- Veronica.
683
00:51:17,574 --> 00:51:19,152
Bless us, O Lord...
684
00:51:22,371 --> 00:51:24,031
Pardon me.
685
00:51:24,623 --> 00:51:28,323
And these, thy gifts,
which we are about to receive...
686
00:51:30,962 --> 00:51:32,457
Pardon me.
687
00:51:33,673 --> 00:51:36,378
From thy bounty through Christ our Lord.
688
00:51:36,551 --> 00:51:38,211
Amen.
689
00:51:38,387 --> 00:51:42,218
- You all right?
- Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
690
00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:47,260
I'm hungry. Can I have a potato?
691
00:51:55,862 --> 00:51:57,356
Pass it around.
692
00:51:58,990 --> 00:52:01,113
- I'm hungry!
- I want some bread.
693
00:52:01,284 --> 00:52:04,451
- Hey, come on, I want the bread.
- Can I have some milk?
694
00:52:06,164 --> 00:52:07,991
Here, want some milk?
695
00:52:08,416 --> 00:52:09,875
I can do it myself.
696
00:52:10,043 --> 00:52:13,163
Sure, you can do it yourself.
Certainly you can.
697
00:52:13,338 --> 00:52:14,832
Sure you can.
698
00:52:15,006 --> 00:52:18,422
Boy, is it warm in here!
Don't you think it's warm in here?
699
00:52:18,593 --> 00:52:20,467
- Want some potatoes?
- Yes.
700
00:52:21,638 --> 00:52:23,180
There we go.
701
00:52:23,348 --> 00:52:25,673
- You want some potatoes?
- Okay.
702
00:52:25,850 --> 00:52:29,634
- Okay, there you are.
- Hey! You got it on my dress!
703
00:52:35,485 --> 00:52:36,814
I'm...
704
00:52:40,907 --> 00:52:42,318
Oh, good heavens!
705
00:52:45,036 --> 00:52:46,412
Oh, I'm so...
706
00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:53,158
I'm sorry, honey. Oh, I'm so sorry. I...
707
00:52:54,212 --> 00:52:56,418
Rosemary, help Veronica get cleaned up.
708
00:52:57,257 --> 00:53:00,424
- I didn't mean it.
- I'll clean her up.
709
00:53:02,846 --> 00:53:04,174
I'm sorry.
710
00:53:04,347 --> 00:53:08,760
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know
what's wrong with me.
711
00:53:08,935 --> 00:53:10,844
What a terrible thing to do.
712
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,598
I'm...
713
00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:17,688
I'm sorry.
714
00:53:21,740 --> 00:53:23,364
Dick, I feel sick again.
715
00:53:23,533 --> 00:53:26,569
- It's Frank.
- Oh, Lord, what have I done?
716
00:53:26,745 --> 00:53:28,784
- You haven't done anything.
- Yes, I have.
717
00:53:28,955 --> 00:53:31,528
I've fallen in love,
that's what I've done.
718
00:53:31,708 --> 00:53:35,243
I promised myself
I'd never fall in love again.
719
00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:38,125
And I wanted to make such
a good impression on you...
720
00:53:38,298 --> 00:53:41,880
and your children, and now
I've been acting like an idiot.
721
00:53:42,051 --> 00:53:43,759
And I don't know why.
722
00:53:43,928 --> 00:53:46,419
I don't know why.
723
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,843
I just feel...
724
00:53:48,016 --> 00:53:51,385
Oh, if this damn room would stop
rolling around, maybe I could find...
725
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:53,684
- ...someplace to be sick.
- Louise...
726
00:53:53,855 --> 00:53:57,271
you better show Mrs. North
the bathroom and help her.
727
00:53:57,442 --> 00:53:59,481
- This way.
- I don't know why.
728
00:53:59,652 --> 00:54:01,941
I don't know why.
729
00:54:11,414 --> 00:54:15,328
The court of inquiry is now in session.
730
00:54:33,519 --> 00:54:35,975
You didn't have to wait dinner for me.
731
00:54:36,147 --> 00:54:38,934
We've decided to use our company manners.
732
00:54:39,108 --> 00:54:42,442
Helen, the boys have
something to tell you.
733
00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:46,610
Mrs. North, I apologise for putting
all that gin in your drink.
734
00:54:46,783 --> 00:54:49,534
Oh, that's what did it.
735
00:54:49,702 --> 00:54:51,861
And I apologise for all that vodka.
736
00:54:52,038 --> 00:54:53,616
And I apologise for the Scotch.
737
00:54:55,291 --> 00:54:56,951
Scotch, vodka and...
738
00:54:57,126 --> 00:55:00,080
Helen, you've been the victim
of an alcoholic Pearl Harbor.
739
00:55:00,254 --> 00:55:02,212
It's amazing you survived at all.
740
00:55:02,382 --> 00:55:04,458
Your bartenders will be dealt with later.
741
00:55:04,634 --> 00:55:06,840
Oh, please.
Please, Frank, don't blame them.
742
00:55:07,011 --> 00:55:08,671
At least what they did was honest.
743
00:55:08,846 --> 00:55:12,262
They don't want another mother,
and I don't blame them.
744
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:13,881
And you, Frank...
745
00:55:14,060 --> 00:55:16,598
Frank, I think you should
be on your ship at sea.
746
00:55:16,771 --> 00:55:18,598
That's where you belong.
747
00:55:19,273 --> 00:55:21,943
And if the children don't
want me, I understand.
748
00:55:22,193 --> 00:55:24,269
Now, hear this.
749
00:55:24,445 --> 00:55:28,739
My interest in you has nothing to do
with securing a mother for my children.
750
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:30,865
They don't deserve anyone as good as you.
751
00:55:31,035 --> 00:55:34,486
Furthermore, I have no desire
to go back to sea.
752
00:55:34,664 --> 00:55:37,949
In fact, if you'll have me, Helen...
753
00:55:38,126 --> 00:55:40,202
I'll be happy to remain ashore forever...
754
00:55:40,378 --> 00:55:42,169
because I happen to love you.
755
00:55:42,338 --> 00:55:44,876
And nobody put anything in my drink.
756
00:55:45,049 --> 00:55:47,920
- Frank, do you mean that?
- Of course I mean it.
757
00:55:48,094 --> 00:55:50,715
That's why I said it in front
of so many witnesses...
758
00:55:50,888 --> 00:55:53,095
untrustworthy though they may be.
759
00:55:54,809 --> 00:55:56,303
Oh, Frank.
760
00:56:03,985 --> 00:56:06,108
I give it six months.
761
00:56:33,973 --> 00:56:35,467
It was a typical wedding.
762
00:56:35,641 --> 00:56:39,010
Enemies of the bride on the right,
enemies of the groom on the left.
763
00:56:39,186 --> 00:56:42,140
I've seen firing squads
with more compassion.
764
00:56:42,315 --> 00:56:44,272
When I saw all the children lined up...
765
00:56:44,442 --> 00:56:48,190
I wondered if Frank and I really
had the right to do this to them.
766
00:56:48,362 --> 00:56:52,656
All you had to do was look at those
faces to guess what they were thinking.
767
00:56:52,825 --> 00:56:54,818
All those photographers outside...
768
00:56:54,994 --> 00:56:58,445
they're gonna plaster our pictures
all over the newspapers and TV.
769
00:56:58,622 --> 00:57:01,244
We won't be a family,
we're going to be a freak show.
770
00:57:01,417 --> 00:57:05,201
When the kids at school find out
about this, I'm gonna kill myself.
771
00:57:05,379 --> 00:57:07,206
I wonder why they're getting married.
772
00:57:07,381 --> 00:57:10,715
Can there possibly be a physical thing
between them too?
773
00:57:10,885 --> 00:57:12,924
At their age?
774
00:57:14,764 --> 00:57:17,433
She has mean eyes.
775
00:57:17,725 --> 00:57:20,845
How can I do it to them?
How can I do it to Frank?
776
00:57:21,020 --> 00:57:25,480
All I have to do is be very calm,
turn around and run.
777
00:57:25,649 --> 00:57:28,271
On your mark, get set...
778
00:57:28,444 --> 00:57:30,021
Helen.
779
00:57:33,782 --> 00:57:37,033
Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead.
780
00:58:14,031 --> 00:58:15,609
- Here.
- What do you do with this?
781
00:58:15,783 --> 00:58:17,692
Throw it, stupid.
782
00:58:18,744 --> 00:58:19,823
Hey!
783
00:58:30,339 --> 00:58:31,916
Cut it out!
784
00:58:40,891 --> 00:58:42,884
The snow came a little early this year.
785
00:58:48,065 --> 00:58:49,607
He started it!
786
00:58:50,943 --> 00:58:54,394
That's no way to act at a wedding.
That's not nice!
787
00:58:54,571 --> 00:58:56,730
Don't worry.
We'll take care of the children.
788
00:58:56,907 --> 00:58:59,612
- Sure. Even if it kills us.
- It's only for the weekend.
789
00:58:59,785 --> 00:59:02,276
We'll be back Monday. Goodbye, Janette.
790
00:59:02,454 --> 00:59:04,079
- Goodbye, Mommy.
- Be a good girl.
791
00:59:04,248 --> 00:59:05,872
- Goodbye, Tommy.
- See you.
792
00:59:06,041 --> 00:59:07,416
Goodbye, Greg.
793
00:59:07,709 --> 00:59:09,287
Goodbye, Mike.
794
00:59:12,714 --> 00:59:14,125
Goodbye, Jean.
795
00:59:14,299 --> 00:59:16,672
Goodbye, Veronica. Goodbye, Mary.
796
00:59:16,844 --> 00:59:19,631
Goodbye, Louise. Bye, Jean.
797
00:59:19,972 --> 00:59:21,252
You already kissed me.
798
00:59:21,431 --> 00:59:22,594
Oh, I'm sorry.
799
00:59:22,766 --> 00:59:26,100
By the time they finish saying goodbye,
the honeymoon will be over.
800
00:59:26,270 --> 00:59:28,476
Goodbye, Colleen.
Take care of the little ones.
801
00:59:28,647 --> 00:59:31,220
Goodbye, Phillip. What's that?
802
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:32,728
Nothing.
803
00:59:34,194 --> 00:59:35,605
Maybe pneumonia.
804
00:59:35,779 --> 00:59:37,855
Oh, good heavens. Frank. Frank?
805
00:59:38,031 --> 00:59:40,439
Frank, tell me if you
think he has a fever.
806
00:59:40,742 --> 00:59:42,652
I do it back here.
807
00:59:42,828 --> 00:59:44,322
- He might.
- Oh, dear.
808
00:59:44,830 --> 00:59:48,281
- Do I have to go to school?
- Frank, I can't leave if Phillip's sick.
809
00:59:48,458 --> 00:59:52,752
Never in our entire married life will all
of our kids be healthy at the same time.
810
00:59:52,921 --> 00:59:55,626
But last year he had asthma.
His lungs haven't been too...
811
00:59:55,799 --> 00:59:58,290
- What's the matter?
- Something's wrong with Phillip.
812
00:59:58,468 --> 01:00:00,924
Get him to bed. Call the doctor.
We'll phone you...
813
01:00:01,096 --> 01:00:03,801
soon as we check
into our hospital. I mean, our hotel.
814
01:00:03,974 --> 01:00:07,924
If it's the flu, call me right away. If it's
anything more serious, I'll call you.
815
01:00:08,103 --> 01:00:11,768
No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't know.
Well, I better call you every hour.
816
01:00:11,940 --> 01:00:14,894
Make him stay in bed,
and until you're sure what he has...
817
01:00:15,068 --> 01:00:17,227
keep the other children out of the room.
818
01:00:17,404 --> 01:00:20,939
Be sure and tell the doctor
that he's allergic to penicillin...
819
01:00:21,116 --> 01:00:23,654
all of the sulphas and some of the mycins.
820
01:00:23,827 --> 01:00:27,030
- Also tell him that last year he had...
- Helen.
821
01:00:27,205 --> 01:00:29,198
We'll go away some other time.
822
01:00:29,708 --> 01:00:32,281
Oh, Frank, thank you.
823
01:00:44,181 --> 01:00:46,802
I thought I saw the house cringe
as we drove up.
824
01:00:46,975 --> 01:00:50,842
It had been a dignified old Victorian
home when Frank and I found it.
825
01:00:51,021 --> 01:00:54,141
The only one large enough
that we could afford.
826
01:00:54,316 --> 01:00:57,436
The plumbing wasn't the most modern,
the roof had to be repaired.
827
01:00:57,611 --> 01:01:01,822
But we had both fallen in love with it
when we learned it had four bathrooms.
828
01:01:09,456 --> 01:01:13,121
So in we marched: The bride, the groom...
829
01:01:13,293 --> 01:01:15,333
one bottle of champagne...
830
01:01:15,504 --> 01:01:17,829
And 16 children.
831
01:01:19,674 --> 01:01:24,052
Come on, darling, finish your tea.
Mother's tired and wants to go to bed.
832
01:01:26,556 --> 01:01:28,348
Now, is there anything else you want?
833
01:01:28,517 --> 01:01:30,509
Yeah, I wanna go home.
834
01:01:30,685 --> 01:01:33,011
We are home, dear.
This is where we live now.
835
01:01:33,188 --> 01:01:36,142
Then why can't I be Phillip anymore?
836
01:01:36,316 --> 01:01:38,059
Well, who says you can't be?
837
01:01:38,235 --> 01:01:40,108
That man.
838
01:01:42,113 --> 01:01:43,857
- Frank?
- Yes.
839
01:01:44,032 --> 01:01:46,274
And he says my name is 12-Blue-D.
840
01:01:46,451 --> 01:01:50,579
And if I forget I'm 12-Blue-D,
I can't get into the bathroom.
841
01:01:50,747 --> 01:01:55,243
Well, now, that's nothing
to be upset about, darling.
842
01:01:55,418 --> 01:01:58,205
That's just a system
that he learned in the Navy.
843
01:01:58,380 --> 01:02:00,004
Now, you stop worrying.
844
01:02:00,173 --> 01:02:03,507
I'm going to find out what's keeping
that doctor. You stay in bed.
845
01:02:04,594 --> 01:02:08,426
There you are, Janette. You are 8-Red-B.
846
01:02:10,892 --> 01:02:13,893
And, Mary, you are 14-Red-C.
847
01:02:14,062 --> 01:02:16,351
- Veronica.
- What am I, again?
848
01:02:16,523 --> 01:02:17,554
You're 14-Red-C.
849
01:02:17,732 --> 01:02:20,567
Everybody's got a number
from the oldest to the youngest.
850
01:02:20,735 --> 01:02:23,736
All the bathrooms are a colour,
all the bedrooms are a letter.
851
01:02:23,905 --> 01:02:28,152
And that makes you number 14,
bathroom Red and room C.
852
01:02:28,326 --> 01:02:30,651
And this chart shows you where it all is.
853
01:02:30,829 --> 01:02:32,537
Could you just point?
854
01:02:32,706 --> 01:02:35,078
It's right around the corner,
down the hall, love.
855
01:02:35,250 --> 01:02:36,281
Thank you.
856
01:02:36,459 --> 01:02:40,160
And, Veronica, you are 13-Red-A.
857
01:02:40,338 --> 01:02:41,880
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.
858
01:02:42,048 --> 01:02:44,088
Well, skipper, how goes the battle?
859
01:02:44,259 --> 01:02:46,666
They're fighting it,
but you can't beat the system.
860
01:02:46,845 --> 01:02:50,842
- I'm sorry if I upset your wedding night.
- I thought it was yours too.
861
01:02:51,015 --> 01:02:53,471
I didn't wanna sound anxious.
862
01:02:53,643 --> 01:02:56,561
Susan, you are 9-Red-A.
863
01:02:56,729 --> 01:02:58,722
If I can find it.
864
01:02:58,898 --> 01:03:00,274
Champagne iced?
865
01:03:00,441 --> 01:03:03,526
Yes, it's in our bedroom,
in a shiny new bucket.
866
01:03:03,695 --> 01:03:07,111
- Louise, you are 7-Red-C.
- All right.
867
01:03:07,282 --> 01:03:10,615
If we stay on schedule, my system
will have these kids bedded down...
868
01:03:10,785 --> 01:03:13,572
in a half-hour, and it's our turn next.
869
01:03:13,746 --> 01:03:16,119
Greg, you are 6-Blue-B.
870
01:03:16,291 --> 01:03:19,375
Aye, aye, sir.
I'll send up a flare if I get lost.
871
01:03:19,544 --> 01:03:21,702
- How's Phillip?
- That's what I'd like to know.
872
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:24,205
- What's keeping that doctor?
- Probably the rain.
873
01:03:24,382 --> 01:03:27,003
Tommy, you are 10-Blue-D.
874
01:03:27,176 --> 01:03:29,667
Why can't I have my own room
to myself, like Mike?
875
01:03:29,846 --> 01:03:31,174
You're not the oldest. Next.
876
01:03:31,347 --> 01:03:33,803
You mean because I'm not in your family.
877
01:03:33,975 --> 01:03:36,133
- Tommy!
- Now, look, you're all in my family.
878
01:03:36,311 --> 01:03:39,929
You have a beautiful room, D. It's
around the corner, down the main hall.
879
01:03:40,106 --> 01:03:41,897
Honey, wait. That's where Phillip is.
880
01:03:42,066 --> 01:03:43,229
- Phillip?
- Yes.
881
01:03:43,401 --> 01:03:45,109
Yes, number 12. You're right.
882
01:03:45,278 --> 01:03:47,769
I know he has the flu.
No one should sleep in there.
883
01:03:47,947 --> 01:03:49,607
That's the beauty of this system.
884
01:03:49,782 --> 01:03:51,740
It can be changed in an instant.
885
01:03:52,660 --> 01:03:54,700
All right, now hear this. Now hear this.
886
01:03:54,871 --> 01:03:57,159
All C's and D's report to the quarterdeck.
887
01:03:57,332 --> 01:04:00,332
There's been a slight rearrangement.
It may affect B.
888
01:04:00,501 --> 01:04:02,209
Everybody back!
889
01:04:03,546 --> 01:04:07,544
All right, lights are out
for a minute. Don't worry...
890
01:04:07,717 --> 01:04:10,469
we have some emergency
candles right in here.
891
01:04:12,513 --> 01:04:14,636
- Helen.
- Yes, dear.
892
01:04:15,558 --> 01:04:19,852
Frank, do you think there's a power
failure all over or just in the house?
893
01:04:25,443 --> 01:04:28,776
Greg, take these downstairs.
Get some light downstairs.
894
01:04:32,283 --> 01:04:33,694
Where's 6-Blue-B?
895
01:04:33,868 --> 01:04:36,703
I found my room, but there's rain
coming through the roof.
896
01:04:36,871 --> 01:04:39,409
That's not possible.
They just finished re-shingling.
897
01:04:39,582 --> 01:04:41,325
Well, they'll finish on Monday.
898
01:04:41,501 --> 01:04:44,170
- I'll go get some pots and pans.
- How old is this house?
899
01:04:44,337 --> 01:04:46,045
Never mind. It's gonna be beautiful.
900
01:04:46,214 --> 01:04:49,250
- Take care of the little ones.
- Sister's locked in the bathroom.
901
01:04:49,425 --> 01:04:51,833
- What sister?
- I don't know her name yet.
902
01:04:52,011 --> 01:04:56,887
But she can't get out
and we can't get in. And it's my turn.
903
01:05:11,572 --> 01:05:13,731
Oh, my God, I'm too late.
904
01:05:13,908 --> 01:05:16,660
No, doctor, we're not praying.
The lights went out.
905
01:05:16,827 --> 01:05:18,701
Come on in. I'll give you a candle.
906
01:05:19,580 --> 01:05:20,991
What happened to the key?
907
01:05:21,165 --> 01:05:24,581
It fell out and the lights went out
and I can't find it.
908
01:05:24,752 --> 01:05:28,251
- Well, light your candle.
- I came in here before the candles.
909
01:05:30,591 --> 01:05:34,007
Well, look, I'm gonna pass
you a match through the keyhole.
910
01:05:34,178 --> 01:05:37,214
You light it, find the key
and unlock the door, okay?
911
01:05:37,390 --> 01:05:38,588
Okay.
912
01:05:38,766 --> 01:05:41,387
Here comes the match. You see it?
913
01:05:43,437 --> 01:05:45,596
- Got it?
- I got it.
914
01:05:45,898 --> 01:05:47,807
- Well, light it.
- I can't.
915
01:05:47,984 --> 01:05:49,015
Why not?
916
01:05:49,193 --> 01:05:51,316
Mommy won't let me play with matches.
917
01:05:51,487 --> 01:05:54,523
- Helen!
- Yes, dear, I'm coming.
918
01:05:54,907 --> 01:05:58,241
Tell her it's all right to light a match,
find the key, open the door.
919
01:05:58,411 --> 01:06:00,154
- Who's in there?
- One of yours.
920
01:06:00,329 --> 01:06:02,536
The one that's not allowed
to light matches.
921
01:06:02,707 --> 01:06:07,036
Oh, Jean. Jean, darling, it's all right
to light a match this time, sweetheart.
922
01:06:07,211 --> 01:06:09,832
All right, show's over.
Everybody back to your room.
923
01:06:10,005 --> 01:06:12,247
Go back to your room.
You go back. You go back.
924
01:06:12,425 --> 01:06:14,998
- I'm the doctor.
- Hold your candle higher, will you?
925
01:06:15,177 --> 01:06:18,262
Jean? Jean, darling.
926
01:06:21,559 --> 01:06:23,267
I did it, I did it.
927
01:06:23,436 --> 01:06:25,677
- You certainly did.
- Here's your flashlight.
928
01:06:25,855 --> 01:06:27,479
Now, go to your room, dear.
929
01:06:27,815 --> 01:06:32,691
I'm 11-Red-A. I'm 11-Red-A. I'm 11-Red-A.
930
01:06:32,945 --> 01:06:34,439
Concussion?
931
01:06:34,613 --> 01:06:38,825
Oh, no, no. It's not her, it's my...
Our boy Phillip.
932
01:06:38,993 --> 01:06:42,029
I don't know whether I'm 14-Red-X or what.
933
01:06:42,204 --> 01:06:44,909
How do you get any food around here?
934
01:06:45,082 --> 01:06:47,407
What's the name of this organisation?
935
01:06:47,585 --> 01:06:50,455
No, I'm sorry it's a little confusing,
but, you see...
936
01:06:50,629 --> 01:06:52,254
we were just married today.
937
01:06:53,424 --> 01:06:57,256
Congratulations. The next
20 years ought to be a lulu.
938
01:06:57,428 --> 01:06:59,835
- It's our room!
- Get out!
939
01:07:00,014 --> 01:07:03,465
Oh, no. You'll have to excuse me.
You go right down there.
940
01:07:05,936 --> 01:07:07,728
You can say that again.
941
01:07:07,897 --> 01:07:10,566
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
942
01:07:10,733 --> 01:07:12,642
It's our room!
943
01:07:13,694 --> 01:07:15,568
What are you two boys doing in here?
944
01:07:15,738 --> 01:07:17,398
- It's our room.
- Yeah, room B.
945
01:07:17,573 --> 01:07:19,447
Janette, Colleen, I'm surprised at you.
946
01:07:19,617 --> 01:07:22,534
- Get out of the boys' room this instant.
- But it's our room.
947
01:07:22,703 --> 01:07:24,031
It's on that board!
948
01:07:24,204 --> 01:07:25,912
We're on the board too, you know!
949
01:07:26,081 --> 01:07:27,955
Get out of our room!
950
01:07:28,167 --> 01:07:30,622
Hey, knock it off!
What's going on in here?
951
01:07:30,794 --> 01:07:32,205
What is this?
952
01:07:32,379 --> 01:07:36,044
Your blues and greens are wonderful,
but your he's and she's are mixed up.
953
01:07:37,885 --> 01:07:39,842
Thank goodness. Let there be light.
954
01:07:40,012 --> 01:07:41,921
All right, boys, pack your gear together.
955
01:07:42,097 --> 01:07:44,505
We'll straighten this out.
Get your stuff together.
956
01:07:44,683 --> 01:07:47,221
- Girls, come on, get to bed.
- I can't find my pyjamas.
957
01:07:47,394 --> 01:07:50,929
- Well, sleep without them one night.
- I'd rather die.
958
01:07:51,106 --> 01:07:53,597
You don't care what happens
to our family, do you?
959
01:07:53,776 --> 01:07:56,397
- Colleen.
- Mommy! Mommy!
960
01:07:56,570 --> 01:07:59,108
There's a man trying to take
everybody's temperature.
961
01:07:59,281 --> 01:08:03,065
- Oh, good heavens.
- All right, come on, let's get organised.
962
01:08:10,209 --> 01:08:12,830
Oh, you found him, doctor.
963
01:08:13,003 --> 01:08:16,870
No, that's not him. This one
doesn't have a temperature either.
964
01:08:17,049 --> 01:08:19,255
But that's Phillip.
He's the one that's sick.
965
01:08:19,426 --> 01:08:23,755
Pulse, normal. Blood pressure,
normal. Temperature, 98.6.
966
01:08:23,931 --> 01:08:27,181
In medical school,
they told us that means healthy.
967
01:08:28,936 --> 01:08:30,311
Phillip.
968
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:33,314
I feel better now. He's a good doctor.
969
01:08:36,693 --> 01:08:39,184
Good news, Mr. Beardsley.
Your son's not sick at all.
970
01:08:39,363 --> 01:08:40,940
Oh, great. But keep it quiet.
971
01:08:41,114 --> 01:08:44,199
I'll never get the C's and D's
back into B.
972
01:08:44,868 --> 01:08:46,528
Sorry.
973
01:08:46,703 --> 01:08:48,779
Would you do me a favour
and call my wife...
974
01:08:48,956 --> 01:08:51,411
and tell her I'm on the way home?
975
01:08:51,583 --> 01:08:53,991
- Tell her thank you.
- For what?
976
01:08:54,169 --> 01:08:55,913
We don't have any children.
977
01:09:26,785 --> 01:09:30,486
- Is this the Beardsleys' new house?
- We've come to deliver the babies.
978
01:09:32,332 --> 01:09:34,076
Have a heart.
979
01:09:34,251 --> 01:09:36,872
Leave them on somebody else's doorstep.
980
01:09:41,800 --> 01:09:43,508
Here we go.
981
01:09:46,138 --> 01:09:47,548
Dad! Dad! Come quick!
982
01:09:47,723 --> 01:09:49,929
They've brought Joan and Germaine home.
983
01:09:50,100 --> 01:09:51,808
Come on. Come on.
984
01:09:54,771 --> 01:09:57,179
Joan! Germaine!
985
01:09:57,482 --> 01:09:59,309
Hi, everybody.
986
01:10:04,239 --> 01:10:06,730
It sure was nice of you
to bring them in the rain.
987
01:10:06,908 --> 01:10:10,573
Blame your crazy father. He insisted
the family had to be complete tonight.
988
01:10:10,954 --> 01:10:14,240
When he used that Navy voice,
we didn't wanna be court-martialed.
989
01:10:14,416 --> 01:10:17,785
They can't argue, and I needed
someone here on my side.
990
01:10:18,003 --> 01:10:20,375
- Let me see that little angel.
- Bye-bye.
991
01:10:20,547 --> 01:10:23,998
- We'll bring their things in the morning.
- Thank you, Nancy. Good night.
992
01:10:24,176 --> 01:10:26,417
Good night, Helen. Good luck, Frank.
993
01:10:26,595 --> 01:10:28,587
What a little doll.
994
01:10:29,639 --> 01:10:32,213
Well, Murderers' Row is now complete.
995
01:10:32,392 --> 01:10:36,093
- Can I hold my sister?
- Let's get one thing straight.
996
01:10:36,271 --> 01:10:39,058
There's no more "mine"
and there's no more "yours."
997
01:10:39,232 --> 01:10:42,435
From now on,
everyone and everything is ours.
998
01:10:43,069 --> 01:10:45,691
All right, troop, to bed, to bed.
999
01:10:48,074 --> 01:10:50,114
- Is this our house now?
- Yes, dear.
1000
01:10:50,285 --> 01:10:52,823
Can we invite some friends over?
1001
01:11:20,315 --> 01:11:22,640
Mrs. Beardsley.
1002
01:11:27,238 --> 01:11:29,812
Hey, you look beautiful.
1003
01:11:29,991 --> 01:11:33,989
- You mean for a mother of 18?
- I mean for a bride.
1004
01:11:48,218 --> 01:11:52,465
Frank, this is gonna sound silly,
but you know something?
1005
01:11:52,639 --> 01:11:56,008
- I'm nervous.
- You know something? So am I.
1006
01:12:00,188 --> 01:12:04,186
What did that girl say about you?
You are a tiger.
1007
01:12:06,444 --> 01:12:10,987
A slightly grey, slightly middle-aged,
but very much in love tiger.
1008
01:12:12,700 --> 01:12:16,745
Oh, Frank. Frank, do you think
it can work out?
1009
01:12:16,913 --> 01:12:19,914
Will we ever, ever really be
just one family?
1010
01:12:20,083 --> 01:12:25,160
Of course, but it's up to you and me
to set an example...
1011
01:12:25,338 --> 01:12:28,837
tonight, in togetherness.
1012
01:12:38,309 --> 01:12:40,101
There's rain coming in our room.
1013
01:12:40,270 --> 01:12:42,677
- Can we sleep here?
- Please?
1014
01:12:49,195 --> 01:12:52,398
Hey. I'm not gonna sleep
in that big room all alone...
1015
01:12:52,573 --> 01:12:54,732
if I'm not even sick.
1016
01:13:08,631 --> 01:13:10,256
Togetherness.
1017
01:13:13,635 --> 01:13:16,387
Every morning at four bells,
our day began.
1018
01:13:16,555 --> 01:13:19,342
After all, running a family
of 18 children isn't simple...
1019
01:13:19,516 --> 01:13:23,217
but it can be done.
The secret is organisation.
1020
01:13:23,395 --> 01:13:26,230
A job for everyone
and everyone on the job.
1021
01:13:26,398 --> 01:13:29,601
I was always the first one
to spring into action.
1022
01:13:41,413 --> 01:13:45,790
Mutiny was simply not tolerated.
My crew grumbled but obeyed.
1023
01:13:45,959 --> 01:13:49,245
They knew their captain only did what
was best for all.
1024
01:13:49,421 --> 01:13:53,004
Up anchor, man the mizzen,
fire when ready.
1025
01:14:00,682 --> 01:14:02,591
Mission accomplished.
1026
01:14:04,603 --> 01:14:06,975
Tommy's job was to check
the weather report...
1027
01:14:07,147 --> 01:14:09,554
to determine the uniform of the day.
1028
01:14:09,733 --> 01:14:11,975
Twenty percent chance of rain.
1029
01:14:15,655 --> 01:14:18,229
My job was to brush my teeth.
1030
01:14:19,826 --> 01:14:21,866
It wasn't easy.
1031
01:14:43,475 --> 01:14:47,307
Maybe if he'd helped me sooner,
they wouldn't be falling out.
1032
01:14:48,021 --> 01:14:51,105
Even without teeth,
breakfast at the Beardsleys' included...
1033
01:14:51,274 --> 01:14:53,183
5 pounds of bacon...
1034
01:14:54,319 --> 01:14:56,395
2 gallons of oatmeal...
1035
01:14:56,988 --> 01:14:58,780
three dozen eggs...
1036
01:15:04,412 --> 01:15:07,781
and 40 pieces of toast, unless I missed.
1037
01:15:09,793 --> 01:15:12,331
And that was only to hold them
until lunch.
1038
01:15:12,545 --> 01:15:15,250
Which they couldn't prepare
without the old skipper.
1039
01:15:15,423 --> 01:15:20,299
After 20 happy years in the Navy,
I had at least learned how to deal.
1040
01:15:44,619 --> 01:15:49,032
Breakfast was the best meal of the day,
if you had long arms.
1041
01:15:49,874 --> 01:15:53,077
I don't care much for eggs anyway.
1042
01:15:57,590 --> 01:16:01,505
And I can live without bacon if I have to.
1043
01:16:02,303 --> 01:16:04,711
Although some people are pigs about it.
1044
01:16:07,558 --> 01:16:10,927
But if a fellow can't even have a piece
of toast, he's finished.
1045
01:16:11,104 --> 01:16:13,346
I could starve to death
right at this table...
1046
01:16:13,523 --> 01:16:15,765
and nobody would even stop eating.
1047
01:16:18,152 --> 01:16:20,940
- School bus is coming.
- Get your rain boots on!
1048
01:16:27,704 --> 01:16:30,989
Phillip, stop dawdling.
Now, come on, dear.
1049
01:16:31,165 --> 01:16:35,578
There was nothing else to do.
I had to invent the oatmeal sandwich.
1050
01:16:37,171 --> 01:16:38,500
Come on, Phillip.
1051
01:16:38,673 --> 01:16:41,543
This is where my system proved
so valuable.
1052
01:16:41,718 --> 01:16:45,846
The rain boots were all in one closet,
where they could be reached instantly.
1053
01:16:46,013 --> 01:16:50,058
We had learned to buy boots and shoes
and clothes in wholesale lots.
1054
01:16:50,226 --> 01:16:53,725
Sizes didn't matter, because eventually
everything fit everybody.
1055
01:16:54,939 --> 01:16:56,979
Almost everybody.
1056
01:17:12,206 --> 01:17:14,662
Don't worry, fella, just keep growing.
1057
01:17:14,834 --> 01:17:17,123
Someday you can fill my boots.
1058
01:17:21,424 --> 01:17:23,215
That's my brother.
1059
01:17:40,109 --> 01:17:43,810
We got some wild things planned.
You've gotta come. It'll be out of sight.
1060
01:17:43,988 --> 01:17:46,027
- Hi, Larry.
- Hey.
1061
01:17:47,033 --> 01:17:50,069
The gang is throwing a freak-out
tonight at the beach house.
1062
01:17:50,244 --> 01:17:52,700
Tell your parents we're going to a movie.
1063
01:17:52,872 --> 01:17:54,200
Oh, Larry, I couldn't.
1064
01:17:54,415 --> 01:17:57,831
Here we go again. Why not?
1065
01:17:58,044 --> 01:18:01,578
- I heard about those parties.
- I can't wait to find out if it's true.
1066
01:18:01,797 --> 01:18:03,624
Well, I'm not going.
1067
01:18:03,799 --> 01:18:06,125
- You are unbelievable.
- I am?
1068
01:18:06,302 --> 01:18:08,176
It's that ridiculous family of yours.
1069
01:18:08,346 --> 01:18:11,050
You're medieval.
You're so hung up, it's pathetic.
1070
01:18:11,223 --> 01:18:13,097
Do you know what you are? A sex maniac.
1071
01:18:13,309 --> 01:18:17,722
If I'm a sex maniac, I'm the most
frustrated sex maniac in the world.
1072
01:18:17,897 --> 01:18:21,432
- And I'm almost out of high school!
- Big deal!
1073
01:18:30,242 --> 01:18:32,449
That's fine. All right, children...
1074
01:18:32,620 --> 01:18:36,487
finish up your problems
and bring in your papers.
1075
01:18:44,090 --> 01:18:49,084
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Phillip.
1076
01:18:50,304 --> 01:18:52,462
You didn't sign your paper properly.
1077
01:18:52,681 --> 01:18:55,766
- Your name is Phillip North.
- I'm Phillip Beardsley.
1078
01:18:55,935 --> 01:18:58,426
We all went to church
and we were all married.
1079
01:18:58,604 --> 01:19:01,890
- I'm Phillip Beardsley.
- No, dear, not legally...
1080
01:19:02,066 --> 01:19:05,933
and we must sign our legal names
in school, mustn't we?
1081
01:19:06,153 --> 01:19:08,858
- Beardsley.
- No, dear, North.
1082
01:19:09,031 --> 01:19:12,649
- North! North! North!
- Beardsley! Beardsley! Beardsley!
1083
01:19:35,766 --> 01:19:39,100
I got here as fast as I could,
Sister Mary. What is it this time?
1084
01:19:39,270 --> 01:19:41,013
Why don't you ask Phillip.
1085
01:19:42,690 --> 01:19:44,148
Phillip.
1086
01:19:46,610 --> 01:19:49,481
- Darling, what happened?
- Nothing.
1087
01:19:49,655 --> 01:19:52,572
- Who did that to you?
- One of the kids.
1088
01:19:52,741 --> 01:19:54,615
She started it.
1089
01:19:55,077 --> 01:19:58,493
- She says I'm not legal.
- What?
1090
01:19:58,706 --> 01:20:02,786
- And Mike isn't my brother.
- Of course he's your brother.
1091
01:20:02,960 --> 01:20:05,961
- Then my name is Phillip Beardsley.
- Phillip North.
1092
01:20:07,172 --> 01:20:09,212
There she goes again.
1093
01:20:11,844 --> 01:20:16,470
Sister, couldn't you just call him
Phillip Beardsley?
1094
01:20:16,682 --> 01:20:21,095
I'm sorry, but the school requires
that we use their legal names.
1095
01:20:21,311 --> 01:20:23,351
Let's go to another school.
1096
01:20:25,107 --> 01:20:30,101
I understand your legal problem,
but you must try to understand mine.
1097
01:20:30,279 --> 01:20:34,739
You see, I'm trying to bring
two families together...
1098
01:20:35,784 --> 01:20:39,948
and this is the first sign
that I may be succeeding.
1099
01:20:40,122 --> 01:20:43,906
I really would appreciate it if you'd let
Phillip sign his name Beardsley.
1100
01:20:44,126 --> 01:20:46,451
But legally it's North.
1101
01:20:48,046 --> 01:20:51,996
But it's more important
that emotionally it's Beardsley.
1102
01:20:52,843 --> 01:20:54,836
North.
1103
01:20:55,012 --> 01:20:57,763
- Beardsley.
- North.
1104
01:20:58,390 --> 01:21:01,474
Beardsley! Beardsley! Beardsley!
1105
01:21:01,685 --> 01:21:03,725
Watch out, Mom. You might get a black eye.
1106
01:21:08,650 --> 01:21:12,102
You mean, I adopt your children
and you want to adopt mine?
1107
01:21:12,279 --> 01:21:15,482
Yes, that way we'll really be one family.
1108
01:21:16,158 --> 01:21:18,731
Your children will have a mother,
legally...
1109
01:21:18,911 --> 01:21:23,039
and mine will have a father, legally.
That way they'll be protected.
1110
01:21:23,207 --> 01:21:27,453
You know, in case anything should
happen to either one of us.
1111
01:21:31,840 --> 01:21:34,461
- Strawberry or raspberry?
- Apricot.
1112
01:21:34,676 --> 01:21:39,422
Do you know that in California
it costs $250 just to adopt one child?
1113
01:21:39,598 --> 01:21:42,219
- Really?
- That's a lot of money for a formality.
1114
01:21:42,434 --> 01:21:44,890
A black eye isn't a formality.
1115
01:21:47,397 --> 01:21:49,437
- How much milk?
- Twenty quarts.
1116
01:21:49,691 --> 01:21:52,858
Sixteen, 18, 20.
1117
01:21:53,028 --> 01:21:55,104
What we ought to adopt is a cow.
1118
01:21:56,490 --> 01:21:59,277
These are for Dad.
1119
01:22:09,669 --> 01:22:12,873
Two hundred and fifty times 18 is $4500.
1120
01:22:13,799 --> 01:22:16,883
- How did you figure that out so fast?
- Sheer panic.
1121
01:22:17,094 --> 01:22:18,837
Well, hello, Mr. Beardsley.
1122
01:22:19,012 --> 01:22:21,135
Should I wrap it,
or you gonna eat it here?
1123
01:22:21,348 --> 01:22:24,100
All right, Harry,
just call out the reserves.
1124
01:22:24,309 --> 01:22:27,678
Dave, Jack, it's an emergency.
The Beardsleys are here. More boxes.
1125
01:22:27,896 --> 01:22:31,063
Frank, you know what I'd like
for Christmas?
1126
01:22:31,233 --> 01:22:32,857
- What?
- Don't buy me anything.
1127
01:22:33,527 --> 01:22:36,231
The most expensive gift in the world
is when a wife says:
1128
01:22:36,404 --> 01:22:39,773
- "Don't buy me anything."
- Look, if we didn't...
1129
01:22:39,950 --> 01:22:43,650
give each other Christmas gifts,
and if we didn't get the new car...
1130
01:22:43,829 --> 01:22:46,201
and we cut down
on all the little things...
1131
01:22:46,373 --> 01:22:50,287
the things we don't really need,
the little luxuries...
1132
01:22:50,460 --> 01:22:53,165
couldn't we afford to adopt our kids?
1133
01:22:59,928 --> 01:23:03,878
Thank you, Dad. Would you put these
back there, please?
1134
01:23:22,409 --> 01:23:25,030
- Is that it?
- That's it.
1135
01:23:34,796 --> 01:23:36,374
Would you care to check it?
1136
01:23:42,511 --> 01:23:45,595
How could you decide something
like that without asking us?
1137
01:23:46,265 --> 01:23:49,681
Colleen, we thought you children
would be happy to be adopted.
1138
01:23:49,893 --> 01:23:52,431
Happy to forget our real father's name?
1139
01:23:52,604 --> 01:23:56,436
- Get lost in a jungle full of Beardsleys?
- Now, just a minute.
1140
01:23:56,650 --> 01:23:59,853
Mother, that's the most awful thing
I've ever heard.
1141
01:24:00,028 --> 01:24:02,519
He's gone a year,
and you're trying to wipe him...
1142
01:24:02,698 --> 01:24:04,904
out of your life as if he never existed.
1143
01:24:05,534 --> 01:24:07,823
And I thought you loved him.
1144
01:24:21,008 --> 01:24:23,629
- I like Beardsley.
- You be quiet!
1145
01:24:23,802 --> 01:24:27,670
- And no, I don't want any dessert.
- I'll take his.
1146
01:24:30,976 --> 01:24:33,930
Sorry, I didn't think I was
committing a federal offence.
1147
01:24:34,104 --> 01:24:36,097
Thought they'd want me for a father.
1148
01:24:36,315 --> 01:24:38,603
Yeah, well, now you know
what they think of you.
1149
01:24:38,775 --> 01:24:41,313
Stay out of it. It's their problem.
1150
01:24:41,528 --> 01:24:44,695
Now, wait a minute, Rosemary.
It's not just their problem.
1151
01:24:44,865 --> 01:24:47,819
I was planning on adopting
all you children too.
1152
01:24:48,035 --> 01:24:50,241
- Was that part of the deal?
- Yes.
1153
01:24:50,412 --> 01:24:54,410
I thought everybody understood that.
We want this to be one family.
1154
01:24:55,792 --> 01:24:57,370
Excuse me.
1155
01:24:59,254 --> 01:25:02,588
- What's the matter with him?
- What do you think?
1156
01:25:02,758 --> 01:25:04,252
I gotta do my homework.
1157
01:25:06,053 --> 01:25:09,007
Homework? He's really shook.
1158
01:25:09,306 --> 01:25:11,133
Why shouldn't he be?
1159
01:25:11,350 --> 01:25:14,968
We loved our mother just as much
as they loved their father.
1160
01:25:15,145 --> 01:25:17,054
I know that, Rosemary.
1161
01:25:17,272 --> 01:25:19,514
And now you're asking us
to bury her again?
1162
01:25:19,691 --> 01:25:21,399
Who's getting buried?
1163
01:25:22,277 --> 01:25:26,227
- Come on, we'll get you washed.
- Excuse me.
1164
01:25:27,366 --> 01:25:30,402
I can't eat if everybody's gonna cry!
1165
01:25:35,165 --> 01:25:38,249
Frank, how could we have been so wrong?
1166
01:25:38,418 --> 01:25:41,918
- I feel like a murderer.
- Merry Christmas, everybody!
1167
01:25:43,465 --> 01:25:45,956
Merry, merry, merry...
1168
01:25:49,554 --> 01:25:51,214
Merry.
1169
01:25:52,182 --> 01:25:53,724
What a let-down.
1170
01:25:54,101 --> 01:25:57,220
I walked in here,
full of the old Christmas spirit...
1171
01:25:57,395 --> 01:26:00,313
ready to tell you the good news,
and it's a disaster area.
1172
01:26:00,482 --> 01:26:02,973
What's the good news?
I could use some right now.
1173
01:26:03,151 --> 01:26:05,025
- Didn't Frank tell you?
- No.
1174
01:26:05,195 --> 01:26:07,353
Didn't you know you married Edison,
the man?
1175
01:26:07,531 --> 01:26:10,069
- I am?
- That Fresnel-lens landing system...
1176
01:26:10,242 --> 01:26:13,112
Frank and I worked on
has been accepted by the Navy.
1177
01:26:13,286 --> 01:26:16,572
- Frank, that's wonderful!
- It's only been accepted for testing.
1178
01:26:16,748 --> 01:26:19,120
Well, it's going on shake-down
on the Big E.
1179
01:26:19,292 --> 01:26:21,664
- Hey, that's cool.
- When are you taking it out?
1180
01:26:21,837 --> 01:26:23,461
I'm not taking it out.
1181
01:26:23,630 --> 01:26:27,295
Since your father is anchored here,
I volunteered to handle it for him.
1182
01:26:27,509 --> 01:26:29,834
But, Dad,
how come you're not taking it out?
1183
01:26:30,011 --> 01:26:33,096
It just might be I felt it wasn't right
to leave my family.
1184
01:26:34,140 --> 01:26:36,596
But a shake-down,
that's only a couple of weeks.
1185
01:26:37,102 --> 01:26:38,596
You always used to.
1186
01:26:38,812 --> 01:26:41,599
- Well, things are a little different now.
- That stinks.
1187
01:26:41,773 --> 01:26:44,727
- That really stinks.
- I'd rather not talk about it, okay?
1188
01:26:46,653 --> 01:26:48,610
Big mouth.
1189
01:26:51,700 --> 01:26:54,784
- Frank.
- You really sank the Navy, didn't you?
1190
01:27:09,634 --> 01:27:11,426
- Frank.
- Yeah?
1191
01:27:11,594 --> 01:27:14,512
You really do wanna go to sea again,
don't you?
1192
01:27:15,432 --> 01:27:19,346
I'm not going to pretend.
There's no halo on me.
1193
01:27:19,519 --> 01:27:22,010
Sure, I suppose I'm a little envious
of Darrell.
1194
01:27:22,188 --> 01:27:26,897
But when I signed on for this cruise,
I knew it was for the duration.
1195
01:27:27,193 --> 01:27:30,479
You make me feel as if I'm World War III.
1196
01:27:30,655 --> 01:27:32,066
Well, you shouldn't.
1197
01:27:33,158 --> 01:27:36,527
Helen, I want you to know something,
if you don't already know it.
1198
01:27:36,703 --> 01:27:39,408
I'm happier than I've ever been
in my life.
1199
01:27:39,581 --> 01:27:42,119
I've already gotten
what I want for Christmas.
1200
01:27:42,292 --> 01:27:43,834
Thank you.
1201
01:27:45,420 --> 01:27:49,003
- I'm glad you adopted me.
- So am I.
1202
01:28:05,023 --> 01:28:08,107
He's been here! He's been here!
Santa Claus has been here!
1203
01:28:08,276 --> 01:28:10,767
Santa Claus has been here.
Santa Claus has been here.
1204
01:28:10,945 --> 01:28:14,694
Santa Claus has been here.
Santa Claus has been here.
1205
01:28:14,866 --> 01:28:16,693
- Santa Claus!
- Let me out!
1206
01:28:16,868 --> 01:28:19,655
Get out! Let me get to the Christmas tree!
1207
01:28:19,829 --> 01:28:22,118
Let me out!
I wanna get to the Christmas tree!
1208
01:28:32,383 --> 01:28:36,381
Frank! Frank, where are you?
You're missing Christmas!
1209
01:28:36,971 --> 01:28:38,430
Frank!
1210
01:28:40,683 --> 01:28:43,554
Frank! Where are you?
You're missing everything.
1211
01:28:46,439 --> 01:28:49,108
Frank, you're missing it! Where are you?
1212
01:28:56,616 --> 01:28:58,858
Frank, what are you doing in here?
1213
01:28:59,035 --> 01:29:02,202
- I'm an elf.
- But you haven't been to bed at all.
1214
01:29:02,372 --> 01:29:06,120
I've had six scooters, three wagons,
a fire engine. This is the last bicycle.
1215
01:29:06,292 --> 01:29:09,542
- General Motors couldn't have kept up.
- Well, hurry up, dear.
1216
01:29:11,923 --> 01:29:14,496
Does anybody know where
the package is for your dad?
1217
01:29:14,675 --> 01:29:17,167
- The red- and-white package.
- Here it is!
1218
01:29:17,345 --> 01:29:21,010
- Oh, thank you, darling. Thank you.
- Hey, what do you know?
1219
01:29:21,182 --> 01:29:24,633
Santa Claus brought so many presents
he had to leave some in the closet.
1220
01:29:24,811 --> 01:29:27,183
Does it have my name on it?
For Phillip North?
1221
01:29:27,355 --> 01:29:30,060
I wrote him my legal name.
I didn't want any trouble.
1222
01:29:30,233 --> 01:29:32,439
Let's see, it says
" Phillip North Beardsley."
1223
01:29:32,610 --> 01:29:35,979
- That takes care of the situation.
- Oh, boy!
1224
01:29:42,453 --> 01:29:45,123
It had my name on it, all right.
1225
01:29:45,331 --> 01:29:48,118
We'll get an elf over here
to fix it up. Greg.
1226
01:29:48,292 --> 01:29:50,748
Get off it, darling. He'll fix it.
1227
01:29:51,712 --> 01:29:53,788
- You're not an elf.
- Well, I'm practising.
1228
01:29:53,965 --> 01:29:55,542
All right, come on.
1229
01:29:57,552 --> 01:30:00,671
Frank, this is for you.
1230
01:30:03,558 --> 01:30:05,052
Well, go ahead, open it.
1231
01:30:05,226 --> 01:30:09,271
- Mommy, look what I got!
- That's beautiful, darling.
1232
01:30:22,785 --> 01:30:26,071
Susan, don't eat the ornaments
off the tree until later.
1233
01:30:26,247 --> 01:30:29,367
I think Santa Claus made a mistake.
Maybe this is for Tommy, huh?
1234
01:30:29,542 --> 01:30:32,163
No, dear, I think this is for you.
1235
01:30:34,171 --> 01:30:36,709
- I don't get it.
- Bon voyage.
1236
01:30:36,882 --> 01:30:38,341
What are you talking about?
1237
01:30:38,509 --> 01:30:41,925
Everybody else got what they really
wanted for Christmas. Why not you?
1238
01:30:42,096 --> 01:30:44,634
- Dad can go on the Enterprise?
- That's great!
1239
01:30:44,807 --> 01:30:47,927
Just a minute. Did it ever occur
to anybody that I might know...
1240
01:30:48,102 --> 01:30:52,052
where my duty lies and prefer
to stay here, look after my family...?
1241
01:30:52,231 --> 01:30:55,102
Complain for a few more minutes,
dear, before you agree.
1242
01:30:55,276 --> 01:30:57,731
I'm gonna answer the phone.
1243
01:30:59,572 --> 01:31:02,145
- If she thinks I have any intention of...
- How long?
1244
01:31:02,324 --> 01:31:04,151
About six weeks.
1245
01:31:05,786 --> 01:31:08,787
Well, when are we gonna sing
Christmas carols, huh?
1246
01:31:10,708 --> 01:31:15,204
Doctor, this is Christmas,
not April Fool. Are you sure?
1247
01:31:15,379 --> 01:31:19,247
My dear Mrs. Beardsley, the reason
I am in my office on Christmas Day...
1248
01:31:19,425 --> 01:31:22,545
is because I wanted
to check the lab report personally.
1249
01:31:22,720 --> 01:31:26,883
You do not have indigestion,
ileitis or diverticulitis.
1250
01:31:27,057 --> 01:31:30,142
What you have is a simple case
of pregnancy.
1251
01:31:30,311 --> 01:31:32,102
P- R-E-G...
1252
01:31:32,271 --> 01:31:35,391
Doctor, if anybody knows
how to spell it, I do.
1253
01:31:36,567 --> 01:31:39,484
- Thanks for calling.
- Merry Christmas.
1254
01:31:54,627 --> 01:31:57,378
- Who was it?
- Wrong number.
1255
01:32:39,253 --> 01:32:41,827
And so the skipper went back to sea...
1256
01:32:42,006 --> 01:32:44,793
protesting until the ship
was out of hearing.
1257
01:32:48,179 --> 01:32:51,180
Darling, always the same, days speed by...
1258
01:32:51,349 --> 01:32:53,721
but the nights go very slowly.
1259
01:32:53,893 --> 01:32:57,938
You missed a wonderful day today.
Susan stopped eating.
1260
01:32:58,106 --> 01:33:02,933
A boy invited her to her first dance,
and she insisted on buying this dress.
1261
01:33:03,111 --> 01:33:04,771
As you can see by the picture...
1262
01:33:04,946 --> 01:33:08,065
she's still got a few pounds
to go before Saturday night.
1263
01:33:08,241 --> 01:33:11,076
Oh, what we girls go through for our men.
1264
01:33:20,211 --> 01:33:21,753
Dearest mother of 18:
1265
01:33:21,921 --> 01:33:26,215
Military security being what it is,
I can't tell you where we are...
1266
01:33:26,384 --> 01:33:28,957
but the enclosed photograph
of Darrell and me...
1267
01:33:29,136 --> 01:33:32,422
may give you some idea. I'm the sexy one.
1268
01:33:34,350 --> 01:33:37,351
Mike's letter was from the president
of the United States.
1269
01:33:37,520 --> 01:33:39,975
It said, "Greetings..."
1270
01:33:43,442 --> 01:33:46,693
Deep breath. Hold it. Exhale.
1271
01:33:46,862 --> 01:33:48,405
That's fine, son. Name.
1272
01:33:48,573 --> 01:33:50,649
- Michael Francis Beardsley.
- Hello, Mike.
1273
01:33:50,825 --> 01:33:53,232
Hi, doc. What are you doing
at the draft board?
1274
01:33:53,411 --> 01:33:55,984
Sacrificing one afternoon a week
for my country.
1275
01:33:56,163 --> 01:33:58,785
- How's your mother feeling?
- You mean my stepmother.
1276
01:33:58,958 --> 01:34:00,832
She's fine, I guess.
1277
01:34:03,087 --> 01:34:06,538
- No morning sickness?
- No, doc, I feel fine.
1278
01:34:07,049 --> 01:34:08,508
Not you, your mother.
1279
01:34:08,718 --> 01:34:12,300
Now, why should she have...?
Morning sickness!
1280
01:34:13,055 --> 01:34:16,555
- We need a sample of your blood.
- Take it all.
1281
01:34:20,104 --> 01:34:22,725
Hi, Mike. How did the physical go?
1282
01:34:22,898 --> 01:34:25,983
Well, they took inventory.
I had enough parts.
1283
01:34:26,152 --> 01:34:29,603
Mike, how do you really feel
about the whole thing?
1284
01:34:30,322 --> 01:34:32,362
Yeah, I understand.
1285
01:34:34,869 --> 01:34:36,742
Where are the girls? Should you do that?
1286
01:34:36,912 --> 01:34:39,154
Why shouldn't I?
What's the matter with you?
1287
01:34:39,331 --> 01:34:43,032
Nothing with me, but I think
you're out of your mind.
1288
01:34:44,670 --> 01:34:46,081
Does it show that much?
1289
01:34:46,255 --> 01:34:48,828
No, but guess who the doctor was
at the draft board.
1290
01:34:49,008 --> 01:34:52,128
Oh, I ought to report him
to the Medical Association.
1291
01:34:52,303 --> 01:34:54,342
No, he's gonna report you.
1292
01:34:55,764 --> 01:34:58,256
Bring that over for me, will you?
1293
01:35:02,271 --> 01:35:05,188
You knew about it Christmas Day,
didn't you?
1294
01:35:05,649 --> 01:35:08,603
- And you still let Dad ship out?
- Yes.
1295
01:35:08,777 --> 01:35:10,153
Why?
1296
01:35:10,321 --> 01:35:12,397
He wanted so much to go.
1297
01:35:12,573 --> 01:35:16,238
Two people can't live with an ocean
between them for the rest of their lives.
1298
01:35:16,410 --> 01:35:20,075
- If you write him about it, I'll shoot you.
- You would, too.
1299
01:35:20,247 --> 01:35:23,332
I'd just as soon he didn't know
about this draft thing either.
1300
01:35:23,500 --> 01:35:25,493
Why not? Can't we tell him anything?
1301
01:35:25,669 --> 01:35:30,082
No, I'm thinking about the Marines.
That would drive him out of his skull.
1302
01:35:30,257 --> 01:35:31,586
Okay.
1303
01:35:33,010 --> 01:35:37,506
- Do you really want this baby?
- Very much.
1304
01:35:37,723 --> 01:35:41,887
You see, he won't have to worry
whether he's a Beardsley or a North.
1305
01:35:47,524 --> 01:35:50,728
The Navy, like a woman,
has a way of changing its mind.
1306
01:35:50,903 --> 01:35:55,565
Our short cruise was extended
so often, we lost all track of time...
1307
01:35:55,741 --> 01:35:59,821
until one day when the mail plane
caught up with us.
1308
01:36:06,919 --> 01:36:09,588
- Darrell, we're pregnant!
- We're what?
1309
01:36:09,755 --> 01:36:12,507
Mike's letter! Helen and I,
we're gonna have a baby.
1310
01:36:12,716 --> 01:36:14,543
- Our first.
- Your first? Wait a minute.
1311
01:36:14,718 --> 01:36:17,672
You can't even count. No wonder
it happened. When is she due?
1312
01:36:17,846 --> 01:36:20,337
When is she due?
The idiot, he doesn't say.
1313
01:36:20,516 --> 01:36:22,555
- Oh, no.
- Let me read Helen's letter again.
1314
01:36:22,726 --> 01:36:25,051
- Open some of those for me.
- Yeah, okay.
1315
01:36:25,229 --> 01:36:27,305
Here's one from Mary.
I can tell by the jam.
1316
01:36:27,481 --> 01:36:29,972
- Helen doesn't mention it.
- Phillip gave you a tooth.
1317
01:36:30,150 --> 01:36:32,143
Thanks. Colleen's in love.
1318
01:36:32,319 --> 01:36:34,988
What, again? Wait a minute.
What are we doing?
1319
01:36:35,155 --> 01:36:38,192
You've had enough training.
Can't you figure out the date?
1320
01:36:38,367 --> 01:36:40,443
It can't be soon. Helen would've told me.
1321
01:36:40,619 --> 01:36:42,908
Now, maybe she doesn't
tell you everything.
1322
01:36:43,080 --> 01:36:46,745
Unless Veronica is an impressionist,
number 19 is about to be launched.
1323
01:36:51,338 --> 01:36:54,339
I've gotta get on that mail plane
before it takes off.
1324
01:38:07,413 --> 01:38:11,363
Veronica's artistic endeav our
was not quite accurate.
1325
01:38:11,542 --> 01:38:14,211
A month later, we were still waiting
for the stork.
1326
01:38:14,378 --> 01:38:17,747
Every night we would go to bed
wondering if this were D-day.
1327
01:38:17,965 --> 01:38:20,421
Naturally, Helen was the most
nervous of all...
1328
01:38:20,593 --> 01:38:24,175
and it was compounded by
the tension about Mike and the draft.
1329
01:38:24,346 --> 01:38:28,510
She kept getting more excitable,
anxious and emotional.
1330
01:38:28,684 --> 01:38:31,140
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
1331
01:38:32,855 --> 01:38:34,349
- Frank?
- What?
1332
01:38:34,523 --> 01:38:37,097
Don't make so much noise,
you'll wake the children.
1333
01:38:37,276 --> 01:38:39,565
I just want a glass of water.
1334
01:38:41,697 --> 01:38:44,651
- Why are you making that terrible face?
- I have indigestion.
1335
01:38:44,825 --> 01:38:46,699
How often do you have that indigestion?
1336
01:38:46,869 --> 01:38:49,027
- About every 15 minutes.
- That's it!
1337
01:38:49,205 --> 01:38:51,114
Stay calm. Everything's organised.
1338
01:38:53,959 --> 01:38:56,629
Don't worry, everything's...
I've laid it all on.
1339
01:38:56,795 --> 01:38:59,333
Don't rush, now, Frank. I'm all right.
1340
01:38:59,506 --> 01:39:02,424
- There's plenty of time, but hurry!
- We'll get you there.
1341
01:39:08,390 --> 01:39:10,098
Stay calm.
1342
01:39:10,267 --> 01:39:12,675
Red alert! Red alert!
1343
01:39:12,895 --> 01:39:15,516
Red alert! Red alert!
1344
01:39:19,068 --> 01:39:21,689
Mike! Get the car out of the garage
and warm it up.
1345
01:39:21,862 --> 01:39:24,649
- Nicky, get her bag, quickly.
- We've done this before.
1346
01:39:24,823 --> 01:39:26,152
Rosemary, Louise, Tommy...
1347
01:39:26,325 --> 01:39:28,697
get blankets and pillows
for the station wagon.
1348
01:39:28,869 --> 01:39:31,360
- Phillip, what are you doing?
- Going to the bathroom.
1349
01:39:31,538 --> 01:39:34,456
- What, is the stork coming?
- Maybe a whole flock of storks.
1350
01:39:34,625 --> 01:39:36,534
I never thought of that.
1351
01:39:36,794 --> 01:39:39,581
- Hey, Mike! What...?
- What's happened?
1352
01:39:39,755 --> 01:39:42,293
Hey, stop it! Hey, Mike!
1353
01:39:42,883 --> 01:39:44,342
What is this?
1354
01:39:44,885 --> 01:39:47,341
Will you knock it off. Now, listen...
1355
01:39:47,513 --> 01:39:51,842
Larry, what are you...? Mike! Break
it up. Knock it off. What is all this?
1356
01:39:52,017 --> 01:39:54,140
Larry, why are you in our house
at this hour?
1357
01:39:54,311 --> 01:39:56,636
- Dad, Mom wants you right away.
- Get the car.
1358
01:39:56,814 --> 01:40:00,858
I'm hysterical enough without your
help. What's going on around here?
1359
01:40:01,193 --> 01:40:04,028
Nothing. That's the whole problem
with your daughter.
1360
01:40:04,238 --> 01:40:09,279
Mike! Will you cut it out.
Look at you. You two, are you crazy?
1361
01:40:09,451 --> 01:40:11,527
My bike!
1362
01:40:11,703 --> 01:40:13,411
You all right?
1363
01:40:17,084 --> 01:40:19,622
What happened? Hey, man,
don't you know how to drive?
1364
01:40:19,795 --> 01:40:22,582
- Look what you did to my bike.
- My mother's having a baby.
1365
01:40:22,756 --> 01:40:25,674
The bike's jammed under the car.
We may never get it loose.
1366
01:40:25,843 --> 01:40:29,627
Dad! Mom said they're coming
six minutes apart!
1367
01:40:29,847 --> 01:40:32,966
- What are we gonna do?
- Get a crowbar and pry it loose.
1368
01:40:33,141 --> 01:40:36,178
- What?
- Not you!
1369
01:40:39,398 --> 01:40:42,434
- Daddy, can I go to bed now?
- Of course.
1370
01:40:42,609 --> 01:40:46,061
Please, I can't talk to Mother right now.
I've got to talk to somebody.
1371
01:40:46,238 --> 01:40:47,649
Well, talk fast.
1372
01:40:47,823 --> 01:40:51,358
Well, Larry says he'll never speak
to me again unless I grow up.
1373
01:40:51,535 --> 01:40:54,904
He says I'm being ridiculous,
and I don't love him. But I do love him.
1374
01:40:55,080 --> 01:40:57,452
- Am I ridiculous?
- You're not being ridiculous.
1375
01:40:57,624 --> 01:41:00,115
Well, do all the other girls,
like Larry says?
1376
01:41:00,294 --> 01:41:02,001
And am I just being old-fashioned?
1377
01:41:02,212 --> 01:41:05,462
The same idiots were passing
the same rumours when I was your age.
1378
01:41:05,716 --> 01:41:09,001
If all girls did, how come I always
ended up with ones who didn't?
1379
01:41:09,177 --> 01:41:10,588
But it's all different now.
1380
01:41:10,762 --> 01:41:14,262
They wrote Fanny Hill in 1742, and they
haven't found anything new since.
1381
01:41:14,433 --> 01:41:18,347
- Who's Fanny Hill?
- Go to bed, that's who Fanny Hill is.
1382
01:41:20,731 --> 01:41:23,815
- Ready, honey?
- Thank you, dear. Oh, boy, am I ready.
1383
01:41:23,984 --> 01:41:26,653
Frank, I think maybe you're
gonna have to help me.
1384
01:41:26,820 --> 01:41:29,228
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right, dear.
1385
01:41:31,408 --> 01:41:34,528
I know this is a terrible time
to talk about it, but Larry said...
1386
01:41:34,703 --> 01:41:38,119
I've got a message for Larry.
You tell him this is what it's all about.
1387
01:41:38,290 --> 01:41:40,697
- This is the real happening.
- Come on, Tommy.
1388
01:41:40,876 --> 01:41:43,912
If you wanna know what love really is,
take a look around you.
1389
01:41:44,087 --> 01:41:46,792
- What are you talking about?
- Take a look at your mother.
1390
01:41:46,965 --> 01:41:48,424
- Not now.
- Yes, now.
1391
01:41:48,592 --> 01:41:50,383
It's giving life that counts.
1392
01:41:50,552 --> 01:41:53,173
Till you're ready for it,
the rest is just a big fraud.
1393
01:41:53,346 --> 01:41:56,929
All the crazy haircuts in the world
won't keep it turning.
1394
01:41:57,142 --> 01:42:00,392
Life isn't a love-in, it's the dishes
and the orthodontist...
1395
01:42:00,562 --> 01:42:02,436
and the shoe repairman...
1396
01:42:02,606 --> 01:42:04,812
and ground round instead of roast beef.
1397
01:42:04,983 --> 01:42:06,358
I'll tell you something else.
1398
01:42:06,526 --> 01:42:08,815
Going to bed with a man
doesn't prove your love.
1399
01:42:08,987 --> 01:42:12,237
It's getting up in the morning
and facing the drab, miserable...
1400
01:42:12,407 --> 01:42:14,815
wonderful everyday world
with him that counts.
1401
01:42:14,993 --> 01:42:16,867
- Are you all right, Mother?
- Yes, dear.
1402
01:42:17,037 --> 01:42:20,156
- Now, you kids get back to bed. Go on.
- Go to bed.
1403
01:42:20,332 --> 01:42:23,202
- Good night, Mommy.
- Bye, Mommy. Bye.
1404
01:42:24,920 --> 01:42:26,580
You all right?
1405
01:42:27,047 --> 01:42:30,463
I suppose having 19 kids
is carrying it a bit too far.
1406
01:42:30,634 --> 01:42:33,884
But if we had it to do over,
who would we skip? You?
1407
01:42:34,554 --> 01:42:38,054
- All together, now. One, two, three!
- Come on, this is light.
1408
01:42:38,225 --> 01:42:40,680
- You got it out?
- God, that's a heavy bike.
1409
01:42:41,186 --> 01:42:43,511
- Okay, we got it out, Dad.
- Take it easy.
1410
01:42:43,688 --> 01:42:45,348
I'll get your legs.
1411
01:42:47,776 --> 01:42:51,524
Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew
how to explain it to her.
1412
01:42:51,696 --> 01:42:55,990
If we don't get you to the hospital fast,
the rest of it will be explained here.
1413
01:43:03,625 --> 01:43:05,285
See you later, Dad.
1414
01:43:08,254 --> 01:43:12,466
- Where's he going?
- Hey, Dad, the hospital is that way!
1415
01:43:19,683 --> 01:43:21,058
- Bye!
- Bye!
1416
01:43:25,814 --> 01:43:28,565
You'd think that was their first one.
1417
01:43:29,067 --> 01:43:32,400
Why don't you get a haircut!
1418
01:43:36,032 --> 01:43:39,567
Oh, I'm sorry, Frank, I'll ask the nurse.
1419
01:43:39,744 --> 01:43:42,947
- They won't let the children in.
- I told you, hospital rules.
1420
01:43:43,123 --> 01:43:45,614
Could you hold him up
to the window so they can see?
1421
01:43:45,792 --> 01:43:48,876
- My husband says they're waiting.
- Of course.
1422
01:43:51,756 --> 01:43:53,250
Is my family out there?
1423
01:43:53,716 --> 01:43:56,883
Not only the family, he must have
brought the whole neighbourhood.
1424
01:43:57,303 --> 01:43:59,545
That neighbourhood is my family.
1425
01:44:00,723 --> 01:44:03,012
Honey, you'd better lie down.
1426
01:44:03,184 --> 01:44:05,758
And if I were you, I wouldn't get up
for three months.
1427
01:44:12,235 --> 01:44:14,109
Is he my brother or your brother?
1428
01:44:14,279 --> 01:44:16,152
He's both our brothers.
1429
01:44:16,322 --> 01:44:20,569
- Even to a nun, like Sister Mary?
- Even to Sister Mary.
1430
01:44:20,743 --> 01:44:23,199
Boy, is he lucky.
1431
01:44:29,043 --> 01:44:32,495
Petitioner Francis Louis Beardsley,
step forward, please.
1432
01:44:39,429 --> 01:44:41,884
You are married to the mother
of these children?
1433
01:44:42,056 --> 01:44:44,382
- Yes, sir.
- Has your wife consented...
1434
01:44:44,559 --> 01:44:48,343
- ...to adoption of the minor children?
- It was her idea.
1435
01:44:48,563 --> 01:44:51,101
If I'm gonna be adopted, why can't I talk?
1436
01:44:51,274 --> 01:44:55,603
Don't question the workings
of a democracy, young man.
1437
01:44:55,862 --> 01:44:58,234
At least until you're 7.
1438
01:45:00,325 --> 01:45:03,491
- Has your wife consented?
- Yes, sir.
1439
01:45:04,078 --> 01:45:07,494
Will you execute an agreement
in the presence of the court...
1440
01:45:07,665 --> 01:45:11,663
that the children shall
be treated in all respects as your...?
1441
01:45:13,671 --> 01:45:15,794
All right. Thank you.
1442
01:45:17,842 --> 01:45:21,792
That the children shall be treated in
every respect as your lawful children...
1443
01:45:21,971 --> 01:45:26,598
and shall hereafter be known
as Colleen Marie Beardsley...
1444
01:45:26,768 --> 01:45:29,472
Janette Dean Beardsley...
1445
01:45:29,645 --> 01:45:32,682
Nicholas Richard Beardsley...
1446
01:45:32,857 --> 01:45:35,526
Thomas Roderick Beardsley...
1447
01:45:35,693 --> 01:45:38,314
Jean Louise Beardsley...
1448
01:45:38,488 --> 01:45:41,607
- ...Phillip Anthony Beardsley...
- I'm legal.
1449
01:45:44,410 --> 01:45:47,245
Gerald Joseph Beardsley...
1450
01:45:47,580 --> 01:45:50,783
and Teresa Rose Beardsley.
1451
01:45:52,502 --> 01:45:56,084
Will you hand these to the clerk,
please? Thank you.
1452
01:45:58,466 --> 01:46:00,340
Helen North Beardsley.
1453
01:46:00,551 --> 01:46:02,295
Yes, sir.
1454
01:46:05,056 --> 01:46:07,547
There's been great fear expressed
by many people...
1455
01:46:07,725 --> 01:46:11,224
that no one woman can give
this large number of children...
1456
01:46:11,395 --> 01:46:13,353
sufficient attention and affection...
1457
01:46:13,522 --> 01:46:16,014
to allow them to grow up
in a healthy atmosphere.
1458
01:46:16,234 --> 01:46:20,148
But in this court's investigation of your
home, the reverse seems to be true.
1459
01:46:20,321 --> 01:46:24,401
All the children seem to be happy,
well-fed and normal...
1460
01:46:24,575 --> 01:46:26,947
the house amazingly clean
and in good order.
1461
01:46:28,496 --> 01:46:31,865
My wife has two children,
one poodle and a full-time maid...
1462
01:46:32,041 --> 01:46:34,828
and can't seem to manage anything.
What is your secret?
1463
01:46:35,461 --> 01:46:38,996
Well, sir, a great deal of love...
1464
01:46:39,173 --> 01:46:41,249
a little discipline...
1465
01:46:41,425 --> 01:46:43,751
and a husband who doesn't criticise.
1466
01:46:46,722 --> 01:46:49,178
Michael Francis Beardsley...
1467
01:46:49,350 --> 01:46:52,055
Charles William Beardsley...
1468
01:46:52,603 --> 01:46:57,265
and so forth and so forth Beardsley.
Will the minors step forward, please?
1469
01:47:01,529 --> 01:47:04,198
- Michael Francis Beardsley, do you...?
- Yes, sir, I do.
1470
01:47:04,365 --> 01:47:06,404
I haven't asked the question yet.
1471
01:47:06,575 --> 01:47:10,027
I leave for Camp Pendleton in an hour.
I was trying to speed things up.
1472
01:47:10,663 --> 01:47:13,154
Besides, it doesn't matter much
what this court does.
1473
01:47:13,332 --> 01:47:15,325
You see, we held our
own meeting yesterday.
1474
01:47:15,501 --> 01:47:18,668
If you're interested in democracy,
Helen North Beardsley...
1475
01:47:18,838 --> 01:47:22,337
was unanimously elected
our mother, for life.
1476
01:47:22,508 --> 01:47:24,797
Three cheers for Helen North Beardsley.
1477
01:47:30,266 --> 01:47:32,258
Mommy, pick me up!
1478
01:47:34,895 --> 01:47:36,354
Mommy, pick me up!
1479
01:47:42,778 --> 01:47:45,316
- Oh, here he comes.
- Here he comes.
1480
01:47:48,117 --> 01:47:50,904
Well, let's not get sticky about this.
1481
01:47:51,245 --> 01:47:53,284
Never saw you carry a bag for your mother.
1482
01:47:53,455 --> 01:47:56,207
- Mom's not in the Marines.
- That's what you think.
1483
01:47:56,375 --> 01:48:00,836
Mike, I know this sounds crazy, but it's
gonna be lonesome around here.
1484
01:48:01,005 --> 01:48:03,163
With this mob?
1485
01:48:04,758 --> 01:48:08,127
Good luck. You sure you don't want
us to drive you to the bus station?
1486
01:48:08,304 --> 01:48:10,842
No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather walk.
1487
01:48:11,849 --> 01:48:13,473
Bye, Mike.
1488
01:48:17,396 --> 01:48:18,724
So long, Mike.
1489
01:48:18,897 --> 01:48:21,471
- Now, you take it easy, Phillip.
- Okay.
1490
01:48:34,997 --> 01:48:36,277
I don't know what to say.
1491
01:48:36,749 --> 01:48:39,703
How about Washington's farewell
to the troops?
1492
01:48:41,754 --> 01:48:44,671
Well, so long.
Don't everybody write at once, huh?
1493
01:48:44,840 --> 01:48:47,757
- So long, Mike.
- Goodbye, Mike.
117898
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.