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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,037
Percy?
3
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,149
Clarissa.
4
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,035
Est-ce que je suis la seule?
5
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,519
La seule, mon coeur.
6
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,590
Percy?
7
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,511
Eldest pour tumours?
8
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:38,917
Toujours... et toujours...
cherie, Garissa.
9
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,958
Get him! Come on, come on! Hurry up!
10
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,714
OK! OK, sweetheart,
11
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,514
Hold n right there.
12
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,597
The name's... Jeffcott.
13
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:04,159
Worldwide mvestigations, Okay?
14
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,720
Are you, uh... Percy Edwin Anthony?
15
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,031
Pas obligatoirement.
16
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:16,030
Vous ne me peux pas duper. Et je parle
le Francais aussi bien que vous, mate.
17
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,918
(fest pas vraie.
18
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,912
Je suis un detectif." privvy...
19
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,431
...etje bosse pour la votre femme, right?
20
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,116
Mm. I mean... merde alors!
21
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,993
Nice little bit of fruitcake you
got there. Congratulaiions.
22
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,232
- Alright, lads! In you get!
- What the...
23
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,309
Call the next case' please.
24
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,839
Anthony vs Anthony.
25
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,915
Mlud. My client' Mrs Moira
Luella Anthony...
26
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,639
...petitions for divorce on the grounds
of adultery by her husband...
27
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,711
...Mr P. E. Anthony...
28
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,559
...on various dates during
the past year...
29
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,354
...with Mrs Clarissa Cloughampton.
30
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,189
Well, actually it's pronounced "Clatton".
31
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:18,279
Oh, excuse me... Mrs Clarissa Clatton.
32
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,270
It's quite amght.
33
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,870
Miss Doris Sedgewickm,
34
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,794
.,.Olivia, Lady Buxtehude...
35
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,032
...Mrs Agnes Barnes MuHins...
36
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,959
...Miss PhiHppa Barnes MuHins...
37
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,833
...Miss Shirley Bernstein...
38
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,359
...Miss Annabella McAllister.
39
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,959
...Miss Esmerelda Jones...
40
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,678
...Miss Karmasutra Gupta...
41
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,791
- ...Miss Maureen Sugden...
- Cooee!
42
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,399
- ...The Countess of Meihlone...
- Percy!
43
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,394
Oh! Sorry, me lord.
44
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,113
Miss Barbara Crocketl...
45
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,318
...Miss Ulla Bergstrom...
46
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,750
...Madame Genevieve Beausoleil...
47
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,594
...Her Highness, the Renee of Badawar...
48
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,912
...Senora IsabeHa Covarrubius.
49
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,360
Percy Edwin Anthony.
50
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,395
Percy Edwin Anthony'?
51
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,712
Oh! THAT Percy!
52
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,157
THAT Percy!
53
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:22,196
That lewd, promiscuous, disgusting...
Mcky little swine!
54
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:27,430
"God knows I've tried hard"
55
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,398
"To just say no"
56
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:35,355
"But your devil eyes excne me"
57
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:40,395
"And suddenly, I can'! let go"
58
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,832
"God knows I need you'
59
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:50,634
"I can't pretend"
60
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:55,197
"When your burnin' arms enfok! me'
61
00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:03,435
"My heart jUSt starts to melt again."
62
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,757
I don't think the judge likes me.
63
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,553
- I don't think he does, Percy.
- Prqudiced, I would say.
64
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,159
Definitely prejudiced.
65
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:17,200
Can't imagine iiim showing me any... what's
the legal word for it? Clemency.
66
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,639
Not a monkey's, 0k! chap.
67
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:19,671
And don't forget...
68
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,759
...he's now the Secretary of the Society for
the Retention of Capitzfl Punishment.
69
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,156
They can't hang me, Manny! Not for putting
it aboui! Not these days.
70
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,711
What doesn't hetp, otd sport, is that one of the
co-respondents is the judge's niece.
71
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,115
Oh, my God!
72
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,359
Well, it's worse than that, really.
He only calls her his nlece.
73
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,119
He keeps her in a pad off the
Old Brampton Road.
74
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,191
Ewwww! That's disgustmg!
75
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,273
- Which one?
- Sedgewick.
76
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,880
- Doris.
- Sedgewickfi Doris!
77
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,631
She said I was the only one!
78
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,430
That hurts. That REALLY hurts.
79
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,794
I'm sure, squire.
80
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,720
Perhaps you understand how
your lady wife feels?
81
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,276
But recenfly I was trying to make
amends. Honesfly! I was!
82
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:04,795
During the lasi few months, apart from Clarissa,
I've only been unfaithful io my wife once.
83
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,190
Who was this with?
84
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,396
The Ada Lampkin Formation
Dancing Team.
85
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,313
Just the ladies, Manny!
86
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:19,878
"God knows I've tried hard"
87
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,234
"To just say no"
88
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,757
"But your devil eyes excne me"
89
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:34,992
"And suddenly, I can'! let go"
90
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,398
"God knows I'M miss you'
91
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,591
".005 I 93M 5W"
92
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:49,037
"Butwhile I'm lost and lonely"
93
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:56,158
"I'll dream about you every night and day,"
94
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:58,869
Oh, yes...
95
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,957
mthe ladies' man, isn't it?
96
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,395
Too laie for that now.
97
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,191
Short hairand an MCC tie ain't
gonna do you no good.
98
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:07,954
Your numbefs up' my son.
99
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:11,750
You is about 10 pay your penance for
your permissive ways, you is.
100
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,117
"Some of us were meant to bring
joy into the Hfe of others."
101
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:16,671
Wordsworih.
102
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,073
"...and some of us is randy pricks."
103
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,589
D.H. Lawrence.
104
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,838
Have you come to express the indignation
of the girls in biue, madam?
105
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,553
Or i0 escort me into Court?
106
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,157
Wouldn't go in to no Court if I was you.
107
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:35,431
- Scarper... if I was you.
- How? If you was me.
108
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,753
It's not impossime.
109
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,760
- Well, um"?
-2-1-7.
110
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:47,196
Well, er". 2... 1-7.
111
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:53,240
It would seem an opportune time to improve
relations between police and pubhc.
112
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,033
Promise not to blow my whistle?
113
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:15,832
Oh!
114
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,359
Oh, Percy!
115
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,193
Oh, 2-1-7!
116
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,991
- Iris' please.
- Oh, Iris!
117
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,353
Will you think of me, Perce?
118
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,990
Forever and ever, Ins.
119
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,354
I think you're the top of the
mHk, you is, Perce.
120
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,310
Hhink...
121
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,836
mthe zip's caught - in your knickers.
122
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:43,637
Ooooh!
123
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,590
"Where's Percy?"
124
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,070
That is the question everyone is asking.
125
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,271
Ever since he disappeared during that...
126
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,039
.,.sensalional divorce case of
a few weeks ago...
127
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,713
...Percy has been mxssing.
128
00:08:58,840 --> 00:08:59,591
Nobody's seen hxm.
129
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,278
Nobody knows where he is.
130
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,879
Our reporter investigates.
131
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,394
Well, I have with me a man who's...
132
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,193
...investigated the very same
Percy once before.
133
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,836
- Now sir, the, er, name is, um...?
- The name's, er... Jeffcotl.
134
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,515
- Er... Jeff'?
- No, no, no, no, no. lfs one word: "Jeffcott".
135
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,272
Worldwide mvesngations.
136
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,799
Universal Private Eye.
137
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,756
Now, look. I'm very sorry, sir...
138
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,191
3A, 14 Prince Consort Gardens, Haflesden.
139
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,517
- Look' I'm }ust simpw trying to...
- Catch the No. 11 bus to Willesden Green.
140
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,234
You get off there, you turn left and you
see a Httle alleyway.
141
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,509
You g0 up there, you go upstairs...
142
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:34,598
...and my secretary Maisie, she's the best
knee-trembler in Kensal Rise,
143
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,274
...if your knowledge of this man actually gives us any theory at all?
144
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,432
Well, weH, you see, this guy...
145
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,558
...This guy, he figures he's gonna finish
upon an alimony rap.
146
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,599
Like, that's a lot of G's for
the rest of his natural
147
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,677
So he figures, he figures' "no way!".
148
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,229
"No way!!!"
149
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,117
So he' so he takes it on the lam
out the country. That's aH.
150
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,315
Oh, excuse me. I beg
your pardon' sir.
151
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,391
It's alright. It's alright.
It's alright.
152
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,710
Don'tfuss. Don't fuss, I'm alright.
Thank you very much.
153
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,679
Now, I'm going to try and grab a quick word
with Sir Emmanuel Whitbread...
154
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,996
...surgeon extraordinary, and the man
who performed the first...
155
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,759
...and only, penis transplant
in medical histow.
156
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,872
Sir Emmanuel is, of course, now the director
of the Whttbread Institute...
157
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,240
.,.for Sexual inadequacy.
158
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,671
I can see him at the door, and I'm just
going to tn] and grab a quick word.
159
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,070
Sir Emmanuel, would you be kind enougn
to answer a few questions?
160
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,555
Could you teH us exactly what
has happened to Percy'?
161
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:28,077
Do you think the unprecedented publicity
has been too much for him, or...
162
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,793
mcould he really be suffering
from something?
163
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,234
Just a quick word' Sir Emmanuel?
164
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,754
There's a great deal of interest in this
matter, as you probabry realise.
165
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,031
I'll teH you what he's suffering from, old boy-
foHe de grandeur, that's what!
166
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,792
He's grown too big for his breeches.
167
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,911
He's too cocksure by half!
168
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:41,955
Thank you, Sir Emmanuel.
169
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,276
And so the question remains unanswered.
170
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,078
Is this the end of the story'?
171
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,794
Have we seen Percy's last stand?
172
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,636
Well, we may never know, because
Percy just seems to have vanished...
173
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:53,960
...off the face of the earth.
174
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:24,272
"Danclng wllh you, here In the soft moonlight."
175
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:30,435
"Pmk champagne, too. here m the candle glow..."
176
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:39,035
"...is all that I need.
So why not cuddle up close?"
177
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:46,637
"Just you and me, the sea and pink champagne..."
178
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,594
Friday, March 12th.
179
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,357
Fiflieth day at sea.
180
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,915
So far, I have managed to avoid aH...
181
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,600
...shipping lanes and aircrafl flightpaihs.
182
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:07,918
I... am... alone.
183
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,913
And experiencing a calm of spinl
I haven't known since... ooh...
184
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,234
...before my accident.
185
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,869
"Do you let it hang low,
do you swing it to and fro?"
186
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,075
"Do you tie i1 in a knot?"
187
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,269
"Do you tie i1 in a bow?"
188
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,510
"Do you get a funny feeHng, when
you bash it on the ceiling?"
189
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,716
"Oh, y0u'H never be a sailor if
you let it hang low."
190
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:27,079
'hoy!
191
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,519
Testing, testing.
192
00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:01,559
"A thin musHn shift dung, enticingw, to the
contours of her young body,"
193
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,872
"Lying in fokis across her
boyishly flat belly..."
194
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:09,591
"...and drawn taut across the swell of
her, firm, brown breasts."
195
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,510
"He could see the rosy pink nipples..."
196
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,673
"...like rose buds about to explode."
197
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,430
Nothing. Huh!
198
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,274
You're finished, old squire!
199
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:24,951
Knaokered!
200
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,233
Not a shadow of your former self.
201
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,795
Oh, Bollingers!
202
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:13,598
The B-52 army transport which exploded over the
Pacific at 04:32 hours, Caiifornia tirne...
203
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,394
...was en route to Honolulu, on a
routine suppiies mission.
204
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,511
No explanation for the explosion...
205
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,200
...which resulted in the totar
destruction of the aircraft...
206
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,998
mend ihe tragic loss of its crew...
207
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,514
...is possible at this time.
208
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:28,111
But' sabotage is not, repeat,
not suspected.
209
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,150
That is all.
210
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,518
Some of us have reason to believe
that the prane was carrying...
211
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,592
...highly toxic, chemical warfare material.
212
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,672
Will you confirm or deny this?
213
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,154
Sorry, Frank - I've given you
all I have.
214
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,232
- Il was PX-123, wasn't it?
- No comment.
215
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:51,357
If it was PX-123, whafH the effect be of aH
thal gunk floating about in the sea'?
216
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:55,719
No comment! No comment!
No comment!!!
217
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,713
And that's our positive information
at this moment in time.
218
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,112
Well, Dr Klein, you're head of the
Department of Chemical Warfare.
219
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,676
Whal WILL be the effect of all that gunk
floating around in the sea?
220
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,350
Dr Klein?
221
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,397
Er." did you say something, General?
222
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,551
I asked you a question, dammit!
223
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:20,231
Whal happens if PX-123 gets into the
domestic water supply?
224
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:22,875
Well".
225
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,951
...I'll level with you, General.
226
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,193
I'm damned if I know.
227
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,714
Testing, testing.
228
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,072
"Beneath the frayed denim of
her Levi shorts..."
229
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,513
"mhe could see the swell of
her tight buttocks."
230
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,757
"...even prettier up close."
231
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,752
"Her complexion was flawless
and creamy smooth."
232
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,310
"A softness in her lips, as though they
were made to be kissed..."
233
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,712
"Under the blouse, her well-formed
breasts pointed at him."
234
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,079
Dr Klein?
235
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:05,040
- What is it, Dr Fainlveather?
- I think you should take a look at this.
236
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,557
- It's PX-123
quorum]
237
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,631
I DO wish you wouldn't do that.
238
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,229
My God, i! IS PX-123!
239
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,597
You didn't object too much
to it last night.
240
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,320
Concentration one per
hundred thousand.
241
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,715
I just don't like it in the
lab - that's all.
242
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,274
- Now will you please cut that out!
- Alright.
243
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,595
- What sample is it from?
- This one,
244
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,994
- This one?
- Mmm-hmm.
245
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,549
Ahoy! \t's travelling, huh?
246
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,638
Alright. Mark up a posinve.
247
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:33,636
Yes, sir.
248
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,836
Colorado River, Colorado.
249
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:43,631
Latitude 109 degrees.
Longitude 36 degrees.
250
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,076
Doctor, what does this mean?
251
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,153
It means, Dr Faxrweather...
252
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,359
...that any day now, PX-123...
253
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,560
...will be in the domestic water supply
of every country in the world.
254
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,193
Dr Klein! Will you please stop that!
255
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,271
There is a time and place
for everything.
256
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,677
Alright - when?
What time?
257
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,998
- I don't object to the stationery store.
- Good!
258
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,596
Well? Anything to report?
259
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,350
Oh, er, it's nothing positive, General-
we're stiH groping.
260
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:17,917
Hoping.
261
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,150
Oh, wow!
262
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:53,397
Dolphins!
263
00:17:58,360 --> 00:17:59,759
Focus, focus...
264
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,713
What's the matter with the... thing?
265
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,919
Well, move in!
266
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,790
Maureen!
267
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:35,597
"Miss Annabella McAllistair.
Miss Esmeralda Jones."
268
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,158
I think.
269
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:41,229
"Miss Karmasutra Gupta.
Miss Ambrosine Fitz-Fonesque."
270
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,510
"Miss Maureen Sugden.
The Countess of Methlone."
271
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:49,070
"Miss Barbara Crockett.
Miss UHa Bergstrom."
272
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,232
'Madame Genevieve BeausoleH."
273
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,272
"Her Highness, the Renee of Badawar."
274
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,191
- "Senora lsabelta... "
- Forgotten all about them.
275
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:01,994
0h, myGod!
276
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,917
And I'd forgotten all about you!
277
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,111
I've got some bonza news' good people.
278
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:23,349
All the little anlmals in here have been on
an exclusive diet of lettuce leaves...
279
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:28,270
...heavHy impregnated with PX-123,
for fourteen days now.
280
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:33,355
And, as you can see, with absomtely no
ill effect whatsoever.
281
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,078
Personally speaking, I have never
known such healthy bunnies.
282
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:41,631
And believe you me, General-
I know my bunnies.
283
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,114
Don't V? Good morning, Hilda.
Good morning, Fred.
284
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,713
Male and female, of course.
285
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,275
Bucks and does, Doctor."
286
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,831
...as we used to call them back in the old days of
the Australian Zoological lnstilute.
287
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:58,319
But, you know, General - that's one
thing that's faxing me,
288
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:02,752
Take... take httle Hilda and Fred here.
They're the champions.
289
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,596
They're usually in llke Flynn at
the drop of a lettuce leaf.
290
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:12,278
At it all the time - the little buggers never
stop playing "slnklhe sausage".
291
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,592
Or "carrot" - in this particular instance.
292
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,677
Well, maybe it isn'! the
screwing season?
293
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:22,198
Please watch your bnguage, General.
There are does present.
294
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,273
There are does that do...
295
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,034
...and does that don't,
296
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,117
Speak for yourself, Doctor,
297
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,990
From my clinical experience, GeneraL.
298
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,599
Mwith bunnies...
299
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,918
...every season is the screwing season.
300
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,309
Even art books!
301
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,874
Manefs "Olympia".
302
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,760
Alright, it's erotic... but it's a masterpiece,
for God's sake!
303
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:56,079
Supposed to stir the soul,
not the bloody loins.
304
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,835
You... Httle bastard.
305
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,593
Whal do you mean, "they're all impotent"?
306
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:07,874
I mean, in a word' General - that not one
of the poor tittle buggers can do it.
307
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:09,670
Do what?
308
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,436
Must I be expHcit, General?
309
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,840
Dip the wick.
310
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,917
Sink the sausage.
311
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,629
Hay hospitals.
Cars and garages.
312
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,029
Ships and harbours.
Bunnies and burrows.
313
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,431
What's the mailer with you, General?
Can't you understand plain AustraHan?
314
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,878
And you dragged me away from the
White House just to tell me that?
315
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,314
Where the heH is Klein?!
316
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:31,510
This is his rabbit!
317
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:32,675
L-I mean, his pigeon.
318
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:33,716
Dr Klein.
319
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,192
Dr Klein!
Dr Klein!
320
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,074
Dr Kleinl?
321
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:45,875
What's the matter'?
322
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:47,110
I don't know,
323
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,352
Don't you find me attractive?
324
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,589
You must be}oking.
I'm crazy for you!
325
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,076
Well, in the lab you can't keep
your hands off me!
326
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,554
What's wrong with here?
327
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,116
Are you aHergic to the
carbon paper?
328
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:00,796
I don't know,
329
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,193
Honestly, this has never
happened to me before.
330
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,277
' H" "W: ~ 0m
331
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,799
Dr Klei... Oh,
there you are, Dr Klein!
332
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:12,198
Oh!!!
333
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:17,560
I felt you had to know, Dr Klein, that
all my male bunnles are...
334
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,958
Him-potent.
335
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,517
See this little doe, here?
336
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:24,718
Yes,
337
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,991
It's weeks since she had
a decent buck.
338
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,074
Dr Anderson...
339
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,677
...I have news for you!
340
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,034
"Here I am"
341
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,596
"Just aching for you'
342
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:51,358
"Pkease, take me soon"
343
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,549
"Can't wait much longer"
344
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,795
"You are the one"
345
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:58,677
Never!
346
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,711
- "The one I love"
- Never!
347
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,791
- "The love inside"
- Never!
348
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,751
"Is growmg stronger"
349
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,151
"Can't you see?"
350
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,955
"Open your eyes'
351
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,710
"You're missing me"
352
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,398
"You're mxssing love"
353
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,076
Wait.
354
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:26,596
Wait!
355
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,559
I'm commg!
356
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,515
I'm commg!
357
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,230
I must get... to the
nearest pon.
358
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,432
"You've missed so much"
359
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,951
"My love, my peace, my heart"
360
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,191
Ladies and gentlemen of the press...
361
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:44,669
...will you please be seated.
362
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,917
This same buHetin is being
simultaneously issued to the press...
363
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,993
...in every capilal city m the wofld.
364
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,434
Due to the poHution of domestic
water suppHes.
365
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,313
The entire male population oflhe world...
366
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,115
...is impotent.
367
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,999
- Thank God!
- Thank God?!
368
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,310
I thought it was only me!
369
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,831
Tout les hommes du monde - et, par
consequences, ce qui plus importam...
370
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,191
...tous les hommes de France -
sont impuissants!
371
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,672
Radio Fusione e Televisione ltaliana.
372
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:27,511
Tutti gli uomimi nel mondo...
sono impotente!
373
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:37,195
Tovarischi. Moy bolshe n1
tselny muschini.
374
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:42,914
Excuse I.
375
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,709
I think we've heard quite enough
Maddie and hoohah from...
376
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,718
...all those unsavoury little foreign
persons, don't you?
377
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,436
I think I can speak for every whmesome
Australian housewife...
378
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,235
...when I say how thrHled to bits we
are by this wonderful news.
379
00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:01,634
Which omy goes to prove, I think, that Dame Nature
herseW, MUST be an Austrafian.
380
00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:03,759
My husband. Norm...
381
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,269
...never tampered with me
on our honeymoon.
382
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,358
And, thanks to thxs happy acmdent...
383
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:12,998
...my joy can now be shared by
millions of young brides...
384
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,152
mwho were absomtely dreading the
popmation explosxon.
385
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,914
I'm proud to say that my husband, Norm...
386
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,514
...shares my views on marital hygiene.
387
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,952
He's rarely spoken to me of
unsavoury matters...
388
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,714
...and since the birth of my youngest son, Kenny."
389
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,360
...it's a pomt he's very seldom raised...
390
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,071
...and xs most unHkely to raise agam.
391
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:16,996
Buenas tardes.
392
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,190
Gracias.
393
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,918
For heavens sake! Just a flaming minule!
394
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,396
I'm just as anxious as you
are, you know!
395
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,035
Or do you want to go on without me,
and I'll meet you there'?
396
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:44,310
'Cause as long as you stand there
in that state, I can't get my trousers on!
397
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:47,796
Thank you.
398
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,400
"Tonight is gonna be the night"
399
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,675
"When I can stay awake aH the time"
400
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:03,273
"I met can'twin"
401
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:07,509
"So now Vm givin' in
to aH \ feel"
402
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,517
"I'm in a nervous state"
403
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:16,270
'Findin' it hard to conceal"
404
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,996
"Tonight is going to be the night"
405
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,670
"And it's gonna be }ust out of sight"
406
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,755
"I've 1ust had to behave"
407
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:33,033
"But now I've gotta see my famHy"
408
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,070
Buenas tardes.
409
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,951
Buenas tardes, senor.
410
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:04,556
Una... Fundador. porfavor.
411
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:10,876
Senor?
412
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,639
Where can I get a woman?
413
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:13,751
Por favor.
414
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:15,314
No entiendo.
415
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,278
Just a minute. Uno minuto, uh..,
416
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:18,877
Senor.
417
00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:25,355
Puede... dirigirme... al bordelo... mas." cercano?
418
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,871
Comom?
419
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:41,436
Um... Pu... puede... dirigerme...erm...
al bordelo... mas... cercano? Comprender?
420
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:46,436
A bordelo, eh'? A Jig-iig-jig-jig?
421
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,393
You know? Bang bang!
422
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,239
Comprender yet?
423
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:55,196
Cochine Inglese!
No tienes compasion!
424
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,954
Does it amuse you to insuh
our manhood?
425
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:04,031
Yo! Pablo Peralta de la una
leccion en cortesia!
426
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,037
Sorry... t-tum right where?
427
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,595
- Gah!
- Easy, Pablo. Easy.
428
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,835
I'll handle this.
429
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,075
Whai are you playing at?
430
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,270
What are you trying to do,
you Moody fooW
431
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,351
- Get your head stoved in?
- You're English!
432
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,637
Yes. Barraclough. Foreign Correspondent.
433
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,878
- English newspapers?
- No! Don't panic, old son.
434
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,592
They haverft used anything of mine since a
U-boat scuttled itself in the harbour.
435
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,237
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
436
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:40,350
You know you really upset old Pablo
with that... Httle }oke of yours.
437
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,998
I've been at sea - on my tod for months.
Almost a year.
438
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,272
I've sailed 500 miles out of my way
to get to this dump.
439
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:52,229
And I did it for one reason, and one reason omy -
and that's to get myself a goodm
440
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:53,594
Shhhhhh!
441
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,519
Will you please stop domg that!
442
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,759
Do you mean to say you've been
a1 sea for a whole year?
443
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,076
That is exactly what I mean.
444
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,631
That explains my tensxon.
445
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:13,197
My... impatience. Explains
my shaking hands...
446
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,790
...my perspiring brow...
my fevered loins.
447
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,433
What'? No pods of call?
448
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:19,789
No pods of call, no.
449
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,359
Whal about your radio?
450
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:22,949
I have no radio.
451
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:25,595
What about water?
452
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,957
I drank only champagne.
453
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:33,635
Stay there.
454
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:37,190
Oh, I don't suppose you have any...
pesetas you can let me have'?
455
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,550
I-I'll pay you back later, of course.
456
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,358
No foreign currency, I'm afraid.
457
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,839
I was hoping to find a brothel
that takes Diners Card.
458
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,113
Oh, well... carfl be helped'
459
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:50,752
Pablo?
460
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:52,030
I want my camera!
461
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:53,190
Dame mi maquina.
462
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:54,311
No,
463
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,434
Give me my camera, or I'll puke allover
your nice clean bar agaln.
464
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,558
You give me the money that
you owe me.
465
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:01,431
I gwe you camera.
466
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,831
Look - if you give me my camera, I'M
double the money I owe you.
467
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,557
Whal do you want, eh?
468
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,516
My dearest Senora Lopez.
469
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,917
A word in your shell-like.
470
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:46,554
O00, hahaha! The good
Lord is merciful!
471
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,637
Welcome to the mouth of the Amazon.
472
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,957
And to this house of }oy,
of course. Venga!
473
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,797
Todas las chicas!
474
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,640
- Ah, you like, eh?
- Oh yes!
475
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,432
- Isn't she beautiful? Sexy?
- Yes.
476
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,392
- Look, look!
- Very much, yes!
477
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,750
Their hair's like silk.
478
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,880
And not expensive - no, no, no.
479
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,150
Look at her. Look at her -
look at her legs.
480
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,111
And the bosom, mmm!
481
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:17,120
And everything, is everything
the best in my house.
482
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,398
Don't you think so'? So young,
so pretty, so innocent,
483
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,000
And, perhaps, a little bit of...
484
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:25,832
" 0h!
. No?
485
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:27,790
Ladies.
486
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:28,797
Percy.
487
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,791
They're all - what you say'?
- up for grabs.
488
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:38,751
See... haha. Now you
choose, por favor.
489
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:40,556
Choose.
490
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:44,071
Yes,
491
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,717
- Difficult.
- Very.
492
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,235
- However.
- Si?
493
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:54,838
Av. Chiquita!
494
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,229
Chiquita?
495
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:57,310
Que pasa?
496
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:02,356
Get your arse up those stairs and
don't argue. Vamos!
497
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,596
Now, where were we'?
498
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,639
- The mirror room?
- Ah, si! Chiquita?!
499
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,717
Numero siete!
500
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,031
It's a wasie of my time and
your money.
501
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,673
Sorry if I interrupted your."
chess game or something.
502
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,077
I've been at sea, you see?
503
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:29,836
And, well...
504
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,392
...naturally one gets a little, um...
505
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,511
...il's only natural, really.
506
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,678
I mean - all thatfresh air.
507
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:41,114
Hurry up, huh? Just
get on with it.
508
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,273
Sorry. Won't be a jiffy.
509
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:48,711
Well, er... Miss.
510
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,996
Oh! What a Whopper!
511
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,837
Hooray!
512
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:02,110
Silencio!
513
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:03,876
Silencio!
514
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,398
Get back, you scum, you!
515
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,871
Give Percy a little bit of privacy.
516
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:13,711
Thank you.
517
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:16,310
Thank you so much.
518
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,589
And... I'm sorry again about
the inconvenience.
519
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,318
I didn't mean to come at
the wrong time.
520
00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:30,440
You say sorry... my lovely? I'm sorry.
521
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:34,750
I mean, next time - no
come so soon, uh?
522
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:39,996
[Bmmeq
523
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,951
- How was it?
- Wooh!
524
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,037
Fantastica!
525
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,711
Well, Chiquita?
526
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,639
He want to see you next, Dolores!
527
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:01,070
Woweel! Yippeel!
528
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:04,672
Ah! Dolores,
529
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,793
What's a girl like you doing
in a place like this?
530
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,393
Stand still!
531
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:18,437
Mmmm!
532
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:30,035
Dirty, rotten, filthy...
lucky swine.
533
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:31,195
[Bmmeq
534
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:33,550
Asain?
535
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:41,597
That's what a nice girl like me hasn't
been doing in a place like ihis.
536
00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:44,800
Could you manage Maria next?
537
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:46,191
Maria?
538
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,280
Maria! Vamos! Pronto! Get!
539
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,639
[Bmmeq
540
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,515
Ah, Maria! This should be good!
541
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,672
He's going through ihe card.
The bastard!
542
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:09,797
Oh! I forgot to ask...
do you take Diners Card...?
543
00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:11,435
Oooooh!
544
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:13,795
American Express?
545
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:19,631
Barclaycard or Fones Trust Houses.
Access?
546
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:24,070
- Harrods?
- Oh, Si. Si. Yes!
547
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,151
Really?! Harrods?!
548
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:28,236
Well, who'd have thought it!
549
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:38,671
Who? Barraclough'? Hah. I don't beHeve it!
550
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,837
It's that piss artist' Barraclough.
551
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,275
Wants to know if we'll accept a
call from South America.
552
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,357
- I don't believe it.
- Huh! Straight up!
553
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,791
What's the Spanish for
"get stuffed", then?
554
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:48,791
No, hang on.
555
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,517
Hello, Millie? Mr Simmonds here.
556
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,750
Put that reverse-charge call through
to me here, love, wiH you'?
557
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,513
Bloody nerve of it.
558
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:58,395
Barraclough?
559
00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:00,518
Lxsten, you drunken bum...
560
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,319
...if I ever hear of you passing
yourself off as a reporter for this...
561
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,789
...newspaper again I'll have
you hung by your...
562
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:07,875
What's that again?
563
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:10,951
You found a man who can... what?!
564
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,037
Yes, and I've got pictures
of him doing it!
565
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,071
His name's Percy Edwin Anthony...
566
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,151
mend he came here out of the blue
a couple of hours ago.
567
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,953
And ever since, he's been
up at Signora Lopez'.
568
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:25,200
And when I say he's up there,
I mean... he's". "up" there!
569
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,796
What's that name again?
Not yours, you bum!
570
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:30,191
Percy?
571
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:32,315
Edwin Anthony?
572
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:33,634
Holy cow!
573
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:35,315
Percy!
574
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:41,913
Well, I'll say...
575
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,519
Chico.
576
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:52,550
Uh I'd just like to say,
thank you very much.
577
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:59,429
Sorry if I seemed a little...
over-indulgent, like.
578
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:03,158
Just that I've been at sea, you see?
579
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:08,349
Hadn't actuaHy had a good...
done the deed since...
580
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,791
...PC 2-1-7 in the back of a van
overlooking Portland Bill.
581
00:39:12,240 --> 00:39:16,950
Well... it's been very nice...
very nice indeed.
582
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:22,671
- Oh, almost forgot there. How much?
- How much?
583
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,957
Money. What about the money?
584
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,556
Oh, forgive me! But of course.
585
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,994
I am sorry it cannot be more.
586
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,036
These are hard nmes, senor,
587
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:57,713
Come again soon!
588
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,152
Hooray!
589
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,237
Thank you. Thank you.
590
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:22,230
You know, given halfa chance I think
you could starl a revolulion.
591
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:25,598
No... we're not that good... are we?
592
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,677
Is anybody that good?
593
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,718
Perhaps they }ust had a thing about
an Englishmarfs thing.
594
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:33,795
Or...
595
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,594
...maybe we caught them at
a funny time of year.
596
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,037
Humidity, or... somethmg.
597
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:44,073
Anyway... calmed you down, hasn't it?
598
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,154
It was nice.
599
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:47,112
Hey.
600
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:52,398
That Maria. Wasn't she something?!
601
00:40:52,520 --> 00:41:02,520
So sweet. Lovely smile
and eyes. Firm, big...
602
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,714
"Oh, I know I'm gonna
miss ihe sand in my hair."
603
00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:09,519
"Roll In the tide and the salt in the all"
604
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,074
"Deep inside, it's true"
605
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,031
"I'm a home-lovin' man"
606
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,680
"Comin' home to you'
607
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:21,113
"I know I'm gonna miss
the wind in my eyes"
608
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,959
"The shimmer of light
when the seaguH flies"
609
00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:26,231
"Though I've traveHed far"
610
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:28,597
"I'm a home-lovin' man"
611
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,632
"And home xs where you are"
612
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,398
This has just arrived, Prime Minister.
From the Admirahy.
613
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:45,993
Ee, what'? Whatjust arrived?
614
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:47,276
Percy's progress.
615
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:52,037
Oh... yes. Where is the filthy, rotten,
lucky, I mean, er...
616
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,310
...where is he at, Catchpole?
617
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,670
Well, I can't understand longitude
and latitude, Prime Minister.
618
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,875
I'm not a nautical man.
619
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:58,273
What?
620
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,432
You spend enough time down at that
pub nearthe Naval College.
621
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,279
- God amighty, the apathy
and indifference!
622
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,709
I only use that pub to get
your sandwiches, sir.
623
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,193
- But you forgot the mustard.
- I did not!
624
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:11,156
Nor the pickled onion.
625
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:12,798
Oh, good, good - let's have 'em.
Come on, come on.
626
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,873
Good, that aH looks nice.
627
00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:22,074
Now then, about this, er, Percy feHer.
He mustn'! be lost.
628
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:25,636
You must tell that to the Air Force
and to your Naval cronies.
629
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:26,590
Catchpole...
630
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,551
...that lad is Crown property...
631
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:31,956
...and I don't want him sea-poked by the
Americans or the Moody French.
632
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:36,836
We might be a poor relation of the Common
Market. We might be a fifth-rate nation.
633
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,349
We might not have much
of an Empire left.
634
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:45,351
But by God, there's only one erection
in the whole universe...
635
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:48,434
and it's got a GB plaie on it.
636
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:50,675
Sir.
637
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,150
- Catchpole?
- Yes, Prime Minisler.
638
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:01,995
This is French Moody mustard,
you ponce!
639
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:08,039
I want tt known that my suicide was
not a last desperate act...
640
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,390
...born out of despair and loneliness.
641
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,839
And the fact that my Bollinger '69
has run out.
642
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:18,237
No! It is an act of faith.
643
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:20,319
Faith in a better wofld,
644
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,313
Where a man can hold his head up high.
645
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,795
And, only... his head.
646
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,759
There you are. That should do the trick.
647
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,998
That should close the file on
Percy Edwin Anthony...
648
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:37,589
...once and for all.
649
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,039
Meanwhile...
650
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,395
...I can g0 ashore...
651
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:53,111
...to some deseried, oui-of-season
Devon resort...
652
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,913
...steal away under cover of darkness...
653
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,198
...and start a new life...
654
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,870
...in welcome obscurity.
655
00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:07,552
Percy Edwm Anthony...
656
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,920
...we hereby commit your
body to the deep.
657
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,235
Ta ta, Perce,
658
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,191
Eventually, I could seek out
Clanssa, I suppose.
659
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,791
Trouble is, I can't see Clarissa
living in obscurity.
660
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:38,919
My wife certaimy went to
a lot of trouble.
661
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:49,838
Are you Percy Edwin Anthony?
662
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,274
Not necessarily.
663
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:55,877
Are you sure you're not
Percy Edwin Anthony?
664
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,559
Don'tthink I know you, do V?
665
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,797
- Oh, yes, you bloody do.
- Do I?
666
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,236
Don't remember. Been away' you see.
Been at sea.
667
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,994
We wam Percy!
We wam Percy!
668
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:34,314
Just look at that bloody crowd.
669
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:37,352
Have I ever had a turn out like this?
Have I? Have I heH!
670
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,516
Not even at Durham Miners' Gala.
671
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,995
I don't know what's happened
to the old values...
672
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,270
...that made this once-proud country.
673
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:48,150
I mean, in them days, Catchpole, this kind of admation...
674
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:51,949
...used to be reserved for monarchs
or prime ministers.
675
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:56,836
Or your war won or Everest cHmbed,
a four minute mile or a golden disc,
676
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,715
I don't know. What's he
everdone? Nothing!
677
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,718
Just happens to have the only eight inches
in the country, that's aH.
678
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:04,553
- Nine, sir.
- What?
679
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:06,638
Well, speak up' lad. Don't mumble.
680
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,195
According to Whitbread, the
surgeon, sir - it's nine.
681
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,034
Or even nine and a half.
Depending upon humidity.
682
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:13,357
Good God!
683
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:27,234
We want Percy! We wam Percy!
We want Percy!
684
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:40,038
On behaWof Her Majesty the Queer-
685
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:41,758
We'd better get him out of here!
686
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:44,673
I bought you these.
687
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,750
To welcome you back
to your home...
688
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:58,554
Calm down! Calm down!
Calm down!
689
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:02,590
- Get ihe mounted horses!
- Yes, sir! Right, sir!
690
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,677
The mounted horses, sxr!
691
00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:05,357
Rxght, sxr!
692
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:08,000
What about ihe pound in your
effing pocket now, mate?
693
00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:17,872
Look, chaps' would somebody please
tell me what on earth's going on here.
694
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:20,275
Put me in the picture? Clue me in,
as it were? Alright?
695
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:22,038
You know who I am, surely?
696
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,077
I'm Henry Snope, lad.
697
00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,560
Whai am I supposed to say?
698
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:28,398
"You are Henry Snope, and l...'
699
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:31,756
"...claim the five pounds and a night out
with Miss Daiw Queen."
700
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,076
Mr Snope is... the Prime Minister.
701
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,999
I've been Prime Minister for the
last six bloody months, lad.
702
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:41,432
God almighty. Apathy, indifference...
What's happening to this once-proud nation?
703
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:42,914
I'm terribly sorry, Mr...
704
00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:44,071
It's not our fault.
705
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:48,153
We inherited a legacy of four years' Tory
misrule, didn'! we? You forget that.
706
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,512
And I'm Chafles Bleeker.
Head of the Special Branch.
707
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:54,439
- Top security.
- I haven't done anything!
708
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:56,990
Oh, yes, you have, mate.
Oh, yes, you have.
709
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,911
Honesfly, lnsp... Sir!
710
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,832
L-I've been away, you see?
711
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:02,911
I've been rather out of the picture.
712
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,716
I haven't stayed on top of things.
713
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:08,635
On the contrary.
714
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,719
You're the only bleeder who has!
715
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:25,669
About a year ago, an aircraft of the United
States Army Air Force took 0ft."
716
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,275
mfrom an airbase in San Diego, Cafifomia.
717
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,995
- You mean, I'm the only one?
- The only one.
718
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:36,072
- But, in the whole world?
- In the whole, wide world.
719
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,035
I can't spell it out any dearer, lad.
720
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,635
- Well, I'll be...
- You wlll, male.
721
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,554
- And frequemly.
- Why?
722
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,070
- Why only me?
- The drinking waler.
723
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,875
There you were, bobbing about
on the Pacific Ocean...
724
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:52,877
mquaffing your Bollinger '62.
725
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:54,951
- '69.
- 0h, really!
726
00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:56,355
Now, I'm...
727
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:59,040
All right, Catchpole. We know
you know your vinlages.
728
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,710
We know you're always quaffing
champagne out of the...
729
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:05,111
...b0ots of Bentleys at National
bloody Hunt meetings.
730
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,357
I drank nothing else but, Right?
731
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,274
We were mixing that filthy waier with our scotch...
732
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:13,159
...and castrating ourselves in the process.
733
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:17,069
- So, nobody... well... none of you have...
- Er, no.
734
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,912
- None of us.
- Not for a long time.
735
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,032
- Seems even longer.
- Getting longer with each passing day.
736
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:23,792
Women. Are women affected?
737
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:24,511
None of them.
738
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:28,599
- The desire's stilt as strong as ever.
- Getting stronger every day.
739
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,398
All over the wofld,
740
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:34,311
In every corner of this
great planet earth.
741
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:40,119
From the frozen wastes of Siberia to the
uncharied regions of the Orinoco.
742
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:42,994
There xs a woman, wanting it.
743
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:45,077
And, there is a man.
744
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:46,634
Unable to give her it.
745
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:47,870
Except me.
746
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,716
Oh, er, except you.
747
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:56,718
We want Percy! We wam Percy!
We want Percy!
748
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,952
We want to love you!
749
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:20,430
We want Percy! We wam Percy!
750
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:25,996
Woo-hooH
751
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:28,871
50W-
752
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,357
Never mind the far reaches
of the Orinoco.
753
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:33,590
Just let me provide for
half the King's Road.
754
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:36,280
- Don't be disgusting! You filthy...
- I've been a1 sea, haven't I?
755
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,231
All that fresh air, Does
somelhing to you.
756
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,635
Pull yourself together,
you horrible rascal!
757
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:43,075
Bat as much as an eyelid and
I'll have you, lad!
758
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:45,839
Steady, Bleeker, steady.
Simmer down, simmer down.
759
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:47,430
Sorry, sir.
760
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:49,558
Bit over the top' was I, sir?
761
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:51,114
I'm a celebrity!
762
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,995
I mean, now, shouldn't one,
as a celebrity, make a...
763
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,277
mgesture to those legions
of little Percy hoppers?
764
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:00,198
You aren't making a gesture
to anyone, lad.
765
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:01,833
You're far too imporiant for that.
766
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:04,116
You've got the only one
in the country!
767
00:51:04,240 --> 00:51:08,791
And ifs not being wasted on shameful,
sensual pleasures of the flesh.
768
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,390
My God! Whal have you got
in mind for it?
769
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:15,434
Er, the details of that have not
yet been finalised.
770
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,990
But for the moment you can say
"fareweH desire", "goodbye nookie".
771
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,274
You're going under wraps, lad.
772
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,719
This is a matter for the United Nations.
773
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:25,797
Well, I don'! agree, thank you very much!
774
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,071
In fact, I think I'll just be on my way.
775
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:31,072
I can still leave, can't I'?
Thls is still a free country?
776
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,157
I'm the Prime bloody Minister, lad!
777
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,238
Of course it's a free country!
778
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:40,351
That is one quality I have retained
for this once-proud nation.
779
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:44,030
Good, good. WeH, good - I'm glad
to hear it. Right then."
780
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:45,350
...I'll be on my way, then.
781
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,113
This is the legacy of four
years' Tory misrule...
782
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:54,113
Oh! I rather gathered you were leaving...
783
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:55,116
...old spun?
784
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:22,755
Let me give you a hand.
785
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:24,833
Or two.
786
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,198
Oh! Ooh.
787
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:30,278
Oh!
788
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:32,756
- Thank you.
- It was my measure.
789
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:36,196
- Should we do it again? Slowly?
- 0h, yes.
790
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:38,672
My name's Maggxe.
791
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:40,234
Oh! I neafly forgot.
792
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,869
Stick it up! I mean stick them up!
Er." whatever they say.
793
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,395
- Please. Maggie... don't wave
it around like that.
794
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,909
I'm sorry, but I'm not
missing this chance.
795
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,680
Hands up! Trousers down.
796
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:54,714
I can't do them both.
Not at the same time.
797
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,519
Alright, then. Trousers down.
798
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:00,512
The army's outside.
799
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:02,597
I'm supposed to be under wraps.
800
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:05,394
- HI get shot!
- You'll get shot if you don't,
801
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:06,556
Nright, alright.
802
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:08,634
Arright, r surrender.
803
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:11,036
I surrender.
804
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:14,519
Ru just...
805
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:16,275
...tum the shower off.
806
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:19,433
Well, hurry up. We haven't got aH night!
807
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:20,875
Worse luck!
808
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:27,034
Percy?
809
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:28,559
Percy!
810
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:32,514
Hello! I'm Angie.
811
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:34,193
Oh, my God! They're everywhere!
812
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:36,273
Crawling out the plumbing,
813
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:38,675
Now hsten... Angie. Be a good gm.
814
00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:42,038
Ah, yes, but, uh... I'm not a good girl.
815
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:45,397
- I was Miss Teenage Lust, 1973.
- Oh!
816
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:47,034
Congratwations.
817
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:51,160
It's just that... the United Nations
wouldrft hke n.
818
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:54,435
United Nations isn't going to get n.
819
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:55,352
I am.
820
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:56,919
Oh! Look!
821
00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:00,551
[Bmmeq
822
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:02,392
There's no need to be shy.
823
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:06,351
[Bmmeq
824
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:09,836
- Oi! Hands off- he's mine.
- Get lost! I saw him first.
825
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,315
Girls, girls, girls!
Piease, don't fight.
826
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,114
Remember. Two's company...
827
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:16,959
...but three's a ball.
828
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,390
A threesome! Fantasflc!
829
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:21,511
- Bags I first!
- No, me! Me!
830
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:24,160
Girls, girls! Look". I'll choose.
831
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:28,438
Grab 'em, men!!!
832
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,275
[SCREAMS OF PROTEST
833
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,032
We were only playmg a Httle game.
834
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,038
You play all the games you
want to, old son.
835
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:47,399
The sporting equipment
belongs to the world.
836
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,113
Let's hope I can make n go round.
837
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,955
Oowwl!
838
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:00,157
This is Heathrow Airport, London.
839
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:02,760
And an international research team
has just arrived.
840
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,838
Headed by the prominent toxologist,
Dr Kermit Klein.
841
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:09,278
Accompanying Dr Klein is
Dr Candice Fairweather.
842
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:13,154
And the highly respected Australian
zoologist, DrAhderson.
843
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:15,510
Now, they're here in London to find an antidote...
844
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,114
...which wiH cure the effects of PX-123.
845
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:20,836
Where am I?
846
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:22,514
They always says that!
847
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:24,600
Who always says that'?
848
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:26,673
People what's brought 'ere.
849
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:29,839
How did I get here?
850
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:31,599
Drugged, I suppose.
851
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:33,833
Brought 'ere under cover of darkness,
852
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:35,713
Drugged like all the rest of 'em.
853
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:40,159
- You wam some cocoa?
- Oh, yes, please,
854
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:42,070
Corporal.
855
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:46,598
Yes, please' Corporal.
856
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:48,674
Yes, please' Corporal.
857
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:50,752
You can call me Brian.
858
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:56,995
- Brian?
- Yes, mate?
859
00:55:57,880 --> 00:55:58,950
Where am I?
860
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:02,155
In a Government establishment.
861
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,349
Unknown. Unspecified.
862
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:07,432
And top, top secret.
863
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:12,240
It's about, three mHe south of
Godalming, on the 5-2130.
864
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:13,751
Oh.
865
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:17,314
Um."
866
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:19,751
...Brian?
867
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:21,276
What...
868
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:24,116
...sort of place". is this?
869
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:28,120
- Well, it's a son of a cushy nick.
- Nick?
870
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:30,199
Yeah. VIP nick,
871
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:34,031
They bring you 'ere to give you a false
sense of security an' comfort...
872
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:35,639
...prior to interrogation an' torture.
873
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,959
Mind, I don't think you're down
for that - torture.
874
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:41,956
It ain't on me schedule.
875
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:06,675
This way' mease.
876
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:11,275
This is the person you asked for, sir.
877
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,397
You are Jeffcott?
878
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,517
Yeah, yeah. That's me, yeah.
879
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,869
I'm sorry we kept you at
the door so long,
880
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:31,436
But the footmen are playing
the gardeners a1 cricket.
881
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:37,119
That's okay, mate. I mean, uh...
that's perfectly alright, sir.
882
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:41,159
That wiH be all' Miss Hanson.
883
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:49,799
You know who I am?
884
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:53,158
L, uh." I sort of recognise the face, sir.
885
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:57,032
I've got a trained, photographic mind.
886
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:00,910
Well, my picture was in the Express
only this morning.
887
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:02,519
Well, I've remembered it ever since.
888
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:03,834
I mean, you have to m my busmess.
889
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,833
Then you will know that I am... Mammoman!
890
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:11,393
The world's richest man?
891
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:14,513
Well, a biHion isn't what it used to be' Jeff.
892
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:18,076
No, ifs, uh, Jeficott, sir. It's aH one word.
893
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:20,874
- Jeffcott.
- If you like.
894
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:27,749
Now, this Percy person.
This Percy Edwin Anthony.
895
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:30,753
You know him, I believe?
I believe you know his ways?
896
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:33,360
You... sought him out once
before, didn't you?
897
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:34,955
Once before.
898
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:37,039
And once again.
899
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,274
That is the point of this exercise, isn't it?
900
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:46,354
Now, I am aware that he is a
"guest" of the Government.
901
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:48,437
Under lock and key, no doubt.
902
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:51,916
But, uh... people can be bought.
903
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:54,310
People can co-operate, can't they?
904
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:58,555
I've always found that, Mr Jeffcott.
Haven't you?
905
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:03,114
It's just a question of the
right word, in the right ear.
906
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:07,309
Or ihe right amount of readies
in the right pockel.
907
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:09,391
- Right?
- What?
908
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:11,953
Oh, yes sir, yes.
909
00:59:12,560 --> 00:59:15,234
And you are such a stupefying
idiot you couldn'l...
910
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:18,073
...possibly be connected with
Mammonian, could you'?
911
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:20,749
Well, yeah. I mean, no - no, sir.
912
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:24,830
Oh, now wok, sir. This... this isn't
my line of business, sir.
913
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:27,592
I mean, I'm more for the old adultery, you know?
914
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,637
Rather than corruption m high places.
915
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:31,831
I mean, if you want somebody
followed, sir - I'm your man bul...
916
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:37,110
Whal was that, sir?
917
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,954
That would be the gamekeepers
shooting the young campers.
918
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:45,797
Take a dim view of trespassers
and poachers.
919
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,838
People who do not follow
my instructions.
920
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:55,994
Now, where were we, Mr... Jeficott?
921
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,157
Corruption in high places, sir.
922
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:07,716
We, therefore, add our support...
923
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:10,150
...to the motion tabled by our esteemed colleague...
924
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,629
...the delegate of the People's RepubHc of Cuba.
925
01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:18,430
That each nation here assembled shall choose,
from among its citizens, one woman.
926
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:21,840
That woman to perform for her nation...
927
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,429
mthis task of such selflessness...
928
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:27,717
...such heroism and nobHity of purpose.
929
01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:31,236
Inlo the hands of these women of all
nations, fellow delegates."
930
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:35,797
...we now do solemmy entrust
the future of aH mankind.
931
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:52,033
- What's that all about, Hervey?
- The Chinese are asking for two women to our one.
932
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:53,920
Wouldn't you know it.
933
01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:01,877
There he is,
934
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:05,670
There we are, old sport.
935
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:07,911
Sorry about all ihat Top Secret bullshit.
936
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:09,992
All that "goxng by the book" nonsense.
937
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:11,235
Pardon me, sir.
938
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,755
But I mayed it by the book
aH me natural, sir.
939
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:17,714
- Oh, do pipe down, Bleeker!
- Are we still on the 2301?
940
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:19,199
Haven'! an eanmy. Why?
941
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:20,999
Maureen works near here,
942
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:22,749
Maureen Sugden.
943
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:24,837
Works a petrol pump. Just near here.
944
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:27,637
I used to know her. You know...?
945
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:29,074
Quite regulafly.
946
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:31,157
UsuaHy behind the oar wash.
947
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:32,913
Couldn't stop for something, could we?
948
01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:34,115
Your windscreeds filthy.
949
01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:36,873
Now Percy, please...
We've been through all this.
950
01:01:37,200 --> 01:01:39,350
- Your body is Crown property...
- The sheer Moody irony of it!
951
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:42,279
I'm the only Moody one who can,
only I bloody can't!
952
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,030
Wish I'd had a glass of that blasted waler.
953
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:48,238
Try and puH yoursefi together,
you wretched Httle man.
954
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:49,753
I'm quite together, thank you.
955
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:52,872
Hean and pulse quite normal.
Perfectly in control.
956
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:01,191
- Maureen!
- Percy!
957
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:04,995
- Maureen!
- Oh, Perce! Perce...!
958
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:05,956
No!
959
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:07,519
Whatever it is - no!
960
01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:12,316
I just don't want to know. I'm tired of being
a guinea pig. Of being a." freak!
961
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:14,397
I'm not doing anything for anybody.
962
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:17,153
But it's for the sake of humanity!
For mankind!
963
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:19,714
More than that - it's for England.
964
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:21,398
I don't give a monkey's about England.
965
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,669
- For your Queen?
- No.
966
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:24,393
- For the flag?
- I said no. And that's final,
967
01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:26,397
For God's sake' lad. AH we're
asking you to do is...
968
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:29,239
...to make love to the choicest
bloody females in the landl!
969
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:51,714
"... The field of green. Red white and rm,
what does it mean to you?"
970
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:55,350
"Surely you're proud? Shout it out loud.
Britons awake!"
971
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:59,991
Ladies and gentlemen, we present...
live from London!
972
01:03:00,560 --> 01:03:05,077
The United Kingdom finalists, for the
Miss Conception International Contest.
973
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:06,030
Let's hear it!
974
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:19,996
Thank you. Thank you and God Mess yer,
ladies and gentlemen.
975
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:22,839
Now tonight, we are assembled
here, to choose...
976
01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:25,673
...from among contestants from aH
over the British lsles...
977
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:31,079
...ihe lady who is going to be Miss Conception
International, Uniied Kingdom.
978
01:03:31,160 --> 01:03:35,950
All right. Without any funher ado,
shall we join the ladies? Yes'? Yes!
979
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,870
Oh! Whal a fantastic sight. Eh, fellas?
980
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:48,792
I bet that exceeds your wildest dreams!
981
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:50,837
I know most of you have been
having some, er...
982
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:54,237
...fantastic dreams lately!
983
01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:56,874
Now, it's all up lo all of you,
and, of course...
984
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,639
...our panel of distinguished judges
at the from, here...
985
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:05,239
to choose who is going to be Miss Conception
lnternalional, United Kingdom.
986
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:08,671
Who is going to be your own,
your very own, Miss Conception?
987
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:11,918
Which girl is going to wm the prize...
988
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:15,396
...to make her the envy of every woman
in this whole world?
989
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:17,431
Whoa! Look at the knockers on that tot!
990
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:20,353
Who is going to get her hands on Percy?
991
01:04:22,880 --> 01:04:28,034
No, but, seriously folks. Also, the wonderful
knowledge for both of them...
992
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:31,875
...when they reatise, that they're
saving the whole world...
993
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:33,958
...from extinction.
994
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,953
Ladies and gentlemen - our first contestant!
995
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:47,516
And to think I get paid for this
as well! What a }ob, right'?
996
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:49,995
Now then, me darlin'... um...
what is your name please?
997
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:50,632
Patricia.
998
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:52,557
Could you come a little closer
to the microphone, miss?
999
01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:53,875
Patricia Birchwood.
1000
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,912
Ah... Patricia Birchwood, isn't
that a lovely name, now.
1001
01:04:56,920 --> 01:04:58,831
Now, Patricia - let's see where
you're from, shaH we'?
1002
01:04:59,920 --> 01:05:01,991
Oh, yes! Bristol City, fellas!
1003
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:06,678
No... but seriousw, Patricia.
Up till now...
1004
01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:09,189
...you've really come through this
competition with flying coiours.
1005
01:05:09,360 --> 01:05:11,556
I mean, you've had the." um... physicaL.
1006
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:14,553
...and the sexual arousal and
the fecundity test.
1007
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:18,030
- And also the erogeniousm
- Erogenous!
1008
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:20,430
What's that? Oh, weH, hello there, Professor, yes.
1009
01:05:20,520 --> 01:05:22,079
Ladies and gentlemen, thank
you very much indeed.
1010
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:23,150
A-roger." uh... uh__.
1011
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:24,196
Erogenous!
1012
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:25,918
Ladies and genflemen -
down here, the Professor.
1013
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,673
A wonderful, wonderful man.
1014
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:29,518
And a wonderfw brain.
Professor, please...
1015
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:32,558
...please, Professor. Would you ask
your first question, please?
1016
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:33,551
Miss Birchwood?
1017
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:39,352
Would you kindly tell me all you know
of the three laws of thermodynamics.
1018
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,310
Let me see, now.
Yes.
1019
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:44,112
The First Law of Thermodynamics...
1020
01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:47,113
wheat and mechanlcal energy
are mutually converlible.
1021
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:49,317
And the Second Law of Thermodynamics...
1022
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:53,514
Wheat cannot flow continuousw, from
a colder to a hotter body...
1023
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,193
...in a sew-sustained process.
1024
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:57,551
And the Third Law of Thermodynamics...
1025
01:05:57,840 --> 01:05:59,751
the absomte zero temperature...
1026
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:02,269
273 degrees centigrade...
1027
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:03,759
...can never be reached,
1028
01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:05,353
Absowtely correct!
1029
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:13,509
Wasn't she wonderful? Isn't
she really wonderful?
1030
01:06:13,560 --> 01:06:15,756
Um... excuse me.
1031
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,993
Now then, me darlin'.
Just think carefuHy, now.
1032
01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:21,032
Ii you do win this competition...
1033
01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:24,558
mwhal would you really, I mean, what
would you really want'?
1034
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:26,029
Are you joking?
1035
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:28,111
Whal I really want is a good fu...
1036
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:32,913
Thank you. Thank you
very much indeed.
1037
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:35,958
Promiscuous, permissive little tart!
1038
01:06:36,280 --> 01:06:40,160
No moral decency. Flauntihg their
wherewithal tike that.
1039
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:43,995
Mmmm... cop Miss DarHngton!
1040
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:47,358
Oh, Percy, Percy, love! Percy!
1041
01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:49,431
Shhh, shhhh, shhhh!
1042
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:50,954
Not so loud!
1043
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:52,790
How'd you get here?
1044
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,912
I saw you, Perce. I foflowed
you on me moped.
1045
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:57,434
Course, they wouldn't let me in,
1046
01:06:57,640 --> 01:06:59,551
So I shinned up the drainpipe.
1047
01:07:00,320 --> 01:07:02,072
But I'm twenty floors up, Maureen!
1048
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:04,031
Oh, love will find a way!
1049
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:05,554
Oh, Maureen!
1050
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:07,830
Oh, you always loved me -
didn't you, Perce'?
1051
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:09,279
Of course I did.
1052
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:11,955
Why else wouk! I use the 2301?
1053
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:13,992
Ifs much quicker up the A3.
1054
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:14,432
Oh!
1055
01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:15,078
[Bmmeq
1056
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,760
I didn't know whether you would love
me as a real woman...
1057
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:21,714
morjust because l give you Green Shield Stamps,
Even when you didn't top up.
1058
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:23,234
I've always been grateful.
1059
01:07:23,360 --> 01:07:26,079
You must have furnished your flat
on my Stamps, Perce.
1060
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:27,912
And I furnished my head, Maureen.
1061
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:32,597
Undo my bra, love!
1062
01:07:32,840 --> 01:07:33,796
He's at it again!
1063
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:36,759
Anthony - you horrible, wretched creature!
Unrrand her!
1064
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:38,837
For God's sake, Bleeker!
1065
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:43,270
She's an old friend. One old friend
isn't go to do any harm,
1066
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:45,231
Take your hands ofi me!
1067
01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:46,714
You eunuchs!
1068
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:48,792
Leave me, you eunuchs!
1069
01:07:48,920 --> 01:07:51,799
Gawd preserve us -whal are you, eh?
1070
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:55,591
The world has selected its finest
for your pleasure.
1071
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:58,440
The creme de la creme of
the Earth's crumpet...
1072
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:04,199
...is compeling for the unique privHege
of your nine bleedin' inches.
1073
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:09,152
In my day, !ad... it was twelve!!!
1074
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:21,272
We wam Percy! We wam Percy!
We wam Percy! We wam Percy!
1075
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:24,950
And here they come - looking absomtely
stunning in their naflonm costumes.
1076
01:08:25,040 --> 01:08:28,635
And first out of the coach is going to be the
very, very beautiful Miss India.
1077
01:08:28,720 --> 01:08:30,711
Resmendent in her national sari.
1078
01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:33,793
And here's the very' very lovely
Miss West Germany.
1079
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:35,712
The beautiful Miss Hungary.
1080
01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:38,440
And here comes the uttefly
amazing Miss Greece.
1081
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:40,154
There you are, viewers - what a sight.
1082
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:42,556
Whal a bevy of... talented ladies.
1083
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:46,431
And following up at the end there,
obviously Miss Brixton.
1084
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:48,558
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
1085
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:52,031
There's absolutely no substitute for
superlative craftsmanship.
1086
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:55,870
Ooh! No substitute at all!
1087
01:08:56,360 --> 01:08:59,239
Here we are, ducky. Just shp into thxs.
1088
01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:06,438
Bleurgh! Do I have to wear this?
1089
01:09:06,520 --> 01:09:09,273
What difference does it make'?
You'll be having i1 ofi in a minule.
1090
01:09:09,560 --> 01:09:11,437
Oh! What have I said?
1091
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:15,876
- Well, doctor'?
- Oh! No, no. Fine, fine.
1092
01:09:16,200 --> 01:09:19,033
Pulse is a Httle faster than normal.
But, then, wouldn'l yours be?
1093
01:09:19,720 --> 01:09:23,714
Don't worry. There's a fuHy equipped
medical team standing by...
1094
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:27,669
...and coumless volunteers for
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
1095
01:09:27,880 --> 01:09:29,518
Get everyone out of here, Catchpole.
1096
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:31,194
Cenainly, sir.
1097
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,237
Ooh! You beast!
1098
01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:35,278
Well!
1099
01:09:36,680 --> 01:09:39,638
No need to teH you how
xmportant this is.
1100
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:41,513
England expects.
1101
01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:46,276
The eyes and the ears of the
world will be upon us.
1102
01:09:46,520 --> 01:09:48,272
Or... upon you, of course.
1103
01:09:48,320 --> 01:09:50,834
It's not being... not being televised, is it?
1104
01:09:50,920 --> 01:09:52,149
Of course not!
1105
01:09:52,680 --> 01:09:55,638
Well, er... not public-wise.
1106
01:09:56,120 --> 01:10:02,639
I mean." I have to have film for...
for my diary... For, for the records!
1107
01:10:03,960 --> 01:10:05,758
History, lad!
1108
01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:08,871
I'm terrified now.
1109
01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:11,674
You know'? Doing it for mankind.
1110
01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:12,756
It's a heavy thought.
1111
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:17,073
Oh, it's just pre-match tension, old son.
I mean, butterflies in the stomach.
1112
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:20,152
The butterflies are a bit... lower down, in my case.
1113
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:24,439
For God's sake, Percy, lad. Percy!
1114
01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:27,030
You're doing it for England!
1115
01:10:27,200 --> 01:10:31,831
They're the finest eugenicaHy selected
specimens of the world's womanhood...
1116
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:35,674
...n0t one with an IQ of less than 150,
is coming in here...
1117
01:10:35,760 --> 01:10:37,990
...and you're going to give her one!
1118
01:10:38,080 --> 01:10:39,593
For England!
1119
01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:41,873
Think of it like that, lad.
1120
01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:45,989
The gold medaHst for sexual bloody intercourse.
1121
01:10:47,280 --> 01:10:48,918
I'll try, Prime Minister.
1122
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:51,873
I'll try to nse to the occasion.
1123
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:54,996
God!
1124
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:57,077
How long has this been going on?
1125
01:11:57,120 --> 01:11:58,793
Since first thing this morning.
1126
01:11:58,800 --> 01:12:01,155
Look at the lime scallywags!
1127
01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:04,830
They haven't actuaHy copulated yet,
but they're getting affectionate.
1128
01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:06,718
They're getting warm!
1129
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:09,152
Which serum did you use?
1130
01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:13,518
Don't get over-excited please, Doclor -
you're hurting my arm.
1131
01:12:13,560 --> 01:12:16,119
Anderson - which serum did you use?
1132
01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:16,951
This one.
1133
01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:21,279
8357/5/8432'
1134
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:25,073
Anderson, you're domg a grand job.
1135
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:28,351
You don't propose using that on
human subject, do you, Doctor?
1136
01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:30,073
That is exactly what I mtend.
1137
01:12:30,160 --> 01:12:32,993
But il hasn't been clinlcally tested.
Ll may nol be safe!
1138
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:37,352
What I am about to do now,
I do for aH womankmd.
1139
01:13:13,160 --> 01:13:18,439
You are beautiful. And I want
to make love to you.
1140
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:23,595
Of course. But first... let's eat.
1141
01:13:23,680 --> 01:13:26,035
Oy vey. No gefilte fisch?
1142
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:09,517
- Who's he?
- That's my husband.
1143
01:14:09,600 --> 01:14:11,989
- He likes to watch.
- Excusez-moi.
1144
01:14:17,560 --> 01:14:19,597
Dr Fairweather. Where are we going?
1145
01:14:20,400 --> 01:14:22,152
Dr Fairweather. What are you doing'?
1146
01:14:23,320 --> 01:14:25,197
Dr Fairweather. Please!
1147
01:14:25,280 --> 01:14:27,794
I insist on knowing. Where are you taking me?
1148
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:28,950
Anywhere!
1149
01:14:29,080 --> 01:14:30,150
In here!
1150
01:14:38,640 --> 01:14:40,278
"Are you ready?"
1151
01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:42,834
"Really ready?"
1152
01:14:42,960 --> 01:14:47,318
"Cause I'm coming. I'm coming for you!"
1153
01:14:48,120 --> 01:14:52,910
"I'm an American child,
and I'm ready for you."
1154
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:57,312
"I'm gonna drive you wHd.
I know you want me to."
1155
01:14:57,400 --> 01:14:59,755
"I'm an American dream."
1156
01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:05,075
Right on, man! Let's groove it...
1157
01:15:05,760 --> 01:15:08,718
...and improve it.
1158
01:15:08,800 --> 01:15:10,598
Yeah! Wild!
1159
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:12,790
White is beautiful...
1160
01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:14,633
[Bmmeq
1161
01:15:15,280 --> 01:15:18,033
But it worked straight off wilh
the rabbits! I promise.
1162
01:15:18,120 --> 01:15:21,795
But listen, Dr Fairweather - this is the
fourth you've made me take.
1163
01:15:21,840 --> 01:15:23,160
Maybe they're not safe?
1164
01:15:23,720 --> 01:15:27,236
"Safe", did you say, Dr Klein'? "Safe"?
1165
01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:31,714
Did Louis Pasteur lhink of safety when
he shot himself full of bacilli?
1166
01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:35,390
Did Marie Curie think of safety when she
exposed herself to radiation?
1167
01:15:35,440 --> 01:15:38,637
Did Paul Erlich think of safeiy when
he gave himself the dap?
1168
01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:43,669
All right.
1169
01:15:45,000 --> 01:15:48,834
I only hope it works out better for me
than it did for poor old Paul.
1170
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:30,231
- Oh, hallo.
- Hallo, Sheila.
1171
01:16:30,360 --> 01:16:33,512
- My name's Marlene.
- G'day, Marlene.
1172
01:16:47,160 --> 01:16:52,712
Confucius, he say: "Three in a bed is
betterlhan two in a paddy field".
1173
01:16:52,880 --> 01:16:54,791
No! No! Stop! Siop!
1174
01:16:55,040 --> 01:16:59,398
Enough! Enough! Please!
Please! No, please!
1175
01:16:59,520 --> 01:17:02,399
You... horrible little specimen.
1176
01:17:03,160 --> 01:17:03,956
Take 'em away.
1177
01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:08,314
Take them away! That's it!
That's it! Enough!
1178
01:17:11,720 --> 01:17:14,030
This is how the wofld ends, gentlemen.
1179
01:17:14,960 --> 01:17:16,109
Not wnh a bang...
1180
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:17,836
...but with a whimper.
1181
01:17:17,960 --> 01:17:22,670
The Percy Crisis. With two-thirds of the world's
female representatives still to come...
1182
01:17:22,760 --> 01:17:26,071
...Percy has gone into a state of post-coital coHapse,
1183
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:30,598
The event, Motherhood International, organised
jointly by tne United Nations...
1184
01:17:30,640 --> 01:17:33,393
...was only in its second day,
although a spokesman...
1185
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:36,239
"promised an early resumption of
normal service.
1186
01:17:36,440 --> 01:17:40,149
One of the many offers of help which have
poured in from the medical profession."
1187
01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:42,754
...has come from Sir Emmanuel Whitbread...
1188
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:47,590
mine eminent surgeon who performed the historic
operation on Percy some years ago.
1189
01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:51,878
Look. ls there anything wrong with the lad,
or is he just being bloody-minded?
1190
01:17:51,960 --> 01:17:54,873
Well, there's nothing organically wrong with hlm.
In the broad sense, I mean.
1191
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:57,235
You might caH it... "too much of a good thing".
1192
01:17:57,520 --> 01:18:00,080
One might say he hasn't got the
courage of his own erection.
1193
01:18:00,200 --> 01:18:02,316
Can he be... er... treated?
1194
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:06,155
Of course. But to do so I shouk! have to
remove him from his presenl surroundings.
1195
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:08,237
- Remove him?
- In secrecy, of course.
1196
01:18:08,320 --> 01:18:09,390
With respect, sir.
1197
01:18:09,680 --> 01:18:14,277
Have you any idea how many people are waiting
outside to get their hands on this litiie bugger?
1198
01:18:14,440 --> 01:18:15,919
And all for different reasons.
1199
01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:20,319
Yesterday we spotted an Orthodox Jewish
lot who want to circumcise him.
1200
01:18:21,040 --> 01:18:22,872
Well, that's rather outside my fieki.
1201
01:18:23,720 --> 01:18:25,233
Well, I must be leaving, gentlemen.
1202
01:18:28,240 --> 01:18:31,278
If I may bowdlerise a popular expression...
1203
01:18:31,520 --> 01:18:34,239
mthe balls, gentlemen, are back
in your court.
1204
01:18:51,160 --> 01:18:55,393
Fear not! They'll have to let me have him.
1205
01:19:06,680 --> 01:19:13,950
"What do I see?
The face of an angel."
1206
01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:18,352
"Staring a1 me. Staring at me."
1207
01:19:18,400 --> 01:19:19,834
Ah! Thank you, Jeficott.
1208
01:19:19,880 --> 01:19:22,076
- In you get, Moiher.
- Mother!
1209
01:19:22,080 --> 01:19:23,514
Get in, you fool!
1210
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:27,269
Menopausal amnesia.
1211
01:19:44,680 --> 01:19:47,035
You lose him, Harris, and I'll have you!
1212
01:19:47,040 --> 01:19:49,759
- More than your life's worth' lad.
- Yes, sir.
1213
01:19:49,960 --> 01:19:51,075
I won't lose him, sir.
1214
01:19:51,680 --> 01:19:53,079
More than my life's worth, sir.
1215
01:19:57,720 --> 01:19:58,630
Mummy'?
1216
01:20:02,440 --> 01:20:04,875
How long do I have
to stay like this?
1217
01:20:05,440 --> 01:20:07,750
Oh! Hold tighi, Moiher.
1218
01:20:09,720 --> 01:20:11,358
The sods trying to shake us off!
1219
01:20:51,080 --> 01:20:53,310
I know I'm always asking thxs...
1220
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:55,631
...but what the hell's going on?
1221
01:20:55,680 --> 01:20:58,274
Not now' there's a good chap.
I'm baking for a street.
1222
01:21:00,160 --> 01:21:01,195
Ah, there it is.
1223
01:21:06,680 --> 01:21:08,239
Look at that Moody fool!
1224
01:21:12,640 --> 01:21:15,439
Watch what you're doing, Harris.
You almost hit that van.
1225
01:21:21,880 --> 01:21:23,075
Drive on, man!
1226
01:21:24,120 --> 01:21:26,396
- Drive on, sir?
- That's what I said,
1227
01:21:28,000 --> 01:21:30,560
Whal are all those people gawping at?
1228
01:21:31,040 --> 01:21:32,792
I don't think they are people, sir.
1229
01:21:33,560 --> 01:21:35,198
I think ihey're sides of beef.
1230
01:21:35,400 --> 01:21:36,037
What?!
1231
01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:40,319
That's a pxg!
1232
01:21:42,440 --> 01:21:45,990
Well, why won't you tell me what's
going on, and where we're going?
1233
01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:46,831
And why?
1234
01:21:46,880 --> 01:21:48,996
And who's responsible for all...
1235
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:51,879
Oh, shut up, me boy! You wanted oui, didrfi you?
1236
01:21:52,240 --> 01:21:54,231
Oh, yes. It aH got too much.
1237
01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:57,279
Well, you are out. And it won't
be too much any longer.
1238
01:21:57,560 --> 01:21:58,755
No more pressure.
1239
01:21:58,920 --> 01:22:00,354
No more responsibihty.
1240
01:22:00,600 --> 01:22:02,318
No more sexual gymnastics.
1241
01:22:02,520 --> 01:22:03,555
It's aH over, me boy.
1242
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:06,075
Hey! You're not going to cut it off againfi!
1243
01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:10,119
Well... hah! The thought had crossed my mihd.
1244
01:22:56,600 --> 01:22:57,351
Hey!
1245
01:22:57,880 --> 01:22:59,075
I know this one.
1246
01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:01,154
Manefs "Olympia".
1247
01:23:03,360 --> 01:23:05,271
Used to make rne randy on the boat.
1248
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:07,194
The real onels in the Louvre, you know?
1249
01:23:07,560 --> 01:23:08,880
No,
1250
01:23:09,320 --> 01:23:11,880
The real one is the one you are making at.
1251
01:23:12,280 --> 01:23:16,751
The one in the Louvre is an
exceptionaHyfine 00W, mark you.
1252
01:23:16,960 --> 01:23:18,189
That's reassunng.
1253
01:23:19,240 --> 01:23:20,753
Er, thank you' Miss Hanson.
1254
01:23:23,720 --> 01:23:25,279
Well, I'm happy to meet you, sxr.
1255
01:23:25,720 --> 01:23:29,156
Well, I'm... happy to meet you, sir.
I suppose.
1256
01:23:29,400 --> 01:23:32,597
0h, Percy... this is
Mr Stavros Mammonian.
1257
01:23:33,360 --> 01:23:34,680
Oh, well, I never!
1258
01:23:34,920 --> 01:23:36,149
You know who I am?
1259
01:23:36,920 --> 01:23:40,356
Well, I know you have a few oil tankers
and a few wives...
1260
01:23:40,360 --> 01:23:42,431
...and are not shon of the odd drachma.
1261
01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:44,238
Obviously bright.
1262
01:23:44,960 --> 01:23:48,157
Fine... fine build.Yes.
1263
01:23:48,440 --> 01:23:51,910
Sfighfly round shoulders.
Probably smokes too much.
1264
01:23:51,960 --> 01:23:55,749
Otherwise a.. weH, a healthy
young specimen
1265
01:23:55,760 --> 01:23:57,910
You shall be well recompensed, Whilbread.
1266
01:23:57,960 --> 01:23:59,314
Oh, I hope so, sir.
1267
01:23:59,600 --> 01:24:03,434
It wasn't easy but I... I pulled it orf.
1268
01:24:03,520 --> 01:24:08,310
Under the circumstances, I do hope that
that is a figure of speech.
1269
01:24:08,600 --> 01:24:12,070
Why am I always the last to know
every flaming thing'?
1270
01:24:12,360 --> 01:24:14,033
Whal do you mean, "well recompensed"?
1271
01:24:14,080 --> 01:24:15,673
I will teH you why, young man.
1272
01:24:15,960 --> 01:24:19,078
I am, as you see, an unweH man.
1273
01:24:19,160 --> 01:24:23,199
I have had many wives, as you say.
But, alas, no chHdren.
1274
01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:28,991
Therefore there is nobody in a direct line
to inherit Mammonian Shipping.
1275
01:24:29,200 --> 01:24:30,713
So it's down to that again?
1276
01:24:30,840 --> 01:24:32,797
"Percy and His Magic Penis"!
1277
01:24:33,280 --> 01:24:36,875
"Is it a man'? Is it a bird?
No, it's Super Stud!"
1278
01:24:37,000 --> 01:24:38,513
You said you'd get me out, yes!
1279
01:24:38,800 --> 01:24:40,996
Out the Moody frying pan,
into the fire.
1280
01:24:41,040 --> 01:24:43,190
And ifs his old lady's fire I've got 10 light!
1281
01:24:43,200 --> 01:24:45,271
Don't be outraged, young man.
1282
01:24:45,440 --> 01:24:48,319
The kings of ancient Greece
did it all the time.
1283
01:24:48,520 --> 01:24:52,195
- Ye Gods!
- Yes, them 100.
1284
01:24:52,680 --> 01:24:54,273
You've abducted me,
1285
01:24:54,520 --> 01:24:56,352
Stolen Crown property.
1286
01:24:57,360 --> 01:24:58,270
How much is he paying you?
1287
01:24:58,320 --> 01:25:00,789
The recompense includes
yourseW, young man.
1288
01:25:00,800 --> 01:25:02,313
And n was generous.
1289
01:25:03,040 --> 01:25:05,600
You can start a new life in the sun.
1290
01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:07,677
A villa in Acapulco, with...
1291
01:25:07,840 --> 01:25:10,992
...tHed floors and dusky sewing girls.
1292
01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:14,432
Come over to lunch with me on Sundays,
and we'll compare polo ponies.
1293
01:25:14,520 --> 01:25:18,593
Look... I just can'! manage it.
1294
01:25:18,720 --> 01:25:20,677
You can have too much
of a good thing.
1295
01:25:21,560 --> 01:25:25,030
And I...
had too much of a good thing.
1296
01:25:25,440 --> 01:25:27,716
Which has lefl me with not
much of a thing!
1297
01:25:28,640 --> 01:25:31,792
It'll all come back to you, I promise -
with rest.
1298
01:25:32,200 --> 01:25:33,873
And a lot of chicken noodle soup.
1299
01:25:34,320 --> 01:25:35,958
Honestly, Doc...
1300
01:25:36,040 --> 01:25:40,113
- ...I can't look a woman in the face.
- H will be only one time.
1301
01:25:41,200 --> 01:25:43,191
I'm sorry. lfsmst not on.
1302
01:25:43,280 --> 01:25:45,510
Think of it as a gift. For me.
1303
01:25:45,640 --> 01:25:47,711
For the man who has everything.
1304
01:25:48,200 --> 01:25:50,714
- No!
- Not even for me?
1305
01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:53,510
Oh, this is my wife - Ciarissa.
1306
01:25:53,600 --> 01:25:56,319
Clarissa... the famous Percy.
1307
01:26:00,360 --> 01:26:01,509
Percy.
1308
01:26:03,440 --> 01:26:07,070
- Oh, but of course. You two
already know each other.
1309
01:26:07,080 --> 01:26:08,639
Oh, a long time ago.
1310
01:26:10,040 --> 01:26:11,872
But I think he's changed.
1311
01:26:12,880 --> 01:26:14,917
Now let me take a closer look.
1312
01:26:17,720 --> 01:26:21,270
- Ma chere.
- No, he... he hasn't changed.
1313
01:26:21,560 --> 01:26:23,312
Oh, (Harissa.
1314
01:26:24,440 --> 01:26:25,760
000m!
1315
01:26:25,960 --> 01:26:27,917
- Oooh...
- Good heavens!
1316
01:26:29,160 --> 01:26:30,514
Don't drop a stitch.
1317
01:26:30,520 --> 01:26:31,191
0h, God...
1318
01:26:31,400 --> 01:26:32,276
Clarissa!
1319
01:26:33,400 --> 01:26:36,199
In God's name, what did
you do that for?
1320
01:26:36,520 --> 01:26:38,272
Just for old times' sake.
1321
01:26:40,040 --> 01:26:41,599
Now, the home news.
1322
01:26:41,840 --> 01:26:46,277
Since the discovery of PX-123
in the workfs water supply...
1323
01:26:46,440 --> 01:26:49,398
...and the subsequent effect of
"erectus interruptus".
1324
01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:53,111
The number of suicides fell
sHghlly last month.
1325
01:26:53,160 --> 01:26:56,596
According to figures issued
there is a drop.
1326
01:26:57,400 --> 01:26:58,834
Yes, Anderson?
1327
01:26:59,080 --> 01:27:01,674
Oh, take a dekko... there.
1328
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:05,959
Rabbits! So what's new, Anderson?
We ail know you have a thing about rabbits.
1329
01:27:06,000 --> 01:27:08,037
Dr Fairweather.
1330
01:27:12,240 --> 01:27:15,756
- My God! They're at it...
- ... like rabbits.
1331
01:27:15,920 --> 01:27:17,672
Which serum did you use?
1332
01:27:17,720 --> 01:27:20,838
I don't think it's a question of
the serum, Dr Fairweather.
1333
01:27:20,840 --> 01:27:23,195
I think it was only a matter of time.
1334
01:27:23,520 --> 01:27:28,276
Once we purified the water supply,
Dame Nature put the clock back.
1335
01:27:28,880 --> 01:27:31,076
In fact, I'm certain of it."
1336
01:27:31,120 --> 01:27:35,159
...Dr Fairweather, because I've
just noticed something.
1337
01:27:35,400 --> 01:27:36,993
Whai, Dr Anderson?
1338
01:27:37,120 --> 01:27:41,193
You're a very attractrve woman, Dr Fairweather.
1339
01:27:41,520 --> 01:27:43,557
I never noticed it before...
1340
01:27:43,800 --> 01:27:45,154
"but you're lovely.
1341
01:27:46,080 --> 01:27:49,232
I like you better than my bunntes.
1342
01:27:51,920 --> 01:27:53,399
Dr Klein!
1343
01:27:53,800 --> 01:27:57,430
I must tell Dr Klein!
1344
01:28:00,280 --> 01:28:03,750
I only wanted to play a
little botanical game...
1345
01:28:04,040 --> 01:28:06,714
..."Gladdies in Vases"!
1346
01:28:09,080 --> 01:28:11,833
Dr Klein!
1347
01:28:12,040 --> 01:28:13,553
Dr Klein!
1348
01:28:13,960 --> 01:28:15,280
Don't do that!
1349
01:28:15,360 --> 01:28:17,112
There is a time and place for everything!
1350
01:28:17,160 --> 01:28:20,596
It's no good - I can't go on.
I can't live in a world without lust!
1351
01:28:20,640 --> 01:28:21,835
Dr Klein.
1352
01:28:21,880 --> 01:28:24,190
Dr. AndersoN's rabbits are doing it!
1353
01:28:24,200 --> 01:28:27,750
Come with me, my love... maybe,
in the laboratory in the sky...
1354
01:28:27,760 --> 01:28:30,354
His rabbits are cohabitmg!
1355
01:28:30,840 --> 01:28:31,875
Take my hand.
1356
01:28:32,280 --> 01:28:35,636
Don't be afraid - ifs but one giant step,
1357
01:28:36,080 --> 01:28:37,275
Alright.
1358
01:28:37,640 --> 01:28:39,119
But' Dr Klein.
1359
01:28:39,760 --> 01:28:42,912
- Whal is it, Dr Fairweather?
- Will you kiss me goodbye?
1360
01:28:43,880 --> 01:28:44,870
Deming!
1361
01:28:45,160 --> 01:28:46,116
Deming!
1362
01:28:46,720 --> 01:28:48,916
Hold me' Dr Klem,
1363
01:28:48,960 --> 01:28:50,234
Kiss me!
1364
01:28:52,720 --> 01:28:53,391
Oh!
1365
01:28:58,240 --> 01:28:59,639
Dr Fairweathefl?
1366
01:29:00,240 --> 01:29:03,232
Dr Klein...?
1367
01:29:03,680 --> 01:29:06,035
Something is happening.
1368
01:29:08,640 --> 01:29:12,599
Something is definitely happening!
1369
01:29:12,720 --> 01:29:15,189
Oh, Dr Klein.
1370
01:29:15,960 --> 01:29:16,711
Oh!
1371
01:29:17,520 --> 01:29:19,591
Dr Klein.
1372
01:29:20,920 --> 01:29:26,040
Dr Klein. Oh, Dr Klein!
1373
01:29:28,360 --> 01:29:29,555
You are the mosi...
1374
01:29:29,760 --> 01:29:34,231
mselfish, inconsiderate, egocentric, Wing, adulterous...
1375
01:29:34,240 --> 01:29:37,153
Oh, Clarissa! I've only every been
adulterous with my wife.
1376
01:29:37,320 --> 01:29:39,118
I've always been faithful to you.
1377
01:29:39,600 --> 01:29:40,715
In principle.
1378
01:29:40,880 --> 01:29:42,791
You've made an an out of infideliiy."
1379
01:29:42,960 --> 01:29:44,837
.,.you wretched specimen of manhood.
1380
01:29:44,880 --> 01:29:48,794
I may be wretched, but I am - in fact - the omy
specimen of manhood around.
1381
01:29:48,880 --> 01:29:51,110
Well, I wouldn't iouch you with a ten-foot pole,
1382
01:29:51,160 --> 01:29:53,117
I've already been touched
by a ten-foot Pole...
1383
01:29:53,200 --> 01:29:54,838
wand a six-foot Swede...
1384
01:29:54,880 --> 01:29:57,030
- ...and a three-foot-six Cambodian.
- You...
1385
01:29:57,040 --> 01:29:59,953
Darling, please - I only love you.
1386
01:29:59,960 --> 01:30:03,874
Honestly! Darling, that vase is
an antique. Priceless.
1387
01:30:03,920 --> 01:30:06,753
Don't harm it - it's the only one
m the world. Just like me!
1388
01:30:06,840 --> 01:30:08,353
You shouldn't harm me, either.
1389
01:30:08,720 --> 01:30:11,519
Oh, please. Look...
1390
01:30:12,720 --> 01:30:15,439
...I know - I was unbearame.
Ifs just that...
1391
01:30:15,800 --> 01:30:17,916
...suocess went to my crotch.
1392
01:30:18,280 --> 01:30:21,079
God, I missed you... you little bastard, you.
1393
01:30:21,160 --> 01:30:22,389
Missed the fights'?
1394
01:30:23,360 --> 01:30:24,509
Missed the lot.
1395
01:30:24,800 --> 01:30:25,995
I mxssed you, too.
1396
01:30:26,280 --> 01:30:31,400
Honestly. Whlle I was at sea, you figured very
strongly in almost all my sexual fanlasies.
1397
01:30:31,440 --> 01:30:32,430
- Really?
- Mmm.
1398
01:30:36,800 --> 01:30:39,633
- Yes, darling?
- Nothing.
1399
01:30:39,920 --> 01:30:44,915
"Sometimes it's hard to hide
true love and true devotion"
1400
01:30:45,360 --> 01:30:50,799
"When there's no star to guide
us through the night"
1401
01:30:52,040 --> 01:30:57,035
"So, darling, cuddle up, and the
warmih of my emotion"
1402
01:30:57,880 --> 01:31:00,349
"Will keep you safe until the day arrives"
1403
01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:02,749
Laddie! What the devil are you doing?
1404
01:31:02,800 --> 01:31:04,359
Huddfin' together for warmlh, sir.
1405
01:31:04,560 --> 01:31:06,278
I learnt that in combat tratnin',
1406
01:31:06,440 --> 01:31:08,750
Not with cwilians, you're not!
1407
01:31:08,840 --> 01:31:10,638
Well, I think it might be wise, sir.
1408
01:31:10,880 --> 01:31:14,350
I saw this film, once - about these two
blokes and Stewan Granger.
1409
01:31:14,600 --> 01:31:17,114
Lost in the desolate waste
of the frozen north,
1410
01:31:17,440 --> 01:31:20,398
In constant fear of frostbite
and maraudin' wowes.
1411
01:31:20,800 --> 01:31:22,518
Huddfin' together helped them, sir.
1412
01:31:22,960 --> 01:31:25,395
Start that wretched motor, will you?!
1413
01:31:26,000 --> 01:31:26,876
Yes, sir.
1414
01:31:34,720 --> 01:31:36,074
Think it's a bit cow,
1415
01:31:39,320 --> 01:31:43,109
Really! That marathon look il
oul of me, Clarissa.
1416
01:31:43,560 --> 01:31:46,598
"Un embarras du riohesse".
That's what I'm suffering from.
1417
01:31:47,640 --> 01:31:50,632
It's just going to take a little
time to get it started.
1418
01:31:51,200 --> 01:31:52,270
Don't worry, darling.
1419
01:31:53,160 --> 01:31:55,310
I'll start it for you, hmm?
1420
01:32:00,560 --> 01:32:02,358
We made it, sir!
1421
01:32:02,440 --> 01:32:03,953
Hallelujah!
1422
01:32:04,040 --> 01:32:07,078
Get cracking, lad. Look lively.
Chop, chop!
1423
01:32:07,080 --> 01:32:08,309
Yes, sir!
1424
01:32:08,840 --> 01:32:10,558
Backwards, you fool!
1425
01:32:13,640 --> 01:32:17,270
Come on. Move, can't you? Move!
1426
01:32:18,800 --> 01:32:19,631
Mammonian!
1427
01:32:23,920 --> 01:32:26,150
- Percy?
- (Marissa?
1428
01:32:27,240 --> 01:32:28,719
Am I the only one?
1429
01:32:30,640 --> 01:32:32,392
The only one, my darling.
1430
01:32:34,400 --> 01:32:35,196
Percy?
1431
01:32:36,240 --> 01:32:37,674
And this is forever'?
1432
01:32:39,680 --> 01:32:45,119
Forever... and forever...
dearesl Clarissa.
1433
01:32:45,440 --> 01:32:48,239
And forever, and forever.
1434
01:32:51,280 --> 01:32:53,669
Oh, no! Not again!
1435
01:32:53,720 --> 01:32:54,949
Come on, Perce boy!
1436
01:32:56,040 --> 01:32:57,314
Back to the grind.
1437
01:32:58,080 --> 01:33:00,151
Excuse me, madam. Duty caHs.
1438
01:33:19,360 --> 01:33:21,112
Shit! Hmph!
1439
01:33:21,840 --> 01:33:22,989
Merde alors!
1440
01:33:24,600 --> 01:33:27,353
But how has the tragedy of PX-123...
1441
01:33:27,440 --> 01:33:29,795
...affected the ordinary man and
woman in the street?
1442
01:33:29,840 --> 01:33:32,354
I've come here, to a typical bus queue, to ask...
1443
01:33:32,400 --> 01:33:35,119
...ordinary people about neafly twelve
months of celibacy.
1444
01:33:35,200 --> 01:33:38,397
Madam. I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how has impotency affected you'?
1445
01:33:38,440 --> 01:33:41,319
- I always use saccharin - it's far less fattening.
- Thank you.
1446
01:33:41,360 --> 01:33:44,910
Um, sir - do you mind me asking how impotency
has affected you at aH in your life?
1447
01:33:45,040 --> 01:33:47,600
I don't know, maie.
I haven't had a bit in a year.
1448
01:33:47,640 --> 01:33:49,551
Thank you very much. Ah, here's
two gentlemen. Sirs...
1449
01:33:49,560 --> 01:33:52,359
...I wonder how this tragedy has
affected your private lives?
1450
01:33:52,640 --> 01:33:54,870
Well, personally, it's brought
us closer iogether.
1451
01:33:54,880 --> 01:33:56,314
Oh, yes... wild thing!
1452
01:33:56,320 --> 01:33:57,276
Thank you very much.
1453
01:33:57,360 --> 01:34:00,432
We interrupt this programme for
an important announcement.
1454
01:34:00,440 --> 01:34:01,157
Very sorry, Father!
1455
01:34:01,160 --> 01:34:04,949
Here' speaking from Number 10
Downing Street is the Prime Minisier.
1456
01:34:05,000 --> 01:34:07,037
The Right Honorable Henry Snope,
1457
01:34:07,360 --> 01:34:09,112
Get stuffed!
1458
01:34:10,880 --> 01:34:13,269
I've got to get out of HERE!!!
1459
01:34:13,320 --> 01:34:17,632
...And so, it seems, that whHe our scientists
were trying and failing...
1460
01:34:17,720 --> 01:34:23,750
to find the solution, Mother Nature was
preparing her own miraculous antidote...
1461
01:34:23,880 --> 01:34:24,517
...time.
1462
01:34:25,240 --> 01:34:31,270
We now know that the terribte effects of
PX-123 are only temporary.
1463
01:34:32,520 --> 01:34:36,639
Reports are pouring in from all over the world.
1464
01:34:36,680 --> 01:34:42,676
Suggesting that mankind is once more in fuH
command of his God-given powers!
1465
01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:46,156
So, therefore, let me say with
Shakespeare's Henry the Fifth...
1466
01:34:46,160 --> 01:34:48,959
..."Once more into the breach, dear friends."
1467
01:34:49,000 --> 01:34:54,234
Into the breach! The whole nation!
No, no, no - eh, eh, no!!
1468
01:34:59,680 --> 01:35:00,112
Wait!
1469
01:35:13,720 --> 01:35:16,917
- Going up'?
- Certainly am!
1470
01:35:17,400 --> 01:35:18,071
Up!
1471
01:35:18,160 --> 01:35:22,233
"My God, this feelings like
a l0ng lost friend"
1472
01:35:22,240 --> 01:35:26,393
"I thought it was gone, gone -
but it's here again"
1473
01:35:26,520 --> 01:35:30,753
"And I... am'! gonna waste the time"
1474
01:35:34,320 --> 01:35:37,517
"Do you remember?'
1475
01:35:37,720 --> 01:35:42,556
"Lying awake each night. You
thought we gonna be"
1476
01:35:42,600 --> 01:35:46,434
"Watching Tl/ for the rest of our lives"
1477
01:35:48,560 --> 01:35:50,392
"Well, I'm happy to report"
1478
01:35:50,440 --> 01:35:53,114
"We're doin' nothin' of the sort!"
1479
01:35:54,680 --> 01:35:57,354
"I got that old feelin' back inside again"
1480
01:35:57,520 --> 01:36:02,515
"I thought it was gone, gone - so
I can't explain this change"
1481
01:36:03,040 --> 01:36:07,511
"It's hard cos it's kinda strange"
1482
01:36:29,200 --> 01:36:33,512
This is all right. Oh! Miss Hanson?
1483
01:36:36,400 --> 01:36:37,629
Miss Hanson?
1484
01:36:40,360 --> 01:36:42,670
I've got something to show you, Miss Hanson.
1485
01:36:45,400 --> 01:36:47,869
Get your clothes off!
1486
01:36:48,080 --> 01:36:50,720
I thought you were never gomg to ask!
1487
01:36:55,440 --> 01:36:56,669
Miss Hanson?
1488
01:37:01,680 --> 01:37:04,957
Miss Hanson? Miss Hanson?
1489
01:37:07,320 --> 01:37:08,549
Miss Hanson?
1490
01:37:11,600 --> 01:37:12,670
Miss Hanson?
1491
01:37:15,760 --> 01:37:17,512
Ah! Miss Hanson?
1492
01:37:18,080 --> 01:37:21,391
Miss Hanson!
Was it something I said?
1493
01:37:24,840 --> 01:37:27,036
Oh, Miss Hanson! Darling!
1494
01:37:28,840 --> 01:37:32,196
UP, please'
Down, boy!
1495
01:37:32,240 --> 01:37:32,672
Bitch!
1496
01:37:32,760 --> 01:37:35,195
No, no - Miss Hanson. Don't go!
1497
01:37:35,360 --> 01:37:39,194
There's two million sex-starved men in
London, and I had to pick a transvestiiei
1498
01:37:40,440 --> 01:37:42,078
Oh! Excuse me' madam.
1499
01:38:02,520 --> 01:38:04,079
- Do you mind?
- No, that's all right.
1500
01:38:06,520 --> 01:38:08,636
Did you notice that young lady, Harris?
1501
01:38:08,760 --> 01:38:10,353
I noticed she 'ad a lovely body, sir.
1502
01:38:10,360 --> 01:38:12,112
Firm breasts, slim thighs.
1503
01:38:12,360 --> 01:38:16,433
Finely chiseHed bones and a flush on 'er cheeks
which highlighted 'er basic sensuality.
1504
01:38:17,280 --> 01:38:18,679
Butthafs all I noticed' sxr.
1505
01:38:18,760 --> 01:38:20,319
I noticed all that, too!
1506
01:38:20,640 --> 01:38:21,835
Yes, sir!
1507
01:38:22,920 --> 01:38:26,038
I have a strange, unaccustomed
feeling upon me!
1508
01:38:26,040 --> 01:38:28,270
- So do I, sir.
- Yes, sir.
1509
01:38:28,280 --> 01:38:30,351
"I GOT THIS FEELING"
1510
01:38:33,640 --> 01:38:34,630
Welcome.
1511
01:38:36,920 --> 01:38:37,637
Come on!
1512
01:38:57,640 --> 01:38:59,074
Thank you, Constable.
1513
01:38:59,600 --> 01:39:01,273
Many, many thanks.
1514
01:39:01,440 --> 01:39:04,114
That's all right, madam.
Madam?
1515
01:39:04,360 --> 01:39:06,192
- Percy!
- 2-1-7!
1516
01:39:06,200 --> 01:39:07,759
- Hello Perce, me old darlin'.
- Hello!
1517
01:39:07,960 --> 01:39:09,359
Whal you doin' in drag, then?
1518
01:39:09,400 --> 01:39:11,869
That's a long, long, long story, 2-1-7.
1519
01:39:12,000 --> 01:39:15,118
That's all righl. It's a long way from
here lo Portland Bill.
1520
01:39:16,440 --> 01:39:18,431
As you say, 2-1-7.
1521
01:39:18,840 --> 01:39:20,558
- Do us a favour, love?
- What?
1522
01:39:20,920 --> 01:39:22,797
Take that bleedin' dress off!
1523
01:39:25,240 --> 01:39:25,832
Whoops!
1524
01:39:38,280 --> 01:39:43,036
"God knows I've missed you'
1525
01:39:43,120 --> 01:39:53,120
"I can't pretend. When your
burning arms enfold me... "
1526
01:39:56,920 --> 01:40:00,629
Bye, Percy! Come again soon!
1527
01:40:01,305 --> 01:40:07,651
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