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to Ingrid
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Marianne shows
her photos
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00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,724
Johan became
a multimillionaire in his old age.
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00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,310
A very old Danish aunt
5
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:13,813
who'd once been
a world-famous opera singer
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00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:18,026
left her fortune to Johan.
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00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,494
When he found himself
financially independent,
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00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,660
he left his job at the university.
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00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:33,959
He bought
his grandparents' summerhouse...
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a ramshackle,
turn-of-the-century villa
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00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,469
in the wilderness near Orsa.
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00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,938
He and I have had no contact...
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00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:51,105
no contact at all, for many years.
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00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:56,777
Our daughters are far away...
15
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,196
even from me.
16
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:03,739
Martha lives in a home,
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00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:07,788
sinking ever deeper
into the isolation of her disease.
18
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,875
I visit her now and then,
but she doesn't recognize me.
19
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:18,215
And Sara married a successful lawyer.
20
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,714
They moved to Australia,
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00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:24,217
where they work for a prestigious firm.
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00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,351
They have no children.
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00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:30,936
Myself?
24
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:38,106
I'm still active in my profession,
25
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:41,659
but at the pace I choose.
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00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:45,242
Mostly family disputes and divorces.
27
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:55,666
I've been thinking I ought to go...
28
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,300
visit Johan.
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00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,504
ONE
30
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,932
Marianne puts
her plan into action
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00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,211
For a long time now I've been thinking...
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00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,342
I ought to come visit Johan.
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00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:56,771
And now I'm actually here.
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00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,314
He's sitting out there on the veranda.
35
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,859
And I've stood here...
36
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:10,363
watching him and hesitating...
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00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,366
for at least ten minutes.
38
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:21,876
Perhaps I should have ignored
this completely irrational impulse.
39
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,711
I mean this trip.
40
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:31,089
I actually don't like irrational impulses.
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00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,058
I'm really not the impulsive type at all.
42
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,765
But here I am.
43
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,400
So I have to make up my mind.
44
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,984
Either I walk quietly back to my car
45
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,074
parked down by the road...
46
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:55,405
or I walk up to him.
47
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,286
Of course...
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00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:03,584
I could just stand here a bit longer
49
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,292
and allow my confusion to run riot.
50
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,923
But not too long.
51
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,756
One more minute.
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00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,603
This minute is taking its sweet time.
53
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,612
Thirty-three seconds...
54
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,362
Forty-seven seconds...
55
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,375
Fifty-five seconds.
56
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,492
- Did I wake you up?
- It's you, Marianne!
57
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,487
Hello.
58
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,156
No, don't get up.
59
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,418
Typical, sneaking up on me.
60
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,038
I wasn't sneaking up on you at all.
61
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:32,009
We haven't seen each other
in 30 years... 32 years.
62
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:36,514
- We just lost track of each other.
- That's only natural.
63
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,598
People start out together,
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00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:41,811
then they part ways
and talk on the phone,
65
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,973
and finally there's silence.
- It's so sad.
66
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,933
- Is that a reproach?
- Not at all.
67
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:51,028
We just had nothing
to say to each other.
68
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:55,324
Then you suddenly call
and say you want to visit.
69
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,120
You didn't sound very enthusiastic.
70
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,531
Enthusiastic? I said no.
71
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,449
I still say no.
72
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:07,829
I don't want this.
But you don't give a damn.
73
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,126
I had to come!
74
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,382
May I ask why?
75
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,544
I'm not telling.
76
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,637
You're laughing.
77
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,805
Johan...
78
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,682
I drove 200 miles...
79
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:28,024
and managed to find
your lair deep in the forest.
80
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:33,150
But now that I've seen you,
kissed you, and spoken to you,
81
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,238
I can go.
82
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,066
No, you can't.
83
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,277
I can't?
84
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:44,582
- You have to at least stay for dinner.
- Why?
85
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,497
I told Miss Nilsson a week ago
86
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:51,418
that an ex-wife would be
visiting this Thursday.
87
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:55,589
I can't suddenly say
there's to be no dinner.
88
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,512
She'll be mad as hell.
89
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:03,476
- Who is Miss Nilsson?
- Agda. Agda Nilsson.
90
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,390
Are you a couple?
91
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,266
Good God in heaven!
92
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,897
No, Lord protect us.
93
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:19,943
You two live out here all alone
deep in the forest?
94
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:23,283
Miss Nilsson lives down in the village.
95
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:28,118
She spends four hours a day here
cooking and cleaning,
96
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,832
and then she goes home.
97
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,499
She's religious and mean-spirited.
98
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,627
So it's not exactly a romantic idyll.
99
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:41,464
I'm actually afraid of the old bitch.
100
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,800
- Afraid of her?
- Yes.
101
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:48,563
She got it in her head somehow
we'd be getting married.
102
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,723
Anyway, stay for dinner.
103
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:53,476
She made up the guest room too,
104
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:56,479
so she expects
you'll be spending the night.
105
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,529
I suppose I better accept.
106
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:06,163
I have such a confounded time
getting out of this chair!
107
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,619
No, don't help!
108
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,831
What is it, Johan?
109
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,124
I intend to give you a hug.
110
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,714
Give me a hug?
111
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,431
Damn you, Johan!
112
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:37,315
You damned old fool!
113
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:40,485
- And how old are you?
- Me?
114
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,614
- I don't know. Do you?
- Eighty-six.
115
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,576
Not you! Me!
116
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,871
Fifty-five... or so.
117
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,543
I'm 63.
118
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,379
Really? That old?
119
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:07,217
And they took out
my ovaries and uterus.
120
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,636
Does that bother you?
121
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,897
Yes... sometimes.
122
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,267
Let's sit on the bench.
123
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,104
It's so beautiful here.
124
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,402
"Where such beauty
is itself revealing,
125
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:25,526
in all that lives,
in all creation stealing,
126
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,455
what must the Source be, the Giver?
Beauty forever."
127
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,787
You can recite from the hymnal!
128
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,751
Grandma taught me.
129
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,789
And Granddad rewarded me
with tin soldiers.
130
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,550
We can enjoy the view...
131
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:48,140
and hold hands if we like.
132
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,391
Hold hands?
133
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:54,264
- Didn't we do that in the old days?
- I guess we did.
134
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,599
I haven't held anyone's hand since...
135
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,602
I guess I've stopped holding hands!
136
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,693
You certainly have a beautiful view.
137
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:12,327
Can you see
the lake cottage from here?
138
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,788
You can see the light
reflected off it there,
139
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,999
beyond the rocks.
140
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,799
I passed by it on my way here.
141
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,967
It looks inhabited.
142
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,426
- You might say that.
- What's that tone of voice?
143
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,924
Henrik lives there.
144
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,769
Yes, Henrik, my dear son.
Mr. Assistant Professor.
145
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,273
So you two are finally talking.
146
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,145
Not exactly.
147
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,860
I got a brief letter
148
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:45,277
announcing that he'd be
moving in there for the summer.
149
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:49,155
He and his daughter Karin
have been there since late April.
150
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:54,199
Doesn't sound like
a thriving interaction.
151
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:58,795
Polite conversation if we happen
to cross paths, and that's it.
152
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,789
Fat little Henrik!
153
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:05,839
- He must be...
- Sixty-one.
154
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:09,304
- My God!
- You can say that again.
155
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,343
And his daughter, Karin?
156
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,349
Karin is 19.
157
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:20,107
Her mother died of cancer
two years ago.
158
00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:23,519
Anna...
159
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,733
Tell me.
160
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:29,445
Anna and Henrik
were married for 20 years.
161
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,907
He's never gotten over her death.
162
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,951
He took an early retirement.
163
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:41,708
From what I hear,
they were happy to be rid of him.
164
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,965
He claims he was
"exploited, mistreated, and persecuted."
165
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,884
- Like you at one point.
- Me? No.
166
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:56,598
Sure, I got tangled up in some
of the usual academic hullabaloo.
167
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:02,233
But my honorary doctorate
from the University of Michigan
168
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,234
put an end to all that.
169
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,987
We were talking about Henrik.
170
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:11,951
He heads an orchestra called
the Uppsala Chamber Soloists.
171
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:15,078
But I hear he'll be quitting that too.
172
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:19,367
- He has to do something.
- I think he's writing a book.
173
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,503
And the daughter, Karin?
174
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,921
Karin also plays the cello.
175
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,669
She's auditioning
for the conservatory this fall.
176
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,009
Henrik is her instructor.
177
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:37,393
They sit down there
in the cottage with their cellos
178
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,557
day after day.
179
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,015
I can tell you she's beautiful...
180
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,150
like her mother.
181
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,699
And our daughters?
I know nothing about them.
182
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,630
Sara moved to Australia.
183
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,087
Yes, Australia.
184
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:14,343
She certainly escaped
the parental reach.
185
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:19,302
I happen to get letters and phone calls.
186
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,267
She's doing well.
187
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,640
A good law firm, a good husband.
188
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,061
She's happy with her life.
189
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,104
And poor Martha?
190
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:36,151
Martha is sinking further and further.
191
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,196
She doesn't recognize me.
192
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:43,375
She's no longer conscious
193
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,586
in our sense of the word.
194
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,337
And you?
195
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,589
I can't complain.
196
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,548
But sometimes I look
at my voluntary isolation here
197
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,766
and think I'm in hell,
198
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,978
that I've died and just don't realize it.
199
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:07,816
But I live a comfortable life.
No cause for complaint.
200
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:12,655
I go back and forth over my past,
now that I have the answer sheet.
201
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,569
Doesn't sound like much fun.
202
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:18,360
That's just it. It's no fun at all.
203
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:22,240
But who the hell said
hell was supposed to be fun?
204
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:27,578
What does this
"answer sheet" of yours say?
205
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,419
- You really want to know?
- I asked, didn't I?
206
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:34,551
It says my life has been shit.
207
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:39,511
A stupid and thoroughly
meaningless life.
208
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,053
Is our marriage part of your hell?
209
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,517
According to your answer sheet.
210
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,315
To be honest, yes.
211
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,230
Sorry to hear that.
212
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:55,064
An old priest once told me
that a good relationship
213
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,325
between a man and a woman
has two components:
214
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:01,741
a good friendship
and unshakable eroticism.
215
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:06,083
No one can say
you and I weren't good friends.
216
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,327
Solid friends.
217
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:13,003
- It was a good friendship.
- Absolutely.
218
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,509
You were unfaithful.
219
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:19,762
I was so...
- I was too.
220
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,925
- So sad.
- That was long ago.
221
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:26,019
- It's still painful.
- Not for me.
222
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:29,481
No, I suppose not.
223
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,192
Dearest Marianne.
224
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,650
So you say.
225
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,981
Yes, so I say.
226
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,365
It's so nice sitting here with you...
227
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:47,162
with you holding my hand
as we look at the lovely view...
228
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,669
and refrain from talk of painful things.
229
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,790
You're the one holding my hand.
230
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,466
Shit! Dinner!
231
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,336
You look terrified!
232
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,340
Miss Nilsson will be furious
if we're late.
233
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,385
Johan, I need to freshen up.
234
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,557
I have to get my bag from the car!
235
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,279
I'm sorry I came...
236
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,698
TWO
237
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:29,833
Almost a week
has passed
238
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,090
Are you Karin?
239
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:41,212
You want to speak
to your grandfather?
240
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:45,553
He and Miss Nilsson
went to the dentist.
241
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,677
They'll be back tonight.
242
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,269
I'm Marianne. I was once
married to your grandfather.
243
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:56,360
I'm visiting.
- I know.
244
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,362
Come sit down.
245
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,785
If you want, you can help me
clean these mushrooms.
246
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,124
Here's a knife.
247
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:20,547
If you like, we can talk.
Or we can just sit together.
248
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,884
You must know Henrik, my dad.
249
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,302
I've said hello,
but I can't really say
250
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,224
I know him.
251
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:34,473
- My mother is dead.
- I know.
252
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,812
She died two years ago.
253
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,695
Your grandfather told me about her.
254
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:46,736
Dad retired and now
he's devoting himself to music.
255
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,904
The cello, right?
256
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:53,830
- He's writing on Bach's St. John Passion.
- And you play cello too?
257
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,584
I hope to get into the conservatory.
258
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:02,551
Your dad is the teacher,
259
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,590
and you're the student.
260
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,677
Exactly.
261
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,148
You want to talk about it?
262
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:20,937
Do you know Paul Hindemith's
Cello Sonata, Opus 25?
263
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,899
I know absolutely nothing
about music.
264
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:30,029
Dad wants me to play it
for the audition, but it's too hard!
265
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,951
But he doesn't think so?
266
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:35,417
How were you in the days
just before a period?
267
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,455
I was a premenstrual monster.
268
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:45,086
I'd go to sleep an angel
the night before...
269
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:48,888
and wake up a devil.
270
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:53,306
My brain turns to mush.
And I have trouble waking up.
271
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,979
Dad is a typical morning person.
272
00:21:56,524 --> 00:22:00,518
- And this morning you had a lesson?
- Did we ever!
273
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,487
I wore my nightgown in protest
274
00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:05,989
and yawned now and then.
275
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:11,487
We worked on the fourth movement.
That damn Hindemith wrote:
276
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:18,503
"Lebhafte Viertel ohne jeden Ausdruck
und stets pianissimo."
277
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:22,381
You understand?
- Sounds hard, whatever it is.
278
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,676
So I sat there
with my brain a mush,
279
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:28,337
trying to be
lebhaft ohne Ausdruck.
280
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:34,518
I begged Dad to let me off the hook,
but he was impossible.
281
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:38,931
He made me play
the same measures at least 20 times!
282
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:41,816
Finally I said calmly,
controlling my anger...
283
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:45,062
"I don't give a shit about this!"
284
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:49,567
I said it wasn't a lesson,
it was animal torture.
285
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,656
Henrik was angry too,
286
00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:55,406
but he laughed and said
to start again from the top,
287
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,453
where it says...
288
00:22:57,585 --> 00:23:01,499
"Lebhaft, sehr markiert,
mit festen Bogenstrichen."
289
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:04,794
But I was so pissed off,
I messed it up.
290
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:07,338
He said I screwed up on purpose.
291
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:11,884
So I said
he was clueless as a teacher,
292
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,390
which was terribly unfair of me.
293
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,930
Dad is the most patient, sensitive,
caring teacher there is.
294
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:23,396
He said it wasn't about his teaching
295
00:23:23,652 --> 00:23:28,067
but about will and discipline,
and that I was lazy!
296
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,698
He said I was lazy!
297
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:37,997
So I got up
and carefully set the cello aside,
298
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:40,583
because my whole body
was shaking.
299
00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:43,788
I said, "We're done for today.
300
00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:47,337
I'm going for a walk by myself!"
301
00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:57,888
He turned pale.
302
00:23:58,604 --> 00:24:00,812
I've never seen him like that.
303
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,482
He said...
304
00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:07,148
"You're not leaving this room."
305
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:12,574
I just put on my boots
and headed for the door.
306
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:18,573
I didn't hear him coming after me,
but he grabbed my shoulders...
307
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,749
You're not leaving!
308
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,463
You're not leaving!
309
00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:24,868
I sat and cried.
310
00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:28,451
And I said...
311
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:31,167
"Never again.
312
00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:33,669
Never again.
313
00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:35,963
Never again."
314
00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,843
I cried and cried until I felt empty.
315
00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,432
Then I thought...
316
00:26:46,647 --> 00:26:49,515
"I'll go beg Grandfather to help me
317
00:26:49,650 --> 00:26:53,439
get away from that lunatic!"
318
00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:58,440
I'd tell Grandfather
that I've put up with lots of things
319
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,692
but that I've had enough.
320
00:27:01,078 --> 00:27:04,367
Now the old man
can take care of his crazy son
321
00:27:04,498 --> 00:27:08,833
and send him to the funny farm
or report him to the police
322
00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:10,793
or kill him!
323
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:22,631
Then I realized
that from this point on...
324
00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:25,304
I know nothing.
325
00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:30,020
I know nothing about my life...
326
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,980
what I'm going to do or be.
327
00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:44,870
I thought about how Mom
is hopelessly dead and gone...
328
00:27:45,622 --> 00:27:48,956
and how I can't ask her
about anything anymore.
329
00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:55,330
At that point I had
such an attack of self-pity
330
00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:57,798
that I started bawling again.
331
00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:10,933
You're probably thinking
I'm very high-strung...
332
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,683
but that's precisely what I'm not.
333
00:28:14,818 --> 00:28:17,856
- You think Henrik is suicidal?
- What's that mean?
334
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:21,569
- That he might kill himself.
- Dad? Kill himself?
335
00:28:21,783 --> 00:28:27,120
In an extreme situation
like what you describe,
336
00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,363
might he harm himself?
337
00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:32,534
You know, to be honest...
338
00:28:33,212 --> 00:28:36,046
I don't know my dad very well.
339
00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:39,290
I just know that deep down he's...
340
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:41,550
well, a good man.
341
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:44,800
Or else Mom would never have...
342
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:48,887
Mom loved him, you know.
343
00:28:49,353 --> 00:28:51,265
They loved each other.
344
00:28:52,105 --> 00:28:54,563
And I guess I was sort of...
345
00:28:55,150 --> 00:28:58,063
shut out of that love.
346
00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:03,198
Or so I think
when I'm feeling sorry for myself
347
00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:05,408
and my boyfriends seem so dreary.
348
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:10,910
Why can't I feel
a love like my mother's?
349
00:29:15,003 --> 00:29:19,998
Were you afraid your dad
might kill himself after her death?
350
00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:24,094
I never gave him
and his tragedy much thought.
351
00:29:25,597 --> 00:29:30,058
But I tried to take care of Mom
as much as she'd let me.
352
00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:36,105
She was never much of a talker.
353
00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:41,444
But on one of her last days...
354
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:45,990
She was usually half asleep
from all the morphine.
355
00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:52,201
On one of her last days,
as I sat beside her...
356
00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:55,333
she opened her eyes
and looked at me...
357
00:29:55,711 --> 00:29:58,203
and said very clearly...
358
00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:03,503
"You know I love you.
359
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:09,093
You know I love you, Karin."
360
00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:18,314
My mom never used
that kind of language.
361
00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:24,566
Many years ago
Dad once said jokingly...
362
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,948
"Anna never says I love you...
363
00:30:28,285 --> 00:30:31,995
but she continually performs
acts of love."
364
00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:40,583
What if Grandfather
and Miss Nilsson walked in now?
365
00:30:40,714 --> 00:30:42,501
That's okay.
366
00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:44,882
I have another bottle.
367
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:01,683
I can't see you married to Grandpa.
368
00:31:02,152 --> 00:31:04,189
Is that so strange?
369
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:07,067
I'm having a hard time imagining it.
370
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:11,526
What kind of person is
this Johan of yours?
371
00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:13,402
Good question.
372
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:15,905
Did you love him?
373
00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:19,667
I've pondered that question
my whole life.
374
00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:22,037
Was it that difficult?
375
00:31:23,048 --> 00:31:26,632
We were married 16 years.
376
00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:28,960
Then we got divorced.
377
00:31:29,096 --> 00:31:33,431
He'd found someone else...
some feather-brain named Paula.
378
00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:37,059
I remarried.
379
00:31:37,229 --> 00:31:40,722
He was a real bore, a glider pilot.
380
00:31:41,358 --> 00:31:45,568
One day he glided off,
quiet as could be.
381
00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:48,358
He was never found again.
382
00:31:53,370 --> 00:31:55,487
For some reason...
383
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:59,081
Johan and I got back together
for several years.
384
00:31:59,793 --> 00:32:01,625
Then I found out...
385
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:05,463
he'd taken up with another woman...
386
00:32:05,590 --> 00:32:07,957
a real slut.
387
00:32:08,385 --> 00:32:11,924
I was angry and hurt,
and I broke up with him.
388
00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:16,766
I suddenly realized I'd been
the world's most deceived
389
00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:21,646
and cheated-on wife and lover ever.
390
00:32:22,232 --> 00:32:28,229
Johan was notoriously
and compulsively unfaithful.
391
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,859
You mean my grandfather...
392
00:32:30,991 --> 00:32:33,529
He was a full-blown liar.
393
00:32:34,161 --> 00:32:36,244
And he wrote poems.
394
00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:41,290
A volume got published,
but it was never successful.
395
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:45,207
- My grandfather wrote verse?
- Yes!
396
00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:47,751
Even love poems to me.
397
00:32:48,341 --> 00:32:50,458
- Did you keep them?
- No.
398
00:32:50,719 --> 00:32:52,176
But you loved him?
399
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:04,181
I was so terribly naive.
400
00:33:04,524 --> 00:33:09,644
I think it would be impossible today
to be as childish
401
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:13,861
and at the same time
such an incredible know-it-all!
402
00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:22,031
I think I loved him.
403
00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:27,002
Utterly, without reservation.
404
00:33:27,881 --> 00:33:30,089
You never suspected?
405
00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:32,587
Not for a second.
406
00:33:34,387 --> 00:33:37,175
What made you come here suddenly?
407
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,925
I don't really know.
408
00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,771
You still love him!
409
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:48,599
Don't you?
410
00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:52,358
If you had to be completely honest...
411
00:33:59,246 --> 00:34:01,533
I hear people say...
412
00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:06,333
that Johan's like this or like that.
413
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:08,874
Mostly unkind things.
414
00:34:11,591 --> 00:34:15,631
But I don't know
the Johan they're talking about.
415
00:34:17,597 --> 00:34:20,340
I've always thought he was a good man.
416
00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:24,807
Almost helplessly good.
417
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:28,014
It was so easy to hurt him.
418
00:34:28,733 --> 00:34:31,271
He could never defend himself.
419
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:39,575
I think Johan...
420
00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:44,371
is a touching human being.
421
00:34:48,378 --> 00:34:50,745
He's touching.
422
00:34:51,673 --> 00:34:53,164
Are you crying?
423
00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:55,465
A little.
424
00:34:57,137 --> 00:34:58,628
For Grandfather?
425
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:06,927
I'm crying...
426
00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:09,976
for Johan and Marianne.
427
00:35:10,775 --> 00:35:12,437
I understand.
428
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:19,110
This is crazy.
429
00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:33,371
My dear girl, tell me:
430
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:40,636
What will you do now?
- Go back to Henrik.
431
00:35:41,014 --> 00:35:42,801
You sure that's wise?
432
00:35:42,974 --> 00:35:45,637
It has nothing to do with being wise.
433
00:35:46,603 --> 00:35:48,936
I'll be here a few more days.
434
00:35:49,064 --> 00:35:51,147
Let me know what happens.
435
00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:54,900
You can count on it.
436
00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:06,578
THREE
437
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:10,666
About Anna
438
00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,599
That can't ever happen again.
439
00:36:28,478 --> 00:36:31,061
Ever.
- Ever.
440
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:34,224
We must have a serious talk.
441
00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:39,024
We don't need to talk.
We both know how everything is.
442
00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:41,985
Nothing needs to be worked out.
443
00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:44,200
I'm glad it's so simple!
444
00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:51,077
I was scared to death.
I can't put it any other way.
445
00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:53,538
Scared to death.
446
00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:56,162
Do you understand? Do you?
447
00:36:56,297 --> 00:36:59,210
I'm very tired. I'm going to bed.
448
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:09,558
- Are you asleep?
- No.
449
00:37:28,872 --> 00:37:31,956
I had a similar situation
with Anna once.
450
00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:40,001
We weren't married then,
but we were living together.
451
00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:46,095
I may have been a little drunk.
452
00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:50,098
I let loose with a bunch of nasty shit
453
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,510
about the goddamn university...
454
00:37:53,313 --> 00:37:56,431
about my colleagues
and our working conditions.
455
00:37:56,941 --> 00:38:01,481
And of course about my father,
the old bastard.
456
00:38:04,616 --> 00:38:06,699
Anna didn't say a word,
457
00:38:07,076 --> 00:38:09,693
which got me even more riled up.
458
00:38:11,748 --> 00:38:13,740
I remember thinking...
459
00:38:15,502 --> 00:38:18,119
"What's she thinking about...
460
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:21,380
mending her skirt there by the lamp?
461
00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:25,000
What's she thinking?
462
00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:30,674
Probably that I'm unbearable."
463
00:38:32,602 --> 00:38:34,719
And then she said it.
464
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:39,105
"When you go on like that, I think...
465
00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:42,560
'That's not the man I plan to marry."'
466
00:38:46,699 --> 00:38:51,615
Then she went into the hall
to get her coat and leave.
467
00:38:52,247 --> 00:38:57,493
I went mad with fear or something.
I just went mad.
468
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:01,954
I tried to stop her.
469
00:39:02,257 --> 00:39:05,375
She didn't move...
470
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:11,381
but a message passed
from her body to mine.
471
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:15,138
It said, "I'm leaving.
472
00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:20,268
I'm leaving you."
473
00:39:25,572 --> 00:39:28,690
Then I said,
in a voice I didn't recognize...
474
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,658
"No one leaves me.
475
00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:38,450
No one walks out on me.
476
00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:43,333
No one turns around...
477
00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:47,592
and leaves me."
478
00:39:54,642 --> 00:39:57,476
And I sat down on the floor
and thought...
479
00:39:58,313 --> 00:40:00,305
"It's over."
480
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:04,104
I closed my eyes and thought...
481
00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:08,817
"Anna's leaving,
and she's never coming back."
482
00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:17,405
But then I heard her
rummaging around in the kitchen.
483
00:40:18,625 --> 00:40:20,662
She was making coffee.
484
00:40:24,255 --> 00:40:26,292
But she didn't say a word.
485
00:40:28,092 --> 00:40:31,381
Maybe the coffee was to sober me up.
486
00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:36,723
She didn't say a word
the rest of the evening.
487
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:40,136
She just kept on sewing.
488
00:40:41,856 --> 00:40:44,940
Anna was the silent type anyway.
489
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:47,776
She was never very talkative.
490
00:40:50,281 --> 00:40:54,150
But we didn't need to speak.
We always knew...
491
00:40:57,997 --> 00:41:01,490
I begged for forgiveness
like a child to his mother.
492
00:41:01,626 --> 00:41:04,835
"I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."
493
00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:11,633
And that's just what
I want to say to you now...
494
00:41:12,136 --> 00:41:14,753
but it sounds so ridiculous.
495
00:41:14,889 --> 00:41:18,553
Anyone can say he's sorry.
It doesn't cost a thing.
496
00:41:23,356 --> 00:41:26,599
So nothing more was said that night.
497
00:41:29,404 --> 00:41:33,239
It turned into a night of...
498
00:41:33,992 --> 00:41:36,109
a night of distance.
499
00:41:41,332 --> 00:41:43,494
Anna fell sound asleep...
500
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:47,586
but I lay awake,
listening to her breathing.
501
00:41:49,757 --> 00:41:53,671
I watched her
in the light from a streetlamp
502
00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:56,215
outside the window.
503
00:41:56,889 --> 00:41:59,677
I gazed at her for a long time...
504
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,676
and wondered if...
505
00:42:03,021 --> 00:42:04,887
deep down inside...
506
00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:08,858
she knew how much
I'd grown to be a part of her.
507
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:13,984
Or actually... how much
she'd grown to be a part of me.
508
00:42:15,825 --> 00:42:19,569
With Anna and me,
it was a question of belonging.
509
00:42:20,204 --> 00:42:22,412
You understand what I mean?
510
00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:25,745
And that belonging was...
511
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:29,123
a miracle.
512
00:42:29,255 --> 00:42:31,838
I know that sounds pretentious...
513
00:42:32,884 --> 00:42:34,876
but there's no better word.
514
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:42,591
Toward morning I fell asleep,
515
00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:46,724
and when the alarm went off,
we got up, had breakfast,
516
00:42:46,856 --> 00:42:48,893
and chatted as usual.
517
00:42:50,234 --> 00:42:54,228
I went off to a class,
and Anna went to the library.
518
00:43:02,246 --> 00:43:06,911
All this is an explanation,
not an excuse.
519
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:09,413
There is no excuse.
520
00:43:14,759 --> 00:43:16,751
If you leave me...
521
00:43:19,013 --> 00:43:21,221
I'll be destitute...
522
00:43:21,641 --> 00:43:24,600
or some better word
that doesn't exist.
523
00:43:25,478 --> 00:43:28,312
You'll have your freedom in due time.
524
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:31,557
You'll go to the conservatory
and have real teachers,
525
00:43:31,692 --> 00:43:33,775
professional teachers,
526
00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:36,107
and a whole different life.
527
00:43:38,699 --> 00:43:41,157
Things will be different for me too.
528
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:53,287
These months with you have been
529
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:57,295
what scripture calls "a state of grace."
530
00:43:58,803 --> 00:44:01,045
For me, not you.
531
00:44:03,808 --> 00:44:07,051
It was kind of you
to come back so quickly.
532
00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:11,142
I don't know what to say.
533
00:44:12,233 --> 00:44:14,350
It's all so tangled up.
534
00:44:14,819 --> 00:44:17,186
We don't have to talk about that.
535
00:44:29,125 --> 00:44:31,037
Sometimes I think
536
00:44:31,169 --> 00:44:34,628
that some inconceivable punishment
lies just around the corner.
537
00:45:01,908 --> 00:45:05,117
FOUR
538
00:45:05,828 --> 00:45:09,993
A week or so later,
Henrik visits his father
539
00:45:12,251 --> 00:45:15,995
S. Kierkegaard
Either/Or: A Fragment of Life
540
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,392
Am I interrupting?
541
00:45:35,399 --> 00:45:37,391
Oh, it's you.
542
00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:40,109
It's been a while.
543
00:45:43,866 --> 00:45:45,858
How are you doing?
544
00:45:46,911 --> 00:45:49,654
Fine, thanks. And you?
545
00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:54,950
At 60 you have
six things wrong with you,
546
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:58,045
at 70 you have seven,
and so on.
547
00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,706
It's a fairly good assessment.
548
00:46:00,841 --> 00:46:04,255
Of course,
it depends on your priorities.
549
00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:21,769
I heard your ex-wife
dropped by unexpectedly.
550
00:46:21,904 --> 00:46:23,645
Typical Marianne.
551
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:28,025
She's known since the dawn of time
that I hate improvisation.
552
00:46:28,953 --> 00:46:30,945
Perhaps we'll meet.
553
00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:33,114
She's out picking berries.
554
00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:37,121
I don't know if you'll be here
when she gets back.
555
00:46:38,754 --> 00:46:41,292
Of course.
I don't mean to bother you.
556
00:46:41,424 --> 00:46:43,507
I appreciate it.
557
00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:49,133
What do you want?
558
00:46:56,314 --> 00:47:00,524
I need 890,000 kronor.
Call it an advance on my inheritance.
559
00:47:00,818 --> 00:47:05,188
- So you need money again.
- I know. You loaned me 200,000.
560
00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:07,693
Which you haven't begun to pay back.
561
00:47:07,825 --> 00:47:09,782
You'll get your money.
562
00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:13,324
I'm quite certain
I'll never see that money.
563
00:47:14,582 --> 00:47:18,792
It's amusing to call that a "loan."
564
00:47:19,253 --> 00:47:22,496
If humiliating me amuses you,
565
00:47:22,631 --> 00:47:25,374
let's not leave out the fact
566
00:47:25,509 --> 00:47:29,503
I'm not paying any rent
for the lake house.
567
00:47:30,473 --> 00:47:33,386
We've been there for five months...
568
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:36,768
and you haven't seen a cent.
569
00:47:36,896 --> 00:47:41,357
- Yet you could afford a new car.
- It's borrowed. The owner is abroad.
570
00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:45,524
When he returns in October,
I'll be without a car.
571
00:47:51,619 --> 00:47:55,533
- How's the book coming?
- Fine, thanks.
572
00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,616
There's an exhaustive answer.
573
00:48:04,215 --> 00:48:08,676
I've stood here for ten minutes
and let you humiliate me.
574
00:48:09,428 --> 00:48:14,173
If I didn't need the money,
I'd have left long ago.
575
00:48:14,308 --> 00:48:16,220
You can leave now.
576
00:48:31,409 --> 00:48:34,652
It's not for me. It's for Karin.
577
00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:38,910
Oh, right.
578
00:48:39,875 --> 00:48:42,788
Marianne said you two had a fight.
579
00:48:43,170 --> 00:48:45,708
Are you trying to get her to stay?
580
00:48:45,923 --> 00:48:48,085
You think you can bribe her?
581
00:48:49,969 --> 00:48:53,883
Sometimes I wonder
how Anna put up with you.
582
00:48:54,014 --> 00:48:56,222
Leave Anna out of this.
583
00:48:57,810 --> 00:49:01,724
Don't utter Anna's name
with that rotten old maw of yours.
584
00:49:02,773 --> 00:49:06,232
I like you better... or dislike you less...
585
00:49:06,444 --> 00:49:08,606
when you use that tone.
586
00:49:09,113 --> 00:49:14,359
It injects an honest dose of hatred
into your general wishy-washiness.
587
00:49:26,922 --> 00:49:28,834
It's like this:
588
00:49:29,842 --> 00:49:34,803
There's a cello I can buy Karin,
an 1815 Fagnola.
589
00:49:35,014 --> 00:49:38,473
It's an excellent instrument,
almost like a Guarneri.
590
00:49:39,143 --> 00:49:43,103
Karin has a special talent.
I'm not alone in saying that.
591
00:49:43,230 --> 00:49:46,223
She could become a great musician.
592
00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:51,149
The instruction I've provided
so far has been adequate,
593
00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:54,573
but far short
of what her talent calls for.
594
00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:59,365
Likewise with her instrument.
She has a passable German cello.
595
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:02,581
But she'll be auditioning
for the conservatory soon.
596
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,835
How do you know
this cello's as good as they say?
597
00:50:07,338 --> 00:50:11,457
It wouldn't be the first time
you were cheated.
598
00:50:11,592 --> 00:50:16,007
It has a certificate of authenticity,
and the seller is a decent man.
599
00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:19,924
And his decency compels him
to sell so cheaply?
600
00:50:21,393 --> 00:50:25,103
He's old and sick
and can't take care of it anymore.
601
00:50:27,316 --> 00:50:31,526
He heard Karin play and said
she'd be the perfect heir.
602
00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:33,611
Isn't that touching!
603
00:50:51,382 --> 00:50:52,873
Dad...
604
00:50:54,009 --> 00:50:57,047
where does all this hostility come from?
605
00:50:58,514 --> 00:51:00,471
Speak for yourself.
606
00:51:01,475 --> 00:51:05,560
When you were 18 or 19,
I tried to get close to you.
607
00:51:06,939 --> 00:51:09,101
You'd been seriously ill...
608
00:51:09,316 --> 00:51:12,400
and your mother wanted us
to talk things out.
609
00:51:12,861 --> 00:51:14,818
I said to you...
610
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:18,031
"I know I've been a bad father...
611
00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:20,946
and I want to do better."
612
00:51:21,579 --> 00:51:23,571
And you screamed at me...
613
00:51:24,164 --> 00:51:26,030
yes, screamed...
614
00:51:26,458 --> 00:51:30,919
"A bad father?
You've never been a father at all!"
615
00:51:31,380 --> 00:51:38,093
Then you said you could do
without my forced exertions.
616
00:51:39,013 --> 00:51:41,721
One should respect honest hatred...
617
00:51:41,849 --> 00:51:43,761
and I respect yours.
618
00:51:43,892 --> 00:51:47,385
But I really couldn't care less
if you hate me.
619
00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:49,930
You barely exist.
620
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:53,016
If it weren't for Karin,
621
00:51:53,152 --> 00:51:55,769
who thank God takes after her mother,
622
00:51:55,946 --> 00:51:58,984
you wouldn't exist for me at all.
623
00:52:02,036 --> 00:52:06,155
So there's no hostility here,
I assure you.
624
00:52:06,957 --> 00:52:10,667
Give me the name and number
of this cello owner
625
00:52:10,794 --> 00:52:14,037
and I'll look into it.
626
00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:37,227
There.
627
00:52:38,489 --> 00:52:39,980
Thank you.
628
00:52:49,375 --> 00:52:50,866
So what's your answer?
629
00:52:52,670 --> 00:52:55,663
I'll let you know in good time.
630
00:52:56,632 --> 00:52:58,874
So the audience has ended?
631
00:53:02,471 --> 00:53:04,133
I'm leaving.
632
00:53:07,518 --> 00:53:10,852
Can I say just one thing?
- If you absolutely must.
633
00:53:16,985 --> 00:53:20,695
That story about
an exchange of words 50 years ago
634
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:23,026
is no excuse.
635
00:53:23,158 --> 00:53:25,525
- So that's what you think.
- Yes, it is.
636
00:53:25,703 --> 00:53:27,615
Poor Anna.
637
00:53:29,873 --> 00:53:32,115
Are you going to hit me now?
638
00:53:38,716 --> 00:53:40,457
FIVE
639
00:55:33,539 --> 00:55:35,656
I hope I'm not interrupting.
640
00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:39,746
No, I just finished.
641
00:55:40,671 --> 00:55:42,788
I practice in the mornings.
642
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:46,416
It seems the regular organist
is expecting,
643
00:55:46,552 --> 00:55:49,590
so I'm filling in.
- I thought you were a cellist.
644
00:55:49,972 --> 00:55:52,680
I have a degree in organ.
645
00:55:52,933 --> 00:55:56,722
In my day,
it was a smart thing to have.
646
00:55:57,229 --> 00:56:00,438
Lots of churches, few orchestras.
647
00:56:00,899 --> 00:56:02,435
What were you playing?
648
00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:07,149
Bach's Organ Sonata No. 1
in E-flat Major.
649
00:56:08,866 --> 00:56:11,859
- It was beautiful.
- This is a unique organ...
650
00:56:12,119 --> 00:56:15,783
a Cahman from 1728.
651
00:56:16,957 --> 00:56:20,997
No one knows how it ended up
in this wilderness.
652
00:56:23,964 --> 00:56:26,877
Karin and I gave a concert here
a few weeks ago.
653
00:56:27,050 --> 00:56:28,507
Free, of course.
654
00:56:28,677 --> 00:56:31,590
It was almost full.
- Will you give any more?
655
00:56:31,722 --> 00:56:36,558
No, Karin's preparing for her audition,
and I have to finish my book.
656
00:56:37,102 --> 00:56:38,388
Your book?
657
00:56:38,604 --> 00:56:41,096
Yes, I'm writing a book.
658
00:56:41,648 --> 00:56:44,812
On Bach's St. John Passion.
659
00:56:46,695 --> 00:56:49,312
I've met Karin a few times.
660
00:56:49,865 --> 00:56:51,606
I hear she's very talented.
661
00:56:51,825 --> 00:56:56,160
She's considered exceptional,
and not just by her proud dad.
662
00:56:56,997 --> 00:57:00,331
- You're her teacher?
- It's turned out that way.
663
00:57:01,084 --> 00:57:03,246
At the conservatory she'll be taught
664
00:57:03,378 --> 00:57:07,622
by the top European teachers.
- Won't it be hard letting her go?
665
00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:10,250
Yes.
666
00:57:15,015 --> 00:57:16,756
You might say that.
667
00:57:17,976 --> 00:57:20,719
- You're very attached to Karin?
- Yes.
668
00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:26,400
- Forgive me.
- No, it's all right.
669
00:57:29,613 --> 00:57:33,573
- Karin is like Anna.
- Not in appearance.
670
00:57:34,952 --> 00:57:36,238
What's wrong?
671
00:57:41,959 --> 00:57:44,793
When I talk about Anna, I cry.
672
00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:47,628
That's just how it is.
673
00:57:48,465 --> 00:57:50,297
It can't be helped.
674
00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,553
Anna's been gone over two years...
675
00:57:56,807 --> 00:57:59,140
and it still hurts just as bad.
676
00:58:01,478 --> 00:58:03,344
That's just how it is.
677
00:58:10,487 --> 00:58:13,195
Life itself has become a routine.
678
00:58:17,452 --> 00:58:20,069
I don't know.
No words can describe it.
679
00:58:22,374 --> 00:58:24,661
I've become handicapped.
680
00:58:26,378 --> 00:58:27,994
Just like that.
681
00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:31,585
Disabled.
682
00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:39,430
Karin is all that gives my life meaning.
683
00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:44,060
And... well...
684
00:58:45,981 --> 00:58:48,519
there wouldn't be
much meaning without her.
685
00:58:59,411 --> 00:59:02,279
I think a lot about death these days.
686
00:59:04,624 --> 00:59:06,661
I think like this...
687
00:59:09,421 --> 00:59:13,540
One day I'm walking
through the forest to the river.
688
00:59:14,968 --> 00:59:20,054
It's a still and foggy autumn day.
689
00:59:21,099 --> 00:59:22,886
Absolute silence.
690
00:59:26,688 --> 00:59:31,433
Then I see someone by the gate...
691
00:59:32,569 --> 00:59:34,561
coming toward me.
692
00:59:35,822 --> 00:59:38,610
She's wearing a blue denim skirt
693
00:59:38,950 --> 00:59:40,942
and blue jacket.
694
00:59:43,455 --> 00:59:45,321
She's barefoot...
695
00:59:45,665 --> 00:59:48,578
and her hair's in a thick ponytail.
696
00:59:49,628 --> 00:59:51,961
And she's walking toward me.
697
00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:59,093
Anna is walking toward me...
698
00:59:59,971 --> 01:00:01,837
from the gate.
699
01:00:04,976 --> 01:00:07,559
And then I realize I'm dead.
700
01:00:10,857 --> 01:00:13,099
Then the strangest thing happens.
701
01:00:14,486 --> 01:00:16,102
I think...
702
01:00:16,571 --> 01:00:18,608
"Is it this easy?"
703
01:00:21,368 --> 01:00:25,032
We spend our entire lives
wondering about death...
704
01:00:25,539 --> 01:00:28,202
and what comes after this.
705
01:00:28,708 --> 01:00:30,870
And then it's this easy.
706
01:00:36,466 --> 01:00:41,336
In music I sometimes get
just a glimmer. Like with Bach.
707
01:00:45,016 --> 01:00:46,507
I think I understand.
708
01:00:46,893 --> 01:00:51,137
Come over for dinner!
A nice meal is guaranteed.
709
01:00:51,273 --> 01:00:54,641
Karin and I are good cooks.
- I'd like that.
710
01:00:54,818 --> 01:00:57,777
I must go.
Karin and I have a lesson.
711
01:00:57,904 --> 01:01:00,066
She's very punctual,
just like her mother.
712
01:01:00,198 --> 01:01:02,485
She gets angry if I'm late.
713
01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:04,988
We'll see you soon.
714
01:01:05,453 --> 01:01:09,037
Listen, I really don't think I can.
715
01:01:09,166 --> 01:01:13,160
- The old man would be upset, huh?
- Not exactly upset, but...
716
01:01:13,295 --> 01:01:16,788
- Why are you here really?
- I don't know.
717
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:25,672
- You're a lawyer, aren't you?
- Yes. Why?
718
01:01:26,141 --> 01:01:29,475
Can I take the old man to court?
719
01:01:29,603 --> 01:01:32,186
Why would you want to do that?
720
01:01:32,439 --> 01:01:36,854
The bastard's sitting on a fortune,
and he won't die.
721
01:01:37,861 --> 01:01:41,946
Probably mummified
by his own cantankerousness.
722
01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:46,867
I politely asked for an advance
on my inheritance,
723
01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:49,370
but he only humiliated me.
724
01:01:49,748 --> 01:01:54,038
I'd love to sue him.
- Not while he's mentally competent.
725
01:01:54,544 --> 01:01:57,332
He's not crazy in that sense.
726
01:01:57,631 --> 01:02:00,465
No, he's not particularly crazy.
727
01:02:00,592 --> 01:02:03,005
Are you looking for a little money
728
01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:06,424
for an old abandoned wife?
729
01:02:07,307 --> 01:02:09,139
Don't be angry.
730
01:02:10,060 --> 01:02:12,143
It's natural to wonder.
731
01:02:12,270 --> 01:02:14,512
You've had no contact for decades.
732
01:02:15,232 --> 01:02:17,849
I'm not here to milk him for money.
733
01:02:19,402 --> 01:02:21,485
Are you fucking him?
734
01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:27,404
Do you hate him so much
that you suddenly adopt that tone?
735
01:02:27,577 --> 01:02:32,038
Forgive me for desecrating this place
736
01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:34,953
and spoiling our pleasant chat.
737
01:02:36,586 --> 01:02:40,045
I hate him in every
possible sense of the word.
738
01:02:41,091 --> 01:02:43,048
I hate him so much
739
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:46,419
I'd happily watch him die
of some horrible disease.
740
01:02:47,222 --> 01:02:49,509
I'd visit him daily...
741
01:02:49,641 --> 01:02:53,476
just to witness his torment,
right down to his last breath.
742
01:02:56,481 --> 01:02:59,394
No, he probably deserves my pity.
743
01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:01,392
I mean, theoretically.
744
01:03:04,072 --> 01:03:08,191
I see astonishment
and disgust in your eyes.
745
01:03:08,326 --> 01:03:10,534
As a lawyer, you should be used
746
01:03:10,662 --> 01:03:13,450
to the stupidity
and vileness of this world.
747
01:03:19,296 --> 01:03:22,539
Good-bye, Marianne.
It was kind of you to listen.
748
01:03:27,637 --> 01:03:31,301
Sometimes I think I'm not quite sane.
749
01:03:32,350 --> 01:03:35,388
I'm in such pain all the time.
750
01:05:31,678 --> 01:05:34,261
SIX
751
01:05:35,098 --> 01:05:40,014
AN OFFER
752
01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:57,003
- Karin!
- Hello, Grandfather.
753
01:07:00,892 --> 01:07:04,306
Well... this is my study.
754
01:07:04,479 --> 01:07:06,937
I haven't been here
since I was little.
755
01:07:07,065 --> 01:07:09,682
Anna and you would
sometimes come say hi
756
01:07:09,817 --> 01:07:12,776
when you spent
the summer at the cottage.
757
01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:15,521
- You smoked cigars back then.
- Did I?
758
01:07:15,698 --> 01:07:17,860
Yes, you're right.
759
01:07:18,159 --> 01:07:21,402
I gave them up after reading
a biography of Freud.
760
01:07:21,538 --> 01:07:25,282
He had 33 operations
for mouth cancer.
761
01:07:25,708 --> 01:07:27,916
And he still couldn't give up cigars.
762
01:07:28,044 --> 01:07:29,876
But you're all right?
763
01:07:30,046 --> 01:07:34,541
Unless you consider
aging itself a disease, I'm fine.
764
01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:37,752
That's a beautiful picture of Mom.
765
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:43,057
I saw it somewhere
and asked for a copy.
766
01:07:43,893 --> 01:07:45,759
I had it enlarged...
767
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,808
and there it is.
768
01:07:49,357 --> 01:07:51,314
I think of Mom every day...
769
01:07:51,901 --> 01:07:54,063
and dream of her at night.
770
01:07:54,654 --> 01:07:57,988
I thought the grief would subside...
771
01:07:58,741 --> 01:08:00,448
but it doesn't.
772
01:08:00,952 --> 01:08:04,571
But it doesn't hurt
like in the beginning.
773
01:08:05,707 --> 01:08:07,414
Now it's right here...
774
01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:10,204
like a part of me.
775
01:08:11,004 --> 01:08:13,587
I wouldn't want to be without it.
776
01:08:14,257 --> 01:08:16,840
I can tell you I miss her...
777
01:08:17,468 --> 01:08:19,175
painfully.
778
01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:24,261
We didn't see much of each other,
because Henrik and I...
779
01:08:24,851 --> 01:08:26,592
Well, you know.
780
01:08:26,978 --> 01:08:31,268
Anna tried and tried,
but Henrik and I could never...
781
01:08:32,191 --> 01:08:33,853
Well, you know.
782
01:08:33,985 --> 01:08:37,820
- You wanted to speak to me?
- I did indeed.
783
01:08:38,281 --> 01:08:39,897
Have a seat.
784
01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:43,026
Miss Nilsson appeared
with a letter last night
785
01:08:43,161 --> 01:08:46,780
that she insisted on handing to me,
meaning Dad wasn't to...
786
01:08:46,956 --> 01:08:49,369
That's exactly right.
787
01:08:49,500 --> 01:08:51,913
Dad's in Uppsala with his orchestra.
788
01:08:52,754 --> 01:08:54,461
Listen...
789
01:08:54,839 --> 01:08:57,456
this letter arrived a few days ago,
790
01:08:57,634 --> 01:08:59,591
and it concerns you.
791
01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:03,095
Have you heard of Ivan Chablov?
792
01:09:03,222 --> 01:09:06,135
Sure! He's principal conductor
in St. Petersburg.
793
01:09:06,476 --> 01:09:08,889
He was on tour here recently.
794
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:13,188
Conducting the philharmonic.
They were fantastic!
795
01:09:13,524 --> 01:09:17,393
I happen to know him
from my years in Leningrad.
796
01:09:17,654 --> 01:09:20,647
This letter is from him.
797
01:09:21,658 --> 01:09:24,901
"Johan, my dear friend and brother...
798
01:09:25,828 --> 01:09:28,195
excuse me to write to you
799
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:31,782
in my lousy English and bad German.
800
01:09:32,293 --> 01:09:35,161
But my wonderful secretary...
801
01:09:35,338 --> 01:09:39,503
just gave birth to twins.
802
01:09:41,344 --> 01:09:44,678
But I feel important to write to you...
803
01:09:45,348 --> 01:09:47,089
my dear friend...
804
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:49,842
and the reason
is the following reason:
805
01:09:51,604 --> 01:09:56,440
One free night, I visited a concert
for very young musicians.
806
01:09:56,693 --> 01:10:00,277
I must say
I was surprised and happy.
807
01:10:02,448 --> 01:10:06,818
One very young lady
played the cello there.
808
01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:10,871
She played a solo by Zoltán Kodály.
809
01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:17,704
And I was surprised at that very
young musician's unusual talent,
810
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:21,544
her maturity,
her craft, and courage."
811
01:10:22,093 --> 01:10:23,709
Well, I'll be!
812
01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:30,303
"The head of the school
told me her name
813
01:10:30,435 --> 01:10:33,098
and that her father
was her primary teacher.
814
01:10:33,229 --> 01:10:35,391
I got in contact with the father.
815
01:10:35,565 --> 01:10:38,399
He almost turned me away curtly...
816
01:10:38,735 --> 01:10:41,273
not to say arrogantly.
817
01:10:43,072 --> 01:10:45,985
I know that you, my dear Johan...
818
01:10:46,117 --> 01:10:48,450
are that girl's grandfather...
819
01:10:48,745 --> 01:10:53,240
and that is the reason
why I now write to you.
820
01:10:54,584 --> 01:10:58,294
The young person's technique
is very risky,
821
01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:00,287
partly deficient...
822
01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:03,587
and can in the soon future come
823
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:05,922
to catastrophic consequences.
824
01:11:07,430 --> 01:11:09,922
I am, as you perhaps not know,
825
01:11:10,057 --> 01:11:13,767
guest professor
at the Sibelius Academy in Helsinki,
826
01:11:13,936 --> 01:11:16,303
one of the best schools in Europe.
827
01:11:16,773 --> 01:11:21,017
I have very good contact
with the president and the teachers,
828
01:11:21,235 --> 01:11:25,650
and we can,
after an obligatory audition,
829
01:11:25,782 --> 01:11:28,900
give our young, talented cellist
830
01:11:29,035 --> 01:11:32,654
instruction of the quality...
831
01:11:33,873 --> 01:11:37,457
that your highly talented
granddaughter deserves.
832
01:11:40,797 --> 01:11:43,881
Please tell me your reactions
as soon as possible.
833
01:11:44,008 --> 01:11:47,297
A warm embrace... Ivan."
834
01:11:49,764 --> 01:11:52,472
Well, what do you say?
835
01:11:52,642 --> 01:11:56,477
I should add that I will, of course,
836
01:11:56,604 --> 01:11:59,893
cover your expenses
for as long as you need.
837
01:12:01,484 --> 01:12:05,398
I've also spoken to the cello seller
838
01:12:05,655 --> 01:12:09,444
and made him a good offer,
better than his asking price.
839
01:12:09,826 --> 01:12:12,614
So if you want the cello, it's yours.
840
01:12:12,954 --> 01:12:14,991
Assuming, of course...
841
01:12:15,122 --> 01:12:17,865
that you accept
Chablov's generous offer.
842
01:12:18,292 --> 01:12:20,249
What do you say?
843
01:12:20,545 --> 01:12:22,662
I don't know what to say.
844
01:12:23,631 --> 01:12:26,123
It's all so overwhelming.
845
01:12:26,509 --> 01:12:31,425
I understand that this letter puts you
in an awkward situation.
846
01:12:31,931 --> 01:12:34,594
I'll write and tell him you're...
847
01:12:35,184 --> 01:12:36,766
Overwhelmed.
848
01:12:36,936 --> 01:12:41,021
...but that your decision affects
certain persons around you.
849
01:12:41,858 --> 01:12:43,144
"Certain persons"?
850
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:47,604
That's right.
Your dad, if I must be specific.
851
01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:50,447
I need to rest now.
Good-bye, Karin.
852
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:52,778
Thanks for the talk.
853
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:01,829
Marianne used to say
I was a terrible judge of people,
854
01:13:01,961 --> 01:13:04,874
that I didn't understand emotions.
855
01:13:05,047 --> 01:13:06,754
She said that?
856
01:13:07,133 --> 01:13:11,468
But even an emotional cripple
like myself understands one thing:
857
01:13:12,054 --> 01:13:16,924
Your mother lived on this earth
to make it less unbearable.
858
01:13:17,685 --> 01:13:21,019
The darkness grew darker
and the light grew dimmer
859
01:13:21,147 --> 01:13:23,013
when Anna died.
860
01:13:23,149 --> 01:13:26,267
It's hard for Henrik
just to go on living.
861
01:13:26,402 --> 01:13:29,986
Regardless, I've always said
you're like your mother.
862
01:13:30,239 --> 01:13:32,196
I'm fond of you...
863
01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:34,483
my little Kajsa.
864
01:13:35,077 --> 01:13:36,818
Good-bye, Karin.
865
01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:39,325
Good-bye, Grandfather.
866
01:14:43,896 --> 01:14:46,354
SEVEN
867
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:53,942
THE LETTER
FROM ANNA
868
01:15:47,752 --> 01:15:51,792
To Henrik from Anna?
From your mom to your dad?
869
01:15:52,131 --> 01:15:54,498
I found that letter in a book.
870
01:15:58,387 --> 01:16:02,552
"The 18th of May."
You mother wrote this...
871
01:16:02,683 --> 01:16:05,221
A week before she died.
872
01:16:05,436 --> 01:16:07,428
I'd like you to read it.
873
01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:14,651
I can't make out Anna's writing.
874
01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:17,445
Will you read it to me?
875
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:20,236
I'll try.
876
01:16:21,243 --> 01:16:24,486
Here, have a bit of my whiskey.
877
01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:34,500
Mom had learned
a few days earlier
878
01:16:34,632 --> 01:16:37,170
that she didn't have
much time left.
879
01:16:37,676 --> 01:16:39,633
She wrote this letter
880
01:16:39,762 --> 01:16:43,096
because Henrik had a cold
and wasn't allowed to visit.
881
01:16:45,101 --> 01:16:46,888
It says...
882
01:16:50,314 --> 01:16:52,727
"The fact you can't visit me
883
01:16:52,858 --> 01:16:55,521
is perhaps a relief for us both.
884
01:16:56,821 --> 01:16:59,564
We read each other too well.
885
01:17:00,157 --> 01:17:02,149
You open the door.
886
01:17:02,952 --> 01:17:06,411
I make an effort.
You make an effort.
887
01:17:07,456 --> 01:17:12,542
But I can still see in your face
how sick I am."
888
01:17:19,510 --> 01:17:21,627
This is the difficult part.
889
01:17:24,056 --> 01:17:26,594
She writes about me and Dad.
890
01:17:27,601 --> 01:17:30,685
- And that's painful?
- Yes.
891
01:17:33,149 --> 01:17:36,392
When you were with her
at the hospital...
892
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:40,270
did you talk
about the things in this letter?
893
01:17:40,489 --> 01:17:42,651
No, never.
894
01:17:43,993 --> 01:17:45,734
What did she write?
895
01:17:55,296 --> 01:17:57,128
"Dearest Henrik...
896
01:17:58,048 --> 01:18:00,665
I must write to you about something
897
01:18:00,843 --> 01:18:03,005
you and I have never discussed.
898
01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:07,673
I've sometimes thought
I should talk to you about Karin...
899
01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:11,017
but it was never necessary...
900
01:18:11,854 --> 01:18:14,346
because I was always there.
901
01:18:15,357 --> 01:18:19,226
Then I fell ill,
and I wasn't there anymore.
902
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:23,522
Of course I was there...
903
01:18:24,533 --> 01:18:26,775
but I was pushed aside.
904
01:18:28,662 --> 01:18:31,370
You and I loved each other.
905
01:18:32,041 --> 01:18:36,331
I was sure about our love,
if you know what I mean.
906
01:18:37,755 --> 01:18:42,625
But no love is strong enough
to emerge unscathed
907
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:47,175
from something
as devastating as my illness.
908
01:18:48,891 --> 01:18:51,383
I see that you love Karin...
909
01:18:51,977 --> 01:18:55,141
but also that you're binding her to you.
910
01:18:56,315 --> 01:18:59,399
It's good that you've been
her teacher...
911
01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:02,022
but there is a limit.
912
01:19:03,322 --> 01:19:07,282
When I'm gone,
that limit will become unclear.
913
01:19:08,619 --> 01:19:11,077
I know that Karin loves you...
914
01:19:12,915 --> 01:19:16,875
but you mustn't use her love
for your own purposes.
915
01:19:17,586 --> 01:19:19,543
You'll harm her.
916
01:19:20,839 --> 01:19:24,048
You could harm her for good.
917
01:19:26,845 --> 01:19:31,306
That's why I'm asking you
to set her free.
918
01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:37,186
You mustn't take advantage
of the affinities you two share.
919
01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:41,562
You mustn't take advantage of her
through music
920
01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:44,778
and through your
self-appointed role as teacher.
921
01:19:47,574 --> 01:19:49,782
Dearest Henrik...
922
01:19:50,953 --> 01:19:52,945
you're so sensitive...
923
01:19:53,205 --> 01:19:55,162
so considerate...
924
01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:57,453
so loving.
925
01:19:58,377 --> 01:20:03,293
I know all that without a doubt
from all our years together.
926
01:20:05,592 --> 01:20:10,462
But you must be careful
of the danger in heaping upon Karin
927
01:20:10,639 --> 01:20:13,803
the orphaned love that will remain
928
01:20:13,934 --> 01:20:16,017
when I am gone."
929
01:20:19,148 --> 01:20:21,105
There's more...
930
01:20:21,567 --> 01:20:24,150
but I don't want to read any more.
931
01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:29,364
I can't! It hurts too much!
932
01:20:30,576 --> 01:20:33,193
I can hear my mom's voice!
933
01:20:43,589 --> 01:20:47,299
Why did you come to me now?
934
01:20:48,177 --> 01:20:51,261
Don't you think
you're pretty heavily involved?
935
01:20:51,388 --> 01:20:53,004
Yes, I suppose.
936
01:20:53,849 --> 01:20:57,559
- And you know Grandfather's plans.
- Yes, he told me.
937
01:20:59,063 --> 01:21:02,352
I don't expect you
to give me good advice.
938
01:21:02,691 --> 01:21:05,104
I just need to think out loud.
939
01:21:05,361 --> 01:21:08,479
I think things
will become clear if I do.
940
01:21:09,156 --> 01:21:10,397
Go ahead.
941
01:21:13,535 --> 01:21:15,026
Mom saw.
942
01:21:17,331 --> 01:21:20,574
Yes, I think she did.
943
01:21:20,876 --> 01:21:23,539
And everything she warned about
944
01:21:23,712 --> 01:21:25,795
has happened!
945
01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:28,131
I can't accept Grandfather's offer.
946
01:21:28,425 --> 01:21:30,917
- You can't?
- No, I can't!
947
01:21:31,053 --> 01:21:32,419
Why on earth not?
948
01:21:32,846 --> 01:21:35,714
If I abandon Henrik, he'll die!
949
01:21:37,643 --> 01:21:40,886
If I leave him, he'll die.
I'm sure of that.
950
01:21:41,063 --> 01:21:44,352
Marianne, he doesn't even have
the orchestra anymore
951
01:21:44,483 --> 01:21:47,146
that he's worked with for 30 years!
952
01:21:47,403 --> 01:21:50,396
He can stay on as a musician,
953
01:21:50,531 --> 01:21:54,400
but there's this huge
reorganization going on,
954
01:21:54,535 --> 01:21:58,654
and Dad even won't be part
of administration or planning.
955
01:21:58,789 --> 01:22:01,406
He says in that case he's quitting.
956
01:22:01,583 --> 01:22:03,575
I can't leave him now.
957
01:22:04,044 --> 01:22:07,287
Sometimes
I'm so goddamned tired of him!
958
01:22:07,423 --> 01:22:11,383
I know it's my future and all that.
959
01:22:13,929 --> 01:22:18,139
But Mom is dead now,
and Henrik can't manage his own life.
960
01:22:19,643 --> 01:22:23,432
If anything happened to Dad...
961
01:22:23,730 --> 01:22:26,939
how do you think I'd live with the guilt?
962
01:22:27,568 --> 01:22:33,280
No, my future and Henrik's
are hopelessly entangled for now.
963
01:22:34,199 --> 01:22:36,691
At least you say "for now."
964
01:22:39,288 --> 01:22:42,622
Only to console myself.
965
01:22:43,417 --> 01:22:46,956
I want you to know I don't agree.
966
01:22:47,129 --> 01:22:49,837
No, I'm sure you don't.
967
01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:03,643
Anna's love...
968
01:23:04,730 --> 01:23:07,393
This letter is what love is.
969
01:23:09,151 --> 01:23:10,687
Isn't it?
970
01:23:17,534 --> 01:23:19,150
I don't know.
971
01:23:20,412 --> 01:23:22,574
EIGHT
972
01:23:31,673 --> 01:23:33,084
Back already?
973
01:23:33,550 --> 01:23:36,668
There wasn't much to do in Uppsala.
974
01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:39,588
- Hello, Dad.
- Hello, little Kajsa.
975
01:23:45,854 --> 01:23:47,846
What's that sheet music?
976
01:23:48,941 --> 01:23:50,978
Bach's cello suites!
977
01:23:51,568 --> 01:23:53,150
You're crazy.
978
01:23:53,862 --> 01:23:55,444
Just listen.
979
01:23:55,572 --> 01:23:59,065
Anderberg suggested
you and I give a concert
980
01:23:59,326 --> 01:24:02,239
at the university on November 15.
981
01:24:02,371 --> 01:24:04,579
This is too hard for me.
982
01:24:04,706 --> 01:24:07,198
We'll play together.
983
01:24:07,334 --> 01:24:09,246
What do you mean?
984
01:24:09,378 --> 01:24:12,712
Like a dialogue, facing each other.
985
01:24:12,839 --> 01:24:16,549
You'll play the parts you can,
and I'll do the hard ones.
986
01:24:16,718 --> 01:24:20,382
Like the sixth suite,
especially the prelude.
987
01:24:20,556 --> 01:24:22,798
It'll be fantastic!
988
01:24:22,975 --> 01:24:25,638
What parts can I handle?
You're crazy.
989
01:24:25,769 --> 01:24:28,227
The sarabands, for instance.
990
01:24:28,355 --> 01:24:30,893
It takes a lifetime to master them.
991
01:24:31,024 --> 01:24:35,268
So we start practicing now.
We have three months.
992
01:24:35,529 --> 01:24:39,364
- What about my audition?
- You're almost ready.
993
01:24:39,491 --> 01:24:42,404
And students get permission
to play concerts.
994
01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:45,912
I already spoke to Börtz.
He says hello, by the way.
995
01:24:46,081 --> 01:24:48,573
This will be good for both of us,
996
01:24:48,709 --> 01:24:52,794
now that I'm not busy
with the orchestra.
997
01:24:56,008 --> 01:25:00,924
I won't even be
concertmaster anymore!
998
01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:03,634
You must be furious!
999
01:25:03,765 --> 01:25:08,681
A little, but I tell myself
I'll have more time for you now.
1000
01:25:09,605 --> 01:25:12,393
I can help you
on a whole other level.
1001
01:25:12,524 --> 01:25:14,607
Right. Sure.
1002
01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:21,439
That wasn't too encouraging.
1003
01:25:24,620 --> 01:25:28,330
Hey, my little Kajsa.
1004
01:25:42,596 --> 01:25:46,510
I have the feeling some sort
of discussion is coming on.
1005
01:25:52,814 --> 01:25:55,602
- What is it, little Kajsa?
- I don't know.
1006
01:25:55,942 --> 01:25:58,229
- You don't know?
- No.
1007
01:26:00,030 --> 01:26:04,365
I mean, I guess I know,
but I don't know how to...
1008
01:26:38,193 --> 01:26:41,436
I understand you spoke
to your grandfather, right?
1009
01:26:41,571 --> 01:26:42,652
Yes.
1010
01:26:42,781 --> 01:26:46,070
And with that bitch...
I mean Marianne?
1011
01:26:46,201 --> 01:26:47,658
Yes.
1012
01:26:48,870 --> 01:26:50,862
I see.
1013
01:26:51,039 --> 01:26:54,373
That was all slickly arranged.
I don't mean by you.
1014
01:26:54,543 --> 01:26:56,626
I have to make up my mind.
1015
01:26:56,753 --> 01:27:00,121
- I thought you already had.
- No, you decided.
1016
01:27:00,716 --> 01:27:02,252
Really?
1017
01:27:04,761 --> 01:27:07,174
Is that what you think?
1018
01:27:07,305 --> 01:27:10,673
Dad, I haven't bothered to think.
1019
01:27:11,393 --> 01:27:17,685
I've just thought,
"Dad knows what's best for me."
1020
01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:29,033
Perhaps you've already come
to some kind of decision.
1021
01:27:29,161 --> 01:27:31,073
Have you?
1022
01:27:32,289 --> 01:27:34,952
Are you going to accept
Grandfather's offer?
1023
01:27:44,968 --> 01:27:47,756
- You read this?
- Yes, I did.
1024
01:27:50,056 --> 01:27:52,343
You read Mom's letter to me?
1025
01:27:52,476 --> 01:27:54,934
Don't get so angry.
It's about me!
1026
01:27:55,061 --> 01:27:59,101
But it was to me!
And you read it, just like that.
1027
01:27:59,691 --> 01:28:03,605
You think it's all right
to read Anna's letter to me
1028
01:28:03,779 --> 01:28:05,941
because it's about you?
1029
01:28:06,072 --> 01:28:10,863
If you're going to be like that,
there's no point talking about it.
1030
01:28:11,661 --> 01:28:14,119
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
1031
01:28:14,748 --> 01:28:17,832
I said I'm sorry, damn it!
- Sorry for what?
1032
01:28:19,503 --> 01:28:22,792
Shall we get to work,
or is there something else?
1033
01:28:33,058 --> 01:28:34,799
Dad...
1034
01:28:35,727 --> 01:28:37,844
this is going to hurt.
1035
01:28:37,979 --> 01:28:41,643
Hurt you or me?
That may sound stupid,
1036
01:28:41,817 --> 01:28:43,649
but your tone frightens me.
1037
01:28:43,819 --> 01:28:46,311
I've made up my mind.
1038
01:28:46,488 --> 01:28:49,401
For the first time ever,
it's my own decision.
1039
01:28:49,866 --> 01:28:54,327
- But you're sad?
- Yes, I am sad.
1040
01:28:58,041 --> 01:29:02,160
If you had told me you'd received
that letter from Mom...
1041
01:29:03,338 --> 01:29:06,172
if you had let me read the letter...
1042
01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:09,087
we could have...
1043
01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,463
You never told me.
1044
01:29:13,765 --> 01:29:16,257
You should have said...
1045
01:29:22,524 --> 01:29:24,857
Now it's the way it is.
1046
01:29:25,026 --> 01:29:26,813
What's the way it is?
1047
01:29:30,866 --> 01:29:33,700
I'm going to Hamburg
next week with Emma.
1048
01:29:35,829 --> 01:29:40,199
We're going to a school
for young orchestral players.
1049
01:29:41,960 --> 01:29:44,623
Claudio Abbado is coming in October,
1050
01:29:44,796 --> 01:29:47,038
and we're all going to Munich.
1051
01:29:53,388 --> 01:29:56,881
It's for young musicians
from all over Europe.
1052
01:29:57,225 --> 01:29:59,638
You can't be older than 22.
1053
01:30:00,729 --> 01:30:03,563
Abbado will work with us
for six weeks,
1054
01:30:03,732 --> 01:30:06,224
and then we'll give four concerts.
1055
01:30:07,402 --> 01:30:09,894
Emma made a video.
1056
01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:13,898
She sent it to the admissions
committee as a lark.
1057
01:30:14,075 --> 01:30:16,032
We were playing Brahms.
1058
01:30:17,329 --> 01:30:21,949
She and I got a letter
saying we were accepted...
1059
01:30:23,126 --> 01:30:24,913
to that school.
1060
01:30:26,046 --> 01:30:28,254
That we're welcome there.
1061
01:30:29,799 --> 01:30:31,461
And that...
1062
01:30:34,763 --> 01:30:37,130
is exactly what I want to do.
1063
01:30:40,352 --> 01:30:43,470
And it's exactly what I've decided to do.
1064
01:30:45,774 --> 01:30:47,686
And the conservatory?
1065
01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:59,531
How long is this Hamburg course?
1066
01:31:01,873 --> 01:31:03,580
Two years.
1067
01:31:03,959 --> 01:31:06,793
Then there's a paid internship
1068
01:31:06,920 --> 01:31:09,663
with a German or Austrian orchestra.
1069
01:31:09,839 --> 01:31:11,501
Three years.
1070
01:31:13,802 --> 01:31:17,796
- How do you plan to finance this?
- I have my inheritance.
1071
01:31:21,810 --> 01:31:23,972
You've given this a lot of thought.
1072
01:31:24,104 --> 01:31:27,643
I told Emma it was hopeless.
1073
01:31:27,899 --> 01:31:30,516
That you'd already made up your mind.
1074
01:31:36,324 --> 01:31:37,940
Dear God...
1075
01:31:41,997 --> 01:31:43,704
Dear God...
1076
01:31:48,128 --> 01:31:49,869
Dad...
1077
01:31:50,005 --> 01:31:54,466
I don't want to be a soloist.
I don't consider myself a soloist.
1078
01:31:54,718 --> 01:31:57,335
I want to be an orchestral player,
1079
01:31:57,637 --> 01:32:00,345
enveloped in that body of sound,
1080
01:32:00,515 --> 01:32:03,474
in that great communal effort,
1081
01:32:03,852 --> 01:32:07,345
and not sitting alone
and exposed on a stage.
1082
01:32:07,522 --> 01:32:12,062
I don't want others telling me
I'm not good enough.
1083
01:32:12,402 --> 01:32:15,110
I want to decide my own future.
1084
01:32:15,530 --> 01:32:18,147
I want a simple life.
1085
01:32:18,742 --> 01:32:22,201
I want to settle down somewhere
1086
01:32:22,537 --> 01:32:25,029
and live an ordinary life.
1087
01:32:25,165 --> 01:32:28,374
I don't want to be
a poor surrogate for Mom
1088
01:32:28,501 --> 01:32:32,745
who gets your praise
for being something I'm not.
1089
01:32:33,631 --> 01:32:35,497
It has to end.
1090
01:32:37,802 --> 01:32:39,384
And now it's ended.
1091
01:32:47,270 --> 01:32:50,354
At least give it the perfect ending.
1092
01:32:50,690 --> 01:32:52,397
What do you mean?
1093
01:33:01,910 --> 01:33:04,823
Would you play the fifth saraband?
1094
01:33:05,455 --> 01:33:08,573
You know that one.
- Right now?
1095
01:33:08,750 --> 01:33:10,332
Yes, please.
1096
01:34:27,871 --> 01:34:30,488
NINE
1097
01:34:31,499 --> 01:34:34,663
Yes, he's here.
THE CRUCIAL MOMENT
1098
01:34:34,836 --> 01:34:36,498
Thank you.
1099
01:34:41,384 --> 01:34:45,469
- May I ask who that was?
- The hospital.
1100
01:34:45,847 --> 01:34:49,215
Henrik tried
to commit suicide with pills
1101
01:34:49,350 --> 01:34:54,436
and then slashed his wrists
and throat with a razor blade.
1102
01:34:54,731 --> 01:34:56,939
He's in intensive care.
1103
01:34:57,066 --> 01:35:01,527
Call this number
and ask for Nurse Ingegerd.
1104
01:35:01,654 --> 01:35:03,236
Good God!
1105
01:35:04,115 --> 01:35:07,574
The doctor said
he was found at the last minute.
1106
01:35:07,785 --> 01:35:10,528
A Mrs. Berg was passing
by the cottage
1107
01:35:10,663 --> 01:35:12,780
and looked in the window
1108
01:35:12,957 --> 01:35:16,416
and saw a naked person on the floor.
- Goddamn it!
1109
01:35:16,920 --> 01:35:19,537
The door was unlocked.
1110
01:35:19,881 --> 01:35:23,716
She tried to revive him,
but he was unconscious...
1111
01:35:24,886 --> 01:35:26,843
and he was bleeding.
1112
01:35:26,971 --> 01:35:29,554
The ambulance took 20 minutes.
1113
01:35:29,724 --> 01:35:31,431
My God!
1114
01:35:31,559 --> 01:35:34,051
I should call Karin,
1115
01:35:34,187 --> 01:35:37,476
but she's on her way to Hamburg.
1116
01:35:38,900 --> 01:35:41,859
Henrik consistently fails at everything.
1117
01:35:42,445 --> 01:35:44,812
He can't even kill himself properly.
1118
01:35:46,491 --> 01:35:51,111
Say something, damn it!
- You want an answer to that?
1119
01:35:51,246 --> 01:35:55,490
Anything. Tell me off.
Say something spontaneous for once.
1120
01:35:56,167 --> 01:35:58,910
- I can't.
- You can't.
1121
01:35:59,087 --> 01:36:02,546
Sometimes you act
like a forgotten character
1122
01:36:02,674 --> 01:36:05,166
out of some stupid old movie.
1123
01:36:05,301 --> 01:36:07,167
You can't be for real.
1124
01:36:07,303 --> 01:36:09,090
You don't say.
1125
01:36:10,974 --> 01:36:13,261
Right now... No, let's drop it.
1126
01:36:13,393 --> 01:36:16,136
Go on. Finish it.
1127
01:36:17,021 --> 01:36:19,183
Where did all this contempt
come from?
1128
01:36:19,315 --> 01:36:22,774
I don't remember you like this.
You're a contemptuous old man!
1129
01:36:22,944 --> 01:36:25,357
- Contempt?
- That's right!
1130
01:36:25,613 --> 01:36:27,320
I don't know.
1131
01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:30,941
If I feel contempt for anyone, it's myself.
1132
01:36:31,119 --> 01:36:33,156
I don't know.
1133
01:36:33,288 --> 01:36:35,280
I've never really thought about it.
1134
01:36:37,417 --> 01:36:39,830
And that poor boy.
1135
01:36:40,420 --> 01:36:42,332
Boy?
1136
01:36:42,797 --> 01:36:44,914
Oh, you mean Henrik.
1137
01:36:45,133 --> 01:36:48,752
I probably realized
he was too much like me.
1138
01:36:48,886 --> 01:36:52,800
No, I never did like him.
I thought he looked ridiculous,
1139
01:36:52,974 --> 01:36:55,182
meek and overweight.
1140
01:36:55,435 --> 01:36:58,473
He surrounded me
with a sticky kind of love,
1141
01:36:58,730 --> 01:37:01,643
and I admit I ignored that love.
1142
01:37:02,317 --> 01:37:06,061
He was as devoted as a dog.
I wanted to kick him.
1143
01:37:06,321 --> 01:37:09,655
Figuratively, of course!
1144
01:37:15,288 --> 01:37:18,827
What happens now?
- How will Karin take this?
1145
01:37:19,834 --> 01:37:22,292
She'll blame herself, of course.
1146
01:37:22,545 --> 01:37:26,289
He should have thought of that.
Damn it!
1147
01:37:26,674 --> 01:37:29,132
You think she'll change her mind?
1148
01:37:29,427 --> 01:37:31,965
You think she'll return home?
1149
01:37:32,764 --> 01:37:35,882
- I don't know.
- Will you talk to her?
1150
01:37:37,393 --> 01:37:39,180
If we find her.
1151
01:37:39,312 --> 01:37:41,349
I'll hire you as my agent!
1152
01:37:41,773 --> 01:37:45,016
What do you charge?
Money is no object...
1153
01:37:45,151 --> 01:37:49,316
as long as you lock
her guilt away in your safe.
1154
01:37:49,697 --> 01:37:51,905
What if she returns home?
1155
01:37:52,158 --> 01:37:55,697
She's so attached
to that miserable bastard.
1156
01:37:55,870 --> 01:37:57,907
That would be a disaster!
1157
01:37:58,206 --> 01:38:00,994
Yes, I think so.
1158
01:38:11,260 --> 01:38:13,047
What can I say?
1159
01:38:13,846 --> 01:38:16,384
I was so attached to Anna.
1160
01:38:18,226 --> 01:38:21,594
It was dreadful
when she was taken from us.
1161
01:38:22,897 --> 01:38:24,934
For me too...
1162
01:38:25,191 --> 01:38:29,401
though I was sort of on the periphery
of that catastrophe.
1163
01:38:31,948 --> 01:38:36,864
It's incomprehensible that Henrik
got the privilege of loving Anna.
1164
01:38:39,080 --> 01:38:41,242
And that she loved him.
1165
01:38:44,961 --> 01:38:47,419
I'm sure you're smiling ironically.
1166
01:38:48,256 --> 01:38:49,747
No.
1167
01:38:50,633 --> 01:38:52,499
I'm not smiling at all.
1168
01:38:53,886 --> 01:38:56,253
I'm trying not to cry.
1169
01:38:57,098 --> 01:39:00,432
- You have nothing to cry about.
- Yes, I do...
1170
01:39:01,185 --> 01:39:04,019
but I don't intend to explain it.
1171
01:39:08,025 --> 01:39:09,436
TEN
1172
01:39:09,569 --> 01:39:12,778
HOUR OF THE WOLF
1173
01:40:55,675 --> 01:40:57,632
Sorry to wake you up.
1174
01:40:58,094 --> 01:41:01,508
It's all right.
I'll fall back asleep.
1175
01:41:03,933 --> 01:41:07,643
Johan, is something wrong?
1176
01:41:07,937 --> 01:41:09,553
I don't know.
1177
01:41:10,565 --> 01:41:15,230
I think it's some kind of anxiety.
1178
01:41:15,361 --> 01:41:18,775
Anxiety? What kind of anxiety?
1179
01:41:19,865 --> 01:41:22,653
Now I see. You're sad...
1180
01:41:22,785 --> 01:41:24,367
I'm not sad.
1181
01:41:24,954 --> 01:41:27,537
It's worse.
It's some hellish anxiety.
1182
01:41:27,832 --> 01:41:31,246
It's bigger than me.
1183
01:41:31,752 --> 01:41:34,540
It's trying to push its way out
through every orifice...
1184
01:41:34,672 --> 01:41:38,632
my eyes, my skin, my asshole.
1185
01:41:40,011 --> 01:41:44,255
It's like a gigantic,
total mental diarrhea!
1186
01:41:48,769 --> 01:41:52,137
It's coming out everywhere.
I'm too small for my anxiety.
1187
01:41:52,273 --> 01:41:54,390
Are you afraid of death?
1188
01:41:54,525 --> 01:41:57,393
More than anything,
I'd just like to scream.
1189
01:41:57,528 --> 01:42:00,817
What do you do
with a bawling baby
1190
01:42:01,407 --> 01:42:04,275
that won't be comforted?
1191
01:42:04,452 --> 01:42:07,661
- Come lie next to me.
- There's no room.
1192
01:42:07,955 --> 01:42:11,574
We've slept in narrower beds!
1193
01:42:11,709 --> 01:42:13,917
We won't be able to sleep.
1194
01:42:14,211 --> 01:42:18,501
As if that makes any difference
in these last days.
1195
01:42:18,716 --> 01:42:21,925
I have to take off my nightshirt.
1196
01:42:22,053 --> 01:42:24,340
It's damp from my... indisposition.
1197
01:42:24,472 --> 01:42:26,634
Go ahead.
1198
01:42:32,146 --> 01:42:34,638
You have to take yours off too.
1199
01:42:35,483 --> 01:42:36,974
I do?
1200
01:42:38,569 --> 01:42:40,026
All right.
1201
01:43:09,183 --> 01:43:12,301
Come on, Johan.
1202
01:43:21,904 --> 01:43:23,691
There.
1203
01:43:34,792 --> 01:43:36,408
Good night, Marianne.
1204
01:43:37,420 --> 01:43:38,877
Good night.
1205
01:43:55,855 --> 01:44:00,190
Can you explain once and for all
this sudden visit here?
1206
01:44:00,401 --> 01:44:02,734
I thought you were calling me.
1207
01:44:02,903 --> 01:44:04,860
I've never called anyone.
1208
01:44:04,989 --> 01:44:07,481
I got it into my head.
1209
01:44:07,783 --> 01:44:10,651
It's very strange.
I don't understand.
1210
01:44:11,412 --> 01:44:13,950
I understand
that you don't understand.
1211
01:44:14,999 --> 01:44:17,241
How long will you stay?
1212
01:44:17,418 --> 01:44:20,752
I have a case on the 27th.
1213
01:44:20,921 --> 01:44:22,412
Of November?
1214
01:44:22,923 --> 01:44:24,664
October.
1215
01:44:28,387 --> 01:44:30,094
Good night again.
1216
01:44:30,765 --> 01:44:32,256
Good night.
1217
01:44:36,937 --> 01:44:39,429
Perhaps you're wondering
how things turned out.
1218
01:44:40,649 --> 01:44:44,814
I stayed at Johan's until early October.
1219
01:44:45,780 --> 01:44:49,649
Our time together
was pleasantly relaxing.
1220
01:44:49,784 --> 01:44:52,242
We rarely spoke about
1221
01:44:52,661 --> 01:44:55,404
"sensitive issues."
1222
01:44:56,207 --> 01:44:58,574
We celebrated on the last night.
1223
01:44:58,709 --> 01:45:02,703
Nothing grand, but just enough.
1224
01:45:03,088 --> 01:45:06,707
We promised to keep in touch.
1225
01:45:06,967 --> 01:45:09,300
I think we even fantasized
1226
01:45:09,470 --> 01:45:12,304
about a trip to Florence
the next spring.
1227
01:45:13,057 --> 01:45:16,016
The trip never happened, of course.
1228
01:45:16,435 --> 01:45:19,803
But we continued talking on the phone.
1229
01:45:19,980 --> 01:45:22,814
It became a Sunday custom.
1230
01:45:24,193 --> 01:45:28,358
Then one day
Miss Nilsson answered.
1231
01:45:28,739 --> 01:45:33,279
She said that unfortunately
Johan couldn't take any calls
1232
01:45:33,410 --> 01:45:35,652
but that he would write.
1233
01:45:36,330 --> 01:45:38,788
I asked if he was all right,
1234
01:45:38,916 --> 01:45:42,830
and she said yes,
as far as she could tell,
1235
01:45:43,003 --> 01:45:46,167
but he was a little tired
and he'd write.
1236
01:45:46,507 --> 01:45:49,170
Of course I never got a letter.
1237
01:45:49,343 --> 01:45:53,053
I wrote but didn't get an answer.
1238
01:45:54,223 --> 01:45:56,180
And then there was silence.
1239
01:45:57,059 --> 01:46:01,269
Things are as always with me.
In good order.
1240
01:46:01,647 --> 01:46:03,513
Everything in its place.
1241
01:46:03,691 --> 01:46:05,978
Perhaps I'm a bit lonely.
1242
01:46:06,110 --> 01:46:07,942
I don't know.
1243
01:46:11,699 --> 01:46:15,784
Sometimes... I think about Anna.
1244
01:46:17,872 --> 01:46:24,164
I wonder how she managed her life.
1245
01:46:29,717 --> 01:46:33,301
How she spoke...
1246
01:46:35,723 --> 01:46:37,840
how she moved.
1247
01:46:40,603 --> 01:46:42,515
Her gaze...
1248
01:46:44,148 --> 01:46:48,563
that almost imperceptible smile.
1249
01:46:53,365 --> 01:46:55,357
Anna's feelings.
1250
01:46:59,413 --> 01:47:01,325
Anna's love.
1251
01:47:10,382 --> 01:47:12,044
You know...
1252
01:47:14,762 --> 01:47:18,381
something unusual happened to me
1253
01:47:18,515 --> 01:47:22,930
that might have something
to do with all this.
1254
01:47:24,438 --> 01:47:26,475
When I got back,
1255
01:47:26,690 --> 01:47:29,558
I visited my daughter Martha
at the home.
1256
01:49:02,202 --> 01:49:04,068
And I thought...
1257
01:49:04,788 --> 01:49:07,747
about the mysterious fact...
1258
01:49:10,252 --> 01:49:17,796
that for the first time
in our life together...
1259
01:49:19,386 --> 01:49:21,218
I realized...
1260
01:49:21,889 --> 01:49:23,676
I felt...
1261
01:49:25,893 --> 01:49:28,510
that I was touching my daughter.
1262
01:49:31,607 --> 01:49:33,394
My child.
91520
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