Original subtitles

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

MAN: Mika, were you fucking late again?

No, I just walked out of there right now.

Well, you know what? I heard otherwise.

No, I wasn't late.

Did she tell you I was late?

Because that's fuckin' bullshit. No, I was not late.

Did you coach?

I fuckin' prepared for this thing, all right?

You gave me six pages last night.

I haven't fuckin' slept in days.

You're wasting my time

and I'm gonna have to let you go.

-There's a thousand other girls. -So that's it?

You're just gonna drop me?

You're just not booking, babe. Don't you get it?

Goodbye.

MAN: Yo.

Fuckin' February.

-What's wrong? -Brook's dropped me.

Fuck that guy.

Apparently I bombed my audition.

The feedback was horrible.

I have no energy and...

I need to go back to acting class.

Agents in this town suck.

I got two words for you,

Bill Murray.

He doesn't have an agent.

Soon, you're not gonna need one.

I'm cold, I'm going inside.

All right, fine, I won't smoke in the bedroom. Geez.

We were just smoking outside.

You gonna be in a bad mood the whole month,

because it's February?

Nothing good has ever happened in February.

I fuckin' hate February.

Well, we still gotta pay rent.

Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that.

What?

I'm really tight this month.

I still haven't gotten my fucking check.

The same check that you've been

talking about for like a month now?

Yeah, the same check.

They're gonna send it to me.

It's just it's taking a while.

How much can you pay?

Like two.

I'll just pull out the other $600

out of my ass, 'cause I'm, I'm rich.

You're really gonna do this right now?

Today of all days?

Yeah, I know you had a bad day, but...

Mika, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just...

All right, we'll, we'll, we'll get through this, okay?

I know it's frustrating...

but when we're both freakin' super rich...

we're gonna be laughing about struggling to pay rent.

Yeah.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

Oh, shit, hold on, I just got an email.

Oh, shit!

I just got an audition for a Fox pilot.

What? For Fox?

Yeah, it's like six pages, lead roll.

I, um, I submitted myself. Oh, my God,

you're so right!

We don't need fucking agents. I submitted myself.

Wow, um, can I email this to you and you print it out?

Yeah, yeah, sure, of course.

-(COMPUTER CHIMES) -Oh, Fox. Wow!

MIKA: Fuckin' drive on, did you see that?

-I got a fuckin' drive on. -(PRINTER WHIRRING)

Voila!

I can help you read if you want.

It's fine. I need to memorize the lines.

Okay, whatever.

I've gotta go in with this headshot.

What's wrong with the headshot?

It looks just like you.

Oh, my God, it's so old.

I really need to get a new headshot. Seriously.

* (RAP MUSIC PLAYS OVER LAPTOP) *

Um, you know what?

I'm gonna learn these in my car.

I'm gonna go in the car.

I don't have to listen to music if it's annoying.

No, it's fine, I just, I really need to focus.

I need to be awesome tomorrow.

* (MUSIC CONTINUES)

LOUIS: Whatever.

(CAR BEEPS)

"Neither you or Jeffrey--"

Godfrey, fucking Godfrey.

"Neither you or Godfrey should ever call

Patricia a doo--" Doofus, doofus, doofus,

doofus, doofus. (SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

(INAUDIBLE SPEECH)

(TV TURNS OFF)

"You and Godfrey

should never call Patricia a doofus."

Doofus? Who the fuck says doofus?

"You and Godfrey should

never call Patricia a doofus." Doofus.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

MIKA: (THINKING) You can't sleep? You serious?

You've got an audition for a Fox pilot.

This could change your life.

You can actually get out of this dump

and be a working actress.

Stop thinking. This is your chance, your shot.

Don't you fuck it up.

-Don't you dare fuck it up. -(SLAPS)

What's your lines? You should be studying.

Okay, calm down, calm down, breathe.

(INHALES)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

MIKA: (THINKING) What time is it?

Shit, you're gonna be late.

Oh, fuck!

(GRUNTS)

You think you're an actress? A movie star in LA?

You can't even sleep.

You gotta be kidding me.

"Neither you or Godfrey should ever call Patricia a doofus."

Doofus, doofus, doofus.

Doofus!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hi, my name is Mika Andrews and I'm five-eight.

MAN: Whenever you're ready.

"Excuse me?"

MAN: "You know it was me."

"I can tell your voice from a mile away,

plus, I have friends."

MAN: "Who told you?"

"Does it matter?"

MAN: "Seems to matter to Billy."

"I tried my entire life to forget what they did to me.

I fought tooth and nail to get where I am today

and I'm not gonna let anybody stop me

from making partner. I'm not going to allow it."

MAN: Thank you, we've seen enough.

Um, you don't want me to finish the read?

MAN: That's okay.

Thank you for coming in.

Great, thanks, guys.

Shit!

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

(SIGHS)

MIKA: Hello?

My check really did fucking bounce.

The fucking 1500 that I put in from the candy shop spot,

the bank won't release the funds until the money's cleared.

So what do you want me to do?

Can you ask your dad for the money?

I can't call my dad.

Look, if we don't pay our rent,

EJ's gonna throw our shit out in the street.

This is fucked up, you said you could cover this.

Can't you just ask your dad this one last time?

Fine, I'll figure it out.

We have no other choice.

Son of a bitch.

(LINE RINGING)

MAN: Mika?

Hey, um, I really hate doing this to you again.

I, I just, I want you to be proud of me.

I want you to see how hard I'm working

and how much I'm trying, I just,

it's just been a really rough month, Dad.

They're gonna throw our stuff out into the street

if I don't pay rent this month, and I'm...

I'm really struggling.

I promise you I'm gonna make you proud, Daddy.

I promise you.

(SIGHS) All right. I can't keep this up forever.

(TV CHANNELS FLICKING)

I'm over it. So fucking over it.

(SIGHS) Yeah, I feel you.

I spent five hours today submitting my resume online.

(SIGHS) What do you think about opening a winery?

Or a cheese shop?

Or, you know what, a farm? We should have a farm.

Yes, let's get a farm with lots of animals.

You know, some fat, happy cows and...

some beautiful pigs.

Oh, my God, I love pigs. Pigs are so cute.

You're cute.

You're not bored of me, right?

Why would you say that?

You bored of me?

No, but you're my best friend.

You're my best friend.

Hey, don't worry, all right?

Everything's gonna be just fine.

We're doing pretty great.

We're workin' a lot more

than a lot of people in this town.

I mean, granted, not on the projects

we wanna work on, but at least we're workin'.

It's a lot better than most people can say.

I love you.

I love you more.

Not possible.

LOUIS: Damn, that is really annoying.

Right? I mean, who has a fucking destination

bachelorette party?

Two destination bachelorette parties

and a destination wedding.

What do they want you to do, drop fucking five grand on it?

That's ridiculous.

I mean, whatever happened to just getting a card

and saying congratulations?

I don't even think a congratulations is in order.

I mean, it's not an achievement.

It's like, you win the Nobel Peace Prize,

or hook a big job, I'll give you a congratulations,

but, I mean, only thing she managed to do

was take some dick in her vag and spit out a baby.

You're ridiculous.

Now they want us to write, like,

a 300-word essay on how wonderful the couple is

and it's gonna be made into a book for the wedding.

Yeah, but what am I gonna do? Should I write back?

-Like, what am I gonna say? -I mean, do you wanna go?

I can't go, I can't drop all that money

on a flight and a hotel and a gift.

It's ridiculous, I don't have the money.

I mean, they think I'm balling

'cause they've seen me on TV a couple times, but...

Yeah, 'cause everyone on TV is balling rich.

Yeah, I'm actually about to go grip a yogurt commercial

for a hundred dollars a day for a 18-hour day.

Yeah, I gotta go, too.

I got a stupid shoot on the Westside.

I've gotta get ready. My hair looks like shit.

What's it for?

Some stupid Japanese clothing line.

It's like a catalog, but they pay me, like, 200, so...

Two hundred better than no hundred.

-LOUIS: Hey, hey. -Hey.

Check, check it out.

Oh, my God, what is that?

Well, this little beauty, that's Slimey.

And this beautiful piggy...

-Aw. -Aw.

...is Iggy.

Aw.

Oh, my God, what are they?

They're hairless guinea pigs. We used 'em today in the shoot

and then when I went to return 'em,

the lady was like, "Well, you can keep 'em if you want.

The production paid for 'em." (CHUCKLES)

MIKA: Oh, my gosh, they're so cute.

Hi, Slimey.

Oh, look at you, he's so cute.

You're so cute.

LOUIS: Right? Aw.

Hey, you wanna get some human food?

No, I'm on a diet. I'm not eating because I'm fat.

Oh, my God, you are so not fat. I'm fat.

You're not fat.

Come on, we'll get something together, my treat.

I got some good news today.

-So, when do you find out? -Hopefully soon.

I mean, dude's got money,

and if he wants to make a movie, it's gonna get made.

Well, just keep me in mind for the role of Tess.

You know it, in fact, I already mentioned your name.

You did? Well, what did you say?

Well, what did he say?

You know, real casual,

we were just discussing casting and...

he knows who you are.

Well, I don't want him to think

that you're pushing me for the role

just 'cause we're together.

No, absolutely not.

I wanna audition for the role.

I wanna go in a room. I don't want any free handouts.

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Funny thing though, he's also been talkin' with Alissa.

Alisa Hoebags?

-LOUIS: Yeah. -What?

Well, there goes my role.

She's just gonna weasel her way in there

and have sex with him and get the part.

No, I warned him about her.

I hate that bitch.

Dude's comin' to LA next week

and I'm gonna plant a few more seeds, you know?

Well, either way, I'm really happy for you.

It's a great script.

MAN 1: (ON TV) I know, are you still playin'?

MAN 2: (ON TV) Not really. I'm waitin' on Duncan.

MAN 1: Well, that'd be good.

MAN 2: How's Billy?

MAN 1: Billy's good, except for his name's Bobby.

How are the rugrats?

MAN 2: Joel's a punk and Molly's still an angel.

MAN 1: What's up?

MAN 2: I don't know, I didn't wanna ask you this,

man, but...

I'm broke and...

MAN 1: How much you need?

MAN 2: I didn't want to go to the bank,

'cause I have a loan and, and,

and the mortgage and I didn't wanna.

MAN 1: How much do you need?

MAN 2: Twelve thousand.

MAN 1: Twelve thousand dollars?

Hey, piggy.

Hey, fat piggy, what do you gotta say?

Aw.

-Aw. -(GUINEA PIG SQUEAKS)

You wouldn't let a dirty whore

who fucks everybody for a role get the part, right?

LOUIS: Yo.

Hey.

What the hell are ya doin'?

I couldn't sleep.

You didn't sleep at all?

Nope, not even a little bit.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing up? It's like four in the morning.

You're brushing your teeth? What's goin' on?

I got a get out for my...

downtown for some fucking stupid rap video.

Oh, God.

Sounds terrible.

I'll be here when you get back. I haven't got anything all day.

Crazy insomnia. (GROANS)

Well, try to get some sleep, all right? Feel better.

-I love you. -I love you, okay?

Okay, well, go be a rap star.

Show 'em how it's done.

(SIGHS) Oh, God! Fuck! Ugh!

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV) -(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Yeah?

You wanna get some margaritas?

Oh, God, no.

What's wrong with you?

I feel like shit.

I haven't slept.

Dude, again with that?

Yeah.

Well, what are you doing right now?

I'm just bumming around watching TV.

Okay, I'm gonna come over. I'll bring you some treats.

Oh, please no, I can't, I really can't.

Seriously? Don't be a loser.

I haven't seen you in like a month.

All right, but just don't expect me to be very sociable.

Okay, whatever, just keep the door unlocked.

* (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS OVER CAR STEREO) *

Hey.

What's up?

Sweet outfit.

You know you didn't have to dress up for me.

What? I told you I'm feeling like shit.

(SIGHS) Wow.

So, you're, like, really living here, huh?

I got rid of my apartment.

-It's just so crazy. -It's pretty fuckin' crazy.

-(GUINEA PIGS SQUEAK) -Um...

What is that?

MIKA: Oh, my God, you haven't met Slimey and Iggy.

Ah, Slimy, come say hello--

Oh, my God.

MIKA: Oh, Slimey.

Oh, my God, dude, that's like a radioactive hamster.

You don't like him?

How can you not think he's the cutest thing ever?

-LILY: Yeah he's... -(GUINEA PIG PURRS)

(LAUGHS) Where did you get that?

Louis gave him to me.

Aw, he's so cute.

You wanna meet Iggy?

No, I got you something, too,

It's like a present.

Oh, like ice cream?

Better.

Here.

-Mmm. -Oh, Jesus Christ.

-I'm not drinking this. -I'm not done yet.

MIKA: What is that?

It's our good friend Molly.

You know, you just sounded so down earlier,

I thought you could use a pick-me-up.

You're fucking out of your mind.

I'm not drinking and taking drugs right now, no.

Why? What else are you doing?

It's Tuesday, I have, like, a script to finish.

I have my taxes.

How much of your script have you written?

-Like, the outline. -(LILY LAUGHS)

What? You're such a fucking bitch, I don't believe it,

I'm trying to make shit happen for myself.

Okay, okay, well, I mean,

it's only Tuesday, so we can have some fun

and you still got Wednesday, Thursday,

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to work on your script.

No, I have to, like, set aside time every day.

LILY: Oh, come on.

What?

(SIGHS)

-All right, I'll take it. -Yay!

MIKA: But you have to take one, too.

Yes, obvi.

Actually, maybe I'll just take half.

Don't be a pussy.

Oh, my God.

You're fucking out of your mind.

LILY: Mmm.

(SIGHING)

(LAUGHING)

Tastes like shit.

Oh, my God, I can't believe I just did that.

Dude, who cares?

We're not getting any younger and it's LA.

Jesus, thanks for reminding me

that I am a poor, unemployed actress.

Well, that makes both of us, so...

Oh, fuck off, you're not poor.

I know, but, you know?

I guess, everybody needs a day off sometimes

just to, you know, unwind and relax.

Oh, my God, I want a cigarette.

Dude, you just read my mind.

MIKA: Do you have cigarettes?

-Obvi. -You're the best.

(SQUEALING AND LAUGHING)

How's Russel?

We broke up.

What?

Yeah, like two days ago.

He's in love with his ex-girlfriend.

He was saying that he wants to meet up with her in Vegas,

and that he couldn't wait for her

to finger him in his asshole.

It's like, seriously?

God, I just-- I can't believe I spent

a year and a half of my life with that psycho.

Oh, my God, I think I'm feeling something.

-Yeah? -Oh, my God, I'm so hot.

-Yeah, you are so hot. -I'm so hot.

I meant, like I'm like temperature hot. Oh, my God.

Why don't we got get something to drink?

I just wanna dance.

Come on, play some music.

No, no, we should go for a walk.

Oh, my God, let's go for a walk.

Yeah.

[Both] Let's go for a walk.

(LAUGHING)

Wow. Oh, my God, this is like the best day ever.

Thank you so much.

I feel so great.

No problem.

Let's go shopping.

I don't have any money.

Oh, poor me, I'm broke, starving artist,

I don't have any money.

Well, not everybody has a fucking rich daddy.

(LAUGHS) Okay, I'll take you.

You can just pay me back.

Let's got to Melrose.

Okay, let's go to Melrose,

-Yay! -but how we gonna get there?

I can, I can drive.

But you're on drugs.

(LAUGHING)

Just answer me, is he gonna cast you in the movie or not?

I mean, probably, but, like,

I'm still gonna have to audition.

Isn't he the director and the writer?

Hey, it's not even his decision.

It's like, like, the producer, or, like, investor,

or whatever, they have to decide.

I'm pretty sure that if he's directing it

and writing it, then it's his decision.

Dude, that would be so fucked up if he didn't cast you.

Like, fucked up.

I'm just so fucking over it.

(LAUGHS) Over what exactly?

Just fucking Hollywood

and all these wannabe famous people.

-It's so lame. -It's so lame.

Right?

I fuckin' hate LA.

Hey, that's uncool, man.

I was born here, you just got here, you know?

Yeah, that's why you're cool and I'm not.

Well, we can buy you something cool.

Yeah.

-(VOMITING) -Are you okay?

-Oh, God. -Eww!

Take me home now.

Okay, let's get you outta here.

Come on, let's just go home, let's go home.

Okay, let's get you home.

Oh, my God, my head and my stomach are killing me.

It's just the Molly wearing off, you'll be fine.

Oh, my God, I feel like I'm gonna die.

You're not gonna die.

Shit, oh my God, I miss my mom.

-I'm gonna call my mom. -(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

No.

-Why? I wanna call my mom. -(LINE RINGING)

-I miss her. -Dude, just stop, seriously.

Why? Why are you being so mean?

I'm not being mean.

If you make that call, you're gonna regret it so much, like...

I just, I haven't slept.

I can't fucking sleep.

There has to be a reason though,

like, there's something causing it.

I haven't slept. It's been going on for months.

I'm like a full-on insomniac.

I just think you're really stressed out.

Of course I'm fucking stressed.

I'm like an actress.

I'm fucking poor and broke,

and my dad thinks I'm a fucking loser.

Everything's gonna work out, I promise.

I got fucking dropped by my agent

and my own boyfriend's not even gonna

put me in his fucking movie.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, babe.

I didn't know that.

Well, you know what? Your agent's an idiot.

That's such bullshit, I'm sorry, babe, that sucks.

-What a dick. -Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, I think the Molly's just worn off.

Yeah, it's totally worn off.

I feel terrible.

I know, we're almost there.

Oh, thank fucking God.

Wow.

How do you feel?

Like a hundred times better.

I really needed to get out of that fucking car.

(GROANS)

Thank you so much.

I love you, you're the best.

LILY: Of course, I love you, too.

You're like my best friend, best girlfriend I have.

You're my best friend, too.

You're the best, I love you.

(LAUGHS) Whoa.

What? I can't fucking kiss my best friend?

Look at you.

Look, like, I would get naked with you right now.

MIKA: Really?

Yeah, but then you'd flip out and Louis would call

and it'd be like Vegas all over again.

I don't know, maybe I should just go.

No, no, no, no, no, no, you can't go.

You can't go. I'll make you a drink.

It's like 6:00 pm.

Mmm, love it.

Now who wants to party?

Do not even give me that shit.

You were the one that fucking made me leave the house,

take your fucking drugs.

You have no idea how tired I was.

Don't fuck with me.

Wanna go first?

You're trying to get me wasted. (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING)

What? What do you care?

What do you have to do tomorrow?

What are you writing a fucking script yourself?

(LAUGHS) That's funny.

Well, you know, I'm not the one who was like,

"Oh, I'm nauseous. Oh, my God, I'm sleep deprived,

mmm, blah-blah-blah." Being all bitch earlier.

Dude, that was two hours ago.

(LAUGHING)

Here, come on, take another swig.

Do it.

Okay, well, fuck it.

Order a pizza then, I'm starving.

Pizza? Are you fucking kidding me?

I can't eat, I'm not eating.

Jesus.

-You're not eating? -No, I'm fucking fat.

Are you kidding me? You are not fat.

-MIKA: I'm fucking fat. -You're not fat.

I have a much better idea, let's do the rest of the Molly.

Okay.

You think Molly is your ally.

(LAUGHING)

Come on, of course I am.

What if Louis comes home?

I don't give a fuck. He's a fucking stoner.

All he does is smoke weed.

What? Seriously?

Wait, no, no, no, stop.

He smokes weed?

Yeah, are you fucking kidding me?

You didn't know that? He's the biggest stoner ever.

Is there any weed here?

-Yeah. -Where?

-Where's the fucking Molly? -Where is it?

-Hey? -It's like in his bedroom.

-Wait. -You want some?

Yeah, can we go get it?

Oh, my God, I can't believe you're excited.

Please!

MIKA: Yeah, come on.

(LAUGHING)

-MIKA: Here's his weed drawer. -Shut up! Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Dude, I had no idea that Louis got down like this.

Oh, my God, how did you not know?

He's like the biggest stoner ever.

[Friend] That's that club shit right there.

(GASPS) Look.

Can I smoke some?

Yeah, he won't even notice.

He's so stoned half the time.

Burn, baby, burn.

Oh, my God, I can't believe you're gonna smoke

right after we did the Molly.

You're fucking crazy.

(SIGHS) I know.

Mmm.

Is it good? Are you happy?

I'm gonna be high as fuck.

LILY: Payback.

Oh, shit!

-MIKA: Oh, my God. -Are you okay?

I am such a fucking loser.

I just wanna die. Ow.

Stop it.

Don't leave, don't leave, please don't leave.

I'm just really sad right now.

I don't understand why.

I mean, you're doing so good.

So much better than all these other stupid bitches out here.

You've got like 15 movies that you're the lead in.

Whatever, they're like stupid low budget ones.

Nobody cares.

No, everybody's gotta start somewhere,

you know?

I just hate everyone, everything,

except for you.

(LAUGHING)

I know.

Oh, my God, I just, I can't fucking sleep

and I'm fat and I just hate my life.

Come on, let's go smoke a cigarette, you'll feel better.

-Okay. -Let's go, this way.

I just don't wanna trip again.

(LAUGHING)

MIKA: I'm such a loser.

This is the best worst day ever.

After this, you need to sleep for like a week.

(GATE SQUEAKS)

I think Louis is here.

(GATE CLANGS)

MIKA: He is. Hey.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, Louis.

I missed you.

LOUIS: You all right?

MIKA: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I didn't sleep.

You didn't sleep?

Again? At all?

MIKA: Mm-mm.

We really need to, like, figure out

this whole insomnia business.

(MIKA GIGGLES)

Oh, my God, whoa, whoa.

Okay, fine.

I love you.

Good bye.

I love you.

LILY: Bye, Louis.

Ah, I'll see you later.

Bye!

All right, let's, let's get you to bed, all right?

-Mmm, yeah. -Oh, I got ya.

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

(LAUGHING)

Careful, careful, I got the door.

(MOANS)

We've got to get these leather pants off you.

They're like glued on.

MIKA: What was that about?

What was what about?

You and Lily, you think she's hot?

You wanna fuck her?

What the hell are you talking about?

Are you serious right now?

(GIGGLES) You love me?

I love you very much.

MIKA: Are you acting right now?

LOUIS: I'm not acting. What? That's...

Look at me, look at...

You're acting right now.

What are you talking about?

You're trippin' right now?

Are you acting?

I'm not acting.

LOUIS: Prove it.

I can't prove it. I love you.

Oh, my God, you're eyes are so dilated.

What the hell did you take?

I don't know. We didn't take anything.

Swear to God, we didn't take anything.

You're full of shit.

Oh, my God, what did you take?

You took ecstasy?

(GIGGLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

Wow, I slept.

Oh, my God, finally.

Holy shit, wow, I actually...

I feel like I can think.

I feel like my head is clear.

I feel so much better.

Was I crazy last night?

You were a little wobbly.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

It was okay.

What time is it?

It's like one.

What?

I actually slept for more than twelve hours. Oh, my God.

It was so beautiful.

You were like a dead goat.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

Holy shit.

-You needed it. -Yeah.

What?

I got a callback for that Fox thing.

The, the one that I bombed that,

that the fucking casting director hated me and...

there must have been a producer that liked me.

Oh, my God, dude,

this goes to show you that

nobody knows anything.

So when is it?

It's tomorrow. Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Look, don't start stressing, all right?

I just wish I didn't have it now.

Look, you just need to relax,

just chill out, this is a good thing.

I know, but it's so stressful.

I'm gonna stress about it all day

and then I'm not gonna sleep.

(SIGHS) I'll just take a handful of pills tonight.

That's not the best strategy.

You know that.

Yeah, but what else am I gonna do?

Okay, I really, I really need to get my shit together.

(MOUTHING LINES)

"Look, I've tried really hard to forget

my whole life about what they did to--" Ugh, fuck! I'm sorry.

LOUIS: Let's take it from the top.

MIKA: Okay.

"Who told you?"

"Does it matter?"

"Seems to matter to Billy."

"I've tried really hard my whole life

to forget what they did to me.

I fought tooth and nail.

Do you think I'm gonna let anybody stand in the way

of making me partner?"

"You think Godfrey would ever let Patricia make that call?

She's a doofus."

"Ah, I don't think you or Godfrey

should ever call Patricia a doofus.

She's on to you."

"That's a bluff."

"Look, she has a..."

A... What's the word?

"She has the utmost..."

"She has the utmost respect for you."

We've been reading this for a while.

I think you got it, you know?

I think we should both just kinda take a break.

Yeah, let's just run it again, one more time.

Dude, my fuckin' head is spinning.

We've read this five page scene

like ten times.

No, we didn't. We read it four times.

That was, like, five, seven--

Whatever, you just don't wanna read it with me.

Fine, it's fine.

No, fuck it, let's read it, come on.

Let's hit it from the top, come on.

No, I'm gonna read it by myself in my car.

No, I'm just sayin',

you don't wanna over rehearse the thing.

You know?

You don't wanna get stuck in saying it the same way.

Look, you don't fucking get it, do you?

You don't know how stressful auditioning is.

I've been on many auditions.

I know how stressful it is.

Look, you're a filmmaker, I would've thought

that you'd be a little more supportive of my acting.

Me? I'm not supportive?

I'm like ridiculously supportive to you.

Like, I've cast you in more things than anyone.

Louis, Louis, this is a fucking Fox pilot.

I don't think you get it.

This is the real deal.

This is not some stupid fucking low budget movie

that you direct.

That's such a fucking bitchy thing to say.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Did you just call me a bitch? Really?

I'm gonna go take a drive, okay?

Before I fucking say something I regret.

I have a fucking callback at 10:00 am tomorrow

and you're giving me this shit right now?

Jesus, you know every time you have an audition,

like, we get into this whole stupid thing.

Like, if you can't handle the stress, you know,

maybe you should consider a different line of work.

I'm just sayin'.

This is fucking ridiculous.

You should go-- Fuck, yeah,

go, go sit in your car, go.

I hope all your goddamn dreams come true.

You're gonna book it.

You're gonna be a fuckin' superstar.

You know what? You sound like my fucking dad.

Well, maybe your dad is fuckin' right.

You know what?

I'm gonna fucking take these slides and read them myself.

You can go fuck yourself.

Stupid fucking cheap-ass filmmaker.

(CAR BEEPS)

"I'm not gonna let anybody stand in the way

of making me partner.

I've spent my whole life...

trying to forget-- I've spent my whole life..."

-Hey. -Hey.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said.

I love you, I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

I didn't mean what I said.

I didn't mean what I said, either,

and I support you so much.

You know that I would do anything for you.

You hungry?

I'm gonna buy you dinner.

Any last minute pointers?

If you believe, they believe.

Do you think it's worth it to get all stressed?

What? For an audition?

Yeah, I mean, I feel like an idiot.

I'm embarrassed by myself.

You shouldn't be embarrassed.

If you're happy doing what you're doing, then you're good.

For the court's record, have you paid last month's,

or are you over-due?

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

MIKA: Is that my phone?

I thought so.

Oh, shit!

Hailey's calling me. Oh, my God.

I really don't want to speak to her.

What am I gonna do?

Damn it. Hello?

HAILEY: Hey, Mika.

Hey.

You haven't returned my call, what's up?

Yeah, I know, I'm so sorry I haven't gotten back to you.

I know, I suck, I just, I've just been so busy.

Really?

Not everybody has $1,200 to fuckin' drop on a weekend.

What? What do you mean you're--

I told you from the beginning

that I couldn't commit to this because of work.

Work?

I don't have a fucking nine to five

where I can drop everything on a fucking Friday.

I don't understand why you're putting

this pressure on me right now?

Pressure?

Girl, you need to get your priorities right.

I'll talk to you later.

Bitch, man, Jesus Christ.

I can't believe it.

She just gave me so much shit for not being able to attend

her bachelorette party this weekend.

-(YAWNING) -I should really put these down.

Just put 'em down.

I can't, I can't, I can't.

I just-- Fuck! I just want this to be over.

Between this fucking audition

and my stupid fucking friends,

I mean, take like five Klonopins.

Maybe take a little half, or, you know,

just chill out, you're stressed.

Fuck that, I'm taking three.

You're gonna take three?

-Yeah. -At once?

Well, I need to fucking sleep.

Oh, my God, you can just go to sleep.

Really? That's the way it works?

I'm supposed to just close my eyes, relax,

and then wish for a dream?

You know, I'm just gonna go for a walk.

You're gonna go for a walk? Now?

Yeah, just go to sleep. I'll be fine.

(LOUIS SIGHS)

Hello there.

Sorry.

Don't apologize.

Who needs sleep anyway?

Ugh, I'm so fucking jealous of you.

I wish I could sleep.

I'm actually surprised you can even speak right now.

Nothing's working.

I... My mind is racing at like a thousand miles per hour.

I wish there was something I could do.

Do you still have that stuff Dee-Gee gave you?

The Oxy?

Yeah.

Do you know what would happen to you if you took that

considering how many pills you just swallowed?

Well, at the very least I would sleep.

I mean, if I don't sleep tonight,

I'm gonna bomb my audition tomorrow

and I'm gonna be fucking screwed.

You'll probably fall into a coma

and then your family sues me.

A coma sounds so good right now.

Crazy.

How about we take the exact same cocktail

and we fall into a coma together?

Okay, I'm okay with that idea.

Cool.

All right, I'll hook you up.

I love you.

LOUIS: Yeah, yeah, it's 'cause I give you the drugs.

MIKA: You're the best.

-Is that it? -That's it.

Wow, it looks pretty intense.

Some strong shit.

Have you ever taken one before?

Me? No.

-Why didn't you tell me? -You didn't ask.

Oh, shit.

I can't believe you just took an Oxy right now.

You know what?

I'm gonna smoke a bowl right now

and I don't wanna hear shit from you,

'cause you just took some major drugs.

Fair.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

Oh, God.

You all right?

I feel really nauseous.

LOUIS: You all right?

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING ON TV)

Oh, I'm cold.

I'm so fucking cold.

LOUIS: Just try to get some sleep.

MAN: (ON TV) ...tribal warfare and black magic that come...

I tried my entire life for what they did to me.

(DISTORTED VOICES)

LOUIS: What did you take?

You took something.

(DISTORTED VOICES)

Well, maybe your dad is fucking right.

MIKA: God, you're so fat, disgusting fat pig.

LOUIS: Ugh, babe?

(MIKA MOANS)

What time is it?

Ah shit, it's fucking 9:00 am.

Oh, God.

Hey, I gotta get up.

I gotta get up.

(SIGHS)

Oh, my God, my fucking head.

Did I really take that Oxy last night?

Well, I think you puked a little bit of it up.

Shit, do you see my belt?

-Which belt? -My fucking black belt.

Where did you put it?

(YAWNS) I didn't steal your belt.

MIKA: Oh, God! Oh!

Why don't you let me drive you, babe?

-Would you? -Sure.

Yeah, that would be amazing.

That way I could do my makeup and go through my lines.

Yeah, I got ya, babe.

All right, are, are you ready?

Let's go.

All right, come on, we gotta go.

* (HIP-HOP MUSIC)

How do you feel?

Like there's a fucking small child

inside of my brain

smashing at my skull.

Well, all righty then.

Oh, my God, they were actually, like, laughing,

and they weren't laughing at me.

They were laughing with me,

like I was fucking hilarious.

Hustled up, you killed it.

You went in there hard, you focused on the audition,

you brought your A game,

and now you're probably gonna book it.

That's how you do it.

I'm sorry I was a bitch to you earlier.

Don't worry, I understand, it's stressful.

You know, that's part of acting, you know?

You put yourself into it and you become the character

and, you know, the character gets all crazy,

residually you get crazy yourself.

And get this, like, at the end,

she was like, and I quote,

"You will be hearing from us by the end of the day."

How crazy is that?

Wow, that's amazing.

I'm proud of you.

MIKA: Hello?

LISA: Hi, Mika, this is Lisa calling.

Hi, hi, Lisa, how are you?

-I'm good, how are you? -I'm good, I'm good.

So we did book you the friend's role.

Wow, that's amazing, that's great news.

We'll see you tomorrow.

All right, thank you, Lisa, bye bye.

Bye bye.

Well?

Booked a part.

All right! Oh, my God.

Congratulations, that's amazing.

Eh.

What do you mean, "Eh"?

Well.

You just booked a major part

on, on a major network.

No, no, no, I didn't book the part that I read for.

I booked Monica's friend.

The friend role?

Yeah, I mean, it's a small role,

but if the pilot gets picked up

then at least, you know, I might have,

like, a recurring...

It's still great news.

They got Mischa Barton to play Monica.

All right, well, you know, she's a name.

Hey, think about it like this,

at least you'll have footage for your demo reel

with a name actor.

One scene.

All right, well, whatever.

One scene is better than no scene.

Tomorrow's my meeting with Switz, all right?

I'm gonna do everything in my power

to lock you in for the part of Tess, okay?

Well, only if you think I'm right.

Of course I think you're right for it.

I wouldn't cast you if I didn't think you were right for it.

You'd be the best person for the part.

Now have faith, all right?

It's a tough industry, right?

It's not a race, it's a marathon.

Oh, please, enough of the cliches.

All right, I'm sorry, I'm just tryin' to...

raise your spirits up a little bit.

It's one line.

All right, well, one line is better than no line.

It is, you're right.

All right, what do you think?

The striped or the gray?

Hmm, definitely the gray.

The stripes look like you're trying too hard to be cool.

You're right, you can't try to be cool.

You just have to be cool.

Here, let me fix your collar. I got ya.

Now it looks great.

You're not gonna put on a watch?

Oh.

Of course, the watch.

I better get goin'.

Don't want to be late now, huh?

Well, you look amazing.

All right, wish me luck.

I love you, good luck.

-How'd it go? -LOUIS: How'd it go?

It didn't fuckin' go.

That motherfucker didn't show up.

No call, no text, no nothin'.

Fucker, man, I'm sorry.

Everyone wants to be a big time,

motherfucking bigwig in this town,

and then they pull shit like this?

I don't understand how the fuck people do that.

It's really fuckin' frustrating

and I'm sick of it.

You know what?

He probably lost his phone or something.

I'm sure he's gonna call you.

Ruined my whole fucking day, man.

I need to fucking hit something.

MIKA: Hey!

How do you feel?

How the fuck do you think I feel?

Whoa, don't take it out on me.

You know, it's not always about you.

Well, it's not always about you.

I just put up with your fucking craziness

over a stupid audition for fucking days.

The least you can do is be fucking respectful and kind.

You know what? I'm gonna go for a walk.

I'm leaving.

Yeah, just fucking go, yeah, you should, you should.

(GRUNTS)

(LINE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Hey, are you okay?

I just went for a walk.

Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened.

I got really upset for a really stupid reason...

and I shouldn't have took it out on you.

No, it's fine, I'm sorry, too.

You gonna come back soon?

Of course I'm coming back.

You sure? You promise you're coming back?

Don't be silly.

I love you.

I'll call you in a little bit, okay?

Okay.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING ON TV)

(DOOR OPENS)

LOUIS: Hey.

MIKA: Hey.

What are you doing on my side?

I missed your smell.

I'm so sorry about what happened before with Switzer.

I just got so frustrated and I took it out on you.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

I just needed to clear my head.

Did you ever hear back from him?

Yeah, he's...

with Alissa right now.

Alissa Hoebag?

Yeah, they called me all wasted

and I guess they're hookin' up, or...

She's trying to kill my deal.

She's trying to get him to produce her movie

instead of ours.

Her movie?

Yeah, can you believe that?

Why is he falling for that shit?

The power of the pussy, my darling.

It makes men do strange things sometimes.

What if she starts pulling that shit on you?

I will fuckin' elbow her in her teeth.

I just realized that I don't know

a damn thing about this business.

I mean, the guy who wrote it...

this guy, Gabriel Campisi,

he actually has his email address in the back of the book.

I emailed him and said I would love to talk

to him about Dead Wolf.

I actually pitched him it.

Did he ever write back?

-I don't know. -(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

Oh, my God, he actually emailed me back.

My idea sounds interesting and that he would love

to talk to me about it.

What?

Oh, my God, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna talk to him.

You know, fuck fuckin' Switzer, man.

I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get my goddamn movie made

with this guy, the author of the book.

-You gonna go now? -Yeah, he said come by.

He's gonna be there until four.

So, yeah, I mean, I'll get in.

Why not? Why wait?

Okay, come back soon.

Love you.

Let's get movies made, baby.

-GABE: Hey. -LOUIS: Hey.

-Louis. -Gabe.

GABE: Yeah, have a seat, buddy.

Pleasure, thank you so much for taking the time.

My pleasure, have a seat.

So?

I... I got the book. I... been reading it.

Tell me more about your project.

Tell me, uh, it sounds interesting what you told me,

but tell me, do you have any investors?

Have you talked to any actors?

You know, that might jump on this?

You know, at this point, I, you know,

I'm on stage zero, you know?

I'm just, really just, uh, kind of

an up and coming filmmaker.

I've written a bunch of scripts, um,

and I'm just, I'm trying to get, you know,

something made.

Screenplays are a dime a dozen, okay?

Uh, you need to set yourself apart from other writers.

If not, you just have a screenplay like anyone else.

There are a million screenplays in Hollywood.

This, have you heard of The Asylum?

Oh, yeah, they made Sharknado.

I'm gonna go to lunch tomorrow with David Latt, okay?

And I'm gonna tell him about you.

I'm gonna tell him about the screenplay.

I think it's very interesting.

Yeah, no, I've heard of him.

Uh, yeah, he's like one of the head people at The Asylum.

He's gonna expect an email from you.

-Okay. -Okay, afterward, okay?

So you have to be certain to do that.

I will freakin' email him, consider it done.

Uh, this is your way in, okay?

Uh, I get you in there, but now the rest is up to you.

-Yeah. -Okay?

So, uh, sound good?

That sounds great.

Okay, I'm gonna walk you out. I gotta get going,

but I'm gonna walk you out, okay?

Okay, okay, okay, thank you.

-Okay. -Thank you so much.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's up? We got some wine.

Are we celebrating something?

So, the meeting with Gabriel, it went amazing.

So, I start telling him about my project,

he loves it.

He calls The Asylum, the company that did Sharknado,

and they do all these creature features.

It would be perfect for Dead Wolf.

Wow.

And then check this out,

on the way back I get a call from Switzer.

Dead Wolf is on, he's got the money,

and check this out, he even set up auditions

for next week.

I got you an appointment.

It's the Switzer guy.

He's not for real, I mean,

he didn't even show up to your meeting.

I'm not gonna sit and break down a scene

and learn lines for an audition that's not really gonna happen.

You're the best freakin' actress I know.

You've got this, okay?

I know, but I'm gonna stress so much.

Like, it's your movie, that's, like, even more pressure.

All right, you know what?

Today is not the day to stress.

I got something to take your mind off all this.

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(SCREAMING)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICK)

LOUIS: Mmm.

Mmm.

You know I'm pretty sure

you don't need to do your own makeup.

It is Fox, I bet they're gonna have at least

three maybe 15 makeup people there.

Like if I show up with nothing

they'll be like, why the hell did we hire

this ugly, fat bitch?

I'm pretty sure you have body dysmorphia disease, too.

How do I look? Do you like my outfit?

Amazing and when you see those Fox execs,

you tell them they'll be seeing me real soon.

Sooner than you know.

All right, good luck.

Bye.

(DOG BARKING)

LOUIS: You gonna elbow me?

Dude, Dead Wolf, man.

-SWITZER: Dead Wolf? -It's gonna be sick.

Oh, shit, Mika just came home.

Okay, okay, okay.

LOUIS: Yeah, yeah, let me call you, uh, later.

We'll meet up next week.

-So, how'd it go? -Terrible.

What? What happened?

First of all, they make us wait around all day,

and then we're getting to the end of the day,

they were losing light and they said

they need to condense the last scenes,

so they cut mine out.

That's freakin' awful.

I feel like such a loser.

It's so embarrassing. I put it on Facebook.

I put it on Instagram.

I blasted it that I was gonna be on the show

and in that episode and now people are gonna watch it

and be like, "Where the hell is she?"

You got Tess comin'.

Movie's getting made one way or the other, all right?

So don't worry, it's happening.

Got the big audition comin' up,

so I don't need you all stressed.

I need you to focus, all right, babe?

Will you read the lines with me?

Yeah, of course.

Somebody re-upped, huh?

Yeah, I need it for my audition.

I have to sleep.

Well, just be careful.

I don't want to see you Heath Ledge-it.

I'll be fine.

(DISTORTED VOICES)

MIKA: No, I love you, I love you, I'm sorry.

No, I don't wanna go.

I don't have anywhere to go.

Get the fuck out of my house

before I stab you, bitch.

Well, I don't love you anymore.

Get out.

(LAUGHS)

"We never liked her. She was always rude to her mother.

Even her own brother didn't like her."

"Well, then, why doesn't Michael just--"

It's Miguel, dude, Miguel, stop fucking up.

Jesus, I'm sorry, okay?

"Then why is Miguel not stopping her?"

"I don't know, maybe because my sister

wouldn't date him.

I don't know, it's nothing that I can do anything about."

You could always kill him.

I'm just kidding.

That was awesome, you've got this.

Really? I need to knock this one out of the park.

I really do.

Well, you should go see my friend, Bobby.

He's like really good at coaching people

through auditions.

Are you saying I need an acting coach?

No, that is not what I meant, like chill.

Well, what's his name again?

Bobby who?

It's like Bobby B. something,

like Bobby Bane or Bobby Bailey...

Bobby Bagel?

Oh, yeah, Bobby Bagel. No.

You know, I'm just trying to help,

but seriously, you don't need Bobby Bagels,

you don't need anybody, you're good.

No, no, you need to call your friend

and find out this Bobby guy's number.

I need to go see him.

-No. -I need his number.

-I was just joking. -No you weren't.

-You don't need anybody. -You weren't fucking kidding.

Yeah, I was, I was kidding.

I need a fucking coach, Jesus.

No, you're amazing. In fact...

here's to you.

You are gonna knock it out of the park tomorrow.

You're amazing and I believe in you.

All right, well, if I bomb tomorrow

then I'm gonna blame you for not giving me

Bobby Bagel's number.

Yeah, well you would, wouldn't you?

All right, let's just do it one more time.

Let's do it.

Whoa.

Just keepin' it fresh.

It's a good look.

What, you don't think I should walk in like this?

Actually, that might not be a bad idea.

They'll remember me.

It's a strong choice.

Certainly would get a reaction.

I'm ready.

Just remember the better you do

the easier it's gonna be for me to push you.

No pressure.

I know the lines so well that I'm sick of them.

You know they asked me if they wanted me to be there

for the audition?

Oh, God, please don't.

Yeah, I told 'em maybe, maybe for the callback.

Oh, shit, what if I don't get called back?

Are you kidding me?

You're gonna book this thing.

You're not even gonna need to audition soon.

I know, but I like to audition,

then I get the part on my own merit.

Yeah, definitely.

Whoa, your eyes look huge.

How many pills did you take?

What are you my doctor now?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

Did you sleep?

No, I didn't think I was going to anyway.

I figured you wouldn't.

I gotta do this.

I gotta do this.

I think I can, even though I feel like shit.

Just use all that sleep depravity

and anguish and anxiety,

everything that kept you up, use that,

and do the best fuckin' audition you can,

'cause you got this.

Yeah, it's weird.

Even though I didn't sleep and I feel like shit,

I'm almost delirious and in this weird creative bubble,

like, I actually feel like I might do really great

in the room.

You're beautiful and you deserve this fucking part.

All right, well, wish me luck.

I mean, it's amazing.

Yeah, yeah, I told you you were gonna like her.

SWITZER: The money guy does have some ideas.

LOUIS: Hey, what's that?

Wait, what other producer?

The money guy, he's thinking other things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you mean, ideas?

He wants to change a few things.

Ideas for the script or character changes?

Calm down, don't worry about it.

-All right. -We'll figure it out.

Okay, yeah, we'll talk later.

Well, they loved your audition,

but apparently there's another producer

and he has 'ideas."

Ideas? Like, what ideas?

Probably just wants to contribute something

to make him feel important, like he did something.

I mean, what if they don't want me to direct?

No, you're directing this thing.

It's your movie. You wrote it.

They can't have anybody else direct it.

Well, you know what?

Fuck them, if they want someone else to direct,

they can't have Dead Wolf,

'cause I got my meeting with The Asylum tomorrow

and if it's not happenin' with Switzer,

it's happening with The Asylum.

This movie's gettin' made one way or the other.

"Ideas"?

What the fuck does that mean?

Oh, you're here for Latt.

You can have a seat.

Okay, I'll send him back.

He's ready for you.

I'm here for the, uh, meeting.

Have a seat.

Hi, how are you?

Thanks, thanks so much for... taking the time.

-Right. -It's really great to be here

and I'm super excited about the opportunity

to work with you and The Asylum on Dead Wolf.

The Asylum's really a unique kind of studio.

We don't take pitches.

I kept trying to tell you that and it never really sunk in,

'cause I guess we're a little bit different

than, than what you're used to. But...

But, uh, I mean, you sent me the email

and I believe that you said, like,

Dead Wolf was a good script, uh,

and then I sent, I know I sent you another email.

I was like, "Oh--"

You sent me many many emails.

I love the persistence and believe me, you know,

this is how I was when I was a younger man,

but I can't help make your film.

Maybe, maybe, I'm a little, you know--

No, no, no, I was very sincere.

I like the script and I'm sure you're a very talented director,

but there's no home for you here.

I'm, I'm sorry, I, I--

No, no, no, I, look, I mean, if you want,

you know, look, uh, you can always work on

one of our sets.

We're, you know, always looking for PAs,

but the bottom line is,

we're not gonna ever produce Dead Wolf.

I understand.

Thank, thank you, thank you for, uh...

Okay, all right. Well, thank you.

Thank you. All right, all right.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(SIGHS)

What happened? Guessing it's bad news.

Well...

let's just say The Asylum's out.

Switzer did say he was-- He's got the money

and he's comin' over.

Oh, please.

It's a bunch of bullshit.

We can wait here all day. He's never gonna be here.

Says he has the money? Ha!

I'm sorry.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

(KNOCKING)

Hey.

-LOUIS: Switzer? -Hey, Louis, what's up?

Hey, you must be Mika.

I saw your audition, it wasn't bad.

MIKA: Yeah?

Yeah, it was pretty good.

Yeah, so, uh, Dead Wolf, man, what's goin' on with that?

Yeah, is it really happening

or are we just wasting our time here?

Of course it's fucking happening.

What? You doubt me?

It wasn't that we were doubting you.

It's just, you know, the agreements and, you know,

we never really kind of locked that down, you know?

We've just been disappointed a lot, you know?

LOUIS: I mean, that's the point, I mean,

-just, just in terms of-- -No. All right, look.

It's five grand.

It's your advance.

Dude, it's five grand, for real.

All right, so, learn your lines and--

Wait, wait, wait, she's got the part of Tess?

Yeah, why not?

It's a good audition.

Thank you so much, man.

This is amazing, this is like the

-best news ever. -Oh, wow.

SWITZER: All right, guys, well...

Start production, what? Like two weeks?

Yeah, let's do it.

-SWITZER: All right, guys, -MIKA: Wow.

SWITZER: It's a nice place you got, by the way.

Yeah, yeah, fucking, uh, thanks, man.

SWITZER: All right, guys. See ya soon.

(DOOR CLOSES)

MIKA: (YELPS) Come here, baby.

Well, let's do it--

He said to learn my lines.

Does that mean I got the part?

You got the part, you got the part.