Original subtitles

- I'm taking a trip down memory lane today.

My husband was executed 'cause he was a serial killer.

And so, a lot of the crime scenes haven't been looked at in a while

and there's all kinds of DNA,

and this was one of his.

Makes me kind of emotional.

So we're gonna see what kind of evidence we can find in here.

Oh, yeah, this is spooky as shit.

This definitely looks like a place that he would have come...

and murdered the hell out of some people.

The department gives me these kits.

I'll be honest, I don't know what to do with any of this.

These are just regular, old Q-tips,

so I'm just get some of this and put it in an envelope.

This will keep them busy for four or five days.

- This is a non-issue. - JAMES: Sir...

- When you hear what I'm gonna say, you're gonna be like,

"Oh, I apologize, Andrew."

- Just be quiet.

- You're buying a solo ticket to "stick time," OK?

- ANDREW: Yeah, you're buying a group ticket to my fist.

- Wait, what? Wait, what? - ANDREW: Wait, wait, wait.

What that a mistake? Yes. But let me speak my story.

Let me speak my story.

- Andrew, let her speak her story. - Let her speak her story before...

- ANDREW: Please. - Please.

- ANDREW: Please speak your story, Angela. - Please, Andrew.

- Angela. - ANDREW: Angela.

- He was also masturbating. - Whoa.

- OK. OK. I'm not gonna fight that.

Did I in fact pleasure myself at my seat? Yes.

But that's not the issue.

That's not the issue.

We all bought tickets.

And when you buy tickets, you buy a "what"? A home.

This is my home.

So I sit down, I go, "Lady and the Tramp?"

That's immediately I go to, I'm like,

"Now I gotta masturbate. Lady and the Tramp."

- Wait, wait. Dogs eating spaghetti? - What?

- By a show of hands, who here has pleasured themselves

to Lady and the Tramp?

Liars. All liars.

All they've been doing is throwing their people juice.

- Andrew, OK. That's... - All over this petri dish.

- We will deal with this. -Hey! Now wait a minute.

- No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. - OK.

- This is injustice. This is injustice. - We're taking it, we're taking it.

That's it. - Wait, 1917.

- Come on. - 1917.

- OK. OK. Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

- Poor fucker.

She was short. He liked 'em short.

I mean he liked me for, you know, sex and romance,

but for murder he liked 'em short.

There's a little blood on there.

Could've been his.

- What's going on, Trudy?

- Oh, hey, Craig. - Hey.

- Craig. - Yeah.

What's going on?

- Are you really here?

- Yeah, I guess. I mean I think I'm a ghost or whatever, but...

- I was always hoping this might happen.

- I mean I've been good. You've been good? Everything's nice?

- No, I've missed you since you've been dead.

I have not had any...

boyfriends or any dating since you were executed.

Let me tell you, I've had lots of offers.

- Good. 'Cause I've been dating a bunch of people.

I didn't know that was a thing.

Yeah, I'm in hell. I don't know if you know this.

- I figured.

- It's kind of a party.

Pretty awesome.

- You know, you can see gals on the side, you know.

- It's a whole mess of people. It's not just girls.

I mean it's kind of an orgy, Caligula type of situation.

I mean the Devil's involved.

He's actually pretty funny if you get to know him.

He's got a good sense of humor.

Just does, like to make people, you know, laugh and stuff.

- Oh, I wish I could come visit.

- You can. You just have to do some terrible things.

- Hey, honey. - WOMAN: Hey.

What are you doin' home so early? - I forgot my...

what do you call the thing? How you doin'?

- Hey, mama.

- You look nice today. You look very nice today.

- Mom, these boobs brought you to America, OK?

- What you got there?

You wore my vest? - Yeah.

- Step out. Step out. All right. - Yeah. Yeah.

OK? I'm putting on clothes.

Oh, look, look. Let me go to the office. I'll go and work a regular job.

- You forgot this, too. Yeah. - Thank you. Yeah.

- Don't kill yourself out there. - Well, thanks.

- Don't let them kill you. - Don't throw it. Don't throw the taser.

- Oh, shit! No, don't throw it. Don't throw it.

- Don't throw it. - Don't throw it. Don't throw it.

- Thank you.

- Don't speak Korean. - WOMAN: She says she loves you.

That bad... This body brought you to America.

- You know, in 32 years, I'm gonna own this whole place.

- I got a couple of questions for you. - You do.

- Yeah. - Anything.

- I just wanna know what's going on... - OK.

- ...on Earth and stuff. What's an iPhone?

People come down and talk about their iPhone.

It's like I go, "Oh, yeah, that's awesome."

And then I go back, I'm like, "What's this iPhone?"

- Well, it's just a phone, like a cell phone,

so you can talk to people.

It's sort of like, remember back when you were a kid

and you'd do, like, the tin can

with a string. - Yep.

- It's like that, but you can take pictures of your privates on it.

Same difference. Yeah. - All right. OK. That makes sense.

- You can also buy shoes on it.

So, I don't wanna complicate things for you.

- ♪ And I'm dancing In the corner of the room ♪

- ♪ And you're dead and I'm alive And it's OK ♪

If I was in hell, would you pick me to have an orgy with you?

- There's kind of a clique of cool kids.

And if I'm near the cool kids,

I might give you a little bit of the shoulder

like, "Hey, whatever, Trudy, or something."

- That's OK. I mean I just was your wife

and I covered up a whole bunch of murders for you for a long time.

But I understand. - Yeah, it's just, like,

you know, schoolyard politics stuff. -Totally.

- I came to warn you about something. - What is it?

- It's about your future.

You'll make a horrible mistake.

- Oh, my God! I'm so glad you came. What is it?

- You cut your bangs yourself. That's a disaster.

Disaster. Disaster. Disaster.

- Trudy? Trudy?

Oh. A lot of animal poop.

Trudy? Trudy? Holy crap!

Trudy? Trudy?

- What? - Thank God you're not dead.

There's a lot of gas fumes in here, Trudy. I don't think we should be in here.

- He had... He had some teeth in a jar. - We gotta get out of here.

- But he told me I could sell them on the Internet

to make some money. - You know what?

I'm just gonna lay down for a second. - Yeah. No.

- I'm just gonna lay down for a second. - It's so fumy.

- Oh, my God. - It's fumy, right?

But doesn't it feel good to just... - It does feel just--

- Oh, feels good. - It feels--

- 'Cause I'm just tired. I just wanna take another nap.

Sometimes,

I used to find bones... under the sink.