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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,289
[THE OFFSPRING'S
"WANT YOU BAD" PLAYS]
3
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,923
♪ If you could only read my mind ♪
4
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:52,468
♪ You would know
That things between us ♪
5
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:55,722
♪ Ain't right ♪
6
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,974
♪ I know your arms are open wide ♪
7
00:00:58,142 --> 00:01:01,310
♪ But you're a little
On the straight side ♪
8
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,397
♪ I can't lie ♪
9
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:09,402
♪ Your one vice
Is you're too nice ♪
10
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:13,990
♪ Come around now
Can you see? ♪
11
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:18,578
♪ I want you
All tattooed ♪
12
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,998
♪ I want you bad ♪
13
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:27,587
♪ Complete me
Mistreat me ♪
14
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:33,926
♪ I want you to be
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
15
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:39,056
♪ If you could only read my mind ♪
16
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,518
♪ You would know
That I've been waiting ♪
17
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,855
♪ So long ♪
18
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,191
♪ For someone almost just like you ♪
19
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:51,360
♪ But with attitude
I've waited ♪
20
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,696
♪ So come on ♪
21
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:59,410
♪ Get out at close time
Pull out those highlights ♪
22
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:04,040
♪ Come around now
Can you see? ♪
23
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:08,544
♪ I want you
In a vinyl suit ♪
24
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:12,173
♪ I want you bad ♪
25
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:17,678
♪ Complicated
X-rated ♪
26
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:23,976
♪ I want you
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
27
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,228
♪ Bad ♪
28
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,438
[PHONE RINGS]
29
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:33,736
♪ I mean it
I need it ♪
30
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:41,911
♪ I want you
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
31
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,246
♪ Bad ♪
32
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,749
♪ Really, really bad ♪♪
33
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,585
[♪♪♪]
34
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,296
MICHAEL:
Whoo! Is this such a good idea?
35
00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:56,259
Is marriage a good idea?
Because marriage is huge.
36
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,512
I am having trouble breathing.
37
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,722
I am having trouble
catching my breath.
38
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,851
Would you relax?
How could I possibly relax?
39
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,561
Because it's my wedding.
40
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,813
MICHAEL:
That's Max. Only 19 years old
41
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,608
and is getting married to the
only girl he's ever had sex with.
42
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,402
[PANTING]
43
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:18,698
That day I promised myself,
I'd stay single forever.
44
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,199
Gimshins.
45
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,285
MICHAEL:
Granted, Kimberly was gorgeous.
46
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,496
What's the holdup?
Your groom isn't quite out yet.
47
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,082
Well, fix it, Daddy! Unh!
48
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:31,210
MICHAEL:
I guess Max didn't see her
quite the way I did.
49
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,587
Make him behave!
50
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,630
It will be perfect. I promise.
51
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:38,467
MICHAEL:
Kimberly's father helped invent
a very special pill.
52
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:44,140
Now, Viagra beat him to the market,
but his pill was just as good.
53
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,017
It could turn this
54
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,935
into this.
55
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,231
There's enough to give
an elephant a boner.
56
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,902
You are so bad.
Your own sister's wedding?
57
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,779
Please. She's gonna love it.
58
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:02,450
I'll put it on the gift table.
They'll take it on the honeymoon.
59
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,369
He'll have a three-day boner.
KELLY: Ha-ha.
60
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:10,291
Oh, yeah! I love the smell of
bridesmaids in the morning.
61
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:15,296
MICHAEL:
My best friend, Kyle.
If this is your average brain,
62
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,424
this is Kyle's brain.
63
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:22,887
Anyway, the wedding was
about to get especially hard.
64
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:27,016
I propose a toast. Yes. To Max!
65
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,102
MEN: To Max.
First tomcat to take the plunge.
66
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,562
Thanks, guys.
67
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,189
MEN:
May it never happen to us!
68
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,357
[ALL LAUGH]
69
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,778
Ah. There you go, buddy.
70
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:48,663
Dude.
71
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,083
Heh. Dude.
72
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,046
Dude.
73
00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:01,509
This is the best wine ever.
74
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,096
What the hell is going on?
Everybody's waiting out there.
75
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:08,099
What is up with you?
76
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,521
Holy Mary,
77
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,356
Mother of God.
78
00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:18,192
You boys must
really like weddings.
79
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,029
Get out there.
Everybody's waiting.
80
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,281
[ORGAN PLAYING
"BRIDAL CHORUS"]
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00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,624
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
82
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,091
[ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
83
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,680
Don't move.
84
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,225
MICHAEL:
Here we go, here we go.
85
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:52,935
[CLEARS THROAT]
86
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,952
You may all be seated.
87
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,332
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
88
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,669
Turn around.
We can't.
89
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,920
MICHAEL:
Here we go.
90
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,632
[♪♪♪]
91
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,635
[GIGGLING]
92
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:38,481
Don't they look handsome
in their tuxedos?
93
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:42,068
MICHAEL:
I cannot believe that Max actually
went through with it.
94
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,903
It's a goddamn shame.
95
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:48,908
I am hereby dedicating myself
to a life as a professional tomcat.
96
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,410
Professional tomcat, right on.
97
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,579
KYLE:
Yeah, man. Forget marriage.
98
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,581
I'll nail every woman
on the planet.
99
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,209
Every one?
Except my mother and grandmother.
100
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,669
First of all, your mom is hot.
101
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,506
Secondly, you realize there are
102
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,758
two and a half billion
females on Earth.
103
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:09,303
Are you saying it can't be done?
No. But we got to divide them up.
104
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,180
Ha-ha-ha. Deal.
105
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,682
I'll never get married. Ever.
106
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,811
You're almost married as it is.
Kelly runs your life.
107
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,854
She does not!
108
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:22,316
Jan. You've got five minutes.
Thank you.
109
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,444
[MEN LAUGHING AND
IMITATING WHIPPING SOUNDS]
110
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,321
You'll be the next to go.
111
00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:29,782
Please. We all know
who'll be next.
112
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,201
ALL:
Steve dog!
113
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,869
[BLOWS RASPBERRY
THEN LAUGHS]
114
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,205
I don't even have
a girlfriend.
115
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,915
You're going down,
buddy.
116
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,458
What? Why?
117
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:44,004
Because, like Max, the first girl that
lets you get with her, you'll marry.
118
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,214
You want to bet?
119
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,591
Actually bet?
Really bet for money?
120
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,137
Yeah. Let's say the last single man
gets a thousand bucks
121
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:54,223
from the rest of you who end up
getting married. Ha-ha-ha.
122
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,392
Six grand's a lot of money.
123
00:07:57,352 --> 00:08:01,147
No, no. If we're going to do this,
we do it right. Okay?
124
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:04,567
Each of us puts a couple hundred
dollars a year away in savings.
125
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,820
No, no, no. High-yield mutual fund.
126
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:11,532
All right, the last man standing
at the end, gets the whole pot.
127
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,576
I'm talking 10, 20 grand!
128
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:14,869
That's a lot of money.
129
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,830
Yeah. And you're out
if you go gay, Gary.
130
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,081
Hey, blow me.
131
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,167
[♪♪♪]
132
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,171
All right, Gary's out.
133
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,757
I'm in. Tomcats' bet.
Let's get in here.
134
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,509
KYLE:
Come on, get in here!
135
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,137
I'm going to invest some money,
okay?
136
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,306
ALL:
Tomcats! Tomcats!
137
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:39,852
Tomcats! Tomcats!
Tomcats! Tomcats!
138
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,395
Ha-ha-ha!
139
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,273
You guys are going
to pay me so bad!
140
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,066
[LAUGHING]
141
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,445
I don't ever want to get married.
I don't!
142
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,905
I do.
143
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,744
By the power vested in me,
by Allah
144
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:59,079
and the state of Nevada,
145
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,582
I now pronounce you,
146
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,919
husband and...
147
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,463
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
148
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:10,633
- Wife, my friends. Ha-ha.
149
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,301
Okay, love her tender.
150
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,386
Love her tenders. Please.
151
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,388
Oop. Rock the jailhouse.
152
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:22,353
Every single woman,
come to the center of the aisle,
153
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,939
so you can catch
the flower bouquets...
154
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,233
All the single ladies.
Where are you going?
155
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,734
MINISTER: Let's go, please.
Sit down.
156
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,903
Thank you very much.
157
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,492
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
158
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:40,371
Ha-ha-ha! Whoo! All right.
159
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,331
You went down, my man!
160
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,832
Down like a 2-dollar hooker!
161
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,793
Boom! You're out!
You suck!
162
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,461
Tricia's great, though.
163
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,923
No, I'll tell you who's great.
Jan here is great.
164
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,427
What's our bachelor pool
up to now?
165
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,806
As of Friday, about 475.
166
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,641
Man, that's half a million bucks!
167
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,850
[LAUGHS]
168
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:06,063
Can our man Jan pick IPOs or what?
I'm wet. I'm, like, wet.
169
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,108
Don't you sometimes wish you
could fuck money?
170
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,569
Weddings bring out
the romantic in you, Kyle.
171
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,197
Kyle, don't you have
enough money already?
172
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:19,285
You can never have enough money.
And you're a fag for saying that.
173
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,954
No offense, Gary.
Hey, blow me.
174
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,542
Looks like it's just
you and me now, buddy.
175
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,420
And I'm not the one bringing
chicks who catch bouquets.
176
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,588
[GRAND THEFT AUDIO'S
"WE LUV U" PLAYS]
177
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,096
MICHAEL:
I can't believe we're
doing this again.
178
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,848
How many times can we do it?
179
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,891
SHELBY: You're going down.
MICHAEL: You're unquenchable.
180
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:47,563
I'll pass out. Here it comes.
Here it comes.
181
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,523
[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
ON TV]
182
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,358
[GROANS]
183
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,777
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON TV]
184
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,363
[GRUNTING]
185
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,866
Ah. You lose. Ha-ha-ha.
186
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:01,869
Take off your pants.
Oh, no. I lose again!
187
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,872
Oh, God, I hate losing.
188
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,124
Hurry, before he says it again.
189
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:12,004
No, no, no. No more drinking.
No more drinking. You win.
190
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,672
You win.
191
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,425
I win? Oh, yeah?
192
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,927
Well, good. Then I'm collecting.
193
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,559
Come on.
I want to be dangerous.
194
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,019
Where we going?
195
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,479
Where are we going?
196
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,280
Oh, wow.
197
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,032
Say it, Michael.
198
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,576
Um... Say it?
199
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,162
I won't do it unless you say it.
200
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,999
I'm sorry. I'm having a little bit
of trouble concentrating here.
201
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,085
What is it exactly
you want me to say?
202
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:52,961
You know.
203
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,130
Those three
204
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:56,840
little
205
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,717
words.
206
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:03,806
Those three little words.
207
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,353
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on a minute.
208
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,021
What? What's wrong?
209
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,984
I'm sorry. I'm going to
have to ask you to leave.
210
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,153
Why are you acting like this?
211
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,656
You are the one
who's rushing things.
212
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:21,865
Rushing what?
213
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,243
Shelby, I like you.
I like you a lot.
214
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:27,371
But things are just
moving a little too fast.
215
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:31,959
I'm just not ready to say,
"I love you."
216
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,129
What makes you think
I want you to say,
"I love you"?
217
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,006
Oh, come on. Back there.
218
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:41,635
You wouldn't do it because
I wouldn't say those three little words.
219
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,679
[LAUGHS]
220
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,181
You colossal moron.
221
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:51,270
"Suck my cock."
222
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:57,401
Suck my cock. Suck my cock!
223
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:01,864
Oh, suck my cock! Suck my cock!
Suck my cock! Suck my cock.
224
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,868
[(HED) PLANET EARTH'S
"BARTENDER" PLAYS]
225
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:09,872
That was great.
You put your shoes out on
the pillow like this. Great.
226
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,498
MICHAEL:
Shelby!
227
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,627
Sorry.
WAITRESS: Jerk.
228
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:16,920
I'll catch you later.
229
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,214
[LAUGHS]
230
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,011
What's going on?
Who you looking for?
231
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,930
Shelby. She's probably halfway
back to L.A. By now.
232
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,975
Oh, boy.
What'd you do now?
233
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,603
It's weird.
234
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,607
I thought she wanted me to say,
"I love you." I wouldn't lie to get sex.
235
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,693
You know another way?
I know. I'm an idiot.
236
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:43,197
Don't worry, buddy.
You're at the Hard Rock.
237
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:47,242
I mean, this place rocks hard.
238
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,119
There's like a million women here.
239
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,539
I cannot believe you and Trish
got married, Steve.
240
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,042
Aren't you terrified?
241
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,543
Let me ask you a question:
242
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,671
If you could sleep with
any woman, who would it be?
243
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,716
Ooh. Is this hypothetical?
Because my birthday's soon.
244
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,384
Any woman. Hypothetical.
245
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:05,761
Fictional?
246
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,347
Not Judy Jetson.
Well, then, I'm out.
247
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,098
Who's yours?
248
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,392
Truth?
249
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,102
Tricia.
250
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:19,399
If I could fuck any woman
in the whole world, it'd be her.
251
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,193
That's why I married her.
252
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,655
I'm glad you didn't write
your own vows.
253
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:27,950
Trish and I have
this deep connection,
you know?
254
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:31,578
She understands what I'm feeling
without my having to tell her.
255
00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:36,041
It's like I found this huge
spiritual side to myself
256
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,919
that I didn't even know existed.
257
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,421
Last week I had sex with twins.
258
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,882
Okay, you win.
259
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,055
Oh, can I get a Heineken?
260
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:51,515
Thanks.
261
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,772
[♪♪♪]
262
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:06,446
Ha-ha-ha. Forget it, pal.
She's only interested in high rollers.
263
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:14,955
Hard six! Let's go!
We need a hard six!
We got a shooter!
264
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,083
Long and hard six. Let's go.
DEALER: No more bets.
265
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:21,920
Two trades, go a long way.
Here we go, we got a shooter.
266
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,214
We got a roller! Hard six!
DEALER: Seven!
267
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,509
That hurt. Uh...
268
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,845
That hurt. I, uh...
269
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:36,268
♪ Don't take much
To make me feel all right ♪♪
270
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:51,033
I'm in! We got a shooter!
Let's go! I'm in. I'm letting it ride!
271
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,242
No more bets.
272
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,536
Eleven! Winner, winner,
chicken dinner. Whoo!
273
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:55,704
DEALER:
Craps.
274
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:59,041
Oh, God, no.
No touching! No touching.
275
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,835
That really hurt.
Wow.
276
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:05,088
Woo-hoo! Yes, I'm on a roll!
277
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,716
[HUMMING THEN LAUGHS]
278
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,134
I need you to come over.
279
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,304
Michael's gone crazy
trying to impress some girl.
280
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,682
Aw, come on, baby. I'm on fire.
281
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,726
[LAUGHING]
282
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,938
All right, I'll come down.
Color me up, pops.
283
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,984
Your $11, sir?
284
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,820
Who's your daddy?
285
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,822
Craps.
286
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:33,742
No, please, Jesus, kill me now!
287
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,286
Kill me now! Kill me.
288
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:44,086
Or don't? Let it ride,
my credit's good! Credit!
289
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,921
Let's go! Give me these dice!
290
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,174
What are you doing, buddy?
Rolling the bones.
291
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,468
Steve, Amber. Amber, Steve.
292
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,638
How far are you down?
I'm not so bad.
293
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,515
Twenty-five five.
294
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,892
Social security.
Twenty-five thousand?
295
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,853
Listen, buddy.
You can't do this.
296
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,356
Okay, listen.
You can't afford this.
297
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,775
You have to stop now!
Give me my dice!
298
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,193
Put the dice down.
299
00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,279
Stop. Now.
300
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:19,413
That was close, buddy.
I'll quit while I still can.
That was close. Whoo.
301
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,752
Seven out.
Time out!
302
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:29,631
Do over! I didn't roll that.
I didn't roll that. She rolled.
303
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,883
Come with us, please.
304
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:35,721
Let's go.
That's it. No more redheads. Ever.
305
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,639
Fellas, we're closed.
306
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,068
PIT BOSS:
This is the guy, Carlos.
307
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:57,701
Hi.
308
00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:59,453
I don't think
I owe this money.
309
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,039
Really? And why do you say that,
Mr. Delaney?
310
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:07,085
I didn't roll the dice.
A lady threw the dice.
I don't even know her name.
311
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:11,548
Wow. So this is all just like
a big misunderstanding.
312
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:15,093
BOTH: Yeah.
Well, luckily, we have tape.
313
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:23,059
Huh? See? That's us.
Losers. Ha-ha. More losers.
314
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:28,273
Ooh. For about $9.95 in the room,
you can watch that.
315
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,983
Tricia?
316
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,736
CARLOS:
Shame we had to leave that.
317
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:37,115
A reason to bring back instant replay.
I've said that for years.
318
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,784
That has got to hurt you.
319
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,368
Was that Tricia?
320
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:44,206
The woman you were with at the bar
was handling the dice for luck.
321
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,834
You gave them to her,
she threw them on the table.
322
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,921
That, Mr. Delaney, is a roll
in any casino in town.
323
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:55,050
Now, I'm sorry.
But you owe us $51,000.
324
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,260
Fifty-one thousand dollars?
Plus the minibar.
325
00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,597
Can we see that tape?
I don't have 51,000 dollars.
326
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:04,643
I'm a cartoonist.
I do background color
for Sunday's "Garfield."
327
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,937
I love your work,
but here's what we do:
328
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,900
We're dangerous, quasi-criminal,
take-no-shit Vegas types.
329
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:16,071
So, what does that mean?
What are you going to do? Hurt me?
330
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:19,908
Mr. Delaney,
I got into this business
to make easy money
331
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,744
and the damn thing is
they hook you in,
332
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,498
and then you find yourself
doing things you don't
really want to be doing,
333
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:28,750
like killing people like you.
334
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:33,004
And then you start to enjoy it,
which is a problem.
335
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:36,675
I'm kidding.
Making a light remark,
though probably not to you.
336
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,260
Point is, I will hang you,
337
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:41,012
cut your balls off
and put them in your pocket.
338
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,056
But not without a lot
of Jewish guilt.
339
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:46,017
You owe me,
in one month, 51,000 dollars.
340
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,604
And starting now,
I will need a daily security deposit.
341
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:53,275
I think it's important if we go back
to that tape with the ladies.
342
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,026
CARLOS:
But cheer up.
343
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:58,822
I am going to comp the minibar.
344
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,118
What happened?
345
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,621
I'm screwed, that's what happened.
STEVE: All right, where are you?
346
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,541
I just lost 51,000 dollars.
347
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,294
If I don't get it in a month,
I'm buzzard feed.
348
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:13,837
They'll kill me.
349
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:16,840
Jesus. I wish we could
give you the money,
350
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,342
but we put our cash
into the house.
351
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,722
And we've borrowed against it
to set up Steve's practice,
352
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:27,726
which explains why the wedding
of my dreams cost $280.
353
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,395
What are you doing?
354
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,522
Have you seen my flip-flops?
355
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,235
You know anybody
who'll loan you the money?
356
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,828
No, baby, listen.
357
00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:51,833
If you want us to
stop seeing other people,
what the hell? Let's try it.
358
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:56,546
It might help us reach
a deeper level of togetherness,
359
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,924
and you know,
bring us closer together.
360
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,843
Yeah. Okay. Sure. Heh-heh.
361
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:05,513
Yeah, me too. All right,
kiss-kiss. Okay, bye.
362
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:09,434
Whew.
Your sister is driving me nuts.
363
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,353
Okay, we're here.
364
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,688
[SALIVA'S "YOUR DISEASE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
365
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:17,859
What you're going to go for is
a nice, smooth stroke. Okay?
366
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,362
Mm-hm.
Swing back.
367
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,948
There you go.
How's that?
368
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:26,034
Okay. Well,
we'll keep trying, okay?
369
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:29,162
Let's work on your form.
You'll get it. No problem.
370
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,164
MICHAEL:
All right, Yoshi.
Keep your head down.
371
00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:32,874
Keep your head down.
Remember?
372
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:34,793
Grip and rip, dude.
Grip and rip.
373
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,378
[MEN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
374
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,587
Hey, Kyle!
375
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:41,716
Kyle, what's going on?
Mike? Hey.
376
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,718
What are you doing here?
377
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,680
I'm just hitting the links
with some of the fellas.
378
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:47,889
You want a ride?
379
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:50,809
Sure. Fellas, I'll meet you
at the 19th hole for a Heineken.
380
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,018
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
381
00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:53,436
Banzai! Ha-ha-ha.
382
00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,105
[♪♪♪]
383
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,691
MICHAEL:
So you're serious
about this girl, huh?
384
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,067
KYLE:
Remember what we said
385
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,236
about screwing every woman
in the world?
386
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:04,572
I'm halfway there.
One or two chicks at a time.
387
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:05,740
[GRUNTS]
388
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:08,118
[MAN SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
389
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:09,828
Whoopsie.
390
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:12,789
That's okay. Keep it.
I've got more in the bag.
391
00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:14,332
KYLE:
She's nothing to me, dude.
392
00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:18,837
Two things I hate:
Chicks who want commitment,
393
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:21,006
and assholes who want
to borrow money.
394
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,257
[WOMAN GRUNTS]
395
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,885
I'm okay.
We just ran over your girlfriend.
396
00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,846
Man, do not say that word.
397
00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,181
What did you want
to talk to me about?
398
00:22:30,808 --> 00:22:33,435
I just missed you.
Don't go all faggy on me.
399
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:35,603
[GRUNTS THEN GROANS]
400
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,940
Ha-ha-ha. You should see
the look on your face.
401
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:40,316
I'm totally kidding, man.
402
00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:44,112
So you've never even come
close to falling in love.
403
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:45,822
No, no, never.
404
00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:47,907
Well, maybe once.
405
00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:50,702
Natalie. She was a bridesmaid
at Max's wedding.
406
00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:53,872
She was amazing.
I took her to a bluff out in Malibu.
407
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,457
We talked all night.
408
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,917
We made love in the morning
at sunrise.
409
00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:01,171
She fell asleep in my arms.
It was incredible.
410
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:04,591
That's quite a story.
What happened to her?
411
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,844
I don't know.
She could've been the love of my life.
412
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:12,348
[DEXTER FREEBISH'S
"LEAVING TOWN" PLAYS]
413
00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:21,649
♪ Oh, your reputation's so golden ♪
414
00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:26,404
♪ You're never lonely
And you're never home ♪
415
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:30,700
♪ I know you've been talking
About leaving ♪
416
00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:34,120
♪ You've lost all your feeling
For this town ♪
417
00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:37,165
Nice couch, Mikey. Is it leather?
418
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:39,542
Oh, no way. It's pleather.
419
00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:41,544
Gross.
420
00:23:42,963 --> 00:23:44,214
[GRUNTS]
421
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:47,092
It'd be easier if you
had a front-door key for us.
422
00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:49,636
I'll get right on that. Night, fellas.
423
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,638
♪ So high in the gene pool ♪♪
424
00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:53,306
[TIRES SCREECH]
425
00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,687
Hey, what's up, buddy?
426
00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:02,482
Is Tricia here?
I'd like to ask her something.
427
00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:04,317
Yeah, she's upstairs.
Whoa!
428
00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:05,902
Whoa. Watch that.
429
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,071
I'll take you up there.
430
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,365
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
431
00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:11,825
Turn it off!
Shitballs!
432
00:24:12,034 --> 00:24:16,204
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Goddamn it! Son of a bitch!
433
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:19,874
She's upstairs with Consuela.
434
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,252
Damn hose.
435
00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:24,838
Must have had a kink in it.
436
00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:26,673
Any luck with the money?
437
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:29,926
Oh, no. I tried everything.
I don't know what to do.
438
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:31,386
[♪♪♪]
439
00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:33,054
Tricia!
440
00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:39,394
Aha! Uh...
441
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:42,063
Oh, boy.
442
00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:44,107
Is your blood sugar low again?
443
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:48,820
I was wondering about
a friend of yours, Natalie.
444
00:24:49,029 --> 00:24:50,864
A bridesmaid
at your sister's wedding.
445
00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:53,366
Natalie?
Steve, offer Michael a beer.
446
00:24:53,576 --> 00:24:54,951
You want a beer?
Yeah.
447
00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:56,995
What do you want with Natalie?
448
00:24:57,246 --> 00:25:01,249
Nothing. I was thinking about her
and I thought maybe I'd look her up.
449
00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:02,917
We don't have one clean glass.
450
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:05,753
We have a full-time maid,
for chrissakes.
451
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:08,381
Consuela.
452
00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:10,758
What is it that you do around here?
453
00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:16,472
It's Saturday night, right?
454
00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:18,600
I know exactly
where she is.
455
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:20,768
[MYSTIKAL'S "SHAKE YA ASS"
PLAYS]
456
00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:30,361
♪ Shake ya ass
But watch yourself ♪
457
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,822
♪ Shake ya ass
Show me what you're working with ♪
458
00:25:32,990 --> 00:25:34,616
♪ Shake ya ass
But watch yourself ♪
459
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:35,825
You looking for a date?
460
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:37,285
MAN:
You're not my type.
461
00:25:37,453 --> 00:25:39,996
NATALIE:
Whatever.
You wouldn't be anyway.
462
00:25:41,457 --> 00:25:43,082
♪ Be cool ♪
463
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:45,585
♪ And don't worry about how
I'm rippin' this shit ♪
464
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:47,712
Yeah?
465
00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:50,506
[MICHAEL CHUCKLES]
466
00:25:54,136 --> 00:25:56,346
♪ They don't
Y'all bitches can't catch me ♪
467
00:25:56,513 --> 00:25:59,098
♪ And you won't
Tell ya self, bitch ass ♪♪
468
00:26:01,727 --> 00:26:02,894
What's it gonna be?
469
00:26:03,103 --> 00:26:07,857
I have a proposal for you
and it's gonna sound a little strange.
470
00:26:08,317 --> 00:26:09,859
Does it involve sex?
471
00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:13,196
I'd say there'd be a fair
amount of sex involved.
472
00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:17,742
There will definitely be
a house and a ring involved.
Maybe even children.
473
00:26:17,952 --> 00:26:19,577
[CHUCKLING]
Children?
474
00:26:19,787 --> 00:26:23,957
That'll depend on how far you
and this other guy will want to take it.
475
00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:27,877
But, yeah. I'd say kids would be
involved. At least a dog. Ha.
476
00:26:28,545 --> 00:26:31,965
Children, a dog and another guy.
477
00:26:32,675 --> 00:26:36,052
You're allergic to dogs.
How about cats? Maybe a hamster?
478
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:37,679
[BOTH LAUGH]
479
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:39,097
Maybe a hamster.
480
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,266
[LAUGHING]
481
00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:43,935
Baby, I got exactly what you need.
482
00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:45,228
[SIRENS WAILING]
483
00:26:45,396 --> 00:26:46,980
NATALIE:
Let's go. Over here. Let's go.
484
00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:48,690
[GRUNTING]
485
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:51,025
You're under arrest,
you sick fuck.
486
00:26:51,193 --> 00:26:53,444
[SNIFFLING]
487
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:57,699
I wasn't soliciting prostitution.
I swear to God, I wasn't.
488
00:26:57,908 --> 00:27:00,285
You know what they do
to pedophiles in the joint?
489
00:27:00,494 --> 00:27:02,870
Not to mention hamster fuckers.
490
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,916
I wasn't looking for
a hooker or a hamster!
I was looking for you.
491
00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,085
I was looking for Natalie Parker.
492
00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:10,920
How do you know her name?
493
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:14,215
We were at a wedding once,
a long time ago.
494
00:27:14,425 --> 00:27:17,885
And you hooked up with a friend
of mine, Kyle Brenner.
495
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:19,554
Doesn't ring any bells.
496
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,681
What do you want with her?
497
00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:25,393
It's stupid. It was a bad idea.
Can I please just apologize and go?
498
00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:27,770
I want to hear it.
499
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,525
MICHAEL:
I go to Vegas.
There's this redhead.
500
00:27:32,735 --> 00:27:35,820
I play craps. I lose all my money.
Get to the point, Delaney.
501
00:27:36,530 --> 00:27:38,239
I'm in a lot of trouble.
502
00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:39,741
[BLOWS NOSE]
503
00:27:40,784 --> 00:27:43,077
Some buddies of mine
and I have a bet.
504
00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:46,247
Last bachelor standing wins.
505
00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:49,042
The pot is huge. Half a million.
506
00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:53,254
And I need this money.
I mean, I really need this money.
507
00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:55,590
I just thought...
It's stupid, but...
508
00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:56,966
[WHIMPERING]
509
00:27:57,134 --> 00:27:59,927
What? You thought what?
510
00:28:00,137 --> 00:28:02,305
I just thought that, uh...
511
00:28:02,973 --> 00:28:05,725
Kyle talks about you like you
were the one that got away.
512
00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:08,269
Like you were his last chance
at true love.
513
00:28:08,479 --> 00:28:11,439
I just thought that getting
the two of you together,
514
00:28:11,648 --> 00:28:13,066
something would rekindle.
515
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:16,778
You guys would get married
and I'd win the money.
Everybody wins. Ha-ha.
516
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:25,411
That was the most pathetic
fucking shit I have ever heard.
517
00:28:25,996 --> 00:28:28,122
That hamster story was better
than that crap.
518
00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:34,921
What made you think I'd agree to it?
I don't even remember this guy Karl.
519
00:28:35,130 --> 00:28:37,090
Kyle.
Whatever.
520
00:28:37,299 --> 00:28:38,841
Kyle Brenner.
521
00:28:39,593 --> 00:28:41,844
You're right. I'm sorry.
It was stupid.
522
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,179
I'm sorry.
523
00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:44,680
It's your call, detective.
524
00:28:51,688 --> 00:28:53,147
Cut him loose.
525
00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:55,149
Hi, yes. I'm here. Hi.
526
00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:58,319
I was wondering
if I could increase my limit to,
527
00:28:58,529 --> 00:29:00,988
I don't know, 51,000 dollars.
528
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,533
Yes, yes, I know.
529
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:05,952
Carlos did?
530
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:09,831
No. I have no intentions
of cutting up my card.
531
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,959
No, do not send someone over
to do it for me!
532
00:29:13,127 --> 00:29:15,002
Hello? Hello?
533
00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:16,754
[DOORBELL RINGS]
534
00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:19,465
This Carlos runs a very tight ship.
535
00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:22,718
Coming. Let me just throw
something on.
536
00:29:22,928 --> 00:29:27,265
Okay. One more sec. Who is it?
537
00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:32,145
I've done some checking.
538
00:29:32,354 --> 00:29:35,523
Kyle's rich.
Why don't you ask him for a loan?
539
00:29:35,732 --> 00:29:38,317
I tried.
He doesn't lend people money.
540
00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:41,362
How did you find me?
541
00:29:41,572 --> 00:29:44,198
Michael. Cop. Remember?
542
00:29:46,243 --> 00:29:48,453
Some place you got here.
543
00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:50,204
Got anything to drink?
544
00:29:50,372 --> 00:29:51,873
Uh...
545
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:56,794
I bet I'm the only guy
you know who's had all of
his beverages repossessed.
546
00:29:57,254 --> 00:29:59,714
Here. Pour this.
547
00:29:59,923 --> 00:30:01,424
Patrón. Classy.
548
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,176
What are you wearing?
549
00:30:03,719 --> 00:30:07,638
Oh, uh... I was on hold
for a very long...
550
00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:12,602
Anyway, I don't really feel the need
to dress up for these repo guys.
551
00:30:15,397 --> 00:30:16,939
I've thought about your idea.
552
00:30:20,486 --> 00:30:21,861
I want to do it.
553
00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:23,488
[♪♪♪]
554
00:30:24,072 --> 00:30:26,574
But we split the bet money 50-50.
555
00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:29,160
Sure. Yeah.
556
00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:31,829
This is great. This is terrific.
Actually, uh,
557
00:30:33,207 --> 00:30:34,749
there is one little problem.
558
00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:37,919
You kind of
have to marry Kyle
559
00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:39,378
within 30 days.
560
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:40,630
No problem.
561
00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:43,799
I want to do to Kyle
what he did to me.
562
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:46,135
What do you mean?
You do remember Kyle?
563
00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:48,304
Of course I do.
564
00:30:48,722 --> 00:30:50,515
We hooked up
at Max's wedding.
565
00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:51,766
[SCOFFS]
566
00:30:51,934 --> 00:30:54,727
That little shit told me
everything I wanted to hear,
567
00:30:54,937 --> 00:30:57,021
and then abandoned me
on the PCH
568
00:30:57,231 --> 00:31:00,107
with nothing more than
a roll of quarters to call a cab.
569
00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:08,324
Nice memory
for a girl's first time?
570
00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:09,825
Uh...
571
00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:14,288
I was kind of hoping for
"love will prevail,"
but you know what?
572
00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:16,624
Hate will do just fine.
573
00:31:21,672 --> 00:31:23,381
[CAR ALARM WAILING
AND MAN YELLING]
574
00:31:23,549 --> 00:31:27,301
Sorry! Sorry about that.
575
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:30,513
NATALIE:
The first thing we have to do
is get to know our prey.
576
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:34,267
Precisely what kind of girls
he likes.
577
00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:36,435
[♪♪♪]
578
00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:45,486
[MICHAEL GRUNTS]
579
00:31:45,654 --> 00:31:50,324
Hey! Be careful. This is expensive.
I'm sorry. It's heavy.
580
00:31:56,999 --> 00:31:59,166
Hand me the night-spectrum
spotting scope.
581
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:04,839
[GLASS SHATTERS]
582
00:32:05,007 --> 00:32:06,507
I think we left that
in the car.
583
00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:10,344
Then just hand me a pair
of binoculars.
584
00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:11,679
Yeah.
585
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:21,105
NATALIE:
Long time no see, Kyle.
586
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,150
The guy has pleather furniture.
587
00:32:25,027 --> 00:32:28,279
What kind of loser
has pleather furniture?
588
00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:30,698
Beats me. Heh.
589
00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:37,580
NATALIE:
A stewardess. How cliché.
590
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:40,333
Subject likes brunettes.
591
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:44,337
Prefers subservient women
in uniform.
592
00:32:46,256 --> 00:32:49,342
Let me see. Quit hogging them.
It's my turn. Give me.
593
00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:53,721
This is so cool.
594
00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,974
This is better than cable.
Shh. Quiet!
595
00:32:58,935 --> 00:33:00,770
MICHAEL:
God, I never had a stewardess.
596
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:04,398
I think they're leaving.
It'd be cool to get some audio.
597
00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:06,067
We will.
Give me five minutes.
598
00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:16,911
MICHAEL:
My God, this girl is Wonder Woman.
599
00:33:17,871 --> 00:33:21,916
I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
600
00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:24,960
Take that robe off.
Aren't you hot?
601
00:33:25,212 --> 00:33:27,213
No, no.
I'm good, I'm good.
602
00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:30,758
You guys want to come over tonight?
I can't. I got a date.
603
00:33:30,967 --> 00:33:33,302
With who?
That stewardess?
604
00:33:33,595 --> 00:33:35,262
Did I tell you about
the stewardess?
605
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:40,601
Uh... Yeah, great tits.
I believe you had sex with her.
606
00:33:40,811 --> 00:33:44,105
Yeah. All night long.
But this one's better.
607
00:33:44,314 --> 00:33:46,357
Why is that?
Shoot some sticks.
608
00:33:46,566 --> 00:33:48,651
She's a cosmetics
counter girl.
609
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:52,196
If I ever get married,
it'll be to a cosmetics counter girl.
610
00:33:52,406 --> 00:33:55,074
Why a cosmetics counter girl?
Grill some steaks and...
611
00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:59,537
They're the perfect woman.
They'll always smell good
and wear makeup.
612
00:33:59,746 --> 00:34:01,455
They're not too ambitious.
613
00:34:01,665 --> 00:34:04,291
And they won't be
a damn feminist bitch,
614
00:34:04,501 --> 00:34:06,752
keeps her own name
when you marry.
615
00:34:06,962 --> 00:34:09,755
Like my mother?
Yeah, exactly.
616
00:34:10,549 --> 00:34:11,716
Let's get out of here.
617
00:34:11,925 --> 00:34:14,635
Mike, you coming along?
No, I'm good. I'm good.
618
00:34:14,845 --> 00:34:17,680
I'll stay and get
a good sweat going.
619
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,099
Take care of yourself.
Yeah.
620
00:34:20,308 --> 00:34:23,227
I'll catch up with you guys.
621
00:34:23,687 --> 00:34:25,688
[PANTING]
622
00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:30,818
Gotcha.
623
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,113
[GRUNTING]
624
00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:36,824
[SHUVEL'S "THOSE WHO STAND
IN LINE" PLAYS OVER STEREO]
625
00:34:36,992 --> 00:34:38,951
♪ We agree to believe
That we're bought and done ♪
626
00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:40,995
♪ Still refuse
He's afraid to fly ♪
627
00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:42,788
This is my favorite group.
628
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:44,498
Ah.
629
00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:46,876
[TURNS MUSIC VOLUME UP]
♪ Right now, decide ♪♪
630
00:34:47,043 --> 00:34:48,544
[WHOOPS]
631
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,546
You hear that?! Yeah!
632
00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:51,964
It came in stereo.
633
00:34:52,549 --> 00:34:55,009
This is a system. Oh, yeah!
634
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:58,262
You hear that bass?
Good, right? You want more?
635
00:34:58,430 --> 00:34:59,680
[MUSIC STOPS]
636
00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:01,557
Stakeout.
637
00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:03,476
Right. Sorry.
638
00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:08,522
Hey.
639
00:35:08,774 --> 00:35:10,024
Is that me?
640
00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:13,360
Oh. Yeah, but I draw all my friends.
641
00:35:13,528 --> 00:35:15,362
It is me. Let me see.
No, really.
642
00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:17,531
It's very rough. It's very rough.
643
00:35:17,783 --> 00:35:18,866
Let go.
644
00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:20,534
Thank you.
645
00:35:20,911 --> 00:35:22,036
[♪♪♪]
646
00:35:22,204 --> 00:35:23,954
Nice ass.
647
00:35:24,998 --> 00:35:27,041
These are really good.
648
00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:30,211
Have you ever tried to sell these?
649
00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:33,881
It's pretty hard to start
your own comic strip.
650
00:35:34,216 --> 00:35:35,549
[GLASS SHATTERING]
651
00:35:35,717 --> 00:35:36,884
There's our boy.
652
00:35:37,219 --> 00:35:38,969
[♪♪♪]
653
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,058
MAN:
Where is he? Tell me.
654
00:35:45,227 --> 00:35:47,394
Come on back here.
I see you.
655
00:35:49,606 --> 00:35:51,899
Jackass. I'll sic
the National Guard on you.
656
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:55,611
Oh, man. I learned my lesson.
No more two-story houses.
657
00:35:55,821 --> 00:35:58,739
Subject hates two-story houses.
658
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:08,749
Here. Got you something.
659
00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:16,465
These will go with
my horny devil socks.
660
00:36:16,716 --> 00:36:18,425
Thank you.
You're welcome.
661
00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:22,596
So, what's our man up to?
662
00:36:22,931 --> 00:36:24,139
Ugh. Trying on underwear.
663
00:36:24,349 --> 00:36:26,058
Oh, man!
Thank you.
664
00:36:26,476 --> 00:36:28,018
NATALIE:
So you hungry?
665
00:36:29,062 --> 00:36:31,355
I think I just lost my appetite.
666
00:36:32,065 --> 00:36:33,190
Have some sushi.
667
00:36:33,483 --> 00:36:36,110
Oh, no, no.
I don't do sushi.
668
00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:37,444
What?
669
00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:39,947
I've always hated sushi.
Everybody likes sushi.
670
00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:42,199
Not me.
All right, you're going to try sushi.
671
00:36:42,367 --> 00:36:44,952
No.
Yeah. Try sushi.
672
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,788
It disgusts me. Really.
Open your mouth.
673
00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,248
[IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING]
674
00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:51,083
Toot-toot! Open your mouth.
675
00:36:51,293 --> 00:36:52,626
Good boy. Mm-hm.
676
00:36:53,086 --> 00:36:54,628
There you go.
677
00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:57,339
There you go, sport.
Mm.
678
00:36:59,759 --> 00:37:01,385
You're a fun date, aren't you?
679
00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:02,761
I told you I hate sushi.
680
00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:04,471
I guess so.
681
00:37:04,681 --> 00:37:06,390
OLD WOMAN: This was a good idea.
OLD MAN: Yeah, I agree.
682
00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:08,517
Ooh!
OLD WOMAN: You're looking cute.
683
00:37:08,852 --> 00:37:09,977
You vixen. Ha-ha-ha.
684
00:37:10,145 --> 00:37:11,812
[♪♪♪]
685
00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:17,735
NATALIE [ON RECORDING]:
Subject likes brunettes.
686
00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:21,947
Prefers subservient
women in uniform.
687
00:37:24,826 --> 00:37:28,454
MICHAEL:
My God, this girl is Wonder Woman.
688
00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:33,042
I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
689
00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:34,668
[LAUGHS]
690
00:37:34,836 --> 00:37:36,837
[♪♪♪]
691
00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:41,133
KYLE:
You hear guys talking about
having blue balls.
692
00:37:41,343 --> 00:37:44,178
I'll tell you,
the last couple of weeks,
693
00:37:44,387 --> 00:37:46,722
I fuck and I fuck
and I can't get any relief.
694
00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:49,224
Hold on.
I gotta take a break.
695
00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:52,978
I ate some raw fish.
Please, give me one second.
696
00:37:54,564 --> 00:37:55,689
Do you like it better,
697
00:37:56,149 --> 00:38:00,110
when a girl makes the first move
on you or when you do?
698
00:38:00,654 --> 00:38:03,697
Dude. Honestly?
I don't give a rat's ass.
699
00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:07,326
I guess I like to be surprised.
700
00:38:07,661 --> 00:38:09,620
What exactly do you mean
by surprise?
701
00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:11,580
Oh, dude. Oh, my God.
702
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:15,459
Last week, I'm doing this girl
in the back seat of her daddy's car.
703
00:38:16,002 --> 00:38:19,463
Catholic schoolgirl's uniform.
The whole nine yards, man.
704
00:38:19,673 --> 00:38:24,635
She drinks too much.
She's sick, so she hangs
her head out the window,
705
00:38:24,886 --> 00:38:27,388
and just commences to puking.
706
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:29,264
It's too bad you had to stop.
707
00:38:29,474 --> 00:38:31,183
No, see, I was gonna.
708
00:38:31,851 --> 00:38:34,019
That would have been
the right thing.
709
00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:37,481
But the way she was having
these contractions.
710
00:38:37,691 --> 00:38:40,401
They were just wrenching down
on the old crank.
711
00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:42,319
Oh, God, it felt so great.
712
00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:44,530
Now, that's a surprise.
713
00:38:47,409 --> 00:38:50,202
Hey, my car,
my car, my car!
714
00:38:50,412 --> 00:38:52,579
Yeah, I know. It sucks.
715
00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:55,666
Oh, you get that extra key
made for the house?
716
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:57,918
Yeah. Yeah.
717
00:38:58,670 --> 00:38:59,837
Thanks.
718
00:39:00,839 --> 00:39:04,091
Uh... I got to take the phone.
Sorry.
719
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,760
I need that phone.
That phone is my life.
720
00:39:06,928 --> 00:39:08,679
[PHONE RINGS]
721
00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:10,264
Hello?
CARLOS [OVER PHONE]: Michael.
722
00:39:10,432 --> 00:39:12,766
Carlos. Give him the phone.
723
00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:14,935
You've got three weeks.
724
00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:17,104
Thanks, buddy.
725
00:39:17,272 --> 00:39:19,273
[WOMAN SINGING
"HALE'IWA HULA"]
726
00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:28,866
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
727
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,035
[CHATTERING]
728
00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:32,536
Michael!
729
00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:35,539
I'm so glad to see you.
Oh!
730
00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:38,459
Great, great.
All the kids are here.
731
00:39:39,627 --> 00:39:42,713
Hey, how you doing, pal?
Come here.
732
00:39:43,131 --> 00:39:46,258
Ling, take your penis out of
the tartar sauce. You look great.
733
00:39:46,468 --> 00:39:48,635
Michael,
a surprise for you.
734
00:39:48,845 --> 00:39:51,805
Natalie, this is Michael.
Michael, this is Natalie.
735
00:39:52,307 --> 00:39:55,392
You probably don't remember,
but you two have met.
736
00:39:56,269 --> 00:39:58,145
Michael was an usher
at our wedding.
737
00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:00,981
Boing-yoing-yoing!
Boing-yoing-yoing!
738
00:40:01,149 --> 00:40:03,650
Right, right.
I think I remember you.
739
00:40:04,319 --> 00:40:05,486
Doesn't ring a bell.
740
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,196
[LAUGHS]
741
00:40:08,323 --> 00:40:13,285
So, Natalie, you're still single
and in law enforcement.
How interesting.
742
00:40:13,495 --> 00:40:16,163
Do you have any exciting stories?
Uh-oh. Thank you.
743
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:19,625
Well, last year I got shot.
I shattered my pelvis
and I was in...
744
00:40:19,793 --> 00:40:23,212
Oh, speaking of pelvises,
how was the birth, Kelly?
745
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:24,671
I had to have a C-section.
746
00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:26,673
Oh.
She only dilated this much.
747
00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:28,342
That happened with Freedom.
748
00:40:28,510 --> 00:40:31,678
Then he came out feet first.
Talk about getting ripped.
749
00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:35,349
Ha-ha-ha. Ripped.
Ha-ha.
750
00:40:35,517 --> 00:40:39,061
Nuyen's birth mother
birthed in water.
Tony and I were in the tub.
751
00:40:39,270 --> 00:40:40,854
Oh, guys.
752
00:40:41,106 --> 00:40:43,899
I was in labor for 26 hours.
753
00:40:44,109 --> 00:40:45,734
Don't you people ever watch TV?
754
00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,694
I know I said no more
matchmaking...
755
00:40:47,862 --> 00:40:50,489
Yes, but Tricia can't help herself.
756
00:40:50,698 --> 00:40:53,450
It's just that you two
are perfect for each other.
757
00:40:53,618 --> 00:40:55,536
[♪♪♪]
758
00:40:55,703 --> 00:40:58,622
Kill me, Michael. Kill me now.
759
00:40:58,790 --> 00:41:00,290
What?
Dill kung pao.
760
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,209
Pass the dill kung pao.
761
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,720
[GASPING]
762
00:41:15,598 --> 00:41:16,890
Oh.
763
00:41:17,559 --> 00:41:18,600
[PANTING]
764
00:41:19,060 --> 00:41:20,185
Oh.
765
00:41:20,353 --> 00:41:22,312
[SCREAMING]
766
00:41:23,898 --> 00:41:25,107
[SIGHS]
767
00:41:25,275 --> 00:41:26,400
[BABY CRYING]
768
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:29,111
NATALIE:
Oh-oh-oh...
769
00:41:29,571 --> 00:41:32,739
Oh, no, no, no.
What a beautiful baby!
770
00:41:34,159 --> 00:41:35,325
[SCREAMS]
771
00:41:37,078 --> 00:41:39,413
Oh, my God.
You won't believe this.
772
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:42,374
My water just broke.
Her water...
773
00:41:42,584 --> 00:41:44,751
What does that mean,
her water broke?
774
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:46,837
What is that, her water?
775
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:51,925
Oh, God. Oh, God.
People, we're going to
need a mop in here!
776
00:41:53,344 --> 00:41:57,764
That scene back there
freaked you out, huh?
Don't you like kids?
777
00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:01,852
I am not talking to you about kids.
Last time, I wound up in handcuffs.
778
00:42:02,103 --> 00:42:03,645
[LAUGHS]
779
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:11,612
You know the one thing I regret more
than losing my money in Las Vegas?
780
00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:13,280
What's that?
781
00:42:14,199 --> 00:42:17,117
I should've asked you out
back at Max's wedding.
782
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,369
[♪♪♪]
783
00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:22,623
With that mullet hair you had?
784
00:42:22,790 --> 00:42:24,124
Keep dreaming, buddy.
785
00:42:24,292 --> 00:42:26,543
Nice. Nice.
786
00:42:29,297 --> 00:42:30,464
Why didn't you?
787
00:42:31,799 --> 00:42:33,258
I don't really like ugly chicks.
788
00:42:33,426 --> 00:42:34,801
[LAUGHS]
789
00:42:34,969 --> 00:42:36,970
[♪♪♪]
790
00:42:44,479 --> 00:42:46,146
Ever play mercy?
791
00:42:49,484 --> 00:42:52,319
Yes. I'll have you know
I'm very good at the game.
792
00:42:52,487 --> 00:42:54,655
Ooh. Bring it on.
Okay.
793
00:42:55,573 --> 00:42:57,574
One, two...
Three.
794
00:42:57,742 --> 00:43:01,995
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
You are going down!
795
00:43:03,665 --> 00:43:05,332
I lose.
796
00:43:13,549 --> 00:43:16,301
Wow. Uh... I'm sorry.
797
00:43:17,011 --> 00:43:18,512
I'm sorry.
798
00:43:20,181 --> 00:43:23,684
I don't know what came over me.
Freeze, motherfucker!
799
00:43:23,851 --> 00:43:26,520
I am really sorry! I was out of line!
800
00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:27,854
Please don't shoot me!
801
00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:32,192
Bring Kyle to me tomorrow.
802
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:33,360
Drop cans!
803
00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:35,946
Hands on your head!
804
00:43:36,364 --> 00:43:38,490
You are not falling in love with her.
805
00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:41,326
You're a lady-killer.
You're a tomcat.
806
00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:43,370
Take it easy, Mike.
807
00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:47,541
Good night, fellas.
Have a safe drive.
808
00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:51,044
[DOOR CLOSES]
809
00:43:57,385 --> 00:44:00,804
I'm confused because
I really like Michael.
810
00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:03,056
And I think he likes me.
811
00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:05,058
What, you can't tell?
812
00:44:06,686 --> 00:44:07,769
Go.
813
00:44:07,937 --> 00:44:10,147
Police!
Nobody move, goddamn it!
814
00:44:10,315 --> 00:44:11,398
[♪♪♪]
815
00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:12,941
♪ Bring in the ruckus ♪
816
00:44:13,109 --> 00:44:15,569
[YELLING]
817
00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:22,659
There was this one moment.
It was amazing.
818
00:44:22,827 --> 00:44:24,661
[♪♪♪]
819
00:44:30,835 --> 00:44:32,586
What the fuck
does that mean?
820
00:44:32,795 --> 00:44:33,879
Natalie!
821
00:44:34,047 --> 00:44:35,380
[GUNSHOTS]
822
00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:38,133
[SCREAMS]
823
00:44:39,135 --> 00:44:40,552
♪ Bring in the ruckus
Yeah ♪
824
00:44:41,220 --> 00:44:42,721
♪ Let's bring the bullshit ♪
825
00:44:43,848 --> 00:44:45,640
♪ Bring in the ruckus
Yeah ♪
826
00:44:45,808 --> 00:44:48,143
♪ Get down
We's a-bumpin' ♪♪
827
00:44:48,436 --> 00:44:51,813
So you really
like this guy, huh?
828
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:53,440
I think I'm in love with him.
829
00:44:53,858 --> 00:44:55,275
HURLEY:
This is serious.
830
00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:57,611
I know.
He has a slick exterior, but...
831
00:44:58,196 --> 00:45:00,447
I see a real sweetheart
underneath.
832
00:45:00,782 --> 00:45:02,157
[♪♪♪]
833
00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:05,160
Clear.
834
00:45:05,328 --> 00:45:07,287
[MAN SCREAMS
AND SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
835
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:08,955
Clear.
836
00:45:09,123 --> 00:45:11,124
[♪♪♪]
837
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:21,343
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
838
00:45:21,511 --> 00:45:22,969
Shit.
839
00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:26,598
Remember the first time
we met him at the station?
840
00:45:26,766 --> 00:45:30,310
He found me because he felt I was
Kyle's last chance for true love.
841
00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:33,814
Can't say that
if you don't believe it.
842
00:45:34,065 --> 00:45:35,982
[YELLING]
843
00:45:37,735 --> 00:45:39,069
[GRUNTS]
844
00:45:40,238 --> 00:45:42,239
[♪♪♪]
845
00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:45,534
[COUGHING]
846
00:45:47,829 --> 00:45:49,913
So how do I find out
how he feels?
847
00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:53,208
[GRUNTS]
848
00:45:53,376 --> 00:45:54,668
Say you're falling for Kyle.
849
00:45:54,836 --> 00:45:57,421
Don't move or I'll blow
your brains out!
850
00:45:58,923 --> 00:46:00,757
He won't believe
I'm falling for Kyle.
851
00:46:00,967 --> 00:46:03,051
Oh, he'll believe it. Trust me.
852
00:46:03,219 --> 00:46:04,344
Your partner's right.
853
00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:07,681
Want to get a guy to make a move?
Get him competition.
854
00:46:07,849 --> 00:46:09,182
Shut up.
855
00:46:11,018 --> 00:46:12,227
Let me look at cologne.
856
00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:15,897
Look at this place.
There's hot babes everywhere.
It smells great.
857
00:46:16,107 --> 00:46:17,232
I ought to move in here.
858
00:46:17,442 --> 00:46:19,025
Would you watch it?
Sorry.
859
00:46:20,445 --> 00:46:21,611
Excuse us.
860
00:46:26,701 --> 00:46:27,868
Man, this again?
861
00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:31,371
I hate this shade of lipstick.
Stays on your dick for a week.
862
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:37,878
Then you should try
our hypoallergenic cleanser.
863
00:46:38,212 --> 00:46:40,714
I think you should try some Visine.
864
00:46:41,299 --> 00:46:42,674
Why do I need Visine?
865
00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:46,052
So you can get a clear vision
of our future together.
866
00:46:46,262 --> 00:46:47,387
[BOTH LAUGH]
867
00:46:50,057 --> 00:46:51,808
Do I know you
from somewhere?
868
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,228
I don't know. My name is Natalie.
869
00:46:57,773 --> 00:47:00,233
Um... I'm from Van Nuys.
870
00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:02,903
Oh, my God, you're Natalie.
871
00:47:03,404 --> 00:47:05,906
That's what I just said.
You're Natalie. No, no, no.
872
00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:08,575
Hey, I'm Kyle.
873
00:47:08,910 --> 00:47:10,911
Remember?
Max and Kim's wedding.
874
00:47:11,078 --> 00:47:13,413
Malibu? I popped your cherry.
875
00:47:13,664 --> 00:47:15,290
Kyle. Right.
876
00:47:15,500 --> 00:47:19,294
Oh, my God. You look great.
Yeah, huh? Wow.
877
00:47:19,545 --> 00:47:21,421
I'll let you two get reacquainted.
878
00:47:21,672 --> 00:47:24,424
Wow. So you're working here.
Cosmetics counter girl.
879
00:47:24,634 --> 00:47:27,719
I know it's not
very ambitious,
880
00:47:27,929 --> 00:47:30,347
but I'm saving my money
for a one-story house.
881
00:47:30,556 --> 00:47:31,681
That's fantastic.
882
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:33,850
[♪♪♪]
883
00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:58,375
[GRUNTING]
884
00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:04,130
[GROANS]
885
00:48:15,977 --> 00:48:17,978
[YELLS]
886
00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:28,321
[ERIC GILLIOM'S "MOONDANCE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
887
00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:33,618
MICHAEL:
Put your shoes back on.
Get out of there.
888
00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:35,620
Here you go.
889
00:48:35,788 --> 00:48:37,664
[IN SPANISH ACCENT]
Would you like to dance?
890
00:48:38,958 --> 00:48:41,167
Oh, yes. Come dance with me.
891
00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:44,671
I love to lambada.
I love to fall feet and turns.
892
00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:46,423
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh. Nice dip, dork.
893
00:48:47,174 --> 00:48:51,136
All right, Natalie. Enough's enough.
Tell him you can't stand him.
894
00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,847
Tell him it's a scam.
You're in love with me.
895
00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:56,308
Where you guys going?
Natalie, don't go.
896
00:48:57,685 --> 00:48:58,810
Natalie.
897
00:48:58,978 --> 00:49:00,854
♪ Magic ♪
898
00:49:03,733 --> 00:49:05,609
[PANTING]
899
00:49:07,153 --> 00:49:09,904
No, no. Get out now.
900
00:49:10,072 --> 00:49:11,239
[MICHAEL GROANS]
901
00:49:11,407 --> 00:49:13,700
[NATALIE SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER
HEADPHONES]
902
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:15,869
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
903
00:49:16,037 --> 00:49:19,873
♪ Can I just have
One more moondance? ♪
904
00:49:20,041 --> 00:49:21,791
Night vision.
905
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,795
No, no, Natalie. Get out of there.
906
00:49:26,047 --> 00:49:27,881
There you go. Thattagirl.
907
00:49:29,675 --> 00:49:31,635
No, not the microphone.
Not the microphone.
908
00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:33,261
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS
ON HEADPHONES]
909
00:49:33,429 --> 00:49:36,139
Aah! Ugh. Natalie, get out of there.
910
00:49:37,058 --> 00:49:38,058
Get out.
911
00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:39,768
[SCREAMS]
912
00:49:39,935 --> 00:49:41,853
I'm blind.
913
00:49:42,063 --> 00:49:46,358
Ooh, you like it with the lights on?
Baby, come on. Ride the pony.
914
00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:48,401
Whoo! You know you want it.
915
00:49:48,778 --> 00:49:49,861
[♪♪♪]
916
00:49:50,029 --> 00:49:51,112
[GROWLS]
917
00:49:53,741 --> 00:49:58,078
Natalie, get out of there!
Save yourself! It's the dick of death.
918
00:49:58,329 --> 00:50:00,538
Come on, get some of this.
919
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:02,832
Come on, you little rodeo gal.
920
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,335
♪ One more moondance ♪
921
00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:07,420
Here's how it's gonna go.
922
00:50:08,047 --> 00:50:09,506
We're not having sex
923
00:50:10,049 --> 00:50:11,591
tonight.
924
00:50:12,218 --> 00:50:16,513
In fact, I don't know when
we're going to have sex.
925
00:50:18,683 --> 00:50:20,767
I'm not like all the other girls.
926
00:50:20,935 --> 00:50:24,688
But I promise you, Kyle,
you've never had a girl like me.
927
00:50:26,774 --> 00:50:28,274
[LAUGHS]
928
00:50:28,442 --> 00:50:30,068
All right.
929
00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:35,281
Ready.
930
00:50:38,452 --> 00:50:39,744
Better take care of that.
931
00:50:39,912 --> 00:50:43,248
♪ One more moondance tonight ♪♪
932
00:50:43,416 --> 00:50:46,960
This is kind of about me, right?
Who'll take care of me better
than me?
933
00:50:47,753 --> 00:50:50,130
Ha-ha. And you knew that!
934
00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:52,132
We got a future together, baby.
935
00:50:53,259 --> 00:50:54,551
[DOOR CLOSES]
936
00:50:55,886 --> 00:50:59,389
All right. Here we go.
937
00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:05,478
I am going to hurt you tonight.
938
00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:10,859
[PHONE RINGS]
939
00:51:13,154 --> 00:51:16,489
Natalie?
Michael. Yeah, it's me.
940
00:51:16,657 --> 00:51:19,409
I need you to meet me right away.
Name a place.
941
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:23,538
Somewhere
Kyle would never stumble
across us in a million years.
942
00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:25,749
[♪♪♪]
943
00:51:35,509 --> 00:51:37,177
Thanks for meeting me.
944
00:51:38,429 --> 00:51:40,013
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
945
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:46,519
I'm, heh...
946
00:51:46,687 --> 00:51:48,021
I'm falling for Kyle.
947
00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:53,109
What?
He's actually pretty sweet.
948
00:51:53,319 --> 00:51:57,447
Sweet? The guy screws women
while they're barfing!
949
00:51:57,782 --> 00:51:59,240
Shh!
950
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,993
You just don't know him
like I do.
951
00:52:02,203 --> 00:52:05,622
There's another side to him
that he doesn't show to everyone.
952
00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:10,210
I've known the guy my whole life.
There's no other side. He's a dick.
953
00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:13,213
He's afraid to show his sensitivity.
He must be very afraid.
954
00:52:13,380 --> 00:52:15,048
Michael.
955
00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:18,551
Michael. All my life,
I waited to fall in love.
956
00:52:19,303 --> 00:52:21,387
And now this guy really loves me.
957
00:52:21,889 --> 00:52:23,681
Do you know what that's like?
958
00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:25,350
Do you love anyone?
959
00:52:27,478 --> 00:52:29,062
I guess not.
960
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:30,814
[SIGHS]
961
00:52:33,901 --> 00:52:35,485
I better get back.
962
00:52:36,946 --> 00:52:37,987
[♪♪♪]
963
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:41,908
You won't let this defeat you.
You won't let this defeat you.
964
00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:44,160
You know why?
You know why?
965
00:52:44,370 --> 00:52:48,498
Because you're the man.
Who the man? You the man.
You the man.
966
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:50,875
Now, here's what you'll do.
967
00:52:51,085 --> 00:52:54,420
You'll go out there and you'll fuck
the first woman you see.
968
00:52:54,672 --> 00:52:57,757
The first woman you see.
You are going to be ruthless.
969
00:52:57,925 --> 00:53:01,427
You'll use every little dirty trick.
Every little manipulation.
970
00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:06,015
Every lie you know! You know why?
Because you the man! Now get her.
971
00:53:07,434 --> 00:53:11,771
The first woman you see.
The first woman you see.
972
00:53:13,065 --> 00:53:17,235
The second woman you see.
The second woman you see.
973
00:53:21,615 --> 00:53:23,116
[CHUCKLES]
974
00:53:23,284 --> 00:53:25,869
This is almost too easy.
975
00:53:34,253 --> 00:53:35,295
Hi. Uh...
976
00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,297
Whoa! Ha. Hey.
977
00:53:37,673 --> 00:53:41,551
Um... Where would I bring
an overdue book?
978
00:53:45,014 --> 00:53:46,973
Oh, uh...
979
00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:48,892
I'll take that.
980
00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:52,020
JILL:
I have always loved books.
981
00:53:52,229 --> 00:53:56,900
And so I started studying library
science at Luther College and...
982
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:58,151
[♪♪♪]
983
00:53:58,319 --> 00:54:02,488
Oh, I'm sorry.
I've been going on and on
and on about myself all night.
984
00:54:02,740 --> 00:54:04,157
Oh, this is so embarrassing.
985
00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:09,078
It's such a treat
when you meet a woman
who's so honest and direct.
986
00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:12,540
You're making me blush.
You're sweet.
987
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:15,293
Golly, stop it.
988
00:54:17,004 --> 00:54:19,422
Uh, uh... Um, this is me.
989
00:54:19,965 --> 00:54:21,466
Ah.
990
00:54:23,344 --> 00:54:25,511
It was nice to meet you, Jill.
991
00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:28,514
Oh, thank you.
992
00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:35,021
It was really sweet of you to let me
pick the restaurant out tonight.
993
00:54:35,272 --> 00:54:36,940
Oh, please, I love sushi.
994
00:54:37,691 --> 00:54:38,942
[♪♪♪]
995
00:54:39,109 --> 00:54:41,027
Well, uh...
996
00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:46,616
Good night.
997
00:54:47,076 --> 00:54:49,077
[♪♪♪]
998
00:54:49,828 --> 00:54:51,204
Michael?
999
00:54:51,538 --> 00:54:53,247
[MOUTHING WORDS]
1000
00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:58,795
Uh... I was wondering...
1001
00:54:59,004 --> 00:55:01,923
I mean, this isn't how I...
Gosh.
1002
00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:04,884
Golly, I'm tongue-tied tonight.
It's okay. You can say it.
1003
00:55:05,970 --> 00:55:08,554
Would you like to come in?
1004
00:55:09,181 --> 00:55:12,266
Oh. Oh, no, it's way too late.
1005
00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:13,518
Okay.
1006
00:55:18,649 --> 00:55:21,359
Wow. Nice place.
Thank you.
1007
00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:26,322
Four-H ribbons, cool.
That's a big cock.
1008
00:55:27,908 --> 00:55:29,242
JILL:
Grammy.
1009
00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,869
Grammy, hello.
1010
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:35,581
Grammy, I'd like you to
meet my friend Michael.
1011
00:55:35,958 --> 00:55:40,920
Michael, this is Grammy.
She was a librarian too.
1012
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:44,090
Ah.
Hello, young man.
1013
00:55:44,883 --> 00:55:47,427
Would you two kids like a nightcap?
1014
00:55:47,594 --> 00:55:48,636
Sure.
1015
00:55:54,435 --> 00:55:59,522
I hope you like hot butterscotch
toddies. They're Jill's favorite.
1016
00:56:00,107 --> 00:56:01,733
Mine too.
1017
00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:03,276
This is amazing.
1018
00:56:03,444 --> 00:56:08,114
It's like your granddaughter
and I are on the same wavelength!
It's spooky!
1019
00:56:08,282 --> 00:56:10,533
[MOUTHING]
You want to go upstairs?
1020
00:56:13,579 --> 00:56:15,038
Sweet dreams, Grammy.
1021
00:56:15,247 --> 00:56:17,081
Night, peanut.
1022
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:25,465
Jill, I think I could
really care for you.
1023
00:56:25,674 --> 00:56:27,550
Really?
Yeah.
1024
00:56:28,135 --> 00:56:29,761
Whoa!
1025
00:56:31,013 --> 00:56:32,722
Hold on, one second.
1026
00:56:37,269 --> 00:56:39,270
[LAUGHING]
1027
00:56:47,946 --> 00:56:51,157
Oh. I see the tables have turned.
1028
00:56:54,328 --> 00:56:56,162
What are you doing?
1029
00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:58,039
Trust me.
1030
00:57:00,751 --> 00:57:02,418
[MICHAEL LAUGHS]
1031
00:57:04,171 --> 00:57:08,341
Oh. Oh. Oh.
1032
00:57:08,509 --> 00:57:11,636
Ow! Jesus!
You can take it.
1033
00:57:11,845 --> 00:57:14,013
I don't know if I want to take it.
1034
00:57:15,516 --> 00:57:17,517
[♪♪♪]
1035
00:57:20,354 --> 00:57:22,605
You've been a bad, bad boy.
1036
00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:24,690
No, no. I haven't.
1037
00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:26,192
I've been a very good boy.
1038
00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:29,112
You had an overdue library book.
1039
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,368
This is a little unexpected.
1040
00:57:35,869 --> 00:57:39,372
Call me mistress,
you disgusting little worm.
1041
00:57:42,376 --> 00:57:45,545
You said it.
We're on the same wavelength.
1042
00:57:45,712 --> 00:57:49,924
Uh... All that wavelength stuff,
to be honest with you,
1043
00:57:50,134 --> 00:57:52,218
I said that to get you into bed.
1044
00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:53,845
That is not very nice.
1045
00:57:54,513 --> 00:57:57,098
In fact, that is downright naughty.
1046
00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:59,225
I've been a bad boy. Very bad.
1047
00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:02,895
I'm sorry. I think I should go home
and think about what I've done.
1048
00:58:03,063 --> 00:58:08,067
That's right. You should think long
and hard about what you did.
1049
00:58:09,653 --> 00:58:11,737
You naughty boy.
1050
00:58:15,075 --> 00:58:16,075
What is that?
1051
00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:19,162
You piece of slime.
1052
00:58:20,164 --> 00:58:21,330
MICHAEL:
What is this?
1053
00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:23,541
Okay! Look at the time.
1054
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:26,627
It's getting late.
I should be heading home.
1055
00:58:26,837 --> 00:58:29,213
It's really way past my bedtime.
1056
00:58:30,924 --> 00:58:35,219
I know you'd probably love
to have me hang around
so you can
1057
00:58:35,429 --> 00:58:37,388
beat the ever-living shit
out of me!
1058
00:58:37,598 --> 00:58:40,766
I really should go home
Please let me go home.
1059
00:58:40,934 --> 00:58:42,101
Please, can I go home?
1060
00:58:42,269 --> 00:58:45,521
I know about boys like you.
1061
00:58:45,731 --> 00:58:48,024
You don't take books seriously.
1062
00:58:48,275 --> 00:58:49,442
Yes, I do.
1063
00:58:50,110 --> 00:58:52,278
[MUFFLED]
I take books very seriously.
1064
00:58:54,489 --> 00:58:56,073
Yeah.
1065
00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:00,703
Meow.
1066
00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:07,960
So you don't respect books.
I love books.
1067
00:59:08,128 --> 00:59:12,798
You break their bindings.
You doodle in their margins.
1068
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,800
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1069
00:59:17,262 --> 00:59:20,640
That's right.
You are a doodlebug.
1070
00:59:20,849 --> 00:59:22,308
I'm not a doodlebug.
1071
00:59:22,643 --> 00:59:27,104
That's what you are.
Just a little, dirty bug.
1072
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:31,484
Hmm. Ha-ha-ha.
1073
00:59:32,152 --> 00:59:33,486
The Scarlet Letter.
1074
00:59:34,154 --> 00:59:38,574
Great inspiration in those pages.
It's an excellent choice.
1075
00:59:39,618 --> 00:59:43,496
One whack for every day overdue.
1076
00:59:44,373 --> 00:59:45,706
[THWACK]
1077
00:59:46,625 --> 00:59:49,877
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
1078
00:59:50,587 --> 00:59:51,921
[SIGHS]
1079
00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:54,006
[MICHAEL WHIMPERING]
1080
00:59:54,341 --> 00:59:55,508
I don't know.
1081
00:59:55,842 --> 00:59:57,677
I'm just not feeling it.
1082
00:59:57,928 --> 01:00:00,888
Something's missing.
1083
01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:02,098
[♪♪♪]
1084
01:00:02,266 --> 01:00:05,351
Here's Grammy!
1085
01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:09,105
[SCREAMING]
1086
01:00:11,692 --> 01:00:15,987
That's it. No more redheads.
No more redheads, ever.
1087
01:00:17,364 --> 01:00:18,364
God!
1088
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:19,573
[SCREAMING]
1089
01:00:25,330 --> 01:00:27,873
You really like this girl?
Natalie?
1090
01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:31,210
Man, I'm telling you.
She's the best.
1091
01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,921
Isn't it time you moved on?
No way, dude.
1092
01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:36,382
This girl really knows
how to turn me on.
1093
01:00:37,634 --> 01:00:40,386
You find anything down there?
Feel my left nut.
1094
01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:42,930
Are you out of your mind?
1095
01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:46,517
No, no, man. It's like
the size of a baseball.
1096
01:00:46,893 --> 01:00:49,145
Good for you.
I'm not touching it.
1097
01:00:49,354 --> 01:00:50,730
This other one's fine.
1098
01:00:51,023 --> 01:00:53,691
But this one feels like
a cantaloupe or something.
1099
01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:56,360
Must be those blue balls
you mentioned.
1100
01:00:56,737 --> 01:00:58,446
Feel it.
Tell me what you think.
1101
01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:01,407
I think I'm about
to kick your ass!
1102
01:01:01,700 --> 01:01:03,492
Come on. Dude. Mike.
1103
01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:06,746
Mike, come on!
1104
01:01:07,039 --> 01:01:09,081
A real pal'd feel my balls.
1105
01:01:09,249 --> 01:01:11,459
We were showering.
And I looked down,
1106
01:01:11,668 --> 01:01:14,670
and my left nut is the size
of an Easter egg.
1107
01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:16,839
What do you want me
to do about it?
1108
01:01:17,049 --> 01:01:19,091
I want your
professional opinion.
1109
01:01:19,343 --> 01:01:21,010
You want me to grope your balls?
1110
01:01:21,219 --> 01:01:23,179
Just the left one.
Mike wouldn't do it.
1111
01:01:23,388 --> 01:01:26,265
Come on, you're a doctor.
Feel his balls.
1112
01:01:26,433 --> 01:01:29,268
I'm a proctologist, not a urologist.
1113
01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:32,438
You'll jam your fingers up his ass
but won't touch his balls?
1114
01:01:32,606 --> 01:01:36,442
They're two different things!
You went to medical school.
1115
01:01:36,610 --> 01:01:38,986
All right! Slow down!
Slow down!
1116
01:01:40,906 --> 01:01:41,947
I'll do it.
1117
01:01:42,991 --> 01:01:44,283
Thanks.
1118
01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:45,993
I need my nurse present.
1119
01:01:46,161 --> 01:01:47,244
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
1120
01:01:47,412 --> 01:01:50,289
Shirley, have my nurse
come in here, please?
1121
01:01:50,457 --> 01:01:52,333
SHIRLEY:
She's in room 12 with your wife.
1122
01:01:52,501 --> 01:01:55,669
They've been back there
for about a half an hour, at least.
1123
01:01:55,837 --> 01:01:57,129
Shitballs!
1124
01:01:57,297 --> 01:01:59,006
[♪♪♪]
1125
01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:00,800
WOMAN:
Harder. Do it harder.
1126
01:02:01,009 --> 01:02:03,135
[TRICIA GRUNTING]
1127
01:02:04,554 --> 01:02:06,472
STEVE:
I finally caught you,
you dirty...
1128
01:02:10,811 --> 01:02:14,814
Steve, you finish that sentence,
and I swear to God I'll call a lawyer.
1129
01:02:22,656 --> 01:02:24,240
We better go with two on this one.
1130
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,668
Jesus.
1131
01:02:36,169 --> 01:02:37,962
This is huge.
1132
01:02:38,672 --> 01:02:40,589
Like a kumquat.
1133
01:02:41,508 --> 01:02:42,925
What does it mean?
1134
01:02:43,844 --> 01:02:45,177
Beats me.
1135
01:02:47,013 --> 01:02:49,932
I won't beat around
the dance floor, Mr. Brenner.
1136
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:51,392
It's cancer.
1137
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:52,685
[♪♪♪]
1138
01:02:52,853 --> 01:02:54,687
Oh, Jesus.
1139
01:02:56,356 --> 01:02:58,023
DOCTOR:
It's only in the one testicle.
1140
01:02:58,275 --> 01:03:00,860
We'll run more tests
after we remove it.
1141
01:03:02,195 --> 01:03:05,364
You mean, remove the cancer?
No, Mr. Brenner.
1142
01:03:05,532 --> 01:03:06,991
I mean, remove the testicle.
1143
01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:10,119
If I don't remove it, you could die.
1144
01:03:11,037 --> 01:03:13,873
How painful a death
are we talking about?
1145
01:03:15,459 --> 01:03:17,042
Let me give it to you straight.
1146
01:03:18,044 --> 01:03:23,048
The affected region is too close to
the spine to give you any anesthesia.
1147
01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:26,969
So we plan to make
a gash in the abdomen.
1148
01:03:27,471 --> 01:03:32,016
Reach down, yank the scrotum up
into the abdominal cavity
1149
01:03:32,225 --> 01:03:34,727
and saw off the testicle.
1150
01:03:37,355 --> 01:03:39,106
There's a 40 percent chance
1151
01:03:39,274 --> 01:03:42,401
we're going to have to
amputate the penis.
1152
01:03:42,569 --> 01:03:43,652
Oh, God!
1153
01:03:45,572 --> 01:03:47,072
[STAMMERING]
1154
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:52,244
Ha-ha-ha. Had you going.
That is why I love this job.
1155
01:03:52,537 --> 01:03:55,372
It's painless.
The procedure takes about an hour.
1156
01:03:56,041 --> 01:03:59,543
Okay. So will I still be able to?
1157
01:03:59,753 --> 01:04:02,129
You know?
Play the trombone?
1158
01:04:02,339 --> 01:04:05,925
No, I mean, with girls. Will I...?
Can I still?
1159
01:04:06,092 --> 01:04:10,095
Oh, ride the one-eyed hoagie.
Of course you can, son. Ha.
1160
01:04:10,889 --> 01:04:14,808
However, I recommend to most
of my patients before this procedure
1161
01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,937
that they make a deposit
in the sperm bank
1162
01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:20,481
before the operation, just in case.
1163
01:04:20,690 --> 01:04:22,149
Just go on over, you know,
1164
01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:24,568
give her a whack. Pfft.
1165
01:04:25,111 --> 01:04:26,612
I don't want to do this.
1166
01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:29,114
I'm not asking you to go
in the room with me.
1167
01:04:29,282 --> 01:04:31,492
If you do it too,
I'll be more comfortable.
1168
01:04:31,660 --> 01:04:34,620
I mean, look at this place.
It's completely professional, right?
1169
01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:35,788
Hi.
1170
01:04:36,289 --> 01:04:39,291
We're here
to make a deposit.
1171
01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:41,126
I really don't want to do this.
1172
01:04:41,294 --> 01:04:43,587
NURSE:
Sign these forms.
1173
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,715
And fill these bottles.
1174
01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:50,469
So if I run into trouble
back there,
1175
01:04:51,263 --> 01:04:52,638
you'll give me a hand?
1176
01:04:52,889 --> 01:04:54,306
Never heard that one before.
1177
01:04:54,808 --> 01:04:57,226
You're in room seven,
and you're in room nine.
1178
01:04:57,978 --> 01:04:58,978
Okay.
1179
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,498
[OVER HEADPHONES]
♪ Strolling in the park ♪
1180
01:05:19,666 --> 01:05:23,669
♪ Watching winter turn to spring ♪
1181
01:05:28,008 --> 01:05:34,346
♪ Walking in the dark
Seeing lovers do their thing ♪
1182
01:05:36,016 --> 01:05:38,225
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
1183
01:05:38,810 --> 01:05:40,561
♪ That's the time ♪
1184
01:05:42,230 --> 01:05:44,189
♪ I feel like making love ♪
1185
01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:45,441
Come on.
1186
01:05:45,817 --> 01:05:47,818
♪ To you ♪
1187
01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:52,948
♪ That's the time ♪
1188
01:05:53,241 --> 01:05:54,617
Come on.
1189
01:05:54,784 --> 01:05:56,869
♪ Making dreams come true ♪♪
1190
01:05:57,037 --> 01:06:00,122
Oh, Michael,
you're the greatest.
1191
01:06:01,708 --> 01:06:03,709
[♪♪♪]
1192
01:06:41,790 --> 01:06:43,791
[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1193
01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:49,880
Here you go.
1194
01:06:51,174 --> 01:06:52,424
Eh.
1195
01:06:57,597 --> 01:06:59,807
Dude. Ha-ha.
1196
01:07:01,059 --> 01:07:02,434
Dude.
1197
01:07:11,444 --> 01:07:14,279
Dude!
Oh, yeah.
1198
01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:19,952
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1199
01:07:24,833 --> 01:07:29,128
Hey, Mike.
Hey. I brought you a plant.
1200
01:07:29,295 --> 01:07:30,295
[LAUGHS THEN GRUNTS]
1201
01:07:30,463 --> 01:07:32,464
Oh, dude. Don't make me laugh.
1202
01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:35,259
Has Natalie been
here all night?
1203
01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:37,803
She never left my side.
1204
01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:42,933
She says this happened
because I've got too much karma
in my genitals.
1205
01:07:43,143 --> 01:07:45,310
How was it?
It was all right.
1206
01:07:45,478 --> 01:07:48,313
Doc says the other
rocket launcher's good, so...
1207
01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:50,691
[SIGHS]
1208
01:07:52,318 --> 01:07:54,153
Come here. Come here.
1209
01:07:54,654 --> 01:07:55,738
Come here.
1210
01:08:01,286 --> 01:08:02,828
I want my ball.
1211
01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:07,499
Kyle, I understand that,
but look on the bright side.
1212
01:08:07,751 --> 01:08:10,502
You still have one healthy one.
You don't understand.
1213
01:08:10,670 --> 01:08:14,840
I want to take it home with me,
and the nurses said I can't do that.
1214
01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:17,009
It's not a tooth, Kyle.
1215
01:08:17,177 --> 01:08:20,471
It belongs to me. I miss it.
1216
01:08:21,598 --> 01:08:23,599
Please. Get my nut.
1217
01:08:24,976 --> 01:08:26,977
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PA]
1218
01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:29,146
[♪♪♪]
1219
01:08:42,202 --> 01:08:44,119
MAN:
It fell right on the floor.
1220
01:08:44,329 --> 01:08:45,496
WOMAN:
What? The kidney?
1221
01:08:45,663 --> 01:08:47,706
MAN:
Slipped from my hand,
embarrassing.
1222
01:08:47,957 --> 01:08:52,294
Mertle kicks it, it rolls under the
O.R. Table, slides across the room.
1223
01:08:55,089 --> 01:08:56,590
Ow.
1224
01:08:57,717 --> 01:08:59,051
[DOOR CLOSES]
1225
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:12,731
Brenner. Brenner.
Brenner. Brenner.
1226
01:09:24,327 --> 01:09:26,245
I can't believe I'm doing this.
1227
01:09:30,208 --> 01:09:31,625
[SCREAMS]
1228
01:09:31,793 --> 01:09:34,169
Oh, no. Oh, no.
1229
01:09:42,470 --> 01:09:44,763
Okay. Okay.
1230
01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:48,100
Okay, come on. Come to papa.
1231
01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:51,770
Slippery little guy. Got you.
1232
01:09:59,696 --> 01:10:03,699
I got to put this in something.
Got to find something to put this in.
1233
01:10:03,867 --> 01:10:05,200
Whoops.
1234
01:10:06,369 --> 01:10:09,288
Where'd it go? Where'd you go?
1235
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:12,583
Where'd you...
1236
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:14,543
go?
1237
01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:23,135
Hey! You can't be in here.
1238
01:10:23,303 --> 01:10:25,304
[♪♪♪]
1239
01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:33,103
Oh.
1240
01:10:53,333 --> 01:10:57,461
[LAUGHING]
1241
01:10:57,629 --> 01:11:00,756
Ew. Ew. Ew.
1242
01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:11,099
[♪♪♪]
1243
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:21,860
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold the sticky buns.
Give me these.
1244
01:11:22,028 --> 01:11:24,363
Stand in line.
Give them to me.
1245
01:11:25,031 --> 01:11:26,615
You have to
1246
01:11:27,158 --> 01:11:29,701
stand in
1247
01:11:30,703 --> 01:11:32,079
line!
1248
01:11:38,211 --> 01:11:39,711
Doctor!
1249
01:11:40,171 --> 01:11:41,546
Do not eat that!
1250
01:11:41,714 --> 01:11:43,423
[PEOPLE GROANING]
1251
01:11:47,971 --> 01:11:49,471
[GASPS]
1252
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:02,693
[PANTING]
1253
01:12:06,572 --> 01:12:07,572
Did you get it?
1254
01:12:07,865 --> 01:12:10,742
Uh... Yep. I got it.
1255
01:12:11,995 --> 01:12:14,579
Wow. So that's
what a nut looks like?
1256
01:12:15,373 --> 01:12:16,748
Yeah.
1257
01:12:16,916 --> 01:12:18,375
That's a nut.
1258
01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:22,421
Thanks, Mike. You're a lifesaver.
1259
01:12:23,089 --> 01:12:24,673
I appreciate it.
1260
01:12:25,049 --> 01:12:29,720
Remember our deal,
banging every girl in the world?
That's on you now, pal.
1261
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:32,264
I'll get right on that.
1262
01:12:32,432 --> 01:12:33,724
[♪♪♪]
1263
01:12:33,891 --> 01:12:35,434
[BOTH MOANING]
1264
01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:38,103
MICHAEL:
All right. Okay.
1265
01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,565
Call me.
Okay.
1266
01:12:45,445 --> 01:12:47,696
Don't get too comfortable.
1267
01:12:49,782 --> 01:12:51,867
You have got to wait your turn.
1268
01:12:52,076 --> 01:12:53,910
Hurry up, Michael, I'm next.
1269
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:57,622
Give me a couple of minutes of rest.
Kyle doesn't take this long.
1270
01:12:57,790 --> 01:12:59,791
Two, three minutes
and he's always done.
1271
01:12:59,959 --> 01:13:02,627
Hurry if you want to get every
woman in the world.
1272
01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:06,548
MICHAEL:
Please, let me shut my eyes,
for like, literally 30 seconds,
1273
01:13:06,758 --> 01:13:09,092
and then just a little sandwich.
1274
01:13:09,260 --> 01:13:11,261
[WOMEN CLAMORING]
1275
01:13:11,429 --> 01:13:13,430
[♪♪♪]
1276
01:13:21,314 --> 01:13:23,315
[MICHAEL SCREAMS]
1277
01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:26,401
[GASPS]
1278
01:13:26,569 --> 01:13:28,570
[PHONE RINGING]
1279
01:13:32,825 --> 01:13:35,994
Hello?
Michael. It's Carlos.
1280
01:13:36,245 --> 01:13:38,997
I know you got three days
and 14 hours to go,
1281
01:13:39,165 --> 01:13:42,000
but since you've run out of shit
for me to take,
1282
01:13:42,168 --> 01:13:46,171
I remind you,
if you don't pay, you die.
1283
01:13:46,380 --> 01:13:47,839
No problem. I'll have it.
1284
01:13:48,091 --> 01:13:52,844
You're as bad a liar as you
are a gambler, Mr. Delaney.
See you Friday.
1285
01:13:53,346 --> 01:13:55,347
[PIANO PLAYING]
1286
01:13:58,017 --> 01:13:59,267
Hey, Mike.
1287
01:13:59,977 --> 01:14:01,311
How's it going, man?
1288
01:14:02,355 --> 01:14:03,772
[GRUNTING]
1289
01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:05,190
Oh...
1290
01:14:06,317 --> 01:14:08,068
I'm just kidding, man. Ow!
1291
01:14:08,528 --> 01:14:09,528
Unh! I'm all better.
1292
01:14:10,029 --> 01:14:13,198
I'm fine.
I bring this everywhere I go.
1293
01:14:13,533 --> 01:14:14,741
Thanks to you.
1294
01:14:14,992 --> 01:14:18,829
Thanks for showing up today.
I really wanted you to be here.
1295
01:14:19,038 --> 01:14:20,330
Here for what?
1296
01:14:21,249 --> 01:14:22,374
You're busted, Mike.
1297
01:14:22,542 --> 01:14:24,251
Natalie told me what you did.
1298
01:14:24,460 --> 01:14:27,754
She what?
How you found her. I can't believe it.
1299
01:14:28,673 --> 01:14:29,714
Kyle, I am so sorry.
1300
01:14:29,924 --> 01:14:33,552
You tracked her down after hearing
my story to see if we'd fit.
1301
01:14:35,054 --> 01:14:38,390
Who does that?
Thank you. You're the best, pal.
1302
01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:42,561
She tell you she's a cop?
1303
01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:46,356
That whole cosmetics counter thing?
That was an undercover gig.
1304
01:14:46,566 --> 01:14:47,941
Very clever.
1305
01:14:50,194 --> 01:14:51,820
Oh. Thank you.
1306
01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:54,906
You know what?
1307
01:14:56,284 --> 01:14:59,077
When death has literally
got you by the balls,
1308
01:14:59,245 --> 01:15:02,455
everything you've been afraid of
suddenly, phew, seems unimportant.
1309
01:15:02,707 --> 01:15:04,791
There are things
that I can do now
1310
01:15:05,293 --> 01:15:07,919
that I never could do before.
1311
01:15:08,921 --> 01:15:09,921
For instance:
1312
01:15:13,092 --> 01:15:14,384
Officer Natalie Parker,
1313
01:15:14,927 --> 01:15:17,387
I have been arrested
by your beauty.
1314
01:15:17,638 --> 01:15:19,931
And I'd love to serve
a life sentence
1315
01:15:20,808 --> 01:15:22,893
in the jail of your heart.
1316
01:15:24,228 --> 01:15:25,979
Oh, my God.
1317
01:15:28,191 --> 01:15:29,357
Yes.
1318
01:15:30,401 --> 01:15:32,277
Of course I'll marry you, Kyle.
1319
01:15:32,445 --> 01:15:34,529
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
1320
01:15:38,409 --> 01:15:42,954
I can't believe it. I've delivered
Natalie right into the devil's lair.
1321
01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:46,708
I finally feel I can have
something real with someone.
1322
01:15:46,918 --> 01:15:51,630
You know, something solid.
Built on trust. Like what you
and Tricia have.
1323
01:15:56,093 --> 01:15:58,470
Now she's going to go off
and marry him.
1324
01:15:59,096 --> 01:16:01,348
Step up, man.
Tell her how you feel.
1325
01:16:01,599 --> 01:16:03,266
Tell her you love her, you puss.
1326
01:16:03,476 --> 01:16:05,685
Have you been listening?
She loves Kyle.
1327
01:16:06,437 --> 01:16:07,854
Steve, it's so weird.
1328
01:16:09,190 --> 01:16:10,815
For the first time in my life,
1329
01:16:11,317 --> 01:16:14,361
someone else matters
more to me than
1330
01:16:14,779 --> 01:16:16,029
I matter to myself.
1331
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:19,699
Well, you changed after all that shit
you went through.
1332
01:16:20,326 --> 01:16:23,119
I'm exercising. People change.
1333
01:16:23,621 --> 01:16:26,331
You know what?
Maybe Kyle has changed too.
1334
01:16:26,540 --> 01:16:29,960
All he went through.
Maybe he's a changed man now.
1335
01:16:30,169 --> 01:16:32,963
Aah! Oh, yeah, baby! Ha-ha!
1336
01:16:33,130 --> 01:16:34,547
[OVER SPEAKERS]
♪ When I come around ♪
1337
01:16:34,715 --> 01:16:36,716
All right! Give it to me.
1338
01:16:36,884 --> 01:16:38,802
[GRUNTS THEN WHOOPS]
1339
01:16:38,970 --> 01:16:40,679
I'll be right back, baby.
1340
01:16:40,846 --> 01:16:42,639
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1341
01:16:42,807 --> 01:16:44,975
What's up, having fun?
1342
01:16:45,142 --> 01:16:46,851
♪ Stay on top but remain
From the underground ♪
1343
01:16:47,019 --> 01:16:48,311
Calm down! Ah-hoo!
1344
01:16:48,479 --> 01:16:50,981
♪ All in the family ♪
♪ Ever since Xzibit could spit ♪
1345
01:16:51,148 --> 01:16:53,191
How rocking is this? Whoo!
1346
01:16:53,359 --> 01:16:54,859
♪ Like a potential mistress ♪
1347
01:16:55,027 --> 01:16:57,028
♪ Shine bright
Make sure that X stay tight ♪
1348
01:16:57,488 --> 01:17:01,074
What's the matter?
You're not having
a good time, buddy?
1349
01:17:01,242 --> 01:17:02,534
Whoo! Hey, all right.
1350
01:17:02,702 --> 01:17:05,662
Get a load of some of these women.
They're amazing.
1351
01:17:05,871 --> 01:17:08,081
You see that one there?
In the blue?
1352
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,332
[LAUGHS]
1353
01:17:09,500 --> 01:17:12,836
You wouldn't believe what
she can do with Ping-Pong balls.
1354
01:17:13,045 --> 01:17:14,337
It is showtime!
1355
01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:17,257
MAN:
Come on, come on!
1356
01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:19,467
[CROWD CHEERING]
1357
01:17:20,928 --> 01:17:22,345
Mike, did you see this?
1358
01:17:22,555 --> 01:17:25,390
Yo, Cherry, come here!
Come here, Cherry.
1359
01:17:25,683 --> 01:17:29,019
Hey, sit down. This is Michael.
And she's a student.
1360
01:17:29,603 --> 01:17:31,855
Right now I'm concentrating
on my actressing.
1361
01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:34,858
Come over here, Cherry.
Mm-hm.
1362
01:17:35,026 --> 01:17:37,193
Ooh. You sexy little
actress thing, you.
1363
01:17:37,403 --> 01:17:41,406
How about we go in the bedroom?
Can I bring a friend?
1364
01:17:42,116 --> 01:17:44,743
It's my bachelor party.
The more, the merrier.
1365
01:17:45,119 --> 01:17:47,203
Oh, hello there! Oh!
1366
01:17:47,955 --> 01:17:49,164
Wow.
1367
01:17:49,332 --> 01:17:54,127
You're cool with this?
Everybody's entitled to a last hurrah.
1368
01:17:55,296 --> 01:17:59,174
You want to go in the bedroom
and start warming up without me?
1369
01:17:59,383 --> 01:18:00,925
I'll be there in a minute.
1370
01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:03,762
[MICHAEL GRUNTING]
1371
01:18:04,221 --> 01:18:05,263
Thank you.
1372
01:18:05,806 --> 01:18:07,766
What do you mean,
"last hurrah"?
1373
01:18:08,059 --> 01:18:12,395
I just figure you're getting married
tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.
1374
01:18:12,605 --> 01:18:16,483
You know, you're entitled one
last dip in the bachelor pool.
1375
01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:18,109
[ALL CHEERING]
1376
01:18:18,277 --> 01:18:19,778
[LAUGHS]
1377
01:18:19,945 --> 01:18:23,114
You're funny.
You're hysterical, man.
1378
01:18:24,492 --> 01:18:26,242
You're joking, right?
1379
01:18:26,452 --> 01:18:30,163
I thought you loved her.
Love's got nothing to do with it.
1380
01:18:30,331 --> 01:18:32,665
[ALL CHEERING]
1381
01:18:32,833 --> 01:18:34,709
Oh! Oh!
1382
01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:38,671
Natalie will be
a great baby-maker.
1383
01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:40,924
I could still sleep around.
1384
01:18:41,133 --> 01:18:44,344
She'll be at home with the kids.
She'll never know. Ah.
1385
01:18:45,304 --> 01:18:47,180
Whoo! Hey, girls! What's up?
1386
01:18:47,932 --> 01:18:52,143
Woo-hoo. I thought you were going
to go warm up in bed without me.
1387
01:18:52,311 --> 01:18:54,813
♪ X to the Z
And we all in the family ♪
1388
01:18:54,980 --> 01:18:56,314
♪ X
Rearrange the whole game ♪
1389
01:18:56,482 --> 01:18:57,649
♪ With my rugged sound
X ♪
1390
01:18:57,817 --> 01:19:00,026
♪ Won't even say your own name
When I come around ♪♪
1391
01:19:00,611 --> 01:19:01,903
You did it, man.
1392
01:19:02,071 --> 01:19:03,405
[CHUCKLES]
1393
01:19:03,572 --> 01:19:04,739
You won the bet, man!
1394
01:19:04,907 --> 01:19:06,699
[LAUGHS]
1395
01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:08,034
You'll be rich.
1396
01:19:08,327 --> 01:19:12,664
Tomorrow morning at 9,
you're gonna be rich.
1397
01:19:12,832 --> 01:19:14,707
Rich! Ha-ha-ha!
1398
01:19:14,875 --> 01:19:16,209
[THUD]
1399
01:19:16,377 --> 01:19:19,295
No, Steve. No, I'm not.
1400
01:19:19,672 --> 01:19:21,714
I have got a wedding to stop!
1401
01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:23,925
[GRUNTS]
1402
01:19:36,355 --> 01:19:39,274
I cannot believe you let Kyle
plan this wedding.
1403
01:19:39,483 --> 01:19:40,567
It doesn't matter.
1404
01:19:41,026 --> 01:19:42,652
You're going through with this?
1405
01:19:44,071 --> 01:19:47,323
Hey. Look at me.
Do I look amazing or what?
1406
01:19:47,575 --> 01:19:51,870
Ha-ha. We're in luck.
My uncle Murray's
performing the ceremonies.
1407
01:19:52,079 --> 01:19:53,121
He's my hero.
1408
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:55,790
And the witnesses sign in triplicate.
1409
01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:57,959
That's three, tres, trois,
1410
01:19:58,169 --> 01:19:59,419
and then,
1411
01:19:59,670 --> 01:20:03,548
I stamp a little,
I notarize, I file it.
1412
01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:04,799
Voilà.
1413
01:20:04,967 --> 01:20:07,051
[WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1414
01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:09,929
Can't you just feel the romance?
1415
01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:12,557
[♪♪♪]
1416
01:20:13,559 --> 01:20:15,059
[TICKING]
1417
01:20:16,562 --> 01:20:18,271
[MICHAEL GROANS]
1418
01:20:19,899 --> 01:20:21,274
Oh, no. Oh, no!
1419
01:20:21,567 --> 01:20:22,567
No!
1420
01:20:22,735 --> 01:20:23,776
[GRUNTING]
1421
01:20:23,944 --> 01:20:25,945
[♪♪♪]
1422
01:20:26,447 --> 01:20:29,741
Where are my clothes?
1423
01:20:30,284 --> 01:20:32,660
Clothes. Where are my clothes?
1424
01:20:34,955 --> 01:20:38,750
Excuse me, ma'am? Ma'am?
Excuse me, ma'am. Please get up.
1425
01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,543
Have you seen a pair of pants?
1426
01:20:42,338 --> 01:20:45,215
I'm gonna borrow your jacket, okay?
There we go.
1427
01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,927
Please. Okay. There we go.
Okay. Here we go.
1428
01:20:49,220 --> 01:20:52,055
I promise
I'll return this, okay?
1429
01:20:52,223 --> 01:20:54,182
[BAND PLAYING
CLASSICAL MUSIC]
1430
01:20:56,519 --> 01:20:58,269
WAITER:
Whoa! Slow down!
1431
01:20:59,104 --> 01:21:00,688
That was close.
1432
01:21:01,440 --> 01:21:02,941
[GRUNTING]
1433
01:21:03,108 --> 01:21:04,692
[CROWD GASPS]
1434
01:21:16,747 --> 01:21:18,081
[YELLS]
1435
01:21:19,583 --> 01:21:21,209
I can't believe this.
It's terrible.
1436
01:21:21,377 --> 01:21:23,336
[♪♪♪]
1437
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:35,098
Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.
1438
01:21:38,227 --> 01:21:40,770
Fur coat!
1439
01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:42,230
[CROWD YELLING]
1440
01:21:42,398 --> 01:21:43,731
What are you...? Stop it!
1441
01:21:59,039 --> 01:22:03,835
Marriage is a state
that is not entered into easily.
1442
01:22:04,044 --> 01:22:05,670
It is damn hard, kids.
1443
01:22:05,879 --> 01:22:10,508
It requires dedication
and a lot of sacrifices.
1444
01:22:10,718 --> 01:22:13,136
Like for instance,
if you have a mother-in-law
1445
01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:17,807
who figures she can stay over with
you whenever she damn pleases!
1446
01:22:18,017 --> 01:22:21,185
She comes in and stays in the toilet
for an hour and a half!
1447
01:22:21,395 --> 01:22:23,730
Who reads War and Peace
in the toilet?!
1448
01:22:23,897 --> 01:22:25,898
[♪♪♪]
1449
01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:29,986
[SCREAMS]
1450
01:22:30,154 --> 01:22:32,447
GIRL: Mommy!
Shh. I'm a good stranger. It's okay.
1451
01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:33,740
Hey, you! Stop!
1452
01:22:33,991 --> 01:22:35,867
I'm not weird.
We were just talking.
1453
01:22:38,495 --> 01:22:42,874
Kyle, do you promise
to make love to Natalie,
1454
01:22:43,334 --> 01:22:45,627
and only Natalie,
1455
01:22:45,836 --> 01:22:47,837
until one of you is dead?
1456
01:22:50,049 --> 01:22:52,050
[♪♪♪]
1457
01:22:53,344 --> 01:22:55,595
[WOMAN HUMMING]
1458
01:22:57,723 --> 01:22:58,890
[SCREAMS]
1459
01:22:59,058 --> 01:23:02,560
No, no, no. I wasn't looking at you.
Don't do that.
1460
01:23:02,728 --> 01:23:04,562
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
1461
01:23:08,359 --> 01:23:11,235
Be advised, we're looking
for a peeping Tom.
1462
01:23:14,198 --> 01:23:16,407
This guy is really twisted.
1463
01:23:16,617 --> 01:23:18,409
And do you, my handsome nephew,
1464
01:23:18,577 --> 01:23:22,455
take Natalie to be your
lawful wedded wife,
1465
01:23:22,706 --> 01:23:25,917
through the good times
and the bad times,
1466
01:23:26,126 --> 01:23:29,796
and the times she won't talk
to you for months,
1467
01:23:30,089 --> 01:23:32,799
and even worse, when she will,
1468
01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:36,886
so you pretend you're asleep
so she'll leave you alone,
1469
01:23:37,554 --> 01:23:40,807
but you lie there listening to her
grind her teeth,
1470
01:23:41,058 --> 01:23:43,685
hour after hour
1471
01:23:43,894 --> 01:23:46,437
like a fucking hacksaw?
1472
01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:48,106
[♪♪♪]
1473
01:23:48,273 --> 01:23:50,274
[SIREN WAILING]
1474
01:23:56,407 --> 01:23:57,573
I made it.
1475
01:23:57,908 --> 01:23:59,909
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
1476
01:24:02,621 --> 01:24:04,080
DRIVER:
Nice dress, bonehead!
1477
01:24:04,456 --> 01:24:05,665
MICHAEL:
Sorry. My mistake.
1478
01:24:05,833 --> 01:24:06,958
[HORN HONKING]
1479
01:24:07,126 --> 01:24:08,292
[SCREAMS]
1480
01:24:14,758 --> 01:24:16,259
[MURRAY SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY]
1481
01:24:16,427 --> 01:24:17,927
Stop the wedding!
1482
01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:20,722
I love you!
1483
01:24:27,479 --> 01:24:30,148
I thought you said
you were done with all that.
1484
01:24:30,357 --> 01:24:33,901
It's not Peter. I don't even
know who this guy is.
1485
01:24:34,153 --> 01:24:37,155
[MARTI FREDERIKSEN'S
"GET IT WHILE YOU CAN" PLAYS]
1486
01:24:40,701 --> 01:24:44,871
♪ Went to Las Vegas ♪
1487
01:24:46,373 --> 01:24:50,960
♪ To see the Eiffel Tower ♪
1488
01:24:52,004 --> 01:24:56,299
♪ Silicone ladies ♪
1489
01:24:58,343 --> 01:25:01,679
I'm curious, Mr. Delaney.
How did you get the money?
1490
01:25:01,930 --> 01:25:03,306
♪ Went to bed drunk ♪
1491
01:25:03,474 --> 01:25:05,641
I guess you could say
I sold my soul.
1492
01:25:06,769 --> 01:25:08,019
Yeah, I see a lot of that.
1493
01:25:08,353 --> 01:25:12,023
♪ Can't remember
Half the things that I did ♪
1494
01:25:13,650 --> 01:25:15,860
♪ But I bounced back
Bounced back like a kid ♪
1495
01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:17,695
[LAUGHING]
1496
01:25:18,906 --> 01:25:23,242
♪ Woke up one day older ♪
1497
01:25:23,410 --> 01:25:27,705
♪ Get it while you can
Someone said ♪
1498
01:25:27,873 --> 01:25:29,207
KYLE:
Michael.
1499
01:25:29,374 --> 01:25:31,876
♪ Get it while you can ♪♪
1500
01:25:33,128 --> 01:25:34,712
Way to go.
1501
01:25:34,880 --> 01:25:37,715
Marry the best woman in the world
and it's not enough for you.
1502
01:25:38,217 --> 01:25:39,383
What?
1503
01:25:39,635 --> 01:25:40,968
You're married?!
No, I... He...
1504
01:25:43,180 --> 01:25:44,722
Pfft!
1505
01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:48,893
Thanks, asshole.
You got something on your nose.
1506
01:25:49,228 --> 01:25:51,229
[GRUNTING]
1507
01:25:51,563 --> 01:25:54,690
You were in on it together.
Take me for a ride.
1508
01:25:54,900 --> 01:25:58,736
What do you mean? You got it all!
Why'd you tap me on the nose?
1509
01:25:59,238 --> 01:26:00,988
You really don't know, do you?
1510
01:26:01,198 --> 01:26:04,492
On our wedding night.
I thought everything was fine.
1511
01:26:04,701 --> 01:26:06,619
I was ready to give her
a hose down.
1512
01:26:06,829 --> 01:26:09,580
Well, hello, Mrs. Brenner.
1513
01:26:09,832 --> 01:26:12,375
Actually, I'm gonna keep
my own name.
1514
01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,085
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, whatever.
1515
01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:20,675
Oh. Yeah. A little of the old bubbly.
Kyle.
1516
01:26:22,177 --> 01:26:24,095
Remember our first time?
1517
01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:28,432
When you left me out in Malibu
with nothing but a roll of quarters?
1518
01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:31,102
Yeah. That was so hot.
1519
01:26:31,562 --> 01:26:32,812
Here's to that.
1520
01:26:32,980 --> 01:26:35,147
[♪♪♪]
1521
01:26:44,449 --> 01:26:46,534
Let's swap bodily fluids, baby.
1522
01:26:46,827 --> 01:26:48,160
[GRUNTS]
1523
01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:50,746
When I woke up, she was gone.
1524
01:26:51,039 --> 01:26:54,500
The next day,
marriage was annulled,
she was nowhere to be found.
1525
01:26:54,668 --> 01:26:58,045
Never saw her again.
Figured you two had a scam
to get the bachelor cash.
1526
01:26:58,255 --> 01:27:01,966
That's cool, though.
I'm getting more pussy
now than ever.
1527
01:27:02,134 --> 01:27:05,177
Chicks really dig a guy
with a broken heart.
1528
01:27:05,387 --> 01:27:06,971
Kyle, I am so sorry.
1529
01:27:07,222 --> 01:27:10,766
Ha-ha-ha. I'm kidding.
I just play that. You know me.
1530
01:27:10,976 --> 01:27:13,644
I'll be a one-balled babe hound
when I'm 80.
1531
01:27:13,854 --> 01:27:16,480
I got a date with a new girl.
She's fantastic.
1532
01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:19,025
What, another
cosmetics counter girl?
1533
01:27:19,234 --> 01:27:23,321
No, man, no.
A librarian. She's so hot.
A little redheaded girl.
1534
01:27:23,488 --> 01:27:25,281
She gave me
this book to read.
1535
01:27:28,118 --> 01:27:31,579
Dude, this book
will change your life.
1536
01:27:31,914 --> 01:27:34,165
I gotta go.
Mike.
1537
01:27:34,917 --> 01:27:37,418
I like to be spanked
with a day-old carrot.
1538
01:27:37,586 --> 01:27:38,836
Um...
1539
01:27:39,296 --> 01:27:40,504
How much you got?
1540
01:27:41,131 --> 01:27:42,757
Twenty bucks.
1541
01:27:43,091 --> 01:27:44,508
And my own carrot.
1542
01:27:44,676 --> 01:27:46,010
MICHAEL:
Excuse me.
1543
01:27:46,762 --> 01:27:48,095
Michael!
1544
01:27:48,430 --> 01:27:51,349
I've got a proposal, but it
might sound a little strange.
1545
01:27:51,516 --> 01:27:53,434
[SIRENS WAILING]
1546
01:27:53,602 --> 01:27:55,686
The Chinese Theater is this way?
1547
01:27:55,938 --> 01:27:57,772
Thank you very much,
ma'am.
1548
01:27:58,523 --> 01:28:00,232
Where's the carrot?
NATALIE: I got it.
1549
01:28:00,442 --> 01:28:02,193
It's okay. I got it.
1550
01:28:03,612 --> 01:28:05,863
I just wanted to give you this.
1551
01:28:06,365 --> 01:28:07,865
You were there?
1552
01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:11,202
I tried to stop the wedding,
but I was late.
1553
01:28:12,621 --> 01:28:16,207
So, um, this proposal,
1554
01:28:17,209 --> 01:28:18,542
does it involve sex?
1555
01:28:18,877 --> 01:28:22,546
Yeah, I'd say there'd be
a fair amount of sex involved.
1556
01:28:22,839 --> 01:28:24,966
Definitely a house and a ring.
1557
01:28:25,217 --> 01:28:27,802
Maybe even some children.
Children?
1558
01:28:28,053 --> 01:28:31,222
At least a dog.
Definitely not a hamster.
1559
01:28:32,140 --> 01:28:33,891
I like dogs.
1560
01:28:34,059 --> 01:28:35,810
[♪♪♪]
1561
01:28:35,978 --> 01:28:39,146
So, what's up, Delaney?
1562
01:28:39,898 --> 01:28:41,232
You love me or something?
1563
01:28:41,525 --> 01:28:42,566
I do.
1564
01:28:43,568 --> 01:28:45,319
I now happily ratify
1565
01:28:45,529 --> 01:28:48,114
your union
as husband and wife.
1566
01:28:48,323 --> 01:28:50,241
You may kiss your bride.
1567
01:28:51,576 --> 01:28:52,994
Wait.
1568
01:28:53,662 --> 01:28:56,664
Not until you say those
three little words.
1569
01:28:59,543 --> 01:29:01,836
I'm not falling for that one again.
1570
01:29:03,714 --> 01:29:06,340
Suck my cock.
1571
01:29:07,843 --> 01:29:09,176
[THWACK]
1572
01:29:10,721 --> 01:29:12,430
MICHAEL:
Hold it. Hold it.
1573
01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:15,433
How big of an idiot
do you think I am?
1574
01:29:16,393 --> 01:29:17,435
I love you.
1575
01:29:20,981 --> 01:29:22,982
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
1576
01:29:25,652 --> 01:29:26,819
[♪♪♪]
1577
01:29:26,987 --> 01:29:30,197
This is fantastic.
You're like a big, bad dominatrix.
1578
01:29:30,407 --> 01:29:33,576
I can't wait to get to this.
Show me what you got.
1579
01:29:34,911 --> 01:29:36,287
I don't know.
1580
01:29:36,538 --> 01:29:38,330
I think something's missing.
1581
01:29:38,498 --> 01:29:39,707
[LAUGHS]
1582
01:29:39,875 --> 01:29:43,794
KYLE:
Yeah, something's missing,
get your butt out of that little thing.
1583
01:29:44,129 --> 01:29:48,132
You got to do something to me.
Let's see what you got.
1584
01:29:49,634 --> 01:29:51,802
[YELLING]
1585
01:29:51,970 --> 01:29:53,721
Whoa. Whoa.
1586
01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:55,347
Hey.
1587
01:29:55,557 --> 01:29:58,559
[BLINK 182'S "MUTT" PLAYS]
1588
01:30:07,819 --> 01:30:09,070
Tricia?
1589
01:30:13,992 --> 01:30:15,659
♪ He pauses shaving ♪
1590
01:30:15,827 --> 01:30:17,328
What the hell am I thinking?
1591
01:30:17,496 --> 01:30:18,954
[WOMAN GIGGLES]
1592
01:30:19,122 --> 01:30:20,164
WOMAN:
Tricia.
1593
01:30:20,332 --> 01:30:22,500
♪ Her credit cards
Are paying the funds ♪
1594
01:30:22,667 --> 01:30:25,336
Tricia! Oh, God, I knew it!
1595
01:30:25,754 --> 01:30:27,171
Oh, how could you?
1596
01:30:27,422 --> 01:30:31,675
Consuela. Kelly. Tricia!
1597
01:30:31,927 --> 01:30:34,178
You're all dirty birdies!
1598
01:30:34,346 --> 01:30:35,596
You want to join us?
1599
01:30:36,932 --> 01:30:38,307
[LAUGHING]
1600
01:30:43,271 --> 01:30:47,233
Thank God Almighty!
1601
01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:49,360
[SCREAMS]
1602
01:30:49,528 --> 01:30:51,862
♪ And I know
He's only looking to score ♪
1603
01:30:52,030 --> 01:30:53,531
Come on, Johnny.
1604
01:30:53,698 --> 01:30:56,075
Oh, yeah, Johnny.
Oh, come on.
1605
01:30:56,243 --> 01:30:58,244
[PANTING]
1606
01:30:59,871 --> 01:31:01,372
If you don't cut,
I'm gonna come.
1607
01:31:01,540 --> 01:31:02,706
[CREW LAUGHING]
1608
01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:05,292
[MICHAEL PANTING]
1609
01:31:05,460 --> 01:31:07,670
MICHAEL:
What is it exactly you
want me to say?
1610
01:31:07,879 --> 01:31:09,171
You know,
1611
01:31:09,673 --> 01:31:11,215
those three
1612
01:31:11,716 --> 01:31:13,050
little
1613
01:31:13,677 --> 01:31:14,969
words.
1614
01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:19,557
MICHAEL:
Uh... Okay. I love you.
1615
01:31:20,058 --> 01:31:22,059
I love you, I love you.
1616
01:31:22,227 --> 01:31:24,728
[O'CONNELL & CREW
LAUGHING]
1617
01:31:24,896 --> 01:31:27,189
O'CONNELL:
I love you.
1618
01:31:27,566 --> 01:31:29,733
MAN 1:
Yeah, baby!
1619
01:31:31,069 --> 01:31:32,319
MAN 2:
Hold it, Bob.
1620
01:31:32,654 --> 01:31:35,573
MAN 1: In unison, turn. Okay?
MAN 2: Two, three.
1621
01:31:35,740 --> 01:31:37,408
♪ He took the seat
Off his own bike ♪
1622
01:31:37,576 --> 01:31:39,118
O'CONNELL:
I'm sorry.
1623
01:31:39,286 --> 01:31:40,786
[CREW LAUGHING]
1624
01:31:41,663 --> 01:31:43,247
I'm sorry.
I tried, I tried.
1625
01:31:43,832 --> 01:31:44,874
MAN 1:
C mark.
1626
01:31:45,041 --> 01:31:46,208
MAN 2:
Action!
1627
01:31:46,376 --> 01:31:47,918
[GRUNTS]
1628
01:31:48,086 --> 01:31:50,504
You're under arrest,
you sick fuck.
1629
01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:53,716
♪ They don't even care at all ♪
1630
01:31:53,884 --> 01:31:55,885
[ELIZABETH & CREW
LAUGHING]
1631
01:31:59,181 --> 01:32:01,765
You should try some Visine.
1632
01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:03,434
NATALIE:
Why do I need Visine?
1633
01:32:03,602 --> 01:32:06,687
So you can get a clear future
of our vision together.
1634
01:32:06,855 --> 01:32:08,480
[CLICKS TONGUE AND
ELIZABETH LAUGHS]
1635
01:32:08,648 --> 01:32:11,442
♪ He's only looking to score ♪
♪ He's only looking to score ♪
1636
01:32:11,610 --> 01:32:14,153
Wash my car.
1637
01:32:14,321 --> 01:32:16,614
♪ Often they've typically
Been starved ♪♪
1638
01:32:16,781 --> 01:32:18,073
MAN:
Marker.
1639
01:32:18,241 --> 01:32:20,951
KYLE:
I mean, I might've fallen
in love with her that night.
1640
01:32:21,203 --> 01:32:23,078
MICHAEL:
What happened to her?
1641
01:32:23,288 --> 01:32:25,456
She might've been
the love of my life.
1642
01:32:25,624 --> 01:32:27,583
WOMAN:
Kyle!
1643
01:32:28,960 --> 01:32:30,544
WOMAN:
Energy and pace.
1644
01:32:48,480 --> 01:32:50,022
What the fuck
are you doing?
1645
01:32:50,190 --> 01:32:52,107
[LAUGHING]
1646
01:32:52,275 --> 01:32:56,737
I'm experimenting.
He said try some stuff.
I'm blowing bubbles.
1647
01:32:56,905 --> 01:32:58,614
MAN: Marker.
You're welcome.
1648
01:32:58,782 --> 01:33:00,824
[BOTH MOANING]
1649
01:33:01,785 --> 01:33:04,453
Michael. Oh, call me.
1650
01:33:04,663 --> 01:33:07,498
Okay. I will.
1651
01:33:09,251 --> 01:33:10,918
Don't get too comfortable.
1652
01:33:14,339 --> 01:33:17,341
You have got to wait your turn.
Hurry up, I'm next.
1653
01:33:17,592 --> 01:33:19,593
Jesus Christ!
What the hell is this?
1654
01:33:19,761 --> 01:33:21,345
[CREW & ACTORS
LAUGHING]
1655
01:33:21,513 --> 01:33:23,597
Oh, my God.
1656
01:33:25,517 --> 01:33:26,684
Cut.
1657
01:33:33,692 --> 01:33:34,984
MAN:
That's a wrap.
1658
01:33:35,151 --> 01:34:00,592
[♪♪♪]
1659
01:34:01,305 --> 01:35:01,410
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