Original subtitles

It's basically Party Central.

The booze, the drugs.

Honestly, Mom, it's a lot of work having so much fun.

Thanks for taking one for the team, honey.

-Oh, fine.

Biggest problem here is the noise.

Life with Liv and Peyton is pretty much like living

in a brothel.

You're probably having a hard time even hearing me

with all the

wild sex that's going on.

I mean, yeah, now that Curtis is a zombie,

Chase Graves can't eat

his brain and uncover all the railroad's secrets,

but he can do other things to get him to talk.

And that's all Curtis's pregnant girlfriend

can think about.

It's all I'm thinking about.

Your parents are gonna love me,

all parents do.

I'm like a tall stuffed animal with a medical

degree, you'll see.

I hope so.

It would be great if you could check in on them while

I'm in DC.

Wait, you're...

You're going to DC?

Yeah, in a couple days.

Did I forget to mention it?

Yeah, you did.

By the way, your voice goes up an entire octave when

you're being sneaky.

I'm not being sneaky.

That's two octaves.

You know how I used to be afraid of needles?

What?

You're making that face again.

Your nose.

Oh, um...

This? This is nothing.

It's just a regular bloody nose,

not the certain death kind.

How long have you been getting these?

Um, first time.

It's nothing, really. Gotta run.

Talk later, love you.

Honey?

Isobel, are you hungry?

'Cause I'm in a waffle kind of mood.

What's wrong?

Oh, my God, is she... Dead

No, gotcha.

You should see your faces right now.

So angry.

So drained of blood.

Why would you do that?

Are you out of your mind?

This bloody nose, is it real?

Look, I know you're pissed,

but if you just saw my bloody nose,

you'd freak because of the whole

"I'll be dead soon" thing.

But since you thought I was already dead,

and it turns out I'm not,

you're relieved.

Right?

It's all about context.

Right?

We have to check Isobel into a hospital.

Her opinion on the matter is irrelevant.

She's right about one thing.

All they're gonna do there is put her in a bed until

she dies.

And how are we gonna get her there?

Conk her on the head?

Mornin'!

Time to solve some murders.

We're burnin' daylight.

Sounds like someone didn't get his flu shot.

And maybe turn into a werewolf? No, thanks.

The murder happened last night around 11:00

in the parking lot of Sick Puppies.

Sick Puppies?

It's a bar off 5th.

It shares a building with a pet hospital.

Looks like blunt force trauma to the head.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Do you mind if I render an opinion so all those years

at medical school don't feel wasted?

Man, she's got pretty big hair.

And a pretty big penis.

I guess all that medical schooling did pay off.

Meet Vince.

He was at an office retirement party for his boss,

where some of the workers did a little "skit".

He played the part of Sheila, the very real head of HR.

Apparently, he got a lot of laughs.

And enough blunt force trauma to tear his carotid

artery in half.

What did Sheila think of his performance?

His co-workers said that she was not amused.

Sounds like we have our first suspect.

More than 40% of our brains aren't making it to our

distribution centers.

The theft happens after the trucks

with the brain tubes leave the packaging plant,

but before they get to the distribution centers.

We may, however, have a solution.

What are those?

High-tech crates.

Manufactured by a Japanese security firm.

If breached, they signal their location.

They look expensive.

They are. Major.

Test them out in the field.

If they work, we'll make the switch.

Yes, sir.

I said I want camera two on sticks, not handheld!

And when he walks to stage left,

I want him backlit like Ripley in Aliens,

when she says "Get away from her, you bitch!"

Just 'cause you ate the brain

of some jackass who directs music videos does not make

you a director.

Actually, that's exactly what it means.

That's how it works.

What's all this?

This is for you, Mr. Number One on the call sheet.

We are taking you global.

These walls are not big enough to hold you.

You sermonize, I will film-atize.

And then we will put it out there and you will become

the spiritual leader of the New World Order.

I'm already the spiritual leader of the New World Order.

We're just letting everybody else know that.

Lieutenant, I know you're busy,

but just one more time, please.

Okay, but, seriously, last time.

Oh, thanks. It is just so

damn funny.

You and Michelle knockin' boots yet?

No, not this.

The part where Liv beats the dude with the fish.

I'm not doing this dance with you, Liv.

Hand stuff?

Look, we kissed, the night of the lockdown.

I knew it.

It's complicated.

Look, I love Dale, but...

I just realized, I'm late for a thing.

Show me later.

I've also been thinking about how every future

I've imagined for myself had kids in it.

I wanna be a dad, Liv.

With a human like Michelle, that can happen.

They're not letting zombies adopt, so, you know,

with Dale, that'd mean no kids... Ever.

Look, I love to laugh.

I just didn't think Vince was funny.

I'm an easy target.

I run HR, everybody hates HR,

but I don't hold grudges.

Although, I will say Vince is certainly a cheeky

one to make fun of people,

with all his problems.

-He's a crazy germophobe.

The guy won't touch a doorknob,

and then there's the constant hand scrubbing.

And with this flu going around?

Please, if Vince was here, he'd be crawling out

of his skin.

Sorry I'm late.

With all the hacking and sneezing,

trying to get through town is like ice-skating on

a Petri dish.

What did I miss?

Sheila here was expressing her displeasure

with Vince's portrayal of her.

But not enough to kill him, my God!

Listen, you look like me, you get pretty used to guys

staring at your boobs.

-Come on.

If you're not gonna let me buy you a shot, then let me

buy you a beer.

Come on, be a little friendlier.

Dude, that's a dude.

Bet you think

you're real funny, don't you, huh? You piece of--

What?

We need to talk to number 25

on the Sick Puppies softball team.

I'll track down a roster.

There's a lot of love out there.

And you're the man with the plan.

You're gonna kill tonight, baby, but don't actually

kill anybody,

because people are gonna see this.

That was a joke, of course.

But seriously, don't.

Don't kill anyone.

-Let's begin. -I love that enthusiasm.

Just one small thought.

Instead of starting at a ten,

maybe you can start at a three or four,

and then build to a ten.

Just one man's opinion.

Yes, Mr. E?

Hit it.

-New theme music. My idea.

You're welcome.

Answer me this, brothers and sisters.

Does the rabbit tell the wolf when it can be eaten?

No!

Or you can start on a ten.

Medical examiner, huh?

That must be a tough gig right now.

Everyone's dead, but nobody's dying.

If those damn zombies have their way, you're gonna be

out of work really soon.

The spaghetti is

so good, isn't it, Bill?

Yes, dear, it is.

And you don't have to redirect my conversation like

I'm some kind of toddler,

Emily.

Look, I like you.

You're a hell of a lot more engaging and personable

than Peyton's usual boyfriends.

Okay. Dad, we're not doing this, okay?

My God, Peyton, I'm giving the man a compliment.

I'd much rather you settle for an ME with personality

than an actual doctor with none.

-Judge Charles...

I am an actual doctor, and you're not giving me

a compliment.

You're taking a dig at me to get a rise out

of your daughter,

and I want it to stop. Now.

These meatballs sure are tasty.

And you can bet when the time arrives,

they'll come with their pitchforks,

they'll come with their torches--

Are you crying because of the medical condition,

or because

it moved you to tears?

The condition, but I did think that Angus was powerful.

And the cut

The zoom in the last shot felt unmotivated.

Unmotivated zoom--

Screw you.

I'm not gonna sit here and take film criticism from

some weeping monster.

You asked my opinion.

I'm sorry, I'm just fragile. This is my baby.

It's upload time.

Right after we add some hashtags.

Hashtag zombie, hashtag apocalypse.

Sure.

I mean, we want people to see it.

So...

Hashtag lesbians, hashtag twins,

hashtag badonkadonk, hashtag bodacious tatas.

It's disrespectful, Don E.

Women with large breasts are born that way.

Yeah, some of them.

Fine.

Forgot your progressive views on such things, but

badonkadonk is fine.

We're live.

Well, I'll be back in a few days.

While I'm gone, Ravi said he'll pop over and see

how you're doing.

Feed us our formula, change our diapers,

that kind of thing?

Exactly, although I draw the line at burping.

You may just have to remain gassy.

And, hey, with Mom, you know, volunteering, and your back...

Remember what happened last time your back went out?

I do, I do.

-And you refuse to wear a-- -Of course, I didn't.

Don't even say it. You think I'll wear a medical...

-I'm not an old man. -Okay.

It's very nice of you to offer, Ravi.

Yes, thank you.

You know, Peyton, um... I'm glad you brought up

your trip to DC,

because actually, um...

Your mother and I...

We want to talk to you about it.

Guys, it's my job, I have to go.

I'll be perfectly safe.

We're not asking you to cancel the trip.

Oh.

-Good. -We came here to tell you

that when you get to DC...

Stay.

Just don't ever come back to Seattle.

Why in the world would I do that?

Because there is a faction out there

that wants to stop all the brain shipments

to this city.

They want the humans and monsters to

fight it out,

and they say if the humans win, great.

But if the zombies win, they're gonna nuke

the city.

So either way, you are better off anywhere

outside those walls.

I know that, Dad. I'm going to DC

to try and prevent that

from happening.

This is going to end badly.

-Stay away. -I appreciate

your concern...

But this is out of the question!

With the Mayor dead--

Killed by a zombie, no doubt.

Until a new mayor is elected, I am, for all intents

and purposes, running the city.

Ravi, talk some sense into them.

Honestly, I agree with them.

Once you leave, I don't think you should come back.

It's not safe here.

That's my boy.

-I told you this man was a keeper.

Listen to him, Peyton, please.

So, I'll grab some food before you go home?

I was thinking Al-Shabaz kebabs.

Come in, please close the door.

"Close the door."

Sounds serious.

You must really hate kebabs.

We need to end this thing, Clive.

Break up?

We gave it our best.

We really did.

Dale...

I met someone else.

That was against the rules.

Yeah, um...

Well...

Do you have something that

you could do?

For a couple of hours, so I could go over to your place

and clear out my stuff?

I'm a boob man,

what can I say?

I'd had a few too many, I thought I was talking

to a hot chick with a big rack.

You're a guy, you know how it goes.

Clive?

Oh, I'm sorry, I was just, um...

What were you saying?

Someone broke up with you?

Uh, no.

We were talking about how Ron

was hitting on Vince,

until your buddies started razzing you about it.

Were you feeling humiliated?

Which is why you called the victim a piece of--

Ah, ah...

No. No.

God.

I think her point is you had motive to kill Vince.

I wasn't that motivated.

Besides, I saw the guy that punched Vince.

That's probably your killer.

Vince was killed by a blow to the head.

Oh.

Well, in that case, I saw the murder.

Yeah, I was headed out to my car,

and I see the son of a bitch that I just hit on,

and then I see his or her exact double.

He must've seen Vince and Sheila.

Are you mansplaining the case to me, Detective?

I'm up to speed.

-Ugh.

Go on.

At first, I thought

I was seeing double 'cause, you know, beers.

One of them was your dead guy

trying to get into his car.

And the other was, I guess, a real lady.

Real Lady was getting picked up by a big dude

in a Cutlass.

He sees your victim and he yells out,

"It's not funny,

you bleeping bleep.

It's demeaning."

Dead Guy gets in his car real quick.

He did not wanna mess with Big Guy.

Big Dude and Big Guy?

Same person.

Then, when Dead Guy is safely in his car,

he flipped off Big Dude in the Cutlass.

Big Dude gets out of his car, marches over

to Dead Guy

while he's trying to get the engine turned over

and punches him through the window.

Through the window.

Probably a zombie raging out.

Did you see his eyes?

No, I was behind him.

Well, it says here that Sheila is married.

We should see how big that husband is.

Are you ready to visit our next culinary

destination?

Yesterday, pizza took us to the mob-ruled

shores of Sicily.

Today, we visit the mysterious Orient.

Isobel.

You are so easy.

Yeah. Hilarious.

Look, I know this is just your coping mechanism,

but would you mind picking one not quite so heart attack-y

for me?

I'm almost out of time.

No.

He's out of time.

You're still movin' and groovin'.

Look,

think of me as your, uh, personal genie

with no magical abilities, of course.

Tell me your heart's fondest desire.

Teach me how to drive?

Oh.

The genie was not expecting that.

But, in spite of the fact that putting a teenager with very

little to lose

in charge of a 4,000-pound vehicle

with me inside is objectively terrifying...

Your wish is my command.

Oh.

Oh, and unlimited wishes.

Damn.

Should've thought of that first.

So has our friend Russ Roche taken the bait?

He has.

He says it's time for me to meet his boss.

Be careful.

Commander. You need to see this.

The only creature more despicable than a human

is a zombie who murders other zombies!

These infidels go by the name of Fillmore Graves,

because they want to fill more graves with you,

brothers and sisters.

They have the guns,

but we've got God on our side.

This went up last night.

It's blowing up.

Oh, boy.

We'll treat humans like chattel and slaughter them

like cattle.

We'll breed them like cattle and bread

them like cutlets.

If there's a zombie out there

who's feeling sorry for himself,

you don't deserve the honor of joining the ranks

of the undead!

We are stronger. We are faster.

And we are blessed by God.

It's time to take what's ours.

Humans may look like us, but they are not us

because they were born to die.

Hey, just wanted to say goodbye.

I'm headed off on my little goodwill trip

to Washington.

They paint "Z's" on our doors.

They do it because they're waiting, too.

And you can bet, when the time arrives, they'll come

with their pitchforks.

They'll come with their torches

and their shotguns.

And God speaks to me, and he says, "Why

wait for that day?

Take the fight to them!"

- Take it to them!

Take it to them!

Enjoy your goodwill trip, honey.

This certainly puts a kink in my "we can all live

in harmony" speech.

Knock 'em dead.

Uh, just...

Germophobe brain, so...

Okay.

Really, you two?

I'm coming back, I swear.

You'll hardly know I'm gone.

Isobel?

Peyton left you a gift for your first driving lesson.

It's a lucky rabbit's foot key chain

from a very unlucky rabbit.

Fine.

I'll just throw out the key chain.

Have I gone to the well too many times?

You're just lucky I have a soft spot for dark,

repetitive humor.

Have you been to the processing plant

where they turn the brains into mush?

-I have. -I don't want that for me.

I want you to have it

so that my memories can live on,

even for just a little bit.

There's nothing too exciting in there, but I'll...

I'll have more peace of mind if you...

Congratulations.

You set a precinct record for most tasers required

to subdue a suspect.

And still managed to put two of your officers in the hospital.

It's almost not your fault.

To a zombie like you, humans are but weak little rag dolls,

n'est

Yeah, let's wrap this up.

You've been arrested for assault seven times.

You're married to the woman the victim offended.

And we have an eyewitness who saw you punch him,

likely the fatal blow. So why don't

you just be a man and admit you killed him?

Take your time. I understand that this must be

upsetting for you.

Oh, hell.

I'm not upset.

These tears are a medical condition.

A man insults another man's wife,

and that man cold cocks him for it.

In what world is that a crime?

This world.

You killed the guy. Good.

Well, that was easy.

-This case is closed.

Why don't you take some acetaminophen

while I escort our killer to the Fillmore Graves

freezer section?

I will put him between the ice cream and the

leggo

Uh-huh.

Where is the thimblewit that screwed up

my steak dinner?

I'm Corporal Benito, ma'am. And you are?

Who am I

I'm the single busiest woman in Seattle,

and I did not have time for this little detour tonight.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I still don't know who you are.

I'm Peyton Charles,

chief of staff to the late, great Mayor Floyd Baracus.

Now I'm the de facto acting mayor,

and I had better things to do tonight

than visit a checkpoint outside the wall.

Of course. Pleasure to meet you, ma'am.

You're wearing the same outfit.

Good catch, Sherlock.

You broke the case wide open.

Guess what? I don't throw away blouses every time

I wear one.

Now, where's the genius down here who won't let my forensic

accountant back into the city?

Follow me this way.

Ms. Escovido.

Come on. The city needs you back.

This is the last time we lend you out.

-Yes, ma'am. -Is that...

Yeah, that's the acting mayor, all right.

It's the mayor.

It's time to go get your daughter.

Ms. Mayor, I've been here for three days.

I have a brother inside the wall.

Do you have any candy?

-Ms. Mayor. -I really gotta go.

Ms. Mayor.

Visit the Rock and Roll Museum.

You won't regret it.

Mayor, please. -Don't forget to vote.

Space Needle. Best view in the city.

I really gotta go.

Uncool, Russ.

I thought I was a valued employee.

This seems like overkill.

We're here.

That was fun.

Sorry about the bag, it's just...

until we get to know each other.

-That's him.

Name's Major, I'm ready to be rich.

Russ says you're looking for a man who has

Chase Grave's ear

to make all your dreams come true.

Whoa, there.

You may be rich before you leave this room,

but not until I know I can trust you.

I'm also ready to be uncuffed and offered a drink.

Patience, dude.

First, you gotta pass a little test.

This brain is from a Russian gang member,

a rival, who we captured and questioned.

Every time he told a lie, we gave him

the old...

We did this for weeks, until his brain was rewired.

By the time he died, he was, like,

literally incapable of lying.

Just like you're about be.

It's never failed us.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Am I gonna have to break your teeth with a hammer

to get you to eat this,

or will you be a big boy?

I'll eat it.

Just seems inhospitable, that's all.

Now chew.

And swallow.

You know how to swallow, don't you?

Just close your lips and--

Now, what?

Hmph.

Now we wait.

And then we find out whose side you're

really on.

Bring it on.

Has it crossed my mind?

Yeah. I mean, look how he's built.

Where does he even find the time to work out?

But, hey, it's not like I have pictures of Chase Graves

taped up in my locker.

Okay, I think it's safe to say the truth brain's

kicked in.

Then let's get right down to it,

Are you with us or Fillmore Graves?

Fillmore Graves.

Duh.

Oh, yeah. I've been pretending to be on your side the whole

time, just playing Russ,

gaining his trust, hoping he'd eventually

bring me to you.

Which he did, because he's not exactly

Ivy League material.

Like, maybe Brown, if he's got connections.

It's actually kind of interesting how he did it.

See, Chase and I figured if he announced that

I was in charge of

deciding whether or not to buy the fancy security

measures,

which never even existed, by the way,

we just made them up, then Russ would

bring me to you

so you could convince me to veto it,

which is exactly what Russ did, because Russ

is a, um...

Oh, what did Chase call him?

"A dolt."

So, yeah. Short version,

I'm here to take you down.

-AJ, I had no idea. -Shut up!

Well...

Too bad things won't work out the way you planned, Major.

Looks like you'll never get that gondola ride with

Chase Graves

in the Grand Canal.

Actually, things worked out exactly as I'd planned because

I swallowed a tracking device

before coming here.

And I've got cotton in my ears.

Hey, guys. Great work.

My squad's top-notch.

Three of the four of them at least.

Major, zip it.

So how do you feel?

I feel great. You were great, that was...

Great.

You sure everything's great?

I mean, I should probably go, though,

right?

Early morning.

You could go. But that seems like a dumb idea

to me.

-Mmm-hmm.

Do I need to mail you a formal invitation?

Come here. I request the pleasure of your company.

Knock it off already. I know you're joking.

Isobel, I swear, if you're playing around...

Isobel Katherine Bloom, get your ass up off

that floor!

Mom?

-I can't believe you came! -Oh, baby.

It's so good to see you.

-Psst, you're in my shot. -I've missed you so much.

I'm so glad you're here.

My little girl.

I told you not to do this.

Yeah, well... Tough.

Why are you dressed like Peyton?

It doesn't matter.

Nice work.

This, my friends,

is what it looks like when a plan

comes together.

I know what some of you cynics

might be saying. "A hundred cases

of brain tubes?

Is that all we have to show for this operation,

Commander?"

Well, you cynics would be forgetting about the traitors

we've ferreted out.

You're forgetting about your zombie brothers

and sisters who will sleep

with fuller bellies.

But most of all, you don't know what's

in these cases.

So tonight,

and just tonight,

we've got you covered. Eat what you want!

Drink what you want. It's all on Cobra Kai.

Wait. That's not right.

What were they called Where's Major?

The man of the hour?

-The Blue Cobras. -The Blue Cobras! That's it.

Let's hear it for Lillywhite. He gets the job done.

Hey, DJ! Play something from the aughts for this

old soldier.

Good job, man!

Thank you.

So, what do you say we get a picture with your team

in front of the spoils of war, huh?

We'll hang it up in the lounge.

-There they are. -Get 'em, and let's do this.

Your boys are asking for the good stuff.

And I mean, like, the really good stuff.

Whatever they want.

I like your style.

Sir, there's... There's been an incident.

During the transport,

Russ Roche managed to get his hands on a weapon,

and he escaped.

He what?

Sir, I swear to you,

I will personally find him and bring him--

And whose weapon did he take?

This is my squad, sir. It's my responsibility.

-I will handle the discipline

internally, sir.

I said, whose weapon was it, Lillywhite?

Mine, sir.

Sir, I swear, I will find Roche and I will drag his ass right

back to your office.

Yes, you will.

No!

Tucker!

Tucker! Please!

Help me!

Thank you, my son.

What's he to you?

Just...

Just food, that's all.

If you're wondering why I'm dressed like this,

here's the reason.

Isobel, driving lesson time.

Oh, no.

She's in the bedroom now.

Isobel?

It's not funny anymore.

You're scaring us.

You know...

You might have them fooled.

Two of them aren't even doctors.

Now, come on.

Eyes open.

We've got work to do.

Please.

I never got to say goodbye.

There's something I shot you two should see.

Levon?

How you think these guys'll take it when I bite

the big one?

Honestly? I think they're gonna take it

very, very hard.

-Tell them not to-- -You tell them.

Liv, Ravi.

Try not to be sad.

Nobody's been luckier than me.

I got to meet the two of you.

And what did they say on Zombie High when

Cornelia died?

"I'm just meat with a spark."

-"I'm just meat with a spark."

-"And then I'm not." -"And then I'm not."

Hits you right here, doesn't it?

I love you guys.