Original subtitles

Bounty Hunters aka Bail Enforcers (2011) BluRay 720p Edit and Resync by Bajingan, Toa Pek of Yuna

WOMAN: Well, isn't thisjust peachy?

Another fine day in the life of being a bounty hunter, l guess.

Let's see, what have we got here?

A mob boss. Check. Gun pointed at my head. Check.

We're in an abandoned warehouse. Perfect.

And, oh, yeah...

l'm wearing a schoolgirl uniform,

so it must be Friday.

ls it Friday already? Plan A is obviously in effect.

Man, l really gotta find a new way to pay the bills. Thisjob sucks.

Speaking of things that suck,

that guy on the ground is Chase.

He's my partner.

l'm sure if he wasn't unconscious, he'd be saving me right now,

or at least saying something funny.

This is Ridley. He's our boss.

He's not as funny as Chase,

but right now he's my best chance of me not dying today.

So either we all start shooting - until one of us maybe crawls out of here alive -

or you do the smart thing, take the money.

Like l said, l can't do that.

- l can. - What?

Either way l end up in jail or dead.

So l'm walking out of here with that bag of money

and letting you guys shoot each other, that's what l'm doing.

Mario! You try to take that bag and l'll kill her.

Go ahead, shoot the bitch.

Mario, you're making the situation worse.

Please don't.

Watch me.

(Chase grunts)

- What are we at? - Four.

- Four? - Yeah.

- Oh, my God. lt feels like l'm at 20. - No, it's been a minute.

l'm just gonna tell people l did 20. How's that?

- Well, l'll back you up. - My wrist hurts. l'm letting it go.

- Ah, God. - That it?

Yeah. Probably gonna be putting on a hitting clinic.

- lmpressive, impressive, impressive. - Hurt my hand, hurt my hand.

- You ready? - You're up. Let's go.

- You're coming close to my face. - Well, watch it.

- Hey, how you doing? - Oh, hey. Good. how are you?

- Very good, thank you. - Good.

l was looking at your fitness packages here

and l was interested in possibly working out here.

Yeah?

He's right there.

CHASE: What do you wanna do? Do you want me to handle it or do you wanna do it?

- You got it? - l think l got it.

- You can keep hitting the bag. - l don't care.

Why don't you go get him distracted? l'll come from behind and choke him out.

- Hey, nice set. - Thank you.

- Are you Matt Plant? - Who wants to know?

Jules Taylor, bail enforcement agent.

You're gonna have to come with me, Mr Plant.

That's funny. Really?

Mm-hm. Really.

- No. Nice try. - Mm-hm.

- And who are you? - l'm with her.

Wow. What, are you gonna help?

What are you here for? What are you gonna do?

- l'm gonna take you in. - (Laughs)

Funny.

Really? Wow. So you're here to help basically?

lf she wants me to, sure, why not?

l don't think you're gonna help.

Ow! Shit! Fuck!

- Give me two seconds? Do you hear that? - Actually, no. l have to go.

- l just really need to... l'm sorry. - lt's OK.

Real helpful. Real helpful.

What is this?

You think this is gonna help you?

- l'm thinking of six months. - Are you a member?

- No, l'm not. - l'll be right back.

But, honestly, l just got a few more minutes is all.

- The fitness assessment for $26.23... - Do you hear that in the back?

Nothing really. That just sounds like some weights to me. Anyways...

(Groaning)

(Grunting)

You're coming with me.

- And there's no locked-in contracts? - No, no contracts.

And no banking information required, which l really like. That's awesome.

We just need lD. l'm gonna go check on this, so l'll be right back.

Good job.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah, thanks for helping out.

Could have grabbed a weight. They're all over the place.

Good job, Chase.

OK, we'll talk to you later. Everything go OK?

- Yeah, boss. Here's the paperwork. - lt's good.

Good news. We got another bounty that just came in.

Some guy named Peter Wallace.

He's at his girlfriend's house. l got the address.

- Oh, good. - Bring it on. lt's gonna be a good night after all.

- Two bounties in one night. - Tonight? Guys, l gotta work tonight.

That's fine. We'll drop her off and split it two ways.

- That's really fair. CHASE: l think so.

That's not how we do things around here.

- Yeah, Chase. - All of us or none of us.

You're gonna get fired from that place anyway,

so why don't you come with us and make a few hundred bucks?

Well, he has a point.

Of course l have a point. l always have a point.

Let's get you guys changed and go get that bounty. Let's go.

- All right. - Done.

Peter Wallace, bail enforcement agents! Open up!

Just once l wanna see one of these pricks open the door. Just once.

Yeah. Probably not gonna happen. That's why l brought a key.

Peter Wallace, bail enforcement agents! Come out!

Peter Wallace?

- Get the fuck out of my house! - Get the fuck off my back!

l got it!

Got it!

(Gunshots)

- What have we got in here? - Shooter down the hallway.

- And her? - She's... She's under control.

Kind of.

She's under control.

- You OK? - l'm good.

l said get the fuck out of my house!

- (Gunshots) - Not cool, Peter!

Hey, cheesecake, that gunshot sounds a little funny.

- What's your boy packing? - A nine-inch dick, faggot.

Ow! Fuck! That's a little rude.

PETER: Hey, you let Mimi go!

Hey, there's three of us with guns and one of you! Guess how it ends, huh?

MlMl: Don't hurt him! - Time's up.

- l'm gonna shoot your boyfriend. - No, wait!

PETER: Mimi, shut up. Don't you say nothing to these assholes.

Three, two...

lt's a BB gun! lt's just a BB gun. Don't shoot him.

- l knew it. - You bastard.

Peter, this is how it's gonna work.

Put the toy gun down, come out with your hands up or l'm gonna have to hurt you.

- Your choice. - ''Put the gun down...'' Fuck you!

You fucking bitch!

- (Mouths) - Oh, no.

RlDLEY: Duck, Peter.

Damn it! No! No!

No!

No! No!

No! What the hell?

RlDLEY: Can't say l didn't warn you. MlMl: Stop it. You're hurting him.

Mimi, shut up. l have this under control.

- Baby, they were gonna shoot you. - Shut up.

- (Handcuffs click) - Ow!

RlDLEY: Let's take Peter to lock-up. PETER: OK, yeah.

What size shoe do you have?

- What about his girlfriend? RlDLEY: Leave her here.

Peter can find a new girlfriend in jail. Hey, Peter?

(Laughs)

Fuck you, you piece of fucking shit.

- Holy shit. You work at a strip club? CHASE: Yep.

- Get back in the van. - Oh, come on. One beer.

Get back in the van.

Actually, l'm a bartender here.

Some of us choose not to sell drugs to make extra money.

What a novel idea, huh?

- Night, guys. - See you, Jules.

And you, you have yourself a fine evening...in jail.

''You have yourself a fine evening...'' Fuck you!

CHASE: Can't we just go for one?

- Drive. - lt's on me.

- l said drive. - (Chase sighs)

(Funky music pounds)

Hey, check my lotto tickets.

Just give me a minute. l'm doing his paperwork.

PETER: Guys?

Hey, guys. l'm really sorry about the whole BB gun thing.

You know, that was really stupid of me.

Can you guys please let me go? Please.

CHASE: Come on, man, the numbers. - Come on.

CHASE: l could be rich right now. - Please don't take me to lock-up.

l can't go back to jail. You understand the freaky shit they do in there?

Ridley, the numbers!

There you go. ln the garbage where they belong.

- (Tyres screech) - Ow! Fuck!

What the hell, man?

Fuck. Come on, guys. l'll pay you.

Enough all ready. We're fucking busy up here.

No good. All losers like usual.

Damn it. l thought l would have won on these ones.

Seriously, what if l made you guys an offer?

Like we haven't heard that one before.

l've been doing this for years.

What could you possibly have that would make it worth our while?

1 00 grand. ls that worth your while?

What the fuck are you talking about?

l know a huge bounty, and your cut would be like 1 00 grand.

Exactly 1 00 grand.

And if you guys. um, if you guys let me go, l'll tell you where he is.

What are you doing?

l'm checking it out, to see if his story makes out.

Yeah. Yeah, his name's, um, Mario Antonio.

You drive, l'll look.

- What's it say? - Yeah, yeah, what's it say?

lt's coming up, it's coming up.

Huh. He's telling the truth. What do you know, Peter?

And don't bullshit us on it. You got two blocks until the station.

lf you can't convince us by then, you're going back in.

OK, there's this girl l know and, um...we fool around sometimes.

l give her some smack and she gives me a little something in return.

- You're a better man than l am, Pete. - Yeah, thanks.

Anyway, um... Anyway, the last time we get together, she's all pissed off.

She works at this rub-and-tug right outside the city,

and she tells me that there's this guy laying low there, right?

And she's all mad because he gets all drunk and scares off all the clients.

But she can't do anything about it because he's all chummy, chummy

with the chick who owns the joint.

One more street, Peter, and speed it up.

OK. The guy, uh, he's got a tattoo.

lt's Crazy Calabria or something.

lt's the place where all these wops' parents are from.

Hey, watch your fucking mouth. l'm quarter ltalian, dick.

OK, anyway, the tattoo, it's on his, um...

RlDLEY: On his left forearm.

- Yeah. How'd you know? - Yeah, boss, how did you know?

lt's right here.

- Ridley, it's a shit load of money. - Yeah.

l know that, but what do you think would happen to your application

if the force found out about this?

Don't worry about my application. We're not gonna say anything.

No.

Peter isn't fucking gonna say anything.

No, l won't say a word. No.

See? He's not gonna say a word. We're gold.

This better not be a fucking trick, Peter.

No. l swear. l swear.

Come on, guys. What do you say?

Come on, Ridley. What do you say? Come on.

lf we're gonna do this, Jules has to be in.

That's fine.

- Drive. - Yeah!

Gentlemen, don't forget that all these lovely ladies you see on stage

are available for private lap dances in the VlP area.

Hey, guys. l got a rye and coke here.

Guys, tip your waitresses well.

- Putting up with you clowns isn't easy. - Jules, you OK?

Yeah. Just probably gonna get fired again.

l know it's bad timing, but we need to talk. - Everything OK?

- lt's fine. - Let me go change.

Let me hear you make some noise for Mercedes.

(Cheering)

Shit.

Hey, um, so do you think your friend's gonna be able to convince her?

Well, if anybody can, it's him.

They've kind of got a bit of a thing going on, if you haven't noticed.

Maybe we should, um, go in there and help him?

Dude, you're not going anywhere.

And if l find out you've been bullshitting about all this,

the only place you will be going to is lock-up with no fucking teeth.

- You all set? - Yeah.

Wait. l love this finishing move.

JULES: Yeah, they all do.

Here it comes.

(Cheering) - You good?

Don't you wish your wives were that flexible?

A trade? For 1 00,000? Are you guys crazy? He's fucking with us.

- We hear this shit all the time. - His story checks out.

- lt does, Jules. - So what are you thinking here?

l think we should talk about it.

Well, who is this guy? He's worth $1 00,000?

He's some mob guy who's cashed in all his money

and now he's broke and staying at a massage parlour.

- ls that about right? PETER: Yeah, yeah.

And we're supposed to believe this fuck-face?

Some girl that he knows works at the parlour, saw Mario there.

Ridley won't do it unless we're all in it together.

That's great.

Jules, what's up?

lt's not fair to put this on me, Ridley.

Not to mention that it's illegal to let a bounty go in exchange for something.

- You know that. - l know, Jules. But think about it.

lf this works out, think what this could mean for all of us.

You could put money away for Sophia

and you wouldn't have to do this any more.

Listen, we'll just check it out,

and if we can pick this guy up easy enough, then why not?

Yeah. Yeah, this is it.

JULES: Sure? This place looks a little classy for you.

- l think l've been here before. - Surprise, surprise.

- Looks like it might be busy in there. - Yeah.

Are you kidding? This is the busiest time of day.

- Jules, get your gun out and reload. - Reload?

Yeah, some of us don't like the idea of innocent people getting hurt.

Unless you have a BB gun l can borrow.

When we go into a place with a lot of bystanders around,

one of us loads our gun with blank bullets.

That way we can make a shit load of noise.

- (Gun clicks) - lt's good for crowd control.

CHASE: And if need be, l'm standing by with the real deal.

OK, you two, l want you to take a good look at his face and tattoo.

- Got the plan down? - Yeah, we'll have this done in a flash.

RlDLEY: Let's do it. - OK.

Welcome to the Lounge. How can l help you?

Here's the deal. This is what l want.

l want three to four, young, hot non-English speaking women,

Asian preferably if you got 'em.

My girlfriend here gets a little nervous around people.

So she's gonna sit there and watch

while l wear a werewolf mask and masturbate. We cool?

What my boyfriend... He's just nervous. Sorry.

We were interested in having someone join us.

We can do that. Were you thinking about adding another man or woman?

- A woman. - He likes men.

You weren't supposed to say anything about that.

When l have six or seven beer, l kind of get off with men,

but l just call it junior hockey, where we all sit in a room and we tug our dicks.

You wanna join in the mix too?

- l got coupons. - Follow me this way, please.

God, l love Asians.

- Please choose. - Um, we'll just...

We'll go with her, please. Thanks.

You didn't even look at that one.

- OK, you done now? - Can we bring them both?

- No. - This is for room eight.

lt's through that door, down the hall on the left.

Go get comfortable. l'll send the girl to you shortly.

Great, thank you.

All right, let's get moving, OK? And stop thinking of threesomes.

Especially with me in them. That's weird.

Peter said there's an office back here.

- (Woman moans) - Bingo.

- (Slap) WOMAN: Ow!

Looks like somebody's been calling this place home.

- Guess Peter was telling the truth. - Don't celebrate just yet.

Let's look around for some lD or something.

(Toilet flushes)

Hey, who are you guys? What are you doing in here?

Mario?

Hal sent you, didn't he, huh? Well, you ain't taking me.

No fucking way!

Mario, what's going on?

- Hal fucking found me. - Get out of the way!

- Fuck you. - A little help here.

Back up! Yeah.

Nice.

Bitch!

OK, time! Time out!

You freaking dick!

- You ever play hockey? - What?

Hockey. Yeah, exactly.

That's it, bitch. Just close your eyes and go to sleep, huh?

l'm gonna show you the punch that made me famous.

(Gun clicks)

You try throwing that punch and the last thing you're gonna remember

is your face spraying all over the place.

You're free to go now.

You're a beautiful man!

(Phone rings)

Hal, the phone's for you.

Didn't l tell you not to bother me when l'm doing my Fu Manchu?

You're just as bad as my wife.

WOMAN: They said it was about Mario.

- A vacation with my daughter. - Down payment on a condo.

l got it. A new van.

Come on. This van's been good to us.

MARlO: Fucking bounty hunters.

You guys got no idea what you're getting yourselves into.

l'll tell you what, hey, you guys let me go now

and l'll just pay you the bounty myself, huh?

- Oh, yeah. - l'm serious.

lf you had any money left, you wouldn't be sleeping on a couch in a whorehouse.

You know what? Breakfast is on me today.

Let's go to Marty's. They have a new pancake.

- They serve it with pure maple syrup. JULES: Let's go.

You idiots have no idea what you're doing.

OK, you're in a cage and we're trying to figure out how to spend 1 00 grand.

Yeah, Mario, we're the idiots.

There are people out there who won't let me go back to trial.

l know too much stuff. They'll kill me or anyone who stands in their way.

Who are these people? Do they like pancakes?

Cos Chase is buying, so maybe, you know...

(Phone rings)

- Who's calling you so late, buddy? - Unknown caller.

lt's him.

Hello?

ls this one of those small-time bounty hunters...

..who busted up a rub-and-tug about 20 minutes ago?

Who is this and how'd you get our number?

lt's Hal Lambino. Put me on speaker phone.

- Already done. - Good.

Mario, are you there?

Can you hear me?

l'm here, boss.

lt's nothing personal, Mario,

but l can't wait to rip the tongue out of your filthy rotten skull.

So long as it ain't personal, huh?

What's the price on that piece of shit? 1 00,000?

Listen, l don't know who you people are,

but tonight's your lucky night.

l will pay you one million dollars

to bring Mario to me instead of taking him back to lock-up,

but l want him tonight.

l'm gonna give you an address and a time.

You show up and l'll pay you a million dollars

in exchange for Mario.

- No deal. - What do you mean, no deal?

Like l said, no deal.

lt sounds like you and your team have something to talk...

(Ridley hangs up)

- What are you doing? - What are you, crazy?

Me crazy? l didn't throw away a million dollars. We need to talk.

- No, we don't. - OK, don't fight, you guys.

CHASE: Where are you going? RlDLEY: To think.

CHASE: To think about what? lt's a million dollars.

Yeah, from Hal Lambino. That mobster's gonna kill him.

Well, he is a mobster. You ever think maybe he deserves it?

Come on, it's a million bucks and all we gotta do is hand the guy over.

Can you do that?

Can you let a man die if it means a million dollars in your pocket?

JULES: l can't. - How did l know you'd be on his side?

Look, l don't care what happens to this guy once we bring him in.

But l won't have his death on my hands, or yours or Ridley's.

- She's right. - No, she's not.

This guy's a fucking mobster who probably did 1 00 things he deserves to die for.

- Why are we sticking up for him? - We're not sticking up for him.

- We're just doing what's right. - What's right? What's right by who?

By you? By me? By Jules?

l say we do what's right by us.

And what about your application to the police force, huh?

What's gonna happen if they find out?

Don't fucking worry about my application.

Even if they can't prove your involvement, the suspicion alone will kill your chances.

Kill my chances? How about this for killing my chances?

''Dear Mr Thompson, it is our regret to inform you

that considering your medical situation,

we cannot accept you into the Metropolitan Police Training Academy.

We wish you all the best in all your future endeavours...''

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

lf the mob doesn't get their hands on him now,

they will in lock-up or while he's awaiting trial.

Any way we look at it, Mario is a dead man.

lt's not that crazy of an idea.

Our lives can get a whole lot better tonight

and all we gotta do is speed up the inevitable.

lt's not that bad.

Tell me about these bounty hunters.

Well, there's three of 'em. The kid comes from a family of cops.

He's tried again and again to get on the force,

but he had an accident or something a few years ago playing hockey.

He'd probably make a great officer, but the force just won't take him on.

Hmm. The girl?

Don't let her good looks fool you.

She can kick some serious ass. l've seen it myself.

Tell me about this, uh, Ridley.

Neighbourhood hero.

He gives away free karate lessons to underprivileged kids,

organises midnight basketball tournaments,

anything to keep the kids off the street.

Why?

Don't know for sure, but from what the guys tell me

is that years ago he was engaged to his college sweetheart,

Meagan something or other.

They were gonna get married, but one night she was in a convenience store

when some punk decided to hold the place up.

lt turned into the OK Corral, she died,

and apparently this guy had jumped bail a week earlier.

Hmm.

But they're just fucking bounty hunters.

l don't know what else to tell you, sir.

When and where?

You've made a very wise decision, my bounty hunter friend.

Let me see if l understand the situation.

l can explain, OK, Mr Lambino?

Let me see if l understand the situation.

These bounty hunters came out of nowhere.

Shh, shh, shh.

Mm-hm.

You got caught selling a couple of lousy dime bags to some kids in a mall.

Then you jump bail, which l suppose l can understand,

cos if l was stupid enough to get caught,

well, l'd be stupid enough to jump bail too.

No, l... No, l...

And then, on top of it,

you go and get caught by these bounty hunters.

But, no, you don't go back to lock-up.

ln your infinite wisdom,

you decide to tell them where my ex-associate is hiding.

l had to. They were gonna take me back. l...

Shh, shh, shh.

So now l have to go pay a million dollars to these bounty hunters

to get Mario back,

cos if l don't, they're gonna take him straight to the cops

and that little piece of shit will rat me out.

ls that about right?

Everything's gonna be OK, though. Your guys are gonna take care of it, right?

Do you know what, uh, diffusion of responsibility is?

No, no, l don't.

lt's a social phenomenon... where in a group of people,

no one person will take responsibility for doing the right thing.

They just assume somebody else is gonna do it.

Like, for example, a guy breaks into the apartment of another guy.

Jesus, is it hot in here or is it just me?

OK, so this guy starts to beat him up, l mean, really beat him up.

All the neighbours can hear everything,

but no-one decides to pick up the phone and call 91 1 .

Why, hmm?

Diffusion of responsibility.

lt's a beautiful thing.

OK, so in this little scenario, two things can happen.

One, either no-one lifts a finger and the guy gets beaten to death.

Or...some Good Samaritan - slim chance -

some Good Samaritan decides to pick up the phone and call the cops.

So, tell me...

..in this scenario, who am l?

l don't know, man. Like...the guy who picks up the phone?

No.

l'm the guy who broke into the apartment in the first place.

Oh, God.

He sent Francis.

CHASE: Let's go, dick-nuts.

FRANClS: All right, people, this is how it works.

Bag of money out of the trunk, this bag of shit in the trunk. Let's go.

- Why do you want him dead? - What?

Why do you want Mario dead? He didn't rat you out.

Let's just say my boss is big on insurance, OK?

My old man says insurance is a real whore's business.

Your old man is a smart guy.

Now, grab your fucking money and toss this fucker in the trunk.

No.

Back off, honey. l would really hate to blow that pretty face off your skull.

You don't point a fucking gun at her.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys! Guys! Whoa!

Oh, fuck!

My nuts! Fuck!

Yeah, l'm OK. Go after Mario.

Mario, game's over. Get in the fucking trunk.

Fuck you, Francis.

Fuck! Jules.

Don't fucking move, dick-nuts!

- l need some help here, please! MAN: We need a gurney up here!

She was hit by a car.

You're gonna be OK, Jules. They're gonna take good care of you.

Sir, l'm sorry. You need to stay here.

Here's her stuff. All her information's in there.

Sir. Sir, you're gonna need to fill out these forms.

Sir.

Here's my card. Call me as soon as you know anything.

(Music and chatter)

FRANClS: Fuck off.

This is my sleeping and shitting place. You fuck off.

FRANClS: Suit yourself.

You a cop?

You either fuck off or shut the fuck up. l'm trying to concentrate over here.

- Hello? - lt's me.

You have any idea how long l've been waiting for your fucking call?

Well, deal went bad. Mario got away.

Don't tell me this, Francis.

Well, one of those fucking bounty hunters

decided at the last fucking second to grow a fucking conscience.

lt was that bitch.

l still got the cash, but they have Mario.

On the bright side of things, though...

l think l may have put that fucking broad into the hospital.

lf you think l actually care about the money,

then you clearly don't understand the fucking situation.

lf anybody in the organisation finds out that we had a chance to bring him in

and that we fucked that opportunity up, guess what?

We're dead.

(Grunts)

Shit.

Jesus, Francis. Am l interrupting a blow job or something?

Wouldn't that be nice? lt's nothing.

Hey! Your friend's hurt!

You shut up.

He's bleeding all over my sink.

What's going on, Francis?

Hold on a second, Hal.

(Gunshot)

- Sorry about that, boss. - What the hell is going on?

l got shot. l'm just patching myself up.

Listen, send everything you've got on these fuckers to my cellphone.

l'll take care of it.

No. l want you to meet me back at my place.

With all due respect, l don't think we have time for that.

- Francis, back here now. - As you wish.

Let's go.

Who the fuck was the guy that ran over Jules?

Francis, Hal's right-hand man and a fucking nut case.

lf it's so important to get you back, why send one guy?

Usually if that guy's Francis, that's all you need.

Besides, Hal would wanna keep this quiet.

Great. A mob boss that has a hit man after us.

So the fact that we found you and that you're in the back of our van means...

You're fucked, huh?

Then fuck it, we hand him back to the mob on a silver platter.

All the more incentive to collect the million bucks.

What do you wanna do?

We wait.

You heard him. Get in the van. Get in the fucking van.

Yes, l'm sorry.

Yes, l'm very sorry, dear.

l... You're ab... You're absolutely right.

lt was my fault.

Yeah, of course you can stay another week in ltaly.

Yeah, l love you too.

The wife?

(Sighs)

She's staying another week in ltaly - with her friends.

Do you have an idea how much shoes cost in ltaly?

ltalian-made shoes cost more over there than they do over here. l don't get it.

(Door opens)

You remember Deacon and his associate Ruby?

- Competition? HAL: No, Francis.

Replacements.

- What time do you have? - l don't know.

lt's either really early or really late, depends on how you look at it. Why?

lt's been a while. l thought we would have heard from the hospital by now.

So you think we can get this resolved without Hal cutting our nuts off?

RlDLEY: Just be cool and it'll all be good.

OK. Keep an eye on those two. l'll check the van for Mario.

Officer.

Evening, Officer. Can l get you a coffee?

OK. l'll be over there if you need me.

OK, l gotta take a piss.

Good evening, Officer.

Excuse me, sir.

Can l help you with something? This is my van.

This is your van?

Yeah, it is. ls there a problem?

l just heard a bit of a disturbance in there.

Just a rowdy bail jumper. We're just taking him to lock-up.

Listen, l'm just waiting on my partner.

Like l said, we're just taking him to lock-up.

So you decided to take him to lock-up?

Yeah, that's what we do.

l'm afraid l can't let you do that.

Why's that?

Cos the boss wants him dead. Give me the keys.

l can't do that. My partner has them inside.

Get the keys from the partner.

- (Door opens and closes) - Oh, shit, Ridley.

What's going on with that hot Asian porn cop? She's awesome.

You know l'm a sucker for Asians, let alone in a cop outfit.

You know how tough it is to take a piss with a hard-on?

Sorry about that, Officer. l think you got the wrong room.

This is a men's room and you're obviously not a man.

You're a fantastic-looking Asian girl.

OK. There's a woman's bathroom down the...

Give me my fucking...

Obviously you have a white belt.

Now quit flirting and give me my keys.

Yes.

Shit.

Pull that fucking thing out.

So l guess it's safe to assume that you're not on the force.

What the fuck?

Everybody knows Asians can't drive. lt's ridiculous.

- They're not cops! - Chase, watch out!

(Siren wails)

- You OK? - Yeah, boss.

- Put you hands down. Let's go. - All right.

OK, Mario, who the fuck was that?

Ruby and Deacon. l haven't seen those two characters in years.

Hal only ever calls them out when he wants something done...really quietly.

That was real fucking quiet.

This is bad. Me, l'm already dead.

But you two, huh? You two are in some serious shit now.

No, it's fine, because you're going back to lock-up

and the cops are gonna be on Hal's ass.

Hey. Hey! You guys give me up and Hal's gonna be gunning for you.

Mario, give it up. l can see the station now.

Dead man walking.

CHASE: Actually, dead man driving.

You're an idiot. You're back there for a reason.

So shut your cocksucker and let us do our job.

- Yeah. - (Ruby yells)

Cops busted the place before we could get Mario.

- What's with Ruby? - She...

(Yelling)

She hurt her foot. She's fine.

(Yelling)

What the fuck is she saying?

She's just a bit angry. She wants to get even with them.

OK, it's time for plan B.

l'm gonna send some information to your cell.

- l'm sure Ruby's gonna make good use of it. - Yes, sir.

(Phone rings)

- ls it the hospital? - Unknown caller.

Oh, shit. We're in trouble now.

CHASE: Hello?

You know, in ancient Roman times,

it was considered a major offence for a man to go back on his word.

Yeah, things got a little fucked up.

Yeah, you could say that.

l suggest that you get into that pretty little van of yours and leave the station right now.

What? How the fuck do you know where we are?

Well, a guy in my position can make a few calls

and use that little device you have on your dash to trace your exact location.

That's how my friends found your little tea party. Aren't those things amazing?

See, mine's got a lady's voice

and she tells me when to turn left and when to turn right.

And if yours had a lady's voice,

she be telling you to turn Mario over to me right about now.

Fuck you. Mario's gonna be in the care of the real metro police in less than a minute.

Yeah? What's your girlfriend gonna say when l tell her you threw away

the only bargaining chip that could save her life?

You stay away from her, Hal. l swear to God, you touch her

and l'll put you through so much pain you'd never have imagined.

Yeah, l doubt it. You bring me Mario!

Fuck you.

(Door slams)

Let's get to the hospital.

l need you to check on a patient. Jules Taylor.

- She was just admitted tonight. - Are you the one who dropped her off?

Yeah, yeah, that was me. l need you to check on her. lt's a security issue.

Please hold.

- What are they saying? - They got me on hold.

Fuck it. Don't even worry about it. We're almost there.

Ridley, they're in the ambulance! Go, go, go!

RlDLEY: Jules!

- (Door opens) RlDLEY: Go, go, go!

RlDLEY: Go left, left, left. - l'm going, l'm going. Fuck!

- Go, go, go, go! - l am, for fuck's sakes!

- Get up beside him. - l'm getting close. Wait.

Pull over! Pull the fuck over!

Shoot him! Shoot him in the fucking head!

Pull over, motherfucker!

Shit!

Fuck!

- This van's a piece a shit. Shit! - Step on it!

What the hell's going on back there?

Hurry the hell up!

Jules! Jesus Christ, the back door's open. Fuck!

(Siren wails)

RlDLEY: Fuck! Fuck me! Got to catch 'em.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck!

- Go to the left. - l can't! There's a car there!

RlDLEY: Jules! For fuck's sakes!

CHASE: Fuck! Fuck!

RlDLEY: Fuck me!

Fuck. lt's all my fault.

l should never have convinced Jules to do this. She knew it was a bad idea.

- lt's not your fault. - Yes, it is. lt's all my fault.

l'm the oldest. l should have known better. l'm the boss.

(Phone rings)

- Jules? - Guess again.

- Where is she? - Well, she's not here just yet.

But if you wait a few minutes, she will be.

- Where do we go from here? - This time you listen to me.

We're gonna make a trade, Mario for your little friend.

Where?

l have a warehouse. Mario knows about it.

lt's on the corner of Markham and Johnson just outside of town.

You can't miss it. Meet me there in an hour with Mario.

lf you're not there in an hour, the girl dies.

Please, guys, you can't turn me over. They're gonna kill me.

- Shut up. - They'll kill you too.

- l said shut up! - lt's true, Ridley.

We're just a couple of loose ends to this fucking guy.

What would you rather do? Let them kill Jules and cash in a $1 00,000 bounty?

- That's not what l'm saying. - What are you saying?

l'm just trying to figure out this fucked-up situation.

Chase, if anything happens to Jules, l won't be able to live with myself.

What do you wanna do?

l got a plan. Basically, l think l can get us all out of this.

But l can't do it alone.

What is it? l got your back, you know that.

l haven't worked it all out yet,

but basically we save Jules, and if Mario lives, bonus.

Hey, l don't like this plan.

Shut up.

l'll tell you, those friends of yours better be smart people.

- They have their moments. - This better be one of them.

You know my friends are gonna fuck you up.

What's that? You trying to scare me?

You have no idea the things l've done to people in my life.

You put the fear of God into me?

lf l were you, l'd start saying my prayers, just in case.

Your colleagues better show up soon.

Watch where you point that. You wouldn't wanna kill your bargaining chip.

Don't worry about me, honey. This isn't my first dance.

l took out insurance. Now get the fuck going.

Hands off, bitch.

You slap like a girl.

When l get these cuffs off, l'm gonna show you how a real bitch slaps.

Come on, knock it off!

Fucking girls. Come on.

Hallelujah!

Mario, out of the van.

Look, this is the best l can do. All l ask is that you don't use it till Jules is safe.

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and don't use it on us.

- All right. - Now walk.

lt's good to see you, Mario. Real good.

- Fuck you, Hal. - Oh!

ls that any way to talk to an old friend?

You been trying to kill me, so l'd say the ''fuck you'' is in order.

OK, fair enough.

l don't wanna break up your little reunion, but let's do this.

You like to get right down to business. Good man.

Jules, you OK? Take the fucking cuffs off her.

RlDLEY: l wouldn't do that! HAL: All right, Mario, get over here.

l never talked to the feds, Hal. l swear l never told 'em anything.

We're gonna know for sure after Francis works you over for a couple of days.

Now shut up and get over here.

(Whispers) Get down.

Shit!

l'll get Hal, you get the other guy.

- What about Jules? - She can handle that bitch.

- And Mario? - He's on his own.

We've done all we can for him. Let's go.

Go!

# BETTY MOON AND NORMAN ORENSTElN: Mean Girl

Ah, fuck!

Sorry. My Cantonese is a little rusty.

Shit!

Fucking piece of shit.

OK, get up.

You're lucky we found you so easy.

Otherwise l would have gotten your daughter.

You have no idea the things l'm gonna do to you when this is over, Mario!

lt's over. Come on.

Put the gun down.

Mario, you can come out now. lt's OK.

Your friends all right?

Jules, Chase, are you all right?

CHASE: Yeah, we're OK.

Jesus, Chase, are you OK?

No, he's not.

- lf Chase dies, so do you. - Maybe, maybe not.

(Gunshot)

- lt's about time you showed up. MARlO: Francis.

Mario.

HAL: Like l told your little friend here, this isn't my first dance.

l brought backup and insurance.

- l can see that. - Francis there, he's my backup.

And his duffle bag, that's my insurance.

RlDLEY: Yeah, how so?

There's a million dollars in it. l'm still willing to pay you for Mario.

No deal. We know you're just gonna kill him.

Come on, look around you.

There are four people pointing guns at each other,

and your buddy here is bleeding to death.

And this pretty girl, well, she's got a gun pointed to her head.

So either we all start shooting until one of us maybe crawls out of here alive

or you do the smart thing, take the money,

and you leave that piece of shit for me.

Like l said, l can't do that.

- l can. - What?

- Give me the bag, Francis. - What are you doing?

Either way l end up in jail or dead.

So l'm walking out of here with that bag of money

and letting you guys shoot each other, that's what l'm doing.

Mario! You try to take that bag and l'll kill her.

Go ahead, shoot the bitch.

HAL: l'm fucking serious, Mario. l'm gonna shoot her.

And l'm gonna shoot Francis here unless he gives me that fucking bag.

RlDLEY: Mario, you're making the situation worse.

Francis, l'm gonna put every bullet of this gun into you

unless you give me that fucking bag right now.

Please, they're gonna shoot her. You can't do this.

Watch me.

Blanks. l'm sorry.

l'm not.

You guys are un-fucking-believable.

What now?

lt's easy. You take the money, l walk out of here.

- l can't do that. - Oh, come on.

OK, l'll just shoot the bitch

and then l'll use her body as a shield as l make my way back to my car. How's that?

You're gonna put the gun down and we're gonna take you in.

- What's in that for me? - You get to live.

lf l go to prison, l'm finished.

Finished?

- Finishing move. - What?

Yeah, finishing move. Why not?

Chase, you know it?

l love the finishing move.

Everyone loves the finishing move.

Now!

Jules, you OK?

Finishing move, huh?

l told you l love that finishing move.

Hey, guys.

l think l'm dying over here.

Oh, yeah, l'm dying. Oh, God.

RlDLEY: lt's over.

CHASE: Oh, fuck. JULES: You all right?

- Fantastic. Doesn't it look like it? RlDLEY: Come on, buddy.

- Fucking gangsters. - You're not hurt that bad.

No, not at all.

A million dollars, guys. Not bad for a day's work.

Not bad at all.

Peter Wallace, bail enforcement agents! Open up!

Just once l wanna see one of these pricks actually open the door.

l brought a key.

- lt doesn't work. MAN: Cut it!

- OK! Cut it. - You fucking tramp.

Want a French fry?

MAN: All right, cut.

All right, cut!

- Why is he going fast? - Slow the fuck down!

(Laughter)

Peter Wallace, bail enforcement agents! Come out!

Peter Wallace?

- Get the fuck out of my house! - Get the fuck off my back!

MAN: Cut!

(Sighs)

Oh, look who it is. l was just talking about you.

l've actually been worried sick. Looks like you've been worried sick too.

l'm an idiot. l apologise. l didn't know you'd be in this washroom.

Officer, let's just rewind this whole situation,

take it back like five minutes and then maybe l could take you out on a date.

We could go for doughnuts. You like them.

You probably don't eat them. Your figure's fantastic.

l could play with your hair, we could cuddle.

MAN: OK, let's go back this up.

You obviously heard that, so l'm not gonna pretend to take it back

and l'm kind of glad you heard it.

So what l wanna do is maybe ask you out on a date, be polite.

l could take you go-karting or golfing

or Chinese food or Japanese food or whatever you are,

but, l don't know, l like it, and l like you.

And l wouldn't mind taking you out on a date.

We both have badges. Why don't we rub 'em together, like our genitals?

(Yells)

(Mutters)

Jesus Christ!

(Laughter)

Peter, put the toy gun down and come up with your hands out.

Were you thinking about adding another man or woman?

- Woman. - Man.

No, a woman.

lf l want the sensation of a man's lips around my genitals,

l'll take out two of my ribs and suck myself off there, sweetheart.

Semen.

And what l also want, l wanna be respected.

When l pull my junk out, l don't want any laughing like last time.

- lt's hilarious. - l don't think it's cool personally.

l demand respect even though l'm not gonna respect this establishment or the chicks in it.

- Cool? - So are you good with all that?

- Yeah. - Can you do that?

We can do that. Were you thinking about adding another woman or...?

- lt doesn't matter. - Man, two of 'em.

- Men. - Follow me, please.

Perfect.

Let's go, sweetheart.

Welcome to the Lounge. How can l help you?

l want about half a dozen chicks.

l don't give a shit if they're Asian, black, foreign, as long as they don't speak English.

l wanna get an eight ball with about three shots of whisky.

Three shots of whisky is key because l'm gonna have one, she's gonna have two.

When we're all buzzed up, l'm gonna get a steaming erection

take a Viagra and then hang hockey equipment off my dick.

And while l do it, you're gonna take 'em off and put 'em on.

Then l'll fuck you in the ass because that's what l like.

l like fucking hockey players in the ass and she likes to watch and diddle herself.

- High five, bitch. - Yeah, let's do it.

Welcome to the Lounge. Were you thinking about...

l want a man, she wants a woman,

but l also want a clown in a werewolf mask.

(Laughter)

MAN: Still rolling!

MAN 2: Cut, cut!

- Look at that. - Wow.

Huh? Watch this.

Don't get trapped into buying it when you can try it for free.

That's brilliant. That's so, so funny. Can you do it again?

That's so funny. Wow.

l like that. Maybe we could have a happy ending.

- Thanks. - High five?

THE END