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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:21,313 Hello there and good evening. 1 00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:23,321 How y'�ll doing? 2 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,357 Because I'm fine, thanks for asking. 3 00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:28,256 Everything is going good with the kids. 4 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,625 Listen, I'm not gonna even front. 5 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,790 Everything is great. I am the glue... 6 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,868 that holds the family together. 7 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,596 Y'�ll know the story. 8 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,797 Y'�ll know my sister had a little problem with drugs... 9 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,306 and I'm taking care of her kids till she get herself together. 10 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,309 Y'�ll know about it. Ain't no big secret. 11 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,641 Now I bet y'�ll thought those crumb-snatchers... 12 00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:48,646 were gonna run all over me by now. 13 00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:50,648 Well, you were wrong. 14 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,116 What, you don't believe me? 15 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,187 Check it out. 16 00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,188 Stop looking at me and check it out. 17 00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:01,124 - Here you go, baby girl. - Uncle Bernie, where's my backpack? 18 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:05,254 On the kitchen table, son. And your lunch right next to it. I got you. I got you. 19 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,458 Did you remember my apple? 20 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:10,365 Baby, it's cut, cored and ziplocked. Right there. 21 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:12,961 Uncle Bernie, you forgot to refill my asthma medicine. 22 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,973 Uh-uh. Your ear cream is inside too. 23 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:18,272 - You gotta apply it twice a day. - Aw, but it smells funny. 24 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:20,437 Ain't nobody gonna smell your ear, boy. 25 00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:23,072 Here, sweetie. 26 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,083 It's pizza day. I'll need another dollar. 27 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:28,154 - It's taco day, senorita. Taco day. - [Car Horn Honks] 28 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,752 Trying to get the Mac man. Adios, amigos. 29 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:36,351 - [Door Opens, Closes] - I got this. 30 00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:39,091 - Hey, baby. - Hey, baby. 31 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,827 - You want some breakfast? - Oh, honey, I don't have time. 32 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,529 Oh, I set up a playdate forJordan this afternoon. 33 00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:49,097 - A playdate? - Yeah, it's Cameron, my senior V.P.'s son. 34 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,177 - Why you just now telling me? - I'm sorry, baby. 35 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,336 I've just been so busy with work. 36 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,711 - Baby, you messing with my plans. - Did you have something planned? 37 00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,614 Yes, I had something planned. I planned on going with the flow... 38 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,153 and a playdate messes with my flow. 39 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:05,383 And you clogging up my flow, you know? 40 00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,460 - Oh. - Oh. 41 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,460 Just for me? 42 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,632 - Hey, I ain't that easy, baby. - I know, baby. 43 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:24,666 Jordan, I want you and Cameron either to play in your room or outside. 44 00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:27,302 'Cause I've cleaned this whole house up today... 45 00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:30,974 and I don't want you all running in and out like maniacs, okay? 46 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,984 Okay. 47 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,111 Hi, Bernie. I'm Tracy, and this is Cameron. 48 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,088 - Hi, Cam. - Get your finger out of your nose. 49 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,352 Hi, I'm Carrie. 50 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,360 - Allison, we do not throw plums. - [Children Clamoring] 51 00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,760 That's Allison. She's mine. 52 00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:47,628 - And this is Joy and Brian. - Oh, Lord. 53 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,999 - Brian and Joy belong to Renee. - Inside voices! Inside voices! 54 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,402 - Please tell me you have Valium. - Hi. 55 00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,466 - Hi. - Hi. Tracy, listen. 56 00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,807 Wanda just told me that Cameron was coming by himself. 57 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,246 Oh. No, no, no. I told Wanda I was bringing the whole gang. 58 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,374 I'm really sorry. 59 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,976 That's okay. She just didn't tell me. That's all right. 60 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:11,056 - Oh, my husband does that to me all the time. - Mm. 61 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:13,648 Did she at least tell you about the company picnic this Saturday? 62 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,719 - Company picnic? - Uh-huh. Same thing. 63 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,229 What am I going to do with a house full of women? I'm a man. 64 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:27,898 - Bernie Mac's a man's man. - [Carrie] What a gorgeous crystal bowl. 65 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:31,101 Hey, don't touch! I'll be right back. 66 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,907 I love, love this house. 67 00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:36,573 Wanda's got such impeccable taste. 68 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,083 Actually, sweetheart, I designed all of this. 69 00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,085 What? Get out! 70 00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:43,087 No, no. I did, I did. 71 00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:46,590 I picked out the tile, the cabinets, the whole nine yards, everything. 72 00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,820 [Chuckling] I forgot you're a comedian. 73 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:51,795 - He's pulling our leg. - "Picked out the tile." Hilarious. 74 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,560 I'm serious. Come here, come here. Look at this. 75 00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:58,159 You see this? I know a cat downtown, about this high. 76 00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,262 This guy speaks no English. 77 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,637 You come in, show him what you got He'll make it for you. 78 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,767 Designer look, Target prices. 79 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,777 - [All Together] No. - Yeah, I'm serious. 80 00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:09,712 And you know what? It gets better. You wanna see the rest of the house? 81 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,716 - My God, yes. - Come on. 82 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,719 I just didn't want boring terra-cotta in here. I needed more color. 83 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,449 So I went with the Santa Fe feel. 84 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,582 More old school to offset the new school. 85 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,956 My husband wouldn't know terra-cotta if it hit him in the face. 86 00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:24,393 [Chuckles] Wow. 87 00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:26,431 I used to draw when I was a little boy. Now this room... 88 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:29,057 this is my favorite 'cause I like the colors. 89 00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:32,137 I wanted something real different. You know what I mean? 90 00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,138 Uncle Bernie, we need food. 91 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,208 - Excuse me? - Please. 92 00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,709 All right. I'll whip you cats up something to eat. 93 00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,905 - No, no, Bernie. We'll feed the kids when we get them home. - No, no. It's no problem. 94 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,882 - You all like quesadillas? - You're just gonna whip up quesadillas? 95 00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:48,818 - I sure will. - Uncle Bernie has to give me soy cheese... 96 00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:51,549 because regular cheese gives me diarrhea. 97 00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,388 Aw. That is so thoughtful. 98 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:58,328 No, actually I do it for myself. Baby girl, she's little, but she's deadly. 99 00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,194 [Laughing] 100 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,768 - Come on, ladies. What you think? - Fabulous. 101 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,497 - It's really good. Man. - What's your secret? 102 00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:09,598 Well, it's an old family recipe... 103 00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,041 and if I tell you, I gotta kill you. 104 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:16,104 [Laughing] 105 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,719 - Good afternoon, Vanessa. - Hey. 106 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,119 - Teenagers. - [Sighs] 107 00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:28,591 Would it kill them to be civil? 108 00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:31,129 I've got two, and I'll be honest, sometimes I just want to... 109 00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:33,630 Bust their head till the white meat show! 110 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,758 - [Laughing] - That's great. 111 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,961 - Can I use that? - You sure can. 112 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,006 [Together] Bust their head till the white meat shows. 113 00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:44,599 - Oh, yeah. - If that don't work, hit 'em in the throat. 114 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,611 - Oh! - [Laughing] 115 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,409 No. Don't really hit them in the throat. 116 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:53,281 Beat 'em in their sleep. 117 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,718 Pow! Kick 'em like an extra point. 118 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,484 Good. [Cackling] 119 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,334 Ladies, I just don't know how to describe it. 120 00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:12,202 It's peace. 121 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,773 I mean serene peace. 122 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,035 My heart just fell wide open. 123 00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,170 My soul was laid bare. 124 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:25,341 Ladies, I knew. I swear to God I knew. 125 00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,011 I found my wife. 126 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,612 I knew I was in love. 127 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:37,090 - Another margarita? - Ah, yeah. - No, Bernie. 128 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:39,824 I'm having a great time with you all today. I really am. 129 00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,832 [Wanda] You wouldn't believe my day. 130 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,993 - Hi, Wanda. - Oh, hey. 131 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,628 Wanda, you have got the greatest husband. 132 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,639 Really, he is quite the man. 133 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,209 - Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you. - I know. 134 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,210 Baby, I'm famished. 135 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:55,371 Oh, did I tell you the whole gang was coming today? 136 00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,381 No kidding. 137 00:06:57,483 --> 00:07:00,384 Honey, if you weren't gonna cook, you should've called. 138 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,716 I would've picked something up. 139 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,722 - Just like my husband. - Okay. 140 00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,883 - See you at the... - Later. 141 00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,893 See you at the picnic. 142 00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,657 Honey, did I tell you about the picnic? 143 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:17,099 - I don't know. Did you? - Can we go? 144 00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,138 Drop it like it's hot. 145 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,504 - Can we still go? - Yeah, I wanna go. 146 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,242 Oh, I see the guys from my division. Honey, you sure you got the kids? 147 00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,819 I got 'em. Go ahead. Do your thing. 148 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,821 Tie your shoe up, son. 149 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,949 Hey, there's Cameron. I'm gonna go play. 150 00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:41,959 Go ahead. Go ahead. 151 00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:45,155 Stay where I can see you, Jordan. 152 00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,425 And don't go past the trash can. 153 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:50,832 - And don't play in the trash can. - I need your keys. 154 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,462 - I'm gonna wait in the car. - Oh, no. You're gonna stay right here... 155 00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,473 and pretend like you're having a good time, baby. 156 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,135 Hey, don't you go to Baja Vista? 157 00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,269 - All right. I guess I'll stay. - Yeah, all right. 158 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:04,042 - Hey, Bernie, over here. - Hey. Hey. 159 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:08,814 [Together] Bust your head till the white meat shows. 160 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:11,651 Y'�ll been drinking without me? 161 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:14,282 - Thank you, baby. - When are we getting together again? 162 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,157 You make the call. Give me a notice. I'll send the kids to the pound. 163 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,993 - I know, put 'em to sleep. - Mm-mm. 164 00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:22,966 - That's your last one. You done had enough girl. - I'll take that. 165 00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:25,936 - Boy, y'�ll something else. - Bernie. Hey, Tracy. 166 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,938 - Hey, baby. - This is Marshall, my boss. 167 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,940 - This is Greg. I'm his boss. - Okay. 168 00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:32,670 - And David, we're up for the same job. - What's up, David? Good. 169 00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:35,076 I finally get to meet the man behind this great lady. 170 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,082 Aw, I wouldn't say behind nobody, man. 171 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,584 I think me and her are more side by side. 172 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,052 Now, if she want me to get behind her, I can get behind her. 173 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,646 - Drop it like it's hot. - Bernie, that's my boss. 174 00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:48,352 - So, uh... So, Bernie. - Yeah. 175 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,929 I understand that you're, uh, you're a stay-at-home dad. 176 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,295 - I have to tell you, I really admire that. - I ain't no stay-at-home dad. 177 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,530 Now my kids, they stay-at-home kids 'cause I let them stay at home. Get it? 178 00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:00,697 - [All Laughing] - Oh, I see. 179 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,706 Yeah, Wanda told me that you were a comedian. 180 00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:05,709 Well, I think that's just great. You know, I wish, uh... 181 00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:07,711 I wish my Tracy had an outlet like that. 182 00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:10,338 I don't really have an outlet. I got a successful career. 183 00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:13,907 - Listen. You wanna talk about career, my friend? - Uh-huh. 184 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:17,080 Your wife is on the fast track. Oh, yeah. 185 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,123 If she keeps going the way she's going... 186 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,193 you'll be able to give up this whole stand-up comedy thing... 187 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:25,958 and, uh, you know, stay home, be a stay-home dad, huh? [Laughs] 188 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,499 - You think so? You got it figured out? - Yeah. Sure. 189 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,694 Man, you might be right. You might be right. 190 00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,964 Look. I'm gonna get me some beef. Let y'�ll talk. 191 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,303 Okay, stay-at-home dad right over there. 192 00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:40,073 What's going on here, America? 193 00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:42,841 Bernie Mac ain't no apron-wearing, stay-at-home... 194 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:46,214 Betty-Crocker-baking, Susie homemaker. 195 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,219 What the hell is this? 196 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,688 Who's been eating Cheetos in my chair? 197 00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,693 I just cleaned this whole doggone place. 198 00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,820 Now, hold on. Hold on, now. Hold on. 199 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,228 This don't make me less of a man because I like things... 200 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,460 a little neat and tidy, America... no, it don't. 201 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:06,436 Y'�ll getting the wrong impression about Bernie Mac. Y'�ll not seeing the real me. 202 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,769 Stop, Bryana, stop. 203 00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,104 Yeah, Mrs. Bailey gives way too much homework. 204 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:15,237 - I know. And why does she wear the same blue dress every day? - [Chuckles] Yeah. 205 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,249 - Hey, are you gonna go to the '70s dance tomorrow night? - I don't know. Maybe. 206 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:20,251 Aw, come on. You have to be there. 207 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,618 All right. I'm going as Superfly. I got the hat, the long coat, everything. 208 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:27,318 - Who are you coming as? - It's a surprise. 209 00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:30,759 Surprise? Okay, all right. 210 00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,990 I'll find you. You are comin' right? 211 00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,930 Yeah. 212 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,178 Talkin' bout outlet, man. He don't know nothin' about me, man. 213 00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,247 People out here in L.A., they crazy. 214 00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,544 - Excuse me, Mr. Mac? - Yes. 215 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,349 I overheard you talking to the guys, and I just want to say thank you. 216 00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:59,788 - For what? - For sticking up for us stay-at-home dads. 217 00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:02,417 Those men over there, they just don't get it. 218 00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:05,156 See, they go to offices, but we go to work. 219 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,233 And I'm not ashamed to say I love my kids, my wife... 220 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:11,826 my house, my garden, my arts and crafts. 221 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:13,837 It doesn't make me any less of a man. 222 00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:18,308 - Hey, you want to get together sometime? - No. 223 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,178 Hell, no. Bernie Mac is 100% real man. 224 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:22,238 Hell, no. Bernie Mac is 100% real man. 225 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:26,341 Yes, sirree, Bob, baby. One hundred percent man. 226 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:29,421 Smell the "tostesterone" up in here. 227 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:33,891 Smell it! I can smell it! And I can feel it too. 228 00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:36,223 I can feel gum. 229 00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:40,128 Who in the hell put gum... Somebody put gum under my chair. 230 00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,757 I'm gonna kill somebody up in here tonight. 231 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,927 You watch. 232 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:51,204 Jordan, I'm gonna knock the "ba" off this ball, man. 233 00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,210 - I want you to take off running, you hear? - Okay. 234 00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:56,008 You can do it. You can do it. Yes, sir. 235 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,015 Man coming up now. You know that, don't you? 236 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:01,814 Huh? Hey, center field, get back. 237 00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:04,355 - [Woman] Go, Bernie. - Get back. 238 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,449 Get all the way back. Keep on going. 239 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,256 The police will stop you. Pitching to a man now. 240 00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:12,853 Yeah, come on. 241 00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,865 Come on up here. 242 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,060 Son, put the ball right here. 243 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,729 - Put the ball right here! Right here! - I'm trying, okay? 244 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,603 - Try harder! - Hey. Ease up, Bern. Ease up. 245 00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:25,734 He ain't got no business out there if he don't know what he doing. 246 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,746 Tired of this. I ain't here for no foolishness. 247 00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:31,214 I'm gonna show you what a... Yeah. 248 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:34,286 - [Crowd Cheering] - I'll do it myself. 249 00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,946 - [Cheering, Booing] - Drop it! 250 00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:45,060 [Crowd Booing] 251 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:52,663 [Yelling] 252 00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:57,100 Safe! 253 00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,339 Get off me. 254 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,380 Boom! Took 'em out, didn't I? 255 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:10,148 I can't believe how you acted out there. I work with those people. 256 00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:13,657 I can't believe you going around telling people I'm some kind of Martha Stewart. 257 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,956 Martha Stewart? Oh, honey, she could never do what you do. 258 00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:19,121 You are Martha Stewart times ten. 259 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,766 Oh, baby, I didn't mean it like that. 260 00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,996 - Where are you going? - You don't ask a man where he's going. 261 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,232 Where are you going? 262 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,543 I love you. 263 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,977 I gotta find Bernie Mac. 264 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,844 I gotta get Bernie Mac back. 265 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:40,009 I don't like what I've become. 266 00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:45,853 I need to go to the one place where they understand me, speak my language. 267 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:50,019 [Woman Speaking Korean] 268 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,394 - I guess you're right. - Sure I'm right. 269 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:57,492 - You're a strong black man, Bernie Mac. - Damn right. 270 00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:01,437 - Right, Papa Kim? - Mm. Bernie Mac proud black man too. 271 00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,908 Yeah. Yeah. 272 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:10,641 "Bernie Mac, what you doing in a nail salon?" Now, hold on, now. 273 00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:14,241 America, keeping your nails and skin up is no woman thing. 274 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,253 Not at all, not at all. 275 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:21,054 Let's not forget that Bernie Mac is a public personality, an entertainer. 276 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,220 It ain't just an outlet. I have to look good. 277 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:27,060 Gotta keep my game nice and tight. 278 00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,760 Bernie Mac don't wake up looking like this. 279 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,633 See, Mama Kim's is where I relax. 280 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:35,332 I've been going to Mama Kim's for years. 281 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,308 They're like family. Like you and me, America. 282 00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,674 They help me focus on my thoughts... 283 00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,713 see things more clearly. 284 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,409 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 285 00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:48,281 [Chuckles] Take care of myself. 286 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:51,049 Mama Kim, can I ask you a question? 287 00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:53,818 I don't know why Asian girls are all into black men. 288 00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:56,918 - They like the "bling bling." - No, no, no, no. 289 00:14:57,029 --> 00:15:01,796 Mama Kim, I wanna know how can I get people to see the real Bernie Mac. 290 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,801 I mean, Bernie Mac, the man. 291 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,634 Don't worry about other people, Bernie Mac. Just be yourself. 292 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:11,403 - That's all you can do. - Just be Bernie Mac. 293 00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:14,206 And they are right. 294 00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:17,840 Just be Bernie Mac. Doggone it. 295 00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,441 And Bernie Mac ain't gonna be nobody's mama. 296 00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:23,248 That's for damn sure. 297 00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:27,086 [Chuckling] They're right. 298 00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:29,752 ?? [Man Singing] 299 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,353 [Poker Chips Clicking] 300 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:41,869 ?? [Fades] 301 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,943 Brother Bernie, you gonna fold or what? 302 00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:50,673 - Huh? - Fold. 303 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,751 Hell, no. 304 00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:56,287 I ain't gonna fold or fluff or iron or prewash. 305 00:15:56,388 --> 00:16:00,119 And I'm not gonna soak fine washables no more either. I'm tired. 306 00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:03,388 - How 'bout playing? You gonna play? - Hey, man. 307 00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,486 Bernie Mac don't play. 308 00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,327 Uncle Bernie, I need you to put in my ear cream. 309 00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,562 - Go ask Aunt Wanda, Jordan. - She's still at the store. 310 00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,968 All right, come here. 311 00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,833 - Which ear giving you the problem? - This one. 312 00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,878 - Bye! - Ow. Ow. 313 00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:23,841 - Ow. - I'm tired, man. 314 00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:27,817 - Every time I turn around, man... - Uncle Bernie, I'm thirsty. 315 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,150 Can you get me something to drink? 316 00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:32,416 Baby girl, go in the kitchen and pour yourself some juice. 317 00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:35,960 - But I might spill it. - If you spill it, you got a cleaning job to do. 318 00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,723 - Now get. Go. - Okay. 319 00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:44,898 Anytime I turn around, the kids come asking me. I'm not their mama, man. 320 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,234 - Uh, Bernie. - What? 321 00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,866 - What? - I wanna ask you a question. 322 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:53,706 No you don't. You wanna... Y'�ll hear that? 323 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:56,076 Vanessa wanna ask me a question. Can you believe it? 324 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,081 - Never mind. - No, no, no, no. 325 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,651 Cause I wanna hear this. I wanna hear it. 326 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:04,086 Okay. Do you... Do you think this looks '70s? 327 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,521 Seventy what? 328 00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,287 My costume for the '70s dance. 329 00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:12,387 Oh. Who you dressed as? 330 00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:14,398 It's stupid. 331 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,230 I'm supposed to beJackie from That '70s Show. 332 00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:20,362 You know, where she does the thing, and then she has the other thing... 333 00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,100 and the other thing and, you know, the thing. 334 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:26,700 - What '70s show? - That 70's Show. 335 00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:30,111 Do you mean Jackee from 227? Wasn't that in the '80s? 336 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,707 - Yeah. That was in the '80s. - I'm not even gonna go. 337 00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:36,617 You're on your own. 338 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,418 I wasn't gonna say nothing, but that outfit was wack. 339 00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,551 - You not gonna help her out? - No, I'm not gonna help her out. 340 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:45,095 Nessa already think she's grown. She on her own. 341 00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,324 I should help her out man. I ruled the '70s. 342 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,333 What do you mean, you ruled the '70s? 343 00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:52,097 Man, I put the "P" in P-funk. 344 00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,104 Hey, I should help the girl out. 345 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:58,040 You put the pee in your pajamas. You were four in the '70s, man. 346 00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:01,408 I'll help her. Back in the day, I was the pop-lock king. 347 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,845 All right? Just needing advice from a pro. 348 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,747 Son, brother man. Sit back down. 349 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:10,720 If anybody gonna help my niece, it's gonna be me. I ran the '70s. 350 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:14,122 I was the first one to get up on the down stroke. 351 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:17,286 I'm the one that told Earth, Wind they needed to pick up Fire. 352 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:20,160 - [Laughing] - I talked to Kool about getting a gang. 353 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,496 It was me who went toJames Brown about theJ.B. 354 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,230 - I was one of'em, baby. I was all up in there. - [All Laughing] 355 00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:30,274 - [Doorbell Rings] - This is my house, and I live here. 356 00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,276 [Vanessa] Tell them I'm not going. 357 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:36,006 She's going. She'll be a few minutes. Come on. Come on. 358 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,949 You look pretty. Baby. 359 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,952 Hey. 360 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,215 Come on. 361 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,394 Bernie, be nice, be nice. 362 00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:55,025 ?? [Disco] 363 00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:06,403 ?? [Continues] 364 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:18,813 ?? [Continues] 365 00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:24,020 ?? [Continues] 366 00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,039 ?? [Continues] 367 00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:50,150 - ?? [Ends] - Come on now, man. Come on. 368 00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:52,519 There's Bernie. 369 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,888 - Told you I got skills. - Hold on, hold on. 370 00:19:56,195 --> 00:20:00,757 Men, boys and girls. Introducing part of my heart... 371 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,300 my niece, Coffy. 372 00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:06,701 Come on, baby. Come on. Come on. You look beautiful. Come on. 373 00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:09,797 Come on, y'�ll, look at this here. My girl. 374 00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:13,309 - Go on with your bad self, foxy mama. - Look like a bag of skittles. 375 00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:17,212 - Yeah, mami. What's your name? What's your name? - [Wanda] I'm home. 376 00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:23,118 - Aunt Wanda, come here. - Oh! Check you out. 377 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,918 - Where did you get those boots, girl? - He made them. 378 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,485 Honey, you're too much. 379 00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,855 Just being Bernie Mac. 380 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,865 - Let me see. - Come on, guys. Let's go. 381 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,834 [All Chattering, Indistinct] 382 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:40,336 All right gang, let's go. 383 00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:43,533 Remember, ladies, pretty is as pretty does. 384 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,167 Bobby Seale, Rerun, you better watch yourself. 385 00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,178 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 386 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,578 - Why don't you get a sweater? It might get cold. - I'm good. 387 00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:52,741 Sweetheart, sweetheart. 388 00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:56,582 Remember, if you need anything, Nessa, just call me, you hear? 389 00:20:56,688 --> 00:21:00,556 - Okay. - Bernie Mac, you are definitely the man. 390 00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,752 Aw, baby. Wait, wait, wait! Nessa! 391 00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,261 - Let me take a picture. Hurry up. - Ooh, baby, I'll get it. 392 00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:08,333 - Dang, he's worse than my mother. - I got your mama! 393 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,494 I can't help it. It's just a part of who Bernie Mac is. 394 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,095 Doesn't mean Bernie Mac isn't a strong man. 395 00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:18,005 What's important is that I know who I am. 396 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,739 Doesn't matter what anybody think. You remember that. 397 00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:25,112 Bernie, come on. We made a fresh batch. 398 00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,708 I'll be right there. 399 00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:30,754 Excuse me. 400 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,756 Still the man. 401 00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:34,792 [Laughing] 402 00:21:37,829 --> 00:21:40,320 I'm gonna show you who Bernie Mac is. 403 00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:43,526 Bernie Mac is 100% real man, baby. 404 00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:46,297 Yes, sir, 100%. 405 00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:48,464 Can you smell the "tartesta"... What is it? 406 00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:52,600 - [Woman, Faint] Testosterone. - "Testosto"...Test... 407 00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:56,147 Uh, testosterone. 408 00:21:57,949 --> 00:21:59,849 [People Laughing] 409 00:21:59,951 --> 00:22:02,351 Can you smell the testosterone up in here? 410 00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:05,446 Smell it! Smell this testosterone up in here. 411 00:22:05,557 --> 00:22:07,582 Smell like mendacity. 33272

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