All language subtitles for Mystery.Alaska.1999.1080p.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-NTb.HI.eng

[SHOUTING, INDISTINCT]

[CREAKING] [WOMAN
PANTING] Oh, Skank!

[MAN LAUGHING]

[YELLING, SHOUTING]

[CAR IGNITION WINDING]

Fuck me!
[GIGGLING]

Hey.
What did you say?

[GROWLING]

You teach him that?

He heard it
in the locker room, dad.

From who?
Everyone.

You know what it's like
in there.

[GROWLS, GRUNTS]

[♫ MAN SINGING, INDISTINCT]
[BOY GIGGLING]

He shoots.
He scores!

[♫ SINGING CONTINUES]
Wouldn't start again?

Was it the gas line? I don't know.
I'll ask Tinker.

Mmm.
Mmm.

Take the sled, will ya? I
wanna wait for the mail.

The magazine's supposed to be here,
express. Okay. Better be good.

Of course it's gonna be good.
That's the whole point.

I don't exactly trust
chuckie boy.

[GIGGLING]

[SHOUTING, INDISTINCT]

Come on.
Pass it off.

All right.
Let's go again.

Bailey!

Hi, Bailey.

[SHUTS ENGINE OFF]

Fat men don't shovel, Bailey.

No, it's dry.
It's dry.

[COUGHS, SPITS]

Ew! Fuck me! That's
a lung biscuit.

Joey!
[JOEY GIGGLING]

That's it. Neither of you guys are
coming to the locker room again.

[BAILEY]
John?

Have a good game today.

[STARTS ENGINE]

[MACHINE GRINDING]

[MAN] God, it's cold!
The taters are hot.

Right here, Connor.
Thanks. Hot, hot, hot!

[MEN CHATTERING,
INDISTINCT]

What the hell kind of bird is that?
Bobby, throw some tape.

It's gonna be a hot one today.
Hey, tape!

Hey, is the magazine out yet?
Monday.

Johnny's supposed to get a copy expressed.
Maybe we made the cover.

- We ain't on the cover.
- He said it would be a big story with pictures.

Yeah, Chuck exaggerates.
[MEN LAUGHING]

Hey, guys, you are
not gonna believe this.

- Sarah heinz.
- [ALL SHOUTING]

I know! She's supposed
to be this shy girl.

I figure, what the hell.
I ain't that attractive.

I'll vaccinate her quick, get home for an
early sack, beat what's left of the bishop.

Like this?

- She's much fatter naked. Yeah!
- No.

I'm telling you, she got her February
fat now in the second week in December.

She's riding me
like a wet walrus,

making these fat sounds.

- Thwap, thwap, thwap.
- [MAN] The boy's got no shame.

You're a sick man, Skank.

Hey, you got the magazine? Damn.
The mail didn't come yet.

Hey.
What?

You kill one more wolf…
ain't no sheriffin' in here.

I ain't sheriffin'. I'm just a
teammate concerned for his freedom.

Come on, boys.
Let's move it.

It's two tenths below zero.
The committee won't be happy.

- The committee.
- You seen weeks lately? He's been skating the river.

I don't care. I'm about to be on
the cover of sports illustrated.

[LAUGHTER]

That photographer said I have
one of those expressive faces.

A face that tells a story.
Too bad it's a tragedy.

- A comedy.
- A horror story.

Come on, guys. Let's start
gettin' our heads into it.

Like Connor says,
that weeks kid, he's got jump.

I'm tellin' you, Tree,
there's rumors.

One of us is going down.

[SHOUTS, INDISTINCT] Let's go!
Let's move!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

[CHEERING] [WOMAN] Let's go!

Good game!
Good game!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
[BIEBE] Stretch 'em out.

Let's do it, sheriff. Sticks!

- Line 'em up, Michael!
- Don't give me Tree. I wanna win this week.

I win no matter what side, huh?
Win this, Tree.

[CHATTERING CONTINUES]

Maybe it's you and me, huh?
Winetka.

Here.

Paul.
Brown's the winner.

- Dad!
- Thanks, Mikey.

[MIKEY] Tree! [INDISTINCT]

[GROANS]

You see Stevie weeks yesterday?
Chump.

You think we gotta do it?

[PLAYERS YELLING, SHOUTING]

- Birdie!
- Try and pass me!

- Give it to me!
- Try it! Try it!

Pass!
Damn!

[CHEERING]

Whoo!
All right!

Soon, it'll be you out there.

Oh, I don't know.
It will, Stevie.

Ow!
Daddy!

There are things you do in public…
And things you don't.

We're just kissing.

[SIGHS]
For god's sakes.

Geez.

Very effective, Walter.

Nipped in the bud.

Mary Jane.
You got it?

I got it. Look. It's three pages
with pictures and profiles.

There's John. A mix between
Bobby bond and moose dupark.

Yeah, he won't like that.

"Clears the crease like a snowplow."
Well, he can't not like that.

Come on.

Honey. Look at this. Hey.

The mayor should get first look.
Not bad, right? Wow.

Son of a piss whore.
Our town in sports illustrated.

[LAUGHING]
Listen to this.

"The legendary hockey players of
mystery, Alaska, were born on skates…

"In a world perpetually covered
with ice and snow.

"Isolated by rugged mountains
and vast glaciers,

"they hone their skills
by playing each other,

"Saturday after Saturday, for
as long as anyone can remember.

"The citizens attend with religious
devotion in sub-zero weather.

"A committee of town fathers decides
who plays and by what rules.

"The game has become
more than a sport.

It's a weekly
ritual celebration."

"The winetka brothers
forecheck like gophers.

"When a puck goes into a corner,
a winetka comes out with it.

Yeah! Read. Read!

"And then there's Connor banks.

Connor! What about Connor banks?

Montreal had its rocket. Mystery
has its cruise missile!"

[MEN CHEERING, SHOUTING]

[SKANK] The only rocket you
got is your meat whistle.

Hang on. Hang on. "Perfecting the
art of the pass is John biebe,

"whose precision and accuracy more
than compensate for slowness of foot.

"The only player without lightning speed.
Every team needs its thumper.

[VOICES OVERLAPPING] Fuck 'em, Johnny.
Fuck 'em.

"On pure skating ability,
the boys of mystery, Alaska…

Rival any team in
the national hockey league!"

That's us!
That's us!

And isn't it exciting
for Charlie…

Getting his article published
in sports illustrated?

I bet this is a big
accomplishment for him.

He kind of embellished a little.

He's always been so smart, that Charlie.
I knew when he left he'd make it big.

Well, actually, I heard he left
'cause he skated like a homosexual.

You think because you scored two
goals today, you played a good game?

[WOMAN] We don't talk about
hockey at the table.

We've been talking about it
for 20 minutes.

We've been talking
about the magazine.

Which is about hockey.

Can't we just enjoy
the attention tonight?

Sports illustrated,
for god's sakes.

Hockey is played
at both ends of the ice.

You, you coast in your own zone.
[BANGS SPOON ON PLATE]

You skate like a figure skater.
[BANGS SPOON ON PLATE]

And when you get the puck,
you don't pass.

More potatoes?

[WALTER]
No.

I've lost my appetite.

Oh…

[DOOR SLAMS SHUT] He never
made the Saturday game.

That's what's bothering him. Why
should he tell me how to play?

- He played college 2-a, birdie.
- 2-a isn't the Saturday game.

- That's enough.
- Well, he started it!

[SIGHS]

Margie has relatives
in waterville, Maine.

She said as soon
as price world moved in,

all the local shops
went right out of business.

Price world's not gonna come, mom.
We're not big enough, for god's sakes.

Well, they've been sniffin'.

[MAN CALLING GAME ON TV,
INDISTINCT] [WOMAN GIGGLING]

[MOANING] Oh, Skank. [MOANS]

[TV CONTINUES]
[BOTH MOANING]

[SPECTATORS CHEERING]

Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!

[GIRL]
"On the left side,

Skank Marden is a master
of sticky sores…"

no, no, shawnette.

Um, remember, you want
to sound out the words.

Okay.
Let's try again.

"Skank Marden,
a master of the stick,

scores on demand."

That's right. Good. Excellent.
[BOY WHISPERING]

Tommy! What?

Word is biebe is out
and weeks is going up.

Really?

[CHURCH BELLS TOLLING]

Don't get too far.
Yeah, dad.

Hey, Johnny.
Hey.

Thanks for coming, Johnny.

Well, we can't hold
Stevie weeks back any longer.

You'll be first alternate,
of course.

That's…

there's more to the game than speed, Scott.
Experience counts.

Which Stevie weeks can't get
till we call him up.

You've been in the Saturday game
13 years, Johnny.

- That's a record!
- I can still play.

When was the last time
you scored a goal?

Look, it's not fair to the
weeks boy to keep him back.

And it's not fair
to the Saturday game.

Shit!

[WHISPERS] I gotta go.
[DOOR OPENS]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

Donna's inside, Johnny.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey.
Hey.

[PAPERS RUSTLING]

I'm fine, Donna.

We talked about this.

We knew one day eventually…
I'm fine.

Don't tell me you're fine.

[SCOFFS]

I better check on Mike.

[SKANK] You could've told me. [MARY JANE] I
can't give you that kind of information.

We're sleeping together,
for god's sakes.

Skank, we're committing adultery. It's
not like I threw in trust as a perk.

Honey.

Hi. Look, you, uh…
you may have heard.

We just did it.
I heard.

And so did I,
and it's a big mistake.

John biebe is the anchor,
for god's sakes!

[SIGHS]

Geez.

[MEN CHANTING] Stevie! Stevie!
Stevie! Stevie!

[APPLAUSE] Guys, it
ain't my birthday.

It's better. You're
in the Saturday game!

I-I could go down
as fast as I come up.

- There's no way.
- Hey, I'm next. They'll be callin' me next.

[CHATTERING STOPS]

Hey, Mike.

- Hey.
- Why don't you get yourself that milkshake?

Better not hear
your grades are dropping off.

They-they won't, sir.

You skate like you can
and you'll be fine.

Boys. [ALL TOGETHER] Sheriff.

I ordered one for you too, dad.
Thanks, Mike.

[WOMAN ON RADIO] Johnny? Yeah?

You gotta get out to gagney grocers.
Connor banks just shot a guy.

[SIREN WAILS]
[MAN GROANING]

Ow! Jesus! What, did you
put your finger in it?

Try and hold still. Could
you jam the oxygen tank…

A little further up my ass, please?
[DOOR CHIMES RINGING]

[GROANING]
Have you done this before?

Who is he?
A rep from price world.

[MAN] Good. Twist it!
Yeah, that helps.

Think about trimming
those nails too, Tarzan.

- Just try to hold it there.
- Are you trying to hurt me?

Huh?
[GROANS]

- You okay?
- No, I'm not okay!

Do I look like I'm okay?
The fucker shot me!

What the fuck-ass fuck of a
bum-fuck, shithole town is this?

I make a business call.
I give him my card.

And the hick-ass fucker shoots my foot off!
Cock-fucking shit!

John, it was an accident.
You read him his rights?

You have the right to remain silent.
Oh, come on, John!

I didn't mean to shoot him. Call
Bailey pruitt. Talk to him.

Don't be saying anything to me.

[WRITING]
Johnny, I heard.

I'm sorry. Connor,
you just shot a guy.

Take him.
Read him his rights.

[MAN]
Cock-fucking suck-ass fucker!

Have fun in jail, asshole!
[DOOR CHIMES RING]

They, uh, got into a beef.

Connor pulled a pistol. Happened
over in feed. [GROANING CONTINUES]

Says he was aiming at a sack of
puppy chow, trying to scare him.

He hit a wheelbarrow.
It ricocheted.

Ow! Ow, ow! [WOMAN ON
POLICE RADIO] Johnny?

Yeah? There's a helicopter hovering
over town hall. Looks Russian.

Whoa!

I'm slow in the feet?

That's it?
That's all you got for me?

No, "wow, nice helicopter"? No, "hey,
great article in sports illustrated"?

How's Donna doing?
Does she miss me?

Twice in one year, Charlie.
What do you want this time?

I come bearing
the New York rangers.

The New York rangers?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, I was
pretty blown away myself.

But the article sparked some
kind of brainstorm at the NHL.

- Good writing, I guess.
- [MAYOR] The New York rangers.

The New York rangers.

In mystery, Alaska?
Right here.

To play against our boys?

The NHL feels it'll be
great publicity,

and the network figures
a 14 share, minimum.

All right.
[CLEARS THROAT]

What's in it for you, Charlie?

Community pride.

A sense of giving back to
the place where I grew up.

Money.
[CHUCKLES]

[CHATTERING]

[POUNDING GAVEL]

If you all settle down, we'll, uh, we'll
try to answer all your questions.

Now, nothing is definite.

There's still some dealing to be done
with the players' unions and things.

But what needs to be decided
first is, do we want this game?

- [MURMURING] - I won't kid ya, it
would be a goose to the economy.

- What economy?
- [LAUGHTER]

We can be serious about this,

or we can simply leave the decision to the
committee, which I'm quite happy to do.

[CROWD IN DISAGREEMENT]
Yes, miram?

The question is,
do we really stand a chance?

'Cause if all that's gonna
happen is we'll get laughed at,

I'm not for it at any price.

That's fair. That's fair.
And to answer that,

I'd like to call up here
someone we all know and…

well, we all know.
Charles danner.

Thanks. Um… well, first of all,
it's really great to be back.

- Bullshit!
- [LAUGHTER]

Uh… um, here's the thing.

On a standard ice rink,
no, we don't come close.

But… our boys on a pond?

Now, hold on just one second.

You're using words
like "we" and "our boys."

You left this town,
Charlie danner.

[CROWD IN AGREEMENT]

You can't even skate.

Plus, this may be
an old lady talking,

but I've always thought
you were a bit of a prick.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
This is a town meeting.

Let's have some order,
for god's sakes! John.

Could we make a game of it?

[WOMAN]
Yeah, John.

[ALL CHATTERING]

[CHATTERING STOPS]

Depends on rules.

We play four on four.
They play five on five.

Boards, offsides,
two-line passing.

Rules that keep everything bunched.
It's a different kind of game.

John, excuse me, but this game
is gonna be played on a pond.

- Hey, Chuck…
- one second.

Everybody here always says on a pond,
nobody beats us, right? Nobody.

Okay, well, you got a chance
to prove it now.

John, can we win?

[CROWD MURMURING]

Shooting, passing, stick
handling… the truth?

Except for Connor,
nobody here comes close.

But on the pond,

black ice, wide open surface,
it's all about skating.

And we can skate.

Yeah, we can.
All right, man.

The New York rangers
are professionals.

Two things we've always had
in mystery:

Our dignity and our illusions.

I suggest we cling to both.

Where's the dignity
in not trying?

I'll play those rangers.

- I'm in.
- I'll play.

- I'll beat 'em.
- [APPLAUSE]

[POUNDING GAVEL]
As mayor of mystery, Alaska,

I'm gonna extend a little
invitation to the New York rangers!

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

Hey, Johnny!

- This can't wait till tomorrow?
- No, no, we gotta be on the ice at sunup.

If this game happens,
it's only 32 days away.

We gotta get goin'.

I bet you're back on the
team now, right? Maybe.

Well, they're not gonna play the
rangers with just ten guys.

Here he comes.

John. Hey, Donna. Hey, Scott.

Witch-tit cold, huh?
Yeah.

Look, John,
these are the developments.

Things have changed.
We want you to coach.

Judge turn you down?

Yeah. He's got some
bug up his colon.

But next to judge fuck nut,
you know most about hockey.

Scott, you'll need him
to play, right?

Oh, uh…

well, the committee feels you can best
help the team by, you know, coaching.

You're the guy.
They all look up to you.

Scott, I don't coach.

John, I'm asking you
as mayor of the town.

Will you coach?

[SIGHS]
Look, think about it.

Let me know, huh?

[SIGHS]
You know,

every ex-player turned coach says
they prefer coaching to playing.

Why would they all say that?

Because they can't play.

[PLAYERS SHOUTING,
LAUGHING]

So why'd you wanna come? You
never wanna come when I plough.

Well, um, could you pull over?
Sure.

[SHUTS ENGINE OFF]

What… what are you doing?

Um…

I thought, um…

I think we should celebrate
you making the team.

N-now?
Here?

I don't know where else
to do it.

I got a condom too.

So… Marla.

With you on the team, Stevie,
a lot of girls are gonna be,

you know, after you.

I don't wanna lose you to Jody
lange just 'cause she gives.

Marla.

I'm not gonna leave you on
account of not having sex.

I love you.

[SHIVERING]
Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

[BOTH PANTING]

Oh!

[STAMMERING]

Oh, I'm-I'm… I'm sorry.

That's okay. That's…
that's okay.

I… does this mean we're done?

I'm-I'm sorry.
I must have…

that's okay.

[CHUCKLES]

It's okay, Stevie.

[WIND HOWLING]

[DOG BARKING]

[HORN HONKING]

[ENGINE SHUTS OFF,
DOOR OPENS]

Hey, Sarah, sorry to be calling on
you so late, but have you heard?

The rangers? Yeah. [LAUGHING]

Yeah, good news makes
the compass point north.

How about a quick rattle?

After you, Skank.

"Mother walrus going
thwap, thwap, thwap"?

- What?
- You wanna hear a thwap?

Women don't like being referred
to as fat mammals, Skank.

I never would've said that
to her face.

Are you gonna arrest me?
Do you want me to?

Well, if it's all over what he said, I'd just
as soon it'd be all over that I hit him.

It will be.

[CHATTERING, SHOUTING]

[DONNA] You gonna let the
kids keep the school?

[MAYOR] We gotta have
a new rink, Donna.

You want one of those goddamn TV
trucks to fall through the ice?

Plus we need new boards, lights,
and they're sending us a zamboni.

Oh, a zamboni. Gettin' wet
just thinking about it.

Jesus!

Donna. Hey. Hey.

Hi. How you doin'? Hi. Good.

How are you?
I'm good.

You ran out before I could say
hi last night. I know. Hi.

Hi.
God, you look good.

How can you look this good? What do
you have, like nine children now?

All right, well,
we're not the partridge family.

Three kids. I know how
many kids you have.

[CHUCKLES]
So, you're a producer, huh?

Yeah, well, associate producer.

What's a producer do?

Uh, well, I'm-I'm doing it.

Really? Yes, I'm liaising
with the locals.

I see.

And the helicopter was…

well, you know, it's the kind of news
you wanna deliver in person, you know,

and I can't help it if it
impressed the hell out of you.

So, uh… well, so did it?

Do I look impressed?

You look good.

Your honor,

at this time I'd be asking the
court to dismiss the charges…

On the grounds of patriotism.
[WOMAN GIGGLING]

I'm not in the mood,
Mr. Pruitt.

If price world did come here…

With the one-stop shopping
and the low, low prices,

it would threaten to put every
merchant in this town out of business,

as it has in so many communities
across this country.

- Trial date?
- This Tuesday.

Tuesday?

- Fine by me.
- All right, next Tuesday.

And impanel Monday.

I don't want a trial now. Suppose I lose?
I get jail, I miss the game.

Connor, trust me. They're not
gonna lock up our leading scorer.

As the puck comes off the ice, the
left wing will always drop back.

These four swing around here,
try and force the puck this way.

So the puck carrier is
always facing three defensemen.

Are we gonna play it?
No.

We're gonna learn it
so we can beat it.

It's five-man, not four.
It's complicated.

Before we get into that,

[EXHALES] There's one
rule we got we live by.

What happens in this room,

what's said in this room,
stays in this room.

Now, last night Skank
took a shovel to the temple…

Because somebody repeated what
was said in the locker room.

Somebody repeated
to silvie Walker,

and silvie Walker
repeated it to Sarah heinz.

- I told her confidentially.
- Aw, Jesus.

What you say in the room
stay in the room.

I didn't think she
was gonna say anything.

Skank, I'm sorry.

She just smoked the hog, man.
I wasn't myself.

- It's your call, Skank.
- Oh, I want it.

Fuck!

[MAN] Fuckin' wind-chill.
This ain't right.

[ALL PROTESTING]
It's not that easy!

One slip of the tongue. All right,
that's it. Rules are rules!

Come on, guys!

[ALL SHOUTING] Do it! Come on!

Aw, shit!

[YELLING, SHOUTING]

Oh, shit!
Mother…

[CHEERING, SHOUTING
CONTINUES]

I hate you bastards!
I hate you all!

All I did was suggest we meet,
and then he pulled out a gun.

Did he say anything,
Mr. Walsh?

Objection!
Now, that question…

fuck it.

What did he say?

Well, he conveyed his anger at the idea
of price world moving into the community.

He threatened to shoot me if I didn't
leave the premises, and then he shot me.

Thank you, Mr. Walsh. Reserve the
right to recall, your honor.

Big doings we've got going here
in mystery these days, huh?

Price world wants to come here,

and now the New York rangers
want to come.

Mr. Pruitt, I don't want to hear
anything about price world.

I don't wanna hear another word about
a hockey game. We talked about this.

Yeah, well, forgive me, your honor.
I'm fat.

[LAUGHTER]

Mr. Walsh, that bullet
that struck you,

did it appear to ricochet
off a wheelbarrow?

It… maybe.
So what?

Is it legal to shoot in the
vicinity of people in this town?

You don't care very much for our
community, do you, Mr. Walsh?

I have nothing against your community, Mr.
Pruitt. [PAPER RUSTLING]

Did you say,

"what the fuck-ass fuck of a
bum-fuck shithole town is this?"

- Did you say that, Mr. Walsh?
- [STAMMERING]

The game is tentatively
scheduled for January 16.

- Hey, this is it!
- Sounds like fun, Barry, but evidently not for everyone.

No, I don't think so,
Steve. No one thought…

To check with the New York
ranger players about this.

The bottom line is, you only get a few
days off during this long season.

Now, instead of spending these days
off at home with their families,

they're told they gotta go to Alaska
and play a game of pond hockey.

- This is a joke.
- Turning now to real hockey news,

the NHL named Wayne gretzky
as its player of the month.

The superstar scored 17 goals
with 22 assists…

[SETS GLASS DOWN]

Yeah, wait till we beat 'em.
Then we'll see who's a joke.

You guys know what you're made of.
You know what you've got inside.

[VOMITS]

[EXHALES]
Nervous?

Come on, let's work it around.
Don't leave him alone!

[YELLING, SHOUTING]

Whoa. That guy can shoot, huh?
[WHISTLES] Yeah.

Get on him! Get on him!
Okay, guys, come on, now!

[CHEERING, SHOUTING]

Fighting the puck a little.
Oh, let him find his legs.

Yeah, his first game.
He'll be fine.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

- Look out!
- [ALL GASPING]

[DROPS STICK ON ICE] Get away!
Get away!

Stevie? Stevie!
Give him some air.

- Biebe.
- [BIEBE] Good work, Tree. You killed him.

Head was down. I know. I know.

I brought the salts, dad.

Stevie?
Huh?

It's okay. It's all right.
Hello.

Stevie, how many fingers
have I got? Hmm?

I'm a premature ejaculator.

[CHEERING]

Let's go, guys.
Three on three.

So?
So?

Anyone special in New York?
Uh, no.

I don't… I don't want you to
feel bad about that either,

just 'cause I haven't had a relationship
that's lasted longer than six weeks…

Since we broke up
in the 12th grade.

That's… the important thing
is that you're happy. Right.

You are…
you are happy, I take it?

Yeah.
I'm happy.

Good. Good.

How is your husband, anyway?

Appears to be, uh, well fed.

[CHUCKLES]
Of course he is.

I mean, what else
do I have to do, really,

besides slave over a hot stove,
rub my fat husband's feet,

dig splinters out of my ass that I get
while sitting around pining for you?

Well, you said it, I didn't.

Seriously, though.
I mean, forget about me.

Don't you ever wish you lived
in a town that had a museum…

Or someplace where brothers and sisters
were off-limits to each other sexually?

[CHUCKLING]

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

All right,
just follow the light.

No, just over here. There you go.
Over here. Come on.

[MAN]
Still sleepin'?

How's he doin'?
He's a little happy.

No, no, no.
Easy, son.

I'm okay. Birdie, I'm sorry.
All right.

I didn't even get the condom on.

It was 'cause of your sister's breasts.
They're perky.

Well, he's out again.

[SOBBING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Honey, what's wrong?
Nothing.

- Sweetheart…
- I don't wanna talk about it, okay?

Well, if you can't talk
to your own mother…

[SIGHS]

Stevie doesn't wanna
sleep with me.

Oh. Oh.

[EXHALES]
Oh.

Hmm.
[CLEARS THROAT]

So, uh, you two have already,

uh, you know, had relations?

[SNIFFLES]
No, he came in the condom.

Oh!

Where, uh, was the condom…

When he, uh, you know…

um…

on-on his, uh, serpent.

[KNOCKING]
Hi.

What's wrong?

Uh, Walter, get out.
This is private.

I' m entitled to know what's
going on under this roof.

After all, I am
the father of this child.

Walter, if you don't leave,
I swear I'll tell you.

Right.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[WALTER]
The defendant will please rise.

What say you, Karen?

The state of Alaska
versus Connor banks.

Second-degree assault.

We find the defendant
not guilty.

- [CHEERING, SHOUTING]
- [GROANS]

That's a not guilty verdict
on Connor. Betty?

And we further order price world
to pay damages…

In the amount of $42,000.

- What?
- 42,000 bucks?

They can't do that.

This is a criminal trial.

We don't award damages
to criminal defendants.

The damage award is vacated.

- What's that, "vacated"?
- [SPECTATORS MURMURING]

[POUNDING GAVEL]

Look around.
Look at yourselves.

You have exalted this game
above what is right,

but you have
your star center back.

The defendant is free to go.

You have embarrassed
my courtroom.

Thanks a lot.

Fuckin' moron.

[DOOR OPENS]

It's me that embarrasses you,
isn't it?

- Did I say that, Brian?
- I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.

I'm sorry I don't feel like goin'
to college and getting some degree.

I'm sorry for only wanting to play hockey,
and I'm sorry that you never played…

In the Saturday game, but I would think
there are bigger tragedies in life!

Brian!
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]

[HORN HONKING]

Scotty. Hey.

I want you to meet
the folks from the network.

- That's Jonathan slaven. Scott pitcher.
- Hi.

And, uh, this is Janice pettibone.
My nostrils just froze.

It's a pleasure to welcome
a famous TV personality.

Uh, hi. Janice, see how
everybody skates here?

Yeah. Even on the sidewalks.
We should get some shots…

I can't feel my nose.
All right, then.

She's cold.
She's weird.

"Eskimos on ice."

In fact, that's what we're calling
the team: The mystery eskimos.

Well, we're not eskimos.

Well, I don't think it refers
so much to your ethnicity.

And the native Americans who do live
here call themselves inuit, shark meat.

[PETTIBONE] The deal here is we're
selling this as a human interest story.

The strange snowmen who play
on a lake… the mystery boys.

We don't know who they are
or what they are.

All we know is they have poor dental
health and can skate like the wind.

It's a hockey game.

How does she know what kind of
dental health we have? Guys!

Guys! It's just a
name, you know?

Nobody thinks the Dallas
cowboys are actually cowboys.

If this ends up making fun
of us… Scott, it won't.

- You think I'd let that happen?
- [BIEBE] For business, who knows?

Excuse me?
He's right.

You'd bite off your own Jimmy if the
price were right. Really, Scott?

My own Jimmy? You know what? Why
don't you go plan a rummage sale…

Or renew a fishing licence? If you try pulling
something, I'll be so far up your ass…

- gentlemen.
- You sorry piece of tit meat!

Just talkin' about the game.
Yeah.

If nothing else,
it's good for morale.

Good night.

No blood.
Judge!

He started it.
Don't!

[MAYOR]
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

I don't know how to coach.

You taught half the kids in this town
how to skate. You played 2-a college.

You understand
north American hockey.

Shit, they used to call you
the bear.

That was then.

Okay, judge.

If we're gonna make a game
of it, it should be you.

It won't be, John.

[CHATTERING] [MAN] Come on!
Pull it off!

People of mystery, I give you…

Your very own zamboni.

Now, don't be alarmed. [POUNDING ON
ZAMBONI] It looks 100 years old.

[CROWD LAUGHING] Well,
it works just like new,

and it's kind of in keeping with
the whole idea, don't you think?

What whole idea?

Scott, you got a zamboni here
in mystery, Alaska.

Yeah.
The original.

[LAUGHTER RESUMES]

Why'd you say yes to boards?
Sponsors?

You guys have never played with boards. Won't
that be a huge advantage to the rangers?

John?

You've been smiling
a lot lately.

Excuse me?
Ever since he came back.

Charlie. You've been
smiling a little more.

John, that was high school.

This is not a pond.

[ANNOUNCER ON TV]
The fans are into it.

Let's play hockey.

[MAN #2] Oh, there we go.
Oh, domi and Langdon.

Well, eight seconds in. Domi leads
the league in penalty minutes.

A couple of short rights knocks the helmet
off. Another one. Are they gonna get tired?

I don't know.
We're playing these guys?

Oh, he's landing a couple of
big ones, and so is domi.

He's got the fans
into this one early, Sam.

Yo, maybe we should fast-forward
to the hockey part.

Yeah.
Good idea.

♪ You better watch out ♪
♪ you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout I'm ♪
♪ telling you why come on. ♪

Come on!
♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

Caboose, holding on back there?
Yeah.

Toot, toot! Uh-oh! Uh-oh,
we're gonna crash!

Aah!
Oh, no!

What happened down here?
♪ Santa Claus is coming

are you okay? Let me see.
Are you all right?

♪ He sees you ♪
♪ when you're sleeping ♪

It's a rockewellian Christmas
up here…

skating, barbecues, snow.

We're here with defenseman
Matt Marden and…

cut.
What?

I can't feel my fingers.

You need to rub 'em on a
nice warm yuletide log.

♪ Santa Claus ♪
♪ is coming to town ♪

I beg your pardon?

Look. Christmas is a lonely day for a
guy to be choking his own chicken.

And, as women reporters go,
I find you supple.

Oh, that was lovely. It's a shame
we weren't rolling for that.

I'm sure he'd be happy
to repeat it.

You need to relax.
Charles!

Do you like massages?

Tree, take the man up front!
Defense!

Tree, you've got to take
the man!

Jesus! All right, all right,
all right, all right.

Sorry, Johnny.

- Don't say you're sorry.
- Okay. [LAUGHS]

Sorry.

Tree, am I a big guy?

Yeah, Johnny.

No. Look.

See? You're the big guy.

And we need you to start
playing like a big guy.

Okay?
Are you a big guy?

- Yes, Johnny.
- Come on. Say it.

Say it!

I'm a big guy!
Okay!

Okay? Okay?
Okay.

Okay, hit me.

I don't want to hit you, Johnny.

- Come on, Tree. Hit me!
- [LAUGHING] Johnny…

I'm not Johnny!
I'm a New York ranger!

Hit me!
Stop it!

You look like the back end
of a moose, sasquatch.

[YELLING]
[GROANING]

You all right?

Just like that, Tree.

You hit me like that, I'll kick your ass.
[MEN CHATTERING]

Eskimo soup.

I'm beginning to have
second thoughts about this.

And having Chuck fuck as our liaison
with the network doesn't help.

If they're gonna be pouring
a lot of money into it,

I suppose you have to let them sell it.
I suppose.

Besides, if they're going to be
doing a profile on the town,

it's as good as a commercial.

Our tourism might grow.

You know, this is the kind
of opportunity that…

what?

What's that?

Skank Marden's been in this bed.

[CHARLES]
You gotta be kidding me.

Well, that's just great.

Shit!

What?
Uh, we got a problem.

What problem? [SIGHS] Uh…

they're not coming.

What do you mean, not coming?

Evidently, the ranger players…

Filed some kind of grievance
with the players' union,

and, uh… we tapped ourselves
on the construction.

[SIGHS] Are you saying that we're
not going to get that money now?

Uh, I don't think so, no.

I'm really sorry, Scott.
I don't… I don't even…

Jesus Christ, Scott!
Ow!

Jesus! Oh, man!

Hey, hey.
That's enough.

It's keeping the kids awake.
Come on.

I should arrest him.
That's what I should do.

Arrest him for what?

Fraud.

Hey, he promised something
that he couldn't deliver.

This town spent money,

relying on
Charlie danner's word.

Flying in here on a helicopter,

swinging the New York rangers
from his belt. Come on, John.

You can't blame Charlie for that.
Who else is there to blame?

You want to sympathize
with the guy, fine.

But I really do not
need you taking his side.

- Okay. What is going on?
- You tell me.

Okay, I think I've been pretty patient
with this little jealousy thing.

The truth is, I've been a little bit
flattered. Now I'm getting insulted.

You're insulted?
Yes, John.

When you read my smiling at him
as a threat, that insults me.

It is not just
a random smile, Donna.

[SCOFFS] Ever since
he came back…

You've been walking around with
a big "what if" on your face.

We've been married 12 years.
Three kids.

Sweetheart, I know your smiles.

And that smile is not for me.

John, everyone in this goddamn town
peeks over the snowbank and wonders.

Except you wonder what it
would be like with him…

Charlie fuckin' danner!

Don't talk to me about betrayal.

You became half dead the minute you were
bumped from that team. You disappeared.

This is not an easy place
for a woman, John.

I thank god every day
I gave birth to boys.

I never chose to stay.
I chose you.

Give me that, at least.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Move that puck, fellas!
He's opening up!

Pass it out to the wing!

Pass the puck! Pass that puck!
That a boy!

Over here!
Whoo!

[BOYS SHOUTING]
Hi.

Young man, lift your elbows.

And that'll keep the blade
flat on the ice.

I mean, you paid
for the whole stick.

You might as well use it all, huh?
Try it.

Good! Good, mcgowan! Good.

Hey. I'm goin' on a piss later.
You wanna join me?

[CHUCKLES]

No.

The league is taking
the players' union…

To federal court
in New York on Tuesday.

It might help if mystery
had a face there.

There's an estoppel argument
you could make.

Implied third-party contract
too.

Hmm.

Well, now we really have something
to talk about, don't we?

You slept with another man.

What's to talk about, Mary Jane?

All I've got…

Is the notion that being
adored by your husband…

Is enough in life.

You never touch me.

[SIGHS]

Go ahead.

[SIGHS]

[MAN] Nothing in the basic
agreement allows them…

To schedule exhibition games.

Of course we can schedule exhibition games.
Pre-season exhibition, but…

your honor, nothing has ever limited this
to pre-season. You know this, Harold.

[HAROLD] It's a cheap stunt, your
honor, and everybody knows that.

They want the ranger players to go up to
the north pole and play pond hockey…

With a bunch of eskimos.

It's a big gimmick.
I mean, Mr. Pruitt himself…

Has brought one of his
lumberjack players with him…

To help him further
the exploitation.

Objection, your honor.

That's-that's not
a very nice thing to say.

Your honor, we've already spent
a lot of money on this game.

You can sue the league
for restitution.

That's assuming that money
damages could make us whole.

But our reputation
has been hurt.

Reputation? Price world tried to
move up there, you opened fire.

What reputation?

- Could I be heard?
- Go ahead.

We do have our pride.

And…

And, uh, maybe sometimes it's a little too
connected to how well we play hockey,

but we do have our pride.

And all of you,
and all the TV commentators…

Have been going around
saying that this is a farce…

that this is all a big joke.

Our town is a big joke.

Is there a legal argument coming?
It's estoppel.

It's-it's in my brief.

What-what did you call… you
called my friend something before.

What did you call him?
A lumberjack.

That boy has a heart bigger
than this whole courtroom.

He plays to play.

He skates to skate!

He don't make
a million bucks a year!

He loves the game of hockey!

He loves it.

Judge,

you can't take this game
away from us.

You can't.
It's not about money.

It's about our…

Mr. Pruitt?
Are you all right?

- Bailey?
- Mr. Pruitt?

[COUGHS]

[PEOPLE CLAMORING]

Bailey? Bailey? Bailey? [JUDGE]
Somebody get this man some help!

He's having a heart attack!
Somebody help him!

Jesus Christ. [JUDGE]
Bailiff, call 911.

Bailey!
Give him some air!

Get somebody in here now!

He's not breathing!

Bailey!
Bailey!

♪ Holy, holy ♪

♪ lord god almighty ♪

♪ early in the morning ♪

♪ the sun shall rise ♪
♪ to thee ♪

♪ Holy, holy, holy ♪

♪ merciful and mighty ♪

♪ god in three persons ♪

♪ blessed Trinity ♪

My, uh…

my boy Mike once asked Bailey
how he got to be so fat.

He said it was…

Because every time
he met somebody he liked,

his heart would grow a little.

There were just so many
good people in mystery…

That eventually his body had
to expand to accommodate.

He could have left if he
wanted, but he stayed.

Not because other worlds
weren't available to him.

Because he loved this place.

"This is a hockey town,"
he'd say.

And he never said it like it was something
we should have to apologize for.

We're a hockey town.

I love this town too, John.

[FOOTSTEPS]

You sent him, didn't you?

To New York.

He won.

Game's back on?

You're in this now, old bear.

You have to coach.

If I'm coaching,

I need a captain on the ice.

Move it!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Move it, Stevie!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Come on, birdie!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Move it!

- [BLOWS WHISTLE] Move it, birdie!
- I'm moving!

Let's go, guys! Let's do this!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Pick up your feet!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Push over!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]

[MEN SHOUTING]

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Oh, man, I'm dying.

You lose a puck
over there in the bank,

you give it to the other team.

If you lose a puck…

Along the boards,
you gotta fight for it!

Do you understand me?

Yes, sir. [MEN] Yes, sir!

[MEN SHOUTING]

Come on, you guys!
Pick 'em up!

Whoo!

[ALL SHOUTING]

[SHOUTING, WHOOPING]

[MARY JANE] So, who
are you gonna get?

Oh, some celebrity.

To sing the national anthem?
Uh-huh.

That's great.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Yeah. Yeah, it's good.

[KNOCKING]
Coming!

Don't worry. I didn't come
here to sleep with you.

I came to see your husband.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Uh…

I, uh,

I just wanted to say,

you know, that I'm sorry.

Uh, the truth is, I don't
really think about anything.

I play hockey and I fornicate…

Because they're the two most
fun things in cold weather.

And…

When I get too old
to play in the game,

I'll probably just end up a
drunk, like my dad. [LAUGHS]

I didn't mean to hurt you.

And, uh,

I know that your
being mayor and all,

this game is a real
positive reflection on you.

Anyway, I'm gonna do everything
I can to win this game…

for mystery,

for dead Bailey,

for you.

That's all I came to say.

[SIGHS]

[CROWD SHOUTING,
CHEERING]

Oh, my god! Is the
whole team in there?

[CHEERING INTENSIFIES]

How are you? Welcome to mystery.
Oh, my god!

Steroids? [SCOFFS] Yeah.

Big. Uh-huh. Yeah.

[SCOFFS]
Not that big.

Go for it! Hey,
what's your name?

Make it out to Stevie.
Stevie.

Here you go, Stevie. Wow.

Uh, a little problem, Johnny.

[WHISPERING]

♪ Ever since I was young ♪
♪ it's been my dream ♪

♪ That I might drive the ♪
♪ zamboni machine aah! ♪

[♫ CONTINUES, INDISTINCT]

[SIREN BLARES]

[SIREN CONTINUES]

♪ Yeah, I wanna drive ♪
♪ the zamboni ♪

♪ Well, I wanna drive ♪
♪ the zamboni ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

- What the hell do you think you're doing?
- I'm leaving town.

What are you doing? Come on.
Get down.

Why? It's my zamboni, right?
I brought it here.

- You want me to take you in?
- What, are you gonna arrest me for reckless zamboni dri…

fine. Take me in, John.
I don't care.

Why don't you impound
my helicopter?

Whoa. Why don't you break
my goddamn nose too, huh?

- They'd probably elect you mayor.
- [LAUGHS]

- You wanna get some coffee?
- I… where's my parade? Huh?

I brought 'em here.
Why don't I get a parade?

You know what I'd settle for
is a thank you.

[LAUGHS]
This fuckin' town.

You know, when I left,
this town rejected me.

Huh?

The day I checked out of here,
all I could think about…

Was the day I would chug back
in with a pulitzer in my hand.

And I would step off that train
and say,

"why don't you
skate on this, you…"

[GAGS] I'm sick.
Oh, god, I'm sick. Oh, god.

[RETCHING]

[SIGHS]

So that's what this
is all about, Charlie?

You saying fuck you
to all of us?

No, it's not.

Goddamn, John,
what do I gotta do?

Huh? This town is hockey,
hockey, hockey, right?

So I bring back
the New York rangers.

The New York rangers!
You don't get it, do you?

Oh, I… clearly not.

Well, leaving out the fact that you
set all this up for your own benefit,

we agreed to a game
of pond hockey,

on open ice.

Now we're playing on a rink
in a box…

boards, blue lines, referees.

What if we lose this game
25-zip, Charlie?

You brought back
the one thing…

That could tear the heart
out of this place.

[SIGHS]

Now, either you
thought about that,

or you didn't.

Finally got them down. Uh-huh.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Dear Abby.

All the words are crossed out.

Not the important ones.

Just read it.

"Radiant.

"Maximum.
[LAUGHS]

"Madly.

"Fancy.

"Simple.

"Stamina.

Wedding."
John.

Keep reading.

"Body.

"Baby son.

"Bedroom. Morning.
Expressive. Tender.

"Take care.

"Love. Patience.

"Amends.

[WHISPERING]
Human."

It's beautiful, honey.

[DOOR OPENS]
John?

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey!

Yeah. Heard you lost
a little.

Ah! Whoo!
You can't catch me!

[LAUGHING]

Okay. All right.
Okay.

Hmm.

[COYOTE HOWLING]

Mmm!

[GRUNTING]

[CONTINUES GRUNTING]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

Inuit, eskimo… whatever. Just
zero in on faces that look local.

Okay, ready, five?
Take five.

Welcome back.
I'm Jim fox.

And joining me right now is hockey
legend Donnie shulzhoffer…

In from flin flon, manitoba.

Donnie, let's get right to it.

I've had a chance to see the mystery
team practice. They skate fast,

and a couple of guys
can really shoot the puck.

Look, the alaskans have never taken on a
team of this size and skill before, okay?

And don't kid yourself. The New York
rangers are taking this game personal.

All right? It isn't
exactly rocket surgery.

Now send the kids
out of the room.

I don't care how fast a skater you
are, if you don't play this game…

With a big heart and a big
bag of knuckles…

In front of the net,
you don't got dinky-do.

[CROWD CHATTERING,
WHOOPING]

He'll see you now.
Oh!

Oh, wow.

Uh, th… thank you for
seeing me, mister…

little Richard.

This is an honor.

May I?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Little Richard,
I'm from mystery.

Now, this is a little town
that derives…

Much of its esteem from hockey.

I was wondering.

When you're singing
the national anthem…

well… I'm cold.

Yes.

Which makes what I'm
about to ask…

Seem like a monumental request.

Can I get one? Okay, everybody,
get your newspapers here.

One newspaper apiece. Hi.
Enjoy the game.

Hello. I'm Doug mcleod, and
with me is NHL hall of famer…

And two-time Stanley cup
winner, Phil esposito.

It's the great Alaskan
hockey rush…

brought to you live
by the national hockey league…

And the sports broadcasting
corporation,

[EXPLODES] Pitting the
New York rangers…

Against a cinderella team from the
tiny town of mystery, Alaska.

And here come
the red, white and blue.

[MAN]
♪ Start spreading the news ♪

♪ I'm leaving today ♪

♪ I want to be ♪

♪ a part of it ♪
[LAUGHING]

♪ New York, New York ♪
- [MAN] Look at this! Wow. No respect. I love it.

♪ These vagabond shoes ♪

♪ are longing to stray ♪

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

♪ Right through ♪
♪ the very heart of it ♪

And here come
the boys of winter.

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

All right!
[LAUGHING]

[MCLEOD] Well, there are only
11 skaters to the rangers' 18,

but also,
it's minus ten outside.

[ESPOSITO] That kind of cold can
be rough on the new yorkers.

There's no doubt about it. But mystery's going
to need more than the cold on their side.

Yeah, Stevie! The town's
grocer is their best scorer,

their fastest guy
is a high school kid…

And the captain
is the town sheriff.

[LAUGHING] Like we said,
folks, this is a small town.

And the size of this ice surface could
be an equalizer for the mystery team.

It'll definitely help. I've never
seen ice this big. [LAUGHING]

It's even bigger
than the olympic rinks.

[ANNOUNCER] And now, to sing
the national anthem, the one,

the only, little Richard!

[♫ ORGAN PLAYS INTRO]

[MAN]
"Tutti frutti"!

This is great, huh?

♪ Oh, say can ♪

♪ you see ♪

♪ by the dawn's ♪

♪ early light ♪

♪ what so proudly ♪
♪ proudly ♪

Camera three, stay off the rangers.
They look miserable.

They're freezing already. Why the
hell is he singing so goddamn slow?

♪ And the home ♪

♪ of the ♪

♪ brave ♪
- [CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

♪ Whoooo ♪
- [LAUGHING] Yeah!

♪ Ooh-whoo ♪

Wow! Maybe the cold slowed him down.
Beautiful.

- All right, the starting lineups…
- ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Canada uh-oh. Great! ♪

Starting to piss me off.

Where does it say
Canadian national anthem?

♪ We stand ♪

♪ on guard ♪

♪ for thee ♪
- You all right?

The mystery team
has a shot, right?

♪ Canada ♪
- A shot at what?

Hey, listen, buddy.

Do you know where a guy can get
a rub and a tug around here?

What?

[MCLEOD] Here we go.
Let's play hockey.

All the hoopla is over.

The puck drops here.

[PANTING]

[PLAYERS SHOUTING] Jackson
dumps banks and gets the draw.

Back to Billy wasson. He moves
up and gives back to Jackson.

He takes it wide
and gains the mystery zone.

Down the borders with Lane
checking Jackson around the net.

Back to wasson, wide open.
Shoots… what a save by holt!

Get it out, guys!
Get it out!

[MCLEOD] Mystery is rattled. They're
running around like a house league.

- Don't chase! Don't chase!
- Get it!

Jackson controls again.
Over to king.

He moves it to wasson,
over to robertson.

Nifty toe drag around banks. Shoots!
And a save by holt.

Shit. Rangers in control.
Holt with another save!

[ESPOSITO] It's a shooting
gallery out there!

[MCLEOD] Wasson, a shot.
Jackson shooting.

Finally, holt controls
the rebound.

He dishes it around
behind the net for John biebe.

[WALTER] Take your time! Take your time!
And the captain holds it there.

Rangers press
as mystery breaks out.

Biebe on over to banks in the corner.
Go to Connor!

And there's the pass.

Here comes weeks.
He is behind the advance.

It is one on one
with Sam gainer.

It is a two-man hockey game
right here!

He leads left, goes right,
shoots… scores!

Weeks scores on the breakaway, and
mystery leads, one to nothing.

That's cool! [MCLEOD]
Unbelievable.

One step and he was gone.

That kid can actually fly.

Two minutes
into the first period,

mystery gets on the board first,

and this home crowd is going crazy.
Whoo!

Here we go at center ice.

Rangers win again. Duffin
chased into the mystery zone.

Biebe back to get it.
Neskorami on the porch.

And hard! He stamps the
captain into the screen!

High sticking, fuck shit!

No! So much for a
friendly exhibition game.

- Play the man!
- Mystery has settled a bit,

but the rangers
continue to control.

This is ranger hockey.

Wasson's back for a shot…
and winetka steals!

Here comes the odd-man rush.
It is Ben and galin.

[ESPOSITO]
Look at the passing here!

[MCLEOD] Connolly trailing.
Drop, pass, shot.

- Saved by gainer!
- Shit!

He moves it around to yeaton. Swings
a pass on the take to lovulette.

- Oh!
- Oh, yes, indeed!

Great hit. Did you see that?
That's my tree!

And some rangers take exception
to that hit. [ALL SHOUTING]

Okay, that's it!
You're gone!

Outta here. Get out.

- [SHOUTING] - Hey, that
one is too small, eh?

Next time send me a bigger one.

[SHOUTING]
The biggest one you got.

Knock it off.
That'll be enough.

[JOHNNY]
Come on, this is your puck!

[MCLEOD] Banks wins the draw.
Over to Marden, up toward burns.

And here they come,
five on four!

Burns lays it
behind the net to weeks.

Now mystery sets off on the
power play in the ranger zone.

They're looking to find Connor banks.
He is the sniper.

Biebe. Banks.
One-timer! Scores!

- Yes!
- Yeah!

Connor banks and a one-timer
from biebe! Wow!

Great pass!
Great pass!

And it's mystery two
and the rangers zero.

[ESPOSITO] This kid Connor has
got a shot like a bullet.

I mean, he's a grocery clerk,
for crying out loud.

The rangers look stunned, Doug.

We're bringing them down, guys!

Two-nothing.
Let's keep it up!

Whoo!
They act like lumberjacks!

[♫ "LA CUCARACHA"
OVER P.A.]

Donnie, the mystery boys… two
unanswered goals in the first period.

Jimmy, you gotta love these kids.
God knows I do.

What is going on? Somebody
lit a fire under their ass.

This is a-number one,
first-class hockey.

You know I'm not a fan
of that tippy-tappy,

tic-tac-toe, wide-open skating.

But I'm telling you, some pretty
good goals. I'm loving these kids.

I want to adopt them.
How's that?

I want to clean them up
and raise them as my own.

Someone who's
not surprised, Brian.

Donna biebe,
wife of captain John biebe.

Well, what a period.
Yes, it was.

What's it like seeing your husband
out there with the New York rangers?

It's great.
It's something, actually.

Did you see
your daddy out there?

I have a toy pony.
He takes big shits.

Excellent.
Back to you.

Defensemen…

Use each other as outlets.

Yes, coach!
Hunt in corners!

They're not that good.
We can beat these guys.

They're not that good! [WALTER]
You're damn right we can!

Yeah!
[MEN CHEERING, YELLING]

- Come on, let's go!
- [MAN] Ready four? Take four.

Come on, Stevie! [MCLEOD]
Steven weeks, on the move.

Carries out of his own zone.

Look out!
Yeaton rips the head off him!

Weeks over the boards and
into the ranger bench! Wow!

Come on! And now they help
weeks back onto the ice…

- In that New York way.
- Give me my stick!

[ESPOSITO] Man, he's lucky
to get out of there alive.

[MCLEOD] Well, the rangers
have stepped it up, Phil.

Coach Higgins must have had
one of his screaming fits…

Between periods.
Now, look at this.

The rangers are platooning
back and forth…

Between the warm dressing room.

- [ESPOSITO] Well, that's something I've never seen.
- That's not legal.

Is that legal?
That's not legal.

[MCLEOD] The rangers
continue the pressure.

Pick up the man in front!
Pick him up!

Scores!

And the rangers
are finally on the board.

Let's go, guys.
Let's go!

Rangers on another rush. Three
on two, wide across the ice.

Back into the slot,
shot, scores!

The slap shot beats holt
on the stick side,

and that ties it up at two.

[MAN] Put a body
in front of him!

[MCLEOD] Rangers go back to work now.
Robertson to wasson.

There's a move
behind the net to Rourke.

A puck shot to…
shoots and he scores!

Yeah! [LAUGHING] That's hockey!

[ESPOSITO] It's really starting
to unravel for mystery.

They just lost their composure,
and now they are paying for it.

Rangers take their first lead
of the game, three to two,

with 12h minutes left
in the period.

And back comes mystery.
Birdie burns with biebe.

Burns shooting!

What the fuck was that? Biebe
torpedoed into the net!

That sets off another scuffle.

[MEN SHOUTING] [MAN]
Hey, fuck you!

He's back up
and rejoins the play.

- Burns carries through centre ice.
- Pass it!

He's got banks on the wing. Pass to
the middle. Robertson catches it.

- Oh! What a hit!
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]

[ESPOSITO] Birdie burns is caught
trying to do it all by himself…

And he got his wings trimmed
right there, man.

Birdie.
You don't pass, you sit.

[MCLEOD]
Now Skank Marden carries out.

Hooked by neskorami,
Marden goes down.

- Rangers score!
- [MAN] What the hell was that?

- Marden was hooked.
- Are you crazy?

- How many times are you gonna let him hook me?
- [ALL SHOUTING]

Back off!
Back off!

And another ranger line comes
back warm from the locker room.

Holt comes out
and sheriff's deputy…

Bobby michan goes in at goal.

Saved! Michan stacks
the pads!

And mystery comes
streaking back the other way.

The winetkas lead the way.
They gain the zone.

Back over the blue line.
And it's intercepted!

[ESPOSITO] Jackson's on a breakaway!
On center ice.

No way.
And Lane chases.

He… scores!

Five unanswered goals, and the
rangers are steamrolling.

- [MAN] Come on, mystery!
- Damn!

We'll be right back
with the third period.

[GROANS]

[♫ BIG BAND SWING
OVER P.A.]

Different story
in the second period.

The rangers have all the momentum now.
Five straight goals.

I feel really bad for these boys, Jimmy.
I really do.

Nobody told them
it was just a show.

[JIMMY] There's still a period to go.
Twenty minutes. Any hope?

- I hate to say it. They're done like dinner.
- Aw, bullshit.

Hey, we're on the air.

Don't panic.
Don't panic.

We'll get our shots.
We're not out.

Balls to the walls, huh?

[GROANS]

You're gonna need some
stitches, John. After.

[GROANING] Oh, Jesus.
Can't hold a stick.

It might be broken.

Well, tape it,
'cause I'm not coming out.

- Tape it.
- We'll look at it after the game, all right?

You all right, John?
Yeah.

Here's what I want.
One man in, wings on wings.

Nobody pinches. Trap the neutral zone.
Why? We're down.

I want to keep the score close. As long
as it's not a rout, we go home winners.

Now, if we gain the zone, you get
across the blue line, you dump.

Send in only the first guy.
What are you talking about?

- I'm talking about we're beaten.
- We're not beaten.

I'm not beaten!

We're in this game!

Anybody here tired? No. No.

- Anybody fuckin' tired?
- [TOGETHER] No!

- Holt?
- I'm just warming up, sheriff.

- Connor?
- I'm ready, John.

- Birdie, you with us?
- Yup.

Good. The rangers are starting
to breathe through their mouths.

Their strides
are getting shorter.

Do not give these guys
too much respect.

- They didn't pull a dog sled, did they?
- [ALL] No.

- They didn't skate the river, did they?
- [ALL] No.

Forget about that fucking
circus out there.

That's still black ice.
This is our pond.

You're goddamn right.
That's right.

- Biebe's right. We gotta take it
to these guys. - [ALL TALKING]

Heads up!

This is our pond.

Nice assist.

I will. I will.
We gotta do it together, man.

[MEN CHATTERING]

[LAUGHING, WHOOPING]

[MCLEOD] Mystery is hoping the cold
of night will stem this ranger tide.

Get it, John! But the rangers
are right back on the attack.

Oh! And a huge hit
by biebe!

It's payback time,
and that one's for Stevie weeks.

Face-off on the rangers' end.
Rangers get the draw.

Cangrapoole along the boards. Lane
pitches, and the puck squirts free.

- Jackson's got it!
- Eleven, pick him up!

Come on, boys.
Cover it!

He's gone on the breakaway. This
could really put mystery away.

They're chasing,
but Jackson's all alone.

- Come on!
- Jackson fakes and shoots!

A huge save by holt!

[ESPOSITO] Holt stood on his head.
I've never seen a save like that!

Great save, holt.
Come on, guys.

Come on, Tree. Let's go, baby.
Come on, galin. Let's go now.

Face-off at the mystery
blue line.

Rangers win the draw.
Back to Rory.

- And both winetkas forecheck.
- Take it in!

Galin knocks the puck to brother
Ben and carries it into the zone.

Connolly trails.
He has it in his sights.

He shoots… scores!

And he rips the shot
over gainer's glove!

Yeah! Ha!
Yeah!

Goal by 29. All right,
we're back in it, boys!

Wow, Johnny!

Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
Let's go!

That makes it five to three,
and mystery has a pulse again.

But the rangers
control the puck.

Back to wasson. He winds for the shot.
Marden drops to block.

Oh, my god. [ESPOSITO] Oh, man!
Does that gotta hurt!

- Oh, mommy.
- He really took one in the siege for the team.

[MCLEOD] Mystery gets the loose
puck and heads the other way.

Now Marden is slow to get up.

And Phil, you don't see a guy just lie
down in front of a Billy wasson…

90-mile-an-hour slap shot
very often.

[ESPOSITO] Mystery is giving everything
they've got. This is great hockey.

Everybody in!

As soon as you cross
the blue line,

holt, you come, Skank, you go.
Yeah.

Three men on the puck.
Defense, you gotta pinch!

Throw it at the net.
Everybody's gotta crash.

- Come on, let's go!
- Right with you, sir.

Hang if you have to, Connor.
Got it.

- Blow it out your ass.
- [LAUGHING]

Plenty of time. Plenty of time.
Let's go! Come on, guys!

1:26.
Two goals down.

And time is running out for mystery.
Desperation time, Doug.

Look for burns
to pull their goalie.

They want to get that extra
attacker into the play.

Come on! It's not over!
Mystery! Mystery!

Mystery! Mystery! [CROWD
CHANTING] Mystery! Mystery!

Let's rock, boys.
Let's get it going!

[CROWD]
Mystery! Mystery!

And banks wins it.
Biebe carries.

And there goes holt. [ESPOSITO]
Six attackers. The net's empty.

[MCLEOD] On the wing to weeks.
He gains the zone.

And here comes mystery. Let's
see how they work the puck.

From right wing to right point,
down low to birdie burns.

Here comes burns, working for a shot.
He's gonna shoot.

No, he passes the puck
to biebe! Shoots!

- Scores!
- [TOGETHER] Yea!

Biebe scores off a great pass
from birdie burns.

- Yeah!
- Five to four, mystery down by one,

and now, 43 seconds to play.

It's not over yet! Who would have
ever guessed it would get to this?

Did you see that? Mystery, Alaska, one
goal away from tying the New York rangers.

Come on!
One more! One more!

Don't rush the shot.
Three men across the blue line.

Skank, you in the middle.

Yeah. Work it down low, look for Connor.
Don't rush it.

Forty-three seconds,

and then the rest of your lives.

Forty-three seconds.
You own that time.

It's your time.
Am I right?

Right on! Take it! Take it!

Mystery's gonna keep
their goalie on the bench.

Six on five,
with the empty net behind.

[ESPOSITO] They're going for it.
Everything's on the line!

This is what this game's
all about.

[MCLEOD] Rangers win the draw.
Robertson for the empty net!

And he just missed it!

Plenty of time!
Plenty of time!

Biebe slowing it down
behind the net.

Stay high.
All the way in, Stevie.

Now weeks takes it and
carries it on down the wing.

- [ESPOSITO] This kid still has got the jets.
- Yes! Yes!

[MCLEOD] They'll be working to
free up Connor banks in the slot.

Here comes mystery.
Banks trying to get free.

Biebe's got it!
Here comes Connor banks!

He's got a shot!

[GROANING]

[ALARM SOUNDS]

[NO AUDIO]

[NO AUDIO]

Wow.

Mystery! Mystery!

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE
CONTINUE]

Good game.
Good game.

Good game.
Good game.

Nice game.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Great game, son.

Great game, judge.

Stevie!
Hey.

I can't believe you're leaving.
I know.

We never even had sex.

I'll be back
in a couple of months.

You better.

For real?
Can you believe it?

[YELLING, LAUGHING]

Oh, man! [LAUGHING]
Yeah, I know.

Your little garden
is gonna have fun.

There's some serious turnip
to hoe in New York City.

I'm not going to the New
York rangers right away.

They're sending me to binghamton,
which is like the ahl.

Yeah!
[BOTH LAUGHING]

Stevie weeks too?
Yeah.

Both to binghamton, huh?
Two-way contracts.

To start with.
They'll make it.

They won't be coming back.

Shame they couldn't
take Skank with them, huh?

Well, good for you, John. You'll
be back in the Saturday game then.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Until you can
find a way to bump me again.

All right, folks.
Gotta go.

Love to stay, but, uh, gotta go.

You're not going on
the helicopter? No.

There's no room on that thing. I got a
car waiting to take me to Fairbanks.

- Hey, Charlie.
- Yeah?

Thank you.

- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]

I'm gonna say goodbye to Connor.

He's a…

you got a great family there.

I do.
Yeah.

Well, we don't have to say goodbye, really.
I hope to be back in June.

Don't bring the Yankees.

I love you.

Bye.

Bye.

John.

[HELICOPTER ENGINE
STARTING]

[MAN]
♪ I just want to see you ♪

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

♪ I just want ♪
♪ to catch you if I can ♪

- [♫ CONTINUES, INDISTINCT]
- Bye.

♪ All I want ♪
♪ is for you to stay ♪

♪ Why don't you just take me ♪
♪ where I've never been before ♪

So that blocked shot
must have really hurt, huh?

Not too bad.

'Cause I have three hours till
my crew's ready to leave.

♪ I love you till the end ♪

♪ I love you till the end ♪

♪ I just want to be there ♪

♪ when we're caught ♪
♪ in the rain ♪

♪ I just want to see you laugh ♪
♪ not cry ♪

♪ I just want to feel you ♪

♪ when the night puts on ♪
♪ its cloak ♪

♪ I'm lost for words ♪
♪ don't tell me ♪

♪ 'Cause all I can say ♪
♪ I love you till the end ♪

♪ I love you till the end ♪

♪ I'll love you till the end ♪

[KIDS SHOUTING]

♪ I'll love you till the end ♪

♪ I'll love you till the end ♪

♪ all I can say ♪
♪ I'll love you till the end ♪