Original subtitles

[ Man ] * You've got to

* Give a little

* Take a little

* And let your poor heart break a little *

* That's the story of

* That's the glory of love *

[ Chattering ] ** [ Continues ]

Let me tell you something. You two women couldn't be more beautiful if you were paid for.

Denny! What?

God, you're sexy. Marry me.

- How 'bout a dance instead? - Then we can get married.

Alimony check's already cuttin'.

He's certainly in his element tonight.

Are you?

I could be, with proper coaxing.

Do you know what I'd really like to do? Tell me.

I would like you to take me home and ravage me,

leaving me weak, gasping for breath...

and pregnant.

** [ Slows Down ]

What was that last part?

I want to have a baby. Yours.

- You live here? - No, no, no. Don't be silly.

I have a big home in the burbs.

I just use this place in the city for quickies.

You make it sound so romantic.

Oh, we're so right for each other, Cynthia. Mmm.

I can feel it. [ Chuckling ]

You're hot. I'm in heat.

We're a match... waiting to ignite.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, Denny.

I have a career, and my career is very important to me.

What do you do? Men. Rich men.

Oh. Now, don't get me wrong.

I went out with you because I find you funny and attractive.

And I'm a huge sucker for power.

But... if you want to have sex, it'll cost you $5,000.

Five... thousand?

What if you stayed a power sucker...

inside the car?

2,500. Here's 3,000.

Oh! You are so sweet. Mmm.

[ Clicking Sound ] Oh! Does that cost extra?

You're under arrest for violation of Massachusetts General Laws,

Chapter 272, Section 53A, Sexual Conduct for a Fee.

You have the right to remain silent. Oh, come on.

If you give up that right to remain silent,

anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

[ Mirandizing ] [ Sighs ] I even liked you.

[ Mirandizing Continues ] Change of plans, Jeffrey.

Take me to jail.

Here we go again.

** [ Funk ] ** [ Man Vocalizing ]

[ Man ] * Uh-huh

* All right

* Come on

* Ah

* Come on All right *

* Well, yeah

* Well, yeah

* Outlaw *

I can't believe she was an undercover cop.

I should've known something was up when she called me "handsome."

Did you actually give her money?

It was entrapment, man. You saw the way she was dressed.

My bet? I was targeted.

Alan. Denny. Shirley.

Let me introduce Katie Lloyd. She's joining us today.

She's fresh out of law school. Very fresh.

That took all of one second.

Perhaps we can get a cup of coffee later.

That took five seconds.

Well, well, well. Denny Crane.

What are you doing in my law firm?

It's not your firm, Denny. I'm a senior partner, remember?

Or has your brain shrunk since we last met?

At that time, I believe it was the size of a pea.

- I see you've made a friend. - We had a deal, Sack.

I stay out of New York. You steer clear of Boston.

- What's he doing here? - New sheriff in town, Denny.

Here. Let me help you get settled.

What do you mean "new sheriff"? I'm the sheriff.

You've seen my spurs.

Hello.

Hello.

We'll talk about this later. We will talk about it now.

Okay, fine. Go to my office then. Fine! Where is it?

Very peppy here. [ Chuckles ] Yes.

Uh, we apologize for any temporary inconvenience,

but until the renovations are complete, you'll be sharing an office.

Jerry Espenson, this is Katie Lloyd.

Nice to meet you, Jerry.

Hello! Welcome! Hello! [ Chuckles ]

Jerry graciously volunteered to share his office.

Well, I'll let you get settled.

I believe we have a staff meeting scheduled for 11:00.

Brilliant.

[ Grunts ] Oh! I should perhaps get organized.

Yes.

Yes. Oh. Yes.

You're pretty. Oh, you're very kind to say so.

- And you seem so nice. - Thank you for that as well.

I'm not being forward. Don't be alarmed.

It's just... not all litigators are nice people.

Denise Bauer is nice, but she's on maternity.

Brad Chase was nice. Now he's gone.

I was beginning to think nice people don't last long around here.

So I'm so happy to see another one arrive.

This was just assigned to us by the court. Indigent client.

Old lawyer jumped in front of a bus. Now he needs a new one.

What is it?

It appears to be a strangulation.

I have a murder trial.

Any advice as to what I should do first?

Well, I suppose you should first meet with the client.

He didn't sound very pleasant as the police report read.

No, he didn't. Can't say I want to meet him.

Arrested for what?

Uh, it was a conflict of interest.

I was involved with this cop who was working on a case that I was involved with.

- Oh, dear God! - Alan will take care of it.

No, he will not! I need Alan.

- I'll get you somebody else. - I don't want anybody else!

I don't care. I need Alan.

Now, please leave, and try not to get arrested on your way out.

You said we'd talk about Carl Sack!

I lied. Out, now.

I did tell Denny I'd help him.

Here's the deal. I'm rich.

I soothe my guilt by making various donations,

most recently one to Stanford to the tune of three million dollars.

- I rescinded, and they're suing me. - You're being sued by Stanford?

My donation was earmarked to develop technologies to combat greenhouse gas emissions.

I've since learned ExxonMobil also made a contribution-- 100 million.

-Afraid the study's been bought? -I'm not giving them my money.

So he's in charge of litigation? Apparently.

What about Shirley? Evidently, she didn't want to.

Is he gonna reshuffle everything? I hear he's a reshuffler.

Shh. Here he comes.

- Hello. - Hello.

Hello.

What's with the shifty eyes, son?

That wasn't nice.

Sorry. I didn't mean anything.

Truth is, my favorite uncle had eyes exactly like yours.

He liked to touch small children in bad places.

Do you like that, son?

[ Squeals ]

[ Shouting ] Counselor, hey!

He jumped in front of a bus? Evidently.

Is there anything you can tell me about my client? Well, you won't like him.

He's cuffed and shackled, so you're okay.

We'll keep the other guard in the corner. I appreciate that.

If you need anything-- [ Buzzer Buzzes ]

[ Gate Door Closes, Lock Clicking ]

Hello, Mr. Washington.

Um, my name's Katie Lloyd.

I'll be filling in for Mr. Rice,

who suddenly and tragically passed away this week.

I'll be needing to be brought up to speed somewhat and, as such,

shall be seeking continuance.

I anticipate being successful in that endeavor.

But in the meantime, I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind.

Lovely.

I expect there's more where that came from.

Well, I rescued a dog once from a shelter.

He bit me six times before we went on to be fab friends.

- [ Knocking ] - You asked to see me?

Clarence, yes. Please, come in.

I feel as though we got off on a wrong note.

Do you have any hobbies, son?

I'm not sure what you mean.

Well, some people golf. Others go fishing.

Personally, I like to google myself...

in the privacy of my own home.

Do you ever google yourself, son?

You know, in those hard to reach places?

I still don't know what you mean, and I'm finding you to be not very nice.

I never forget a face, Clarence,

and when I saw yours this morning--

You know, sometimes in addition to googling myself, I like to go on YouTube.

One of the current favorites is titled "The Dancing Drag Queen."

* Here we go, loop de loop * Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Shake it up, baby

* Here we go Loop de li-yi-yi *

- * Bend over, let me see you shake your tail feather * - [ Chuckles ]

My favorite part? Coming up right here.

* Bend over Let me see you shake your tail feather, twist-- **

Now, I realize I'm new here, son.

My friend Doris and me entered a contest.

It's at King's Row Kenmore. We've made the quarterfinals.

I see. And the dress?

It's just... something I do sometimes.

Clarence,

it wasn't my intent to come in here and start barking directives,

but I'm going to need you to withdraw from this competition.

What-- What do you mean?

Son, we are in the business of law here.

A law firm has to be discreet, conservative,

reasonable-- [ Scoffs ] modest.

You're listed as a part-time lawyer at Crane, Poole & Schmidt,

and we simply cannot have that--

* Shake it, shake it, shake it Oh, baby, ba-- *

associated with what we are.

But... we're in the quarterfinals.

No, Clarence, Boston is a very small town.

I'm sorry.

And if I refuse to withdraw?

You know, son,

I'm really hoping people don't test me.

- [ Cable Car Bell Dinging ] - [ Elevator Bell Dinging ]

Alan? Shirley.

- Lorraine. - I suppose it was inevitable we'd finally bump heads a bit.

You really should keep your promises, Shirley.

Are you representing Stanford?

It's discourteous not to extend a greeting.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was distracted by your... neck.

- Will you relax? - Don't tell me to relax, Denny.

Telling somebody in an agitated state to relax...

is like telling a starving man not to be hungry.

She's an old girlfriend. The town is full of them. Not like her.

She has a neck-- It's long.

She has eyes and... this neck.

Two necks?

Denny, I had-- [ Stammering ]

There's something addictive about this woman,

and not necessarily in a healthy way.

I would lose myself around her--

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, listen to me.

[ Clears Throat ] We're friends, right?

I would do anything to help you with your problems,

the same as you would do whatever to help me with mine, true?

Yes. I need you to get Gloria to make my arrest go away.

And just like that, we're on to your problem.

Alan, please. I could face jail.

Why are you out with hookers in the first place? Sex!

What'd you think? Cribbage?

Don't you find it a little desperate, Denny? A little sad?

Let's face it. I'm not an attractive man.

And at my point in life, my options are limited.

Denny, you're very attractive. Are you kidding?

Your face is robust.

It has character. You've got that twinkle in your eyes.

You're surprisingly firm.

You really think I'm attractive?

- I do. You know I do. - May I cut in?

No, you may not.

Denny, you still do answer to your name, right?

- Yes, I do. And I still run this place. - No, you don't.

What's more, you don't want to.

You just want to run around, drop your pants, shoot people, date a hooker.

How's the mad cow coming? Let's all pause while you compose a comeback.

- Now you listen to me. - Zing!

Every time somebody counts me out of the game, I surprise them.

- You understand me? - Not at all.

Surprise me.

Hello. Terribly sorry. I'm-- My name's Katie Lloyd.

I'm from the law firm of Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

I've just inherited the Joseph Washington case...

and was wondering if I could trouble you for a continuance.

- I'm sorry. Did you say Crane, Poole & Schmidt? - That's right.

Figures.

May I? Get a continuance? Just a wee one.

You can, though we only plan to enter a plea of second degree.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Um, was there a particular sentence involved?

- Life. - Oh.

That would work well for your side, I suppose.

So, how much do you know about your client?

The relationship's still young. And how old are you?

Twenty-five. Have you ever tried a homicide case before?

Never. Have you ever tried any case before?

Never. Oh, where are my manners? Talking about me.

Are you married? I beg your pardon.

[ Knocking ] Gloria.

Any-- What?

Come on. I had a headache. What? That's never happened to you?

After Denny called and said he'd been arrested,

I couldn't... perform.

Uh-huh. Was that the same headache this morning, or a different one?

The same.

I'll have it as long as these ridiculous charges are hanging over Denny's aching head.

If we could make the charges disappear, my feeling is so would the headache.

Is that why you're here? Because let me tell you something--

Gloria, spare me the speech. Denny's practically family. This was entrapment.

It'll be an ugly trial, one which you will be a part of as a witness.

It's in everybody's favor to make this go away. One of us has that power. It isn't me.

- Interesting to find out where your priorities lie. - So now we know.

Alan?

I still want that baby.

What do you mean you can't do it?

The new head of Litigation says I can't.

But we're in the quarterfinals.

I know.

I don't-- I don't understand. It isn't fair.

Doris, cross-dressing--

The public still perceives it as some kind of sickness.

Law firms--

It's all about image.

- We're in the quarterfinals. - I know.

You can do it without me.

Without you? You know I can't go on stage without you.

I was only able to leave my house 18 months ago.

I can't lose my job, Doris.

Okay.

There's a reason why I gave the money to Stanford.

- To get your niece in? - Besides that.

Given how much the government has been co-opted by the oil companies,

I felt at least academic research would be neutral.

But now-- And this isn't just happening at Stanford, by the way.

Berkeley was given $500 million by a leading oil company. Princeton.

Do we think for a second these contributions won't tilt these findings...

or steer them?

Do you have any evidence that they have?

Oh, yes. The dean put out a memo. "We've been bought."

- What do you think? - I-- I'd like to see that memo, please.

Can you prove that anyone at any of these universities...

has been "bought," as you like to call it?

No. Nor can we prove any elected officials have been corrupted.

We're not talking about the government here, Shirley.

This is a private entity, which you pledged to give money to...

in order to support research that would--

But I no longer trust that research.

Sorry.

A study to explore alternative energy sources...

essentially funded by an oil company--

Would you swallow that?

32667, People versus Joseph Washington.

Good afternoon, Your Honor. Brad Chase for the Commonwealth.

Good afternoon, Your Honor. Katie Lloyd.

I'll be entering my appearance on behalf of Mr. Washington.

Parties are prepared to offer a plea agreement at this time.

Mr. Washington will agree to plead guilty to murder in the second degree.

Commonwealth and the defense offer a joint recommendation for a life sentence.

- This is acceptable to you, Ms. Lloyd? - It is, Your Honor. Thank you.

Mr. Washington, you understand that by pleading guilty...

you are admitting to the charges of the Commonwealth's complaint...

alleging that on the night of November 2, 2006, you, with malice aforethought,

raped and murdered Ann Harris Rivers?

You further understand that you will most likely be serving...

the remainder of your natural life in maximum security prison?

Mr. Washington? I need a response from you.

Mr. Washington?

Sir, if I don't get a verbal response from you, I cannot accept your plea.

- Counsel, have you spoken to your client? - Yes, Your Honor.

One last time, Mr. Washington.

Do you understand and accept the terms of this plea agreement?

The plea is rejected.

We'll have opening statements Tuesday, 10:00 a.m. Adjourned.

I'm sorry. I just got this case. Might I get a continuance?

- No. - Your Honor, it would seem in the interest of justice--

Justice?

Look back there, Mr. Chase.

I don't have to tell you that the husband of the victim...

has shown up in this courtroom repeatedly...

only to learn that the defendant has yet again fired his lawyer at the last second.

Mr. Washington's previous attorney wasn't fired. He jumped in front of a bus.

- I don't care. I'll see you Tuesday at 10:00. - [ Gavel Raps ]

What do you mean? It's going to trial? I thought they reached a plea.

Seems our client didn't reach it or, if so, was unwilling to communicate as much.

Look, as much as I'd like to do this, I've never tried anything.

And Brad Chase is the D.A.? Hey, you!

- Is it, uh, Jerry? - Yes.

Assist Ms. Lloyd with her murder trial.

- [ Squeals ] - Okay.

I just got put on a murder case! Murder!

[ Shuddering ] Can you believe it?

You seem excited-- all of you.

What's wrong?

Sack made me withdraw from the singing contest.

What? How did he even know about it?

Sorry.

Somebody took video and put it on YouTube, so now I'm out.

- But you're in the quarterfinals. - I know.

This Sack is a bad, bad person. I don't like this Sack.

What about Doris?

She's... destroyed.

Tell Alan. He'll fix it. Or tell Shirley.

I can fight my own battles. Clearly you can't, Clarence.

I didn't mean it like that.

Tell Alan. He'll fix that Sack-head. Tell him.

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

Most of the tenants maintain...

that you were an excellent and very reliable custodian,

but several alluded to a possible obsession you had with the victim.

One woman remarked that she thought you invented maintenance issues...

in Mrs. Rivers's unit just to get close to her.

Is any of this true?

Your semen was found inside and on the victim.

I'm sure you've been told this.

Mr. Washington, you must talk to us.

Mr. Washington,

we will go in and fight very hard for you,

but you need to help.

[ Clearing Throat ] May I speak with you a second?

Only if you can make it quick, Clarence. I'm off to court.

Okay. I quit.

A little less quick.

I entered a singing contest as Clarice with a friend.

We've made the quarterfinals. Carl Sack found out.

Said cross-dressers aren't commensurate with the firm's image.

He told me to withdraw or else.

I'm choosing "else."

I thought Clarice was on sabbatical.

She still comes out sometimes. I entered the contest as her.

It's the only way I could get on stage and sing.

But if I want to keep going, I'll get fired,

so I decided I'd quit and save everybody some time.

All right. Look.

There is no way I would let Carl Sack fire you.

Having said that, two things can happen here: I can fix this or you can.

[ Sighs ]

Your goal is to be a full-time lawyer here, is it not? Yes.

Well, then I would suggest you go make your case to Carl Sack...

as you.

You asked to see us, Your Honor? Yes, thank you.

You'll be dropping the charges against Denny Crane immediately.

Thank you.

There a problem? The charges are valid.

No, they're not. I was there, counsel, at least earlier in the evening.

I saw the officer's behavior, as well as her attire.

She cultivated any predisposition on Mr. Crane's part.

This is beyond entrapment.

You're done.

With all due respect, your relationship with the defendant's best friend--

Has no bearing whatsoever,

but it would certainly be called into play should this case ever reach trial,

which would really piss me off.

I don't think you really mean to incur the wrath of a superior court judge,

especially one that can be such a bitch.

You will drop it today before any further investigation...

reveals Mr. Crane to be a target.

Get out.

For the past 11 years, I've taught a class at Harvard on oil and economics,

and I focused specifically on capture.

Capture. Yes. Big oil capturing academia.

It's already happened in the United Kingdom. Now it's happening here.

And they do this by donating money?

Yes. Their sponsorship has some influence obviously.

But what's even more dangerous is that it's an insidious recruiting tool.

Oil companies are making their branding visible to young, impressionable students.

And by the way, we've already seen some universities...

actually tailor their course curriculum to serve the industry.

But let's be fair. Some of these courses are geared toward reducing fossil fuel dependency.

Yes. But most of the research is geological--

where to find new oil fields and how to exploit them.

It's ridiculous.

Do you have any information as to the pledge made by Ms. Schmidt to Stanford?

No.

Do you have any opinion as to whether a valid contract was formed here or not?

No.

You really can't win this, Alan.

The courts consider these donations binding contracts.

People reconsider financial pledges all the time.

And get sued. Come on.

Stanford doesn't want the publicity of a trial here.

Make me an offer, and I'll go away,

if you want me to go away.

[ Bell Dings ] Oh!

[ Clears Throat ]

[ Sighs ]

I had a dream not too long ago about you and an elevator.

Really?

Was I going up or going down?

- [ Warning Bell Rings ] - What are you doing?

Is it serious with this judge?

- Lorraine, start the elevator. - You start it.

I'm not in good enough shape for this.

For what?

[ Chuckling ] You dropped your trial bag.

Did I?

You and I should not be doing...

a case together.

I agree.

We need to settle it, don't we?

Make me an offer.

Right in the elevator? Yeah, I know.

I'm in a monogamous relationship, for God's sake--

one founded very much on trust.

Alan, here's the thing about monogamy-- It only works if you cheat.

Please, don't be glib, Denny. I'm not at all happy about this. I'm sorry.

What are you doing? I'm checking on your flow.

I got Weak Stream Syndrome.

You got nice velocity there. Mmm.

Look at me.

It's not so bad. Oh, please!

I've seen drip coffee percolate faster.

Denny, you're 75. It's fine.

[ Grunts ]

Huh? See? That was good.

You're not just saying so? Mm-mmm.

You're a little red there. Mmm, it's ashamed.

Knows it's been bad. [ Zippers Zipping ]

What? What?

What do you mean, go with you?

Uh, I need to put a human face on it.

Why can't you put your face on it?

I will. I just want to add yours.

It'll help, Doris.

We can go right in to see him... tomorrow.

- What's going on? - We're gonna make our case with Sack.

"We"? I'll do the talking.

- How's the murder case going? - Horrible!

The client left blood, semen, fingerprints, and he won't talk to us!

Horrible! I apologize for my coarse language.

Katie's gone back to try again, but he won't talk. It's awful.

We go to trial in five days, Mr. Washington. You need to talk to me.

The evidence is insurmountable--

Your semen at the scene. Traces of her blood on your locker.

Your confession, which didn't exactly advance our cause.

And if you don't cooperate with us, then we'll have no--

- [ Screaming ] - [ Katie Screams ]

[ Screaming Continues ]

Hold him down. [ Shouting ]

Go. Down. Come on.

Go! Down! Down!

[ Angry Shrieking ]

- You should probably go, counselor! - No.

[ Panting ]

May we continue, Mr. Washington?

Please help my client up.

Got him? Okay.

Got him?

You get one more chance, Joe. Solitary's next.

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

Mr. Washington, did you not commit this crime?

I asked you a question.

Did you not commit this crime?

You're innocent.

We got together for about six months.

Secret. That's the way she wanted it.

And the liaisons would always take place in her apartment?

The night that she was killed-- You were there?

We got together around 5:00.

She was killed around 6:00.

It had to have happened just after I left.

Her blood on your locker?

Somebody put it there.

Somebody had to have put it there.

But he confessed.

After 36 hours of sleep deprivation and who knows what other kind of coercion.

Jerry, this is a man who's never received a break from anybody.

Every lawyer he's ever had has tried to plead him guilty.

He's just resigned himself to being convicted.

Well, if he didn't do it, who did?

I haven't the slightest idea.

She was seeing a therapist. If we can establish that she and Joseph were having an affair--

I'm gonna pay him a visit. Katie, our client-- Have you seen his priors?

I think he's innocent. I really do.

The idea that we would contaminate our findings...

is as preposterous as it is offensive.

Well, if you were given, say, a hundred million dollars by somebody,

don't you at least feel some obligation to pay the piper a little?

Well, if by "pay the piper," you mean fudge the science, no.

I must admit I know nothing...

about this, uh, research funding business.

In my line of work, if somebody who should remain neutral...

takes money from one of the interested parties, we call that a bribe.

There is no quid pro quo whatsoever.

So these oil companies give you money to find ways to put them out of business because--

We don't ask what their expectations are because they're not relevant.

Well, do you think maybe they're doing this for the environmental good?

Objection. Counsel is being very... naughty.

I would appreciate it if you could stop with the little comments in there.

What comments? Naughty and-- Well, naughty.

I was simply objecting to your cross.

Perhaps it was your conscience saying naughty.

Or maybe your id. You have a very active id, Alan.

I don't want to play, Lorraine.

But it's what I do. You never complained before.

- [ Bell Rings ] - Forget it! Not a chance.

- Mr. Sack? - Clarence?

This is Doris Thumper.

You may remember seeing her on the video.

I do. You've got quite the voice, Doris.

Thank you. Doris and I met in shyness therapy three years ago.

She was borderline agoraphobic at the time.

Wow. You've made progress.

Yes. This singing contest is maybe the biggest thing that's happened to her.

Maybe me too.

- I've decided not to withdraw. - Have you?

If you choose to fire me, that's your right.

Thank you.

I'm not sure why you came here.

Maybe it was to remake this law firm into something--

Resembling a law firm?

I understand the decision to project conservatism...

and reasonableness and modesty,

but Boston is full of those firms.

As is New York and-- well, I guess every city.

The people I went to law school with work at many of them.

They all have one thing in common.

They're not happy.

People here are.

Maybe because they're not afraid of themselves.

One lawyer likes to purr and hop.

Partners and associates have sex with each other sometimes.

We've got two men who take five minutes out of every single day...

to celebrate their friendship on a balcony.

How many people do you know who actually do that?

I occasionally throw on a dress and I like to sing.

I don't want to be one of those lawyers at other firms...

choking on modesty and reasonableness.

I'm surprised that you do.

If your mission here is to make this...

into a normal law firm,

I really hope you fail,

for everybody's sake.

[ Sighs ]

It's a valid contract, properly negotiated.

Both parties were knowing, consenting, willing.

If she'd wanted to place certain restrictions on her donation, she certainly could have.

She didn't.

Hello.

Now, as for big oil getting involved in research to combat global warming,

are we seriously against that?

My God. For years, we've been hammering them.

"You're a big part of the problem. Be part of the solution."

Now thankfully, some of these companies are trying to do just that.

And given that they're billion-dollar companies,

if they want to join the fight against greenhouse emissions,

that should make us, well, orgasmic.

Are you not just a little?

[ Scoffs ]

Let's look at what's happened in Washington.

These huge corporations...

that poison our drinking water, foul our air,

lay waste to our lands...

have discovered that instead of trying to influence government,

better to simply become government.

And with a little help from a friend in a very high place, they've done just that.

Over 100 top environmental posts have been passed out...

to representatives of polluting industries.

- Can you fathom that, Judge? - Don't you be asking me to fathom.

I am not a, uh, fathomer.

Almost every agency responsible for protecting America from pollution...

is now being headed up by somebody from the pollution industry.

- The fix is in. - How does this involve Stanford University?

It involves a need in this country for independent,

unbiased, uncorrupted environmental research.

And since it's obviously not coming from Washington,

academia is our best, if not our only hope.

And now it, too, is being co-opted by big pollution.

The facts are that the oil industry has systematically campaigned...

to create doubt as to the very existence of global warming,

pumping millions of dollars into think tanks,

consumer groups, media outlets, religious and civic organizations,

every penny aimed at diffusing the concern over climate change.

Now they're privatizing university research.

Berkeley, Princeton, now Stanford.

Do we truly want our universities,

the breeding grounds for tomorrow's leaders, innovators, visionaries--

Do we truly want them climbing into bed with the oil companies?

- Strange bedfellows? - Lorraine, stop it.

Your Honor, at some point,

a little common sense has to prevail in this country.

We've started a war, in part, for oil,

one we may never get out of in our lifetime.

Of all the industrialized nations in the world,

we're the biggest contributor to greenhouse gas emissions, and we do the least about it.

We thumb our nose at the Kyoto treaty.

Our government actually censors scientific reports from the E.P.A. and others...

to edit out little findings they don't like.

Even the Democratic presidential hopefuls don't talk about this...

because they don't want to jeopardize their campaign contributions from big oil.

Big oil, big politics.

Do we all really intend to sit quietly...

as they infiltrate vital academic research?

Is that what we want? Is that who we are?

[ Door Opens ]

May I ask just a couple of questions?

Certainly.

You did go to law school, right?

And you, Jerry, you've actually practiced, I've been told.

You are a mean, mean man, and I don't like what you said to Clarence.

And I don't think you fit in here at all because you're a mean, mean man.

Care to button that with a hop?

Okay, Jerry, I am a good man. Just a very poor wizard.

And unless either of you happen to be wizards, why aren't you pleading this case out?

I tried. Joseph wouldn't answer the judge, so she refused to accept the plea.

As far as I understand it, Joseph wasn't speaking because he was an uncommunicative beast.

Now he trusts you. He should trust your recommendation he plead to second-degree murder.

There's only one problem. He's innocent.

- I beg your pardon? - He didn't kill that woman.

- Ah. And you know this how? - He told me.

- [ Gasps ] Oh, he told you! - Mean!

- What's going on? - Great news! The client has declared his innocence.

- I'd appreciate you not being snide. - This goes to trial Tuesday.

This Tuesday. Did I mention they have no defense?

- Alan, you take over. - Me? What about Jerry?

Please. At a minimum, we could use your involvement to get Judge Glo-Glo recused.

That could buy us some time. And, Katie, no offense, but you're not ready for this.

I understand. There is a suppression hearing scheduled for tomorrow.

Shirley, I'm not ready for this.

You've tried cases on the fly before. Not first-degree murder.

- You say he confessed? - He did. That's what we're trying to suppress.

- And as for evidence? - Joseph was the last one seen with her alive.

His semen was found on her, her blood on his locker.

And he has a violent criminal past.

He's nothing but a mean, mean man, this Sack-head.

What did he do now? Oh, he's just mean, and snide, and smug.

I expect him to fire me any second. I thought you quit.

I'm giving him time to reconsider. What reconsider?

From the way you explained it, you said you quit. Shh.

- I thought you quit. - Told ya.

I thought maybe you'd change your mind.

You thought I'd change my mind? So you really didn't quit?

Well, in that case, you're fired.

[ Grunts ] Oh, sorry!

First, I was kidding.

Second, if I were not, you don't head butt... ever!

You may keep your job, Clarence.

I thought about what you said. I agree.

People need to be embraced sometimes for their differences...

instead of being excluded.

We talk it. I suppose we should walk it.

Good luck with your contest.

Hug?

You're welcome to come watch. 8:00.

Maybe next time. Shame!

- I can't believe you did that. - Oh, shut up!

[ Chuckling, Exhales ]

I want to know why Carl Sack was brought in here.

- Because I need help managing things. - You got me!

Yeah. You're one of the things I need help managing.

All your nonsense.

[ Sighs ]

So how'd it go with the hooker? Oh, case was dropped.

Great.

And why the waders?

Well, I may not be the lawyer I once was,

but I can still fish circles around all of you. [ Chuckling ]

And sometimes I just like to put them on and--

When-- When I was in high school,

I was captain of the debate team,

class president...

and miserable over being cut from the cheerleading team.

So I-- I went out and bought my own outfit, complete with pom-poms.

I would dress up and stand in front of the mirror...

in the little skirt, the white socks, the sweater.

It somehow made me feel better.

And then years after--

after I was a lawyer, even a partner,

if I was feeling particularly low,

I would pull out that costume and put it on.

You know, I used to do the same thing, without the pom-poms of course.

You are just determined not to let me have a vulnerable moment, aren't you?

You want to hog them all to yourself.

Denny, we're getting older.

We don't even fit in our outfits anymore,

but... we're not over.

Not by a long shot.

You're not over.

You know what used to make me feel better than anything?

If it's sexual, I don't what to hear it. No. No, no.

Okay. No, it was back when we...

were us.

You used to put your head on my-- Denny!

I was gonna say "shoulder."

That felt better than anything.

I remember you sang "You Are My Sunshine."

Would you-- Would you do that just for a minute?

- Put your head on my shoulder? - Denny, uh--

I just want to remember.

I don't think my neck even bends anymore.

Please. Hmm? Sure.

Oh, this feels ju--

Would you put on that cheerleader outfit just for a--

Don't push it.

[ Sighs ]

* You are my sunshine

* My only sunshine

* You make me happy

* When skies are gray *

* You'll never know, dear

* How much I love you

* Please don't take my sunshine away **

[ Door Opens ]

Mr. Washington, hello.

May I call you Joseph?

How 'bout Chuckles then?

I realize you've formed a special bond with Katie.

She pulled a thorn from your paw, like Aesop's fable.

But this is the real world, and she's never tried a case before.

I doubt very much yours can be won.

But if there's any hope,

it's not Katie Lloyd.

You're not right for me.

Why is that? You think I'm guilty.

Mr. Washington,

I have no idea if you're guilty and, frankly, I don't care.

But here's the thing about confessions...

and leaving semen on a victim.

Your hand is on my knee.

It's either a threatening gesture or sexual.

Either way, I'm not comfortable.

I know about the real world, Mr. Shore.

I lived my whole life in the real world.

Katie Lloyd will be my lawyer.

I-Is he out of his mind?

I'd suggest he plead insanity if I didn't think he'd kill me.

So what happens now? They have the motion to suppress the confession at 11:00.

I hope to get back for that.

Alan, he cannot trust his life to Katie and Jerry.

[ Bailiff ] All rise.

Be seated.

[ Judge Sanders ] All right.

The case here presents very complicated and challenging issues...

which I find to be extremely complicated...

and challenging.

I don't know what Ms. Schmidt thought when she pledged her donation.

Truth is, I didn't understand half of what was said by anybody!

Therefore, as a matter of law,

there's been no meeting of the minds.

Your Honor, it's not your mind that need meet up with anything.

Silence! I am the decider.

And I have made my... deciding act.

There is no binding contract.

Judgment in favor of Ms. Schmidt.

The law wins out again... barely. Alan, thank you.

Really.

Congratulations. Thank you, Lorraine.

No hard feelings?

None. I assure you.

Oh, please.

All right, Ms. Lloyd. I'll hear from you.

Thank you, Your Honor.

May it please the court, the prosecution seeks to admit as evidence...

an oral confession made by our client, Joseph Washington,

which confession upon information and belief...

was a product of a coercive, involuntary and unconstitutional interrogation...

lasting days in duration, the entirety of which my client was without counsel present,

pursuant to his Sixth Amendment right.

Your Honor, the suspect never asked for a lawyer. In fact, he never said anything.

And the fact that his confession was made after a protracted interrogation...

does not make it involuntary.

May it please the court, I would argue...

that sleep deprivation constitutes physical discomfiture.

He was allowed to sleep. He was left alone many times.

Never for more than an hour. There was no bed. Just a chair and a concrete floor.

Ninety percent of all confessions are obtained in exactly this way.

The suspect is worn down.

It's an accepted form of police practice.

But that doesn't make it right.

If you read the text, Mr. Washington shouted out...

in frustrated defiance repeatedly.

His so-called confession was a product of duress.

So why not just argue that to the jury and let them weigh in on the probative value?

Well, first of all, once you say "confession,"

people just draw conclusions.

Second, Your Honor, with all due respect,

the only means we would have for challenging the validity of the confession...

is to put our client on the stand.

They get to introduce his prior felonies, which could be more prejudicial than the confession.

Look, I have no doubt that your client was subjected to relentless pressure,

but it didn't rise to the point of coercion.

I'm going to allow the evidence of the confession.

We'll see you all in Division 16. [ Gavel Raps ]

[ Men ] * Big girls don't cry

* Big girls don't cry

* Big girls

* Don't cry-yi-yi * They don't cry

* Big girls

* Don't cry

* Who said they don't cry *

** [ Continues, Faint ] We'll be fine.

What if I forget to breathe? We'll be okay.

- I think you should go on first, Clarence. - No.

We rehearsed it with you.

I know I shouldn't be seeing the girls before their wigs and pasties are on,

but here you go.

- Alan, thank you. You came. - Of course I came. This must be Doris.

Doris Thumper, Alan Shore.

You look lovely. Thank you.

Shirley wanted to come, but she had a dinner.

- We're not going on. - Yes, we are.

Maybe.

We're afraid.

Well, of course you are. How could you not be? It's a contest.

Oh, if only you knew what I know.

What do you know? That you're gonna be great.

That when the wig goes on and Clarice comes out, and Doris begins to wiggle,

you're gonna be spectacular.

* Big girls

* Don't cry * They don't cry *

What are you doing here?

Oh, trying to acquire some sort of comfort with this room.

It's even bigger than the last one.

I thought you were arguing very well right up to... when you froze.

Jerry, the idea of me trying this case is utterly ridiculous.

Do you think perhaps you could first chair?

I could, but there's a risk.

Sometimes jurors find me,

uh, different. [ Chuckles ]

Why?

[ Chuckles ]

Surely you've noticed I have a few odd tics.

Well, we all have our tics. Some are just better disguised than others.

From what I see,

making Joseph Washington seem human and, if possible, likable...

is our biggest challenge here.

The jury can't help but be struck by your humanity...

and kindness.

They'll be rooting for you...

and, by association, perhaps him.

I will be right by your side. Together we can do this.

But Joseph Washington's best chance is if the face of our defense is you.

Clearly...

he seems to know that.

Okay, our third entry tonight is a duet coming from two very sexy ladies.

Singing a song from the movie Hairspray,

please give a warm King's Row welcome...

to Doris Thumper and Clarice Bell!

- [ Cheering ] - Hey, you made it!

Just in time.

* Yeah

* All right

* Mm-mm-mm-mm

* Bring on that pecan pie *

* Pour some sugar on it Sugar, don't be shy *

* Scoop me up a mess of that chocolate swirl *

* Don't be stingy I'm a growin' girl *

* I offer * I offer big love and no apology *

* How can I deny the world the most of me *

* I am not afraid to throw my weight around *

* Pound by pound by pound

* Because I'm big, blonde

* And beautiful

* Face the fact It's simply irrefutable *

* No one wants a meal that only offers the least *

* When, girl, we're servin' up the whole damn feast *

* Oh, oh, oh, oh

* Slice me off a piece of that hog head cheese *

- Whoo! - * And take a look inside my book of recipes *

* Now don't you sniff around for something fluffy and light *

* We need a man who brings a man-size appetite *

[ Doris ] * Use a pinch of sugar and a dash of spice *

* Mmm, I'll let you lick the spoon *

* Because it tastes so nice

* We'll keep it in my oven till it's good and hot *

* Keep on stirrin' till it hits the spot *

[ Both ] * Because I'm big, blonde and beautiful *

* There is nothin' 'bout us that's unsuitable *

* Why sit in the bleachers timid and afraid *

* When, Edna, you look like the whole parade *

- * They say that white has might * - * And thin is in

* Well, that's just bull

* 'Cause, ladies, big is back * And as for black

* It's beautiful

* All shapes and sizes follow me *

* Who wants a twig when you can climb the whole tree *

* Yeah, yeah Oh, you tell 'em, girl. Tell 'em.

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *

[ Crowd Cheering ] ** [ Band Ends ]

I know none of the facts of this case.

I haven't even seen the police report.

But look. Is that a guilty man or what?

I mean, what kind of society would presume this animal innocent?

Look at him. Put me on the jury.

I'll vote to fry him before the trial even starts.

And that reminds me-- This for real?

Most trusted name in news.

Do we really care if they sizzle a little before dying?

Boo-hoo. We're talking about the scum of the earth here.

And we're supposed to make it pleasant for them? Come on!

We're throwing them to the wolves, Katie and Jerry.

Shirley, even if we did put more lawyers on it, there's nothing they could do.

Carl. Hmm?

I need you to tread more lightly.

This firm, it's not like the New York branch.

Well, I could always go back.

You know, Jerry said I'm a poor fit.

I don't want you to go back.

You sure? Sure.

[ Woman ] * You are my sunshine

* My only sunshine

* You make me happy

* When skies are gray

- * You'll never know, dear - What's the occasion?

I got so inspired by Clarence's performance as Clarice,

I decided to whip out my Lennon Sisters dress.

- Should I put mine on? - It's not necessary.

I just thought I'd seize the silliness. It's good for the heart.

Meanwhile, they made the semifinals, Denny.

It was so thrilling for us, for them.

Both of them, these two terribly shy people...

basking in a spotlight on a stage with everybody--

- Forget it! - I was just looking.

Well, stop looking. I don't like being objectified.

[ Scoffs ]

Mmm. Did you know... that Shirley Schmidt has a cheerleading costume?

- Sometimes she puts it on. - Really?

Mm-hmm. Can you imagine Shirley doing a little cheer?

With a little pleated skirt and the white socks?

- All of it. - Oh, my God!

I so often think how lucky we are...

to have as a senior partner Shirley Schmidt.

And now in a cheerleading outfit!

We're lucky, period.

We live good lives.

Yes, we do.

I mean, take your day, for example.

- Sex in an elevator. - Twice.

With a woman not your own. Help save the environment. Fight global warming.

Take in a rocking show after work.

And then throw on a dress as a nightcap.

And later, I get to close my eyes and think--

Of Shirley Schmidt...

in a cheerleading costume.

Oh, my God. A little pleated--

All of it. Oh.

We live very good lives.

Indeed. Indeed.

** [ Woman Scatting ]

Next on Boston Legal.

I've hired another associate.

- Great. A woman, I hope. - Alan, Lorraine. Lorraine, Alan.

- Still looking well. - Do you have an answer yet?

- To what? - Our baby.

Your hand is on my hip.

- I don't want you coming on to her. - Oh.

Did you have any thoughts about who could have done this?

I knew who did it. Joseph Washington.

Husbands have been known to be biased against their wives' killers.

I didn't kill her.

You need to be at your best tomorrow, Jerry. Not going to win this with razzle-dazzle.

[ Woman ] You stinker!

Captioned by Captions, Inc.