Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ CRASH ]

>> SO, UH, DO I, UH, GET MY

DRIVER'S LICENSE NOW?

>> WELL, LET ME SEE.

NO!

>> BUT -- BUT...

>> YOU WILL NEVERGET A LICENSE,

BECAUSE YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT

DRIVING A CAR!

YOU FAILED, MARY!

>> [ SOBBING ]

[ CRASH ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

>> AAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: AAH!

>> AAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: AAH!

>> AAH!

OH, IT'S YOU, UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, MARY,

WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> [ SOBBING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH, ME TOO.

SO, WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

>> ALL OF MY FRIENDS PASSED

THEIR DRIVER'S TEST, AND I JUST

FAILED MINE FOR THE 10th TIME.

I GUESS I'LL NEVER GET THE

FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE THAT

COMES WITH DRIVING A CAR.

>> Uncle Grandpa: FREEDOM AND

INDEPENDENCE, HUH?

SAY NO MORE.

[ POP ]

[ CLUNK! ]

I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE.

>> BUT I KNOWHOW TO DRIVE.

I JUST GET REALLY NERVOUS, AND

THEN I MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES.

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU MAY KNOW

HOW TO DRIVE, BUT DO YOU KNOW

HOW TO DRIVE THE UNCLE GRANDPA

WAY?

>> YOU MEAN, LIKE, ON TOP OF

BUILDINGS AND IN OUTER SPACE AND

STUFF?

>> Uncle Grandpa: NO.

OKAY, YEAH.

COME WITH ME.

[ BEEPING ]

>> THIS LOOKS REALLY

COMPLICATED, UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: JUST PUT THE

KEY IN THE IGNITION.

[ TINK! ]

TURN IT.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

OKAY, NOW PUT IT INTO DRIVE.

[ CRANK! ]

VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.

NOW, WHY DON'T WE TRY SOME

PARALLEL PARKING?

>> B-BUT I'M NERVOUS,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: STOP IT.

>> I-I CAN'T HELP IT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NO, I MEAN,

COME TO A COMPLETE STOP.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

NOW GO AHEAD AND PUT IT INTO

REVERSE.

[ CRANK! ]

>> [ GRUNTING ]

I THINK THE SHIFTER'S STUCK.

>> Uncle Grandpa: LET ME GIVE IT

A WIGGLE.

[ SPITS ]

[ GRUNTS ]

OH, NO!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

>> GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH!

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

[ GULPING ]

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

>> [ GASPS ]

WHAT IS THAT?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: I JUST WENT

PAST REVERSE AND UNLEASHED A

CRAZY BABY INTO THE UNIVERSE

THAT'S OUT TO DESTROY US!

SO I GUESS IT'S UP TO YOU TO

DEFEAT THAT CRAZY BABY WITH YOUR

MAD DRIVING SKILLS.

>> BUT -- BUT I GET NERVOUS

UNDER PRESSURE LIKE THIS!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WE JUST NEED

TO FIND A COOL RADIO STATION TO

CALM YOUR NERVES.

[ HEAVY-METAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ SOFT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

YEAH, THAT'S NICE.

NOW, STEP ON IT!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

>> [ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

[ ENGINE REVS ]

>> OH!

>> [ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

[ ENGINES REVVING ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

I THINK WE LOST HIM.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NICE DRIVING,

MARY!

>> Belly Bag: LOOK OUT!

>> AAAH!

>> AAAH!

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

>> GOO-GOO GAH-GAH?

>> GOO-GOO GAH-GAH GOO-GOO.

>> GOO-GOO!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ ENGINE REVS ]

>> HE FOUND US!

I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT HE

FOUND US!

>> Uncle Grandpa: CALM DOWN, AND

TAKE A LONG DRIVE OFF THAT

SHORT PIER.

>> THE PIER IS ABOUT TO END!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ MUMBLING ]

[ ENGINE REVS ]

[ SPLAT! ]

>> Belly Bag: WE'RE SAFE!

[ CREAK ]

[ BUBBLE! ]

NEVER MIND.

[ ZIPPING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUT AT LEAST

THERE'S NO WAY THAT CRAZY BABY

IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO FOLLOW US

DOWN HERE.

>> [ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: NEVER MIND.

[ ZIPPING ]

[ BUBBLE! ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

QUICK! DRIVE INTO THE MOUTH OF

THAT BIG, FAT, DISGUSTING WHALE

OVER THERE!

>> [ PANTING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: I THINK WE

LOST HIM.

[ CRASH ]

[ SPLASH ]

[ WHOOSH ]

>> WOW!

ARE WE IN OUTER SPACE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: NO.

WE'RE IN MY RV.

[ ZIP! ]

[ WHISTLE! ]

WE'RE GOING DOWN. TIME TO EJECT.

[ SPROING! ]

>> WHAT ABOUT PARACHUTES?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHAT ABOUT A

GIANT, REALISTIC...

>> FLYING TIGER?

>> GRFT: [ GROWLS ]

>> WE'RE SAVED!

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOT YET. LOOK!

>> GOO-GOO GAH-GAH!

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

[ WHISTLE! ]

[ CRUNCH ]

>> GOO-GOO GAH-GAH!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

>> NOW THAT CRAZY BABY IS

DRIVING THE RV!

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT'S TIME WE

TURN THE TABLES ON THAT

CRAZY BABY.

IT'S TIME THE HUNTER BECOMES

THE HUNTED.

IT'S TIME WE MAKE A DOUBLE

U-TURN AT THAT CLOUD THAT LOOKS

LIKE A HOT DOG.

AND DON'T FORGET TO PUT ON

YOUR BLINKER.

[ CLICK ]

[ TINK! TINK! ]

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

>> IT WORKED.

NOW WE'RE CHASING HIM!

>> [ SQUAWKING ]

>> GRFT: [ GULPS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, NO!

A BIRD FLEW IN THE ENGINE!

[ WHOOSH! ]

WE'RE GOING DOWN!

[ WHISTLE! ]

[ EXPLOSION ]

>> EVERYTHING'S RUINED!

IF I CAN'T EVEN DRIVE A

REALISTIC FLYING TIGER, HOW AM I

EVER GONNA GET A LICENSE LIKE

ALL MY FRIENDS AND GAIN MY

FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: STOP IT!

YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!

>> SORRY.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NO, I MEAN...

YOU'RE DRIVING ME!

>> [ Laughing ] CRAZY!

BUT I'M NERVOUS.

I'VE NEVER DRIVEN AN

UNCLE GRANDPA BEFORE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT'S EASY.

JUST STEP ON MY GAS.

[ FARTS ]

NO, I MEAN MY GAS PEDAL.

[ CLUNK! ]

[ WHIRL! ]

>> OH, NO!

LOOKS LIKE THAT CRAZY BABY IS

HEADED FOR THAT VOLCANO!

>> GOO-GOO GAH-GAH!

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OKAY, WHILE I

DISTRACT THAT CRAZY BABY, YOU

TAKE THE WHEEL AND STEER US AWAY

FROM THAT VOLCANO!

[ ZIP! ]

>> EH?

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

>> [ HISSES ]

[ SMACK! SMACK! ]

>> [ GRUNTING ]

HIS ADORABLE BABY LEGS ARE TOO

STRONG!

>> Uncle Grandpa: DON'T WORRY.

UNCLE GRANDPA WILL SAVE US.

>> Uncle Grandpa #2: HERE YOU

GO, CRAZY BABY.

>> [ GASPS ]

BUNNY!

>> EW!

[ ZIP! ]

[ BUBBLE! ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD JOB,

MARY!

YOU JUST SAVED US ALL FROM

CERTAIN DEATH IN THAT VOLCANO!

NOW ALL THAT'S LEFT IS FOR YOU

TO PARALLEL-PARK.

>> P-PARALLEL-PARK?

BUT I'M STILL NERVOUS,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: IF YOU CAN

OPERATE THIS RECREATIONAL

VEHICLE ON LAND, UNDERWATER, AND

OUTER SPACE, CHASE DOWN A

CRAZY BABY ON A GIANT REALISTIC

FLYING TIGER, AND DRIVE AN

UNCLE GRANDPA CRAZY, THEN I KNOW

YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO

PARALLEL-PARK AND GAIN THE

FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE THAT

COMES WITH DRIVING A CAR.

>> YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE IN

MYSELF AND THEN CHECK MY MIRROR

AND THEN PUT IT IN REVERSE AND

THEN, UM, STEP ON IT!

[ ENGINE REVS ]

[ SPROING! ]

[ WHIRL! ]

[ CLATTER ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

I DID IT, UNCLE GRANDPA!

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

YOUNG LADY!

>> I KNOW.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DRIVING

WITHOUT A LICENSE.

>> EXACTLY!

WHICH IS WHY I'M GIVING YOU A

LICENSE!

>> REALLY?!

>> THAT WAS SOME OF THE MOST

AMAZING DRIVING I'VE EVER SEEN!

PLUS, YOU MANAGED TO BRING MY

BABY BACK IN ONE PIECE!

>> [ SNARLS ]

>> [ SNARLS ]

CONGRATULATIONS, MARY!

YOU'VE PASSED YOUR DRIVER'S

TEST!

>> AWESOME!

I GOT MY LICENSE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: AND FOR

OVERCOMING YOUR NERVOUSNESS AND

PASSING YOUR DRIVER'S TEST, I

GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT --

YOUR VERY OWN FREEDOM AND

INDEPENDENCE...

TRUCK.

>> PERFECT!

THANKS, UNCLE GRANDPA!

WAIT TILL MY FRIENDS SEE THIS!

[ ENGINE REVS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: DRIVE SAFELY

AND OBEY ALL TRAFFIC LAWS!

THEY GROW UP SO FAST.

[ WHOOSH! ]

[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]

[ CLUNK! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa #2: OOPS!

WRONG PLANET.

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

[ ZOOM! ]

>> Pizza Steve: AND NOW...

SLICE OF LIFE WITH PIZZA STEVE!

[ DOOR CREAKS ]

MR. GUS!

HOW'S THE WEATHER UP THERE?

>> Mr. Gus: CLOUDY, WITH A

CHANCE OF --

>> Pizza Steve: SOUNDS GREAT.

COULD YOU DO ME A BIG FAT SOLID

AND LET ME BORROW YOUR

HAIRBRUSH?

>> Mr. Gus: WHY?

>> Pizza Steve: SO THAT I CAN

BRUSH MY THICK, LUXURIOUS

HAIR.

HAIRBRUSH, PLEASE!

>> Mr. Gus: YOU DON'T HAVE

THICK, LUXURIOUS HAIR.

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVEHAIR.

>> Pizza Steve: DOES PIZZA STEVE

HAVE TO PROVE YOU WRONG...

AGAIN?

>> Mr. Gus: YOU SAY A LOTOF

THINGS I DON'T BELIEVE, BUT THIS

TIME I'M CALLING YOU OUT.

[ CLICK ]

WHERE DID YOU GO?

I CAN'T SEE YOU.

>> Pizza Steve: OVER HERE, IN

FRONT OF THE WINDOW.

>> Mr. Gus: HEY, IT LOOKS LIKE

YOU HAVE THICK, LUXURIOUS HAIR.

>> Pizza Steve: WHAT HAVE I BEEN

TELLING YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?

[ CLICK ]

>> Mr. Gus: IS THAT A MOP?

>> Pizza Steve: NO.

[ CLANK! ]

MY THICK AND LUXURIOUS HAIR IS

FEATURED PROMINENTLY IN THIS

DOCUMENTARY ABOUT MYSELF.

>> PIZZA STEVE!

CRUST AND ALL.

>> Pizza Steve: HEY! HEY! HEY!

HEY!

HYAH!

OH, NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL

THICK, LUXURIOUS HAIR!

>> Mr. Gus: I DIDN'T SEE ONE

HAIR IN THAT VIDEO.

>> Pizza Steve: OH, YEAH, I

FORGOT.

THIS IS THE DIRECTOR'S CUT.

THEY CUT MY THICK, LUXURIOUS

HAIR.

I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS, BUT I

GUESS I HAVE TO.

WITH THESE SPECIAL GLASSES, YOU

WILL DEFINITELY SEE MY THICK,

LUXURIOUS HAIR.

[ SQUEAK ]

>> Mr. Gus: BUT THESE GLASSES

MAKE EVERYTHINGLOOK LIKE IT HAS

THICK, LUXURIOUS HAIR.

>> Uncle Grandpa: QUICK!

PIZZA STEVE!

I NEED TO BORROW YOUR HAIR!

>> Pizza Steve: COMING RIGHT UP.

>> Mr. Gus: YOU KNOW HE DOESN'T

REALLY HAVE --

>> Uncle Grandpa: Shh.

WE'RE WAITING FOR PIZZA STEVE.

>> Pizza Steve: HERE YOU GO,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WOW!

SUCH A THICK AND LUXURIOUS

HARE [hair]!

>> Mr. Gus: SO, ALL THIS TIME

TALKING ABOUT YOUR HAIR, YOU

ACTUALLY MEANT YOUR PET RABBIT?!

>> Pizza Steve: OF COURSE!

WHAT DID YOU THINKI MEANT?

>> Mr. Gus: ARE YOU SURE?

>> Pizza Steve: MM-HMM.

>> Mr.

Gus: HMM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM...

...MM-MM-MM.

OKAY, I BELIEVE YOU.

SORRY ABOUT CALLING YOU OUT LIKE

THAT.

[ BUBBLE! ]

[ TINK! ]

[ POP! ]

[ POP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa #2:

[ SLURPING ]

AH.

[ BOTH BURP ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: EXCUSE YOU.

>> THAT WAS QUITE DELICIOUS.