Original subtitles

# Wait till the sun shines, Nellie #

# When the clouds go drifting by #

# We will be happy, Nellie

# Don't you sigh

# Down lover's lane, we'll wander #

# Sweetheart, you and I

# Wait till the sun shines, Nellie #

# By and by

# Down lover's lane, we'll wander #

# Sweetheart, you and I

# Why don't you wait till that sun shines, Nellie #

# By and by?

Thank you.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to gather 'round.

I want to talk to you now on the subject of materia medica.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

suppose you're suffering from shingles.

What sane man would refuse to give $10

for relief from that annoying affliction?

Yet do I ask $10

for this sure, certain, positive cure for shingles?

I do not.

Do I ask $5

for this sure, certain, positive cure for jumping rheumatism,

rasping croup, blue chilblains,

red acne rosacea, otherwise known as whiskey nose?

Constable, that man's the same swindler

that came through here last year

selling medicine to stop sheep from sneezing.

Well, your sheep stopped sneezing

after you gave them the medicine.

You told me so yourself.

Of course they did, but they only started sneezing

a couple hours afore he come to my place to sell me the medicine

because he'd gone around, spreading snuff

in all the sheep pens.

...the secrets of science.

And the secrets of the naturalists, some so small,

so ridiculous, it requires explanation.

Why, I ask...

Patience, my good man, patience.

Oh, patience.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is a man

that cannot even wait for his bottle.

You ever been in this part of the country before?

Never, never.

Ladies and gentlemen, $1, one lone shinplaster.

That's him, constable. Arrest him.

Arrest me? Ridiculous, ridiculous!

Looks like trouble.

Why, young man, you must be suffering from

a temporary aberration of your mental organism.

Why, I...

Run after him!

I don't aim to run after anybody

when I can send a messenger instead.

Giddap!

Nice shooting, sir.

Missed. I was aiming at the badge.

Come on.

Professor? Brought you some cigars.

Thank you, thank you.

You don't think there's any danger

of these bucolic louts recognizing you, do you?

They never saw me

except when I had burnt cork all over my face.

Blue get away?

With the wagon.

Ruined again.

Oh, he'll wait for us in the next town.

How are the accommodations in there?

Not bad. Not good.

Bring me some liquor.

Against the law. Local option.

Barbarism! Tyranny!

Anyway, I'm broke. I bought me a fishing boat.

Yeah, I, too, am a pauper.

I'm afraid the forces of law and order caught up with us

at an awkward moment.

However, 30 days are not forever.

You intend to spend the time fishing, I presume?

Good bass weather.

That's going to make my stay in this calaboose so much nicer.

Be thinking of you.

Mind if I tie up to your wharf?

No, not at all.

Have you seen my mommy?

I might have. How would I know her?

Oh, she's very beautiful,

and she has a lavender dress on

with the biggest sleeves in the world... all lace.

She's coming home on the biggest steamboat in the world.

Everybody on the boat

keeps on saying over and over how beautiful she is.

My daddy's with her.

I guess I haven't seen her.

Couldn't forget anyone like that.

Hello, I'm Johnny Rutledge.

I'm January Chalotte.

What are you gonna do with those fish?

Oh, I'm gonna make a campfire and cook them.

You could cook them up at our house.

I don't know. I kind of steer clear of houses.

We'd split some greens with you

if you'd split some fish with us.

Well, I'm hungry.

Maybe those greens a good idea.

You live here?

Yeah, right here.

Well, come on.

Get away, Pic.

That's Picayune. He's our dog.

Good dog. Looks like he could hunt.

Hey, he plays that thing real good.

That's Feb.

That's my second brother, February.

January and February.

What's your name?

May.

May?

What happened to March and April?

That's us.

They're twins.

They're 9 years old.

Oh.

Better start getting supper ready.

We're having fish.

Best greens I ever ate.

Guess we better clear now

so we can go outside before it's bedtime.

You clear, May. I'll scrape.

The twins will wash and dry.

What does Feb do?

Oh, he just plays.

Got a job for me?

You're a guest. You just sit.

Oh, thanks.

You know "big rock candy mountain"?

Yep, we all know it. Will you start it?

Sure.

# Oh

# the buzzin' of the bees #

# then the chewing-gum trees #

# near the soda-water fountain #

# at the lemonade Springs, where the bluebird sings #

# on the big rock candy mountain #

# on a summer day in the month of May #

# a fella came a-hikin'

# down a shady lane

# through the sugarcane

# he was lookin' for his likin' #

# as he roamed along, he sang a song #

# of the land of milk and honey #

# where a fella can stay for many a day #

# and he won't need any money

# oh

# the buzzin' of...

# The bees

# and the chewing-gum... # trees

# near the soda-water...

# Fountain

# at the lemonade... # Springs

# where the bluebird # sings

# on the big rock candy mountain #

# oh

# the

# buzzin' of the bees

# and the chewing-gum trees

# near the soda-water fountain

# at the lemonade Springs, where the bluebird sings #

# on the big rock candy mountain #

# on the

# big rock candy mountain

well, that was pretty good.

How about another?

Where's Feb?

You just don't see or hear him go.

He's always been like that.

Pa used to say he was part indian, part deer mouse.

Hmm.

That's the best mouth organ I ever heard.

Who taught him to play?

Nobody.

He learned just from listening to the bands

in the steamboats down at the landing.

Look, everybody.

If you see a load of hay in the moonlight

and you spit in your hand, your wish will come true.

I wish we lived in a big house on a hill

like judge Millett.

I wish we had shoes and stockings.

I wish I had a shotgun so we'd have duck

and... and marsh hens instead of fish all the time.

Yeah, I'm getting pretty tired of fish.

I just wish my mommy'd come home,

and I wish she'd be wearing the biggest hat

and have gloves on her hands like the judge's daughter wears

and have a whole basket of nice things for all of us

and a friend for me,

and I wish she'd come and lie down on my bed with me

until I went to sleep.

Now, where's he off to?

I don't know, but he does that sometimes.

It's when I talk about my mommy.

Well, I guess I'd better be going.

Bye, Mr. Rutledge.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Thanks for supper.

Anything wrong, fella?

Nothing wrong.

Just trying to set out a trotline, that's all.

Don't lie to me, Sonny.

Your ma and pa are dead, aren't they?

They were on the dixie queen when she had that accident.

Got the letter six months ago.

Never told anybody

'cause we didn't want to go to the orphan home.

Only Feb and me know.

Never told the younger ones...

Especially May.

You won't tell, will you, Mr. Rutledge?

Don't worry.

I won't tell anyone.

Go ahead.

Everybody's got to bawl sometime.

We've got no kinfolk at all.

Wish you were kin to us, Mr. Rutledge.

Me?

Oh, what good would I do you?

Lots!

You... you could live with us

and... and be an uncle or something.

Then they wouldn't have no right at all to take us away.

Let me tell you something, Jan.

I was a family man once.

That is, I had a brother and sister younger than me.

And we were poor... dirt poor.

I started to work when I was 10,

and I worked so hard, I got to be half owner of a paper mill.

By that time, I thought I was fixed.

My sister and brother had grown up.

They didn't need me anymore.

Then one day, my partner ran off with the company money...

all of it.

When I got through paying all that was owed,

you know what I had left?

This.

And I made up my mind right then and there

that a gold watch and fob wasn't enough pay

for all the years that I'd worked.

So, I fish and I roam.

And I keep this to remind me

that I get more out of fishing and roaming

than I ever did being a substantial citizen.

That's why I don't want any ties, Jan.

You get kinfolk, you feel like you got to do for them,

and I'm not doing anything for anybody anymore

except Johnny Rutledge.

I see what you mean.

I'm sorry. I hope things work out for you.

I'll figure something.

Sure you will.

Good luck to you.

Goodbye.

Bye.

6 cents.

I just want a nickel's worth.

Got a cord of wood, Mr. Staley. Want it?

As long as there's woodburning steamboats,

I want wood for them.

Hello, Jan.

Oh, hello, Mr. Rutledge.

That wood solid oak, cut to size?

Yes, sir. 75 cents.

Gave me $1 last time.

If you say I did, I must have.

All right. $1 for the cord.

Go stack it. Already done it.

How long did it take you to cut that wood, Jan?

About a week.

Cutting wood's hard work.

Ought to be more in it than $1.

Want to take a chance? The wood... double or nothing?

$2 or I don't pay nothing?

That's the deal.

All right.

I'll take my $1, Mr. Rutledge.

Chance for $2, Jan.

Come on. I feel lucky.

You flip it. I'll call it.

Go ahead.

Heads.

Heads it is.

You owe the boy another $1.

Yeah.

Here you are.

See? I told you I felt lucky.

Thanks. Thank you.

Oh, don't thank me. It was just a matter of luck.

Well, so long. So long.

Hey, how about getting my coin back?

Oh, I nearly forgot.

This coin's got a head on both sides.

No foolin'.

Well, that was a stroke of luck,

coming onto a coin like that.

You knew it, Mr. Rutledge. You knew it all the time.

Well, I just happened to have it.

Thought we might as well make use of it.

Where you going?

Home and cut wood.

I owe Mr. Staley another cord.

Oh, there's no need to do that.

Wouldn't be honest else.

Storekeeper's satisfied. I don't know why you can't be.

Wouldn't be honest.

Jan.

Now, listen, Jan...

pa never would have held with a two-headed coin.

But I was trying to save you work, not make it for you.

Mr. Staley's got a cord coming, and he's gonna get it.

All right.

If you're gonna be so darn stubborn,

I guess I'll have to help you.

No need to help.

Oh, quiet.

You up yet?

Let me sit on your lap, uncle Johnny.

Don't you "uncle Johnny" me.

No one's gonna take me in with their pretty-women ways.

Would you take me in the house

and put me to bed, uncle Johnny?

All right.

Which way?

Nobody's put me to bed since my mommy went away.

Well, you're gonna get a first-class putting-to-bed

right now.

No use stalling.

I'll just sleep in these.

What about the nightgown situation?

Wore out, but when my mommy comes home,

she'll make me some more.

Oh.

Well, here we go.

That's my mommy's favorite song.

She used to sing me to sleep.

Will you sing it to me, uncle Johnny?

All right.

# In the gloaming

# oh, my darling

# when the lights are dim and low #

# and the flickering shadows, falling #

# softly come and softly go

# when the winds are sobbing faintly #

# with a gentle, unknown woe

# will you think of me and love me #

# as you did once long a...

I smell something burning, uncle Johnny!

Oh! Oh!

My dress, uncle Johnny!

Yes!

I burned her dress.

That was the only dress she had, Mr. Rutledge.

Don't know when we can get her another one.

Well, I'll have to provide one.

Got any money?

Well, no, but...

dresses cost money.

I'll make her one.

You can sew, Mr. Rutledge?

Well, sure. Now, don't you worry, May.

I'll, uh... I'll be back in the morning with a nice dress

that I've stitched up for you.

I better get into town to get some goods and a needle.

No need to go.

We got the goods and the needle right here.

And a pattern. A fine pattern, Mr. Rutledge.

Ma was gonna make May a dress just before she went away.

Uh-huh.

Might as well get started.

Uh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

First, you got to find a space.

Then you got to spread your material.

Help me, Feb.

Then you, uh... then you...

Oh, yeah. Thanks.

Got to use these thingumajigs.

Please.

Sleeve.

Of course it's a sleeve.

What else could it be? I knew it was a sleeve.

All right, give me a little help.

Come on, come on. Spread them out.

Feb, get me the scissors.

Gonna cut this piece out of the carpet?

That's gonna be a lot better.

Never did hold with patterns.

Make a dress to the fit of the fitee, I always say.

See?

Yeah. That's the back.

Now, where's the front?

My dress done yet, uncle Johnny?

Why aren't you asleep?

I was asleep, but I woke up.

Is it done yet?

Just about.

There!

Now we'll try it on.

What do you think?

You're absolutely right. Well, let's take it off.

I'll have to make another one.

But the material is all used up.

Well, I have to go to town and get some more.

The store is closed.

Well, I have to open it up.

Now, don't you worry.

I'll profit by my mistake,

and in the morning, you'll have a dress as...

well, as good as the judge's daughter's.

Now, you run on to bed.

Making me open up 12:00 at night.

"Emergency," he says.

Firemen have emergencies.

Doctors have emergencies.

First time I ever had one.

This is the ticket.

Have you got any means to pay for it?

I sure have.

Real, genuine, solid, 14-karat gold.

Deal?

Deal.

Couldn't wait till morning, hmm?

No, sir.

Little girl going on a midnight picnic?

Gonna take her picture by the light of the moon.

"Emergency."

Oh, boy.

Sure fits good.

Isn't it beautiful?

Sure is.

You like it, huh?

It's the most wonderful dress I ever saw.

Well, it ought to be. I stayed up all night making it.

You're the best sewer I ever knew.

You're awfully smart, uncle Johnny.

There was nothing to it once I got started.

Maybe you could make me another one.

Then I could keep this one just for Sundays.

Now, isn't that just like a woman...

out to get everything she can from a man?

Please, uncle Johnny.

Well, I got to get a few nights good sleep first.

Can't stay up all night very often.

Haven't got the health for it.

Well, I got to be going.

Oh, Mr. Rutledge?

A mighty pretty dress.

Not bad.

Funny thing.

Thought there were roses on that dress good yesterday.

Today, they're checks.

Oh, who can tell blue checks from red roses?

Think I'll fish a while.

Quarter of 7:00. They ought to be biting good about now.

Where's your watch fob, Mr. Rutledge?

My watch fob?

Well, I guess I... guess I lost it.

Yes, sir, I guess I just went and lost that watch fob.

Got to remember to look for it.

What'd you mean about May...

"isn't that just like a woman"?

Oh, I didn't mean anything particular.

Just a manner of speaking.

But as long as we're on the subject,

I might as well give you a word of warning for the future.

Look out for women, boy.

I know what I'm talking about.

I was gonna get married once.

Thought butter would melt in that girl's mouth.

You know what she did when I lost the paper mill that time?

She turned me down.

Wasn't me she wanted.

It was what I could give her.

When she did that, I figured, "what's the use?"

Me alone. Don't need anything.

So never trust a woman, Jan.

You remember that.

I will, sir.

Oh, don't pay any attention to anything I tell you.

There it is.

Now, I hope there'll be some eating around here

besides catfish and greens.

Couple of times I came here to supper,

that's all there was on the menu.

Smoked ham.

White flour.

And licorice.

A sure-enough shotgun.

Good as it was 40 years ago.

Now, there's no excuse

for not having duck on the table after this.

For you.

You're awfully good to us.

What time is it, Mr. Rutledge?

Lost the watch, too, well as the fob?

I must have mislaid it.

It was a nice thing to do.

Don't get any ideas. Did it for myself, not you.

Don't want my enjoyment spoiled

while I'm lolling around someplace, having a good time.

Don't want to have to think of nothing

but catfish and greens back here.

You're a nice uncle, uncle Johnny.

I'm no uncle at all. I'm a loafer.

And as soon I see

that you get one decent meal in your stomachs,

I'm going off and get some loafing done.

Wake up.

I beg your pardon, ma'am.

I-I was just waiting for that water to boil.

Don't you know a watched pot never boils?

Oh, yes, it will, ma'am,

but you can't be in a hurry about it.

Maybe you never had the patience to watch long enough.

No wonder this place is falling apart.

I understand there are five children here,

four of school age.

That's right, ma'am.

I'd like to see them, please.

Right over here.

There's a lady here to see you.

Here they are.

Why haven't you children been going to school?

I've had a report from your teacher

that you've been living alone for six months at least.

Is that true?

Well, you can't manage for yourselves forever, you know?

We manage fine. We...

see that? We've got everything we need.

Where did all this come from?

Their ma and pa sent it.

When are they coming home?

Soon.

How soon?

Real soon.

And in the meantime, are they supposed to run around

like wild, little indians?

Why, they've already missed a week of schooling.

Why haven't you kids been going to school?

We don't have shoes.

Well, that's no excuse. I'll get you shoes.

Why, that's very kind of you.

But, still, I-I ought to take this up with the authorities.

Why?

Well, I'm worried about them,

living here without kith or kin to look after them.

Well, what's the matter with me?

I don't understand. Who are you?

Their uncle. That's who.

You bear no resemblance to any of the children.

Did you say their uncle?

On their mother's side.

Um, third brother to the eldest.

Does that care of kith or kin?

Yes, I-I suppose it does.

Well, then, good day, ma'am.

Hope you have a nice ride back to town.

You saved us, uncle Johnny! You saved us!

Thanks, uncle Johnny.

Uncle Johnny!

Crazy. That's what I was.

Now I'm stuck.

Stuck with all five of you.

Whoa!

Now, Junior, pay more attention in arithmetic.

Yes, papa.

Remember, you'll have a big business to run someday.

Yes, papa.

And don't play with any of the riffraff.

No, papa.

Finnegan here will call for you, as usual, when school is out.

Yes, papa.

"Yes, papa."

You hush up. Who is that?

That's Mr. Gilland.

He owns the tobacco warehouse and the distillery.

Must be wonderful to be the richest man in town

and own a carriage.

- You got shoes, haven't you? - Yeah.

Then you're rich enough.

Come on. School.

You wait for them, Pic.

Well, I guess we got them started, all right, didn't we?

I don't think Feb likes it.

Morning, Mr. Rutledge.

Morning, miss Prudence.

Being it's their first day, I brought the kids to school.

I know. I saw you go in.

I noticed the shoes.

You're pretty.

Thank you.

Would you marry my uncle Johnny?

Well, uh...

May, what makes you say things like that?

She misses her mother.

I guess she'd kind of like a mother

no matter how she got her.

No, I only want her for an aunt.

It's all right, Mr. Rutledge.

I won't hold you to that proposal.

You know, May, I have a lot of things left over

from when I was a little girl.

I don't think your uncle would mind

if I gave you a doll, would you?

Oh, no.

We'll go to my house and pick one out.

Then you'll be a mother yourself,

and that'll keep you busy till your mother comes home.

Don't you think so?

Yeah, maybe it will.

You've been very kind to us.

Well, I had to be to make up for...

well, I'm sorry for the way I talked to you

that day I came out to your place.

That wasn't anything.

I liked you anyway.

I liked you, too.

You did?

Yes.

I could tell by the children's attitude toward you

that you must be nice.

Is that all?

Children do size up people better than...

all conclusions of your own?

I did notice that your eyes were blue,

and I like blue eyes best.

But you do need a haircut.

Yeah, I guess I do.

Well, we'd better be going.

Thanks again for the doll.

Oh, yes, thank you.

You're very welcome.

Bye.

Bye.

Do you think I need a haircut, May?

She wouldn't be like you said about women.

What'd I say?

They're out to get everything they can from a man.

She wouldn't.

Why not?

She's got everything.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Just the same, don't you ever say anything like that again

about me marrying miss Prudence.

Sure did embarrass me.

She's nice and nearly as pretty as my mother.

Take more than prettiness to get me.

Prettiest girl in the world couldn't get me.

I'm woman-proof.

Honest, uncle Johnny?

Never was so sure of anything in my life.

That's Feb.

I just knew he wouldn't like school.

How'd you get out of school?

Window.

It was open.

I can't have that, Feb.

You got to go to school.

He won't ever do anything he doesn't want to.

I don't know what I'm gonna do about you, son.

If you said you'd take his new mouth organ away,

he'd go to school.

No, I'm not gonna take it, Feb.

I wouldn't do that

even if you kept on playing hooky against my wishes.

Well, I guess I'd better get to chopping wood.

I wish you'd do some fishing first.

I'm getting awfully tired of duck.

Well, fish would be a good idea.

Yeah, I think I will fish a bit before I get to work.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself,

disappointing uncle Johnny about school.

An apple? Where'd you get it?

I bet you stole it out of Mr. Gilland's orchard.

Don't tell me.

There's a big bass over by the shore.

I've been keeping my eye on him.

Uncle Johnny?

Yeah?

I don't like it much, but I'll go to school.

Everybody's got to do things they don't like, Feb...

all of us.

I'll go.

Good.

Ooh, a big one.

4 pounds at least.

Well, get the gaff line ready, you slowpoke.

Don't you know how to handle a big fish?

Me? I could give you lessons in fishing.

Play that thing again.

# "Hi," said the little leatherwing bat #

# "I'll tell you the reason that #

# "the reason that I fly by night #

# "is because I lost

# my heart's delight"

# howdy dowdy diddle dum day #

# howdy dowdy diddle dum day #

# howdy dowdy diddle dum day #

# and a hey le-lee

# lee-lie lee-low

# "hi," said the redbird, sitting on a fence #

# "once I loved a handsome wench #

# "but she got saucy and from me fled #

# "and ever since

# my head's been red"

# howdy dowdy diddle dum day

# howdy dowdy diddle dum day

# howdy dowdy diddle dum day

# and a hey le-lee

# lee-lie lee-low

seen Feb, Mr. Rutledge?

Yeah, I saw him.

How was school?

Wasn't so bad.

Didn't the twins come home with you?

No, sir, Junior Gilland

took them to his house in his carriage.

Gonna play there a while. Oh.

Look!

Whoa!

Get out. Get out, you little ragamuffins.

Don't any of you ever dare come near my house again.

I won't have my boy mixing up with any river-bottom trash.

We're not river-bottom trash.

We got shoes.

And if you know what's good for you,

you'll keep your brats at home!

Get out. Let go.

Get out. I'll have the law on you!

You insulted my kids. You got a fight on your hands.

Get out. Finnegan!

Hired out to do your driving, Mr. Gilland,

not your fighting.

Get out.

Put up your hands.

Finnegan! Finnegan! Finnegan!

Finnegan!

Help! Help!

Help!

Mr. Gilland, I suggest you start hollering "uncle!"

He might let you up.

Uncle?

No!

Uncle. Uncle! Uncle!

Well, that's better.

Start apologizing.

Now, look here... you called my kids trash!

I'm sorry.

Speak up!

I apologize.

Now get out of here.

Take me home.

Sure. Where else?

Didn't figure you'd want to go to a dress ball

looking like that.

You be careful or I'll fire you.

Already decided that as of tonight.

Good day, everybody.

Come on, boy.

Come on.

You fought him real good, uncle Johnny.

Oh, hush, May. Fighting's stupid.

Maybe so, but as long as you did it,

I'm proud you did it good.

This will never happen again, not to my kids.

Come on. Let's get supper.

Now I defy anyone to call you ragamuffins.

You still owe me three cords of wood for those shoes.

How do you expect to pay for all this?

I'm gonna get a job.

Job, eh?

You sure are up to ears, ain't you?

Yeah, sure am.

Regret to say

I've got a little business with you, Mr. Rutledge.

You kids go on outside. Wait for me over in the square.

Got to arrest you, Rutledge.

Had a complaint sworn out.

Guess you know by who.

Yeah, I got a good idea.

Of course, there's many people who claim

that you should be given a vote of thanks for what you done,

but I don't make the laws.

I just enforce them.

See what I mean? Yeah, I see.

Finnegan says you did a shipshape job.

Buckled right down to your work like a wet badger.

Here are the kids' old clothes.

May I give these to the kids to take home?

Well, take them home yourself.

But I thought you just said that I...

give me your word that you'll show up monday morning

for your hearing in front of judge Millett.

Of course, you can give me your word

and then break it and run away,

but I'm a gambler at heart.

I'll take your word.

You sure got it.

9:00 monday morning.

Thank you, constable.

You're welcome, son.

And thank you, Mr. Staley.

Well, all I stand to lose is money.

You stand to lose your badge if he runs away.

Lots of fellas like to bet on a buggy-horse race

or turning cards.

Me, I like to bet on people.

I'm sorry, Rutledge, I can't defend you

against this assault-and-battery case.

It's a matter of precedent.

Hello, sir.

See, I'm a $12.50 lawyer.

Got $12.50 for defending the ames boys

in the matter of shooting that riverboat gambler.

I can't go backwards in my career.

I can't take any more 75-cent cases.

I'll throw in a cord of cut wood

and haul it to your house and stack it for you.

Sorry, Rutledge, I'm strictly a $12.50 lawyer.

But you're the only lawyer in town.

Sad but true. I'm a $12.50 lawyer.

You're a 75-cent client. It's incompatible.

Uh-huh.

Good day, judge. Ah, miss Prudence.

A client trying to retain you, Plato?

Why, yes, he was.

We couldn't get together in the matter of a fee, though.

Suppose he could get the money.

I still think I wouldn't defend him.

Because you're afraid to antagonize Mr. Gilland?

Ma'am, I do not regard "intelligent precaution"

as a synonym for "fear."

It's just that I have enough good sense

to stay out of the way of those who can do me serious harm.

It's too bad, though,

because if I do find that boy guilty monday morning

and he can't put up the bond...

and I'm certain that he can't...

he'll have to go to the lockup

until the next court-of-session court meets.

It's too bad.

Yes, isn't it a shame? Well, goodbye, judge.

Goodbye.

I'll meet you here, father.

I have a little shopping to do.

Isn't there anything else you can do?

I don't know what, Jan.

Where did he learn to play Mozart like that?

Feb? Oh, he heard it someplace.

That's all?

That's all. Only has to hear a piece once.

Oh, Mr. Rutledge, that boy must have a musical education.

Let me talk to the Cassin sisters.

I'm sure they'll take him for $1 a week.

$1?

Oh, ma'am, I'm... I'm having troubles enough,

and on top of everything else,

I was just served with a warrant.

I know, and there's so many things the children need.

Would it help any if my father gave you a job on his farm?

Why, yeah, that'd help considerably.

It's hard work.

I know.

Also, I've been thinking a lot about the children,

especially May.

They need fresh milk.

Would you let me give you one of our cows?

That'd be fine.

You know, you're awfully nice to us.

My father's waiting for me.

You can take the cow with you tomorrow

on your way home from work.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Music lessons.

# Oh, me name is MacNamara

# I'm the leader of the band

# although we're few in numbers #

# we're the finest in the land

# we play at wakes and weddings #

# and at every fancy ball

# and when we play at funerals

# we play the best of all

# oh, the drums go bang

rumpity tump!

# And the cymbals clang

ting ting!

# And the horns, they blaze away #

Dah dah dah dah!

# McCarthy pumps the old bassoon #

# while I, the pipes, do play

# and hennessy tennessy tootles the flute #

# and the music is something grand #

# a credit to old Ireland is MacNamara's band #

# Oh, the drums go bang

# and the cymbals clang

# and the horns, they blaze away #

# McCarthy pumps the old bassoon #

# while I, the pipes, do play

# and hennessy tennessy tootles the flute #

# and the music is something grand #

# a credit to old Ireland is MacNamara's band #

Hey, you, come here.

Me? Yeah, you want a job?

Well, it seems like I was just given a job.

On Sundays?

Doing what? Singing.

You'd pay me to sing? Sure.

How much? $1.

Dollar and a half. Nope.

Dollar and a quarter. No.

All right, I'll take the $1.

Of course, you wait on tables on the side.

For $1, all I do is sing.

Dollar and a quarter? Nope.

Dollar and a half?

Okay, it's a deal. Where is this place?

Ask anybody where Schlosser's picnic grove is.

See you Sunday after church.

Well, I guess that ought to pay for the music lessons.

Johnny!

Hello, professor.

Johnny, my boy.

When'd you get out?

Half an hour ago.

Have a gumdrop.

Science has taught that sugar, when taken into the human body,

is quickly converted into alcohol.

I tried it. The experiment is a failure.

Here. Take the whole bag.

Well, shall we be on our way?

Blue sent word that he's waiting in higginsport for us.

I can't leave, professor. I've got, uh, responsibilities.

What are those?

Children.

How did you get them?

Darned if I know.

Let us flee, Johnny.

I got to appear before the judge in a minute.

I was arrested for assault and battery.

Then the time to skip is right now.

I got a job.

A job?

My boy, you are neck-deep in the quicksands.

Escape, Johnny, run for your life.

I can't, professor.

This is insanity,

but if you insist upon going through with it,

at least you'll have my valuable assistance.

I shall defend you.

I'm gonna be late.

My latin will confound these hayseeds.

My logic will flash about their bucolic heads.

I will pour quotations upon them from kenning,

from Oliver Wendell Holmes...

Come on.

...and from that famed english jurist blackstone!

I intend to prove by the evidence that I will present

that the prisoner at the bar is guilty of assault and battery,

disturbance of the peace, mayhem, and attempted murder.

Clerk, strike everything but assault and battery.

I'll listen to no harangues on additional charges

whipped up by any lawyer with the sole purpose

of impressing his client and thus enlarging his fee.

Have a lozenge, Plato. Thank you.

Now see here, judge Millett,

I know that you don't like me, but...

your point is well taken, Mr. Gilland.

I do not like you.

As a matter of fact, I dislike you so heartily

that I doubt whether I can judge this case fairly.

Therefore, I disqualify myself.

I'll merely sit to hear the plea,

fix the bond, and bind the defendant over

to the next court-of-sessions court,

when the traveling county judge can hear his case.

If I may rise to point out...

you may not rise. Sit down.

If the defendant cannot put up bond,

he'll be held in the lockup until then?

That's correct. Thank you, judge.

Your honor, I object!

Objection overruled. Sit down.

How do you plead, Mr. Rutledge...

guilty or not guilty?

Your honor, friends and countrymen, lend me your ears.

I'm about...

you're about to be held in contempt of court

if you get up again.

Sit down!

How do you plead, Mr. Rutledge?

Well, I guess I whipped him.

Made him holler "uncle," too.

Enter the plea of guilty.

The bond is set at $25, cash money.

Has the bond been posted, clerk?

Yes, your honor. I have $25 right here that...

never mind.

It's not necessary that the name of a person posting the bond

be matter of record.

Well, who on earth would put up a bond for...

I demand that you name the benefactor who put up the...

your demand is refused.

Sit down!

Court adjourned.

I don't know how you did it, professor.

You were simply wonderful.

Oh, anyone with my knowledge of legal proceedings

could have done nearly as well as I did.

Miss Prudence said that she thought it was a shame,

so she put up the $25.

It certainly was nice of her.

Sure was.

But I guess she figured that you wouldn't run away.

So long, Rutledge.

Hello, Johnny.

Hello, judge. Miss Prudence.

Hello.

Didn't expect to see you here.

Well, we came to hear you sing.

It was a nice day for a picnic,

and as long as we're going someplace, we thought we...

might as well hear Johnny Rutledge make a fool of himself.

Johnny, come on. It's singing time.

Well, excuse me.

Otto, give them the gong!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Every Sunday,

you come to Schlosser's picnic grove by lover's leap

for the burgoo soup, the beer, and the music,

and everybody has a wonderful time,

except when the kids with addles in their brains

fall in the river.

So, now let me present Johnny Rutledge,

the warbling waiter.

And, please, ladies, keep from crying the babies.

All right, professor.

# Young Herman Von Bellow

# a musical fellow

# played on a big cello each night #

# sweet melodies rare in a dance garden where #

# dancers danced 'round and 'round with delight #

# one night, he saw dancing a maid so entrancing #

# his heart caught on fire inside #

# and music so mellow, he sawed on his cello #

# she waltzed up to him and she cried #

# "yip-i-addy-i-ay-i-ay!

# "Yip-i-addy-i-ay!

# "I don't care what becomes of me #

# "when you play me that sweet melody #

# "yip-i-addy-i-ay-i-ay!

# "My heart wants to holler, 'hooray!' #

# "sing of joy, sing of bliss

# "home was never like this

# yip-i-addy-i-ay!"

Everybody sing.

# "Yip-i-addy-i-ay-i-ay!

# "Yip-i-addy-i-ay!

# "I don't care what becomes of me #

# "when you play me that sweet melody #

# "yip-i-addy-i-ay-i-ay!

# "My heart wants to holler, 'hooray!' #

# "sing of joy, sing of bliss

# "home was never like this

# yip-i-addy-i-ay!"

Again, you earned some tips, Johnny.

What did I tell you?

You don't have to give your public anything else

if you give them good entertainment...

If you also give them good beer!

Psst!

Hey, you got a good voice. Sit down.

I can't. I'm working.

I got a little matter of business to take up with you.

Did you ever my sisters

who give the boy, Feb, his music lessons?

No, I haven't.

I think you ought to meet them.

Why? Good reason.

I happen to know rev Chalotte and his missus

died in a steamboat collision a little over six months ago,

and they have no relatives.

I'll be waiting for you.

Are the ladies in the parlor, Ida Lily?

Oh, yes, Mr. Plato. They're waiting for you.

This way, Mr. Rutledge.

Well, I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long, my dears.

Oh, not at all.

This is Mr. Rutledge.

My sisters... miss Adelaide, miss Genevieve.

I'm so happy to meet you, Mr. Rutledge.

He's very handsome, isn't he, Genevieve?

Oh, very.

Sit down, Mr. Rutledge.

Oh, not in that one.

It's so uncomfortable.

Here. A real man's chair.

Tea?

Well, shall we come directly to the point,

as our father, the colonel, always said?

Cream? Here's the matter in a nutshell.

Sugar?

It seems you have a genius in your family.

I beg your pardon? February.

He's another liszt, perhaps a chopin.

It isn't just our opinion.

Dr. Franz demucker thinks the same thing.

My sisters had an eminent musician

come all the way from the Cincinnati conservatory

to hear the boy play.

He agrees the boy is remarkably talented.

Oh, well, that's fine.

February must have a chance, Mr. Rutledge.

He must be sent to Cincinnati to study.

Then to Italy, perhaps.

Italy?

Well, that's kind of far off. That'd take a lot of money.

The point exactly.

At first, my sisters thought of adopting the boy

and giving him the education that I have described.

But that was unfeasible,

as apprentice law of 1853 prohibits unmarried people

from adopting children in this state.

Oh.

Well, then, it can't be done.

On the contrary, Rutledge. We have a solution.

It'll permit all the children to live here

under far better conditions

than you will ever be able to provide for them.

The solution is marriage.

Marriage?

To who? I mean, who to?

Plato, you make it all sound so cold-blooded.

We're not at all cold-blooded, are we, Adelaide?

Not at all, Genevieve.

You mean you want me to marry...

...both of them?

Let's not be facetious.

Naturally, only one.

Don't answer now, Rutledge.

Think it over. Take your time.

Tomorrow morning at 8:00, let us say?

In the meanwhile, you can mull over your preference

as to which of my sisters will be the bride.

See you to the door?

Goodbye, Mr. Rutledge.

Perhaps we should call you Johnny now.

Goodbye... johnny.

Cassin, you're crazy.

You don't intend to accept my little proposal?

Not in a thousand years, not in a million.

You don't like my sisters?

Beauty is only skin deep, you know.

Oh, dear, and I-I did so hope to marry them off.

I feel like punching you in the nose.

What a shame.

Now I'm going to have to go to a lot of trouble

advising the constable about you.

Sooey!

Sooey!

Sooey, sooey, sooey, sooey, sooey!

Go on! Go on!

Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig!

Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig!

Come here!

Go on, go on, go on.

Manna!

Unh-unh. Pig.

Know your lesson?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Good.

Goodbye, uncle Johnny.

Goodbye.

Careful. Your new clothes.

Where'd you get that pig?

He was lost. I found him.

Do I smell cloves on you?

I'm chewing some.

Why? I like cloves.

You've been getting liquor.

Where would I get money to buy liquor,

impoverished as we are?

Gaze upon that pig, my boy.

Cast your imagination into the future...

ham, bacon, sausage, pig's knuckles.

He isn't ours. He's lost.

Strayed. Ridiculous.

"Strayed" is a word implying the ability to return home.

That would indicate intelligence.

Not even the veriest fool

would suggest that a porker has intelligence.

Therefore, "lost" is the word and the pig is ours.

We don't want to get in trouble over a stolen pig!

"Lost"!

Anytime a pig or cow is found,

you got to post a notice in front of the courthouse.

Then if nobody claims him in 30 days, he's yours.

We will do just that forthwith.

Well, that's better. I got to get to work.

And don't you kids be late to school.

Never knew you liked cloves.

And to think I raised that boy for the last two years,

and he's acting just like a deacon.

We gonna post that notice?

We are, indeed.

There.

I can't read a word of it.

Naturally.

It's written in Greek,

a language I became familiar with long ago and far away.

I'd never know it was about a lost pig.

The point exactly.

The bell's ringing. School, boys, go on.

Ah, miss Prudence.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I thought you'd be a little interested

in a report I got today,

you being on the school board and all.

What is it?

Well, it's about those Chalotte children.

It seems their parents are dead,

and this Johnny Rutledge, who claims he's their uncle...

Yes?

...isn't.

Why, I can't believe that.

Got the proof right here in this letter.

Well, why would he attach himself to those children

and work so hard?

If he isn't their uncle, who is he?

He's a blackface singer.

Worked for that medicine-show fella

who just got through serving a jail term.

If he's that kind of a faker,

why would he... why wouldn't he run away

instead of staying to face the Gilland trial?

Why would he keep hanging around?

Maybe to catch a rich wife like yourself.

Oh!

If you don't believe me, miss Prudence,

why don't you ask Mr. Rutledge personally?

That's what I intend to do.

Whoa.

Mr. Rutledge?

Hello, miss Prudence.

I've just found out about you and the Chalotte children.

You lied about being their uncle.

Looked me right in the face and lied.

Yes, ma'am, I did.

Why, Mr. Rutledge? What reason could you have had?

You were gonna take them away from their home.

Is that your only explanation?

Well, they were trying to manage by themselves,

and I admired that.

Admiration is not enough.

A vagabond doesn't come from off the road

and do what you did because of admiration.

I'm going to see that they're put in the care

of some responsible party.

Not the orphanage.

I don't want to take them away,

but I can't leave them with you.

Why not?

Because I think you're using them

to further your own schemes.

Where are you going?

Tell your father I'm taking an hour off from work.

So, you changed your mind, Mr. Rutledge?

I did.

Any preference?

No, no preference.

Well, in that case, which shall it be...

the dice or the quoits?

The quoits.

Dice are so vulgar.

Adelaide by half a hand.

I'm sorry, Genevieve.

All's fair in love and war.

Congratulations, Rutledge.

So, you're really going through with it, eh, Johnny?

I gave my word.

How did the kids take it about miss Adelaide?

Oh, the twins liked it all right.

Gonna live in that fancy house and all.

Jan and Feb didn't say anything.

May didn't say anything, either.

She made a little remark to me.

What?

Said she didn't need an aunt that bad.

Professor, what am I gonna do?

Man gives his word he'll wed a woman, man's got to wed her.

Well, goodbye, Johnny.

Thanks for the loan of the boat.

I'll miss you with all that beauty, freedom,

and adventure unshared.

Well, if that's the way you want it.

Farewell.

Oh, nice about miss Prudence, isn't it?

What about her?

Why, haven't you heard?

She's become engaged to a young man from St. Louis.

Well, goodbye, Johnny, and good luck.

I know you'll be happy with miss Adelaide.

Wait a minute, professor, I'm going with you.

Do I hear my ears right? I'm overjoyed.

Not until tomorrow.

I want to sing in Schlosser's grove first to get the money.

Got to leave the kids with something to go on.

Deal? Deal!

Oh, what a future lies before us, Johnny.

Indian summer, lazy days on the river,

lazy nights under a harvest moon,

and no responsibilities.

Going to work at the picnic grove?

Uh-huh.

Will you give me a great big push

before you go, uncle Johnny?

Good sermon this morning, wasn't it?

Uh-huh.

And you stay.

Say!

Where you going?

I'm running away.

You're running away? What from?

From pa. We fought.

What about?

I said bad things to him.

I said I was glad you whipped him.

Oh, that was bad.

Everybody hates me because I'm a Gilland,

and it's on account of pa.

He's mean to everybody, so everybody's mean to me.

That's mighty tough, Junior.

I wonder what makes your pa so mean.

Couldn't be that he's unhappy.

He's got lots of money.

Maybe people been mean to him...

jealous on account of him getting rich so fast.

That could make him unhappy, too.

Well, there's no use us worrying about your pa anymore.

You're running away.

Do you really think he's unhappy?

You know, it's, uh, too bad he doesn't have a son anymore

to help him just when he needs help most.

When most people against him,

a son might show this town

that even a Gilland kid is a square shooter

and that way convince his pa

that he ought to make friends, too.

But an ornery cuss like your pa

don't deserve a son like that.

He isn't that mean, Mr. Rutledge.

Well, maybe if there's hope for him,

he ought to have another chance.

Don't know for sure, though.

Oh, I think he ought to have another chance.

If that's the case, be big.

Give it to him.

I'm going home, Mr. Rutledge.

Oh, uh, I wasn't gonna run away

till after the party tonight.

But now on account of me going home,

pa won't let me be here, so tell May.

Don't worry, Junior, I'll tell her.

Party? What party?

What's this about a party tonight?

I'm giving one.

You mean you actually invited people?

About 30, only I don't count too good.

Maybe more. But why?

Well, I'm telling people it's a birthday party,

and it honestly is my birthday, but it's really a goodbye party.

A goodbye party?

For you.

I know you're going with professor, uncle Johnny.

I knew it all the time.

Ever since miss Adelaide won you in the quoit game.

But when I think about me, I don't want you to go,

but when I think about you, I'm glad you're going.

That's very nice, May.

You'll wait for my party, uncle Johnny?

Oh, of course I will.

I haven't got anything for the people to eat.

Don't you give it a thought.

Uncle Johnny will take care of the eats.

Hey, who ordered the whole ham?

Couple fellas over there.

A whole ham?

If they should die from overeating a pig,

then Schlosser's a dead duck.

I better speak to them.

Oh, no.

You tell me don't?

Who is the boss here... you or me?

You are.

Well, I speak to them.

They're awfully big fellas.

I'm the boss here. I'm not afraid of big fellows.

They're tough... big muscles.

Tough, eh?

Well, show them the ham. That's tough, too.

Thief. Robber. Pirate. Embezzler.

I'm sorry, Mr. Schlosser.

Yes, you're sorry I caught you, but you're not sorry

when I make with a debit instead of the asset,

when I'm counting together how much profit I didn't make.

No, you are not sorry I'm smarter than you.

You are only sorry you are not smarter than me.

Well, you see, I... oh, pick that stuff up.

You want the ants should get on it?

Go. Now, take it home.

You want me to take it?

Sure. I'll give you some cake, too.

The kiddies like cake and ice cream.

How are you going to feed all those people

with a few chickens?

We'll see what's in the kitchen,

and I'll give you some tablecloth.

I don't know why you're doing this, Mr. Schlosser.

I'll never be able to make payment on it.

Payment you will make.

I wish I could, but how?

I want to be invited to the party.

# A very merry birthday

# a very merry birthday

# merrier than ever before

# congratulations, dear May

# May you celebrate 100 more

Evening, sir.

Hello, Finnegan.

Can I offer you another glass of punch, miss Adelaide?

Well, I don't mind if I do.

Professor, this is just delicious.

You must give me the recipe.

Why, certainly.

You crush a sprig of mint, add a teaspoon full of sugar,

some sliced oranges and lemon, a dash of angostura bitters,

and then you fill it up with corn liquor.

It'll just be a small wedding, judge.

Johnny doesn't want a fuss,

and after that, Genevieve and I think a week's honeymoon

in Cincinnati would be just sweet.

You're not taking Genevieve along on your honeymoon.

Why, I wouldn't be parted from Genevieve for a whole week,

my old sister, would I, Genevieve?

Certainly not, Adelaide.

After all, but for a tiny stroke of fate,

Genevieve might be the bride and not I.

Isn't that so, Johnny?

Yeah.

We're running short of sandwiches.

I'll take care of it. Excuse me, George.

Surely.

Johnny will never be lonely again.

There will always be this shining face

across the breakfast table from him

for the rest of his days.

Oh, how I envy him.

We have the entertainment. Come on, Johnny.

Yes, do, Johnny.

Come on.

Ladies and gentlemen, now we're going to have a song

by Johnny Rutledge, the warbling waiter.

# Just a song at twilight

# when the lights are low

# and the flickering shadows

# softly come and go

# though the heart be weary

# sad the day and long

# still to us at twilight

# comes love's old song

# comes love's old, sweet song

You shouldn't be inside, working.

You, uh... you ought to be outside, enjoying yourself.

I don't mind.

Oh, Johnny, why did you do it?

You must be very devoted to those children

to marry a rich, old lady just for their sakes.

Miss Adelaide is all right.

I suppose she is.

Oh, I wish I...

Are the sandwiches ready?

Yes, of course.

Why couldn't you be engaged to uncle Johnny

instead of miss Adelaide?

Now, May, I warned you.

That's no kind of talk from a little girl.

Now, you scoot,

and don't you ever try to tell grown-ups what to do again.

Why couldn't I?

What?

Be engaged to you instead of miss Adelaide.

I can think of three good reasons why you couldn't.

What are they?

Well, there's that Gilland case hanging over me,

and there's your fianc� and my fianc�e, and...

I think you can exclude my fianc�.

He's not very anxious to marry me.

Prudence.

What I mean is I got so angry

when I heard you were going to marry miss Adelaide

that I tricked him into proposing.

Listen, Rutledge, my boy just came to me

and said he started to run away this morning.

Said you sent him home. Now, I don't believe it.

Why would you do me a favor? You don't like me.

I've got nothing against you, Gilland,

and I like the boy a lot.

Well... i see.

Well, just thought I'd drop by

and see if Junior was telling the truth.

I, um...

I'm sorry I said what I did that day.

Your children are very well behaved.

Hmm? Oh.

Uh, you mind if Junior stays for the rest of the party?

He wants to pretty much.

We'd be tickled to have him.

Of course, that assault-and-battery case is off.

That takes care of the Gilland case.

Now I... just leaves number three.

Yeah, miss Adelaide.

Yes.

I suppose there's no way out of that.

No, I guess not.

No, I guess not.

I could talk to her.

This is delicious.

Adelaide, uh, could I talk to you alone for a minute?

Why, of course, Johnny.

Excuse us.

Well?

Uh, Adelaide, you've always been honest with me,

and, uh, well, I want to be honest with you.

Oh, that's sweet of you, Johnny.

I'm willing to marry you, as we agreed, if you want me to,

but I owe it to you to tell you I'm in love with another girl.

Prudence Millett.

That's right.

Darn, I might have known it.

Oh, I'm not asking you to get me up,

but I thought you ought to have all the facts.

Guess what... Prudence Millett and I both want to marry Johnny.

You're joking.

No, I'm not. We both do.

Maybe we ought to pitch quoits for him.

Very interesting, eh, Johnny?

But hardly fair, considering that miss Adelaide

is the best quoit pitcher in 10 counties.

A question of ethics.

As we say in gambling circles,

always give a pigeon an even contingency.

Oh, I'd want to be fair.

It's a difficult problem.

Would you be willing to settle on the flip of a coin?

Yes.

You got a coin, Johnny?

Oh, no. Oh, yes, Johnny, yes!

Oh, no, I wouldn't...

give me the...

I've got it. I've got it.

Professor, what's going on? What is it?

Miss Adelaide is sporting enough to win Johnny for herself

or lose him to miss Prudence on the flip of a coin.

Oh, for the sake of being impartial,

we'll let May flip and me call.

But isn't this the coin that...

no! I'll call.

Heads... miss Prudence. Tails... miss Adelaide.

Flip it, May.

Let me see it, darling. It's heads. Heads!

Well, what do you know? Well, well.

It's better to have loved and lost.

Well, May, you said this was going to be a goodbye party,

so let's go back to the party and have the goodbyes later.

Bye-bye, Johnny! Goodbye.

Goodbye, professor.

Goodbye, miss Prudence.

Goodbye, professor.

Bye, May.

Bye! Bye, professor!

Well, we're alone now.

Yes, just the seven of us.

How fortunate I am.

Johnny, why did you do that?

I'll never need it again.

It's already brought me all the luck in this world.

I almost feel like my mommy's come home.