All language subtitles for The.Hudsucker.Proxy.1994.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG.eng

That's right.

New York.

It's 1958.

Anyway, for a few
more minutes it is.

Come midnight, it's
gonna be 1959.

A whole other feeling.
The new year.

The future.

Yeah, Old Daddy Earth fixing to
start one more trip around the sun.

Everybody hoping this ride round
be a little more giddy...

...a little more gay.

Yup, all over town, champagne
corks is a-popping.

Over in the Waldorf, the big shots is
dancing to the strains of Guy Lombardo.

In Times Square, the
little folks is watching

and waiting for that
big ball to drop.

They're all trying to catch
hold of one moment of time...

...to be able to say, "Right now!
This is it! I got it!"

Of course, by then
it'll be past.

But they're all happy,
everybody having a good time.

Well, almost everybody.

There's a few lost souls
floating around out there.

Now, if you all ain't
from the city...

...we got something here
called "the rat race."

Got a way of chewing folks up so that
they don't want no celebrating...

...don't want no cheering up.

Don't care nothing
about no New Year's.

Out of hope, out of
rope, out of time.

This here is Norville Barnes.

That office he's
stepping out of...

...is the oddice of the president
of Hudsucker Industries.

That's his office.

How'd he get so high?

And why's he feeling so low?

Is he really going to do it?

Is Norville really gonna
jelly up the sidewalk?

Well, the future, that's something
you can never tell about.

But the past, heh-heh...

...that's another story.

In the third quarter we saw
no signs of weakening.

We're up 18 percent over last
year's third-quarter gross...

...and that, needless to
say, is a new record.

Our competition continues to flag and
we continue to take up the slack.

Market shares in most
divisions is increasing...

...and we have opened seven
new regional offices.

Our international division...

...is also showing vigorous signs of
upward movement for the last six months...

...and we're looking at some
exciting things in R&D.

Sub-franchising. Don't talk
to me about sub-franchising.

We're making so much money
in sub-franchising...

...it isn't even funny.

Our nominees and assigns continue
to multiply and expand...

...extending our influence
nationally and abroad.

Our owned and operateds
are performing...

...far beyond our expectations
both here and abroad.

And the Federal Tax
Act of 1958...

...is giving us a swell write-off
on our plant and heavies.

And our last debenture issue was
this year's fastest seller.

So third quarter and
year-to-date...

...we have set a new record in
sales, a new record in gross...

...a new record in
pre-tax earnings...

...a new record in
after-tax profits...

...and our stock has split
twice in the past year.

In short...

...we're loaded.

Mr. Hudsucker?

It's a pity to waste
a whole Montecristo.

He could've opened the window.

Waring Hudsucker never did
anything the easy way.

Why? Why did he do it?
Everything was going so well.

What, am I a headshrinker?
Maybe the man was unhappy.

He didn't
look unhappy.

- He didn't look rich.
- He was never an easy man to figure out.

He built this company
with his bare hands.

Every step he took
was a step up...

...except, of course,
this last one.

Sure, sure he was
a swell fella...

...but when the president,
chairman of the board...

...and owner of 87 percent of
the company stock drops...

...44 floors...
- Forty-five.

Counting the mezzanine.

Then the company, too, has a problem.
Stillson!

What exactly is the disposition
of Waring's stock?

Well, as you know...

...Hud left no will
and no family.

The company bylaws are
quite clear in that event.

"His entire portfolio will be
converted into common stock..."

...and will be sold over the counter
as of the first of the fiscal year...

...following his demise."
- Meaning?

Meaning simply that Waring's stock
and control of the company...

...will be made available
to the public January 1st.

Do you mean to say...

...that any slob in a smelly T-shirt
will be able to buy Hudsucker stock?

The company bylaws
are quite clear.

My God! You're animals!

How can you discuss his stock when
the man has just leapt 45 floors?

- Forty four.
- Not counting the mezzanine.

Quit showboating, Addison.
The man is gone.

The question now is whether we'll
let John Q. Public waltz in here...

...and buy our company.
- What are you suggesting, Sydney?

Certainly we can't afford to
buy a controlling interest.

Not while the stock
is this strong.

How soon before Hud's
paper hits the market?

- January 1st.
- Thirty days.

- Four weeks.
- A month at the most.

One month to make the blue-chip
investment of the century...

...look like a round-trip
ticket on the Titanic.

We play up the fact
that Hud is dead.

Long live the Hud!

- We depress the stock.
- To the point where we can buy 50 percent.

- Fifty one.
- Not counting the mezzanine.

- It could work.
- It should work.

- It would work.
- It's working already.

Waring Hudsucker is abstract
art on Madison Avenue.

What we need now is a new president who
will inspire panic in the stockholder.

- A puppet.
- A proxy.

A pawn.

Sure, sure, some jerk...

...we can really push around.

You punch in at 8:30 every morning, at
7:30 following a business holiday...

...unless it's a Monday,
then you punch in 8:00.

- Punch in late and they dock you.
- This goes to seven! Urgent.

Incoming articles get a voucher.
Outgoing articles provide a voucher.

Move any article without a
voucher and they dock you!

Take this up to the secretarial
pool on three! ASAP!

Letter-size, a green voucher!
Folder-size, a yellow voucher!

- Parcel-size, a maroon voucher!
- This is for Morgatross! Chop-chop!

Wrong color voucher
and they dock you!

6-7-8-7-0-4-9-Alpha-6!

That is your employee number!
It will not be repeated!

Without your employee number
you cannot get your paycheck.

All right, this goes up to 27!

Return a waiver! Do not return
without a signed waiver!

Inter-office mail is code 37!
Intra-office mail is 37-3.

Outside mail is 3-37.

Code it wrong and they dock you!

I was supposed to have
this on 2810 minutes ago!

This has been your orientation.

Is there anything you do not
understand or understand partially?

If you have not been fully orientated, you
must file a complaint with Personnel!

File a faulty complaint
and they dock you!

Kloppitt. Kloppitt, Kloppitt...

Max Kloppitt.

"Max Kloppitt, Jr."

What do you do when the envelope
is too big for the slot?

Well, if you fold
them, they fire you.

I usually throw them out.

- Just got hired today.
- Mm-hm.

- Terrific. NORVILLE:
You know, entry level.

Tell me about it.

But I got big ideas.

I'm sure you do.

For instance, take a
look at this sweet baby.

I developed it myself.

Yes, sirree, this is
my ticket upstairs.

You know, for kids.

Terrific.

So you see, I won't be working
in the mail room long.

No, I don't guess you will be.

- How long you been here?
- Forty-eight years.

Next year they move me up
to parcels if I'm lucky.

Attention
Hudsucker employees!

Attention Hudsucker employees!

We regretfully announce that at 30
seconds after the hour of noon...

...Hudsucker time...

...Waring Hudsucker,
founder, president...

...and chairman of the board
of Hudsucker Industries...

...merged with the infinite.

To mark this occasion
of corporate loss...

...we ask that all employees observe
a moment of silent contemplation.

Thank you
for your kind attention.

This moment has been duly
noted on your timecards...

...and will be deducted from your pay.
That is all.

- Blue letter!
- Blue letter!

They're bringing
down a blue letter!

It's a blue letter.

Top, top level.

Confidential communication
between the brass.

Usually bad news.

They hate blue letters upstairs.

- Hate them.
- You!

Yeah, you! Barnes!
You don't look busy!

Think you can handle
a blue letter?

This letter was sent this morning
by the big man himself...

...that's right,
Waring Hudsucker!

It's addressed to Sid Mussburger,
Hudsucker's right-hand man!

It's a blue letter!

That means you got to put it
right in Mussburger's hands.

No secretaries!
No receptionists!

No colleagues! No excuses!

Mussburger!

Hi, my name's Buzz, I got the fuzz, I
make the elevator do what she does.

Hang it up to dry. What's
your pleasure, buddy?

- Forty-four.
- Forty-four, the top-brass floor.

Say, buddy, what takes 50 years
to get to the top floor...

...and 30 seconds to get down?

Waring Hudsucker!
You get it, buddy?

Say, buddy! Mr. Kline, up to nine.
Mrs. Dell, Personnel.

- Mr. Levin, 37.
- Thirty-six.

Walk down! Ladies and gentlemen,
please step to the rear.

- Here comes the gargantuan Mr. Grier.
- Buzz.

Say, buddy, who's the most liquid
businessman on the street?

Waring Hudsucker. Say, buddy.

When is the sidewalk fully dressed?
When it's wearing Hudsucker! Ha-ha-ha.

You get it, buddy? It's a
pun, it's a knee-slapper...

...it's a play on... Jesus, Joseph
and Mary, is that a blue letter?

Why didn't you tell a guy? Hold on,
folks, we're express to the top floor!

Good luck, buddy.

You're gonna need it. Ha-ha-ha.

Mr. Mussburger's office?

Hello.

- Do you have an appointment?
- No.

- Shall we look in the book? Hmm?
- Ma'am, we shall...

- We don't seem to be in the book.
- I wouldn't be.

If we had an appointment,
we'd be in the book.

I have this, uh...

Oh, here it is. Heh.

Gambotz?

Harry Gambotz?

No, too risky. He's green
but he's not slow.

Who is he?

No, I want an imbecile, not a
cipher or you'd have the job.

Nuh-nuh.

They moved him to
grommets and O-rings.

He's doing pretty well.

No, no, not, McClanahan.

He bungled the Teleyard merger,
thinks he's got something to prove.

Who let you in?

Atwater? Tremendous. Except
I just fired him last week.

Mr.
Mussburger...

...Mr. Bumstead's
waiting downstairs.

- I'll be right there. WOMAN: Yes, Mr.
Mussburger.

Spit it out!

- I, uh...
- Yeah?

Well, maybe you're the
company's biggest moron.

We can't use Morris. Been here too long.
He's a nice guy with too many friends.

In fact, why don't you fire him?
Scratch that, I'll fire him.

Make it fast, huh, fast!

Mr.
Bumstead is growing restless.

Tell him I'll be right there.
Give him a magazine.

What, are you a mute?

How's the stock doing? Bad?

Well, it's not bad enough.
Listen, chump.

Either you find me a ding-dong or tender
your key to the executive washroom.

That goes double for you, pal.
Ear-clay? Ood-gay!

This better be good.
I'm in a bad mood.

Sir, I've got something for you
from the mail room, but first...

...if I could take a minute of your very
valuable time to show you something...

...I've been working on for
the past two or three years.

You know, for kids.

It's perfect for Hudsucker, not
that I'm any great genius.

They say inspiration is 99
percent perspiration...

...in my case it's at
least twice that...

...but I've got to tell you, this sweet...
- Wait a minute!

Huh.

Hmm.

Sit down, son.

Go ahead.

Try it on.

Put your feet up.

Go ahead.

Let's get to know one
another, shall we?

Let's chat.

Man-to-man.

Now then, you're from the
basement, aren't you?

And weren't blessed with much...

...education?

Well, I am a college graduate.

But you did not excel
in your studies.

- Well, I... I made Dean's List.
- Oh.

At the Muncie College of
Business Administration.

And your friends, they called
you "jerk," didn't they?

Mm, unh-uhn.

- "Dope?" "Dipstick?"
- Mm-mm. No.

"Lamebrain?" "Schmo?" Not
even behind your back?

Well, as a matter they voted
me "Most Likely to Succeed."

You're fired.

Get your feet off my desk,
get out of my office.

Leave your apron in
the locker room.

Oh, my God!

The Bumstead contract. I've been
working on that deal for four years!

Get out of here! I'll take care of it!
Get out.

You could have destroyed the most
sensitive document of my career.

Mr. Bumstead is threatening
to leave the building.

I'm on my way down.

We need the first page
of the contract retyped.

Yes, Mr. Mussburger.

Yeah? Uh-huh. Yeah.

Out! Out of the office!

Down three points, huh?

That's encouraging.
How about New York?

Not that way, through the door!

Sir, it'll take three hours
to retype the Bumstead contract...

Where are you going?
Get out of here! Stop that!

Mr. Bumstead's
threatening to leave.

Not the whole contract,
just the first page.

I'll be there. Give
him another magazine.

- He says he'll leave.
- I said I'll be there!

And you're wife's been
trying to reach you.

Up on your feet! We don't crawl
here at Hudsucker Industries!

- My leg is on fire!
- No assumptions!

It's early yet. Just let me know
where we stand at the closing bell.

Oh, my God, the
Bumstead contract!

No magazines! No coffee!

Mussburger! I wanna see Mussburger!
Or did he jump out a window too?

Don't worry, Mr. Mussburger, I got you!
I got you by your pants.

Pants?

Mr. Mussburger, I'm gonna give
your pants a nice double stitch.

It'll make them real strong and
you're gonna look real sharp.

- No, single stitch is fine.
- But the double stitch, she lasts forever.

Why on earth would I
want a double stitch?

To pad your account.

Single stitch is fine.

Damn!

Oh, what the heck! Mr.
Mussburger is such a nice man...

...I'm gonna give him a double
stitch anyway. Heh-heh-heh.

Ah. That's some strong
stitch, you bet!

"The Einstein
of Enterprise."

"The Edison of Industry."

"The Billion-Dollar Cranium!"

"Idea Man!"

And not one of you has
given me a story on him!

Bunch of lamebrains!

Facts, figures, charts. They
never sold a newspaper!

I read this morning's Argus,
let me tell you something.

I'd wrap a fish in it!
I'd use it as kindling!

I'd train my poodle on it if
he wasn't a French poodle...

...and partial to
pages of Paris-Soir.

But I wouldn't shell out a hard-earned
nickel to read the thing!

Come on, chief, give us a break.

Sure, Tibbs. Take a break.

Go to Florida. Lie in the sun.

Wait for a coconut to drop.
File a story on it.

It'd be more of a grabber than your
piece on the county grain surplus!

The human angle! That's
what sells papers!

We need a front page with a heart
and the Idea Man can put it there!

Look, chief, if we
had more access...

If a frog had wings it wouldn't
bump it's ass a-hopping.

I don't want excuses,
I want results!

What makes the Idea Man tick?
Where's he from?

I want to know everything about him!
Has he got a girl? Has he got parents?

Everybody has parents.

All right, how many?

How about it, Parkinson? You've
been awful quiet over there.

- Uh...
- Still waters run deep.

Only thing deep with Parkinson
are the holes in his ears.

Yes, Idea Man.

What are his hopes and dreams,
his desires and aspirations?

Does he think all the time or
a certain portion of the day?

How tall is he? Shoe size?
Where does he sleep?

What does he have for breakfast?

Does he put jam on his
toast or doesn't he?

If not, why not and since when?

Well?

Ah. You're useless.

Yes. Idea Man. "Creator."

"Innovator." "Cerebrator."

- Fake!
- Huh?

I tell you, the guy's a phony.

- Phony, huh?
- As a three-dollar bill.

- Says who?
- Says me, Amy Archer!

Why is he an Idea Man? Because
Hudsucker says he is?

What are his ideas? Why
can't anyone interview him?

Five bucks says she
mentions her Pulitzer.

Again? You're on.

Just take a look at
the mug on this guy.

The jutting eyebrows, the simian
forehead, the idiotic grin.

He has a face only a mother
could love on payday.

The only story here is how this
guy made a monkey out of you, Al.

Yeah, monkey or not, I'm
still editor of this rag.

You were doing the piece on the FBI.
"Hoover: When Will He Marry?"

- I filed it yesterday. Nice tie, Earl.
- Well, do a follow-up.

"Hoover: Crime Buster
or Pantywaist?"

The rest of you mugs get off your
brains and get me that Idea Man story!

Al, he's the bunk.

- I'll stake my Pulitzer on it!
- Hmm.

Say, buddy, where'd
you get the new duds?

Say, buddy, how did old bucket
butt like his blue letter? Heh.

Did he bust a gut? Did he die?
Well, hello, Mr. Mussburger.

- Lobby, we haven't got all day.
- Right away, Mr. Mussburger.

How are you this
fine morning, sir?

It's been a pleasure
serving you today, sir.

It's been a pleasure serving
you too, uh, buddy.

Uh, Sid, shouldn't we be
a little concerned...

...with the downward spiral of
our stock these past few days?

You're the expert, but
at the Muncie College...

Relax, it's only natural...

...in a period of transition for the
more timid element to run for cover.

Like I said, you're
the expert...

...but do you remember the
plan I outlined for you...

...the day I set fire to your office?
The day I was promoted?

I do remember and I was impressed.
But that's all forgotten now.

Oh. Thank you, Sid.

The reason I mention it is it requires
such a small capital investment...

Again, you are the expert here.

- But there's such an
enormous potential profit...

...given the discretionary income
of the burgeoning middle-class.

So if you agree, I'd like to bounce
the idea off a few people at lunch.

Sure, sure.

Tell whoever you want. I'd like to
hear about it at some point too.

- I got gas, Benny.
- Yeah. Tell me about it.

No kidding, Benny.
I got gas.

- You get the special?
- Far from it.

Enter the dame.

There's one
in every story.

Ten bucks says she's
looking for a handout.

Twenty bucks says not
here, she don't find one.

- She's looking for her mark.
- She finds him.

She sits down and
orders a light lunch.

How will she
pay for this lunch?

- She looks through her purse.
- No money.

The mark notices.

- He's not noticing, Benny.
- Maybe he's wise.

He don't look wise.

Plan two.

Here come the waterworks.

- Yellowstone.
- Old Faithful.

Hello, Niagara.

- He notices.
- She's distressed.

He's concerned.

She explains
her predicament.

And enter the light lunch.

- She's got other problems.
- There's illness in the family.

- Her mother needs an operation.
- Urgently.

Adenoids. LOU: No, Benny.

Lumbago.

That gag's
got whiskers on it.

Uh-oh. He ain't
biting, Benny.

- She's losing him, Lou.
- Maybe he's wise.

He don't look wise.

- How does she pull this out?
- He's getting away.

- She better think fast.
- She isn't.

She is!

She's good, Benny.

She's damn good, Lou.

Can I get you boys
anything else?

Bromo.

I'm sorry we had to take the stairs.
It was just that horrible elevator boy.

I can't say how much I appreciate
your listening to my story.

I'm lucky to find someone in this bustling
city with a stout heart and a ready ear.

At any rate, there I was
traveling this great country.

Some I met were kind to me,
others exceedingly cruel.

Traveling by motor bus,
rail, even by thumb.

The couch, please.

Hoarding every dollar, counting
every nickel, pinching every penny.

It's been a long road leading
to the coddee shop downstairs.

Not that I'd trade a day, an hour,
a moment of it for anything.

I don't know what came over me.

It was the shock of
eating after so long...

...without the enzymes
kicking in after so long...

Then you couldn't possibly know
what it is to be tired and hungry.

- Hungry, anyway.
- I don't wanna bore you...

...with all details of my life.
Not a happy story.

I'm jobless but not
for want of trying.

I'm friendless, with no one to take care
of me and had you not come along...

- ...exactly when you did...
- I, myself...

At any rate, I arrived in
town not 10 days ago...

...full of dreams and aspirations,
anxious to make my way in the world...

...a little naive perhaps...

...but armed with
determination, work ethic...

...and a belief in the future...

- I, myself... AMY: Only
to have that belief...

...that unsullied optimism, dashed
against the marble of the workplace.

Such is life. Seek and you shall find.
Work and you shall prosper.

- Cigarette?
- No, thank you.

Seek and you shall find,
work and you shall prosper.

These were the watchwords
of my education...

...the values instilled in me...

...while I was growing up in a
little town you've never heard of.

- Mind if I join you?
- Be my guest.

A little town you've
probably never heard of...

...a dusty crossroads of which
you've probably never heard.

Excuse me. Executive washroom.

Are you all right?

Is it your lunch? The
chicken à la king?

- Is the à la king repeating on you?
- No, I'm fine. You were saying?

Uh...

Values,
watchwords, tender years.

A town you've
probably never heard of.

Muncie, Indiana.

- You're from Muncie?
- Why, yes. Do you know it?

Uh... Uhn!

Fight on

Fight on Dear old Muncie

Fight on

Hoist the gold and blue

You'll be tattered
Torn and hurting

Once the Muncie's done with

You

- Go, Eagles!
- Go, Eagles!

A Muncie girl!

- What do you know about that?
- Hmm.

I'll tell you what, Amy.

I'm gonna cancel the rest
of my appointments...

...and get you a
job here at Hud.

Oh, no! Really...

Don't bother to thank me. It's easy.
I know where a vacancy just came up.

- Mailroom. This will only take a moment.
- Yeah.

Good afternoon, this
is Norville Barnes.

Barnes!
Where the hell have you been?

- Where's my voucher?
- Um...

- I'm not sure.
- I need that voucher!

I told you a week ago
it was important!

Ahem, I'm president
of the company now.

I don't care if you're
president of the company!

I need the voucher now!

Look, why don't you
work in here with me?

Are you familiar with
the mimeograph machine?

Well, of course. I went to the
Muncie Secretarial, uh, Polytechnic.

A Muncie girl! Can
you beat that?

I just don't know how to
thank you, Mr. Barnes.

Please, Norville.

- Go, Eagles! Heh.
- Go, Eagles!

"Once the Munce..." Holy moly!

Is this guy from Chumpsville? I
even pulled the old mother routine.

- Adenoids?
- Lumbago.

Phew. That gag's got
whiskers on it.

I tell you, the Hudsucker
board's up to something.

What's a six-letter word for an
affliction of the hypothalamus?

And it's a cinch... Goiter.
- This guy isn't in on it.

- She's right here.
- How much time to make the late final?

- Chief.
- Tsk. Hiya, chief.

Just the person I
wanted to apologize to.

- About seven minutes.
- Yeah, I was all wet about your Idea Man.

Well, thanks for being so generous.
It is human and you are divine.

No, he's no faker.

He's 100 percent real McCoy, beware
of imitations, genuine article.

The guy's a real moron, as in a
five-letter word for imbecile.

Oh, as pure a specimen as
I've ever run across. Okay.

If working at the Argus
doesn't make me an expert...

...then my name isn't Amy Archer and
I never won the Pulitzer Prize.

In 1957.

My, oh, my series on
the reunited triplets.

Well, come down here, hammerhead,
and I'll show it to you!

What's a three-letter word
for a flightless bird?

Not now, I'm busy.

Right, I said, "hammerhead," as
in a 10-letter word for a smug...

...bullying newspaper man.

Gnu. Who couldn't find...
That's G-N-U.

Couldn't find the Empire State Building
with a compass, map and a guide.

Or is it Emu? That's just potatoes.
Here comes the gravy.

The chump really likes me.

- Ah. A Muncie girl!
- Better off falling for a rattlesnake.

This guy's just a patsy and
I'm gonna find out what for.

There's a real story
here, some kind of plot.

A set-up. Oh, and
say, did I tell you?

- He didn't odder you money?
- A sawbuck!

Ten smackers! Let's
grab a highball!

- On Norville Barnes.
- Yeah.

Copy!

Ms. Smith, would you come
in and take a letter?

Of all the cockamamy...

Did you see the front page
of today's Manhattan Argus?

Well, I, uh, didn't bother to read the article.
I didn't think the picture did you justice.

Well, the picture's fine.

It's what that knuckle-headed
dame wrote underneath.

Of all the irresponsible...
Take this down.

Dear, Ms. Archer.

I call you "Miss" because you seem
to have missed the boat completely.

How would you know
if I'm an imbecile?

You didn't have the guts to
come interview me man-to-man!

Change "man-to-man"
to "face-to-face."

Change "face-to-face" to "eye-to-eye"
and "guts" to "common decency."

These wild speculations
about my intelligence...

...these preposterous
inventions would be suited...

...to the pages of
Amazing Tales Magazine.

If the editors of the
Manhattan Argus see fit...

...to publish the rantings
of a disordered mind...

...perhaps they will see fit
to publish this letter.

But I most seriously doubt it.

As I doubt also that you could
find a home at Amazing Tales...

...a periodical which I have
enjoyed for many years.

Sincerely, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.

Is that all, Mr. Barnes?

Uh...

You know me, Amy, better than this dame.
Do you think I'm an imbecile?

Oh, well, I'm sure I...

Tell the truth. I trust you. I place
a lot of stock in your opinion.

- Well...
- Oh, sure, heh, you're biased.

You're a fellow Muncian, heh.

Hmm.

But let me ask you a question: Would
an imbecile come up with this?

I designed it myself.

This sweet baby will put
Hudsucker right back on top.

Uh-huh.

You know, for kids.

Why don't I just type this up?

Oh, no, Amy, that won't be necessary.
I shouldn't send it.

She's just doing
her job, I guess.

I don't know, maybe
she does deserve it.

Maybe she should have come in
here and faced you man-to-man.

She had a deadline.

Sure, but she still could've
gotten your side, for the record.

Well, it's done now. What's the
use of grousing about it? Ha, ha.

Forget the letter, Amy, I just
had to blow off some steam. Heh.

She's probably just
a little confused.

- Confused?
- She's probably a fast-talking career gal...

...thinks she's one of the boys.
If you know what I mean, heh.

Oh, I'm quite sure I don't
know what you mean.

Suffers from one of these
complexes they have nowadays.

Seems pretty obvious.

She's probably very unattractive
and bitter about it.

- Oh, is that it?
- Yeah.

She probably dresses
in men's clothing...

...drinks with the guys
at the watering hole...

...hobnobs with some
smooth-talking heel named Bidd...

...or Smoocher or, uh...
- Smitty.

Exactly. I bet she's
ugly, real ugly.

Otherwise, why isn't her
picture next to her byline?

Oh, maybe she puts her work ahead
of her personal appearance.

I bet that's exactly
what she tells herself.

But you and I both know she's
a dried-up, bitter old maid.

Amy, how about we grab a little
dinner and a show after work?

I was thinking maybe
The King and I.

Uh, how about Oklahoma!?

Norville, you don't know a
thing about that woman!

You don't know who
she really is.

And only a numbskull
thinks he knows things...

...about things he knows
nothing, uh, about.

Say, what gives?

Uh-huh.

The inventory of the
Jacksonville...

...facility should be
reduced by 15 percent.

Memo from the desk of Sidney J.
Mussburger...

What are you doing
down there, Ms. Archer?

Huh?

Who are you? How did
you know who I am?

I suspect Old Moses knows
just about everything...

...leastways if it
concerns Hudsucker.

But who are you?
What do you do here?

I keep the old circle turning. This
old clock needs plenty of care.

Time is money, Ms. Archer.

And money drives that
old global economy...

...and keeps Big Daddy
Earth spinning around.

- See, without that capital formation...
- Yeah, yeah.

Say, you won't tell anyone
about me, will you?

I don't tell no one
nothing unless they ask.

That just ain't Old Moses' way.

So if you know everything
about Hudsucker...

...tell me why the board decided
to make Norville Barnes president?

Well, that even surprised
Old Moses at first.

- I didn't think the board was that smart.
- "That smart"?

But then I figured it out.

They did it because they figured
young Norville for an imbecile...

...like some other
people I know.

Now, why on earth would the board
want a nitwit to be president?

Because they're little piglets.
They're trying to inspire panic...

...make that stock cheap so they can
snatch it all up for themselves.

But Norville, he's got some
tricks up his sleeve. He does.

You know, for kids.

- Hee-hee.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, he's a smart
one, that Norville.

But I guess you don't really know him
any better than that board does...

...do you, Ms. Archer?

- Well, maybe I...
- And only some kind of knuckle-head...

...thinks she knows things
about things she, uh...

When she don't, uh...

- How'd that go?
- Well, it's hardly the same.

Why, you don't even
know your own self.

You ain't exactly the genuine
article, are you, Ms. Archer?

Yes, well, in connection
with my job...

...sometimes I have to, uh,
go undercover, as it were.

I don't mean that.

Why are you pretending to be
such a hard old sourpuss?

Ain't gonna never
make you happy.

I'm happy enough.

Okay, Ms. Archer.

I got gears to see to.

I'm plenty happy!

Hello?

- I can't print that!
- Why not? It's all true.

The board's using him to depress
the stock to buy it cheap.

It's pure speculation! They'd
have my butt in a satchel!

- Ah. Old satchel butt. AMY: I
know they're gonna buy that stock.

You don't. They
haven't bought it.

The stock's cheap! What
are they waiting for?

- I don't know.
- Amy's hunches are usually pretty good.

You don't accuse somebody of
stock manipulation on a hunch.

The readers aren't interested
in sensationalism...

...gossip, unsupported speculation!
Facts! Figures! Charts!

Those are the tools of
the newspaper trade.

It's as if you're trying to take the
heat off this Barnes numbskull.

Oh, come on, chief.
That's a low blow.

Archer's not going to go
gooey for a corn-fed idiot.

I was out of line. But you're out of
line with this stock-swindle story.

Give me more of that "moron
from Sheboygan" studd.

- Muncie.
- Whatever.

That's what sells newspapers!

I've got a harder story, "The
Sap From The City Desk!"

- Watch it!
- It's about a dim-witted editor who...

Easy, tough guy. Heh-heh-heh.

Does this suit look
mannish to you?

Yeah, sure.
Let's grab a highball.

Back off!

Smoocher!

Eh. What gives?

A man of great
managerial potency.

My husband is also a president.

Sears Braithwaite of Bullard.
Do you know him?

Your companion is an ode!

A lyric! Are you betrothed?

Amy works in my office.
She runs, uh...

- Oh, the folly of youth.
- Those green remembered hills.

That bourn from which
no traveler returns.

I once ran the
mimeograph for Sidney.

Though engaged at the time
to quelqu'un d'autre...

...my water-cooler romance
became a mad passion.

Uh. An amour fou.
A folie à deux.

I'm brushing up on my French
with the most charming man...

...Pierre of 5th Avenue.
- Oh!

- Do you know him?
- Do you know him?

Sidney and I are planning a trip
to Paris and points continental.

- Oh.
- Aren't we, dear?

For sure. I would like to borrow Norville
for a while, if you don't mind, dear.

Oh, well, uh, frankly, I...

You have a very charming
wife, Mr... Sid.

So they tell me.

Norville, let me shepherd you through
some of the introductions here.

Try not to talk too much.

Some of our biggest
stockholders are...

Scratch that. Say
whatever you like.

Shake hands here with Sears
Braithwaite of Bullard.

- Sir.
- Glad to know you, Barnes.

And this
is Zebulon Cardozo...

...one of Hudsucker's largest
and most loyal stockholders.

What's this I hear about
you being an imbecile?

What's ailing you, boy?

Last week, my stock was
worth twice what it is now.

I'm getting out of the whole
kit and caboodle of it, boy...

...unless I see a
vast improvement.

What you've got here,
son, is a range war!

You're gonna have to circle our wagons or
I'm gonna get out of your wagon train.

No need for concern, sir.

It's only natural in a
period of transition...

...for the more timid
elements to run.

Yellow? I'll show
you yellow, boy!

Zebulon, you mind now and quit
acting like such an old grizzly.

Step
lively here, Norville.

I'm sorry, Sid, uh, I thought maybe
if I showed him the long view...

And this is Thorstenson
Finlandson...

...who heads a radical splinter
group of disgruntled investors.

Ah. Pleased to meet you, Mr.
Finlandson.

It might interest you to know I
studied Finnish in high school.

Let see, I hope I'm not too rusty.
Um...

Ladies and gentlemen...

...distinguished members
of the Hudsucker board...

...I give you the Rajah of Romance,
the Ministereo of Moonlight...

...the incredible,
the unforgettable...

...Mr. Vic Tenetta!

Rajah, I like that.

Take one
fresh and tender kiss

Add one stolen night of bliss

One girl one boy
Some grief some joy

Memories are made of this

Don't

Norville?

What happened?

Oh, nothing. Just the more timid investors
are no longer running for cover.

- Let me look.
- Sid found me the ice pack.

Well, let me hold it or
you'll have a real shiner.

Oh, thanks.

I guess people are pretty hot
over this imbecile story.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's not your fault, Amy.

You're the one person
standing by me through this.

Norville, there's something
I have to tell you.

You see, I'm not
really a secretary.

- I know that, Amy.
- You do?

I understand you're not very skilled
yet in the secretarial arts...

...but I'll tell you a secret, I'm
not that skilled as president.

- I know I put up a big front, but, uh...
- I believe in you, Norville.

At least, I believe
in your intentions.

Oh, I don't blame them, really. I
suppose I have made a mess of things.

Those folks have to
protect their investment.

Most of them are
very nice people.

Listen, Norville, you can't trust
people here like you did in Muncie.

Certain people are...

See, did you ever go to the top of Larson's
feed tower and look out over the town?

- What?
- On Farm Route 17?

Oh, yes, in Muncie.

- No, Vidalia. Farm Route 17.
- Oh, yes, 17, yes.

I... Well, no, no.
I never really.

The guys from the Varsity Squad would
bring their dates up there to...

...hold hands.

Of course, I never made Varsity.

There's a place I go now.

Cutest little place near my
apartment in Greenwich Village.

It's called Ann's 440.
It's a beatnik bar.

- You don't say?
- Yes.

- A beatnik bar.
- You can get carrot juice...

...or Italian coddee and the people
there, well, none of them quite fit in.

You'd love it.

Why don't you come
there with me?

There's a marathon poetry-reading
on New Year's Eve. I go every year.

- It's marvelous.
- Every year?

Well, this year, if it's good, I
plan to make it a tradition, heh.

I, uh, heh...

My, it certainly is beautiful.
The people look like ants.

Well, the Hindus say, and
the beatniks also...

...that in our next lives some
of us will come back as ants.

Some will be butterflies,
others will be elephants...

...or creatures of the sea.

What a beautiful thought.

Hey, what do you think you
were in a previous life, Amy?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe
I was just, uh...

...a fast-talking career gal who
thought she was one of the boys.

Oh, no, Amy.

Pardon me for saying so, but I
find that very far-fetched.

- No, I have to tell you...
- That person would come back...

...as a wildebeest or a warthog.

No, I find it more likely
that you were a gazelle...

...with long, graceful legs,
gamboling through the underbrush.

Perhaps we met once.

A chance encounter
in a forest glade.

I must have been an
antelope or an ibex.

The times we must've had foraging
together for sustenance...

...snorfling water from
a mountain stream...

...picking the grubs and burrs
from one another's coats.

Or perhaps we simply touched horns
briefly and went our separate ways.

Oh, I wish it were
that simple, Norville.

I wish I was still a gazelle
and you were an antelope...

...or an ibex.

Well...

...can I at least
call you "deer?"

You're funny.

Seriously, Amy, it's what your
beatnik friends call "karma."

- Karma.
- The great circle of life, death and rebirth.

Yes, I think I heard of that.
What goes around, comes around.

That's it. A great wheel that
gives us all what we deserve.

I gotta show Sid and all the
guys I deserve their confidence.

Tomorrow's my big
presentation to the board.

Kiss me, Amy! Kiss
me once for luck.

Sure, Norville, sure.

Shh.

You know, for kids!

It has economy, simplicity,
low production cost...

...potential for mass appeal.

All that spells out
great profitability.

I had the boys down at R&D throw
together this prototype...

...so our discussion
could have some focus...

...and to give you gentleman a firsthand
look at how exciting this gizmo is.

It's fun, healthy, good exercise,
and the kids will just love it.

We put a little sand inside to
make the experience more pleasant.

But the great part is we don't
have to charge an arm and a leg.

What if you tire
before it's done?

Does it have rules?

- Can more than one play?
- It's a game?

- Is it a game?
- Will it break?

- It better break eventually.
- Is there an object?

- What if you tire before it's done?
- Does it have batteries?

- Could we charge extra for them?
- Is it safe for toddlers?

How do you
know you're finished?

How does it stop?

Is that a boy's model? MAN
9: Can a parent assemble it?

What if you tire before it's done? MAN
7: Is there a larger model for the obese?

What the hell is it?

Well, it's a... It's a...

It's a...

Brilliant!

Genius.

It's exactly what Hudsucker
Industry needs at this juncture.

Sure, sure.

Even a blind man can tell you there'll
be an enormous demand for this, uh...

This...

Congratulations, kid.

You've outdone yourself.
You've reinvented the wheel.

I'll recommend to the board that we
proceed immediately and that the, uh...

And that the, uh...

...dingus be mass-produced
with all deliberate speed.

Although, you realize...

...of course...

...as president...

...the ultimate
decision is yours.

Oh. I'm for it.

We'll call it
the Flying Doughnut!

The Dancing Dingus!

The Belly-Go-Round.

The Swingerina!

- The Wacky Circumference!
- Uncle Midriff!

- We need something short!
- Sharp!

Snappy! MAN 2:
With a little jazz!

The Shazzammeter!

The Hipster!

The Daddy-O!

- The Hoopsucker.
- The Hudswinger.

- The Hoopsucker!
- The Hudswinger!

Fellas! MAN 2:
You got something?

You got something?

Fella, I got something!

Ladies.

Wow.

Norville!

Rockwell
News presents, Tidbits of Time.

World news in pictures,
we kid you not.

As Old Man 1958 hobbles
towards his finish...

...Barnes is the name
on every American lip.

Norville Barnes, young president
of Hudsucker Industries...

...a boy bred in the heartland,
but now the toast of New York.

Barnes is the brainy inventor
of America's craziest craze:

The Hula-Hoop!

Reaping huge profits for his
company and winning the hearts...

...and hips of every
youngster in America!

Woo-ho. Did I say youngster?

Here's Mom taking a break
from her household chores...

...and even Dad is
swinging into the act!

Cards, letters,
congratulations...

...come pouring in from
Kankakee to Petaluma...

...including one very
special long-distance call.

He's on! He's on the line!

- Hello? EISENHOWER:
Hello, Norville.

- This is the President.
- Oh, my God, sir.

I just wanted to congratulate you.
I'm very proud of you.

- Oh, my God, sir.
- Mrs. Eisenhower is very proud of you.

The American people are
very proud of you.

Mr. Barnes, how'd you come
up with the idea for the Hula-Hoop?

It was no great idea, really.

A thing like this takes a whole
company to put together.

I'm grateful for
the opportunity.

Did you have any idea there'd
be such a huge response?

Frankly, I don't think anybody
expected this much hoopla.

"Hoopla on the Hula-Hoop." Can we
quote you on that, Mr. Barnes?

Sure, I guess.

Mr. Barnes, will you give
yourself a nice, fat raise?

Come on, you guys.

What scientific principle
explains the mind-bending motion...

...of this whipping
wheel of wonder?

The dingus is quite
simple, really.

It operates on the
same principles...

...that keep the Earth
spinning around the sun...

...and that keeps you from
flying off the Earth...

...into the cold
reaches of space...

...where you would die
like a miserable swine.

Yes, the principle
is the same...

...except for the piece of grit they
put in to make the experience...

...more pleasant.

Yes, it's
Hula-Hula everywhere!

From the parties of the
Park Avenue smart set...

...to sweethearts who want to be
married in the swing of things.

Mr. Barnes, did the board
consider you an idea man...

...when they promoted
you from the mailroom?

I guess so, I don't think they promoted
me because they thought I was a schmo.

Mr. Barnes, what's the next big
idea for you and Hudsucker?

Jesus, I don't know.

An idea like this sweet baby
doesn't just come overnight.

Although, I'll tell you one thing, I
certainly didn't expect all this hoopla.

You can quote me on that.

Rumpus Magazine has called
you the most eligible bachelor.

And society pages have been linking
you with fashion model Za-Za.

- You care to comment?
- There's no truth to the rumors.

We're just dear friends.
Isn't that right, Za-Za?

Wow.

Ooh.

Whoa. How do you respond to the
charges that you're out of ideas?

Has Norville Barnes run dry?

Not at all. Just this week I came
up with several new sweet ideas.

A larger model Hula-Hoop for the portly, a
battery option for the lazy or spastic.

A model with extra sand
for the hard-of-hearing.

I'm earning my keep.

Speaking of that, do you
expect to get a raise?

By anyone's account, I single-handedly
have saved Hudsucker Industries.

Our stock is worth
more now than ever.

Yes, I expect to be
compensated for that.

- Pull yourself together, man.
- Nobody told me!

You sold all our stock?

We dumped the whole load.

I had 20,000 shares!

I'd be a millionaire now.

Sure. We'd
all be millionaires.

There's no point
in looking back.

At the time, Stillson thought dumping
our position would panic the market...

...further depress the stock.

Then we could buy it back and more,
of course, once it got cheap.

Cheap? It's never
been more valuable!

And I'm ruined. Ruined!

Addison.

I'm getting off this
merry-go-round!

Myron.

Plexiglas.

Had it installed last week.

Myron?

All right, so the
kid caught a wave.

Right now, he and his
dingus are on top.

Well, this too shall pass.

Myrtle J. Mussburger did
not raise her boy to go...

...knock-kneed at the
first sign of adversity.

I say, we made this
chump, we can break him!

I say, the higher he climbs,
the harder he drops!

I say, yes...

...the kid has a future...

...and in it...

...I see shame, dishonor...

...ignominy, disgrace.

Sure, sure.

The music plays,
the wheel turns...

...and our spin ain't over yet.

For Pete's sakes, Norville!

Oh, Amy, where
have you been hiding?

Do you know what those nincompoops
in the boardroom are doing?

I wouldn't call
them nincompoops.

They're discharging 80
percent of the workforce.

In New York City alone, that
means 1800 people out of work!

People with wives,
children and families!

Oh, yes, we're pruning away
some of the dead wood.

- You mean you know about this?
- Know about it? Sure.

You think the board would do
anything without my authorization?

It was my idea from the start.

- Your...
- Sure, it was.

We're in a period of transition here.
Things have slowed.

You're being awfully kind to
yourself, Norville Barnes.

You've slowed down, sitting up here like
a sultan, not doing a lick of work.

You know ideas are the
lifeblood of industry...

...and you haven't come up
with one since the Hoop.

You've forgotten what made
your ideas exciting to you.

If it wasn't for the fame,
wealth, the adulation...

Would you get out of here?

You too, sisters, move it.
Out, out, out!

I've been watching you, even
though you've been avoiding me.

Shut up!

Don't think I haven't
noticed how you've changed.

I used to think you
were a swell guy.

I thought you were an imbecile.

- Amy, I'm...
- Shut up!

Then I figured out you were a swell guy.
A little slow, but a swell guy.

Maybe you're not so slow, oh,
but you're not so swell either.

Looks like you're an imbecile,
after all. Shut up!

You haven't talked to me for a week
and now I'm going to say my piece.

Look, I've never been...

...dumped by a fella
before, and that hurts...

...but what really hurts is
watching you outrun your soul!

Chasing after money and ease
and the respect of a board...

...that wouldn't give you
the time of day if you...

- if you...
- Worked in a watch factory?

Shut up! Exactly.

Norville, don't you remember how
you used to feel about the Hoop?

You told me you'd gonna bring a smile
to the hips of everyone in America...

...regardless of race,
creed or color.

Finally, there'd be a thingamajig
that would bring everyone together...

...even if it kept
them apart spatially.

"You know, for kids."

Your words, Norville, not mine.

I used to love Norville Barnes.

Yes, love him...

...when he was just a swell kid with
hot ideas who was in over his head.

Now your head's too
big to be in over!

- Hey.
- Consider this my resignation.

Effective immediately!

Buddy, buddy.

Buddy.

Buddy. Buddy, say, buddy.

Buddy, say, buddy.

Uh... Huh?

Buddy. You busy?

Huh?

Looks like you nodded off there, buddy.
Say, you got a minute?

Buzz?

Is this important?

I think so. It's this little
idea I've been working on.

You see, I don't intend to
be an elevator boy forever.

Take a look at this sweet baby!

Get it? Incredibly
convenient, isn't it?

You know, for drinks?

This is how it works.
It's got these ridges...

...on the side that
give it its whammy.

See, you don't have to drink like this
anymore. You can drink like this.

I call it the Buzz-Sucker.
You get it, buddy?

People are dying for this and we
won't have to charge an arm an...

Wait a minute.

Shh.

This...

...is worthless!

Huh? But, buddy...

This is the most idiotic
thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, but, buddy...

Nobody wants a harebrained
product like this.

You see, Buzz, it lacks
the creative spark...

...the unalloyed genius that
made something like, say...

...the, uh, Hula-Hoop
such a success.

What do you mean barging
in and taking up my time?

I've got a company to run here!

- But, buddy...
- I can't have every deadbeat...

...on the payroll pestering me
with their idiotic brainwaves.

I'm sorry, buddy.

- An example must be made.
- What do you mean, buddy?

You're fired.

Is that plain enough
for you, buster?

Oh, buddy!

And don't call me "buddy."

Oh, please, sir! This job running
the elevator, it's all I got!

Uh, it's okay if
you don't like it.

Just let me keep my job,
I'm praying to you.

Get out of my office!
Get up! Up!

We don't crawl here at
Hudsucker Industries!

I'm sorry, sir! I'm sorry!

Thank you, Aloysius.

This is...

...useful.

Sorry I'm late, Sid. That back
nine at Riverdale's really murder.

It's a tough course.
A real lollapalooza.

Sit down, son.

I thought the boardroom would be a
swell place to chat undisturbed.

Seems we've got some security
problems here at the Hud.

You don't say.

Ordinarily, I
wouldn't bother you with it...

...but this is embarrassing.

It concerns you directly.

- How's that, Sid?
- It's not serious in itself.

Some elevator boy that
you'd fired came to me...

...claiming that you'd stolen
the idea for, um, the dingus.

You'd stolen it from him.

- Maybe I was a little rough on him...
- Forget it.

You don't have to explain to me.
He's a little person. He's nothing.

Fire whoever you want.

No, the problem
is who you hired.

That dame. A spy,
as it turns out.

She must have gotten to
that elevator schnook...

...and her paper
is going to town.

Sure, sure, we tried to kill the
story, but the Argus won't play ball.

The problem the board will have
is you hired this woman...

...and you kept her on...

...while she was making
a chump out of you.

Serious error in judgment.

Business is war, kid.

Take no prisoners, give
no second chances.

When the board meets
after New Year's...

...your position...

Looks like you're finished.

Washed up.

Oh, fourteenth hole
at Riverdale...

...some use a mashie,
some use a niblick.

Niblick.

You get more loft,
more backspin.

That dame...

...she got your throat
pretty well slit.

When you're dead, you stay dead.

You don't believe me,
ask Waring Hudsucker.

Tough luck, kid. You
had a short climb up.

It's a long way down.

Stolen hoop idea from...
You can't print that!

We are printing it!

She hits the streets
this evening.

And she's dynamite!

But, Al, it's the bunk!

Norville showed me his design
the, uh, day I met him.

Buzz couldn't have invented it.
Look at him, he's an imbecile.

Aren't you a broken record?
Gunderson did design it.

Apparently, he's a prodigy.

- Says who?
- You're not the only one with sources.

Smith has a source on the Hud board.
Very hush-hush.

Yeah. I bet his initials are Sidney J.
Mussburger.

You lost it, Amy. You gone
soft, by the looks of it.

Soft on the dummy from Dubuque.

Muncie. AL: Whatever!

This story's hot and you're no longer on
top of it. It's the scoop of the century!

The other papers won't
have this till tomorrow!

They'll be choking on
our dust come morning.

You're fools, both of you! You're
being used, don't you see, ugh?

Take a break. You worked hard on
this story. You broke it for us.

But it's passed you by and
Smith's taking up the slack.

Tsk, oh, you want slack,
I'll give you slack!

You're not putting me out to pasture!
I quit! Consider this my resignation!

Effective immediately!

Soft.

So tell me...

...why do you feel this
woman betrayed you?

Tsk, oh, what's the difference?

The whole world, it
seems, is against you?

I don't know.

Und the elevator boy...

...Buzz, he too
works against you?

Well, yeah.

Classic.

Patient displayed listlessness,
apathy, gloomy indidderence...

...und was blue und mopey.

When asked what the Rorschach stains
represented, patient replied:

"Nothing much. I don't know. Just a blotch.
Sure beats me."

Patient shows no ambition,
no get-up-and-go, no vim.

He is riding the grand
loopen-ze-loop...

...that goes from the height
of delusional gaiety...

...to the trough of despair.

He is now near, but not
yet at his lowest point.

When he reaches bottom, he may erupt und
pose a danger to himself und others.

Diagnosis, Dr.
Bronfenbrenner?

Patient is eine manic-depressive
paranoid, type B...

...with acute
schizoid tendencies.

So patient is?

Precisely, nuts!

Prescription?

Three things, commitment,
electroconvulsive therapy...

...maintenance in
eine secure facility.

Yeah, he's a tall guy.
A real mess.

Yeah, yeah, look, you better get down here.
He says he's a friend of yours.

He didn't say. But, man,
is he from Squaresville.

I want a martini!

It's New Year's Eve.
I deserve a martini.

- Daddy, it's like I've been telling you. You...
- I thought you served misfits here.

Yeah, daddy. That's a roger.
But we don't sell alcohol.

What kind of bar is it,
you can't get a martini?

It's a juice-and-coddee bar,
man, like I've been telling you.

- Right. So I want a martini.
- Argh.

I've had a martini in every bar
all the way down here, heh.

Martinis are for squares, man.

What'd you call me, you
beatnik son of a...?

Norville.

What?

- Oh-ho, look who's here, Amy Archer...
- Oh, no.

...Prizeter Pule winner.

Looking for a nitwit
to buy you lunch?

- Norville, I'm sorry.
- Bar fella, I'd like...

...a martini, please.

I tried to tell you
so many times, I...

It's hard to admit when
you've been wrong.

If you could just...

...find it in your heart
to give me another chance.

Ha.

"You take no prisoners,
give no second chances."

Please, Norville! Please
give me one more chance!

And yourself too. We
both deserve one.

Just give us a second chance.

Together we can
fight this thing.

I know this last story was
a lie and we can prove it.

You got to release a statement.

- I can help you write it.
- Oh, what's the difference?

I'm all washed up.

Extinct. Homo sapiens sapicus.

Well, heh, that
just about does it.

I've seen Norville Barnes, the
young man in a big hurry...

...and I've seen Norville Barnes,
the self-important heel.

But I've never seen Norville
Barnes, the quitter...

...and I don't like it.

Fight on.

Fight on, dear old Muncie.

Fight on. Hoist the
gold and blue.

You'll be tattered,
torn and hurting.

Once the Munce is done with you.

Go, Eagles.

You can't surrender, Norville.
Remember.

Fight on, Fight
on Dear old Muncie

Fight on Hoist the gold and blue

You'll be tattered,
torn and hurting

You lied to me. How
could you lie to me?

You, a Muncie girl.

But, Norville, I...

When you're dead, you stay dead.
Just ask Waring Hudsucker!

Oh, Norville.

Extra, extra!
New Year's Eve edition!

Barnes' brain caught red-handed!

Ideas ersatz!

Man from Muncie a
moron after all!

Read all about it!

New Year's Eve edition! Man
from Muncie a moron after all!

You're not so slow, but
you're not so swell.

And it looks like you're
an imbecile after all.

Sure, sure. But your
friends called you dope?

Dipstick? Lamebrain? Schmo?

Please, buddy, running the
elevator, it's all I got.

Norville,
you let me down.

You let Mrs. Eisenhower down. You
let the American people down.

- And when you're dead, you stay dead.
- Ha-ha-ha.

You stay dead, you stay dead.
Sure, sure.

The kid is screwy,
it's oddicial.

The barred-window boys are
out looking for him now.

We'll see how Wall
Street likes the news...

...that the president of Hudsucker
is headed for the booby hatch.

Heh, when Doc Bronfenbrenner
gets through with him...

...he'll need diapers
and a dribble cup.

Well, if that's all...

Long live the Hud!

Watch where you're...
Hiya, buddy!

- Buzz?
- Out on the town, huh? Guess what?

Sid says I can have my old job back.
I deserve a second chance, he says.

- Huh? He did?
- Turns out he's not such a bad guy after all.

- Ha, ha.
- Buzz, that's wonderful.

He told me you stole that swell
hoop idea from me. What gives?

- Buzz, I would never...
- Gee, that was a swell idea.

And Sid says you stoled it!

What are you waiting on, Clarence?
Pop him one.

But Buzz...

He's that big-shot faker!

- That Wall Street fraud guy.
- Nuttier than a fruitcake.

Somebody call the cops!

Ring out the
old, ring in the new.

Ring out the old,
ring in the new.

Hey. Hey! Aah!

Hey.

Strictly speaking, I'm never
supposed to do this...

...but have you got
a better idea?

She'll be driving
Six white horses when she comes

She'll be driving
six white horses

We'll all have chicken and
dumplings When she comes

We'll all have chicken and dumplings Yes,
we'll all have chicken and dumplings

We'll all have chicken and
dumplings When she comes

She'll be coming round the
mountain When she comes

She'll be coming round the mountain
She'll be coming round the mountain

She'll be coming round the
mountain When she comes

She'll be coming round the mountain
I said coming round the mountain

Oh, yeah, coming round the
mountain When she comes

Love that tune. How
you doing, kid?

Mr. Hudsucker?

How do you like that thing? They're
all wearing them upstairs.

Tsk, it's a fad. Anyway...

...I see you've been having some,
uh, problems with the board.

I guess Sidney's, uh, putting
the screws to you, huh, Norman.

- Norville.
- Yeah, yeah.

Say what you like about
the man's ethics.

He's a balls-to-the-wall
businessman.

Beat you any way he can. Straight
for the jugular. Eddective.

Any particular reason...

...you didn't give him my blue letter?
- Oh.

Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's
last words and wishes, no big deal.

Mr. Hudsucker, I
must've mislaid it...

It's in your apron pocket,
right where you left it.

Imbecile.

Failure to deliver a blue letter
is grounds for dismissal.

- Jeez, sir, I...
- Oh, it's New Year's.

I'm not gonna add to your woes.
I'm just saying.

Anyway, you wanna read it?
You might learn something.

Might keep you from jumping
out of any more windows.

"Blue letter from the desk
of Waring Hudsucker..."

...to Sidney J. Mussburger,
regarding my demise.

Dear, Sid, by the
time you read this...

...I will have joined the
organization upstairs...

"...an exciting new beginning.
I will retain fond..."

- Memories.
- "Of the years you and I have spent..."

Yeah, yeah, standard
resignation boilerplate.

Go down to the second paragraph.

"You will no doubt be wondering why
I've decided to end my tenure..."

...both at Hudsucker
and here on Earth.

From the standpoint of our
balance sheet and financials...

...sure, sure, we're doing fine.

But in my personal life, Sidney,
I have made grave errors.

I have let my success
become my identity.

I have foolishly played
the great man...

...and watched my life become
more and more empty as a result.

My vanity drove away she
who could've saved me.

Oh, yes, I loved a woman
once, Sid, as you well know.

A beautiful, vibrant lady...

"...and angel who, in her wisdom, saw
fit to choose you instead of I."

Mr. Hudsucker.

Skip this part.

Next page. Next page!

"This brings me to our
company, Sid, and its future."

Our next president must have the
liberty I have had as owner...

...to experiment and even fall."
- Fail.

"Without fear of the whims of the
stockholders or an impatient board."

- The new president must be free to fall...
- Fail!

...and learn to fail...
- Fall!

...and rise again by applying
what he has learned.

Such is business. Such is life.

Accordingly, I hereby bequeath all of
my shares in Hudsucker Industry...

...to whomever you and the board shall
elect to succeed me as president.

I assume this will
be you, Sidney.

"If not, if the board should choose someone
else to be president then, then..."

Tough titty toenails!

That'll show the bastard!

Okay, go ahead.

"Then I urge you to work
with the new president..."

...and remind him when he
needs to be reminded...

...that failure should
never lead to despair.

Despair looks only to the
past, in business...

"...and in love."

The future is now.

The future is now.

"When our future
president needs it..."

...Waring Hudsucker,
hereby bequeaths him...

"...his second chance."

Ha-ha-ha. NORVILLE: Aah!

Deliver that letter
in the morning!

Ha, ha. Yoo-hoo! Yaa-haa!

And so began 1959.
The New Year.

When he learned that Norville owned the
company, Sidney was upset at first.

It's a good thing Doc
Bronfenbrenner was there...

Sidney?

...because he was able to keep
Sidney from harming his old self.

He prescribed a long rest in the sana...
In the sanator, uh...

In the booby hatch.

Now, Norville, heh...

...he went on and ruled with
wisdom and compassion...

...and started dreaming up
them exciting new ideas again.

You know, for kids.

I had the boys down at R&D throw
together this prototype...

...so our discussion
could have focus...

...and to give you gentlemen
of the board a firsthand look.

That's the story of how
Norville Barnes climbed way up...

...to the 44th floor of
the Hudsucker building...

...and then fell all the way down,
but didn't quite squish his self.

You know, they say there was a man
who jumped from the 45th floor.

But that's another story.