Original subtitles

(Tweety) Russia's changed since the Iron Curtain went down.

rattle

(Sylvester) Still Moscow remains the center for music and dance.

- Ooh. What's that? - Bolshoi.

(Tweety) Granny's gonna wash your mouth out with soap.

(Sylvester) I said Bolshoi, as in ballet.

It's modern ballet. It's capitalism.

So I bit him.

'See, he hadn't had bite in weeks.'

Hey, I know you're out there, I smell caviar on your breath.

Comrades, it's not my fault.

Nobody's gettin' a laugh in this club

since some traitor stole the famed Bolshoi Borscht Belt.

[all gasping]

(male #1) 'Bolshoi's gone.'

Help! Back off, Manski.

'Somebody find that belt...quickly.'

♪ Whenever there's a crime or trouble ♪

♪ That no one who can solve that all it seems ♪

♪ That's when they call them on the double ♪

♪ Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ If every day or night whenever ♪

♪ Conditions are right for them to flee ♪

♪ Somehow it all still fits together ♪

♪ Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ If there's a full moon ♪

♪ An old house with rocking stairs ♪

♪ Just wook around you ♪

♪ Chances are we'll be there ♪

♪ Someday I'll eat that darn canary ♪

♪ And then I'll be happy yes siree ♪

♪ But Hector thinks you should be wary ♪

♪ Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ The chase goes on with each new mission ♪

♪ With backdrops aplenty globally ♪

♪ And through it all they're in contention ♪

♪ Sylvester and Tweety ♪

♪ Mysteries ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Anything to the claim?

Oh. Oh, why, yes.

I'm thrilled to be back in USSR.

We're no longer USSR, madam.

We are Russian now.

Oh! Oh, how silly of me.

'Eh, well, we were booked for Hawaii'

'but then a space at Lennon's Leisure Village opened up.'

Ah!

[growls]

[gulps]

(male #2) Nice kitty-catski.

Ha! You cannot bring American blood jeans into this country.

- Let go. - They're mine.

- They're mine. Mine. - Mine. Mine.

And they call us ugly Americans.

(male #2) You can keep them.

Oh, I did need a skosh more room.

[giggles]

And I could use a skosh more dinner.

Aah..

[whirring]

[instrumental music]

[Sylvester laughing]

Ooh. Lucky that worked.

[gasps]

[groans]

Hurry, Sylvester, the shuttle's about to leave.

[instrumental music]

Eeh!

[instrumental music]

Be prepared. Pack, wash, and wear.

Goodness! This isn't mine.

[laughs] But it does go nicely with my skirt.

Oh, I feel funny.

Oh, so funny.

[knock on door]

Knock knock, who's there?

[screams]

Sylvester, the man just wants a tip.

Here's your tip, fella.

'Ah, don't eat any yellow snow.'

Uh?

I thought I heard a rimshot.

You've been a wonderful bellhop.

I'm here all week.

Try the beets.

[laughing]

And they say Russians have no sense of humor.

'A bum walks up to me and says'

"I haven't had a bite in a week, so I bit him."

[snoring]

I tell you, there are more

communist plots around here

than in a Moscow cemetery.

'Why did the Russian find a rubber tire in a soup?'

'Because the automobile is finally replacing the horse.'

'Did you hear the one about Russian-Japanese food?'

And now or later you're hungry for power.

Hmm?

Hey. Give me back my subcutaneous insulation.

Don't try that at home. Result may vary.

Come on, boys, let's paint this town red.

Eh, red?

[laughs]

Shh. Oh, I'm hot tonight.

(male #3) 'Look, granny wears the stolen'

'Borscht Belt in open defiance.'

'Purely to mock us.'

[snoring]

[camera clicks]

(male #3) 'It is time for plan B.'

[instrumental music]

Ah, the cold war.

Those were the days.

Wiretaps and microchips.

How I miss spying.

We need a nice international incident to liven things up.

[both screaming]

Hmm. You ever heard of the Borscht Belt?

Sure. I opened for Jack Shekky..

Not that Borscht Belt, you Bolshevik.

The one that makes anyone a comedian.

I hear it's missing.

(all) Manski! Manski! Manski!

[audience cheering]

Ta-da!

Take my dental, please.

[audience laughing]

My car is such a lemon, they found medflies in the engine.

Citizens, that Amerikanski grandmother is thief.

'She wears our beloved Bolshoi Borscht Belt.'

[audience gasping]

Gracious, no.

I only thought it went with my pumps.

[indistinct chatter]

Time to call the ambassador.

Oh! Oh, goodness, you're fast.

Who are you?

I'm Fud Figmanski.

Owner of the Gulag Giggle Coach.

You're being set up. Look.

Citizens, the Amerikanskisare trying to start World War III

by presently taking away our greatest resource.

Comedy. They must be stopped.

Now, the world.

All I did was accessorize.

With that belt, you'll become

the funniest American since Pauly Shore.

I want you for my club.

You'll be safe there.

Oh, but I couldn't possibly..

[audience clamoring]

Ah, when do we leave?

[indistinct]

(Fud) 'Because they's thinking capitalist waterfowl.'

Thank you, Marx Brothers.

And now, direct from America.

Granny!

I'm starving.

[audience laughing]

I'm serious. I have low blood sugar.

I need to eat something sweet.

[audience laughing]

Russian candy bars. Wait a minute.

Ooh, granny loves caviar and chocolate nougat.

Oh, pardon me, but I ate so much

I need to loosen my belt.

[groans]

[instrumental music]

rumbles

[growling]

screech

[audience laughing]

Granny's fine, but I have a life.

And I have a canary craving.

Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Sylvester, there is no eating in the theatre.

Have some respect.

Respect? You've got our Borscht Belt.

And I'm taking it back.

[groaning]

[groaning]

[screaming]

(Tweety) 'Gremlins from the Kremlin.'

I don't get it.

Why would you want to frame me?

- We've been bored. - Pieces hack.

♪ We are Gremlins ♪

♪ From the Kremlin ♪

Say, I wonder if there are anymore of those little guys.

There could be.

[yelps]

[audience laughing]

[theme music]