All language subtitles for Jane.the.Virgin.S03E02.720p.WEB-DL.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA-eng

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Okay, so Jane and Michael's
first night as husband and wife

went from a dream
to a nightmare.

JANE:
Help! Somebody help!

But thank God he's okay.
You better not be back
to work tomorrow, Cordero.

PATRICIA:
I don't want him
to go back at all.

Me, neither.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Also not too happy: Petra.

See, her twin sister, Anezka,
froze her and took her place.

ANEZKA:
If I move my sister here, then
I-I'll be able to take care

of her.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know, straight out

of a telenovela, right?

Well, imagine this: Jane's
father was a telenovela star.

Oh, and Jane's mother,
Xo, well,

she found herself pregnant
with his rival's baby.

XIOMARA:
I didn't want
to have a baby with you

who I love so much. I'm not
having a baby with Esteban.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
There! You're all caught up.

So, let's do this, people!

Okay.

Have a good day first
day back at work.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva

was 25 years, six months,
and 14 days old...

Thank you.

It's gonna be okay,
I promise.

Mm-hmm.

(gunshots)

Michael?

Michael!

No, no! Michael!

(gasps)

...she had the worst nightmare
ever...

Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

...based on her worst nightmare
ever.

We're gonna put
this behind us, okay?

Just takes time.

And Jane really hoped
that was true.

Okay, here we go.

Have a good first day.

You sure you're okay?

A little nervous...

Okay, very nervous.

But... I can do this.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Okay, now go before
I'm not okay!

Okay.

(gunshots)

Michael!

(gasps)

But so far, not so much.

NURSE:
Just keep in mind,

recovery is not
a straight line.

And going home, there's going
to be an adjustment period.

Well, it's an adjustment
I'm looking forward to.

Me, too.

No.

I said no more
crackers... I said no.

There we are.
Do you think
that we can go over

that new stretch one more time?
It's the only one
that I'm not sure of.

Yeah, no problem. Um...

Just start
with him

on his back...
(Mateo cries)

with a rolled towel under
his neck for support.

(crying intensifies)

Just ignore him.

Any attention rewards
bad behavior.

Okay, so, rolled towel.
Right,

(loud wailing)
then he's gonna want
to reach his right arm

to his right toe, while
keeping his core...
Mateo! Shh!

(screaming continues)

Forget it.

(Mateo quiets)

Sorry.

One more time,
from the top.

You're gonna have
help at home, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
my-my grandma's

a home health care worker.

NARRATOR: Oh... so, that's what
all those smocks were about.

We will be staying
with her and my mom

for the first few weeks.

Every newlywed's dream.

For the record, all I need

to feel like a newlywed
is my sexy,

sexy nurse.

(heart monitor beeps increase)

Whoa-ho!
Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey.
Hate to break

the honeymoon up,
but you're gonna need

to keep that
heart rate down

for the next six
weeks, remember?

So, no sex?

You can hardly move.
She can.

Be that as it may,
for the next six weeks,

it's hands...

and everything else off.

(bell clanging)

Hi, Dad, bye, Dad.
Mwah.

Okay, so I'm going to go
to the pharmacy

and get your prescription
filled, then I'm going to go

to the house,
make sure everything's ready,

then I'll come back
in about three hours

to take you home... sound good?

Mm-hmm.
ROGELIO:
No!

Esteban is featured
in this American magazine.

I'll leave you two to discuss.

He's in the "What's
in My Bag" section.

He's their first
"What's in My Murse."

My what?
Murse.

Male purse.

That was my idea.

He's not even original.

Ashley Tisdale did vegan
smoothie

in a Mason jar
in her bag months ago.

I can't believe this...
right after

that stupid PSA went viral.

Ah, yes, you'll recall
Regelio was recently arrested.

Urine swapping is no joke;
it's a federal crime.

Make no mistake: if you swap,
urine big trouble.

You mean the PP-SA?
It's not funny!

I'm-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
My reputation
took a hit.

And now Esteban is featured
in this magazine.

Do you know what that means?

He's on his way to becoming...
a crossover star.

I know you can't
understand,

but this feels like
a shot to the heart.

MICHAEL:
No, no, no.

No need to yell at anybody.

Look, I get it.

You took a hit.

Just like...

I took a hit.

But if I can recover
from a gunshot,

you can recover from this.

You are right.

I'm coming for you...

and your murse.

Ew.

Is he still sending you
X-rated Snapchats?

I had to delete the app.

(yawns loudly)

I mean it, hon.

You look exhausted.

Again, thanks.
I'm just saying

if you're still having
nightmares every night,

talk to Michael,
see if he'd consider

not going back
to the force.

I don't want to.

Work's not even
on his radar yet.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes, the Villanueva house,

you'll recall, had flooded,

resulting in a little
remodeling, resulting in...

Ta-da!

...that.

Ugh, I told you
it was ugly

and it looks even
worse in person.

Oh, you do not,
you're just stubborn.

Jane.
Mm?

It's awful, right?

It's, uh...

It-it-it's, uh,
def-definitely bold...

and, but
on the whole, eh?

Oh, um...

Remember when I had
the stomach flu a few weeks ago?

To clarify, Xo didn't have a
stomach flu a few weeks ago.

She had a medication abortion,

which caused cramps,
which she told her mother

was a stomach flu.
Oh, yeah, didn't I tell
you I went to the doctor?

No.

Whoa, wallpaper.

Yes. Done.
Used to it.

Any tantrums today?

So many tantrums today.

I, uh...
It's my fault.

I know I'm supposed
to ignore him, but...

he just throws down
at the worst times.

I know. He does
it to me, too,

but listen, I called
the pediatrician.

You did?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Weird. They usually
discuss calls first.

She said it could be
because his routine is off.

And we have been
trading days like crazy.

I know, I know.
No, it's me, too.

I've been all over the
place with the schedule.

But she suggested that we
get him back into a routine.

Done. Up at 7:00.

Nap time at 1:00,
bedtime at 8:00.

Perfect.
And I'll start taking him

to the Parent and Me again
at the preschool.

Great. Let's just make
sure we still love it.

Why wouldn't we?

I just want to make sure.

I'm gonna text Petra, tell
her to cover my meetings.

As a reminder, friends,

Petra couldn't cover any
meetings since she'd been...

ANEZKA: Don't tell me
to calm down, Mother.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
This is who would
cover the meetings.

I just got text from Rafael,
saying I'm supposed to go

to Miami-Dade County Permitting
and Inspection Center.

Okay, so you go to the meeting,

and if you do not
have the answer,

you just act above
everybody else, okay?

Now think.

What would real Petra do?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh.

ANEZKA:
No, no.

I'm done.
What?

Two weeks.

Once I got something
to blackmail him with,

I was supposed to get his money
and leave town.

I was only supposed to be here
for two more weeks.

How was I supposed to know

he would turn himself in

for that insider training crap?

I can't do this anymore, Mother.

You are not selling couches!
Please stop

screaming at me; this is very
stressful situation.

I am sorry, Anezka.

But you can do this.

You just have to find something
else to blackmail him with.

Okay?

JANE: Okay. Let me
just call Michael.

So do you think
she bought it...

about the medical bill?
Yes, totally.

'Cause I'm not sure.
Uh, hey, babe.

Yeah, I'm leaving
the house now.

Hey, uh, I was just about
to call you, actually.

Can you give me
another half hour?

Detective Olivia just got here,

and we're going over
some case stuff.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Huh. Guess work is on his radar
after all.

Of course, no problem.
See you soon.

He's with his new boss
going over case stuff.

Hmm.
It's fine.

It-it doesn't necessarily
mean he's thinking

about going back to work soon.

MICHAEL:
Of course I'm thinking about
going back to work soon.

I mean, you know, not now--
I'm still six weeks away

from my physical,
but when I start,

I want to hit the ground
running.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Um, so...

Just so you know,

when we get home, there is some
major wallpaper drama.

I got it.
What-what's wrong?

I'm just, uh...

I'm thrown that you're
thinking about working.

It's six weeks away.

At all, I mean.

Oh.

I'm sorry.
I-I-I'm just terrified.

Mateo was kidnapped,
you were shot

and the woman who did it
is still out there.

Exactly. And I want to
put her behind bars.

Yeah, but why you?

Can't it be anybody else?

No one knows the
case better than me.

Your own partner shot you.

I'm sorry.

That came out wrong.

It's jus that
she targeted us twice.

A-and I would never ask you

except that you had offered
to quit once before.

That's different. I was afraid
I was going to lose you.

Are you saying I'm
gonna lose you?

No, of course not.
We're married.

Exactly. And you
married a cop.

Okay, it's time to get
our newlyweds home.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
On the bright side,

at least no one's thinking
about having sex.

Nighty-night, you two.

Living the dream.

Hey, hey.

Come here,
come here.

(moans)

This is exactly what
I dreamed of.

I'm sorry about before.

I didn't mean to
get defensive.
No, no, no.

I was just surprised.

Well, look,
I was thinking...

Of course I'd quit if you
couldn't live with it.

I can't ask you
to do that.

But I would if
it comes to that.

But the truth is, it's
still six weeks away.

A lot can change
in six weeks.

You know, I mean,
six weeks ago...

...I could barely sit up.

And now I'm walking.

Like Charlie Chaplin,
but I'm walking.

Recovery's a process.

Okay, let's just both see
how we feel with more time.

JANE:
I feel like a monster.

I mean, Michael's the one
who got shot,

and he's comforting me?

Hey. You had a trauma, too.

Well, I have to get over it.

I'm going to;
I've done some research.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Obviously.
And it says,

that you have to face your
fears, so I'll...

walk the Marbella hallway,
I guess.

It's important to note,

that she had not been able
to do so since the shooting.

And it says to try to get back
into a routine,

which, luckily, is exactly what
I'm working on with Mateo,

so that's that.

And for the record,
that was that.

¶ ¶

(yawning)

(mimics airplane buzzing)

(laughs)

(sighs)

¶ ¶

Mmm.

(sighs)

ROGELIO:
Can I just say,
I hate montages?

It's a cheap ploy.

No. It's a useful way to
convey the passage of time

as you inspire Emma Lazarus

to write her poem

for the base of the
Statue of Liberty.

Who wants useful?

I want inspired.

I want transcendent.

I want a vegan smoothie--
someone please.

You. In a mason jar.

Ay. Hey, Rogelio,
what is going on

with you today?
You seem out of sorts.

I'm sorry. I'm just waiting
for a call from my agent.

I heard there might
be a three episode arc

coming up on Hawaii Five-O.
Mm.

I'm looking to make the leap
from, you know, telenovelas.

Hmm. Good luck.

Thank you.
Fingers crossed.

Back to the montage.

¶ ¶

Is cane-walking
an Olympic sport?

Because if it is, I'm
signing you up, baby.

USA! USA!
Yeah.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Anyway, you get the idea.

The routine part
was going great.

(elevator bell dings)

(gasps)
XIOMARA:
You'll get there.

Xiomara...

Yes, I'm sure.

XIOMARA:
She knows.

I'm telling you
this happened

when she first found
out I was having sex.

She dropped hints
and tortured me

until I finally couldn't take
it anymore and confessed.

Okay, calm down, Cersei.

Abuela always asks you
to go to church.

Twice in one day?

MICHAEL:
Plus, there was
the tampon thing.

Exactly. Don't forget
about the tampon thing.

She has asked you if you'd
needed tampons before.

You didn't tell me that.
It wasn't important

because it was the
way she said it.

It is important.

We need to be methodical
about this.

Tampons go into
the unknown column.

No jumping
to conclusions.

We need facts.
Yes.

Good. We need your
detective skills.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ooh, touchy subject.

What would you do
if Alba was a perp?

I'd probably drop
the word "abortion."

See how she reacts.

No way. She'll know.

Abort.

Good thinking.
I'll drop "abort."

Okay. I got to get Mateo
up from his nap,

so we are not late
for his class.

Hopefully, Rafael still likes
the preschool.

Uh, he will. He's just
pushing back a little

because, you know, he's
still in love with you.
(chuckles)

And you're married
to someone else.

That's ridiculous.
He's not still in love with me.

He definitely is.

I'm leaving for Mateo's class.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes, Mateo's class,

which meant Rafael was out,

which meant Anezka
had exactly two hours.

(door opens)

Ms. Solano?

What are you doing here?
Mr. Solano wanted me to drop
something off in his office.

He said there wouldn't be
anybody here,

so, what are you doing here?

Well... after the whole
insider trading scandal,

I don't trust Rafael with
the finances anymore.

Wanted to take a
look for myself.

I'll have to ask
Mr. Solano about that.

No!

Easy there, Anezka. Remember...

No, I... I don't think that
will be necessary... Scott.

(gasps)
Oh.

Ms. Solano?

Mm. I think with
what's about to happen,

you can call me Petra.

SCOTT (sighs):
Oh!
(sighs)

Oh.

I've always dreamed about
having sex with you.

That was better
than my fantasies.

(sniffs,
sighs)

And there were...
a lot of 'em.

(laughs)
(sighs)

Oh, that was
the best sex of my life.

(phone rings, playing tune)

Whose is that?!

Oh, it's mine!
Everybody, shh!

This could be about my
big Hawaii Five-O arc!

Shh!

Hi there.

ROGELIO:
Can you believe it's me

against Esteban
for the part?!

And they want
me to audition!

Is Esteban going
to audition?

Ah. Well...
Then why won't you?

Because I
shouldn't have to!

I've been in more
hours of television,

I've won more Palomas.

Because you're the better actor,
so go prove it.

Well, it's not
only that, no.

My American accent might not
actually be the greatest.

Really?!

Really.
Try.

(in a strange accent):
I would prefer not to try.

All right, come on,
don't make a joke.

That was my try.

Okay, well,
I'll help you with the accent.

Really?

Of course. I got the time.

See you next time, Mateo.
God bless.

Okay. So that was fun, huh?

Mateo still loves it.

Yeah, and the
group's fine.
Mm.

But here's the thing.

I don't want to enroll
him here for preschool.

Why? We decided months ago.

I know. Well, I
changed my mind.

It's a little too
Jesusy for me.

It is not Jesusy.

It's a Catholic preschool.
What do you expect?

I wasn't really thinking.
I just went along with it.

But now, things are different.

Why? What changed?

At this moment, friends, she
thought about her mom's words.

Okay. Fine. I wasn't planning
on making, like,

a big declaration or anything,
but the truth is...

Maybe Rafael was still
in love with her.

...I'm finally over you.

Or maybe not.

Oh. Well...

c-congratulations.

Thank you.

Oh. It actually feels good.
Really good.

'Cause it took so long,
you know?

Yeah, totally.

And that kind of changed things,

because, the truth is,
when I was in love with you,

I just wanted to please you.

I mean, I would wake up
every morning and think,

"What would Jane want? Like,
what would make Jane happy?

What would make
Jane smile?"

And now, I'm kind of like,

"Oh, so what if Jane's upset?"

I mean, no offense.

No. No, no, none taken.

Uh... so, what now?

Now we'll start looking
for new schools

that speak to the both of us.

Ah.

(sighs)

Now there is a wait-list
for every Parent and Me

that feed
into a good preschool.

I thought I had this settled.
ALBA:
Xiomara?

Oh, right.

Um, actually,
I decided to...

abort that plan

and order Chinese
food instead.

Anyway, it'll
be here soon.

(phone buzzing)

Hello.
So do you think she knows?

Oh, yes. Good. Uh, yeah,
I was calling to see

if you had any slots left
in your Parent and Me?

Oh, you're all filled up?

Okay, thank you.

So what do you think?
Oh, Mom, please stop!

If you want to know if
Abuela knows, just ask her!

(whispers):
I'm sorry.

It's nothing.

I had an abortion, Mom.

And I didn't know if you knew.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I guess she didn't know.

MAGDA:
Okay, so you had
another setback.

Just stay calm.

How? There is new security

on his computer, Mother!

Scott says it's on all
hotel computers. Scott says...

Who the hell is Scott?

He... works at hotel,

he wears these cute
little vests.

And he's really sweet actually.

Ugh.

Petra hated that loser!

No boys, sweetheart.

You need to stay focused.

Remember old saying--

You chase two rabbits,
you get neither.

Now, listen, I want you

to try his personal laptop.

Okay, so my mom is going
to pick you up for physical

therapy and bring you back here.

I should be home by lunch.
Don't forget

your medicine, and you
still owe me 15 hamstring

stretches from this morning.

Got it.
I love you, Mom.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Did he just call her...?

Mama. My hot mama.

Yeah, that's not
making it better.

Okay. I love you, too.

Look, it's-it's
really not that weird.

I really don't
want to discuss it.

I'm just saying, okay?
It's not a big deal.

I know it's not a big deal.
That's why I don't want

to discuss it. Radio?
(turns radio on)
No, no.

(turns radio off)
Just, now that I am no
longer in love with you,

we've entered a new phase
of our relationship.

Okay, this is the
friendship phase,

which means that we can
talk about this stuff.

Okay, tonight...
when you get home,

forget about the pills and the
exercises and the schedules,

and just... you know.

Yeah, I get it.

And while that is sound advice,

unfortunately, we can't
do that at the moment.

Because of his recovery.

So, wait. You guys
still haven't...?
Mm.

So you're a married virgin?

I am, yes.

A married virgin
with a one-year old son.

(laughs)

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
No, it's ridiculous, and so is

discussing this with you!
No, I told you.

I'm over you.
Yes. Yes, I know.

I repulse you.
No. Look...

You don't have
to keep saying it.

I'm sorry.
It was just a...

It was a long recovery.

So... what was the cure?

So I had to get over it.

Which is why we are here.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes. At Wincroft.

It's one of the most
multicultural,
multiethnic schools

you'll find in
all of Miami.

It's definitely not
economically diverse.

Actually, a full 20%
of the students are here

on need-based
scholarships.
Now, here at Wincroft,

all parents are also
required to volunteer

a certain number of hours
a month at the school.

Can we send our nannies?

That's just one mom.

And speaking of another tense
Mommy and Me...

How can you be
so self-righteous about this?

You told me to get an abortion
when I was a teenager.

Stop.

I'm glad you told me that!

It helped me choose
to have Jane.

And I have never regretted that,
Mom.

But at this stage

in my life, I...

don't want to be pregnant,
and I don't want a baby.

Miss, your kid
just bit my son.
Hmm?

He did?! Oh, my God!

Well, what...
what happened?

I didn't see.

Wait, what?
My son

has bite marks on his arm.

Well, Mateo's
never bitten anyone.

He was sitting right next
to him.

Well, Jack was also sitting
next to him. Maybe he bit him.

(chuckles) Jack and my son
are best friends.

They spend all of
their time together,

and Jack would never do that.

Really?
Maybe you should ask your nanny.

I see where your son gets
his personality.

You know what, lady, bite me.

RAFAEL:
You sabotaged it.

I didn't.
You would've never done that

at the Catholic school.
I was just standing up
for our son, okay?

Mateo doesn't b... Ow!

I'm so sorry.

XIOMARA:
Oh, yeah? Well, guess what,
ALBA: Sí.

I don't think I'm going to hell.

Enough! Stop!

I told her...
No, no, stop!

I don't care! No more
fighting in front of Mateo.

In addition to his tantrums,
he is now biting people.

And he is not
an aggressive kid. So we are all

gonna stay calm around him
from now on, understand?!

Starting now.

Look,

I know how upset you are

about the choice I made,

but I made it

and it's done.

So can't we put this behind us
and move forward?

(scoffs softly)

I'm spending the night
at Rogelio's.

Abuela, just...

(door opens)

(door shuts)

ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
www.PSArips.com

(sighs)

(gulls crying)
(tropical music playing)

Um, so we didn't get
to go to Puerto Rico

for our honeymoon,

so this is...
Well, it's not that.

But something else
that Rogelio

and his telenovela crew
put together.

And, yes, he did pay them.

Michael...

I'm sorry about
the mom thing.

(groans, chuckles)
It's just...

we haven't had many
newlywed moments, you know?

So, the plan was
to sip margaritas

Ooh.
and listen to
my kickass honeymoon playlist.

But now I'm thinking

the most romantic thing for you
might be

to listen to my playlist

while doing some research
on why kids bite.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I'm not gonna lie, it was just
the most romantic thing

he could say.
ROGELIO (American accent): Dude,
I love the ocean at night.

The waves are killer.

And then she realizes
I'm the killer.

Well, your accent is getting
so much better.

Thanks, homegirl.

I'm trying to stay
in my American character.

I'm going full Daniel Day-Lewis.

Xo, what's bumming you out?

(sighs)
It's my mom.

She's making me feel guilty.

N-Not for the abortion.

She's making me feel guilty
about not feeling guilty.

Well, get your mother out
of your head.

If you're sure about your
choice, that's all that matters.

Keep it real, brah.

It's one of the things
I admire most about you.

Thanks.

And could you
maybe lose

the American accent

while you talk
about authenticity?

Yeah.

So, why the sudden need
to cross over to America?

You're-you're at the top
of the telenovela game.

It's just that my telenovelas
are the most popular in Mexico,

where I'm like a Tom Cruise
plus Justin Bieber

plus Juanes
all put together, no?

But my home is not
Mexico anymore.

Because of Jane, Matelio,

and, well, you,

it's here.

So now that I've crossed
over to this family,

I want to feel the amazing perks
of fame in my new country.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And, friends, that was just
about the most romantic thing

he could say.

What's it say?
Well, general consensus says

that kids bite because they are
overwhelmed and uncertain

and they don't have the words
to express themselves.

It's like this giant wave
of tension that takes over

and they can't stop it
and they just...

react without thinking.
Mmm.

Which is totally what
I've been doing.

What?

Biting. W...
Not actually biting.

Just snapping at people.

Like, a lot.

My mom.

The preschool lady.

That guy at the gas station.

Oh. What happened with the
guy at the gas station?

Let's just say that we both
agreed that I should come back

for an oil change
another day.
(chuckles)

I think it's because
I'm so uncertain.

I need things settled.

With me going back to work?

(sighs) I know you're
just offering not to

to make me happy.

That's true.
(chuckles)

But that's no small thing.

Yeah. But your happiness
is no small thing to me.

You know?
So it's a draw there.

Look, it-it's your job.

So if you're telling me
that you love it

and that you're not scared
and you want to go back,

then that's that.

But you have to say it,

so that I can flip
the switch and move on.

I love my job

and I'm not scared

and I want to go back.

(clicks tongue, sighs)

Okay.

(sniffles) Great.
So then you're going back.

And you're wearing
a bulletproof vest every day.

(chuckles)
I'm serious.

Okay.
And I'm dealing with it now.

How, exactly?

No, you don't have to worry.

You know who said I
don't have to worry?

My mom, when my parents
were getting divorced, okay?

You're not my mom.

You're my wife.

Let me help you.

(crying softly)

I can't walk the halls.

Where you were shot.

I keep seeing you,
lying there.

We'll do it together, okay?

God, this would be
a great moment to have sex.

I mean, at this point, it just
seems like a big cosmic joke.

(laughs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
True to her word, on the day
Jane flipped the switch

and accepted that Michael
was returning to work,

she felt strangely... calm.

Well, calmer.

There was still the whole
school debacle looming.

WOMAN:
And our motto here is,
we don't care

if our kids leave here knowing
their letters or their numbers.

We care if they can
name their feelings.

Yeah, there's no way
he's going here.
Not a chance.

How soon can we leave?

Ooh. I just got an e-mail
from Wincroft.

What?
I wrote them last night.

Apologized.
Basically ate dirt.

Some of my best writing.
Can you put
your phone away?

Why?
It's a no phone zone.

There's also a sign that says
you can eat your boogers.

Who cares?
We don't even like this school.

Holy crap! I fixed it!
They invited Mateo

to join the Parent and Me.
I'm gonna reply now

before someone snags our spot.
Jane, will you wait?
Stop. Just stop.

Why?
'Cause I don't like
Wincroft anymore.

What? But that was your choice.

I know. It was.
But yesterday afternoon

I got a call asking
for a large donation

if I wanted to make the whole
biting incident go away.

What?
So obviously
it's just not for us.

Oh, my God. You weren't
gonna tell me. Admit it.
Jane...

I would've...
No, you wouldn't have!
And then you were just gonna

make me feel
like I ruined it for him!

WOMAN:
Oopsie.

(chuckles)
I am so sorry.

W-We know we should not be
fighting in front of the kids.
Oh, no,

it's perfectly okay to fight
in front of the kids.

The key is, you also have
to make up in front of them.

That's how we model behavior.
So...

Sorry, dude.
Okay. We good?
My bad. Okay.

(laughs)
That's not how we do it here.

Should we take them
to the Compassion Corner?

CHILDREN:
Yeah!

Go ahead. Mateo's Mommy,
you're upset because...?

I'm upset
because Mateo's Daddy

didn't tell me something
he should have.

And I should've.
And next time I will.

Cool. Forgiven.
Great.

So, so, so, let's get

under those big feelings.

Why didn't you tell
Mateo's mom

the truth?

Because...

I made a decision.

The first one in a while.

And I didn't want
to lose credibility.

I felt it was important not to.

And Mateo's Mommy gets that.

But it's also not fair.

I know it's not.

But it's also a new dynamic,

and I want it to work.

And it will.

As long as you
don't automatically turn

against something
because I want it.

I just want to have a voice.

And you have such a big family,
you know?

It's only me.

Us.

We're a family, too.

But I get it.

And I'm all for the new dynamic.
I mean,

I don't have to talk about
my sex life with you again...

Oh, nice job,

Mommy and Daddy!

¶ We're better together,
together we're better ¶

¶ Take his ideas
and her ideas and my ideas ¶

¶ And your ideas... ¶

Hey, uh, before we go,
quick question.

How do you deal
with biting?

It's just a phase.

And not your fault.

But next time it happens,
don't give him attention.

Instead, comfort the victim.

(chuckles)

Hmm.

We found a preschool!

It's actually
such a weird place.

Totally hippy-dippy,
but we ended up loving it.

Oh... go say hi to Michael,
sweetie. Go on.

Where's Mom?

Come on, Abuela,
don't be so stubborn.

If there's one thing that I
learned at Mateo's new school,

it's that we should respect
each other's differences.

And agreeing to disagree
is okay, too.

Look. It's right here
in this pamphlet.

I'm telling you,
it's a great school.

MICHAEL:
Ow!

He bit me.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Quick! Comfort the victim.

Oh. Wow, Michael.

Are you okay?

I'm supposed
to comfort the victim.

I'm so sorry
that happened.

That was really terrible,

and you don't deserve that.

¶ ¶

Michael...

are you okay?

(sobs)

(quietly):
I'm sorry.

What's going on?

I don't know, I...
(clears throat)

I think I... I just
suddenly realized that...

(takes deep breath)

...that I almost died.

I don't know why
this is happening right now.

I guess it
has something

to do with walking in
the hallway earlier.

The victim thing.

¶ ¶

I thought I was fine.

You are fine.

And we'll get
through this.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

'Cause right now
would be a good time

to convince me
to get a new job.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And
as tempting as that sounded,

Jane said...
Not a chance.

You love your job,
and you want to go
back, remember?

(knocking)

I thought you were
with the twins.

They're down for the night.
Chepa's with them.

I wanted to talk to you.

What's going on
with you lately?

You've been acting odd.

No, I haven't.
(chuckles softly)

Yes, you have.

Okay, see?
Wh-What are you doing?

What is this?
And, friends,

that's when Anezka
remembered Magda's words--

chase two rabbits,
you don't catch either.

But then she remembered
that one time...

she did!

¶ ¶

Second door on the right.

That's what's going on.

SCOTT: Mr. Solano! Whoa!
Scott? What are you...?

That's one rabbit.
I'm turning around.

I'll be
right out.

Oh, my God.

Why is Scott in your bedroom?

Because I'm sleeping with him.
And that's two.

That's why I've
been acting weird.

'Cause I'm sleeping with Scott.

And I didn't want to tell you,
because I knew

you'd freak out, which is
exactly what you're doing.

Because, honestly,
it's a little embarrassing.

(sighs):
But...

well, I...

I needed comfort...

after my sister's... i-illness.

One thing led
to another,

and... here we are.

And I really like him.

Again, I'm real
sorry, Mr. Solano.

I wasn't expecting you,
or I totally would have

been dressed.
It's okay, it's okay.
Just please stop.

Please.
Hey.

I told him about us.

Uh... yeah.

Uh... oh.

ROGELIO:
I think I'm going to be sick.

Esteban got the part.

They say it wasn't
my accent.

It was my abs.

But who knows?

Well, don't even worry,
your crossover moment will come,

and you won't have
to change yourself to get it.

Thank you, Xiomara.

I'm going to put
the disappointment
out of my mind.

We're about to shoot a
major historical event,

and I want to
do it justice.

OTHERS:
Yeah.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And suddenly, Emma Lazarus
went from inspiring a country

to inspiring a wildly
inaccurate telenovela

to inspiring the star of that
wildly inaccurate telenovela.

Sorry. Sorry.

(clears throat softly)
I'll stick to
the script.

Don't worry.
Let's go again.

(bell rings)

(phone chimes)

What's going on?

Tell her what you told me.

The other thing.

Can I help you
with the wallpaper?

JANE:
I'm helping, too.

I really hate it.
It's terrible!

Ah...

the mother-daughter bond.

So sweet.

Don't call me stupid, Mother!
I'm trying!

Sometimes.

Everything okay, baby?

Can I just say...

I hate the way
your mother treats you.

Man, if you think Petra hated
being frozen before,

now people think
she's sleeping with Scott.

Okay, listen,
when you caught me
in Rafael's office,

I wasn't checking up
on the hotel's finances.

I-I was looking for dirt.

To blackmail him with.

That's what I assumed.

And so you know,

I've got dirt on everyone
at the Marbella.

I've been collecting it
for years.

It's my burn book, if you will.

Including good stuff on Rafael.

So...

let's take him down
together, baby.

¶ ¶

Oh, dear.

But before we get to that,
a bit of good news.

I, uh, I feel like
I'm making progress every day.

Um, physically, mentally...

And that shows
in your test results.

Now, I can't clear you
for police duty

for a few more weeks,
but other than that,

you can resume
normal activities.

All normal activities?

Sex. Can we have sex?

Oh. Y-Yes.

I mean, don't do anything crazy,
but y-yeah.

Seriously?
Really?!

I thought we were
two weeks away still.

You can wait if you'd prefer.

No! We're good. Yes.
No. No, thank you.

Thank you so much, Doc.
We'll be in touch.

And, friends, I'm not
messing around this time.

They're actually gonna do it!

Say good-bye
to Jane the Virgin!