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1
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,803
[rhythmic tapping]
2
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,895
‐ Oh, my God,
do you have fleas?
3
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,241
What's going on?
4
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,356
‐ No idea what you're
talking about.
5
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,952
‐ [loudly]
He's out of cigarettes.
6
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,373
[heavy pop music playingover headphones]
7
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,658
That's why he's bugging out.
8
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:36,911
Kid has a serious
nicotine addiction.
9
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:38,622
‐ No, I do not.
10
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,212
‐ If you need to smoke that
bad, you know who has them.
11
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,917
‐ No, nope.
Not talking to her.
12
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,207
Plus, she's pissed at me.
13
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,550
Look, fellas, I am good.
14
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,506
[pencil snaps]
15
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:50,046
TAKUMI: I bet she'd bum a few
to Pudgie.
16
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,760
Least she could do
after stomping on his heart.
17
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,470
‐ No way.
18
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,010
I'm not talking to her either.
19
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,983
If you haven't noticed,
I'm not even saying her name.
20
00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:01,765
Plus, I'm not the one
with a cigarette addiction.
21
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,900
‐ Neither am I.
Hey, wake up!
22
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,937
Wake up, God damn it!
Where's the stash?
23
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,741
Don't hold out on me!
‐ You are unravelling rapidly.
24
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,735
‐ I am watching you.
Where's it at?
25
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,237
You're supposed to be
my friend.
26
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,779
Not happening to me.
All these highlighters!
27
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,913
[growls, screams]
28
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,700
[indistinct chatter]
29
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,754
I want to apologize
for my behavior.
30
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,378
I'm not proud
of the way I acted
31
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,915
and I am ready to seek the help
I so desperately need.
32
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,879
‐ So you've decided
to ask Alaska for cigarettes?
33
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,379
COLONEL: Never.
34
00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:31,761
‐ I thought we agreed that
we weren't gonna use her name?
35
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,468
‐ I tried to do this
cold turkey
36
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,388
and I am, admittedly,
too weak,
37
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:39,177
so we pool our resources
together and go to Coosa's.
38
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,312
‐ How is that gonna work?
39
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,019
You need to be 18
and you don't have an ID.
40
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,559
‐ But you do.
TAKUMI: It's never worked.
41
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:44,862
COLONEL: You never tried.
42
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,265
TAKUMI: Because it will
never work.
43
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,613
‐ Lara might have an ID.
44
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,898
She's sweet and kind
and she was into me.
45
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,902
COLONEL: "Was."
Operative word, there.
46
00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,494
TAKUMI: Maybe find another girl
and leave Lara alone.
47
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,700
Already puked on her.
Isn't that enough?
48
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,291
COLONEL: Who cares
about Pudge's love life
49
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,616
when my lungs are burning
from all this fresh air?
50
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,372
TAKUMI: Okay, fine.
51
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,043
We'll make a Coosa's run
ourselves.
52
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:09,172
We don't need
she who will not be named.
53
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:12,171
[melancholy music]
54
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:19,184
♪ ♪
55
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:27,356
[door opens]
[bell jingles]
56
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:30,356
[door creaking]
57
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,399
[door closes]
[bell jingles]
58
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,072
TAKUMI: Three packs
of Hurricane Lights.
59
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:38,526
‐ You got ID?
60
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,743
[soulful country musicplaying over radio]
61
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,374
‐ This is Alabama.
62
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:46,001
There's white
and everything else.
63
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,419
♪ ♪
64
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,419
We good?
Pay the man, Mohammed.
65
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,711
GUS: Not even close.
66
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,514
To be honest, it's so bad
it just bummed me out.
67
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,509
You kids can either
buy yourselves some Twinkies
68
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,011
or get the hell out
of my store.
69
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,352
‐ Can't believe
you paid 50 bucks
70
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,888
for that piece of shit.
71
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:07,061
Oh, my Jesus.
TAKUMI: She knows us well.
72
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,482
‐ If they're from Alaska,
73
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,860
shouldn't we just
leave them here in protest?
74
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,896
‐ And what?
75
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,569
Let the next guy
who comes along
76
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,357
reap the only benefits
of a shitty
ex‐friend's remorse?
77
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,862
‐ Might also be
our last, best chance
78
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,323
to save the Colonel.
79
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:21,703
MILES: By killing him slowly
one puff at a time.
80
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,542
‐ I'm good with that.
81
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,961
[heavy rap music playingover radio]
82
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:27,957
‐ Shit.
83
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,578
[music stops]
84
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:34,054
‐ That pleasurable experience
last exactly zero seconds.
85
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,917
‐ It's the assholes
we were looking for.
86
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,804
‐ What'd you guys buy,
some cheese?
87
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,472
Uh, to feed the rat.
88
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,470
COLONEL:
What's your point, Kev?
89
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,061
Do you see Alaska here?
90
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,926
‐ Rumor has it that
some of y'all fed the rat
on Thanksgiving.
91
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,354
Spent the whole week
with her, too.
92
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,442
‐ That was a mistake.
93
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,058
One that won't be repeated.
94
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,904
‐ Well, if you want
to stay safe,
95
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,279
just stay away from her.
96
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,436
‐ No problem.
97
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,954
LONGWELL: Well,
consider yourself warned.
98
00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,065
Alaska Young's gonna get
what she deserves.
99
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:03,083
[tense, melancholy music]
100
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,286
♪ ♪
101
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,168
[car doors open]
102
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:13,585
♪ ♪
103
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:22,180
KEVIN: Don't plan
on sitting here.
104
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,929
No rats.
105
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,061
[peppy pop music playingover headphones]
106
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,938
STUDENT: There's Alaska.
107
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,395
[all whispering indistinctly]
108
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,356
COLONEL: Fucking shitbirds.
109
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,856
I almost feel bad for her.
110
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,898
‐ Whatever they got planned,
you know it's gonna be brutal.
111
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,453
Stupid, but brutal.
112
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,906
It's not like
we can do anything.
113
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,947
Agreed to ice her out, right?
114
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,910
‐ Maybe we could tip her off?
115
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:50,832
I mean, not stop what's
going downhill, obviously,
116
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:54,922
but let her know
something big is gonna happen.
117
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,920
‐ Maybe an anonymous note.
118
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,882
‐ Okay.
119
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,382
I had mentally decided
120
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,303
not to be a part
of this conversation,
121
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,472
but based on the direction
that it's going in,
122
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,681
I have to interject.
123
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,890
Alaska would be the first
to tell us
124
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,771
that's just reinforcing
the patriarchy
125
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,399
and that she can
take care of herself,
126
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,315
so let her.
127
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,935
[indistinct chatter]
128
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:19,572
COLONEL: Why is his arm
around her?
129
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,899
‐ Oh, shit.
130
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,914
I was hoping it wasn't true.
131
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,987
I may have heard a rumor.
‐ And you didn't say nothing?
132
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,372
TAKUMI:
It wasn't substantiated.
133
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,329
‐ Plus, you guys broke up.
134
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,329
EAGLE: All right, everybody.
Eyes and ears on me.
135
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,132
Thank you, we're going
to get started.
136
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,995
I hope everybody
enjoyed themselves
137
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,012
over the Thanksgiving holiday.
138
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:42,755
Who's ready
to end the semester strong?
139
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,684
All right, uh,
we have a few things
140
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,853
that we need to get to.
141
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,391
College applications
need to be emailed
142
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:55,024
by the end of next week,
so proofread those essays
143
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,271
before hitting "send."
144
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,363
Thank you.
145
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,777
Oh, and also,
as a reminder, uh,
146
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,436
most of these applications
147
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,574
require a teacher's
recommendation
148
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,833
and I am available.
149
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,195
So, I, uh, believe
that Ms. Moser‐‐
150
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,002
Ms. Moser‐‐
Holly has an announcement.
151
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,536
All right, welcome, Holly.
152
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,670
[applause]
153
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,626
‐ Whoo!
154
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,246
MOSER: Reminder,
Culver Creek:
155
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,013
the Winter Dance
is almost here.
156
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,795
Who wants to know
this year's theme?
157
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,128
Drumroll, please.
158
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,604
[all stamping]
159
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,845
This year's theme is...
160
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,177
ugly Christmas sweaters!
161
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:34,022
[cheers and applause]
162
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,771
Buy your tickets now.
163
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,275
EAGLE: All right, great.
Thank you, Holly.
164
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:45,357
Thank you.
‐ [giggles]
165
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,663
‐ What, are they suddenly
Siamese twins
166
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,027
joined at the fucking hip?
167
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:52,374
‐ Look, she wants to dance.
I love to dance.
168
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:55,080
‐ That can't be true.
‐ And terrifying to imagine.
169
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,251
‐ Okay, fine, I don't dance.
170
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,961
But I'm willing to try for her.
171
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,803
‐ You should
think about it first.
172
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,378
No need to rush into anything.
173
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,853
‐ I'm not rushing,
I'm realizing.
174
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:12,265
I've been chasing after Alaska,
and maybe this whole time
175
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,925
the girl I was supposed
to be with
176
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,144
was right in front of me.
177
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,403
Maybe everything
that's happened
178
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,435
has led me to this moment.
179
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,690
To this dance.
180
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,452
[indistinct chatter]
181
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,985
‐ This should go well.
‐ Uh, one, please.
182
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,909
MILES: Um, allow me.
183
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,118
‐ Two tickets, please.
STUDENT: What?
184
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,498
LARA: Miles,
you're cutting the line.
185
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,956
MILES: Oh, no, I'm not cutting.
186
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,416
I'm paying for you...
STUDENT: Come on!
187
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,746
‐ And for me,
so we can go together.
188
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:44,802
‐ You do this
without asking me first?
189
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,758
‐ Sorry, how many
and who's paying?
190
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,468
LARA: Um, one.
I'm sorry, Miles.
191
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,849
I just want to dance
with my friends
192
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,095
and study for my exams.
193
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,717
It is all the stress
I can handle.
194
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,104
[indistinct chatter]
195
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,982
‐ I'd like one, too.
196
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,059
I don't deserve to go
with you now, Lara.
197
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,694
I understand that.
198
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,611
But I hope that
by the night of the dance
199
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,199
I've won your trust
and you've changed your mind.
200
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,945
Prepare to be swept
off your feet.
201
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,908
HOLLY: If you're buying
for yourself,
202
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,698
you need to go
to the back of the line.
203
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,832
MILES: Right, yeah.
No, of course.
204
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,580
Sorry.
205
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,541
[mellow music]
206
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:28,553
♪ ♪
207
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,928
[approaching footsteps]
208
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:40,726
[birds chirping]
209
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,649
ALASKA: Hey, Hyde.
How's it hanging?
210
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,570
HYDE: Just enjoying
some fresh air.
211
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:49,990
And quiet.
212
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:54,078
‐ Yeah, well, this wasn't
my first choice either,
213
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:57,655
but I'm afraid
you're all I have left.
214
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,252
Finally, the kids
at this school
215
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,747
can agree on something.
216
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,880
They all hate me.
217
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,496
‐ Nice to know
I represent rock bottom.
218
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,337
‐ I fucked up.
219
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,563
Like I always do.
220
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,138
So...
221
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,982
now I'm all alone.
222
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,231
In hell.
223
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,612
So...
224
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,450
can I please
just sit here with you
225
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,985
and not be alone...
226
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,779
for as long as it takes
to finish my sandwich?
227
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:46,038
‐ Do you know why I'm drawn
to Buddhism, Ms. Young?
228
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,964
‐ Mm‐mm.
229
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,512
‐ They don't believe in hell.
230
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,717
Or heaven, for that matter.
231
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:57,388
People don't have
eternal souls.
232
00:09:57,388 --> 00:10:00,678
Instead, they are
a bundle of energy
233
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,853
reincarnating endlessly
234
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,193
until it eventually reaches...
235
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,280
enlightenment.
236
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,145
♪ ♪
237
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:14,452
Meaning, as painful as this is,
238
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,077
it will change.
239
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:24,075
♪ ♪
240
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,887
‐ I fucking love you, Hyde.
241
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,885
[hopeful music]
242
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:45,898
♪ ♪
243
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,027
[sighs]
All right, Melville,
244
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,992
let's finally do this shit.
245
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:07,964
♪ ♪
246
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,734
‐ Stop staring.
247
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,059
COLONEL:
Don't flatter yourself.
248
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,523
Your snoring is keeping me up.
249
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,943
MILES: I'm not snoring,
I'm reading.
250
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,072
Did you know
that during World War II,
251
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,649
Romania fought for both sides‐‐
252
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,994
‐ Fine, it's your breathing.
‐ I'm barely breathing.
253
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,830
MILES: Exactly, I keep feeling
compelled to check
254
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,156
and make sure
you're still alive.
255
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:46,371
It's very disconcerting.
256
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,292
‐ Are you sure that this
concern for my wellbeing
257
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,042
doesn't have to do
with anything else?
258
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,504
‐ Like what?
259
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,713
‐ Like guilt?
260
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,474
Knowing the Weekday Warriors
are planning to do something
261
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,387
and not doing
anything about it‐‐
262
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,345
‐ What is there to do?
263
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,886
I mean, you said it
yourself, Pudge.
264
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,849
Alaska Young is fully capable
of taking care of herself.
265
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,190
Plus, she started all this,
266
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:10,355
so whatever happens,
it's on her.
267
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,864
You know what,
I'm sick of arguing.
268
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,413
It's stuffy in here.
I need some air.
269
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,407
[shoes scuffing]
270
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,410
[gloomy music]
271
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:34,383
♪ ♪
272
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,129
[insects chirping]
273
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:41,181
♪ ♪
274
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:44,677
[owl hooting]
275
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:51,691
♪ ♪
276
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:59,858
[scraping]
277
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:06,872
♪ ♪
278
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,635
[alarm beeping]
279
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,888
[water trickling]
280
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,230
[alarm stops]
281
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,645
[melancholy music]
282
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:39,488
♪ ♪
283
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,525
‐ [gasps]
284
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,529
[breathing heavily]
285
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,242
♪ ♪
286
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,913
No, no, no, no!
287
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,752
♪ ♪
288
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,579
[gasps]
289
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,964
Not Márquez.
290
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,472
Motherfuckers!
291
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:03,465
[indistinct chatter]
292
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:10,478
♪ ♪
293
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,559
COLONEL: Alaska?
294
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,324
Move!
295
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,356
Pudge.
Man, relax.
296
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,150
Ain't nobody trying
to look at your little wiener.
297
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,283
It's about Alaska.
298
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,609
You ain't gon' believe
what they did.
299
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:25,824
‐ I told you,
I don't want to know.
300
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,993
‐ It's bad.
It's worse than I ever seen.
301
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,742
[water splashing]
302
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,214
[curtain rings jingle]
303
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,075
This is too damn far.
304
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,172
[door creaks]
305
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:38,588
What'd I tell you?
306
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,506
Her Life's Library.
307
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:43,585
We can't let this shit
go unavenged.
308
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,181
TAKUMI: If we do this,
309
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:48,386
we're letting her off the hook
for all of it.
310
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,058
‐ We don't have a choice.
311
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,886
Weekday Warriors
made sure of that.
312
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,141
Right, Pudge?
313
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,403
♪ ♪
314
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,316
‐ This is awful...
315
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,145
♪ ♪
316
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,320
But I didn't cause it,
317
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,198
and so I can't be a part
of fixing it.
318
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:06,065
Sorry.
319
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,742
COLONEL: Man, screw him.
320
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,700
We got all the firepower
we need right here.
321
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,200
TAKUMI: That's right,
the OG three.
322
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:15,713
Culver Creek's
original pranksters.
323
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:18,206
‐ We're about to pull off
the most epic prank
324
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,999
the Creek has ever seen.
325
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,884
‐ What did you have in mind?
326
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,051
SINGER: ♪ We get high
in back seats ♪
327
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,719
COLONEL: So we flash
a flashlight...
328
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,047
[inaudible chatter]
329
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,892
SINGER: ♪
♪ We break into mobile homes ♪
330
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,467
♪ We go to sleep
to "Shake Appeal" ♪
331
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,893
♪ Never wake up on our own ♪
332
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,063
♪ That's the way
we get by ♪
333
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:40,151
[swan honking]
334
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,358
♪ All that's the way
we get by ♪
335
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,938
♪ To way we get by ♪
336
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:50,744
♪ ♪
337
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,291
[curtain slides]
338
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,325
♪ We go out in stormy weather ♪
339
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:58,539
♪ We rarely practice discern ♪
340
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,671
♪ We make love
to "Some Weird Sin" ♪
341
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:04,379
♪ We seek out the taciturn ♪
342
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,720
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
343
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,966
♪ To way we get by ♪
344
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:15,978
♪ ♪
345
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,685
MILES: I know you're stressed
about midterms.
346
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,320
Maybe this will help you.
347
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,488
It's the Miles Halter
Study Guide Starter Pack.
348
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,818
Still working on the branding.
349
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,742
It's got sharpened pencils,
350
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,411
No Doz, study snacks.
351
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:41,420
♪ ♪
352
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,402
SINGER: ♪ And that's the way
we get by ♪
353
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,743
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
354
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:16,199
♪ ♪
355
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,746
MILES: Hi.
356
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,593
[indistinct chatter]
357
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,968
‐ Uh, hi.
358
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:36,312
Well, if that's it‐‐
359
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:39,175
‐ No, wait, um...
360
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,023
I had this whole plan.
361
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:45,568
I was gonna cook you
a romantic Romanian meal.
362
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:49,985
Um, I even did some research
as to what that would entail.
363
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:54,156
Apparently that would entail
an oven, which I do not have,
364
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,826
so I went to Maureen
in the cafeteria
365
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,326
to see if she would
maybe help me out
366
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,618
but she just laughed
in my face.
367
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,712
But she did give me
something much better
368
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:08,339
than Romanian cooking lessons.
369
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:13,134
‐ [laughs]
But it's not bufriedo day.
370
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:16,354
‐ You might wanna look
a little, uh, closer
at the wrapper.
371
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:19,345
[sweet music]
372
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:23,978
♪ ♪
373
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,728
‐ How could I say no?
374
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,820
‐ Okay.
‐ [laughs]
375
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:31,485
MILES: Okay, great.
I'll see you at the dance.
376
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,775
‐ Hello, Mr. Starnes.
‐ Oh, good afternoon.
377
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,949
COLONEL: Just here to sign out
for a couple days.
378
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,158
Taking these rascals
home with me
379
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,408
to the trailer park
this weekend.
380
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,739
‐ Oh, that so?
381
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,664
‐ Yeah, Takumi here
just felt left out
382
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,542
when he heard about
Dolores' homemade pies
383
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:44,579
over Thanksgiving.
384
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,332
‐ Well, that makes two of us.
385
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,094
I just need to call your mother
386
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,545
and make sure she knows
you're on your way.
387
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,005
‐ Yeah, yeah, of course.
388
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:52,625
Sure.
389
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,467
It's like he barely lives here.
390
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,511
TAKUMI: Apparentlyhis wife left him.
391
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,184
She's just waiting for him
to sign the divorce papers.
392
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,024
I have very good
sourcing on this.
393
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,769
‐ Poor man.
394
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:08,811
I just hope my mom plays along.
395
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,984
[phone ringing]
396
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,113
‐ [sighs]
397
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,571
Hello?
EAGLE: Hello, Mrs. Martin?
398
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:19,082
This is Dean Starnes calling.
399
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,695
‐ Okay, so what did he do now?
400
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,662
‐ Oh, no, ma'am.
No, Chip's not in any trouble.
401
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,044
Well, yet.
402
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,290
Uh, he tells me he's spending
the weekend at home
403
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,592
and bringing Mr. Hikohito
and Ms. Young with him.
404
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,796
DOLORES: Alaska?
Oh, that's just wonderful.
405
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,297
‐ Is it?
You sound surprised.
406
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,299
DOLORES: That son of mine,
he listens to his mama
407
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,471
more than he lets on.
408
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,099
Tell him that
dinner is in the oven
409
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,636
and I'll be expecting them.
410
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:42,929
EAGLE: Okay, thanks.
[phone beeps]
411
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,732
Lovely woman, your mother.
[laughs]
412
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,635
Although, it's too bad
you'll be missing the dance.
413
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,024
Uh, I for one have been
dusting off
414
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,361
some of my classic moves.
415
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,646
‐ You never go to the dances.
‐ Uh, no, true.
416
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:56,361
Uh, historically,
I have avoided
school social functions,
417
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,612
but I find myself with an
excess of free time these days
418
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,624
and, uh, I actually found
the perfect tie
419
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,406
when I was clearing out, um...
420
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,995
[birds chirping]
421
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,246
Well...
422
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,172
just in time
to shake things up.
423
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,670
[laughs]
424
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,052
COLONEL: I knew my moms
would come through.
425
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,378
Just hope she forgives me
when she finds out the truth.
426
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,304
TAKUMI: Which is why
you need to call her.
427
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,432
‐ Yes‐‐or you could.
428
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,100
Women find you irresistible.
429
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,848
‐ Or we actually spend
the weekend at your mom's,
430
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,810
because from where
I'm standing,
this plan's a bust.
431
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,770
‐ Wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Wait. What do you mean?
432
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,020
‐ Did you not hear the man?
433
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,481
The Eagle is gonna be
at the dance,
434
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:36,071
and that was not
a part of the plan.
435
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,318
‐ Maybe this is
actually better.
436
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,110
I mean, everybody we need
to be worried about
437
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:42,074
will be under
one sad disco ball.
438
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,874
Could make things easier
for our lookout.
439
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,748
‐ We have a lookout?
440
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,616
‐ No.
441
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,252
No way.
442
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,959
Do you not see this ridiculous,
itchy sweater that I'm wearing?
443
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:56,511
‐ I literally couldn't
ignore it if I wanted to.
444
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,545
And trust me, Pudge,
I want to.
445
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,470
But what I'm about to ask you
is important.
446
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,429
‐ Yeah, so is my date
with Lara.
447
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:06,309
‐ I know.
You're completely over Alaska.
448
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,187
I'm almost buying it, but what
I'm about to ask of you
449
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:10,725
will not interfere
with your date.
450
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:13,438
If the Eagle, Longwell,
or Kevin leave the dance,
451
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,229
I just need you
to flash this little guy
452
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:17,152
into the computer lab twice.
453
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:18,861
Takumi will take it from there.
454
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:21,071
It's as simple as clicking
the on and off button.
455
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,411
‐ Yeah, you say that now,
456
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:24,026
but I know it's not gonna be
that simple‐‐
457
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:26,873
‐ Pudge, you're not
doing this for Alaska.
458
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,459
You wouldn't be saving her ass,
you'd be saving mine.
459
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,655
I'm doing this.
460
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:31,964
You know what I have
on the line
461
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,457
if this shit goes sideways.
462
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,460
[mellow music]
463
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:40,173
♪ ♪
464
00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:41,934
‐ Fine.
465
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,676
For you.
466
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,547
But don't tell Lara.
467
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:47,014
[button clicks]
468
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,265
CLARKSON: ♪ Here's the thing,
we started off friends ♪
469
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:57,861
♪ It was cool
but it was all pretend ♪
470
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:01,528
♪ Yeah, yeah,
since you've been gone ♪
471
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,699
[indistinct chatter]
472
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:07,078
‐ Lee, I don't think
I've seen you at a dance
473
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:09,946
in all the years
I've worked here.
474
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:11,964
‐ Uh, to be honest, Brigid,
475
00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:14,326
the thought of spending
another Friday night
in front of the Ghost Whisperer
476
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,543
made me want to put
a gun to my head.
477
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,634
[both laugh]
478
00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:20,049
MILES: For you, Lara.
479
00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:22,677
SARA: How many cookies
do you think Lara's gonna eat?
480
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,755
‐ Oh, I just wanted
an assortment.
481
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,100
[chuckles]
Choices.
482
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:30,017
Maybe later
we could play a game
483
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,225
and see how many cookies
we can eat at once.
484
00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,556
‐ Sounds hot.
485
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:36,401
‐ Uh‐‐um, thank you.
486
00:22:36,397 --> 00:22:38,767
CLARKSON: ♪ I'm so moving on ♪
487
00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:41,324
‐ Yeah, I should
probably get back.
488
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,448
‐ You and Longwell.
489
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:46,655
‐ Yeah, what about it?
490
00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:48,987
‐ It's just hard
imagining anyone measuring up
491
00:22:48,993 --> 00:22:50,873
to the Colonel.
492
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:54,040
‐ You can tell your roommate
that I found someone
493
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,789
who doesn't feel the need
to punch the world
in the face, so.
494
00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:58,792
♪ ♪
495
00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:01,924
Bye.
496
00:23:01,922 --> 00:23:05,802
[indistinct chatter]
497
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:07,931
‐ Would you like to dance?
498
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:09,138
‐ I probably
should have said this
499
00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:10,758
before I spent the entire week
500
00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:12,934
trying to get you to go
to this thing with me,
501
00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:16,273
but, um...
502
00:23:16,270 --> 00:23:20,860
I don't‐‐I don't dance.
[laughs awkwardly]
503
00:23:20,858 --> 00:23:23,608
‐ Oh, uh...
504
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:25,781
okay.
505
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:27,359
CLARKSON: ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
506
00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:29,834
[keys jingling]
507
00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:33,995
[door closes]
508
00:23:33,996 --> 00:23:35,116
[hard drive whirs]
509
00:23:35,122 --> 00:23:36,462
[keys tapping]
510
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:39,626
[mouse clicks]
511
00:23:39,627 --> 00:23:41,837
[keys tapping]
512
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:42,917
‐ [laughs]
513
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:45,382
‐ Gotta admit,
you pretty clever‐‐
514
00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:47,722
for a rat.
515
00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:51,178
‐ We are the most intelligent
of the rodents.
516
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:54,180
[funky pop music]
517
00:23:54,183 --> 00:23:56,603
♪ ♪
518
00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:58,482
[keys tapping]
519
00:23:58,479 --> 00:24:01,649
RAPPER: ♪ She like my
Dolce & Gabanna ♪
520
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,819
[inaudible dialogue]
521
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:05,237
♪ I'm so cold ♪
522
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:08,565
‐ [giggles]
523
00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:10,282
‐ [muffled]
Mm, very good.
524
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:14,122
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ That's very impressive.
525
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,209
Six, okay?
You ready?
526
00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:19,826
♪ ♪
527
00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:22,383
Oh, no.
‐ Hmm?
528
00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:25,588
[unintelligible dialogue]
529
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,759
[singer rapping indistinctly]
530
00:24:27,758 --> 00:24:30,298
EAGLE: I‐‐I have a request.
531
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:31,932
♪ ♪
532
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:33,849
LARA: Why were you running?
533
00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:36,057
‐ Oh, um...
534
00:24:36,058 --> 00:24:38,978
I was just, um‐‐
I wanted to request a song.
535
00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:42,898
Oh, but then I‐‐I remembered
that I don't dance.
536
00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:45,228
Um, can I have some
of that water?
537
00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:46,864
LARA: Mm‐hmm.
Yeah, okay.
538
00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:48,820
‐ I have a reputation, sir.
I can't.
539
00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:52,281
‐ Ms. Blowker, I don't want
to pull rank here, but I will.
540
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:54,242
I've made a request.
I'd like it honored.
541
00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:55,873
Spin some wax.
542
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:57,659
‐ Fine.
543
00:24:57,663 --> 00:25:00,623
[Los del Rio's
Macarena playing]
544
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:02,884
‐ My request.
BRIGID: [laughs]
545
00:25:02,876 --> 00:25:05,746
[singer vocalizing]
546
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:12,554
♪ ♪
547
00:25:12,553 --> 00:25:14,813
‐ Do you want to Macarena?
548
00:25:14,805 --> 00:25:16,555
It's a very simple dance.
549
00:25:16,557 --> 00:25:20,437
And then poor Madame O'Malley
doesn't have
to humiliate herself.
550
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:23,436
‐ Um, yeah.
551
00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:25,269
‐ Okay!
‐ Okay, why not?
552
00:25:25,274 --> 00:25:27,784
SINGER: ♪ They all want me,
they can't have me ♪
553
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:30,446
♪ So they all come
and dance beside me ♪
554
00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:32,606
♪ Move with me,
chant with me ♪
555
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,954
♪ And if you could
I'd take you home with me ♪
556
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:38,080
SINGER: [singing in Spanish]
557
00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:40,208
‐ You wanna get out of here?
558
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:42,245
[laughs]
Okay.
559
00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:43,709
SINGER: ♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
ALL: ♪ Hey ♪
560
00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:46,669
SINGER: [singing in Spanish]
561
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:50,880
♪ ♪
562
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:53,513
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
ALL: Hey!
563
00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:55,430
‐ Um, Lara, I'll be right back.
564
00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:57,769
I promise you,
I'll be right back.
565
00:25:57,765 --> 00:25:59,345
♪ ♪
566
00:25:59,349 --> 00:26:01,479
[keys tapping]
567
00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:04,397
[mouse clicking]
568
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:07,396
[muffled music continues]
569
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:10,359
♪ ♪
570
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:12,570
[mouse clicks]
571
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,281
♪ ♪
572
00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,908
LONGWELL: Mm.
SARA: [laughs]
573
00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:21,370
LONGWELL: Hey.
SARA: Hmm?
574
00:26:21,371 --> 00:26:23,331
LONGWELL: Uh, let's go back
to my room.
575
00:26:23,332 --> 00:26:25,462
SARA: No, no,
I'm not getting caught
576
00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:28,419
like Paul and Marya.
577
00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:30,800
I know a better place.
578
00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:34,178
[both laugh]
579
00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:41,176
♪ ♪
580
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:45,902
SINGER: ♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
ALL: ♪ Hey! ♪
581
00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:48,896
SINGER: [singing in Spanish]
582
00:26:48,899 --> 00:26:52,739
♪ ♪
583
00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:55,026
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
ALL: ♪ Hey! ♪
584
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,910
MILES: There you are.
585
00:26:57,908 --> 00:27:00,788
‐ I'm not the one
who keeps running off.
586
00:27:00,786 --> 00:27:01,996
‐ I'm so sorry.
587
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:04,705
‐ Tell me the truth.
588
00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:06,456
Did you really want
to bring me to this dance,
589
00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:07,628
or is it just a cover
590
00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:11,086
for whatever prank
you are clearly doing?
591
00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:13,798
‐ I promise, Lara,
592
00:27:13,799 --> 00:27:16,259
I really wanted to go with you
593
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:18,220
and I'm having
such a great time.
594
00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:22,140
I just told Takumi
that I'd help him
595
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:26,271
with this one little
recon mission, and I did.
596
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:29,230
It's over...
597
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:31,691
and I'm really sorry.
598
00:27:31,692 --> 00:27:33,612
SINGER: [singing in Spanish]
599
00:27:33,610 --> 00:27:36,780
‐ Next time, just tell me
the truth, okay?
600
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:39,780
[cheers and applause]
601
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:44,503
[Coldplay's Fix You
playing over speakers]
602
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:48,246
♪ ♪
603
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,540
‐ I think I can
handle this one.
604
00:27:50,544 --> 00:27:52,964
♪ ♪
605
00:27:52,963 --> 00:27:54,463
Please.
606
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:58,434
SINGER: ♪ Hi up above
or down below ♪
607
00:27:58,427 --> 00:28:01,257
♪ ♪
608
00:28:01,263 --> 00:28:03,523
♪ When you're too in love
to let it go ♪
609
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:06,135
‐ Come with me.
‐ [giggles]
610
00:28:06,143 --> 00:28:07,853
♪ ♪
611
00:28:07,853 --> 00:28:11,773
SINGER: ♪ But if you never try,
you'll never know ♪
612
00:28:11,773 --> 00:28:13,983
‐ [laughs]
613
00:28:13,984 --> 00:28:15,824
‐ Am I doing this right?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
614
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,409
‐ Okay.
‐ Perfect.
615
00:28:18,405 --> 00:28:24,365
♪ ♪
616
00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:31,169
SINGER: ♪ Lights will
guide you home ♪
617
00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:33,628
♪ And ignite ♪
618
00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:36,509
LARA: [giggles]
‐ Wow.
619
00:28:36,506 --> 00:28:38,216
Sorry.
LARA: [laughs]
620
00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:40,387
You're actually
a very good dancer.
621
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,175
‐ Yeah?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
622
00:28:42,179 --> 00:28:44,389
‐ Cool.
623
00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:47,059
The only other person
I've ever slow‐danced with
624
00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:49,229
was, um, my grandma,
625
00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:53,228
and even she said
I was no Fred Astaire.
626
00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:56,742
‐ [laughs]
627
00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:59,945
[inaudible dialogue]
628
00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:03,617
‐ We seem to be down
Mr. Chase and Ms. Harbart.
629
00:29:03,617 --> 00:29:06,117
‐ Let them have their fun, hmm?
630
00:29:06,119 --> 00:29:07,909
♪ ♪
631
00:29:07,913 --> 00:29:10,543
‐ Okay, okay.
632
00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:14,590
♪ ♪
633
00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:16,546
It's just...
634
00:29:16,546 --> 00:29:18,166
Brigid, I've gone
two years in this job
635
00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:19,383
without a teen pregnancy,
636
00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:21,473
and it's not because
I let the kids have fun.
637
00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:24,428
It's because I practice
eagle‐eyed vigilance.
638
00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:26,889
‐ Uh...
[stammers]
639
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:30,810
♪ ♪
640
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:33,151
‐ You smell nice.
641
00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:34,726
♪ ♪
642
00:29:34,731 --> 00:29:36,571
‐ Yeah.
643
00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:39,776
You, too.
644
00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:42,908
SINGER: ♪ Tears stream ♪
645
00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:46,156
♪ Down your face ♪
646
00:29:46,159 --> 00:29:47,999
♪ When you lose something ♪
647
00:29:47,995 --> 00:29:50,655
‐ Shit, um, come with me.
648
00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:52,174
Please.
649
00:29:52,165 --> 00:29:55,785
This way.
‐ [exclaims]
650
00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:58,764
[muffled music continues]
651
00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:01,045
Can we go back
to the dance now?
652
00:30:01,049 --> 00:30:03,219
MILES: Um...
653
00:30:03,218 --> 00:30:05,258
[insects chirping]
654
00:30:05,262 --> 00:30:07,012
We have to go
to Longwell's room.
655
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:08,224
I'll explain on the way.
656
00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:11,443
‐ Uh‐‐
‐ I promise.
657
00:30:11,435 --> 00:30:14,435
[insects chirping]
658
00:30:17,107 --> 00:30:20,357
EAGLE: In my experience,
they usually try to go
to the girls' dorm first.
659
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,990
BRIGID: Oh, could‐‐could you
slow down just a little?
660
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:24,988
These shoes are a bit hard
to walk in.
661
00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:26,330
EAGLE: Oh, yeah.
Sorry, sorry.
662
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,155
Well, I mean,
they are teenagers, Brigid,
663
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,750
so we don't have a lot of time.
664
00:30:29,745 --> 00:30:32,285
Come on, uh, Sara's dorm
is right down here.
665
00:30:32,289 --> 00:30:34,919
‐ "One challenge I had
was during a debutante ball.
666
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:38,336
"I was about to escort my date
to the dance floor
667
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:41,127
"when I heard a gurgle emanate
from my belly.
668
00:30:41,131 --> 00:30:44,721
"I thought it was indigestion
from too many protein shakes,
669
00:30:44,718 --> 00:30:46,638
"but it was not.
670
00:30:46,636 --> 00:30:48,256
"It was diarrhea.
671
00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:51,563
‐ Okay, I learned that, A,
humans have the capacity
672
00:30:51,558 --> 00:30:53,848
to make much more diarrhea
than you think,
673
00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:56,482
B, diarrhea stains permanently,
674
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,610
and C, diarrhea has
a silent "h."
675
00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:03,148
‐ "This is why I believe
Dookie University"...
676
00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:04,613
‐ "Dookie."
677
00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:07,323
‐ "Would be the perfect fit
for me and my large colon."
678
00:31:07,324 --> 00:31:08,584
‐ That's brilliant.
679
00:31:08,575 --> 00:31:11,365
[door crashes]
680
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:12,790
What you doing here?
681
00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:14,458
‐ Our lookout sent me
on a decoy mission
682
00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:16,206
but Longwell and Sara
weren't headed
to the dorms after all,
683
00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:17,878
so I thought I'd stop by
and see how things are going.
684
00:31:17,876 --> 00:31:19,206
‐ Sara?
Where'd she go?
685
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:21,211
TAKUMI: The woods.
‐ Like the old campfire spot?
686
00:31:21,213 --> 00:31:22,673
TAKUMI: I don't know, maybe.
687
00:31:22,672 --> 00:31:25,932
‐ Dude, that is Colonel
and Sara's preferred location
688
00:31:25,926 --> 00:31:28,966
for illicit activities
of a sexual nature.
689
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:30,640
‐ Oh, shit.
690
00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,559
‐ That's our fucking
spot, literally.
691
00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:34,767
Takumi, take over the essay.
‐ No, no, he needs to go back.
692
00:31:34,768 --> 00:31:37,478
TAKUMI: This isn't the plan.
‐ That's our spot!
693
00:31:37,479 --> 00:31:40,519
‐ Chip can be a real romantic
when he wants to be.
694
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:47,951
MILES: Where's he going?
‐ Um...
695
00:31:47,948 --> 00:31:50,198
Ignore him, no time.
696
00:31:51,785 --> 00:31:54,445
MILES: Eagle...
[panting]
697
00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:56,424
Eagle.
‐ Breathe, Pudge, breathe.
698
00:31:56,415 --> 00:31:57,785
‐ The Eagle is on his way.
699
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,711
He is in Sara's room,
but then he is coming here.
700
00:31:59,709 --> 00:32:01,749
ALASKA: The application doesn't
allow us to hit send
until it's fully finished,
701
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,173
and we still have
two more essay questions.
702
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:05,342
TAKUMI: You know
that sign that says,
703
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:07,970
"Break glass
in case of emergency"?
704
00:32:07,968 --> 00:32:10,598
I'm that glass,
but I require assistance.
705
00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:12,755
Miles?
706
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:15,814
‐ Fine.
‐ Thanks, Pudge.
707
00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:17,689
TAKUMI: All right,
first thing's first.
708
00:32:17,686 --> 00:32:20,186
Pudge, lose that sweater.
It's not stealthy.
709
00:32:20,188 --> 00:32:22,358
We'll divert the Eagle
while you two write.
710
00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:24,107
Rendezvous at the barn
when we're done.
711
00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:25,609
‐ Oh, lock the door.
712
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:27,110
BRIGID: Maybe they went back
to the dance.
713
00:32:27,112 --> 00:32:28,782
‐ I appreciate
that optimism, Brigid,
714
00:32:28,780 --> 00:32:30,160
but I could smell
the pheromones
715
00:32:30,157 --> 00:32:31,867
coming off those two
at the gym.
716
00:32:31,867 --> 00:32:33,117
We gotta go
to Longwell's room.
717
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:35,448
‐ You know, I think
I'll just head back.
718
00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:37,294
‐ Oh, damn it.
719
00:32:37,289 --> 00:32:38,619
I'm doing it again.
720
00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:40,173
I'm putting the job
before everything else.
721
00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:41,417
This is exactly
what Lois accused me of.
722
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:42,958
BRIGID: Hey, no.
723
00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:45,551
I meant because someone needs
to chaperone the dance.
724
00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:47,467
‐ Oh, yeah.
725
00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:50,296
No, of course.
Right, yeah.
726
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:53,102
‐ Uh, thank you.
727
00:32:53,096 --> 00:32:55,466
You know, for my Macarena.
728
00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:57,314
‐ Yeah.
729
00:32:57,309 --> 00:32:59,059
Yeah, no, you're welcome.
730
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:01,060
BOTH: Yeah.
731
00:33:01,062 --> 00:33:04,072
[ Macarena resumes]
732
00:33:04,065 --> 00:33:11,065
♪ ♪
733
00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:13,663
[both panting]
734
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:16,288
SINGER: ♪ When I dance
they call me Macarena ♪
735
00:33:16,286 --> 00:33:18,826
♪ And the boys say ♪
[speaking Spanish]
736
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:20,330
♪ They all want me ♪
737
00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:21,832
MILES: What are you doing?
738
00:33:21,833 --> 00:33:24,883
‐ I was a goddamn Boy Scout,
Pudge, so I'm always prepared.
739
00:33:24,878 --> 00:33:28,048
MILES: What the hell is that?
‐ It's my fox hat.
740
00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:29,468
‐ Why are you wearing
your fox hat?
741
00:33:29,466 --> 00:33:32,296
‐ 'Cause no one can catch
the motherfucking fox.
742
00:33:32,302 --> 00:33:34,682
Light it.
743
00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:37,599
SINGER: ♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
744
00:33:37,599 --> 00:33:40,809
‐ Now, run!
745
00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:44,520
EAGLE: Mr. Chase, Ms. Harbart.
746
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:46,153
I'm coming in.
747
00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:49,149
[keys jingling]
748
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,699
♪ ♪
749
00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:54,868
[fireworks booming]
750
00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:57,236
What the hell?
751
00:33:57,244 --> 00:34:00,504
♪ ♪
752
00:34:00,497 --> 00:34:03,287
SINGER: [singing in Spanish]
753
00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:08,211
♪ ♪
754
00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:10,673
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
755
00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:12,344
[singing in Spanish]
756
00:34:12,342 --> 00:34:14,842
EAGLE: Stop, I will
call the police!
757
00:34:14,844 --> 00:34:18,854
TAKUMI: He's bluffing.
He's scared of bad publicity.
758
00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:21,768
SINGER: ♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
759
00:34:21,768 --> 00:34:25,058
[fireworks crackling]
760
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,443
‐ Done!
761
00:34:26,439 --> 00:34:29,029
It is a literary masterpiece.
Forgive my bragging.
762
00:34:29,025 --> 00:34:30,565
A sympathetic portrait
763
00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:33,529
of living with
irritable bowel syndrome.
764
00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:36,870
LARA: I have one more,
but I'm stuck.
765
00:34:36,866 --> 00:34:38,286
‐ Hit me, sister.
766
00:34:38,285 --> 00:34:40,535
‐ "Who is your role model
and why?"
767
00:34:40,537 --> 00:34:42,907
‐ "Tom Cruise."
‐ Okay.
768
00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:46,084
"He never ages,
he has a great run,
769
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,174
and he probably
never gets diarrhea."
770
00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:52,169
‐ "He never gets diarrhea."
771
00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:53,973
ALASKA: Yes, we did it!
LARA: Oh, success.
772
00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:56,427
ALASKA: Now hit send and let's
get the hell out of here.
773
00:34:59,264 --> 00:35:00,724
How was the dance?
774
00:35:00,724 --> 00:35:02,814
Was it all ugly sweaters
and warm punch?
775
00:35:02,809 --> 00:35:04,769
‐ Uh, it was lame,
776
00:35:04,769 --> 00:35:06,729
but we were having
a really good time.
777
00:35:06,730 --> 00:35:10,530
Um, I like Miles,
and I think he likes me.
778
00:35:12,152 --> 00:35:14,322
I am good for him.
779
00:35:18,617 --> 00:35:20,407
ALASKA: Come on,
I'll buy you a drink.
780
00:35:20,410 --> 00:35:24,250
MILES: I think we lost him.
Oh, we're back at the lake.
781
00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:27,287
TAKUMI: Slight error
in navigation, but no biggie.
782
00:35:27,292 --> 00:35:29,792
We'll just get
to the barn lakeside.
783
00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:32,674
MILES: All right.
784
00:35:32,672 --> 00:35:35,682
[ominous music]
785
00:35:35,675 --> 00:35:38,005
♪ ♪
786
00:35:38,011 --> 00:35:40,761
[swan honking]
787
00:35:40,764 --> 00:35:42,894
♪ ♪
788
00:35:42,891 --> 00:35:44,681
TAKUMI: The fox is not a fan
of the swan.
789
00:35:44,684 --> 00:35:46,354
Come on!
Run, Pudge!
790
00:35:46,353 --> 00:35:48,153
Run for your life!
791
00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:50,066
[swan honking]
[Miles screaming]
792
00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:56,196
COLONEL: So I creepinto the woodsand I hear them arguing,
793
00:35:56,196 --> 00:35:57,656
so I start
waving my flashlight around
794
00:35:57,656 --> 00:35:59,446
and start clearing my throat
like I'm the Eagle,
795
00:35:59,449 --> 00:36:01,619
and then I hear them,
like, whisper‐arguing.
796
00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:04,158
Then, all of a sudden,
Longwell takes off
797
00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:06,372
with his fucking pants
around his ankles.
798
00:36:06,373 --> 00:36:08,123
‐ He just left Sara behind?
799
00:36:08,124 --> 00:36:11,004
COLONEL: Yeah, she had
to walk all the way back
to the dance by herself.
800
00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:13,342
If Longwell was scared
of the Eagle,
801
00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:15,088
just wait till
Sara get through with him.
802
00:36:15,090 --> 00:36:17,680
I just I hope I didn't ruin
my own brilliant plan.
803
00:36:17,676 --> 00:36:20,796
‐ Oh, no, Operation
Tell Duke About the Dookie
804
00:36:20,804 --> 00:36:22,394
was perfectly executed.
805
00:36:22,389 --> 00:36:25,929
Lara, an essay‐writing machine,
Takumi, a diversionary genius.
806
00:36:25,934 --> 00:36:28,064
Did you hear those fireworks?
TAKUMI: Casualty!
807
00:36:28,061 --> 00:36:29,441
MILES: [hollers]
TAKUMI: We have a casualty!
808
00:36:29,437 --> 00:36:31,107
MILES: [groaning]
‐ What happened?
809
00:36:31,106 --> 00:36:33,146
TAKUMI: Our hero's
left butt cheek
was dinner for the swan.
810
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,319
COLONEL: And there ain't much
meat on that scrawny thing.
811
00:36:35,318 --> 00:36:37,278
LARA: Miles might get
an infection or‐‐or rabies.
812
00:36:37,278 --> 00:36:38,738
Do swans carry rabies?
813
00:36:38,738 --> 00:36:41,028
COLONEL: No, but he could
get the bird flu, though.
814
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:43,792
‐ Don't worry, the fox has
a first aid kit.
815
00:36:43,785 --> 00:36:45,905
‐ Wait, don't you think
we should get a‐‐
a medical professional
816
00:36:45,912 --> 00:36:48,502
in case of the rabies
or potential bird flu?
817
00:36:48,498 --> 00:36:50,248
‐ Pudge, if you go
to the hospital,
we all get busted,
818
00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:53,040
so quit being a baby,
pull down your pants,
and let me wipe your ass.
819
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,214
‐ Yeah.
820
00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:55,302
TAKUMI: All right,
now the antiseptic.
821
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:56,836
Here it comes.
It may sting.
822
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:58,970
‐ [screams]
COLONEL: Aww, man!
823
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:00,837
LARA: Does it need stitches?
I can sew.
824
00:37:00,844 --> 00:37:03,394
Well, crochet.
‐ Wait, my ass is not a quilt.
825
00:37:03,388 --> 00:37:06,018
TAKUMI: I don't think so,
but it does look gross.
826
00:37:06,015 --> 00:37:09,055
‐ No, Lara, don't look!
That's not date appropriate!
827
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:10,940
LARA: Sorry, I did not
see anything, Miles.
828
00:37:10,937 --> 00:37:13,397
ALASKA: Anesthesia.
I have anesthesia.
829
00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:14,818
There we go, Pudge.
830
00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:18,026
Nothing a little
Strawberry Hill can't fix.
831
00:37:18,027 --> 00:37:20,237
‐ [groans]
832
00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:21,778
[ambient music]
833
00:37:21,781 --> 00:37:24,281
I knew that was good
for something.
834
00:37:24,284 --> 00:37:27,004
♪ ♪
835
00:37:26,995 --> 00:37:28,495
Um...
836
00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:29,826
‐ Squeeze my hand, hmm?
837
00:37:29,831 --> 00:37:33,081
Squeeze my hand
until the stinging stops.
838
00:37:33,084 --> 00:37:35,714
MILES: Man, that swan
was really no joke.
839
00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:37,882
[coin clinks]
840
00:37:37,881 --> 00:37:40,261
LARA: [laughs]
841
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,968
LARA: Well, at least
you are not concussed.
842
00:37:42,969 --> 00:37:44,969
MILES: Oh, yeah.
No, it's okay.
843
00:37:44,971 --> 00:37:47,811
[coin clinks]
844
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:49,887
[indistinct chatter]
845
00:37:49,893 --> 00:37:52,773
LARA: I thought I could
take you to the hospital, but‐‐
846
00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:55,401
‐ [clears throat]
Attention.
847
00:37:55,398 --> 00:37:59,818
[clears throat]
We are gonna play a game.
848
00:37:59,819 --> 00:38:02,359
It is called
"Best Day/Worst Day."
849
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,413
‐ I ain't ever heard
of no game like that before.
850
00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:06,577
‐ That's because
I just made it up.
851
00:38:06,576 --> 00:38:09,286
The rules are simple:
everyone tells their story.
852
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,457
Whoever has the best one
doesn't have to drink,
853
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:13,876
then we keep going
until one of y'all quits.
854
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:15,205
TAKUMI: Well, how do you know
it's gonna be one of us?
855
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:18,460
‐ Well, I'm the best drinker
and the best storyteller.
856
00:38:21,216 --> 00:38:23,836
Pudge.
857
00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,303
You may begin.
858
00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:27,813
‐ Um...
859
00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:30,136
can I have a second to think?
860
00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:33,391
‐ Can't be that good
if you gotta think about it.
861
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:34,694
[lighter flicks]
862
00:38:34,687 --> 00:38:36,727
‐ Today's my best day.
TAKUMI: Come on, man.
863
00:38:36,731 --> 00:38:38,401
‐ No, seriously.
864
00:38:38,399 --> 00:38:41,029
Seriously.
865
00:38:41,027 --> 00:38:43,317
I...
866
00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:46,031
went on a date with
a pretty Romanian girl.
867
00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:49,872
I watched the Eagle
do the Macarena,
868
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,619
I shot off fireworks,
869
00:38:51,621 --> 00:38:55,331
and I was almost eaten alive
by a feral swan.
870
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:58,633
But now I'm here...
871
00:39:00,547 --> 00:39:02,257
With all of you.
872
00:39:05,218 --> 00:39:06,718
It feels pretty magical.
873
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,259
‐ [laughs]
That is so corny.
874
00:39:09,264 --> 00:39:12,354
‐ Yeah, it is corny
and my butt is bleeding
875
00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:14,640
and I probably have
the bird flu,
876
00:39:14,644 --> 00:39:18,444
but today is my best day.
877
00:39:18,439 --> 00:39:20,819
‐ My best day...
878
00:39:20,817 --> 00:39:22,607
I was eight years old.
879
00:39:22,610 --> 00:39:24,650
My mom and I went to the zoo.
880
00:39:24,654 --> 00:39:27,954
I liked the giraffes
and she liked the gorillas.
881
00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:33,164
End of story.
Best day ever.
882
00:39:33,162 --> 00:39:35,122
‐ What?
That is so lame.
883
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:36,173
‐ What's wrong with that?
884
00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:37,325
Yes.
LARA: I liked it.
885
00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:39,093
‐ Which is why
you get to go next.
886
00:39:39,085 --> 00:39:42,625
‐ Okay, um...
887
00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:45,220
my best day
is the day I won
888
00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:48,596
the sixth grade spelling bee.
[laughs]
889
00:39:48,595 --> 00:39:50,635
We had just moved here
890
00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:54,058
and my parents
barely spoke English
891
00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:55,848
but they helped me practice.
892
00:39:55,852 --> 00:39:59,652
And then when I won
it was like...
893
00:39:59,647 --> 00:40:01,107
the biggest deal.
894
00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:04,107
They stood up
and clapped so loud.
895
00:40:04,110 --> 00:40:05,900
And I loved that feeling.
896
00:40:05,904 --> 00:40:08,114
Embarrassed...
897
00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:11,784
But proud.
898
00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:14,906
TAKUMI: All right, I lose.
899
00:40:14,913 --> 00:40:18,463
My best day
was when I lost my virginity.
900
00:40:18,458 --> 00:40:19,708
Twice.
901
00:40:19,709 --> 00:40:21,169
And if you think
I'm gonna tell you that story,
902
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:23,709
you gotta get me a whole lot
drunker than this, suckers.
903
00:40:23,713 --> 00:40:26,173
[laughter]
904
00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:28,384
‐ Well...
905
00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:30,724
my best day
hasn't happened yet,
906
00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:33,720
but I can see it.
907
00:40:35,391 --> 00:40:38,981
That's gonna be the day
I buy my mom a house.
908
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:40,858
A big fucking house
909
00:40:40,855 --> 00:40:42,435
right in the middle
of Mountain Brook
910
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,980
right next to the
Weekday Warriors' parents.
911
00:40:44,984 --> 00:40:48,824
I'll drive her there
and I'll hand her the keys...
912
00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:53,414
Just like they do on TV.
913
00:40:53,409 --> 00:40:57,039
I'ma just be like...
914
00:40:57,038 --> 00:40:59,078
"We home, Ma."
915
00:41:04,837 --> 00:41:07,377
Man, that'd be
the best day of my life.
916
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:14,058
ALASKA: Okay, Colonel.
917
00:41:14,055 --> 00:41:16,305
You won that round.
918
00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:19,307
Now what's your worst day?
919
00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:27,443
‐ My worst day...
920
00:41:27,443 --> 00:41:30,283
was the day my dad left.
921
00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:32,529
I just...
922
00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:37,581
Kept waiting for him to call
and explain it.
923
00:41:40,206 --> 00:41:42,666
But he never did.
924
00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:46,710
I don't know, I...
925
00:41:46,713 --> 00:41:49,763
thought he might have wanted
to say good‐bye.
926
00:41:59,017 --> 00:42:02,017
‐ Well, uh, you got me beat.
927
00:42:02,020 --> 00:42:06,570
I was 11‐‐mm...
928
00:42:06,566 --> 00:42:09,606
and my mom made me sign up
for a soccer team,
929
00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:12,160
but I sucked.
930
00:42:12,155 --> 00:42:14,025
Like, I was really bad.
931
00:42:14,032 --> 00:42:16,202
I was always riding the bench.
932
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,200
But then, this one game,
933
00:42:18,202 --> 00:42:20,792
the coach put me in
for some reason
934
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:24,458
and I was so excited.
[laughs]
935
00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:27,839
But I‐‐I didn't realize
that, um...
936
00:42:27,837 --> 00:42:30,257
we switched sides
at‐‐at halftime.
937
00:42:30,256 --> 00:42:31,876
[all laugh]
938
00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:34,053
TAKUMI: Shit, Pudge,
you scored for the wrong team.
939
00:42:34,052 --> 00:42:35,682
‐ Yeah.
TAKUMI: [laughs]
940
00:42:35,678 --> 00:42:39,308
MILES: The worst part
was, uh, the bus ride home.
941
00:42:39,307 --> 00:42:42,517
[laughs]
Sitting with all these kids
942
00:42:42,518 --> 00:42:44,228
who hated me.
943
00:42:44,228 --> 00:42:46,188
‐ So glad you were able
to put your life back together.
944
00:42:46,189 --> 00:42:49,689
[all laugh]
945
00:42:49,692 --> 00:42:54,202
Uh, my worst day is, uh,
June 9, 1999.
946
00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:59,290
My grandmother died
in a car accident in Japan.
947
00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:01,155
I was supposed to visit her
two days later,
948
00:43:01,162 --> 00:43:03,832
spend the whole summer
with her.
949
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:05,331
The only time
I ever got to see her
950
00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:07,543
was before she was cremated.
951
00:43:07,543 --> 00:43:09,213
COLONEL: Damn.
952
00:43:09,212 --> 00:43:12,762
We are a sad group of friends.
953
00:43:12,757 --> 00:43:14,547
Minus you, Pudge.
954
00:43:14,550 --> 00:43:16,680
‐ Thanks.
955
00:43:16,677 --> 00:43:18,387
‐ Lara?
956
00:43:18,387 --> 00:43:21,017
‐ Um...
957
00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:27,808
My worst day
is the day we left Romania.
958
00:43:27,814 --> 00:43:31,154
It wasn't until the day before
that my parents told me
959
00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:34,570
I wasn't allowed
to bring Rukmina, my dog.
960
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:39,620
For six years she had been
my best friend
961
00:43:39,617 --> 00:43:43,247
and I had to leave her
with strangers.
962
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:47,627
‐ Fucking dog stories.
TAKUMI: [laughs]
963
00:43:47,625 --> 00:43:49,705
COLONEL: They get me
every time.
964
00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:52,670
LARA: [laughs]
COLONEL: Oh.
965
00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:54,972
All right.
966
00:43:57,969 --> 00:44:00,849
It's your turn, buddy.
967
00:44:08,104 --> 00:44:11,074
‐ The day after
my mom took me to the zoo,
968
00:44:11,065 --> 00:44:14,275
I was upstairs
doing my homework...
969
00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:20,030
When I heard a scream
from the kitchen.
970
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:26,075
And I ran downstairs and...
971
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,830
saw my mom lying on the floor
holding her head, jerking.
972
00:44:33,045 --> 00:44:35,455
I freaked out.
973
00:44:35,464 --> 00:44:36,724
I should have called 911
974
00:44:36,716 --> 00:44:40,506
but all I did
was just scream and cry...
975
00:44:40,511 --> 00:44:42,851
until she stopped jerking.
976
00:44:42,847 --> 00:44:45,177
[solemn music]
977
00:44:45,183 --> 00:44:47,693
I thought she was just asleep.
978
00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:49,435
♪ ♪
979
00:44:49,437 --> 00:44:52,977
And that...
980
00:44:52,982 --> 00:44:56,032
whatever had hurt her
didn't anymore,
981
00:44:56,027 --> 00:45:00,107
so I sat down next to her...
982
00:45:00,114 --> 00:45:03,164
until my dad came home
an hour later.
983
00:45:03,159 --> 00:45:06,079
And he started yelling at me,
"Why didn't you call 911?"
984
00:45:06,078 --> 00:45:08,998
And he tried to do CPR
but by then she was‐‐
985
00:45:08,998 --> 00:45:11,168
she was plenty dead.
986
00:45:11,167 --> 00:45:12,997
♪ ♪
987
00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:14,882
Aneurysm.
988
00:45:14,879 --> 00:45:18,089
Worst day.
I won, you drink.
989
00:45:18,090 --> 00:45:25,100
♪ ♪
990
00:45:26,349 --> 00:45:28,979
‐ Your dad blamed you?
‐ How could he not?
991
00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:30,976
TAKUMI: You were a kid.
‐ Kids can dial 911.
992
00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:32,768
They do it all the time.
993
00:45:32,772 --> 00:45:34,862
I just didn't.
994
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:37,937
♪ ♪
995
00:45:37,944 --> 00:45:41,414
‐ Why didn't you tell me?
996
00:45:41,405 --> 00:45:44,405
‐ It never came up.
997
00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:46,078
♪ ♪
998
00:45:46,077 --> 00:45:48,657
I need some air.
999
00:45:48,663 --> 00:45:51,293
[retreating footsteps]
1000
00:45:51,290 --> 00:45:56,170
♪ ♪
1001
00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:59,050
‐ Someone should go
be with her.
1002
00:45:59,048 --> 00:46:04,348
♪ ♪
1003
00:46:04,345 --> 00:46:06,925
‐ [sniffles]
1004
00:46:06,931 --> 00:46:09,931
[approaching footsteps]
1005
00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:16,944
♪ ♪
1006
00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:21,743
‐ [sighs]
1007
00:46:21,737 --> 00:46:24,317
[sniffles]
1008
00:46:24,323 --> 00:46:26,163
♪ ♪
1009
00:46:26,158 --> 00:46:29,658
[breathing shakily]
1010
00:46:29,662 --> 00:46:32,542
You wanted to know
why I ratted.
1011
00:46:32,540 --> 00:46:37,090
♪ ♪
1012
00:46:37,086 --> 00:46:39,586
And why I can't go home.
1013
00:46:39,588 --> 00:46:42,718
♪ ♪
1014
00:46:42,717 --> 00:46:45,047
Well, now you know.
1015
00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:47,642
[sighs]
1016
00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:49,558
♪ ♪
1017
00:46:49,557 --> 00:46:52,687
Because I fuck everything up.
1018
00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:56,145
‐ That's not true.
1019
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:58,607
You were just a little kid.
1020
00:46:58,607 --> 00:47:00,317
♪ ♪
1021
00:47:00,318 --> 00:47:02,488
Nothing's your fault
when you're a little kid.
1022
00:47:02,486 --> 00:47:05,356
That's what it means
to be a kid.
1023
00:47:05,364 --> 00:47:07,034
‐ I was afraid
of what you'd think
1024
00:47:07,033 --> 00:47:10,043
when you knew the truth.
1025
00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:12,576
Well, now you know.
1026
00:47:12,580 --> 00:47:17,290
♪ ♪
1027
00:47:17,293 --> 00:47:20,133
You're still here.
1028
00:47:20,129 --> 00:47:24,379
♪ ♪
1029
00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:27,723
Why are you still here?
1030
00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:31,430
♪ ♪
1031
00:47:31,432 --> 00:47:33,852
‐ Because...
‐ [sniffles]
1032
00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:39,401
♪ ♪
1033
00:47:39,398 --> 00:47:41,978
‐ I'm your friend.
1034
00:47:41,984 --> 00:47:44,994
♪ ♪
1035
00:47:44,987 --> 00:47:47,407
‐ Cool.
1036
00:47:47,406 --> 00:47:50,276
"Friend."
1037
00:47:50,284 --> 00:47:55,004
♪ ♪
1038
00:47:54,997 --> 00:47:57,957
[The Bravery's
An Honest Mistake playing]
1039
00:47:57,958 --> 00:48:04,968
♪ ♪
1040
00:48:12,098 --> 00:48:15,138
SINGER: ♪ People ♪
1041
00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:19,022
♪ They don't mean
a thing to you ♪
1042
00:48:19,021 --> 00:48:23,231
♪ They move right through you ♪
1043
00:48:23,234 --> 00:48:25,244
♪ Just like your breath ♪
1044
00:48:25,236 --> 00:48:29,156
[lantern squeaking]
1045
00:48:29,156 --> 00:48:30,696
♪ But sometimes ♪
1046
00:48:30,699 --> 00:48:32,829
MILES: [sighs]
1047
00:48:32,827 --> 00:48:34,577
[grunts]
1048
00:48:34,578 --> 00:48:37,118
[sighs, laughs]
1049
00:48:37,123 --> 00:48:40,003
LARA: You came back.
‐ Yeah.
1050
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,960
Is that okay?
‐ Yeah, it's okay.
1051
00:48:43,963 --> 00:48:46,133
♪ ♪
1052
00:48:46,132 --> 00:48:48,552
Hi.
1053
00:48:48,551 --> 00:48:51,101
♪ ♪
1054
00:48:51,095 --> 00:48:53,555
MILES: [whispering]
Can I kiss you?
1055
00:48:53,556 --> 00:48:55,306
LARA: Yes.
1056
00:48:55,307 --> 00:48:57,477
You can kiss me.
1057
00:48:57,476 --> 00:48:59,396
SINGER: ♪ I forget
I'm still awake ♪
1058
00:48:59,395 --> 00:49:01,185
‐ [laughs]
1059
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,728
SINGER: ♪ I fuck up ♪
1060
00:49:03,732 --> 00:49:07,952
♪ And say these things
out loud ♪
1061
00:49:07,945 --> 00:49:11,695
♪ My old friend ♪
1062
00:49:11,699 --> 00:49:15,199
♪ ♪
1063
00:49:15,202 --> 00:49:19,462
♪ I swear I never meant
for this ♪
1064
00:49:19,457 --> 00:49:25,087
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
1065
00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:28,047
♪ ♪
1066
00:49:28,048 --> 00:49:33,508
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
1067
00:49:33,512 --> 00:49:36,682
♪ ♪
1068
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:41,902
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
1069
00:49:41,896 --> 00:49:47,026
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
1070
00:49:47,026 --> 00:49:51,736
♪ An honest mistake ♪
1071
00:49:51,739 --> 00:49:54,739
[vocalizing]
1072
00:49:54,742 --> 00:50:01,752
♪ ♪
1073
00:50:05,336 --> 00:50:09,256
♪ Never meant, never meant ♪
1074
00:50:09,256 --> 00:50:16,056
♪ ♪
1075
00:50:16,055 --> 00:50:20,305
♪ Never meant, never meant ♪
1076
00:50:20,309 --> 00:50:23,979
♪ Oh, I swear,
I never meant ♪
1077
00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:26,189
♪ An honest ♪
1078
00:50:26,190 --> 00:50:28,730
♪ An honest mistake ♪
1079
00:50:28,734 --> 00:50:33,454
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
1080
00:50:33,447 --> 00:50:35,987
♪ ♪
1081
00:50:35,991 --> 00:50:40,751
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
1082
00:50:40,746 --> 00:50:44,576
♪ ♪
1083
00:50:44,583 --> 00:50:49,803
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
1084
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:54,587
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
1085
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:58,143
♪ An honest mistake ♪
71970
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