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1
00:00:07,773 --> 00:00:09,460
Oh, Lord, not today.
2
00:00:10,085 --> 00:00:11,835
Hey, Calvin, greetings...
3
00:00:12,044 --> 00:00:13,679
from the future.
4
00:00:13,983 --> 00:00:16,296
Goodbye... from the now.
5
00:00:17,070 --> 00:00:18,570
Just checking out
this sweet ride
6
00:00:18,654 --> 00:00:20,528
to make sure it's
safe for Grover.
7
00:00:20,612 --> 00:00:22,965
Have you fallenon your ass yet?
8
00:00:23,049 --> 00:00:24,532
Not yet.
9
00:00:24,616 --> 00:00:27,187
Oh, well, then,
looks like I have a few minutes.
10
00:00:27,765 --> 00:00:30,937
Now, I always test out Grover's
toys before I give them to him.
11
00:00:31,022 --> 00:00:32,800
I've swallowed
every size Lego there is
12
00:00:32,885 --> 00:00:34,227
to make sure
they're not a choking hazard.
13
00:00:34,311 --> 00:00:36,203
Turns out, some of them are.
14
00:00:37,466 --> 00:00:39,807
Dave, I got to get to work,
so if you're gonna fall,
15
00:00:39,892 --> 00:00:41,437
you know,
let's make it happen.
16
00:00:41,945 --> 00:00:42,985
Actually,
17
00:00:43,069 --> 00:00:45,328
I'm starting
to get the hang of this thing.
18
00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:47,257
It's a lot easier
than it looks!
19
00:00:47,349 --> 00:00:49,382
Whoa, whoa!
Dave, watch out!
20
00:00:49,474 --> 00:00:51,131
[horn blaring,
tires squealing] Oh!
21
00:00:51,216 --> 00:00:52,382
[thud]
22
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:56,693
Hey, man, are you all right?
23
00:00:56,953 --> 00:00:58,422
Yes, but... [scoffs]
24
00:00:58,507 --> 00:01:00,328
Did you see that
idiot out there?
25
00:01:00,413 --> 00:01:03,039
Yeah, that speeding caral
most hit him.
26
00:01:04,734 --> 00:01:05,937
Are you sure you're okay?
27
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,617
Yeah, I'm-I'm
fine, thanks.
28
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:08,983
Well, good.
29
00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:10,897
Well, look,
I'm late for work, but, um,
30
00:01:11,202 --> 00:01:13,062
this was totally worth it.
31
00:01:14,246 --> 00:01:16,769
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
32
00:01:16,854 --> 00:01:18,585
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
33
00:01:20,683 --> 00:01:22,499
Season 02 Episode 21
Title: "Welcome to the Speed Bump"
34
00:01:22,584 --> 00:01:23,710
Aired on: May 04, 2020
35
00:01:23,795 --> 00:01:24,984
Oh, hey, Dave.
36
00:01:25,069 --> 00:01:26,856
Hey, Calvin. I need
your signature.
37
00:01:26,948 --> 00:01:28,525
I told you,
I am not autographing
38
00:01:28,609 --> 00:01:30,664
that picture of us
at Benihanas.
39
00:01:31,695 --> 00:01:33,187
I'm not here
for that.
40
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,928
But FYI, everyone else
at the table signed it.
41
00:01:36,538 --> 00:01:37,592
Look, I'm sorry, Dave.
42
00:01:37,677 --> 00:01:39,164
I don't want Calvin
signing anything.
43
00:01:39,249 --> 00:01:41,968
I'm still trying to get him
out of that damn record club.
44
00:01:42,622 --> 00:01:44,094
Three years and 20 more CDs,
45
00:01:44,179 --> 00:01:46,015
and I'm scot-free.
46
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,867
Well, you know, actually,
after yesterday,
47
00:01:49,952 --> 00:01:51,548
I decided to do something
about all the speeders.
48
00:01:51,632 --> 00:01:53,376
It turns out
there's a new navigation app
49
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,660
that's sending cars down
our street to beat the traffic.
50
00:01:55,859 --> 00:01:57,641
You know, I used
one of those things once.
51
00:01:57,725 --> 00:01:59,556
The stupid thing told me
52
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,080
to drive through
someone's backyard.
53
00:02:02,257 --> 00:02:05,343
But on the plus side,
I saved about three minutes.
54
00:02:06,296 --> 00:02:07,891
Well, you know,
I did some research,
55
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,321
and the city will put in
a speed bump
56
00:02:09,405 --> 00:02:11,414
if I get a signature from
everyone on the street.
57
00:02:11,554 --> 00:02:12,674
You're my first stop.
58
00:02:12,759 --> 00:02:15,023
[chuckles]
And your last one.
59
00:02:16,492 --> 00:02:19,165
A white guy going
door-to-door for signatures
60
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:20,313
in this neighborhood?
61
00:02:20,398 --> 00:02:22,343
Nice knowing you,
Dave.
62
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,537
What Calvin is
trying to say...
63
00:02:24,621 --> 00:02:27,584
people around here are a little
suspicious of getting scammed.
64
00:02:27,703 --> 00:02:29,716
You know? Dwayne Wilson
thought he was signing up
65
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,406
for free HBO
and ended up in the Marines.
66
00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:35,835
Poor bastard just made colonel.
67
00:02:38,389 --> 00:02:39,986
Well, if
door-to-door
68
00:02:40,071 --> 00:02:41,728
isn't gonna work,
what should I do?
69
00:02:41,812 --> 00:02:43,643
Well, first, if you want people
70
00:02:43,727 --> 00:02:45,734
to sign anything around here,
71
00:02:45,859 --> 00:02:47,865
- you got to earn their trust.
- Mm.
72
00:02:47,949 --> 00:02:49,170
Well, how do I do that?
73
00:02:49,254 --> 00:02:51,328
Well, I mean,
they're all individuals, Dave.
74
00:02:51,616 --> 00:02:54,827
For example,
Trey likes to talk about sports
75
00:02:54,912 --> 00:02:58,320
and how paternity tests
can be wrong sometimes.
76
00:02:59,508 --> 00:03:02,758
And Old Miss Kim likes
talking about Bingo, her garden
77
00:03:02,843 --> 00:03:05,706
and how her milkshake
brings all the boys to the yard.
78
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:09,171
And whatever you do,
79
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:12,958
do not ask Little Hatchet
how she got her nickname.
80
00:03:13,238 --> 00:03:15,812
Or why she got a
divorce, but they're
81
00:03:15,897 --> 00:03:18,257
- basically both the same story.
- Basically the same story.
82
00:03:20,897 --> 00:03:23,381
Man, it sounds like I've bit off
more than I can chew.
83
00:03:23,664 --> 00:03:26,312
This is that Lego fireman
all over again.
84
00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:28,781
Dave, just invite
everybody over,
85
00:03:28,866 --> 00:03:30,653
give them some food,
and they'll sign.
86
00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,993
It'll only work
if you do one thing.
87
00:03:33,734 --> 00:03:36,320
Feed 'em catfish and cornbread.
88
00:03:36,734 --> 00:03:37,870
Why that?
89
00:03:37,955 --> 00:03:40,131
Because that's
what I'm in the mood for.
90
00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:50,836
Hey, G-man,
91
00:03:50,921 --> 00:03:52,289
what are you doing?
92
00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,539
Just playing soccer in my head.
93
00:03:54,929 --> 00:03:56,781
Hey, I just scored!
94
00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:00,472
Well, I used to pretend
like that in my head.
95
00:04:00,587 --> 00:04:02,132
Except instead of soccer,
it was girls.
96
00:04:02,217 --> 00:04:03,578
[both laugh]
97
00:04:03,663 --> 00:04:05,664
Yeah, but you
never scored.
98
00:04:07,296 --> 00:04:09,055
So, why are you just
pretending to play
99
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,209
when you got this whole lawn
right here?
100
00:04:11,453 --> 00:04:13,321
Since my dad almost got hit
by a car,
101
00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:15,094
my mom won't let me play
near the street.
102
00:04:15,179 --> 00:04:16,606
She's being crazy.
103
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,156
No, I just think she's being
cautious and protective.
104
00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:20,851
No, she's being crazy.
Watch.
105
00:04:23,426 --> 00:04:25,863
Grover, I told you
to stay on the porch! Whoa!
106
00:04:28,107 --> 00:04:30,982
Wow, Gemma. You got here
before your voice did.
107
00:04:31,268 --> 00:04:32,795
[sighs]
Sorry.
108
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,903
I'm just so worried about
Grover getting hurt.
109
00:04:35,004 --> 00:04:37,388
You know, with all the cars
zipping up and down the street.
110
00:04:37,473 --> 00:04:38,629
Yeah, we get it.
111
00:04:38,714 --> 00:04:40,806
Our mom was afraid of
a lot of stuff, too.
112
00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:43,380
We spent half our childhood
locked up like Grover here
113
00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:45,243
- in porch jail.
- [laughs]
114
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,550
Yeah, she put us in there
for earthquakes, pit bulls,
115
00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:49,073
that guywith the ice cream truck
116
00:04:49,157 --> 00:04:51,028
that never hadany ice cream.
117
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,560
Well, hey, we are going
to check out the Pasadena fair.
118
00:04:58,645 --> 00:05:00,258
Why don't you let us take
Grover with us?
119
00:05:00,372 --> 00:05:02,695
Can I, Mom, please?
120
00:05:02,779 --> 00:05:04,286
I don't know.
121
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,855
Do you promise not
to do anything dangerous?
122
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,208
Oh, absolutely.
123
00:05:08,293 --> 00:05:09,732
I guarantee
we will have
124
00:05:09,817 --> 00:05:13,442
a no-fun, danger-free,
super-boring time.
125
00:05:14,176 --> 00:05:17,559
Uh, I'm not sure
I want to go anymore.
126
00:05:19,345 --> 00:05:21,965
Hey, zip it, kid, we're
trying to break you out.
127
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,973
I haven't seen this much
of the block in one place
128
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:31,989
since Colonel Wilson
got home from Iraq.
129
00:05:32,074 --> 00:05:33,684
[laughs]
130
00:05:33,769 --> 00:05:35,904
And everyone is
loving my food.
131
00:05:35,989 --> 00:05:39,082
No one's even noticed that
the catfish is actually tofu.
132
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:42,278
Uh-uh.
This ain't right.
133
00:05:45,426 --> 00:05:47,607
Calvin, you were right.
This was the perfect way
134
00:05:47,692 --> 00:05:49,545
to get the whole street
on board for the speed bump.
135
00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:51,575
What can I say, Dave?
These are my people.
136
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:53,287
I love them,
and they love me.
137
00:05:53,372 --> 00:05:55,411
Out of the way, jackass.
138
00:05:56,801 --> 00:05:59,356
- Who's that?
- Oh, that's Walter.
139
00:05:59,441 --> 00:06:01,446
That's the jerk that lives
on the other side of me.
140
00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:03,807
Oh, man, I've never seen him
outside of the house before.
141
00:06:03,971 --> 00:06:05,872
Yeah, because he only
comes out at night,
142
00:06:05,957 --> 00:06:08,231
like bats and vampires.
143
00:06:08,627 --> 00:06:11,589
Well, now that everybody's here,
let's... let's get started.
144
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:16,254
Okay, uh, if I could have
everyone's attention, please.
145
00:06:16,425 --> 00:06:19,866
An easel? Is he gonna talk about
a speed bump or paint one?
146
00:06:19,951 --> 00:06:21,390
[laughs]
147
00:06:21,475 --> 00:06:23,161
Dave loves
giving presentations.
148
00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:24,528
One time I asked him why,
149
00:06:24,613 --> 00:06:27,551
and he answered
with a ten-minute presentation.
150
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,565
Okay, now, I don't want to take
too much of your time,
151
00:06:30,650 --> 00:06:32,173
so I'll just get right to it.
152
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:36,623
Pasadena.
153
00:06:38,601 --> 00:06:41,433
Jewel of the San Gabriel Valley.
154
00:06:41,744 --> 00:06:44,057
Established in 1874,
but, you know,
155
00:06:44,141 --> 00:06:45,698
oddly, not incorporated until...
156
00:06:45,783 --> 00:06:48,268
How long is this gonna take?
157
00:06:49,111 --> 00:06:51,557
I have plans
with a gentleman tonight,
158
00:06:51,642 --> 00:06:54,909
and I'm hoping
he's not gonna be a gentleman.
159
00:06:55,885 --> 00:06:57,338
LITTLE HATCHET: Yeah.
160
00:06:57,423 --> 00:07:00,877
And I got a cable guy coming
between now and Friday.
161
00:07:02,103 --> 00:07:04,830
Hey, hey, Dave, you-you may
want to speed this up.
162
00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:06,362
Yeah, got it. Okay, uh,
163
00:07:06,462 --> 00:07:08,674
skipping
the Industrial Revolution,
164
00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:11,994
the sinking of the Titanic,
uh, World War I...
165
00:07:14,924 --> 00:07:16,987
The automobile.
166
00:07:17,541 --> 00:07:18,955
I'm out.
167
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,958
It's not worththe free food.
168
00:07:21,129 --> 00:07:22,525
I can come over earlier.
169
00:07:22,789 --> 00:07:24,315
Got to go.
170
00:07:24,408 --> 00:07:27,448
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
All right, hold up, everybody.
171
00:07:27,533 --> 00:07:28,437
Come on now.
172
00:07:28,522 --> 00:07:31,136
I want to walk out on Dave
just as much as you do,
173
00:07:31,838 --> 00:07:34,166
but he actually has
something important to say.
174
00:07:34,251 --> 00:07:37,604
More important than this sweet
piece of meat right here?
175
00:07:40,579 --> 00:07:43,063
Okay, all right, guys.
176
00:07:43,186 --> 00:07:45,075
Look, we've all seen how fast
177
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,722
these cars have been
going down our streets.
178
00:07:46,806 --> 00:07:48,904
And I think it's time
we do something about it.
179
00:07:48,989 --> 00:07:50,339
- That's true.
- WOMAN: You got a point.
180
00:07:50,423 --> 00:07:51,816
- That is true.
- CALVIN: Hey, come on out here, Dave.
181
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:52,846
Come on now.
Come on now.
182
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,196
Thank you, Calvin, and, look,
183
00:07:54,281 --> 00:07:56,373
I'll-I'll cut
right to the chase.
184
00:07:57,070 --> 00:07:59,205
- To quote Henry Ford...
- Oh, you know what?
185
00:07:59,290 --> 00:08:01,817
To quote Calvin Butler,
if you sign, you can leave.
186
00:08:01,967 --> 00:08:03,969
[overlapping chatter]
187
00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:08,272
[♪♪]
188
00:08:08,356 --> 00:08:10,448
So, how's that
deep-fried pickle?
189
00:08:10,721 --> 00:08:13,229
It's pretty
disgusting. Um,
190
00:08:13,753 --> 00:08:15,831
some things should not be
battered and put on a stick.
191
00:08:15,915 --> 00:08:17,137
[laughs]
192
00:08:17,294 --> 00:08:19,916
Ooh, deep-fried butter.
193
00:08:20,803 --> 00:08:22,596
[ride rumbling]
[excited shouting]
194
00:08:22,681 --> 00:08:23,681
- Whoa!
- Oh.
195
00:08:23,844 --> 00:08:26,328
Can we go
on that roller coaster?
196
00:08:26,413 --> 00:08:27,824
Uh, sorry, little man.
We promised your mom
197
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,175
we wouldn't do
anything dangerous.
198
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,534
And we already pushed our luck
with the petting zoo.
199
00:08:31,619 --> 00:08:33,971
That pygmy goat tried
to eat my jacket.
200
00:08:34,955 --> 00:08:36,671
Hey, how about we go
on the Ferris wheel?
201
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:40,116
Ferris wheel?
That's the lamest ride here.
202
00:08:40,201 --> 00:08:41,792
Well, we can go back
to the bounce house.
203
00:08:41,876 --> 00:08:44,316
And if you promise
to be careful,
204
00:08:44,401 --> 00:08:46,713
this time
we'll let you jump.
205
00:08:47,586 --> 00:08:50,331
Fine, we'll go
on the stupid Ferris wheel.
206
00:08:50,416 --> 00:08:52,448
But you guys are boring.
207
00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:54,627
[chuckles]
208
00:08:54,766 --> 00:08:56,987
That kid's not as cute
as he used to be.
209
00:08:59,117 --> 00:09:00,424
Thank you.
210
00:09:00,509 --> 00:09:01,818
Oh, thank you so much.
211
00:09:02,222 --> 00:09:04,033
- Yeah, good.
- Oh, here you go.
212
00:09:04,274 --> 00:09:06,518
Now, you sure
this not for the Marines?
213
00:09:06,752 --> 00:09:08,068
Hmm.
214
00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:10,534
You'd be a lot safer
joining the Marines
215
00:09:10,619 --> 00:09:13,151
than going over to
Miss Kim's tonight.
216
00:09:14,789 --> 00:09:17,432
I know. Pray for me.
217
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,096
Hey, thanks for
backing me up, Calvin.
218
00:09:22,198 --> 00:09:23,881
Everyone's signing
the petition.
219
00:09:24,027 --> 00:09:25,557
Well, nothing's
more important to me
220
00:09:25,642 --> 00:09:27,198
than the safety
of our neighborhood.
221
00:09:27,283 --> 00:09:29,201
I'll do anything
to protect these kids.
222
00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:30,903
Oh, hey, Walter.
If you could just sign
223
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,210
on the last spot
right there.
224
00:09:32,349 --> 00:09:34,791
Oh, yeah, I'd... I-I'd be happy to
225
00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:38,815
if Calvin finally agrees to move
his fence off of my property.
226
00:09:39,439 --> 00:09:42,159
Well, Dave, we tried.
227
00:09:52,285 --> 00:09:53,440
[groans]
228
00:09:53,525 --> 00:09:55,487
Hey, Calvin, what
was that all about?
229
00:09:55,773 --> 00:09:59,409
That fool thinks my fence is
six inches onto his property.
230
00:09:59,838 --> 00:10:03,346
- Is it?
- Whose side are you on, Dave?
231
00:10:04,612 --> 00:10:06,987
Calvin, Walter's
the last signature we need
232
00:10:07,072 --> 00:10:08,080
to get the speed bump.
233
00:10:08,164 --> 00:10:10,276
Look, that fence has been there
since I moved in,
234
00:10:10,361 --> 00:10:11,800
and I'm not moving it
now.
235
00:10:11,885 --> 00:10:15,096
Plus, if I give in to him once,
it won't stop there.
236
00:10:15,483 --> 00:10:19,139
I'm telling you, Dave,
kindness is a slippery slope.
237
00:10:19,989 --> 00:10:22,198
Well, okay, Calvin,
that's not true.
238
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,299
Oh, yes, it is.
I said hello to you once,
239
00:10:25,384 --> 00:10:27,127
and look at us now.
240
00:10:28,322 --> 00:10:29,729
Okay, well, if you won't move,
241
00:10:29,814 --> 00:10:31,241
then how are we gonna get
the speed bump?
242
00:10:31,325 --> 00:10:34,462
Oh, that's easy.
Gonna wait for him to die.
243
00:10:35,416 --> 00:10:37,737
Hey, besides, I got you
all those other signatures.
244
00:10:37,822 --> 00:10:39,729
Yeah, which mean
absolutely nothing
245
00:10:39,814 --> 00:10:41,253
if we don't get Walter's.
246
00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:43,035
Well, I'm sorry, Dave.
247
00:10:43,135 --> 00:10:44,688
If it makes you feel any better,
248
00:10:44,773 --> 00:10:47,123
I'll sign the picture
of us at Benihana.
249
00:10:48,142 --> 00:10:49,320
It's too late.
250
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,230
I already forged it.
251
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:53,211
[♪♪]
252
00:10:55,327 --> 00:10:56,592
Ha-ha!
253
00:10:56,925 --> 00:10:58,790
Wow! What a view!
254
00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:00,540
Yeah, check this
out, little man.
255
00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:02,847
You can see everything
from up here.
256
00:11:02,932 --> 00:11:05,155
Like how much fun
they're having over there
257
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,376
on the roller coaster!
258
00:11:07,825 --> 00:11:08,829
Are you kidding?
259
00:11:08,914 --> 00:11:10,441
That doesn't look
like much fun at all.
260
00:11:10,526 --> 00:11:11,610
[Marty and Malcolm chuckle]
261
00:11:11,718 --> 00:11:13,493
We are totally coming back here
tomorrow.
262
00:11:14,308 --> 00:11:15,589
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
263
00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:16,896
- Whoa!
- Hey, now, hey!
264
00:11:16,981 --> 00:11:18,105
What just happened?
265
00:11:18,190 --> 00:11:19,344
Uh, I don't know.
266
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,478
Hey, maybe they're
just letting more riders on.
267
00:11:21,563 --> 00:11:22,741
Uh, or...
268
00:11:22,954 --> 00:11:24,307
maybe the motorjust caught on fire,
269
00:11:24,391 --> 00:11:26,918
and the operator tried
to put it out with his beer!
270
00:11:27,464 --> 00:11:28,792
Seriously?
271
00:11:28,877 --> 00:11:31,136
Hey, hey, look,
it's okay, little man.
272
00:11:31,221 --> 00:11:33,183
All right? Everything
is gonna be fine.
273
00:11:33,268 --> 00:11:34,620
It's not fine.
274
00:11:34,705 --> 00:11:35,855
It's awesome!
275
00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:38,105
- What? - Oh!
- Finally, some real fun.
276
00:11:38,218 --> 00:11:40,307
- Whoa!
- No!
277
00:11:41,104 --> 00:11:43,120
[♪]♪
278
00:11:43,944 --> 00:11:45,331
Calvin Butler.
279
00:11:45,965 --> 00:11:47,605
What is wrong with you?
280
00:11:47,726 --> 00:11:49,105
I would say nothing,
but I'm sure
281
00:11:49,190 --> 00:11:51,206
you're about
to tell me different.
282
00:11:52,316 --> 00:11:53,980
You're damn right I am.
283
00:11:54,065 --> 00:11:55,706
Dave just told me
what happened.
284
00:11:55,791 --> 00:11:57,448
I cannot believe
after all of these years
285
00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,675
you're still fighting
over that stupid fence.
286
00:11:59,974 --> 00:12:02,659
Why does Walter care so much
about six inches?
287
00:12:02,744 --> 00:12:04,314
Well, why do you care so much?
288
00:12:04,399 --> 00:12:06,394
It's six inches.
289
00:12:07,841 --> 00:12:09,362
Is it about the money?
290
00:12:09,447 --> 00:12:11,776
I mean, it can't be
that expensive to move a fence.
291
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,995
No, it's not about that.
It's about the principle.
292
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,780
And it's like
my father always said:
293
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:18,792
"A man's fence is
a man's fence."
294
00:12:19,566 --> 00:12:21,237
When did your father say that?
295
00:12:21,322 --> 00:12:23,472
Whose side are you on, Tina?
296
00:12:24,566 --> 00:12:26,176
Is your pride
more important
297
00:12:26,261 --> 00:12:28,763
than the safety of the kids
in this neighborhood?
298
00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:32,449
Nah, babe. Don't try to make
this whole speed bump thing
299
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:33,909
about safety.
300
00:12:35,979 --> 00:12:37,070
Okay...
301
00:12:37,538 --> 00:12:39,401
when Malcolm and
Marty were little,
302
00:12:39,486 --> 00:12:41,917
you did everything in your
power to keep them safe.
303
00:12:42,198 --> 00:12:44,333
You even used
to make Marty wear a helmet
304
00:12:44,418 --> 00:12:46,336
just to play hide-and-seek.
305
00:12:46,677 --> 00:12:48,784
I made him wear that thing
all the time.
306
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,135
The kid had no balance.
307
00:12:51,726 --> 00:12:53,111
[sighs]
Okay.
308
00:12:53,196 --> 00:12:55,087
When Malcolm said
that he was old enough
309
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:58,173
to take his bike to the park,
you followed him in your car
310
00:12:58,258 --> 00:12:59,806
just to make sure
he got there safely.
311
00:12:59,922 --> 00:13:01,087
I had to.
312
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:03,447
He was pulling Marty in a wagon.
313
00:13:03,591 --> 00:13:06,028
That boy fell out
every two blocks.
314
00:13:07,057 --> 00:13:09,126
[sighs]
315
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:10,525
Come on, babe.
316
00:13:10,851 --> 00:13:12,113
You love Grover.
317
00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:16,454
Doesn't he deserve to be
just as safe as our boys were?
318
00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:19,245
Yeah, I guess.
319
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,587
[chuckles]
320
00:13:20,672 --> 00:13:22,556
That's my big papa bear.
321
00:13:22,641 --> 00:13:25,119
Taking care
of all the little cubs.
322
00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:28,173
Yeah, you know me,
huh?
323
00:13:28,258 --> 00:13:30,336
Always looking out for
the neighborhood kids.
324
00:13:30,421 --> 00:13:31,642
Mmm.
325
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:32,993
- Oh. You know what?
- What?
326
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:34,648
- That gives me an idea.
- What?
327
00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:37,478
I can underpay them
to move the fence.
328
00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:40,296
[♪♪]
329
00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:43,239
[whoops]
Yeah!
330
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,181
[exclaiming]
331
00:13:45,266 --> 00:13:47,516
Whoa, whoa, whoa! You have got
to cut that out, little man.
332
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,729
You have got to stop.
333
00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:49,922
[groans]
334
00:13:50,051 --> 00:13:53,429
This rocking is not helping
that deep-fried pizza stay down.
335
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,023
What?
When did you eat that?
336
00:13:57,155 --> 00:13:59,445
When you guys were
in the bathroom.
337
00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,048
You two are no fun.
338
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,051
You're just
as bad as my mom.
339
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,663
Hey, look, don't be
so hard on her, okay?
340
00:14:06,748 --> 00:14:08,343
She just wants
to keep you safe.
341
00:14:08,428 --> 00:14:10,911
Why?
I'm not a baby.
342
00:14:10,996 --> 00:14:13,093
Yeah, I know.
The only reason
343
00:14:13,178 --> 00:14:15,096
your mom is so
overprotective
344
00:14:15,247 --> 00:14:17,226
is because of how much
she cares about you.
345
00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:19,609
Yeah, i-if you see a kid
having too much fun,
346
00:14:19,864 --> 00:14:21,866
that means
his mom doesn't love him.
347
00:14:23,523 --> 00:14:26,270
So, that kid
in front of the roller coaster
348
00:14:26,355 --> 00:14:28,062
with his hands
up in the air...
349
00:14:28,248 --> 00:14:31,148
You mean the one eating that
corn dog with no shirt on?
350
00:14:31,365 --> 00:14:34,515
Yeah. His mama
don't even know he's here.
351
00:14:35,382 --> 00:14:38,078
Wow. That's sad.
352
00:14:38,163 --> 00:14:39,398
Exactly.
353
00:14:39,483 --> 00:14:42,656
So every time your mom
tells you, stop running,
354
00:14:42,741 --> 00:14:45,007
tie your shoes,
or be careful,
355
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:48,272
what she's really saying
is she loves you.
356
00:14:48,992 --> 00:14:50,883
I guess I'm pretty lucky.
357
00:14:50,968 --> 00:14:52,756
You sure are.
358
00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:55,437
Which means she's gonna be
super mad when she finds out
359
00:14:55,522 --> 00:14:56,914
you got me
stuck up here.
360
00:14:57,952 --> 00:15:00,187
Uh, no, she won't,
no, she won't.
361
00:15:00,272 --> 00:15:02,102
- [forced chuckle]: Because we're fine.
- Right, Marty?
362
00:15:02,186 --> 00:15:03,626
Yeah, yeah.
We-We're-we're totally safe.
363
00:15:03,710 --> 00:15:05,141
This kind of thing happens
all the time.
364
00:15:05,225 --> 00:15:05,875
Calliope music playing...
365
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,625
- Oh, thank you, Jesus!
- Ah, we are gonna live!
366
00:15:11,387 --> 00:15:13,437
Thanks so much for
doing this, Calvin.
367
00:15:13,529 --> 00:15:14,973
Did Tina change
your mind?
368
00:15:15,059 --> 00:15:17,593
No. I was always
gonna do it.
369
00:15:17,678 --> 00:15:19,680
I just needed to know
how committed you were.
370
00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:23,664
Well, you're doing
the right thing,
371
00:15:23,749 --> 00:15:25,690
and I, for one,
appreciate it.
372
00:15:25,775 --> 00:15:27,328
[chuckles]
Do you appreciate it enough
373
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,726
to give me six inches
on your property?
374
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:31,664
Sorry, Calvin.
375
00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:33,258
It's like my dad
used to say:
376
00:15:33,351 --> 00:15:35,742
"A man's fence is
a man's fence."
377
00:15:38,953 --> 00:15:41,281
Damn. You're not Miss Kim.
378
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,937
Look, Walter, I need
to talk to you.
379
00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:46,809
Oh, what?-what are you here
to steal now?
380
00:15:46,894 --> 00:15:48,464
My Wi-Fi password?
381
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:49,908
I'll give youa hint.
382
00:15:50,273 --> 00:15:53,281
It's "Calvin"
and four other letters.
383
00:15:54,803 --> 00:15:56,047
Look, man,
384
00:15:56,132 --> 00:15:59,182
I just came over here to say
if you sign Dave's petition,
385
00:15:59,343 --> 00:16:00,836
I'll move the damn fence.
386
00:16:00,921 --> 00:16:03,945
Great. I was waiting
for you to die.
387
00:16:05,226 --> 00:16:06,968
Walter, I really appreciate it.
388
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:10,970
Just sign right under where
Trey wrote "Not joining Marines."
389
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,929
Okay.
390
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,454
But actually,
since it took you this long,
391
00:16:16,539 --> 00:16:18,515
maybe I should charge you
a little interest.
392
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,040
How about we move that fence
a full foot?
393
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,509
What?
394
00:16:22,632 --> 00:16:24,014
I got a full
foot for you.
395
00:16:24,099 --> 00:16:26,436
You know...
Oh, okay, all right, all right.
396
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:27,929
Calvin, calm down.
397
00:16:28,014 --> 00:16:29,409
We need that speed bump.
Please.
398
00:16:29,547 --> 00:16:30,682
[chuckles]
399
00:16:30,802 --> 00:16:32,179
All right. But
this ain't for you.
400
00:16:32,264 --> 00:16:33,915
This is for the kids.
401
00:16:34,278 --> 00:16:36,239
Well, in that case,
let's move it two feet...
402
00:16:36,324 --> 00:16:38,220
one for me and
one for the kids.
403
00:16:39,537 --> 00:16:41,282
Oh, to hell with you!
404
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,690
You know what, I can't believe
you're trying to pull this crap,
405
00:16:43,774 --> 00:16:46,525
after all the stuff I let you
slide with over the years.
406
00:16:46,610 --> 00:16:47,970
What have you let slide?
407
00:16:48,219 --> 00:16:49,720
Are you kidding me?
408
00:16:50,025 --> 00:16:52,857
Do you know how many
of your old roof tiles
409
00:16:53,402 --> 00:16:55,407
have flown over into my yard?
410
00:16:55,491 --> 00:16:58,193
And what about the
floodlights you put up?
411
00:16:58,277 --> 00:17:00,543
They're just shining bright
all night in my bedroom.
412
00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:02,387
Every time I get up
to go to the bathroom,
413
00:17:02,472 --> 00:17:04,669
it feels like a prison break.
414
00:17:06,336 --> 00:17:08,091
Not my problem.
415
00:17:08,214 --> 00:17:10,219
A-Actually,
Walter, it is.
416
00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:12,325
According to the
Pasadena Zoning Manual,
417
00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:15,460
those are both residential
C-1 violations.
418
00:17:15,545 --> 00:17:16,661
So?
419
00:17:16,753 --> 00:17:18,669
So, if the city
inspector finds out,
420
00:17:18,754 --> 00:17:21,891
you're staring down the barrel
of some pretty hefty fines.
421
00:17:22,087 --> 00:17:23,178
He is?
422
00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:25,411
You are.
423
00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:29,989
Yeah, you know, and now that I'm
looking around, there's no way
424
00:17:30,105 --> 00:17:32,415
that this half-saddle door
threshold is up to code.
425
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:36,010
And don't even get me started
on the enclosed breezeway,
426
00:17:36,095 --> 00:17:39,798
which is clearly within five
feet of a multi-person dwelling.
427
00:17:39,991 --> 00:17:41,229
[chuckles]
428
00:17:41,314 --> 00:17:44,174
Do not get him started
on breezeways.
429
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:48,147
Well, hold on, now, we don't
have to get into all of that.
430
00:17:48,232 --> 00:17:49,584
You're right, we don't.
431
00:17:49,873 --> 00:17:52,052
Because you're gonna
sign that petition,
432
00:17:52,223 --> 00:17:54,924
and we're gonna put up a speed
bump to protect these kids.
433
00:17:55,093 --> 00:17:56,837
Are we clear?
434
00:17:56,922 --> 00:17:58,837
Crystal, baby.
435
00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:05,561
Fine. You win.
436
00:18:06,854 --> 00:18:09,362
But that catfish
at your party sucked.
437
00:18:10,279 --> 00:18:11,994
Give me my pen.
438
00:18:14,368 --> 00:18:17,183
Damn, Dave,
hat was gangsta, man.
439
00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:19,300
Yeah, you want to hear
something even more gangsta?
440
00:18:19,417 --> 00:18:21,448
I just made all
that stuff up.
441
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:23,785
I don't even know
what a breezeway is.
442
00:18:30,995 --> 00:18:32,433
This is so great.
443
00:18:32,518 --> 00:18:35,394
That speed bump is really gonna
slow people down around here.
444
00:18:35,479 --> 00:18:38,379
Yeah, and it's short enough
that I could just zip around it.
445
00:18:39,881 --> 00:18:42,269
Mom, does this mean
I can play outside again?
446
00:18:42,432 --> 00:18:44,495
Yes. But not near the street,
447
00:18:44,682 --> 00:18:48,037
not after dark,
and never without supervision.
448
00:18:48,198 --> 00:18:49,995
I love you, too.
449
00:18:51,315 --> 00:18:53,355
Can I go inside
and play on my iPad?
450
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:54,789
Okay.
451
00:18:56,652 --> 00:18:58,992
What was I thinking?
He could get carpal tunnel.
452
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,687
Look at that
speed bump.
453
00:19:03,989 --> 00:19:05,559
Isn't she
beautiful?
454
00:19:05,839 --> 00:19:08,601
Yeah. It reminds me of you.
455
00:19:08,686 --> 00:19:10,039
Mm.Black,
456
00:19:10,124 --> 00:19:11,179
curvy...
457
00:19:11,264 --> 00:19:14,299
and makes me want to slow
down and take my time.
458
00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:15,593
Oh...
459
00:19:16,798 --> 00:19:19,496
Oh, now I'm gonna feel guilty
every time I run over it.
460
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:24,340
But, seriously, you did a
good thing for the community.
461
00:19:24,425 --> 00:19:25,972
You should be proud
of yourself.
462
00:19:26,152 --> 00:19:28,157
Well, I'm glad
you feel that way.
463
00:19:28,242 --> 00:19:31,035
Because I've
decided...
464
00:19:32,266 --> 00:19:34,013
I'm not stopping here.
465
00:19:39,376 --> 00:19:40,541
What do you think?
466
00:19:40,626 --> 00:19:42,835
You're running for city council?
467
00:19:42,924 --> 00:19:44,127
Yeah. You're kidding, right?
468
00:19:44,212 --> 00:19:45,758
Nope. You know,
getting this done
469
00:19:45,843 --> 00:19:47,563
really woke up
my sense of civic duty.
470
00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:50,989
Plus, I've always wanted
to seemy face on a button.
471
00:19:52,573 --> 00:19:54,196
So, if you win,
472
00:19:54,281 --> 00:19:57,149
won't that mean you'll be super
busy doing government stuff
473
00:19:57,256 --> 00:20:00,855
and won't have the time to
hang around here as much?
474
00:20:01,183 --> 00:20:02,448
I'm afraid so.
475
00:20:02,978 --> 00:20:04,309
Hmm.
Well, in that case,
476
00:20:04,402 --> 00:20:05,831
you got myvote.
477
00:20:06,101 --> 00:20:08,835
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
478
00:20:08,919 --> 00:20:10,919
Sync corrections by srjanapala
35429
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