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- [Radio] 90 with all wheel drive for 386 per month

for 48 months, total amount due at signing 3,901,

4,001 in New York.

Taxes, entitlement, electrician fees extra.

Payments will be higher for Connecticut residents.

Visit your tri state area Volvo retailer or call

877-24 Volvo.

- [Radio] CD 101.9 we're licensed to chill.

- [Radio] It's WQCD New York.

- [Radio] New York Chill.

(gentle music)

- [Radio] Hello out there, good afternoon.

Hello to everyone, thank you for joining me,

I am Julie and you are listening to Life in Fragments.

We talk, it's a talk show.

We don't gossip here at Life in Fragments,

if you don't know, we don't read books here

and we do not listen to music.

I am here to listen.

(mumbling)

Light as well it's my...

(clattering)

- [Radio] Call 1-800-333-4 CAT for details.

Visit your tri state tel commcadets.

(clattering)

- [Radio] Ready for a new look for the new year?

♪ You're beautiful ♪

- [Julie] That my advice can help in some way.

So let's not waste any time, I'd like to get right

back to where we left off yesterday.

I hope you're listening out there Helen

because I've been thinking a lot since our conversation

and I don't think we need to get into the details

of Helen's problem today

but the heart of the matter was that she knew

that she needed the help

but she had a lot of trouble talking about her problem

to anyone, she couldn't bring herself to talk about it

even though it was eating her up inside.

(mumbling)

So want Helen to know that I totally understand

(clattering)

(mumbling)

I know what it means to blame yourself

when something goes wrong.

I know all the layers underneath thinking

it is all my fault.

I know self hate.

I know guilt.

I know all the what ifs

and Helen, I promise you it's these what ifs

that can kill you.

That brings me to the other call from yesterday, from Roger.

Roger has been on the air a number of times

and he has been listening to our show for quite a while.

Roger insists that I should open up and talk about myself.

(mumbling)

You talk, I listen.

I give out advice, those are the rules.

But anyway listening to Helen tell her story on the air

yesterday, you know,

all I could think about was my son, Jessie.

I guess that Roger could tell

that something was bothering me, haunting me.

(mumbling)

(clattering)

(mumbling)

(clicking)

(engines rumbling)

(horn honks)

(engines rumbling)

(horn beeps)

(engines rumbling)

- I am deaf.

I'll give you $20 to listen to this tape,

please say exactly what you hear,

I can read your lips.

You can read my lips?

I have to go, I have to go.

I have to go, I'm sorry, I have to go.

(horn beeps)

(engines rumbling)

(horn honking)

(engines rumbling)

- Hopefully shed a little light as well.

It's my hope that my advice can help in someway.

Let's not waste any time...

(horn blares) (engines rumbling)

I hope you're listening out there Helen

because I've been thinking a lot since our conversation.

(engines rumbling)

The heart of the matter was

she knew that she needed the help,

she had a lot of trouble talking about her problems

to anybody, she couldn't bring herself to talk

about it to any.

(clicks)

What?

A little slower?

Okay.

(engines rumbling)

I don't think we need to get into the details

of Helen's problems today

but the heart of the matter was she knew

that she needed the help--

(engines rumbling)

She couldn't bring herself to talk about it

even though--

(horn honking)

(engines rumbling)

Eventually she said that it helped her tremendously so.

I think you'll hear relief in her voice.

(clicking)

This isn't going to work.

To noisy.

I have to get to work, I'm late already.

I'm sure you'll find somebody else.

Just find someone who talks right.

(engines rumbling)

Thank you Helen, thank you for trusting me,

thank you for letting me help you, especially help yourself.

I also want Helen to know that I totally understand

that I know what it means to blame yourself

when something goes wrong.

I know all the layers--

(engines rumbling)

I know all the what ifs and Helen I promise you

it's these what ifs...

(clicking)

We heard this part twice already.

(clicking)

I don't have time for all of this.

If we're gonna do this we have to move forward.

I have to go to work.

Work.

I promise you...

I promise you I won't skip anything on the tape.

I promise you I won't skip anything on the tape.

Do you understand?

(engines rumbling)

- [Julie] So let's not waste any time.

- [Man] Let's not waste any time, we've heard that already.

(clicking)

- [Julie] I have to say that eventually she knew--

(clicking)

- [Man] Helen let it all out.

(clicking)

We heard that.

(clicking)

- [Julie] I know all the what ifs.

- I know all the what ifs and Helen I promise you

it's these what ifs that can kill you.

That brings me to the other call from yesterday from Roger.

Roger has been on the air a number of times

and has been listening to our show for quite a while.

Roger insists that I should open up

and talk about myself.

Well...

(mumbling)

I've been doing Life in Fragments for years now

and time and time again my callers say.

(clicking)

What?

Okay.

I have to talk about myself.

Well I have been doing Life in Fragments

for years now.

(horn honks)

Time and time again my callers say that they open up

and bear their souls and I don't share anything.

(engines rumbling)

There's gotta be a better way to do this.

Let's go off of the bridge.

Alright, we'll do it your way.

(clicking)

You talk I listen.

I give my advice, those are the rules.

But I don't know well, listening to Helen tell her story

on the air yesterday,

all I could think about was my son Jessie.

(clicking)

Are you Jessie?

All I could think about was my son Jessie.

I guess Roger could tell

been haunting me.

Things that a few of you

gotten to know me pretty well after these years.

(engines rumbling)

I haven't been able to talk to anybody

about what happened to Jessie.

What happened to us.

That one day was the hardest day of my life.

It actually ended my life,

that day ended life as I knew it

and I just have to go on

but now I feel like I can't keep it inside me anymore.

If I don't talk about it I'll suffocate,

like Helen it seems like it's out of my control now anyway.

I've decided today is the day to break the rules.

And the irony is that all these years on the radio

I'm the one who gives the advice,

I'm the one who helps people on my talk show

and right now I am the one who needs help.

(engines rumbling)

I am haunted by the one part of my life

that used to keep me going.

(horn honking)

It's my son, my baby Jessie.

That they hurt him so much,

it's all I can think see,

it's when I look at him now I can't avoid it.

I see that day.

His hair in his eyes.

The only thing that it says to me now.

Doctors call it traumatic deafness,

that's just a fancy way of saying he went into shock.

Jessie lost his hearing, he lost his voice

and he lost his father all one day.

He doesn't even remember it,

I know he doesn't remember it God bless him.

He was only four.

(engines rumbling)

I would give anything for him to have his voice back

and his hearing back.

I don't know what I'll do if he never gets better.

The doctors say he's going to have the block

(horn blaring)

for a short time or forever.

Three months ago and he hasn't spoken a word since.

I can barely stand it.

A handful of pills three times a day.

(engines rumbling)

Every second I wish I could black out my memory too.

And he's listening at home right now in his own way.

He's going to turn on my radio show.

(engines rumbling)

Puts his hands on the speaker that's how he listens.

(horn blares)

I guess you listen don't you Jessie?

Sometimes I get home and his hands are still pressed

against the speaker, pressed so hard

just to feel the vibration.

And feel the only sound of his family,

every tip was pressed against the speakers.

His hands squeezed so tight--

(engines rumbling)

And hugging sound of mommy.

A sound he can't hear.

He has no idea the show's been over for over an hour.

It's all I see, it's all I see everywhere.

(engines rumbling)

The look on his face when he's listening,

pressing his hands, the look in his eyes.

All I see are his eyes,

the innocence is just not there anymore.

It's blinding.

How can I say it?

How can I talk to him about that day?

And I envy him that he can't remember.

Jessie can't remember.

(engines rumbling)

- [Man] I am sorry Julie.

I can't listen to this anymore.

- It's a man's voice now.

(mumbling)

- It's not the radio talk show anymore.

(clicking)

Yeah I know that's what I've been doing.

I'm saying exactly.

Yeah.

(clicking)

- I'm sorry Julie, I can't listen to this anymore.

(engines rumbling)

The most important thing in my life is listening.

I can't imagine being deaf, just thinking about your son

losing his hearing is giving me nightmares.

I have to erase this tape.

Well Julie October 15th, 1996.

This is Roger, signing off.

Goodbye.

(clicking)

I think that's the end of the tape.

(clicking)

Well Julie it's October 15th, 1996

this is Roger--

(clicking)

Well Julie it's October 15th, 1996,

this is Roger--

(clicking)

Let's see it there's anything else on the tape.

Let's see if there's anything else.

(clicking) (squealing)

There's nothing there.

(clicking)

There's nothing there.

(clicking)

(engines rumbling)

(engines rumbling)

(clicking)

There's nothing.

(clicking)

(engines rumbling)

(clicking)

There's nothing left.

(engines rumbling)

(clicking)

There's nothing there.

Nothing left in the tape.

(banging) (engines rumbling)

(horn honking)

(engines rumbling) (banging)

(horns honking) (engines rumbling)

(tapes clattering)

(engines rumbling)

(horn honking)

(engines rumbling)

(horn honking) (engines rumbling)

(engines rumbling) (horns honking)

(clapping)

(bangs)

(bangs)

(banging)

(tings)

(bangs)

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(tings)

(train whistle blowing)

(whistling)

(train whistle blowing)

(whistling)

(train whistle blowing)

(Jessie chuckling)