Original subtitles

Come on, come on. Here we go.

Just do it.

Here we go. Blow, blow, blow.It's been five minutes. No.

Uh-uh-uh.

Oh! Boom!

One, two, three. Free parking. [laughs]

Bam! Top hat lands on free parking.

Rich get richer.

Why do you always get the top hat?

'Cause he keeps it in his underwear drawer.

It's called the "sock hutch," okay?

And it's really useful.

You're both nuts. If you're not the race car,

you may as well just go ahead and kill yourself.

Dad.

Oh, sorry, Maddie. Nice, nice thimble.

It's a gumdrop.

Sure, it is, sweetie.

So, Dad, apropos of nothing, when are you leaving?

Should be a couple of days. I've got a big meeting lined up.

You're still taking advantage

of those failed dry-cleaning businesses?

They're closing anyway. They want to unload

all those signed celebrity head shots they've got hanging on the wall.

Yeah, if they're sitting on a pre-'KRPLoni Anderson,

and they don't recognize the market value, then the money's

ours for the taking.

Now that is top hat thinking, Ben.

I think I could use you on this run.

[phone rings]I gotta take this.

[English accent]: Randy Fox International.

Please hold.

He's on the other line with the governor.

Fox here.

Yes. BEN: So classic.

Okay, look, I know that you guys

always did this stuff together,

but it'd be nice if he'd ask me to go every once in a while.

I'm the one going back to college.

I'm going to study business.

Did you get accepted?No, I d... no, not yet.

But still, it'd be a good opportunity.

Yeah. No, I mean, look,

you're on all those committees at Maddie's school, right?

I feel like you're about to patronize me.

I haven't even started. I haven't even barely started.

It's the tone in your voice.So you're probably learning some

very rudimentary budget issues and stuff?Oh, yeah.

You know, I think that's valuable.

Yeah, that's great.

And I also think that's a little bit more wheelbarrow speed.

That's our dry cleaner. He sounds primed and ready.

Dad, can I go with you instead of Ben?

[chuckles] What? You?

Sure, what the hell?

What? Dad...That's really great.

Thank you for this opportunity.

Dad...Excuse me, Ben.

Can you be a big boy

and go take care of my committee meeting tonight for me?

Thanks so much! Thanks. Okay, great. Bye.Come on, honey.

I'll bring you up to speed.

That's a big mistake, Dad.

You blew, you're gonna blow that.

That dry cleaner is not...

She's gonna suck!

♪ Wake up, look around

♪ There's a feeling today

♪ Fall down, get up again

♪ Get in the game

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ We're all here anyway.

Ooh, gosh! Uh! Whoo!

How did you pay for all that stuff? Did somebody die?

Oh, my God. Did you kill someone?

Buddy's divorce has started to heat up,

and he needed to hide some assets from his ex-wife.

So he's transferred everything over to me for safekeeping.

All the cash, the bar, the mobile tanning booth. Yes!

I thought Buddy was already divorced.

Oh, so did I. I know. He just said that

to get me into bed. I know, yeah.

Sometimes I don't know where he ends and I begin.

As a result of increased nut allergies on campus,

we've added several nuts to our list of banned nuts.

The complete list of banned nuts is:

peanuts, walnuts, almonds.

This next one's tough for me to accept: pistachios.

I just love 'em.

I was right about this guy.

He is perfect. He's retiring and he's selling

his dry-cleaning business after 40 years.

I am nervous.

I've never done anything like this before,

so I'm a...

Oh, you're gonna be great.

All we're gonna do is tug on his heartstrings a little.

I'm not good with people.I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna make this easy for you.

Were you ever in plays at school?

That was, that was a question?

Do you actually not know if I ever did a play in school?

Oh, yeah, well, I...

I remember one or, or more, many plays of...

My point is you were able to do that because

you didn't have to think about what you were going to say.

Yeah, so?

So I'll write a little script for you.

You can memorize the lines, problem solved.

That might work. Let's do some acting.

There you go.With the laundryman.

...uh, hickories. I've never had a hickory nut.

I'm such an idiot, you know?

I don't know why I was surprised Kate took that from me.

It's like my dad sets me up,

and my sister just knocks me down

like I'm some gullible bowling pin.

Moving on to the annual Father-Daughter Dance.

Honestly? It's like, what,

do fathers and daughters run everything now?

It has to stop. It's madness.

I say, who's with me?

I say let's stop glorifying fathers and daughters.

What about mothers and sons, man?

What about uncles, you know?

Why don't we call this the Uncle-Child Dance?

You know what? That, that's probably a bad call.

Why not call it the Parent-Child Dance?

I mean, that-that sounds like something, that, you know,

no one would call the police about.

I'm sorry, are you volunteering to organize the dance?

No. No, no, no, not at all.

Good. Because I was hoping

your sister would head up the committee.

Kate planned the fall fund-raiser, and quite frankly,

it was a little bit magical.

Okay, let me tell you something right now, okay?

You forget Kate 'cause I'm gonna run that dance.

I'm gonna run it into the ground.

Who here is in favor of me taking over the dance?

You all say "Aye."

Ben, there's no vote.

It's just whoever's willing to do it.

I accept your nomination.

With pleasure.

Okay, I want you to take everything that you know

about dances, I want you to stuff it into a bag.

Put a gag in it. Not so that it can't breathe,

but so that it can't scream.

Tie it tight, and then I want you to throw that bag

over a bridge, because that's where old ideas belong.

Why do we have to throw it over a bridge?

I'm in the market for some big ideas here, guys.

Come on! Norman.

Can I go to the bathroom?It depends.

Are you one of those kids that thinks

best on the can? Then sit and squeeze, my friend.

Let's think of some ideas, you know? Brainstorm. Maddie.

We could have a mini pony.

Bigger! Norman.

A regular pony.

Okay, okay! Now we're talking, all right?

Let's keep going. Who else?

Mashed potato bar.

Weird andmemorable.

We could make it snow, like they do when we go skiing.

A winter wonderland.

We could get some chocolate milk ice luges,

maybe some snow cone machines.

Okay, okay, we could rent a couple of air conditioners.

What a about a deejay dressed like an Eskimo?

Inuit.

"Into it"? I love it!

Tommy, what are our projected costs so far?

Well, working on the list you just made, $3,000.

Okay, and what's our total budget for the dance?

$500.$500?

What? Good God,

that's not even gonna cover the bike valet.

RANDY: Mr. Su, let's get down to brass tacks.

You're looking to retire.

I want to take all these pictures off your hands.

Now I'm gonna write a number down on this piece of paper

that I think you will find more than generous.

What? Are you out to lunch?

That is way too much.

We don't even know if these are legit.

Excuse me. Each one

of these people was a very loyal customer.Forgive her.

She may not recognize an original Mr. Belvedere, but I sure as hell do.

Ah, Christopher Hewett, very good man.

Lucky for me he was very sweaty.

What do you say, Su, you gonna sell? How about that?

A dry cleaner's taking me to the cleaners. [chuckles]

I don't think so.

Oh. Come on, Katie.

It looks like our dream is going to die

before it had a chance to begin.

You're up. What?

This is the false exit. Go. Oh.

Can I just ask you one more question?

Okay.Do you have kids?

Why, yes, I do. I wanted them to take over this business.

But one of them plays video games professionally,

and the other one designs blue jeans.

I have nothing but shame.

So sorry to hear that.

It must be so difficult that your children don't understand

how special it is to be able to work with your father.

Mr. Su, may I call you Xiaoqiang?

Xiaoqiang, I know that you may not be able

to make your dream of working with your kids come true,

but if you would consider going into business with us,

you'd be helping this father

build a family business of his own.

Tell you what. Let me think about it

then I'll get back to you.

Thank you very much, Mr. Su. Call me.

Thank you very much... Xiaoqiang.

Yeah, Purnima, I'm looking at the catalog,

and I want everything page four to 16.

Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you.

Hi. I'm looking for the British hussy who's sitting on my husband.

[American accent]: Oh, I think she's home

with her daughter Maddie. I'm sorry.

I know it's you!

And I'm onto your little scheme with Buddy.

[normal voice]: I don't know what your talking about, Buddy's wife.

I just work here.

I don't care about Buddy, okay?!

You can have his little Swiss, bald, piece of nothing self!

But the money, [chuckles] that is mine, okay?!

I made that man everything he is.

I am the brains behind all of this.

So if you even thinking about going to spend that money,

let's go!

What, like, like, fight?

Girl, please, I could break you in half.

Let's go spend some of those Buddy bucks, okay?

[panting]: I-I-I-I thought you wanted to fight.

And you are gonna take me to the fanciest restaurant

in this town, and then you gonna watch me eat.

Yeah? Oh, yeah.

And it's gonna take a while.

All right.

'Cause I carry on, honey.

I send stuff back: silverware, back!

Water, back! Food, back!

I am a nightmare.

And I am oddly intrigued.

Boom.

[phone rings]Go for Kate Fox.

Yes, I will be there. Thank you.

What's the matter?

That was the college admissions office.

They want to do the interview.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

What's the big deal? You had an interview

the first time you went to college, didn't you?

You don't remember? I threw up in my mouth, Dad!

In my mouth! And then I swallowed it

right in front of the lady.

She was, like, "Ew," and I was like [nervous laugh],

and then it was all downhill from there.

I came home in tears!

Well, you came home in tears a lot.

I guess self-confidence is not my strong suit. Eeh!

That's why you've got a dad.

I'll be there. We'll do it just like we did it today.

You'll memorize a few talking points,

tug at their heartstrings, boom, you're in.

Problem solved.

Okay, okay.

This place is all right,

but my food is a little undercooked.

Well, you did order chicken tacos in a sushi restaurant.

Power move.

That's... magnificent.

Didn't work out with me and Buddy

because things between us were purely physical.

I could tell you some tales. [chuckles]

I had him in an elevator.

I had him on a escalator.

I had him in a swimming pool.

In a typing pool.

Backstage at the Allman Brothers concert.

Onstage at a Jonas Brothers concert.

I...

cannot compete with that.

You don't have to.

What y'all got going on is something deeper.

I mean, that's why he gave you his money.

'Cause he trusts you.

[laughing]

[laughing harshly]

[both laughing]

[laughing hysterically, gasping]

[breathless]: I can't believe this...

You spent it on everything?

I spent everything.

[laughing]

You had me.

I was like,

what's she talking...

[continues laughing]

Oh, my gosh!

He's such a idiot.

He's so stupid. He's not gonna have any money.

[laughs, sighs] That's hilarious.

That's a really good one.

British girl, do you have any idea

why I made you take me out tonight?

[laughs] I don't know.

You just... you wanted to watch me starve to death

while you stuffed your face

and I got really light-headed and just so...

I got so dizzy, as well.

No.

I wanted to meet the woman...

Yes. [giggles]

...that Buddy is falling in love with.

[giggling]: Yeah.

No, he hasn't.

Do you love him?

No, I don't.

W-What is...

[mutters] Okay.

Just asking. Yeah.

[mutters]

What if I did?

[laughing]

You would be in so much trouble.

Just pow.

Bap. Mm. Yeah?

[laughing]

Yeah.

Girl... Yeah.

You can go.

Mm-hmm. Here.

Boom. Take the check.

BEN: Hey, there. Mr. Caruthers.

So how's the dance coming?I'm glad you asked.

Turns out 500 bucks

doesn't buy you a lot of magic.

You know, unless you want us to have

a cash juice bar,

but personally, that feels a little gauche.

Yeah, I'm not putting my name on that.

Well, Ben, and...

I'm sorry, do you have a child here?

No, but my parents babysit his niece.

Okay.

Look, you don't have to spend a lot of money

to organize a successful event.

Just... ask your sister.

I don't need to ask my sister.

TOMMY: You are in the middle

of a sibling rivalry, Dave.

Okay? Don't shake the beehive.

It's like no one understands that a snow machine,

in this country, costs money.

Dolla dolla bills, y'all.

Okay, Ben.

Thank you so much for volunteering your time.

Maybe

it's best if I just take it from here.

I'm sorry.

Are you asking me to stand down?

Yeah, I'm afraid I am.You're making

a huge mistake, Dave.

Huge.

This dance could've put you on the map.

Sho could've.Well, I'm sorry

it didn't work out,

but thank you.

And good-bye, Ben.

And...

the son of Ben's niece's babysitters.

Hey, Dad.

A lot of really uncomfortable lies

in your outgoing message.

Where are you? I'm starting to get nervous.

I'm about to go into my interview,

I don't know where you are...

Could you... Ms. Fox?

Yes. I-I am, I am Ms. Fox.

I am Kate Fox.

I'm ready to come in there and blow it up!

[imitates explosion]

I'll be with you in a few minutes.

My skirt is too short.

I just wanted to let you know,

that's...

BEN: Dad.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Toasting a new business relationship.

I know that cardigan.

Mustard stain, upper right.

I have a couple questions to ask you about your cleaning process.

Katie primed the pump-- I'm just getting water from the well.

Here we go. Kate, Kate, Kate.

Where is the golden child?

Ooh, right! I was supposed to meet her for an audition,

or a interview, or...

something...

Ah, well, she'll be okay. Wait, what?

Well, I can't leave now.

Dad, you were supposed to be there for her.

She'll be fine.

Look, she doesn't have your confidence,

so I wrote her a little thing to memorize.

She'll be able to fake her way right through it.

Besides, there were lots of things

when you were growing up I wasn't there for.

But you guys were always fine on your own.

[scoffs]

We weren't on our own, Dad.

[choked up]: Did that feel a little heavy?

That felt really dramatic on my end.

I feel like I haven't blinked in a while.

So I guess you could say

that I've overcome a lot in my life.

Um, it's a heart wrenching tale...

let me tell you.

Um, I'm a single mom.

I've, I'm, I-I've...

fought many battles that have

made me s...

something that escapes me right now.

Um, uh... come back to that.

And, um, something about a road

not taken...

I'm sorry. I feel like I...

I digressed. [laughs]

I digress. Um...

Uh... what was the question?

"Would you like some water?"

I'm sorry. I'm really not good at this.

Is there a way that we could reschedule,

and, like, erase this part?

[knocking]Yes? Can I help you?

I'm sorry to interrupt. Buchanan's the name.

Buchanan Jones.

I'm an adjunct

professor and...

I believe you parked

in the spot reserved for my Segway.

A word, please?

FYI, uh... redheads are my Achilles' heel.

[laughs]

KATE: I don't know what to do.

Dad gave me all this stuff to memorize.

I can't remember...You don't need

to memorize anything, and you don't need any tricks.

Okay? All you need to remember

is that you're awesome.

You're not just related to Dad.

You're related to me. Okay?

Knock 'em dead.

If you need me, I'll be out in the quad.

There were a bunch of coeds

that were like vibing me super hard.

Yeah. I'll probably take off my shirt.

Feels like they wanted that, you know?

Hey...

Are you ready to continue?

[exhales]

Yeah.

Yes. I am, actually.

Um... [sniffles]

Can we start over?

My name is Kate Fox

and I really want to go back to college.

[gentle melody plays]

♪ Let's dance in style

♪ Let's dance for a while

♪ Heaven can wait

♪ We're only watching the skies ♪

♪ Hoping for the best

♪ But expecting the worst

♪ Are you gonna drop the bomb or not? ♪

♪ Let us die young or let us live forever... ♪

So, Ben, what do you think?

Kind of threw it together last minute,

but I believe that I pulled it off.

Styrofoam cups?

Cookies still in their packaging?

What is this, an AA meeting?

[scoffs]

I accept the things that I cannot change.

Like everything at this party!

♪ Praising our leaders, we're getting in tune... ♪

What do you think of the dance?

I love it. It's so pretty.

Yeah, I know.

I hate it, too.

They look so cute.

Yeah.

There's no, like,

[British accent]: Boo, I hate it here!

Can I leave, I need to go get drunk.

Can I, please? Oh, Kate, no...

What's going on with you?

Well... first, I'm already drunk.

And second...

I'm not sure,

but I think Buddy and I are in love.

Oh, no. Yeah.

I'm so sorry.Thank you.

You must be devastated.Yeah.

It's been very, very difficult.

RANDY: Hey.

Sorry I'm late. How'd your thing go?

Mm...

It was good.

Turns out, I did not need you there.

You see? You're welcome.

Heh.

Go dance with your granddaughter.

Oh!

Here's your cut of the dough from the Su deal.

[pops tongue]

♪ Youth is like diamonds in the sun... ♪

May I cut in?

Ah. No. You may not.

Grandpa!

Hey, kiddo! [chuckles]

Okay, keep smiling.

Just... act like that didn't

just completely destroy you.

[fakes a laugh]

Keep smiling.

Having a great time...

He's never gonna change.

Nope.

But he is leaving tomorrow.

♪ I want to be forever...

Oh... Ugh, gross.

Ugh. Oh, come on.

[scoffs]

Aw...

Oh, that was

so sweet. I know.

God, I hate him.

I know, me, too.

Thank you for being there for me.

Somebody has to be.

[laughs]

And I'll tell you what.

Hmm? When you graduate,

if you still want to open that bar...

Yeah?you can call it "Ben's."

I'm not, I'm never gonna do that.

Ben's is a stupid name.

But I did think of a way

to thank you for today.

["Wild Wild Life" begins playing]

♪ I'm wearing

[guests exclaiming]

Ah!♪ My fur pajamas

♪ I ride a...

♪ It's tickling

♪ My fancy

♪ Speak up

♪ I can't hear you

♪ Here on this mountaintop

♪ Oh, oh-oh

♪ I got some wild, wild life

♪ Paint a picture

♪ Of me in the daylight

♪ Oh-oh

♪ And it's a wild, wild life

♪ You've grown so tall

♪ You've grown so fast

♪ Ah, ah-ah

♪ Wild, wild

♪ I know that's the way you like it ♪

♪ Oh-oh

♪ Living wild, wild, wild, wild ♪

♪ Life.

So this is one of the songs

I had planned for the father-daughter dance.

Let 'er rip.

[plays scale]

♪ You want your first dance to be fun ♪

♪ So don't just do it with anyone ♪

♪ Do it with Daddy...

♪ I'll choose the dress

♪ And the corsage

♪ We'll have some punch

♪ And Fromage

♪ Do it with Daddy

♪ Yes, you're Daddy's little girl ♪

♪ Like an acorn to a squirrel

♪ Do it with Daddy...

You know, I don't think this is a good idea.

Why not?

For a lot of reasons.

Mostly the line,

"do it with Daddy."

I'm feeling judged.