Original subtitles

Kate: MY BROTHER AND I KIND OF RAISED OURSELVES.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING IN DISTANCE ]

HE NEVER GREW UP.

WHOA.

I NEED TO SELL YOUR CAR.

Kate: I GREW UP TOO FAST.

I'M PREGNANT.

I'M SO EXCITED!

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

ME TOO.

SO...THAT WAS AWESOME.

AFTER THAT, EVERYTHING CHANGED FOR ME.

OH, MADDIE. OOH. COME ON. [ LAUGHS ]

MY BROTHER MOVED AWAY A FEW YEARS AGO,

AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN HE'S GONNA SHOW UP.

HEY, I NEED YOUR CAR AND A PIÑATA

AND SIX DRESSES SIZE 8 THROUGH 12.

DO YOU HAVE A BEAR TRAP?

HOW'S YOUR PORTUGUESE?

Kate: AS FOR ME, I FINALLY STARTED SEEING SOMEONE,

AND I'M TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT ABOUT IT.

BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

BECAUSE AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, MY BROTHER'S AN IDIOT.

[ SCREAMS ]

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD.

BEN!

OH, HEY, KATE. WHAT THE...

I WAS STEALING CABLE FROM YOUR NEIGHBOR.

I DIDN'T WANT HER TO RECOGNIZE ME.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? I'M KATE'S BROTHER, BEN FOX.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. YEAH, NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH, WAIT. YOU'RE THE GUY.

THE GUY WITH THE BEARD. THE GUY THAT YOU'RE INTO.

GEORGE. GEORGE WITH A BEARD.

HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU, MAN.

UP TOP.

I'M GONNA GO. YEAH, I THINK YOU SHOULD GO.

NO, PLEASE DON'T GO. I'M JUST GONNA TALK TO HIM FOR A MINUTE. YEAH.

I need you to leave. What?

I am in the middle of something really important. No, you're not.

I'm on a date.

I was about to make out on the couch.

I had a whole thing going, and you're screwing it up.

Can I at least go get my stuff?

Fine! Get your stuff and then get out of here.

OKAY. I'M GETTING MY STUFF.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT. IT'S OKAY.

THAT'S MY BROTHER.

HE JUST BLOWS IN AND OUT OF TOWN

AND USES MY HOUSE AS HIS STORAGE UNIT.

[ CRASHING ] AND NOW HE'S COMING IN WITH A RANDOM DRUM SET.

OKAY, I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OKAY. I'M SORRY.

THANKS. I'LL -- I'LL CALL YOU.

[ SCOFFS, GROANS ]

WAY TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION.

YEAH, RIGHT? THAT GUY'S A TOTAL LUMP.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

HEY, MOM. GOOD MORNING. WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?

MNH-MNH.

YEAH, SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?

BEN! NO!

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S 5:010. IT'S 5:010.

YES, GO BACK TO SLEEP. I CAN'T. I'M TOO EXCITED.

HOW LONG ARE YOU IN TOWN FOR?

I NEED TO CALIBRATE MY EXPECTATIONS.

NO, I'M JUST IN TOWN FOR THE WEEKEND.

OKAY. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S BETTER THAT I KNOW NOW.

WHAT'S WITH THIS GEORGE GUY?

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON GEORGE.

I HIGH-FIVED HIM. I DID NOT LIKE IT.

HELLO, KATHERINE. MM. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TODAY.

HAS HE TOLD YOU WHY HE'S REALLY HERE?

SERIOUSLY, BEN, WHY ARE YOU HERE?

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. WHAT IS IT?

WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME THAT?

[ British accent ] SORRY I'M LATE!

HEY, B.J. B.J.!

HELLO, BEN!

LOOK AT YOU!

OH. YOU STINK. WHEN'D YOU GET HERE?

APPARENTLY, NOT SOON ENOUGH.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS?

BEN!

YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S TRAGIC. WHAT? IT'S MY FANNY PACK.

YOU LOOK LIKE A KOREAN LADY GOLFER.

I LIKE THE FANNY PACK.

YEAH, SEE? TOMMY GETS IT.

I LOVE THAT FANNY PACK.

LITTLE WEIRD. I GET THAT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT FANNY MEANS IN MY COUNTRY?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT B.J. MEANS IN MY COUNTRY?

VERY WELL, INDEED.

GEORGE IS COMING BY.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU STILL HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH HIM.

I CAN'T BE CASUAL ABOUT THESE KINDS OF THINGS.

SERIOUSLY, KATE,

YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH ANYONE SINCE MADDIE WAS BORN.

THAT'S LIKE 7, 8 --

SHE'S 5.

SHE'S ONLY 5?

I FEEL LIKE I'M ALWAYS AT THAT CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

OKAY, B.J., FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

DATE NUMBER 10 IS TOMORROW NIGHT,

AND WE ARE GONNA HAVE THE SEX.

NOT IF YOU'RE CALLING IT "THE SEX."

BEFORE MADDIE WAS BORN,

I WAS OUT THERE CRUSHING [BLEEP] LEFT, RIGHT, AND CENTER.

I DON'T THINK YOU WERE. I WAS! LOOK AT ME.

PEOPLE WANTED TO -- TO MAKE -- MAKE LOVE TO THIS ALL THE TIME.

REALLY?

WHATEVER, DUDE.

[ Chuckling ] I KIND OF REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.

Oh, my god, it's George!

Oh, my god!

HI. HOW ARE YOU?

I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

KATE, CAN I GET YOUR KEYS?

WHY, BEN? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO PICK UP MADDIE FROM SCHOOL BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND YOU,

AND I DON'T HAVE DISTRUST IN MY HEART.

THANK YOU.

GEORGE, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

HEY.

WHAT'S HIS DEAL?

JUST IGNORE HIM, SERIOUSLY.

Maddie: SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE THIS TIME?

YOU AND YOUR MOM ARE SO SUSPICIOUS.

HONESTLY, LIKE, I CAN'T JUST COME AND HANG OUT WITH YOU GUYS.

THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE A REASON OR WHATEVER. [ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY, SO, HERE'S THE DEAL.

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM MY EX-GIRLFRIEND IN OVER A YEAR.

THIS IS THE ONLY WOMAN THAT I'VE EVER TRULY LOVED,

THE ONE I REFER TO EXCLUSIVELY AS MRS. BEN FOX. MRS. BEN FOX.

EXACTLY, OKAY?

SO, ALL OF A SUDDEN,

SHE SENDS ME THIS CRAZY E-MAIL THAT JUST SAYS, "CALL ME."

SO, YEAH, OBVIOUSLY, I JUMPED IN THE CAR.

I CAME STRAIGHT HERE.

WAIT. WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST CALL HER?

YOU'RE SO NAIVE.

YOU'RE ONLY 5, BUT YOU'RE VERY NAIVE.

[ SIGHS ] HEY.

SPEAKING OF DARCY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

WE ARE -- [ CHUCKLES ] THAT'S SO WEIRD.

WE ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE JUST HANG HERE, LIKE, UNDER THIS TREE,

AND WE'LL JUST -- WE'LL SEE HOW SHE'S DOING.

WE JUST... [ CLEARS THROAT ]

JUST TOTALLY JUST CHILL.

HERE YOU GO.

OH, THERE SHE IS. GOD, SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY.

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED HER IN WHITE.

WAIT. WHAT?!

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT?!

OH, MOTHER...

SH...SHOOT!

SON OF A...

THERE'S SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY.

WHY ARE YOU SO YOUNG RIGHT NOW?!

OH, F...

* FA-LA-LA-LA

* FA-LA-LA-LA

* SHY... SHY-SHY-SHYSTER *

OKAY, DARCY'S WEDDING IS TOMORROW.

HOW ARE WE GONNA CRASH THIS THING? HIT ME.

UH, WE GO IN LIKE VENTRILOQUISTS,

AND MADDIE'S OUR DUMMY.

I LIKE THAT. I LIKE THAT A LOT.

MADDIE.

OH, WHAT'S THAT? [ BEEPING ]

IT'S A NANNY CAM. IT'S HOW I SPY ON MY DAUGHTER.

LET'S KEEP GOING. LET'S GO. GIVE ME WAYS TO CRASH A WEDDING. HIT ME. OKAY, UH, UH, UH...

WELL, WE GO IN DRESSED AS WAITERS,

AND MADDIE WILL BE IN A TRASH BAG. OKAY, I LIKE --

I'M GONNA CRASH A WEDDING! I GET TO BE THE BRIDE!

[ GRUNTS ]

[ METAL CLANGS ]

WE COULD HIRE A COUPLE DUDES.

OH, MY GOD! I HAVE TO GO. I'M SORRY.

I KNEW IT. I KNEW YOU WERE UP TO SOMETHING.

BEN, WHY ARE YOU CRASHING A WEDDING?

[ SIGHS ] IT'S DARCY'S WEDDING.

MRS. BEN FOX?

OH, MAN. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M THINKING ABOUT, LIKE, STARTING ON THE ROOF

AND THEN REPELLING DOWN TO THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING

AND THEN MAYBE, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

KNOCKING THROUGH, LIKE, AN A.C. DUCT

AND THEN CRAWLING, LIKE, ELBOWS, YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS

AND THEN MAYBE, LIKE, DROPPING DOWN

INTO, LIKE, AN ELECTRICAL CLOSET,

MAYBE, LIKE, THROWING A COUPLE SMOKE BOMBS IN,

AND THEN JUST KIDNAPPING DARCY,

TAKING HER OUT THE BACK, YOU KNOW,

AND MAYBE, LIKE, RENTING A JEEP WRANGLER OR SOMETHING

AND, LIKE, POPPING DOWN TO MEXICO.

BUT I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S ALL -- IT'S A LITTLE BIT UP IN THE AIR.

I HAVE A REALLY IMPORTANT DATE TOMORROW NIGHT.

I'M NOT DOING THIS. I'M NOT DOING IT.

I'M NOT GETTING SUCKED

INTO ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR HAREBRAINED SCHEMES.

I'M NOT DOING IT.

COME ON.

WILL YOU AT LEAST HELP ME SCOUT THE LOCATION?

NO.

LOOK -- I'M NOT DOING IT.

PLEA-- NO.

COME -- ABSOLUTELY NOT.

NO. I'LL GET YOU SOME--

WHAT IF I SAID -- NO.

OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

WE'RE GONNA CRASH THIS WEDDING KATE STYLE,

WHICH MEANS YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BE PREPARED,

AND NOBODY'S GONNA GO TO PRISON.

TOMMY, YOU BE THE BRIDE -- I'LL BE THE GROOM.

I DON'T SEE WHY I WOULD --

GET UP HERE. LET'S DO THIS.

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.

STOP! DON'T DO THIS.

I'M SORRY. I AM CONFUSED. ARE YOU THE PRIEST OR THE GROOM?

YEAH, I WAS GONNA SAY I SHOULD BE THE GROOM

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, KATE, AND THIS IS CONFUSING.

TOMMY, WE MADE OUT LIKE ONCE, AND IT WAS IN MY FAT PHASE. YOUR HOT PHASE.

PLEASE DROP IT. LET IT GO.

OKAY, BEN, I NEED YOU TO FOCUS, ALL RIGHT?

OKAY. YOU'VE BEEN TALKING SMART PEOPLE INTO DOING DUMB THINGS

YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

YOU GOT THIS.

DARCELA -- CUT.

FORMAL FOR DARCY. GO AHEAD.

LOOK...THIS IS ME,

THE SAME GUY THAT YOU DUMPED TWO YEARS AGO

FOR VERY REAL REASONS.

I HAVEN'T CHANGED. [ CHUCKLES ]

AND, OBVIOUSLY, I'M NEVER GONNA CHANGE

OR COMMUNICATE OR LISTEN IN THE WAY THAT YOU WANT ME TO.

AND SO YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO MAKE SOME REAL SACRIFICES

IF YOU WANT THIS TO WORK!

I'M JUST GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. OKAY.

NOTHING YOU JUST SAID IS EVER GONNA WORK -- EVER.

REALLY? YEAH.

OH, OKAY.

I DON'T -- TOMMY, WHAT DID YOU THINK? I THOUGHT IT WAS AMAZING.

THANK YOU.

YOU NEED TO SHOW HER YOUR BEST SELF, OKAY?

IT'S THAT, LIKE -- IT'S THAT, LIKE,

FI-- IT'S LIKE 5% -- OR IT'S LIKE A 2% OR 3% OF YOU

THAT COMES OUT ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

KATE, I AM A GROWER, OKAY, NOT A SHOWER.

I DON'T THINK THAT WORKS IN THIS CONTEXT. NO, I'M PRETTY SURE IT WORKS.

NO, BEN, I DON'T THINK IT WORKS. NO, NO, THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND.

NO. THAT'S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS.

KATE, THINK ABOUT IT. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. IT'S GROSS.

LISTEN, YOU NEED TO SHOW HER THAT YOU'RE VULNERABLE, OKAY,

THAT YOUR HEART IS OPEN, YOU'RE READY FOR THIS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT A WOMAN IS MOST AFRAID OF IN THE WORLD?

IT'S THAT SHE'S NOT GONNA FIND THAT ONE PERSON

WHO ACCEPTS HER FOR EVERYTHING THAT SHE IS

AND THAT WHEN SHE FINALLY STARTS TO LET HIM IN,

HE'S JUST GONNA LEAVE.

DARCY...EVERYONE DESERVES LOVE -- REAL LOVE.

SO SAY IT. SAY YOU DON'T LOVE ME.

LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT YOU DON'T LOVE ME.

I LOVE YOU.

OKAY, LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

DARCELA!

FROM THE TOP TOP?

WHAT WE WANT TO DO --

WE'RE GONNA DRAW ATTENTION TO THIS AND NOT TH--

YOU'VE GOT NO SHAPE.

WHAT I'VE DONE, BASICALLY,

JUST SO YOU CAN RE-CREATE THIS BY YOURSELF IS --

I'VE JUST EXTENDED YOUR LIP-LINE JUST A TINY BIT, BECAUSE --

'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT QUITE THIN LIPS.

IT CAN MAKE YOU LOOK MEAN.

AND THIS IS JUST GIVING YOU A THICKER, FULLER POUT.

WHAT I'VE DONE HERE -- I'VE GIVEN YOU SOME BLUSH,

WHICH IS GONNA GIVE YOU SOME CHEEKBONES,

'CAUSE OTHERWISE, IT'S JUST, LIKE...PBHT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET YOU GET IN MY HEAD.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS GUY, BEN.

DUDE, FANNY PACK.

FINE. I LOVE YOU, MONKEY.

LOVE YOU, TOO.

[ BOTH SMOOCH ]

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

SO...THIS IS HAPPENING. I'M GONNA DO THIS.

I'M GONNA HAVE A DRINK AT THE BAR AT 4:00,

AND THEN WE'RE GONNA -- GONNA HAVE SEX AT 6:00,

AND THEN I'M GONNA BE HOME BY 8:00,

AND I'LL BE IN BED BY LIKE 8:15.

[ RETCHES ]

OKAY. OKAY.

THE BABYSITTER'S GONNA BE HERE SOON,

SO YOU CAN GO AND RUIN DARCY'S LIFE. AWESOME.

DO YOU THINK IT'S GONNA BE HOT?

I ALREADY FEEL HOT. SHOULD I TAKE THIS OFF?

SHOULD I CHANGE? DO YOU THINK I SH--

DUDE, SHUT UP.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

B.J.: SO, TONIGHT'S THE BIG NIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO NERVOUS. I'M FREAKING OUT!

IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE HAD TO BE SEXY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY BODY.

DON'T WORRY. IT'S OKAY. LISTEN.

ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO --

DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR MOUTH CONSTANTLY.

THAT'S WHAT I DO.

JUST WATCH. FEEL LIKE A PRETZEL.

HUH? DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M DOING?

KEEPING IT SUBTLE. KEEP IT SUBTLE CONSTANTLY.

HUH. I'M REALLY, REALLY THIRSTY.

JUST A SECOND.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?

STOP LOOKING AT MY MOUTH.

THERE GOES THE GLASS. HERE COMES THE STRAW.

HERE COMES THREE STRAWS IN BETWEEN MY MOUTH.

JUST CHEWING THEM.

SUPER CAS, SUPER SUBTLE, FLUID, SEAMLESS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO IN MY HEAD.

ALL I WANT IS FOR MADDIE TO KNOW

WHAT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE...

SOMETHING BETTER THAN WHAT BEN AND I HAD.

Woman: LAST TIME I LEFT YOU ALONE WITH HIM, YOU LEFT HIM AT THE BAR!

Man: LIKE THAT'S MY FAULT!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING IN DISTANCE ]

SWEETHEART... YOU'LL GET THERE.

TRUST ME. I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.

JUST REMEMBER -- PUT STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH.

WHY DON'T YOU USE THE WASHABLE MARKERS

IN CASE YOU MAKE A MISTAKE?

NO, MADDIE, COLOR INSIDE THE LINES.

UGH.

THE SKY IS BLUE, JUST LIKE OUTSIDE.

BUT I LIKE IT WHEN THE SKY'S GREEN.

EXACTLY.

NO, HONEY, THE SKY IS BLUE.

OKAY, I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DO THIS, OKAY?

FIRST OF ALL, THE SKY IS GREEN WHEN A TORNADO'S APPROACHING.

AND SECOND OF ALL, WHAT ARE YOU? THE COLOR POLICE?

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. YOU FORCED MY HAND.

I GOT TO FIRE YOU. YOU'RE FIRED, OKAY?

STARTING IN LIKE FOUR HOURS,

WHEN I GET BACK FROM THIS WEDDING, YOU ARE DONE!

EXCUSE ME?!

YOU HEARD ME, LADY!

THANKS FOR ROLLING WITH THE CHANGE IN SCHED.

UM, SO, WHAT'S YOUR COVER? I'M THE BRIDE.

NO, INCORRECT. YOU'RE A DISTANT COUSIN FROM PORTUGAL.

AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO TALK TO YOU...

NO HABLA INGLéS.

EXACTLY

SO, UH, YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?

WHAT? [ LAUGHS ]

YES. LET'S DO IT.

OKAY. YES. [ LAUGHS ]

YES, WE SHOULD GO OUT OF HERE.

I MEAN WE SHOULD GET OUT OF HERE.

[ Ringing ] HELLO?

Yes, let's do it.

I JUST GOT REALLY HOT ALL OF A SUDDEN.

KATE, YOU BUTT-DIALED ME.

I knew I was gonna be hot.

UGH. GOD. BEN SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID THAT.

OH, MY GOD. SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.

MY SHIRT, I THINK, IS STUCK TO MY SWEATER.

[ RIPPING ] IT'S RIPPING, I THINK.

DO YOU WANT ME TO -- CAN YOU SEE MY BOOBS?

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

THIS IS TOO SOON. I...

THE BOW IS A SURPRISE. DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS.

I don't know which part goes where.

EW!

NOBODY LOOK AT ME.

THIS IS HAPPENING THE WRONG WAY.

THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN THIS WAY. WHAT DO I DO?

OH! OH. HEY, IT'S ME. HEY.

I-I'M SORRY.

PLEASE? ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

B.J. B.J.?

BACK UP, BACK UP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I am so proud of you. What?

That was amazing.

He's definitely thinking about sex now.

[ SIGHS ]

HEY, IT'S ME.

UH, I HOPE THE CONFERENCE IS GOING WELL.

I'll pick you up at the airport tomorrow.

I can't wait to get you home.

ALL RIGHT, BABY, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

COME ON, MADDIE, YOUR MOM NEEDS US.

GOT A LITTLE NARROWER THAN I WANTED TO.

ONE SEC. JUST...

PULL THIS THING AROUND A LITTLE BIT.

[ CRUNCH ] OOPS.

OH, SHOOT. NOW I'M -- OKAY, THERE IT IS.

I SHOULD HAVE JUST COMMITTED TO THE DRIVEWAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T...

OH, YOU GOT TO BE -- SORRY.

THE TURNING RADIUS -- IT'S -- I HAVE A DIFFERENT --

MY CAR IS A LITTLE --

[ HORN HONKS ] I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN!

I'M NORMALLY BETTER AT U-TURNS.

THIS IS -- THIS...

THAT SHOULD HAVE DONE IT, BUT IT DIDN'T.

AM I CLOSE?

CAN YOU... I MIGHT NEED YOU TO GET OUT.

THANK YOU. SORRY.

Woman: [ Sarcastically ] CONGRATULATIONS!

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

LET'S DO THIS.

KATE, DON'T!

HE CAN'T WAIT TO GET SOMEBODY HOME FROM THE AIRPORT.

WHAT? SHE'S AT A CONFERENCE, OKAY?

HE'S GOING TO THE AIRPORT TO PICK HER UP

BECAUSE SHE WAS AT A CONFERENCE, AND HE LOVES HER.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

HE LOVES SOMEBODY AT A CONFERENCE.

TELL HER.

TELL HER YOU HAVE A WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND.

HEY, SHE'S NOT TECHNICALLY M-MY GIRLFRIEND, MAN, OKAY?

[ SIGHS ] I'M SORRY.

I DON'T GET IT.

HOW ARE YOU -- YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE?

BUT YOU'RE SEEING ME.

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT SERIOUS.

GET OUT OF HERE, SERIOUSLY, AND STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER,

OKAY, BEFORE YOU FIND OUT

WHAT SIX YEARS OF KRAV MAGA FEELS LIKE.

WELL -- WELL, LIKE A YEAR AND A HALF,

PLUS LIKE FOUR YEARS ON AND OFF.

I TOOK SOME TIME OFF. I WAS TRAVELING AND STUFF.

BUT, YEAH, DUDE, GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW.

I'M SORRY.

GO TO HIGH-FIVE SCHOOL!

LEARN HOW TO HIGH-FIVE WITH YOURSELF!

THANK YOU.

SORRY.

WAIT. DID YOU MISS THE WEDDING BECAUSE OF THIS?

IT'S IN 15 MINUTES, BUT IT'S OKAY.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

OH, MY GOD! I SCOUTED THE PLACE.

THIS IS WHERE WE SHOULD GO IN.

THEY ARE SERVING CHICKEN, BEEF, AND FISH, OKAY?

I THINK THERE'S A VEGETARIAN OPTION,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

WAIT. WHAT'S THE FISH?

IT'S A TILAPIA OR SAL-MON. I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY WHICH ONE.

SALMON.

LISTEN. THE DESSERT --

WHERE IS DARCY? I DON'T KNOW.

TOMMY!

WHAT -- COME ON, MAN. LET'S JUST DO IT.

COME ON, COME ON. GO, GO, GO, GO!

OW! OH, THERE SHE IS.

DARCY!

BEN! DARCY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? PLEASE DON'T GET MARRIED. I-I LOVE YOU.

I ALWAYS HAVE.

EVERYBODY LOVES, AND YOU SH-- YOU SHOULD LOVE ME IN THE EYES.

UH, SORRY. IT'S SO SWEATY.

UH... AND NOW IT'S JUST GONE.

UM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY? DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

Say it. Say, "You love me." ALL RIGHT.

YOU DON'T LOVE ME!

OKAY, UM, I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

I'M -- I'M GONNA GO.

DARCY, WAIT A MINUTE.

MY BROTHER IS COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

AND HE HAS THE BIGGEST HEART OF ANYONE I KNOW.

AND, YEAH, HE COMES TO TOWN

AND COMPLETELY MESSES UP YOUR LIFE,

BREAKS A LOT OF STUFF, AND YOU PAY FOR LIKE EVERY MEAL,

AND HE NEVER JUST RINGS THE DOORBELL.

BUT I'M NEVER MAD AT HIM FOR IT.

I'M ONLY MAD WHEN HE LEAVES.

SO IF YOU WANT TO GO AND MARRY THAT BORING, RICH, SEMI-BALD GUY

AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE NOT LAUGHING,

THEN FINE, GO AHEAD AND DO THAT.

BUT IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD BET ON BEN FOX.

THERE SHE IS. COULDN'T FIND YOU ANYWHERE.

HI. HOW YOU DOING? NATHAN.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING. IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.

UM, OUR WEDDING WAS AN HOUR AGO, AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND.

IT'S AMAZING. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

EXACTLY.

THAT'S EXACTLY IT, WHICH IS WHY WE CAME HERE TODAY.

UH, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BIG DAY.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.

THANKS FOR COMING.

[ SMACK ]

THAT'S PRETTY SOLID.

[ A-HA'S "TAKE ON ME" PLAYS ]

READY?

* WE'RE TALKING AWAY

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TO SAY *

* I'LL SAY IT ANYWAY

* TODAY'S ANOTHER DAY TO FIND YOU *

* SHYING AWAY

* I'LL BE COMING FOR YOUR LOVE, OKAY? *

* TAKE ON ME

* TAKE ON ME

* TAKE ME ON

* TAKE ON ME

* I'LL BE GONE IN A DAY OR TWO *

[ LAUGHS ]

* SO NEEDLESS TO SAY

* I'M ODDS AND ENDS

I TRIED.

I TRIED TO PUT MYSELF OUT THERE, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.

I'M SORRY ABOUT DARCY.

LOOK AT US.

WE'RE LIKE TWO PEAS IN, LIKE, THE WORST POD EVER.

[ CHUCKLES ]

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN THE TWO OF US

JUMPED INTO THAT POOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT PARTY?

THAT WAS JUST ME, BEN. YOU PUSHED ME.

IT WAS AWESOME. NO, IT WASN'T AWESOME.

YEAH, IT WAS. NO, IT WAS AWFUL.

EVERYBODY LAUGHED.

BEN, I WAS FULLY CLOTHED, AND YOU JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

YOU ALMOST DIED.

I CHOKED ON A TON OF WATER.

IT WAS WAY AWESOME.

DO YOU KNOW WHY I DO STUPID STUFF LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

EXACTLY. [ LAUGHS ]

NO, BECAUSE IT'S FUN.

BUT IT'S ALSO KIND OF SCARY.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT WORTH IT.

I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT YOU, BEN. I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT FOR YOURSELF?

YOU ONLY MADE ONE MISTAKE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING UNDER HERE?

MADDIE, GET IN HERE. FOX FAMILY MEETING.

COME HERE, MONKEY.

I WAS THINKING --

WHAT IF I MOVE BACK AND HELP TAKE CARE OF HER?

NO, BEN.

LIKE, WHAT ABOUT YOUR -- YOU KNOW, YOUR LIFE AND YOUR --

YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB. YOUR APARTMENT.

KATE, I LIVE IN SACRAMENTO. THAT CITY CAN'T HOLD ME.

COME ON. I'M YOUR BIG BROTHER. IT'S MY JOB.

HEY, WHAT'S UP? SCOOT OVER.

YO, DUDE. YO.

UPDATE. OKAY?

THE DESSERT'S CRèME BRûLéE.

SON OF A... MM-HMM.

GOD! YEAH.

B.J., WHERE DID YOU PARK?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER? WHO KNOWS?

DO YOU HAVE YOUR KEYS?

HEY, BEN? WHAT?

I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. WHAT?

UM... [ SCREAMS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, MY GOD!

AAH!

MADDIE!

YEAH!

KATE, I'M A NO-STRESS SWIMMER. I'M BEING SERIOUS.

YOUR SHOE FLOATS. YEAH.

YOU'RE LUCKY.

LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.

IT'S WEIRD WHEN IT GETS WET, OKAY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO FUNNY. AAH!

I LOVE YOU. [ SMOOCHES ]

[ CRASHING ]

KATE, SERIOUSLY?

MADDIE IS SLEEPING.